


Alice

by Seras_von_Raatko



Category: Twilight (Movies), Twilight Series - All Media Types, Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: Dark, F/F, Multi, Supernatural Elements
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-05
Updated: 2014-01-21
Packaged: 2017-12-28 12:56:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage
Chapters: 44
Words: 607,997
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/992242
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Seras_von_Raatko/pseuds/Seras_von_Raatko
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU, AB, Dark. Bella is a lonely and depressed teenager who wants nothing more out of life than a girlfriend. Alice is a centuries old vampire who's cheerful personality hide a darker nature. Bella has been dreaming about her ever since she could remember having dreams, but when Alice shows up at school, is it a dream come true or a nightmare?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [xDreamlessx](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=xDreamlessx).



> Before you read this story I need to tell you some very important things. First off, that this story was not created by me, but by a author named xDreamlessx in fanfiction.net. The authors stories were purged and I managed to salvage this story. All credit for this story goes to xDreamlessx. 
> 
> WARNING: Although this story is really a piece of art and is really great I must warn you this has earned its Dark tag dutifully. This is not a story for everyone and some things may be disturbing so read at your own discretion, I can not emphasize this more. I am not tagging everything as to not spoil anything. This isn't even really my cup of tea, but I can not let this story be forgotten.
> 
> Well here goes nothing.

~ Alice ~

 

—

 

Chapter 1:

 

—

 

I was having one of those dreams again.

 

About her. Always about her.

 

I was laying in bed at night and I was waiting, anticipation swirling in my stomach like a cyclone. Laying on my side in the dark of my room, the covers pulled up to my chin. Gazing anxiously at the half-open window in the opposite wall where the lace curtains stirred in a gentle wind. On the other wall by the desk there was a calendar featuring a picture of a group of water lilies standing in a pond with pale purple petals. Excitement was throbbing in my chest like a second heart and I was waiting desperately. For her.

 

I'd almost given up hope that she'd come when I heard a noise. She was climbing the drainpipe outside my room with her supernatural agility and then her face popped up in the corner of the window. Just her eyes. Her beautiful honey-colored eyes. They were glowing in the dark and when they met mine they crinkled slightly. As if she were smiling.

 

A surreal feeling washed over me. It felt so real. As if it was actually happening. The window lifted, a soft grating sound in the silence. She climbed into my room and closed the window behind her, tossing a saucy glance over her shoulder where I lay in the bed, stunned and dreamy.

 

She was wearing an expensive black fleece coat with a belt that fit snuggly around her waist. The collar of the coat was turned up around her neck and the hem flowed about her bare legs. A vague feeling of trust and intimacy between us. My girlfriend? She smiled and came forward with a certain coyness, bold and bashful at the same time. Without words she undid the coat's belt and with a sudden brazenness she looked into my face and opened the coat and let it drop to the floor.

 

Underneath she wore nothing. She was completely naked.

 

The room seemed to reel as I watched her naked figure step free from the pool of black fleece at her feet. Her gorgeous body glowed in the dark, pale and ethereal, lithe and pixie-like, smiling, watching me watch. Her skin was pale and silky, her breasts round and perfect, her legs long and pearly and achingly smooth looking. She stood at my bedside and cocked her head cutely, maybe expecting me to say something. My mouth had fallen open and I wanted to tell her how beautiful she was and how much I wanted her and how much I loved her, but my mind wasn't working right. I seemed to have forgotten how to talk. The only word that occurred to me was her name and without realizing it I said it out loud, a breathy whisper, half gasped and laced with longing:

 

"Alice…"

 

It made her smile. Her eyes flickered over my body as it was outlined under the covers and with a impish little smirk she reached out with a tiny hand and ran a feathery caress across the length of me, starting at my shoulder and dipping into my waist and over the hill of my hips and across the length of my legs, her touch leaving me tingling and shivering and silently desperate for more. When she reached my foot she caressed my ankle gently and then she took a handful of the covers in her fist and slowly pulled the them away.

 

Underneath the covers I was naked. Just like her.

 

A low growl sounded from her chest as my nakedness was revealed. She raked her eyes over my body and I made no move to cover myself. All I did was lay there, flushed and breathless under her glowing amber gaze, my breasts exposed, my nipples stiffening instantly at both the cold and the hunger with which she eyed them. My thighs were rubbing together self-consciously and the scent of my excitement was making her reel. With a languid lick of her lips she looked down at me and smiled an eager smile, eyes lidded, fangs poking her full bottom lip. Like a drunk woman, she used the headboard for balance as she slipped off her shoes one at a time, black pumps that clattered carelessly to the floor behind her, and then she climbed into the bed.

 

I rolled onto my back to accommodate her and she straddled my hips, grinding down against me in a quick little thrust, as if she couldn't help herself for a second. She closed her eyes and tilted back her head and inhaled deeply. When she opened them again they were glowing in her face like pools of fire. Her own scent was in the air, a scent of lavender and loveliness. She touched my face with her hands and brushed at my hair, gazing down at me with eyes as beautiful and hot as fire, rapt, breathless, heaving with a lust that seemed go beyond the physical, a hunger of the heart, a yearning of the soul. Smiling, she leaned to my face but she didn't kiss me. Her lips brushed mine and she whispered my name softly, softly against my lips:

 

"Bella…"

 

Then the alarm went off.

 

I woke with an outright moan of despair, flailing with my arms as if to grab the dream back. Dizzy and disoriented, I raised up slightly and groaned at the reality I found myself in. Monday morning. Yay.

 

Disappointed, I flopped face down into the pillow and immediately cringed in disgust. I'd been drooling over my dream girl in my sleep and my cheek landed right in the cold wet patch. I groaned again and wiped at my mouth with my hands, rolling onto the other side, frowning at the obnoxious beeping of the alarm. I wanted to turn it off but I was too messed up from the dream to bother. All I could do was lay there, hot, sweaty, and throbbing all over.

 

Fuck, I thought, gasping for breath. That was so fucking hot.

 

My mouth was dry so I swallowed, once, twice, and after a while I managed to calm my breathing into an embarrassing dog-like pant. I'd been having the exact same dream for years but this one was by far the most intense I'd ever had. The proof was in my panties, not quite a climax, but close, very close. If she'd had another ten minutes I'd probably be changing the sheets instead of just my shorts. Whew. That was amazing. If I could replay dreams like that whenever I wanted I'd never need a google image search again.

 

Forcing myself to calm down, I heaved a shaky sigh. As usual there was a vague smell of lavender in the air, the scent of the girl I'd dreamt about. I could always smell it when I woke up from these dreams, as if she'd been sitting on the edge of my bed while I slept and quickly left again when I woke. The scent was fading but it was a beautiful smell. Beautiful like her.

 

I took a moment to visualize her in my mind, swallowing again, my mouth still dry, and then I frowned at myself and told myself to get a hold of myself. It was just a dream and I knew it was just a dream, but it had felt so real, so, so… fucking perfect.

 

Ah, Alice. My dream girl. Alice and my subconscious have been dating for about ten years now. The first dream I remembered of her was when I was five. The exact same dream, nudity and all, which is pretty shocking when I think back on it. I was older in the dream, though, probably about as old as I am now, which was even more weird. How many five year olds know exactly what they're going to look like in ten years time? Kind of creepy, really.

 

Meanwhile my alarm clock was still beeping like a bitch and I was finally awake enough to be annoyed about it. I cracked a gluey eyelid to glare at it and then I reached out and slapped the stupid thing off. Heaving another sigh, I settled back onto the pillow—on the dry side—and I was almost asleep again when my mother's voice rang out through the house from downstairs.

 

"Bell-laaaa!" she practically screeched. "Are you up yet!?"

 

I snapped out of my sleepiness and groaned into the pillow. "In a minute!"

 

The next thing I heard was mom's footsteps on the stairs. God, I hate Mondays. And mom. And my life. In fact, I hate everything. I'm a teenager, sue me.

 

Mom's head popped through the door. "Bella," she chided in her mom voice. "You've got school."

 

"In a minute," I mumbled.

 

"Right now, missy. Come on, up, up, up."

 

Drill master mom. She was clapping her hands at me as if I was a misbehaving pet and I fended her away with one hand.

 

"I'll be down in a minute, just give me a minute."

 

She wasn't happy about it but she took my word for it. It took more like five minutes, but eventually I did manage to struggle out of bed, yawning and stretching, and then I gathered up some clothes for school and staggered down the hall to the bathroom.

 

The dream was still fresh in my mind and I was having naughty thoughts before I'd even shampooed, swaying under the warm water with an absent air, wondering if I had time to rub one out before school. I wish I had better self-control but I guess I didn't. The appropriate cliché would be to wash away the night's dirty dreams with a cold shower, but an equally viable remedy for alleviating sexual frustration is to simply fiddle yourself up while waiting for the conditioner to work. It's more fun and it lasts longer. Life's too depressing for cold showers, anyway.

 

After my shower I went back to my room because I forgot to mark my calendar. I know it's pretty stupid to keep an calendar on my wall when I've got one on my phone, computer, and PS3, but I'd been doing it for years. Truthfully, the only reason I kept a calendar was because I always saw one in my dreams. I don't know why. It's weird, but I felt I like I was supposed to have one.

 

Yesterday was the last of the month and as I flipped the new month over a I got a shock. It was a floral themed calendar that my mom had bought me, and the picture for this month was water lilies, just like…the dream. I stood for a while staring at it.

 

Well, I thought, standing there with the marker pen in my hand. That's kind of crazy.

 

Deciding not to dwell, I quickly marked the first of the month and decided to forget about it. There's probably millions of calendars with water lilies and mom was gonna be pissed if I don't hurry.

 

By the time I came downstairs I was dressed and my dark hair was tied back in a plain ponytail. My carefully selected outfit for today consisted of drab olive pants and a crappy brown sweater. Appearances are important in high school so I always made sure to dress in a way that expressed both my dour personality and lack of money. That way I won't get bullied so much. *Sarcasm.*

 

"Morning, honey," mom announced cheerfully as I made my bleary appearance in the kitchen. "I fixed you some cereal."

 

I examined the bowl of cold goop on the table. "It's soggy."

 

"Well, you should've been quicker in the shower. What took you so long, anyway?"

 

I blushed, remembering the exact cause of the delay. "I was waiting for the conditioner to work," I mumbled, sitting down to eat.

 

Mom was washing her breakfast dishes and now she dried her hands with a dishtowel.

 

"You know, if you care about your hair so much, why don't you wear it down? You have such beautiful hair. I wish I had hair like yours when I was your age."

 

She had a point, but I wasn't going to admit it. My hair was pretty good—long dark locks with a natural waviness—and my face was kind of okay too I guess—good skin, pouty lips—and even my body was alright. There was nothing wrong with the picture, it was the presentation that was the problem. My wardrobe was nonexistent, my popularity was in tatters, and I refused to wear makeup because I'd only get teased for it. Why even bother trying to look good?

 

Mom had come over and was petting my hair sympathetically, as if she felt sorry that such beautiful hair happened to grow on the head of someone that didn't really appreciate it. I shrugged her away awkwardly.

 

"I like it in a ponytail, mom," I told her. "It keeps it out my face."

 

Mom sighed. "If you say so, sweetie." Then she bent and kissed my cheek quickly. "I better get going or I'm gonna be late. You be good at school, okay?"

 

Tell that to everyone else, I thought bitterly. "I will, mom."

 

I watched her as she swept through the kitchen, snatching up her purse, her cell phone, her car keys, a health bar from the fridge. We were so different, me and mom. In a way she was more of a teenager than I was, she even dressed like it. Her bushy brown hair was tied back in a loud pink scrunchie and she wore jeans and women's sneakers with pink stripes. She kept trying to force colorful clothes on me, but I never let her. My lack of style was too well-established at school to change now, I'd only get laughed at.

 

When she finally had everything, she smiled at me, blew a kiss, and disappeared out the door, leaving me alone with my cereal. I sighed and lifted a spoonful. I tipped the spoon and let the congealed mess slop back into the bowl.

 

"My life sucks," I told my breakfast.

 

By eight o'clock I was out the door and on the streets. A cold and gloomy morning. I had my license but no car yet. Mom sometimes let me borrow hers, but I didn't have the money for my own. I didn't have many places to go, but I do like to drive.

 

For now, however, I was forced to clump along the sidewalk in my boots, looking up at the sky for some hope of sun and not finding any. Just gray clouds. I sighed. Another beautiful day in the lovely township of Forks. Where the sun doesn't shine and the most exciting thing you can hope to happen to you is the flu.

 

As I walked I let my mind drift back to the dream I'd woken up from. In the hard light of morning, it actually seemed a little silly. All that staring and speechlessness. I never knew my sex drive was so melodramatic.

 

I smiled to myself, trudging along. How long have I been having these dreams, anyway? Honestly, I didn't even remember. Since I was five, at least. Maybe even before then. I never knew how weird that was at the time, but I was starting to understand now. It wasn't normal to dream about the same thing over and over, especially something that didn't exist. If it was a girl I knew or a friend or even a celebrity, maybe that would make sense, like an obsession or something. But Alice was totally unreal. She was a figment of my imagination. And, even worse, I didn't even create her. I didn't think her up or imagine her. She was just there. Always there, all my life, in the back of my mind. Alice. Pretty and perfect, smiling her perfectly pretty smile. Sigh.

 

Maybe I should be more concerned that I might be losing my mind, but for some reason I was pretty casual about it. The dreams didn't seem to have any negative impact on my life—aside from a mild case of carpal tunnel that developed post-puberty—so I tried not to worry about it.

 

I don't know, maybe my subconscious is trying to tell me something with these dreams. Something about my orientation? Maybe, but I doubt it. I never needed dreams to know I was into girls. It was pretty obvious when I started peeking at my friends in the locker room. Just for comparison, I used to tell myself. Yeah right. Even if I hadn't been sure I was gay, my friends were pretty quick to point it out as soon as they started catching me looking. They used a different word, though. Girls are cruel.

 

Anyway, maybe the dreams weren't really about sex. Maybe they were more about, well, love. Or longing. As silly as that sounds. Every time I had the dream, it was painful to wake up, because I knew she didn't exist. Part of me was actually in love with the chick. How messed up is that?

 

On the other hand, the dream also had a pretty sinister aspect. The chick was a vampire, after all, fangs and everything. I'd never dreamed past the part where she whispers my name, but I could imagine the rest and I didn't like my chances of surviving the night. But strangely, that didn't seem so alarming. It was just a dream, after all, and I knew she'd do it gently. In the dream, I even seemed to want it. Makes you wonder. Maybe my subconscious is trying to warn me that I'm suicidal? Hmm. That actually might make sense. My life does totally suck. I doubt I'd complain too much if a gorgeous young vampiress wanted to make a snack out of me. As long as she bought me dinner and took me to a movie first. I wouldn't put out without a date. A girl's gotta have standards, after all.

 

But nah, I'm probably being to literal. The dream was probably just about my preferences in general. Maybe this girl, Alice, was simply my subconscious's idea of the perfect girl, and maybe the dreams were my subconscious's way of showing me what she looked like, so that I'd know when I met her. That made sense, I guess. Kind of romantic too. Maybe one day I actually would meet a girl who looked like her. And she'd be sweet and friendly. And she'd really like me. That would be cool.

 

I sighed, lost in my own little dream world. I'd been spending too much time analyzing the dream lately but I couldn't seem to stop. It was the only thing I really liked to think about.

 

When I reached the school I swung into the parking lot so I could try and meet up with my "friends," if you could call them that. I use the term loosely. They'd probably never admit that they were friends with someone like me—in fact, they'd deny it very loudly—but they let me hang around them like a pathetic lost dog, so I guess "friends" was the simplest thing to call them.

 

That morning I was just in time to catch Lauren and the others as they were headed up the small flight of steps that led into the main building. Most of them were blonde and they were all dressed trendy and colorful. They were the popular girls of Forks High, two of them cheerleaders, three on the student council. It was kind of a minor miracle that they let me hang around them, and I'm ashamed to admit that in my weaker moments I almost felt grateful.

 

"Hey, guys!" I called, starting to jog. "Wait up!"

 

They paused on the steps and looked back. When they saw it was me they rolled their eyes and gave elaborate sighs of impatience. I picked up the pace, worried that they might go on without me, and as I ran I happened to look up at one of the second floor windows. There was no reason, I just happened to look up. And what I saw stopped my heart.

 

There was a girl up there, standing at the glass. Small, dark hair, pretty. Even at this distance I recognized her instantly. It was her:

 

The girl in my dreams.

 

Alice.

 

I was so shocked that I tripped. My ankle rolled and my legs gave way. With a sharp squeal I fell into the pavement and tumbled into a groaning heap at the base of the stairs where my so-called friends stood around with their backpacks and their blonde hair and laughed at me meanly.

 

I barely heard them. Still on my knees, I looked up and tried to locate the same window, but I couldn't be sure which one I'd been looking at. I swept the second floor with wide-eyes but there was nothing. Some figures were passing in the corridors but there was no girl. No Alice.

 

Well, gee. Maybe I am going crazy after all.

 

Meanwhile my friends were still laughing at me, all but Angela. She wasn't as mean as the others. Lauren had an annoying high pitched giggle and she seemed to have decided that she just couldn't let the moment pass without making fun of me.

 

"What's the matter, Bella?" she sneered. "A little disorientated?"

 

This made the girl's snicker all over again. I picked myself up and dusted myself off, my ankle and most of my right leg throbbing with pain. My wrist was killing me too, which was a shame because Lauren really did deserve a round of applause for such a clever joke. Or at least a stiff slap.

 

I glared at her. "Yeah, real clever," I muttered, rubbing my wrist. "I'm fine, by the way."

 

"Aw, poor Bella," Lauren said with fake sympathy. "Want me to kiss it better? I know you've got some secret crush on me."

 

"Eww!" the other girls cried.

 

I blushed darkly. "Fuck you, Lauren."

 

Lauren snorted and tossed her perfect blonde hair. "Yeah right," she said flippantly. "In your dreams, dyke."

 

And with that, they laughed and turned and strutted into the building. I trailed after them shamefully, leaving my self-respect on the ground behind me. They immediately started talking about something I had no interest in and as I trudged along behind I brooded silently about how much I hate Lauren. In my dreams? Fuck you. My dreams have higher standards than that.

 

Speaking of which, who was that girl in the window? She looked so much like…

 

But I shook my head and forced the thought away. It was too stupid to even think about.

 

—

 

Classes came and went, each more boring than the last. I had friends in most of them, but they didn't really talk to me. I don't have much in common with most of my peers and most of my peers are total trolls. I simply positioned myself nearby, part of the group, but still an outsider, venturing a comment every now and then, or laughing at jokes when it was safe to do so without becoming the butt of the next one. And mom wonders why I hate school.

 

Soon it was lunch time. I stood alone in the line and then I shuffled meekly over to Lauren's table with my tray and that familiar feeling of anxiety in my stomach. One of my biggest fears in life was that one day they wouldn't let me sit with them. I had nowhere else to go. How pathetic is that?

 

They were deep in giggly conversation when I approached, talking about boys or dates or expensive clothes that were on sale somewhere. I approached with my head bowed and sat down quietly. Some of them glanced at me disdainfully but no one told me outright to go kill myself. They went on talking and I paid polite attention but I wasn't really listening. After a while I dropped my eyes to my tray and focused on gnawing at my sandwich. My mind was drifting back to last night's dream and I let it replay in my head as the rest of the world drained away, Alice, Alice and her smile, naked, beautiful, the love in her eyes…

 

"Who the fuck are they?"

 

It was Lauren's voice and she seemed screechier than usual. I looked up. Lauren was looking across the cafeteria at where a certain group had just entered and everyone else was looking too. I followed their gaze and…

 

My heart stopped.

 

The world stopped.

 

Oh. My. God.

 

It was Alice. I wasn't sure if it was the same girl I saw in the window but it didn't matter. It was Alice. It was exactly her. The same pretty face, the same pale skin, the same pixie black hair. She was wearing tight hipster jeans and a black suede designer jacket. She was with four other girls but she was only one I was looking at. Alice. My dream girl.

 

Her eyes were sweeping the cafeteria and when she saw me she stopped walking. They were the same honey-colored eyes I'd seen in a thousand dreams, the same long lashes, the same depthless warmth. So beautiful. She watched me for a second and then she smiled impishly, a foxy quirk of her lips. As if there was some secret between us, something we knew that no one else did. She dipped her eyes, almost bashfully, and then she glanced at me once more and walked on.

 

My heart was slamming under my sweater and suddenly I felt weak all over.

 

What the fuck? Am I dreaming right now?

 

It felt like I was going into shock. I sat there, rigid in my seat, and watched her go by, moving with grace in her heeled boots, that same small body I'd seen naked so many times, those perfect legs, those perky breasts. I could see the shapes of them under her clothes and I was blushing so hard I was almost passing out.

 

And I wasn't the only one staring. The whole cafeteria was half-stunned at the entrance of these indescribable beauties, and as everyone stared, these five goddesses passed through and took an empty table in the corner, pointedly ignoring all glances. Only when they were all seated did conversation resume—with a whole new topic.

 

"Bella," Lauren said, glaring at me. "You're drooling. It's disgusting."

 

I was twisted around in my chair to watch them but Lauren's voice snapped me out of it. I turned back to the table and wiped at my mouth absently but I was confused that there was no moisture. Lauren's face twisted in disgust.

 

"Oh, jeez, I was only joking," she said. "What the hell's wrong with you? Haven't you ever seen a chick before?"

 

That's the problem. I have seen her before. In my fucking dreams.

 

Feeling sick and feverish, I struggled to get myself under control. The urge to look over my shoulder was almost overwhelming but I managed to clamp it down and whisper a timid question:

 

"Who are they?"

 

"Beat's me," Lauren said, gazing past me in the new the group's direction with affected disinterest. "They must be the transfer's everyone was talking about. I think two of them are seniors."

 

"I think they're name's Cullen," Angela piped up. The table's attention swung to her. "My mom works at the hospital and she said there's this new doctor there, Dr Cullen, and he's got a bunch of adopted daughters or something. They're all supposed to be starting school today. My mom said he's, like, super-cute."

 

Lauren snorted. "Your mom's a freak."

 

"She'd think anybody's hot," Jessica chimed in.

 

"Even Bella," Lauren added with a snicker.

 

Angela was embarrassed. "No she wouldn't!" she blurted, but then she turned to me apologetically. "I mean, no offence."

 

I wasn't even listening. I was twisted around in my chair again and I was staring at the table where the girl of my dreams was sitting with her four gorgeous friends, all of them female. There was a tall blonde, a short blonde, a sexy redhead, and a native American brunette. None of them had a lunch tray, none of them were eating, and none of them were as pretty as Alice. Alice was something else.

 

She was looking at me but her expression was probably a lot more elegant than mine. I was open mouthed and bug-eyed, staring like I'd seen a ghost. Or a vampire. Her face by comparison was relatively calm, a soft smile about her lips, her eyes moving slightly as they flickered over my features.

 

"Bella!" Lauren barked.

 

I jumped in surprise and turned around. "Hm?"

 

Lauren glared at me as if it was her I'd been ogling. "Stop staring," she said with a tone of disgust. "Seriously. It's sexual harassment."

 

I was too frazzled to be offended or insulted, I just nodded and stared down at my tray, my appetite vanished. If I had any use of my brain cells I might've been surprised that Lauren even knew the definition of sexual harassment. It had never stopped her from tormenting me.

 

The rest of lunch period passed in a vague trance of anxiety. It took a while to work up the courage to sneak another glance, but when I did they were gone, as if they'd never been there. I pinched my leg under the table hard enough to cause a bruise, but I still wasn't sure if I was dreaming or not.

 

Biology was my next class. I sat at a bench by the window, staring out at the gray school yard under the sunless overcast. My stomach was still turning and my mind was dwelling on that smile she'd flashed me as she passed through the cafeteria. It was almost as if she recognized me. But that was ridiculous. It was possible that she was some chick who resembled some girl I'd been having recurring dreams about, but it was flat out impossible that they were the same girl. No matter how familiar she seemed.

 

How could I even recognize her anyway? Dreams are never clear. There's always a haze, an uncertainty. You never actually see anything, you just feel it.

 

But this morning, it was so intense, so real. As if she was actually there…

 

"Miss Swan?"

 

The teacher's voice. I looked toward the front of the class and my mouth dropped open for the third time that day.

 

Standing beside the science teacher was the literal girl of my dreams. She stood with her books at her hip, small, demure, pretty in her expensive clothes. Watching me with that same soft smile.

 

"Miss Cullen here needs a labpartner," the teacher was saying. "Think you can catch her up on what we've been doing for the last couple weeks?"

 

They were looking at me and I realized I was supposed to say something. Labpartner? I struggled to wrap my mind around the concept and finally I blurted:

 

"Um, sure."

 

My voice came out in highpitched squeak. Angela and Jessica were labpartners at a nearby bench, and as I glanced around to see how badly I embarrassed myself, I saw them give me odd glances and then lean together to whisper about it. Great. Another thing to be teased about.

 

I looked back toward the front of the class to where the teacher was saying something to Alice—or whatever her name was. Miss Cullen, the teacher had said. Miss What Cullen?

 

She tore her eyes from me to reply politely to the teacher, and she seemed to smile with her whole body, even dipping a little bob, almost like a curtsy. The teacher motioned toward the bench where I was sitting and she turned to me and her smile widened and then she started down the aisle.

 

Panic rose in my throat as I watched her approach, but it wasn't fear. If I was afraid of anything it was that I might be going crazy. But how could I be? I was awake and I wasn't seeing things. Everyone else could see her too. She had to be real. The male half of the class room seemed particularly aware of her shapely corporality.

 

She laid her books on the bench and daintily slipped onto the stool beside me. As she did I caught a waft of her perfume and almost fainted.

 

It was the same scent that I could smell sometimes when I woke from my dreams.

 

Lavender and warmth and something else, something supernatural, a scent so intoxicating that it couldn't possibly exist in a chemical form like a perfume. This was the scent of a dream, something unreal and beyond imagination.

 

I was staring down into the tabletop, not daring to look up, and my breathing had gone shallow. It felt like I was quietly hyperventilating, afraid to breathe in too deeply. The scent was so wonderful it felt dangerous, wafting over me in a blissful cloud of lavender that left me blushing and teary eyed. I swallowed the lump in my throat and tried to work up the courage to glance at her. I had enough intelligence left in my addled brain to realize that I couldn't just sit here and freak out, I had classwork to do, and a new labpartner to catch up. I had to do something.

 

I turned to her, mouth open to say something—I had no idea what—but the words died in my mouth. She'd turned at the exact same moment and our eyes met.

 

They were so huge and beautiful, the lashes so long. They literally stunned me. I'd seen them so many times in dreams, but seeing them here, in real-life, at school, was so surreal that it stopped my mind. All thought failed me and all I could do was stare.

 

For second she seemed stunned too. A high blush was in her cheeks—a gorgeous rosy contrast to her porcelain skin—but she recovered quick. She dropped her eyes, smiled, and lifted them again.

 

"Hi," she said in a breathy whisper that I'd heard a hundred times before. "I'm Alice."

 

The name almost didn't make an impact on me. It felt like I'd already known she was Alice, had known it all the time, never doubted it. This was Alice. This was the girl of my dreams.

 

"I'm Bella," I replied vaguely.

 

The sound of my voice caused her to sigh slightly, as if in relief. "Bella," she repeated, tasting the name. Her eyes were hooded and beginning to glow. She licked her lips, glossy lips, pink and full, and I noticed her fangs with no surprise at all. No surprise, no fear. Just a vague sense of completion. As if I'd been waiting all my life for this moment. As if I'd been born for nothing else. She leveled her glowing eyes at me, extended a hand, and said: "It's nice to finally meet you."

 

I looked at her hand dreamily. It was small and fine boned, so dainty, so pretty. So familiar. Just by looking at it I could remember how it had felt in my dreams, brushing my hair, caressing my face. I was hypnotized, swaying slightly like a lilystem in a strong wind. I was having difficulty sitting on the stool. It felt like I was going to fall off. There was no sound at all in my ears, all I could hear was the thud of my heart. It occurred to me that I was going to wake up in a minute, had to. None of this was actually happening. It was impossible. I was still asleep, still dreaming. I had to be.

 

I flickered my eyes to hers, convinced that none of this could possibly be real, and then I reached out and took her hand.

 

I didn't wake up. I gasped. The touch was brief, barely half a second, but it was enough. A shock of sheer oh-my-god shot into my core at the contact and a sound like a sob escaped me as I leapt to my feet in alarm, jerking my hand away. The stool tipped and crashed onto the floor. She sat there with her hand still extended, watching me worriedly, and half the class was looking over at the noise.

 

"I'm sorry," I gasped. "I'm sorry, I…"

 

Tears choked my voice and without thinking I ran. I ran passed her and down the aisle, wiping at my eyes, everyone watching, some grinning at my embarrassment. The teacher called out behind me.

 

"Miss Swan, where do you think you're—"

 

But I burst through the door and out into the hallway, sobbing with confusion and already missing her touch, her voice, her smile.

 

—

 

I went straight home, skipping final period. I'd left my backpack in my locker and my books on the bench, and I didn't care. I was so messed up I couldn't even think straight. I couldn't think at all.

 

It started raining half way home but I barely noticed. I went on with the rain soaking my hair and my clothes, slogging along the sidewalk. I was trying to figure out if I was dreaming or not, even though it was pretty obvious that I wasn't. The rain was very cold and very real. By the time I got home my teeth were chattering and I was still wondering if it was all just a dream.

 

I went directly upstairs and took a hot shower, peeling out of my soaked clothes and tossing them into the hamper. I don't know how long I was in the shower, but it was a long time. The bathroom filled with steam and I was still there, my skin turning pink, frowning under the warm cascade of water. But if I wasn't dreaming, what was happening? Was I actually going crazy? Did I imagine the whole day up till now? Will I go to school tomorrow and they'll be no new students, no Alice? Is a delusion like that even possible?

 

I almost jumped out of my skin when someone banged on the bathroom door.

 

"Bella!" my mom called over the noise of the shower. "Are you in there?"

 

"Um, yeah!" I called back. "I'll be out in a second!"

 

I turned the taps off frantically, already rinsed off. How long had I been in there? If mom was home, it must've been an hour at least. Jeez. Time flys when your losing your mind, doesn't it?

 

I got changed in my room, sweat pants, tanktop, and a nightrobe to keep me warm. It was five o'clock and I wasn't going anywhere for the rest of the day so I might as well be comfortable while I go insane. Crazy people in asylums wear nightrobes, don't they? Hm. I guess I'm halfway there already. All I need is a pair of slippers and I'd really look the part.

 

I found mom downstairs, in the kitchen, rummaging through the fridge for a snack. When she saw me she swung shut the fridge door and approached me with concern.

 

"The school called," she said. "They said you left out in the middle of the day?"

 

Damn, I should've prepared something for this. Forks High was a small school and it was tough to get away with anything. The lies came easily, though. "It's was just last period," I told her. "I wasn't feeling good. My head was…"

 

I gestured with my hand and she seemed to understand. She nodded sympathetically and petted my head.

 

"My poor baby," she pouted. "How are you feeling now? Did you have a lie down?"

 

I nodded, and strangely I did feel a little better. With a bit of distance between me and whatever happened at school, I was starting to regain some control over my mind. I had no definite conclusions about anything, but I was starting to realize that there had to be some rational explanation out there somewhere. I just hadn't figured it out yet.

 

"Are you sure?" mom asked anxiously. "You're so pale." She touched my forehead like an old fashioned nurse. "And you're warm, I think you might have a fever. Let me get the thermometer."

 

I almost laughed. "I'm fine, mom, really. It was just a headache. I just needed to relax a little."

 

She didn't look satisfied but she let it go. "Well, okay. Do you need some aspirin?"

 

I sighed. I probably did have a fever and my head was still pounding, but I didn't think aspirin was going to fix me. The only thing I seemed to want was…Alice.

 

It took a while to convince mom that I wasn't dying from my headache, but eventually she believed me. I got started on dinner and after mom got changed she came down to help me, chopping vegetables, making a mess, yapping nonstop about her day. I nodded and murmured comments whenever it was appropriate but I was mostly on autopilot. Who could blame me? Between the drone of my mom's voice and the distraction of analyzing my day at school for signs of insanity, it was a miracle I was even coherent.

 

I didn't have much appetite when we sat down to eat but I forced it down anyway so mom wouldn't worry. We did the dishes together even though I usually did them myself, and then mom went into the livingroom to watch TV. She was working through a boxset of NCIS DVD's that I'd gotten her for Mother's Day—she had a crush on Gibbs that was almost sad—and while she watched I settled onto the other couch and curled up with a blanket and a book.

 

I tried to read but I couldn't concentrate. My eyes kept drifting off the page. I tried looking at the TV but my eyes kept drifting from there too and eventually I just settled on staring at some random spot on the carpet as my mind wandered. The one thing that kept coming back to me was her face. I kept comparing it to what I remembered from my dreams but the more I remembered the more I was unsure. Was it possible I was seeing what I wanted to see?

 

It's nice to finally meet you.

 

Had she really said that? Did she use the word finally? Or am I misremembering, remembering only what I wanted to remember? Had my subconscious really slipped so far? Was that dream last night so intense that something snapped inside me and now I couldn't live without her, even if I had to create her out of thin air?

 

And those fangs. Those glowing eyes. Did my subconscious really expect me to believe that my new labpartner was a vampire? It was almost too ridiculous to even think about. She's no vampire. I was just seeing things. Her name probably isn't even Alice, it was probably just what my mind wanted to hear. I just hope I can stop this thing before I really start to believe it. I'd hate to end up stalking the poor girl, shadowing her from school and back with a fantasy and a fillet knife. I've always hated stalker villains. You see them a lot in Smallville. Or you used to. It's not even on TV any more. The last few seasons sucked, anyway. Chloe was cute, though.

 

"Bella, are you sure you're okay?" mom asked suddenly. "You don't look so good."

 

I smiled. If I'd distracted her from Gibbs I really must look like shit. I closed my book and stood up, folding my blanket over my arm. "Yeah, I'm okay. I think I'm gonna go to bed."

 

"Well, okay," she said, still worried. "Sleep well, sweetie."

 

"I will." I bent and kissed her cheek. "Night, mom."

 

Up in my room, I turned on the light, and the first thing I saw was the calendar on the wall. The lilies, the date. It was the same as the dream, which meant…what? Tonight's the night my dream comes true? Is that why I've been keeping a calendar all these years, so I'd know when? So I'd be prepared?

 

With a feeling that wasn't quite fear, I looked at the window. It was there in the wall, not doing anything. Outside nothing but darkness. I stood there in the doorway, remembering the dream, how Alice had come through the window and climbed into my bed. How the window had been partly open.

 

Just out of curiosity, I went to the window and looked it over. It was an old fashioned window with a latch, and it had been locked since forever. I couldn't remember ever opening it, but in the dream it was open. Open from the inside, as if I'd been expecting her. As if I'd been inviting her.

 

I stood there thinking about that. Then I unlatched the window and opened it about halfway.

 

A cold wind licked over my body and I shivered. I stepped back and regarded the rustling drapes, feeling incredibly stupid. I thought I was going to try stop going crazy? Why am I encouraging it?

 

I don't know, but if my budding insanity could provide a new labpartner, maybe it could provide some hot sex too. What do I have to lose? Other than my mind, of course.

 

I turned to my bed and remembered the other part of the dream. I'd been naked under the covers, hadn't I? I blushed and hesitated, I shook my head. I glanced at the window and back at the bed.

 

"Ah, fuck it," I muttered, pulling off my top. "This is so stupid. I am so stupid…"

 

I dropped my sweatpants and pulled off my socks, shaking my head and feeling supremely idiotic. I took off my bra and pulled off my underwear, tossing it all in a pile in the corner, and then I flipped off the light, still shaking my head, and climbed into the bed, slipping between the cool sheets and shivering at the coldness against my naked body.

 

And what the hell was I expecting exactly? That an ultra sexy vampire chick was going to climb through my window and possibly feast on my blood tonight? A window that I'd deliberately left open for her? I'm not sure how a person qualifies for crazy, but either way, I was pretty sure that I should be locked up for my own safety. I've obviously become a hazard to myself.

 

For a long time, I lay there in almost total darkness, watching the window. I could make out the outline of it by palest starlight, and I was frowning, breathing deeply and evenly. The rational scraps of my mind were pretty insistent that nothing was going to happen, but I wouldn't listen. I had to see. I had to know.

 

My heart was pounding in my chest and I was acutely aware of my nakedness under the covers. I wasn't shivering anymore but I still felt very weird. My hand was resting on my hip and almost without realizing it I was caressing myself idly. I was freshly showered and my body felt clean and soft and strangely sexy. I rubbed my legs together, curious at the smoothness between them. How long had I been waiting already? It was almost an hour by my alarm clock and nothing had occurred in the window but the rustling of the curtains. Something stirred in my stomach and my brow puckered as I realized it was disappointment. Maybe that was the craziest thing yet.

 

My eyelids were getting heavy, but I wasn't tired. The open window was letting the cold night air in and I wasn't used to sleeping without clothes. I waited a little more, staring sadly at the window, and then I decided to give up. I felt like a compete dickhead, and I was about to fling the covers off so I could get dressed when I heard something. Something outside. I froze, listening. It was a metallic groaning sound.

 

As if someone was climbing the drainpipe.

 

Just the wind, I thought vaguely. Just the wind…

 

But it wasn't. Alice's eyes appeared in the corner of the window, just like the dream, and just like the dream, they smiled when they saw me, glowing a warm amber in the dark and crinkled slightly like the eyes of a dark little nymph out there in the night.

 

A cold wave of unreality washed over me. It felt more like a dream than the dream itself. My breathing instantly started to heave and she was already climbing inside, dressed in the same black fleece coat underwhich I knew she'd be naked, so beautifully naked. She shut the window, silencing the subtle whisper of the wind, and then she turned to me. If she was waiting to see if I'd scream or run away I was going to have to disappoint her. I was stunned into stupidity and all I did was stare.

 

She came forward slowly, her pale hands untying the belt around her waist. Watching me, she opened the coat and let it fall behind her, and like the dream she was entirely naked underneath. It was dark in the room but her skin glowed ethereally like a ghost or an angel. I raked my eyes over her impossibly perfect body and suddenly I didn't care if I was going insane anymore, I truly didn't. She was just too hot. My eyes were dwelling on the pale mounds of her breasts and if sanity was the price I had to pay to nail this chick, so be it. I wanted her too bad to care.

 

Like in the dream, she strolled over to my bedside and paused, waiting for some kind of prompt from me, a word of permission, a gesture of consent. And like the dream, the only thing at came to me was her name, her lovely name, that name that had been engraved in my soul since childhood.

 

"Alice…"

 

She smiled in relief, the smile turned impish. I knew what was coming next and my pussy moistened instantly. I watched her hand as she reached out to touch me, trailing her fingers over my shoulder and into the dip of my waist and over my hip. The contact was dimmed by the covers but it drove me wild nonetheless, my skin tingling all over. Her hand closed over a fistful of the covers and slowly she began to pull them away, the hem of the quilt dragging over my breasts, my tummy, my legs, leaving me all exposed under her hot honey-colored eyes.

 

My body went rigid and I felt my nipples hardening. I'd never been so incredibly excited in my life. No one had ever seen me naked before—well, outside the locker room—and I was paralyzed by how her eyes raked me over, me, Bella Swan. My thighs rubbed together and I gazed up at her with as much boldness as I could muster, which probably wasn't much. She licked her lips, smiling down at me with her hooded eyes. She leaned on the headboard and slipped off her shoes, one at a time like in the dream, and then she climbed into the bed.

 

A sweet euphoria passed over me as I rolled onto my back and felt her warm thighs straddle my hips. She made a quick little thrust against me and my heart almost burst with anticipation. Laying there on my back, I stared up at her, flushed and feverish, as she tilted back her head and inhaled. Her lavender scent washed over me in a rolling wave of want, gazing up at this goddess that was perched on top of me, breathless, desperate. She touched my face and I turned my face into the touch, my cheeks burning under her hands. She leaned to me, the tips of her breasts just barely grazing mine, and her lips hummed against my own as she breathed her voice into my mouth, like a spirit passing into me.

 

"Bella…"

 

It was the sound of her voice that broke me. This had been where the dream ended, but there was no waking this time, or maybe a different kind of waking. The closeness of her, the warmth of her, the sheer presence of this girl of my dreams triggered something inside me. The attraction I felt for her was utterly irresistible and at the sound of her voice, breathed to sexily into my mouth, the impulse took me over completely; I gave a choked gasp and grabbed a handful of her hair and wrenched her around and smashed my mouth against hers in a violent kiss that parted her petal-pink lips and made her squeak with surprise.

 

My tongue plunged into her mouth and she accepted it eagerly for a moment before fighting back, our naked bodies mashed together, her hands stroking my back as she moaned under my kiss. The inside of her mouth was warm and wonderful and it felt like I could kiss her forever. Her tongue was pushing at mine and with a moan I let it into my mouth, sucking on it, trying to tongue her back.

 

Our legs were tangled and suddenly I felt her silky wetness against my thigh. She bucked up against my leg, arching her body into mine, our breasts pressing together.

 

My own pussy was throbbing like mad, but it all seemed irrelevant compared to the sudden hunger that had overtaken me, the absolute need I felt for this girl. It was driving me crazy how much I wanted her, her body, her silky soft smoothness, I wanted it all, in my mouth and under my hands, pressed up against me, grinding, rubbing, forever and ever.

 

I'd never had sex before—never even been kissed—but at this point I don't think technique would've mattered so much. I broke the kiss, gasping, flinging my hair back. She gazed up at me, heaving, but I didn't even look at her. I shuffled lower on the bed until I was between her legs. They were already open but she opened them wider. I knelt at her glistening pussy, my stomach contracting with hunger, and then I swooped down and shoved my tongue inside as far as it would go.

 

Dimly, I heard a sharp cry escape her, but I couldn't really hear. My senses were flooded with her indescribable scent and taste, a hot delirium of lust washing over me as I licked up her essence, my tongue curling inside her and making her writhe on the sheets, her legs curling up, a hand clenched in my hair. I licked her as deep as I could and then I licked deeper. The heat was indescribable, and I was moaning with how badly I hungered for her.

 

My technique was probably pretty pathetic—I hadn't touched her nipples or her clit—but the raw passion seemed to be enough. She came with a strangled moan, her hands clenching in my hair. Her climax flooded my mouth in hot waves of deliciousness, and as I lapped it up, I could feel my hunger dissipate slightly. Not enough to stop, but enough to slow down and savor her, retracting my tongue and glancing at her beautiful pussy with lidded eyes before kissing it gently, once, twice, inserting my tongue again and taking it out, licking across her wet folds, another kiss.

 

Until she fluttered to life and pulled me up by my hair, me coming willing. She pulled me into a kiss, tasting herself on my lips, and stroked my back lovingly. My lust had progressed into a kind of numbness and honestly I didn't think I'd care if she didn't do me at all. I honestly didn't.

 

But she did.

 

Gently she pushed me onto my back and her lips descended on my chest, her hands cupping my breasts and kneading them, my skin on fire. She took my nipples in her mouth, one then the other, sucking, nibbling, teasing them expertly. Her lips went lower across my stomach. My legs were closed but she forced them open gently, unfolding me and exposing my soaking wet womanhood.

 

She knelt there at my open legs and gave me a wistful smile. It was so dark in the room that I could barely see my own legs, but she was glowing, pale and luminous like a girlshaped moon. Neither of us spoke.

 

Her thumb grazed my clit and I shuddered uncontrollably, my breasts wobbling. They were big for a teenager, bigger than hers even. It was kind of embarrassing. Her smile widened and she teased my clit again. I whimpered. Two of her fingers had slipped into my folds and I could feel them poking at my entrance, just gently.

 

I looked at her, silently begging her to do it. I was ready, so ready. She smiled, and then she leaned forward slightly and placed her free hand over my mouth. Then she shoved her fingers inside me and I screamed into her palm.

 

The pain was terrific but the pleasure was blinding. My scream was muffled by her hand and I came almost instantly. She started slow but it only took four of five thrusts before the climax burst inside me. I cried into her hand and arched my back. She didn't stop. She took her hand from my mouth and the sound of my panting filled the room. She kept fingering me and she started stroking my clit with her free hand. Another orgasm started building and within minutes I came again with a choked cry, trying not to be loud. She then leaned with her mouth and suckled at my clit as she started thrusting harder, harder, her fingers plunging and plunging and her tongue lashing at my throbbing nub until I came a third time, the climax tearing through me like an earthquake where I lay struggling with a silent scream in my throat, tears in the corners of my squeezed shut eyes, fistfuls of bedsheet clutched in my hands. My walls clenched down on her fingers and I whimpered and went limp, laying there in a glistening sheen of sweat with my chest heaving and my body shaking.

 

I seemed to have died for a few seconds but slowly it all started to ebb away. When I opened my eyes she was licking the virgin blood from her fingers with a euphoric look on her face. She opened her eyes and looked at me, smiling, still licking at her fingers. My mouth was bone dry from all my panting but I managed to swallow and smile back. She crawled over and kissed me, her lips soft and warm and lovelier than ever. It should've been gross but it wasn't. It was perfect.

 

Her lips descended on my neck and I felt her fangs graze my throat. I knew exactly what she wanted, and without hesitation I sat up in the bed and gathered my tangled hair over one shoulder, leaving the left side of my neck exposed. She raised up to meet me, searching my face for consent. I smiled shyly and tilted my head back slightly to make my neck even more exposed. Still no words between us. We were both kneeling there in the bed, and silently she cupped my cheek and kissed me. Then she gathered me in her arms, all warm and soft, and bit into my neck.

 

I had no idea if I was going to die or not but I didn't really care. It felt right. Destined. I could feel my blood leaking into her mouth and I closed my eyes. I wrapped my arms around her and relished the warmth and softness of her breasts pressing against mine. I leaned my face in the crook of her neck and let myself drift as she drank my blood, rocking gently in the fading waves of orgasm.

 

It's just a dream… I'll wake up in a second…

 

But I didn't. I blinked languidly, once, twice. The light of her glowing body made my room faintly visible and I could see the calendar on the wall. Was this where my dream ends? Or where it begins? I didn't care. I stroked her back and inhaled her scent. My eyes fell shut and I let myself go, lost in her arms, fading, melting into her dreamlike embrace.

 

—

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

—

 

Chapter 2:

 

—

 

"Bella?"

 

I was asleep, waking up. I muttered something.

 

"Bella, honey? Are you okay?"

 

Mom's voice. I cracked an eyelid and saw her standing by my bed, shaking my shoulder gently, a worried expression on her face.

 

"Yeah," I said, cringing at the sudden pain in my head. "Yeah, I'm up. I'm up…"

 

It was morning, my light was on. I rubbed my eyes and—

 

Oh fuck.

 

Last night.

 

With a quick spasm of panic I grabbed at the blankets to cover myself, but then I realized that I was…already dressed?

 

Huh?

 

"Are you okay, sweetie?" mom asked again, looking me over worriedly. "You slept through your alarm and I've been trying to wake you up for about five minutes."

 

"Um…"

 

My mind was stuck. I was fully clothed, but how? Last night I was…wasn't I? What the fuck happened? Was it a dream? Had I dreamt it all?

 

And what the hell is that pain between my legs?

 

"Look at you, you're so pale," mom said, touching my forehead. "And so cold! You're freezing. That's worse than a fever. Maybe we should get you to the doctor's office."

 

I flopped back onto the pillow, not listening. Just a dream. I wasn't sure if I should be relieved or not but I was happy at least that my mom hadn't walked in on me naked.

 

"I'm fine, mom," I mumbled, even though I really didn't feel fine. My head felt like it was in a vise and I was dizzy and exhausted. Symptoms associated with blood loss? Or burgeoning insanity? I'll think about it later when my head isn't killing me. "I just need a few minutes, okay? I'll be alright."

 

Mom's voice went hard. "You don't look alright. You look horrible. Look at your hair, it's all tangled. I knew I should've woken you up last night. I thought you were just dreaming but you must've been delirious. You were making all kinds of weird noises."

 

My eyes snapped open. I'd rolled over to face the wall and I didn't look at her. "What noises?"

 

"Oh, nothing embarrassing. Just typical bad dream stuff, like moaning or crying. I heard it from down the hall as I was going to bed. I was going to wake you up, but you haven't been sleeping well lately, and—wait, what's that?"

 

"What?"

 

She was dragging my hair away from my neck and I already had a bad feeling.

 

"Looks like a bite of some kind," mom said, bending over my neck, vampire-like herself. "Look, there's two little marks."

 

I tried looking at my neck but my eyes couldn't reach. Mom noticed my difficulty.

 

"It's right there, two little insect bites."

 

She touched my neck to point them out. It was the left side of my neck, right where Alice had…bitten me.

 

Great.

 

My dementia had progressed to the point of self-harm. Either that or last night was real. Both possibilities were equally crazy.

 

"They can't be mosquitoes," mom went on, "not in this weather. Maybe it was spiders. See, this is exactly why I keep telling you to clean your room, Bella." She looked around the room with a frown and her hands on her hips. "Who knows what kind of creepy crawlies you've got roaming around this pig sty. And why is your window unlocked?"

 

I was rubbing my neck absently. Two little bumps, right there where my pulse was. Coincidence? It can't be, it must…

 

Wait, what did she say? Window?

 

Mom had gone over to the window and flipped the latch to lock it. It had been closed but unlocked, as if someone had climbed out from the inside. Someone like Alice, after she'd cleaned me up and dressed me?

 

"Now come on, get up," mom said, clapping her hands at me like she always did. "I'm taking you to the doctor. Those bites might be poisonous."

 

"Mom, I'm fine—"

 

"No, missy, your not. You look like you've been hit by a truck. Now hurry up and get changed. I'll be waiting downstairs."

 

I sighed, my eyelids so heavy. All I wanted to do was go back to sleep, but I guess she was right. Somehow I could feel the blood loss, a dizzy feeling like I was in danger of passing out. But at the moment I had more important things to worry about, like that musky smell under the covers that thankfully mom hadn't noticed yet.

 

"Can I at least have a shower first?" I mumbled. "So I can wake up properly?"

 

"Fine, but make it quick, and I mean very quick. None of those twenty minute showers you like so much."

 

I blushed, listening to mom pad away down the hall. To be honest I didn't think I'd be requiring a long shower in a while. Last night was so intense it felt like a nightmare. Maybe it was. God, what's happening to me?

 

"Now, Bella!" mom called from down stairs, the beginnings of anger in her voice. "Right now!"

 

Grumbling under my breath, I threw off the covers, swung my legs over the side, and sat up. My head spun with the movement.

 

"Fuck…" I murmured to myself, frowning, a hand to my temple. "Jeez…"

 

Okay, maybe I did need a doctor. And while I'm there maybe I can check out the psyche ward too. Bite marks or not, I'm still totally crazy for letting her do it. No self-respecting heroine should go down on her villain without a fight, no matter how sexy she is.

 

It took me a few seconds to get my head straight and when I stood up I had another dizzy spell, but not so bad. Trying to be brave and ignoring the beginnings of anxiety in my stomach, I went and got clothes and shuffled down the hall to the bathroom.

 

I washed myself quickly—with emphasis on a certain area—and didn't bother with my hair. There was still a slight pain between my legs, a mild stinging sensation, and before I turned off the water, I gave myself a brief examination. I poked around a little but found no sign of my hymen or whatever they called it in sex ed. Which, I suppose, was rather distressing. I mean, I'm no gynecologist, but from the evidence at hand, it fully appears that I had sex last night. And not even a date first. What will mom say?

 

Shaking my head, I turned off the taps and stepped out to dry myself. I blushed and tried not to grin, remembering how Alice had licked the blood from her fingers. Kind of trashy when you think back on it. Hot as hell, but still. I mean, is that all I am to her, a meal? She didn't even leave her number. And what the hell am I supposed to say when I see her at school?

 

Wrapping the towel around my middle, I stood at the mirror and brushed my hair. Ii was very tangled and took a lot of tugging. My face in the mirror was very pale, but not pearly pale like Alice, a pallid pale like a corpse, with big purple circles under my eyes. I was also very gaunt and thin. I thought a girl's supposed to be radiant the morning after sex? I didn't feel radiant. I felt like I'd been kicked in the crotch and thrown through a window. Oh well. No one said becoming a woman would be easy, particularly in the arms of a ravenous vampire.

 

All things considered, though, I really had no reason to complain. Multiple orgasms and all that. Credit where credit is due. I remember when Lauren had broadcasted her first experience. She said it took about thirty seconds and she was laughing the whole time. My first experience was so amazing it almost killed me. Literally. It was kind of poetic, when you think about it. Devoured by a dream and dead by dawn. Passion consumed, alas for innocence.

 

By the time I got downstairs, I was dressed and my damp hair was tied back in it's customary ponytail. I wonder if Alice would prefer my hair down? That is, if she's even still interested. I hope she is. I don't mind getting killed so much, but I'd hate to be dumped after one night. That would be so humiliating.

 

Mom was waiting in the kitchen, pacing anxiously. I barely had time for a glass of orange juice before she ushered me out the door and into the car, only asking me if I was alright about a hundred times. I'd made the mistake of leaning on the kitchen table against another dizzy spell and she was half way into panic mode. She was driving fast and glancing at me at every turn, and I was sitting there quietly, staring down at my lap with eyes that weren't even fully open. My mind had drifted to last night and I was starting to feel some of that clichéd radiance. I remembered how she'd felt in my arms, the touch of her lips, the silkiness of her leg wrapped around me. Suddenly I was disappointed I wasn't going to school. I really wanted to see her. I don't know why, but I had the feeling everything would be perfect if I could just see her.

 

The appointment at the doctor's office wasn't encouraging. Apparently I'd lost a lot of blood—somehow—and I should get over to the emergency room for proper treatment. Mom was freaking out but eventually she managed to calm herself to the point where she could drive. I jokingly offered to take the wheel but mom didn't see the humor in it.

 

We drove to Fork's Medical Center where mom parked and dragged me inside and proceeded to harangue the nurse behind the desk until the nurse gave us some forms to fill out. Mom filled them out for me, and I glanced them over quickly to see if you had to disclose your orientation, but you didn't, which was good. Now was probably not the best time to come out to my mom. Any more stress and she'd probably need to fill out a form for herself.

 

We were sitting next to each other in the empty waiting room when a doctor came out and approached us. I saw him first and had an awkward moment of holy fuck. Not attraction, more like awe. He was an incredibly handsome man, with perfect blonde hair and clear blue eyes, like a male angel. I'd never been impressed by a man in my life, but this guy came close. He was pale, like Alice, and…

 

Wait, like Alice?

 

Mom had been biting her nails and tapping her foot anxiously but when she saw the doctor she stopped tapping. He approached with a polite smile, glanced at his clipboard, and said:

 

"Miss Swan?"

 

He was talking to me, but mom rose from her chair in a daze, clutching her handbag. "Yes? Oh, you mean Bella! Oh, um, this is Bella, my daughter. She's not feeling well and we went to the doctor and he told us to come here, Dr, um…?"

 

He smiled. "Dr Cullen."

 

Of course.

 

Who else?

 

I took a closer look at him, and it wasn't just the pale skin and unearthly beauty that reminded me of Alice, it was his eyes. They weren't the same color as hers but they had the same warmth, the same…glow. A subtle brightness, something that wasn't quite human. Does that mean he's a…

 

…vampire?

 

He turned his smile to me. "I believe you met my daughter Alice yesterday at school," he said conversationally. "She was very happy to meet you. You made quite an impression on her."

 

I felt a quick spasm of longing at the mention of Alice, or more specifically at the mention of Alice mentioning me. Which was kind of ridiculous. I already knew she was happy to meet me, the proof was on my neck and between my legs. Unless she's the kind of girl who goes around biting and screwing everybody she meets, which I didn't think so.

 

He might've been expecting a reply but all I did was nod. There was no feeling of trust for him like I felt for Alice, but I wasn't scared exactly. The warmth in his eyes was enough to keep me from freaking out and somehow I got the impression that he was here for a reason, that he only wanted to help. I decided to pretend everything was normal and see what happens.

 

He turned back to mom and she pretended like she hadn't been staring.

 

"Now, why don't we talk in my office?"

 

He led us to his office where mom regained her composure and began to pour forth everything that was wrong with me and everything the other doctor had told her. Dr Cullen nodded, checking his clipboard from time to time or glancing at me as if to verify mom's claims, and I just sat there uncomfortably. Truthfully, I was feeling a bit a better—well, my headache was gone, at least—but when I mentioned that, mom just glared at me and told me to stop being difficult. She showed him the bites, she pointed out my paleness, she exaggerated my fatigue till it sounded like I was dead already. I just shook my head. I knew there was something wrong with me, but I hated being the center of attention.

 

Then it was times for tests. I was put in a cold hospital room and told to change into an ugly hospital gown that made my stomach twist in anxiety. I'm no fashionista, but really. My legs would be exposed. It's just not proper.

 

But I didn't put up a fuss. I got changed like a good girl, folding my clothes neatly like an even better girl, and then it was time for the examination. Dr Cullen was relatively merciful. There was a needle involved but that was invasive as it got, thank god. I'd rather die a slow death in the privacy of my own bed than go through something like that.

 

Unfortunately, the doctor concluded that I was required to have a blood transfusion. Mom was mystified by how I could've lost so much blood asleep in my bed but Dr Cullen's explained it away with big medical words that left her even more mystified. I was sitting on the edge of a hospital cot, shivering slightly with the blood IV in my vein. The doctor had told me to lie down but he didn't repeat it when I stayed sitting up as if I hadn't heard, he just adjusted the blood bag and gave me a smile. He was very quiet, but he smiled a lot, and his smile was very assuring. I'd been looking out for a glimpse of his teeth but he seemed very guarded with them. Mom hovered the whole time, questioning his every move, nodding at the explanations. I still didn't feel comfortable with him but I had decided not to try and stake him with a scalpel. He seemed like a decent guy and I was still feeling very woozy.

 

When the transfusion was done they left me alone to get changed. I was very tired and it was a struggle to get my pants on, but I did, and then I sat on the edge of the cot and stared at the ground. Alice hadn't been far from my thoughts all morning and the urge to see her felt like a rock in my stomach. There was so much unsaid, so much I didn't know, but beyond that I think I just needed to see her. Even just to look at her.

 

The door opened and mom bustled in.

 

"I was speaking with the doctor," she said, "and he said it's some kind of acute anemia, a thinning of the blood, so it isn't really like blood loss. Isn't he gorgeous?"

 

The last comment derailed me a bit but I ignored it. My health, after all, is more important.

 

"So it's not blood loss?"

 

Mom nodded, examining my face. "Not exactly, but it's very complicated. I'm going to look it up on the internet as soon as we get home. Or maybe I should go to the library. I'm so hopeless with computers."

 

"And the bites?"

 

"Oh, they're nothing, just some household insect. It's this anemia that worries me. He tried explaining it to me and I pretended to understand, but it's all so complicated. But gosh he's gorgeous, don't you think?"

 

I got annoyed this time. What do I care about some guy? I get enough of this boy shit at school.

 

"I guess," I muttered, "I don't know."

 

She must've thought I was being shy. "It's okay, sweetie," she said, patting my hand playfully. "You can admit it, I won't laugh."

 

I knew she was only trying to cheer me up or make me laugh but it really wasn't what I wanted to hear. I looked at her blandly with my pale face and hooded purple eyes. "Mom, I really don't care."

 

My dead tone sobered her a little. "Well, all right," she said. She cocked her head and peered at me worriedly. "How do you feel after the transfusion?"

 

"Fine, I guess," I said with an effort at a smile. "Better than this morning."

 

She nodded but before she could speak the door opened behind her and Dr Cullen came in with his clipboard. Mom immediately started staring and I rolled my eyes.

 

"Good news, Miss Swan," he said, "you're preliminary blood work indicates no further complications, so you're good to go. We have some further tests to run, but I'm sure everything will be fine."

 

"Oh, good," mom gushed in relief. "Isn't that good, Bella?"

 

Yeah, wonderful. I live. Yay. Life still sucks, though.

 

But as soon as the thought passed through my head I remembered Alice and it occurred to me than maybe life wouldn't suck so much anymore. If only I could get a date or something. Something a little less intense, maybe, something that wouldn't hospitalize me afterward. Either way, my immediate future does look a little brighter. Short maybe, but bright.

 

Dr Cullen had ripped off a slip of paper from a pad of tickets and handed it to mom. "Here's the prescription I mentioned, you can pick it up at the pharmacy downstairs." Then he turned to me and smiled a reassuring smile. I guess he was kind of cute. Maybe it was because his features were kind of girlish. He was probably a lot older than he looked. He looked barely eighteen. "So, Miss Swan," he said, "how are you feeling?"

 

I shrugged a shoulder. Why do people keep asking me? The answer isn't gonna change. I could have a harpoon sticking out my chest and I'd still tell people I'm fine.

 

"Okay, I guess," I told him. Then, struggling for casualness, I asked: "Am I good to go to school?"

 

I was praying he'd say yes, because I really wanted to see Alice, but I could see the negative in his expression before he spoke.

 

"Not for a few days, I'm afraid. For now it's best you stay home and rest, no sports, no outdoors."

 

Mom was nodding sagely at his elbow like an intern. He glanced at her and then back me. I had looked away, openly disappointed, and he seemed to read this in me.

 

"But there's no reason you should fall behind in your school work," he added. "If you'd like I could send Alice over with your homework. I'm sure she'd be happy to help you out."

 

My mouth dropped open. "Oh, um…"

 

"That'll be great, Dr Cullen, thank you," mom stepped in. "But aren't you a little young to have a daughter Bella's age?"

 

"Alice is my adopted daughter," he clarified, "I'm simply her legal guardian."

 

"But rest assured, Miss Swan," he went on, looking at me seriously. "What happened to you last night was a very isolated case. From now on you should be perfectly fine."

 

I frowned. Was he talking about this so-called anemia, or was he trying to reassure me about Alice? Did he know about me and Alice? Did he know what she did?

 

Of course he does, you idiot. Blood loss and bite marks don't leave a whole lot to the imagination, do they?

 

But what about him? Is he a vampire like Alice? Does he feed from humans? Does he…kill people?

 

I'm not sure how I felt about receiving medical care from a monster, but no, somehow I really doubted it. His eyes were too kind, he couldn't possibly be evil. Besides, I'm still alive. If that proves anything it proves that feeding isn't necessarily lethal.

 

Mom smiled and clapped her hands. "Well, that's a relief, right Bella?"

 

I nodded absently, still wondering what he meant.

 

Dr Cullen smiled. "I'll have Alice pay a visit tomorrow afterschool," he said. "Until then, take it easy." He turned to mom and smiled. "I'll be in touch about Miss Swan's blood work."

 

He was on his way out but mom followed him in a fluster.

 

"Oh, yes, of course, thank you so much, I'll just…"

 

She paused at the door and watched him go. Then she turned to me and sighed.

 

"That guy's gorgeous," she said. "Do you think he's married?"

 

—

 

It was about lunch time when mom dropped me off at home. She followed me inside and issued orders that I took it easy, no heavy lifting, no operating heavy machinery, no cardio weight training. I told her I'd be fine and sent her off to catch the last few hours of work.

 

I hadn't eaten anything but there was nothing in the fridge that looked worth the effort. I was a little bummed out that I wouldn't get to see Alice today but I guess tomorrow was the next best thing. Just thinking about the meeting had my stomach in knots. I wasn't afraid—how could I possibly be afraid of something so cute?—but there was no possible way to predict what was going to happen, and that was kind of scary. The possibilities were endless, from death to awkward silence to an impromptu study session. And, maybe, sex. I mean, you never know. I got lucky once. It could happen again.

 

Trying not to think about it for now, I went upstairs and changed my sheets. It was the perfect opportunity, while mom was gone and I had the house to myself. I pulled them off my bed and threw new ones on. I took the dirty ones to the laundry and I was about to stick them in the washer when I paused. It occurred to me that maybe Alice's scent was on them. It felt kind of creepy but I did it anyway; I held the sheets to my nose and inhaled.

 

A warm wash of lavender rolled over me and I almost fell over backward. I was still dizzy from the transfusion and I had to lean on the washer to keep my legs from buckling.

 

God, that's amazing.

 

I lifted the sheets again and inhaled, closing my eyes, my breath shuddering. How could it possibly smell so strong? So wonderful? Silly question. She wasn't real. She seemed real, but she was something else, something magic. Something impossibly pretty that glowed in the dark and licked her lips hungrily. So sexy…

 

Suddenly I shook my head and told myself to stop being such a creepy stalker chick. I stuck the sheets in the washer and added the powder and got the cycle going. Immediately I regretted it. It was like the scent was addictive or something.

 

That night, before I went to bed, I stared long and hard at my window. It was closed and locked, but for some reason I wasn't feeling the same pull as I felt last night. Last night the impulse to leave it open had been irresistible, as if I'd known exactly what was going to happen. I'd still felt like an idiot, but the certainty was greater. And then there was the dream and the calendar, so many signs. It had all fit as if it was destined.

 

Tonight, however, all I felt was the idiot part. And that was just from thinking about it, I hadn't even opened the window yet. And beyond all this was the fact that our last night together had send me straight to the emergency room, so I had to ask myself, was I really up for another one? Would I even live through it? Maybe it would be best not to tempt fate—or a vampire—twice in a row.

 

I stood there anxiously, hesitating, undecided. Finally I decided on a compromise; I opened the window but kept my clothes on. It seemed to send an appropriate message. Yes, I'd like to see you, but I'm still dressed so maybe we should just talk. I felt like a humongous moron, but I decided to go with it.

 

She never came. I lay there awake in the dark for as long as I could but I was so exhausted. It was only nine o'clock but I could barely keep my eyes open. I stared at the window, no wind, no rustling of the drapes. No Alice. My eyes were closing and finally they fell shut.

 

Tomorrow, I told myself. I'll see her tomorrow…

 

Just as I was falling asleep I heard a noise. I tried to swim up out of the darkness but I couldn't. The last thing I felt was a weight tilt the mattress, as if someone had sat on the bed beside me, but maybe I was already asleep.

 

No dreams that night and in the morning there was a scent of lavender in the air. My alarm hadn't gone off yet and it was still dim in the room. I sat up and inhaled. It was fading but it was still there. I looked down at the bed and noticed a rumpled patch on the covers. In a quick burst of excitement, I reached under the covers and felt the mattress.

 

It was warm.

 

As if someone had been sitting there.

 

I gave a cautious smile and I withdrew my hand slowly, thinking about that. Alice had come in my room last night and watched me sleep. Now, was that creepy? Or just completely and totally awesome? I was leaning toward the latter. She was too cute to be creepy. It just wasn't possible.

 

But why didn't she say something? Why didn't she stay? Was she afraid I'd be scared? Or angry?

 

Or am I just imagining things? I mean, just because vampires might be real, doesn't mean I'm not losing my mind at the same time. Maybe it's time to reexamine that theory.

 

I huffed and shook my head.

 

Or maybe I should just stop thinking about it altogether and try and get some answers from Alice herself.

 

Mom was in the kitchen, making me breakfast and making a mess of it. She was trying to make pancakes as a surprise, which was sweet. For some reason she was convinced they were my favorite although I don't remember ever mentioning it. Still, everybody likes pancakes and it's the thought that counts. At first she told me to just sit down and I did—for a few minutes—but eventually I took over and cooked them myself to save them being burnt beyond consumption.

 

While I ate she asked me a million times how I felt and I mumbled a million similar responses. She floated around in a fit of maternal cloying until she was in danger of being late for work, and then she kissed me on head, made me repeat how much I felt better, and took off with her handbag and her fretfulness, promising to call and leaving me alone in the house with nothing to do but wait for Alice.

 

I sighed, sitting there in the kitchen. Dr Cullen said she'd be visiting after school, so that probably meant four o'clock or something. What to do till then?

 

I did the dishes.

 

I watched TV.

 

I did a search for lesbian erotica on my Kindle and downloaded an eBook called Our Little Secret. It was pretty good.

 

For hours my stomach was twisted in a knot of anxiety and by three o'clock I was in serious panic mode. I'd skipped lunch and I was back in the kitchen, staring at the clock, shivering with nervousness. The heat was on but I was cold. The uncertainty was killing me. What the hell was I supposed to say? What the hell was I supposed to wear? I had my hair in a ponytail but I was in throes of anxiety over that too. I didn't want to look like I was trying to impress her but I didn't want to look like a loser either. Oh god, why is this so complicated?

 

I sat at the table and held my mug in my hands, biting my lip. It was filled with milk, I hate coffee. I sipped and sighed. Maybe I should just relax, I thought. Trust Alice. We'd only exchanged a grand total of maybe five words, but somehow I knew her, and I knew she was a nice person. I knew it in my heart.

 

There was a knock at the door and I went cold all over.

 

My first thought was to ignore it and they'll go away. Then I realized that I'd been waiting all day—all my life—for this moment, and I stood up, and swallowed, and went over to the front door.

 

It was Alice. She smiled as I opened the door, standing there with a butterfly hairclip in her hair, her eyes so incredibly beautiful. My mouth dropped open and speech failed me. My heart clenched in my chest. She was so beautiful. Can she possibly be real?

 

"Hi," she said, her voice like bell chimes in the clear afternoon. "Remember me?"

 

"Labpartner," I replied vaguely.

 

Her smile widened. "Alice Cullen," she said, dipping a curtsy with imaginary petticoats. "At your service. May I come in?"

 

"Sure," I said, moving back and holding open the door, dazed, staring, stealing a glance at her ass as she went by. She was wearing jeans and oh my god. I took a shaky breath of her lavender scent and closed the door.

 

She was looking around with polite interest. She smiled at me.

 

"Nice place."

 

"Thanks."

 

She had a clutch of textbooks in her arms and she hefted them slightly.

 

"Where do you want your stuff?"

 

"Um…" I looked around. Kitchen. I pointed at it vaguely. "In here's okay."

 

She followed me into the kitchen and laid my homework onto the kitchen table. I stood around, my body rigid and weak. I didn't know what to do with myself. All I could do was focus on not staring.

 

She noticed my face and her expression changed. She cocked her head and looked at me with concern.

 

"So," she said softly. "How are you feeling?"

 

I had an automatic response for that one. "Okay, I guess."

 

She nodded. Then she smiled. "I was worried about you, the way you ran out of class the other day. Was it something I said?"

 

I gushed a chuckle. "No, I was just…I wasn't feeling well."

 

She nodded. She looked at the text books on the table and back at me. "Do you want me to leave? I'd be happy to stay and help you study."

 

For a second I was stuck for an answer. I'd been waiting so long to see her, and now she was here, but her presence was just so overwhelming. It was scary, and before I knew it I'd said:

 

"Nah, that's okay. I can handle it."

 

As soon as the words were out I wanted to slap myself. I was basically telling her to get lost and I didn't want her to go, I didn't, I just…

 

But she seemed to understand. There was no trace of disappointment or anger in her expression, she just smiled at me one of her warm and perfect smiles, and shrugged. "Well, I guess I'd better go," she said, and then she stepped forward and wrapped me into a hug. She squeezed me gently and whispered: "I hope you feel better."

 

I froze, too freaked out to even hug her back. Her scent flooded my brain but it was different somehow, mellower but no less maddening. I turned my nose to her hair slightly, trembling like a leaf in a storm, struggling against the impulse to kiss her somewhere, anywhere, and then she stepped back and cocked her head cutely.

 

"Walk me to the door?"

 

It took a second to snap out of my daze but I did what she said. I opened the front door for her and she stepped out onto the porch. I watched her anxiously, not wanting for her to go, dying to call her back. She turned to me and smiled.

 

"Well, I guess I'll see you at school."

 

She hesitated for a second as if trying to decide whether or not to say something. Then she leaned and kissed my cheek softly. She stood back and winked.

 

"Bye," she said. My cheek burned where she'd kissed it but I managed to reply, softly, almost whispered: "Bye."

 

She wiggled her fingers in a girly wave and then she turned and crossed the lawn to her car, glancing over her shoulder, and got in. She drove away and for a while I stared down the empty wet street. There was nothing to see but I was staring anyway.

 

When I finally wandered back inside I collapsed into the couch and curled up into a dazed heap of confusion. I tried to remember the meeting but I could barely remember anything I'd said. From the moment I'd opened the door to reveal her exquisite form a haze had descended over me that seemed to smother all rational thought. The only thing I remembered was her smile.

 

And her ass.

 

I mean, damn.

 

—

 

Two days later I was back at school and I still hadn't come to any definite conclusions concerning my mental status. The incidents in question seemed a little too elaborate to be delusions and while I still couldn't quite bring myself to believe in the reality of vampires I couldn't find any other explanation.

 

I hadn't seen Alice since she'd bought over my homework but I left the window open every night and every morning there'd be a scent of lavender in the air. I'd wonder if she knew that I knew or if she thought she was being sneaky. Then I'd wonder if it was all in my head. The days went on like that in a vague haze of bewilderment until mom finally cleared me for school.

 

That morning I didn't even bother trying to meet up with Lauren and them, I just went straight to my locker and got my bag and my cell phone—mom had reminded me a million times never to let it out of my sight again—and then I went straight to homeroom. I kept my eyes peeled in the halls for Alice but I never saw her. It was still early and the teacher hadn't arrived yet so the class was locked. I took up a position against the wall at a respectable distance from the door and waited.

 

I was already nervous about biology and mostly I just stared at the ground. Other students began to trickle over in pairs and groups, none of them paying attention to me. Then Lauren and Angela came over and when Lauren saw me she grinned, instantly and meanly.

 

"Yo, dyke," she greeted me with her usual warmth and friendliness. "Where've you been?"

 

"Sick," I muttered.

 

They took positions beside me, not quite close, but near me, which was flattering enough.

 

"Sick, huh?" Lauren smirked. "It's because you're gay. It makes all of us sick. Right, Ange?"

 

Angela just rolled her eyes and shook her head noncommittally. She was very tall and her hair was long and dark. She was shy like me and under other circumstances we could've been good friends. It's just a shame there's always people like Lauren in the way.

 

"Fuck you, Lauren," I said, but my heart wasn't in it. Just trying to salvage some self-respect, don't mind me.

 

Lauren snorted, ready as usual with a retaliatory quip. "You keep saying that, but it's not gonna happen."

 

Angela frowned distastefully. "Do you really have to be so mean, Lauren?"

 

"Ooh, I think Angie's got a crush on you, dyke, what do you think?"

 

I blushed. "I think you're a small minded bitch."

 

Lauren snickered. "Better than what you are."

 

Angela rolled her eyes at the exchange and then turned to me.

 

"So what happened to you in biology the other day?" she said. "You kind of just freaked out."

 

My heart jumped at the mention. I frowned and shrugged, trying not to let on. "I don't know. I had a headache."

 

"Yeah right," Lauren sneered. "Probably running to the bathroom to jack off or whatever you dykes do. Jess said you were practically drooling over that Cullen bitch."

 

I flared at the less than graceful reference to Alice. "Jess can go fuck herself," I spat.

 

Lauren cringed. "Jeez, there's a horrifying image. Is that all you dyke's think about?"

 

I looked at Lauren with disgust. "I wouldn't touch that rancid bitch with a broomstick."

 

Angela giggled and even Lauren grinned. I felt a small twitch of pride. Maybe this is why everyone likes teasing me. It's kind of fun—when it's not happening to you.

 

By the time the teacher arrived they'd lost interest in me and I was glad to faze out. I followed them into the class and sat nearby while they talked about nothing I really cared about. I stared down at my desk, thinking about Alice. Biology was third period, which was over an hour from now, and anxiety was already rolling in my stomach.

 

First class was math, a cheerful way to start the day. Me and Lauren worked together in a rising exchange of repartee and homophobic insult until the teacher walked by, heard the word dyke, and threatened Lauren with detention. Lauren pretended to be sorry and as soon as the teacher was gone she called me a dyke all over again and accused the teacher of being in love with me because she was probably a dyke too. Chick really needs some new material.

 

Before biology I stopped at my locker and sorted my books, my stomach still twisting. I hesitated at my locker long enough to be late and when I finally got to the biology lab I knew that Alice would already be there. That I'd open the door and I'd see her. My heart throbbed at the prospect and I took a deep breath to work up the courage. Then I pushed open the door and walked in.

 

Alice was sitting at the same bench as last time, only this time she was at the window. There was no sun outside, just paleness, but she seemed to glow all unto herself. Everything around her seemed drab and colorless and only she seemed vibrant. She had an elbow on the tabletop and her chin in her hand, gazing out the window. Did I look anything like that when I was waiting for her? Probably not.

 

The class had already began and at my entrance everyone looked at me. Alice turned and smiled. As if she was happy to see me. I blushed and closed the door. I made a quick apology to the teacher and then I scurried down the aisle to take my place next to Alice. My dream girl.

 

"Hi," she whispered with a smile as I slipped onto the stool beside her.

 

I nodded, my face burning, trying not to grin like an idiot. "Hi."

 

The teacher continued with the lecture and both me and Alice turned to face front. It would've been too noticeable to talk through the lecture, but maybe we could talk later when we were supposed to be working, or maybe after class. Maybe she'd let me walk with her a little, or maybe during lunch, or—

 

God she smells so good.

 

I didn't even attempt to pay attention to the teacher, couldn't have even if I tried. I swallowed the lump in my throat and glanced at her discretely. She was so pretty. I should've worn my hair down. I look like a loser next to her.

 

I dropped my eyes to the desk and frowned. What the hell was happening to me? My breathing had deepened and I was starting to feel the same sensations as last time in biology, waves of warm lavender washing over me. Just being next to her was intoxicating. Sitting beside me, back straight. Shoulders set. Her small frame, clad in her black suede jacket. I took a deep breath and suddenly I noticed she was looking at me, as if to see if I was okay. I flashed her a smile and refocused on the teacher.

 

Get it together, Bella, I told myself.

 

I blinked a couple times, my eyes hot and teary. Something stirring inside me. Oh god. I looked at her desperately, swallowing lump after lump in my throat. So pretty. I looked away, I leaned on the desk to support myself. Two tears trailed down my cheeks the next time I blinked. I held my breath. A soft whimper escaped me when I tried to breathe again. She was looking at me in concern and I wiped the tears away with my fingers, praying no one noticed. The whole room was humming, my heart throbbing in my ears, the teacher droning in the background. I looked at her—oh fuck—and looked away again. I dug a fingernail into my palm and more tears were welling in my eyes. I squirmed on the stool, my skin crawling under my clothes. She was still looking at me and she whispered:

 

"Bella, are you—"

 

I launched myself at her.

 

I didn't even know I was going to do it, it just happened. The sound of her voice triggered something inside me—just like the other night—and I launched myself off the stool and at her mouth, craving her lips, her taste, her everything.

 

It would've been the most embarrassing moment of my life, but Alice was like a cat, and she evaded skillfully. She leapt to her feet and twisted away and I went sprawled into the ground, dragging a stool down on top of me. Which was still the most embarrassing moment of my life, but not as bad as it could've been.

 

"Oh god, Bella, are you okay?" Alice asked, crouching beside me to help me up.

 

The rest of the class was laughing, of course. It's always amusing, a fellow student's pain. They must've thought I'd simply fallen.

 

I was dazed but the crash had knocked a little coherence into me. I was standing up and Alice was holding my arm. I looked at her and her eyes were big and bright with concern. Her lips were right there, right there in front of me, and I wanted to kiss them so much, I wanted to just…

 

"Miss Cullen," the teacher called out, "what's going on over there?"

 

"I think Bella's still feeling a little ill," Alice replied. "May I have permission to take her to the sick bay?"

 

I put a hand to my temple and squeezed shut my eyes, trying to regain my composure. Alice was holding my arm and her touch, even through the sleeve of my sweater, was maddening.

 

"Yes," the teacher said worriedly, looking me over, "I think you'd better."

 

Alice led me out, trailed by a few snickers. She'd taken my hand and we were halfway down the corridor before I realized that this wasn't the way to the sick bay.

 

"I'm so sorry," Alice was saying, tugging me along. "I couldn't let you embarrass yourself in front of the whole class like that."

 

"Where are we going?"

 

She didn't answer. She dragged me upstairs and into one of the girl's bathrooms—the upstairs ones were cleaner—and then she threw me against the wall and kissed me viciously.

 

It was bliss.

 

Her tongue pushed past my lips and I let it, accepted it, hungered for more. My desire for her had been pent up since I first sat beside her in class, since waking up this morning with her scent in the room, since yesterday or even before then, since that very first night we spent together when I felt her teeth in my neck. I'd been craving it for so long and she was finally giving it to me, her body pressed into mine and pushing me against the wall.

 

I tilted my face to allow her better access into my mouth and as out tongues touched I felt a spasm of horniness in my pants. I moaned and responded more eagerly, my hands at her waist, her scent swirling in my head. She kissed me harder, responding to my open eagerness, but then she slowed down. She cupped my cheek and kissed at my lips gently. My eyes fluttered open and looked into hers, big, hot, honey-colored, and she dropped her eyes and touched her forehead to my shoulder.

 

"I'm sorry," she gasped, breathless. "I'm so sorry."

 

I didn't know what she was apologizing for but it didn't matter. "It's okay," I whispered, holding her at the waist. Her top was some thin material and her body underneath was soft but slight, so slight. I never wanted to let her go.

 

She gave a breathless chuckle, still leaning her head against me. "This is so crazy, isn't it?"

 

I was surprised. "You mean this is crazy for you too?"

 

She lifted her head and smiled at me. "Of course it is," she said, looking into my eyes. She caressed my cheek. "I've never felt like this before."

 

Her words surprised me. For some reason I had thought this was all normal for her. Maybe it was stupid to think that.

 

We looked into each others eyes, still breathless. I flickered my eyes over her lips, as if to beg for another kiss, and she was about to oblige me when the bathroom door swung open.

 

A girl walked in and paused midstep, hand on the door knob. Stared open mouthed at where me and Alice were pressed up against the wall, bodies touching, half breathless. She looked as if she'd witnessed a murder.

 

"Oh, um…eww," she said, and then she spun around hastily and went out.

 

I had no idea who she was but I sincerely hoped she had better things to do than gossip about the two chicks she caught making out in the girl's room.

 

Alice released my face and stepped back. I missed her warmth instantly and fought not to attack her again.

 

"We can't talk here," she said. "May I see you tonight?"

 

Need she ask?

 

—

 

That night I was in a fever of anticipation. I'd been ignoring mom since I got home, skipped most of dinner, and said goodnight as early as possible. Now I was pacing in my room, the window fully open and the drapes rustling gently.

 

The light was off, in case mom saw from the hall, but I was fully clothed in my regular pajamas, shorts and a tanktop and a nightrobe to keep me warm before bed. I had wondered if I should be waiting naked in bed like last time, but I wasn't in the mood. I was too anxious, too desperate. I wouldn't be able to lay still, I'd just feel silly.

 

And so I was waiting. The attraction that was tugging at my chest was indescribable and as the minutes ticked away I was starting to feel the beginnings of rejection. What if she doesn't come? She has to come. But what if she doesn't?

 

I sat on the edge of the bed and stared at the window, tapping a foot. Then I got up and started pacing again.

 

It was past ten when she finally arrived. I glared at her as she climbed in, furious and irrationally hurt that she'd made me wait so long. She was dressed in the same clothes she'd worn at school and hopped into the room with a little flourish and turned to me with a smile.

 

"Hi," she chirped.

 

Again, it was her voice. I walked over, grabbed her face, and kissed her fiercely.

 

At first she responded, as if she wanted it as much as me, but then she pushed at me gently. "Bella," she breathed, the sound of my name only making me more eager. "Bella, baby, slow down. Don't you want to talk?"

 

"Yes," I gasped into her mouth. "Yes, but I…"

 

"I know, it's okay," she whispered, stroking my face as if to calm me. "Come on, let's sit down."

 

I got myself under control and stepped back with my head bowed. She climbed onto my bed and sat cross legged, patting the space beside her for me to sit. I looked at her. Her porcelain face was glowing in the dark and she was so pretty it stopped my heart.

 

"You're glowing," I whispered, tears prickling my eyes. "You're really glowing."

 

"Yes," she smiled. "That's what I wanted to talk to you about. Will you sit down?"

 

I went over and sat. We were both sitting cross legged, facing each other, me wrapped in my nightrobe and shivering from something other than cold, her in her expensive school clothes. I stared at her, my breathing deep and irregular. Being near her was as bad as being apart. It wasn't enough. I needed to be closer.

 

Alice took a deep breath and looked at me. "As you've probably noticed," she said, "I'm not…human. I'm a vampire."

 

She seemed to be waiting for a response. I said: "Oh." But that didn't seem enough so I added: "Seriously?"

 

She smiled at my lack of vocabulary. "Yes," she said, "my whole family is. But before I say anything else, I need to assure you that we're not monsters. I can't explain everything now, but believe me. We're not evil. We don't hurt people."

 

I'd already known, deep in my heart, but all the same, it was a huge relief to hear it from her. I would've hated being in love with a demon but I had the sick certainty that it might not of mattered. The pull I felt for her seemed to be beyond good or evil. She might've been the evilest chick in the world but an ass like that would corrupt even the purest maidens.

 

"I wanted to tell you all this as soon as possible," she went on, "but I was scared. I had no idea how you'd react." She went quiet, she folded her hands in her lap. "I've been very worried about you," she whispered.

 

"Why?" I asked stupidly.

 

Her eyes flickered to mine, half smiling. "You know why. That night… Did I hurt you?"

 

I shook my head. "No. It was…amazing."

 

A slight lie but all in a good cause. The trip to the hospital hadn't been fun either but I didn't want her to feel bad. I wanted her to smile. I wanted her to always smile.

 

She seemed relieved. "Thank you," she said. "It was special for me too."

 

"I dreamt it," I blurted. "That night. I've been dreaming about it ever since I was little. The same dream every time. I thought I was going crazy. I still do."

 

She smiled indulgently. "You're not going crazy, Bella."

 

"Really?" I scoffed. "I'm talking to a vampire. How can you tell?"

 

She leaned over and took one of my hands. A shiver rippled through me at the contact. She caressed it with the ball of her thumb and looked into my eyes.

 

"Can you feel me?" she asked.

 

"Y-yes," I stuttered.

 

She smiled and cocked her head. "Do I feel real?"

 

"I don't know."

 

"No," she said softly in her melodic voice, lifting my hand and kissing the knuckles gently. "A girl struggles to understand her mind because her mind is all she has to understand it with. She can understand her heart, but she doesn't want to. And rightly so. Best not to look in there. It's not the heart of a girl that's bound in the ways reality has set for it. Is it?"

 

I had no idea what she was talking about. She had my hand by her mouth and she was rubbing her cheek against it dreamily. My throat seemed closed shut and her cheek was so smooth, so warm, so fucking lovely.

 

She opened her eyes and smiled. She placed another kiss on my knuckles and then she released my hand. I took it back and it seemed to go cold the minute she let go.

 

"I promise, Bella," she said, "one day this will all make sense. Until then, try to trust me. There's a bond between us. A very special bond. It's what made me come to you that night. It's what made you dream about me." She smiled cheekily and leaned forward slightly. "It's what made you lunge at me in biology this afternoon."

 

I chuckled, blushing. "Sorry about that."

 

"Don't be. It was cute."

 

"I still don't get how I could dream about you before I even knew your name."

 

"You dreamt of me for the same reason you're staring at me right now."

 

"I don't get it."

 

She smiled. "How would you normally determine if you were attracted to someone?"

 

"I don't know."

 

"Eyesight, touch, conversation," she said. "These are the methods by which people measure their feelings for one another. But in the affairs of the supernatural all things are magic and symptoms of attraction are experienced on a different plane. A dream, a scent, the taste of blood. You dreamt of me before you'd ever met me because your soul was aware of mine. It was calling to me. Crying for me. And now it's found me. And now our souls can be together. Forever."

 

I was staring at her mesmerized as she talked. I didn't really understand but I smiled anyway. "Oh," I said. "Cool."

 

She gave me a smile that was almost an eyeroll and brushed at the knee of her jeans as if to sweep something away. "In any case," she went on, "I don't expect you to absorb all this tonight. Now that our bond has been…consummated, I should be able to control myself relatively well. My pheromones have abated for the moment. Can you tell?"

 

Now that she mentioned it, I think I could. "Yes," I said, nodding. "You smell less…"

 

She smiled cutely. "Like a cat in heat?"

 

I blushed shyly at the image that popped into my head. Alice on all fours. Arched. It wasn't how I was going to describe it, but yeah. Her scent was the same, but it was less sharp, less hot. When we'd first med that day in biology it had invaded my mind and bought me to my knees within minutes. It was still as exquisite as it ever was, but now it was less fiery and more smoldering. It no longer consumed in an instant but rather smothered slowly.

 

I could feel it now. Rolling over me in warm waves.

 

"May I have your cell phone?" was Alice's next question.

 

It took me by surprise. "Who are you calling?"

 

She giggled. "I was going to give you my number, silly."

 

The sound of her giggle almost killed me, it was so beautiful.

 

"Oh," I chuckled. "It's on the desk."

 

She hopped off the bed and grabbed up my phone. Her thumb darted over the number pad with the speed and precision of a professional girl, standing there on a cocked hip, glowing softly.

 

"This is my cell number," she said. "Give me a call sometime, okay? Whenever you're ready."

 

I panicked. "Are you going?"

 

She put the phone down and gave me a sad smile. "Yes," she said. "For now I think it's best. Love takes time and it would be wrong of us to rush. Especially considering the potential consequences."

 

I hung my head, still sitting there in the bed. I felt devastated inside which was totally ridiculous. The girl just got finished telling me we're soulmates or something and I was upset because she didn't wanna hang around for sex. Or even just cuddling. Or even just talking. I didn't care, I just wanted to be near her. To be honest, I wasn't even horny, I was just…lonely.

 

I must've looked incredibly miserable because she came over to the bed and lifted my face with a finger under my chin.

 

"But I'll see you tomorrow, okay?" she offered with a smile. "Meet you by your locker?"

 

I nodded. "Okay."

 

She kissed my lips and stepped back, flashing me one final smile. She went to turn but suddenly my hand shot out and grabbed her wrist.

 

"Please," I said, practically begging. "Can't you stay just a little bit?"

 

"Bella, I…"

 

"Please? I've been waiting so long to see you."

 

My pleading puppy dog eyes must've broke her. Her face melted into a smile and she nodded and then she hopped back onto the bed and sat cross legged in front of me.

 

For a second I just stared at her in happy relief. Then I realized she was waiting for me to speak and I panicked all over again. What the hell could I possibly say that wouldn't make me sound like an idiot? Should I complement her hair? Ask her where she got her shoes? Nothing was occurring to me. What are you supposed to say to the girl of your dreams? What words could possibly capture how you feel?

 

We were so close our knees were almost touching and what I really wanted to do was kiss her but I wasn't brave enough for that either. Seconds of silence ticked by while my brain struggled for something to say until finally she took pity on me and decided to speak.

 

"Hey, can I tell you something?" she began, smiling. "I used to dream about you too. Only vampires don't sleep so it was more like daydreaming. I'd be sitting around, not doing anything, and after a while I'd find myself thinking of you. I had no idea who you were or where I'd find you, all I knew was that you were out there somewhere, waiting for me. And even though I could feel it in my heart, part of me never believed it. The love I felt for you was so…complete, so perfect. It felt to good to be true, and I never—"

 

I kissed her.

 

I'd been listening to her melodic voice in a trance, staring at her glossy pink lips as they moved, and suddenly I leaned forward and captured them with my own. I was helpless to do anything else and as soon as they touched I was filled with a feeling of sweet euphoria. If I'd had any doubts at all about her talk of soulmates—which I didn't—they were erased with that kiss. No regular kiss could possibly feel so nice. This was truly magic.

 

The kiss lasted almost a full minute, us just sitting there with our lips touching, no tongue, just tenderness. It wasn't like that other night, or like in the girl's room this afternoon. It was soft, gentle. Almost chaste.

 

I was deathly afraid she'd pull away and tell me to slow down but she didn't. She started kissing me back. Her hand cupped my cheek and she applied some force against my mouth. I parted my lips and her tongue slipped past as if it had been waiting. I shivered with its entrance and slowly the kiss changed. It become hotter. More passionate. I pushed my tongue against hers, my eyes rolling behind closed lids. I became aware that I was horny, a dull throbbing between my legs. I moaned softly.

 

She was leaning into me and slowly I let her push me onto my back. My arms wrapped around her and I felt her warm weight on top of me, one leg thrown across my body possessively. One of my hands slipped up her top slightly to caress her waist and her waist was so slight, so warm, so firm. It was just her waist but touching her body was so exciting, so thrilling, that I was filled with a peculiar sense of violation. It felt wrong, like touching an angel or a goddess, something pure and beyond perfection that could only be defiled by human hands. I broke the kiss and looked up at her timidly.

 

"Is this okay?" I asked, my hand frozen at her waist.

 

Her eyes were on fire and she wasn't smiling and the look she gave me was anything but angelic.

 

"Shut up and fuck me," she growled.

 

Well.

 

If I wasn't horny before, I got a burst of it then.

 

She was kissing me again, her tongue becoming more and more aggressive. My hand had snaked further up her top and I was stroking her back, feeling her lovely skin. Her own hand had ventured up my tanktop and took a handful of my breast, kneading it wantonly. Her thumb flicked over my hardened nipple and I shuddered against her. She hissed in response and pinched the nipple. I gave a short little squeal but clamped it down quickly, remembering that mom might still be up. She pushed the top up over my breasts, squeezed, and captured the nipple between her lips.

 

I moaned, squirming under her mouth. She suckled at the nipple and licked at it and then she smothered my moans with her lips and started kissing me again, groping my naked breast with her hand, squeezing, flicking the nipple with her thumb.

 

Her jean clad crotch was rubbing against my thigh, the rough material almost painful on my soft skin, and I was starting to get the impression that she was getting frustrated. For a second it boggled my mind that she could be into me. I was nothing compared to her. My body was okay, I guess, but nothing particularly special. Nothing like her. Maybe it's just another of those supernatural things, like the dreams or something.

 

Either way I was ready to give her want she wanted. I broke the kiss a second time, breathless, and blinked up at her. "Do you want me to…?"

 

I let it trail off, the offer including pretty much anything she could possibly think of, but she seemed too flustered to think of anything. "To what?" she demanded impatiently, still gripping my naked breast.

 

"Um…" I swallowed, squirming slightly under her touch. She was looking at me with sheer lust in her burning amber eyes and it was making my pussy wet. "Take your clothes off?" I suggested.

 

"Hurry," she hissed.

 

I did my best to obey. I pulled off her top and she raised up, straddling my hips. Her bra was red lace with the catch in the front and I almost wept when she opened it and exposed her perky breasts. My timidness seem to vanish at the sight of them and the hunger took me over. She tossed the bra to the side and I had one of her nipples in my mouth before it had touched the ground, her straddling my hips and me sitting up. She moaned pleasurably and held my face to her chest, petting my hair.

 

"Yes," she whispered, a smile in her voice. "Keep going."

 

I stroked her breasts and alternated between one nipple and the other. Dimly I wondered if this was making her as horny as it was making me. It was almost uncomfortable, the lust between my legs.

 

I realized she was unbuttoning her jeans and suddenly I had a new craving. She fell onto her back and pushed her jeans and her panties down, exposing her pearly legs, but she couldn't get them off. Her shoes were in the way. She gave an unladylike curse and solved the problem by quickly kicking them off, and then she kicked off her jeans and pulled me on top of her.

 

Somewhere along the way I'd gotten rid of my nightrobe—I didn't remember how—and now she pulled off my top. I kissed her, pressing my breasts into hers, rubbing against her for the friction. I reached for her breast but she intercepted my hand and put it between her legs.

 

"Please," she whimpered. "Now."

 

Like last time I had no idea what I was doing, but luckily I was in capable hands. Literally. She guided my finger against her clit, using me to stroke herself. She moaned, looking into my face with sweet euphoria. I went to kiss her but she shook her head.

 

"Let me look at you," she whispered. "I want to look at you."

 

I nodded, blushing, my hair falling all about me, and she guided my hand against her, rubbing it against the silky wetness between her legs. She poked one of my fingers inside her folds, pushing it against her entrance.

 

"Two fingers," she breathed. "Don't be gentle."

 

I almost giggled at that last comment—so cute—but I decided I'd better focus all my mental faculties on not passing out from excitement.

 

My hand was trembling and despite the warning I was very gentle. I eased two fingers into her entrance and shivered at the heat and warmth in there. She moaned and spread her legs wider. She was still holding my hand and she pushed my fingers in further and then withdrew them and pushed them in again. I picked up the rythymed and kept going by myself, her walls clenching on each thrust. She released my hand and stroked my arm, smiling up at me, and then she took my face in her hands and guided my mouth to one of her nipples.

 

I sucked on her quite eagerly and let my other hand knead her other breast. She had such pretty breasts, so round and full. I suckled on her nipple and moved onto the other one, and I got so distracted that I forgot I was supposed to be fingering her. My fingers were just stuck there inside her and at first she didn't say anything but then she giggled and bucked into my hand with her hips to remind me.

 

I resumed thrusting into her and she moved her body into it, moaning pleasurably.

 

"Keep going," she breathed. "Keep going."

 

I looked into her face. "Is it good?" I asked, wanting to be sure.

 

"Yes," she moaned. "It's perfect."

 

She was probably being nice but I felt a glow of pride nonetheless.

 

I went faster, trying to impress her. She smirked and took my hand, caressing it as I plunged my fingers in and out, and with her other hand she pulled me into a kiss. One of her legs wrapped around me and soon she stopped kissing and started panting into my mouth, her chest heaving, her face flushed.

 

"Bella," she panted. "Bella."

 

It was building in her eyes, I could see it, and then it happened. She groaned and clenched down on my fingers as she arched in orgasm. I watched her face, utterly mesmerized by the pleasure passing over her pretty features, and my heart almost broke from how beautiful she looked.

 

With a sigh, she rolled onto her side, away from me, curled up and lay there catching her breath. I knelt at her side and waited patiently, not daring to touch her, and then she rolled over and smiled at me and said:

 

"Come here."

 

I felt a surge of excitement at the command and with a smile of my own I crawled into her arms and kissed her. She eased me onto my back and straddled my hips. I was already on the brink of orgasm and she didn't make me wait very long. Her hands cupped my breasts and her lips engulfed my hardened nipples, one then the other, and she rubbed her body against mine, and then she descended with kisses over my stomach until she was between my legs.

 

I was still wearing my shorts but she tugged both them and my panties down and tossed them away. I was soaking wet underneath and without hesitating she leaned and licked lovingly across my pussy, kissed it, licked again. She poked her tongue into my entrance just a little and I whimpered and squirmed. She was being very gentle and slowly she started teasing my nub with her thumb, very gently, and she kissed at my mound and kissed at my clit, and already I could feel it building inside me.

 

When I came I came hard, with a strangled moan. The climax burst behind my eyelids and my face scrunched as I struggled to keep quiet. She eased the orgasm away with a few more kisses and then her lips were gone.

 

I opened my eyes and sat up in a panic when I saw she was putting her jeans back on.

 

"Wait, what are you doing?"

 

She looked over her bare shoulder as she buttoned them. Her eyes were hooded and smoldering with hunger. "I can't stay," she said. "If I stay, I'm going to bite you. And I can't do that. It would be too dangerous."

 

"But…"

 

But there was nothing to say. I'd never really had much self-respect, but I learnt in that moment that I at least had enough not to beg my new vampire girlfriend to put my life in danger by drinking my blood four days after a transfusion. It was sad, but I really didn't want her to go. I wanted to keep her forever.

 

She smiled and pulled her top on and then she came over and tucked me into the bed. I went along wordlessly, staring at her face as she pulled the covers over me. She brushed my brow and smiled again.

 

"So much for going slow, huh?"

 

I gave a little chuckle. She leaned and kissed me.

 

"We'll go slow starting tomorrow, okay?"

 

I wanted to object, but this going slow thing was obviously important to her, so I nodded.

 

She turned and went to the window. I watched her. She hopped up onto the frame and crouched there but before she dropped down I sat up in bed and called to her.

 

"Wait," I whispered.

 

She turned to me, still crouched in the window frame.

 

"Will I see you again?" I asked.

 

She smirked and flickered her hungry eyes over me. "Sure," she said. "You've got my number. Give me a call."

 

I nodded anxiously, still not happy, and she smiled, blew me a kiss, and then she dropped down into the darkness outside.

 

Gone.

 

I bit my lip, and for a while I just sat there staring at the dark beyond the window with my heart shredded in my chest, a mingled mess of love, lust, and longing. I was frowning to myself and I missed her already, missed her terribly, missed her so bad that I didn't think I'd even be able to fall asleep. It's not fair. How could she tell me we're supposed to be together forever and then just leave like that? Doesn't she know how cruel that is? Maybe it wouldn't be such a problem if she wasn't so achingly cute, but she was. She was amazing. And now she's gone.

 

I sniffed and lay down, curling up and pulling the covers over my shoulder. I was almost crying and then I did start crying, just a little, a couple tears that I quickly wiped away. It's not fair. Nothing made sense anymore. Over the last few days my emotions had been flip flopping around so much that I could hardly tell if I was dreaming or awake, sane or crazy, and now I was crying because my vampire girlfriend—if I'm allowed to call her that—didn't want to spend the night because she was afraid of killing me.

 

When did life get so complicated?

 

—

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

—  
  
Chapter 3:  
  
—  
  
There was no biology on Friday which was probably a blessing in disguise. So far Alice and I hadn't managed been to get through a single class without some embarrassing incident, but maybe by Monday thing's will have simmered down enough for us to sit side by side for an hour without attacking each other.  
  
That day I only saw her in short bursts. True to her word she was waiting by my locker in the morning, smiling with her books in her arms. I was blushing within ten feet and stuttering when I said hi. My fingers fumbled with the lock, trying not to stare at her. She offered a general apology about last night and I told her to forget about it. I was cool by the morning and mostly just embarrassed about being so clingy.  
  
I had been ashamed of my behavior all morning and I had decided over breakfast that I was going to stop being such a pathetic love-sick puppy. I was going to grow a backbone and stop letting my emotions control me. I was going to take control of my feelings and stop letting them control (and embarrass) me. I was going to be an adult and let the relationship progress naturally without all these unreasonable expectations. In short, I was going to stop letting her turn me into a weepy mess with nothing more than her mere presence.  
  
None of these resolutions lasted very long, of course, but at least I'd had the presence of mind to make them. She walked me to homeroom and my heart soared as she kissed me on the cheek discreetly. Then it broke all over again as she walked away. The halls were empty and before she turned the corner she paused and waved with her beautiful smile. I waved back and mentally kicked myself at how my heart soared all over again.  
  
I pouted through homeroom and pouted through history and math. Not even Lauren's hurtful bullying could cheer me up. I kept watch for Alice in the halls but I never saw her again till lunch. She was sitting with her sisters at a table by themselves, as usual. I tried not to stare and failed miserably. Alice seemed to have the same difficulty, her eyes flickering over me and flickering away, dropping to the tabletop and lifting again. At one point she smiled at me and my heart went for it's second soaring. Then Lauren threw an empty milk carton at my face and ruined the moment.  
  
The last time I saw her was after school. Again, she was waiting by my locker, and again she walked with me for a little bit before kissing me on the cheek and disappearing, reminding me to give her a call sometime.  
  
Ah yes.  
  
A call.  
  
It sounded so simple, to call a girl and…what? That's the part I kept tripping over. It's easy enough to tell someone to call you, but what is the person in question supposed to say? Am I supposed to ask her out? Or just chat? And when? Today, tomorrow, next week? Or was she just being polite and not really expecting me to call at all? Or am I overthinking things as usual and maybe I should just mentally shut up and call her?  
  
Difficult questions and no definite answers. In many ways it was a particularly cruel move of her, to give me her number like that. It's nice that she was trying to give me some degree of control over the relationship, but control really isn't my thing. If I wanted to be the dominant one of the relationship I'd cut my hair and put on a tie. In all honesty, I have no objection at all to being the submissive one, and considering the caliber of the girlfriend in question, it's probably the wiser choice. The girl's a vampire, for god sake. I should be calling her mistress, not fretting over whether or not to ask her out.  
  
Whenever I'm ready, she'd said last night. It was a nice thought, but with only a couple minutes interaction at school every day I wasn't likely to be ready for quite a while. I needed to spend some time with her, to get comfortable with her in casual situations. I needed a date, and I'd been hoping all day that maybe she'd ask me out sometime over the weekend, but she seemed determined to keep the ball in my court. Asking her out face to face was impossible—I was lucky not to pass out face to face—but maybe I could do it over the phone. I'd just call her and say…  
  
Um…  
  
Honestly, I had no idea. When I got home after school I spent a lot of time thinking about it but I couldn't think of anything. Obviously I'd say hi, but beyond that? Who knows. What if I interrupt her in the middle of something important? What if she doesn't feel like talking right then?  
  
It was all so bewildering. I'd never thought I'd ever get a girlfriend in highschool, and now I had this girl, this perfect girl, who had given me her number and told me to call her. A girl who said I was her soulmate or something. And I'm not sure how soulmates work exactly, but they generally say yes when you ask them out, right? Cuz part of me was still in doubt over that. I'd only ever asked out one girl in my life and naturally it was a total disaster. I was too young to know how different I was, but Lauren knew, and since then she'd been very vocal in pointing it out.  
  
By the time I'd gotten home I still didn't know what I should do, but the prospect of not seeing Alice all weekend was too bleak to consider. I decided to call her and see if she wanted to get together. Just to hang out or something. No reason she should say no, right? Soulmate and all.  
  
It was about nine when I decided to call. A bit late maybe, but I didn't want to interrupt her when she was eating—that is, if vampire's even eat. I'd seen her eat as school but not with much enthusiasm, as if the lunch were just a prop.  
  
I'd been pacing my room for about half an hour, trying to work up the courage, and finally I hit the dial button. I put the phone to my ear and bit my lip, already worried she wouldn't answer. But she did. The dial tone stopped and:  
  
"Hello?"  
  
The sound of her voice caused me to dropped the phone. I'd never heard it over the phone before and for some reason this struck me as significant. I scrabbled to pick up the phone and stuck it to my ear.  
  
"Um, hi," I blurted. "It's me. Um, Bella."  
  
"Yes, I know," came her smiling voice. "I was wondering when you'd call."  
  
"Yeah," I said awkwardly. "I, uh…"  
  
Suddenly I forgot why I was calling. I was gonna ask her out, wasn't I? But do I do it now? Or do we talk first?  
  
"Well, I was calling because you, um, gave me your number… and, well…"  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"Well, I was wondering if you'd like to… You know. Go out sometime? On a date, maybe?"  
  
"I'd love to. When?"  
  
Fuck.  
  
On one hand it was great she said yes. On the other hand I had no fucking idea when. Wait, weekend. Tomorrow?  
  
"Um, well, how about tomorrow?"  
  
"Tomorrow sounds perfect. Where are we going?"  
  
Double fuck.  
  
I hadn't thought this far ahead. How the fuck do I know where? I've never been on a date in my life. I'd never even seen that many dates on TV. Most of my entertainment comes from books and most of them were written about two hundred years ago before dating had even been invented yet.  
  
I was speaking before I knew what I was saying. "Um, I don't know."  
  
Oh great. Way to sound like an idiot.  
  
I heard a sound on the other line that might've been a stifled giggle.  
  
"Well, I'm sure you'll figure it out," she said. "How shall we meet?"  
  
It just keeps getting worse, doesn't it? Am I allowed to ask her to pick me up, or does that kind of defeat the purpose of asking her out to begin with? Maybe I could borrow mom's car. It's probably my best bet at not looking like a loser.  
  
"I'll, uh, pick you up. Is that okay?"  
  
"I didn't think you had a car."  
  
"I'll borrow my moms."  
  
"Oh. Okay, well, you'll be needing my address then, won't you? Do you have a pen?"  
  
"Um, hold on."  
  
I scrabbled at my desk like a maniac, almost dropping the phone again, and tore open my note book and grabbed a pen.  
  
"Okay, go on."  
  
Her beautiful voice recited the address and naturally the pen wouldn't work. I stabbed the paper, did some squiggles, and finally got some ink flowing. I scribbled down the address in my awful hand writing and swallowed.  
  
"Okay, got it," I said. "Thanks."  
  
"Great," she chirped. "It's a date."  
  
Panic.  
  
I don't know why, but hearing the word date from her—from a girl who was talking to me—threw me into a fit of anxiety, and I started babbling before I even knew what I was babbling about.  
  
"O-oh, we don't have to call it a date if you don't want," I stuttered. "If you wanted to be just friends, or if you weren't really into me like that, I mean, um…"  
  
My face was on fire with embarrassment and I was pressing a palm into my forehead. If I could've pressed it hard enough to squeeze my brain out of my ears I would've. How stupid can a person be?  
  
This was a girl who had reminded me to call at least three times, sent dozens of romantic signals—including a kiss on the cheek—and who had just willingly agreed to go out with me on a date. And if all that was obvious enough she had also crawled through my bedroom window and eaten me alive on two separate occasions. Why in the name of god was I asking her if she wanted to be just friends?  
  
Alice, however, took mercy on me, and didn't call me a moron and hang up. There was a moment of silence—probably as she questioned fate's decision to pair herself with a goofy bitch like me—and then she cleared her throat daintily.  
  
"I'd prefer it to be a date," she said in a gentle tone, the kind of voice one would use with children or mental defectives.  
  
I nodded, still squeezing my eyes shut in humiliation. "Okay," I said. "It's a date." And then, because I truly am the stupidest girl in the world, I added: "Are you sure?"  
  
She openly giggled at that. "Oh, I'm positive," she said. "In fact, I'd love nothing more."  
  
I felt an insane thrill at her words and almost slapped my chest to get my heart to shut up. I strove for casualness. "Okay," I said, my voice trembling only slightly. "Well, um…see you tomorrow."  
  
I was about to hang up, but she said: "Wait!"  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"You never said when you'll be picking me up."  
  
"Oh shit," I said, panicking all over again. "Um…"  
  
"Tell you what," Alice said, coming to my rescue. "why don't you just come over whenever you're ready? I'll be waiting, okay?"  
  
I breathed a sigh of relief. "Okay. Thanks."  
  
"No problem. See you tomorrow, Bella."  
  
I felt a jolt as she said my name. I tried to work up the courage to say hers, failed, and said:  
  
"Um, yeah. Bye."  
  
I hung up and froze on the spot, there in the middle of my room, phone in hand. My mind was trying to catch up with what I'd just done but I still couldn't believe it. I had a date with Alice tomorrow, but I didn't know where, what time, or what the hell she enjoys doing, and in addition to these concerns I also had very little money and nothing to wear.  
  
This might've been a mistake.  
  
Cursing under my breath, I threw open my closet and took a quick inventory, hoping something fashionable might've spontaneously manifested overnight. But there was nothing. Crappy pants, crappy tops. There were even a few articles in there that I'd had since middle school, things that wouldn't even fit any more, especially across the chest. I'd gotten bigger in recent years.  
  
"Oh god, this was a bad idea," I said worriedly, already predicting disaster. "Look at this shit…"  
  
But I didn't want to look, and in a sudden fit of anger I slammed shut the closet and kicked it.  
  
"Fuck!"  
  
Almost instantly mom's voice came from downstairs.  
  
"Bella, what's going on up there?"  
  
"Nothing!"  
  
She didn't believe me, or mind her own business. I heard footsteps coming up the stairs and then her head popped through the door.  
  
"Everything okay, sweetie?"  
  
No, it wasn't okay. I didn't think it through and now I'm fucked. Well, maybe that was a slight exaggeration, but still. It wasn't looking good.  
  
"I'm fine," I told her. Then I remembered the car. "Hey, mom?"  
  
"Yes, sweetie?"  
  
"Do you think I could borrow the car tomorrow?"  
  
"What for?"  
  
"No reason. It's very important."  
  
I almost cringed at myself. How much sense did that make?  
  
Mom didn't get it either but she could see it was important to me. "Well, I suppose you could. Where are you going?"  
  
"I don't know," I almost moaned in despair. I gave the closet another kick. "Fuck!"  
  
Mom looked at me weirdly. "Are you okay, honey? You're acting very strange."  
  
I took a breath. "I'm fine."  
  
"Are you sure? If you want I could give you a ride tomorrow and pick you up whenever you were done. I don't mind."  
  
I waved the offer away. "It's okay, it's nothing important."  
  
"I thought it was very important?"  
  
"Nah, I was just gonna do some shopping and hang out with a friend, that's all."  
  
"Oh. So you'll need it all day?"  
  
"Yeah," I nodded. I gave her a smile in an attempt to appear sane. "Thanks, mom."  
  
—  
  
Tomorrow morning I managed to wheedle some money out of mom for some new clothes—cold weather and all—and then I drove into town for the purpose of obtaining something to wear that would make me look less like a refugee and more like a the slightly attractive young woman that I am.  
  
There was only one clothes shop I knew, and I only knew it because Lauren and them were always talking about it. It was the shop Angela's mom owned, a small fashion boutique that apparently had great prices. I knew Angela worked there part time but I was still surprised to see her behind the counter when I walked in. I thought she only worked after school some days.  
  
I almost turned around and walked out again. Angela was okay and I wasn't worried about her teasing me about buying new clothes, but she might mention it to Lauren, and Lauren I was worried about. The bitch didn't need any more ammo against me, she had plenty already.  
  
Unfortunately Angela looked up at the sound of the door and saw me standing there, a small frown crossing her face. She'd been leaning on the counter reading a magazine and at my entrance she closed the magazine and straightened up. As if something curious had just walked in, like a bear on two feet.  
  
"Hey, Bella," she said, friendly enough. "What are you doing here?"  
  
I shrugged, letting the door swing shut. "Just came to buy a couple a things, that's all."  
  
Angela looked around doubtfully as if there might not be anything in stock for someone like me.  
  
"Well, okay," she said. "Let me know if you see anything."  
  
I nodded with a quick smile and disappeared behind a display of jeans.  
  
And then I was browsing. Rodent-like among the racks, half crouched and moving quietly with stealth. Angela had gone back to her magazine but I was still eager to avoid attention. I had bigger problems to worry about, anyway. I had to impress Alice, or at the very least I had to not make her regret being seen in public with me.  
  
But how exactly do you impress a supernaturally gorgeous vampire? How could I possibly compete?  
  
I don't know, but something told me a tight top might help. Not many girls my age have the option of cleavage—Lauren in particular is flat as a pancake—so I should probably take advantage of it. But is Alice even into that?  
  
I shook my head, realizing how little I really knew about her. Vampire stuff aside, she was still a huge mystery. Is she even gay? Or is it just me? If it's just me then cleavage probably wouldn't help. Hell, even if she was gay I doubt cleavage would help. Women don't seem to be into big boobs for some reason. I like them, but I'm the first to admit I'm a total pervert. If she was gay I'd probably have the most luck with a well-toned midriff, according to popular cliché. Which I don't have, of course. I'm thin, sure, but the only sit ups I've ever done are the ones I do getting out of bed every morning.  
  
I sighed. Why does it have to be so confusing? I wish there were some social guidelines for these kinds of situations like they had in Victorian England but I had no idea what the ladies were wearing this season to attend social appointments with lesbian vampires who lust erotically after your flesh and blood. Underwear was probably optional but beyond that nothing seemed a la mode. In the end I let good sense guide me, and compiled the cheapest outfit I could find that seemed cute enough to pass for date-worthy. It was all very simple stuff and the only article I was truly skeptical about was the skirt.  
  
Yes. A skirt.  
  
I hated skirts, always have, always will. But it was marked down over half price and still very expensive, so I was assuming it was a massive bargain. It was denim and pleated and it would've looked pretty on any other girl. On me? Who could tell. There was change rooms in the back of the store but I'd never been a fan of taking off my clothes in public, even in private. They only had one skirt left anyway, and it was in my size, so I figured I might as well get it. I'd almost burst a blood vessel trying to convince myself I'd look okay in it, and it was expensive, which had to count for something, right?  
  
I don't know. I was very insecure about everything but I bought it all over to the counter nonetheless. Angela closed her magazine and looked everything over, checking the prices.  
  
"Hey, not bad." She lifted the skirt and gave me a skeptical look. "You do realize this is a skirt, right?"  
  
"Yeah, I noticed," I muttered.  
  
"Just checking," she chuckled. "Never seen you in a skirt before, that's all."  
  
I frowned, my stomach twisting. Great, this is exactly what I needed. Maybe there was still time to change it. "Do you think I'd look stupid?"  
  
Angela was the only person I'd feel comfortable asking a question like that but her answer wasn't exactly encouraging.  
  
"Hard to say," she shrugged. "I thought you're supposed to be butch?"  
  
I scowled. Where the hell did that come from? "Who said that?"  
  
She shrugged again, scanning the labels on the clothes. "I don't know. You're always wearing drab clothes and you don't really take care of your hair, so I figured you know…"  
  
I shouldn't have been so hurt, but I was. I thought my hair was good? Since when is that the definition of butch, anyway?  
  
"Whatever," I muttered. "How much is it?"  
  
She saw that she'd offended me and she seemed sorry but she didn't apologize. Which was alright, I guess. Best to just forget about it.  
  
"Seventy eight bucks," she said.  
  
I winced and handed over the cash. Almost a hundred bucks for a top, a skirt, and a belt that I didn't even need. I thought dating's supposed to be fun?  
  
"Here," I said, handing over the money.  
  
She smiled. "Thanks," she said, ringing it up in the cash register. "So, what's with the new clothes anyway?" she asked conversationally. "You got a date or something?"  
  
I frowned, suspicious as a double agent in Nazi territory. "No," I denied, a little too loudly. "I just needed some new stuff, that's all."  
  
Angela noticed my overreaction but didn't say anything. "If you say so. Here's your change."  
  
"Thanks."  
  
"No problem," Angela said cheerfully. "Come again sometime, alright? We get new stock all the time. Best prices in town."  
  
I nodded, never planning to come back ever, and then I got the hell out of there.  
  
Before I went home I drove to the hair dresser's and wasted an other ten bucks on a trim. My mom had been badgering me about split ends for over a month and if mom could notice them Alice could too. It was only after the hair cut that I realized Alice would probably also notice that I got a hair cut and therefore may conclude that I was trying too hard. It wasn't like I could buy my hair back, though, so I tried not to let it bother me.  
  
I went to a shoe store and browsed around but I didn't see anything worth the money, and lastly I went to the department store and shoplifted a plain black thong, which demonstrated exactly how irrationally my state of mind had become. Not only have I never shoplifted before—never even been tempted—but even if I did get lucky tonight, did I really want to be caught wearing a thong? I might as well write the word slut across my forehead with pink lipstick while I'm at it.  
  
By the time I got home I was regretting pretty much everything I'd bought. Instead of looking like a poorly dressed loser, I was going to look like a try-hard loser. In a thong. God, I'm an idiot.  
  
I explained to mom that I wouldn't be home for dinner and naturally she wanted to know where I'd be eating. I told her pizza and I had a feeling that would turn out to be true. I had no idea what vampires eat—or if they ate at all—but pizza was the safest thing I could think of. All teenagers like pizza, right?  
  
My heart grew heavier in my chest as it got darker outside, the date drawing near. I was close to canceling or pretending I was sick, but finally I grew some metaphorical balls and showered and got changed. The top was black and sleeveless—with a sequined star between the breasts—and I was going to be pretty cold in it but I didn't bother with a jacket since all I had was a cheap black hoody that would've made me look like a homeless crack addict.  
  
I donned my new skirt with a feeling close to shame. It felt like a betray of some kind. So many years of pants and now this. Is that what I've sunk too? A skirt-wearer? What's next, cheerleading? I couldn't even remember the last time I'd worn a skirt. Must've been when I was a kid, back before I could think for myself.  
  
But as hard as it was to wear a skirt, the thong was even harder. It took a while but eventually I managed to get it on, despite the second thoughts that swirled in my stomach like a tornado. I had no idea if I wanted to get lucky in this thing or not tonight, but if I did, I'd simply have to put my faith in Alice's ability to appreciate a little sluttyness.  
  
And to prove exactly how far my self-respect had fallen, I even put on some makeup. My mom had bought me a well stocked makeup kit when I was twelve. She'd tried to teach me how to use it but gave up when I showed no interest. I've always found that makeup looks best on other girls. Still, in the interest of impressing Alice, I demeaned myself to crack open the dusty kit and apply a thin layer, a bit of concealer, a bit of color, a bit of gloss, just like mom had taught me all those years ago when I was still sulking from the misfortune of asking out another girl. Makeup wouldn't have help back then, but hopefully it would cause Alice to be able to look at me without cringing.  
  
I looked myself over in the bathroom with a vague feeling of hope. I'd was wearing mascara and my eyes actually looked pretty sexy, even to me. I batted them slightly and smiled. My cheeks were rosy and the zit on my forehead was completely concealed. Maybe makeup's pretty cool, after all. I just hoped there's no expiry date on this stuff. Some of it was four years old, for god's sake. What if I break out into a rash? What if my face melts off in a corrosive horror show over dinner? Jeez, as if I didn't have enough to worry about.  
  
When I was ready, I went back in my room for my phone and checked the time. It was about seven and I decided to call Alice and let her know I was coming. I didn't want to ambush her or anything. It took over ten minutes to settle my anxiety to the point where I could talk, but finally I hit dial, and managed not to drop the phone when she answered. I asked her if it would be okay if I came over in about half an hour and she said that would be perfect. She then said she was really looking forward to seeing me and I almost burst into tears of joy. I had no idea why my company was so delightful to her but it was angelic of her to say so.  
  
My warm glow of vanity vanished as soon as I went downstairs, replaced by fear of what mom will say to about my outfit. She was in the kitchen and I attempted to say goodbye without letting her look at me, a doomed effort with a mother like mine.  
  
"Hey, mom, I'm gonna get going, so—"  
  
"Wait, wait, let me hug you goodbye!"  
  
I sagged in the doorway, half out, not quite. She was standing at the stove where something was boiling—pasta probably—and she wiped her hands on a dishtowel, turned, and lit up in surprise when she saw me.  
  
"Bella, wow!" She grinned. "Look at you, you look amazing!"  
  
I blushed. Moms are biased but she seemed genuine. "Thanks."  
  
"But I don't understand," she added. "I thought you were just hanging out with a friend?"  
  
"I am."  
  
She grinned and flapped the towel at me. "Oh, sure you are. Just a friend, huh? And what's this friend's name?"  
  
I shrugged, trying to be casual. "Alice," I said, my voice hitching on her name. I hoped it wasn't noticeable. "She's my labpartner."  
  
Mom's grin slowly faded. "O-oh," she said, and I could tell she'd sensed something weird. She covered the awkwardness with a chuckle. "Silly me, I thought you were meeting a boy you liked. A boy you were friends with but secretly liked or something. Because, you know. You're wearing your hair down. And a skirt."  
  
"No, it's just a friend," I said, with a noble effort at naturalness. "We're just hanging out. We'll probably see a movie or something, you know…"  
  
"And have dinner together?" she asked quietly. She was still drying her hands with the dishtowel even though they were already dry.  
  
Yep. Definitely, suspicious.  
  
I blushed, shrugging my shoulder. "Well, it's just pizza. And we gotta eat, right?"  
  
"I suppose," she allowed. Then she pointed at my face awkwardly. "Is that makeup?"  
  
I couldn't deny this one. I couldn't think of any excuse either, so I just shrugged again, and said: "Yeah, well… You know."  
  
She nodded, as if she understood, doubt written all over her face. "Well, have fun, sweetie. But don't you think you should take a jacket? You're going to be cold like that."  
  
My shoulders and all of my arms were bare and even the material covering my torso was pretty thin. Truthfully, I was already cold, even in the house, but I wanted to look my best, which meant not wearing a sweater or some cheap hoody I'd had for over a year.  
  
I shrugged away her concern. "I'll be alright," I said. "I like the cold."  
  
"If you say so. Are you meeting other friends or is it just this one girl?"  
  
"Actually, yeah," I said, leaping at the lifeline, wondering why I'd never thought of it. "We're meeting Lauren and them at the movies, so it's gonna be a whole bunch of us."  
  
She didn't seem particularly convinced, still drying her hands absently, but she smiled. "I see," she said. "Well, that's good. I'll see you later, then. Don't be too late, okay?"  
  
"Yeah. See you, mom."  
  
"See you, sweetie."  
  
Ten minutes later I was in the car and driving to Alice's place, mentally punching myself for being so obvious with mom. But what else could I do? Put my stuff in a backpack and get change at a service station somewhere?  
  
Did I lie to mom? I didn't plan too, I was just reacting question by question. I hadn't planned to tell her I was dating a girl, of course, but I hadn't set out to hide it, either. Not really.  
  
I kept driving, now frowning to myself. For the first time in my life I found myself seriously questioning my closeted status. It had never been a problem before, since there was no repression—nor opportunity—but now I've lied to mom. About something kind of important. She'd always been interested in my life and I was sure she'd be overjoyed to find out I had a date. Even with a girl.  
  
Right?  
  
Who knows. People are weird with homosexuality, I see it every day in school. Lauren used to be one of my best friends, for god's sake. Now she's my primary tormenter. Could something similar happen to mom? Right now she was my best friend in the whole the world, but if she knew I was gay, would she turn against me like everyone else? Probably not, but how can I be sure? She'd never disown me or anything melodramatic like that, but it was bound to cause some awkwardness. She isn't the most intelligent woman on the plant and she is kind of small-minded. She's also pretty traditional, a big believer in the joys of marriage and kids and domestic bliss. Then again, she's also divorced, so what the hell would she know?  
  
Oh, whatever. Who cares? Mom would accept me no matter what, so why bother worrying about it? The worst part would be telling her, but that can wait.  
  
Because I was getting closer to Alice's place, and my thoughts were beginning to bend in a new direction. At first I wondered about practical things, like whether or not vampire's eat. I should've asked over the phone, but I guess I'm not as smart as I give myself credit for. Then again, I can't blame myself. Alice's cuteness—even over the phone—would have a disabling effect on any girl's cognitive functions.  
  
But what about pizza? Suddenly I was having doubts. If vampires do eat, maybe pizza was a stupid choice, considering garlic was a key ingredient. God, how could I be so insensitive? Maybe they have pizza without garlic. But what about the smell in the air, what if even the aroma of garlic is harmful to them? I'll have to ask her on the way. I'm probably being stupid, anyway. It's only old vampire's who are allergic to garlic. Modern vampires are usually cool with it. It would be pretty lame if she was weak to a vegetable. It wouldn't stop me from liking her, of course, but still. Pretty lame.  
  
Alice lived in a stately house just outside town, down a dark road that wound through the woods. I tried not to feel nervous but it was hard. Not only was I anxious about the date but now I was anxious about driving out to a house full of vampires in the middle of woods. What if the date was just ploy to get me out here so they could drain me and bury me in the forest? I knew in my heart Alice would never do that, but when you're driving down a dark road with only dark trees visible in the windows, you gotta wonder.  
  
The house was sited on a rise overlooking the road, a stately mansion with a gravel drive. I parked on the curb and killed the engine. It actually looked very warm and homey, with red brick walls and yellow light in the windows. It looked like somewhere a happy family might live. There was no ring of skulls on the front lawn in the shape of a hexagon or anything like that.  
  
Well, this is it, I told myself. My first date…  
  
I got out the car, my heart pounding, and started toward the house. The cold wind swept over my bare shoulders and instantly fucked up my hair. Typical. This is why I wear the stupid stuff in a ponytail.  
  
I frowned, tucking my hair behind my ears, and I continued on toward the front door, crunching down the long gravel drive. They must be rich, I realized. And Alice was my soulmate. Does that mean I get half? Nah, we'd probably have to get married first and she'd probably dump me by then. I wouldn't even blame her. Chick like her deserves the absolute best. A clone of herself, for instance.  
  
The front door was ornate oak with a brass knocker. I paused and took a deep breath. I was about to see Alice and that required some mental preparation. I wonder what she'll be wearing? Jeans, I hope. The tighter the better. We'd known each other less than a week and my feelings were still superficial enough to be mostly directed at her ass, naturally enough. It was an amazing ass and it would probably be some time before my admiration for her personality outweighed it.  
  
I went to knock and realized there was also a door bell. Dilemma. Which to choose? Was my personality best expressed through the use of the knocker, something loud and assertive, or would a bell be more appropriate, something calm and elegant? In my frazzled state of mind, it actually seemed like an important decision. Boy, dates are hard. Should I have bought flowers? Fuck! No flowers and I can't even knock on the goddamn door. I'm so pathetic. I should just slink back to my car and drive away and while I'm at it I might as well drive off a fucking cliff because I'm obviously to stupid to live and—  
  
I pressed the door bell.  
  
Immediately I regretted it although I had no idea what else I could've done. This whole thing was such a stupid idea. What made me think I was ready for a date with a goddess? Look at me, I'm falling apart and I haven't even seen her. Maybe I should hide, she'll think it was just a prank. But I already called and told her I'll be here. God, I never should've called so soon. She had even told me not to rush. She'd said specifically to call whenever I was ready. But then she had reminded me at school, hadn't she? Was she as eager for a date as I am? Or is that just wishful thinking? Maybe she—  
  
The door swung open.  
  
It was Alice that had opened it.  
  
And she looked amazing.  
  
She was silhouetted against the warm yellow light in the foyer behind her and she was wearing a cream-colored summerdress of some thin material that clung to her body perfectly. She was wearing light makeup, lip gloss, blush, mascara, and she was wearing heeled sandals with clear glitter-polish on her toenails. The dress was sleeveless and her shoulders and arms were bare. The skirt reached to her knees and belled about her legs cutely. She didn't seem to be wearing a bra and her breasts fit snuggly in the dipping neckline. Her entire body was flattered by the dress and she looked utterly amazing.  
  
It was the first time I'd seen her dressed for anything other than school. This was date-Alice. This was Alice—a girl who was already supernaturally pretty—all prettied up. And as soon as I laid eyes on her my heart instantly began to ache with longing.  
  
She smiled at me with her glossy lips. Her black hair was in it's usual bob and she had a butterfly hairclip pinning some of it back. I'd seen her with the same hairclip before. It must be a favorite of hers. She smiled at me and cocked her head cutely as she often did.  
  
"Hi," she said.  
  
I was staring opened mouthed. My voice came out hollow with shock and awe. "Hi…"  
  
She giggled and the giggle snapped me out of it slightly. She looked me over and grinned. "Wow, Bella, you look beautiful. I love you're hair, you should always wear it down. It's beautiful."  
  
I blushed. My hair was flickering in the wind and I pushed some of it behind my ear shyly. "Thanks."  
  
"What about me?" she asked, twirling on the spot with her skirt flaring. "Don't I look cute? I wasn't sure what to wear because I wasn't sure where we were going but I love this old thing. Casual but pretty, right?"  
  
I had no words that could possibly communicate how amazing beautiful she was in my eyes. I just grinned goofily and said: "Yeah."  
  
She smiled, happy with my reply. "It's not really something you'd wear in cold weather," she went on, "but I don't feel the cold. What about you? Will you be cold?"  
  
"Nah, I'm okay."  
  
She nodded and smiled. "Good," she said. "You've got nice shoulders. And if you get cold, I'll just put my arm around you, deal?"  
  
"Sure," I gushed.  
  
She giggled then clapped her hands together. "Hey, listen," she said. "Before we go, do you mind if I introduce you to my family? I'm always talking about you and they'd all love to meet you."  
  
I hesitated just a second. I'd seen Alice's sisters at school and they were sexy as hell. The idea of meeting them seemed a bit intimidating but I couldn't refuse Alice.  
  
"Um, sure," I said. "I'd love to."  
  
"Great!" she chirped. "Come on."  
  
She held the door open and I stepped passed her and inside. She closed the door and then she took my arm, my skin tingling at the contact, and led me into the kitchen.  
  
It looked like a scene similar to the one I'd left at home. A woman in a kitchen, obviously preparing dinner. Only this kitchen was way bigger and more high tech and the woman at the stove looked like a supermodel posing for some cooking magazine. She had her caramel-colored hair pinned up behind her head and she was wearing an apron around her full and womanly figure. I had to make a conscious effort not to check her out.  
  
"Hey, Esme," Alice said, leading me in by the arm. "Look who's finally here to pick me up for my date."  
  
The woman turned to me and of course she was incredibly beautiful. I'd always liked older women, and even though she was still fairly young—mid twenties maybe—she had a warmth and maturity in her smile that made me glow inside just a little. She wasn't as pale as Alice, a little more tan, but she had the same supernatural beauty.  
  
"Hello, Bella," the woman said warmly. "It's nice to finally meet you. Alice talks of nothing else."  
  
I nodded, almost bowing. "Thanks."  
  
"You've already met my husband Carlisle. It's a shame you had to meet under such circumstances but I was happy to hear you've fully recovered from…well."  
  
She let it trail off with a pointed look at Alice. She was referring to the night when Alice had bit my neck and drained my blood after a night of hot sex so it was understandable why she didn't say it out loud. I blushed uncomfortably at the mere allusion.  
  
"Mom," Alice admonished. Then she turned to me, still holding my arm. "Esme's practically our mother," she said. "We call her mom sometimes because she insists on acting like one."  
  
I nodded, startled that Alice was so close. Every admiration I had had for the older woman vanished instantly as soon as I looked at Alice. Looking into her face it seemed impossible that I'd ever thought anything else could be beautiful.  
  
"Come on," Alice said, tugging me away gently, "the others are in the living room."  
  
She led me into the living room where a fire was lit in the fire place and there was a collection of young women lounging about the room in various attitudes. I recognized them all from school and realized these were Alice's so-called sisters. They all looked up as Alice and I entered and suddenly I was very uncomfortable. Like walking into a lion's den, only with really hot lions.  
  
"Hey, guys," Alice announced. "This is Bella."  
  
They received this news without much enthusiasm. Some of them smiled. Some of them shared glances. The TV—an enormous plasma—was on and someone was playing some shooting game, the introduction punctuated by gunshots and explosions. I looked for a controller and saw it in the hands of a small blonde that reminded me of Alice a little. She was lounging against one of her sisters on the sofa, the native American one. Alice motioned at the pair of them first.  
  
"Bella," she said, "This is Jane and Leah."  
  
The native American one, Leah, tossed her chin at me. "Hey," she said simply. She didn't smile but she didn't seem unfriendly. More wary.  
  
I nodded back timidly. Like all the Cullens she was very beautiful, but her beauty was less refined and more wild, with shoulder length black hair that fell about her face and shoulders. She was pale but her skin was a lovely copper-color which gave her a very exotic complexion. Her eyes were dark, very dark, and they were slanted like a wolf's. She was wearing black boots and baggy black jeans and she was wearing a black tanktop and there was an intricate tribal tattoo on one shoulder. She had a look of raw sexuality about her, like someone who'd be really confident in bed. You could tell just by looking at her.  
  
The other one, the blonde named Jane, was leaning back into Leah with Leah's arm around her waist possessively. They looked very intimate. Too intimate for sisters, almost. She had straight blonde hair—like Lauren's but far glossier—and a pretty porcelain face like Alice, only sharper, more regal. She was wearing a pink top with love hearts on it and she was wearing a denim skirt similar to the one I was wearing. She gave me a smile without pausing the game.  
  
"Hi," she said. She flickered her eyes over me up and down before going back to the TV. "Nice skirt."  
  
I blushed. "T-thanks."  
  
Alice smiled and motioned to the other two.  
  
"And these lovely ladies are Rosalie and Victoria."  
  
I looked at them and wondered if there was a fire extinguisher handy to put out my blush. They were easily the two sexiest women I'd ever seen. I'd never seen them up close at school—they were seniors—but they were truly amazing.  
  
The one named Rosalie was blonde, with long platinum hair that cascaded in waves about her shoulders, and a face that could break your heart just by looking at it. She was pale and her features were very cold and very beautiful. She was looking at me with an apathy that was almost hostile and I didn't dare say anything. I didn't even dare stare. She looked like the kind of woman who'd rip your face off for looking at her wrong and I didn't want to take the chance, no matter how completely gorgeous she was.  
  
The other one, Victoria, had flaming red hair that fell wildly all over her pale shoulders. She had sexy green eyes, cat-like in their shape and expression, but the most striking thing about her was her breasts. They were very large and displayed very prominently in a skimpy red tubetop. Her legs were also very exposed. She wore a black miniskirt and knee-high black boots and her legs were crossed, one over the other, and they were perfectly white and perfectly smooth-looking. She looked a little trashy but she wore it extremely well.  
  
The most provocative thing about the two of them, though, was how they were sitting. They were seated on the same couch, so close their hips were touching, and like their sisters they were lounging in each other's arms lazily. It was hard not to think what a awesome couple they'd make, sitting so close like that.  
  
The redhead seemed friendlier than the blonde. She looked her over and smirked. "Bella," she said. "Hm. Nice to meet you."  
  
I tried smiling politely. "You too," I said stupidly.  
  
The red head arched an eyebrow in something like surprise. As if it had been ridiculous of me to say it was nice meet to her because such a thing was expected and implied without words. She had a point. Who wouldn't feel privileged to witness something so sexy?  
  
My throat was closing up from embarrassment and I was hoping Alice would take me away now—I still had a whole date to live through—when a small black cat crossed the room and jumped up on the coffee table and looked up at me without curiosity.  
  
"And this little girl," Alice said, releasing my arm to pick up the cat. "Is Fang. Isn't she cute?"  
  
Alice held the cat in her arms and stroked it's head.  
  
I smiled. "Fang?"  
  
Cool name for a cat owned by a family of vampires. Or maybe it's kind of lame. It depends if Alice named her or not.  
  
Alice smiled. "It's because she has sharp teeth and she bites a lot," she said. "Go ahead, try to pet her."  
  
I reached for the cat slowly. It followed my hand with it's eyes and when it was within reach it nipped at me silently. I jerked my hand away, grinning.  
  
Alice smiled and kissed the vicious thing on it's head. "Bad girl," she whispered. Then she set it down on the coffee table and smiled at me. "Come on," she said, taking my arm. "we should go."  
  
"Okay." And not knowing what to do, I did something stupid in an attempt to be friendly; I waved at Alice's sisters. "Um, see you."  
  
None of them replied, they just shared glances. I didn't get the impression that they liked me.  
  
Alice led me outside and smiled apologetically as she closed the door behind us.  
  
"Sorry about that," she said. "No one's quite sure how to act around you because they're quite sure what's going on between us. But I thought it would be nice if you met them. Now you can talk to them at school if you want."  
  
I doubted it but smiled anyway. "Are any of you guys really sisters?"  
  
"No," Alice said, as we crunched down the gravel drive toward the car. "None of us are genetically related but we've been together for a very long time. We simulate a family unit for convenience, but also because, well…we love each other."  
  
I nodded as if I understood but I didn't. They love each other, sure, but what kind of family love includes lounging in each other's arms as if it's the most natural thing in the world? Maybe it's a vampire thing. Maybe even some human sisters are like that too, who knows?  
  
Still, you can't help but wonder. A bunch of female vampire's all living together and—ahem—loving each other so much. Maybe they're all having sex? I mean, you gotta wonder, right? If I didn't get lucky tonight at least I had some fresh fantasy material.  
  
We'd reached the car and I was going around to the driver's door when I heard Alice clear her throat expectantly. I turned to her and she glanced at the passenger door pointedly as if asking me to open it for her. She smiled her impish smile.  
  
"You don't expect me to open the door myself, do you?"  
  
"Sorry," I blurted and practically ran around the car to get the door.  
  
She giggled as I opened it and placed a quick kiss on my lips. "I'm just playing," she said, slipping into the car seat. "I won't make you do it again, I know it's embarrassing."  
  
She pulled the door shut and I stood there for a second with my head tingling from her kiss. Then I jerked into motion and ran around to the driver's side. I wondered if I was okay to drive but at least if I got pulled over there wasn't any law against driving under the influence of Alice.  
  
We started driving and I tried not to glance at her every couple seconds but it was difficult. Her scent was so close, so much more potent than any perfume, and I still couldn't get over how pretty she was. I'd never seen her in makeup before and she wasn't really wearing much but it was perfect. Just perfect. She was sitting with her back straight and her hands folded in her lap over her purse, her posture prim and proper, and together with her cream-colored summerdress she looked like a girl from an older time, the forties maybe. She looked like a lady.  
  
At first we drove in silence but then I cleared my throat.  
  
"Hey, um, can I ask you a question?"  
  
"Of course."  
  
"Do you eat?"  
  
"Mmhm," she smiled. "I'm not required to, but I can."  
  
I breathed a sigh of relief, even though I'd seen her eat at school. She'd never eaten much so I'd figured it might've been a ruse. "Er, what about pizza?" I went on. "Do you like pizza?"  
  
"I adore pizza."  
  
I grinned, more relief washing over me. So far so good. Maybe tonight wasn't going to be such a disaster after all. Now all I have to do is focus on driving without plowing into the car in front of me because I'm too busy staring.  
  
We arrived at the pizza place without any major accidents and I quickly hopped out to get the door for her but she'd already opened it herself, sparing me a playful smile as she got out and swung closed the door. I'd been too busy drooling at the flash of leg as she stepped out to notice the smile.  
  
It was cold on the sidewalk and I'd hunched up my shoulders a little. I glanced her over in her thin cotton dress and I couldn't believe she wasn't cold. The wind was riffling her skirts and her skin was glowing just barely. Not enough to be suspicious but enough to suggest something ethereal about her. I wondered if anyone would notice.  
  
It was warmer inside and the smell of pizza was delicious. We spotted a booth in the back and as we walked across the restaurant almost every head at every table turned to look at Alice. It made me uncomfortable and I glared at a few of the gawkers but Alice ignored it all gracefully.  
  
Alice slipped into the booth first. I went to sit across from her but she took my hand.  
  
"Sit next to me," she said, shuffling over to make room. "I like sitting close to you."  
  
I blushed and slipped onto the seat beside her. Our backs were to the rest of the room and in front of us was nothing but a wall. It was like were in our own little corner.  
  
"So," Alice said, perusing the menu. "What are we getting?"  
  
I had no idea and I still wasn't sure about the whole garlic thing. "You can decide if you want," I offered.  
  
"How's vegetarian sound?" she asked.  
  
I gave her a weird smile. "You don't like meat?"  
  
"Not so much. Ironic, no?"  
  
I chuckled. "Vegetarian sounds good. I don't really like meat either."  
  
We ordered one pizza to share and made polite conversation while we waited, or rather Alice did. She commented that it was a nice place, that something smelt good, that I looked very beautiful. She queried me about my skirt, wondering where I got it, how much, did they have any more. It was weird. Lauren and them were always talking about clothes and never once had I listened or paid attention, but now, when it was Alice talking, I couldn't hear enough. I told her about Angela's shop and about all the cool stuff they had. I left out the part about much I hate clothes in general. She said we'd have to go together sometime and I was ready to run out and go now but that's when the pizza arrived.  
  
Alice held her slice in a napkin and ate very daintily. I tried copying her but it wasn't as easy as it seemed. I had to keep wiping my mouth and remind myself to take smaller bites. Usually I'm a pig when I eat pizza but the last thing I wanted Alice to associate me with on our first date was swine.  
  
"So," she said, in the tones of a conversation starter. "Tell me something about yourself. Anything at all."  
  
You wouldn't think that would be a hard question, but it was. I sipped my soda to stall. It wasn't as easy as saying anything at all, because I had to make sure I said something that would impress her. Or at least didn't embarrass me. But what?  
  
"Well, um…" I cleared my throat. "There's really nothing to say."  
  
"There must be something. Anything. I'm interested in everything about you, Bella."  
  
"Well, um…" I cleared my throat again. "I'm a Pisces, so…"  
  
A pretty dumb fact but she seemed interested.  
  
"Really? I'm a Pisces, too."  
  
I grinned. Talk about fate. "Seriously?"  
  
"Mmhm," she nodded, smiling. "I think you'll find we have a lot in common. That's the nature of a soulmate, our souls are aligned. Of course, a star sign is a poor example. The date of a person's birth relative to the sun's proximity to whimsically defined constellations has about as much bearing on a person's destiny as any other arbitrary prophecy. It's authority is limited to the person's understanding of it and their willingness to allow that understanding the influence it purports. All else is coincidence. Our own compatibility you'll find is rooted in something rather more fundamental than the stars."  
  
I was glad I hadn't had to reply through all that because I had no idea what she was talking about. I was still dwelling on the fact that we had the same star sign. That's like a one in twelve chance, it had to mean something.  
  
"But it's pretty cool we have the same sign," I went on, as if she hadn't said anything. "It's like fate or something, huh?"  
  
Alice smiled and rolled her eyes playfully. "If you like."  
  
I nodded and took a bite of pizza. I'd forgotten to be dainty and the bite was a little ungainly. An olive fell off the slice and landed in my lap. I almost died from embarrassment but I recovered without her noticing.  
  
"Hey, um…" I said, covering my embarrassment. "Can I ask you something?"  
  
"Of course."  
  
"It's just, I've been wondering…"  
  
"Wondering what?"  
  
I hesitated. I've never been the kind of girl to talk about my feelings, but I've been dying to ask her something for days now, and this was the most casual situation we've had so far. I took a breath and spat it out.  
  
"Is it normal?" I asked. "The way I feel about you?"  
  
She looked at me. We were sitting side by side and she was right there, so close I could kiss her. We'd been sitting together almost as long as a biology class and I'd been feeling the pull since we'd sat down. She was like a giant magnet sitting there, tugging at both my heart and my panties. I didn't think I was in any danger of jumping her but I still felt a twitch to capture her lips with my own.  
  
"I'm not sure," she said, looking me over. "How do you feel?"  
  
"I feel like…" I hesitated, trying to put it in words. "I feel like I'm going to die if I don't… If can't be near you. It's like… I can feel you pulling at me. As if…as if…"  
  
Alice smiled, but it wasn't really a happy smile. "Under the circumstances, yes, it's normal," she said. Then she placed a hand over mine, caressing me with her thumb. "But it won't always feel like this," she said. "It'll pass. Sooner than you think."  
  
I looked at her hand covering mine and then lifted my eyes to hers. "Do you feel the same way?"  
  
I could tell by looking at her that she did. Her eyes had gone hooded and she was leaning to my lips vaguely. "Yes," she whispered. I thought she was going to kiss me but suddenly she giggled and recoiled sharply. "But I'm better at hiding it."  
  
I chuckled, my heart hammering from the near kiss. What a bitch, I can't believe she teased me like that.  
  
"Now, if you'll excuse me," she said, climbing out of the booth. "I have to go to the bathroom. I have to…" She gestured in the air vaguely. "Wash my hands."  
  
She then winked and went off to the bathroom. I watched her go with a longing look and sighed when she was gone.  
  
When she came back she sat opposite me, not beside me. It was probably a good idea—my control had almost slipped only minutes ago—but it still made me a little upset. I hadn't been kidding when I said I need to be near her. Inches mattered and the closer the better. But I didn't want to seem clingy so I didn't mention it.  
  
"Sorry about that," she said, taking up her slice of pizza.  
  
"It's okay," I said. "Do vampire's actually use the bathroom?" As soon as I said it I realized what a dumb question it was and tried to backpedal. "I mean, do you mind if I ask? If it's too private…"  
  
She smiled. "No, we don't, not in the traditional sense. Our needs are different."  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
She smiled and hesitated. "Probably not the best conversation to have over dinner," she said tactfully.  
  
I saw what she meant. "Sorry. Can I ask you something else?"  
  
"Sure."  
  
"How did you become a vampire?"  
  
Again, it was probably a stupid question. Not only would the answer be private and personal, but in all the vampire stories I'd seen in movies and books, I'd never once heard of a person becoming a vampire without a tragedy of some kind, usually involving dead loved ones. If I'd stopped and thought about it for even ten seconds I would've knew better, but Alice only smiled and dipped her eyes wistfully.  
  
"Let's not talk about that," she said. "It's not a nice story."  
  
"Sorry."  
  
"It's okay, I understand that you're curious. Ask me something else."  
  
This time I stopped and thought about it. I looked at the slice of pizza in my hand and something occurred to me. "Are you cool with garlic?" I asked.  
  
"Yes," she smiled, "which is fortunate because I love Italian food."  
  
I felt a flush of success at initiating a conversation and plowed on. "Me too, I cook it all the time," I told her. "What about sunlight?"  
  
I'd seen her in sunlight, of course—well, in Forks there is no sun, just daylight—and she hadn't burst into flames or anything, but in some vampire stories the sun can have a weakening effect over time, which would suck.  
  
"Sunlight is fine," she said, setting my mind at ease. "We don't even sunburn, or freckle, which is important with skin so fair. I remember when I was growing up in Mississippi. In the summer we wouldn't dare go outside without bonnets and parasols and mittens to protect our hands and even then we'd stay in the shade. I would've killed for sunblock back then."  
  
Hearing about her past—even just a fragment—made a surreal feeling wash over me. It was a reminder that I was sitting here eating pizza with a vampire. "Wow," I breathed. "When was that?"  
  
She shrugged. "Early nineteenth century."  
  
"Whoa," I chuckled. "How old are you?"  
  
She smiled aside. "Pretty old."  
  
I stared at her, at her smooth pretty face, and grinned in awe. I didn't know why she didn't want to be specific, but I didn't press her. It's not polite to ask a lady her age, after all.  
  
Still, I had to wonder how old she was when she was turned. She didn't look very young but she didn't look fully grown either. I was guessing somewhere between sixteen and twenty. Her face was very youthful but her body was more developed than a teenager, especially her shape.  
  
She blushed under my scrutiny and looked away. "Stop staring at me," she whispered.  
  
I snapped out of my trance and looked away. Was she shy? Or was there some other problem? I didn't know and instead I groped for another question to keep the conversation going.  
  
"Um, what about crosses and holy water?"  
  
She shook her head and smiled. " No. Most of those traditions were created for dramatic effect in cheap novel's like Dracula."  
  
"I thought Dracula was, like, literature?"  
  
She snorted. "Hardly. Dracula is the nineteenth century equivalent of True Blood. Vampire pulp. It contains some clever imagery, I suppose, but nothing deserving the label of literature."  
  
"So what are vampire's really like?"  
  
She sighed and didn't answer for a second. I got the impression she didn't really want to talk about it any more. Then she looked at me from across the table and smiled. "Close your eyes," she said.  
  
I frowned slightly. "Why?"  
  
"Just close them."  
  
I closed my eyes. It was less than a second and suddenly her voice whispered in my ear:  
  
"Open them."  
  
I opened my eyes and she was sitting right beside me. She'd been on the other side of the table and somehow, while my eyes were closed, she appeared beside me. She couldn't have gone around the table because I was on the outside and she couldn't have climbed over the table because the pizza and the glasses were all undisturbed. It was as if she'd teleported or something.  
  
"How did you…?"  
  
She smirked. "How indeed."  
  
She leaned and kissed me. My eyes fell shut but as soon as they did her lips disappeared. When I opened my eyes she was no longer beside me, she was sitting on the opposite side of the table as if she'd been there the whole time. My eyes had only been closed a split second and there was no way she could've moved that fast.  
  
"We're ghosts," she said. "We move through the world beyond any kind of rules or guidelines. The only thing that ties us to the earth is our lust for blood and the emanations that result in the pursuit of it."  
  
So basically my girlfriend is a horny demon. I grinned at her. "Cool."  
  
She smiled and took a bite of pizza. "Pizza's pretty good, huh?"  
  
I could tell she was trying to change the subject so I nodded. "It's alright, I guess."  
  
—  
  
After dinner we drove to the movies and milled around the foyer looking at movie posters.  
  
"So what are we seeing?" Alice asked.  
  
I wasn't sure. I wasn't a huge fan of movies, I'd rather just see whatever she wanted. "I don't know, what do you think?"  
  
"I think a romantic comedy is traditional in these situations."  
  
I shrugged, not really enthusiastic. To be honest, I've never really liked romance. I don't know why, but it probably had something to do with my orientation. It's hard to get into a romance movie when you can't really understand why the girl even likes the guy. I know gender doesn't matter, and all love is beautiful, and blah, blah, blah, but whenever I'd watch romance movies I'd just be staring at the guy and I'd be like; So? Who gives a shit?  
  
"I don't know," I said. "I don't really like romance."  
  
That made her smile. "No?" She swept the posters on the wall with her eyes and gestured at the one for the new Batman movie. "Well, how about The Dark Knight Rises?"  
  
I shrugged again. I didn't really like action movies either but everyone knew the Batman movies were supposed to be good. "Okay," I said.  
  
"Really?!" Alice squealed, making me jump. She seemed really excited.  
  
"Sure," I said, caught off guard. "Why?"  
  
"Well, it's not really a girl kind of movie," she explained, "you might not like it."  
  
"It can't be worse than romance."  
  
"Great," Alice giggled. "I love Batman."  
  
I chuckled at her excitement. I'd learnt a lot about her tonight but this was the weirdest fact yet.  
  
I was about to ask her if she wanted popcorn or something when people started exiting one of the theaters. I saw Lauren among them and cringed. She seemed to be on a double date with Angela and their boyfriend's but she didn't seem to be having fun. Angela was holding her boyfriend's had and happily chatting as they walked but Lauren was three steps ahead of her boyfriend with bored and pissed off look on her face. She looked like she was avoiding him, as if he had tried to cop a feel during the movie or refused to buy her a box of candy because she needed to lose weight or something.  
  
"Shit," I muttered, turning away and hoping they wouldn't notice me.  
  
"What's the matter?" Alice asked.  
  
I was going to drag her away quickly but it was too late. Lauren saw me and her scowl instantly melted into a malicious grin.  
  
"Oh, look, it's the dyke," she sang out. The whole group of them sauntered over, only Angela hesitant. "What are you doing here, dyke?"  
  
"Seeing a movie," I muttered. "Why, what's your problem?"  
  
Lauren looked at Alice and looked at me. She looked at our clothes and scoffed scornfully.  
  
"What, you on a date or something?"  
  
I wasn't going to deny it but I wasn't exactly going to admit it either. I didn't know what to say, but then Alice stepped in and took my hand.  
  
"Yep!" she said cheerfully. "We're going to see The Dark Knight Rises."  
  
Various expressions of shock passed over them. The boyfriends stared at our clasped hands and then looked away awkwardly, pretending they hadn't been looking at all. Angela was the only one who didn't seem totally weirded out. She smiled a scandalized smile and she looked happy for me almost.  
  
Lauren, however, seemed outright stunned by Alice's admission. She looked at our hands, her evil smile slipping away.  
  
"What, seriously?" she said in a hollow voice.  
  
"Uh huh, it's awesome," Alice said, referring to the movie. "I've seen it three times already."  
  
Lauren's face slowly paled in disgust. "That's disgusting."  
  
Alice feigned confusion. "No, it's not," she said. "It's like the greatest movie ever made."  
  
Lauren looked at her disdainfully and turned away. "Whatever," she muttered. "Come on, let's get away from these dykes."  
  
She walked away in a huff and the two boyfriends followed uncomfortably. Angela lingered behind and smiled at me.  
  
"Needed some new clothes, huh?"  
  
I blushed. "Yeah, well…"  
  
Angela grinned and waved away my embarrassment. "Don't worry, you look cute," she said, and then she turned and hurried to catch up with her boyfriend.  
  
Alice was still holding my hand. I gave her a awkward smile.  
  
"Sorry about that," I said. "Lauren's always a bitch."  
  
Alice nodded. "Did she hurt your feelings?"  
  
I shook my head. "Nah."  
  
"Why do you hang out with that troll?"  
  
"I don't know," I said, not wanting to talk about it. "Come on, let's see the movie."  
  
So far this date had cost me almost a hundred bucks and I wound up spending another chunk on tickets and popcorn. Alice had offered to pay for hers, of course, but I pretended like I was a millionaire and doled out the bills casually. I had about ten bucks left and if we needed gas on the way home we might be totally screwed.  
  
The movie was pretty good. Alice explained it was part of a trilogy and gave me a quick recap of the other two. There was plenty of gunshots and car chases but mostly I focused on glancing at Alice whenever I could, watching her pretty face flaring in the light of the onscreen explosions. She stared at the screen absorbedly—despite the fact that she'd seen it before—and I was happy that she liked the movie. I had a feeling that she was lying about the pizza but she seemed to genuinely love the movie.  
  
It was late by the time the movie was over. I drove Alice home and she chatted happily the whole way.  
  
"That movie was amazing, don't you think? And catwoman's so hot. All that leather. And those heels!"  
  
I chuckled. "Yeah."  
  
Alice snuggled back into the seat and smiled at me as I drove. "Hey, thanks for taking me out tonight, Bella. It was really sweet. I had so much fun. And you're so beautiful…"  
  
I blushed. "T-thanks. I'm glad you had fun. I was really nervous. I had no idea what you'd like."  
  
"Do you know what I like most?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Being with you."  
  
"Really?"  
  
"Mmhm." She giggled to herself. "You know, I have to admit, I'm kind of proud of myself for staying in control all night. Part of me was afraid we wouldn't even make it to the restaurant."  
  
I laughed too. "I know what you mean. I'm amazed I can even drive."  
  
She giggled again. "Look at us," she said, "flirting like a real couple. It's nice having a real date, isn't it? Beats crawling through your window at night like a stalker."  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"We have to do this again sometime."  
  
I smiled, and resisted to ask when. I didn't want to seem too eager and I'd need a few weeks of allowance before I could even think about asking her out again.  
  
I pulled up in front of her house and sighed.  
  
"Well," I said reluctantly. "I guess this is it."  
  
She looked out the window where her house loomed on the rise with its warm windows and then she turned to me.  
  
"I guess so."  
  
We sat there for a second, hesitating over the goodnight kiss. Alice obviously wanted me to have control over the relationship—at least tonight—so I knew that if one of us was going to make a move it would have to be me, but I didn't know if I should. I really wanted to but I didn't want to upset her. I was so flustered that it didn't occur to me that she'd already kissed me twice on the lips tonight and probably wouldn't object to a third.  
  
"Hey, um, can I ask you a question?"  
  
"Sure."  
  
"How slow are we supposed to be going here?"  
  
She thought about it with a smile. "Well," she said. "It's only our first date, but we really like each other, so…maybe I could allow a kiss."  
  
I leaned toward her slightly. She leaned too. I touched my lips to hers in a modest kiss and felt that familiar wave of euphoria wash over me. It was like her lips were magic, so soft and warm and perfect. I deepened the kiss, just slightly, and she tried to draw back, but I put a hand at the nape of her neck and held her. It was just such a wonderful kiss. I couldn't stop.  
  
She hesitated a second but then she responded. Her tongue swept my bottom lip, requesting entrance, and I opened my mouth eagerly and leaned into her. Her hands went to my waist as the kiss heated up. I let my own drop hand to her waist and caress her body under the thin stuff her dress. I moaned into her mouth and tried to deepen the kiss even more. My mind was slowly going blank and I could've happily spent the rest of my life in that kiss.  
  
Then Alice's hand snaked up my skirt and caressed the inside of my thigh and, well, suddenly a kiss didn't seem like enough. I pressed my thighs together against her hand, as if to encourage her, and she caressed again and then rubbed a finger against my underwear, making me shiver.  
  
I broke the kiss and panted: "Alice."  
  
Her eyes had gone lidded as they usually did in these situations and her scent was swirling through the car like a cloud of bliss. She licked my lips and kissed me again and said: "Quick, get in the back."  
  
I got in the back.  
  
I scrambled over the gearshift, almost falling into a heap on the floor, and Alice climbed in right after me. We collapsed back into the seat and already she was kissing me again. I welcomed her tongue—I really liked her tongue—and one of my hands, on autopilot, settled onto her thigh and caressed her leg under her dress.  
  
I was sitting back against the seat with her straddling my lap and suddenly she broke the kiss and pulled up my top. She didn't pull it off, she just pushed it over my breasts. My bra was a plain thing that my mom had bought me ages ago. The only thing that was impressive about it was that it was a C cup and kind of small on me. In any case Alice didn't pause to admire the lacework. She pulled both cups down and took a double handful of my exposed breasts before leaning to kiss me again.  
  
It was heaven. My arms went around her back and I was so glad that she was finally taking the initiative. I sucked at the initiative.  
  
One of her hands dipped between my legs and found its way up my skirt where it proceed to rub against my dampening underwear—excuse me, my thong. I wondered if Alice had noticed, but unless she had x-ray vision she probably hadn't. I moaned into her mouth, forgetting how to kiss for a second. I wanted to tell her to hurry, that I was ready, that I didn't want to wait any more, but I couldn't do it. I guess it would be a while before I was comfortable saying things like that.  
  
Alice looked at my flushed face and smiled sexily, her finger poking at my underwear under my skirt. "Good thing we both wore skirts, huh?"  
  
And with that she dropped to the floor of the car and pushed open my legs. My skirt was fairly loose so it didn't need to be hiked up. She just lifted it away and went to kiss me down there but then she saw my thong and paused. She smiled up at me.  
  
"A thong?"  
  
I was sitting there with my top up around my collar, my breasts exposed, my skirt pushed up around my waist to reveal the black thong I'd shoplifted for the occasion, flushed, panting, desperate. Bella Swan, back seat bimbo. I bet even Lauren had higher standards than this.  
  
Alice smirked and hooked her fingers around the waistband of the panties. "That's so cute," she said, then she tugged the thong down around my knees—stretchy material—and ducked her head underneath and slashed her tongue against my soaking pussy.  
  
I moaned and writhed against the car seat. Her tongue slid inside me and I gasped at its entrance—I really do love that thing—and I squeezed my thighs shut over her head. Do vampire's breathe? I didn't want to suffocate the girl but god it felt good.  
  
I clenched my hands in her soft pixie hair as she kissed my pussy like a mouth and made little moaning sounds. It didn't take long for her to push me over the edge. She didn't even use her fingers. Her lips found my nub and sucked on it and I felt her hot tongue lick against it and that was all for me. A loud gasp escaped my throat as I felt my climax burst against her lips, my thighs clenching around her ears and my hands scrunching in her hair, moaning as the hot waves of pleasure rolled over me.  
  
Alice made a muffled giggle between my legs, kissed me again, and then disentangled herself from my underwear. I leaned back against the car seat, gazing at her with a blissful smile, drawing my legs together dreamily. She was so sexy, with her hair all mussed and her lips shiny with my juices. She smiled at and then she pulled my underwear back up and arranged my skirt to cover me and then she kissed both my knees and stood up and sat beside me and pulled me into a loving kiss.  
  
My breasts were still exposed and she stroked them generously as her tongue swirled in my mouth. God, I love this girl. I was losing my mind all over again and I wanted to do her so badly but I was too timid to make a move. I wanted to eat her up and touch her all over and my heart was aching with how bad I wanted her but I was helpless to do anything but ache. All I could hope was that she'd guide me to what she wanted like she did the other night and thankfully she didn't disappoint me.  
  
She broke the kiss, gazing at me with hooded eyes, and then she slipped off one of her dress's shoulder straps. She wasn't wearing a bra and my mouth fell open as her perfect breast was revealed with it soft and supple roundness and it's hard little nipple. She guided my face to it and as soon as that hot hardened nub popped into my mouth I felt a spasm of utter hunger. I sucked on it and licked it, moaning a little, and then I moved onto the other one, sucking it through the fabric of her dress, licking it, leaving a damp patch of saliva in the cotton that covered a small area around her nipple.  
  
Alice moaned deeply and lay back across the car seats, her head against the back door. She threw her legs open, one in the floor and one up over the headrest, and then she lifted her skirt, her flat tummy heaving with each breath.  
  
"Quickly, Bella," she whispered. "I want you now."  
  
Her words almost froze me with horniness but the hunger was more powerful. Her panties were white lace and they were wet and clingy as I pulled them down a little and ducked my head underneath and mashed my mouth against her soaking mound, parting her slick netherlips with my own and wiggling my tongue into her core.  
  
She gave a gratifyingly loud moan and grabbed handfuls of my hair. "Yes," she hissed. "Keep going. Keep going."  
  
I hadn't developed any skills since last time—I'll have to do some research on the internet at some point—but the hunger seemed to be enough. I hooked my arms around her legs and licked as deep as I could, pausing only to lap up her delicious juices, my tongue slipping in and out of her folds, her honey lavender scent like a haze in my brain. She kept moaning and slowly the moans became more urgent. I curled my tongue inside her and plunged it back in and then I started plunging in rhythm with her moans, my head going up and down, her legs locked around my neck.  
  
"Bella," she panted. "Oh Bella. Oh Bella, ohhh—!"  
  
Her climax splattered over my face in a hot gushing of sexiness. I swallowed as much as I could and struggled to lick up the rest. I licked around her pussy and her thighs. Slowly her legs loosened as her orgasm ebbed away and I was still licking. She was so delicious. I'd never tasted anything like it and I was certain it was a vampire thing. No human could possibly taste so fucking yummy.  
  
Finally she pulled up her panties and sat up and arranged her skirts over her lap. Her eyes were lidded and her face all flushed. Her butterfly hairclip was half dangling from her hair and her hair was disarrayed. She looked at me and smiled and my heart almost burst from how satisfied she looked.  
  
"Thank you, Bella," she said. Her breast was still exposed but she covered it and replaced the shoulder strap, smiling shyly. "That was wonderful."  
  
I blushed and grinned, tucking my own exposed breasts into my bra embarrassedly. "Y-yeah," I agreed, pulling my top down and straightening it.  
  
She blinked languidly, watching me cover myself. Then she giggled and cupped my cheek. "Look at you," she said, brushing my face with her thumb. "Your makeup's all smeared. Here, let me clean you up."  
  
She used the hem of her dress to wipe my face, wetting it with saliva and kneeling on the car seat with her pelvis almost eyelevel. As she wiped I caught glimpses of her panties and I had the urge to go down on her again but, as usual, I lacked the balls.  
  
"There," she said, sitting down and examining my face. "You look pretty without makeup."  
  
I blushed shyly. "I have a zit," I said lamely, pointing at my forehead.  
  
She stifled a giggle. "I didn't even notice," she said, and then she pulled me into another kiss.  
  
We made out in the back seat for a while and I melted into her arms, losing myself in the bliss of her lips. I had no idea how long we were making out like that but slowly it started to heat up. I was getting excited again and for a second I had hope that we were going to have sex again but then Alice's lips descended on my neck and I felt her fangs graze my throat. My heart gave a jolt as I realized she was going to bite me and I had a flash of uncertainty. Did I want her to do it here? Right now? In the back seat of my mom's car? It didn't feel right somehow.  
  
And then there was the fear. The other night had been like a dream, like I didn't have any choice, like it was all happening beyond me. It had seemed romantic, destined, unavoidable. But now it felt more real. I could feel my skin under my lips and I was aware that it would probably hurt.  
  
But I wasn't going to stop her. The desire to please her was far stronger than either fear or uncertainty. Her tongue flicked against my jugular, as if searching for consent, and in a trembly voice I whispered:  
  
"Okay…"  
  
I thought she'd bite me right then but my voice seemed to have snapped her out of it instead. She recoiled and twisted her face away, breathing heavy.  
  
"I'm sorry," she gasped. "I'm sorry…"  
  
I smiled reassuringly but I don't know how convincing I was. "It's okay," I told her. "I don't mind."  
  
And I really didn't, truly. In fact, now that she'd actually stopped once, I felt a lot better about it. But she shook her head.  
  
"It's too soon," she said. "We have to wait. And not like this, not…here."  
  
She gestured at the car and I knew exactly what she meant. I couldn't help feeling a little relieved. It's always nice to know that your girlfriend respects you enough to not feast on your blood in the back seat of your mom's car on the first date. I was grateful enough for the slightly-cheap sex.  
  
I nodded with a shy smile but I didn't know what to say. It was kind of a touchy subject, this blood sucking.  
  
She smiled, a sad smile touched with longing, and then she leaned and placed a quick kiss on my lips. "Call me," she said, and then she opened the door, got out, and hurried away without looking back, the wind rippling though her pale dress, her head slightly bowed, and her arms hugging herself around the middle as if she were cold.  
  
—  
  
As I drove home I thought about Alice and the more I thought about it the more I regretted not letting her bite me. It was kind of selfish, really. Kind of teasing. The girl's a vampire, after all. If I didn't want to get bitten I shouldn't have asked her out. Now she probably thinks I'm some frigid prude. I mean, sure I paid for everything and picked her up and even put out in the back seat, but when it came to what she really wanted I just closed up. God, I'm an idiot. She probably regrets she ever went out with me.  
  
But in my heart I knew that was all insecure bullshit. The date went well, I kept telling myself. And Alice herself didn't want to bite me. I was perfectly ready to let her but she didn't. And she was right. It's a big step, really, bigger than sex. It deserves a better date than pizza and a movie.  
  
But god the sex was good. Best part of the date, easily. Call me a slut, I don't care. It's not like that, anyway. She said it herself, we're soulmates. It's not like we were just playing around. We were, like, making love. Just hotter. Okay, maybe it was kind of trashy. And maybe I should be a little ashamed of myself, but honestly I didn't care. It was too awesome. And oh my god she's so hot. As if I wouldn't put out whenever she wanted. I'd have to be crazy.  
  
I was smiling all the way home, glowing like a girl who just successfully completed her first real date, and when I got home I pulled up, parked, and sailed across the front lawn toward the door.  
  
I found mom in the living room watching one of her NCIS DVDs, curled up on the couch with a pillow in her lap. She looked up and smiled when I came in.  
  
"Hi, sweetie," she said, pausing the DVD. "Did you have fun?"  
  
I remembered the sex and grinned involuntarily. "Yeah," I gushed. "It was awesome."  
  
Too much enthusiasm. Her smile fell away.  
  
"That's nice," she said. She looked me over suspiciously. "What happened to your makeup?"  
  
Fuck.  
  
"Oh, um, I wiped it off," I said. "It was annoying."  
  
She frowned slightly. "I see. And what happened to your hair?"  
  
I froze. "It was windy."  
  
It was the perfect excuse but my delivery was pathetic. She set down the remote and rose from the couch, advancing toward me with her arms folded like an inquisitor.  
  
"Bella, tell me the truth," she said seriously. "Were you really with friend's tonight? Or were you sneaking off to see some boy?"  
  
I felt a weird rush of relief. I'd thought she was suspicious of Alice. Turns out she's just worried I'm a slut. Which, considering I'd just had sex in the back of her own car about an hour ago, shows some uncharacteristic wisdom from my hare-brained mom.  
  
Still, I had no idea how the fuck I was suppose to reply to it. I didn't want her to know I was gay—not now anyway—but I didn't want her to think I was with a guy, either.  
  
"Er…"  
  
"I won't get mad," she added hastily. "I just want to know."  
  
I was kind of stumped but I figured I'd just paraphrase the truth.  
  
"I was with Alice, that's all," I said with faux-casualness, my heart tingling as I said her name. "She's my labpartner."  
  
She looked at me as if she might be able to tell if I was lying. Her face softened.  
  
"Are you sure?" she asked. She gestured at my hair and face with her finger. "Because this is all very suspicious. I'm not being paranoid, am I?"  
  
I could tell I'd won her over and my next lies came much more natural.  
  
"Mom, seriously," I smiled. "I wasn't with some guy, okay? I was with Alice. Just Alice, that's all."  
  
Mom nodded, not quite reassured but happy at least that she hadn't raised a whore, at least not to her knowledge. "Okay," she said. "But I want you to be honest with me about your relationships, alright? I don't want you to start lying to me."  
  
"I won't, mom," I said, and then I kissed her cheek. "G'night."  
  
By the time I'd gotten upstairs the glow was back. I brushed my teeth and got into bed, leaving the window open about half way just in case. I knew she probably wouldn't come and even if she did I'd be asleep, but like to leave it open.  
  
There was a light wind and I watched the drapes rustle in the dark, smiling to myself. Such a perfect night. I was quite proud of myself, now that I thought back on it. Sure, it wasn't the most original date in the world, but Alice had enjoyed herself and that's what mattered.  
  
I just hope she was okay after she said goodnight. I didn't like how she walked away, all hunched up as if she was cold. She had told me herself that vampires don't feel cold. It was probably because she refused to feed. Maybe she was hungry or something. I sighed, again regretting that she hadn't bit me. I shouldn't have been so hesitant. She would've did it if I wanted it more. Why was I so hesitant? It's not like she hadn't done it before.  
  
I sighed again, rolling over onto my back. I'd been tired when I got home but now I was wide awake. I felt really bad about the whole biting thing. It seemed like such a missed opportunity. How could I do that do her? I never told her how pretty she looked either.  
  
Suddenly I felt like shit. No more glow. Maybe I'm kidding myself, maybe the date was a huge failure and she was too polite to say anything. How could I not even tell her how pretty she looked? I'm such an idiot. Sure, I was paralyzed by her beauty, but that's no excuse.  
  
Suddenly I flung the covers off and grabbed my cellphone off the desk. I stood there holding it, looking at Alice's number on speed dial. Is it too late to call her? And say what? Is it normal to call girl the same night after a date? I think I've seen it in a movie once. Maybe she'd think it's cute. Or maybe she'd be repulsed by my cloying clinginess. Think, Bella, think!  
  
Finally I just hit dial. I had to speak to her. I had to say something, I had to—  
  
"Bella?" said her beautiful voice. "Is that you?"  
  
"Y-yeah," I stuttered. "I'm sorry for calling so late, I just…" I took a deep breath. "I just wanted to apologize."  
  
"For what?" she asked innocently. "You were great, I had a wonderful time. I can't wait to see you again."  
  
"Me too, but…"  
  
"But what?"  
  
I sighed. "I don't know, I just feel like I fucked up somehow. Like you deserved better."  
  
"Bella, that's nonsense. You were perfect."  
  
"No, I wasn't. I should've let you bite me."  
  
She went silent.  
  
"I wanted you too," I said, "I just…"  
  
"Bella…" she said softly.  
  
I waited for her to continue but she didn't. There was just silence. I couldn't even hear her breathe.  
  
I pouted at myself, blinking back tears. "I never told you how beautiful you looked, either."  
  
This time she giggled, just once. "Bella, that's silly," she said. "I know I'm beautiful, I don't need to be reminded."  
  
"I still should've said something."  
  
"Bella, I'm a centuries old immortal who's privileged with eternal youth and beauty. I've been beyond such vanities for quite some time."  
  
"Still," I swallowed. "I should've let you bite me."  
  
She went quiet again. Then I heard her sigh.  
  
"You did let me, Bella," she said. "I'm the one that refused. And I have my reasons. So don't let it bother you, okay?"  
  
"Yeah, but…"  
  
"No buts, Bella. Feeding can be dangerous. It's not something you do whenever you please and wherever you want. It was my fault I let the situation get out of hand. We were supposed to be going slow, remember?"  
  
"Yeah. Sorry."  
  
"It's alright. Just don't be upset, okay?"  
  
"Okay."  
  
"Good. And I'm glad this subject doesn't repulse you. Because at some point I will have to do it. And it will have to be soon."  
  
My heart rate picked up. I nodded into the phone. "I understand."  
  
"No." she said, her voice almost sad. "You don't."  
  
I was confused but before I could ask her what she meant she went on.  
  
"But it doesn't matter right now," she said. "Go to sleep, okay? It's best we don't see each other tomorrow but I'll see you on Monday."  
  
"Okay," I said, trying not to be disappointed. "And Alice?"  
  
"Yes, Bella?"  
  
I had a sudden ache to tell her I loved her but I knew it wasn't the right thing to say right then. It's a big step and I didn't want to make her uncomfortable. Instead I whispered: "Thanks for tonight. I really had a great time."  
  
I heard her smile, an echo of a laugh. "Me too, Bella," she said softly. "I really had a great time too."  
  
—  
  



	4. Chapter 4

—  
  
Chapter 4:  
  
—  
  
Alice met me at the front gates Monday morning.  
  
I hadn't seen her all Sunday and after twenty four hours of no-Alice my heart simply soared at the sight of her, leaning against the chain link fence, her trendy tan leather satchel slung over one shoulder. There was a mild wind and her soft pixie hair was rustling gently. People were passing on the sidewalk but everyone look so mundane and human compared to her. It was overcast with no sun and she was standing there against the gray fence and gray buildings, all of it drab and colorless except for her, dressed in my favorite blue jeans and a pink top that I'd never seen her wear before.  
  
She had seen me before I'd seen her and she was smiling as I approached. I managed not to run into her arms with sobs of joy and tackle her to the ground like a psychotic BFF, but no amount of self-restraint could stop the grin that spread over my face. Still, I managed to wipe some of it away as I got closer, and all in all, that morning turned out to be my best effort ever at nonchalance. I approached casually, adjusted the strap of my backpack, and nodded her a cool good morning.  
  
"Hey," I said, not stuttering once, and quite proud of that.  
  
"Hi," she smiled.  
  
I had still been a couple steps out when I spoke—all part of assuming a casual air—and now she sidled up beside me and slipped her hand into mine as she fell into step beside me without stopping.  
  
"Is it okay if I hold your hand?"  
  
Already two people had glanced, making my chest clench with nervousness. But she'd asked so sweetly and with such a pretty smile, and besides, it's not like I'm not a total outcast already.  
  
I smiled at her. "Sure."  
  
"Thanks," she said, a touch of relief in her voice. "I was worried you might be uncomfortable."  
  
I was, a little, but not enough to deny her anything she'd ask. Alice was the only girl in school who actually liked spending time with me. If she wanted to hold my hand, so be it. Hell, she could put me on a leash if she wanted.  
  
"It's alright," I said. "Everyone probably knows by now anyway."  
  
Alice nodded, smiling up at me. She was a couple inches shorter and there was a sparkle in her eyes that I hadn't noticed before, as if she was genuinely happy to see me. Like, really really happy to see me. I don't know why that should surprise me, but it did. To be honest I still had no idea why she even liked me. I know I smelt good to her and that she liked my blood, but beyond that it seemed kind of odd. Why bother being nice or holding my hand? I'm obviously an easy target. Is it possible that she liked me for my personality, too? What personality? I wasn't even aware I had one.  
  
"Thanks," she repeated, giving my hand a little squeeze. "I hate to make you uncomfortable, but it helps if I can touch you."  
  
A gave her a puzzled little frown. "Helps what?"  
  
She smiled and shook her head as if to tell me not to worry about it. "It's nothing. I just feel better if I can touch you, that's all. It's because you're…warm."  
  
Puzzling. But she obviously didn't want to talk about it, so I nodded as if I understood, but like most things about her I was completely mystified. She giggled, squeezed my hand, and we continued into the main building.  
  
I'd never liked Monday mornings and not even Alice's presence could save this one.  
  
Walking through a crowded highschool corridor holding hands with another girl while on the cusp of a full-blown anxiety disorder is just not fun. Alice, sadly, was a double edged sword. On one hand it was great to be near her and hold her hand, warm, blissful, intoxicating. On the other hand the simple interaction drew enough stares to almost kill me from embarrassment before we even got to my locker. Oh well. Maybe I'll get used to it.  
  
We parted at my locker where she gave me a quick peck on the lips—thank god the corridor was almost empty—before disappearing down the hallway and glancing over her shoulder to make sure I was watching her go. I sighed, missing her already. But that didn't stop me from taking the opportunity of staring at her ass as she went. I love those jeans, I truly do.  
  
And so, with a heavy heart but hope of seeing my soulmate again in biology, I trudged to homeroom. As I walked in I saw Lauren and the others huddled in a group, talking quietly with looks of shock and disgust on their faces, one or two with mean smirks. But when I walked in they stopped talking. Somehow I got the feeling Lauren had been talking about me behind my back, and not nice things either.  
  
None of them looked at me as I approached, my stomach twisting in its usual knot of anxiety, but thankfully no one said anything when I sat down. They ignored me even more pointedly than usual and even Lauren had no hurtful greeting for me.  
  
When they resumed talking, the conversation had a restrained and bitter tone to it, as if they couldn't talk freely because there was an outsider among them, a spy, an trespasser. I realized my presence was making them uncomfortable and amazingly I felt bad. I've never been the kind of girl who likes to spread her misery and even though they were a bunch of small minded trolls I hated to make people feel awkward. It wasn't a nice feeling, I knew too well.  
  
Classes went on with their usual monotony, biology drawing closer by the hour. I was quiet most of the day, daydreaming about Alice. I thought about her constantly, and in English I spent a few minutes wishing I was the kind of mindless schoolgirl who could dreamily doodle her crush's name in the back of a notebook and decorate it with lovehearts, but I wasn't. Too paranoid. My love for her required expression of some sort, but not in writing. I was poised with my pen on the back page, but I couldn't shake the fear of discovery. What if someone saw? What if I choked on my lunch and died and mom saw it while flipping through my last effects? An unlikely scenario, maybe, but possible. No, no, best not to take the chance. I'll tell Alice all about how much I love her when I see her. Well, I won't tell her. I'll show her. Not with sex—not at school, at least—but with deep soulful looks. That is if I can manage to look at her for more than two seconds without breaking down into a gooey mess.  
  
By lunch my so-called friends had loosened up a little. It was a different group class by class, and I think some of the lunch crowd was so far uninfected by Lauren's poisonous rumors. Some of them even talked to me. Lauren didn't. She hadn't talked to me all day and she was acting weird whenever I was around. I don't know what her problem was. She'd known I was gay before and it never bothered her—well, it never bothered her enough to be awkward around me—so what was the problem now? Maybe I should be grateful she wasn't teasing me, but somehow her cold looks of distain were even worse. More ominous. Before her disgust had seemed mostly superficial. As if she was just playing around almost. But now it seemed realer.  
  
But I didn't let it bother me, because after lunch was biology. Alice was waiting for me at our usual bench and as usual I felt a familiar rush as I laid eyes on her. So fucking beautiful. I shouldn't be so superficial, but seriously. I'll admire her personality when her beauty stops dazing me senseless or when I get a little more mature. Which ever comes first, probably maturity. I doubt her beauty will be wearing off any time soon.  
  
I slipped onto the stool next to her, heart thudding.  
  
"Hi," she said, her voice making me shiver.  
  
I smiled, a little meekly, and nodded. "Hi."  
  
She giggled and shuffled her stool a little closer. I caught a waft of lavender and almost blacked out. She smiled and used a hand to bush hair away from my shoulder which gave me two distinct impulses. The first impulse was to cringe away from her hand like an unworthy servant. The other impulse was to grab her hand and stuff it in my mouth like a freak. In the end I did neither, I just froze up all trembly and waited for her to say something.  
  
She looked at me with huge elf-eyes that were filled with love and prettiness. "I missed you," she said, and the only thing that stopped me from melting all over the floor was the unromantic laws of physics. People can't melt, sadly, which was a terrible shame. I was glowing uncontrollably and I would've gladly forfeited my molecular structure to show her how much her lovey dovey words meant to me.  
  
"I missed you too," I told her, my voice vague, staring into her eyes.  
  
She broke eye contact to take a crafty look about the classroom and then she whispered a question. "Is it okay if I kiss you?" she asked. "Just a little kiss?"  
  
I nodded mutely and instantly her lips flew to mine. A gentle kiss, nothing graphic, but my head almost popped from joy anyway. God, I loved her lips.  
  
It was only a few seconds but when she pulled away she was flushed and slightly frazzled. I was somewhat similar myself, a twinge between my legs, a warm flush spreading over my body. I glanced around, remembering to be embarrassed, and I saw that some people had seen, labpartners leaning together to whisper in various states ranging from shock to excitement. Jessica was among the most disgusted, her face twisted in a comic grimace of revulsion, and Angela was the only one who met my eyes as I swept the room. She raised her brows and gave me a look of playful skepticism—as if to say "Whatever floats your boat"—and then she turned to Jessica who was already badgering her about how disgusting it was.  
  
"Hey, I got great news," Alice told me excitedly.  
  
I turned to her, still frazzled from the kiss. "What news?"  
  
"I had a talk at registration last Friday and managed to get myself transferred into some of your classes. History, Art, and PE. Isn't that great?"  
  
I was slightly taken aback, and I wasn't sure how delighted I should be. Lauren and the other's could barely stand me by myself. What would they say if I was sitting there holding hands with Alice? They might not let me sit with them anymore.  
  
But in the end, the appeal of being near Alice outweighed all other concerns, and I smiled. "That's awesome," I said. "Starting when?"  
  
"Today," she smiled. "Next class, PE. I can't wait to be your bodyguard on the dodgeball court. No one's touching my Bella if I can stop them."  
  
I grinned, glowing all over again. "Cool."  
  
Shortly after that the teacher came in and started the lesson and me and Alice had to be quiet. Still, it was a great start to the class, considering our history in biology. Kiss aside, we were like two regular girls, just friend's even. Nothing weird at all, no supernatural pull, no inexplicable attraction, no seductive scent whispering in my ear to look at her, just look at her, see how pretty she is, how desirable, and oh god I want her so much, and—  
  
I looked at her.  
  
She had shuffled her stool even closer and our hips were almost touching and she was right there, right beside me, so pretty. I could almost feel the warmth radiating from her body, but maybe that was my own elevated temperature. She was jotting something in her notebook, diligently listening to the lecture, and I snapped out of my semi-trance for a second to jot down my own notes.  
  
Okay, Bella, calm down. Get a grip.  
  
I looked at her again.  
  
So pretty, so pretty, how could someone be so fucking pretty? Such smooth skin, such huge eyes. Her small little upturned nose, so cute. I stared for a second, feeling that familiar euphoria wash over me, losing myself in the closeness of her scent. She glanced at me and smiled. I startled out of the daze and bent to my notebook to write something, or at least pretend to write something, my hand shaking with adrenaline.  
  
I thought I was past this phase but I guess I wasn't. Maybe it was because school was so boring and depressing. When we were on the date I managed to drive for over an hour total with her sitting next to me. Why was I having such trouble now?  
  
Because she's so close, so close, right there beside me. If I leaned a little to the left my shoulder would brush her. My face flushed at the thought. Why did such a mild brush seem so exciting all the sudden? Would she noticed if I did it? Would she be creeped out? Maybe I could pretend I was stretching, or just shifting on the stool. She didn't have to know I was deliberately brushing her.  
  
I took a deep breath quietly—the proximity of her scent didn't exactly calm me—and then I shifted on the stool. Just slightly. Not even noticeable. My shoulder brushed hers, as planned, and a ripple of excitement spread through me. Score! My mouth quirked into a smile but I managed not to giggle like a simpleton.  
  
But Alice noticed. She glanced at me and smiled, a knowing smile, and then she shuffled her stool a little closer. Now our shoulder's were touching. I sucked in a breath and held it. I pretended not to be effected, but my nerves were dancing. Suddenly it seemed like a really good idea to attack her to the floor and tear her clothes off. But that's all it was, an idea. The impulse was growing in my mind but I didn't feel like I was in danger of losing control, not like last time.  
  
I glanced at her and tried to smile, to let her know it's cool she's sitting so close. She didn't seem to require my permission but I wanted her to know it was okay. She smiled back and then she flipped her notebook to the back page and wrote something for me to read.  
  
I love it when you wear your hair down.  
  
She wrote it just like that, capital letter and full stop. She moved her hand and looked at me expectantly. She wanted me to reply. But what could I say. Surely there was some witty response for this kind of situation, something smooth and charming that wouldn't make me seem so pathetic, but if there was I couldn't think of it.  
  
thanks  
  
A bit simplistic, but it got my basic point across. I'm grateful my appearance pleases her. Well, I guess I'm not a feminist, after all.  
  
She smiled and wrote again.  
  
Will you always wear it down?  
  
Again, there was probably something flirty and creative I could've said here that might've hinted at spark or spunkiness, something more typical of a spirited heroine, but sadly my slavishness would not be silenced.  
  
if you want me too  
  
I almost cringed. How pathetic can a girl be? Still, it seemed to please Alice. She smiled and went to write again but the teacher must've said something important because she flipped to the front of her notebook quickly and jotted it down and then flipped back to the back page. She gave a subtle eyeroll at the teacher's voice and wrote:  
  
School's so boring.  
  
I watched her hand flow across the paper. Such handwriting! Such expression! I could almost hear the sigh in her words. A truly wise observation. And she wasn't finished!  
  
Do you know how many times I've graduated?  
  
I hated to sully her notebook with my own clunky handwriting but it was more important to indulge her. And I was curious about the answer, as well. It hadn't occurred to me that she'd been to school before, but she must've. She was obviously intelligent and educated. And old. She's probably been to college.  
  
how many?  
  
I've lost count. That's how many.  
  
I let out a breath of amazement, grinning stupidly. Imagine repeating highschool for all eternity. Hell on earth. Maybe vampires really are cursed. Doomed to an endless curriculum of droning teachers and stale boredom. I felt a sudden surge of sympathy for her and wrote:  
  
why even go to school?  
  
She smiled her foxy smile and bent to write.  
  
Best way to meet girls.  
  
I felt an unexpected jolt as I read it. I'd been wondering about her orientation for days now, but somehow it never felt right to bring it up. And I know it's not really important, but it seemed important. I needed to know if she was like me, or if she was like something else.  
  
do you like girls?  
  
It was the best way I could phrase it without using words like gay or lesbian. Maybe I should've been more specific, but I didn't want to make her uncomfortable.  
  
She gave me a puzzled look and wrote:  
  
What do you think?  
  
She punctuated the remark by touching my knee under the table. I squirmed gleefully but it still didn't really answer my question. I knew she liked me, but I didn't really care about me. I wanted to know if she liked girl's in general. For some reason I really wanted her to be a lesbian. I wanted her to be just like me, only…prettier.  
  
I drew my knee away from her hand and wrote:  
  
i don't know  
  
She looked at that, gave me another puzzled glance, and wrote:  
  
Silly.  
  
I agreed with her. Silly, stupid, hopelessly infatuated. And still curious.  
  
She went on:  
  
I like girls and I have a favorite girl. Can you guess who she is?  
  
I smiled despite myself. Still no true answer—but at least it confirmed she likes girls in general. I gave her a coy glance and wrote:  
  
who?  
  
You.  
  
Stupidly, the first thing I felt was relief. I would've been so horrified if it was someone else. Could you imagine? I would've jumped straight out the window right then. On second thought it's only the second floor, and the glass would hurt going through it. Maybe the roof would be wiser.  
  
But it didn't matter, because it was me. I was her favorite girl. Me, me, me, Bella Swan. Why? Fuck knows. But it didn't seem important right then.  
  
She was smiling at me, waiting for a flirty reply of some kind, and I thought: Shit. What the fuck do I write? Something that flatters her back, returns her feelings, something…  
  
…um…  
  
Nothing came to me and Alice got sick of waiting. She smiled with a subtle shake of her head and wrote:  
  
Do you like me?  
  
Ah, finally a question I didn't have to break my head over.  
  
yes  
  
How much?  
  
Now it gets more complicated. How much? I don't know, how many pages are left in the notebook? I'd need a fucking novella to explain how much I liked her. Dammit! Think, Bella, think! Something smart, something flirty, something that subtly hints at my total willingness to engage in any and every sexual act she'd ever ask of me. Something, anything! NOW!  
  
a lot  
  
Oh, bravo, Bella. Such style, such piquant wit. You ought to be a poet. Really.  
  
With a hot face I checked to see if she was finally questioning whether or not she should just dump me and find a new one. But she seemed to find my romantic ineptitude charming. She gave me a lazy smile and flickered her eyes over my blushing face. There was a rosy glow in her own cheeks and then she bent to write again.  
  
You look like you want to jump me again. It's making me hot.   
  
Oh good god.  
  
A blood vessel almost burst in my head as I read it. The girl truly was a demon. I swallowed a lump in my throat, my face so hot I felt like fainting.  
  
i'll try not to  
  
Is that the correct spelling of to? Or is it supposed to be double O? In any case, it hardly seemed important, or relevant. More important was Alice's reply.  
  
Don't try too hard.  
  
She used double O. But again, not important. My underwear was getting a tad moist and my breasts felt warm all the sudden. When I didn't reply, she smirked, and wrote again.  
  
I like it when you jump me.   
  
I stared at the words, rational thought officially failing me. My synapses resumed after a second or two, and it occurred to me that if I jumped her and mauled her to the floor, I'd probably get expelled, but strangely this didn't seem so important. I looked at her, at her pretty face, the teacher's voice droning unheard in the background. Those lips. So pink and glossy. If I could just kiss her, just once, and maybe cop a feel while I'm at it, one hand up her top, just—  
  
She wrote something.  
  
Raise your hand.  
  
I was confused, but I did it. Her wish is my command and all.  
  
"What is it, Miss Swan?" the teacher called out, pausing mid-lecture.  
  
"Er…" I lowered my hand, stealing a glance at Alice's next note.  
  
You have to go to the bathroom.  
  
"I have to go to the bathroom."  
  
The teacher gestured at the door. "Go ahead, be quick."  
  
When I stood up I discovered my knees were weak. I stumbled just slightly but recovered quickly not to embarrass myself. I shot a glance at Alice, anxious and a little hurt. Was she sending me away because she was worried I'd actually do something. And I was controlling myself so good, too. Well, maybe I was slipping a little bit, but…  
  
But she only smiled back with a mysteriously sexy smile that I had no time to analyze. I cut my eyes across the room, making sure no one had noticed my arousal, but thankfully a girl's excitement is more subtle than a guy's. If I was a guy I'd be walking out with my textbooks over my crotch instead of simply stumbling out on weak knees like a drunk.  
  
Once I was out in the hallway I stood around wondering what I was supposed to do. What was Alice's plan here? The hopeful part of my brain suggested that she was going to somehow get out class and meet me. Why? Well, sex would be the optimistic conclusion. Where? I don't know. Her car?  
  
But no, optimism is simply the prelude to disappointment. It was more likely she just wanted me out of the room before I made a scene. Which, let's face it, looked likely. I'll probably never be the kind of girl prone to public sex acts—even in private I'm very self-conscious—but the hunger I felt for her was overwhelming. It was like something supernatural whispering in my ear, something that took me over whenever it wanted, something seductive and irresistible. Just like her.  
  
I huffed a little sigh, pacing the corridor, waiting for something, no idea what. Grudgingly I suppose I had to admit that it was smart of her to get rid of me like that. Before I embarrassed myself. Nice of her, really. To protect me from myself. Like I'm some frothing sex fiend with no control. Hmph. Who does she think she is, anyway? I'm a grown woman capable of making my own decisions, and if I want to maul my girlfriend in the middle of class like a rabid wolverine, then that's my decision. It's not up to her to—  
  
The door to the biology lap swung open and Alice sailed out with a smile, closing the door behind her. My anger evaporated in an instant and I approached her like a fawning servant.  
  
"Alice, what—"  
  
She pulled me away from the door and wrapped me into a kiss. Her arms closed around my back, one at the nape of my neck, and her tongue slithered into my mouth.  
  
My hornyness spiked and I was just getting into the kiss when she broke it suddenly. I almost stumbled into her, I'd been leaning into her mouth so longingly.  
  
She had taken my hand and she was tugging me down the corridor.  
  
"Alice, what's going on?" I asked breathless, stumbling on weak knees to catch up.  
  
She smirked over her shoulder, tugging me along. "What do you think?"  
  
I almost squealed. I could've been coy and pretended not to understand her, but the heat in her eyes left no room for doubt. She was taking me somewhere where we could, to put it elegantly, ravish each other in private.  
  
Yay!  
  
She lead me to nearest bathroom and dropped to her hands and knees to check beneath the stall doors. Hands and knees. Ass in the air. The waistband of her jeans had slipped slightly and I could see the lace of her skyblue panties underneath. I stared opened mouthed and if I was an animal I would've mounted the poor girl right there.  
  
She rose, dusting her knees. "It's empty—"  
  
As she turned I pulled her into a kiss, hunger overwhelming me. She made a little squeal and giggled into my mouth, but she also had the presence of mind to back up into one of the stalls, fumbling with the lock and latching it shut behind us.  
  
It wasn't the most romantic of conditions—just me, my soulmate, and a toilet—but I wasn't in the most romantic mood. I was in a lusty mood and I wanted her too much to care. Her mouth tasted amazing and I was attacking it with little moaning sounds, one hand in her hair. She had her face lifted up to mine and her arms around my neck. She arched her pelvis into me and suddenly I reached down and grabbed a handful of her jean-clad ass.  
  
It was a genuine halleluiah moment. In the short time I'd known her, her ass had become my favorite feature, but I'd never had the guts to make a grab. But I did now. And even through the fabric of her jeans it was bliss. I squeezed it and held on as I kissed her.  
  
She giggled and broke the kiss just a little to speak into my mouth. "It feels better from the inside…" she told me breathily, as she unbuttoned her jeans and unzipped the.  
  
At first I couldn't believe my ears. Permission to grab her ass? My heart swelled till I thought it would burst with anticipation and then I stuck my hand into her jeans and—  
  
Oh god.  
  
So soft! So warm! The thin cotton of her panties was nothing, a thin and flimsy barrier between my hand and the loveliest ass in existence. I felt like weeping tears of bliss but instead I captured her mouth and groped her a little bit, getting a good handful, squeezing, slipping my hand into her panties. Her skin was so smooth and so soft, soft but firm—fucking perfect, in other words. My heart was racing and I kept kissing her and massaging her ass. She had put one of her own hands to work up my top and I felt I was going to climax before we even got to the good stuff.  
  
"Oh god I want you, Alice," I gasped into her mouth.  
  
"Go ahead," she gasped back. "But be quick. You're not the only one who's hungry."  
  
I dropped to my knees as if I'd tripped and I yanked her jeans and her panties around her knees. She stood on her toes in her sneakers and took handfuls of my hair and held me to her. I licked for a bit, fumbling with my tongue against her slick womanhood—still no idea really what I was doing—and then my lips found her clit and latched on, suckling at it furiously. She pushed her pelvis into my face, hands scrunching in my hair, and in response I stuck a finger inside her.  
  
It must've taken her by surprise. She gave a tiny gasp and let it out in a satisfying moan. It was only one finger but it seemed to be what she needed. I'd been aiming for two but my hand was shaky and I couldn't really see what I was doing. I was still licking her hard little nub with my tongue, suckling on it. It was the first time I'd really paid attention to her clit and I found that I liked it, the little pearl in my mouth and that exquisite warmth clenching on my fingers.  
  
I started pumping my finger and eventually I added a second. My free hand was simply clamped to her hip for support, but if I'd had the balance and the presence of mind, I would've love to enjoy her ass a little more.  
  
Her breathing had quickened and she was pushing her hips at me in a rhythm with my fingers. Finally she came, her breath hitching in a little cry, raising just a little higher on her toes. I withdrew my fingers and licked her a little and as she sagged back on her heels I was eyelevel with her belly. Holding her hips, I looked up at her, kneeing at her feet and licking my lips unconsciously. A wave of love washed over me, watching the satisfaction ebb over her flushed face. She looked down at me and gave me one of her little smiles before she wriggled back into her jeans coyly and buttoned them up.  
  
"Come here," she said, lifting me by my shoulders and seating me on the closed lid of the toilet. "It's my turn."  
  
I was a little embarrassed to be sitting on a toilet, but my pussy was throbbing too demandingly to insist on something more elegant. Alice didn't look like she wanted to be stopped anyway. Her eyes were lidded and hungry. She knelt at my feet and tugged down my pants around my knees and then she ducked her head underneath and mashed her lips against my pussy.  
  
I knew it was coming but it took me by surprise. My legs were in the air and I almost fell off as I recoiled under the sudden tongue lashing. I leaned back and grabbed out for something to hold and accidentally flushed the toilet. The sound of water was soul-crushingly embarrassing, but thankfully Alice didn't seem to notice, or care. She slipped her tongue inside me and I was seriously struggling to stay sitting up. I felt like flopping back like a boneless fish and trickling to the floor in a puddle.  
  
My chest was heaving and a soft cry was coming out with each gasp. My pussy felt like it was going to explode. I don't know why it felt so good, but it did, the best ever. Her tongue was curling inside me and my legs were wrapped around her head. It's kind of shameful how quickly I came, but in my defense, I'm am a hormonal teenager. And it's not like I was trying to hold it back. It wanted to come, I wanted her tongue to make me come, I wanted to explode from how good she made me feel, and when I came I came gushing. I moaned, my back arching in a shuddering spasm, and I almost fell off the toilet again.  
  
I think I blacked out for a couple seconds. It was ridiculous how great that one was. When my eyes fluttered open I pulled up my pants and tried to arrange myself. I was still breathing too heavy to talk. Alice had risen and was dusting her kneecaps with a few hand swipes.  
  
"Well," she said. "This is exactly why I wanted to take it slow." She gave me a prim smile and glanced about skeptically. "I mean, really. In a toilet?"  
  
I chuckled. "But it was awesome."  
  
"You liked that?"  
  
My answer was a goofy grin. Understatement. It was amazing.  
  
"Poor Bella," she said, lifting me to my feet by the hand. She held me, arms around my middle. "I've treated you so poorly, haven't I? Wait till I have you all to myself some night. You'll have my full attention then and they'll be no more of this quick stuff. I'll have you all to myself and I'll treat you exactly like you deserve."  
  
I grinned shyly. The glow of my fading climax made me a little flirty, a little bold. "I'll take whatever I can get," I told her.  
  
I thought it was a nice line—and I was quite proud of myself—but it had the opposite effect on her. It seemed to sober her a little. She smiled but her eyes flickered away before flickering back. "Well, in any case," she said, "we should get back to class."  
  
I felt a wave of disappointment. I knew we couldn't stay in the bathroom forever, but I had Alice, here in my arms, and couldn't we just—  
  
"And I should apologize," she added. "For taking advantage of you like that."  
  
I almost laughed. The notion that a girl as hot as her could possibly take advantage of a girl like me was ridiculous. She could smack me in the face with a lunch tray and I'd be grateful.  
  
"You didn't," I told her. "That's stupid."  
  
"That's nice of you to say," she said, "but I did, whether you realize or not." She chuckled, almost to herself. She was still holding me, our bodies touching, and she looked up into my face with a shy smile. "I'm afraid I've become slightly addicted to you," she said softly. "You're body is almost as desirable to me as your blood."  
  
I failed to see the downside of this. I grinned. "Cool."  
  
Alice ignored me. "But maybe…" she went on, again almost to herself. "Maybe this is the best way to cope with this. With our… feelings. Maybe we should stop fighting it. And just be natural. What do you think?"  
  
I nodded, a little confused. Since when were we fighting it? Maybe she was, but I sure as hell wasn't. Am I supposed too? Why? She's so hot!  
  
Dimly I was aware I should be more serious about this—the girl has very sharp teeth, after all—but two things overrode everything else. The first thing was the desire to please her and agree with everything she said. And the second thing was the desire to, well, have sex with her again someday.  
  
To be honest, there was still a part of mind that wasn't fully-committed to any of this. It all still seemed so dream-like. Vampire? Blood? My life in danger? Yeah right. More likely I'd wake up in a psyche-ward somewhere under heavy medication.  
  
So I just smiled. Like an idiot. Alice was pretty and I wanted to make Alice happy, so I nodded and said: "Sure, that sounds okay."  
  
But she only shook her head, smiling sadly, like a girl who knows she's only kidding herself. She seemed sad all the sudden and I wondered what the hell was going on in her head. It wasn't the first time I'd noticed her demeanor flipping around like this and I was beginning to feel she knew something I didn't. Something bad. About us. Or about what's going to happen to us.  
  
She let me go and took a step back. I missed her warmth instantly.  
  
"You'd better go back to class first," she said, straightening her top. "I'll be right behind you, kay?"  
  
"Okay," I said reluctantly. "Is my hair alright?"  
  
She smiled, her cutesy façade instantly restored. "It's perfect," she said, tucking a lock behind my ear. "Just like you. Now go on," she said with a wink. "Before I eat you up all over again."  
  
I giggled—me giggling—and she gave me a quick kiss and a pat on the rump to send me on my way.  
  
—  
  
By tomorrow morning the stares were worse. Alice again met me at the front gates with a smile and the inexplicable need to hold my hand. Yesterday we'd only been stared by people who knew me, people in my own grade. But now it seemed the whole school was staring, juniors, seniors, sophomores. Everyone seemed to know there was a legitimate gay couple walking around in broad daylight. Which, in a school with a population of less than five hundred, was a pretty big deal.  
  
The hand holding only made it worse, but the attention didn't bother Alice, and I didn't have the heart to tell her to back off a little, at least in public. Part of me wasn't sure I even wanted her too, anyway. I was scared of losing the few friends I had—it's so sad that I actually think of them like that—but Alice's touch and Alice's companionship were far more important.  
  
But of course it's not that simple, is it?  
  
Alice can't be around twenty-four seven. It was great that she managed to get transferred into a couple of my classes, but it still left the majority of the day Alice-free. Like yesterday. She holds my hand, she kisses me in public, and it's great…but she's not the one who gets weird looks from her friends. She retreats into her own little world with her sisters and I'm left with an ominous Lauren, an awkward Angela, and a bunch of faux-friends who can barely bring themselves to talk to me. Is the public affection really worth it?  
  
Well, yeah.  
  
But still. It sucks that people can't look the other fucking way for two seconds while we go past.  
  
Tuesday morning were worse than Mondays, and this morning included the added trauma of an encounter with Lauren outside homeroom. Alice had walked me, hands clasped of course, and my stomach was twisting as we the approached the small group of them, Lauren, Angela, and Jessica. They were loitering in the hallway, the class still locked. They were laughing about something, but they stopped laughing when they saw us. Lauren looked at us, flickered her eyes over our clasped hands, and very clearly she said:  
  
"Ugh."  
  
You really have to admire the girl's power of expression. One word, or not even a word, just a syllable, and so much disgust, so much distain. Such petty and ill-placed contempt. She should be an actress. She has the looks for it, and the personality, too. A bitchy self-centered blonde with sharply defined features. Kind of cliché, really.  
  
Jessica gave me a requite glance of disgust, but Angela gave me a friendly nod. Awkwardness aside, she seemed to be the only one who didn't automatically condemn my new relationship as the grossest thing ever. I think she was kind of fascinated, in a strange way. As if she hadn't believed two girl's could actually be girlfriends and was still astounded at the proof.  
  
Alice ignored them, predictably, turned to me. I realized she planned to kiss me and felt a quick spasm of panic. Right here? In front of Lauren?  
  
"I'd better get to class," she said, smiling. "See you later."  
  
The panic must've shown on my face, but she ignored that too. She raised her face to mine and placed a kiss on my lips, chaste but deliberate, and I was hit with such a of conflict of love, panic, warmth, and anxiety that I felt like I'd been microwaved.  
  
"Jeez, that's disgusting."  
  
Lauren's voice, of course.  
  
"Do you really have to do that in public?"  
  
She was talking to Alice. I'd stepped back and I was in the process of tucking hair behind my ear in attempt to pretend nothing happened. Alice smiled at her.  
  
"As a matter of fact, I do," she said, taking my arm and slipping her hand into mine. "I'm helpless not to."  
  
I got the impression that there was some vampire subtext in her words that maybe I was supposed to understand, but I had no idea what. Lauren snorted and looked at Alice with her usual distain.  
  
"You're a freak," she said plainly.  
  
Alice smiled and cocked her head cutely. "How did you know?"  
  
Ooh.  
  
Even I shivered from that one.  
  
Lauren's face went pale at the implication—that Alice was, in fact, a freak—but she kept her voice flat, which was somehow worse than her usual snickering.  
  
"That's disgusting."  
  
It wasn't the most creative taunt I'd ever heard from her, but it seemed all she was capable of at the moment. Alice smiled.  
  
"You keep saying that," she said, "but do you really think so?"  
  
"Yeah," Lauren snarled. "I really think so."  
  
"That's sad. Don't you have any sense of adventure?"  
  
"Fuck you," Lauren spat. "You know, if you're such a freak, why don't you go do that shit up in the computer room where there's webcams? Do it online if you want an audience, you stupid lesbian slut, and in the mean time why don't you just fuck off so I don't have to look at your disgusting face anymore?"  
  
Jessica had to cover her mouth to smoother a flurry of mean giggles and even Angela smirked. I was just flabbergasted. I'd been Lauren's target practice for years, but such venom was foreign even to me. This wasn't mean Lauren, this was villain Lauren. It didn't seem to make a dent in Alice, but still. It was scary.  
  
I mean, I could understand why Lauren would tease me—a gay teenager with cheap clothes is simple prey for any bully with a decent vocabulary—but this was Alice she was talking to. Sweet, cute, adorable little Alice. Calling her names seemed a lot like kicking a puppy. It was beyond mean; it was evil.  
  
I guess she really is a soulless bitch.  
  
But Alice only smiled and gave me a glance that I didn't understand. There was not a single trace of hurt in her eyes, no hurt, no anger, no fear. Those beautiful honey-colored pools were undisturbed by anything at all other than the same untouchable smile she always wore, and without reacting to Lauren, she touched my shoulder and placed a kiss on my lips.  
  
"I'd better go," she said softly. "I'll see you in history."  
  
I was burning with embarrassment and fear of what Lauren was going to say when she was gone, but I summoned up a smile for her. She smiled back and then she turned and continued down the hall. As she passed Lauren she gave the blonde a lingering stare that made both Jessica and Angela cringe away awkwardly. But Lauren stared back. She blushed under Alice's eyes, but she didn't look away, and then Alice was gone.  
  
I adjusted the strap of my bag and shuffled over awkwardly. I knew Alice's interference was only going to make things worse and I wasn't wrong.  
  
Lauren looked at me coldly. "So you wear your hair down now, huh?"  
  
I gave a fragile smile and nodded. As if I expected a compliment and not some shattering insult. Lauren snorted, no smile, no snicker, just meanness.  
  
"Whatever," she muttered. "You're still an ugly dyke."  
  
Jessica and Angela shared a glance, but neither smirked or offered additional comment. I smiled a brittle smile, pretending it was just a joke—ha ha ha—and Lauren shook her head disdainfully, turned away, and started talking about something else.  
  
I was depressed for the rest of the day, understandably, and the depression carried over into Wednesday and Thursday. Alice was my one ray of sunshine, but I hadn't seen her outside of school all week, and I was starting to get depressed about that as well. I wanted to hang out with her, but I couldn't figure out how. I wouldn't be comfortable at her place because of her sisters, and I wouldn't be comfortable at my place because of mom, and I wasn't outgoing enough to be comfortable outside, which left where?  
  
Alice wasn't doing much to further the relationship either. Despite the sudden desire for the intimacy of hand holding, she was still withheld in other ways. I hadn't detected her scent in my room in the mornings since last week, and she didn't seem to be in any hurry for a second date. I know we've only been together a few days, technically, but I loved her so much it felt like we should be married with kids by now.  
  
But it wasn't all doom and gloom. It was nice having some classes with Alice, and I got to see her everyday, so all in all I guess I shouldn't be complaining. Wednesday afternoon we had a chance encounter in the hallways that turned into a quickie in an empty classroom. It was wonderful, but she didn't propose to me directly after, so by Thursday morning I was depressed again.  
  
The worst thing was Lauren. Over the last few days she seemed to have progressed from recreational bullying to a full-blown vendetta. Every time I saw her was a trauma of teasing and homophobic mocking, but I continued following her around like a whipped puppy regardless. Because, frankly, I had no one else to hang around with when Alice wasn't around. Not even Angela. Angela was nice—most of the time—but she had other friends who took precedence over me, and sometimes there weren't any seats nearby, anyway.  
  
Last class of the day was PE, which had always been the joy of my academic career. There's nothing I love more than being picked last for teams, dawdling outside the locker rooms till everyone else was gone, and fearing for my life on the dodgeball court. I could write a screenplay for a musical with my experiences.  
  
Still, PE was one of the classes Alice had transferred into, which gave me hope. But like many things that begin hopeful it ultimately ended in tragedy. We were playing dodgeball.  
  
And Alice was on the other team.  
  
Some days I'm convinced the universe hates me. Days like today. Alice was holding my hand as the teams were called, the two of us standing off to the side from the main group, and she trudged away with such a look of sadness over her shoulder that it made me feel a little better. Oh well. At least they'll be one person across the court who isn't literally trying to kill me.  
  
Lauren was also on the other team, just in case I wasn't positive of the cruelty of fate's plan. She looked like she'd be more comfortable with throwing knives than dodgeballs, but I could tell from the look she gave me that she'd try her best to maim me regardless.  
  
Angela was also on the opposite team, but I wasn't worried about her. Chick throws like a girl.  
  
When the teams were assembled, the coach blew the whistle, and the fun began. To be honest, I don't know why I even try. I had no idea if dodgeball survivability was factored into our final gym grade, but I figured I better just do my best. So I did. Staggering over the court with my arms flailing like a spastic. Tripping, falling, getting up again.  
  
I lasted quite a long time, despite being a popular target, and I even got the ball once. I stood there for a second, puffed out and sweaty, casting about for a target. I saw Lauren in her gym clothes, shorts and a t-shirt, slim legs, flat chest, ash blonde hair. She wasn't the closest target or the easiest but I threw it anyway. She saw it coming and caught the ball easily, almost as if I'd passed it like a basketball. She smirked and called to her teammates:  
  
"Get the dyke!"  
  
My heart sank, but I felt a queer excitement at making her smile again. She threw the ball and I twisted away wildly.  
  
"Lauren!" the coach barked. "What did I say about using that word?!"  
  
Lauren rolled her eyes. "Whatever," she said, still grinning, and then she gestured at one of her teammates who had a ball. "Get the freak!"  
  
"Lauren!" the coach barked. "One more time and that's detention!"  
  
But Lauren just snickered and threw another ball. Her teammates followed suit. They laughed and threw lazily, more wanting to torment me than actually hit me. My own teammates had started to grin and one by one they backed off to the edges of the court, leaving me in the middle to fend for my life against this unfair onslaught. Soon I became the only target. Lauren was barking orders and demanding the ball. They grinned and taunted me with fake throws, laughing when I'd jerk into motion and stop again. The game seemed to have degenerated into a medieval stoning, with me encircled by a mob, cringing away from the balls at they flew past my head. No one on my team was being targeted and every single member of the other team was targeting me.  
  
I was no stranger to being persecuted, but this seemed a bit too much, even for me. I mean, seriously; the whole class? Pointing and grinning and laughing at my discomfort? Jeez. Why don't they just tie me to a stake and burn me alive while they're at it?  
  
The coach was watching disapprovingly, but hesitated with the whistle, obviously assuming I'd be out in a minute. I hoped I would be. I wasn't even trying to dodge anymore, but they wouldn't hit me. They just smirked and threw close, laughing at how I'd flinch and cringe, calling out taunts, daring me to throw back.  
  
Only Angela and Alice didn't take part. They were both standing aside, Angela with a frown, Alice with a deadly calmness.  
  
"Close your eyes, Bella!" Lauren called, forced into using my name by the coach's threat. "This one's gonna hurt!"  
  
Everyone waited for Lauren to get the finishing blow but then Alice stepped up and snatched the ball out of her hands.  
  
"Hey, what the—!"  
  
Frowns blossomed over the court, their fun interrupted. Alice ignored them. She stepped up to the line and threw the ball at my chest. I didn't cringe or even attempt to dodge. It bounced off me and rolled away.  
  
Silence on the court. I grinned to myself, breathing heavy. Mercy-kill. It was a dramatic moment, Shakespearian by highschool standards. I smiled at her and she gave me a smile back and then she crossed the court, took my hand, and led me away to the benches.  
  
"Dumb dykes," Lauren called after us bitterly.  
  
"Lauren!" the coach barked. "That's detention, today and tomorrow!"  
  
The coach watched us go but didn't make an issue about Alice ditching the game. It was pretty obvious we were a couple and I guess the coach was sympathetic to our difficulties.  
  
Alice led me to the bench and sat me down. For once I had no problem with the hand holding—in fact, I loved it. Her touch calmed me and transported me away from all this, the jeering of my classmates, the unfairness. She smiled and patted my hand.  
  
"Sorry," she said, with a slight playfulness. "I promised to protect you when we played dodgeball, but I couldn't bare to see you suffer like that. I had to put you out of your misery."  
  
I chuckled and covered her hand with my own. "Thanks."  
  
She giggled and then she wrapped an arm around me and held me. I snuggled close, not caring if anyone had a problem, and yet…there was still a twinge of anxiety. It would probably be a while before I got the hang of this public affection, but for now I was content to put up with the minor discomfort. The warmth of Alice's touch was worth it.  
  
The game resumed without us and most of them had already forgotten the incident and were having fun again. All but Lauren. She glared at me where I was snuggled against Alice, and for the first time I realized there was something else in her eyes, something that wasn't disgust or simple meanness. But what? Could it be …  
  
Jealousy?  
  
The thought made me flush uncomfortably. As ridiculous as the idea was, that's what it looked like. Or felt like. Not just jealousy, but hurt, betrayal, denial. But no, that was ridiculous. I'd always known that Lauren wasn't as homophobic as she seemed—she only used those words because she knew they were hurtful—but there was no possible way she was into girls, and even if she was, she would never be into me. Ever.  
  
Lauren had gone back to the game and I looked away, deciding not to think about it. But the truth is, I've thought about it before. Lots of times. But only as a fantasy. Alice had always been the girl of my dreams, but that's all she was; a dream. Lauren was the reality. Deep in my heart I'd always wished her bullying might be a cover for denial or something, but a wish is just as ridiculous as a dream. I knew it would never happen. Lauren was straight, and even if she was secretly gay or bi, she'd never sacrifice her popularity to be with a loser like me.  
  
It was too stupid to even think about, especially now with Alice's arm wrapped around me. It was stupid to think Lauren was jealous. She was probably just turning into a real homophobe, one that legitimately hates gays. Maybe before she was only having fun teasing me, but maybe now that I actually have a girlfriend, maybe now she truly hates me. That defiantly makes more sense than jealousy.  
  
Anyway, it's best not to think about it. I have Alice now, and Lauren can go fuck herself.  
  
PE was over shortly after that. The bell rang and the game broke up instantly. The coach blew the whistle and barked a few orders, reminding Lauren about her detention. She shot a glare at me and Alice, still sitting on the bench, and then she stalked away for the locker room.  
  
"Okay," the coach barked, "I'm gonna need two volunteers to pack all this stuff away."  
  
No one raised a hand. It was the end of the day and everyone wanted to go home. I would've volunteered myself, as an excuse to shower last after everyone was gone, but I didn't want to risk being separated from Alice. I was about to ask her if she wanted to, but she beat me to it. She smiled and rose from the bench.  
  
"Me and Bella will do it."  
  
Everyone breathed sighs of relief and the class soon broke up. Me and Alice gathered up the dodgeballs slowly, not hurrying, making idle chit chat. It occurred to me half way through that me and Alice would likely be alone in the showers. Naked. Just us. The thought made me blush and I hoped the same thing occurred to Alice. I'd never be able to make a move as bold as shower-sex in a school locker room, so it was all up to her.  
  
We put all the dodgeballs away in the storage room and put away all the other equipment that was used and then we went for our showers. We'd taken our time with the cleaning up so, happily, the locker rooms were utterly empty. Just me and her and rows of showerheads.  
  
I was blushing again and I turned to make some flirty comment—just to let her know I was down—but the comment died on my lips.  
  
Alice was undressing.  
  
She'd just pulled off her top—black bra—and now she hah her thumbs hooked in the waistband of her shorts. I'd seen her undress before class, of course, but it's kind of a different thing when you're all alone and outright staring. So…suggestive. She took off her shorts and, well, her ass was still incredible.  
  
"What's the matter?" she asked innocently, dropping her panties.  
  
"O-oh," I stuttered, blushing, turning away. "Nothing…"  
  
I pulled off my top and tossed it onto one of the benches. By the time I'd taken off all my clothes one of the showers had started. The showers were organized into little booths, each ringed by a pink shower curtain for privacy. Alice hadn't drawn the curtain, and she was standing beneath the water, naked, her eyes closed and the water slowly soaking her hair, water dripping from her nipples, funneling down her back, the water hot and steaming.  
  
I stared.  
  
Gulp.  
  
Alice caught me watching and giggled. "Well?" she said. "What are you waiting for?"  
  
There were multiple ways I could've interpreted that, but it was most likely she was asking why wasn't I showering, as opposed to why wasn't I ravishing her senseless instead of just staring. The former was more logical.  
  
I went over, but I didn't take the shower right next to her, I went one over, leaving some space between us. If I'd been a little bolder, I might've asked if we could share, or if she needed someone to do her back, but shyness makes a girl stupid. I even reached for the shower curtain.  
  
"Leave the curtain open," Alice said, already soaping herself up. "So we can talk easier."  
  
I felt a flash of excitement. "O-okay…"  
  
Alice giggled and watched me as I started washing myself. I felt self-conscious all the sudden and I wondered how I looked. The only thing I was wearing was wet hair, but is that a good look on me? Big tits, sure, but what about the rest of the goods? I wasn't quite sure, but at the very least I made an effort to improve my posture. I took some of the slump out of my shoulders and straightened my back, the warm water cascading over my sensitive skin. Does Alice like what she sees? Well, she's not gagging. That's gotta count for something.  
  
Alice smiled, as if she knew exactly what I was thinking about. "You have a beautiful body, Bella," she said. "You should be more confident. At least with me."  
  
I blushed. "I do?"  
  
She nodded. "Mmhm, very beautiful. Take it from me. I've been a connoisseur of the female form for a very long time."  
  
I chuckled shyly. "Not as hot as you, though."  
  
"Aww, shucks," Alice giggled. She smiled and gave me a coy little pose, naked under the shower. "Do you really think so?"  
  
I watched the water runnel over her body, between her breasts, between her legs, my face slowly turning red. "S-sure."  
  
"Aww, that's so sweet. Hey, wanna have some fun?"  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
She smiled and glanced around the empty locker room, as if to make sure we were alone, and then she turned off her shower. "What I mean," she said, sauntering over to me, "is that I think there's something on your leg there."  
  
I frowned puzzledly and looked at my leg. "Where?"  
  
"Don't worry, you'll never see it." She plucked the bar of soap from my hand and smiled impishly. "You'd better let me get it for you."  
  
"O-oh."  
  
Suddenly the charade became clear. Seduction in the showers. Smooth. I wish I knew how to be that bold.  
  
She'd sidled around behind me and suddenly I felt her soapy hand on my leg, on the back of my thigh, rubbing up and down gently. Self-consciously I wondered if there actually was a smudge of something back there—maybe I slipped and fell across a grease slick without realizing—but mostly I just swooned at the touch. It was teasing and soft and my pussy was already throbbing dully in response.  
  
"There," she whispered in my ear, naked breasts pressing into my back. "I think I got it."  
  
"T-thanks," I stuttered, as she started kissing the nape of my neck. I could feel the kisses against the film of wet hair stuck to my neck, but then she pulled away the hair and kissed my skin, making me shiver. Her other hand, the soapy one, climbed over my hip and caressed my waist and climbed again to cup one of my breasts.  
  
Maybe it was the thrill of doing it in a public place—albeit in private—or the thrill of living out a favorite fantasy—albeit in the fantasy there were more girls—but whatever it was, it was driving me wild. She'd barely touched me and for barely two minutes, but I could feel myself quivering with anticipation. I wanted to turn around and press my wet naked body into hers and force her hand between my legs, but I couldn't. The anticipation paralyzed me and all I could do was stand there.  
  
She was placing kisses on my bare shoulder.  
  
"Do you like this, Bella?"  
  
God, I love how she says my name.  
  
"Y-yeah."  
  
Her tongue flicked out across my neck—over my jugular.  
  
"I like this too," she whispered. "I like…touching you."  
  
I smiled shyly. "Cool."  
  
She had the bar of soap in her other hand and she was massaging it over my breasts and then she dropped the soap and used her hands, kneading them slowly and squeezing, her hands smooth as silk against my slippery flesh. Weirdly, it felt more romantic than erotic. You'd think getting your boobs soaped and groped in the locker room after class would be kind of cheap, but it totally wasn't. It was one of the most romantic moments of my life.  
  
I could feel her body pressed against mine, warm and wet, and her arms were around me, and her hands… It was heaven. My eyes were closed and I let myself drift in her warm embrace, swaying back against her. She was so goddamn warm. And the warm water, the warm hands, the warm lips on my shoulder. She had my nipples between her thumbs and forefingers and she was teasing them gently and slowly getting rougher. She pinched them and made me gasp. She pulled them and plucked them. I moaned. She twisted them just gently and I squirmed into her, my body shuddering, moaning aloud.  
  
I could feel the climax building between my legs and she hadn't even touched me there. I was going to come from nothing but her nipple teasing and the thought only made me more excited.  
  
Suddenly she stopped. I gasped, my eyes snapping open. My breath was all trembling and as I turned around she wrapped her arms around me, our naked fronts pressed together. Her short black hair was stuck all over her forehead and her wet face was breathlessly sexy. Her eyes were smoky and lidded. She was almost glaring at me.  
  
"You are so fucking hot…" she whispered.  
  
I was too frazzled to have much reaction beyond a spike of excitement, but if I'd been capable of intelligent thought, I'm sure I wouldn't have believed her. It was sweet of her to say, though.  
  
Gripping my hips, she pushed me back into the wall firmly, the cold tiles making me gasp. Her hands were at my breasts again, stroking them, teasing them, making my head roll. Her lips at my neck, sucking at my pulse point. She squeezed my breasts harshly, her teeth grazing my throat. I could feel her desire to bite me, to pierce my flesh, to sink her teeth into me, and I felt no hesitation. I wanted her to do it. I didn't care that we were at school, that the last time had put me in hospital. I wanted to be hers, I wanted her to mark me, own me, bite me. My pussy felt ready to burst and I wanted to give her everything for making me feel this way, my heart, my body, my blood, I wanted her to have everything, to take everything.  
  
But she didn't. Not now, at least.  
  
She released a ragged breath against my throat and then she dropped one hand between my legs and groped my pussy roughly. I cried out with surprise and excitement. I pushed my hips at her and she pushed back with her chest, bumping me back into the wall. She looked into my face, watching me with smoky cat's eyes, and I looked back. I groaned at her and I grabbed her hand, holding it between my legs, grinding on it urgently. My eyes were open, face burning, and I was panting into her face, staring helplessly into her smoldering eyes. She found my clit, pinched it, and—  
  
The orgasm exploded inside me like a firecracker. I let out a cry—I couldn't help it—and my knees gave out. I collapsed at her feet on the cold tiles, gasping for breath, swallowing with my dry mouth. It was incredible. Best yet.  
  
When my eyes opened, the first thing I saw was Alice's small feet. Pink toe polish. Cute little toes. I lifted my eyes, my gaze roaming over the pearly length of her legs. I was eye level with her pussy and when I saw it I felt my stomach clench with hunger. I grabbed her hips and lunged at it with my tongue out.  
  
She was wet and hot and she'd been waiting for it. She hooked a leg over my shoulder and she had handfuls of my wet hair. She held my face against her and she came almost as quick as I did, grinding her hips against my face, moaning in rythymed. I didn't do anything but try to get my tongue as far inside her as I could. Her climax clenched around my tongue and I heard her make a similar cry as I did. She let me lick her a little more and then she undraped her leg from around my neck and flopped down onto the tiles beside me.  
  
We sat there, naked, wet, breathing heavy. The shower was still going and we started at each other, neither smiling, both knowing that something had been held back.  
  
I spoke first.  
  
"You were going to bite me."  
  
It wasn't a question. She nodded tiredly.  
  
"Why didn't you?"  
  
This one was a question. But she didn't really answer it.  
  
"A couple more days…" she murmured. "I can wait a couple more days…"  
  
I smiled timidly and touched her hand to show her I wasn't afraid of her. And I wasn't. Maybe that showed a startling lack of self-preservation, but I knew in my heart she didn't want to hurt me, and even if she did, I could probably forgive her. I had enormous powers of forgiveness.  
  
I caressed her hand gently. "Do a couple days really matter?"  
  
I didn't see how a couple days could mean anything, and I was ready to offer myself right then if she wanted, especially if it would help deepen our relationship.  
  
But she nodded solemnly and withdrew her hand.  
  
"To me, it matters…" she whispered, not looking at me. "To me, every minute matters…"  
  
I didn't know what to say. She was being very vague and very mysterious—ominous even. She'd said it in a sad tone, so I figured she didn't want to talk about it, but I was wrong. If she didn't want to talk about it, she wouldn't have said anything. What she really wanted was for me to question her and force her to explain. But I didn't get it.  
  
Finally she rose and rinsed off under the shower. Then she turned it off and walked past, without looking at me, and went to get changed. I jumped up to follow, but by the time I caught up with her, she was gone.  
  
—  
  
I went home thinking about Alice, went to sleep thinking about Alice, and walked to school the next thinking about Alice. She was waiting by the front gate's, as usual, and my heart started racing at the sight of her.  
  
It was Friday, and I'd gotten more used to the hand holding, maybe because everyone else had, too. The rumors had circulated, the gossip had died down, and no one really cared any more.  
  
Or so I thought.  
  
We had history in the morning. There was no seating chart and me and Alice weren't lucky enough to get seats next to each other. There was no Lauren in history, though, so I managed to get a seat next to Angela, which was second best to Alice. It was a huge gap, of course, but it was a huge gap between Angela and anyone else, too.  
  
Still, I was sad that I couldn't sit next to Alice. We only had four classes together—and no biology on Fridays—and I hated to waste any of them. Forty minutes with Alice across the room, so close but so far. Sadness was appropriate. Maybe a little jealously, too. And who the hell is that brunette she's talking to?  
  
Alice was sitting beside some pretty brunette and the two of them were chatting away as if they were best friends. They'd only met half an hour ago, for god sake. Is Alice into her? Is she cuter than me? Is she into girls? Probably not, statistically speaking, but Alice was cute enough to transcend preference, in my opinion. Who wouldn't do her? You'd have to be more than straight, you'd have to be a frickin ruler.  
  
Angela had noticed me staring and smiled.  
  
"So," she said, snapping me out of it. "How's things between you and Alice?"  
  
Instantly I was suspicious, reserved, on guard. She'd known about me and Alice for a week, almost, and this was the first time she'd mentioned it. Why?  
  
I don't know, but her tone was shy, and she wasn't really looking at me, so maybe she was just trying to be nice, or make conversation. Angela was the most tolerant person I knew, but I didn't want to weird her out, so I just shrugged.  
  
"Good," I said. "Why?"  
  
She shrugged right back. She was pretending to be casual but I could tell she was nervous. "Just curious, that's all. Hey, can I ask you a question?"  
  
I frowned slightly. "Sure."  
  
She leaned to me slightly and lowered her voice, as if she didn't want anyone to hear. "How did you two get together?" she asked.  
  
Awkward question. What was I supposed to say? That I had a dream of her crawling through my window and the dream came true? I don't think so.  
  
Instead I pretended not to understand. "What do you mean?"  
  
"Well, you know," she said. "How did you know she was… like you?"  
  
I'd never talked about my orientation with anyone and I felt a blush of discomfort creep onto my face. "I didn't," I said, almost defensively. I shrugged. "She made a move and I was like; cool."  
  
She smiled, but her eyes went a little weird. She chuckled awkwardly. "Pretty lucky."  
  
I nodded. "Yeah."  
  
She looked around again, to check no one was listening, and then she said: "So how'd the date go the other night?"  
  
"I don't know," I said guardedly. "Why?"  
  
"Just curious," she said, loosening up a little. "Did you kiss her? Like, really kiss her?"  
  
The question surprised me—and made me uncomfortable. It was too private and I didn't want other people to have that information. Besides, a kiss was the least of what we did. We screwed in the back of my mom's car like a couple of tramps, to be honest.  
  
"Don't worry," Angela added, smiling excitedly. "I won't tease you. So, did you?"  
  
Her smile eased me a little. At the least I knew she wasn't going to tease me. I nodded shyly. "Well, yeah," I said. "Kind of."  
  
She grinned a scandalized grin. "Eww!" she cringed, her eyes twinkling with playful disgust. "That's so disgusting, I can't believe you did that!"  
  
I chuckled in relief. Weirdly, she sounded like she actually meant it, but at the same time there was no judgment, no distain, no contempt. I felt a strange weight lift from my heart, and later on I'd realize that those words were my very first taste of acceptance.  
  
"Yeah, well," I murmured, embarrassed. "She's pretty hot."  
  
I was worried I might've went too far with that, but she just smiled.  
  
"No shit," she said. "But have you seen her sisters? I think the tall blonde and the redhead have her beat."  
  
I shrugged. "Maybe," I said, but in my mind, no one had Alice beat. My eyes drifted to find her.  
  
"Especially the redhead," Angela went on, shifting into gossip mode. "I mean, seriously, I've never seen anything like her. She's like a supermodel or something. They should have a special school for girl's like her. It's damaging on us regular girls to be around chicks like that. I passed her in the halls the other day and my self-esteem just evaporated. I still haven't gotten it back. I was depressed for the rest of the week."  
  
While she was talking, my gaze had settled on the back of Alice's head several rows down, where she was chatting happily with her new BFF. There was even a slight blush on the brunette's face, but I didn't let it bother me. They were just talking, and Alice was very friendly, and very nice. And very cute. She was perfect in every way possible.  
  
Alice must've sensed my eyes, because she turned in her chair and smiled over her shoulder. She gave me a cutesy wave with her fingers and I waved back, my heart soaring.  
  
Angela saw it and some of her smile slipped away, traces of the old homophobia resurfacing.  
  
"You really like her, huh?" she asked awkwardly.  
  
I nodded, guarded again.  
  
"But that's so weird, though," Angela said earnestly, as if she really didn't understand. "I mean, you know she's a chick, right? As in, a girl. As in, you're actually dating a female."  
  
"Yeah," I half-chuckled. "I noticed."  
  
Angela straightened up and gave me a weird look. "Just checking," she said. "It's just kind of weird, that's all."  
  
She didn't mention it again for the rest of the class and I was content to let the subject slide. It was nice for a few brief moments to discuss my personal life with someone who was almost a friend, but I doubt I'd ever be accepted enough to talk about it normally, like other girl's do. I was resigned to that, I didn't really care.  
  
After history was math with Lauren. There was certainly no faux-friendliness here. She'd barely spoke two words to me since yesterday's dodgeball game and I was very tempted to avoid her, but I had no other friend's in math, and usually she was pretty cool in math because there were no other friends to impress.  
  
But usually isn't always, and today she was in a particularly foul mood. She brooded beside me all class, not speaking, not looking at me. She pretended like I wasn't even there, and somehow that was worse than her usual torment. I kept glancing at her, trying to be as discreet as possible. One thing I'd always admired about her was her hair. It was blonde, but it was that perfect platinum color, clean and shiny. I could imagine how it would feel under your hand, how silky it would be. Lauren was always pretty. Her features were sharp and her eyes were cold crystal blue. Her skin was a nice pale peach color. Her lips were a little thin, but they were pink, like Alice, and—  
  
Suddenly she spun to me. "What the fuck are you looking at?" she snapped.  
  
"N-nothing," I stuttered, and turning back to my books. She didn't speak again and I didn't dare look at her again for the rest of class.  
  
By lunch period my stomach was in knots. My place at Lauren's table had been tenuous lately and after the incident at math—I still had no idea why I'd been staring—I was incredibly nervous. I don't know what her problem was, but I wished there was some way to fix it.  
  
Because something was definitely wrong. She'd never been like this before. She'd barely smiled all week and she was so mean. I'd spent some time last night wondering if jealousy was a possibility, but I just couldn't see it. Was it possible that she was just a bitch? That she really hated me? Why? What did I do to her? I just didn't understand.  
  
I stood in line with my tray, frowning vaguely. Why did I even care, anyway? I didn't know, and I was still wondering when Alice appeared beside me with her own tray, cutting in in front of me.  
  
"Hey," she chirped, giving me a friendly hip bump. "Wanna sit with me and my sisters today?"  
  
I had smiled to see her but now the smile faded.  
  
"Oh, that's okay," I said, not quite casual. "I always sit with…"  
  
I motioned vaguely toward Lauren's table. Alice didn't look. Her own smile faded away, and I quickly added:  
  
"Besides, I don't think your sisters like me very much."  
  
She replaced het smile. "Yes, they do, they're just a little…snobby."  
  
I chuckled but didn't reply. Alice sighed.  
  
"Well, okay," she said. "I'll see you in art, then. We have to make sure we get seats next to each other this time, okay?"  
  
I nodded. "Okay."  
  
She kissed my cheek, gave me a look that was almost sad, and then she left the line, taking her empty tray over to her sister's table.  
  
When she was gone, I felt bad, and utterly ridiculous. I'd always hated girl's who ditch their friend's as soon as they get a date, but what kind of friends was I trying to hang on to? Most of them hated me, and even Angela didn't really like me. Why can't I ditch them? Why shouldn't I ditch them?  
  
I sighed and turned to the table and trudged over with my tray. Lauren. It was Lauren I didn't want to ditch.  
  
Lauren noticed me as I approached and smirked. She was surrounded by friends and the audience seemed to incite something in her. I had barely even sat down when she said:  
  
"And here comes the dyke."  
  
I pretended she was just saying hi. I nodded casually and arranged my tray. "Hey."  
  
But she wasn't willing to cut me a break. "What's the matter," she said, "they don't have a gay table for you and your freak girlfriend?"  
  
The others snickered.  
  
"What they really need is gay bathrooms," one of them said.  
  
"And a gay locker room," said another.  
  
Lauren snorted. "Fuck that," she said. "What they need to do is stick these dykes in the boy's locker room. Group all the pigs together."  
  
They cackled gleeful at that one, all but Angela. Angela smiled, pretending it was a playful joke, but I could see in her face that she was afraid it would escalate. I was too. The others could laugh, but Lauren wasn't laughing. She really wasn't laughing.  
  
"What do you think, dyke?" she asked, narrowing her eyes. "Hm? You'd probably like using the guys locker room, wouldn't you? Maybe you could give them a show while you're at it, since you like making out in the halls so much."  
  
More snickering. I swept a glare across the table, but inside my stomach was churning.  
  
"And look at the dyke blush," Lauren went on, not laughing, not smirking. "You like being the heroine in half the school's jerk offs, don't you dyke? You're fucking disgusting, you know that?"  
  
Something in her tone stopped the laughter. They sat with frozen grins, wondering if they were missing something.  
  
Lauren ignored them, focusing solely on me. "Or maybe the two of you could set up a booth in the guy's bathroom and charge a viewing fee. What do you think of that? Then maybe you'd have some money to buy some new clothes instead of wearing those ugly rags everyday. Fucking lesbo hobo."  
  
The table exchanged glances. None of them were even smiling anymore. Lauren finally laughed, almost hysterically, and went on loudly, as if to an audience.  
  
"You'd have to charge more than two bucks, though, if you wanted to afford anything decent. That is, if anyone will even pay that much to see your flat ass. You might have to throw in a blow job as well but maybe your dumb slut girlfriend would prefer that part, huh? She's probably done it before, the fucking freak."  
  
I was almost crying. I held it back with all my might. "What's your problem?" I whispered.  
  
Lauren leaned forward viciously. "You're a disgusting dyke, that's the fucking problem," she spat. She leaned back and looked at me with distain. "In fact, I don't want you sitting here anymore. I'm sick of you disgusting dykes, so why don't you just fuck off?"  
  
Angela looked horrified at everything she'd heard and suddenly she said: "Lauren, what the fuck is wrong with—"  
  
"Shut the fuck up, Angela," Lauren spat at her, silencing her instantly. "You in love with her or something?"  
  
Angela recoiled. "N-no," she frowned.  
  
Lauren turned back to me. "And what the fuck are you looking at dyke? Go away. Shoo."  
  
I was sitting there frozen, cold all over, tears in my eyes. I didn't know what to do.  
  
"Now!" Lauren barked, flapping at hand at me violently. "Go kill yourself or something, I don't care. Just get the fuck out of here."  
  
My eyes blurred. I stood up, half stumbling, and wheeled away for the exit, leaving my tray on the table. As I passed Alice's table Alice rose in alarm when she saw my face. I didn't stop. I was too embarrassed to run, but I walked really fast, and soon I was out of there.  
  
I went to the library and went straight to the back shelves where I would be alone. It was the same place I used to go during lunch period. Before I used to sit with Lauren.  
  
I paced up and down, fighting back tears. I couldn't think straight. I'd never been hurt so badly in my life and I wasn't the kind of person who hurts easily. God, what the fuck was her problem? How could she hate me so much? What the fuck?  
  
When I turned around Alice was there.  
  
"Hey," she whispered.  
  
I wiped at my cheeks with my fingers. A couple tears had leaked out and I was embarrassed.  
  
"Hey," I said casually, "I was just…"  
  
I gestured at the bookshelves limply. As if I'd actually come here for a reason rather than in exile.  
  
Alice said nothing, she walked up and hugged me. I relaxed in her warmth, but I was ashamed at almost crying. I put my arms around her and held her.  
  
"What did they say to you?" she whispered into my ear.  
  
I gave a wet snort. "That I'm a dyke. That I'm disgusting."  
  
"You're not disgusting, Bella."  
  
"I know," I said, pushing her away gently. "It's not that."  
  
She looked into my face and cocked her head sympathetically. "Then what is it?"  
  
I looked away. Tears were creeping back into my eyes and my lip trembled. "They made me go away," I whispered, almost bursting into tears. But I bit my tongue and looked away.  
  
Alice watched me. "Lauren?"  
  
I sniffed. "Yeah."  
  
Alice smiled sadly. "You kind of like her, don't you?"  
  
I shook my head, my heart racing. "No," I said, and even I didn't believe me. "Of course not."  
  
Alice cocked her head expectantly.  
  
I rolled my wet eyes and sniffed. "Maybe," I said. "I don't know. I know I should hate her, but… she's the closest thing I have to a friend."  
  
Alice's voice was flat, almost mocking. "A friend?"  
  
"Yeah," I said. I struggled wordless for a second and then I tried to explain. "Back when I first came out," I told her, "everyone avoided me. All my friend's ditched me. No one even wanted to go near me. I got teased a lot, but Lauren was different. She was meaner than the others, but… I kind of liked it. I liked when she'd pay attention to me. I don't know why. I think I had kind of a crush on her."  
  
Alice watched me curiously. "Go on."  
  
I wiped one of my eyes. "I knew her from middle school. She was a friend. We weren't very close, but…I liked her. And even though she was mean to me, it never stopped feeling like she was my friend. I never got angry with her and I was never hurt and I'd always be happy to see her. She was always teasing me, but she never told me to go away. She was always mean…but she never told me to go away."  
  
Until today. I sniffed.  
  
"She was the first girl I had real feelings for," I went on. "I know I should hate her, but I don't. All I feel is…hurt. She's been weird ever since she saw us at the movies together. Maybe she never thought I was actually gay. I don't know." I shook my head, scoffing bitterly. "I just don't understand why she hates me so much."  
  
"Can't you guess?"  
  
"Because she's a bitch?"  
  
Alice smiled. "People fear what they don't understand," she said, "but there's little more incomprehensible to a girl than a girl's own heart. I think she's jealous."  
  
I screwed up my face. "Jealous of what?"  
  
"Me," she said. "I think she likes you."  
  
My heart leapt at the suggestion. "That's ridiculous," I whispered.  
  
Alice giggled once, without humor. "We'll see," she said. She stepped forward and cupped my cheek tenderly. "But for now I think it would be best if you stayed away from her for a while. If she makes you cry again I'm going to snap her neck."  
  
Her last comment took me by surprise and I looked into her eyes. They were the same honey-colored pools of beauty they always were, but for the first time I saw something else in them. Something dark. Something sinister. They were watching me with caring and tenderness, but they were so depthless they seemed empty, and it occurred to me that maybe she wasn't joking. That maybe she was perfectly capable of snapping a person's neck—at little cost to her conscience.  
  
"I wasn't crying," I whispered.  
  
Alice smiled and kissed me on the cheek.  
  
"Tell me what I can do to make you feel better."  
  
I smiled, blushing slightly. "You already have."  
  
"Please, Bella," she said. "Let me do something."  
  
My heart started beating. We were all alone. Just the two of us. I looked about at the dusty shelves of books and smiled. "Like what?" I asked.  
  
Alice wrapped her arms around me and looked up at me. "Anything," she said. "What can I do?"  
  
I stared at her lips, mesmerized. "You could kiss me," I whispered.  
  
She kissed me. She touched her lips to mine and held them there. My eyes fell shut and I lost myself in the kiss.  
  
It was over too soon but she was smiling.  
  
"May I do more than kiss you?" she asked.  
  
I nodded dreamily. "Okay."  
  
She smiled and tossed her chin at one of the bottom shelves beside us. "Put your foot on the shelf."  
  
I was a little confused, but I did it. I put my boot on the second shelf, glancing around to make sure there was no one nearby. Alice smiled her impish smile and started unbuttoning my pants. My leg was cocked on the shelf, thighs parted, and I felt a flash of excitement as I realized what she was going to do.  
  
Smirking playfully, she slipped her hand into my panties and flattened it sensually against my pussy. My breath hitched. She teased her index finger against my slit gently and cupped my face with her other hand.  
  
"Is this okay?" she asked, stroking me gently inside my panties.  
  
"Yes," I breathed, squirming slightly. Then I shot a look at her jeans. "You too," I said. "Let me touch you."  
  
Alice smiled and put her sneaker on the third shelf, above mine, her leg cocked even higher. I unbuttoned her jeans and unzipped them open with shaky fingers. Her panties were pink today, with frilly elastic and a little bow on the front. I put my hand inside them and mimicked what she was doing to me, rubbing her smooth pussy, stroking her gently.  
  
"Mmm," she moaned. "That's nice, isn't it?"  
  
I was getting wet and giddy. "Yeah," I whispered excitedly.  
  
Alice smiled at my face and then captured my lips in a kiss. We leaned into each other for balance and let the kiss heat up. We sucked on each other's lips, we sucked on each other's tongues, we moaned softly into each other's mouths. Her firm breasts were pressing into mine and our hands were bumping as we pushed at each other with our hips.  
  
She was so moist, so hot and moist. I found her clit and traced circles around it with my fingertip, struggling to concentrate as she teased my own hardened nub, groaning when she pinched it, nipping at her tongue.  
  
All of our clothes were still on and we hadn't even reached up our tops. Her free hand had buried itself in my hair and mine was holding the nape of her neck, our tongues entwined and dancing like lovers, faster, harder.  
  
Her finger entered me and probed gently. My face was on fire and I had to break the kiss, gasping into her shoulder. She kissed my ear, her finger penetrating deeper.  
  
"Alice," I whimpered, clenching down on her. "Oh god Alice I love you…"  
  
For a second I was shocked that I'd just told her I loved her, but the shock didn't pierce the pleasure, and if she was startled she didn't said anything.  
  
My own hand had faltered in her panties, but now I got it going again, inserting a finger into her folds, probing her entrance. I pushed it in gently, relishing the sheer heat inside her. She was so hot. So fucking hot. I pushed it in further and she gave a little moan and bucked her hips, clenching on my finger. Her own finger retaliated with a quick thrust into my core that almost made me fall over. Our legs were still cocked with our feet on the bookshelves and we were getting closer now, very close.  
  
We resumed the kiss, our faces flushed and feverish, as we explored each other with our fingers, our panties soaked. I was becoming dazed and helpless, and soon I couldn't concentrate on the kiss anymore. I touched my forehead to her shoulder, gasping softly, ready to come. I gave a little cry as her finger pushed in deeper and suddenly she withdrew it and pinched down on my clit, making me cry out again, and then she started rubbing it harshly between her thumb and forefinger.  
  
The climax gathered like a whirlwind and then it swept through me in a hot shudder of ecstasy. I clenched my jaw to keep from groaning too loudly, and my hand gripped into her shoulder like a claw, tears squirting from my squeezed shut eyes. I stood there gasping, my hand motionless in her panties, where it was so warm, so wet. I couldn't think. I couldn't move.  
  
I felt her kiss my ear softly. She stroked my hair and tried to look at my face, but I kept it buried in her shoulder, shuddering with gasps. I felt weak, like a strong wind would blow me over, emotionally and physically exhausted.  
  
"Are you okay?" she asked softly.  
  
I didn't answer in words. Her voice and the gentle touch of her hand on my hair sent a wave of absolute worship sweeping over me, and without speaking, I dropped to my knees, tugged down her panties just a bit, and sucked on her clit till she came.  
  
—  
  
I avoided Lauren and everyone else for the rest of the day. I took seats in the back, not talking to anyone, hardly even looking up from the desk. The experience in the library had convinced me that there was only one girl in school who was worth talking too, only one girl who like me, who loved me, and that girl was Alice.  
  
When classes were finally over, I hurried to my locker, ignoring everyone I knew, and I found her waiting there for me, like she said she would. And despite the nervousness, despite the anxiety, I was finally confident enough in her feelings to ask what I'd been dying to ask all week. I closed the locker door and tried to be casual.  
  
"Hey, did you wanna come over my house this afternoon?" I asked, already blushing uncontrollably. "And study maybe? Or just hang out?"  
  
Incredibly, I was still anxious about her answer, but she only smiled and adjusted the strap of her backpack. "Sure," she said. "Want me to walk home with you?"  
  
My heart swelled and I felt like we'd finally made some real progress in our relationship. I nodded and offered my hand. She took it, smiled, and together we walked home, hand in hand, just me and my girlfriend.  
  
—  
  



	5. Chapter 5

—  
  
Chapter 5:  
  
—  
  
I didn't get to see Alice on Saturday and as a result I was depressed enough to contemplate cutting my wrists with a kitchen knife while doing the dishes. But then she called while I was drying them and the vibration in my pocket gave me new reason to live.  
  
I dashed upstairs as quick as I could, phone at my ear, leaving the rest of the dishes for mom to deal with. I shut my door and flopped down onto the bed—feeling very much like a stereotypical teenage girl—and said:  
  
"What's up?"  
  
"Nothing," said her beautiful voice. "Just wanted to talk to you. What are you doing now?"  
  
"Nothing really, just doing the dishes."  
  
And contemplating ending it all because you blew me off yesterday.  
  
Maybe that was unfair, but it was kind of true. Yesterday, Alice had stayed and studied till dinner time, and before she left I'd asked her, with great anxiety, if she wanted to go see a movie on Saturday. She demurred and said it was probably best not. I was crushed, needless to say. I wanted to kick her in the shin and slap her, but I didn't. I pretended it was all cool and cried myself to sleep. Well, I didn't really cry. But it was a harsh blow, nonetheless.  
  
It was her thirst that was the problem. She'd said she needed a little space for a little bit, and what could I do? It would be ungrateful to hate her for taking precautions so that she'd didn't viciously attack my neck in public someplace.  
  
Besides, she was on the phone now, and that was reason enough to forgive her.  
  
"Mom's doing them now," I told her. "What about you, what were you doing?"  
  
"Not much. Just thinking about you."  
  
"I was thinking about you too," I practically cooed. Then my stupidity kicked in. "Actually, I was thinking, um… Are you busy tomorrow?"  
  
I cringed as I asked. Stupid move, and so clingy. I should've waited for her to mention it. I could already feel my stomach churning. If she blows me off twice in a row I swear to god I'm gonna cry for real.  
  
"Actually, that's what I wanted to talk to you about."  
  
I didn't know how to react to that, but I made a snap judgment to interpret it optimistically; she wanted to talk about it because she wanted to get together. Of course, it could've just as easily meant the opposite, that she wanted to talk to me because she is in fact busy, and she won't be able to see me tomorrow.  
  
Now I couldn't help thinking about it negatively. My mind jumped from 'what if I don't get to see her tomorrow?' to 'what if she's trying to dump me?' in less than a second, but I pushed it all away, made an effort to rally some casualness, and said: "Um, sure. What's up?"  
  
I was painfully aware of using the phrase "what's up" twice in ten seconds, but she didn't call me a repetitious twit and hang up. She spoke, and her voice was soft, almost timid.  
  
"The thing is," she said. "I need to feed."  
  
I felt a stab of excitement. I'd been laying on my back but now I rolled over onto an elbow and said:  
  
"Err…"  
  
Not very articulate, but it summed up my feelings pretty accurately; surprise, bewilderment, shock. I'd known she'd have to feed from me at some point—and soon—but hearing it from her after she'd been refusing for so long took me completely by surprise.  
  
And on the phone, too. Kind of a casual way to make a date for massive blood loss. Wouldn't an engraved invitation with hand written calligraphy be more appropriate?  
  
Then again, it's not like I was gonna say no however she asked. I would've let her do it before this even, but she was the one who kept holding back. I wasn't even sure why. She hinted that it was dangerous, but how dangerous could it be? It's just a bit of blood.  
  
"Um, sure," I said, hardly aware of what I was saying. "Okay, great. Um…when?"  
  
She giggled softly on the other line. "I wanted to talk to you about it first."  
  
"Um, okay. Err… What do you wanna know?"  
  
I heard her smile, and it was so weird, but I could literally hear her smile. You'd think a smile would be silent, but when Alice smiled there was a little sound that went with it, a faint breathy giggle. She probably thought it was funny how stupid I sounded.  
  
"Well, first of all," she said, "I wanted to know if you're okay with it."  
  
I shrugged, mostly to myself, searching her words for hidden meanings. Am I okay with it? Well…yeah. Duh. Why ask? What's the real question?  
  
I didn't know, and in the one or two seconds I had before answering, I couldn't figure it out.  
  
"Um, yeah," I said. "Of course. Why?"  
  
"Because I don't want you to feel forced. If you need more time, I can…"  
  
I chuckled. "Alice, it's cool," I said. "Really."  
  
"Because it won't be like the other night," she went on softly. "Our first night together was…a dream. Neither of us were fully in control of ourselves. It'll be different when we do it again."  
  
Something in her voice sobered me, but also stirred some curiosity. "How?" I asked.  
  
"It'll hurt," she said simply.  
  
I felt a small chill pass through me. Pain. Hmm. Not really my kind of thing.  
  
"Like a real bite," she clarified.  
  
I shrugged to myself. Sure, getting bitten in the neck without an anesthetic didn't sound like a fun way to spend an evening, but this was Alice. Is a bite really such a big deal to make her happy? I think not.  
  
"Yeah, well," I said. "It's just a bite."  
  
Her voice came back slightly playful. "You don't sound scared."  
  
I almost scoffed. "I'm not."  
  
"No?"  
  
"No," I said, my heart rate picking up a little with the excitement. "Honestly…it sounds hot."  
  
And it did. There was something truly unique in being craved in such a carnal fashion. Not sex, not love, but blood. It's like she craved my life itself.  
  
I heard another of her breathy smiles. "Good," she said, a note of suppressed elation in her voice. Suddenly I realized why we were having this conversation on the phone; it was a hot topic for her. She didn't trust herself face to face. "That's good," she breathed. "I'm glad to hear that. Do you know why?"  
  
The tone of voice made me tingle. "Why?"  
  
"Because feeding is very pleasurable," she whispered. "I was hoping you might want to make it special for me."  
  
My face was engulfed in a fiery blush. "S-sure," I stammered. "I'd love too." Then my brows drew together puzzledly. "But, um…how?"  
  
"Well," she said, "I was thinking we could spend the day together tomorrow. I'd could pick you up in the morning. And we could drive into the city. And we could have lunch and go shopping. And then maybe we could get a hotel room. What do you think?"  
  
I listened to her plan in a drifting trance. It felt like she was caressing me with her voice, and just thinking about it triggered a faint throb between my legs. "That sounds great," I said, grinning dazedly.  
  
"You'll have to tell your mother something," she said, still whispering. "You could say you're sleeping over my place, if you want."  
  
"Okay."  
  
"And you might be late for school tomorrow."  
  
"Why?"  
  
She hesitated slightly. "You'll need another transfusion," she said quietly.  
  
Bummer. I hate hospitals. And what if mom finds out?  
  
"O-oh," I stuttered.  
  
"Is that okay?" she asked, a touch of anxiety in her voice.  
  
"Yeah," I hurried to assure her, "it's just a bit annoying, you know?"  
  
"The blood loss might not be as bad as last time, but to be safe…"  
  
"No, it's cool," I said, and smiled, even though she couldn't see it. "Don't worry about it."  
  
I heard her sigh, a shuddery sound to it, like mingled relief and excitement. "Thank you, Bella," she whispered. "You're very sweet."  
  
I blushed. It really is sweet, when you think about it. Like donating blood. For a worthy cause too; Alice.  
  
"Thanks," I said shyly.  
  
Another breathy smile, a faint giggle attached to it. "Well, I'd better let you go," she said. "Pick you up at twelve?"  
  
"Okay, sure."  
  
"Great. And don't bother wearing anything nice, okay? We'll be shopping all day and I wouldn't want to exhaust your fashion sense before we even set out."  
  
I smiled. "Okay," I said, but I knew nothing was gonna stop me from attempting to compose something nice from the scraps in my closet.  
  
She giggled. "Okay," she said. "Good night, Bella."  
  
"Night, Alice."  
  
"And, um, Bella?"  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Would ten o'clock be okay? You know, to pick you up?"  
  
I stifled a giggle. So sweet. Twelve o'clock isn't early enough for her, she wants to come at ten.  
  
"Sure," I grinned. "Ten o'clock would be perfect."  
  
"Okay," she whispered. "Sweet dreams."  
  
My heart gave a pang of longing, knowing that the conversation would be over in a moment. "You too, Alice."  
  
But she didn't hang up. Her voice came back, quick and breathy. "Um, before you go…"  
  
My heart leapt that she wanted to keep talking. "Yeah?"  
  
"Well, I was wondering…did you wanna have phone sex quickly?"  
  
I froze. Excitement crept over my skin like a hundred ghostly fingers. "Um…what?"  
  
She went on breathily, her voice soft and coy. "Well, it's just…I was in the shower before. And I couldn't stop thinking about you, and…"  
  
I swallowed. "You were?"  
  
"Mmhm," she murmured sexily. "I was thinking about all the things I'm going to do to you tomorrow night, and well…I don't know if I can wait that long. I think I might need a…taste."  
  
My face was burning and a soft throb had began between my legs. I tried to speak but my throat was closed shut. "O-oh," I managed.  
  
She giggled softly. "And now I'm all alone in my room," she went on in a whisper. "And all I'm wearing is this towel. And I'm all naked underneath. My skin feels all clean and soft from the shower and my legs feel so nice and smooth. I'm laying on my bed, rubbing my thighs together. I don't have any underwear on and the towel's starting to ride up a little. What are you wearing, Bella?"  
  
I was frozen stiff, mouth open, pussy aching. I must've looked like a corpse laying there aside from the beet red blush on my face and the frantic pulse in my neck.  
  
My mind was struggling to catch up. Did she just say that her towel is riding up and she's naked underneath? Is that what she said? Because if that's what she said in that breathy voice of hers, well, I'm just gonna come right now. I'm just gonna go ahead and ruin my pants, because that's just too hot.  
  
"Bella?" she giggled. "Are you there?"  
  
Oh shit.  
  
What the fuck was she saying? She asked me what I'm wearing, right?  
  
"Oh, um…" I sat up frantically, looking down at myself. Sweatpants, tanktop, and a robe. Yeah, real sexy. Not only was I wearing nothing special, but my mind couldn't even conjure something special. My mind wasn't even working. "Um, nothing really…"  
  
She replied with a smile in her voice. "Nothing?"  
  
I blushed. "No, I mean…nothing special. Just my sleep clothes."  
  
She giggled. "Describe it for me. So I can picture you."  
  
"Well, it's just pants and a tanktop, so…"  
  
"Mmm, the tanktop intrigues me. Do you know why?"  
  
Her voice was high and breathy. I smirked slightly. "Why?"  
  
"Because your breasts are inside it," she said innocently.  
  
My breasts tingled in response. I closed my thighs against the rising warmth between them. "O-oh," I stammered.  
  
She giggled. "Are you wearing a bra?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Better and better," she murmured. "Can you do me a favor, Bella?"  
  
"Sure."  
  
"Can you lift your top over your breasts? It might help me picture them more clearly."  
  
I gulped. Was it okay to be flirting like this? She'd seen them before, of course, but that was heat of the moment. This seemed a little more…decadent.  
  
Which was weird, because she wasn't even in the room. Still, it's not like I was gonna say no. I was vaguely aware that girls are supposed to be guarded with their bodies, but I didn't care. In fact, I was flattered. I'd been picturing Alice naked since my first growth spurt, but it never occurred to me that maybe she might want to picture me, too.  
  
And so, biting my lip anxiously, I lifted my top over my bare breasts. The ceiling got a good view, but it still seemed kind of ridiculous how embarrassed I was. I shivered at the cold air that passed over them, but I wasn't shivering from the cold. My face was on fire and my chest was rising and falling visibly.  
  
"There," I whispered.  
  
She gave a little moan that sounded like another of her smiles. "Mmm, I can almost see them. Are you touching them?"  
  
I blushed. "Do you want me to?"  
  
"Yes," she whispered. "Touch one of them for me."  
  
"Which one?"  
  
"Are you holding the phone in your right hand?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"Then touch the left one with your left hand. Just caress it gently. Nice and gentle. Pretend it's me doing it. Are you doing it?"  
  
"Yes," I said, and I was. While she was talking I cupped my hand over my breast tentatively and stroked it gently. I was embarrassed, but amazingly turned on. It wasn't the first time I'd played with them, but to play with them under Alice's instruction, with Alice knowing, and Alice picturing…it was incredible.  
  
"How does it feel?" she whispered into the phone.  
  
I closed my eyes and breathed in, letting myself relax a little. I was laying on my back so my breasts were flattened slightly, but it was still easy to get a handful. I'd always been fortunate in the chest area. "It feels…hot."  
  
"Mmm," she moaned, and I got the impression she was doing something similar to herself. "Do you know what I'm doing, Bella?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"I'm playing with my boobs the same as you."  
  
A breath escaped me that was almost a giggle. The mental picture of Alice laying around and playing with her perky little breasts sent a spike of excitement directly into my core. My legs opened themselves almost automatically. I kept my hand on my breast, but I had to open them. The throb was getting deeper.  
  
"Hey listen," she whispered. "Can you get your nipple in your mouth?"  
  
I gave a giggle. "No."  
  
She made a pouting sound. "I didn't think so," she said. "Oh well. I'll just have to pretend I'm sucking on it."  
  
I licked my dry lips, rubbing my nipple between my thumb and forefinger. "I'll pretend, too," I whispered.  
  
It wasn't much of a flirt, but it pleased her. "Mmm," she moaned. "Are your nipples hard?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"I bet they could use a good sucking, couldn't they?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"Mmm," she moaned. She lowered her voice to a growl. "You love it when I suck your tits, don't you?"  
  
My face flushed hotly with excitement. I'd never heard her say tits before. And to say it about me, mine, well…fuck.  
  
I had an aching urge to stuff my hand into my pants but I kept my hand where it was, rubbing my nipple and plucking it idly, feeling it tingle all through my chest. If I wasn't so turned on by her voice I would've just dropped the phone and started clawing at my panties.  
  
My breathing had gotten faster and I think she heard it.  
  
"Mmm," she moaned with a little giggle. "Yeah, you love when I suck your tits, don't you? Your big fat yummy tits."  
  
More flashes, more horniness. "Yes…" I breathed.  
  
She gave a sultry giggle into the phone. "I love sucking them, too," she whispered. "I can almost feel your hot little nipple between my lips. I'd give anything to lick your tits right now. To lick all over them like a dog and suck them and bite them."  
  
Suddenly I pinched down on my nipple, almost as if there were some hidden command in her voice. I gasped sharply as a jolt of excitement spasmed in my chest, the gasp trailing off into a little moan. "Oh god," I whimpered.  
  
Alice giggled. "That's cute," she said. "You're so cute, Bella." Then she dropped her voice suddenly. "Hey," she whispered. "Guess what I just did."  
  
"What?"  
  
"I just opened my legs."  
  
My head spun and at first it was almost like I didn't understand. Alice's legs were open. Miles and miles away Alice was laying on her back on her bed with her legs open and no underwear and only wearing a towel and oh my god. My eyes were closed and the mental image knocked the breath out of me. I could see her so clearly, the towel pink, rumpled about her breasts, hiked up to her hips, her pearl white legs open and naked.  
  
"Mmhm," she went on, answering my breathy silence. "I spread them as wide as they could go and all I'm wearing is a towel. My pussy is completely exposed, and do you what I'm doing to it?"  
  
I almost couldn't speak. "What?" I whispered.  
  
"I'm teasing it," she said. "Tracing my finger up and down. Wishing you were here." She sighed heavily into the phone. "I want you so badly, Bella. Do you want me?"  
  
My hand was still holding my breast but I'd practically forgotten about it. My whole head was consumed by the throbbing between my legs and the desire to do something about it. "Fuck yeah."  
  
She giggled. "Well, as much as I hate to abandon your lovely breasts, why don't you go ahead and stick your hand in your panties?"  
  
I received the suggestion with very real relief. "Okay," I said, then I snaked my hand into my panties and groped myself gratuitously, letting my body squirm as it wanted to. I breathed heavily into the phone, my eyes closed.  
  
Alice was breathing heavy too. "Mmm," she moaned. "Are you wet, Bella?"  
  
"Yes," I said, rubbing myself, forcing my legs open wider.  
  
"Me too," she breathed. "My poor little pussy is throbbing so bad. It needs your tongue. Your tongue is the only thing that makes it feel good."  
  
I chuckled throatily. "I need yours, too," I said, but in all honesty, having her talk dirty on the phone was almost better than having her for real.  
  
"Mmm, I know you do, baby," she whispered. "Hey, let's pretend okay? Do you know how I'm picturing you right now?"  
  
"How?"  
  
"I'm picturing you kneeling between my legs. On your hands and knees. Completely naked with your smooth beautiful skin. You're kissing my pussy as if it was my mouth. With your dark hair spilling over my thighs. Tickling me. And your tongue inside me as far as it'll go. You're very hungry and you keep licking and licking and I love it so much with you're tongue so deep inside me. I can see it all in my head. Isn't that a pretty picture?"  
  
I had to stop touching myself before I came. It was too much, those thing she was saying. It was like she could read my mind, because that's exactly what I'd be picturing, that is if I was actually capable of generating a mental picture. Right now my brain seemed to be in preliminary meltdown. My thought process was stuck on: oh fuck oh fuck oh god oh fuck—  
  
"Can you taste me, Bella?" she whispered into the phone. "Do you know how wet I am for you?"  
  
"Yeah," I whispered back. I touched my clit tentatively. Shiver. I breathed out and started rubbing my clit gently, careful not to push myself too far.  
  
"Mmm," she moaned. "My pussy's so slutty for you, Bella. My slutty little pussy loves you so much. It almost hurts."  
  
"I love your pussy, too," I replied automatically, surprising even myself.  
  
"Ohh—!" she gasped, giggling. "Bella! I almost fainted from that. That was so hot. Say it again for me. Tell me that you love my slutty little pussy."  
  
I paused with my hand again before I came. I sucked in a breath and licked my lips. "I love your slutty little pussy," I told her softly. "I could lick it all day. And lick it all over."  
  
"Oh, Bella," she gasped playfully. "Oh Bella, that's so hot. Oh god, I think I'm about to come. Are you almost there, baby?"  
  
I'd been there for the past two minutes. I grinned. "Yes," I said. "I'm there."  
  
She giggled. "Well, hold on for just a bit, okay? Let me come first so you can hear me. I'll make it sexy for you. Are you listening, Bella? Listen to how bad I want you."  
  
The next twenty seconds were the sexiest thing my ears had ever heard. I'm sure it was mostly acted—or at least exaggerated—but it almost melted the phone all the same.  
  
She started breathing heavy. Loud pants of air that I could almost feel against my ear. Then a little moan. A sharp in take of breath. She breathed my name and inhaled and breathed my name out again. She made a groaning sound and I could almost see her twisting gently in her bed, her hand busy between her spread legs, her head tilted back. She started panting with short gasps of air into the phone. Behind my closed eyelids I could see her flushed face, her smooth cheeks, her long lashes. I could see her glossy pink lips, parted breathlessly, panting into the phone. Moaning my name. Her breath became sharper and I could hear it building inside her. She groaned louder and gasped, gasped, gasped, and then she cried out and—  
  
I came. My body arched up in a little spasm as the orgasm exploded between my legs. My face was blushing so hot it felt burnt and I was pressing the phone into my ear so hard it hurt.  
  
Ho-ly fuck.  
  
Alice's breathing was tapering off and I knew that she'd came too. I could picture her drawing her legs together and maybe touching herself a little more. I heard her swallow and lick her lips. "Whew," she said with a giggle. "That was fun, wasn't it? Did you come, baby?"  
  
I swallowed as well, trying to calm my breath. I took my hand out of my underwear and wiped in on my pants. "Yeah," I said, smiling shyly as I pulled my tanktop down over my breasts—excuse me, my tits. Alice's says they're tits, and tits are so much sexier, so I'm gonna call them tits. "That was hot."  
  
She giggled. "Well, hopefully it'll be enough to hold me till tomorrow night," she said. "Tomorrow night I won't have to picture you, will I? Tomorrow night you'll be right there, won't you?"  
  
I grinned. "Yeah."  
  
She giggled again. "Yes," she said. "Well. I better let you go."  
  
I felt a flash of disappointment. "Oh, are you sure?" I asked. "I mean, we can keep talking if you want."  
  
"No, no, no," she said. "I have to go to bed."  
  
"Oh. Do vampire's actually sleep?"  
  
"Oh yes. Well, something like that. We're like cats. Always napping. Always dreaming."  
  
"Okay," I said, trying not to pout. I didn't want to say goodbye but I forced myself. "Well, sweet dreams."  
  
"You too, Bella," she said. "So, um, nine o'clock's good? For tomorrow morning?"  
  
I held back laughter. First it was twelve, then ten, now nine. She was probably faking the whole coy act, but it was so dastardly cute that I couldn't bring myself to quibble over authenticity.  
  
"Nine o'clock's perfect," I told her.  
  
She made her smiley sound. "Okay," she whispered. " Thanks. Good night, Bella."  
  
I smiled, still disappointed, but glowing nonetheless. "Yeah," I said. "G'night, Alice."  
  
I was expecting her to hang up, but she didn't. There was a moment of silence and I could hear her breathing gently. I was wondering is she was still there when her voice spoke up softly.  
  
"Um, Bella?"  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"You'd better hang up first," she whispered. "I don't think I can."  
  
I almost laughed, but settled on a smile instead. "Why not?"  
  
She giggled quietly. "I don't know," she said. "Vampires are obsessive-compulsive, especially when it comes to romance. I can't hang up. It just wouldn't feel right."  
  
I grinned. "Well, I don't know if I can either."  
  
She giggled. "You must, my love," she said. "Be strong."  
  
She's said it in a theatrical tone, but I couldn't help glowing at how she called me her love. I couldn't wait for the day when she'd call me that and mean it.  
  
I hated to hang up on her, but it looked like I had no choice. "Alright," I said with a sigh. "Good night, Alice."  
  
I heard her smile one last time in a soft sigh. "Good night, Bella."  
  
It took a lot of willpower, but I managed to hit the disconnect button. Then I just lay there for a minute, frozen, my mind trying to catch up with what had happened, what had been planned.  
  
Alice at nine.  
  
The whole day together.  
  
A hotel room.  
  
And feeding.  
  
A blush was glowing on my face and suddenly I grabbed the pillow and squealed into it. When I regained my composure, I sat up, cleared my throat, corrected my hair, and quickly dived into the pillow again to smother a gale of giggles. Tears were prickling my eyes and I was so excited I couldn't sit still.  
  
All day—and night—with Alice.  
  
Oh.  
  
My.  
  
God.  
  
—  
  
I dreamt of Alice that night and in the morning I was so excited I sprang out of bed before the alarm had even gone off. My eyes were hot and grainy from lack of sleep, but I was still smiling the smile I'd fallen asleep with as I gave my hair a quick brush, tied it in a ponytail, and threw on my robe for warmth.  
  
Birds were singing outside my window in a melody of annoying shrieking sounds and my window was suffused with a cold grayness, but I didn't stop to sigh at what a perfect morning it was. I went downstairs with my iPod and pirouetted into the kitchen, only barely resisting the urge to hum to myself. I glanced through the fridge briefly and took a moment to consider breakfast. I poked around a little and noticed we had ingredients for pancakes, which immediately struck me as a good idea. I like pancakes, and I had some time to kill, so why not enjoy a cooked breakfast?  
  
Usually I'd ask mom for permission before I cooked anything—she liked to keep herself appraised of the fridge inventory at all times—but she was still asleep. But I knew she wouldn't have a problem with it as long I made her some, so I went ahead. Flour, milk, a bit of sugar. Crack a few eggs—well, one egg. Mix it all up. I was still smiling and I was calmly beating the batter when I decided to give in to my good mood and hum along with my iPod.  
  
All day with Alice.  
  
The thought wouldn't leave my head and my imagination was running wild with the possibilities. Sure, I hated shopping—always had—but shopping with Alice didn't quite seem like the same thing. I'm a hypocrite at heart and I was prepared to adjust my attitude toward pretty much anything if it included Alice.  
  
Ah, Alice.  
  
Alice, Alice, Alice.  
  
Even her name was magic to me, a symbol of love and acceptance with a hot body. How long had we been going out? Technically, I guess it was only a week, and today would only be our second date, but it felt much longer. Probably because of the dreams. So many dreams, and still every night I'd dream about her. Never like the dreams I used to have, but she was still always there, always in the back of my subconscious, smiling, winking, her eyes brazen and smoldering. My heart glowed thinking about her. Is it possible to fall in love with someone so fast? The rational part of my brain suggested not, but reason doesn't take into account how absolutely gorgeous she is. I mean, seriously. It's difficult to imagine anyone could look at her and not fall in love at first sight.  
  
I sighed, scooping the batter into the frying pan. It sizzled and I tilted the pan to make a neater circle, my mind wandering. It was gonna be so perfect. Lunch with Alice, dinner with Alice.  
  
Feeding.  
  
The thought was accompanied by a brief shiver, mostly excitement, part fear. If I was being completely honest with myself I had to admit that I was kind of scared, not just by the idea of getting, like, literally bitten, but also of the date in general. I hadn't been to Seattle in ages—now that I had a Kindle I didn't need bookstores—and I'd never really liked it. I'm a small town girl with anxiety issues that stem from an adolescence of hostility and alienation; even the familiar streets of Forks were enough to make me nervous. The foreign crowdedness of Seattle was enough to make me want to hold mom's hand and hide behind her skirt whenever we went.  
  
But I'd have Alice this time, and Alice's hand to hold. Maybe we'd only known each other a week, but I trusted her. I felt safe with her. Comfortable.  
  
But feeding. What was feeding going to feel like?  
  
By now the pancakes were done, and I got the coffee going for mom since she'd probably be up in a minute. While I waited for the machine to gurgle I washed the cooking dishes and stacked them, wondering about feeding, wondering what it'll feel like. I hardly remembered the first time. It had happened so quick, so dreamlike. It hadn't hurt, I remember that. Not at the time. I was probably numb from shock or euphoria, not really believing what was happening, convinced I was only dreaming.  
  
This time, however, there'd be no numbness. This time it was going to hurt, she told me herself. It doesn't seem like a big deal—just a little bite—but teeth hurt. It probably wouldn't hurt as much as, say, stepping into a bear trap, but there was bound to be a sting.  
  
When the coffee was done I poured myself a cup of milk and sat down with my pancakes. I fully intended to go through with it, of course, but I was worried I might not be brave enough. What if I flinch and she gets nervous? I wasn't worried about chickening out—I meant what I said when I said I was tougher than I look—but I felt a weird impulse to test myself. To find out what it would feel like.  
  
I couldn't bite myself in the neck, of course, but a forearm would probably give an accurate indication. And so, feeling like an idiot, I rolled up the sleeve of my robe, and bit into the underside of my forearm tentatively.  
  
I started gentle then went a little harder. Yep, definitely hurts. I frowned and tried half-heartedly to pierce the skin, but I couldn't do it. I gave a little grunt and tried once more to clamp down a little harder—and that's when mom walked in.  
  
She was dressed like me, sweatpants, tanktop, and a robe, but she hadn't bothered to brush her hair or tie it up, and with her zombie-like shuffle, she looked like a mental patient who just come from shock treatments. And maybe I looked something like a mental patient myself, sitting in front of plate of a pancakes and trying to take a chunk out of my forearm with my teeth. Like mother like daughter, I guess. Must be genetic.  
  
But luckily she didn't notice. She went straight for the pancakes on the counter.  
  
"Ooh, pancakes," she said, tearing a corner off the top one. "What's the occasion?"  
  
"Nothing," I said, putting down my sleeve after examining the teethmarks briefly. I hadn't managed much depth, but it didn't hurt much either, so maybe this feeding stuff wouldn't be so bad. "I was up early, so…"  
  
"Aww, and you put the coffee on," she cooed, pouring herself a cup. "See, Bella, this is the magic of having children. They enrich your life in ways you never expected."  
  
Breakfast seemed like a flimsy kind of enrichment to me, but I didn't say anything. She bought over her cup and a plate of pancakes and kissed the top of my head before sitting down to eat.  
  
I suppose it was sweet to have an affectionate mother, but I couldn't help wondering if she'd still do stuff like that if she knew I was gay. Or would she get all weird and start avoiding me? Hard to imagine that mom would ever stop loving me—and kind of scary that such a thing was possible.  
  
"So, why are you up so early?" she asked through a mouthful of pancakes. I almost told her not to talk with her mouth full, but I knew she wouldn't listen. She's like a child sometimes.  
  
"No reason," I said with a shrug, and then, naturally, I completely contradicted myself. "Actually, that's what I wanted to talk to you about."  
  
She regarded my half-nervous, half-excited demeanor, and said: "What is it, sweetie?"  
  
Best to proceed with caution. Mom had always been over-protective and she might not like the idea of me spending all day in a big city with a girl I barely knew, according to her. I suppose I could've explained that Alice is my vampiric soulmate who intents to drink my blood tonight, but somehow I didn't think it would help.  
  
"Well," I began, "I was on the phone with Alice last night—"  
  
"Again?"  
  
I blushed. I'd been on the phone with Alice a lot lately. "Well, yeah."  
  
"But I thought you hated cell phones? You always said you did."  
  
It was never Alice on the other line. In fact, there was never anyone on the line. But I didn't want to explain all that to mom, so I said: "Well, I'm older now, so…"  
  
Mom looked put out. "You never talk to me on your cell phone."  
  
"Not the point, mom," I said, bringing us back to topic. "Look, what I'm saying, is that we made plans for today. She's picking me up at nine."  
  
As always, she put up a curious front, but you could see the suspicion beneath. "Oh," she said. "Where're you going?"  
  
Here's the hard part. "Seattle," I said. "She wants to take me shopping."  
  
Mom frowned. "Seattle?"  
  
I pretended it was no big deal. "Yeah, why?"  
  
"Well, it's a long way to go just to go shopping. Is there something special you needed?"  
  
It would've been a good excuse if I could think of some special item, but I couldn't think of anything. "Not really," I said, deciding to continue the casual approach. "We'll probably just walk around and look at stuff. You know, hang out."  
  
"Just for fun?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"In Seattle."  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"Hm," mom said, regarding me suspiciously. "I thought you hated shopping?"  
  
I tried not to squirm. I'd always said that, sure, but it was only because I never had friends to go with.  
  
"Well, Alice likes it," I said, "so…"  
  
I let it trail off, implying I only wanted to go because Alice did—which was true—and mom shook her head.  
  
"Teenagers," she scoffed. "When you were a kid I had to practically twist your arm to get you to go shopping with me, but as soon as your friends wanna go—"  
  
"Mom," I said, cutting in. "Listen, I don't care about shopping, okay? All I wanna do is hang out with Alice, and Alice wants to go shopping in Seattle. What's the big deal?"  
  
Mom softened, but she wasn't convinced. "I don't know, Bella. Seattle's pretty far, and it rains all the time down there."  
  
I didn't see how the rain would be a problem—unless she thought I might melt or something—but I nodded. "Alice has a car, we'll be alright."  
  
"Hmm," she said pensively, sipping her coffee. You could actually see her thinking about it. Must be intoxicating to have so much power. I can't wait till I'm a mother.  
  
"Please, mom?" I said, not quite begging, but close enough for discomfort. "I really want to see Alice."  
  
She frowned at that, and I admit maybe I was a little fawning. But it was true. Why should I hide it? I really, really, really, wanted to see Alice, and I didn't particularly care where or how. Is there something wrong with that? Is that so strange?  
  
Mom sighed and set down her cup. "Well, alright," she said. "Do you need some money?"  
  
I smiled brightly. For a second there I'd been afraid I might have to resort to a dramatic tantrum like young people do on TV. Happily, it wasn't necessary. I remained a mature young woman, and mom remained best mom ever. The woman deserved a mug, seriously. She even offered me money.  
  
"Nah," I said, generously waving away the offer. "I've got some."  
  
Not much, but I wasn't planning to spend money on myself. I should have enough to cover the expense of impressing Alice.  
  
"You sure?" she asked.  
  
"Yeah, I'm good."  
  
She smiled, finally placated. "Alright," she said, stirring her coffee with a teaspoon. "When will you be back?"  
  
I froze.  
  
Shit.  
  
My fork was half way to my mouth with a piece of pancake on it. I'd been so preoccupied by trying to convince her to let me go that I forgot I wouldn't be back till tomorrow morning. Or not even then. I wouldn't be back till after school.  
  
I put the fork in my mouth and chewed to stall the answer. I had to make a quick decision, but what could I do? I decided to lie. I hated to start lying now, after such a truthful start to the day, but I wasn't about to risk her changing her mind.  
  
"Err, I'm not sure," I said, focusing on my pancakes. "Later, I guess."  
  
It must've been a natural delivery because she didn't question it. "Well, keep your phone on you at all times, okay? And answer it if I call."  
  
For the sake of propriety, I tried to feel bad about lying, but I couldn't. I was too excited. I smiled, nodding happily. "I will," I told her.  
  
She smiled back and watched me for a second as I resumed eating, holding her cup in both hands. Then she looked down into the cup. "You really like that Alice girl, don't you?" she asked.  
  
I swallowed. She was sipping her coffee. Her tone had been not quite casual, but close, and I felt a strange stirring of nervousness in my stomach. It was pretty obvious that she was suspicious I might like Alice, and for a second it seemed like she was giving me an opportunity to admit it casually, tell her about it without a drama.  
  
I was almost tempted. But I didn't. I couldn't be positive that she was suspicious, and even if she was, I couldn't be positive she'd be accepting. She could just as easily be luring me into a trap. It didn't seem like her style, but it was possible.  
  
Maybe I should've subtly hinted at it, so I could gauge her reaction for when I really told her, but I had too much on my mind at the moment, so in the end I just shrugged, fought back a blush, and said: "She's okay."  
  
By the time I'd finished breakfast and did all the dishes it was almost eight o'clock, and by the time I got out the shower it was eight o'clock. I had one hour to get dressed and to my shame I almost ran out of time.  
  
I didn't have that many choices for an outfit, of course, but I spent at least twenty minutes trying to kid myself into believe Alice wouldn't notice if I wore the same skirt as last time. It was the only decent piece of clothing I owned—the only thing with a brand name at least. Alice had told me not to stress about it, but I couldn't help it. It wasn't just Alice's opinion I was worried about, anyway. After all, total strangers were going to be there. How could I bare it if someone looked at me and made some comment that I couldn't even hear to someone I didn't even know? It would be mortifying.  
  
Needless to say, I took the matter quite seriously, but I couldn't shake a vague sense of shame at the idea of recycling clothes. Skirt in hand, I took a long honest look at what I was becoming, and I asked myself: am I really the kind of girl who wears the same skirt two dates in a row? Well, when you put it that way, no, I wasn't. Certainly not. It was unthinkable, now that I thought about it. I was confident enough in the depth of Alice's feelings to believe she wouldn't dump me for it, but there was a greater principle to consider, and in the end I decided to indulge this emerging sense of pride. Better to dress ugly than dress repetitiously.  
  
It was going to be cold out, so I decided to wear my hoody too, with the hood down, and it took another five minutes to convince myself that it wasn't as bad as it seemed. And on the bright side it did partly conceal my cheap top. I added a pair of black boots to the ensemble and that was it. I agonized for a further five minutes over whether or not to wear makeup, but decided it would be best not. It was broad daylight and I'm no try-hard—well, I try not to be. I brushed my hair twice, fluffed it a bit with my fingers, and then I was ready.  
  
It was still a little early so I took up a position outside the living room window where I could watch the street for Alice. Mom was out there gardening, trimming the half-dead flower bushes by the fence, and I got the feeling she was hoping to intercept Alice. Which was quite a crafty move, considering. Maybe I should wait outside and intercept the intercept? What if mom scares her away? What if Alice doesn't realize I'm still in the closet and does something to me that can't be passed off as just friends and then mom freaks out and forbids me to go anywhere with her?  
  
Anxiousness was creeping into my stomach and I frowned. The date hadn't started yet and already it was a disaster. And what the hell was so important about gardening right now? The stupid bushes were practically dead, anyway. Why couldn't she do it later? Like when I'm not expecting a secret date who happened to be a thirsty and unpredictable vampire?  
  
Maybe I should go out there. Maybe I should wait down the block so she doesn't get anywhere near mom. But what if she drives up from the other side? Maybe I should—  
  
I never figured out what I should do, because that was when Alice pulled up in her chrome silver Volvo. Cute car, but I had more important things to worry about. Alice had gotten out—it was cold but dry weather—and when she saw my mom she smiled and waved. Mom rose from the bushes and waved back. Alice came skipping down the garden path and paused to chat with a smile prettier than all the flowers around her.  
  
For a second I stared through the window with a silly smile on my face. She was five minutes early and I'd been hoping she'd be early, because being early meant that she was eager to see me, that she couldn't wait. Or that her watch was a little fast. But judging from the fact that she craves my blood, it's probably safe to assume she's eager.  
  
And oh my god she was cute. Her outfit was the cutest thing I'd ever seen on her, and completely different from anything I'd seen her wear at school.  
  
She was wearing a pale blue hockey shirt, baggy black jeans, and clunky black boots. It was a very tomboyish look, and insanely cute. All of it was loose fitting, but you could see the shape of her body under it. The hockey shirt fell past her hips and the very looseness of it emphasized how slim and slender she was. Her smallness was so exaggerated in those huge clothes that she looked younger, like twelve or fourteen years old. Combined with her girlish posture she looked like a little girl, but at the same time you couldn't help noticing the bumps of her breasts under the shirt, bumps that were very prominent and very provocative.  
  
The windowglass was misted from my breath, but I didn't exactly drool. I just couldn't stop staring with my dopey grin. She was so cute I felt like squealing. So cute I felt like melting on the spot and—  
  
Suddenly she looked toward the house and I realized I better get the hell out there. I snapped out of my Alice-induced trance and ran to the front door, composed myself, and went out.  
  
She'd been talking with my mom, but she lit up when she saw me. She broke off midsentance, ran up to me on the front porch, threw her arms around my waist, and placed an enthusiastic kiss on my cheek. She even popped her foot romantically.  
  
It would've been sweet if mom wasn't watching.  
  
My heart had started to soar from the touch of her lips but then I saw mom's reaction and it crashed and burned. It was only on the cheek, but still. Her face drained and she looked away briefly. Was it really that weird to kiss a friend on the cheek? Girl's did that all the time, right? Or was it my reaction? Did she see how much the kiss meant to me?  
  
"Hi, Bella!" Alice chirped happily, one arm still around my waist, already leading me to the car. "You ready to go?"  
  
"Yeah," I said, one eye on mom. She had replaced her smile and I decided it was safe to look at her. I gestured at the car loosely. "Um, me and Alice are gonna go now, so…"  
  
"Yeah, nice to meet you Mrs Swan," Alice added cheerfully. "See you later."  
  
Mom smiled with a slight uncertainty and nodded. "What time do you girls think you'll be back?"  
  
Alice gave me a look tinged with confusion and something else. Hurt? Accusation? I didn't know, but I hurried to answer mom.  
  
"I'm not sure," I said, shrugging a shoulder for effect. "I'll call you later and let you know."  
  
"Okay," mom said, watching as Alice opened the car door for me, another romantic gesture that couldn't quite be ignored or validated. She frowned doubtfully. "Well, have fun, honey."  
  
Alice swung closed the car door after I'd gotten in and I watched through the windshield as she waved to mom and said something cheerful and then she came around to the driver's side and got in.  
  
"You didn't tell your mom you won't be home tonight?" she asked before she'd even started the car. "Did you change your mind?"  
  
She pulled away from the curb without looking at the road, and there was something vulnerable in her expression, something needy. I smiled to reassure her.  
  
"No, I just thought it would be easier if I called her later. She's a little over-protective."  
  
She nodded and smiled in relief, turning a corner and continuing down the road.  
  
"Okay," she said. "Oh, and sorry for being so obvious back there, but I was just so excited to see you. She'll pass it off as just friends, don't worry. And believe it or not, I was holding back."  
  
I snorted playfully. "You were?"  
  
"Mmhm," she said, craning her neck to look out the window as if she was searching for something. "Hold on a sec."  
  
She swerved the car into an empty parking lot and hit the brake and then she leaned over the gearshift and kissed me full on the lips.  
  
The first thing I felt was surprise—a jolt in my stomach that quickly flipped into hunger. I let my mouth fall open and her tongue slipped in almost instantly. I gasped and responded, leaning into her face greedily, pushing my tongue against her own, my mouth flooding with saliva.  
  
Well.  
  
I guess she really was eager to see me.  
  
But as eager as she was, she couldn't possibly be as eager as me. My own eagerness had me straining against my seatbelt to get more of her mouth. The abrupt touch of her tongue had triggered that hungry mindlessness that takes me over sometimes, and suddenly all my self-consciousness and shyness was forgotten. All that mattered was getting my tongue inside her as quickly as possible. The hunger contracted in my stomach and I needed to eat her:  
  
Right now.  
  
Or at least as soon as I can get this fucking seatbelt of me. The damn thing felt like some weird bondage device, holding me back and teasing me and restraining me from the absolute yumminess that sat right there in the driver's seat beside me. I broke the kiss and fumbled with the seatbelt release.  
  
"Fucking thing…" I muttered, and Alice giggled, leaned over, and calmly pressed the button. The seatbelt clicked and disengaged. Alice's face was right there in front of mine, so close I could flick my tongue out onto her lips, and for a second I stared, mesmerized by the perfection of her face. Then she placed her lips onto mine, gently, almost passively, and suddenly the trance was broken.  
  
I pushed her back on her seat and dove at her jeans like a slut. She shifted and helped me pull them down, giggling as she fell back and bumped her head against the driver's door with a soft bonk, boots in the air. I ducked my head between her thighs, literally salivating. The hunger in my stomach was like some ghast incubus, almost unnatural with it's intensity, and her scent, her musky lavender and honey scent, almost made me swoon.  
  
Her pussy was as pretty as it always was and I didn't waste any time. She wasn't wet yet, just soft and silky. I licked at her rapidly, just licking, lapping like a cat, and she moaned pleasurably, urging me on. She was getting wet and the taste was incredible, and the scent—the scent was blinding.  
  
Both my hands were busy trying to balance in this odd position—leaning over the gearbox with the shift poking into my stomach—so I couldn't use any fingers, but that's okay be cause I didn't want to. All I wanted to use was my mouth. I don't know if it was weird or not, but I was starting to really love doing oral on Alice. She had a gorgeous pussy and it felt so natural and so perfect to go down on it, like a kiss, like I was kissing directly into her core, where she felt it most.  
  
She was getting wetter and finally I slipped my tongue inside her. She gave a little gasp and closed her thighs over my head, trapping my face in her unearthly warmth. I wriggled my tongue inside her and pulled it out and licked her a little and slipped it back in again, her thighs clenching on my ears and her breath hissing.  
  
"Mmm," Alice moaned. "Keep going, baby. Hurry."  
  
I kept going. I licked at her clit and took it between my lips.  
  
"Yes," she hissed. "Keep going. Hurry. Quick."  
  
She seemed to be anxious for her orgasm so I did by best to speed it along; I sucked on her clit hard enough to make a slurping sound. I heard the climax building in her breathing, like on the phone last night, and finally it came. Her thighs closed over my ears like hot earmuffs and I almost didn't hear her last moan, a high gasp trailing off into a giggle.  
  
I stayed between her legs for as long as she let me, placing tender kisses all over her lovely pussy, but eventually her hips shifted and I was forced to sit up.  
  
She was smiling and fixing her jeans, and for a second I just watched her patiently, almost shyly, wondering if it was okay to kiss her. But I didn't have to wonder very long, because as soon as she had her jeans zipped up, she beckoned to me with one finger and a smirk.  
  
"Come here," she said.  
  
Smiling, I crawled over, and smiling, she wrapped her arms around my neck and pulled me into a kiss. She settled back into the driver's seat and pulled me on top of her so that I was straddling her lap with the steering wheel digging into my back.  
  
She let her mouth fall open and I used my sudden leverage to plunge my tongue into it and explore every contour of that warm cavern. My tongue probed out her teeth and pricked her fangs. I licked the roof of her mouth. I swirled my tongue around hers and licked it and pushed it around like an angry lover. She was moaning and stroking my back under my top, tilting her face into the kiss, allowing me all the access I needed. I was holding her face with my hands, her cheeks red hot under my fingers, and I was lost in the kiss, lost in the incredible warmth and wetness of her mouth.  
  
I was so lost that I hadn't realized how horny I was getting. Still straddling her lap, I was pushing my hips at her for friction, but without much success. I was starting to get a little forceful and suddenly my butt bumped back into the steering wheel and hit the horn.  
  
We startled apart as the blast echoed through the empty parking lot. I gave a shaky chuckle, and tucked hair behind my ear as I took a quick glance out the windows, momentarily forgetting the intense throb between my legs. But happily for my continued integrity there was nothing out there, no cars, no people, hardly even any weeds. We were parked slanted across two spaces and the only thing could possibly be perving on us was a dirty brick wall painted yellow.  
  
"Sorry," Alice giggled, reaching for the lever to adjust the seat. "Let me put it back a little."  
  
I grinned, blushing, breath shuddering, praying no one would go by. The parking lot was pretty isolated, sure, but it was still technically in public, which didn't really flatter my self-image. If someone had asked me three weeks ago if I was the kind of girl likely to indulge in pre-date semi-public car-sex, I would've been forced to admit that Bella Swan considered herself a little too virtuous for that kind of conduct. Yet here I was, hot, horny, and straddling my girlfriend's lap as she pushed back the car seat to allow more room for a quickie in the front seat—and I wasn't even thinking about stopping, just being quick. Vampire's are known for their corrupting influence and I was starting to see why.  
  
When she had the seat back I started to lean to her face, eager to resume the kiss, but she pushed be back gently. "Wait, wait, wait," she whispered, and then jerked my top up over my breasts.  
  
Ah. Speaking of corruption.  
  
My bra was plain cotton but I didn't think my bra was what she wanted to see. And I was right. She grinned up at me, stroking my bra cups, my breasts tingling fiercely.  
  
"Is this okay?" she asked.  
  
I nodded mutely, my face flaming. I remembered our escapade on the phone last night, all the things she said and all the things she'd pictured doing, and I wondered—do we have time? Probably not, but I wasn't going to object to being groped a little, not by Alice's hands. In many ways her hands were even hotter than my breasts. My girls should be flattered.  
  
She didn't bother unhooking the bra, she just pulled the cups away and then pushed it up around my collar with my top, leaving my breasts exposed to her eyes—and her hands. Grinning, she took two handfuls and hefted them gently, as if weighing them. Not to flatter myself, but they had to be two pounds each, at least, maybe more. I smiled shyly, my hands dangling at my sides, watching her play with them. She gave me a little grin, and then she leaned slightly and placed two gentle kisses on each nipple, making me shiver with each kiss. Then she captured one nipple between her lips and started sucking on it.  
  
I chuckled and leaned back—right into the steering wheel. Another blast of the horn echoed through the parking lot and I burst out laughing embarrassedly. Alice giggled into my boobs and then she grabbed my face abruptly and pulled me down into a kiss.  
  
My laughter silenced in an instant, both smothered by her lips and disappearing into a sudden pang of hunger. I moaned into her mouth and resumed the kiss directly from where I left off, my mind wandering in a haze as I tried to somehow fuck her tongue with my own. I didn't have enough brain cells left to realize such a thing wasn't exactly possible, but I kept trying. I bullied her tongue around her mouth, licking up her warm saliva, loving the taste. She tasted minty and slightly like berries, as if she'd just eaten some kind of candy. It was delicious.  
  
Her hands were hard at work fondling my breasts, and I was pushing my chest at her, moaning into her mouth every time she squeezed or pinched my nipples. Her hands were so warm and small. My breasts felt like a perfect fit inside them and the hornier I got the harder I kissed her and the harder I kissed her the harder she squeezed. I groaned into her mouth and for the first time I felt a slight power over her. The power of being wanted. Some ridiculous part of me had always assumed that she was only having sex with me to be nice or something, but now, now with her face so hot and helpless and moaning under my kiss and her hands groping my breasts so greedily, I realized that she wasn't being nice at all. She wanted me. I still couldn't exactly understand why, but she did. She really did. The way she was stroking my breasts so hungrily couldn't possibly be fake, and as I kissed her, I actually felt my opinion of myself improve a little. After all; how could I be such a worthless person if I have nice tits?  
  
This sudden influx of self-esteem—as anti-feminist as it was—gave me a surge of excitement, and I grinded my hips into her lap, which achieved nothing, but making me more horny. Alice, however, got the hint and instantly stuck a hand into my pants. I almost squealed, and then two of her fingers slid directly inside me and I did squeal, a giggly rush of air as my hips spasmed into her hand.  
  
The kiss been broken by the sudden penetration and I was bucking into her fingers. My pants were still on so she didn't have a lot of room to maneuver. Her fingers weren't going in and out, they were just there, there inside me, my walls clenching down on them as they curled and wiggled.  
  
I was still practically topless, and I'd leaned back, giving her a view of my breasts. She was watching them with a wide smile and I decided to give her something to see; I bucked with my hips and made them wobble fetchingly. It was the first time I'd deliberately flaunted any part of my body and I must admit it was kind of fun. Whee, look at me. They're big, and they jiggle, too. I was blushing like mad, but my shyness was somewhat offset by the fact that there were two fingers buried knuckle-deep into my pussy and I was going slightly crazy from it.  
  
Alice, meanwhile, had decided to truly make me snap. She leaned and licked across one of my nipples, making me twitch and jiggle a little more. She then captured the nipple in her mouth and started sucking. My breath was coming hard and sharp and I angled my chest into her face, holding her head in place, clenching my fingers in her soft pixie hair.  
  
Her free hand had dropped into my pants and found my clit and that was it. Two fingers in my pussy, a thumb and forefinger pinching my clit, and soft pink lips sucking on my nipples—I came relatively instantly. I shuddered up against her, cried out, and flopped down on top of her, panting into her shoulder.  
  
Well. I don't know what Alice has planned for the rest of the day, but it was a good start.  
  
I had closed my eyes and I was hoping to enjoy the moment for a second when Alice spoke.  
  
"Bella?" she whispered. "You'd better move."  
  
She was speaking into my throat—her lips brushing against my pulsepoint—and I guessed why I had to move without asking.  
  
Still breathing heavy, I raised up off her and flopped back down on the passenger side, and then I quickly tucked my breasts back into my bra and pulled my top down, watching Alice. She had her head bowed and she was breathing heavy, heavier than me. I straightened my top and she gave me shaky giggle. The restraint of not feeding was obviously taking it's toll, but she tried to hide it.  
  
"That's how I really wanted to say hi back at your mom's house," she said, pulling away from the parking lot and accelerating away. She gave me a wink. "She might've been suspicious, though."  
  
I smiled and had to agree. Getting tongued and fucked on the front porch might've been a little harder to pass off as just friends. Still, I had to wonder why she was so adamant about not feeding. Why wait? I'd told her I was cool with it.  
  
But then I remembered what she said on the phone:  
  
I was hoping you might want to make it special for me.  
  
So that's it. She wanted it to be special. Well, I guess I could understand that. I just didn't get what the big deal was with waiting. She could've made it special last night, or the night before that, or any night. Why wait till she was at her very limit?  
  
I didn't know, but I guess it wasn't really important. If she wanted it special, I'd make it special. I wasn't sure exactly how to do that, but doing whatever she wanted seemed like a logical way to start.  
  
We kept driving and soon Alice was chatting away. It was the first time I'd been in a car with her driving and I learnt quickly that Alice liked to drive fast—very fast. She wove through town like a speed racer, flooring it down straights, accelerating through corners, braking at the stoplights in quiet screeches of rubber. She was making impressive time, but my heart was in my throat the entire ride, and I wasn't exactly exhilarated. I trusted Alice, sure, but I wasn't immortal, and I couldn't help feeling some slight concern at the possibly of fiery death in a high-speed vehicular collision. It bought to mind some of the videos I'd seen in driver's ed, but I didn't want to seem like a sissy, so I consoled myself with the fact that at least she wasn't drunk, and I kept my worries to myself.  
  
It all seemed second nature to Alice, anyway. It wasn't like she was trying to impress me, it was like she was just having fun, or even just driving normally. She didn't appear to be concentrating on going fast and there was no tensing of her shoulders or pursing of her eyebrows as she negotiated turns. She just lounged in her seat and roared through town, pushing the speed limit, making idle chit chat. As if we weren't narrowly avoiding gruesome mutilation at each intersection.  
  
Within half an hour we had left Fork's behind us and we were on the open road toward Seattle. Outside the window I could see trees. That's it. Just trees. I'd never been a huge fan of trees, but I hadn't been hoping on a view anyway. Why look out the window when Alice was right there beside me? In her pale blue hockey shirt with her baggy sleeves and those cute little bumps in the front. She was wearing her butterfly hairclip again, perched in her black pixie hair as if Alice herself were a flower. She was chatting away happily about the merits and applications of the color pink—she was a strong advocate—and I settled back in my seat and stared at her dreamily, losing myself in her voice, her scent, her cuteness.  
  
It was raining by the time we got to Seattle and I found the sound of rain on the car roof to be soothing. It wasn't quite lunch time but I was starting to get curious about where we were going to eat. I remembered the agony I'd went through last week when I was trying to decide where to take her, and I wondered if she might be experiencing something similar.  
  
I don't know why, but for some reason I was expecting her to try and impress me with something extravagant, some ultra-expensive restaurant where I'd be so underdressed that I'd cringe in embarrassment with each step as we walked in. I mean, she obviously has tons of cash, and she does have a flamboyant streak. It seemed natural to assume—which just goes to show how stupid and vain I am.  
  
Alice hadn't even mention lunch. We drove straight to the mall, and we were walking around for maybe a couple minutes, hand in hand, when she broke off mid-sentence, pointed out some random sushi bar, and said:  
  
"Ooh, how bout sushi? You hungry yet?"  
  
That was her grand luncheon invitation.  
  
To be honest I was relieved. I'd never had sushi, of course, and if it was any one other than Alice suggesting it, I'd probably prefer to starve. But if anything could possibly make raw fish taste good, it was Alice's recommendation, so I smiled and nodded. "Sure," I said. "Okay."  
  
The sushi place was just a small booth among other booths. We took two stools at the counter and I let Alice order, since I had no idea what on the menu was even edible. I just hoped none of it was still alive.  
  
From everything I knew about sushi, I was expecting something you might be tempted to thread onto the end of a hook for bait rather than eat, but what arrived was a paper box of steaming noodles with bits of fully cooked seafood in it. It was actually really good.  
  
Alice was still chatting relentlessly and by now she'd moved on to a dissertation on the maritime habits of sharks and their methods of reproduction. She'd been in a gabby mood all morning and I wondered if she was a little nervous. Aside from the episode in the car, she hadn't mentioned feeding or given any indication that tonight was the night she was going to do it. It was like she was making a special effort to act as human as possible, as if we were simply enjoying a casual date, nothing out of the ordinary. As if tonight wasn't eventually going to conclude with my blood on her lips.  
  
It was nice, but I didn't want to avoid the truth, especially since I was kind of excited about it. I wanted to know more about this feeding stuff. I wanted to know what to expect. Sharks were a fascinating subject, no doubt about it—especially in Alice's voice—but in all honesty I was mostly waiting for an opportunity to change topic. And finally I found one.  
  
"Hey," I said, as soon as there was a break in the conversation. "Can I ask you a question?"  
  
"Of course," she said, poking at her box of noodles with her chopsticks. "What is it?"  
  
I decided to approach the topic subtly. "I was just wondering," I said. "Do you enjoy food? Like, does it taste the same to you as it does to me?"  
  
"Mmhm," she said, slurping up a noodle. Last week she'd been so dainty when she ate pizza, and I couldn't help wondering what changed. Maybe she was more comfortable with me now and didn't feel the need to eat so neatly. I wished I felt that comfortable, but for my part, I was still eating with an Olympic level of precision. "I love seafood," she added. "I could eat seafood all day."  
  
"But…" I glanced around and lowered my voice. "…you prefer blood?"  
  
She froze for a second. It must've been the b-word. The mall was busy and there was lots of noise behind us, people coming and going, rain on the glass roof. I felt a little silly mentioning this stuff in such an every-day environment, but I really wanted to talk about it.  
  
Alice recovered and gave me a small smile. She nodded but she didn't speak. I nodded back, observed a slight pause, and then tried a new approach.  
  
"Hey, can I ask you another question?"  
  
She seemed to know what it was going to be. She smiled. "Sure."  
  
I glanced around and dropped my voice even lower. "What does blood taste like?"  
  
She looked at me for a second with a little smile and then she looked away and shrugged a shoulder. "It's hard to explain."  
  
"Can you try?"  
  
"Have you ever done heroin?"  
  
I chuckled, taken aback. "No," I said. "Of course not."  
  
She gave another little shrug. "Then you really wouldn't understand."  
  
Maybe I should've let it go, but I really wanted to know what the big deal was. I'd read vampire novels before and I'd never really understood why the vampire craves blood so much. Is it a meal? A drug? Or is it simply a theatrical device used in cheap romance to emphasize feelings of feminine helplessness in the heroine? I mean, seriously—what's the deal?  
  
Alice was eating again and I leaned slightly. "Is it addictive?" I asked quietly.  
  
She gave me a little nod, a slight smile.  
  
I tried to read her expression but I couldn't. I shrugged slightly. "It doesn't seem as bad as drugs," I mentioned.  
  
She smiled and slurped up a noodle. "It's not," she said. Then added: "In the beginning. Addiction never begins ugly. It begins with excitement. And satisfaction. But eventually the need overwhelms the pleasure until the need is all you have left. A need that can never be sated, that can never be abandoned. A need dearer to you than your own heart. A need that grows more desperate by the hour until finally…it consumes you."  
  
Her voice had grown soft and intense. There wasn't much in her expression that might indicate that she was joking but I smiled awkwardly anyway. "Is that going to happen?" I asked. After all, if would suck to be consumed, no pun intended.  
  
But she smiled and shook her head. "No," she said. "I was just speaking of addiction in general."  
  
I let out a sigh that I hadn't realized I'd been holding. She giggled.  
  
"I'd never hurt you, Bella," she said, placing a hand over mine.  
  
I felt a tiny jolt as she said my name and at the touch. "I know."  
  
"Do you?"  
  
"Sure."  
  
She smiled and withdrew her hand. "Thanks," she said. "I like how you never judge me for what I am. It's nice. Naïve…but nice."  
  
To be honest I wasn't even sure what naïve meant. I thought it meant something like stupid, but why would it be stupid not to judge her? Is she implying that she's dangerous and I don't see it? Or is she just being self-deprecating? I don't know, but either way she's still insanely cute.  
  
"Hey, can I ask you a question," I asked for the third time.  
  
She giggled through a mouthful of noodles. "You do realize that is in itself a question, don't you?"  
  
I smiled sheepishly. "Sorry. Can I?"  
  
She giggled again. "Of course, Bella. Ask me anything."  
  
"Well, I was wondering…" I remembered we were in a public place and dropped my voice again. "Do different people taste different? Blood, I mean."  
  
She looked me over and then shook her head. "No," she said. "Blood is blood. The variable that changes is emotional attachment. The more attached we are to the person the greater the desire to feed from them."  
  
That seemed a little odd. "Why?"  
  
She smiled and shrugged a shoulder. "We all long to destroy those we love."  
  
I snorted. "I don't."  
  
She giggled. "Like I said: naïve."  
  
I gave her a puzzled look. She smiled, stuck her chopsticks in the box, and leaned to me slightly to explain.  
  
"When I was a girl," she whispered, "I had a pet kitten. I loved her more than anything. Then one day I hugged her so tight I broke her paw." She paused to let that sink in then smiled and gestured airily with her chopsticks. "Accidentally, of course, but you see the point."  
  
I frowned thoughtfully. "So basically…you want to hug me to death?"  
  
She smiled and went back to her noodles. "Something like that."  
  
I had to admit I was kind of troubled. I'd known dating a vampire wasn't going to be your typical highschool romance, but unless I'm misunderstanding something here, it seems that my girlfriend had just told me to my face that she might accidentally kill me some day. I didn't believe she'd actually do it, but still.  
  
"But I don't get it," I said, my appetite forgotten. "You hardly know me. How could you have any…attachment?"  
  
Another little shrug. "Attachment forms in various ways. I wasn't precisely in love with my pet kitten, was I? But she was cute and she really liked me. How could I resist reciprocating?"  
  
So now she's comparing me to a cat? Well. As far as animal comparisons go I guess I could do worse. A cat was better than a turtle, for instance, although a puppy would probably be cuter.  
  
"Besides, you and I are a unique case," she went on. "I've always been attached to you. I was attached to you before I ever met you."  
  
I think I knew what she meant by that. "You mean like me with the dreams?"  
  
She nodded and smiled. "Exactly. Every step I've ever taken has been leading me to you and you alone. Whether I willed it or not. Our attachment was formed and waiting before we ever met. It's called destiny."  
  
I gave little snort. "I've never really believed in destiny."  
  
She cocked her head. "No?"  
  
I smiled and shook my head. "Not really. I always thought the world was kind of just…random. Mom always said everything happens for a reason, but I always thought that was kind of stupid."  
  
Alice smiled mysteriously. "Ah, but there is a reason. Not always easily discernable, but there. Furthermore, it doesn't matter what you believe, or what your mom believes, or even what I believe. Destiny isn't magic. It's protons and neurons moving in patterns with the shape of the pattern predicated on the pattern before it and so on into an infinitude of pre-arranged matter and molecules unto the utmost edge of the universe. Do you think having a soulmate is special? It's not. You and I and the love between us are but facts among others. There's nothing either of us could've done to avoid or advance it. We, both of us, are simply…destined."  
  
She finished with a smile and a flourish of her chopsticks. My brows drew together as I pondered how I was supposed to react to that, because mostly I was just confused. I'd been trying to pay attention, but to be honest she lost me when she started talking about protons. I mean, seriously; is this a date or science class?  
  
I gave her a weird look, half smiling. "Um, is that supposed to be romantic?"  
  
She smiled, turning back to her food. "Well, I think it is," she said. "Don't you?"  
  
"I don't know," I chuckled. "You make it sound like I'm a science project or something."  
  
She giggled and poked around with her chopsticks. "It's okay, don't hurt your head over it. I like talking in circles. It feeds my vanity. Here, try some sashimi."  
  
She poked a bit of fish at my face and I opened my mouth obediently. It tasted squishy, but I nodded and said: "Mmm."  
  
She smirked and put the chopsticks in her mouth. She didn't pick up any food, she just tasted the sticks where they'd touched my lips, a semi-erotic act that gave me a quick thrill.  
  
"Mmm," she said, her eyes on mine.  
  
I smiled and looked away, blushing, my appetite returning.  
  
We ate, and after lunch we did something I've always wanted to do; we hung out at the mall.  
  
Such a simple thing, commonplace for most people, but for me it was something of an event. I'd never been shopping with anyone but my mom, bland excursions to the grocery store with me sulking along behind her and carrying a basket and praying we wouldn't bump into anyone from school. Pure misery. Today, however, was like something out of my dreams, complete with a pretty girl at my side—and not just any pretty girl, but Alice, my Alice. The prettiest girl in the world.  
  
Hand in hand we strolled among the stores, hand in hand we stood on the escalators as they rose to the upper level. Hand in hand we passed through the food court and hand in hand we dawdled at shop windows, pointing, smiling, chatting. We drew stares, but it wasn't as bad as I would've thought. It was worse at school. These were pure strangers who hadn't had several years of middle school to develop a mindless zoo-like hatred for me. The glances were brief and there was hardly any expression in them at all. No one pointed and called us names, no one ran at us with a pitchfork to rout us from the premises. Unlike at school these people seemed to have better things to do than tease the lesbian. I was still achingly self-conscious, of course—my clothes were still cheap and my hoody was still ugly—but deep down beyond all that there was a bedrock of newly-formed pride that kept me from wishing I was invisible or dead, like I usually did in public.  
  
It was mostly Alice. She drew attention, sure, but it was hard not to feel flattered that it was my hand she was holding. Me, mine, Bella Swan's. She was holding my hand because she liked me, and although it was utterly inexplicable why, it was nevertheless impossible not to be flattered that this smart, pretty, funny, quirky girl actually liked me.  
  
My self-respect had been in the negative these last few years, but with Alice's hand in mine, and Alice's voice jabbering happily beside me, I could almost feel the needle on the graph swing upwards. I was aware that it's completely pathetic for a girl's self-worth to hinge entirely on her relationship, of course, but frankly I was too desperate to really give a fuck. If it was my fate to value myself only as my girlfriend value's me, then so be it. I'm sure she has better taste than I do, anyway.  
  
We continued on through the mall, no real destination, just exploring. Alice would stop to examine whatever took her fancy, a purse in a window, a hotdog on a stick, a display of lawn furniture. We browsed through the toy section of a department store with Alice mauling through everything that had a Try Me sticker in the corner of the box, shooting me with plastic guns that made laser noises, chatting with talking stuffed pandas, making obscene suggestions to the Barbie Dolls while peeking up their skirts. I trailed at her side happily, soaking in her every word. Some of her material was inane, even stupid, but to me it was the height of wit and I could've listened to her mall-induced frivolity all day long.  
  
I even had fun shopping for clothes, which was a first for me. Usually when I went clothes shopping I was hampered by both a lack of money and a threat of general bullying at school if I even tried to break out of my fugly mould. Alice made all the difference. I still had no money, of course, but Alice was eager to buy me stuff and I didn't have the stubbornness to even pretend to say no. I just blushed and nodded, trailing along behind her like a lovesick servant as she pawed through racks of tops and skirts, passing a few choice articles back to me. By the time we'd made a sweep of the store I had a whole armful of colorful outfits for both me and her and when she was satisfied with out preliminary haul she ordered me into one of the change rooms and closed the door behind us.  
  
Where we soon lost interest in the clothes and became more interested in the fact that we were alone and half naked. It was inevitable, really. The idea had occurred to me before the door was even shut and I'm sure it had occurred to Alice even earlier.  
  
It was kind of disturbing how physical our relationship was becoming, but hey; I'm not complaining.  
  
It started innocently enough. We undressed to our underwear—she was wearing blue, blue bra, blue boyshorts—and tried a few things on, posing in the mirrors, fawning and demurring over how cute we were. I was in such a happy mood that I soaked up her compliments with hardly any insecurity at all. I even believed her, well mostly.  
  
But eventually we lost interest in the clothes and became more interested with the bodies underneath. Alice had just dropped a skirt about her ankles and with a blush I observed that her ass was still incredible. It fit snuggly in the soft blue material of her boyshorts, all soft and round with the elastic hugging her contours. I was jealous of that elastic. I wanted to hug her contours.  
  
Some of this must've showed in my face because suddenly Alice giggled. When I looked up she was watching me in the mirror with a knowing expression.  
  
"You really like my ass, don't you?" she smirked. "I've noticed you staring at it before."  
  
I blushed even deeper and tried to make an excuse. "Well, it's…kind of hot."  
  
Alice turned her head over her shoulder to examine her rear reflection, tilting her ass slightly and adjusting the elastic of her panties with her fingers. "It is, isn't it? Sometimes I forget how hot I am. It's one of the perks of being a demonic predator who's primary weapon is seduction. The devil hath power to assume pleasing form. Hm?"  
  
I didn't really hear, I was staring at her ass. When I realized she was talking to me I looked up, cleared my throat—it had gone all tight—and said: "Huh?"  
  
Something about demons or devils. I didn't care if she was demon. I didn't care if she was actually a guy, that ass is just too hot.  
  
She rolled her eyes elaborately at my dumbness, and then she turned to me and wrapped her arms around my neck, gazing up into my face. We were wearing nothing but our underwear and I could feel the heat of her body and the heat in her eyes. "Tell you what," she said softly. "Why don't you just go ahead and cop a feel? We both know you want too."  
  
I blushed all over again, but I didn't move. I was rigid with conflict. I was shy, sure, but there was certain a caution, too. After all, what if I touch her and my hand disintegrates on contact? Such hotness is not to be trifled with.  
  
"It's okay, don't be shy," she whispered, taking my hand and guiding it. "We're soulmates, remember? You don't need to hide your desires from me."  
  
She pressed my hand against the warm cotton of her underpants and instantly my heart started throbbing. She kissed the corner of my mouth.  
  
"In fact, you can't hide them," she whispered. "Do you know why?"  
  
"Why?" I breathed, applying just the faintest pressure with my hand, my head swimming at how indescribably soft and warm she was.  
  
She placed a kiss on my lips. "Because we're soulmates. Our souls are one and thus are our desires. Your desires are my desires." Another kiss. "All of them…"  
  
I caressed her gently, very gently, as gentle as I could. I was deadly afraid of degrading her but I loved the feel of her so much. It's not easy to communicate love and respect by groping a girl's ass, but I tried my best.  
  
"Alice," I whispered into her lips.  
  
But apparently our desires weren't as coordinated as she claimed. I was interested in something tender and romantic, but she seemed to have a more trashy turn of mind. She pulled back from my lips and grinned.  
  
"Hey, wanna do something wild?"  
  
The tone of her voice was wild enough, honestly, and I was too dazed to reply. She spun away from me and at first my heart broke at losing the touch of her ass, but then my heart knitted back together again as she dropped her panties and unlatched her bra.  
  
"Do you know what trib is?" she asked.  
  
"Err…" I had some vague idea from my brief forays on the internet to research my sexuality, but I wasn't certain enough to say so.  
  
Complete naked she sorted though the pile of discarded clothes and came up with a tight black miniskirt.  
  
"Trib is when you rub yourself against your partner," she went on, pulling on the skirt. "Traditionally it's a scissors kind of thing, but it doesn't have to be pussy to pussy, you can use any area of the anatomy you want. Including…"  
  
The miniskirt was stretchy black material and it fit her ass perfectly. She smirked over her shoulder and hiked it up over her hips.  
  
"…your partner's ass."  
  
She wiggled her butt cutely and giggled. She was completely naked except for a skanky miniskirt that was hiked up to reveal everything and the blush that washed over my face almost cooked me alive.  
  
She turned to me, smiling, and wrapped her arms around my neck. "What do you think?"  
  
I had no idea. I couldn't have been more mystified if she'd just stripped down and told me she wanted me to hump her ass like an animal. Wait, that IS what she's telling me. Well, no wonder why I'm about to die from embarrassment.  
  
Weirdly, the most prominent thing I felt was demeaned, which was kind of ungrateful, really. I should've been on my knees thanking her and weeping with gratitude, and yet I couldn't help feeling slightly miffed that she would just automatically assume that I was the kind of girl who would eagerly engage in such base behavior. I was such a girl, of course, but still.  
  
I swallowed and said: "Um…"  
  
Alice giggled and turned me loose. "I'll take that as a yes. Now…" She looked about the small change room. "I'm not about to lay on the floor in a public place, so we'll have to do it standing up. Ah, here!"  
  
There was a single chair in the corner with our clothes stacked on it. Alice grabbed it and swept off the clothes and arranged it by the mirror and then she knelt on it with one knee and pointed her ass at my hips.  
  
"Okay, I'm ready."  
  
I almost burst into tears from fretfulness. Did she really expect me to do this? Could I? I wanted to—oh fuck did I want to—but weren't we crossing some line of decency here?  
  
Alice smiled at me in the mirror. "What's the matter, baby?"  
  
"Well, um…" I swallowed. It felt like swallowing a watermelon in my throat. "I don't know, it just seems a little…"  
  
I gestured at her bare ass, pointing at me like that. And not just her ass, her pussy too, her pussy just barely peeking from between her legs. I had an insane desire to run over and eat her out, but her ass, her ass right there, so round and gorgeous and—  
  
Alice smirked. "A little what?"  
  
I swallowed again. "A little, um…" I didn't want to offend her with a bad word so I swallowed one more time and said: "…unladylike?"  
  
She giggled, her ass bobbing. My pussy was throbbing like mad and there was a damp patch on the front of my panties.  
  
"Unladylike?" she parroted. "Please. Who are you, my mother?"  
  
"Well, it's just…"  
  
"Bella, I think you need to get used to the idea of dating a vampire. Seriously. I live for sex and blood, nothing else. If you can't come to terms with that then maybe this isn't going to work out."  
  
"But you said we're soulmates."  
  
She smirked. "I'm assuming we're soulmates based on the available evidence, but soulmates or not, all relationships have to be worked at in order to thrive. Now get over here and work at it."  
  
"Oh, fine," I muttered fretfully.  
  
I stepped forward, but she tossed her chin in the mirror. "Take off your underwear," she commanded.  
  
I pouted, but I did it. My panties came away sticky and she openly leered in the mirror as I took off my bra, which gave me a quick flash of excitement. I dropped it to the floor and she wriggled her ass impatiently.  
  
"Okay, hurry up."  
  
I was standing right behind her. She had one foot on the floor and one knee on the chair and she was leaning with her hands on the backrest. Her legs were parted slightly and I could see the moisture between them.  
  
Tentatively, I reached out and touched her. My hands felt like blocks of wood attached to my wrist, but I lifted one of them and placed it flat against her smooth round buttock. I felt her quiver beneath my hand and a weird longing ripped through my chest.  
  
"Oh god you're beautiful, Alice…"  
  
I was talking to her ass but I didn't have enough brain power to register how ridiculous that was. Alice giggled and rubbed her ass into my hand provocatively.  
  
"You're hand isn't going to make you come, baby. Hurry up."  
  
I frowned and shook myself out of it. "Okay, um…"  
  
How to proceed? I knew my objective; achieve orgasm via genital rubbing against my girlfriend's luscious ass. But how?  
  
Her ass was hip-level to me, but even on tiptoes I couldn't exactly, um…  
  
Alice noticed my perplexion in the mirror. "Put your foot on the chair," she suggested. "You need to get a good angle."  
  
Good idea.  
  
I put my foot on the chair beside her knee. My legs were cocked open over her ass and she raised her hips slightly till she bumped my pussy.  
  
I almost fell over at the contact. Just a feather light touch of her ass against my throbbing entrance, but it felt like she'd backed into me with a truck. My pussy contracted in a quick spasm of horniness and I took a grip on her hips to keep from overbalancing.  
  
"Oh god," I said, rubbing against her ass, almost automatically. "Oh god…"  
  
She giggled. "That's why I recommended it. Keep going."  
  
I clenched down on nothing and kept going, pushing my silky pussy at the warm smoothness of her ass. I started slow, but a rhythm began to build in my hips as the climax grew inside me, my pussy dragging hot streaks of wetness over her firm buttock, slathering her ass with my essence, grinding down on her harder and harder. I groaned and bumped my clit against her. She giggled.  
  
"Grab my tits," she said. "Can you reach?"  
  
I could reach.  
  
I reached around and grabbed a handful of whichever one was closer. Left. She was bent over so her breasts were hanging slightly and it felt like pure warm weight in my hand. Just pure soft sexy flesh. I squeezed it and pushed at her ass with my clit, groaning, my eyes squeezed shut. I kept rubbing, squeezing her breast in rhythm, and then I grabbed her other breast and started squeezing that one too.  
  
"Open your eyes, baby."  
  
I opened my eyes. Alice was in the mirror smiling. I was mounted over her ass, humping away at her buttock like a wild woman, groping at her breasts, my dark hair spilling over my bare shoulders. And there she was smiling.  
  
"Watch my face, okay? It'll make you come quicker."  
  
She was right, I could already feel it. Her face was fairly neutral since she obviously wasn't anywhere near orgasm herself—unless there was some hidden pleasure sensors in a girl's ass I wasn't aware of—but the eye contact alone was enough to push me over the edge. There was something compliant in her eyes, not submissive, but something that seemed to taunt me playfully, something that said: See how pretty I am? See how much you want me?  
  
See how much I like it?  
  
I moaned and I squeezed down on her tits. It made her smile. My own tits were swaying and wobbling as I grinded against her ass and she flickered her eyes over them in the mirror deliberately and then she licked her lips and smiled and looked into my eyes boldly. She bumped back into my pussy and I kept grinding and grinding, her ass slippery and wet with my arousal, my breath coming sharper and sharper. I kept staring at her in the mirror as the climax welled between my legs and then I couldn't look anymore.  
  
I squeezed my eyes shut and groaned. The orgasm shivered through my body and I pushed against her so hard I almost tipped over the chair.  
  
Wow…  
  
Fucking awesome.  
  
When I set my foot down on solid ground I almost fell over. The climax was still tingling away between my legs and I was trying to catch my breath.  
  
"That was amazing," I said, swallowing to wet my mouth. "Did it feel good for you too?"  
  
Kind of a dumb question, but I felt a little guilty about it. It was wild, no doubt about it, but I couldn't help feeling like I'd…used her. It was an uncomfortable feeling, because I didn't want to think of her like that. I liked to think of her as pure pristine angel; not a sex object.  
  
She giggled and straightened up. She was still wearing nothing but that black miniskirt about her hips. That skirt and nothing else. "Oh yes," she said, "it was great. Not physically, psychologically. A girl likes to be debased every now and then. You'll understand as you get older. But if you want to make me feel good physically…"  
  
She flopped down onto the chair, lifted her legs, hooked her hands around her knees, and spread them as high and wide as they would go.  
  
"…you're more than welcome."  
  
The first thing I felt was stunned.  
  
I mean, fuck. Slouched in the chair, legs in the air, naked but for that damn miniskirt. Her pussy was soaked and it looked oh so yummy between her thighs, all fat and juicy with girlcum. If I'd had any presence of mind at all—and if our relationship wasn't so new—I would've been sorely tempted to get a picture on my cell phone.  
  
She was looking up at me expectantly and I was grateful to have an invitation I didn't have to feel guilty about; I knelt at the chair and accepted with gusto.  
  
She giggled as my lips made contact and squealed as my tongue slid inside.  
  
"Ooh, you're getting good at that," she said, pulling back her legs even further. "But be quick, okay? We've got shopping to do."  
  
I would've preferred to take my time—I was really starting to love this oral stuff—but I decided to hurry. She was just too delicious and I didn't really have the restraint. I licked at her hungrily and kissed her and stuck my tongue in and out, in and out, and then I licked at her some more, kissed her clit, suckled on it. I wiggled my tongue back into her entrance and pushed it in as deeply as I could and then I withdrew it and licked at her silky lips and then pushed it back in.  
  
"Yes," she hissed, sitting holding up her legs. "Keep going, baby. Hurry."  
  
I started fucking her with my tongue, building speed as I plunged it in and out, my lips mashing against her pussy with each thrust. She started moaning and I started teasing her clit with my thumb. Her breath came in short gasps and just as she was on the cusp of orgasm I forced my tongue into her entrance as deeply as it would go, curling it up inside her and licking deep into her core.  
  
It pushed her over the edge and as she came by mouth was flooded with her exquisite juices. I swallowed it all up and I kept on licking until I felt her legs flop down either side of me.  
  
"Okay, sweetie," she said, tapping my shoulder. "I'm good, you can stop."  
  
I gave her pussy one last kiss and she giggled and cupped my face in her hands. She leaned down from the chair and kissed my wet mouth.  
  
"Thanks, baby," she said. "That was amazing."  
  
I chuckled shyly and wiped at my face with my palms. She rose with a sigh and, almost daintily, fixed her skirt. She pulled it down over her hips and smoothed it out, watching her reflection in the mirror. I was sitting on the floor with my elbow on the chair, flushed and exhausted. She cocked her hip and I raked my eyes over her ass. It was still amazing.  
  
"You know, I think I'm gonna buy this skirt," she said. "It suits me, don't you think?"  
  
If she was going to buy stuff on the basis of what looked good on her, then she'd have to buy the whole store, even the men's department, because everything looked good on her. But I just smiled and nodded.  
  
"Yeah," I said. "It looks great."  
  
It took a while for me to flutter back to life after such a intensive interlude, but I did. Alice had revived almost instantly, and she'd picked up her conversation right from where she'd left off, as if nothing had happened at all. Chick must have massive stamina.  
  
She did wind up buying the skirt, and other skirts, and a few tops and a couple pairs of pants, a scarf, several belts, a kicky new beret. Most of it was for me, so it would've been rude to complain about carrying the bags.  
  
She handed the cash over the counter with a cocky flourish—all hundreds, of course—but it didn't impress me as much as the memory of her ass. Still, nice to know I'm dating a millionaire—and my soulmate, too. Does this mean I can quit school and retire with her to a villa in the south of France? We'd have to talk about it later, when we're more familiar. I wouldn't want to seem like a gold-digger.  
  
How much money does she really have, anyway? She had a huge house and all her sisters had their own cars. It probably wouldn't be polite to ask, but I had to wonder.  
  
In any case, Alice still wasn't done shopping—not even close—but before we resumed our adventures, she made an executive call to stash the bags in her car so I wouldn't have to carry them everywhere. We were on our way to the elevator bank when we passed the cinema on the second floor. There was a poster on the wall for some animated kids movie about animals that bought Alice to a halt mid-sentence.  
  
"Aww, look at the zebra!" she cooed. "I love zebras! Do you wanna see the zebra, Bella?"  
  
I could name things I'd rather see, but I responded enthusiastically, only subtly hefting the shopping bags to underline the point that they were heavy. We checked the movie times and found out that the next showing was in half an hour, which gave us enough time to deposit the bags and grab a snack and even ride the elevator up and down for a while. Alice loved the elevator. She was having so much fun we were almost late for the movie.  
  
It was early afternoon so the theater was almost empty. It was dark inside and very quiet. We went in hand in hand, and I started into the aisle to get good seats, but Alice tugged me back gently.  
  
"Let's sit over there," she whispered. "In the corner."  
  
I frowned slightly. "Isn't it a better view in the center?"  
  
"Yeah, but…" She lowered her voice and glanced about. "It's more private over there," she whispered. "I might not be able to control myself for the whole movie."  
  
I stared at her. Is she kidding? Oh god I hope she's kidding. I mean, we'd already—I mean, twice! She couldn't possibly…  
  
Alice smiled and tugged me away into the dark corner. I followed floatily, like something pulled on a string.  
  
We sat down as the movie was starting and Alice maneuvered my arm around her shoulders and snuggled into me. Then she reached over and took my other hand, just holding it. I glanced at her shyly, watching her pretty face flicker in the bluish light of the movie, and she smiled and placed a quick kiss on my lips. Then she re-snuggled under my arm and settled to watch the movie.  
  
At first everything was fine, and I'd began to think her concerns for her uncontrollable vampiric lust were a little exaggerated. So far in our short relationship, we hadn't proved to be the most conventional of lovers, but at least we had the decency to do it all behind closed doors. But there was no closed door here. We were relatively isolated in our dark corner, of course, but all the same I was relieved she was behaving herself.  
  
Yes, relieved. True, it was more than slightly intoxicating to be so close to her, to feel her warmth at my side, to inhale her gentle scent in the sultry darkness of the theater. Very intoxicating. The soundtrack of the movie seemed to be slowly fading until I could hear my own breathing, my own heartbeat, beginning to panic now because maybe it was me who was losing control and not—  
  
But no, no, not in public. God, it was like biology all over again. When would I be able to sit close to this girl without losing my head and ruining my underwear?  
  
I glanced around. I saw a few dark shapes in further rows, but the place was practically empty. In a way it was even more private than a change room, or even a car. I mean, at least it was dark. It wasn't like it was broad daylight or anything. It was almost as private as a bedroom, if you think about it. Especially if we could be really quiet.  
  
Alice's grip had tightened on my hand and I knew she was having similar thoughts, although I doubt she trying as hard to rationalize it as much as me. Her thumb was caressing my hand, tracing patterns, and I really wish she'd stop doing that. It was driving me crazy. And her scent! Sweet, sweet lavender and honey, slightly musky. And so warm, oh god she was so warm. So warm that I found myself pulling her closer subtly, tightening my arm around her soft shoulders. I could feel them going rigid and I could hear her breathing, shallow and quick, just like me. Her head was resting on my shoulder and I turned my nose toward it slightly. My eyes fell shut as I inhaled. She smelt so good, oh god so good. I kissed her hair, just a quick kiss, and then I rubbed my cheek against her head dreamily, breathing her in, inhaling her, my heart floating vaguely in my chest.  
  
"Bella?"  
  
A faint whisper, I almost didn't hear it.  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"I'm horny."  
  
Well. When she says it like that, it really doesn't matter if we're in public, does it?  
  
She hadn't moved, she'd just whispered, and I didn't move either. I tried to think of some kind of response that included the necessary reluctance and propriety, but the best I could come up with was:  
  
"Um…Are you sure?"  
  
"Yes," she whispered. She shifted slightly and looked at me, her eyes smoldering in the pale light. "Kiss me."  
  
I did as she asked. Well, she didn't actually ask, she commanded, but I did it all the same. I touched my lips to hers, and at first the kiss was gentle, almost innocent. It didn't stay that way, of course. Alice requested entrance with her tongue, and I granted it with a sinking feeling in my chest, her tongue silently sliding into my mouth as she wrapped her arms around my neck and pulled me closer.  
  
We were hunkered down behind the backrest, but to be honest, I was highly uncomfortable. I was aware that it's a standard cliché for young couples to make out at the movies, as often seen in reputable programs such as sitcoms and romantic comedies, but somehow in real-life it seemed a little more risky. Maybe it's not such a big deal for straight couples, since straight couples are more or less transparent, but doing it with a girl made me a million times more sensitive to discovery. What if we got kicked out the theater? The movie wasn't even finished.  
  
And yet, there was excitement, too, a hot thrill in the pit of my stomach that got hotter and hotter the longer we made out. It was her kiss. I loved it too much to let anything taint it, and soon I didn't care if we were in public. A haze was rising in my head and as usual I swiftly found myself swept away in the warm lavender tide of her kiss. It was like she was sucking the anxiety out of my mouth, leaving me hot and eager in her arms.  
  
Then something funny happened on the screen and some kid burst out laughing in the far corner.  
  
I jerked away from Alice and looked around wildly, but it was all clear. Alice didn't giggle, but she was smiling. I turned back to her, breathless, my heart hammering. She cupped my cheek with her hand, as if to calm me, and flickered her eyes over my lips. Her face was pale and in the movie-light, ghostly and slightly glowing, ethereal, perfect. She touched my lips with her fingertips, making my whole face tingle madly, and then she placed a long deliberate kiss on them. Her lips were so warm and so wonderful. I let my eyes fall shut and I leaned into her.  
  
Well. I didn't know about her sex drive, but I was still more than satisfied from our adventure in the change rooms, so I would've been perfectly happy just to make out for the rest of my life. Seriously. I could've kissed her forever.  
  
Alice, of course, had other plans. For a girl who'd been so adamant about going slow only a week ago, she was certainly very frisky today. Maybe the going slow policy had expired as soon as she'd decided to feed. Maybe the going slow was only to delay the feeding as long as possible and now it didn't matter anymore.  
  
Either way, she broke the kiss with a soft smacking sound and whispered:  
  
"Can I have your hand?"  
  
It sounded kind of ominous—will I get it back?—but I handed it over anyway. She took a quick glance around, which prompted me to take a quick glance around as well, and then she carefully guided my hand up her shirt.  
  
Two seconds ago I would've been happy to kiss her until the end of time. Now, however, I realized that there was something else I'd like to do, too.  
  
Her hockey shirt was shimmering in the dim light and I could see the shape of our hands under the baggy material. She pressed my hand against her breast and held it there and suddenly my throat went tight.  
  
"Alice," I whispered hoarsely.  
  
Alice smirked and reached up her top with her other hand. I could feel the warm cotton on her bra cup and the hard nub of her nipple inside it. She caressed my hand with both of hers, holding my hand at her chest like a pledge of some kind, and then one of her hands pulled away the bra cup while her other hand pressed my palm into the soft lovely mound of her breast.  
  
"Alice," I whispered, a little more insistently.  
  
She giggled, so softly I barely heard it over the movie, and then she snaked her hand up my top, pulled away my own bra, and then took a handful.  
  
I kissed her—hard.  
  
Alice returned the kiss and squeezed me playfully, which almost made me implode with giddiness. We'd hunkered down against the backrests even further, but I doubt either of us was overly concerned with discovery at this point. In fact, it seemed silly that I was afraid to begin with. Who cares if we get caught and kicked out? The movie sucked and Alice was just so fucking hot. Why shouldn't we express our feelings in a graphic manner in a public area? Feelings like these were too beautiful to waste.  
  
I had no idea how long we'd been making out and, well, groping each other—it sounds so much less self-righteous when you say it like that—but the movie was only ninety minutes so obviously there was a timeframe involved. The main question was:  
  
How far are we going here?  
  
I didn't know, but my pussy could've made a few suggestions. A brusque fingering, for instance. You'd think the silly thing would've been satisfied till tonight at least, but no. It was practically begging for some kind of attention, and thankfully, Alice did not ignore it.  
  
She broke the kiss and grinned. "Shh…" she whispered, and then she slid her hand out from my top and touched the crotch of my pants with her fingers, pushing against the heat there with her fingertips. I shivered and bit my lip. She smirked, watching my face. "Is this okay?"  
  
I nodded, no second thoughts. My pants were tan and had an elastic waistband; no button, no zip. Alice slipped her hand inside my underwear and caressed me with two fingers, smiling and watching my face. She wriggled a finger into my fold and pushed it inside me. Just one finger. Enough to make me quiver and clench down awkwardly.  
  
My hand was still poised at her breast but now I dropped it to her jeans and breathed:  
  
"Do you want me to…?"  
  
She giggled quietly and curled her finger inside me gently. "Yes," she whispered. "I want you to."  
  
I shivered from her finger, but I managed to fumble her jeans open and get a hand into her panties. The material was moist and she was moist too. She was sitting on my right so I had to use my left hand. That, plus her merciless fingering made me clumsy, but I copied her as best I could. I probed at her entrance a little, squirming in my seat from her own probing, my finger slick with her warm arousal.  
  
We were making out again, our lips mashed and our tongues dancing romantically. Eventually she retracted her finger and focused on my clit, teasing it with her fingertip. I was vaguely amazed at her level of control, because honestly I was struggling to keep my head from popping, especially when she squeezed down on my nub with her thumb and forefinger.  
  
By now I'd found her own clit and I was teasing it the same as she was teasing mine. We continued making out, our mingled breath short and choppy. Our hands went fast, tweaking each other's clits, rubbing, pinching, and finally I came. It was a relatively mild orgasm compared to the last one, but enough to make me stifle a cry into her mouth, and Alice came shortly after.  
  
The kiss hadn't been broken with either of our climaxes and for a while we just kept making out. We wiped our sticky fingers on each other's tops and caressed each other's breasts idly, our tongues not stopping for an instant, but slower now, slow and tender. My mind was blank of everything but Alice, Alice, Alice. My entire world was filled of nothing but her lips and her tongue and her warmth, drifting, lost in her kiss. She cupped my face with her hands and pressed her lips flush against mine, kissing me, kissing me, and then her tongue slipped past my lips and—  
  
The lights in the theater came on.  
  
At first I was just dazed then I quickly sprang apart, turning pale instantly. People were already making for the exit and I was seized with the sudden urge to reach into my top and correct my bra cup, but then I realized that no one could see, and it would probably be better to just turn my face away in humiliation and pretend everything was normal.  
  
It was a good plan. Two people passed down the aisle without even looking at us, and then we were alone.  
  
Alice was smiling her mischievous smile and she had her hands composed in her lap to hide the unzipped state of her jeans. Now she buttoned then and zipped them up and then she reached up her hockey shirt to tuck her breast back into her bra.  
  
I smiled shyly and followed suit, straightening myself up, glancing around to make sure we were really alone. Alice's whole face was glowing, her lips shiny and kiss-swollen, and she giggled at me and leaned to brush some hair from my face.  
  
"So," she grinned. "Cool movie, huh?"  
  
I chuckled breathlessly and shrugged. "It was okay."  
  
By the time we'd reappeared in the mall, we were practically skipping, our clasped hands swinging between us. We headed for the nearest department store, and the first thing we did was buy fresh underwear, since walking around for the rest of the afternoon in damp panties probably wasn't comfortable or hygienic.  
  
Alice grabbed two pairs of a rack haphazardly, paid for them, and shooed me into a change room. The door was barely closed when she dropped the underwear to the floor, grabbed me by my hoody, and pulled me into a violent kiss.  
  
"Alice!" I hissed, startled at the sudden attack. "What the hell are you doing?!"  
  
"I'm sorry, I can't help it," she breathed, shoving a hand into my pants to grab my butt. "I get so crazy when I don't feed…"  
  
I was about to reply but she stuck her tongue into my mouth. It wasn't the unpleasant thing that had ever happened to me, but really; so soon? My pussy was still tingling from the theater.  
  
I stumbled back into the mirror and Alice pressed into me. She gripped my ass in her hand and glared into my eyes heatedly, pressing into me with her chest.  
  
"You're not sick of me already, are you?"  
  
Actually, no, I wasn't. The sudden mauling was more than enough to kick start my frayed libido. I shook my head, but before I could put it into words, her tongue was in my mouth again.  
  
I moaned, and I tried to kiss her back, but Alice wasn't playing around with foreplay this time. She yanked my pants down and started groping my crotch in a way that wasn't very romantic but effective nonetheless. I took the hint and pulled down her jeans and shoved a hand down her panties. She bucked her pelvis into my hand as soon as I touched her and I tried to mimic her ferocity, but the best I could manage was a frantic rubbing.  
  
She chest-bumped me like a football player and kissed at my mouth furiously. I had to turn my face away to catch my breath, and as I did her lips landed on my cheek, my jaw, and finally on my neck.  
  
My heart stopped as her teeth grazed my throat. My eyes opened and I saw us in the side mirror, Alice pressing me up against the wall, our pants at our knees, our hands between each other's thighs—and Alice's mouth at my neck. I looked like what I was; a vampire victim. Pale and darkhaired, helpless under the lips and teeth of this ravenous succubus.  
  
It was actually really hot.  
  
She had one hand clenched in my hair and I could feel pressure, as if she was trying to pull my head back. Her teeth were starting to dig into my flesh and a wave of cold fear washed over me, but thrilling fear, exciting fear. She made a soft whimpering sound into my neck that caused another spike of excitement in my heart. I could feel how much she wanted to bite me and I wanted her to do it. I wanted my blood to spill on her lips and flood her mouth like a climax, and I wanted her to take me right then, right now.  
  
But she didn't, and I think I knew she wouldn't. I was still rubbing her clit and her nub felt so hard under my fingers, so hard and so small, like a little pearl of pleasure. I pinched it and felt her teeth tighten, but I still knew she wouldn't do it. I pinched again, and rubbed, and then I turned away from the mirror and kissed her hair, her sweet smelling hair, so soft and fragrant.  
  
Something loosened in her body. Her teeth went away, but her lips remained. She licked at my throat, as if to make it feel better where she'd almost bitten, and then she came, gasping into my neck.  
  
For a few minutes she just stood there breathing heavy, her forehead touching my shoulder. Then she looked up and smiled and kissed my lips.  
  
"I'm sorry," she said. "You must think I'm some kind of animal, huh?"  
  
I shook my head. "Of course not."  
  
She smiled. Her own hand had fallen away from my crotch ages ago, but now she bought it back. She caressed my entrance gently and started teasing my clit.  
  
"It's hard to explain," she whispered, "but the longer I go without feeding, the more I require your body. Not just your body, but intimacy. Closeness."  
  
I moaned. She kissed my flushed cheek and I let my eyes fall shut.  
  
"But it's a double edged sword," she whispered. "Closeness doesn't drive away the bloodlust, it only provides a thrill of anticipation. The thrill itself is a reasonable distraction, but the greater the anticipation, the harder it becomes to abstain. It's like endless foreplay without ever achieving…"  
  
She smiled and pinched my clit.  
  
"…the climax."  
  
I looked at her with my flushed face, my feet spread. "Just do it if you want," I told her breathily. "I don't care."  
  
"No," she whispered. "It has to be perfect. It has to be just…right."  
  
She kissed me slowly and I wrapped my arms around her. She was stroking my clit tenderly and I had to admit I enjoyed it more than the rough stuff. I was caressing one of her shoulders and then slowly I bought my hand down along her arm and I held her hand at her delicate wrist as she stroked me toward climax, accepting her kiss as I stood there on bucking knees, until finally I broke away from her mouth so that I'd have breath to come.  
  
Alice let me catch my breath and then gave me one last kiss. I was exhausted and dopey and the kiss only seemed to muddle my head even more. Then she giggled and stepped back and starting wriggling out her jeans and kicking off her boots. "Come on," she said. "We'd better get changed."  
  
We put on our fresh underwear and got dressed. Alice wadded up our dirty panties in a ball and stuffed them in the corner of her purse, which seemed incredibly improper and yet kind of hot, too, and then we linked arms and sailed out into the store.  
  
We were passing a rack of colorful spandex thongs when Alice pulled up short. "You know, while we're here, we might as well buy something nice for tonight," she said, perusing the rack. "What do you think?"  
  
I blushed. "I don't know. Do we have to?"  
  
Alice seemed surprised. "Of course we have to. Absolutely must. The fate of the universe depends upon it—well, my universe. But yes, my dear, I'm afraid it's quite vital to be appropriately attired, tonight of all nights."  
  
I puzzled over her cryptically imperative need to wear fancy underwear, but she just pouted at the thongs and gestured at them vaguely. "You know, these are no good," she said. "Where's the lacy stuff?"  
  
And with that she took my hand and led me further into the underwear department.  
  
Words can't express the complicated thrill I felt at browsing these scanty articles at Alice's side, knowing that she was going to buy something for me and something for her, knowing we'd be wearing these things in front of each other, that we were deliberately going to be sexy for each other. A hot blush was fixed on my face and a weird nervousness was bubbling in my chest. I felt scandalous and self-conscious, following meekly behind Alice, pretending to be reluctant and modest, which was extremely hypocritical considering just last week I'd shoplifted a thong in much the same spirit.  
  
Alice had found the lacy stuff and she was browsing matching sets of bras and panties, pondering colors and cuts, holding various pieces to her own body over her clothes, or to mine.  
  
"The bra will have to be strapless," she was saying, "for reasons you'll find out soon enough, but I'm torn about the panties. As much as I love a g-string, I think something fuller would be appropriate, something refined, something classy. Something off the hip, maybe. What do you think?"  
  
I shrugged, still blushing. "Um…alright."  
  
"And black, of course," Alice went on, plucking something from the rack. "There's no point even considering anything else. I'm a colorful girl, but tonight isn't for playing around. Tonight will be something more somber. More meaningful. Black seems appropriate, even traditional. What do you think?"  
  
I shrugged, still blushing. "Um…okay."  
  
"Ooh, how about this?" Alice plucked something else from the rack. It was black lace, a matching set. She grinned and spread the panties against her palm to show the lace pattern. "What do you think? Rawr?"  
  
I shrugged, still blushing. "Um…sure."  
  
In the end I let Alice decide and Alice decided on something black, see-through, expensive, and very sexy. She bought matching sets for both of us and led me back out into the mall, hand in hand with the lingerie bag swinging at her offside.  
  
It was getting late by now and the lights had come on. The crowd had thinned and the foodcourts were practically empty. Alice bought me a strawberry milkshake that we shared with the same straw as we strolled along and by and by we came to a shop that had a mannequin in the window wearing a little black dress. Alice was diverted instantly.  
  
"Wow, look at that," she said. "Isn't it beautiful?"  
  
I nodded. The mannequin reminded me of Alice, her body type. It was smaller than me and I wondered what size the dress was supposed to be. Zero? How many women who walk by would actually fit in that thing? I wouldn't, and I'm a half-anorexic teenager.  
  
Alice took my arm excitedly. "Wanna try it on?"  
  
I panicked. "Me?" I chuckled awkwardly. "No, I meant beautiful on someone else. Not me. I don't wear dresses."  
  
But Alice was tugging me into the store. "Please?" she begged. "Come on, it'll be fun."  
  
Needless to say, I was cautious about entering yet another change room with Alice, but maybe I was being paranoid. We'd browsed the store a little, and Alice picked out one of the little black dresses in my size and even selected a dress for herself, something black and satin, and then we adjourned to the change rooms.  
  
It was an up-scale store and the change rooms were very spacious with mirror walls. Even the back of the door was mirrored. Alice didn't attack me within seconds of entering so I assumed it was safe to change. She had even turned around and covered her eyes so it would be a surprise, which I thought was sweet. She seemed to have high expectations of me in a dress and I hoped I wouldn't disappoint her.  
  
I pulled off my top and kicked off my boots. The dress was strapless and it zipped up the side and the skirt was knee-length and bell-shaped. It was a beautiful dress, better than prom-quality, and more expensive, too. It was also kind of tricky to get on. At first I tried to step into the neckline like a pair of pants—proof that I'd never worn a dress before or even considered the logistics of it—but then I realized how stupid that was and wound up pulling it on over my head like a shirt.  
  
Alice, her back to me, hands over her eyes, was bobbing up and down with excitement.  
  
"Can I look yet?"  
  
I regarded myself doubtfully in the mirror. The dress fit okay and the dress was nice, but it looked odd with me standing there in my socks, my hair all ruffled, bra straps over my shoulders. I felt a flutter of nervousness and turned to Alice.  
  
"Okay," I said.  
  
She spun around and gasped in delight. "Wow!" she gasped. "You look amazing!"  
  
I blushed, not really believing her. "I do?"  
  
"Mmhm," she said, staring me up and down. She slipped the bra straps off my shoulders and stepped back to look me over again. "It's perfect. Absolutely perfect."  
  
"Thanks," I blushed. I shuffled my feet awkwardly. "Can I take it off now?"  
  
Alice was still looking me up and down. "Yes, but you have to let me buy it for you."  
  
"Oh, I can't let you do that," I said quickly. "It's expensive and I'd never wear it, anyway."  
  
Alice knelt on the floor like a seamstress and fiddled with the skirt. "You can wear it tonight," she said. "I made reservations at the Marriot. The dinning room's kind of classy."  
  
I panicked. "Oh, but I don't… I mean, it's just…"  
  
She was kneeling at my feet and she'd noticed my socks. "We'll have to get you some shoes, too, something with a heel. And maybe some earrings. What do you think?"  
  
She was kneeling there looking up at me, and suddenly I felt a strong desire to shut up and make her happy. She was so pretty, the way she was blinking up at me, and I was being an idiot, really. If she wanted to buy me a dress and treat me to dinner at a place that I'd probably never even set foot in if I hadn't met her, then maybe I should stop acting like a self-absorbed emo loser and just faint from glee like a regular girl. Well, a regular girl who dates other girls.  
  
I didn't faint, of course, but as I surrendered to the desire to please her, I found myself heaving a sigh and smiling down at her agreeably. "Okay," I said simply.  
  
She frowned but she didn't look displeased. "Okay?"  
  
I nodded, smiling wider. "Sure."  
  
She giggled, still kneeling there at my feet. "Really, just like that? I thought you didn't wear dresses?"  
  
I blushed, because the response was so clear in my head, so natural, and I blushed because I knew I was going to say it out loud. "I'll wear one for you," I said, glancing aside so she wouldn't see how much I meant it.  
  
Alice smiled up at me for a moment, then she busied herself arranging the skirt of my dress, as if to get the pleats exactly right. "You will, will you? What else would you do for me?"  
  
I shrugged a shoulder, deciding to be honest. "Anything."  
  
"Anything, hm?" Kneeling there at my feet, she flickered her eyes at my hips—which were level to her mouth—and smiled up at me, running her hands up and down my calves, making my skin tingle. She looked up at me boldly. "You know, I hope you don't have your heart set on being the submissive one of this relationship. Because I'm plenty submissive, too. And unlike you…I'm assertive enough to demonstrate."  
  
And with that she bowed and kissed my feet daintily.  
  
I yelped with embarrassment and I almost slapped at her head to shoo her away. "Alice!" I hissed.  
  
Her lips were now trailing kisses over my shins. "Mm?" she said, placing a kiss on each of my kneecaps just below the hem of the skirt.  
  
I glanced at the mirror wildly, fighting the urge to run away. "Alice, what are you doing?"  
  
She was lifting the skirt and then she leaned and placed a kiss against the front of my panties. I shivered and I honestly couldn't believe she was doing this—I mean, how many times had we already done it today? My pussy was actually sore. Not painfully, but the poor thing had certainly had quite a workout, not to mention my clit. And there was still the promise of a hotel room to live through, too.  
  
Alice yanked down my panties and licked at my pussy casually. I shivered again. I was dry, but I didn't think I'd be staying that way for much longer. Already I could feel a swirling excitement in the pit of my stomach. My feet were shuffling apart almost automatically.  
  
"Hold up the skirt," she said, and I did it.  
  
"Alice," I whispered frantically. "Alice, are you serious?"  
  
She smiled up at me. "Yes. Do you mind?"  
  
"No, but… I mean, I don't…"  
  
She giggled and licked at me again.  
  
"Remember on the phone last night?" she asked with another lick. "When I said vampire's are obsessive compulsive?"  
  
"Yes," I whispered.  
  
"Well…" Lick. "Sometimes it manifests like this. I knew I was going to do this as soon as we walked into the store. I couldn't have prevented myself even if I tried." Lick. "The idea popped into my head…" She let her tongue into my entrance and out again. "…and I was powerless to resist."  
  
I was watching her in the mirror with a feeling of…I don't even know. A thrill of some kind. Alice on her knees, licking at me like a…pet? And me, standing there in this exquisite dress, holding up my skirt with my underwear at my ankles, standing in my socks with my feet apart, bra straps dangling off my shoulders. I looked like a servant girl playing dress-up for the amusement of her princess.  
  
"It's not really like OCD," Alice went on, still licking. "It's more like nymphomania. Or hypersexuality, as they call it these days. It doesn't matter how recently we've done it. It doesn't even matter if we want it or not. Because it's not about the pleasure… it's about the need."  
  
I gasped quietly as her tongue brushed up against my clit.  
  
She giggled and winked up at me. "So you'll have to be patient with me, kay?"  
  
I nodded frantically, my mind barely computing what she was saying. I was filled with that urge to simply make her happy and I would've nodded to anything. "Okay."  
  
Alice gave me a smirk and resumed her attention to my rapidly moistening pussy. A hot flush rose in my cheeks as I watched her in the mirror. Her baggy clothes didn't give much view of her figure, but it was hot enough to watch her face, to watch her tongue elongate from her mouth as she licked me over and over, watching her lips suckle at my clit.  
  
I came relatively quickly, considering it was my—what? Fifth orgasm since morning? I just hoped I'd have enough hormones left over for tonight.  
  
She made a moaning sound and angled one last kiss into my pussy and then she giggled and bounced to her feet. I quickly pulled up my panties, breathing in quick trembles.  
  
"Okay," Alice announced, clapping her hands. "Why don't you get changed while I try on mine?"  
  
She was already kicking off her boots and unzipping her jeans. I nodded and reached for the zip, peeling out the dress in a daze, my limbs weak and loose. It was so weird. If someone had asked me a month ago to describe my perfect girlfriend, I would've described a ultra-hot nympho vampiress who adores me with a near-lethal soulmate-like intensity—or something like that. It was enough to make a delirious giggle bubble in my tummy. Am I the luckiest girl in the world, or am I just a little warped?  
  
Deep down, though, I had to wonder how much of it was true, and how much was flirty banter. It was amazing, really, how much more open she was with me today, now that we had a week of familiarity under our belts and in our pants. She was like a entirely different person from the shy and demure girl I'd dated last week. It was as if some kind of restraint had broken in her and she was finally being herself. I liked spicy Alice.  
  
By the time I had my clothes on, Alice was wriggling into her dress with a eel-like efficiency. I watched the black satin conform against her figure and of course she looked amazing. It was more of a cocktail dress than a gown, short, tight, body-hugging, spaghetti straps. Super-sexy. It was the true definition of a little black dress—only in satin, which made it even more eye catching. She was adjusting her bust in the neckline and smiling at the mirror. Her eyes met mine.  
  
"Well?" she said, smoothing the fabric against her body. "What do you think? Is it me, or does this baby just scream whore of darkness?"  
  
I smiled at her, nodding, staring at her body. "It's beautiful," I said, and as I stared I felt the familiar hunger stir in my stomach. I smiled shyly, took a step forward, and slowly sank to my knees. I glanced pointedly at her hips, my heart hammering in my throat, but I didn't dare touch her without permission. I swallowed and whispered: "Do you want me to…?"  
  
There was something mesmerized in my voice that made her smile. Then the smile quirked into a smirk and she hiked the dress up to expose her panties before sliding them down around her knees. "Ah, Bella," she said, putting a hand in my hair and drawing my mouth closer to her moist entrance. "Weren't you listening, baby? It's not about what I want. It's what I need…"  
  
I was already licking at her. I think I even understood what she meant. Hunger lurched in my stomach and I took a grip on her hips and kept licking. I think I knew exactly what she meant, because I had a need, too. A need to be close to her. To be as intimate as possible. A weird wave of love was washing over me as I licked at her hungrily and I was filled with a strange certainty that I'd been waiting all my life just for her. To be close to her. To love her.  
  
I pushed my tongue inside her and opened my eyes. She was smiling down at me and stroking my hair. My mouth was flush to her pussy so I couldn't smile, but I didn't feel like smiling. I closed my eyes and started licking harder. I licked up across her pussy and felt the nub of her clit against my tongue. I started sucking on it and licking at it. Alice had liberated one foot from the hobble of her panties and she wrapped her leg around my head, pushing at my mouth with her pelvis. I could feel the warmth of her thigh flush against the side of my face and I kept licking, kept sucking, and soon she was panting quietly with little moans, and finally she gave a cry and came.  
  
She lowered her leg and actually stumbled a bit as she stood. "Whoa," she giggled. "You really are getting good at that."  
  
I smiled and stood up. "Hey, Alice?"  
  
She was putting her panties back on and straightening the dress. "Yeah, baby?"  
  
"Can we go to the hotel now?" I asked hopefully. "I don't really want to shop any more."  
  
Alice pouted playfully. "No more shopping? But we don't even have shoes."  
  
"I know, but…" I blushed and shrugged. "I just wanna be alone with you." Then I chuckled awkwardly. "I'm kind of tired, you know?"  
  
She giggled and wrapped her arms around me. "Me too," she said, "but don't worry, we'll be really quick. All we need is shoes and a couple other things. But mostly shoes. I mean, we really need shoes. Shoes are more important than anything."  
  
I sighed and smiled. "If you say so."  
  
She giggled and kissed me. "Thanks, baby. It'll be worth it, trust me. Tonight is going to be a night you'll never forget."  
  
I chuckled. "It already is."  
  
We went directly to a shoe store where she took one look at the wares and selected a pair of black sling-back torture devices that she insisted I try on.  
  
"Try walking around," she said, and it seemed like such a simple thing to do. After all, I've been walking since before I was two years old. I was an early walker, a fact my mom was quite proud of. There's really no reason I shouldn't be able to walk around in an exotic pair of black pumps, right?  
  
Wrong. I could barely walk in a straight line. The heel felt ten inches tall and my toes felt crushed under the weight of my clumsy steps. I'd never worn heels in my life and even three steps was enough to suggest a cramp in my calves. They were the kind of shoes that even grown women would be wary of, and all in all I probably would've been more graceful on a skateboard.  
  
Alice herself had selected a similar pair and she was wearing them now. She looked slightly ridiculous with her baggy black jeans rolled to her knees and those dainty black pumps on her bare feet, but I had to admire her poise. She wore them as if they were extensions of her own feet.  
  
She was watching my ungainly steps with a sorrowful countenance and she shook her head. "I suppose we'll have to find something else," she said. She pouted at the shoes huffily. "And they're so perfect too."  
  
She seemed so upset that I couldn't help jumping at some way to make it better.  
  
"It's okay," I said quickly. "I don't mind."  
  
And in all honesty, I didn't. Shoes were obviously a big deal to her and I was eager to make her happy in whatever way I could. The shoes weren't that bad, anyway. It wasn't like I was gonna trip and crack my head open. A mild burning in my calves tomorrow morning is really the worst that could happen. Or a sprained ankle, but I was willing to risk even that.  
  
She smiled but she wasn't convinced. "Bella," she admonished playfully. "That's very sweet of you, but I can't let you risk breaking your neck simply to appease my whim of seeing you in heels. We'll find you something more comfortable, don't worry."  
  
But her concern for me only made me more stubborn. I mean, seriously; what am I, some wilting-lily that can't even hack an evening in heels? Admittedly, it was somewhat ironic for a girl to prove her manliness through the rigors of feminine footwear, but that's exactly what I was planning to do.  
  
"No, really," I said. "They're cool, I like them."  
  
Oddly enough, this was true too. Granted, I'd greatly prefer them on someone else, but they were beautiful shoes, even I could see that. Sexy shoes. It was hard not to feel a certain sass at how they forced my posture into something arched and feline—while I was standing still, at least. While I was moving the effect wasn't quite so attractive.  
  
Alice smiled and she seemed to soften. "Well," she said, and I could tell I'd convinced her. "Maybe we could try to keep you off your feet as much as possible. They are perfect, aren't they?"  
  
She giggled and she looked so happy that I felt like her own personal knight in shining armor—and heels.  
  
It was getting dark by the time we left the shoe store. Alice had promised that shoes were the last on the item on the list, but that was only because she thought a haul of cosmetics would've been implied, but at least she was quick. I trailed her through the cosmetics department in a heady miasma of makeup and perfume, none of which could even remotely compete with Alice's scent, and Alice started snatching up the required articles, eyeliner, mascara, lipstick.  
  
I didn't know if animal testing was illegal or not, but Alice didn't seem to have any principles against testing on me, and I tried not to feel like a chimp as she squirted me with perfumes and sniffed me and painted my lips in different shades and rubbed them out and painted them all over again. I was even cooperative. Alice's excitement was infectious, and having my face experimented upon with chemical cosmetics by a plucky fashionista was certainly more fun than curling up on the couch with an eBook like I usually did on Sunday nights.  
  
I was pretty tired by now, anyway. I hadn't gotten much sleep and I'd been up pretty early. It was past six, and I was drained from both being on my feet all day and from Alice's frequent attacks. To be honest, I couldn't wait to get to the hotel. I had no idea what Alice was planning, but I thought it would be great if we could skip dinner. I knew we wouldn't—she was way too hyped about the dresses—but all I really wanted to do was go to bed—with her.  
  
Fantasies had been forming in my mind as we roved the cosmetics department, and the one thing I kept coming back to, the one thing I wanted more than anything, was cuddling.  
  
Yes; cuddling.  
  
I didn't know about Alice's sex drive, but mine was probably taken care of till next March. Right now, all I wanted was her, just her. Her warmth, her softness. All I really wanted to do was lay in her arms and fall asleep. I couldn't think of anything I'd love to do more. My heart positively glowed at the thought.  
  
But, of course, there was also feeding to consider. I didn't know how she planned to do it, but I pictured it a lot like our first time, with both of us naked, holding each other, my head tilted back, offering, wanting, gasping under the hot pierce of her teeth. I was starting to realize why this was such a big deal to her. It was an intimate moment; of course she wanted it to be special.  
  
"There's one last thing we need to get," Alice said, as she passed her credit card over the counter—she'd ran out of cash ages ago. "But it's a surprise."  
  
"Surprise?"  
  
"Mmhm. So why don't you take the bags out to the car and I'll meet you in a couple minutes?"  
  
I felt a spasm of panic, but she was already passing me the bags, and I decided to be a big girl and not cry about it.  
  
It was dark by now, and the rain had stopped. I lugged the bags out into the parking lot and stashed them in the backseat, glancing over my shoulders to make sure there wasn't any serial-killers creeping up on me. It was dark, after all, and as a willowy teenage girl I was naturally afraid of every stranger in the immediate vicinity. There were some scattered figures moving toward cars with shopping bags, and any one of them could've been a violent rapist—well, that middle-aged woman with a toddler on her hip probably wasn't, but still. That shit happens.  
  
Alice had given me the key, and for a few seconds I contemplated getting in the car, locking all the doors, and hiding in the glove compartment, but in the end, I decided to simply lean against the car and wait. I kept the door open a fraction in case of emergencies, but I was determined to be a badass.  
  
I wondered what Alice was doing. A surprise, huh? It probably wasn't a dirty surprise, since we already had underwear and I'm pretty sure they didn't sell sex toys at the mall. What could it be? It was weird, but I realized we didn't really know each other well enough for thoughtful surprises. She had no idea the things I was into, the things I liked, the things I appreciated. I hardly knew anything about her, either, aside from her sex habits. We really needed to get to know each other a little.  
  
I sighed and looked up at the sky. The clouds had cleared and I saw that it was a full moon, or most of a moon. Beautiful moon, pale and radiant. Just like Alice.  
  
Alice, Alice, Alice.  
  
I sighed again and when I looked toward the mall she was approaching me with a smile and a bounce in her step. She had no shopping bag and she seemed to guess my thoughts.  
  
"It's in my pocket," she told me. "But you'll have to wait till we're at the hotel."  
  
The room Alice had booked was a suite, and I couldn't imagine how expensive it was. Alice paid by credit card at the front desk and signed a couple forms. I wondered if you had to be over eighteen to book a hotel room, but it didn't seem like the most important thing in the world, so I didn't ask.  
  
We rode the elevator up. When the doors slid shut we were standing somewhat apart. When they opened again my loving girlfriend had me backed in a corner while she practically ate my face. The ding of the doors startled her apart, however, and she quickly grabbed up the shopping bags and led me out into the corridor, me stunned and dazed, following at her heel like a puppy.  
  
There were two double beds in the room with silk bedspreads and there was an ornate fireplace with an oilpainting over the mantle. Alice dumped the shopping bags on the floor and then she jumped backwards on the bed, bounced, rolled onto a hip, and leveled at me a saucy smile.  
  
"Guess what I wanna do right now?"  
  
I didn't have to guess, and my pussy actually stirred with interest. My lips were still tingling from her assault in the elevator, and all it took was one look of her smoldering eyes and I was a goner. It was the first time we'd been alone all day—truly alone—and I didn't even think about hesitating. I stepped forward, removing my hoody, and—  
  
My cell phone rang.  
  
Mom.  
  
"Oh shit," I muttered frantically, clawing at my pocket. "It's mom."  
  
Alice smirked, laying there on her side in her baggy clothes. "So, what's the matter?"  
  
"I haven't told her I won't be home," I moaned fretfully. "I was gonna call her after lunch or something, but—"  
  
I hit the button and put the phone to my ear.  
  
"Hi, mom," I said brightly, pretending everything was normal.  
  
"Bella!" mom snapped. "Where are you, I've been calling you all day!"  
  
"I know, I got the messages, but I was busy, and…"  
  
"Do you have any idea how late it is? I've been worried sick!"  
  
I nodded into the phone. "Yeah, I know…"  
  
Alice was still laying on the bed. She heaved a sigh and gave my body a longing look. I turned away slightly, blushing.  
  
"Where are you?" mom demanded.  
  
"Um, actually I'm at Alice's place," I said, thinking fast. "Actually, that's what I wanted to talk to you about. Is it okay if I stay here tonight? You know, like, sleep over?"  
  
"Bella."  
  
"Just for tonight," I added quickly. "Alice really wants me to stay over."  
  
Alice nodded enthusiastically, grinning at me from the bed.  
  
"It's a school night, Bella," mom said.  
  
"Yeah, I know," I said, "but I can get a ride with Alice, so…"  
  
I heard mom sigh in the phone and she went silent for a second. I was too distracted by Alice to give much thought to what she must be thinking so I just said: "Mom? Is that okay, mom?  
  
Mom sighed again. "Well, I guess that's okay," she said reluctantly. "I just wish you'd answer the phone when I call. Do you know how worried I've been? Anything could've happened to you."  
  
I snorted a chuckle. At least I know where I got my paranoia from.  
  
"I'm fine, mom," I told her.  
  
Alice, meanwhile, was examining her nails with a bored air, heaving pointed sighs to get me to hurry. I felt her impatience.  
  
"And Alice's parents are okay with this whole sleepover thing?"  
  
"Yeah, they're cool."  
  
"Alright. Have you eaten?"  
  
"No, we're about to eat now."  
  
"Okay, well, call me in the morning, alright? And call me when you get to school, so I know you made it okay. And I want you straight home after school, got that?"  
  
Alice had gotten tired of waiting. She rose from the bed with elaborate resignation and started toward the bathroom in a hip-rolling saunter.  
  
"Yeah, mom. Thanks. I gotta—"  
  
"And answer the phone if I call."  
  
Just before she entered the bathroom she pulled off her hockey shirt and let it fall to the carpet. She tossed a smirk over her bare shoulder, opened the door, and disappeared inside.  
  
I gulped. "Yeah," I blurted into the phone, not knowing what I was saying or what I was replying to. "Um, I gotta go, mom. Alice is waiting."  
  
I hit disconnect and practically ran into the bathroom.  
  
Where we had sex in the shower under the warm warm water, our hands like soapy tentacles, reaching, grabbing, squeezing, and the water cascading over our heads and bodies, and all I could hear was water, and all I could taste was her mouth, and my hands were stroking up and down the silky length of her slender back, stroking her shoulders and her slim arms, my hands gliding like water over the pale lake of her skin, wrapping around her tighter and tighter, pulling her closer.  
  
She pressed my back against the cold glass and I shivered, shivered from the cold and the soft soapy warmth of her body as she stood on tiptoes and pressed her breasts against mine and rubbed them against me. She captured my lips in a kiss and captured my breasts in her hands and squeezed them and stroked them and she was kissing my mouth so lovingly, so generously, and—  
  
"Alice," I hissed, gasping for breath. "Alice."  
  
She smiled her foxy smile, and she was so sexy, wet hair and wet face, dark eyes and so sexy. She took my hand and put it between her legs and she put her hand between mine. I was moaning already. Steam was swirling all around us and the water was so warm and her skin so soft, so silky. We touched our foreheads together and panted into each other's mouths, our lips less then an inch apart, and we stroked at each other entrances, panting, gasping, water cascading all around us in a sweet and steamy mist of lavender and soap, staring into each other's eyes and panting as we gentled each other to a breathless climax.  
  
It was the first time we'd truly been alone together, and it showed. No school, no mall, no mom downstairs. In that tiny glass cubicle, naked and wet and surrounded by steam, the entire world had bled away until it was just me and her. I was bolder than I'd ever been, and Alice was Alice, and Alice was perfect.  
  
We washed and washed our hair and then we dried off with soft white towels under the yellow globe in the bathroom ceiling. I had a slight headache from the day's exertions and I would've been happy to tumble into bed beside Alice and sleep for a year, but Alice had gone all giggly and she was already dragging me back into the room to put on our dresses.  
  
First, the underwear. Alice up-ended the bag on the bed and sorted mine from hers, although they were exactly the same; black lace panties and black lace strapless push-ups. It was grown-up's underwear and I felt the weirdest floaty feeling as I put them on. It felt wrong somehow, like I wasn't ready, like I shouldn't be doing this, and yet so exciting. When I had the panties on I tilted my hips and looked down at myself. Even from that angle I looked pretty sexy.  
  
Alice, of course, was pure jungle cat. The black lace was stark against her pale skin and it fit so snuggly against her contours, the waistband hooking over her hips and falling in a V toward her pussy. My body was still throbbing faintly from the shower-sex, but even so, I could feel myself wanting her again.  
  
In fact…  
  
Alice was holding up her dress and admiring it with a bright smile, clad in nothing but that gorgeous black underwear. I strolled over, an dreamy smile floating over my lips, and placed a hand on her hip.  
  
She turned and looked at the hand and then she smiled at me.  
  
"What are you doing?"  
  
I didn't know how to explain the inexplicable need I felt for her, for her warmth and her body, so I just shrugged slightly. "Nothing," I whispered, and then I kissed her lips softly, and kissed her cheek, and kissed down along her neck. My hand caressed her hip suggestively and slid down to capture her buttock under the rough lace of her panties. "You're so beautiful…"  
  
Alice tilted back her head to allow my lips better access to her neck and she made a little gasp of excitement. "Well, I guess—okay," she giggled. "But let's not get too sweaty or we'll have to shower again, kay?"  
  
And with that, she peeled out of her underwear, jumped back onto the bed, and let her legs fall open. I smiled at the sudden exposure, and with my heart racing and my stomach lurching, I crawled between her thighs, bent to her pussy, and started eating her out. She came with a giggle and with her legs wrapped around my head and then she flipped me over, pulled off my panties, and licked me to a lovely climax.  
  
Afterwards, we wet a corner of a towel and washed off in the bathroom and then we re-donned our underwear and wriggled into our dresses. Then there was the pampering.  
  
She began by brushing my hair, slowly and luxuriously, prattling on about how beautiful it was, hefting handfuls of my dark locks in her hands, smelling it, letting it drop again and marveling at the natural bounce. I smiled and watched her face in the mirror. I made responses whenever they were required, but mostly I was just thinking about how much I loved her and how wonderful she was.  
  
She did my makeup, lecturing me on cosmetic technique like an apprentice beautician, and I stood there like a doll in my dress with my dreamy smile, pouting my lips for her to paint them with lipstick, closing my eyes for her to brush the lids with shadow. She did her own makeup with me watching, watching her lips as she pursed and glossed them, watching her flick her long lashes with mascara to make them thick and feathery, batting her eyelids in the mirror, smiling at me and making my heart clench from how gorgeous she was.  
  
We were almost ready by now and the last thing we put on were our shoes. Alice slipped hers on with the grace of a crane, standing on one foot then the other, and then she sat me on the bed, crouched at my feet, and slipped my shoes on herself as if they were glass slippers.  
  
I took a few moment to get some practice at walking in my heels, holding my hands out for balance, concentrating on each step. I looked like pirate with a peg-leg walking the plank. Alice grabbed up her discarded jeans and fished something out of the pocket of it.  
  
"Here, this is the surprise I got you," she was saying. I stopped trying to walk and turned to her. She approached with something in her hand, a thin strip of black material, like a bracelet.  
  
"What is it?" I asked curiously.  
  
She spread it on her palm. It was one of those leather chokers you see girl goth's wearing in TV shows, and I actually lit up slightly. I'd always thought they were cool, but I'd never been emo or rebellious enough to wear one. Alice smiled at my reaction.  
  
"It's a collar," she said. "It's a little ostentatious, but it'll hide the bite marks."  
  
I smiled. "It's beautiful."  
  
"Yes," she said. "But there's also a symbolism."  
  
I frowned confusedly. "Symbolism?"  
  
Alice nodded excitedly. "Of course," she grinned. She took the choker in her hands and started putting it around my neck. I lifted my hair to help her. "Collars are worn by pets to designate ownership," she explained. "So by buying you this collar and putting it around your neck…" She clasped the choker shut around my throat. "…I'm asserting myself as your mistress."  
  
She dropped her hands and smiled. "Only symbolically, of course, but still." She gave a coy shrug. "I thought it would be cute."  
  
I let my hair fall and touched the choker with my fingertips. The word mistress had made my heart race, and a sudden excitement washed over me. I swallowed, smirked, and said: "Maybe it's not as symbolic as you think."  
  
She cocked her head. "What do you mean?"  
  
She was standing there in her shimmering black satin cocktail dress, her sexy black pumps, her breasts swelling from the neckline of the dress. She was so gorgeous it was making me dizzy. I swallowed again and I leaned slightly to her face as if to kiss her. My voice came out hoarse with desire. "I mean…" I whispered. "…do you have any idea how fucking hot you are?"  
  
I felt her breath on my lips as she went to kiss me, but it was too much. She was too much, too pretty, too perfect, and suddenly I realized that I couldn't continue to live a single second longer without burying my face between her legs.  
  
I dropped to my knees, almost twisting my ankle in my heels, and hiked up the black satin of her dress frantically. The hunger in the pit of my stomach was so intense it was scary, and it only seemed to get worse as I pulled back her panties. Her bald pussy seemed to beg me with its visible softness, and without hesitating, I crammed my tongue inside her as far as it would go.  
  
"Bella," she hissed. "Bella…"  
  
So warm, so tight. She was taller in her heels and she shifted her hips so I could get a better angle and soon she had her legs cocked until she was basically squatting into my face, both hands clenched in my hair, holding me against her as she rubbed herself against my mouth and tongue. She came quickly and I could've kept licking her forever, but she stumbled back, groggy and grinning, and then she knelt in front of me on the carpet and eased me onto my back gently. My pussy was aching, and she wasted no time. I opened my legs for her, and she flipped back the skirt of my dress, peeled aside my panties, and made me squirm and whimper as she ate me out on the floor.  
  
Mistress, indeed.  
  
—  
  
It was nine o'clock by the time we made our appearance in the hotel dinning room and I was dead on my feet, physically and emotionally exhausted. I felt like a hooker after a hard day's work, and honestly? I was looking forward to the overtime.  
  
But first, dinner. A waiter lead us through the dinning room and almost every head we passed turn to look. I had a feeling they were mostly looking at Alice. She looked outright incredible in her black satin cocktail dress, and all in all, she was probably more fascinating then the girl beside her who was concentrating on walking properly in her heels. Alice looked like a stunning beauty; I looked like a teenage girl in mommy's heels.  
  
I was holding Alice's arm—mostly for balance—but in these high-class surroundings the physical contact seemed to be no big deal, even natural. High-society women were big on physical contact, you see it in movies all the time. Women in expensive dresses are always touching hands and kissing each other on their cheeks. Me and Alice probably looked like sisters or something, especially since our outfits were somewhat coordinated, both in black, both darkhaired. Alice would've been the cool and confident big sister and I would've been the shy and slightly incestuous little sister who followed her around wherever she went in single-minded idolatry of her perfection. A sad allegory, but accurate.  
  
There was a low din of dinner conversation and I could hear the strings of a violin as we wove among the tables. The waiter went to pull out a chair for me, but Alice shooed him away and did it herself, a quaint gesture that made me proud to wear a collar. She sat down opposite, and I stared at her openly, still thunderstruck at her gorgeousness. Her face glowed softly in the yellow light of the chandeliers overhead and the spaghetti straps of her dress only made her shoulders seem even more bare. The waiter was asking if we were ready to order and Alice turned to me with a smile.  
  
"Want me to order for you?"  
  
I nodded, relieved. I didn't have to look at a menu to know that whatever I'd pick would be pure guesswork. Fine-dining was a mystery to me; I'd never eaten anything more complicated than a satay pizza.  
  
Alice ordered me something complicated involving salmon, and I felt an inner flush at how she remembered that I don't like meat. Either that or her choice of salmon was total fluke. I'd prefer to believe the best of her, however.  
  
"And that's it," she said to waiter after she'd order me a drink. "Nothing for me, I'll just have water."  
  
The waiter scribbled it down on a pad of tickets and went away. I turned to Alice with a little frown.  
  
"You're not eating?" I asked.  
  
She smiled and shook her head. "No," she said. "Why pretend at this point? You and I both know there's only one thing I want."  
  
She said it in a sultry tone and I smiled in response.  
  
"Me?" I whispered.  
  
She leaned on her elbows, bunching her breasts between her arms, and stared at me boldly. "You."  
  
I flickered my gaze away from her hot eyes and back again. "Soon?"  
  
"Soon," she whispered, and then she reached across the table and caressed my hand.  
  
I looked down at her hand covering mine and swallowed. Tingles were racing up my arm and I could feel my appetite fading as a different kind of hunger flared in my stomach. I smiled and looked away.  
  
"Now I'm kind of not hungry either," I said.  
  
Alice giggled and withdrew her hand. "You should eat," she said. "You'll need your strength. This night, thy soul may be required of thee."  
  
I had no idea what she meant, but I smiled. It seemed like a quote of some kind so I asked: "What's that from?"  
  
But she just giggled and waved her hand. "The bible," she said. "Forget it, it doesn't mean anything. I just thought it was cool."  
  
The food arrived shortly after. Alice watched me eat idly and I ate mostly in silence. She'd been chatting all day about every little thing that came into her head, but now, at this point, there was simply nothing left to say. Soon, very soon, she was going to take me upstairs, fuck me, bite me, and drink my blood. Casual conversation might've felt a little forced.  
  
Instead she waited, watching the fork rise and fall, watching me chew. The scrutiny made me a little self-conscious, but only a little. There was a timelessness to her eyes that made self-consciousness seem silly. There was no judgment in those beautiful honey-colored orbs, no impatience, no frustration, nothing but pure waiting, pure wanting. Pure unconditional desire. My stomach was churning with nervousness, but I ate it all, and then she ordered me dessert and watched me eat that, too. I was just as eager for tonight as she was, but I didn't object. It was becoming obvious that she had certain expectations of me, and I wanted to be special for her. To be perfect.  
  
Eventually we went back upstairs. Alice told me to go ahead and take off my shoes, so I did. She ordered a bottle of champagne from room service, and when it arrived she poured two glasses, and said:  
  
"Have you ever had alcohol before?"  
  
I shook my head. "No."  
  
She smiled, offering a glass. I took it, our fingers brushing.  
  
"Don't worry," she said, "it's only so I can make a toast. We're not going to get drunk."  
  
"A toast?"  
  
"Yes," she said. She stepped closer to me, so close we were almost touching. She brushed hair away from my face and looked directly into my eyes. "This may seem impossibly melodramatic," she whispered, "but the toast is for you. I love you, Bella. You are the sweetest, loveliest, most perfect girl I've ever met. Our time together has been brief, but I know it in the bottom of my heart. I love you."  
  
I blinked. Two tears dropped onto my cheeks. I was taken completely by surprise and I almost fell over from the sudden rush of love that sledgehammered into my chest. Her voice was utterly sincere and utterly without device, and I wanted to say something back, to tell her the same thing, that I loved her, that I always have, always will, but when my mouth opened all that came out was her name:  
  
"Alice…"  
  
She smiled and clinked her glass to mine. She sipped, but I didn't move. I couldn't. I was seized in a sudden delirium of fretfulness, as if there was something I was forgetting, something I was supposed to say or do, something important that—  
  
"Sip," Alice said gently. "It's not a real toast unless you sip."  
  
I swallowed and sipped. It was bitter and the bubbles were worse than soda. Some of the distaste must've showed on my face because Alice giggled.  
  
"It's an acquired taste," she said. "But honestly? I'm not thirsty either."  
  
She took the flute out of my hand, still full, and set them both on the sideboard. She then turned down the lights until the room was cloaked in a sultry gloom.  
  
I stood there at the foot of the bed, watching her. She came over to me in that black satin dress, smiling, and wrapped her arms around my neck. She looked into my face for a moment and then she kissed me, a long, loving kiss, before pulling back and taking a deep breath.  
  
"Are you ready?" she asked.  
  
I nodded. "Yes," I whispered.  
  
It happened like a dream. She unzipped my dress and let it pool at my feet. She unfastened my bra at the front and smiled at how my breasts bounced free. She pulled down my panties and placed a kiss against my tummy. The only thing she left on me was the collar.  
  
Then it was her undressing. She pulled off her dress like a t-shirt and let it fall. She unlatched her bra and dropped it and she slid off her panties and kicked them aside.  
  
She took my hand and we stepped from our fallen clothes toward the bed. She turned back the covers for me to slip underneath. She followed me into the bed and we lay against each other, warm, soft, naked, and she gazed into my eyes and brushed hair from my brow and just as my heart felt like it was going burst out of my chest she leaned and covered my lips with her own.  
  
It was a long, slow, luxurious kiss. I felt the soft press of her breasts against my chest and I wrapped my arms around her naked back. My eyes were closed and I could feel myself surrendering to her, utterly and completely. There wasn't a single sensation in all my being that wasn't caused by her, by the warmth of her body or the touch of her hands or the kiss of her lips, and the surrender felt so sweet, so right, so perfect.  
  
Our hands were all over each other, but slowly, exploring. My hands covered every inch of her smooth back and I touched her waist and her hips and I caressed her ass with both hands and squeezed. She rubbed into me in response, pressing her chest into mine, and the kiss was broken for just a second as a low growl escaped her. I gasped in response.  
  
"Alice," I panted. "Alice."  
  
It was only two words, but it sounded like begging. She covered my mouth with hers and rubbed into me again, harder this time, and I moaned and wrapped a leg around her. Instantly her hand gripped my thigh, squeezing down on it, and then she rolled over and pulled me on top of her.  
  
I was straddling her leg and I could feel the warmth of her thigh between my own. I grinded down on it with my hips gently, once, twice, three times.  
  
"Alice," I hissed. "Alice."  
  
She pulled my face into a kiss and stroked my hair back so it wouldn't dangle in her face and then she wrapped her arms around me and one of her legs and rolled me onto my back.  
  
I moaned and surrendered all over again. My mind was blank and it felt like I was in another dimension where all was dark and without definition. I couldn't tell where she began and I ended, all I could do was moan in her arms as she kissed me and touched me and rubbed her body against mine. She felt like a fantasy in the bed with me, something hot and soft and impossibly lovely, something silky in the darkness that purrs and curls itself against you.  
  
"Alice," I whimpered. "Alice."  
  
"Shh, shh, shh," she whispered in my ear. "Let me love you."  
  
Then her lips were over mine and she was kissing me again. I gasped and opened my mouth, allowing her free access. There were no bones in my body and I seemed to liquefy under her hands as she steadily stroked my body into oblivion. Her hands found my breasts and she squeezed them as she grinded against my thigh. Then she wrapped me against her and rolled me on top of her.  
  
The covers were crumpled at the end of the bed and I could feel the air on my back and her hands on my back. We tumbled, one ankle trapped in a tourniquet of bedsheet, gasping, my willowy arms clutching at her as if I was drowning. Her mouth smothered mine and I was on my back again. She brushed my hair with her hand and broke the kiss.  
  
"Bella," she whispered.  
  
I was trembling and sweaty. I could feel her weight up against my side and it was a struggle to open my eyes. She was stroking my face and I swallowed heavily. "What?"  
  
"Nothing," she smiled. "I just wanted to look at you. Are you ready?"  
  
I nodded feverishly. "Yes."  
  
"Yes," she echoed softly. She cupped my face and caressed me gently, watching my expression. I turned my face into her hand slightly and the ball of her thumb brushed my lips. "Do you know what you'd like?"  
  
"Anything," I replied without thinking. "Anything…"  
  
"Anything, hm?" She leaned and placed a kiss on my brow. "Do you remember when I was talking about trib?"  
  
I swallowed again, still gasping. "Yes…"  
  
"Well, how would you like that?" she whispered. She was placing kisses all over my face, whispering between them. "Hm? Would you like it if I rubbed myself against you down there? I think it sounds nice, what do you think?"  
  
"Yes," I whimpered. "Anything…"  
  
"Mmm," she moaned, kissing at my neck. "Bella?"  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"Touch me."  
  
I open my eyes. My hands were perched at her waist as if I didn't know what to do with them. Alice smiled and took one of them and guided it between her legs. "Touch me," she repeated.  
  
"Okay," I breathed, and I started touching her, exploring her silky contours.  
  
"Mmm, I love it when you touch me there. May I touch you?"  
  
"Yes…"  
  
Her own hand moved along my body until it was between my legs. She caressed the inside of my thigh and then her fingers slid up against my slick entrance. She was watching my face, watching me hiss my breath, watching me quiver as her fingers probed into my core. I forced my eyes open to look at her. I pushed my fingers into her silky pussy and she moaned at me with lidded cat-eyes. We squirmed our hips against each other's fingers and I clenched on her and she clenched on me and we stared into each other's flushed faces until…  
  
Her lips descended on mine and I was surrendering again. All the breath was snatched out of me and I hardly noticed the removal of her fingers. She was moving and suddenly I couldn't reach her anymore. She was kneeling between my legs and pushing open my thighs.  
  
"Alice…" I whispered.  
  
My wrists were laying either side of my head and I felt utterly exposed and utterly unconcerned. Alice smiled and entwined our legs into a scissors position and then she started rubbing.  
  
My pussy was in an agony of anticipation and the slow smother of her silky netherlips against mine was maddening. I tossed my head against the bedsheet, my hair tangled and wet. She started slowly, so slowly, and slowly I was losing my mind. My breath came in little moaning gasps and excitement was building in my core like a bomb.  
  
"Alice," I panted. My chest was heaving and it was like the word jumped out of me without my permission. The climax was coming and I gasped: "Alice, Alice, Alice—"  
  
Then she stopped. She backed off her hips slightly and gave a shaky giggle.  
  
"Not yet," she whispered. "We have to come together. It's important."  
  
The stab of disappointment I felt was cold and sharp enough to cut through the haze. It had been so perfect and she stopped. "Why?" I gasped.  
  
She smiled and started fondling her own pussy, bringing herself closer while I waited. "It's symbolic," she said. "One soul, one climax. We have to become one." She giggled at my flushed face, and added: "Sorry."  
  
Suddenly I felt selfish for focusing solely on myself and I quickly said: "It's okay. I can wait."  
  
"Thank you," she said, toying with her clit with a playful smile, watching me watch. "It's silly, but it's important to me."  
  
"It's okay," I said, panting. "I understand."  
  
I didn't, really, but dimly I understood that it was only polite to come at the same time as your partner, or even after. Not before. Ladies first, as they say, and Alice is certainly more of a lady than me.  
  
"Okay," she said, aligning our clits and beginning to rub. Warmth immediately started spreading through me. She smiled and pushed harder. "I think I'm ready," she said. "Watch my face, okay? Try to time it. Let me know if it's too soon."  
  
"I'll try," I said, already feeling the orgasm creeping into my core.  
  
She kept rubbing, speeding up.  
  
"Yes," she hissed. "This is it. I'm gonna go faster, okay?"  
  
"Okay."  
  
She did. Not just faster, but harder. Her hips literally ground into me, pushing me into the mattress, and I moaned as her clit grated against mine, over and over, groaning and gasping as she ground me into ecstasy under the rock hard impress of her pubic bone.  
  
"Quick, my hand," she gasped. "Hold my hand."  
  
I grabbed her hand. She giggled at the touch, a high wild giggle full of joy, and laced our fingers. She hadn't lost the rhythm of her hips and she was panting through a sunny smile, gazing down at me as if my pleasure were itself a pleasure for her.  
  
"Yes," she breathed. "Oh yes, it's coming. Are you coming, Bella?"  
  
I nodded, not capable of speech.  
  
"Yes," she moaned. "Just let it come, baby. Let it come. Yes. Yes."  
  
She ground harder and groaned loudly. My breath hitched as the first wave of orgasm began to roll over me and my body buckled with the will required to hold it back. I was staring up at her with my pussy on the verge of exploding and she was so beautiful, so beautiful it crumbled at my restraint until I whimpered and clenched down on nothing, forcing the climax back, desperate to wait for her. I wanted to squeeze my eyes shut and block out the glorious vision of body, but I was mesmerized, held helpless by how she was poised over my pussy and rubbing so expertly, with no concentration, no effort. She had her face tilted to the ceiling, clutching my hand, and she was smiling with her eyes closed, a smile all pure and burdenless like a child, her mouth open with ecstasy and her breath blasting in happy gasps.  
  
"Yes!" she cried. "Yes, yes! Oh Bella! Come with me. Come with me now, please—ohhh!"  
  
The first bolts of climax struck her silent in a breathless scream, and she kept grinding, quicker and quicker, bouncing her clit off mine, seized in beautiful abandon. Her hand gripped mine painfully and suddenly I couldn't hold it any more. It was too much, everything too much. The orgasm was building inside me like something terrible and I had to let it go, let it go before it consumed me. I surrendered one last time, surrendered to Alice and Alice's touch, Alice's hand gripping mine, and I let it go. The orgasm tore through my restraint, and—  
  
I squeaked.  
  
The orgasm was weak—mercifully weak—but so sharp it seemed to stab through my head. My body spasmed as the climax wracked me into a feverish heap of helplessness and the squeak trailed off into a moan that sounded disturbingly like the bawl of a cow and then I was limp and gasping.  
  
I felt dead. Literally.  
  
I opened my eyes and Alice also seemed satisfied. She was still between my legs, rubbing her silkiness against mine, but slower now, softer. I looked up at her, laying there naked with my bare chest heaving, and she moaned pleasurably with her eyes closed, grinding her hips in sensual rhythm.  
  
"That was amazing," she breathed, still rubbing. "I loved that so much. Did you like it, baby?"  
  
I nodded eagerly. Fuck yes, I liked it. I felt satisfied in a way that I couldn't even explain. Complete. Whole. I was vaguely aware that it was one of the most ridiculous clichés in the annals of romance for a girl to feel "completed" after sex, but I couldn't help it. I mean, let's face it. When you find yourself laying under your lover, hot, feverish, breathless, and half-dead from sexual fulfillment, what the fuck else would you call it?  
  
And god it felt so good. She was still rubbing her pussy against mine, slowly and luxuriously, and it was almost making me horny again. But only almost. If my sex-drive hadn't been permanently killed tonight, it was probably going to take a while to recover. A long while.  
  
She smiled down at me. "Wanna do it again?"  
  
My heart stopped.  
  
Maybe I misunderstood. Please god I hope I misunderstood.  
  
"I'll just keep rubbing, okay?" she said excitably, evidently interpreting my shocked disbelief as breathless agreement. "Come whenever you want this time, it doesn't matter."  
  
"Alice," I said in a panic. "Alice, I don't think…"  
  
"Don't think what?"  
  
I lay there in shock, blinking up at her. She continued moving her hips against me impassively, smiling.  
  
Um, what was I going to say? I wasn't sure suddenly. Alice was smiling at me and her pussy felt so nice against mine, like a silky caress. My clit was swollen and inflamed, and there was a general stinging sensation in all my lower areas, but the rubbing was so soft, so gentle, so…  
  
Oh, come on, she can't be serious! Is she serious?  
  
She was watching me with a smile, and yep: she seemed pretty serious.  
  
"Just relax, okay?" she whispered. "We've got all night…"  
  
She took my hand and laced our fingers. She bought the hand to her mouth and kissed it softly. Then she giggled and kept rubbing, rubbing, rubbing.  
  
It took almost an hour, but Alice kept at it, and at it, and finally it did the trick. I screamed when I came, but I didn't quite die.  
  
I wasn't sure if Alice came, but she didn't mention it, and I didn't have any breath to ask. I was laying on my side, quietly regaining strength, when I felt the mattress tilt. She'd gotten off the bed, and she crossed the room—naked, I couldn't help noticing—and fetched the two champagne glasses she'd poured earlier. She handed me one, my hand so clumsy I almost dropped it, and then she crawled into the bed and pulled the covers over our bodies.  
  
"Another toast," she smiled. "To my darling Bella; the most resilient young woman I've had the pleasure of."  
  
I chuckled and sipped. It was flat, but that only made it easier to drink. As soon as the liquid touched my parched mouth, I realized how thirsty I was, and drank some more. The alcohol went straight to my head and made me dizzy, but I dizzy already.  
  
Alice only took a tiny sip, and I could tell she didn't really want to. It reminded me of tonight's true purpose. I'd forgotten for a few minutes back there, but it was coming back to me now.  
  
I cleared my throat. "Alice?"  
  
"Mm?"  
  
"When did you want to…you know?"  
  
Alice smiled. She touched the leather collar that was still around my neck. It was the only thing I was wearing and it seemed to mesmerize her for a second.  
  
"Soon," she whispered.  
  
I was disappointed, and I didn't really hide it. "Why not now?" I asked, feeling my heart flitter. To be honest, the anticipation was killing me. "I mean, seriously, why does it have to be such a big deal? I know you want it to be special or whatever, but it's just blood."  
  
She cocked her head. "Just blood?"  
  
"Well, yeah," I said. "Isn't it?"  
  
She chuckled. "No," she said. "Not just blood."  
  
I shook my head helplessly. "I don't get it."  
  
She didn't answer. She took the champagne flute out of my hand and placed them both on the sidetable beside the bed. Then she took my face in her hands and kissed me.  
  
Well. Talk about a subject change.  
  
But I guess I couldn't complain. I once wished I could kiss Alice forever, and I was never one to be careful what she wishes for, no, no, not me.  
  
She eased me onto my back and straddled my hips. She pinned my wrists either side of my head and proceeded to kiss the rational thought out of my head. By this point it was probably fair to conclude that I'm the passive one in the relationship. The role suited me quite well, because I couldn't think of a single thing I'd rather do than lay here under her kiss. Although, in all fairness, the kiss did make it hard to think.  
  
Either way, I was in falling love—literally. I was in love with her before, but now I could actually feel it, they way they explain it science textbooks. My hypothalamus was swimming in a soup of assorted hormones, and I could actually feel the chemical reaction called love gurgling in my brain like a percolator, soaking slowly through my intelligence, my knowledge, my memories, all it slowly smothered and swallowed up in a rise tide of serotonin until my whole brain was a pink and mushy mess of nothing but Alice, Alice, Alice.  
  
Back when I was a kid I'd once asked mom what it felt like to be in love. I don't remember exactly how she explained it, but I'm pretty sure she never described mind-numbing marathon sex with a self-proclaimed Whore of Darkness in a five-star hotel suite.  
  
"Alice," I whispered, but she covered my lips before I could say anything else.  
  
That's alright. She'd unpinned my wrists and I was able to wrap my arms around her, which was nice. I wasn't sure if I wanted to say anything else, anyway. Just her name. I loved her name, and I loved the way she was kissing me. The tips of her breasts were touching mine and, unbelievably, I was beginning to feel a stirring of interest from between my legs. Well, well. Today's date had been a revelation concerning my girlfriend's sex habits—Alice unleashed—but perhaps I was learning a thing or two about myself as well. It's probably say to say I was never cut out to be a nun, for instance.  
  
Alice continued kissing me and once again it occurred to me that she was really good at it. I mean, amazing. My jaw was sore from all the tongue-love she'd lavished on my already, and yet I didn't want her to stop. I wanted her to kiss me forever and ever, from now to infinity, without letting me ever breathe my own breath again.  
  
And, naturally, that's when she stopped.  
  
She raised up like a cobra, straddling my hips, and then she took a deep breath and giggled. "Okay," she said excitably. "This one's all about you, so just relax. It's another symbolism thing. This is me showing you how much I love you, okay? Just you. No me."  
  
She seemed a little fixated on this subtext stuff, but I nodded. "Okay."  
  
"Good," she whispered, happy with my simple acceptance. She cupped my breasts and began caressing them. "Just relax," she whispered. "You'll like it, I promise."  
  
I had a feeling I was going to like it, too. I was liking it already. Her hands were stroking my breasts as if they were personal pets of hers, just gently stoking them, straddling my hips and smiling down at me. She seemed to be in no particular hurry and I had to admit; it was nice, her hands on my breasts like that. If this was her showing me how much she loved me, she was doing a good job. A warm glow was spreading through my body and if I was capable of purring, I'm sure I would've.  
  
Her own breasts were right there on her chest and I watched them languidly as she fondled my own. Hers were way more beautiful than mine. Mine were slightly bigger, but hers had perfect shape; plump and perky with succulent pink nipples. They were really very beautiful. The kinds of breasts you see in museums on sculptures of goddesses.  
  
I flickered my eyes up to her face. She was smiling and kneading my breasts against my chest like soft mounds of dough, squeezing them, applying a little pressure.  
  
"Do you like this?" she asked softly.  
  
I nodded. "Yes," I whispered. "It's nice."  
  
She smiled, and then she lowered her chest over mine and rubbed our breasts together. Which likewise felt nice. Her lips were less than an inch away from mine and I could feel her breath getting closer and closer until her lips covered mine.  
  
Yes, very nice. Alice was nice, all of her, so absolutely nice. She kissed me with her tongue while the warm weight of her chest pressed against mine, and she kissed my chin and cheek, and she trailed kisses across my throat and onto my collarbone, and slowly her lips descended onto my chest where they proceeded to make a meal out of my breasts.  
  
At first the kisses were soft and delicate, feathery touches of her tongue tracing the circumference of my areolas, a light lick, a quick kiss. But then she got hungrier. Her lips closed over one of my nipples and sucked on it. Then she sucked on the other one. Her hands were stroking my sides and she was doing it all with her mouth. She licked across my breast, across the whole mound, a long lick like a dog. I felt my breast slide under her tongue and wobble back into place. Then she licked again.  
  
She kept licking until my whole chest was wet with saliva. I was still relatively unaroused—physically, at least—but my heart was beating wildly and soon every lick was making me quiver. I was holding her head loosely and laying back with my eyes closed, relaxing as she told me to. It should've felt obscene, or even dirty, but it didn't. She'd said she was showing me how much she loved me; and that's exactly what it felt like.  
  
And after a while her love directed her lips lower across my body. She placed kisses on my tummy, my womb. She tongued my belly-button briefly, making me giggle. She shuffled further down until she was between my legs and then she settled between them and started stroking the inside of my thighs.  
  
"Are you excited yet?" she asked.  
  
I wasn't exactly wet, but yes; I was excited. Now that she was there, between my legs, I couldn't wait to get some appendage of hers inside me, finger or tongue, I really didn't care. "Yes," I told her. "Keep going."  
  
She giggled. "I will," she said. "But let me tease you a little first. It's more fun that way."  
  
I almost pouted. What a bitch.  
  
But in the end I suppose I didn't mind. I lay back with a forearm over my eyes, relaxing, and already I could feel her fingertips tracing circles around my entrance. It didn't really light any fires in me, but it was nice, nice like everything else. One of her fingers poked into my folds and inserted itself inside me and this was nice, too. The finger came out, and went back in, and out again. Then I felt her lips.  
  
She started very slowly, placing soft kisses all over my swollen womanhood. Slowly I was beginning to kindle. She'd shuffled down further and she was laying face-first into my pussy, her hands stroking my thighs. She kissed at me for a little bit and then she started licking, little licks like a cat, licking, licking. Her tongue entered me and came out again. She kept licking.  
  
I was breathing slowly and deeply. My arms lay splayed at my sides and something was starting to build between my legs. I kept my eyes closed and let it.  
  
I'm not sure how long she kept licking at me, but finally it happened. My eyes were squeezed shut and I was thinking of Alice. I wouldn't have came otherwise. By now I was sweaty and heaving and I had two handfuls of bedsheet clenched in my fists. Alice's tongue was wonderful, but it was the Alice in my head that pushed me over the edge, visions of her unearthly perfection dancing behind my eyelids.  
  
I saw her as I'd seen her that day. I saw her with her black satin dress hiked up around her hips to expose her lacy black panties. I saw her wet and naked in the hotel room shower. I saw her in the pale light of the movie theater with the weight of her plump breast in my hand under her baggy hockey shirt. I saw her in the mirror of the change room wearing nothing but a miniskirt, bent over a chair as I rubbed my pussy against her ass, smiling at me in the mirror with her breasts swaying.  
  
And I saw her at school. I saw her in the library with a sneaker propped on the bottom shelf and her jeans open to reveal skyblue panties. I saw her in the showers among other girls like a goddess among mortals. I saw her in biology, shuffling her stool closer to mine until our shoulders touched, smiling, smelling so beautiful.  
  
I saw her in the backseat of my mom's car after our first date, legs in the air and panties around her knees. I saw her the first time she came to me, crawling through my window like a shadow girl, naked under her coat and ready to claim me, take me, make me hers. I saw her fuck me senseless with her fingers and her lips and I saw her gather me into her arms all limp and helpless and I saw myself tilting back my head to offer my throat and—  
  
I came.  
  
I gasped and flopped back. My body was shaking violently and it felt like something had snapped inside me; spirit or soul, something that left me broken and sweaty and whimpering weakly.  
  
Alice was still licking at me, but I'd had enough. I closed my legs and rolled aside. She kissed my hip and rubbed her cheek against it tenderly, making me giggle deliriously.  
  
"Alice," I said. Just Alice.  
  
She moaned softly, stroking my leg idly. Slowly my tremors ease, but I still felt broken. Utterly broken.  
  
"Are you okay?" she asked softly.  
  
"Yeah," I gasped. "Just tired."  
  
She snuggled up beside me and wrapped an arm around me. She kissed my hair and then she stroked it away from my neck. There was something deliberate to the action that made me stop panting. I rolled to face her. She looked at me and smiled.  
  
"Are you ready?"  
  
I swallowed. "You mean…?"  
  
She nodded and fingered the collar around my neck. "Unless you're too tired."  
  
I shook my head. "No, I'm good."  
  
She smiled. Then she looked away. "Before we begin I should give you one last chance to back out," she said, glancing at my shoulder, stroking it gently. She was avoiding my eyes. "You don't have to do this is you don't want to…"  
  
I snorted. "Why wouldn't I want to? It's just a bite."  
  
She chuckled once. "I'm afraid it's a little more than just a bite. To be honest, I was only half joking when I said I was joking about that addiction stuff. Feeding from you tonight could have disastrous consequences for both of us, up to and including death. I promised I'd never hurt you, but a promise is only as strong as the person who made it, and I should warn you that I'm very weak. Very weak, and very hungry…"  
  
She spoke softly, almost melodramatically, but I wasn't particularly moved. I rolled my eyes, and maybe I should've taken her more seriously, but I was beyond caring at this point. I mean, seriously. Death? Pfft. What am I clinging to, anyway?  
  
Besides, the thought of me dying seemed just flat-out unrealistic. My life had never been particularly charmed, but it hadn't been stark enough to convince me of my own mortality, not at sixteen years old. I'd never had a dead pet or a dead family member. I'd never even been to a funeral. Maybe it was just lingering child-hood denial, but deep in my heart I didn't believe I'd ever die. I knew it was a mathematic certainty—and, according to Alice, a growing probability—but my mind just didn't believe it.  
  
"Alice, I don't care, alright?" I told her. "I know you'd never hurt me."  
  
She smiled and flickered her eyes over my face. "This is your last chance," she whispered. "If you reject me now, it's possible I may be able to let you go. But if we continue…If your blood touches my lips tonight…It'll be too late. From that moment on the only destinies available to you will be death…or eternity at my side."  
  
Again, I wasn't really convinced. It all seemed a little theatrical to me, and I didn't really want to think about it. Who cares about the future? She talks about destiny and stuff, but nothing's set in stone. Maybe there won't be any consequences to our relationship at all and we'll live happily ever after like a fairytale. Or maybe she'd dump me in a week and get a better girlfriend. Either way, I still wasn't seeing the big deal, so maybe I answered her a little more flippantly than I should have.  
  
"Okay," I said.  
  
She gave me a weird look, amusement and disbelief. Then she smiled, shook her head, and sat up, dusting her hands as if preparing for work. "There's one more thing you should be aware of."  
  
I sat up to meet her, my heart beginning to thump. "What do you mean?"  
  
She cupped my cheek. "You're going to faint from the blood loss," she told me softly. "So you're going to have to trust me to take care of you. Can you do that?"  
  
I felt a flash of hesitation. Death didn't bother me, but naked and passed out? I could probably trust her not to shave my eyebrows and draw stuff on my face with a ballpoint, but it still didn't seem ideal to me.  
  
She let her hand fall from my cheek. "Last chance to back out," she added, but there was something teasing in her voice that made it clear she knew I wouldn't. "If you don't trust me…"  
  
"I trust you," I said firmly.  
  
She smiled and looked me over. "Do you truly?" she asked. "Do you trust me with your life, your dignity, your very soul? Do you trust me with all your heart?"  
  
And yeah, I did. My heart had started glowing with a strange intensity as she spoke, and yeah. I trusted her with everything.  
  
"Alice," I said, looking into her face earnestly. "Even if this is all just a dream, you're still the best thing that's ever happened to me. So just do it, okay? Just—"  
  
Her lips flew onto mine and she kissed me with a deep moaning sound. And what else could I do but let my eyes fall shut and kiss her back.  
  
She moaned again and I could feel her fingers at the clasp of the choker. She unlatched it and I felt it drag away from my neck.  
  
Her lips descended onto my throat and I felt a quick spike of excitement. A smile flashed over my face and very clearly in my head I heard my inner voice say:  
  
Ooh, bite me, baby.  
  
Outwardly, however, I remained more composed. I wrapped my arms around her and one word came out in a breathy whisper:  
  
"Alice."  
  
I expected her to bite me right then, but she didn't. She licked my pulse point, and then she pulled away, breathed deeply, and took my hand. She smiled and started tugging me off the bed. "Then come," she said with a playful extravagance. "We must prepare."  
  
—  
  
The first thing I did was drink two cupfuls of water—I was so fucking thirsty—and then I used the bathroom. I didn't know if it was another of her symbolism things, but she stayed in the room while I did it. Not watching, of course—that would be so creepy—but she was there turning on the shower, like a wife or a life-partner or some other person you'd feel comfortable peeing in front of. The intimacy level of our relationship had taken a quantum leap in recent hours, and I didn't even feel that self-conscious. But maybe that was because the noise of the shower masked any splashing sounds.  
  
She'd fetched our dresses from the other room, and our underwear, and I was curious about what these preparations involved, but I didn't ask. I was sleepy and exhausted, and I just wanted to make her happy. That was the one thing I was truly aware of; that I wanted to be perfect for her.  
  
So I just let myself be directed however she wanted. Compared to when we got ready for dinner, she was efficient and business-like. She hustled me into the shower and scrubbed me down and wash my hair. I was so tired I almost fell asleep under the warm water. She washed herself briefly and then she ordered me out again and toweled me off.  
  
We put on our dresses and she insisted on zipping me up. It was probably another piece of symbolism that I was too sleepy to comprehend, but I thought it was something to do with possessiveness. She also put my collar back on, so yeah; possessiveness.  
  
She did her own makeup first and I was stunned at how quickly she did it. She wielded the implements with the dexterity of a professional knife-fighter, decisive flicks of mascara with no hesitation and no flinching of the eyelids, quick slashes of lipstick across her lips, applied perfectly with no smudge. It was brilliant, and I felt my respect for her increase.  
  
Then it was my turn. She took her time with me, and as much as I hate this kind of stuff—or as much as I thought I hated this kind of stuff—I found myself relaxing and enjoying it. Nevertheless, it was a long process and I decided to say something. Alice's face was bright and full of excitement, and I wanted to hear her voice.  
  
"Alice?"  
  
"Mm?" she said, concentrating on the makeup.  
  
"Why are we getting dressed?" I asked. "I thought it was going to be like last time?"  
  
She smiled. "Last time was an act of passion. Special in it's own way, but not like tonight. Tonight will be passionate as well, of course, but also deliberate, consensual, premeditated. Tonight will include an added element of decisiveness that the last time lacked. Tonight will be a ceremony."  
  
"Ceremony?"  
  
"Mmhm."  
  
"You mean like magic?"  
  
"No," she whispered, and I realized she was blushing under her makeup. "More like a wedding."  
  
She said it with a soft excitement, and I found myself blushing as well. "What do you mean?"  
  
"Ah, Bella," she whispered. "Don't you understand, even now? You're not simply a meal to me. You're my soulmate and tonight's event will demonstrate that."  
  
"How?"  
  
She smiled at me and paused with the eyeliner. Then she resumed. "In any ceremony," she said, "there are certain forms to be observed. The bride wears white. Witnesses are gathered. Vows are spoken. These forms, when grouped, combine to express the resolve of the participants by forcing their feelings into a crucible greater themselves, a crucible they believe to be ordained by god, in fact. Through the sanctity of marriage they seek to endow their feelings with a significance they may or may not have earned, but vows that are made can be broken again, and ultimately there is only one crucible that can possibly contain true love, and that is the crucible of destiny."  
  
She spoke in a soft whisper, without thinking or concentrating. Like reciting lines in a play. She put away the eyeliner and started with the shadow.  
  
"Destiny, then," she said. "Destiny is, in essence, the ceremony in which all other ceremonies are contained, so while our little tryst may go unwitnessed and unsanctioned by any apparent deity, it is also true that destiny provides us with another sort of authority, complete with it's own forms and vows. The overture includes a trip to the mall. It features the seduction of a young lesbian. The night's events will only appear odd or irrelevant to those who question the authority of destiny's design. For now it is enough to have accomplished these requirements with or without knowing what they entail. The details of the ceremony are of great importance, and yet it is not necessary for the participants themselves to fully understand their roles in destiny's design for they have no way of knowing even in what the design consists. In fact, were we to know the true extent of destinies demands, we may well choose not to participate, and as you can see, that cannot be part of any design if design there be."  
  
She smiled and leaned to my lips with the lipstick.  
  
"You will wear black," she whispered. "You will bleed. Tonight's event will be a ceremony of a certain magnitude perhaps more commonly known as a ritual. Rituals include the letting of blood. Rituals that fail in this requirement are but pretend rituals—like a wedding. A bride may forfeit her last name and recite a few vows, but ultimately it's nothing but words. Scripted wind spoken into the air and quickly dispersed again. She offers no tangible proof of her conviction, no real sacrifice. But you, my love…"  
  
She looked into my eyes and smiled. Her eyes were shining with excitement.  
  
"You, my love, will sacrifice something far greater. Your blood? Certainly. Your life? Possibly. Your soul?"  
  
She let the question hang and then resumed with the makeup.  
  
"Where a husband and wife are joined in the vagaries of holy matrimony, you and I will be joined in something rather more visceral. A meshing of the flesh, a partaking of blood. This night marks both the beginning and the culmination of our courtship. The threads of our separate destinies will at last twist into a single strand and never again in all the world's turning will they again be parted. We will be together forever, for better or worse, till death do us part, and neither of us need say 'I do,' for we will regardless."  
  
She capped the mascara with a flourish and smiled.  
  
"Are you ready?"  
  
I was ready.  
  
We paused in the hotel room to slip on our heels and then she led me out onto the balcony. I had no idea how late it was, but the moon was low in the sky. Dark grey clouds passed over it like ghostships and a light wind blew over my bare shoulders. The balustrade was marble and cold under my hand.  
  
"It's beautiful, isn't it?"  
  
I nodded. "Yeah."  
  
She turned me toward her and I turned willingly. She smiled and started arranging my dark hair on my pale shoulders, as if every strand had to be just so.  
  
"Alice?"  
  
"Mm?"  
  
She looked up at me. I looked into her huge honey-colored eyes and felt myself blush. She was so beautiful in the light of the moon, so pale, so unearthly, so exquisite in her black satin dress. I remembered everything she'd said about ceremony and consent and all that stuff, and I didn't want her to have any doubts about me. I looked at her lips, her rose-pink lips, and slowly I leaned forward and kissed her.  
  
It was a gentle kiss, just a soft press of my lips. To let her know it was okay, that whatever she wanted, I wanted. That I wasn't afraid of whatever might happen. That I…  
  
"I love you," I whispered. "Are you ready?"  
  
Something breathless passed over her face and she nodded. "Yes."  
  
I stood and waited, dressed in my black dress, standing in the heels she'd bought for me. She removed my collar and laid it across the marble balustrade. She moved the hair away from my neck. I tilted my head back and looked at the moon. It was a huge moon, so bright and beautiful that it almost seemed to throb with paleness. I felt her lips descended in on my neck and I closed my eyes.  
  
Her arms wrapped around me and pulled me close. I could feel the bite of her fangs, harder and harder against my soft skin, until they pierced. I gasped and cringe with the pain. I felt my blood begin to leak into her mouth and I could feel her lips sucking at the wound.  
  
I tilted my head even further and held her close. I could smell her scent on the cold night wind, and for a the last time that night I felt myself surrendering. I held her for as long as I could, but I was fading, and finally I let myself go, sinking into the sweet oblivion of her love.  
  
—  
  



	6. Chapter 6

—  
  
Chapter 6:  
  
—  
  
Alice woke me with a kiss.  
  
The first thing I felt was the softness of her lips. The first thing I smelt was her lavender scent. And the first thing I saw as my eyelids languidly fluttered open was Alice; the loveliest alarm clock in the world.  
  
She was smiling and stroking my hair. "Hi," she whispered.  
  
Hazy memories of the prior night flooded through me and my stomach was instantly filled with a floaty feeling like helium. I remembered nothing specific, not right then, but I remembered Alice in her dress and I remembered how amazing she looked. I smiled back and blinked lazily. "Hi."  
  
It was morning, I could tell because it was light in the room. Room? Er, which room? My head moved slightly so I could try and look at where I was and even this small movement was enough to make me dizzy. I blinked at the ceiling but I didn't recognize it. It wasn't my room and it wasn't the hotel room. A low ceiling painted a plain beige. There was a window over the bed where sunlight was coming from, but not bright sunlight, pale sunlight filtered through cloud cover. Ah. Forks, then.  
  
Alice was still stroking my hair. "I talked to your mom when she called your phone," she said. "I told her you weren't feeling so good and it's probably best if you skipped school. She wants you to call her as soon as you're awake."  
  
I nodded, more dizziness. "Okay. Um…where are we?"  
  
"Oh," Alice giggled, sitting up. She was sitting on the edge of the bed—double bed—and she was dressed as if dressed for school; jeans and a tee. She gestured with her hand at the room. "This is my room," she said. "The transfusion's all over and I bought you back here so I could take care of you. How do you feel?"  
  
Honestly? Sleepy. Dizzy. Sore, in certain places.  
  
The soreness jogged some more memories and suddenly I blushed. How many times last night? I hadn't been counting, and maybe that was a good thing. Without a specific number, it kept the shame ambiguous, like maybe it wasn't as bad as I thought. Teenagers are supposed to wait months before they have sex—if ever—and even adults have the decency to wait three dates. Me and Alice, on the other hand, seemed to have crammed a whole relationship's worth into one trip to the mall.  
  
But god, how many times? The thought made me smirk slightly and the sudden rush of mental activity triggered a slight head ache. But I chuckled once, sleepily, and said: "Great. I feel great."  
  
Alice giggled and resumed stroking my hair. "Me too. I've been watching you sleep all night. You're so beautiful when you're asleep. Like Snow White."  
  
I skipped over the creepiness about watching me sleep, and skipped over the compliment, too. It gave me a brief rush of warmth, of course, but I didn't believe a word. She was still stroking my hair, but then I sat up, only feeling slightly guilty as her hand slipped away. She rose from the bed so I could swing my legs over the side, and as I did I noticed the far wall of the room was covered with pictures.  
  
Pictures of me.  
  
They weren't photographs of me snapped unknowingly as I went about my daily life, thank god, but it was still a shock. They were hand drawn watercolors and they literally covered the wall—two walls. Most of them were of my face in various expressions from various angles, but not all of them looked exactly like me. Some of them looked older, some younger, but it was obvious from the dark hair and the heart shape of the face that they were supposed to be me.  
  
I only swept my eyes over them quickly, light headed from both the surprise and the movement, but I could see that the pictures were amazing, although not entirely accurate. Some of them depicted me naked with a decidedly coltish body that seemed more like wishful thinking than artistic creativity.  
  
Alice was watching me notice the pictures, and she smiled a shy smile, waiting to see what I'd say about them. My glance had been too brief to form any opinion on her technique, but a light quip came to mind. I tossed my chin at the wall and said: "Who's the chick?"  
  
She smiled, relieved perhaps that I didn't call her a creep and slap her. "It's you, silly," she said, with a touch of pride that melted my heart—despite the fact that is was kind of creepy.  
  
I snorted and shuffled my legs over the side of the bed. "It doesn't look like me."  
  
"Art isn't about accuracy," she said. "It's about feeling. It feels like you, that what's important."  
  
"If you say so."  
  
I was wearing clothes, I was relieved to notice. Shorts and a t-shirt, almost my standard sleepwear. The t-shirt was a little tight and I realized with a quick thrill that it must be Alice's.  
  
"I do say so," Alice said, concluding our artistic debate. "Can you stand?"  
  
She had stood up and she was offering me a hand, but I stood up by myself. "Yeah, I'm okay," I said, pretending I didn't almost fall back down from wooziness. This blood loss stuff is gonna take some getting used to. "What's the time?"  
  
"Almost noon," she said, watching me closely. "You're gonna feel weak for a while, but you should be okay for school tomorrow if you don't over do it."  
  
"Thanks. What did you tell my mom?"  
  
"Food poisoning. I said you were yakking most of the night, but it's nothing serious."  
  
I nodded, and Alice moved over to the foot of the bed. "Here, I laid out some clothes for you. It's some of the stuff we bought at the mall yesterday."  
  
I glanced at the ensemble. The top was pink, but I smiled anyway. "Thanks."  
  
"I'll go check on breakfast while you get changed. You'll be okay getting changed by yourself?"  
  
I nodded, masking my considerable relief. Between the wooziness and the residual soreness between my legs, I was happy to learn that Alice wasn't planning on attacking me as soon as my clothes were off. I hadn't even brushed my teeth yet, and it was to early in the relationship to risk a poor performance. "Yeah, I'm fine."  
  
She nodded with a knowing smile, guessing my thoughts as she always did. She flickered her eyes over my body suggestively, but then she simply walked past me toward the door. "Alright," she said, "and don't forget to call your mom. She sounded pretty worried."  
  
"Yeah. And Alice?"  
  
She opened the door and turned back. "Mm?"  
  
I blushed suddenly. I'd been meaning to tell her something about last night, but as she turned I was blasted by her cuteness and I completely forgot what I was going to say. It was a bit of a sensitive subject, anyway. How exactly does one go about telling their lover that they enjoyed being ritualistically bitten in neck and drained of a hearty portion of their blood while reeling in their arms from sexual enfeeblement? Pretty much anyway I say it is gonna make me sound like a tool.  
  
So I just smiled shyly. "Last night," I said, and I gave a little casual shrug, so she knew how serious and heartfelt I was. "It was amazing."  
  
She smiled, and then she came over and kissed me on the lips—a quick kiss, wary of morning breath. "For me, too," she said. She giggled and backed away. "Oh, by the way," she said at the door, "the bathroom's down the hall. Last door on the left."  
  
I nodded, still blushing. It was amazing how there was still a little awkwardness between us, despite everything that happened yesterday. There were moments last night when my love for her had felt as natural and absolute as the stars in the sky; now it felt like an anxiety soaked teen crush again.  
  
So I just nodded, pretending like I wasn't totally bewildered by the whole situation, and said: "Okay. Thanks."  
  
She nodded back, far more gracefully than me and with a much prettier smile, and then she shut the door and disappeared.  
  
And I was alone.  
  
In Alice's room.  
  
The thought gave me a sudden flitter of excitement that hadn't occurred to me before, and suddenly I was aware that this was Alice's room—the place where she sleeps and changes her clothes. I mean, oh my god. This is the place where she gets naked sometimes.  
  
I'd seen her naked plenty of times before, of course, so it was weird that the idea should excite me so much. But it was exciting, and it was a cheeky kind of excitement, so I decided to indulge it for a few moments. I didn't squeal out loud, but I allowed myself a grin as I stood there in the center of the room, gazing about. My eyes landed on her bed, and my grin went wider. I mean, that was Alice's bed! That was where she slept, all warm and cuddly—or wait, do vampire's sleep? I didn't remember. Either way, it was one lucky fucking bed.  
  
And only ten minutes ago I'd been sleeping in it. I'd woken up with a headache and acute wooziness, but realizing that it was Alice's bed, the bed that Alice slept on, made me feel much better.  
  
And her scent! I could smell it all around me, a soft fragrance of lavender and fresh fabric. I looked at the pillow and sighed. It was just laying there, slightly rumpled from when I'd sleeping on it. I smiled to myself. Alice's head had been on that. And then mine was. I don't know why that fact made my life seem complete, but it did.  
  
Slowly, I walked over the pillow, and touched it with my fingertips. Then I picked it up, touched it to my nose, and inhaled. I swayed on the spot, lulled by the bliss of her scent, and then I put the pillow down again.  
  
Then I noticed the pictures on the wall. They covered two whole walls—dozens of them—and I felt my heart begin to race as I let my eyes wander over them. I'd only taken a quick glance before, but now I approached closer.  
  
There were a couple of them that caught my eye. One of them showed me as a young girl, about four years old, and it was amazing how much it actually looked like me at that age. It was a full body portrait, and I was wearing a small dress and carrying a small teddy bear. My expression was pensive and slightly sad. In fact, my expression seemed to be sad in most of the pictures, not sad exactly, but lonely. As if sorrow somehow captured my spirit better than anything else.  
  
The collage was such an accurate portrait of my inner anguish that it made me smile. The smile was totally contradictory to the implied melancholy of the subject, of course, but sometimes great art is like that. I wasn't really a sad person, but I had to admit; I wore it well.  
  
And, of course, there were naked pictures, too. They were all what an artist would call tasteful nudes, so I didn't feel outraged or violated. Just a little embarrassed. And kind of excited. My body was no where near as hot as the pictures depicted, but it was hard not to feel flattered that this was how Alice saw me, how she pictured me.  
  
In one of them I was a grown woman, and my hair was cascading down my naked back in dark luscious waves, even longer than it is now. It reached almost to the tips of my buttocks and my ass was even better than Alice's, round and perfectly shaded with charcoal. In another I was much younger, maybe only twelve. I was sitting on the ground with my knees up and my slim arms locked around them possessively, naked and flat-chested, staring out of the picture with dark sullen pre-teen eyes.  
  
It was vaguely pederastic, I suppose, but sometimes great art is like that, too.  
  
There was one more that caught my eye. It showed me as I am now, or maybe slightly older. Eighteen, or nineteen. It only showed my top half, and I seemed to be reclining somewhere, naked with my full breasts exposed and one of my wrists laying limp above my head. The striking thing about the picture, though, was the coloring. It was drawn and shaded in charcoal, and it was all black and white except for a vicious slash of red watercolor across my throat where a bite wound was pumping a pale blood. The expression in my eyes was purely passive and I seemed to have no thoughts at all as my lifeblood leaked over my neck. Just pure vapid acceptance—even purpose.  
  
I don't know why that fascinated me so much, but it did. I stared at it for a long time, and I realized that I kind of admired that girl. Just laying there, with her throat open. It seemed sexy in a way that I didn't even understand, and after a while I turned away and shook my head.  
  
The clothes were folded at the foot of the bed and the choker was laying on top, a thin strip of black leather-lace. I smiled and lifted it up with one hand while my other hand touched the bite marks on my neck, two little bumps, slightly painful. Mistress, huh? Well, I guess I couldn't argue. And even if I did argue she'd probably just deliver another soliloquy about destiny that I wouldn't even understand, wouldn't even try. I wonder why she's so fixated on destiny? I suppose when you're as old as she is—about two hundred, assuming she grew up in nineteenth century Mississippi—you're bound to overthink things a little. Or maybe it's like senile dementia. Either that or she just likes to hear her own voice. I like hearing her voice, too, though, so I really shouldn't complain.  
  
Alice had a full-length mirror in her room, an antique in an ornate brass oval frame. I stepped over to it and examined the bite marks more closely, tilting back my head as if offering my throat to my reflection. They were more red than last time, and there was a bruise around them. I touched them gently, and I was surprised to find that I had no real opinion about them. I didn't feel excited to be marked by her, or appalled, or scared. I was looking at them as if didn't I quite know how they got there, and in a way I really didn't.  
  
It seemed so surreal. Last night I was bitten by a vampire. I mean, how stupid is that? It had happened to me, and I almost didn't believe it myself. Who would?  
  
Weirdly, the first emotion I could identify stirring in my stomach was shame. And even more weirdly, I wasn't ashamed of Alice, or that Alice had bitten me, I was simply ashamed of it bite itself. There was nothing I really could've done to avoid it—even if I wanted to—but here, now, it didn't seem quite so romantic anymore. I mean, seriously; is that me there in the mirror? That pale girl with purple eyes and bite marks on her neck? Is this what I am? A vampire victim? Victim?  
  
The thought made me bristle slightly, but not at Alice, definitely not at Alice. Alice was cute and Alice would never hurt me. I wasn't sure what I was bristling at. It just seemed…unfair, somehow. Unbalanced. Why am I the one who gets bitten? Why can't I bite her? Granted, I don't have any particular taste for blood, but still. Fair exchange and all.  
  
I looked down at the collar in my hand, this thin strip of leather which was suppose to symbolize Alice's ownership of me. I frowned slightly and put it around my neck, watching myself in the mirror. Mistress, huh? Yeah, well. We'll see.  
  
It took me a while to get changed and I almost fell over while putting my pants on. Giggling, I lost balance and plopped down onto the edge of the bed, hobbled in my pants and holding my forehead. The dizziness was kind of fun, but the headache was getting a bit annoying.  
  
When I was finally dressed, I grabbed up my cell phone and called mom at the hair salon where she worked. She worked there, but she owns it, too. It had always been her dream to run her own salon. She'd dropped out of school when she was sixteen and owned her own place by nineteen. She was married at the time, and pregnant, and they were divorced before I was even born. She wound up keeping the baby, and I was glad she never put me up for adoption, but I wouldn't have objected too strongly about being aborted. Life, in my opinion, seems a tad overrated—especially on school days.  
  
Still, it was great to have such a strong, warm, kind, caring mother, and as soon as I hit the dial button, I knew she'd pick up on the first ring.  
  
"Bella? Bella is that you?"  
  
"Hi, mom."  
  
"Oh my god, sweetie, are you okay? Your Alice friend said you had food poisoning. I've been so worried. Thank god her dad is a doctor because food poisoning can be very serious. Are you okay, sweetie?"  
  
Ah, the sweet sound of mom's voice, paranoid, anxious, unreasonably worried. I felt better already.  
  
I spent at least ten minutes on the phone trying to convince her that no I wasn't dying, and no I don't need an ambulance, and yes I'm feeling a lot better. I didn't know the details of what Alice had told her, but I piled on a bit extra—it must've been the sushi. It tasted weird, but I thought it was supposed to, so I kept eating. I could almost hear mom nodding in concern as I relayed my symptoms over the phone, detailing for her analysis the color of the vomit, the consistency, the frequency, the velocity of expulsion. She offered me her prognosis, and recommended a course of treatment; relax and drink plenty of fluids. And, of course, come home as soon as possible, because obviously the magical warmth of home would accelerate my recovery far quicker than anything else. I kept nodding and kept reassuring her, and finally she realized that she was neglecting her customers and had to go. She blew kisses into the phone, gave me big metaphorical hugs, and assured me that she'd be home as early as possible. I hadn't inquired, but I was happy to hear it. I wasn't sick, exactly, or four years old, but mommy always had a knack for making everything better.  
  
Well, almost always. By the time I hung up my headache was a little worse, and I spent a few seconds sitting on the edge of the bed, getting my head together. I looked around the room, but to be honest I didn't feel any true urge to snoop. It might've been fun to rifle through her underwear drawer, but that was too creepy for comfort. The closet didn't seemed a little interesting, and I had to admit I was curious about her clothes. She was always well dressed, and I wondered what kind of stuff she kept in reserve. Maybe she had a whole a row of evening gowns or something.  
  
The closet was a huge walnutwood antique and the doors swung open on polished brass hinges without a squeak. Inside there was clothes, but not as much as I expected. Mainly just school stuff. Maybe she had a whole separate room for the rest of her outfits. I flipped through some of the garments, but I resisted the urge to inhale anything. I checked the floor of the closet for the dead body of her previous victim—you never know—but all I found was a shoe box.  
  
A shoe box that was labeled in red marker pen and decorated with red love hearts. It said: "Alice's Happy Box!" and the O in 'box' was converted into a winking smiley face with cartoon fangs and devil horns.  
  
I had a feeling it didn't contain shoes. I pushed back the clothes and squatted at the box, already blushing. Part of me wanted to pretend I never saw it, terrified of what might be inside, but the excitement was overwhelming. I mean—could it actually be what I think it will be? I let out a shaky breath, lifted the lid, and—  
  
It was. Sex toys.  
  
I stared, open-mouthed. The first thing I saw on top of the pile was a neon pink vibrator with little colored light bulbs inside it like a Christmas decoration. It was almost as thick as my wrist and the sight of it seemed to have short-circuited something in my head. I had the insane urge to clap down the lid and forget I ever saw anything, but I was utterly frozen, kneeling there with the lid in my hands. Slowly I swallowed, and then I set down the lid beside the box. I swallowed again. Tentatively, I reached with a hand and sifted through the box.  
  
There was another vibrator, a purple one, and there was a pink strap on with a bright yellow sunflower on the tip, and there was fluffy pink handcuffs with keys shaped like lovehearts, and there was a pink leather gag, and a string of large pink beads that didn't really look like a necklace or a bracelet, and there were two double ended dildos, one pink, one purple, and in the bottom of the box there was a deadly-looking two-pronged device that could probably vibrate you in half like a jackhammer.  
  
"Oh my god," I whispered.  
  
I glanced over my shoulder wildly at the door, as if Alice might burst in at any moment and tell me to get away from her stuff, and then I turned back to the box. I tucked some hair behind my ear and swallowed. My face felt like it was on fire. I knew most lesbian's invest in a strap-on or a vibrator at some point in their lives, but wasn't this a little excessive?  
  
My hands felt cold and clumsy, but I had to do it. I picked up the huge pink vibrator and examined it closely, trying to wrap my head around it's apparent uses. So, um. This goes in there, and then it…vibrates.  
  
I knelt there staring. It was mind-boggling. Did Alice use this on herself? Did she use it on other girlfriends? Will she eventually use it on me?  
  
Will I like it?  
  
That last question seemed most relevant, and judging from the mild reaction between my legs from just looking at it, it's probably safe to say I'd like it—eventually. Not now. Later in the relationship, when you know. When Alice wanted to. I wasn't in a rush. Honestly, it seemed like kind of an odd thing to do, to stick things in each other like that. Fingers and tongues made sense—they were attached—but this thing seemed a trifle more gratuitous.  
  
But jeez, it's huge. Would it even fit in Alice? Alice was a limber girl, certainly, but I wasn't sure. Maybe she was just a collector and she didn't use this stuff at all. Yeah, maybe that. Although, now that I thought about it, I could almost picture it. Alice naked, on her back. Legs open, and between them…  
  
I swallowed. I turned it in my hands again, feeling it's smooth weight. A strange excitement was bubbling in my stomach, and I felt an urge to lick it just once—as if I might actually taste Alice on it—but the urge itself was bad enough, so I didn't. I placed it back onto the pile and covered it with the lid, my hands shaking only slightly.  
  
—  
  
By the time I'd used the bathroom and brushed my teeth with water and my finger—I didn't snoop for toothpaste—I was feeling a little better. My headache had dyed down to a background throb that was almost comfortable, and I wasn't dizzy anymore, just light headed.  
  
I went down the corridor very slowly and quietly, glancing at the closed doors I passed, wondering if any of Alice's sisters might be home. It was a school day, so they probably weren't.  
  
I wondered what her sisters thought about her relationship with me. Did it bother them that Alice was a lesbian? Did they think she was weird, trolling for humans at a highschool? And what was their deals, anyway? None of them had any boyfriends at school that I was aware of, and the last time I saw them they seemed strangely comfortable with each other. Was it possible they were gay, too? Or even together? Alice had said they were only pretending to be a family in order to blend in, so I guess it was possible. It even made sense. Gay human's hung out with other gay humans; why wouldn't vampires?  
  
Of course, they couldn't all be gay. That doctor guy was obviously with Alice's pseudo-mom, but of the five sisters, it seemed possible. Alice was the odd one out by dating me, and maybe the other four were actually couples.  
  
I thought about how I'd seen them at school, and I remembered that the blonde and the redhead seemed pretty much inseparable. I don't think I'd ever seen them apart, in the corridors, in the cafeteria. They never touched or kissed or anything, and there was no rumors about them that I knew of, but they did seem to be always together.  
  
And the smaller blonde, Jane, and the native American girl, Leah, actually held hands sometimes. They didn't get talked about like me and Alice—probably because they were sisters and neither was confirmed gay—but sometimes you'd see the taller girl with her arm around the smaller girl's waist.  
  
Add the fact that these girls are actually centuries old vampires, and it seemed almost likely that they were all paired up in some way. After all, who would want to spend eternity alone?  
  
In any case, it didn't seem like anyone was home. Nevertheless, I went down the stairs slowly, hand on the banister, on guard against bumping into any goddesses. The whole house was done in a modern beige décor, expensive but tasteful. The stairs led down into the living area where there was a cream-colored leather sofa and matching recliners, beige carpet, beige walls, and in front of the sofa was the biggest plasma I'd ever seen. It was hooked up to a surround sound system, and I noticed both a Wii and a PS3. No Xbox, and I suppose that made sense. Xbox was a more masculine console. Girls tend to prefer PS3, that is if they even like games, which most don't. I didn't, and I didn't think Alice did. Maybe one of her sisters did?  
  
I located the kitchen by following a faint sizzling sound and the smell of frying bacon. I hoped Alice wasn't going to too much trouble, but I couldn't deny the smell made my stomach growl. I'm usually not big on meat, but after losing a large chunk of arterial blood last night, I guess I could use the protein.  
  
The kitchenette was just off the dinning room where a huge oak dinning table lay beneath a modest chandelier. There was no door or walls, just a row of cabinets and a counter, and as I came around, I got a shock. It wasn't Alice.  
  
It was her mom.  
  
She had her caramel-colored hair in a high ponytail and she was wearing an apron. She was standing at the stove and she smiled when she noticed me. "Oh, there you are," she said, turning off the stove. "You're just in time."  
  
"Oh," I said, pausing at the counter. "Um, you're Alice's mom-person, right?"  
  
"Yes, dear, you can call me Esme." On the counter there was a plate of steaming waffles and she added a few strips of bacon to it from the frying pan. "I hope your hungry," she said, "waffles are one of my specialties. Now, would you like some coffee? Or maybe juice…?"  
  
"Um, juice is good."  
  
She opened the fridge and looked into it. "We have apple and orange."  
  
"Um, apple, thanks."  
  
She smiled and grabbed the bottle of apple juice. "Alice likes apple, too."  
  
I smiled, shuffling slightly on my feet, delighted at the news. We have the same taste in juice, I guess we really must be soulmates. "Um, where is Alice?" I asked.  
  
Alice's mom, or Esme, was pouring a glass and setting it beside the plate. "She's in the garden," she said, "picking flowers for a bouquet. Sit down, honey, sit down."  
  
I sat on one of the breakfast stools at the counter and picked up a bright silver fork, my heart fluttering. "Flowers?"  
  
She smiled and took the frying pan back over to the sink. "For you, yes. Alice's sense of romance is terribly erratic. One never quite knows what she's capable of. She's a creature of impulse, our Alice. She lets her heart guide her, moment to moment. She's generally cute enough to get away with it, but sometimes she requires a certain indulgence. Her smiles are more fragile than you'd think."  
  
I smiled, not eating. It was the first time I'd heard any opinion of Alice from someone who actually knows her and I found myself agreeing completely and dying for more. Alice was still mostly a mystery to me and I would've loved to interrogate her mom about all her quirks and secrets, but the woman had hung the pan to dry and noticed me not eating.  
  
"Eat, honey, eat," she urged, drying her hands. "Before it gets cold."  
  
I nodded, starting on the waffles. Creature of impulse. That's so true. But I wonder what she meant by fragile smiles? Did she mean it's easy to upset her, or disappoint her? I hadn't noticed that. Then again, I remembered certain things, like in the cafeteria last week, when she invited me to sit with her and her sisters and I said no. Her smile had faded pretty instantly. Maybe that's what her mom meant.  
  
Meanwhile, Alice's 'mom,' came over to the other side of the counter, and looked at me with a caring expression. "To be honest, honey," she said, "I sent Alice outside so you and I could talk in private for a moment."  
  
Uh oh. Private conversation with the GF's mother? With the GF's vampire mother? I swallowed nervously and said: "Oh."  
  
She saw my unease and smiled, a reassuring smile that actually did make me relax a little. She wouldn't have smiled like that if she was going to tell me to stay away from her daughter, or eat me for lunch.  
  
Her expression became even more caring and she tilted her head sympathetically. "Mostly I wanted to make sure you're okay," she said, and she said it so tactfully that she might as well've added: after you got fucked into a coma and bitten in the neck by my daughter last night.  
  
But she seemed genuinely concerned, and if last night had been a big deal to Alice, I guess it might've been a big deal to her family, too. Alice had been convinced it was dangerous, but I never believed her, and I was right; after all, here I am. A little woozy, maybe, and a little sore between the legs, but I'm still here.  
  
I swallowed and shrugged nervously. "Um, fine," I said. "Great. Why?"  
  
"It's my understanding that certain things happened between you and Alice last night," she said, and once again she was so tactful that I almost cringed from embarrassment. "And to be honest, I have concerns. Alice is like a daughter to me. I don't want to see her get hurt."  
  
That took me by surprise. How could I possibly hurt Alice? Maybe if I stabbed her with the fork in my hand, but beyond that she seemed fairly invulnerable. But the comment seemed to call for a response, so I said: "I won't hurt her."  
  
She chuckled. "Not deliberately, no, of course not. But Alice is different from other girls you may have dated."  
  
I almost burst out laughing at that. Assuming that I'd dated other girls was so wildly optimistic that it almost hurt. And no shit Alice is different. You can tell just by looking at her. Alice: goddess. Other girls: trolls.  
  
But I didn't say anything. The woman obviously had something on her mind, although I was beginning to suspect that melodrama might run in the family.  
  
"There's a danger to your relationship that Alice might have been reluctant to explain," she said. "She's a sweet girl, but she can also be a little…reckless. She was determined not to let her thirst get out of hand, but…"  
  
She trailed off, and I thought: Yep. Melodrama.  
  
"It's hard for her, isn't it?" I asked, more curious than anything else. "Not to feed?"  
  
She nodded solemnly. "At times, yes."  
  
I looked at her, standing there in her apron, wringing the hand towel in her hands. Momma vampire. She didn't seem very vampiric, but then again, neither did Alice. I found it difficult to believe this woman actually went around biting people, and before I could stop myself, I asked:  
  
"What's it like for you guys?"  
  
She smiled shyly and a faint blush was rising on her cheeks, as if I'd accidentally asked about sex or something, which in a way maybe I did. It was probably a stupid question and I already regretted it.  
  
But she passed over the indiscretion without awkwardness. "It's simpler," she said. "Alice has her own ideas about these things. Her own habits. And that's what concerns me. I mentioned that she can be reckless, but she can also be willful. Even extravagant. I don't want her to force you into anything that you aren't ready for, that's all."  
  
I didn't really know what she was getting at, but I shrugged and nodded. "Well, everything's cool so far, so…"  
  
She nodded, looking me over, and then she smiled. "Well," she said. "I can't say I completely approve of your relationship, but I'm glad you're both happy."  
  
I frowned, a bit miffed. "Why don't you approve?" I said with a slight scoff in my voice. "Alice says we're soulmates."  
  
She smiled and shrugged slightly. "I'm sure you are, but as I said, Alice has her own ideas about these things. Regardless of how much you might eventually love each other, she had no right to force it on you so early. She should've been more considerate of your inexperience."  
  
I guess the woman had a point, but for some reason I felt compelled to defend Alice. I wasn't kidding last night when I said she was the best thing that's ever happened to me. Why should I care if she's impatient to accelerate the relationship? She was over a hundred years old, for god's sake. Of course she wants a deeper relationship. And considering my relationship alternatives—or lack of—I really didn't see what right I had to complain.  
  
My own feelings aren't that important to me, anyway, especially in this situation. Sure, last night might've been a bit epic for a my taste, but did it matter? Alice was a cute, friendly, insanely affectionate girl who actually like spending time with me for some reason. A pint of blood and a few lectures on destiny seemed like a small price to pay. Besides, Alice hadn't forced me into anything. She'd given me so many chances to back out it was almost annoying.  
  
And now her mom was saying she didn't approve—of what, exactly? Her daughter's harmless enthusiasm for sex and ritualized blood letting? Or does she object to my age and status as a minor? Whatever it was, surely it was something that justified a little teen self-righteousness, and so I drew my brows together in an indignant frown that might've been closer to a pout, and said:  
  
"Well, I'm a lot older than I look. You know, inside. I mean, I'm not a kid. I'm very mature, like, deep down."  
  
It sounded lame even to my own ears, and after I faltered to an embarrassing stop, the other woman simply smiled and nodded understandingly.  
  
"Of course, dear," she said. "I didn't mean any offence. I only meant to warn you of the dangers you may face in this relationship. You may think that Alice is all smiles and sunshine, but she is a vampire. She'll try to do what's best for you, but she won't always be capable. Her mind will become clouded by the thirst and by her pre-conceived notions of fate and destiny. She'll assume everything will be alright when perhaps they won't. In those situations it will be up to you to set some boundaries. Don't let her force you into anything that doesn't feel right. That's all I ask. For both your sakes."  
  
Her words left a weird impression on me, and I just nodded in reply. It's funny. I'd always believed that I really was mature for my age, but as soon as the relationship talk started to get serious, I seemed to lose interest pretty quick. Could it be possible that I'm not as grown up as I thought I am?  
  
I didn't know. All I knew was that it made me uncomfortable to think that things aren't totally perfect, or that there actually might be consequences to our relationship. I mean, everything was good so far. Why stress?  
  
In any case, the woman didn't have time for any more ominous relationship advice, because that's when Alice came in. The glassdoor that led outside slid open and Alice came in with a smile and a small bouquet of colorful tulips in her hands.  
  
"Hi, baby," she said, coming over to me directly. "Look what I got for you,"  
  
I made an effort to look surprised and delighted as I took the bouquet from her. Flowers didn't do much for me, honestly, but it was a sweet gesture. "Wow, thanks," I said convincingly. "They're beautiful."  
  
Alice smiled happily. Her mom smiled, too, and then she turned away to rifle through one of the cabinets over the sink.  
  
"They're tulips," Alice told me excitedly. "Do you know why they're tulips?"  
  
"Why?"  
  
She was stroking my hair lovingly—she had a habit of that this morning. With me on the stool and her standing beside me, we were almost eye level, and little waves of love were rolling over me with each stroke of her hand. "Because tulips symbolize perfect love," she said. "Perfect love for a perfect girl."  
  
I chuckled once. She had a strange definition of perfect, but I obliged her with a blush of delight, nonetheless. "Thanks," I said, and because she's not the only one full of shit, I added: "Tulips are my favorite."  
  
"Me too," she giggled. Then she nodded at them eagerly. "Smell them, smell them," she urged, and since smelling them seemed like a good way to pretend I liked them, I did. I dipped my nose and sniffed daintily. Mostly they smelled like breakfast, but I did detect a faint flower scent, a smell like…well, flowers. I don't know if they smelt like tulips, but since they actually were tulips, it was probably a safe bet, so I smiled and said: "Mmm."  
  
"Hey, Esme," Alice said, turning to her mom-like person. "Can I get a…"  
  
The woman handed her a vase already filled with water. She'd filled it up at the sink as Alice was talking, almost as if she'd read the other girl's mind, and I realized that they must know each other really well. I wonder how long they've been living together?  
  
"Thanks," Alice said, setting the vase on the counter beside my breakfast. She stuck the tulips in and fanned them out, examined them, and then rearranged a couple as if it actually made a difference.  
  
Her mom was drying her hands on her apron and then she pulled the apron off and hung it by a hook on the pantry door. "Well, I have errands to run," she said, grabbing up a set of keys from a bowl on the counter by the refrigerator. "You girls behave yourself while I'm gone. And Alice, make sure Bella gets home in time. I don't want her mother to worry."  
  
Alice had snagged a piece of bacon off my plate with my own fork and was munching it happily. "Okay, Esme."  
  
The woman, Esme, gave me a smile, shook her head at Alice, and then she left.  
  
"Mmm, this is good," Alice said, giving me back my fork. "I love Esme's cooking. The best thing about it is that you don't have to do it yourself."  
  
I knew what she meant. Moms' are great like that, the way they cook and do laundry and stuff. It'll be difficult living without one one day.  
  
I had resumed eating, my appetite flourishing now that Alice was back and at my side, and Alice took a stool next to me. She watched me for a moment and then she leaned slightly and spoke in a soft voice.  
  
"So, um…Is everything okay, Bella?"  
  
I paused with a mouthful of waffle. Actually, I felt much better now that I was eating something. The wooziness was almost entirely gone and the headache was nothing worth mentioning. I've had worse headaches from thinking too hard in math class.  
  
"Of course," I said, after I swallowed. "Why?"  
  
"Well, last night was pretty huge," she went on, almost delicately. "I just wanted to make sure you're okay."  
  
Oh, so that's what she's talking about. I don't know why both Alice and her mother seemed to think I ought to be traumatized by the greatest night of my life, but I hoped I wouldn't have to reassure them too many times. I mean, seriously; what's the big deal? It was wild.  
  
"I'm great, Alice."  
  
"Good," she said, then giggled. "I was worried I might've scared you off. I mean, I said some weird stuff last night, huh? I get so weird when I don't feed. It's like being drunk. I didn't creep you out, did I?"  
  
Honestly, I didn't remember half the stuff she'd said last night. I'd been so tired and exhausted, and I hadn't really been paying attention. My memory wasn't that good, anyway. Something about weddings and rituals? I'm sure it was romantic, whatever it was.  
  
But in any case, no I didn't feel particularly creeped out, so I just shrugged and went on eating. "Not really," I said. "I think it's cute when you talk all weird."  
  
"Well, what about all those pictures in my room?" she went on anxiously. "And me watching you sleep? Any creepiness there?"  
  
I chuckled. "You're a vampire, Alice," I said. "You're entitled to a little creepiness."  
  
She lit up from relief. "God, you are so understanding!" she beamed, wrapping me into a quick hug. "I've never met anyone like you, Bella."  
  
I'm sure there's plenty of girls like me checked into depression clinics all across the country, but I didn't want any competition, so I just smiled and said: "I've never met anyone like you, either."  
  
She was still hugging me around the waist and now she started rubbing her cheek against my shoulder. "Yeah, but like you said," she whispered. "I'm a vampire. You're just a regular girl. I think it's me who's the lucky one."  
  
I tried not to believe her, but my heart glowed, anyway.  
  
We fell silent for a while, and while I ate—awkwardly, with Alice's arms clamped around my waist the whole time—I found myself wondering why she likes me. And not just like, but love. She'd told me last night that she loves me, and while I was certainly happy to hear it, it does beg the question of: why?  
  
Well, it probably wasn't my frumpy sense of style that drove her heart wild. And I doubt it was my lack of confidence and obvious inferiority. And yet last night she'd made a toast with expensive champagne especially to rhapsodize about how much she loved me. What was it she'd said? The sweetest, loveliest, most perfect girl she'd ever met. Well, gee. It had been overwhelming at the time, but in retrospect it was kind of ridiculous. I mean, seriously. Me, perfect? Please. You could throw a rock in the school cafeteria and hit a girl better than me, even if you were aiming at a bitch like Lauren.  
  
I don't know, maybe it's just my blood. Or scent. Even now she was nuzzling into my neck like a drunk chick. She'd said that the desire to feed was rooted in emotional attachment, but maybe it was the other way around. Maybe attachment was rooted in the desire to feed. It made more sense, at least.  
  
But in the end, it didn't matter. I'd only known her for two week week, but she was quite clearly a nutcase, and there was probably no way to understand how that pretty head of hers worked. I couldn't even understand her vocabulary part of the time, so her mind itself would likely always be beyond my powers of comprehension. For now it would be best to just roll with the punches and see what happens. After all, maybe she's actually attracted to inferiority and emotional vulnerability. You have to be suspicious of stalker tendencies in a chick who likes to watch her girlfriend sleep—all night.  
  
Either way, she liked me, and that was enough. It would be ungrateful to doubt her, especially after last night. Besides, I'm forgetting how hot she is. With an ass like that, does it really matter why she likes me? Blood, destiny, or morbid fascination with teenage losers—whatever her reasons, I had my reasons, too. And I planned to cling to that ass for as long as I possibly could—or at least until she put on a few pounds. I have my pride, after all.  
  
Then again, maybe it would be me gaining weight, the way I was scoffing down breakfast. That Esme chick did good waffles.  
  
—  
  
It was almost one o'clock by the time I'd finished eating and Alice asked me if I wanted to hang out a little before she took me home. I could've pointed out what an incredibly stupid question that was, but instead I simply agreed, refraining from the urge clasp my hands and gush with gratitude.  
  
She took me into the living room and sat me down on the sofa. The cat that Alice had introduced me to last week, Fang, was curled up on one of the recliners and as I sat down it raised it's head and looked at me with a look of such supreme distain in it's amber eyes that I began to feel self-conscious. I smiled at it and even gave it a friendly wave, but this only seemed to affront the creature further; it's eyes flared at my presumptuousness and it continued to stare at me until I finally broke down and looked away, only barely managing not to cry.  
  
Alice had booted up the PS3 and then she flopped onto the sofa beside me and gave me a controller. I told her I wouldn't mind just watching her play, but she said she wanted to kick my ass and that seemed fair enough. The game was Street Fighter, and Alice was quick to mention how she rarely played it and wasn't that good at it. She was also equally quick to decimate my character inside ten seconds before even explaining the controls. We ended up on the character select screen, and I took the opportunity to mention that I've never played a fighting game of any kind and I had no idea what I was doing. Alice gave me a quick tutorial and then gleefully slaughtered me all over again.  
  
It took me a few matches before I could last long enough to even get a hit on her, but eventually I was able provide her with some semblance of a minor challenge. She let me win a few times, and even pretended that I'd beaten her by skill, which I thought was really sweet.  
  
It was actually really fun. It wasn't the kind of game I'd play by myself, but I've never been a huge gamer. I only owned a handful of titles that I kept in a small stack by the TV. Things like Final Fantasy, or Mass Effect, or Dragon Age, games that have stories—or lesbian romance. My attention span was relatively shallow, and a bit of girl-girl interaction was generally enough to keep me interested. My favorite game was Final Fantasy XIII. Not because it was a great game—it wasn't—but because there was a romantic subtext between two of the lead female characters. There's no actual proof in-game, but it's as blatant as mainstream entertainment allows, and even if they are Just Friends it's still a really sweet and loving relationship. They're pretty hot, too.  
  
Street Fighter was a little more fast paced than I was used to, and it didn't really flatter my lack of motor-skills. I jabbed at the controller with my thumbs, mashing the d-pad. Alice didn't even need to try. She just giggled and shoved a fireball down my throat, bouncing on the sofa excitedly as the letters KO smashed into the screen and her character—a scantily clad blonde in military green—flashed her victory pose. The cat had gone back to sleep, but it looked up at the screen from time to time, and you could tell the poor thing longed for the ability to shake it's head disapprovingly.  
  
Alice giggled and started a new game. "Okay, you can win the next one," she grinned. "Let's see how long I can last without attacking even."  
  
I was blushing slightly from being so thoroughly and frequently pasted. "I thought you said you weren't good at this game?"  
  
"I'm not!" Alice cackled cheerfully. "You just suck!"  
  
Then she collapsed into me with wild giggles. I jostled on the sofa and frowned, but her body felt warm as it brushed against mine, and her scent was so sweet. Besides, she was having fun, and that's the main thing.  
  
"Seriously, though," Alice went on. "I'm not even that good. You should see Jane, she's incredible. She dismantles me even quicker than I dismantle you."  
  
I found that hard to believe. Not only was I inclined to believe my girlfriend was the absolute best at everything, but despite Alice's claims of rarely playing, she was actually very good. She played without concentration and her button-pushes were precise and deliberate. How could someone else have such an advantage over her? I shot her a skeptical look as I tried to punch her game-character in the face. "Really?"  
  
"Oh yeah," Alice said, dodging away from me. "Jane's a world champ. She goes to Japan every year for the tournaments. She's not the only girl, either. You'd be surprised. In Japan there's tons of girl-gamers."  
  
"Wow. Do any of your other sisters like games?"  
  
"Not really. I play a few things every now and then for fun, and Leah plays with Jane sometimes, but Rose and Vicky won't touch them. They think it's beneath their dignity."  
  
I chuckled at the mental image of that stuckup blonde and haughty redhead playing video games; they truly did not fit the stereotype. I was fumbling with the kick buttons, trying to pull off some poor excuse for a combo, and Alice was back-flipping over me—still with most of her life bar intact—when there was the sound of a car outside, a crunch of gravel as it pulled up in the driveway.  
  
"Uh oh," Alice said, watching the shadow pass in the window like an omen.  
  
She'd stopped playing altogether, but my fine sense of sportsmanship didn't let me score a couple cheap hits. "What's wrong?" I asked.  
  
"It's my sisters," she said, with a wince. She glanced at me with a quick look of franticness, as if I was something she was supposed to clean up but didn't. "Um, just act natural, okay? And don't look Rosalie in the eye. Seriously, you'll turn to stone."  
  
I'd been nervous about seeing them already, but now I felt a cold lump of dread drop into my stomach. Was she being literal when she said I'd turn to stone? Or was it just a mythological reference warning me against her sister's gorgon stare? Vampire's didn't seem to have any superpowers that I'd seen—beyond demonic sex-drives—but I'd hate to find out about medusa-like petrifaction-rays the hard way.  
  
The front door opened and several heartbreakingly attractive highschool girls were sailing in, carrying satchels or backpacks, dressed in designer labels, their hair shiny and perfect, blonde, red, brunette. The smaller blonde was mid-sentence.  
  
"Fucking algebra," she was saying. "Leah, you're doing my homework tonight, because seriously; if I have to look at that stupid shit one more fucking time I'm gonna just—"  
  
That's when they noticed me. There was a large arch in the wall that opened into the living area and they stopped under it and looked at me. A couple of them smirked.  
  
I didn't burst into flames, but it wasn't for lack of embarrassment. They adjusted their backpacks silently and looked at me sitting there with the controller in my hands and my mouth hanging open like a fish. I couldn't even imagine what they must've thought. What did I look like, sitting there beside their sister, so very plain and human, the leather choker around my neck to hide the bite marks. How much did they know about me and Alice? The mother-figure had known everything, so they probably did, too.  
  
It was the taller blonde who spoke first. The infamous Rosalie. She was tall for a girl, and she took a graceful step forward, her figure in her jeans and tee so poised and perfect, and she looked at me with a distain that reminded me of the cat, and said: "What's she still doing here?"  
  
It wasn't really the warm friendliness I'd been hoping for, and I blushed even darker. If the sisters weren't blocking the way to the front door I might've sprinted for it. Even Alice seemed to wilt slightly under her sister's stare. She glanced at me, almost meekly, and then turned back to the blonde. The cat had come awake and it's tail flicked happily when it saw Rosalie.  
  
"She's hanging out," Alice said.  
  
It didn't seem to satisfy the blonde. She passed her green cat-eyes over her sister and then let them linger on me in a steady stare of contempt. For a second I thought I actually did turn to stone, but then I realized I was breathing. The blonde snorted, so softly and haughtily that you couldn't even hear it, and then she turned away scornfully and started up the stairs. The cat quickly hopped off the recliner and followed her with it's tail up.  
  
Somehow I was still alive, but it had been one of the most grueling moments of my life. I was used to mindless hate, of course, but this girl seemed to have developed an intense aversion to my very existence. It confused me. I mean; what's up with that?  
  
Alice sighed and turned to me, setting down her controller on the glass coffeetable. "I'll be back in a sec, okay? I'd better…"  
  
She trailed off, and there was no way I could possibly know what she'd better go do, but I nodded anyway. It seemed to be a sister thing, and I didn't want to cause problems.  
  
Alice quickly scampered up the stairs after the temperamental blonde, and of the remaining sister, the redhead heaved a dramatic sigh and started up the stairs, too. She was wearing knee-boots and a black mini-skirt, and I had to make a conscious effort not to lean over the back of the couch and stare as she went by.  
  
"I'd better make sure they don't kill each other," she told the others, mounting the stairs in her heeled boots. "Or at least watch."  
  
The smaller blonde, Jane, smirked at that, and then she turned to me. Like her taller sister she looked like she wanted to kill me, but not out of anger; for fun.  
  
The other remain sister was the Native American one, Leah. She seemed the friendliest and she projected a tough big-sister kind of vibe. She was dressed less girlish than the others. She wore loose cut blue jeans, boots, and a black jacket over a black top that bared her impressively toned midriff. She noticed my discomfort and strolled into the living area casually.  
  
"Hey," she said. "I'm Leah, you remember?"  
  
I was so grateful to not have my head bitten off that I might've nodded a little too eagerly. "Yeah, I remember. I'm Bella."  
  
"Yeah, I know. Alice talks about you all the time. Me and Bella did this, me and Bella did that. You'd be embarrassed if you knew."  
  
I was embarrassed without knowing. But Alice wouldn't talk about our less than conventional sex-life with them, would she? No, of course not. Alice was one of the most modest and reserved young women I'd ever met. Discretion is her middle name.  
  
The brunette had flopped down onto the recliner that the cat had vacated and now the smaller blonde came sauntering in. She didn't waste time with a friendly greeting. She eyed the controller in my hands and said: "Is that my controller?"  
  
I prayed to god it wasn't. Her tone of voice led me to believe that she'd personally murder me if it was, accident or not, and I was really too young to die. "I don't know," I said, with a shrug. "Alice just gave it to me."  
  
"Relax," Leah said with an easy grin. "She's just messing with you."  
  
The blonde smiled at my discomfort. "Yeah, I'm just playing. Alice wouldn't give you my controller. Not unless she's developed some kind of violent death wish that a chainsaw wouldn't satisfy. Mine's the pink one. Here, hold on a sec."  
  
She went and fetched a pink controller from the glass cabinet under the TV and then she came and sat beside me. A got a waft of her scent, apples and cinnamon, and I felt a flicker of attraction that I squashed almost instantly.  
  
"So what are we playing here?" she was saying as she turned on the controller. She grinned. "Oooh, Street Fighter. Alice trying to get some practice, huh? You any good?"  
  
I shook my head. "Not really."  
  
"That's okay, I'm not looking for a challenge. I just like winning."  
  
She started up the game and killed me in one combo. She whooped with giggles and started another match which ended in the same way. She reminded me of Alice, and not just for her desire to virtually kick the living shit out of me. Her voice was similar, high and lilting, and she laughed in the same way, with that same kind of giggle.  
  
Her body was also very similar, but I was trying not to look at that. I was paying attention to the game, of course, but more importantly I was remembering that Alice is my girlfriend—and soulmate—and I probably shouldn't be checking out her pretend-sisters, no matter how nice they smell or how close they were sitting on the sofa.  
  
She was very pretty, though, with straight strawberry blonde hair, and perfect doll-like features. Her eyes, when I saw them, were dark blue, and they sparkled as she giggled and demolished my character with alarming ease.  
  
"Oh man, you suck," she was saying. "Watch me kick her ass, Leah. Pow! Right in the head. Didn't see that one coming, did ya sweetheart?"  
  
I wasn't even trying, and when I glanced at Leah she gave a little eye roll at Jane that made me smile. My character was getting grounded into paste, and I pressed a few buttons to try and prevent this, but nothing seemed affective against the other girl's onslaught. I was starting to believe she might actually be a match for Alice.  
  
"So," Leah said, in an attempt to start a conversation that wasn't mostly trash-talk. "You and Alice, huh?"  
  
I nodded, a flicker of excitement in my stomach. I liked the sound of that. Me and Alice.  
  
She studied me a second, as if trying to determine something from my expression, and then she smiled. "Have fun at the mall yesterday?"  
  
I tried not to blush. We had lots of fun at the mall. Too much fun. "Yeah."  
  
She nodded. "I've been shopping with Alice," she mentioned. Then she winced thoughtfully, as if recalling something painful. "It was hell."  
  
Jane snickered as she broke my character's nose. "You know, the four of us need to go on a double date some time."  
  
I felt a quick shiver pass through me. It was the way she said us; was she referring to her and Leah as a couple? Was it really possible? But I didn't want to be presumptuous, or look like an idiot, so I said: "What do you mean?"  
  
"You and Alice, me and Leah," Jane said. "It'll be fun."  
  
She was still concentrating on the screen, casually beating my head in as if it was no big deal that she just confirmed that she was in a lesbian relationship. I wish subtext was this easy to figure out on TV. I'm still puzzling about Xena and Gabrielle.  
  
I kept playing, but I glanced at Leah, with her wolfish copper-colored face and well-toned midriff, and I couldn't help thinking; Lesbian? Seriously?  
  
And Jane? This small, perky, little blonde who's kicking my face at Street Fighter?  
  
I've never been a big believer in stereotype, but aren't these chicks just a little too hot to be gay? Isn't it just a little too good to be true?  
  
Then again, you wouldn't assume someone so cute could be so good at a video game, either. Besides, it's not like physically attractive lesbians are a biological impossibility. Sappho was beautiful enough to inspire sculptures and oilpaintings. Hell, even Marilyn Monroe was a lesbian. Not to mention Alice herself. And even me, in a way. I'm no oilpainting, sure—and I'm not blonde—but objectively speaking I'm not a total dog. My mom always said I'm pretty, at least.  
  
"So, um…" I cleared my throat. "You guys are…?"  
  
Leah nodded. "Alice didn't tell you?"  
  
I shook my head. "She doesn't really talk about personal stuff." With me, at least. She seem to talk all kinds of personal stuff to her family.  
  
Jane snorted. "Typical. She probably wants to keep you focused on her. She's always been an attention seeker. Poor girl. It must be hard being the ugly sister."  
  
I chuckled, glancing at her weirdly. "Ugly?"  
  
"Oh, she's awful, darling. Compared to us, that is. Surely you've noticed."  
  
I glanced again to see if she was joking. I wasn't sure, and in arriving at something diplomatic to say that wouldn't offend any of the sisters or agree to such a grossly inaccurate description of my girlfriend, I cleared my throat, and said: "Well, looks aren't really important to me, so…"  
  
Probably a stupid thing to say—and not precisely accurate, I had to admit—but it made the blonde chuckle, so I guess that was okay. Leah chuckled, too.  
  
"Jane's the mean sister, if you hadn't noticed," she said.  
  
"Mean?" Jane snorted. "I'm not mean. I'm a sadist, is what I am."  
  
She then inputted a complicated combo and broke my character's back in a sickening slo-mo crunch that won her the match.  
  
She giggled. "See what I mean?"  
  
I chuckled, not bothered about losing. "You're pretty good at this game."  
  
"Ah," she said, "so that's what Alice sees in you. You're a sweet talker. She's sweet talking me, Leah. Are you gonna let her sweet talk me like that? Ow, shit. Bitch got me. How the fuck did she get me? Oh man, you are so fucking dead."  
  
We kept playing for a while and by the time Alice came down the stairs I'd been beaten so bad it almost hurt in real-life. I'd been having fun, but honestly I lost interest in the game as soon as I saw her. She'd been gone longer than I thought she'd be, and honestly I found her sisters a little overwhelming. They were both friendly enough—even the psychotic blonde—but they were so obviously superior to me in everything from looks to personality to motor-skills that I was starting to feel exhausted from self-consciousness. Not to mention my headache flared up every time I flinched from the poundings I kept getting on the screen. It had been nice to meet them and exchange a few words, but now that Alice was here, I was looking forward to her taking me home so I could beg her to stay a while.  
  
She came down the stairs at a jaunty trot, and I was curious about what had happened upstairs with her sisters, but there was nothing in her expression that suggested a fight. She didn't look sad, or angry, or relieved. She just looked like Alice, happy little Alice, as if she'd simply been to the bathroom and was back now.  
  
"Hey," she said, smiling in my direction.  
  
"Hi," I replied, resisting the urge to tell her how much I missed her.  
  
She looked at her sisters with her hands on her hips. "You guys being nice to Bella?"  
  
Jane snorted. "Are you kidding? I face-wrecked the bitch on Street Fighter."  
  
Leah grinned. "She's surviving. How's Rose?"  
  
Alice didn't answer. She turned to me and smiled, and I got the awkward impression that it wasn't a real smile. It seemed like the kind of smile a worried adult might give a child to set them at ease about something.  
  
"Bella, it's getting kind of late," she said. "I should probably take you home, huh?"  
  
"Oh," I said, searching for some place to put the controller. I put it on the coffeetable and stood up. "Okay."  
  
Jane grinned. "Obedient," she said. "I like it."  
  
I smiled at her and waved awkwardly as I went past. "See you."  
  
"Oh, ta ta," she said britishly. "A delight to see you, I'm sure. We must have you for dinner sometime."  
  
I smiled to be polite—lame joke, really—and gave another awkward wave to her sister, Leah. She nodded, but didn't say anything. She'd been watching Alice, and when I turned to Alice she smiled at me and took my hand, but I got the feeling that she'd only been smiling when I was looking.  
  
—  
  
It was a quiet drive home. Grey skies, light drizzle. We made a little small talk about her sisters, but only two of them. Alice didn't mention the tall blonde or the foxy redhead, and I didn't ask, although I spent a lot of time wondering.  
  
The blonde obviously had some kind of issue with me, and as objectionable as my overall person may be, I had a feeling it might be something more personal between her and Alice. She didn't approve of me, clearly, but why? Does she think I'm not good enough for her sister? Well, I'm not, but still; it's not something a polite person makes an issue of. When family members date people of objectionable quality it's appropriate to be nice to their face and trash them behind their backs. You're not supposed to stare at them as if they were something that might require a whole bottle of floor cleaner.  
  
Could there be some history between her and Alice? Romantic history? Sexual history? The idea of Alice and that blonde chick having sex was enough to distract me completely for about five minutes, but slowly I forced my mind back to the main issue, and I realized that it was stupid think to the blonde was jealous. In fact, not stupid; utterly ridiculous. If she had feelings for Alice and Alice picked me over her, then it would seem I'm dating a moron, or at least someone with poor eyesight. More likely the blonde simply felt that my lowly presence was a pollutant to her house and sister, which was understandable, really. If I was someone else I'd object to me, too.  
  
Besides, if it was a spat between exes, why would the redhead get involved? She'd obviously tagged along to mediate the dispute, and I'd already hypothesized that she and the blonde were a couple. They were inseparable at school, and maybe that's why the redhead tagged along, to make sure her girl had backup. I didn't like to think of the two of them double teaming to convince Alice of my character flaws and general worthlessness, but I did like to think of them as a couple. I mean, seriously; trashy redhead and stuckup blonde? Talk about soulmates.  
  
Overall, though, Alice had a pretty cool family. That woman, Esme, was really nice, and she seemed to take her role as mother-person very seriously, even offering me relationship advice. I'd forgotten most of it by now, but I remembered when she said she didn't approve. Everyone has a right to their opinion, of course—and I suppose I should be grateful she said it nicely instead of attempting to stare me to death like her blonde daughter—but I had to wonder how Alice felt about it. Did she know her faux-mom didn't exactly approve? Alice didn't strike me as the kind of girl who cared much about any opinions other than her own, but I still wondered.  
  
Jane was pretty cool, and so was her sister, Leah—or her girlfriend, Leah. Hard to believe they're actually a couple. They'd be the first same-sex couple I'd ever seen, other than when me and Alice were in a mirror. A double date would be fun, but I wondered if they were as wild as Alice? And how did they feed? Did they have human girlfriends too? Or did they get their blood somewhere else, like a blood bank?  
  
So many questions. They were a very mysterious family. And what the hell was that cat's problem, anyway? Do I stink or something? I've never met such a snobby animal.  
  
By the time we got home it was raining. Alice had an obnoxious yellow umbrella in her car—she claimed it was Jane's—and together we ran across the lawn to the front door. I had to lean on Alice for a second after we stopped until the dizziness went away—she smelt like rain and lavender—and then I unlocked the door and we went in.  
  
Alice had stowed yesterday's shopping bounty in the trunk and it took her three trips to bring it all in. I was sitting on the edge of the bed watching her make a pile of shopping bags in the corner. The dress was being dry cleaned, she said, but I'd get it soon, and besides I'd already worn it once so she'd have to get me a new one, and how long till prom anyway?  
  
I was dizzy and dopey enough from the run across the yard and the hike up the stairs to do nothing but stare at her lovingly as she busied herself fixing my closet and folding things away in drawers. She lamented that I wasn't feeling well enough for a brief fashion parade, but I was relieved. I didn't want to take off my clothes right now. I just wanted to sit here and stare at Alice.  
  
I still found it amazing how cute she was. In a way it was a shame. I'd told her sisters that looks weren't important to me, and it would've been nice to find out if that was true. I think it would be. I think I'd still like her even if she was a little sub-par.  
  
The truly amazing thing is that she likes me. That's the real puzzle. Last night was incredible, but the more I thought about it, the more it seemed kind of…fake. She said she'd been waiting all her life to meet me, but why? What's so special about drab little me? There had to have been other girl's in her life, other women. What was wrong with any of them? Why is she still single after all this time? Because she was waiting for me? Why? I mean, really; what the hell?  
  
Insecurity was niggling at my stomach, but I forced it away by flickering my eyes over her ass and reminding myself that it didn't matter why she liked me, it only mattered that she did. She was a grown woman and she had a right to troll for whoever she wanted to troll for, even under-aged school girls. If I made her happy, then so be it. Who am I to question her feelings?  
  
When she was finally done packing away all my new clothes, she dusted her hands together and came over and sat beside me on the bed. She brushed some hair away from my pale face, and I wondered what she saw. I remembered myself in the mirror this morning. Dark circles under my eyes, paper-white skin, hollow cheeks. Lidded eyes. I was still wearing the lace-leather collar she bought me and I could feel the bite marks stinging softly underneath. She seemed to like how I looked and she smiled softly.  
  
"Still a little woozy?" she asked caringly.  
  
I nodded slightly. "A little."  
  
"When will your mom be home?"  
  
"Soon."  
  
"Mind if I stick around for a while?"  
  
Her face was very close and suddenly I longed for her kiss. My face heated at the thought and my eyes flickered over her lips. "Sure."  
  
She smiled. "Wanna fool around a little?"  
  
"Okay," I whispered, and even as I said it, her lips were covering mine.  
  
It was a wonderful kiss. The warmth of her lips slowly spread through me until my head and all my body was nicely numb. I felt her hand in my hair and stroking the nape of my neck. I could hear the rain pattering against the window, and the combination of the kiss and the dizziness made me swoon in her arms like a maiden in a fable.  
  
She only broke the kiss to urge me to lay down. I did, settling back against the pillow, blinking, staring up at her, waiting. She settled beside me and took a moment to play with my hair and stroke it away from my forehead. She watched my eyes as they fluttered under her touch, and she cupped my cheek and caressed my face and passed her thumb over my lips. She smiled at me and leaned down and kissed me softly, her lips so warm and so lovely. My heart was thumping in my chest like something that wanted out and in those moments it did seem possible that she might truly love me.  
  
I wasn't sure how long we'd been making out, but I would've gone forever if that's what she wanted. Her hand had snaked up my top at some point, but she was mostly just stroking my side, just feeling my skin. The touch made me tingle all over. One of my own hands was caressing her waist under her top, and she felt so slim and so slight under my hand, her skin so warm and smooth. I opened my mouth and allowed her entry, moaning softly whenever I had free air. I was responding as best I could, lost in the kiss completely, when she slowed down and stopped.  
  
I knew it was literally impossible to make out forever, but I blinked up at her questioningly, anyway.  
  
She smiled. "Your mom's home."  
  
My brow puckered. All I could hear was rain, on the window, on the roof. I didn't hear any car. "I didn't hear anything."  
  
She giggled softly and tapped one of her ears. "Vampire hearing," she said. "It's more sensitive than yours."  
  
Sure enough, she was right. We were barely disengaged when I heard the front door open and close, and then footsteps coming up the squeaky stairs. Alice had grabbed a magazine off my desk and sat cross legged on the bed, flipping through it. I was wiping my lips with my sleeve and hoping they didn't looked too kissed.  
  
The bedroom door was open and mom came into the room with her mouth open in preparation for a maternal flurry of concern, but then she saw Alice and actually startled slightly, as if she thought Alice might be a burglar or something.  
  
"Oh," she said. Then she recovered and smiled. "Bella's friend. I didn't realize you'd be here."  
  
"Well, Bella wasn't feeling well," Alice said, "so I thought I'd keep her company for a while."  
  
It was a flawless deflect, and the mention of me not feeling well was enough to swing all of mom's attention on to me. But mom was a good mom, and she seemed conscious of embarrassing me in front of my new friend. She asked if I was feeling better, nodded when I said I was, and she even refrained from taking my temperature. Alice played her part well, adding that I looked much better than I did last night—probably true, considering—and that she'd been taking really good care of me. Mom thanked her absently for letting me stay over, forgetting maybe that she really hadn't been in favor of the idea, and went on to worry aloud about how pale I looked, how tired, how thin.  
  
She then noticed my choker and raved for a little bit about how cute it looked on me, much to Alice's delight, and Alice told her where she got it and how much, and mom talked for a bit about how leather jewelry was really fashionable in the eighties when she was a girl, and this went on for a while until I started to mention that I'd better get started on dinner. Both mom and Alice rushed to tell me not to bother and to take it easy, but I insisted. There was nothing particularly inedible about mom's cooking, but I did it better, and I liked cooking, anyway. Alice quickly volunteered to help me, but only if that was okay with Missus Swan, because she didn't want to be a bother. Mom seemed slightly reluctant to trust Alice in the house after dark without a background check from Interpol, but she said it would be okay, and Alice even ended up staying for dinner, too.  
  
Since I was supposed to be recovering from food poisoning, we kept dinner simple; plain pasta with a pesto sauce and fresh salad on the side. We made chitchat while we cooked, or Alice did. I wasn't very talkative, but I loved to hear her voice, and it didn't really matter what she was talking about. While I was chopping the salad, she informed me that a tomato is actually a fruit, not a vegetable, and then she burst out laughing when I pretended to be fascinated. I smiled, and she checked over both her shoulders for any sign of my mom and then kissed me quickly. It almost felt like a date.  
  
Until we sat down to eat, that is. Me and mom didn't often have company, especially not friends of mine. Mom hadn't had a date in a long time, but sometimes she had girls from the salon over. I never had friend's over. Lauren used to come over sometimes, back when we were really young—Lauren and a couple others—but not anymore, for obvious reasons.  
  
Still, it would've been impolite to tell mom to eat in her room, and she was too guarded over her daughter to let me eat alone with Alice. We made a trio at the kitchen table, and mom subtly demanded a complete report on all our activities yesterday by pretending to be enthusiastically interested. I left it to Alice, and Alice lied her way through so convincingly that even I believed her. Mom nodded, and commented, and admonished her for spending money on me, but Alice assured her it was no big deal; she was rich.  
  
They were getting along okay, but by now I was beginning to notice a slight chill in mom's niceness. She hadn't really approved of our day out yesterday or the sleepover, and with the fabricated food poisoning on top, she seemed prepared to blame Alice for all the ills that had befallen be. She was right, of course, but for the wrong reasons. I could've explained why exactly she was wrong, but I doubted it would help. If she knew that Alice was not only my sexually-active girlfriend but also a legitimate blood-sucking vampire, she might mistakenly believe she was a bad influence.  
  
It was beginning to storm outside, and mom glanced at the window anxiously with each rumble of thunder. Before we were even finished eating she was hinting that Alice might want to get an early start home, before it gets really bad out there, but Alice was confident in her skills as a driver and in her Volvo. I was tempted to suggest that maybe Alice could stay over, but mom seemed inconvenienced enough already.  
  
When we were finished me and mom jostled over who gets to clear away the plates until mom ordered me to sit down. I didn't have the strength to argue, and house chores weren't likely to impress Alice, anyway.  
  
Mom put the dishes in the sink and turned back to me with concern, watching my pale face anxiously. "You know, you look very tired, Bella," she said. "I think you should go straight to bed and get some rest. Are you feeling okay?"  
  
I frowned. It was only eight o'clock and I'm not some invalid. Especially not in front of Alice. "I'm fine, mom," I said firmly.  
  
But Alice was looking at me with a very similar expression, and she said: "You know, maybe your mom's right, Bella. You should probably get some sleep."  
  
Well, now that she mentioned it, I guess I did feel a little tired. It was nice that Alice had noticed. She must really care about me. "Yeah," I said, nodding at Alice's sympathetic expression. "Maybe your right."  
  
Mom cleared her throat loudly. "Maybe she's right? I suggested it first, ya know."  
  
I sighed. "I know, mom."  
  
Mom shook her head and turned to Alice. "Have you ever noticed how teenagers never listen to their parents and always automatically listen to their friends?"  
  
Alice was polite and respectful. "Well, if it's any consolation, Ms Swan," she said, "I always listen to my mom."  
  
Mom nodded. "Well, that's good, you're a good girl." She looked at the clock and pretended to be surprised. "Gee, is that the time? Your mother must be getting worried about you. And I think the storm's getting worse."  
  
She looked at the window as if any moment a twister might spawn in the backyard. It wasn't a very subtle hint, but at least she didn't tell Alice to outright fuck off. Alice gave me a smiling glance and rose to her feet obligingly.  
  
"Yeah," she said. "I should probably get going."  
  
I rose too. "I'll walk you to your car."  
  
Mom stepped forward anxiously. "Bella, I don't think you should go outside, it's raining."  
  
I frowned. "I'm fine, mom."  
  
But Alice had also stepped forward anxiously. "I think your mom's right, Bella. You should probably get to bed."  
  
I sighed and decided Alice was right. "Yeah, I guess."  
  
Mom huffed at once again being passed over for a friend, and then she led the way toward the front door. "Come with me, sweetie," she said to Alice, "I'll get the door for you."  
  
Alice watched her leave the kitchen and then she wrapped me into a hug. My heart felt like it was breaking to say goodbye, but I guess it was inevitable. I'd been lucky, really. All day with Alice, hanging out with her sisters, making out on my bed. Wooziness aside, it was pretty awesome.  
  
So I hugged her and braced for the inevitable parting. I could always cry myself to sleep later, but for now I just wanted to enjoy these last precious few seconds with Alice.  
  
But Alice must've had other ideas.  
  
"I'll be waiting for you upstairs," she whispered in my ear, and then she released me, winked, and hurried to catch up with mom.  
  
I smiled and watched her go. I was so delighted that I forgot to even glance at her ass.  
  
By the time mom got back I'd started doing the dishes. I generally did them most nights, and the plan was to get them done quickly and race up to my room. I had no idea how Alice intended to get up there with the window closed and a storm outside, but she was a crafty chick and I knew she'd manage.  
  
"Bella, what are you doing?" mom demanded kindly, snatching a soapy plate out of my hand.  
  
"Just washing the plates."  
  
"No, no, no, I want you to get to bed right now. You've missed too much school these last couple weeks. You need some sleep."  
  
I sighed and relinquished the sink. Maybe Alice would already be there waiting. "Alright, mom."  
  
Mom watched me dry my hands with a sympathetic expression. "It's a shame about that food poisoning," she said. "But at least it didn't spoil your day yesterday. You know, I'm glad you've made such a nice friend, Bella."  
  
I smiled. Now that Alice was out of her hair she seemed to like her better. "Me too."  
  
"You really like her, don't you?"  
  
It wasn't the first time she asked me that, and it wasn't the first time I got the impression she was suspicious. She'd been observing us through dinner, and I think I might've been fawning a little too much. She probably wasn't suspicious of Alice—too pretty to be a lesbian and all—but she definitely seemed to think something was up with me.  
  
But I wasn't ready for this conversation, not now, so I shrugged. "Well, she's my labpartner, so…"  
  
She nodded, as if that made sense. "Whatever happened to that Lauren girl you used to talk about all the time?" she asked. "You two used to be pretty close."  
  
Another conversation I didn't need. "We weren't that close," I said, which was true. Sometimes it had felt like we were close, but we weren't. It was an illusion, a hopeless crush. "Besides, we're not really friends any more."  
  
"How come?"  
  
Because I'm gay and she's a homophobic psycho. I couldn't really explain it to mom, so I just shrugged again. "I don't know," I said. "Different grade, different classes. You know."  
  
She nodded, sensing I didn't want to talk about it. "Well, it's nice you're making new friends," she said with smile. "I guess all you need now's a boyfriend, huh?"  
  
I snorted. I've never had any interest in boys, and in recent years I've actually come to dislike them. I don't hate them as much as calculus, perhaps, but most of them seem like jerks from what I've seen.  
  
Mom smiled and tried to get a rise out of me. "How come you never talk about boys, Bella?" she teased. "You're not shy, are you?"  
  
Sure. Shy, gay, introverted, apathetic, border-line suicidal on certain days. But mom wasn't aware of any of my mental issues. She thought I was mostly well-adjusted, so I couldn't explain any of that either. "Nah," I said. "I'm just tired."  
  
Mom nodded and realized she was keeping me from my much needed rest. "Well, you get to bed and I'll finish up here. Sleep well, sweetie."  
  
I kissed her on the cheek. "You too, mom."  
  
I felt guilty for lying about everything, but I was over it by the time I got upstairs. It wasn't the time for all that, and you can't apply traditional standards to a vampire relationship. So what if I spent all day yesterday having sex in semi-public areas. Mom wouldn't understand how awesome that is.  
  
The first thing I did was pop my head into my bedroom to check if Alice was there yet. I'm pretty sure I'd left the door open and now it was closed, so maybe she was. I checked back down the hall for mom, just in case, but I could hear the dishes clattering downstairs, so I opened the door, and—  
  
Alice was there.  
  
On my bed.  
  
Naked.  
  
My throat constricted and I hurried in, closing the door behind me. She was laying on her side, propped on an elbow to create a glorious valley of curves that dipped into her waist and rose over her hip, her body pure white and smooth-looking. She rubbed her thighs together suggestively and smirked at me boldly.  
  
"About time you got here," she said. "I almost started without you."  
  
For some reason I was trying to tear my eyes away, as if I'd stumbled into the wrong room by accident. I managed to gulp away whatever was blocking my throat, and the first thing I said was: "O-oh."  
  
She giggled, one hand resting on her hip. "Are you surprised?"  
  
I hadn't realized I'd been holding my breath. "Yeah," I said in a gasp, grinning and still trying to look away from her. "Yeah, I'm surprised."  
  
She giggled again. "You know, your bed smells wonderful. I never mentioned this before, but you have intoxicating pheromones, far lovelier than average."  
  
I didn't know what to say about that, but it confirmed my suspicions that maybe it was just my blood or my scent that drew her to me. I opened my mouth to speak, but nothing came to me. I was light head and I hadn't been expecting this, although maybe I should've. Alice herself had told me that sex was one of her highest priorities in life.  
  
She smiled at my gaping expression, and then she swung her legs over the side of the bed and grabbed up my pillow. She rose with it, sniffed at it deliberately so I could see, and then she held it against the front of her body in a coy attempt to cover herself. She smiled at me and swayed on the spot bashfully.  
  
"It's an exciting scent," she told me in her little whisper. "It made me want to surprise you."  
  
I smiled awkwardly. "You've been sniffing my pillow?"  
  
She put on a mock hurt expression. "Hey, you said I was allowed to be creepy," she pouted. And then, keeping her eyes on mine boldly, she raised the pillow and sniffed it again defiantly. "Do you mind?"  
  
I swallowed and half-chuckled. "Knock yourself out," I said. "Um, listen, I gotta use the bathroom. I'll be back in a minute, okay?"  
  
She gave me a sultry smile. "I'll count the seconds."  
  
I gulped again, and stumbled out of the room, closing the door behind me.  
  
And for a second I just stood there frozen in the hall, trying to wrap my head around what was waiting for me in my room. Naked Alice, obviously, but what else? Sex? I mean, seriously? So soon after last night? I'm sure she was planning to be as gentle as possible in deference to my weakened condition, but to be absolutely honest I could think of things I'd rather do than put out. Like cuddling, for instance, or maybe a little making out. Something that didn't involve, you know; an orgasm. Because frankly? It seems like a lot of work when a little petting would be just as nice.  
  
I trudged down the hallway in a mild fret of anxiety, entering the bathroom and flipping on the light. I felt a complex series of emotions as I went about my nightly routine, but sadly none of them were horniness. I brushed my teeth, shaking my head, my stomach turning. I spat and spat again. My mouth was minty and very dry, but still; no horniness. Well, maybe a little, but there was something else, too, something heavy in my chest. Fear? Maybe a little frustration? Maybe, but I couldn't be upset at Alice. Objectively speaking, it was an awesome surprise, and it really wasn't her fault that the mood was failing me. It was nothing she'd done. After last night it would be perfectly logical to assume I'd be up for anything, and really it was very sweet of her to surprise me like this.  
  
Although, the pillow sniffing was kind of creepy. Was that all she liked about me, my scent and my willingness to put out with both my body and my blood?  
  
No, no, I'm being unfair. Alice wasn't like that. How many times had she refused both things from me in the past? It had been me who had attacked her on our first date when she'd been so determined to take it slow. It had been me who kept telling her to bite me, despite all the warnings and opportunities to back out.  
  
And now she was waiting for me in my room. Naked. Was this the impression I'd given her? That I wanted nothing but sex? Because that's not what I wanted at all. I just wanted to be near her, that's all. I wanted, you know. Companionship. And stuff. Either way, maybe after tonight it would be best to slow things down a little. It was really cool just hanging out with her today, and I'd love it if we could be like that for a while. Just hanging and making out like an ordinary couple. Was it fun for her too?  
  
I sighed and put away the toothpaste. I'd been dawdling too long, and Alice might be getting worried. Or impatient. As I closed the medicine cabinet I half expected her to appear in the mirror and attack me like a stalker, but she didn't. It was just me, pale and thin, the black leather-lace collar around my neck. I touched it gently and felt the bitemarks underneath. Part of me felt like the luckiest girl in the world, but part of me felt like things might really be a little more complicated than they seemed. I sighed and dropped my hand, and then I was trudging back to my room.  
  
When I opened the door I found Alice standing at my open dresser and sniffing my clothes—still naked.  
  
I gave her an awkward grin. "Er, can I help you find something, or…?"  
  
She smirked. "What? It's only a top. It's not anything…unmentionable."  
  
I went over, took the top out of her hands, and stuffed it back into the drawer. "Alice, I said you're allowed to be a little creepy," I told her. "I didn't say you can just go ahead and stalk me."  
  
"You're right, I'm sorry."  
  
I smiled, and I suppose I couldn't judge. This very morning I'd not only sniffed her pillow, but also rifled through a box of her personal sex toys—which was even worse. Alice not only had the courtesy to confine herself to outer clothes, but she even had the decency to let me catch her. Besides, stalking's only bad when you don't like the person, and I really like Alice.  
  
I closed the drawer softly. "It's alright."  
  
She smiled and wrapped her arms around my neck, pressing her front into me. "Am I still allowed to stay tonight?"  
  
Poor girl. She's trying so hard to be cute and skanky, but I don't want nympho Alice right now; I want BFF Alice.  
  
But more than anything I wanted her to stay, so I nodded at her smiling face, and smiled back. "You can stay."  
  
Alice smiled and pulled me into a kiss. My eyes fell shut sleepily and I thought: oh, what the hell?  
  
I grabbed her ass.  
  
She made a little squeal in response and pressed me into the dresser with her naked front. She broke the kiss and giggled. "We'd better get you out of these clothes, hm?"  
  
"I guess."  
  
She'd taken the hem of my top in her hands, preparing to pull it over my head, but she paused at my listless tone. She cocked her head. "You guess? You don't sound very excited."  
  
I chuckled to set her at ease. "I'm just a little tired."  
  
She made a cooing sound. "Aw, poor Bella. Well, don't worry, we'll get you into bed right away, and I'll be very gentle, I promise."  
  
I smiled, loving her tone. It was practically lulling me to sleep on my feet. "Okay," I whispered.  
  
But again she paused, cocking her head to peer into my face. "Hey, are you alright, baby? You know, if you don't feel like it, we don't have to. I just thought it would be nice, that's all."  
  
I looked at her with surprise. Did she just offer me a guilt free way out?  
  
My heart melted at her consideration. How could I ever have assumed she liked me for nothing but sex? There was obviously so much more to her. She only wanted to make me happy, that's all.  
  
And, naturally, her respect for my feelings was enough to spark an ember of hornyness inside me.  
  
"Don't be silly," I said, and meaning it. "Of course I want to."  
  
She smiled at my expression. "Bella, it's fine if you don't feel like it. I don't want to force you into anything."  
  
I recalled that her mother had said something similar this morning. Something about setting boundaries and not letting her force me into anything I wasn't ready for. Well, I'm sure the woman meant well, but I think I'm perfectly capable of deciding what I'm ready for and what I'm not ready for, and right now I was ready for Alice. Besides, I wouldn't be able to respect myself as a teenager if I actually went around following adult's advice.  
  
"It's fine, Alice," I said, and then I kissed her and whispered into her lips: "I want to."  
  
I rarely instigated kisses between us, and it gave me a thrill to do it now. Part of me still found it hard to believe that a girl like her would let me kiss her—and naked too. Alice was too hot for boundaries, plain and simple.  
  
The kiss was only broken once so she could get my top off, and then she helped me with my pants and underwear, and finally she flipped off the light, cloaking us in darkness, and we climbed into the bed.  
  
I almost fell asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow—so tired—but I didn't want to give the wrong impression. Alice did me first, the dear, and I enjoyed it far more than I would've expected. As promised, she was very gentle, and as a bonus she was also very thorough. She spent a long time kissing and petting me, making me moan quietly in the dark as she played my body like a fiddle, and once the honey had started to flow, she slipped under the covers, settled between my legs, spread my pussy open with her thumbs, and started licking.  
  
Long hard licks that pressed her tongue flat against my entrance. Repetitiously and without relent. It was maddening. I was breathing deeply and erratically, groaning and twitching from the marvelous technique of her tongue, and it was rapidly becoming difficult to believe that I'd ever not been in the mood.  
  
The orgasm was slow to build, but powerful, and when it came I had to bite down on my hand to keep from crying out. Alice then curled up beside me, and before I'd even recovered she was rubbing her entrance against my leg, and kissing me, and touching me, and I wrapped my arms around her and held her till she came.  
  
By the time it was over I was so tired that I couldn't sleep. Alice helped me put some clothes on, but she remained naked, and then she curled up beside me under the covers. I could feel her warm weight spread against my side and I heard her sniff my hair delicately. The movement made me open my eyes in the dark, but I didn't move away. It made me wonder, though. It was nice that my scent was so attractive to her, but kind of superficial, too. Then again, I suppose it's unrealistic to expect her to like me for my personality when I didn't even like myself.  
  
The bout of insecurity reminded me of how I'd felt back at her house, when her sisters had come home. The tall blonde. I remembered how she'd looked at me, with such cold distain. And there was nothing petty in her eyes, either, nothing childish. Just the cold clarity of an ageless vampire who was looking at someone who was truly unfit for her sister.  
  
It had been such a mean look that even now I felt like crying a little, but didn't. I did feel the need for some reassurance, however, so I decided to try and get Alice to talk. She was stroking my hair idly and if I'm a good girl maybe she'll tell me she loves me again.  
  
I swallowed so my voice would come out steady. "Hey, Alice?"  
  
"Mm?"  
  
"Can I ask you a question?"  
  
"Of course."  
  
I hesitated, wondering how to phrase it. Then I just blurted it out. "Why was your sister so pissed to see me this afternoon?"  
  
I heard her smile, the same way I could hear it on the phone. A half-giggle, so soft it's almost inaudible. "You mean Rosalie?" she asked.  
  
I frowned. "Yeah."  
  
She giggled quietly. "Oh, Bella," she said. "I hate to tell you this, but…Rosalie doesn't like you."  
  
I'd figured that much. "Why?"  
  
Alice wrapped her arms around me and I felt her body shrug. "Well, I suppose it's jealousy, mostly. She doesn't like that I've been spending so much time with you. And ignoring her. Jane's been kind of jealous, too, but it's different for Rose. I think she has feelings for me, although she'd never admit it."  
  
It mystified me that the cold blonde could actually have feelings, and it outright bewildered me that Alice wouldn't return them. Has she seen how hot that chick is? "You never liked her back?" I asked quietly, hardly believing it was possible.  
  
"I like her plenty," Alice whispered, and then she gave me an affectionate squeeze. "But not as much as I like you."  
  
It was suppose to reassure me, but it didn't. I wanted to believe her, but I couldn't. I just couldn't. I was emotional from the sex, and I was still reeling from everything that happened last night, and I really just didn't believe her. "Why?" I croaked.  
  
She seemed to sense something in my voice, and her own voice went very gentle. "Why what, baby?"  
  
"Why do you like me? I don't get it."  
  
"Bella," she admonished playfully. "Don't be silly."  
  
I tensed up slightly and blinked back tears. "No, really," I said. "Is it my blood? Is it pity? Or are you just stupid?"  
  
My voice broke slightly on the last word, and I felt like shooting myself as soon as I'd said it. Did I just accuse my ultra-perfect girlfriend of being stupid for likening me?  
  
My mind totally stopped from mortification. I could hardly believe I'd said it, but it had been bubbling under the surface all day, and it just slipped out. But how could I say such a thing? After everything she's done for me, and after all the nice things she's said to me, and after all the hugs and all the kisses and all the sex, after all that, how could I possibly say something like that to her?  
  
Alice was ominously silent and I was terrified I'd upset her. My lip trembled and I whispered: "Sorry."  
  
"It's okay," she whispered back. Her voice was thoughtful, but there was no anger or annoyance. "I understand. Maybe Esme was right. Maybe last night was too much, too soon."  
  
"No, I just…"  
  
"Shh, shh, shh," she whispered, cuddling me closer. She resumed stroking my hair. "It's okay, come here."  
  
I let her cuddle me, my body relaxing. I was relieved she wasn't upset and I still couldn't believe I'd said something so stupid.  
  
"Do you really want to know why I like you, Bella?" she whispered.  
  
"Yes."  
  
She kissed my cheek softly and then she was whispering into my ear. "Then I'll tell you," she said. "I like you because you're always so happy to see me. I like how you blush when I smile at you. I like how you stare at me when you think I don't notice. In short, my dear, I like you because you like me. I'm a simple woman. I require little from a lover other than her whole entire heart—something which you've offered up quite eagerly."  
  
Amazingly, I did feel a little better, even though I still didn't really understand. Hasn't there been any other girls who liked her? I couldn't be the only one. "Oh," I murmured.  
  
She giggled softly. "Sensible enough, wouldn't you agree?"  
  
"Yeah," I whispered. "I guess that makes sense."  
  
"Of course it does. So don't let Rose bother you, okay? I've told you before that our relationship isn't something we can control. Take comfort in that. Let go of all doubt and insecurity, and remember that regardless of anything that happens, we will be together. You will empty your heart into mine, and I will empty my heart into yours, little by little, and thus we will be eternally mated—all in the fullness of time. Love that begets love into an infinity of reciprocity until the end of our lives. Doesn't that sound nice?"  
  
I smiled, lulled by her words. "Yeah," I said. "But I still don't get why you like me."  
  
She giggled and squeezed me playfully. "Oh, Bella."  
  
"No, really," I said, but I was only curious this time. "Is there any other reason? Or is it just this destiny stuff?"  
  
She sighed and stroked my hair. I closed my eyes and relaxed.  
  
"Well," she said, "there's a variety of superficial reasons, of course—such as your lovely hair, or the shade of your eyes—but you have to remember that we've only been dating for a week. Ask me again why I love you after you've stood by me and supported me and held me through a hundred dark nights in the warm embrace of your love. I'll have a more definite answer for you then."  
  
"Sorry," I said sheepishly. "I must sound like such an idiot."  
  
"Not at all," she assured me. "In fact, it's probably me who's the idiot. Sometimes I get carried away with my talk about destiny. I didn't mean to imply that I expect our relationship to solidify overnight. I only meant to imply that it's inevitable. That one day…"  
  
She let it trail off, and I was beginning to understand. We weren't supposed to be magically married over night. We were supposed to be just like this. Just together. "Yeah," I whispered. "I get it."  
  
"And listen, don't worry about Rosalie, okay? I love her like a sister, but she's self-centered and unreasonable. She just wants everybody to be as miserable as she is. She's a bitch, really."  
  
I chuckled. "Okay."  
  
"Good. Do you want to go to sleep now?"  
  
I nodded on the pillow, already feeling sleep wash over me. We were facing each other on the same pillow, our bodies so close, and I could feel her watching my face. I realized that vampire's must be able to see in the dark, but I was too sleepy to ask for details.  
  
"Okay," she whispered. "Hey, want me to drive you to school tomorrow?"  
  
I smiled. "Sure."  
  
"Great," she giggled. "Now that I've fed I'll be able to spend much more time with you. You'll see. You're gonna get so sick of me."  
  
I chuckled sleepily. She seemed to be getting a little bubbly. Maybe our talk had made her nervous? "I doubt that," I told her, and it was absolutely true. I'd never get sick of Alice. I'd known her for two weeks and two dates and I couldn't imagine spending my life with anyone else. But maybe that was just because I couldn't imagine anyone hotter.  
  
"I hope so," she giggled. "But you should get some sleep. Do you mind if I stay for a while?"  
  
"No," I whispered. "I don't mind."  
  
"Thanks. I love watching you sleep. So beautiful and helpless. Vampire's dig vulnerability."  
  
I gave another sleepy chuckle. "Creepy, Alice."  
  
She giggled. "Sorry, I'll shut up. Sweet dreams, Bella."  
  
"You too, Alice."  
  
"Yes, me too," she said. Then she giggled and added: "Hey, aren't you going to tell me you love me? We might as well get used to it now."  
  
I opened my eyes a crack. Her pale face was right there on the pillow, glowing like a cute little moon. I smiled and placed a quick kiss on her lips.  
  
"I love you."  
  
She giggled. "Good," she said. "I love you, too. Now go to sleep. I'll be gone when you wake up, but I'll be here to pick you up for school. Is eight o'clock okay?"  
  
"Yeah. That's great.  
  
"Okay. G'night, Bella."  
  
"Yeah. Night, Alice."  
  
I was almost asleep, but I smiled as I felt her lips kiss my brow gently. Her body was warm and one of her legs was nestled between mine. She snuggled as close as she could, and she was stroking my hair again and she was still stroking my hair as I finally fell asleep, slipping softly into a dreamworld where Alice was still there, still stroking my hair, and where she really and truly did love me.  
  
—  
  



	7. Chapter 7

—  
  
Chapter 7:  
  
—  
  
I slept all the way until my alarm went off in the morning and for a few seconds as I lay there waking up I actually felt much better. I was rested and well-sexed, my dreams were nice, and most importantly I had a lovely girlfriend who would be here in only one hour to pick me up for—  
  
School.  
  
Shit.  
  
I could feel my good mood leak away like blood from a wound as reality began to assert itself; school. Math, bullies, and cafeteria food—and now with the added bonus of hostile estrangement from the closest things I had to friends. Obviously I couldn't go near Lauren anymore. Last Friday's trauma was still fresh in my head, and I wasn't really masochistic enough to desire an encore of her homophobic meltdown. It had been a fine performance of blonde meanness, of course, but such routines really require a detached audience to appreciate them properly. To me, had it seemed trifle hurtful, but then again, I've never been a fan of live theater. I'm more a DVD with headphones kind of girl.  
  
What was Lauren's problem, anyway? I remembered what Alice had said in the library last week, that Lauren was mean to me because she was secretly attracted to me or something, but I found that extremely hard to believe. Alice's attraction to me was inexplicable enough, but to think someone like Lauren might like me? No way. She was into the athletic jock-types, and I'm about as removed from a jock as humanly possible. I've never actually tried to complete a push up, but I wouldn't bet money on myself, and I couldn't even catch a dodgeball, let alone a fifty yard pass. The only thing even remotely jock-like about me was my semi-butch sense of fashion, and Lauren had already expressed her disgust on that subject many times.  
  
So why was Alice convinced that there might be a little denial brooding behind those mean blue eyes? She'd never really explained why she thought so, and she'd never mentioned it again since Friday afternoon, so all I could do was guess. Was it some kind of vampire intuition? Alice wasn't an idiot—but neither was Lauren, come to think of it. Lauren had never really fit the profile of a mindless bully. She was pretty and popular, she had good grades, she was a cheerleader. She isn't even that mean to most people. It's just me she likes to torment, really.  
  
I thought about it for a while and I realized that maybe it does make a little sense. But only a little. Latent homosexuality would explain both her rage and her fixation on the school lesbian, but it was still kind of flimsy. There's plenty of other possibilities. Maybe she has some blonde prejudice against dark hair.  
  
But then again, who cares? She's still a bitch. Human behaviorism is all very fascinating, but it doesn't change the fact that the girl is rapidly becoming the devil of this living hell called My Life. Who cares if she's in denial? A little self-torment never killed anyone—well, not directly.  
  
In any case, I was done thinking about it. Time to get up and begin stumbling through another week-long gantlet of school.  
  
It took over fifteen minutes, and mom had to call me twice, but eventually I managed to struggle out of bed, and even more impressively, I resisted the urge to hang myself in the closet. I didn't have time to compose a proper suicide note, and self-destruction did seem like an overreaction to a Tuesday morning. Besides, life will be worth living again as soon as Alice gets here.  
  
I showered and put on some clothes. I didn't fuss too much about my outfit, and soon I was trudging downstairs in my standard uniform; brown pants, black hoody. I felt a little bad about not wearing any of the stuff that Alice had bought for me over the weekend, but she'd understand. I didn't mind wearing nice things for Alice, but at school I'd rather stay below radar.  
  
Mom was in full mother-hen mode over breakfast, still fretting over the recent food poisoning scare. She asked me how I'm feeling, fixed me plain toast to settle my stomach, warmed me a cup of milk, asked me how I'm feeling, offered me weak tea and maybe a fat-free cookie, and then she broke the pattern and asked me how I'm feeling all over again. I told her I was fine, and I really was. I was still a little tired, but that was no big deal. I've been permanently tired since middle school, back when it first became obvious that sleeping is actually much easier than living.  
  
Before she left for work, she offered to drive me to school since I still didn't look so good. I refrained from mentioning that I rarely look any good and told her, as casually as possible, that Alice would be picking me up. Naturally, this gave my mother pause. She remarked that it was nice that I had such a nice friend, although maybe a little strange too. After all, first she's buying me stuff, then she's driving me to school. How long have I even known her, anyway?  
  
She had a few solid points, but I knew what she didn't: Alice was hot. Did it matter how long I'd known her? Who wouldn't trust someone with such a nice ass?  
  
Unfortunately, mom wasn't likely to see the character merits in my girlfriend's ass even if I had the vocabulary to explain it, so I told her that Alice was just friendly. Mom seemed to accept this, and she concluded by telling me to be careful around her because even though she seems like a nice girl you never know if she might be a Columbian drug-lord or an axe murderer. I assured mom that I was perfectly capable of choosing my friends in a mature and rational manner while avoiding both bad influences and suspicious pills passed around at parties, and finally she left for work.  
  
I finished my breakfast quickly so I could wait for Alice by the window, and while I waited I wondered why mom seemed so wary of her. Was she just paranoid? Or was it really so suspicious that someone as pretty as Alice would hang around me without an ulterior motive such as harvesting my organs for black market sale? Come to think of it, mom had never really encouraged me to be outgoing. Even when I was a kid she didn't like me to hang out with other kids. She always wanted me straight home where she could keep an eye on me. I didn't want to resort to blaming my insecurities on other people, but it occurred to me that maybe if mom hadn't been so overprotective all my life I might be a little more confident. Then again, I'm not sure how confidence would improve my quality of life. There seems to be little difference between a confident loser and an modest one.  
  
I didn't have time for deeper reflections, anyway, because that's when Alice pulled up. I grinned and practically ran to open the door. She was still a couple steps away, and she smiled to see me, closing the distance and wrapping me into a hug. It was exactly what I needed on such a cold and dreary morning and I realized, yes; life is worth living.  
  
Life got even better within the next few minutes.  
  
"Hey, baby," she said, releasing me and peeking around my shoulder into the house. "Is it okay to kiss you?"  
  
I nodded happily. "Yeah, mom's already left for work."  
  
She smirked innocently. "So you're all alone?"  
  
Something in her tone made me blush. "Yeah. Why?"  
  
She went all coy. "Well, I don't know," she said. "Want me to go down on you?"  
  
My heart skipped a beat. "Excuse me?"  
  
She giggled and pushed me inside. "Quick, close the door."  
  
—  
  
We ended up being late for school, and I was mildly worried about what to tell the teacher because I was pretty sure that being eaten out on the staircase wasn't a valid excuse for tardiness. It seemed perfectly valid to me, of course, but it's kind of private, and teachers can be so stupid, anyway.  
  
Alice pulled up in the school parking lot. It was absolutely empty, but we were late enough already without taking advantage of the privacy.  
  
I sighed, staring out the windshield at the drab front building. "I wish we didn't have to go to school," I said.  
  
Alice giggled. "Well, education's important. Besides, school can be kind of fun."  
  
I gave her a skeptical glance. Did my perfect girlfriend just say that education's important and school can be fun? I know she's an adult, deep down, but since when does she act like it?  
  
"It can?" I questioned.  
  
"Sure," she said with enthusiasm. "You know me and Jane finally got on the cheersquad last week. We've got practice after school today. Wanna come watch?"  
  
I paled. "You're a cheerleader?"  
  
I had complex opinions concerning cheerleaders. Part of me hated them and everything they stood for, but it was a spiteful hate based mostly on prejudice, and the more mature part of my mind was always there to remind me that cheerleaders are real people with real feelings—and short skirts. They tend to be very hot, too, and even though my own personal nemesis was a cheerleader, I couldn't help liking them in a very private fashion—like when I'm in the shower sometimes.  
  
Outwardly, however, I preferred to maintain an appearance of hate. It felt more suitable, since most of them hate me, too, and really; cheerleading does seem like a fairly ridiculous thing to do. No matter how cute the uniforms are it's difficult to make excuses for the sort of behavior that involves pompoms and dopey chanting. Similar behavior in a less attractive female would get her sent straight to a mental hospital.  
  
And now Alice would be joining these illustrious ranks. I didn't know whether to be turned on, or just completely betrayed, but in the end I settled on numb shock.  
  
I mean, cheerleading?  
  
Alice giggled at my reaction and smirked. "Is that a problem?"  
  
I stammered for something to say. "Well, no, but…"  
  
Alice giggled again, and opened the car door. "Come on," she said, grabbing her satchel. "We're gonna be late."  
  
I shook off my astonishment and stumbled after her, dazed and still with only one thought in my head:  
  
Cheerleader?  
  
Alice walked me to my locker and then to my first class. She kissed me where no one could see and I stood and watched her leave until she'd turned the corner. I sighed and felt an insane urge to run after her and wrap her in a hug and just hold her forever, but I was learning that one of the sad things about having a girlfriend is that it's not really possible to physically cling to her for the rest of your life. Oh well. Life's full of compromise, and when you can't have what you want, I guess it's best to just go to class.  
  
But even that wasn't as simple as it seemed. I hesitated out side the classroom for quite a while, feeling a truly irrational amount of anxiety. I was dressed as cheaply as I always was, but now I had the added accent of the black choker around my neck. Alice hadn't been kidding when she said it was ostentatious; I looked like a goth on a budget. It was probably even worse than the bite marks themselves. Deep down I knew that the opinions of my classmates could never have any true impact on my life, but it really didn't seem that way sometimes, and it took me at least thirty seconds before I'd mustered up the courage to actually enter the classroom.  
  
The first person I noticed as I walked in was Lauren. She was sitting near the back and our eyes met for just a second as she looked up. We looked away at the exact same time and I was appalled at my heart skipped a beat. It truly is tragic for a girl to crush on her archenemy.  
  
I made my excuses privately to the teacher and blamed the whole thing on Alice. I said that Alice was supposed to give me a ride and Alice was late, and it wasn't really a lie since technically it was Alice's fault—not that I'm complaining. It had been one of the best Tuesday mornings of my life, all things considered.  
  
I took a seat near the front next to two girls who were friendly enough not to shoot me on sight, and I waited out the rest of the class with grim patience. I was painfully self-conscious in my black leather collar, but no one pointed and laughed, and I got over it sooner than I would've thought.  
  
Chief among my anxieties that morning was an inevitable encounter with Lauren, but it didn't happen during that class, or the next one. Our last meeting hadn't been pleasant, and I doubted our next one would be. I wondered if she felt bad about anything she'd said to me that day or if she was a soulless as she seemed. I knew an apology was too much to ask for, but if I was lucky maybe she'd be remorseful enough to leave me alone. It was a shame, really. She'd been the closest thing I had to a friend, but she'd changed these last couple weeks. Could she really be jealous of Alice?  
  
It was a scary thought, and I tried not to think about it. I avoided her as best I could, but I had math before lunch, and math had used to be one of my favorite classes. Not because the subject matter—I hated math itself—but because it was the only class that me and Lauren had together, by ourselves. She was usually pretty cool when she didn't have a bunch of friends to impress, and as I walked in and saw Lauren sitting by herself in the corner, I made the snap decision to try and sit next to her. I'd been determined to avoid her, but it occurred to me on the spot that maybe she really did feel bad about how she treated me and maybe she was just too proud to admit it. And maybe if I went over and pretended like nothing happened we could go back to being almost friends.  
  
So I took a deep breath and went over. I even smiled shyly. "Hey," I said.  
  
It was just one syllable, and my voice didn't seem offensive, so I was really kind of surprised by the look she gave me. It reminded me of Alice's sister Rosalie; blonde venom. Lauren wasn't quite capable of the same coldness, but it was an impressive amount of distain, nonetheless. Her blue eyes narrowed and she said: "Get the fuck away from me."  
  
Well.  
  
It shouldn't have hurt as much as it did, but for some reason I wasn't expecting it. I rose from the chair and stepped back. But something stopped me from fleeing like a whipped puppy. She had turned back to the desk and for a second I stood there glaring down at the back of her head with dull resentment. Why had I even bothered? Things had obviously disintegrated to the point where civilized conversation wasn't even possible. What made me think we could go back to being friends?  
  
And why did I even want to? I had tricked myself into thinking it was the mature thing to do, to offer an olive branch, wave a white flag, spread the gospel of peace and friendship, but in reality it was an act of stupidity and low self-respect. She didn't deserve forgiveness; she deserved to be stapled to the wall.  
  
It occurred to me in that moment that Lauren was a total bitch. It also occurred to me that I'd love to tell her this. And before I could stop myself I found myself saying it out loud. My mouth was dry, but it opened, and very clearly I said:  
  
"You're a real fucking bitch, Lauren."  
  
She didn't turn or look up. Her shoulders tensed but other than that she didn't give any indication that she'd heard. She simply froze.  
  
It was nothing compared to some of the things she'd called me over the years, but the tone of my voice made up for the lack of creativity. It sounded like I really meant it, and I did. It was a very big deal for me, and adrenaline was coursing through my body, making me even bolder. I snorted at the back of her blonde head. "Dumb whore," I muttered, and then I turned and went and sat on the other side of the classroom.  
  
The adrenaline wore off pretty quick, and I spent the rest of the class fearing for my life. Lauren didn't have a reputation for stabbing people after school, but the girl hadn't seemed awfully stable lately, and you see similar incidents on Yahoo headlines all the time. Or maybe if I'm lucky she'll just get her linebacker boyfriend to do a touchdown with my head. Standing up to a bully is never a good idea in real life. It's a shallow victory and it's really not worth the stress.  
  
But I felt better at lunch time when I was finally reunited with Alice. We had lunch together at a table by ourselves, sitting side by side, and it was the first time in memory that I'd passed a whole lunch period without anybody saying anything mean to me. It's true that good companionship had make food taste better, because even the sandwich tasted good. Alice took the opportunity to remind me about cheer practice this afternoon, and even though I was reluctant to place myself within shooting distance of Lauren and her boyfriend, I promised her I'd be there.  
  
Cheer practice was held on what passed for a football field at Forks High; patchy grass, puddles of mud, no bleachers. There was a bench that ran along the perimeter and not even all of it was sheltered. It wasn't the kind of stadium that would fill a team with a proud sense of tradition, but the football team seemed to make do. They were mid-practice, too. Running laps or doing complicated exercises involving shouting, pointing, and throwing weirdly shaped balls. I'm sure it was all very impressive, but it looked pretty dumb to me.  
  
The cheersquad was in their own little corner and I was sitting nearby on the bench. The weather was fairly clear so I didn't feel compelled to wear my backpack over my head. The field was across the street from the school and I'd bumped into Angela along the way. She wasn't a cheerleader, but her boyfriend was on the team, and sometimes she pretended to watch practice while doing homework. She asked me what I was doing there and I had to admit a similar motive. She teased me about being my girlfriend's pet, and I thought it would be funny if she really knew. Still, it wasn't mean teasing, and just to prove what an angel she is, she let me sit next to her with barely any awkwardness at all.  
  
More interestingly, Leah was there, too. Not cheerleading, watching. She sat on the bench by herself a small distance away from me and Angela, but she'd nodded at me when I went past. I'd nodded back, feeling a quick thrill that she'd not only noticed me but acknowledged me, too. I also couldn't help noticing that she was dressed rather provocatively today, in a loose black leather skirt, and black knee-boots. She had her legs crossed like a grown woman, one over the other, and she was wearing dark eye makeup that made her dark eyes seem even darker, and her full lips had a certain smirk as she nodded at me. She projected the image of a sexy badass, and maybe the thrill I'd felt was envy. I'd love to look like that.  
  
She was obviously there to watch Jane, and suddenly I didn't feel like such a tool any more. If a girl like Leah could endure cheer practice for the sake of making her girlfriend happy, then I guess I could, too.  
  
Although it would've been easier to endure if the squad was wearing their uniforms. Alas, they only wore their uniforms for games, and for practice they were clad in simple track gear, tanktops, shorts, pants. Alice was cutest, of course, followed closely by Jane, and then Lauren. Lauren wasn't really in the same league as the Cullen's, but she was still one of the prettiest girl's in school, bitch or not.  
  
It was Alice and Jane's first practice and I was curious at how they'd get along with the rest of the squad. The squad seemed to accept Jane almost instantly which didn't surprise me. She was blonde, after all—practically a long lost sister. They were more wary of Alice, but Alice kept smiling and eventually she seemed to win them over—all of them accept Lauren. I noticed her muttering mean things every time Alice opened her mouth and I watched with a growing frown. None of it seemed to bother Alice, and Lauren didn't get many laughs, but still. What kind of monster could possibly be mean to Alice?  
  
Even worse was Jane. I remembered yesterday that Jane had some not nice things to say about Alice, but it still took me unpleasantly by surprise when I saw her giggling at Lauren's comments and even add a few of her own. I even felt my opinion of the blonde sister degrade slightly. Yesterday it had seemed harmless enough, but here at school, in front of people—in front of Lauren—it seemed almost reprehensible.  
  
Angela was barely watching anything, cheerleaders or jocks, and she remained focused on the textbook balancing on her lap while making idle chitchat and lamenting about how much she sucked at math. Math was one of my better subjects, despite my hatred of it, so I offered to help her out a little. I tried to explain something about fractions, but she didn't get it, so I took the pencil from her and wrote the answer myself. She went all uncomfortable as I leaned over her lap, but she didn't scream and accuse me of rape, and when I handed back the pencil she even forced a smile and groped for a topic of conversation to ease the awkwardness.  
  
"You know, that's a pretty cool collar," she said, pointing at my throat with the nub of the pencil. "I didn't know you were into that kind of stuff."  
  
She was the first person to mention it, and I was amazed to hear the word 'cool' in the same sentence. I smiled self-consciously and played it down. "I'm not," I said. "Alice bought it for me."  
  
She gave a little snort. "Wow," she said. "You're lucky. I can hardly get my boyfriend to buy me a soda."  
  
I smirked. "She bought me a bunch of other stuff, too," I said, only slightly bragging. "Clothes and stuff."  
  
She raised her eyebrows and gave another little snort. "Wow," she repeated. "She must be rich."  
  
I shrugged. "I think she is. She has a big house and all her sisters have cars. Her dad's a doctor."  
  
She snorted yet again and shook her head. I felt uncomfortable suddenly, like I'd revealed too much, and I felt the need for a topic change. I looked out over the field where my lovely Alice was demonstrating her baton twirling to the rest of the squad. Inwardly, I felt a quick flush of pride at my girlfriend's nimble dexterity, but outwardly I made a display of being bored, and said:  
  
"So when's this stupid practice over?"  
  
"Soon," Angela grinned. "I can't believe you let your girlfriend make you sit and watch. Don't you have anything better to do?"  
  
I snorted. Actually, no, I literally had nothing better to do, and it wasn't really much of a sacrifice. I felt bad about how they were treating her, but it was nice to watch. Better than watching TV, anyway.  
  
"Not really," I said to Angela. "What about you, what's you're excuse?"  
  
She shrugged. "I'm not watching, I'm doing homework. And anyway, I'm just waiting for Lauren. She was supposed to let me borrow her iPod so I could copy some stuff."  
  
I bristled at the mention of Lauren, and not because I was outraged that she was breaking mp3 copyright laws. I remembered in math class, how she dismissed me so hatefully, and I was still ashamed of myself for crawling back to her. I snorted and looked down at the grass under my feet.  
  
"Lauren's a bitch," I muttered. "Why do you even hang out with that whore?"  
  
She shrugged, half distracted by some math problem in her notebook. "I don't know," she said. "Why do you?"  
  
I gave another snort; I was starting to sound like a pig. "I don't," I said bitterly. "Not anymore."  
  
Angela looked at me and shrugged again. "She's not so bad," she said, then she chuckled. "When you're not around, at least."  
  
I remembered that Angela was the only one who had attempted to stand up for me last Friday, and I felt compelled to open up a little about my feelings. Especially now, when I actually felt something. Usually I was pretty numb about this stuff.  
  
"I used to think she was okay," I said. "But now she's just a bitch."  
  
It was kind of a stupid thing to say and it reminded me why I was usually so reserved. Accusing a highschool girl of being a bitch is like accusing a teacher of being boring; they can't help it and everybody knows. Now I just sound like an idiot.  
  
Surprisingly, Angela chuckled in agreement. "Yeah," she said. "I never knew she was such a homophobe." Then she hesitated and added: "But it doesn't bother me, you know. That you're…"  
  
I gave her a weird glance. She was trying to say it was okay I'm gay, and that was nice I suppose, but I still felt something awkward in the pit of my stomach. Acceptance is swell and all, but it still sucks to be reminded that you aren't normal—that you're something that requires acceptance.  
  
I guess I should've been thankful for Angela's graciousness, but if she had been hoping to be nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize for her noble efforts at accepting the school gay girl, I was going to have to disappoint her. All I managed was a shy nod and an awkward smile. "Thanks," I told her.  
  
"I mean, it's kind of gross," she added quickly, "but…you know."  
  
Strangely, the word gross made me feel a little better, and my smile went a little more genuine. "Yeah," I said. "I get it."  
  
She nodded, relieved that she hadn't offended me or compromised her own straightness by being too nice. She looked out over the field at the cheersquad and then back at me and lowered her voice. "But, um…" she began. "What about Alice? Is she…?"  
  
I knew exactly what she meant, but I felt an urge to make her squirm. I pretended to be confused. "Is she what?  
  
"You know," she said, with emphasis. "Is she…?"  
  
The girl was obviously under the impression that saying the word gay might turn you into one, so I said it for her.  
  
"Gay?"  
  
It made her slightly uncomfortable, but she nodded. "Yeah."  
  
I snorted and shook my head. Me and Alice still hadn't talked about our sexualities, but I was pretty sure about her by now. She'd never shown any interest in guys that I had seen and so far she'd proven to be rather enthusiastic about the female anatomy—even mine.  
  
But why was Angela so curious, anyway? Alice was obviously my girlfriend, so wouldn't she just assume she was gay?  
  
"I guess," I told her with a shrug. "Either that or she goes around tongue-kissing all her friends."  
  
"Ew," Angela said, screwing up her face. "Do you guys actually do that?"  
  
I smirked. "What do you think?"  
  
"Ew," she repeated. "That's gross. That's sick. That's just…ew."  
  
I chuckled, relaxing even more. I liked Angela's good-natured disgust. It made me feel less like a freak and more like someone who simply had different taste. I snorted at her and smirked. "Yeah, well," I said, "at least I'm getting some."  
  
She snorted back. "Yeah," she said, "but look at what you're getting. I mean, seriously. Have you ever thrown up from kissing her? Or does it, like, feel natural?"  
  
I giggled at how ridiculous the question was. "Of course it feels natural," I grinned. "What are you, stupid?"  
  
She blushed and flapped a hand embarrassedly. "Just curious," she said. "You guys are moving pretty fast, huh? You know, it took me three weeks before I kissed my boyfriend? And then it was, like, five months before I went down on him. We still haven't had sex."  
  
She said it all pretty casual, the way she would as if she was talking to any of her regular friends—but I wasn't any of her regular friends. The word sex made me a little uncomfortable, not to mention the mental image of sweet and innocent Angela going down on her boyfriend. I try not to be judgmental, but seriously; going down on a guy? Self-respect must be subjective because such an act really didn't seem all that dignified to me.  
  
I made a queasy face, nothing too offensive, and nodded. "Good for you."  
  
She giggled and asked: "Have you and Alice?"  
  
I frowned confusedly. "Have we what?"  
  
"You know…" She dropped her voice even lower. "…had sex?"  
  
The question took me by surprise, and I didn't have time to compose myself into a really convincing attitude of righteous denial. I blushed and stammered. "N-no, of course not."  
  
It didn't fool Angela. She paled. "Oh my god."  
  
"We haven't!"  
  
But she just grinned and shuffled away from me on the bench. "That is so disgusting. You hardly even know her!"  
  
I chuckled and shook my head. "Whatever."  
  
Angela kept a playful distance from me for the rest of the practice, but she hadn't died from gay germs so far, so she was probably safe. And when the practice was finally over she gathered her backpack and walked out to meet Lauren, but not before giving one me more glance as Alice raced up to me and wrapped me into a hug.  
  
It was a cold day, but I warmed up quickly as Alice began babbling excitedly about the practice session. She seemed particularly interested in whether or not I noticed and admired her baton work, and after convincing her of how impressed I was, she gave me a quick kiss on the cheek and ran to catch a shower, pausing once to smile and wave over her shoulder. It was a terrific performance of teenage girlishness, and I had to wonder how much was authentic and how much was simply to make me smile. Either way, I was glad she was happy.  
  
We'd agreed to meet at the front gates and as I slung my backpack over my shoulder I took a last look over the field. Leah had strolled out to meet Jane, and I observed them to see if they'd act like a couple. They exchanged a few words, smirked, and then Leah touched Jane's hand very discreetly, like a lover's caress. No one would've seen it but me. Jane then smiled, gave her a wink, and jogged away to catch up with—  
  
Lauren?  
  
Yep, Lauren. Lauren and Angela were already strolling away toward the main building, and when Jane caught up, she threw an arm around my archenemy's shoulders as if they'd known each other for years and said something loud that made her laugh. I felt a weird combination of envy and disapproval, and I wondered if Jane was really as nice as I thought she was.  
  
The rest of the cheerleaders were huddled in a group and talking nonstop as they packed up the pompoms and batons, but they looked up as Leah said something to them. Two of them shared a glance, and one of them smirked and said something back. Leah grinned, lifted a hand to wave, and strolled away. The cheerleader's shared another glance, made some comments, and went back to their pompoms.  
  
The football team was also finishing up their practice, and to my very great surprise, Leah sauntered directly over. She had a natural strut in her walk, and her black leather skirt and knee-boots displayed it to full advantage. Several of the boys whooped a greeting as soon as she was within range, and she walked up to them as if they were all bestfriends, and then she snatched the ball away from one of them and twirled it on her finger like a pro as they all stood around talking. One of them said something that made the whole bunch of them laugh and Leah punched him in the stomach playfully and laughed as well.  
  
It left a very weird impression on me, and if I didn't know she was in a serious long-term relationship I might've been suspicious of how her demeanor seemed a little flirty. Hell, I was suspicious, anyway. They were just talking, but still; it seemed very odd.  
  
By now a few of the cheerleaders were walking past me on their way to the showers. It was only half the squad and I figured the others must be showering at home or something. One of them, a blonde I'd never seen before, noticed me standing there and decided to wind down with a little after-practice harassment.  
  
"Hey," she said, "you're Alice's girlfriend, right?"  
  
I bristled slightly. "Yeah. So?"  
  
They smirked and looked at me with a distain that might've been impressive if I'd never met Lauren or Rosalie. I managed not to slit my wrists in dismay.  
  
"Jeez," she said. "Even for a dyke you'd think she could do better than you."  
  
They snickered meanly and I looked away wearily, adjusting the strap of my backpack. I'd been de-sensitized to this kind of stuff lately, and I watched them continue on toward the showers without much feeling beyond that same dull resentment I'd felt for Lauren in math. For a second I regretted not saying something back—or at least stuffing some pompoms down their throats—but then I remembered that these were Alice's squad-mates. It was probably best not to antagonize them.  
  
Alice drove me home and we started studying on my bed. We managed to concentrate on our textbooks for almost a full ten minutes before we started making out, which was a far more productive use of our time, really. There'd be plenty of time to study later, but there was only an hour or so before mom got home.  
  
And eventually mom did get home. We both heard the car this time, and we disengaged reluctantly, both pouting with swollen red lips. We straightened ourselves up and propped notebook on our laps. I picked up my pen upside down by accident, but I quickly flipped it around just as mom came in.  
  
"Hi, sweetie," she said, and then she noticed Alice there sitting on my bed and startled slightly. "Oh. I didn't know you were planning to have company over."  
  
I wished mom didn't have to make it so obvious that I never had friends over, but I guess it didn't matter. Alice wasn't superficial enough to date me for my social standing alone; she preferred things like blood.  
  
"We're just studying," I explained.  
  
"I see," mom said, frowning slightly. "And how long is she planning on staying?"  
  
I wasn't sure, but I wanted her to stay as long as possible. Ideally she could even move in. She could have my bed and I'd sleep on the floor and I'd give her half my food and everything.  
  
"Actually," Alice said, noticing that my mom wasn't crazy about me having company over. "I should probably get going. I was just giving Bella a ride and we thought we'd hang out for a bit and study."  
  
Mom seemed placated at Alice's noble intentions and she waved a hand. "No, no," she said, "I didn't mean to interrupt. If you're studying you should keep doing that. I just wanted to let Bella know I'm home."  
  
"Thanks, mom."  
  
She smiled and nodded. "Well, I'll leave you two alone." She started backing out the door but then glanced us over one more time and frowned. "Bella, what happened to your mouth?" she asked. "It's all red."  
  
I felt a quick spasm of panic. My mouth was red because Alice had almost inhaled my lips less than five minutes ago. "O-oh, it's nothing," I stammered. "I must've been leaning on it."  
  
Alice smiled and looked down to hide her twinkling eyes. I blushed, and even though my excuse didn't exactly make sense, mom seemed to accept it.  
  
"Hm," she said. "Well, you girl's have fun. I'll be downstairs."  
  
Once mom was gone we focused on studying, despite how difficult it was to concentrate with Alice's pretty face in the same room. I was a little behind on my homework, but I was caught up within an hour, and finally Alice said it was time for her to go.  
  
It was dark as I walked her out to her car. She opened the door and turned back to me. I'd been struggling for a way to suggest that maybe I could leave my window open for her tonight, and as we dawdled by the open door of her car, she seemed to be struggling to suggest the same thing.  
  
"Hey," I said, finally overcoming my nervousness. "Want me to leave my window open tonight?"  
  
I would've been crushed if she refused, but she smiled shyly and placed a kiss on my cheek. "You bet I do," she giggled, and then she ducked into the car, shut the door, waved through the window, and pulled away.  
  
I watched the car till it was gone. My cheek was tingling where her lips had touched it, and for a few moments I simply stood there in the cold night air, wondering why she was even attracted to me. I still hadn't come to any conclusions, and after a while I looked up at the dark night sky. It was overcast and starless, but I knew my lucky stars were up there somewhere and I took a moment to thank them.  
  
—  
  
The next day was Wednesday, another one of those sucky days; right in the middle of the week with the weekend still days away. On the bright side, I had three classes with Alice, and we made out in the back of the library for a while, so all in all the day wasn't pure hell.  
  
I managed to avoid Lauren all day, but I had an encounter with someone even worse; Rosalie. It was only a minor encounter, but when it was over I had the distinct impression of being scarred for life. It happened between classes. I was trudging down an empty corridor by myself, slightly late, and from the other direction came Rosalie and Victoria.  
  
Once again I was struck by how hot they were. It was a surreal experience, like passing a pair of supermodels in a barren highschool hallway. Their long hair gleamed in the pale sunlight spilling from the window, flame red and platinum blonde, and they were so tall and so slender. You could almost confuse them for teachers if you could believe teachers that hot existed somewhere. Besides, not many teachers wear miniskirts or designer jeans.  
  
My self-esteem had never been high, but it shriveled visibly the closer I got to these goddesses. I felt drab and human, scurrying through the halls with my books and my cheap clothes, dry hair, pale face. I kept my eyes down, and the smart thing to do would've been to simply pass, glance helplessly, and pretend that real beauty is on the inside. But then I remembered that these were Alice's sisters, and Alice was my girlfriend. There was no reason why I couldn't say hi, right?  
  
There was also Rosalie to consider. She obviously hated me, judging from her reaction to finding me in her house the other day, and I was eager to try and make a good impression. It was the same urge that had compelled me to sit next to Lauren in math yesterday, and it was probably just as stupid, but that would only occur to me until after I'd made a fool of myself. So I did.  
  
They were getting closer and they'd both noticed me. The blonde glared and looked away. The redhead smirked and looked away. They were walking very close together, so close their shoulders seemed to brush, and once again I marveled at what a truly awesome couple they made. But then I remembered that it wasn't confirmed, just a theory. Alice had mentioned that Rosalie might have feelings for her, which might mean Rosalie and Victoria were just friends, but they really did seem so close.  
  
I gulped, and in a few seconds I was going to pass them. I should've kept my mouth shut, but they were so pretty and I was so desperate for their approval, that I couldn't help myself. I smiled at them, and it probably wasn't a pretty smile. It felt clumsy and terrified, like being ordered to smile at gunpoint. But I tried to make it as friendly as possible, and then I cleared my throat, and said:  
  
"Hi."  
  
My voice came out bright and cheerful; unnatural, even to my own ears. They didn't even slow down. They glanced at me briefly, and the blonde wore her usual look of haughty distain, but the redhead seemed genuinely amused. Her emerald-green eyes twinkled brightly and she looked at me the way you'd look at a clumsy dog who tries to perform a complicated trick and fails; charming, but useless nonetheless.  
  
They passed on my left without speaking, but I heard one of them whisper something behind me followed by a lilting snicker. I continued on with my head down, and I didn't burst into tears, but the only thing that kept me from drowning myself in one of the upstairs toilets was the promise of Alice in the next class.  
  
The rest of the day passed uneventfully, aside from the occasional blonde glare from Lauren. Our relationship seemed to have progressed into open animosity, and I indulged a growing sense of defiance by glaring back a little. My heart still tended to skip a beat whenever our eyes locked, but I ignored it and passed it off as anger.  
  
Angela was the only person I could count on to talk to me as if I weren't a leper, but she still gave priority to her other friends, and I guess I couldn't blame her. Nobody likes charity work.  
  
Alice drove me home in the afternoon, and one thing led to another, as it often does with Alice. We made out on my bed, but she kept glancing at my alarm clock, and finally she broke away and whispered:  
  
"Your mom's gonna be home soon."  
  
I figured it was time for us to stop, so I sighed heavily. "Yeah."  
  
But that wasn't what she had in mind. She was straddling my hips, and slowly she snaked both hands up my top, cupped my breasts, and smirked coyly. "Wanna do it quickly?"  
  
I glanced at the alarm clock wildly. Mom would be home any minute, but we were already warmed up. It'll be hell to stop after we start, but it was probably possible to get it done quick enough.  
  
"Okay," I whispered, and Alice's lips covered mine.  
  
We hurried, but alas, it was not to be. No sooner than I'd reached into Alice's pants when we heard the rumble of a car pulling up outside. We broke apart with a loud groan and fixed ourselves up.  
  
Alice pouted. "It's probably best if you're mom doesn't know I was here," she said, and then she placed a long kiss on my lips. She pulled away when we heard the front door downstairs. "Want we to finish the job tonight?"  
  
I nodded eagerly, and Alice giggled, grabbed up her backpack, and scurried over to the open window. She blew me a kiss, and then she climbed onto the windowsill and hopped down into the backyard, just as mom's footsteps were coming up the stairs.  
  
The next day was Thursday, one day closer to the weekend. Me and Alice were early for once, and she took it upon herself to walk me to homeroom like a gentleman. I still felt a little self-conscious holding hands in public, but the glow far outweighed the discomfort. Her delicate hand in mine seemed to create a cocoon of warmth around us, a protective shield against the glances of people we passed—until Lauren came along, that is.  
  
The teacher hadn't arrived so the classroom door was locked, and me and Alice were lingering in the hallway, leaning against the back window with our clasped hands between us. Lauren was coming along with Angela, and when I saw the look in her eyes I felt my protective warmth flicker feebly like a candleflame. My hand tightened on Alice's slightly, and Alice glanced at me. Then she glanced at Lauren. She'd been chatting while we waited, but now she stopped.  
  
Lauren and Angela continued toward us, and Lauren seemed to simmer visibly when she saw our clasped hands. She lifted her eyes to mine and I stared back defiantly, which probably wasn't a smart thing to do. If I'd averted my eyes meekly and pretended to be invisible like I usually did, I might've been able to escape without any morning trauma, but even this tiny glimmer of defiance seemed to provoke her.  
  
She didn't even speak. Her simmering boiled over in an instant and suddenly she lunged forward and slapped the textbooks out of my arms. I startled in fright, but the clattering of the books on the floor only seemed to embolden her; she glanced at Alice, glanced at me, snorted, and then she spat on my top and continued past. Angela looked as startled as I did, but she didn't say anything.  
  
Alice had let go of my hand and she watched as Lauren leaned against the wall by the classroom door with some of her other friends. My books lay scattered at my feet and I was so frozen with anger that I couldn't even pick them up. I was staring in Lauren's direction and I muttered:  
  
"I'm gonna kill that bitch."  
  
Alice smiled at me. Then she stooped and picked up my books.  
  
"Why don't you try standing up to her?" she suggested.  
  
She handed my books back and as I took them a lot of the anger just flatly dissipated. It was helpless anger, because there was really nothing I could do. I was doomed to an adolescence of vicious blonde torment, and getting pissed wasn't going to change that.  
  
I shrugged. "What's the point? It'll only make it worse."  
  
"Perhaps," she said "But one must consider the big picture. If you let people walk all over you now, they'll be doing it all your life."  
  
It was nice that she was concerned about my psychological well-being, but I think I was already messed up beyond repair. I looked at her blandly. "Do I look like I give a fuck about the big picture?"  
  
I was surprised at myself for speaking to her so roughly, but she wasn't offended. She giggled softly and touched my shoulder. "I guess not," she said. "I just hate to see you get pushed around, that's all."  
  
Her smile and her touch soothed me. I returned her smile and shrugged as if it was nothing—and in the real big picture it was nothing. Sticks and stones and all that. "It doesn't matter," I said. "Forget about it."  
  
Alice nodded. She glanced at Lauren, and then she glanced at me, flickering her eyes up and down as if noticing my outfit for the first time. "Hey, how come you haven't been wearing the clothes I got you?"  
  
I shrugged. I still hadn't worn any of the things she'd bought me, and to be honest I wasn't entirely sure why. Part of it was because I wanted to avoid attention from over-critical peers like Lauren, but there was another part of me that simply balked at the charity. It was sweet of her to spend hundreds of dollars to supplement my closet, of course, and maybe I was being ungrateful for not wearing any of it, but still; it was an extravagant gesture on her part, and maybe I wasn't really ready to accept it.  
  
"I don't know," I said, and then I gestured at my outfit loosely. "I'm comfortable like this."  
  
She nodded, only slightly disappointed. "It's important to be comfortable," she said. By now the teacher was coming down the corridor and Alice had to go to her own homeroom. But before she left she said: "Listen, there's another cheer practice this afternoon. Did you wanna come watch?"  
  
I shuffled my feet reluctantly, and she quickly added:  
  
"You don't have to if you don't want to. I can bail if you'd rather do something else."  
  
I didn't understand how she could possibly have fun waving pompoms with a bunch of trolls, but I wanted to be supportive, so I nodded. "I'll be there," I told her, and it was worth it. She smiled brightly, and then she gave me a quick kiss on the cheek.  
  
"Thanks baby," she said, "it really means a lot to me."  
  
I found that hard to believe and I couldn't help saying something. "Why, though? Aren't they all mean to you?"  
  
She giggled. "Only some of them, but I don't let them spoil my fun. I like cheerleading. It's the only place where I can show off my baton technique."  
  
I gave her a dubious look. "If you say so."  
  
She flashed another smile, kissed my cheek again, and then she turned and walked away as the teacher was opening the homeroom door. I sighed and watched her leave with complex emotions. My respect for her had dropped slightly when she'd said she liked cheerleading, but now that her ass was in view I felt my respect for her go back up again.  
  
The rest of the day passed like any other day. I avoided Lauren, even in math, and mostly I just sat by myself and focused on school work, which wasn't as easy as it seemed. Depression has a way of warping your priorities until a good education seems even less important than getting up in the morning. After all; what does it all matter if no one likes me?  
  
I had Alice, of course, but Alice was a shallow fix. I looked forward to our classes together, and I cherished every second of her company, but she didn't really linger in the bloodstream long enough for a lasting euphoria. She functioned more as a stimulant than a hypnotic.  
  
I caught Lauren glaring at me during lunch, and I guess that was the real problem. You'd think no friends at all would be better than the friends I used to have, but it wasn't. I missed Lauren, crazily enough. Not the mean Lauren who'd knocked the books out of my hands this morning, but the old Lauren, the Lauren I'd known before Alice. I missed faux-friend Lauren, the Lauren who used to let me walk with her in the halls between classes, the Lauren who used to tease me in math and trade answers, the Lauren who'd sat next to me in computer class and told the teacher that I was trying to look up lesbian porn even though I wasn't. She was pretty cool, that Lauren.  
  
I spent the last few classes in a strange melancholy, wondering why I used to like her. She was pretty, sure, but I couldn't possibly be that shallow. I really had no reason to like someone who'd been so mean to me, and yet she was my first true crush. Why? I wasn't sure, but she had plenty of other virtues, too. She was smart and independent. She didn't take shit from anybody, even the teacher's. She was funny—in a hurtful way, but still; funny.  
  
The more I thought about it, the more it seemed possible that she was jealous of Alice. Or at least resentful of me that I actually had a girlfriend. She had no other reason to turn on me like this. After all, she'd never been truly homophobic. She'd only changed when she saw me with Alice at the movies that time. Before then she'd only been playfully mean, even flirty. Sometimes it had seemed that she might actually like me. Just a little. I'd never deluded myself that a relationship was possible, but I couldn't deny that I'd thought about it.  
  
I wondered if any kind of friendship was salvageable, but it didn't seem like it. If this morning was any indication, it seemed more likely that we'd only degenerate further. Lauren had always favored a verbal form of torment, and spitting on me seemed a bit extreme, even by her standards. I mean, what's next? Is she going to beat me up and steal my lunch money? Or will she just shiv me in the showers before PE someday like in a prison movie?  
  
I didn't know and I was rapidly beginning to lose interest. I was sick of worrying about it and sick of fretting. What was I so afraid of, anyway? If I can be brave enough to let my girlfriend bite me in the neck and drain me of most of my blood, I think I might be able to summon up the courage to stand up to a female bully. Maybe not today, but soon. The episode this morning had almost pushed me over the edge, and maybe next time I'll finally be forced into stern and decisive action. I could threaten to report her to a teacher if she doesn't stop, for instance. Harassment is a serious issue, I'm told. Teacher's can really help in these situations.  
  
Or maybe I'll just borrow mom's car and run her over some morning. It was a tempting plan, but I'd have to look up the jail penalty for vehicular manslaughter on google before I committed to it. If it was less than eight years I'd refine the plan further. Until then I'll just file it under last resort.  
  
Classes dragged on and soon the final bell rang. Now I get to go watch the cheerleaders practice. Yay.  
  
I trudged out to the football field with a heavy heart, but then I reminded myself that it was a noble thing to support one's girlfriend, and, to be fair, the rest of the cheersquad was hot, and they did wear tight pants—or even shorts. Therefore it wasn't a total waste of an afternoon. And afterward Alice would take me home and make out with me. It was a pretty good deal, really, and nothing worth complaining about.  
  
There was no Angela to keep me company this time, but Leah was there, and when she saw me she nodded. I nodded back, once again feeling a little thrill that she acknowledged me. I wasn't presumptuous enough to actually go sit with her, but before I could take a seat on the bench at a respectful distance, she tossed her head for me to come over.  
  
My heart stopped. Really? She wants me to sit next to her at school? Where people can actually see? But what about her reputation? People might think she's a nice person.  
  
But I really didn't have a choice. She looked so cool sitting there in her black clothes, with her dark hair and dark eyes, and I really did hesitate to sully her coolness with my lowly presence, but I did. I went over, and extended a casual greeting. She tossed her chin—very boyishly—and told me to sit down. I sat down and I tried not to visibly glow with pride at sitting next to such a cool-looking girl, but it was difficult. It almost felt like a crush.  
  
On the field practice had began. They seemed to be explaining a certain routine to Alice and Jane, and Alice and Jane were nodding as if they'd done it all before and were happy to do it again—which was probably true. They'd probably been on dozens of cheersquads throughout the years. One of the girls showed them a move that was almost a backflip. She was obviously showing off, but she lost some of her smirk when Alice repeated the exact move—only better. A couple of the girls seemed impressed, but most of them remembered that Alice was gay and refrained from clapping. I glowed with pride all over again, and resisted the urge to nudge Leah with my elbow and tell her that Alice was my girlfriend.  
  
Leah wasn't huge on conversation and mostly we watched in silence. I was wearing my black hoody, and it was cold enough that I had to fold my arms to keep warm. Leah didn't even have a jacket, and I was amazed that she wasn't cold, but then I remembered that vampire's didn't get cold. She was sitting with her legs crossed like last time, and she was wearing a similar black skirt as the other day, and a black tanktop, and the same black knee-boots. There was a tribal tattoo on her shoulder that I'd never noticed before, and her arms were very toned, not like a body builder, but you could tell she worked out. My eyes drifted over her discreetly and I could smell her scent on the wind; musk and rain. Her legs were a perfect copper-color and they looked very smooth. They were very long and they looked very attractive, the way they were crossed like that. I felt an urge to mimic her posture, but I knew I'd only look like an idiot. I made a mental note to try it out when I was alone in my room.  
  
We did exchange a few words, but I didn't blame her for not having much to say to me. This was obviously a superior being beside me and I was grateful just to sit there.  
  
I looked out over the field, and by now the squad was practicing some maneuver that involved jumping and waving pompoms. To be honest, the whole scene seemed somewhat depressing. Dark clouds were rolling in and a cold breeze was blowing their long hair about their shoulders. They looked irritable and half-crazy. Idiot schoolgirls who'd snapped from too much algebra and wandered into the football field to prance and chant like spastics. I watched them, and I had to wonder: is Alice crazy? How can she actually enjoy that shit? And what's Lauren's excuse? Big bad Lauren who like's to use the eff word and call people dykes. Waving pompoms. Jumping up and down. Am I the only one who thinks this is kind of dumb?  
  
On the other hand, they were really cute, so it wasn't completely excruciating to watch. I focused my attention on Alice, of course, but my gaze wandered over the others as well, comparing them, measuring them against Alice. Jane was the closest match, and their body types were almost identical, although Jane was a little shorter and a little more slender. Alice's figure was more full. Jane looked like a girl; Alice looked like a young woman. Lauren was taller than them both, taller then me even, but her body was kind of flat. She hardly had any breasts at all and her legs were very slim. She was hot, sure, but she couldn't really compare to the sublime shapeliness of the Cullen ladies. Still. I'd do her. If she wasn't my sworn enemy and if I didn't already have a girlfriend, that is.  
  
I sighed. It had only been about ten minutes, but it felt longer. I glanced at Leah and wondered how she felt about all this. Was it an affront to her dignity to watch this stuff? Or did she enjoy it? She didn't seem particularly entertained. She just seemed to be waiting, hardly even watching. She seemed too cool for like something cheerleading and I decided to say something. I knew that anything that came out of my mouth would likely embarrass me, but I couldn't help it. I gestured at the field with a lazy smirk and said:  
  
"This is kind of stupid, huh?"  
  
I was worried she might call me a loser and tell me to get lost, but she smiled. "Kind of," she agreed. "But Jane and Alice are strange girls. Believe it or not, they actually like school."  
  
"Really?"  
  
"Sure. They like meeting new people, making new friends. They like pretending to be kids. It reminds them of the childhoods they never had."  
  
I felt an aching urge to try and get her to elaborate on Alice's history, but I really didn't know her well enough. I wasn't even comfortable enough with Alice to ask her. It seemed rude somehow, like I didn't have any right to know. I hoped she'd tell me about it herself some day.  
  
Still, I felt a stab of pity knowing that Alice didn't have a childhood. I'm sure it was far more tragic than my own skipped childhood, and I couldn't wait for her to tell me about it so I could offer her comfort and everything. Maybe she'd even cry, and I'd get to stroke her hair and tell her everything would be alright now. That would be cool.  
  
"Rosalie and Vicky hate school," Leah went on. "Usually they don't even enroll. They only did this time so they could keep an eye on Alice."  
  
I frowned. "Why?"  
  
She shrugged. There was a mysterious smirk around her lips and she didn't look at me. "Who knows?" she said. "There's a special bond between those three. They're like sisters within sisters. Rose and Vicky have always liked Alice. Then again, everybody likes Alice, don't they?"  
  
I looked out over the field. "Lauren doesn't," I said bitterly.  
  
Leah chuckled. "Yeah, I met her the other day. Guess who's her new bestfriend?"  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"Jane," Leah grinned. "They really hit it off after last practice. She even bought Lauren home yesterday when Alice was at your place. They were hanging out and playing video games."  
  
I couldn't believe it. Jane, friend's with Lauren? Doesn't she realize that Lauren is a homophobic twit who hates her sister?  
  
"It was actually pretty funny," Leah was saying. "Lauren had some interesting things to say about you."  
  
My heart flickered. "Like what?"  
  
Leah waved a hand airily. "Oh, nothing particularly original," she said. "She thinks you're secretly in love with her and it creeps her out. She says that's why she hates you so much, because you're always following her around and staring at her."  
  
A cold feeling passed over me. She knew? But I'd been so careful! How could she know I'd been crushing on her?  
  
I swallowed to clear my throat. "That's bullshit," I said.  
  
Leah glanced at me and chuckled. "Yeah, but you know what was really weird? She actually seemed enthusiastic about the idea. As if she wants you to be in love with her. She pretended to be disgusted, but she was enjoying it way too much. I think she might have a little thing for you herself."  
  
I blushed and frowned darkly. If she wants me to like her then she's been sending some pretty mixed signals; spitting on me, for instance. I'm no seductress, but I'm pretty sure that spitting on people isn't considered smooth courtship.  
  
"I hate her," I muttered.  
  
Leah shrugged, still smirking. "You're entitled," she said. "It was disgusting some of the stuff they were saying. Jane was thoroughly amused, of course."  
  
"But why?" I blurted. "Jane is gay, isn't she? How can she possibly like that bitch?"  
  
Leah made that same gesture in the air, a wave of her hand. "Jane's a strange girl," she said. "She's a lesbian, sure, but she's also a six hundred year old sociopath. Do you honestly think she cares about some teenage girl's small-minded opinions? No. Her attitude's beyond all that stuff. Hate only entertains her."  
  
I stared at her in shock. She still wasn't looking at me and slowly I struggled to tear my gaze away. I looked out across the field and saw Jane joking around with Lauren. Alice was standing aside, not really part of the group, and she was examining the pompom in her hands while the wind tosseled her black pixie-like hair. She was minding her own business, but then Jane called something to her that made everyone laugh. Alice looked at them and looked away again. She wasn't laughing, and I felt tears prickle my eyes suddenly.  
  
"But Alice is her sister," I whispered.  
  
Leah shrugged. "I guess. But like I said, Jane's a strange girl. She'll trash Alice behind her back and then as soon as Alice gets home she'll trash Lauren behind hers. She'll trash you, she'll trash me, she'll trash Vicky and Rose. It's just the way she is. She's a wolf in sheep's clothing." She grinned. "It's one of the things I love about her."  
  
I looked at her in confusion, but didn't say anything. It didn't seem like loveable behavior to me.  
  
"Besides," Leah went on. "Alice is beyond all that stuff, too. We all are. You can't hurt a vampire's feelings. Our hearts are dead already."  
  
I frowned. "Alice has a heart."  
  
"Yeah," Leah chuckled. She gave me a big-sis smirk and nudged me playfully. "She's got a nice ass, too, huh?"  
  
I grinned despite myself, because naturally, I completely agreed. I knew she was trying to deflect the conversation, but honestly, I wasn't sure if I wanted to know any more about these Cullen sisters. From everything that I'd seen it seemed like Alice was the only decent one in the whole bunch.  
  
The practice didn't last much longer and soon the squad was breaking up. I would've waited for Alice at the bench, but Leah got up and started walking out to meet them, so I followed. I didn't want to get within spitting distance of Lauren, but it was too late after I stood up, and I would've looked like an idiot if I sat down again.  
  
Alice was happy to see me. She smiled brightly and kissed me in front of everyone, flatly ignoring the dark looks we got from the rest of the squad. I tried not to be annoyed, but it wasn't the first time she'd done something like this. Even before I'd gotten a girlfriend I knew I'd never be the type who liked public affection. I just didn't see the point. Doesn't she realize that everyone is looking at us like we're aliens? Doesn't she care?  
  
She held the kiss a little too long and ended it with a flourish. But I smiled, because in the end it was Alice who liked me, Alice who spent time with me, and Alice who mattered.  
  
"Hey," she said brightly, "did you see that back flip I did?"  
  
I nodded encouragingly. "Yeah. That was awesome."  
  
She giggled delightedly. "I'm gonna go shower up quickly," she said, already moving past me. "Meet you at the front gates?"  
  
"Okay."  
  
Giggling, she kissed her hand and touched my cheek, and then she waved, turned, and started jogging. I watched her go and remembered what Leah had said: She likes pretending to be a kid.  
  
It was cute, really. I guess when you're as old as they are you need to make your own fun. I watched her until she'd disappeared into the locker rooms, and I realized that the strange feeling in the pit of my stomach was envy. It must be great to have such control over your emotions like that. To be able to force yourself to smile and have fun, even if you weren't. If you pretend to have fun long enough does it eventually become real? I didn't know, but maybe I should try it.  
  
They were all very fascinating reflections, but unfortunately, I should've been more aware of my surroundings. I was still standing in the middle of the cheersquad, which was like being encircled by wolves. Some of them had broken away to stroll toward the showers, and most of the others were content to ignore me as I stood there pondering my girlfriend's personality quirks. Only Lauren seemed particularly irritated by my presence, and what broke me out of my trance was a loud snort.  
  
"Well, what are you waiting for, dyke?" Lauren barked. "Go wait at the gates like a good little lesbo. Maybe she'll have some doggy treats for you if you're quick enough."  
  
The other cheerleaders snickered as they gathered up their pompoms. I turned to Lauren. Leah and Jane had been standing aside and talking quietly to themselves, but now they looked over. I stared at Lauren, and I didn't feel hurt or angry. Just fed up. I frowned at her and said:  
  
"Fuck you, Lauren."  
  
I said it very clearly, without my usual meekness. Some of the cheerleaders smirked. Jane grinned and detached herself from Leah, wandering closer to Lauren's side. Lauren smiled at me, and I knew exactly what she was going to say, because she'd said it a million times before.  
  
"Fuck me? Yeah, you wish."  
  
I remembered when Leah had told me about how Lauren thought I was secretly in love with her and I felt a hot rush of resentment. How self-centered can a bitch be?  
  
Maybe Alice and Leah were right. Maybe that's just what she wanted to believe. It was even more pathetic than me, really. At least I never let my feelings cause me to hate anyone.  
  
Until now.  
  
"No," I snorted. "I wish you'd drop fucking dead."  
  
It was a decent comeback with decent delivery, and it seemed to impress the audience. "Oooh…" the cheerleaders cooed, turning to Lauren for a retaliation, and even Lauren herself seemed delighted—although not in a good way. Her mouth flickered into a schizoid grin and her icy blue eyes flashed.  
  
"Aww, I think the dyke's upset," she grinned. "What are you gonna do, cry like last time?"  
  
I opened my mouth to reply, but then Jane stepped in.  
  
"Or maybe she'll get her freak girlfriend to make her feel better," she announced happily. "It's disgusting the stuff those two do when they're alone. You know I caught them once in Alice's bedroom with a camcorder? Probably making a youtube video or something."  
  
The cheerleaders snickered, but Lauren seemed slightly put out at the interference. I'd thought Jane was going to be on my side, but her words had stunned me into stupidity. My face went pale and a cold feeling passed through me. "What?" I murmured.  
  
Jane ignored me and continued addressing the other girls. "You should've seen Alice at our last school," she grinned. "She had all these pictures on her cellphone of her and her girlfriend and she used to go around showing them to guys and telling everyone she's a lesbian. She's just a slut, is what she is."  
  
The cheerleaders made disgusted faces.  
  
"Eww," one of them said.  
  
"That's disgusting," said another.  
  
I went breathless with anger. How could Jane say that? Leah had warned me that she liked trashing her sisters behind their backs, but I couldn't believe she was actually doing it.  
  
Lauren snorted. Now that Alice had been mentioned, her grin was completely gone. Her hatred for Alice seemed even darker than her hatred of me. "I knew she was a freak," she said. "She probably went wandering into the boys locker room by accident. Probably showing them all her pictures."  
  
Jane giggled. "And probably showing them a bunch of other stuff while she's at it," she said. "You know she got drunk at the Spring Formal last year and flashed the whole school? And then she didn't even leave with her girlfriend, she left with some guy."  
  
"Probably charged him, too," Lauren added, looking at me. "You can tell she's a whore."  
  
My face went bright red and my eyes prickled with tears of rage. "You shut the fuck up about Alice."  
  
Jane smiled and turned to the cheerleaders. "She didn't know her girlfriend's a slut," she said, and then she giggled. "Or maybe she's just frustrated that Alice won't share any of the guys."  
  
Some of the cheerleaders smirked at that, but others were getting uncomfortable. They shuffled their feet and looked at the grass. Leah was watching from the sidelines, but she kept looking off into the distance, up at the sky or where the football team was still practicing, as if she was just waiting for Jane and didn't really care about anything else.  
  
Lauren hadn't taken her eyes off me. She snorted. "Nah, this one doesn't want any guys," she said. "This one's pure one hundred percent ugly dyke, aren't you dyke?"  
  
I was trembling from fury and I could feel adrenaline pounding through my body. I took a menacing step toward Lauren and said: "I'm fucking warning you, Lauren. You shut the fuck up right now, or—"  
  
"Or what?" Lauren sneered. "Fuck off if you don't want to hear it. No one wants you here."  
  
"Yeah, get lost," Jane grinned. "We might get gay germs standing this close. At least Alice isn't gay enough to be catching. She's only got slutty germs."  
  
I glanced at her, clenching my fists. The knowledge that she was a six hundred year old vampire kept me from saying anything, but somehow Jane's teasing hurt even worse than Lauren's. My desire for Lauren's good opinion had been slowly disintegrating all week, but I really wanted Alice's sisters to like me. I just couldn't believe she could say stuff like this.  
  
"You heard her," Lauren snorted. "Fuck off. Go eat your girlfriend before she starts fucking everything on the football field."  
  
Jane giggled and turned to the others. "Hey, I know what'll make her go away. Watch this."  
  
The grass was soggy underfoot and all patchy from the repeated practices. Jane stooped and picked up a small dirt clod, and then she grinned and threw it at me.  
  
The clod hit me in the shoulder and left a streak of mud on my hoody. I flinched and froze. A couple of snickers went up from the cheerleaders and suddenly Lauren picked up another clod and threw it. It hit me in the side of the head and I felt dirt rattle through my hair. There was more snickering and evidently the other cheerleader thought it look like fun. Jane was already throwing another clod and all the other cheerleaders copied. They threw two or three dirt clods each and then they stood around laughing about it for a while.  
  
Lauren threw the last one while the others laughed. I stood there frozen in rage with dirt all over my clothes. I was breathing heavy and I couldn't even think straight. I was looking at the ground, and then suddenly I scrabbled for a chunk of dirt, and raised up. Lauren's was the first face I saw, and without even thinking, I reared back and threw it as hard as I could at her head.  
  
I've always thrown like a girl, but the blinding fury seemed to have improved my aim—and velocity. Either that, or it was just a lucky shot. She was only maybe five feet away and the dirt clod smacked into the side of her face like a fastball. She stumbled backward and the rest of the cheerleaders inhaled a shocked gasp. Jane backed away toward Leah, still smirking, and Leah smiled.  
  
Lauren recovered and wiped her face. The dirt was moist, but it wasn't mud, and the clod only left a brown streak across her cheek and the side of her neck. It must've really hurt, but amazingly, she was grinning even wider than what she was before. Her eyes twinkled and she gave a shaky chuckle.  
  
"You fucking bitch."  
  
"Fuck you," I spat.  
  
I was done taking her shit. I'd never hit any body in my life, but I was shaking with built up resentment, and all I needed was one more word, one more comment about Alice, and I was going to snap.  
  
Lauren must've felt the same way. She walked up to me and gave me a big schoolyard shove. I tripped and fell backwards onto the grass, but I was up on my feet in the next second, and then I lurched forward and shoved her back. My shove was weaker than hers, and she only stumbled back a couple steps, still grinning. She hesitated for a second, thinking about her next move, and then she stepped forward and punched me in the face.  
  
She wasn't a pro boxer, but she'd always had a natural athleticism, so the punch really hurt. It caught me right in the mouth and the pain took me completely by surprise. My bottom lip tore against my teeth and blood leaked into my mouth. I stumbled back, my hands covering the bottom half of my face, but I didn't make a sound.  
  
Our little crowd seemed as shocked as I was.  
  
"Shit," one of the cheerleaders whispered.  
  
Another one frowned. "Lauren, what the hell?"  
  
But Lauren was just grinning and waiting for me do to something. I was still covering my mouth, and shockingly, I could feel a smile spreading under my hands. It hurt like hell, but the pain seemed to have triggered an adrenaline rush that completely smothered the anger. I spat a red spit on the ground, my mouth throbbing, and looked at the blood on my hand. A weird half-chuckle escaped me and I looked up at her.  
  
"You fucking bitch."  
  
She grinned. "Fuck you."  
  
She was standing rigid with her arms awkwardly at her sides, as if she expected me to hit her back, and that's exactly what I did; I stepped forward and threw an fist at her face.  
  
It was a clumsy girl-punch, and she'd cringed away at the last moment, so it didn't do any real damage. It caught her in the ear, and she made a little hiss of pain, and then suddenly she lashed out and grabbed me.  
  
I tried to twist out of her grip, but she had two handful of my hoody. She was kicking at my legs and I felt the toe of her sneaker bash into my shin. I writhed away and my hoody came off over my head. My hair was all in my face and as I looked up she was throwing my hoody aside. I threw another clumsy punch. It glanced off her shoulder. She threw a punch of her own that hit me in the neck. I went to hit her again, but she grabbed my top and wrenched me around, and I grabbed her arms and wrenched her back. We were trying to kick at each other's legs and then we tripped and fell on top of each other in the grass.  
  
We rolled in the dirt, clawing at each others clothes, pulling at each other's hair. We fought in total silence with only small hisses and grunts of pain. There was no shrieking or screeching. No one interfered and no one spoke, and the rest of the squad just stood around watching with expressions of worry, as if they didn't like what they were seeing but didn't really know what to do about it.  
  
Lauren was on top me and thumping my collar-bone with short chops of her fist. I thrashed her off and punched her in the stomach repeatedly, clumsy little body blows that didn't even wind her. She rolled around and threw an elbow at my mid-section. I felt a spike of pain in my ribcage and writhed aside. I threw up my forearms to protect my face and she started clubbing at my head with her fist until I twisted back and grabbed her hair and wrenched her away.  
  
We scrabbled to our feet, panting. She was still grinning, and her blonde hair was full of dirt and all messy on her head. My arms were streaked with grass and my pants were wet from the wet ground. We stood off against each other, and I was still grinning, too.  
  
Our audience was getting very worried by now and some of them were looking around for a teacher.  
  
"Come on, you guys," one of them said.  
  
Another frowned. "Yeah, what are you doing?"  
  
Neither me or Lauren listened. The adrenaline was pumping through my veins and it was the most fun I'd had in ages. It was the first time I'd ever asserted myself and I felt delirious and half-feverish with release of repression. I felt high; even higher than when I was with Alice. My head was pounding, and my body was throbbing in several places, and my bottom lip stung like it was on fire, but I was loving every moment of it.  
  
Lauren circled me with a smirk. There was a weird glint in her eyes and I knew she was feeling something similar, the rush of adrenaline coursing through her veins, her heart pounding in her head. There was years of pent up feelings between us and now we were finally letting it all go.  
  
I attacked first. I had no plan exactly, I just wanted to grab her and hurt her. We grappled and I managed to kick her with my boots, but then she landed a body punch into my stomach that knocked the air out of me. I bent slightly and she kept punching as I leaned against her. My face was pressed against her shoulder and I could feel her fist beating into my stomach and when I could breathe again I found myself laughing. I tried to wrench away, but she had a handful of my top, so I bashed into her with my shoulder.  
  
She stumbled away, but waded back in almost instantly, and I flinched away as if I was afraid, but I wasn't afraid. I was still grinning and I giggled again as I felt her fist crash into my head. I stumbled aside into the gawking cheersquad and they flared and fluttered away. Lauren grabbed the back of my top, but I spun around and swatted her arms away, and then I grabbed her and lurched forward and headbutted her savagely in the face.  
  
Our audience gasped and jumped, as if the blow had somehow hit them, too. Me and Lauren didn't make a sound. I reeled backwards from the pain of thumping my head into something solid and Lauren collapsed onto one knee with blood dripping from her nose like a faucet. The cheerleaders had seen enough.  
  
"You guys are crazy," one of them said.  
  
Another shook her head. "Yeah, I'm outta here."  
  
One by one they hurried away, glancing over their shoulders, none of them speaking. Only Leah and Jane remained. Jane was grinning and bouncing excitedly on her feet as if she wanted to burst into a cheer routine, and I couldn't help smirking; she was an evil bitch, sure, but kind of cool, too. Leah was just looking away politely, as if she was intruding on a private moment, and was anxious to get away.  
  
Lauren staggered to her feet. Her hands were covered in blood and she was trying to hold her nose, but it must've been painful. She tried to glare at me, but even now she seemed unable to stop smiling.  
  
"I'm fucking bleeding," she said.  
  
I tried to wipe away my own smile, but I couldn't; Lauren was bleeding and I was very proud of that. "Sorry," I said without meaning it, but because the sight of so much blood was alarming, I added: "You okay?"  
  
"Yeah, I'm alright," she muttered. "You?"  
  
I could still taste blood in my mouth, but I would've looked better than Lauren. I touched my lip with my fingers absently, and as I did I realized that I'd won the fight. It was mostly a fluke victory—Lauren owned my ass until that headbutt—but still; I won. The thought was enough to make me grin all over again.  
  
"Yeah," I said. "I'm good."  
  
Jane stepped forward and handed Lauren an expensive looking white lace handkerchief. "Here, use this," she said. "Keep your head back."  
  
Lauren put it to her nose and tilted her head back. The handkerchief turned red almost instantly and Lauren was glaring at me with one eye and her head turned aside. "You grabbed my fucking tit."  
  
I smirked sheepishly. "Accident."  
  
She snorted. "Whatever," she said. She looked at the bloody handkerchief, realized it was doing nothing, and chucked it on the ground. She tried to give me another glare, but she couldn't seem to muster up any hate, and she broke into a bloody grin instead. "Fucking dyke," she said, and then she shook her head, turned, and walked away, dabbing at her nose with her wrist.  
  
And then I was alone with Jane and Leah.  
  
I turned to Jane and I felt another influx of adrenaline. In the mood I was in, I was ready to try my luck against her, too, if she said another thing about Alice. But the lack of an audience seemed to tranquillize her. She heaved a happy sigh and smiled as if she'd had a bunch of fun but it was time to go home now.  
  
"Ah, the joys of adolescence," she said, looking off where Lauren had disappeared. Then she turned to me and smiled. "Listen, no hard feelings, huh? It's nothing personal, it's only because you're Alice's girlfriend. But just so you know, it was all bullshit. Alice is as innocent as the sunrise."  
  
It was basically an apology, so I nodded. I wasn't happy, but I reminded myself of what Leah had said and let a little fear wash away the anger. Jane was a six hundred year old sociopath; she could've just as easily tortured me to death instead. In a way, I suppose it had been no different from squashing me in Street Fighter, only this time it hurt more.  
  
"Listen, I'll make it up to you, okay?" she offered, her voice turning friendly. "Come over to the house sometime and I'll be really nice. We can play some video games or watch a movie. You know, just hang out."  
  
It was a seductive offer, and even though I knew I should hate her forever for what she said about Alice, I found myself nodding. She was a Cullen, after all, and it was hard not to be desperate for her approval, even now.  
  
The answer pleased Jane. She looked up at the sky and sighed deeply, smiling a happy child-like smile, and then she noticed the bloody handkerchief at her feet. She bent to pick it up. She lifted it her to nose and sniffed delicately. Then she giggled.  
  
"I usually don't like it when the good guys win, but it was a good fight. Still, I'd better get outta here. The scent of blood's making me think naughty thoughts." She smirked and sniffed the handkerchief once more and then she tossed it to the ground. She winked. "I might have to pay our darling Lauren a little visit tonight, if you know what I mean."  
  
I felt a shiver. Did she mean drink Lauren's blood? Did Lauren know what Jane was? No, impossible. But Jane wouldn't kill her. Would she?  
  
"Jane," Leah demanded softly. "Let's go."  
  
Jane glanced back at her and then gave me a smirk. "See you around. Give my regards to Alice, hm?"  
  
Then she giggled and skipped over to Leah. Leah put her arm around Jane's waist and they walked away.  
  
I watched them go with a vague anxiety. Alice had said that none of her family kills humans, so there was really nothing to worry about. Alice had fed from me without killing me, but Jane couldn't do it like Alice. What was she going to do? Use a straw while Lauren was asleep?  
  
I sighed and decided I'd better clean myself up before heading for the front gates, but by now Alice was done with her shower and she was walking out to meet me. I was the only person left on the field and I noticed Alice smile when she saw I'd been waiting for her, but then the smile turned to worry as she noticed my tangled hair, my dirty clothes, blood on my mouth. She started running toward me and I tried not to grin at her dashing concern, but it was hard, even with the pain in my split lip.  
  
"Bella, oh my god," she said, stooping to look into my face. "What happened to you?"  
  
I chuckled at how much she sounded like mom, and shrugged it off, attempting to force my face into something somber and mature.  
  
"It's nothing," I said. "Just a fight. Lauren was saying stuff about you."  
  
She straightened and blinked. She seemed touched and surprised that I'd stood up for her, and I could almost hear her heart flutter. Seeing that expression on her pretty face made me light up inside and I felt a slow blush creep over my cheeks as I looked away to hide it.  
  
"She was talking about me?" she asked.  
  
"Yeah," I said, finally breaking into a painful grin. "But I kicked her ass."  
  
—  
  
Alice took me straight home and stood me at the kitchen sink as she wet a paper towel and dabbed at my face. She was even worse than mom. She demanded the location of the firstaid kit and then she set it on the bench, opened it, and sorted out the things she'd need in order to make sure my face wouldn't have to be amputated. She seemed disappointed that there was little she could do other than disinfect my lip with a cotton swab, but she did it. I put extra effort into not flinching at the sting—I was determined to be a badass—and then she put the stuff away and closed the kit.  
  
"I'm gonna kill that bitch," she said.  
  
I giggled. I'd said the same thing earlier this afternoon, but I wasn't too upset that I hadn't managed it. I was still half-euphoric from the adrenaline and I found it very difficult to maintain any degree of anger or hate—I was even disposed to be gracious. After all; I'm a badass now. Isn't the world wonderful?  
  
And to prove my new found bad-assery, I shrugged off my girlfriend's touching concern as if it was nothing. "I'm fine, Alice."  
  
Alice frowned and took my face in her hands, examining me all over again. "You're not fine, look at you. Look at what she did to your poor lip."  
  
Honestly my ribs hurt more from where she'd scored a hefty hit just under my breast, but I didn't mention it because I didn't want her to think I wasn't superman. Instead I grinned and turned the attention to my own heroic exploits. "Yeah, but you should see her," I said. "I think I broke her nose. It was all bloody and everything. Good thing it was after school. We could've got expelled."  
  
I'd been resisting the urge to babble about my victory the whole way home and maybe I'd said too much. True warriors are humble men—or highschool girls—and I didn't want to gloat.  
  
Alice saw right through me. She could see how proud I was and she gave me a small smirk, but her expression also made it clear that violence was nothing to be proud of. It was a very mature womanly look and it only made me grin wider.  
  
"Bella, stop grinning," she admonished gently. "You're making your lip bleed again."  
  
"Yeah," I said, still feeling the urge to babble, "but you should've seen it. I kicked her ass. She better watch out if I hear her talking about you again, even if we're in class. I'm not gonna listen to that shit anymore."  
  
I was blushing as I talked, and really, I was being modest compared to how I felt. My ego was so huge at the moment it seemed to be swirling all around me, and I wanted nothing more than to tell her how upset it had made me to hear them talking about her like that, and how much she didn't deserve it, and how I wanted to just wrap her into a fluffy blanket and hiss at whoever came close because I loved her so much and I wanted to protect her.  
  
But I stopped and forced myself to shut up, because I knew I was only embarrassing myself. Alice was a centuries old vampire; she didn't need any one to protect her or stand up for her. She was perfectly capable of handling her own bullies, but she was too mature and too refined to get upset like I did.  
  
But it was sweet of her to let me believe I was her own personal champion. She allowed herself to smile at my gallant babbling and then stepped up close to me, pressing my back against the sink. She looked up at my face and brushed my dirty hair from my eyes. "So you were defending my honor, were you?"  
  
I stared down into her huge honey-colored eyes, feeling my face heat. "Yeah."  
  
"Well," she whispered. "Maybe my handsome ladyknight deserves a reward, hm?"  
  
My lips quirked into a shy smirk. "Maybe."  
  
She let her eyes flicker over me and touched my lip with her fingertips. I felt her fingertip brush over my spilt lip and then she stepped onto her toes and kissed my bottom lip gently. Then she wrapped her arms around my neck and deepened the kiss, sucking on the wound.  
  
It was a painful kiss, but I loved it. I could taste the iron tincture of blood on my tongue, and I knew she could taste it, too. She started to suck harder, and I winced slightly, but I didn't pull away. I let my hand thread into her short silky hair, and I opened my mouth, allowing her to take my whole bottom lip into her mouth.  
  
She sucked harder and harder and my heart began to race faster and faster. The pain was growing, but it was such a nice pain. Her tongue was probing at the split in my lip and I could feel her losing herself in the taste of blood. I didn't care. She could take as much as she want.  
  
Finally she broke the kiss and released a shaky breath. She licked a thin film of blood and saliva off her lips and I could see the shapes of her fangs poking her tongue.  
  
"Sorry," she whispered. "Did that hurt?"  
  
It did, but I shook my head. "No."  
  
She smiled and took a deep breath. "I'll have to defer the rest of your reward till tonight. For now you should shower and get cleaned up before your mom gets home."  
  
My heart sank. "You're not staying for a little bit?"  
  
"No," she said, and then she smirked. "I have my own bully to tend to."  
  
"Jane?"  
  
"Mmhm."  
  
I chuckled once, a little bitterly. "She's kind of psycho, isn't she?"  
  
"Kind of, yes. But don't worry." She caressed my cheek and stared up into my eyes. "I'll make her regret saying mean things to my baby."  
  
I blushed, instantly reduced into a hundred pounds of gooey schoolgirl. It had been fun being a badass for a while, but it was nice to be a baby again. Especially Alice's baby. It was really the best thing to be.  
  
My lip was still throbbing and I could still taste blood. Alice smiled and placed another kiss on it.  
  
"Close your eyes," she told me.  
  
I closed them.  
  
"Open them," she whispered, but the whisper seemed to come from far away, and when I opened my eyes she was gone.  
  
—  
  
By tomorrow morning the adrenaline had worn off and I was feeling decidedly less macho. I'd spent the whole morning fearing and fantasizing about the inevitable encounter with Lauren, but I came to no solid predictions on what could happen. Anything was possible. Lauren hadn't proven to be particularly stable lately—then again, neither have I—and I wouldn't have been surprised by anything. Common sense would suggest for us to keep a cool wary distance from one another, but common sense had suggested that ages ago, and we'd never listened. Why would we now?  
  
I had no idea what I was hoping for, personally. Yesterday's tumble had burned away my resentment like calories on a treadmill, and all that was left was a vague regret. Not regret that I'd hit her—that had been fun—but regret that our faux-friendship had degenerated that far. It had been all her fault, though. She's the one that turned into a psycho bully from hell. I'd been perfect happy to be her whipping girl as long she never really hurt my feelings, but then she went and did it. She even made me cry, the bitch. And, of course, I could never forgive her for that. I didn't mind the split lip so much, but the tears had really hurt.  
  
I wonder how she feels about the whole thing? She'd obviously enjoyed our altercation, maybe too much. A little pent up sexual tension perhaps? It wouldn't surprise me, not any more. The girl obviously had issues with me and my orientation. I wonder if she's that feisty with her boyfriend?  
  
But it didn't matter. We'd obviously devolved into sworn enemies and the rest of our highschool careers would be spent acting out a mortal blood feud where survival was the best I could hope for. That was fine with me. I'd meant what I said to Alice. I didn't want to hear any of her shit any more. Why should I? I had no friends and nothing left to lose. I wasn't gonna go looking for a fight, but if she wants one, I'll give her one. If she says one more thing about Alice. Just one thing.  
  
Or maybe she actually felt sorry this time. Maybe she knew she went too far and she'd actually apologize. Maybe she'd even apologize to Alice as well. And then we could all hold hands and go skipping through a flowerfield. It could happen.  
  
No. Lauren was never going to apologize because Lauren was a bitch. The best I could hope for was that she'd ignore me and just leave me alone, but I suspected the opposite. I had a feeling—a very bad feeling—that things would only get worse from here. And, worst of all, there was still nothing I could really do. Yesterday had been a total fluke, and it was only a miracle of circumstance that it didn't happen in class or when there was teacher's around. I could never risk provoking Lauren in class, despite my bragging to Alice. Mom would never forgive me if I got in trouble for fighting, even if it wasn't my fault. Parents never understand how breaking school rules in a violent fashion is sometimes the right thing to do. They seem to think that school rules are there to prevent harassment in the first place, strangely.  
  
Luckily, I didn't have any bruises or visible marks that would've freaked mom out. She noticed my lip, of course, and I told her I must've bit it. She's not a stupid woman, but she seemed to believe me. Most of the bruises were on my body where mom would never see. It had been a weird fight and of neither us were Muay Thai pit fighters; the face is a very small target and it had been easier to simply swing wildly for the body.  
  
Alice was also very concerned, and after we pulled up in the parking lot at school she'd taken it upon herself to be my personal bodyguard right until the bell for homeroom. I suppose that was one consolation. Lauren's love interest was a beefy football player, but mine was a two hundred year old vampire with very sharp teeth. If she decides to send her boyfriend after me to exact vengeance on her wounded pride, she was in for a surprise. Alice had been reluctant to involve herself so far because she didn't want to make things worse for me, but she'd threatened to snap Lauren's neck once before, and I didn't doubt she was capable of it. It would probably be better to dial it back to a non-lethal form of retaliation, but it was nice that I had that option.  
  
Alice stayed with me till it was time to go to her own homeroom and then she kissed me and parted reluctantly. Lauren hadn't arrived yet for some reason and I tried not to get my hopes up that maybe she wouldn't be at school today. It had been a pretty bad nose bleed, after all. Maybe she'd crawled into a ditch somewhere and bled out. A girl can hope, can't she?  
  
Lauren arrived halfway through homeroom and the first thing I felt was disappointed. I thought her nose would've been worse, but it looked relatively undamaged. It was swollen, but there was no bruise or any other gross disfigurement; she obviously had more talent with makeup than with her fists.  
  
The teacher hadn't taken rollcall yet so she wasn't officially late. She just walked in and took a quick glance around the room. She saw me sitting by myself in the back corner. She looked at me, looked away, and looked back again. My heart fluttered slightly and I looked down at my desk. The next time I looked up she was sitting near the front with Angela.  
  
Well. I hadn't expected her to walk in and throw a hand grenade at me, but I had to admit I was relieved—or disappointed? I wasn't sure. I'd never had a taste for drama, but it seemed anti-climatic somehow. What was the point of violent confrontation if it doesn't resolve anything? Still, I suppose it was too early to tell. There was still a whole Friday to struggle through and Lauren would have plenty of opportunities to flatten me with a fire extinguisher if she felt so inclined.  
  
Classes continued and it didn't take me long to notice that Lauren was acting weird. Not only did she refrain from sawing me to pieces in shop class, but she appeared to have developed a fascination with my face; she seemed to be staring at me an awful lot. Possibly she was admiring her handiwork on my lip. There were traces of that same lunatic smirk she wore yesterday in her expression, but there was a kind of shyness, too. Every time I'd look up, she'd look away, but not quickly, lazily, as if she hadn't really been looking at me at all. One time I kept watching her as she resumed chatting with her friends and it only took her about ten seconds before she glanced at me again. She looked like she wanted to come over and…talk to me?  
  
It was all very weird and I tried not to think about it. Or blush about it. I tried to tell myself it was a blush of discomfort, but deep down I knew I liked it when she looked at me.  
  
Before lunch I had math. So did Lauren. My last class was closer than hers, so by the time she arrived I was already sitting down, quietly in the corner. Only half the class had arrived so far and there was plenty of seats to chose from, yet when Lauren came in, she hesitated. None of her regular friends were in this class, but she still had plenty of options. There was no real reason why she should hesitate. But she did. She looked at me, and looked away again. I looked at her, and looked away again. We both looked at the same time and both looked away, and then she glanced around the classroom once more, sighed, and started toward me.  
  
My heart stopped. Was this it? Fear froze me onto my chair. She'd had all morning to plan my destruction and now it was coming. She carried no weapon more menacing than a math textbook, but it was an advanced textbook and more than thick enough to bludgeon a girl before class.  
  
She didn't, of course. She sat down beside me and plonked her books on the desk. She looked at me and her mouth twitched into a smile that she tried to hide. She looked like she'd been dying to see me all day.  
  
"Hey," she said, trying not to look at me.  
  
I frowned, my heart racing. My mind faltered as I tried to puzzle out an appropriate response, and in the end I nodded, my own lips flickering into a smile. "Hey," I said.  
  
And that was it. We fell silent and looked down at our textbooks, both of us trying not to smile. Class hadn't even started yet. There was a weird electricity crackling between us and I had no idea what was supposed to happen from here. Was this the same girl who'd split my lip yesterday? Shouldn't I be a little less eager to extend a friendly greeting? Shouldn't she?  
  
I glanced at her, and now that she was this close I could see that her nose really was pretty bad, all squashed and swollen. I wondered if it was broken, but I didn't feel bad. All I felt was a quick flush of pride that made me smile again.  
  
I looked away quickly and when I glanced at her again I also noticed that she was much paler than usual. Was it because of the nose bleed? Or did Jane actually visit her last night?  
  
I looked at her neck for bite marks and suddenly I froze. It wasn't the same marks like Alice left on me, but on the side of her neck there was a small laceration, a thin cut right over her pulse point. Did Jane do that? It had to have been Jane, unless Lauren had nicked herself shaving. But why not a bite? Too obvious? What had she done, cut her with a razor? Or were her teeth sharp enough?  
  
Had Lauren been aware? Alice liked to make sure that I was aware, but I remembered how quickly I'd faded away after she'd bitten me. Did vampire saliva had some kind of tranquillizer in it? Maybe Lauren had been asleep while Jane did it. She couldn't possibly know what Jane was.  
  
"What happened to your neck?" I asked hesitantly.  
  
She touched the spot with her hand as if she knew exactly where it was, but she didn't seem to know where it had come from. "I don't know," she said. Then she grinned. "You probably scratched me or something yesterday. You fight like a chick, you know that?"  
  
I smirked. Her voice was slightly nasally, as if she had a cold, and I felt another flicker of pride at the destruction I'd caused her perfect nose. "I am a chick," I told her.  
  
She snorted. "You're a fucking dyke, that's what you are."  
  
I snorted back. "Better than what you are."  
  
She smirked. "And what's that?"  
  
I smirked back. "Blonde."  
  
It was a bit weak, but Lauren chuckled. She seemed to be in a very good mood, like the old Lauren, eager for friendly teasing. "Whatever," she said. "Go eat a cheerleader, you stupid dyke."  
  
I giggled to myself.  
  
Lauren frowned. "What's so funny?"  
  
"Alice is a cheerleader."  
  
The mention of Alice made her face darken. "Yeah?" she grunted. "So am I."  
  
I blushed and looked away. There was jealousy in her tone, so obvious that even I could hear it. She seemed to realize and she looked down at the desk awkwardly. We fell silent for a second and then she looked up and said:  
  
"So Angela says the little bitch is buying you shit now."  
  
Only ten minutes ago I would've been ready to break her head against the desk for talking about Alice like that, but I guess I'd known that I was fooling myself. I couldn't even summon up any anger. The jealousy in her last remark had shaken me and suddenly I was tired. Why did she have to be such a bitch?  
  
Her comment had reminded me of the collar I was wearing and I touched it self-consciously. The bite marks were mostly healed, but I thought it was cool, so I kept wearing it.  
  
I frowned at Lauren. "Yeah," I said. "So?"  
  
She glanced at the collar and snorted. "So, nothing," she said, looking away. "You're a lucky dyke, that's all. I can't even get my boyfriend to buy me a fucking soda."  
  
I remembered that Angela had said the exact same thing—without swearing, of course—and I wondered if they had rehearsed it ahead of time, or if there really was some special relationship covenant in the romantic proffer of soda. Come to think of it, Alice had never bought me a soda, either. She'd bought me water, a milkshake, and champagne, but no soda. Maybe I should be bitching, too.  
  
I remembered that Lauren had never seemed really happy with her boyfriend, so I smirked and shrugged. "Maybe you should get a new boyfriend."  
  
She snorted bitterly. "Maybe I should get a fucking girlfriend."  
  
For a second I was shocked, but she quickly laughed and passed it off as a joke.  
  
"What about you, huh? Maybe I should date you. You'd be desperate enough to buy me shit, wouldn't you?"  
  
I snorted cautiously. "I've already got a girlfriend."  
  
"Yeah right." She was grinning, but she was also watching me closely, as if to see my reaction. "You'd dump that slut in a second if you actually had a shot with me"  
  
I felt a weird floaty feeling in my stomach, but I shook my head, forcing myself not to smile. "I don't think so."  
  
She grinned. "Aww, come on," she said, wrapping an arm around my shoulders and pulling me closer flirtily. "You know I only tease you because I'm secretly in love with you, right? I'm in denial, I can't help it. I get hot just thinking about you. Whenever I'm with my boyfriend I'm always, like, shouting your name out and shit."  
  
I shrugged her off and shuffled my chair away slightly. "Whatever," I muttered, blushing.  
  
She laughed, her eyes twinkling like I'd never seen them twinkle before. "Stupid dyke," she said, and by then the teacher was entering the classroom.  
  
—  
  
By lunch time I was incredibly happy to see Alice. The episode in math with Lauren had been more draining than that fist fight we'd had yesterday, and I wanted to get away from all of it. I was happy that we seemed to have returned to a state of semi-friendship, but I was confused and my emotions were frayed. I met Alice in the cafeteria and as her hand slipped into mine I almost sighed in relief. It was a simple connection, but it focused my feelings into one thing I could understand perfectly: Alice. Alice was the only thing I needed and the only thing I wanted.  
  
We stood in line with our trays and I looked across the cafeteria. I noticed the Cullen table was lacking members; Jane and Leah. I smirked at Alice.  
  
"Where's Leah and Jane today?" I asked.  
  
Alice smiled. "Well, Leah's with Jane, and I told Jane she better not show her face around me or you for a while. I'm not very happy with her, as you could imagine."  
  
I chuckled once. I didn't ask for details, but I was happy for Alice. "So when's next practice?" I asked as the line moved.  
  
"Oh, it doesn't matter," she said. "I've decided to quit the squad."  
  
I was surprised and I felt bad for some reason. "Is it my fault?" I asked, worried it was because of what happened with Lauren.  
  
"Of course it's not your fault," Alice said sternly. "It's those trolls. I was kidding myself to think I could have fun with a group like that. Highschool cheerleading sucks, anyway. I'll wait till college. It's always more fun in college."  
  
It was a slow line and we halted right in the middle. Alice turned to me questioningly, but I didn't know why I'd stopped. For some reason I didn't want her to quit the squad. She'd been so happy to be a part of it, and even if it was fake happiness, I didn't want her to stop just because of me.  
  
"But you like cheerleading," I said. "And you're really good at it."  
  
Alice shrugged. "It doesn't matter," she said. Then she smiled and squeezed my hand. "Besides, all I really need is you, right?"  
  
"Well, yeah," I said, "but maybe you should give it a few more practices. I mean, they're not that bad." Then I was hit with a bolt of inspiration; I squeezed her hand, smiled, and said: "Besides, I haven't even seen you in your uniform yet."  
  
She could see I was trying to convince her and she didn't want to be too stubborn. She shrugged indecisively. "I don't want to be around people who were so mean to you."  
  
But none of that mattered to me. Lauren was the only person who could really hurt me, and that might not even be a problem anymore. "I can take care of myself, Alice," I said. "If you like cheerleading, you should do that. They'll warm up to you eventually."  
  
She smiled shyly. "You think so?"  
  
"Sure," I said encouragingly. Then I smirked. "Even Lauren maybe."  
  
She giggled once. "Well," she said. "Maybe you're right."  
  
I smiled, happy to have convinced her. Sure, cheerleading was stupid, but Alice liked it, and that was enough for me. The lunch line moved and as we shuffled forward I looked out over the cafeteria again. I noticed Lauren looking at me, glaring at my hand clasped with Alice's, but she looked away as my eyes passed over her table. I smirked and turned to Alice.  
  
"Hey, Alice," I said. "Could you buy me a soda?"  
  
"Sure," Alice said happily. "What kind do you want?"  
  
To be honest, it didn't matter what kind. I was only trying to prove a point; Alice is absolutely perfect, and Lauren can go to hell if she has a problem with that.  
  
—  
  



	8. Chapter 8

—  
  
Chapter 8:  
  
—  
  
Alice came to me Friday night, and again Saturday morning while I was in the shower. We had sex that afternoon in the backseat of her car, and she came to me again that same night, climbing through my window and crawling into my bed like a fantasy, all soft and naked, smiling excitedly. She'd been coming through my window for six night's running and she was close to fucking me into permanent slavitude. I didn't know if my own technique was sufficient to chain her into a similar submission, but I'd learnt a lot since our first night together, and she seemed very satisfied once I got through with her.  
  
We were laying with our heads on the same pillow, all curled up with our legs entwined. I was bathed in a sweet glow of lavender warmth and I could feel her bare leg between mine and her bare breast pressing onto mine. I was wearing nothing but my collar and she was stroking my hair idly as she always did. I felt like purring, but instead I wrapped my arms around her, pulled her close, and said:  
  
"I love you, Alice."  
  
My voice came out in a love softened sigh and the words were never truer. I could feel my love for her like a physical thing in my chest, a warm ember of smoldering slavishness. After such a hectic week at school and all the drama with Lauren, it was nice to relax in the arms of the sexiest female on earth.  
  
She giggled and kissed me once on the lips. "Really?" she asked flirtily. "Is that so?"  
  
"Mmhm," I murmured happily. "I could hold you forever."  
  
"That's nice to know," she whispered. "Because that may be your fate exactly."  
  
I smiled. I couldn't imagine a nicer fate, to be physically manacled to Alice forevermore, handcuffed for all eternity. Sheer bliss. "I can't wait," I told her. "Does that mean you're going to…"  
  
"To what?"  
  
"To turn me?" I asked. I blushed suddenly. I felt silly to ask, but I was curious. She kept talking about how we were going to be together forever, but eternity was going to be pretty short if I get old and die or have a heart failure from so much sex. "You know, turn me into a vampire?"  
  
She sighed softly and kept stroking my hair. "Well, that's something we'll have to talk about later," she said. "You're much too young to make that kind of decision, even if the decision itself is simply a formality."  
  
"What do you mean, formality?"  
  
"I mean, the decision is already made. Somewhere deep in your heart you've already decided. Or destiny will decide for you. Either way."  
  
Ah, more destiny stuff. Well, she was probably right, anyway. I didn't even need to look deep in my heart, it was written there on the surface. Forever with Alice? Eternal youth and beauty? Fuck yes, the decision's already made.  
  
"Yeah, I guess," I said. "Hey, can I ask you a question?"  
  
She giggled once. "Of course."  
  
I hesitated because I was a little embarrassed. "Will being a vampire make me, you know…hotter?"  
  
A vain concern, but rather important. I was happy in my own skin, of course, but I'd trade it in a second for better skin—especially if I didn't have to diet or work out.  
  
Alice's response was kind of typical. "You're perfect the way you are," she said, but she gave me a quick kiss, so I didn't roll my eyes. "But yes," she added, "vampirism will make you hotter."  
  
"That's cool. How does that work exactly? Would my body, like, mutate?"  
  
"No, Bella," she said, with a smile in her voice. "You won't mutate."  
  
She didn't elaborate, and I was too embarrassed to ask for details. It seemed kind of simple, anyway. Vampire's don't eat so I could probably count on losing a few pounds. But I was pretty thin already. What I really needed was a bit of toning—and longer legs, of course. I love long legs. Like Alice's. She was very short, but her legs were visibly longer than her torso. She was incredible.  
  
Alice had utilized the moment of silence to kiss my cheek tenderly and now she was trailing kisses along my neck. I felt her lips on my collar and I wondered again when she was going to bite me. The bites mark were almost gone and it had been over a week since last time. I didn't want her to get that thirsty again; she'd gotten very wild that night.  
  
"Hey," I whispered. "Can I ask you a question?"  
  
She giggled again. "Of course."  
  
"When are you going to bite me again?"  
  
It was pitch black in the room and we were whispering very quietly so mom wouldn't hear. Alice shifted against me, cuddling closer, and I heard her sigh softly. "I'm not sure," she said. "It'll have to be soon. Why do you ask?"  
  
To be honest, I wasn't sure. I think it was because I wanted her to do it again. I knew that blood was what she wanted most of all and I wanted her to have it. But I was also a little embarrassed about the whole thing. I didn't like to think of myself as food. I don't mind being a sex slave and a doormat, but food seems a little too demeaning.  
  
"I was just wondering," I said. "Is it gonna be like last time?"  
  
I was a little anxious about that. Last time was awesome beyond description—but kind of an ordeal. Doing it all over again probably wouldn't be as great as the first time.  
  
"No," she whispered. "Last time was special. It was… a demonstration of commitment. Next time it'll be more casual. And less dangerous, hopefully. Are you afraid?"  
  
I shook my head in the dark. Her hand had moved from my hair and now it was cupping my breast, stroking it gently. I'd never been afraid of her, and I doubted I ever would. Vampire or not, she treated me nicer than I ever would've assumed anyone would. "No," I said, covering her hand with my own and holding it at my breast. "I just wanted you to know that I'm ready. Whenever you want."  
  
"Thank you," she said, and placed a long kiss on my mouth. "But listen," she went on. "There's something I wanted to talk to you about."  
  
I closed my eyes and sighed. I was getting sleepy, but I wasn't ready to sleep yet. I wanted to hold her more. "Mm?" I murmured.  
  
"Well, I was wondering if you had any plans for tomorrow night."  
  
I giggled languidly. "I was planning to do anything you wanted."  
  
"Even if I wanted to invite you for dinner at my place tomorrow night?"  
  
I opened my eyes and blinked, waiting for my mind to catch up. Dinner at Alice's place. Why would that thought cause a tiny shiver to run through me? Oh, because of her sisters. The tall blonde who hates me, the small blonde who likes me but teases me anyway, and the redhead who looks at me as if I hadn't been trained very well. Leah was kind of cool, at least, but she was obviously too cool to be friends with someone like me.  
  
And Alice wanted me to sit at a dinner table with these people? How can she be sure they won't eat me alive and spit out the bones? It seemed like a terrible risk. Overall, I think I'd prefer a quiet night with Alice and Alice's body.  
  
"Oh," I said, because I had to say something. "Will your, um, sisters be there?"  
  
I felt her body giggle once. "Well, that's kind of the point," she said. "I know you've already met all of them, but I wanted to present you to my whole family at once as my serious girlfriend. Formally. I want them all to know how serious I am about you, and I want them to treat you that way."  
  
I glowed at the idea of being Alice's serious girlfriend, but it was probably still too early to ask if I could bare her children, so I just grinned and said: "Oh. Okay."  
  
Alice stroked my shoulder. "I know you probably don't have a great impression of them so far," she said, "but it would be great for you to get to know them. And for them to get to know you."  
  
"Why?"  
  
Another soft giggle. "Well, if we're all going to spend eternity together some day, it might be wise to begin forming a basic tolerance of one another, what do you think?"  
  
I chuckled. "I guess that makes sense," I said, but inwardly I wondered if her sisters actually would put up with me for eternity. Why were they so cold, anyway? If they knew that I was going to be one of them one day, shouldn't they be a little friendlier?  
  
Alice snuggled and sighed. "Also, I want to flaunt you."  
  
Huh?  
  
It seemed like such an odd thing to say that it took a moment for my mind to switch gears. Flaunt me? What, like a new outfit? I frowned a little. "What do you mean, flaunt me?"  
  
"You know," she said. "You're my girlfriend. You're pretty. I want to flaunt you. Believe it or not, you're an awesome catch, Bella. Especially for a vampire. You're perfect."  
  
I felt slightly objectified, which was funny because I always thought being objectified was a bad thing. It felt pretty good to me, even if I wondered how true it was. I'd never considered myself desirable, but I guess vampire's had different taste. Alice had once said they liked vulnerability and stuff, and I did have plenty of that, so maybe I really was a decent catch. "Really?" I asked.  
  
"Mmhm," she murmured. "You're wonderful. But mostly I just want my family to know that I'm serious about you. Esme still isn't exactly approving, and Rosalie's still being a bitch, and even Vicky and Jane are still jealous. So maybe it'll be nice for all of us to spend some time together, and get to know each other. What do you think?"  
  
"Yeah," I said. "I guess that makes sense, too."  
  
Alice sighed and snuggled against me under the covers. "But don't worry," she said. "I won't make you uncomfortable. Most of them already like you and I'll even make Rosalie promise to be nice."  
  
I snorted. I couldn't picture that girl trying to be nice. I couldn't even picture what a smile would look like on her. "I tried talking to her at school the other day," I told her. "She would even look at me."  
  
Alice giggled. "I know," she said. "But you have to understand that it's not you. It's me. They're upset with me."  
  
Another puzzled frown crossed my face in the dark. "Why?"  
  
Alice shrugged slightly. I felt her breast move against me and I wrapped my arm around her instinctively. The contact of skin on skin was incredible. I still couldn't get over how warm and smooth she felt against me.  
  
"I'm not really sure," she said. "We've been together for a very long time. Our feelings are very deep. They don't like it when I date humans. So many things could go wrong. Once upon a time they would've smiled at me for spending time with someone else and wish me the best of luck, but now…"  
  
I took a hit to my self-esteem at the mention of other people, but quickly reminded myself to be mature. She's a two hundred year old vampire; of course she's been with other people. It just sucked that, statistically speaking, they were all probably cuter than me. I probably shouldn't pry—and it probably wasn't the most important thing right now—but I couldn't help myself. "So you've had other girlfriends?" I asked.  
  
"Yes," she whispered. I felt her kiss my cheek and then she whispered into my ear. "I wish I could've reserved myself solely for you," she whispered in a sultry tone, "but loneliness is my greatest fear. I needed someone. Anyone."  
  
Her leg was nestled snuggly between mine and I felt excited at the idea of her 'reserving herself' for me. It was complete stupidity, of course—very dumb and old fashioned—but I knew she was a melodramatic kind of girl, and it was nice to hear it. The weird thing was how sincere she sounded. She sounded like she truly wished she'd saved herself, but then again, maybe that made a little sense. Virgin brides were a big deal two hundred years ago.  
  
To be honest, I didn't really care if she'd had other girlfriends. I was happy that she hadn't been alone all those years, and I was happy for those other chicks, too. Alice is awesome, everybody should date her.  
  
"Does it bother you that I've had other relationships?" she asked quietly, as if she was actually insecure. Either she was acting, or she didn't understand that she was way prettier than me and it really didn't matter if I was bothered or not. I assumed she was acting, and decided to indulge her.  
  
"Of course not," I whispered back, giving her a little squeeze. "Why would it bother me?"  
  
She sighed and laid her head against my shoulder. "I don't know. It bothers me."  
  
I frowned confusedly, realizing that maybe she wasn't acting, after all. Why would having other girlfriend's bother her? I hesitated slightly, and then asked: "It does?"  
  
She sighed again, her breath passing over my chest in the dark. "Yes," she whispered. "You'll probably think I'm silly, but I've always had these ideas about what true love really is. About ways to express that kind of love. Over the years my ideas have become very radical. Too radical, maybe."  
  
I found myself fascinated. I'd never given much thought to true love or anything like that—I'd never really believed in it—but I was very interested in Alice's ideas. "What do you mean?" I asked.  
  
"Oh, just silly things," she said with a little giggle. "Things like virginity. It means a lot to me that I took yours and I would've loved it if you had taken mine."  
  
I tried to understand that and I couldn't do it—not in one or two seconds, anyway. To be honest, I'd almost forgotten that Alice had taken my virginity. I was hardly aware I'd had any virginity to start with. All I really remembered about that night was Alice herself. "That stuff doesn't matter," I said, thinking it would make her feel better—and realizing as soon as I said it that I was basically contradicting her. I felt like kicking myself, but she only giggled.  
  
"I know," she whispered. "But still, these are the things I think about. There's never been much else on my mind. I have no career, no family, no kids, no mortgage, no rent, no bills, no obligations in the world at all. It's no exaggeration to say that my sole motivation for existing is to simply find my one true love and love her with all my heart."  
  
I smiled and felt confident enough to place a quick kiss on her forehead. "And now you've found me. Right?"  
  
She giggled and snuggled in closer, throwing one of her legs over my body possessively. "Yes," she said. "Now I have you. You'll never leave me, will you Bella?"  
  
"Of course not," I said, and I totally meant it. I couldn't picture any situation for the rest of my life where I wouldn't want to be with Alice.  
  
"Good," she whispered, placing a kiss on my lips. "Do you promise?"  
  
"Of course," I said, feeling my heart throb with love. It felt really great to say this stuff out loud, and I was starting to understand her flair for melodrama. "I love you, Alice."  
  
"Mmm," she moaned pleasurably. She tried to snuggle even closer, but she couldn't do it, so she straddled my hips and lay with all her weight against me, covering me in her warmth. "Good," she whispered, kissing the corner of my mouth. "That's good. Because I couldn't bare it if you ever left me. I've been hurt too many times. My heart has become very hard over the years, but not hard like stone. Hard like glass. It breaks very easily."  
  
I wrapped my arms around her and hugged her close. My body felt like it was glowing. "I'd never hurt you," I whispered.  
  
She kissed my lips. "Never?"  
  
"Never."  
  
Another kiss, longer this time. "Do you promise?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Are you sure?" Her lips were pressed against mine and I felt them smile. "It might be harder not to hurt me than you think. I'm very fragile."  
  
My mind was spinning so bad that it took a second to remember what she was talking about. My hands were roaming over her back and I was kind of distracted by how much I loved her. "I promise, Alice," I repeated.  
  
"I believe you," she whispered. Then she giggled and stopped kissing me. "So you'll come to dinner tomorrow night?"  
  
I froze briefly. Did I just get played? I blinked and looked up, but it was pitch black, and Alice giggled at my silence.  
  
"Please?" she whispered. "I'd be so hurt if you didn't…"  
  
I chuckled softly. Yep, played like a piano.  
  
But I couldn't be mad. For one thing she was still naked and laying on top of me, and for another, there was never really any choice in the matter. She didn't need to manipulate me; all she had to do was ask. I would've said yes, anyway—in fact, I would've said yes even if she told me to drink poison and jump in a volcano. I'd do anything to make her happy, and dinner with her snobby sisters and disapproving mother shouldn't be too much of a sacrifice.  
  
"Of course I'll be there, Alice," I told her, stroking her naked back.  
  
She giggled and rewarded me with another kiss. "Thank you. It'll be fun, I promise."  
  
I doubted that, but you never know. At the very least there'll be five beautiful women to ogle in addition to Alice. I wonder if Alice really was the sexiest one of the bunch? The blonde and the redhead might have a slight edge, especially the redhead. The blonde was slightly taller, but she was also very slender. The redhead had curves that seemed to defy realistic anatomy. Her combination of bra-size and hip-waist measurements was just flat out fantasy. No real-life woman could ever look like that.  
  
But I wasn't about to tell my naked girlfriend that the only practical reason I could come up with to attend dinner with her family was to leer at her sisters, so I just sighed and said: "If you say so."  
  
"It will, trust me," she said, placing another kiss on my lips. Then she shifted off me and settled at my side, tucking a leg between mine and cupping a breast. "What time shall I pick you up?"  
  
"Oh, that's okay," I said, clasping her hand and closing my eyes. "I'll borrow mom's car."  
  
"Are you sure?"  
  
"Mmhm. I like to drive."  
  
"Yeah, but…"  
  
"But what?"  
  
"Well," she whispered, placing a kiss on my bare shoulder. "I was thinking. If we take my car we could have a quickie in the backseat before dinner. Wouldn't that be nice? Besides, it'll be extra time together in the car. Wouldn't you rather drive with me than drive all alone?"  
  
"Oh," I said, feeling my heart jolt. "Um, yeah. That would be cool."  
  
"Okay. How's seven o'clock?"  
  
"Seven's good."  
  
Her hand had moved up and she was stroking my hair again, petting me gently. I sighed, feeling myself get sleepy under her hand.  
  
"Okay," she whispered. "Will you dress sexy?"  
  
Once again she caught me off guard. I opened one eye, but it was still pitch black. "Excuse me?"  
  
She giggled softly. "Would you mind dressing sexy? It's kind of a waste of an opportunity if you don't. We'll make it a proper dinner party, okay?"  
  
I had some doubts if I was even capable of dressing sexy, but I said: "Fine, I'll dress sexy."  
  
"Thanks. And you'll wear makeup?"  
  
"Yes, I'll wear makeup."  
  
"Thanks. You're so sweet." She raised up slightly and placed long kiss on my mouth. "I love you, Bella."  
  
"I love you too, Alice," I murmured with a sleepy smile.  
  
It would've been a line to end the night, but Alice seemed to be getting a little chatty. "You know, Esme and Carlisle will be there, too," she said, still stroking my hair. "Esme's a wonderful cook, and I'm sure Carlisle would love to see you again. You made a good impression when you met him at the hospital that time. He was really impressed by how you handled yourself. He's always been more supportive of me than the others. I'm his favorite."  
  
I smiled. "Leah said everybody likes you," I whispered. Especially the blonde and the redhead. What was it she'd said? Sisters within sisters.  
  
Alice giggled. "Well, that's true I guess. But me and Carlisle go way back. He's like a father to me."  
  
"That's nice."  
  
"Yeah. Hey, you like literature and poetry and stuff, right?"  
  
"Yeah," I said, which was true enough. Books were my most common pastime—aside from getting sweaty with Alice—and I'd always claimed that I love reading, although deep down I didn't have any real passion for it. It was a self-image thing. Since middle school I'd gone through a variety of identity crisis's and after several attempts at various hobbies, I'd decided that reading suited me best. It was clean, indoors, private, and faux-intellectual. What more could a fledgling emo want?  
  
My favorite genre was classical literature, of course, mostly because I liked the idea of being the kind of girl who reads classical literature. People who read classics were obviously much smarter than people who read other stuff, after all, and that was important when you really have nothing else in your life to be proud about.  
  
Poetry, on the other hand, was something different. Poetry was my real hobby, but only secretly. I hadn't told Alice about it, and I was so self-conscious that not even mom knew. I hated to admit it even to myself. Not only did I like reading the stuff—and that was bad enough—but I liked writing it, too. Even for a depressed teenage girl, a love of poetry was simply too pretentious, even from my own perspective.  
  
I also sucked at it pretty bad, so obviously I could never let anyone read any of the stuff I'd written. Some of them mentioned girls—or parts of girls—so I definitely couldn't let mom see them, and forget Alice. Alice was a decent actress, but even if she claimed to like them, I'd never believe her. More than that, I cared about Alice, and I wouldn't feel right forcing her to endure the moronic verses I'd scribbled into my notebook in my spare time. I'm not a sadist and I wouldn't torture her like that.  
  
So I kept my hobby to myself. As far as Alice knew, I only liked to read. But why was that relevant now? I didn't know, but Alice didn't keep me waiting.  
  
She snuggled closer in the dark and adjusted the covers. "Well, I was thinking," she said. "Carlisle keeps an impressive library, and he's got a whole bunch of antique first editions. You know, Jane Austin, Henry James, those kinds of people. I bet he'd love to show you."  
  
I actually felt a little excited at that. Like I said, my love of literature is rooted in an attempt at sophistication, and the idea of witnessing rare first editions appealed to my inward pretentiousness. I smiled and said: "Really? That would be awesome."  
  
"He's even got some antique Shakespeare folios," Alice said. "You like Shakespeare, right?"  
  
Actually, I hated the punk, but I like the fact that liking him makes me seem intellectual. "I love Shakespeare," I said.  
  
Alice gave a little snort, and she almost sounded just a bit jealous, as if she hated to hear the word love out of my mouth when it wasn't directed at her. "Well, I've always thought he's a little overrated," she said, "but to each their own."  
  
I fought the urge to quickly take it all back, but it would've only made me seem stupider.  
  
"You know, Jane's actually seen Shakespeare at the theater," she went on. "Maybe she could tell you some stories."  
  
"Cool," I said, although I think I'd prefer to avoid the demonic little blonde at all costs.  
  
"Mmm," Alice murmured, kissing me on the lips. I started to respond, but then she rolled onto her back and pulled me on top of her. "Come here," she whispered. "Give me your leg."  
  
I wasn't sure if she expected me to chop it off and hand it over, so I just moved my knee in her general direction under the covers. Her hand hooked under my thigh and she guided my leg between hers, and then she settled with her arms around me and sighed happily. I was laying at her side, almost on top of her, and, feeling bold, I kissed her cheek.  
  
"Better?" I asked.  
  
"Much," she giggled. "So you'll be there? Seven o'clock?"  
  
I chuckled once. "Of course I'll be there."  
  
"Thanks. It really means a lot to me. Hold my breast."  
  
I did as she asked, cupping her breast with my left hand. I brushed my thumb over her nipple idly, but I hadn't lost the thread of the conversation. "Are you sure your sisters won't mind me being there?" I asked. "I don't want to annoy anyone."  
  
I was only really worried about the tall blonde, but I figured the redhead and maybe even Leah might object to my presence as well. I wasn't very good company, and they seemed to have high standards. Besides, as much I like to think of myself as an adult, I'm just a dumb kid. I really doubted I had anything to contribute to a dinner party of ageless vampires.  
  
"Of course they won't mind," Alice assured me in overly gentle tones that didn't really set me at ease. "Don't worry about them, okay? Jane can be really sweet when you get to know her, and Leah already likes you. Vicky likes you too, but she's afraid of upsetting Rose by saying it out loud."  
  
I wondered how true that was. Leah seemed to be able to tolerate me, but like me? It seemed a little optimistic. And the redhead likes me too? That wasn't the impression I'd gotten. From the couple times we'd met it felt more like she was amused at me.  
  
To be honest, I didn't really care about how the redhead felt about me. I was more intrigued by how she felt about the blonde, and I figured there'd never be a better chance to ask Alice than now.  
  
"Hey, can I ask you a question?"  
  
Alice giggled. "You know you can, Bella," she said, then added: "And keep going with my nipple. I like that."  
  
I'd been tracing a circle around it with my thumb, but I'd paused to ask the question. Now I kept going, and said: "Are Victoria and Rosalie…you know? Together?"  
  
I almost cringed at how much I sounded like Angela, but at least I asked. I felt a curious floaty feeling in my stomach as I waited for the answer, and I realized that I really wanted them to be a couple. It would be such an awesome thing if they were together.  
  
Alice giggled once. "They're lovers, yes," she said, and I actually felt relief roll over me in a wave. Suddenly the world seem like a much cooler place. "Why do you ask?"  
  
I shrugged slightly, still toying with her nipple. "Just curious. They always seem to be together."  
  
"Mmm," Alice agreed. "They have a very special relationship. You could say they're friends with benefits, but I think they're more like soulmates with benefits. They're feelings for each other transcend things like sex or dating. It's really a beautiful relationship. Completely unconditional. I envy them in some ways."  
  
I listened with a slowly sinking heart. The main thing I understood was that both of them were sexually available to people like, say, Alice, and that really didn't seem like a good thing for me. I swallowed nervously. "Oh," I said. "So, um…Have you ever…?"  
  
Alice slid a hand along my body to cup my butt idly and then slid it back to my waist and started caressing me. "Have I ever what, baby?"  
  
I swallowed again. "I mean, have you ever, like…been interested in them?"  
  
She didn't answer for a moment. Her hand had stopped caressing me, but then it started again. "I've known them a long time," she whispered finally. "And yes, were periods in my life when I was interested in them. Especially Rosalie. Rosalie was…" She hesitated and then very quietly she said: "Rosalie was very special to me."  
  
As she spoke, I felt a strange surge of pity for her, although I had no idea why. It was the way she said it, so vague and quiet. I got the impression that maybe there some there tragedy between them, a misunderstanding, a broken heart or two. I really didn't feel jealous or anything like that, and I thought maybe she might want to talk about it, so I made my voice caringly inquisitive and asked: "What do you mean?"  
  
She didn't answer for a second and then she sighed softly. "I'm sorry," she said. "but do you mind if we don't talk about this? You have a right to know about my relationship history, of course, but I really can't talk about it now. It's not fair on Rosalie. It's not really fair on me, either. And what does it matter, anyway? I hate my past, even the good parts. It's one of the drawbacks of immortality. If you live long enough you'll eventually be betrayed by every memory. Nothing is sacred. Every step you take distances you from the things you love until it becomes skeptical that you ever loved them in the first place. Rosalie and I used to be so close. And now…"  
  
She trailed off, and I felt really sad for her, although I still didn't know why. I didn't know what to say, either, and eventually I said: "Sorry. I was just curious."  
  
She broke the tension with a giggle and wrapped her arms around me. "That's okay," she whispered. "I'm being silly. There's no point mourning for things that never were. Especially when I have you now. But listen, don't worry about Rose and Vicky, okay? They're great and I really love them, but there's only one girl I want; you. You're the only girl for me, Bella."  
  
She said it soft and intense, and I didn't have time to doubt her. She cupped my cheek and drew me into a kiss, as if to punctuate the statement, and it was such a beautiful kiss that I thought nothing at all for as long as it lasted. She pressed her lips flush against mine and held them there firmly. She moaned softly as she moved her face slightly and then she broke away.  
  
"I love you, Bella."  
  
Our lips were less than an inch apart, and I was starting to get excited all over again, but there was one more thing I wanted to know. "I love you, too," I whispered. "But can I ask you one more thing?"  
  
"Of course, baby. I've already said you can ask me anything."  
  
"I know, it's just… It's a bit personal."  
  
She giggled. "You're my girlfriend, Bella," she told me. I was still laying almost on top of her, and I could feel her in the dark, toying with my hair, spreading it over her chest. "You're allowed to ask me personal stuff."  
  
"Well, I was just wondering," I whispered. "Does Rosalie…still love you?"  
  
Alice sighed. "It's complicated," she said. "To be honest, it's not really love that she feels for me. It's more like loyalty. I met her during a very vulnerable period in her life. I made her lots of promises. I didn't even keep most of them, but she feels like she owes me, anyway." She sighed again. "It's complicated," she repeated. "But listen, don't worry about Rose, okay? Her feelings for me are very respectful, and she's much too proud to try and steal me away from you or anything. Unrequited love suits her, anyway. It lends her a certain elegance. Wouldn't you say?"  
  
I'd listened very closely, but there was still so much I didn't understand. So I just shrugged, and said: "I guess."  
  
Alice giggled and started stroking my back. "Is there anything else you'd like to know, baby?"  
  
"Well, what about Victoria?"  
  
"What about her?"  
  
"Does she like you?"  
  
"Oh, Vicky adores me. Unlike Rose, however, Vicky's feelings are mostly, well…physical."  
  
I gulped. "Physical?"  
  
Alice giggled, still stroking my back. "Mm," she said. "We used to be lovers until she traded up for Rose. We're just friend's now, but she still maintains a hearty interest in my body. She's into that BDSM stuff, and I always did make a lovely sub."  
  
I lay there frozen in my girlfriend's arms. To be honest, I had no idea how I should feel about all this. It was a lot of information, and most of it disturbing. Basically, as far as I could tell, my girlfriend is roommates with not one, but two of her exes; one of them a centerfold redhead and the other a supermodel blonde—and both of which who still harbored feelings for either her heart or her body. I could trust Alice with my life, sure, but could I really trust her to not hook up with one of these goddesses? I wouldn't trust myself, that's for sure.  
  
And what the hell is BDSM? I was pretty sure it wasn't a kind of music, or the acronym for a government agency. It sounded ominous, whatever it was. I couldn't decide if I should make a mental note to look it up on wikipedia sometime or just pretend I never heard it. It was probably something sexual and I'd rather not have stuff like that on my browser history. It was bad enough having it in my girlfriend's history.  
  
"O-oh," I stuttered.  
  
She giggled and pulled me on top of her. "Come here," she whispered, and I straddled her hips and lay on top of her, the same as she did to me before. I let my breasts press against hers and I must be a remarkably shallow person because that was enough to drive away most of my mixed feelings, leaving behind a simple warmth. "Listen," she whispered, wrapping her arms around me tightly. "I know this must be a bit of a shock to you, but I don't want you to worry. That's why I'm being honest. I'd never cheat on you and I'll never love anyone but you. Okay?"  
  
My face warmed at her words and despite the ridiculousness of the claim I really did feel at ease. Alice had never given me any reason to doubt her before. For almost a whole month she'd been dating me and having sex with me on a frequent basis. You wouldn't do that unless you loved someone. I believed her, so I smiled shyly in the dark, and whispered: "Okay."  
  
"Good," she whispered. "Do you want me to promise?"  
  
The whispered question made me blush even more. "You don't have to," I told her, and she really didn't. I trusted her.  
  
But Alice only squeezed me insistently. "I want to promise," she said. "Make me promise."  
  
I smiled; more melodrama. "Okay," I said. "Promise."  
  
She giggled. "Promise what?"  
  
"Promise you'll never cheat on me."  
  
"And?"  
  
"And that you'll always love me."  
  
She placed a long kiss on my lips and said: "I promise. Now you have to promise, too."  
  
"I promise."  
  
"Promise what?"  
  
I snorted in amusement. Really, it was such a ridiculous thing to promise. Did she honestly think I'd ever feel the urge to cheat on someone as hot and amazing as her? Did she really think I could ever love anyone else? I'd made these promises in my heart ages ago, from the very first second I saw her, but she wanted to hear it out loud, so I placed a kiss on her lips—just like the one she'd given me—and I said: "I promise I'll never cheat on you and I'll never love anyone but you. You're the only one for me."  
  
"Good," she giggled. "That's good. Now, come here…"  
  
She pulled me into a kiss and I felt her tongue glide against my lips. I opened my mouth dutifully and let it inside, responding to the kiss as her fingers laced into my hair. She moaned and rolled me onto my back, settling between my legs.  
  
"Wanna make love again?" she whispered into my lips, arching her body against mine. "To seal our promise?"  
  
"Okay," I breathed.  
  
She kissed me again and again I opened my mouth for her tongue. She broke the kiss quickly.  
  
"Are you sure?" she whispered. "It's getting late."  
  
"I don't care."  
  
Another kiss. Her hand cupped my breast and squeezed it.  
  
"Okay," she whispered. "And remember, seven o'clock tomorrow."  
  
"I will."  
  
"And you'll dress sexy?"  
  
"Mmhm."  
  
"Good. And go wild with your outfit, okay? We'll all be dressed up, too, so don't be embarrassed. A dinner party with vampires should be treated as a semi-formal occasion."  
  
"Okay."  
  
"Mmm," she moaned, kissing me deeply. "I love you so much, Bella."  
  
"I love you too, Alice," I whispered, and reached for her ass.  
  
—  
  
Alice was gone when I woke up and I'd woken because I was cold. It was dim in the room—early morning—and I was still naked. Usually I put my clothes back on before falling asleep, but I'd been a little exhausted last night. Alice had a knack for lulling a girl into sweet oblivion. It was still too early to actually get up, so I grabbed my clothes off the floor sleepily, got changed, and staggered back into bed, sighing on the pillow with thoughts of Alice in my head. I'd been dreaming of her before I woke and I dreamt of her again when I went back to sleep. Alice, Alice, Alice.  
  
It was almost noon when I actually got up. I'd slept for eleven hours, but that wasn't so rare for me on weekends. I like sleeping and I didn't really have anything else to do except chores.  
  
I could hear the drone of the vacuum cleaner as I plodded down the hall to the bathroom, and eventually I found mom in the living room, zooming across the carpet with the efficiency and purpose of a professional mother. I said good morning, promised to help after breakfast, and went into the kitchen for a bowl of cold cereal. While I ate, I thought about Alice, and I remembered all the sweet things she'd said to me last night, and I felt such a glow of love in my stomach that it almost made it hard to eat. I even sighed to myself a couple times.  
  
I kept thinking about last night, and I remembered all that stuff she'd said about her sisters. The blonde and the redhead. I tried to manufacture a little anxiety about the fact that there were two supermodels out there who still had feelings for my girlfriend, but I couldn't do it—not after all those promises Alice had made. How many times had she told me she loved me last night? Quite a few. My sense of self-worth was still practically nil, but I think I actually believed her. I mean, seriously; was it really unthinkable that I might be more lovable than I thought? I was relatively pretty and I was certainly eager to please, which was probably a desirable combination. The only real argument against me was the fact that Alice could do much better. Anyone with eyesight would be eager to please a girl like Alice, and there were plenty of girls out there who were prettier than me, better dressed than me, and more confident than me. Girls like, well, Rosalie or Victoria. Alice's roommates and bestfriends who were still slightly in love with her. Either of them would make a way better girlfriend than me. I mean, I wasn't even in their league. Actually, it was kind of stupid to date someone like me when both of them were available. But Alice said she wasn't interested in them, so… So, I mean… Well…  
  
Okay, now I was starting to feel the anxiety. And why is she living with two of her ex girlfriends, anyway? Is that normal? It can't be healthy, to have the possibilities right there like that. But what could I do? Ask her to move out and live with me and mom? No, no, I'm being an idiot. Alice promised she'd never cheat on me, and she'd told me that neither of them were really in love with her. It was just lust and loyalty, and there was nothing wrong with that—well, the lusty redhead was a little disturbing. But Alice said she wasn't interested, so there was no point worrying. Besides, Rosalie and Victoria were together. With benefits, of course, but still; they were a couple. They wouldn't cheat on each other—but then again, isn't that the definition of benefits? But who cares what they do, anyway. Alice certainly wouldn't cheat on me, or dump me. No matter how hot they were. She loved me, like she said. Why would she need anyone else when she had me?  
  
Er, me? And what was so special about me, exactly?  
  
Well, um. I really loved her, for one thing. I had good features and nice dark hair. I didn't work out, but I walked to school everyday so my legs were in decent shape, and I was pretty thin. And my boobs were big—well, big for a sixteen year old. Alice certainly seemed pleased with me, and I doubt she was just being nice. But could I really compete with the blonde and the redhead? I didn't think so. They had me beat in pretty much every category. They were tall, long limbed, statuesque. They even out-swelled me in the chest area. The blonde would easily match my bra-size and the redhead eclipsed me by quite a few inches. Her tits were huge, frankly, and both of them had asses that would blind you if you looked at them directly. They were amazing, pure and simple. I was just human.  
  
But none of that mattered, not really. Alice loved me, that was the key thing. We were soulmates and we were, like, destined and stuff. Besides, the blonde was a total bitch, and the redhead was likely riddled with all kinds of personality flaws. Alice probably didn't even like them.  
  
But she did like them, though, didn't she? She loved them—not like that, but still. She liked them enough to spend eternity in the same house with them. Which would probably indicate that their company wasn't unbearable.  
  
But no, Alice loved me, and I loved her. Besides, if Alice said she wasn't interested in them, why shouldn't I believe her? She's had plenty of opportunities to be with them and she obviously preferred being with me—for now, at least. And she did promise that she'd never love anyone but me. Which was really sweet. She also promised that I was the only girl for her—the only girl. As in, just me. It was good that she knew that, even though we'd only been together a month. But could she really be so positive? I was definitely sure that Alice was the only girl for me, but it's not like I had a whole lot of options at this point in my life. Alice had plenty of options—two of them were living right across the hall from her bedroom. How could I be the only girl for her?  
  
Difficult questions, and they totally ruined my breakfast. Still, I choked it all down and washed the bowl, deciding to try and forget about it. It was best to simply have faith in Alice. She promised she wouldn't ever leave me, and if she did, well, I could always cry about it and kill myself.  
  
The niggling anxiety remained with me while I slaved through my usual Sunday chores—dusting stuff, cleaning my room—and while I worked I contemplated how sad it was that I'm so insecure. Alice had specifically promised to be faithful to me so I wouldn't worry, and here I was worrying. And worrying for no reason. I needed to be mature about this. Alice was a two hundred year old vampire; she was perfectly capable of deciding who she loved and who to spend her time with. She was wise, she was mature. Then again, she was also kind of slutty, so would it really be unthinkable for her to slip into her sisters' bed some night for a little sisterly affection?  
  
Just the thought of it was enough to cause a twitch of interest between my legs—and I'm the one who was supposed to be worried. What if the thought excited Alice? Would she actually do something like that? Was is really possible? I didn't know, but I couldn't help wondering, and as I wondered, I couldn't help forming a mental picture, too. Picturing the blonde and the redhead having sex was wild enough, but picturing Alice climbing into the bed between them was almost more than I could stand without touching myself, so I decided I should stop thinking about it. The idea was seriously making me horny, and it really shouldn't. Anxiety was probably more healthy than fantasizing about my girlfriend cheating on me with two of her gorgeous sisters. Adopted sisters, but still; such thoughts should be taboo.  
  
And what about a bit of jealousy? Funnily enough, jealously was the emotion most conspicuously absent. Then again, what did I have to be jealous about? Alice repeatedly claimed that she had no interest in them, and they really had no advantages over me aside from, well, pretty much everything. Actually, yeah, maybe I was a little jealous. After all, why can't I have legs like that? It wasn't fair. Damn them. Stupid bimbos. How dare they have feelings for my Alice?  
  
I managed to build up a little righteous indignation, but most of it evaporated when I looked at the clock and realized I better start getting ready for dinner tonight—at Alice's place.  
  
Needless to say, I wasn't looking forward to spending any length of time in a room with any of her sisters, but I promised I'd be there and I couldn't back out now. Besides, Alice promised a quickie in the car, and the sooner I get some part of her into some orifice of mine, the sooner I'll feel better again.  
  
I'd been helping mom clean the house all day, and I managed to corner her in a good mood, so I was hopeful that she wouldn't make a big deal of me meeting Alice tonight. I approached the topic casually, and phrased it in the form of a question, asking if it would be alright if Alice picked me up for dinner at her place. Mom didn't seem too happy about it for a variety of reasons—it might even rain—but she granted her permission nonetheless, and I quickly withdrew to take a shower.  
  
I washed and shampooed, I thought about Alice. I wondered what to wear. Alice wanted me to dress sexy, but what would that look like compared to her sisters? I wasn't sure, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized that I really wanted to impress her. I wanted her to look at me and light up with delight, I wanted her to rave for a full five minutes about how beautiful I look. But most of all, I wanted her to feel the same way I felt about her—completely and utterly pussy-whipped.  
  
An unrealistic goal, perhaps, but a girl's gotta try. And so, clad in nothing but a towel, I ducked into my room. I was tempted to barricade the door with my bed in case mom came in unexpectedly, but I settled on just shutting it. Date-prep was still unfamiliar territory for me, but I figured it would be more normal to just be fast.  
  
I rummaged through my closet and drawers, isolating the trashiest articles and tossing them on my bed. None of it were my own personal clothes, it was all what Alice had bought me at the mall last week. I hadn't paid much attention back then, but as I was going through it all now, I realized that Alice's tastes were rather kinky. She seemed to enjoy clothes that were both revealing and flamboyant—two things that I've avoided in my own wardrobe for my entire life. Still, tonight it was just Alice and her family, and Alice was the important one. If she wanted me to dress sexy then by god that's what I was going to do.  
  
Underwear was easiest, of course. Alice had bought me a collection of thongs that I'd kept hidden underneath a stack of books in the bottom drawer. The only question was which color, a decision that couldn't be made until the rest of my outfit was composed. I turned back to the bed and started arranging the clothes in various combos, pairing tops with bottoms, regarding them with my hands on my hips, frowning at them as if the clothes themselves were responsible for my lack of style. The main problem was that I had no fashion sense. I had no idea what suited me and everything seem silly. After all, skirts are sexy, but am I really a skirt girl? My first date with Alice was the only time I'd worn a skirt in my life. Alice seemed to have liked it, and I felt kind of cute in it, too, but what if Alice was only being nice? What if I looked stupid in a skirt?  
  
I huffed and looked down at myself. How are you supposed to know what looks hot on you, anyway? I was pretty sure that the best color on me was black, but I had no idea what clothes would best flatter my figure. Something with cleavage would be a good start, but beyond that…  
  
I felt embarrassed about it, but I decided to examine myself. After all, maybe I'd find some inspiration in my naked body that would tell me what to wear, or maybe there might be written instructions on the back of my leg detailing a correct dress-code for my body type. I had a mirror on the inside of my closet door, so I quickly whipped off the towel and looked myself up and down. I looked…naked. That's about it.  
  
With growing nervousness I looked down at my body with my own eyes, but all I could see was my tits. They struck me as kind of weird, the way they were just sitting there on my chest. I grabbed them in my hands, lifted them, and let them drop. They bounced slightly, but they didn't seem to have any suggestions on what to wear. I shook my head and looked at my arms, wondering; sleeves? Not sure. They were thin, but what exactly do nice arms look like, anyway? Like Alice's probably; slight with slight muscular definition. All in all, I figured my arms were presentable enough, and skin is skin. In the attempt for sexiness it was probably best to reveal as much as possible. So, no sleeves then.  
  
What about legs? I looked at my legs in the mirror and struck a couples poses, but they only looked like legs. I went and propped one up on the edge of the bed and looked at it from a couple angles, but I couldn't tell much. It seemed shapely enough, but it was hard to tell. Did Alice like my legs? Maybe. She enjoyed stroking my thighs while we were having sex. But skirt or no skirt? Alice looked awesome in a skirt, but her legs were amazing and so was her ass. How was my ass? I twisted around to try and see it in the mirror, but I couldn't get a clear picture. I touched it with my hands to try and feel it out like a blind person, but I really couldn't tell anything other than it was an ass. Smooth. Somewhat supple.  
  
I scratched my head and looked at the clothes on the bed. I glanced at my breasts, sighed, and looked at the clothes again. My enthusiasm for sexiness was rapidly fading as I remembered how low my self-esteem really was, and I was starting to wish Alice had laid some clothes out for me—or even just dressed me up like a barbie doll. After all, if she wanted to objectify me into some kind of arm charm, why not go all the way? It would certainly make things easier on me.  
  
And beyond all this, was the added complication of trying to draw a line between sexy and inappropriate. After all, the outfit I chose would be the outfit in which Alice presented me to her family as her serious girlfriend. I needed to make a suitable impression. They were hardly most conventional family in the world, and Alice herself had said that they'd all be dressing up, but still; how far should a girl go in these situations? I didn't want them to think I was a slut; that information was something only Alice needed to know. But at the same time I really wanted to impress Alice with something shocking. Gosh, this was hard.  
  
I sighed and touched my temples. I was so stressed out that I could feel a headache coming on, and I was still naked, which was the opposite of dressed. I'd been flittering around for over half an hour without making any progress and it was time to make a decision. I looked at the clothes laid out on my bed with a stern frown. There were skirts and jeans, hot pants, tight pants. There were blouses and halters, tube tops, tank tops. It was all pretty cute, but there was one article in particular that repeatedly drew my gaze. It was a top, technically, but at first glance it looked like a scrap of purple satin. It was a loose fitting halter that was so skimpy that I was almost afraid to try it on. But I did.  
  
It was the flimsiest piece of clothing I'd handled and I was worried that I'd break it just by putting it on. Basically, all it covered was my chest, and only barely. My shoulders and arms were completely bare, and my stomach, and all my neck and collar and most of my chest. The shimmering purple satin flowed loosely over my breasts, exposing just a little side-boob, and the whole top was bound to me by nothing more than a thin string behind my neck and around my back.  
  
It was so revealing that it made me feel even more naked and, even though I could never ever wear such a thing, I had a sudden urge to see what I looked like. I stepped in front of the mirror—  
  
And froze.  
  
I could feel my face heating and for a moment I just stared. I was completely naked other than the skimpy satin halter and the wispy triangle of dark hair below my belly, and my reflection was so odd and sexy that it was confusing—and strangely exciting. With nothing but a swath of gaudy purple material draped over my breasts and nothing at all covering anything else, I looked wild and fantastic, like some sorceress bed thrall. It struck me as pretty cool, and as I gazed myself over, I realized that maybe I really am kind of hot. Above average, even. I'd been reviled at school for so long that I'd never paid much attention to my body, but I did now, and this one simple halter seemed to throw the whole thing into focus; breasts, hips, legs. Yep, I really was hot. Gee. How cool is that?  
  
I smiled and looked down at myself and back at the mirror. I wondered what Alice would think if she saw me now, just like this. But I didn't have to wonder, because I knew: she'd love it.  
  
But, as much as I wanted to impress my girlfriend, it probably wasn't appropriate to show up for dinner at her house without pants or underwear. And, of course, the halter was much too trashy to actually wear. Even the skankiest club rat would feel self-conscious in such a garment. And yet…  
  
It would impress Alice, wouldn't it? If she was human I'd never dare even think about wearing such a thing, but the chick was a vampire—a real life whore of darkness. She was kind of girl who had sex at school or at the mall or in the backseat of her car, the kind of girl who couldn't get enough of it. She was utterly shameless and she really did seem to have a genuine appreciation for trashiness. I was positive that she would be impressed—but could I really wear such a thing?  
  
I hoped not, but while I decided I went back to the clothes pile on the bed and pawed about for something that might go with it. My hand closed on a tight black mini-skirt and I really didn't like the flicker of excitement I felt as I looked it over. I frowned and selected a purple thong to match the top, and then I put them both on. I told myself that I wasn't actually going to wear this stuff, that I was just trying it on for fun. I added a pair of black patent leather peep toe pumps to the ensemble—still kidding myself that I was going to change in just a minute—and then I sat on the bed with my makeup kit and painted my face into something that could've been described as whorish—gaudy red lipstick, lavish purple eye shadow, excessive blush. I kept telling myself that I was going to wipe it all off and get changed, but as I examined myself in the mirror, I felt the temptation grow and grow until I really didn't have any choice.  
  
I looked utterly ridiculous, truly terrible. The heels made my posture awkward and my face was so solemn that the makeup seemed like a joke. My eyes roamed up and down, taking in the black miniskirt that barely covered my ass, the halter that barely covered my chest. So much skin was exposed that it made me sick with embarrassment. I wanted to look sexy, but this was overkill, this was stupid, this is not what you wore to your girlfriend's house for dinner, vampires or not.  
  
So why did it feel so fucking perfect?  
  
I could just imagine Alice's reaction, and no matter how many objections I came up with, I just couldn't ignore the fact that Alice would love it. I knew she would. I could feel it, deep in my heart. I looked like a girl who'd never tried to be sexy in her life and had no idea how to do it, but let's face it; that's exactly what I was. And for some reason, I thought Alice would really like that. She wanted me to be sexy and that's what I'm trying to be. It's the thought that counts, and I was positive she would appreciate the effort—maybe more than the outfit itself.  
  
It was one of the hardest decisions I ever made, but I decided to do it. It was too late to change, anyway. I might get some disdainful looks from her sisters, but that was nothing I wasn't used to, and it was Alice who was important. My only fear was that she might be embarrassed of me in front of her family, but I truly thought she would more likely to be thrilled. I hoped she would be, I really did. I hoped her heart would flutter right out of her fucking chest.  
  
And so, I took a final deep breath, donned my collar, squirted myself with perfume, and grabbed up my little black purse. I was so feverish from nervousness that my legs felt weak. I spent a couple minutes wondering if there was anything I'd forgotten, but my mind was so frazzled that I could hardly think at all.  
  
I exited my room and started down the stairs, carefully in my heels. I could hear mom in the kitchen downstairs and I wondered what she'd think of—  
  
Oh my god.  
  
Mom.  
  
I froze on the staircase. I'd been so distracted by what Alice would think of my outfit that I hadn't even considered how mom would react. I did now, and in the sudden rush of panic that swept over me I was tempted to either run back upstairs and change or beat my head against the wall. How could I even think of wearing something like this? Mom had always wanted me to dress prettier, but she'd never encouraged me to walk around with the sides of my boobs visible. She'd never approve, never in a million years. Fuck. I had to change. There was no other solution. I had to just—  
  
My phone beeped and I almost fell down the stairs. There was only one person other than mom who had my number: Alice. I grabbed the phone out of my purse and clicked open the text. It said:  
  
Hi! I'm waiting outside.  
  
Sorry I'm so early. ;)  
  
My heart leapt as I read it and as I read it another one popped up:  
  
Can't wait to see you.  
  
Hurry up!  
  
I bit my lip, jiggling with anxiety. Obviously she hadn't heard the expression 'Never rush a lady.' I had no time to think and without thinking I quickly punched in a reply:  
  
I have to say goodbye to mom.  
  
I'll be outside in a minute.  
  
Love u!  
  
The last line seemed a little forced, but I wasn't an expert with texts and it was the best I could do under the circumstances. I tucked the phone back into my purse and heaved a shaky sigh. Mom was going to have a fit when she saw me, but there was nothing I could do. Alice was waiting and I was going to have to take my chances.  
  
Oh, Alice. I hoped she was worth it, but in my heart I knew she was. Is it possible to truly fall in love with someone in a month? It occurred to me that I'd asked myself the same question after a week, and then two weeks, and I'd probably still be asking myself after ten years. I'd probably never get over the fact that my girlfriend was so amazing.  
  
Mom was standing at the counter, chopping up vegetables for a quick stir fry. I approached from behind, praying without hope that maybe she wouldn't even turn around. I wasn't used to disappointing mom, and I felt bad knowing that I was about to. But it was too late to back out now, so I cleared my throat, forced my voice into neutral, and said:  
  
"Hey, mom? Alice is here, I gotta go."  
  
"Already? I thought you said—"  
  
She turned around and her expression drained. Her eyes went wide, her mouth fell open, and she looked me up and down in blatant disbelief.  
  
"Bella!" she gasped. "What the hell are you wearing?!"  
  
I looked down at myself. "It's just a couple things Alice bought me," I said, and my first tactic was casualness. I held out my arms awkwardly. "What do you think?"  
  
Mom didn't seem to hear. She shook her head and pointed at me vaguely. "You can't go out dressed like that," she told me. "What are you, crazy?"  
  
"Oh, it's alright," I said, waving a hand dismissively. "I won't be cold."  
  
"Cold?" she repeated, narrowing her eyes. "Are you being smart with me, Bella?"  
  
I demurred. "No," I said, dropping my eyes to the kitchen floor.  
  
Mom snorted. "Well, you can forget about wearing all that right now," she pronounced. She looked me over again and shook her head. "I mean, look at you. You're sixteen years old, Bella. You can't go around looking like that."  
  
I shrugged an embarrassingly bare shoulder. "I'm only going to Alice's place."  
  
"And that's another thing I don't like," she snapped suddenly. "You never used to dress like this before you met that girl."  
  
It was a little unfair, since this was the first time I'd ever dressed like this, but I could appreciate her point. To be absolutely unbiased, Alice had proven to be a terrible influence on me, but I was pretty cool with that and mom didn't know about most of it, anyway, so was it really a big deal? "Come on, mom," I said. "You know I never dress like this. This is just once. I wanted to look nice, that's all."  
  
She glared at me. "Nice?"  
  
"Yeah." I spread my arms again, trying to smile. "Don't I look okay?"  
  
My helpless attempt at a smile seemed to soften her slightly. She looked away and looked again, shaking her head and exhaling through her nose. "Well, that's not really the point, Bella. The point is, you're much too young to dress like that. You shouldn't even own those kinds of clothes. And I'm very upset with that girl for buying them for you."  
  
I felt tears prickle my eyes and I may've pouted. Typical. I spend over an hour composing the perfect outfit to surprise my sex-crazed girlfriend and in the end I'm circumvented by my own well-meaning mother. No wonder teen angst is such a problem with today's youth. Parents just don't under kids at all. I sighed and let myself slump. "Do I have to change?"  
  
"Well," mom said, and my abject disappointment seemed to soften her even further. "I don't know. Does she have any brothers?"  
  
I looked up with hope. "No," I said. "Just sisters."  
  
I omitted the fact the they were all lesbians and all sexually active, because it seemed irrelevant. Besides, they were in relationships already, and so was I. Not too mention I wasn't even in their league. Even if I didn't have a girlfriend I wouldn't kid myself into thinking any of them would actually make a pass at me.  
  
Mom sighed with her hands on her hips, looking me over again, perhaps trying to convince herself that it wasn't as bad as it looked. It must've been difficult; my outfit had only slightly more coverage than regular underwear. She probably thought I was just too innocent and socially awkward to realize how ridiculous I looked, and that was kind of true, because in the end I really was only trying to look nice. It was just coincidence that I had a girlfriend who would hopefully froth at the mouth when she saw me.  
  
"Well," mom said. "I don't like it, but… I guess it's okay. As long as you're only going to your friend's house."  
  
I smiled suddenly. "Thanks, mom," I said, stumbling over in my heels to give her a quick hug.  
  
"Alright, alright," she said, pushing me away. "But I gotta warn you, Bella."  
  
"Warn me what?"  
  
She sighed, looking very uncomfortable all the sudden. "Well," she said. "The thing is… If you keep dressing up every time you see this girl, she might start to get the wrong impression. You know what I mean?"  
  
I was so encouraged by the comment I almost grinned, but instead I managed to force my face into a disgusted kind of indignation more appropriate to these sorts of accusations—although I think I was smiling just a little. "Mom," I said. "That's just…"  
  
"Well, I'm just saying," she said uncomfortably. "From some angles it looks like you might like her." She eyed me suspiciously. "I mean, you don't, do you?"  
  
"Of course not," I said indignantly. "That's disgusting."  
  
And I had to admit I sounded very convincing. All those years of Lauren's teasing had paid off; I got the tone and the pitch of my voice absolutely perfect. I almost believed it myself. Sure, very disgusting. Alice's luscious ass, her luxurious nymphet legs. I mean, ew.  
  
"Well, okay," mom said, but I had no idea if she believed me. "Just making sure. I don't judge people, but you know."  
  
She gave me a discreet frown, and I got the impression that she was deliberately trying to let me know that she, apparently, doesn't judge people. She was obviously very suspicious of me and my orientation, and I almost felt sorry for her. She deserved the truth about her daughter, but there'd probably be better times to tell her, like when my girlfriend wasn't waiting outside to bang me in the backseat like a common bimbo. Besides, I was so happy she was letting me wear my slut-suit that I didn't want to disappoint her even more, so I decided to elaborate my denial a little, just to try and set her at ease.  
  
"Mom, I'm not gay," I told her with an attempt at a straight face. "Alright?"  
  
She seemed skeptical, but she was quick to accept my denial. "Okay, okay," she said. "Just checking. You never know these days."  
  
I allowed myself a smile and shook my head. "I gotta go, mom."  
  
"Alright," mom said fretfully, "but don't be too late. And don't, you know."  
  
"Don't what?"  
  
"Oh, I don't know. Don't do anything. That's the safest thing."  
  
She was acting very weird, but Alice was waiting, so I kept inching away. "Okay, mom. See you."  
  
"Wait, wait," she said quickly. "Listen, why don't you wear a jacket? Maybe you'll be more comfortable with a jacket."  
  
I could appreciate the concern, but the lack of a jacket was a deliberate design decision. The whole point was to reveal as much as possible; a jacket would just ruin it. Even my shoes were open-toed. The more things exposed the merrier, after all. "Well," I said, deciding to be tactful. "I'd rather not."  
  
Mom looked at me anxiously. "Well, what about some pants under your skirt? You know, just in case."  
  
"In case what?"  
  
"In case someone looks!"  
  
I chuckled. "You're being an idiot, mom," I told her gently. "It's a house full of chicks. No one's gonna be looking."  
  
Although, even as I said it I hoped it wouldn't prove true. They were all into chicks, of course, but in a roomful of gorgeous female vampires, would I really be worth looking at? Maybe to laugh at, but I was too self-aware to believe I could turn any heads in that house, no matter how scanty my outfit. Still, it would be pretty awesome if they actually did notice me, especially the tall blonde. Alice was most important, of course, but a breathless glance from the blonde would probably be more validating that anything else I could think of.  
  
"Oh, fine," mom conceded. Then she pointed a finger at me sternly. "But I want you home by nine."  
  
I stared at her. "Nine, mom? Seriously?"  
  
"Ten, then."  
  
I sighed at her deliberately.  
  
"Alright, eleven," she relented, and then quickly went stern again. "But I want you to come straight home after you leave your friend's place. I don't want you out on the streets looking like that."  
  
I almost laughed again. On the streets? Oh, boy. I couldn't vouch for my integrity regarding Alice, but I was pretty sure that wearing heels and a miniskirt wasn't going to corrupt me into prostitution, so I just nodded and started backing away.  
  
"Okay, mom," I told her. "See you later."  
  
"Alright, sweetie," she said grudgingly. "Have fun. And behave!"  
  
Maybe I should've felt worse about deceiving my own mother so horribly, but I consoled myself that it was for a good cause. And even if mom knew the truth, she'd understand, right? It wasn't like I was doing drugs, or anything. All I was doing was dating a vampire behind her back and having sex at every opportunity regardless of location or moral justification. I'm sure she'd do the same thing in my shoes. Who wouldn't?  
  
I left the house emboldened by mom's dramatic reaction to my outfit, and saw Alice's chrome silver Volvo parked on the curb. It was almost seven and almost dark. I could hear the motor running and I hesitated on the porch for a second with a cold breeze blowing over my half-naked body. I was still positive Alice would love it, but the anxiety was excruciating nonetheless, and after mustering all the courage I was capable of, I walked over—ungainly in my heels across the brick path—and opened the car door.  
  
Alice had her iPod playing on the stereo and as I climbed in I was treated to a chorus of pop song. If it was a movie I would've been in slow motion, with the camera panning across my bare legs and my tight black miniskirt and my bare tummy and my satin halter and my bare shoulders before settling on my blushing face full of makeup—but in real-life it was magical enough to simply have the music. My heart was throbbing in my chest from nervousness, and as I slammed the door shut, I turned to see Alice's reaction, and—  
  
Well. Maybe my outfit wasn't so ridiculous, after all.  
  
We were dressed so alike we almost seemed to be coordinated. The only real differences between us were color and style. She was wearing a baby pink tube top which was little more than a strip of soft clingy cloth across her breasts. Plenty of cleavage was visible and a thin fold of fabric doubled over the top and fell loosely about her breasts, lending the look a girlish flamboyance. Her chest was bare but for a gold heartshaped locket and all her shoulders and arms were bare too. I let my eyes roam down, the pop song continuing in the background, and I saw that she was wearing a miniskirt as well, but hers was an orange-rust color, and it was frilly and voluminous, almost like a little tutu. It seemed to be composed of nothing but layers of orange lace—with a little pink thrown in—and it was so short it barely covered her lap.  
  
I let my eyes roam up again and her face took my breath away. Her makeup was far less absurd than mine but still very lavish. She wore shiny candy pink lipstick, and lavender eye shadow, and a pale dusting of rosepink blush. Her eyelashes were unrealistically long and thick and black, but I knew they weren't fake, and in her hair she was wearing her butterfly hair clip on one side and on the other side above her ear she wore an arrangement of fake flowers bound by lace, a trio of azalea's, one yellow, one orange, one purple, all of them soft colored and pastel; just like the rest of her outfit.  
  
Her features were as pretty and perfect as they always were, and right now they were composed into an expression that I'd never seen on her before. It could only be described as breathless amazement. She was staring at me with her mouth open and her huge eyes even huger, and slowly her lips turned up into a smile, and she said:  
  
"Oh. My. God."  
  
I'd been thinking something similar, and suddenly I breathed out; I hadn't realized I'd been holding it. My own mouth jerked into a smile and I realized a greeting was in order. "H-hi."  
  
She didn't seem to be interested in pretending to be casual. "Bella!" she squealed in abject delight, bursting into animation. "Oh my god, look at you! You look amazing!"  
  
Needless to say, I almost dissolved into mist from relief. I'd been trying not to get my hopes up, but it had felt like my whole life hinged on that moment, and I was happy that I wouldn't going perish from embarrassment.  
  
"Thanks—"  
  
She cut me off with a vicious kiss, leaning across the gearshift and grabbing a fistful of my hair—gently, of course. My mouth fell open obediently and suddenly it was filled with her tongue. My head reeled from the sudden attack and I responded helplessly, moaning and pushing at her face with my own. It was a very greasy kiss with so much lipstick between us, but one of the loveliest in recent memory; I just hoped we wouldn't smudge.  
  
Alice broke away breathlessly. "Oh my god, you're incredible. Did you dress up just for me?"  
  
Technically, I'd dressed up because she'd asked me to, but the point was the same. "Of course," I said. "What else would I dress up for?"  
  
"Aww, that's so sweet!" she gushed. "I can't believe you'd wear something like that just to make me happy. It must've been so difficult for you. You hate those kinds of clothes!"  
  
I grinned and blushed, happy that she understood—and appreciated. "Yeah," I chuckled, "it was—"  
  
But I never got to tell her how difficult it was, because she pulled me into another greasy kiss and swiftly tongued all thought from my head. I was just getting into it when she broke it again.  
  
"What about me?" she giggled, crossing her legs and turning in the chair to display herself. "How do I look?"  
  
I took in her ensemble once more, her soft pink tube top, the frilly orange miniskirt, flowers in her hair. The outfit was a truly outrageous example of sexy girlishness, and I couldn't decide if she looked like a cute and innocent little nymph or like the dream girl of a Japanese pervert—but either way I was digging it.  
  
"You look incredible," I told her.  
  
"Thanks," she said. "I designed it and sewed it all myself. I studied fashion in Paris."  
  
I hadn't known Parisians were that kinky, but I could see my girlfriend had chosen her education well. "You look amazing."  
  
"Mmm, I bet you could do me right now, couldn't you?"  
  
"Definitely."  
  
She giggled and kissed me again. It was a gentler kiss this time, less insistent, and when she broke away she looked regretful.  
  
"I feel exactly the same way," she said, "but maybe we should wait till we aren't in front of your house. What do you think?"  
  
"Maybe."  
  
She placed one more kiss full on my lips and sighed.  
  
"Oh well," she said, then she winked. "Maybe a little anticipation will sharpen the appetite, hm?"  
  
I smirked. "Maybe.  
  
She giggled and turned to the steering wheel. "In any case," she said, "I'm determined to have the dessert before the meal, so don't relax just yet."  
  
I giggled. I could already feel a cramp in my skirt from how much I wanted her and I highly doubted the ride would be relaxing. Alice pulled away from the curb, glancing at me with a smile, and I put my seat belt on, for safety's sake—it would be so tragic to die in a fiery wreck before the sex.  
  
Alice drove fast as she always did, and the frequent glances she tossed in my direction were very flattering but not really conducive to my sense of safety. She made a few attempts at conversation but mostly she spent the ride in blatant and eager amazement of my outfit, glancing at me and grinning and exclaiming every five minutes about how she just couldn't keep her eyes off me. I soon began wondering how much was authentic, but either way, she was a marvelous actress and I seemed to have achieved my goal of visually impressing her. The rest of the night should be easy compared to the torture of climbing into the car.  
  
We spent the ride in a comfortable glow of sexual tension and feverish anticipation, and soon it was dark outside. The sun set early in Forks, but there was nothing to see outside, so I turned to Alice, and she was always a nice thing to look at. I couldn't get over how similar our outfits were. It was like we had the exact same principle in mind; as little cloth as possible.  
  
Amazingly, I think I even had her beat. I couldn't compete with her face and figure, of course, but black and purple would always be sexier than pink and orange, and I was actually showing more. I had nothing at all covering my back, and my skirt was skin tight. Even my shoes revealed more. She was wearing small tan colored calfskin boots, and I was wearing black pumps; with open toes. Alice had polished my nails and toenails herself last week, and even though I'd insisted on clear polish, I was glad tonight for the mani-pedi. I was showered and shaved, cheaply perfumed. I felt like a genuine slut, and it was remarkable how nice that felt when your girlfriend appreciated it.  
  
We fell silent as we got closer to her house. I could see it through the windshield as we rounded the last curve, a large mansion on a rise overlooking the road. I wondered why they lived out here in the woods? Privacy? Or just because the best house in town happened to be outside of town? I didn't know, and I didn't really care at the moment, because I was very horny and I really wanted Alice.  
  
By the time we pulled up by the side of the road—a safe distance from her house—I was nervous and fidgety. Even at this point in our relationship I wasn't comfortable enough to simply jump her, but deep down I knew that Alice would anticipate my needs—and she didn't keep me waiting. She turned off the engine, flicked on the domelight, and leveled at me a sultry smile.  
  
"Bella," she said. "If you don't get in the back and open your legs this instant I'm going to scream."  
  
I wished I could've come up with some witty rejoinder for that, but the only thing that occurred to me was eager obedience—so I did it.  
  
Alice climbed in right behind me and plunged between my legs as soon as I opened them, making me giggle. She giggled as well, sending pleasant vibrations into my core, and then she placed a big kiss on the front of my panties and started licking.  
  
My pussy was very pleased, and I had a feeling I wouldn't last long in an unclimaxed state. Alice must've had the same feeling, because she stopped and crawled up onto the seat beside me. I left my legs open, and watched with an eager smile as she leaned in to capture my lips. My eyes fell closed and I could feel her hand caressing the inside of my thigh while she kissed me. I opened my mouth and let in her tongue, losing my mind as she rubbed her fingers against the front of my thong, and I had a feeling that after tonight I might confidently conclude to be a skirt girl. There was a definite appeal in the easy access that skirts allowed, and with a girlfriend like Alice, it was really only logical.  
  
I was in the middle of happily being tongued and fingered when she broke the kiss so suddenly it made me dizzy. She giggled, so I knew nothing was wrong, but I was curious why she stopped. I blinked at her, and she gave me a gentle smile, as if she had something harsh to tell me but didn't want to hurt my feelings.  
  
"Bella," she began. "I like passive lovers, I really do, but in this situation, maybe it would be nice if you could stick a hand up my skirt, too?"  
  
My mouth dropped open in horror; how could I be so selfish?  
  
"Oh fuck," I said, half-panting. "I'm sorry, I didn't—"  
  
She pressed a finger to my lips to silence me. "Less talking; more touching."  
  
I nodded in perfect agreement, and she captured my lips once more. I responded with vigor, pushing into her mouth with my own tongue, still reeling from the monstrous oversight of ignoring my girlfriend's growing arousal. Our lips were slick and greasy from lipstick, and the taste was slightly bitter, but not unpleasant. I fumbled with my left hand between her legs, groping at her thigh clumsily, and then I started rubbing against the front of her panties. I had no idea what she was wearing down there, but they seemed to be soft cotton, and I would've bet money that they were pink.  
  
"Mmm," she moaned. "We're gonna be so late. Esme's gonna be pissed…"  
  
I licked my lips, wondering if there was any lipstick left on them. "Do you want to hurry up?"  
  
"No," she smiled. "I want to play with your boobs. Do you mind?"  
  
I giggled, and amazingly I actually had a rejoinder: "I'd be delighted."  
  
It wasn't Casanova-quality—he didn't even have boobs—but it was better than dumb nodding, and Alice seemed to like it. She captured my breasts in both of her hands, squeezing them through the satin. She toyed with them like that for a while and I wondered how she'd deal with my top. The material was so flimsy that it barely provided any barrier at all, but I'd still prefer her actual hands on me. I didn't think it would be necessary to take it off, and Alice didn't. She didn't even hike it up. She simply bunched it together between my breasts, leaving both boobs exposed with the flimsy purple satin bunched between them.  
  
Alice took them in her hands and stroked them lovingly. "I love these things," she said, smiling. "Have I ever told you that?"  
  
I shook my head, unable to form speech. She hadn't told me in words, but I'd guessed she was partial to them by how much attention she paid them every time we made love.  
  
My chest had started heaving and I watched breathlessly as she bent her mouth to one of my nipples. She licked it firmly and kissed it and suckled on it for a few seconds. I moaned and breathed deeply in and out. She moved to the other one and repeated the process and then back to the first one and then the other one and back to the first one again, licking and sucking slowly and deliberately, squeezing her hands in rhythm, making little moaning sounds.  
  
"Alice," I hissed, close to coming. "Alice."  
  
She giggled and stopped. My eyes had been closed and now I looked at her questioningly.  
  
"I'm glad you're enjoying yourself, baby," she said, and then she pulled her tube top under her breasts, as if offering them. "But do you think I could get a little too?"  
  
The sight of her perky little breasts never failed to mesmerize me, but I managed a grin and a feeble rejoinder: "I'd love to."  
  
Very weak, but at least it was something. I took her mounds in my hands and began massaging them, gently as if they were dough, watching her chest rise and fall with each of her breaths. She smiled and pushed out her chest slightly, as if preening.  
  
"Use your mouth," she said. "Suck on them."  
  
I'd been tempted to do it before she'd even suggested it. I lowered my mouth to one of them and she tilted her chest to my face slightly. I took her nipple between my lips and started sucking. Alice liked it a little rough, so I indulged the hunger growing in my stomach and started sucking harder, coating her nipple in my saliva and making little slurping sounds. She moaned and I moved on to the other one, squeezing it in my hand to make the nipple pop and sucking at it hungrily. I moved back to the other one and teased her other nipple with my fingers, and I kept going, moving back and forth between her breasts and sucking like a fussy newborn.  
  
"Mmm," she groaned, lacing her fingers in my hair. "Oh, Bella. I do believe I could come from just that."  
  
I stopped and smiled, my face flushed. "But then I wouldn't get to eat your pussy," I said, even pouting, and I was very gratified by Alice's reaction. She giggled brightly and wrapped her arms around my neck. "Well, I wouldn't want to disappoint my baby," she said, pressing her chest into mine. "But I want you to kiss me a little more first," she whispered. "I love it when you kiss me."  
  
I chuckled into her lips. "I thought this was supposed to be a quickie?"  
  
"I lied," she breathed into my mouth. "I do that a lot…"  
  
And then she was kissing me. Our breasts were pressing together and I couldn't find it in my heart to complain about how long we were taking. I hated to be late, of course, and I hadn't eaten since lunch time—but I was hungry for something else right now.  
  
We made out for a long time, just kissing and stroking each other's breasts. I could feel the heat radiating off her face and my pussy was painful with hornyness. But I didn't want to rush Alice, so I kept going, kissing her lovely mouth, sucking on her lips and her tongue, letting her suck mine. We both had our legs parted and soon our hands had moved lower into each other's panties. Neither of was speaking now and we'd stopped kissing. We simply touched our foreheads together and breathed raggedly into each other's mouths as our fingers explored each other's contours, urging each other closer and closer.  
  
Alice inhaled sharply. "Mmm," she moaned. "Are you ready, baby? I think I'm ready."  
  
I nodded and licked at her mouth with my tongue. "Yes," I said, kissing her. "I'm ready."  
  
She kissed me back a little and then broke away. "Wanna do me first?"  
  
My stomach responded to the question with a decisive lurch of hunger and I nodded vigorously. "Yes."  
  
She giggled and wriggled out of her panties. They were pink cotton bikini-briefs, not overly sexy, but cute like the rest of her. "Okay," she said, laying back on the car seat and spreading her legs. "Go ahead."  
  
I bent and inhaled her scent, almost swooning, and then I placed a long lick across her mound. She was so horny that she shivered as my tongue passed over her clit. I licked again, nice and slow, and again, and again.  
  
"Mgh," she moaned impatiently, squirming her hips. "Keep going. Quick."  
  
She was hot and slick with arousal, and I licked it all up, slowly and lovingly. My stomach was floating and I could've eaten her out forever. I'd developed a strange passion for Alice's pussy lately, and going down on her was rapidly becoming one of my favorite activities. I loved her scent and her taste, and I loved her silky smoothness. I loved her moans and her little movements. I loved everything about her.  
  
"Oh god," she moaned, her breath beginning to heave. "Oh god. Keep going. Keep going."  
  
I kept going. I'd spread her pussy open with my thumbs and I was licking long and very hard, hard enough to make her whimper. I poked my tongue into her vagina and withdrew it and poked it in again. I suckled on her clit. Her breath shuddered and a large shiver passed over her.  
  
"Bella," she moaned. "Oh Bella."  
  
I placed two or three little kisses on her pussy, slowing things down for just a second. "Do you want me to use a finger?" I whispered into her, making her feel the vibrations.  
  
"No," she gasped. "Just keep licking."  
  
I did as she asked, eagerly, licking all across her and flicking her clit at the end of each lick.  
  
"Yes," she whispered. "Just like that. Faster. Oh. Yes. Yes. Faster, quickly. Quickly, Bella."  
  
I went faster, but maintained the pressure, licking at her hard enough to strain my neck. I had a good rhythm going and she was really feeling it, I could hear it in her panting. Her thighs began to close around my head and I focused more and more and her clit, slashing at it relentlessly with the whole flat of my tongue.  
  
She groaned loudly and I recognized that groan. It meant she was about to come, and I did nothing but keep going, licking and licking, listening as the climax grew in her voice. She didn't hold back and I loved to hear her come. Her body was heaving and her cries filled the car, getting louder and louder. Usually we had to be so quiet, but I loved it when she let me hear her. I could taste her all through my mouth and I kept licking, licking, lapping up her glistening essence, and her cries became high and breathless, and I licked harder and faster, until finally she arched up, clenched her fists in my hair, and squealed as her orgasm rippled through her.  
  
It was like music to my ears. It was the sound I most loved to hear out of Alice; the sound of her pleasure. I kept licking and I used one hand to stroke her thigh. Her cries had slowly tapered off into steady breathing and slowly her legs flopped down either side of me. She giggled languidly and let me keep licking her, softly now, lovingly. She petted my hair idly, twirling a lock in her fingers, and simply lay there enjoying the attention.  
  
"Bella," she said with satisfaction in her voice. "That was absolutely beautiful."  
  
I placed one last kiss on her pussy and sat up. "Thanks," I said shyly, letting my tongue loosen in my mouth. I had a feeling it was going to be a little tense for a while. "I liked it too."  
  
She giggled and crawled up beside me. "I love how much you love me," she whispered, and then she captured my lips in a kiss.  
  
By now I was simply putty in Alice's hands, my muscles hot and liquefied under her hands. I truly did not require any more foreplay, but Alice had her own methods, and she liked to be thorough. She made out with me for a while and spent a bit more time stroking my breasts—she really liked those things. Our breasts were still exposed, Alice with her tube top pulled down below hers and me with my halter bunch between mine, and as we made out she pressed them together and rubbed her body into mine, wrapping her arms around me and sinking her tongue deep into my mouth. She dropped her lips to my throat and my collar bone, and then she kissed my breasts and suckled at my nipples. Her hand was stroking the outside of my thigh and I felt a an exquisite thrill of anticipation as her hand rose higher and hiked up my miniskirt.  
  
"Alice," I hissed. "Alice."  
  
She had the waistband of my thong in her hand and she was pulling it away. I shifted my hips to help her, and she abandoned my breasts, flashed me a smile, and started kissing me again. I moaned impatiently, and my head reeled as suddenly two of fingers started stroking my entrance. I suddenly realized that I had two hands free, and without thinking I grabbed her face and kissed her back as I could.  
  
"Mmm!" she giggled in surprise. "Getting impatient, are we?"  
  
She looked into my flushed face and smiled. She was still stroking my pussy and my body was quivering. "Yes," I whispered. "You're driving me crazy."  
  
She placed a kiss on my lips, my cheek, my ear. "Lay down," she finally whispered, and I was very quick to obey. I lay back against the car door and threw one foot up on the back rest and let the other loll in the floor. She stroked my thighs, just to tease me a little more, and smirked. "Do you mind if I go really slow?"  
  
I nodded, swallowing to wet my mouth. I didn't care how slow she went as long as she got it done. "Okay."  
  
She smiled and bent between my thighs. The anticipation was killing me and I shivered as she pressed her lips gingerly against my pussy. I was so hot and soft that I felt like I was about to burst, but as much as I craved the release of her tongue she didn't give it to me. Not yet. She kissed the insides of my thighs first, one and then the other, and licked all around the edges of my pussy.  
  
"Alice," I whimpered. "Alice."  
  
Suddenly I felt her tongue at the base of my hips, below my pussy. Just the tip. I looked down across my body and watched as she licked up slowly and my breath whimpered as her tongue passed over the wet lips of my pussy and over my throbbing clit and even higher over my groin. Then she did it again, harder. And then harder again. Again. Again.  
  
I groaned loudly, and seemed to Alice to hear some suggestion in it, because suddenly she placed a kiss on my clit that made me shudder, and then she started suckling on it gently. But not for long. She spread my pussy open with her fingers and licked inside, hard and slow. She licked a few times and then she poked her tongue into my vagina and out again and in again. She pushed it in as far as it would go, and then she kissed at me, once, twice, and kept licking, gaining speed, lashing my clit at the end of each lick.  
  
I was perched at the edge of orgasm and I was going to fall any minute. My mouth was hanging open and my breathing was shuddering in and out of me. I was using one hand to balance on the car seat and the other was clenched in a fist against my bare breast. I was usually very quiet during sex, but I could hear myself getting louder, moaning, whimpering.  
  
"Alice," I groaned. "Oh god, Alice. Please. Keep going. Oh god. Oh god!"  
  
She kept going and suddenly I could feel myself coming. It came quickly, so quickly it surprised me. My vision blurred and suddenly I screamed out loud, a shrill gasp that flew out of me as my body thrashed once, twice, before flopping back against the car door. A sheen of sweat covered me and I was breathing very deeply.  
  
"Mmm," Alice moaned as she licked at my pussy. "That was lovely, wasn't it?"  
  
"Yes," I gasped. "That was incredible."  
  
Alice sighed and sat up. I sat up to meet her. We were still half naked and our panties were laying on the floor. I was sweaty and I could only imagine what my makeup looked like. I wrapped her into a kiss and kissed her long and deep, showing her how much I loved her. I pressed my breasts against hers and I loved her so much that I wanted to melt my body into hers and live inside her forever, but Alice broke the kiss and sighed.  
  
She smiled and cupped my cheek, gazing into my eyes. Then she looked at my boobs and my hiked up skirt and giggled. "We'd better get fixed up," she said. "We're gonna be so late."  
  
"Yeah," I sighed, not moving. "I just wish I could stay here with you."  
  
"Me too," she whispered. "But a girl can't live on love alone, can she? You gotta eat."  
  
I sighed and smiled. "Alright. But…"  
  
"But what, baby?"  
  
I flickered my eyes over her lap shyly. "Is it okay if I go down on you one more time?"  
  
She giggled. "Bella," she said. "If you start talking like that you're going to distract me out here all night long. Is that what you want?"  
  
I wouldn't mind, but honestly my motives were little less complicated; I just wanted to love her. "Just one more?" I pleaded playfully. I placed a hand on her leg suggestively and batted my eyelashes. "Please?"  
  
She bit her lip, thinking about it, and then she giggled. "Oh fine," she said. "But be quick."  
  
"Thanks," I giggled, and then I face-dived into her pussy before she even had her legs open.  
  
—  
  
It was almost eight by the time we went inside. Luckily, Alice had some makeup in her purse and she managed to touch me up a little until I didn't look quite as much as an out-of-work whore anymore. She touched up her own makeup, too, and then we fixed up our hair and straightened our clothes. We made out a little more, and by and by, we finally managed to struggle out of the car.  
  
Sex with Alice had provided a considerable boost to my mood, as it always did, but the anxiety started to seep back in soon as we got inside. The house was exactly as I remembered it; warmly lit and beige, and suddenly I was aware of how terrible my outfit was. I consoled myself at Alice was dress similarly, but Alice was an insanely cute uber-confident vampire; I was just some chick she was dating. It wasn't a look I was used too, and I was so self-conscious I probably looked ugly. My legs were embarrassingly bare and my heels felt awkward on my feet. I could hardly even walk properly, and I had no idea how to stand or what to do with my hands. I usually like putting my hands in my pockets, but the skirt didn't have any; there wasn't even enough material for pockets. And worse than all that, was my top. What had been running through my head when I got changed that made me believe it would be a good idea to show up at my girlfriend's house for dinner with nothing covering my boobs but a rag of purple satin? And they weren't even fully covered, not completely. There was at least a couple square-inches visible, either along the sides or in the dip of the V. And maybe my back was worse. The only thing covering it was my hair, which was long and full, but still didn't really count as clothes.  
  
Alice was holding my arm as she led me through the house, and as we passed the dinning table I saw it was set with expensive looking plates and silver cutlery that gleamed under the chandelier. The chairs were mahogany antiques with cream-colored upholstery, and there were silver candelabras sitting on the white silk table cloth and a centerpiece of white lilies in the middle of the table. It looked even nicer than the five star hotel Alice had taken me too last week, and suddenly I was even more aware of how inappropriate my outfit was. I looked like I was dressed for a gangbang in an alleyway outside a club somewhere; not for a refined dinner with my girlfriend's family.  
  
Then again, I did impress Alice, didn't I? Well, that was some consolation, although now that all the sex and flattery was over, it didn't quite seem so imperative anymore.  
  
The family was waiting in the kitchen, but there were no high buildings to jump off of, so I just took a deep breath and let Alice steer me around the counter toward them. They'd been talking quietly among themselves, but they stopped talking when me and Alice came into view. It was the four sisters and the mother—no sign of the doctor guy—and every single one of them stared me with their mouths open. I almost died. Five sets of gorgeous eyes flickered over my shamefully attired body and I think I would've felt more comfortable if they pricked me with pins instead.  
  
"Guys," Alice announced cheerfully. "You remember my girlfriend Bella?"  
  
I managed to feel a flush of pride at the title of "Alice's Girlfriend," but self-consciousness was my greatest concern at the moment. I tried to smile at them, and I wasn't encouraged by how they all exchanged silent glances before looking back at me with a variety of expressions. Jane gave me a smirk of mock sympathy, as if she thought it was sad that I tried but kind of cute, and Victoria glanced me over with her usual amusement, and Esme seemed a little uncomfortable. Rosalie's expression was blank, but I got the feeling she felt sorry for me, and Leah simply looked me over boldly and gave me a friendly smile.  
  
I took a quick inventory of their own outfits, and I tried to convince myself it wasn't that bad. Like Alice had said, they were all dressed up, and maybe me and Alice weren't really so bad.  
  
Most conservatively dressed was Esme, naturally. She wore a cream-colored dress that almost blended with the furniture, and patent leather sandals that were also cream-colored. The shoes had a modest heel, and the dress clung to her womanly figure, not tightly, but snugly around her breasts and waist. Her caramel-colored hair was shiny and styled into a refined bun.  
  
Leah was next most conservative, but only because she always dressed kind of sexy. She was all in black, black tanktop, black skirt, black boots. It was little different from the kind of stuff she wore to school, but it all looked a little more stylish than usual. Her skirt was a mini, almost the same as mine, and her boots were high-heeled and suede leather. They looked incredibly expensive.  
  
Rosalie look plain incredible. She wore a glamorous silver evening dress that was covered in diamantes. She sparkled like crystal and the dress was cut diagonally across her amazingly long legs. She was wearing silver leather heeled sandals with a diamond ankle bracelet. Her platinum blonde hair fell in gorgeous waves over her bare shoulders and her eyelashes were long enough to cause a pang in my heart from across the room as she swept her ice blue eyes over my outfit.  
  
Victoria was the sexiest person in the room, aside from Alice. She was sitting on a stool and it was difficult not to notice that her legs were crossed—and very bare. She wore a flaming red cocktail dress that was short and tight with spaghetti straps, and red spike heels. Her skin was pale like porcelain, and she wore red lipstick and red nail polish. Her ample breasts bulged from the neckline of her dress, and she projected an image of sultry desirability that was hard to look away from.  
  
And most outlandish of all—even worse than me and Alice maybe—was Jane. She wore a shiny pink cocktail dress, short and strapless, and shiny pink heels. Her strawberry blonde hair was tied into twin pigtails with pink scrunchies, and her lipstick and eyeshadow was all candypink as well. Like me and Alice she seemed to have taken advantage of the occasion, because it wasn't really the kind of outfit she could wear outdoors—unless she was cosplaying some anime character at comic-con.  
  
They were five of the most amazing looking women I'd ever seen in my life, and suddenly I felt very plain and human, even in the outfit I was wearing. None of them seem particularly eager to say hi, so Alice stepped forward and smiled all round.  
  
"Come on, you guys," she said with gentle insistence. "Say hello."  
  
They shared another round of glances and, amazingly, it was Victoria who first spoke. She sighed at her family's reluctance, and then unfolded her legs with a flourish, hopped off the stool, and sauntered up to me with a smile.  
  
"Bella," she said, rolling my name off her tongue in a deliberate fashion. "Alice has insisted that we all have to be especially nice to you, so allow me to be the first to extend my formal affections."  
  
She then took my hands and bent slightly to kiss me. I assumed she'd be aiming for my cheek, like they probably did two hundred years ago, but instead her lips landed flush against mine. And it wasn't a peck, either. She pressed her lips firmly to mine and held them there for a moment. It was the kind of kiss that could possibly occur between cousins under certain circumstances, but it was far to intimate for a greeting between strangers.  
  
I blushed, naturally, and when she finally pulled back I was kind of dazed. I had no idea if I was supposed to pretend that was normal or if I should fling her away like a harlot. Looking at her from this close, I could see that she was even more beautiful than I thought. She was still holding my hands and she offered me a dazzling smile, displaying a set of perfect white teeth—and two pointy fangs.  
  
"It's a pleasure to make your acquaintance," she said. "We'll be good friends, yes?"  
  
I tried to smile. "Um, sure."  
  
I thought that would have concluded the whole introduction, so I tried to tug my hands away gently, but she didn't let go and I didn't try again. She looked me up and down and curved her red lips into a smirk. "And may I observe that you look utterly ravishing this evening?"  
  
At that, Alice finally intervened. She took my arm and pulled me toward her possessively, and I was relieved when my hands came away from the redhead's.  
  
"No, you may not," Alice said with a smile. "I don't want you observing anything about my girlfriend—other than the fact that she's my girlfriend."  
  
I felt another flush of pride at the word girlfriend, and smiled shyly. Victoria gave Alice a certain smile and then focused the same smile on me.  
  
"Alice is such a silly thing, isn't she? She thinks I'm trying to flirt with you."  
  
I thought it was supposed to be a joke so I forced a polite chuckle.  
  
Alice snorted. "Tell you what, Vicky," she said. "Why don't you back up a few steps and we won't argue about it? Besides…" Alice wrapped her arms around my waist from behind and placed a kiss beside my ear. "Bella belongs to me, don't you Bella?"  
  
A bit possessive maybe, but yeah. Basically I belong to her. I gave her a shy smile and said: "Of course."  
  
Jane giggled at that. "Yeah, I like this one," she said, and then she skipped over to kiss my cheek quickly. "It's too bad I didn't see you first. I could have a lot of fun with a girl like you, although I couldn't promise you'd live through it. Maybe you're better off with Alice—even if she is the ugly sister."  
  
Alice giggled, still holding me around the waist. "Screw you, Jane."  
  
"Later," Jane said, then winked at me. "After you've ditched the human."  
  
Well. It seemed Jane was as sadistic as ever. As if I wasn't worried enough about the possibility of Alice cheating on me, she had to go and directly insinuate it. I just prayed she was joking, although in a houseful of lesbian vampires, anything was possible.  
  
Jane giggled. "Or better yet, let her join in," she added. "She couldn't be too terrible in bed if she's held your attention this long. Why, we've hardly seen Alice naked all month, have we girls?"  
  
She made the last comment over the shoulder, but mercifully no one took the bait. Rosalie was leaning against the counter, not even watching, and Victoria only smirked. Leah smiled to herself, and when she caught Jane's eye she patted her leg to summon her over. Jane went back to her lover's side, rather dutifully, and settled against her with Leah's arms around her, similar to how me and Alice were standing.  
  
Alice meanwhile chuckled softly in my ear and whispered: "Don't listen to her, she's just mean. I'd never touch anyone but you."  
  
It was supposed to be reassuring, and I did manage a smile, but inside my stomach felt like it was made out of lead. I was surrounded by the sexiest women I'd seen in my life and suddenly I realized how out of my element I was. I'd never been comfortable with any adult but mom, and these weren't just adults; these were immortals. I knew enough to know that Alice and Jane were mostly phony, but did that mean Jane was just making fun, or that Alice was lying when she said she'd never touch anyone but me? I already knew that Victoria and Rosalie had certain benefits to their relationship, and from things I'd seen at school, I'd be willing to bet that Leah and Jane had something similar. Was it possible that Alice was getting benefits, too?  
  
"Well, Bella," Esme said, breaking the tension. She offered me a warm smile. "Are you hungry?"  
  
I smiled politely, and now that she mentioned it, I could smell a very tantalizing aroma from the oven. "Starving."  
  
"Well, dinner will be ready very soon, so while we wait why don't you play some video games with Jane?"  
  
"Um, okay."  
  
Alice released me and grabbed the wine bottle off the counter. "Hey, Esme," she said, pouring herself a glass. Some of the other's already had glasses. "Where's Carlisle? I promised Bella he might show her his collection of first editions."  
  
"Oh, he should be home any minute."  
  
And just as she said it, we all heard the front door open and close.  
  
Esme smiled. "And there he is."  
  
I felt a rush of self-consciousness. The sisters had been bad enough, but how could I ever live it down if a guy saw me in these clothes? It was only Alice's dad-person, but still; it would be so embarrassing.  
  
I moved closer to Alice instinctively, putting her between me and the rest of the room, and soon the doctor came in. He was wearing a shirt and tie, and once again I was struck by how good looking he was. Not in a traditional masculine way—he certainly wasn't big and rugged. He was tall but slender, and his features were youthful and effeminate. His hair was yellow-blonde and his eyes had a feminine shape and sparkly beauty.  
  
Esme was the first to greet him, kissing him on the lips, in a typical wife fashion. Alice and Jane greeted him loudly, like teenage daughters who actually like their dad, and both of them actually went over and kissed him on the cheek. More surprisingly, both Leah and Victoria kissed him on the cheek as well, albeit without the fanfare. It was a warm example of a pretend family unit, but funnily enough, Rosalie seemed the most authentic. She was still stationed in the corner, leaning against the counter with her arms folded and her usual cold expression. She glanced at him, but that's it. No kiss, no hello. So far I hadn't heard her speak at all, and I wondered why my presence bothered her so badly.  
  
Finally the doctor guy, Carlisle, turned his attention to me. He'd been politely greeting his family first, and now he looked me over with absolutely no judgment in his eyes, and smiled. "Good evening, Bella," he said friendlily. "You look very beautiful."  
  
I blushed, but really I was grateful for his tact. He was obviously obligated to say something, but he'd said it very perfunctory, as if I could've been wearing anything at all.  
  
Alice, however, seemed to take it personally. She giggled and swatted his arm. "Jeez, why is everyone so determined to hit on my girl? I said be nice to her, I didn't say throw yourselves at her."  
  
Victoria smiled and sipped from her wine glass. "We're only being polite, Alice," she said. "As you've instructed, by the way."  
  
"Yeah, well, you've been polite enough," Alice told them. Then she turned to the doctor guy. "Hey, Carlisle, do you think you could show Bella your collection of first editions? She loves old books and stuff, and I promised you might show her."  
  
"Of course," he smiled. "Bella, if you'll follow me?"  
  
I glanced at Alice for guidance and Alice nodded encouragingly. I was disappointed she wouldn't be coming with me, but I followed her dad, anyway, leaving her with her sisters.  
  
Carlisle led me into his study, a smallish room with two walls completely covered with bookcases. There was a darkwood desk with a quartz clock and gold penholders. A small stack of books lay on it and a folded laptop. The light in the ceiling cast a warm yellow glow and it seemed like a cozy little room.  
  
"Firstly," he said, taking a pair of gold-rimmed spectacles from the breast pocket pf his shirt. "I'd like to examine your neck, if you don't mind."  
  
It took me by surprise, but it seemed sensible enough. "Um, okay," I said, taking off the collar. "The marks are almost gone."  
  
He put on the glasses and bent slightly to my neck. The glasses perched on the end of his nose and I wondered why he was wearing them. Vampires had great eyesight; they could even see in the dark. I felt curious, and since he seemed like a decent guy, I decided to take the risk of asking him.  
  
"Do you need those glasses?"  
  
He smiled and shook his head. "No," he said, taking them off. "Force of habit. We become very devoted to our disguises over time."  
  
I nodded, and he motioned at the pale marks on my neck.  
  
"I can see Alice has been a little rougher than she ought to have been, but you're healing fine."  
  
He touched my neck gently, the area around the marks. I frowned, because, well, I'm not used to people touching me, doctor or not.  
  
"This slight discoloration is caused by vampire venom," he told me. "It's nothing to worry about. It'll fade soon."  
  
I frowned questioningly. "Venom?"  
  
"Yes," he said. "Vampire venom contains a mild anti-coagulant to thin the blood and prevent the wound from closing while feeding. It's what allows Alice to keep the bite shallow and non-life threatening. Without the venom, she'd have to pierce your artery, which would be fatal."  
  
"Oh. So it's not going to, like, turn me?"  
  
He smiled. "No," he said. "It won't turn you." Then he turned to the bookcase on the left and waved a hand at it loosely. "This is the collection Alice spoke of. Many of these are over a two hundred years old, at least."  
  
"Cool," I said, giving the bookcase a perfunctory glance. "Hey, um, can I ask you a question?"  
  
I was curious about this turning stuff. Alice wouldn't talk about it yet, but maybe this guy would.  
  
He nodded. "Of course," he said. "What would you like to know?"  
  
"Well, um… I was just wondering. How exactly does a person turn? You know, into a vampire."  
  
He smiled and looked at the bookshelf. Then he looked at me. "I'm afraid that's something you'll need to discuss with Alice," he said. "Suffice to say, it's not as simple as one could hope. Nor even desirable. Vampirism is a curse, after all."  
  
"It seems pretty cool to me."  
  
"Feeding from the blood of the innocent appeals to you, does it?"  
  
I faltered slightly, but even that didn't seem like a big deal, as long as you didn't have to kill people. "Well, no, but… Can't you, like, drink animal blood or something?"  
  
He shook his head with a small smile. "No," he said. "The lust doesn't tend us toward that direction. In any case, the blood itself seems mostly incidental. It's the act we crave."  
  
He had a British accent, which was weird because he'd spoken American when I first saw him at the hospital with mom. I felt a little uncomfortable at the mention of lust—it made me remember what I was wearing and what I looked like—but I found the conversation fascinating.  
  
"But how do you feed from people without hurting them?" I asked.  
  
"We don't," he said simply. "Some degree of harm is inevitable, sadly. Even if it's just a superficial bite wound."  
  
I grinned tentatively. "So, what? You just walk up to someone, bite them, and run away again?"  
  
He chuckled. "No," he said, "but perhaps that would be less monstrous than the reality."  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
He hesitated a moment, wondering if he should tell me or not. "I think you should talk about this with Alice," he said finally.  
  
I nodded, but went on, anyway. "There's a girl at my school," I said, remembering Lauren. "She had a mark on her neck, but it wasn't a bite. Jane said that she was going to…"  
  
"Your friend will be fine," he said with a nod. "We're very careful not to take lives, even Jane. Do you have a favorite author?"  
  
He deflected the conversation to the bookcase, and I decided to let it go. I'd have to talk about it with Alice, though. I really wanted to know how vampire fed casually, and so far all I could picture was a classical scenario of Jane crawling though Lauren's bedroom window in a cloak, creeping up to her bed, and somehow biting her without waking her up or leaving a bite mark.  
  
"Well," I said, glancing over the bookcase. "I like Jane Austen."  
  
It was a very generic pick, and he smiled.  
  
"Naturally," he said.  
  
"And Emily Bronte," I added, which was less conventional but more honest. "I love Wuthering Heights."  
  
"Alice loves that one, too." He moved to the wall where something was hanging in a glass frame. He took it down and handed it to me. "This is an original manuscript of Emily Bronte's poetry," he told me. "I bought it at auction several years ago."  
  
"Wow," I breathed, looking it over. It was a plain page, yellow with age, and covered in ink. A lot of the writing was unreadable and what struck me most was how messy her handwriting was. A lot of the words were crossed out and there were doodles in the margins, crude pictures of snakes and swords. It looked like a page out of my own notebook, and I felt a weird affinity. I looked up at the doctor with a grin. "This is Emily Bronte's handwriting? I can barely read it."  
  
He chuckled once. "You should see Shakespeare's handwriting," he said. "Do you enjoy poetry?"  
  
"I love it," I said, and it was rare for me to be so honest.  
  
"Do a have a favorite poet?"  
  
My smiled dimmed slightly at that. Technically, my favorite poet was Sappho, but for a very shallow reason; she was a lesbian. Beyond that, I really knew nothing about her. Her work was too complicated for me to understand, and hardly any of it even existed any more. I hate to be the kind of girl who's overly concerned with her own orientation, but I couldn't help it. Even in books and TV shows. If there was a lesbian in the cast, that character would automatically become my favorite character.  
  
But I didn't want to look like an idiot in front of this guy, so I just shrugged. "I'm not sure," I said. "Maybe Edgar Allen Poe, or Alexander Pope. I like stuff that isn't all romantic garbage. I hate Byron. I laugh out loud reading that stuff."  
  
I could've elaborated a little more on why love poems are stupid, but I stopped myself. Contempt for straight romance was really just another way of trying to validate my sexuality, and it was something I needed to grow out of. It was hard though. I'd been hated at school for such a long time that it was hard not to hate back; even if it was just secretly.  
  
The doctor took something off the shelf and handed it to me. "This is a first edition of Poe's collected works," he said. "It's quite valuable considering how few were printed and how popular he's become."  
  
I nodded, flipping through it. It was far better preserved that the Emily Bronte sample, but that had been a manuscript written by the woman herself. This had been printed. I kept flipping, and the page landed on Masque of the Red Death. I smiled, thinking of Alice for some reason, then I closed the book and handed it back.  
  
I glanced the shelf over one more time. "Hey, um," I began tentatively. "Do you have any Sappho?"  
  
It was a totally stupid question, but I couldn't help hoping. I knew that most of her work was lost in history, but since he was a vampire, I thought maybe he might've collected something hundreds of years ago, when the work still existed.  
  
But he shook his head. "No." he said. "Only fragments of Sappho's poetry have survived over the centuries. Most of it was destroyed by her contemporaries after her death or in various religious purges throughout the ages. I'm sure you're aware that her subject matter was rather risqué."  
  
I nodded, blushing. I was reluctant to talk about it with a stranger—and even worse, a guy—but I felt kind of comfortable with him for some reason. He struck me as very wise and completely non-judgmental, and it seemed like I could talk to him about anything and receive an intelligent response.  
  
"She's supposed to have written lesbian stuff," I said, blushing over the word lesbian. "But I never really got it. I tried reading some on the internet, but it was too complicated."  
  
"It loses a lot in translation," he said. "You really need to understand ancient greek to appreciate it properly."  
  
"Do you understand ancient greek?"  
  
He nodded. "One of the key characteristics of Sappho's poetry was themes of companionship and understanding. Equality. Her peers were more focused on clear cut themes of domination and submission. It's what made Sappho's poetry unique, along with her fascination with lesbian attraction."  
  
I blushed all over again, and since he seemed to know much more than me on the subject—he even knew ancient greek—I couldn't help asking one more question. "But was she really gay, though?" I asked. "I read that she was supposed to have killed herself over some guy."  
  
He shrugged a shoulder and leaned a hip on the edge of his desk. "Little of her life is known," he said, "and over the years history has attempted to force her into many different molds. Wife, mother, lesbian. And, of course, she's also been heavily slandered by jealous male contemporaries. Ancient Greece was a very patriarchal society. The notion of an independent woman would've been provoking to men of that time, so they created a mythically handsome fisherman named Pharon who slept with her, rejected her, and caused her to jump off a cliff because no one else could ever satisfy her—effectively flipping her legacy of independence into a simple example of the indomitable power of male sexuality."  
  
Inwardly, I felt crushed that the ancient Greeks would do something like that to a woman like Sappho—what assholes—but outwardly, I just snorted. "That sucks," I said.  
  
He smiled and shrugged again loosely. "Well, most scholars agree that it's only a legend, and most people would be intelligent enough to dismiss it as such. But does it really matter? Fact or fiction, the real truth is what enabled the myth to be conceived in the first place. We all have our preferences, but the world has preferences of it's own, and it does seem to have a taste for feminine helplessness. Even a woman with the talent and spirit of Sappho couldn't retain her independence indefinitely. It's sad. Those whom life doesn't humble, death will. One by one we all come to be cured of our sentiments. Those who live to see it, those who don't."  
  
It seemed like a sad little speech, but he delivered it very matter-of-factly. He was looking at the book case, but then he turned to me and smiled.  
  
"Have you written any poetry yourself?"  
  
"Oh," I stammered, suddenly blushing. "No. I don't write."  
  
He obviously didn't believe me. "No?" he smiled.  
  
He was trying to encourage me, and I couldn't help grinning. I shrugged and looked away, and I was very tempted to tell him. Absolutely no one knew about my hobby, but if you can't trust your secrets to a total stranger, who can you trust them to?  
  
"Well, you know," I said, straining for casualness. "A couple things. Just for fun. Just…you know."  
  
He smiled. "Love poems?" he inquired.  
  
I blushed again—I seemed to be blushing a lot around this guy. "Yeah," I said. "I guess so."  
  
"I thought you laugh at that romantic garbage?"  
  
More blushing. "Well, you know," I said, and then I giggled. "I'm a hypocrite."  
  
"Tell me one of them," he said.  
  
My heart skipped a beat. "Huh?"  
  
He smiled. "Tell me one of your poems," he repeated. "I'm curious."  
  
I fell silent for a second, my mouth open. I looked at the book case and back at him. I had several of my poems memorized, but none of them were good enough to actually say out loud—especially to a guy like this, a guy who collected antique first editions and wore intelligent looking glasses even though he didn't have to.  
  
But at the same time I was tempted. I mean, why not? He probably wouldn't laugh at me or call me a moron. In fact, so far he'd been nicer to me than any of his daughters, aside from Alice. He even seemed genuinely interested, and as a total stranger I didn't really have to care about his opinion. Besides, he'd already proven himself to be an open-minded kind of guy. I'd walked into his house wearing a satin halter and a skin tight miniskirt, and he hadn't even blinked. If there was anyone I could recite a poem to without dying from self-consciousness it was probably this guy.  
  
"Well," I said demurely. "I wrote one about Alice."  
  
He smiled, and I noticed he had a very beautiful smile. It didn't show any of his teeth, but it lent his whole face a warm radiance, like an angel. "That sounds sweet," he said.  
  
I shook my head, still blushing. "It's not very good."  
  
"I'm sure it's lovely."  
  
"Well," I said, truly tempted. "There's one I wrote recently. It's called 'Come to Me.'"  
  
He nodded. "Go on."  
  
A cold wave of anxiety swept over me, but I steeled myself. I was standing there in my miniskirt and black heels, pigeon-toed like a little girl, my legs embarrassingly bare. I had no idea what to do with my hands, so I just wrung them nervously, and I could feel my heart hammering in my chest. I felt weirdly like an eight year old trying to impress her dad at a piano recital, but it wasn't really a bad feeling. I was painfully shy, but excited too. I took a deep breath, swallowed, and began:  
  
"Come to me,  
  
We'll never be apart.  
  
Come to me,  
  
To you I'll pledge my heart.  
  
When I close my eyes,  
  
You're there in the dark.  
  
Come to me,  
  
And please accept my love."  
  
My whole body seemed to be blushing and when it was finally over I felt like I'd been through an Apache manhood ordeal. My face was burning and there were lumps of nervousness in my throat and my stomach—but somehow I seemed to be smiling. I knew it was crap, and my voice had been stilted and nervous, but he'd listened with an expression of polite interest that was neutral enough to keep me from outright throwing up.  
  
"It's pretty dumb," I said meekly, "but…"  
  
"It was very lovely," he said with a smile. "A little clunky, perhaps, but very earnest."  
  
I nodded, and maybe I felt just a little proud. "Thanks," I said.  
  
—  
  
Dinner was less horrific that I thought it would be, mostly thanks to Alice and Jane. Keeping consistent with their teen-girl personas, they were loud, boisterous, and extremely nonsensical. They helped Esme serve dinner while the rest of us sat around the dinner table in attitudes of formal awkwardness—well, I was awkward, they seemed to be bored—and they didn't stop bickering for a moment, which at least provided a distraction and something to pretend to be amused at. Alice set my plate in front of me and touched my hair tenderly with a smile, and I was pleasantly surprised when I observed Esme repeat the exact same action to her husband. Like mother like daughter, I guess.  
  
When everyone was seated, we went through the pantomime of flattering the chefs—Esme and Leah, strangely—and finally we started to eat. It was Coq au Vin, which seemed to be French for Chicken with Some Kind of White Sauce. It was restaurant quality, and I wish I could've been more enthusiastic about how much I liked it, but I was still crippled by nervousness. My outfit was still absurd, and Alice hadn't offered to let me borrow a pair of pants or a jacket to cover myself. I was so embarrassed I even began to appreciate mom's wisdom; a jacket and a pair of pants seemed like a pretty great idea right about now. But at least I wasn't so bad compared to the other girls at the table. Rosalie and Jane both seemed a little over-dressed in their gaudy silver and pink cocktail dresses, and Alice herself was right beside me in her tube top and tutu. The only person wearing pants at the table was Alice's dad-guy.  
  
Alice and Jane were the life of the party, and they didn't let the evening sink into silence for a single second. They talked about music, movies, school, politics, anything at all that seemed to pop into their heads. They giggled, they bickered, they insulted their sisters at every opportunity—and, like good hostesses, they managed to draw the rest of us into the insanity, too.  
  
Most of their attention was focused on me, and they made a great tag-team, like good cop bad cop. Alice would encourage me for a comment or opinion and Jane would mock it in her usual sadistic manner, which would then provoke a riposte from Alice, and maybe a chuckle from Leah or Victoria. Esme would scold them from time to time, whenever they swore or fed the cat from the table—as if they really were misbehaved teenagers—and even Carlisle had a role to play. It was pretty obvious that Alice was his favorite, and he seemed to side with her on every issue. Every time Jane said something particularly mean, Alice would throw a puppy-dog look at Carlisle and Carlisle would scold Jane gently and tell her to be nice.  
  
He even sided against his wife on one occasion. Alice had offered me wine, but her mom insisted I have water, to which Alice appealed to her dad for a ruling. The man was clearly troubled by the ethical implications of letting a scantily clad teenage girl drink alcohol under his roof, but he suggested to his wife that perhaps just one glass would do no harm.  
  
Esme didn't budge, however, and apologized to me for her daughter's irresponsibility, adding that she hoped I was mature enough not to let Alice pressure me into various other immoralities. I agreed that I needed to be firm with my rambunctious girlfriend, but sitting there in my slut-suit after being freshly fucked in the back seat of her car, I'm not sure how firm I was capable of being.  
  
And, of course, none of this made an agreeable impression on Alice, who pouted and observed how unfair it was that she never got her way in this family. She explained succinctly that I, Bella, was her girlfriend, and it was her, Alice's, prerogative to corrupt me in any way she managed to acquire consent. She then went on to add to her parents that they "don't own her" and that she was a "grown woman," which might've been overkill, but still rather entertaining.  
  
Esme was unmoved, however, and the Cullen sisters soon offered their own opinions on the subject. Jane was tactful enough to observe that, dressed as I was, a single glass of wine was hardly likely to encourage me into any behavior I wasn't already determined on, and Victoria, too, mentioned that in her day it was common for a girl to drink wine as early as twelve years old, and nothing could be healthier.  
  
But social protocol was not an argument but rather the issue itself, as Esme rebutted, for in today's society there were certain laws to be observed in these situations and no reason at all not to observe them as observe them we should. She then went on to explain, to me mostly, that the modern world required a higher standard of decision making than in simpler eras, especially for young people, and whether the question was one glass or ten, the issue remained that a wise girl would do best to simply respect the laws that society has established for her protection—regardless of how trivial they may seem moment to moment.  
  
No one had an argument to that, and even Alice seemed to acknowledge the wisdom of it. I didn't end up with any wine, but it was all very domestic, and I actually found myself loosening up a little, alcohol or not.  
  
I ate steadily and as neatly as possible, although I had to admit that my appetite was somewhat dampened by the fact that I was surrounded by several of the sexiest women I'd ever seen in my life. My eyes kept flickering over their faces or shoulders, and they were so beautiful that I'd get a pang in my stomach each time, especially when I looked at the blonde or redhead. The redhead caught me looking at one point and gave me such a steady stare of her exquisite emerald eyes that my mouth went completely dry and I couldn't taste the food for a full minute.  
  
Conversation continued on a more casual track, Jane and Alice discussing how much they hated math—it was the only thing they'd agreed on so far—and I was very fascinated by their family interactions. I remembered that Carlisle had said that they become very devoted to their disguises over time. I thought they might've been grateful for an audience, even though I knew what they all really were, and I had the impression that they were probably a much more subdued group when there was no human around. Esme was a pitch perfect stern mother—a more refined version of my own—and Carlisle was the perfect picture of a doting dad. Jane was a quintessential mean sister, Leah was a very convincing cool sister, and Victoria was absolutely amazing as the hot sister.  
  
The only one who seemed disinterested in maintaining any kind of façade was Rosalie, and strangely I found that far more fascinating than any of the others. She wasn't even eating. She simply sat there with a glass of white wine held elegantly in her hand, leaning back in her chair, her legs crossed under the table, perhaps. She was breathlessly beautiful, more beautiful that Alice even, and so incredibly cold. I glanced at her very frequently, and I found myself fascinated by her every action, every sip of her wine, every cold glance she tossed at one of her sisters. I had no idea what was running through her head, but I was no longer convinced it was anything simple—her very silence itself seemed complicated. Why was she even here if it was so distasteful to her?  
  
"So, Bella," Jane said suddenly, when there was a lull in the conversation. "Tell us how you hooked up with Alice. We've all heard it from her, but we want to hear it in your words. Don't we, Rose?"  
  
Rosalie glanced at her dryly. She still hadn't touched her food and she didn't appear to give a fuck how I hooked up with Alice, my words or any other's. I had a feeling Jane was only trying to be mean, this time to Rosalie, which seemed awfully brave.  
  
The others, however, were looking at me with interest, and I realized I'd better say something. "Well," I said. "We met in biology."  
  
It was a very weak beginning, but Jane, like Alice, was an expert in moving a conversation forward. "Oooh, biology," she said, with a smirk. "And did you admire Alice's biology right from the beginning?"  
  
I blushed. Alice had shifted her chair closer to mine slightly, and she was smiling at me excitedly. I glanced at her, blushed even more, and said: "Sure."  
  
I wanted to elaborate for Alice's sake, but it was difficult for me in public. Alice giggled, anyway, and Leah smiled. "Alice said you couldn't keep your eyes off her," she said, and I nodded eagerly. Leah was easier to talk to than Jane, so I chuckled.  
  
"Yeah," I said. "I was mesmerized. She was so…"  
  
"Pretty?" Jane offered.  
  
"Beautiful?" Leah suggested.  
  
Victoria smirked. "Gorgeous?"  
  
I blushed with each adjective, but honestly none of them did Alice justice. The redhead's struck me as the most accurate, though, and the redhead herself was very hot which created an impulse to agree with her regardless. "Gorgeous," I nodded, with a glance at the redhead, and then at Alice. "She was gorgeous."  
  
Alice grinned. "And Bella was very beautiful, too," she said, leaning over in her chair to hug me. "It was love at first sight, wasn't it Bella?"  
  
Technically it was love before first sight—I'd been in love with her before I'd even met her. "Yeah," I agreed, leaning into the hug a little.  
  
"Aww," Jane cooed with a great deal of exaggeration. "How sweet. Isn't that the sweetest thing you've ever heard, guys? It was love at first sight."  
  
I grinned at her obvious sarcasm. I never would've believed in love at first sight, either, if it had never happened to me.  
  
"It really was, though," I said, insisting with a smile. "Seriously. It was like there was electricity between us. I was blushing so bad it felt like my face was on fire." I was blushing even now, and a giggle escaped me as I remembered our first moments in biology. "I almost fell off my chair when she tried to shake my hand," I said, glancing at her shyly. "Even now I go all tingly when she touches me."  
  
Jane smiled. "That's so cute," she said. Then she turned to Rose. "Isn't that cute, Rose?"  
  
Rosalie snorted without looking at me. "Yes," she said dryly. "Nothing more charming than the mindless fawning of a stupid teenager."  
  
It was the first words I'd heard from her all night, and they hurt me much more than they should've. I'd been developing a strange respect for her silent suffering, and I was irrationally crushed that the respect wasn't mutual. I was also pissed at Jane. Why did she have to be so provoking?  
  
Alice looked at Rosalie, frowning slightly. "Rose," she said. "You promised you'd be nice."  
  
The venomous blonde glanced at her, but said nothing. Victoria was smiling, and Esme looked like she wanted to either scold Rosalie or apologize on Rosalie's behalf, but she didn't. Rosalie had broken character and no one really knew how to react.  
  
Jane was grinning, looking particularly evil with her blonde pigtails and pink eyeshadow. "Yeah, don't listen to Rose," she said, brushing it off. "She's just upset Alice hasn't been putting out as much lately. Tell us about your first date together, that oughta be interesting."  
  
I assumed that bit about Alice putting out was just a joke—prayed that it was just a joke—and after a bit of encouragement from Alice and Leah, I started telling them about our first date. Alice was excited to hear me talk about it, so I emphasized certain elements for her enjoyment, like how excited I was and how nervous. I told them about how I'd bought a whole knew outfit for it and how pretty Alice had looked. I told them that I took her out for pizza and to a movie. I left out the part about having sex in her car, because, well, I wasn't really that kind of girl and I didn't want to give the wrong impression.  
  
I disliked being the center of attention, but Jane refrained from reducing me to tears with her constant stings and Alice was always there to back me up with some fawning of her own. Rosalie continued to ignore me, Leah and Carlisle listened politely, and Esme smiled from time to time.  
  
The oddity was Victoria. She was mostly quiet, like her partner, but she wasn't ignoring me—she was staring at me. I hadn't really noticed before—either she had been discrete or I was distracted by Alice—but I noticed now. Every time my eyes chanced a flicker in her direction they'd meet hers, and I'd look away just as quickly. She was sipping red wine and her expression could only be described as vampiric; calm, evaluating, wolfish. She was staring at me as if wondering which part was tastiest, and it made me feel decidedly soft and warm blooded. My heart quickened every time I looked away from her hot eyes, but I felt safe beside Alice, and I found it strangely flattering.  
  
Pretty soon we were finished eating. Esme served coffee and dessert, which was delicious, and then she started clearing away the plates. Alice's dad had already excused himself after the meal, and his wife seemed eager to catch up with him. Leah and Jane had also excused themselves to go play video games, and Victoria had taken a casual perch on Rosalie's lap while she sipped her coffee daintily and whispered things into her lover's ear, thing's that didn't seem to impress the blonde but made the redhead smirk wider and wider. They were completely ignoring me and Alice, aside from an occasional glance at me, and the spectacle was so hot I found it difficult to stay focused on Alice. Alice had shifted her chair even closer to mine, and she was whispering something to me about taking me home so we could enjoy a second dessert, when Esme reached over and took my plate.  
  
"Oh, um," I said, blushing from Alice's suggestions. "Can I help clean up?"  
  
"No, no, no," Esme said, smiling. "I've got it under control. In fact, it's getting a little late. When will your mother be expecting you home? I don't want Alice getting you in trouble with your family."  
  
I looked at the clock on the wall: nine thirty. "Well, she said eleven, but…"  
  
"Esme's right," Alice said, hopping to her feet and brushing down her lacy skirt. She smiled and offered a hand. "I should probably take you home, hm?"  
  
I smiled and place my hand in hers, letting her help me up. I didn't require the assistance, of course—even in heels—but it was a gallant gesture that made me flutter, anyway. Truth be told, I was happy that the night was finally over, and I was greatly looking forward to getting Alice in bed. Dinner had been a terrible strain on my nerves, and I wanted nothing more than to simply get naked and relax in Alice's arms.  
  
Considering how early I'd gotten up this morning, it would still be very early to go to bed—even by the time we got home—but Alice had a talent for kissing a girl goodnight and I had to admit I was looking forward to that, too. Images of her sisters in sexual situations had been popping into my head all night—no matter how much I tried to block them out—and ogling their legs or breasts at every opportunity had taken a sad toll on my libido. It's common knowledge that lesbians aren't necessarily attracted to every female they meet, but I was starting to suspect that I might be a different kind of lesbian, because I really did seem a little pussy-crazy.  
  
In any case, it was Alice's pussy I loved and wanted, and I would've been looking forward to expressing that love regardless of where my eyes had strayed during the night.  
  
Unfortunately, however, there remained the trial of saying goodbye to her family. Esme had continued onto the kitchen and I wanted to thank her for dinner, but what about the others? I wasn't sure if I was supposed to go say anything to Alice's dad, but I figured Alice would let me know.  
  
Only two of her sisters were still in the room, so I turned to them first, forcing my mouth into a brittle smile. I'd never had much luck speaking to these two, but the redhead seemed to have warmed to me over dinner, and I wasn't expecting anything from the blonde, anyway.  
  
"Well," I said, politely enough. "See you."  
  
The redhead smiled. "Leaving already?"  
  
I was still holding Alice's hand and I inched closer to her, as if to try and urge her on. "Yeah," I said to the redhead. "It was nice to, you know. Meet you. Again."  
  
The redhead looked at me for a second and then looked at the blonde. She whispered something and the blonde shook her head. Then the redhead hopped off her lover's lap and came sauntering around the dining table toward me.  
  
"Hey, I have an idea," she said. "Why don't I show you my room? We can be alone in there, and there's so many things I can tell you about our darling Alice. As her big sister it's my duty to embarrass her as horribly as possible."  
  
Nervousness flared in my stomach at the idea of being alone with any Cullen but Alice, and I quickly wracked my brain for a polite excuse. But came up empty, so I just glanced at Alice, and Alice smiled.  
  
"She's pretty tired, Vicky," Alice said to her sister. "Maybe some other time."  
  
"Don't be so possessive, Alice," the redhead said, and then she smiled and took my hand directly out of Alice's, causing a jolt to shoot up my arm. "I'm sure Bella doesn't need you to make every decision for her, do you Bella?"  
  
I didn't need her to, but I'd be lying if I said it wasn't helpful. In any case, I didn't get a chance to answer. The blonde had drained her wine glass and now she rose and walked away, without a word or a backward glance at any of us. I tried not to check out her legs, failed, and turned to Alice.  
  
"Vicky," Alice said, frowning at her sister. "I really think I should take her home."  
  
But Vicky only smiled and began tugging me away. "Don't worry, honey, you can have her back when I'm done. Come along, Bella."  
  
I had no idea what I was supposed to do, but I figured that Alice wouldn't let me go if she didn't want to, and besides—it probably wouldn't kill me to spend a couple minutes gossiping about my girlfriend with my girlfriend's sister.  
  
The redhead's room was down the corridor from Alice's, and I was surprised by how slobby it was. The bed was unmade, looking suspiciously as if it had been used recently, and the floor was littered with clothes and underwear—fancy underwear. There was a vibrator laying casually on the bedside table and a pair of handcuffs dangled from the bar over the headboard. The closet was open but there was no hidden camera that I could see; just clothes, mostly dresses. There were two full length mirrors and another mirror mounted into a small vanitytable. On the surface of the vanitytable there was a stack of magazines, a colony of nailpolish bottles, and a large collection of skin creams and makeup.  
  
It was a messy room, but strangely it didn't seem dirty. There was a scent of perfume in the air, and there wasn't any dust at all that I could see.  
  
There was a desk in the corner with a laptop and an iPod dock, and a dresser against the wall with a large group of framed photographs on the surface. A quick glanced revealed that Alice was in quite a few of them, either with Rosalie or Victoria or both at once, and some of them were so old they were black and white. On the walls there was a couple posters of swimsuit models, which seemed like a bizarre thing to see in a woman's room—even a lesbian's—and even more weirdly, there was an old oilpainting propped up on the desk against the wall. The painting seemed familiar and when I glanced twice I realized it was a portrait of Alice.  
  
"This is the room I share with Rosalie," Victoria said, as she led me in. "I'm sorry I couldn't have been bothered to tidy up a little, but it gets messy again so quickly I hardly see the point."  
  
I chuckled. "I know what you mean," I said, and turned back to the oilpainting. It was Alice, but she looked different somehow, and a weird floaty feeling gathered in my stomach as I looked it over. Maybe the artist hadn't been able to fully capture Alice's unearthly prettiness—but maybe the portrait was cuter somehow. Her face was rounder in the picture, her cheeks fuller, and she looked younger. Maybe sixteen, like me. I turned to the redhead and nodded at the portrait. "Is that Alice?"  
  
A stupid question, but I had a habit of them.  
  
"Yes," Victoria said, taking a seat on the edge of the bed and crossing her legs. They were still very bare, very long, and very eye-catching. "She was human in that portrait. It was painted a very long time ago."  
  
I looked at the portrait with renewed interest. So this is what Alice looked like as a human. She wasn't as pretty as she was now, but her face still struck me as insanely cute.  
  
But what was it doing in here? Shouldn't it be in Alice's room, or her mother's room, or somewhere else where it didn't imply that one of these supermodel chicks had a mega-crush on my girlfriend?  
  
The redhead was watching me examine the portrait and when I turned to her I nodded at it again. "Why is it hanging in here?" I asked, trying to sound simply curious.  
  
"It belongs to Rosalie," she said. "Lacking the girl herself, that portrait is her most prized possession. Rosalie has always had a certain reverence for our little Alice. Alice is like a mother to her."  
  
My heart sank for some reason. "A mother?"  
  
She nodded and smiled at the portrait. She had reclined on the bed and she was laying lazily on her side, propped on an elbow. "Yes," she said. "Rosalie was human when she first met Alice, and like yourself she was very much in awe of her uncanny cuteness. For a time, Rosalie was devoted to her body and soul, but I suppose it was not to be. Perhaps fate was reserving her for myself."  
  
I frowned. "Alice?"  
  
She smiled. "Rosalie."  
  
"Oh," I said, feeling like an idiot.  
  
She chuckled softly and gave me a moment to look at the portrait again. It was amazing to think that Alice had actually existed hundreds of years ago. And even more amazing to think that somewhere along the way she had met a woman named Rosalie. A human who'd fallen in love with her, and worshipped her, and…  
  
And what? How come they didn't get their happily ever after? They were both hot, and Alice herself was amazing. Rosalie was a bit of a bitch, but she was probably nice to Alice. How come they didn't last?  
  
I didn't know, but it left a bad feeling in my stomach. I turned away from the portrait and my eyes landed on the collection of photographs on the dresser. I bent slightly to examine them, a slow sense of amazement stealing over me as I took in the old clothes, old locations—and yet the same women in every picture, perpetually young and beautiful through all time. Alice was in at least half of them, and I felt a huge pang in my heart when my eyes landed on a photograph of Alice and Rosalie in wedding dresses, holding hands and gazing into each other's eyes. It was set in an antique silver frame, and the picture was black and white, so it couldn't possibly have been a legal ceremony, but it still hurt to know that they had once been that close.  
  
And worst of all? They made a beautiful couple. Looking at them like that, married, Rosalie gazing down into Alice's face and Alice smiling up into Rosalie's—looking at them like that, it was impossible not to be sad that they didn't stay that way.  
  
"We all have a special place in our hearts for Alice," Victoria was saying, "and we all have our unique ways of expressing it. Rosalie's feelings are very high and spiritual." She chuckled. "My own feelings for Alice aren't quite so wholesome. She's a lovely girl and a wonderful companion, but mostly I just like to fuck her."  
  
The feeling that washed over me was so cold. I turned to the woman who was lounging on the rumpled bed, my throat closing over. Why did she have to say that? About my girlfriend?  
  
Her manner and speech had been so refined that it only made the word fuck all the more jarring. She was watching me with a cat-like expression in her emerald eyes, and then she smiled and said: "But why lurk over there in the corner like a frightened mouse? Come closer where we can whisper, you and I. Vampires have sensitive hearing and it's you and none other I wish to speak to."  
  
I hesitated, waves of coldness washing over my body. I became acutely aware of my slutty outfit and suddenly I felt very young, stupid, and vulnerable.  
  
Victoria smiled. "Don't be afraid, my dear," she whispered gently, patting a space on the bed beside her. "Come closer. I have things to tell you. Things about Alice."  
  
I swallowed, and I figured I'd better just act as casually as possible. There was a velvet menace in her whole attitude, but I seriously doubted she'd hurt me, and she hadn't really said anything truly bad. Alice herself had admitted that the two of them had a history and that the woman was probably jealous. She was probably only trying to toy with me, just for fun.  
  
So I went over and sat on the edge of the bed. My back was to her and I look over my shoulder slightly to see her. She sat up, flicked her flaming hair over her shoulder, and smiled.  
  
"That's better," she said. "Tell me. Does it surprise you that Alice and I were once lovers?"  
  
"No," I said, shaking my head. "Alice mentioned that…"  
  
I let it trail off, and she smiled, flickering her eyes over me.  
  
"She did, did she? And how much exactly has she told you about me?"  
  
She was only maybe a foot away from me and the proximity was making me blush. I could smell perfume, roses and musk, and her scent was very heady. "Not much."  
  
"Yes," she smiled. "I suppose she wouldn't." She narrowed her eyes playfully. "We wouldn't want to give you nightmares, would we?"  
  
I smiled hesitantly, her playfulness setting me at ease slightly. "You don't seem scary to me."  
  
"No? You don't find me just a little intimidating?"  
  
She lifted a hand and brushed my bare shoulder with the back of a knuckle. The tingles that blazed across the touch almost made me flinch. I shrugged away from her hand and swallowed.  
  
"Maybe a little," I said.  
  
She smiled. "Good," she said. "As Alice's girlfriend, I'd never harm you, of course, but maybe it's not harm you need to worry about, hm? Truth be told, I've never enjoyed inflicting pain on innocent young girls. I like to inflict other things."  
  
She said it with an extremely flirty undertone that made it abundantly clear what kinds of things she liked inflicting on girls, and suddenly I realized that this woman was a lesbian—and I was sitting on her bed.  
  
It was a dizzy thought, and a cold wave of excitement swept over me. Until I'd met Alice I'd been skeptical that lesbian's even existed outside the internet—and now here one was, and not just any lesbian; one who looked amazing, smelled even better, and was staring at me with enough power to almost make me take off my clothes unconsciously.  
  
I gulped, and I had no idea what to do or say, so instead I tried to change the subject.  
  
"I thought you were going to tell me about Alice," I said cautiously.  
  
She huffed and broke her stare. "Oh, Alice, Alice, Alice. Why must everything be about Alice? But very well. If you want to talk about Alice, we'll talk about Alice. What would you like to know?"  
  
I was taken aback by her little outburst and I couldn't think of a single thing. But she didn't wait long for a response. A catty smile crossed her face and she wrapped her arms around my waist from behind—making me freeze in terror—and rested her chin on my shoulder.  
  
"Shall I tell you of our encounters together?" she whispered into my ear. "Hm? Of all the things she's begged me to do to her over the years? Thing's beyond your imagining, I'm sure."  
  
My eyes darted and I just sat there rigid as her scent swirled in my head. "I doubt it," I said.  
  
She chuckled at that, a breathy chuckle in my ear. "Hmm, that almost sounded flirtatious," she said. "Shouldn't you be more jealous, my dear? Bare in mind that you're talking to woman who not only has sexual history with your girlfriend, but is also vastly more attractive than you. And has the audacity to say these things to your face. I'm a terrible villain, am I not?"  
  
She was trying to intimidate me, I realized, and it was working really well. I'd never been comfortable with physical closeness, and having this woman drape herself over my back while I sat on her bad was almost more than I could handle. Her words, however, were strangely hollow, and I felt no jealousy at all. I had faith in Alice, and now more than ever I believed her when she'd said she'd never leave me.  
  
So I just sat there, stiff as a board, and stared at the wall. "Alice said she's not interested in you," I said.  
  
But the woman only gave another sultry chuckle in my ear. "How faithful of her," she said with heavy sarcasm. Then she touched my face with a finger, brushing aside astray lock of hair. "But maybe you have a point," she whispered. "Hm? Maybe I'm the one who should be jealous. Me and Alice used to have sex all day long, and then you came along and suddenly she has better things to do. Things like you, hm? What do you think, my dear? Do I seem jealous to you? Jealousy is so unbecoming, isn't it?"  
  
I barely registered anything she said. My face was blazing and all I said was: "I don't know."  
  
Another lazy chuckle. "Or maybe I should be jealous of Alice," she went on. "After all, you're quite a lovely girl, aren't you? And human. I can almost taste your blood just by looking at you…"  
  
Her lips landed on my collar, right where Alice used to bite me, and suddenly I froze stiller than I'd ever been in my life. I turned my head to her jerkily. "I have to go," I said, almost whispering.  
  
She smiled and gazed into my face, still holding me around the waist. "Go? Why do you want to go?"  
  
"It's getting late," I said, swallowing. "My mom will be worried."  
  
Her red lips curved into a wolfish smirk. "And Alice too, hm? I'm sure Alice would be getting very worried by now."  
  
I frowned at her. Her face was right there in front of me, and she was so sexy, and her lips looked so succulent. My eyes flickered over her as if I couldn't help and I said: "Why?"  
  
"Why? Oh, honey. Don't you realize what's happening?"  
  
"No," I said meekly.  
  
She smiled. "No?"  
  
I shook my head. "No."  
  
She looked at me steadily and then very deliberately she licked her lips. Her tongue grazed her fangs and the gesture was so erotic it made my pussy throb. She smirked and said: "I think you do."  
  
Suddenly I stood up. Her arms came away from my waist without resistance and I quickly moved over to the door. She'd left it open when we came in, but I didn't walk out. I simply paused and turned back to her where she lounged on the bed watching me, standing there meekly in my satin halter and miniskirt, hesitant, uncertain. The last few moments were so confusing that I truly wasn't sure if anything inappropriate had actually happened. The whole conversation seemed so unrealistic that the only way I could rationalize it was by convincing myself I was overreacting, and that the redhead hadn't really done anything improper at all.  
  
So I stood there, waiting for the other woman to get up and lead me out, so we could pretend everything was normal. "I should probably go," I repeated.  
  
She smiled and sighed, letting her eyes roam over me lazily. Then she rose from the bed and moved languidly to the door. I felt a surge of relief, thinking the whole nightmare was over, but then she closed the door. She took the doorknob and pushed it closed gently but firmly, locking me in. Alone. With her.  
  
"What are you doing?" I asked, trying to keep the fear from my voice.  
  
She turned me and smiled pleasantly.  
  
"What do you mean, dear?"  
  
"Why did you close the door? I said I have to go."  
  
She stared at me and sauntered a few steps closer, swinging her hips. "I know what you said," she told me. "But I don't want you to go just yet. You'll stay with me for just a moment, won't you?"  
  
I frowned. "Why?"  
  
She smiled brightly, as if this was very amusing, and said: "Why? Well, to be blunt, my dear, I had an ulterior motive for inviting you in here. Can you guess what that is?"  
  
I could guess, but I didn't want to believe it. Could my girlfriend's sister truly have invited me into her room to seduce me? I couldn't even begin to understand why she'd want to do that. "No."  
  
She was taller than me, by at least three inches, and she stooped slightly to stare directly into my face. "I want to test your faithfulness to Alice."  
  
I recoiled slightly but remained rooted to the spot. "What?"  
  
"I want to test your faithfulness to my sister," she repeated. "I want to know if you truly love her."  
  
I blinked rapidly, unable to look away from her eyes. "I do," I whispered.  
  
She smiled with her full red lips. "You do, hm?"  
  
"Of course," I insisted, an edge of franticness in my voice. I hardly knew what I was talking about. "Alice is my soulmate."  
  
She gave a sultry giggle. "Excellent," she said. "You've no objection to a test, then?"  
  
I frowned. "What test?"  
  
She didn't answer; she placed her hands on my shoulders, leaned, and kissed me full on the lips.  
  
I froze in horror. My lips were parted slightly and all I could do was stand there as this woman, this stranger, this person who wasn't Alice, kissed me. My mind clouded over in a red haze of muskiness, and the worst thing about the kiss was how wonderful it felt. Her lips were larger and fuller than Alice's, and they were so soft and so indescribably warm. They were pressed flush to my mouth, gently but firmly. My eyes didn't even close, they simply darted aside, and over on the desk I could see the oilpainting of Alice.  
  
The kiss seemed to last forever, but finally the woman pulled back, our lips making a little smacking sound as they disconnected. She smiled and licked them.  
  
"Mmm," she murmured. "You have lovely lips, my dear." She smirked. "But not very faithful ones, hm? Alice would be so disappointed…"  
  
I had absolutely nothing to say to that. I was so rattled by how amazing the kiss had been that I could hardly think, let alone speak. My expression must've been very pale and frightened, because the woman's smile took a sympathetic tilt, and she cocked her head. She put a hand on my shoulder and bent to look into my face.  
  
"But maybe the test was a little unfair, hm?" she whispered. "You love my sister, I can tell, but you're so weak. Look at you. You can't resist me, can you? You don't even know how."  
  
She been caressing my shoulder as she spoke and when she finished she leaned and licked it. I shivered and tried to move, but where could I go? What could I do?  
  
"Please," I whispered.  
  
"Oh, honey," she chuckled into my lips. "It's a little late to start begging."  
  
That was probably true. My nipples were hard, my pussy was throbbing, and I knew in that moment that if this woman wanted to fuck me then that was exactly what I was going to let her do.  
  
Then suddenly she pulled away. "Hey," she said brightly, "I have an idea. Would you like to play a game?"  
  
She'd asked the question with a cheerful enthusiasm, as if speaking to a reluctant child, and I frowned, unable to process it. "What?"  
  
She gave me a steady look, perhaps mildly annoyed by how many times she'd have to repeat herself. "I said," she whispered slowly, "would you like to play a game?"  
  
I didn't think she meant a video game. My shoulder jerked in what was supposed to be a shrug and I said: "I don't know."  
  
She smiled. "It's very simple," she assured me. "All you have to do is take off your clothes, lay down, and let me do anything I want to you. Does that sound like fun?"  
  
My pussy suggested with a delicious throb that yes, it probably would be fun. Or maybe fun was the wrong word. It didn't seem like fun, it simply seemed desirable, overwhelmingly desirable, more desirable than anything else I could think of.  
  
But this was Alice's house, and I was on a date with Alice. This was Alice's sister—and former lover. Alice was my girlfriend, my lover, my soulmate. So why then was my entire being crazed with the impulse to spread my legs for this woman?  
  
I swallowed, and despite the overwhelming temptation that blanketed my mind, the word that came out of my mouth was: "No."  
  
But she only smiled, and I realized with sick excitement that that was exactly what I'd been hoping for. "Oh, come now," she said, brushing a knuckle over my cheek. "You're going to hurt my feelings if you don't want to play."  
  
I shook my head, blushing feverishly. "I don't."  
  
Again, she didn't believe me. "I think you do," she said, and then she dropped her hand and took a stop back. "Come on, take off your top."  
  
"What?"  
  
She seemed amused and she smiled at me as if I was a slow child. "You're a bit deft, aren't you dear? I said, take off your top."  
  
The command was irresistible. Dimly, I was aware that by taking off my top I'd be showing her my breasts, and for some inexplicable reason this seemed like a very attractive idea. My halter, scanty as it was, felt stifling all the sudden, and I really did want to take it off. It felt like I'd burst if I didn't.  
  
So I did. It was still a flimsy garment, and I was careful not to break it. I pulled it up over my naked breasts and threaded it off my arms—and then I was just standing there; boobs exposed and throbbing with excitement.  
  
Victoria smiled her wolfish smile. "Good girl," she said approvingly. "Alice has you trained well." Then she seemed to notice my tits for the first time. "And what lovely breasts!" she exclaimed happily. "They look simply scrumptious, don't they?"  
  
And as she spoke, she took my breasts in her hands and helped herself to a generous feel, which, I had to admit, wasn't the most unpleasant thing that had ever happened to me. Her hands were elegant and long fingered, and she touched me firmly but not quite groping, squeezing my shapes like a woman checking for ripeness at a fruitstand.  
  
She was looking into my eyes as she touched me, watching my expression, and then she smiled. "Aww, you look nervous," she said. "What's the matter, honey? Would it make you more comfortable if I took off my dress?"  
  
Her hands were still cupping my breasts, but they paused as she waited for an answer. I couldn't bring myself to outright cooperate, but I had a feeling she'd do what she wanted anyway. "No," I said.  
  
I was right. Her hands slid away from my breasts and she took a step back, and then she took the hem of her flame-red dress in her hands and lifted it up over her body, wriggling slightly against the tight fabric.  
  
Underneath she was wearing a scarlet lace thong—and nothing else. The dress fell to the floor beside her feet that were clad in red spike heels and the breath rushed out of me as I stared at her body.  
  
She was tall, at least five nine, and her skin was pearl white. She looked like she was sculpted from the purest marble without a blemish or any imperfection at all. Her hips were round and wider than her chest, and her legs were incredibly long and perfectly shaped, and her breasts were large, heavy, and topped with full pink nipples. Her stomach was flat and toned, and her crimson panties hugged contours that were sinfully attractive.  
  
She was gorgeous, exquisite, divine. It was the kind of body Greek goddesses inhabited when they went around banging kings and causing wars, and I was so amazed at how hot she was that all I could was do tremble and stare.  
  
She smiled and took a deep breath. "There," she said, ruffling her hair with her fingers casually. "Is that better?"  
  
It wasn't a question and I didn't answer it. If I hadn't been convinced before, I was convinced now; this woman was going to fuck me. That thought should've been more distressing than what it was, considering I already had a girlfriend that I loved with all my heart, but it wasn't. My heart didn't seem to be working, and right now my pussy appeared to be in control. It was throbbing like mad and the sight of this woman's naked body had whipped it in to a frenzy.  
  
The redhead watched for a moment before evidently deciding to end my agony. She smiled, closed in on me, and wrapped her arms around my back and threaded a hand into my hair. "Come here," she whispered, and then she forced her red and lovely lips onto mine.  
  
Her tongue tasted like wine. I didn't try to stop it from entering my mouth, but I didn't respond—not yet. My eyes had closed and my hands were holding her shoulders. My face was tilted up and it was the first time I'd kissed anyone taller than me. It was the first time I'd kissed anyone other than Alice.  
  
My mind had clouded over and I could feel her hand in my hair and her other hand stroking my back. She was holding my body against hers and I could feel her breasts pressing onto my chest, just above mine. Her tongue probed into my mouth and soon I was responding tentatively, leaning into her and wrapping my arms around her. The inside of her mouth was warm and wet. The kiss was slow and passionate and slowly my arms came up and wrapped around her neck. She smelt incredible, like musk and roses, and suddenly she reached down and grabbed my ass.  
  
The coarse movement took me by surprise and gave me a spike of excitement. I made a meep sound into her mouth and arched my body into hers. Her hand groped my miniskirt for a little bit and then she hiked it up a couple inches. My underwear was a g-string and the next thing I felt was her hand taking a handful of my bare ass.  
  
Suddenly I broke the kiss, unable to take it anymore. I stood there with my head pressed against her shoulder, gasping, and I heard her chuckle as she took a step back.  
  
"Take off your skirt," she said.  
  
I looked up. "What?"  
  
She stared into my eyes with her smile. She didn't repeat herself and she didn't have to. My ass was tingling with sensitivity, and there was a huge cramp between my legs, and honestly I couldn't wait to get my skirt off. I couldn't wait to get it all off and get her mouth on me where I really wanted it.  
  
I hooked my thumbs into the skirt and pushed it down until it fell about my ankles, and then I kicked it away carefully, awkwardly in my heels.  
  
"Nice panties," the woman said. She smiled and made a twirling motion with her finger. "Turn around."  
  
I hesitated. At this point in the evening it might've been silly to feel self-conscious about letting her see my thong-clad ass, but I hesitated anyway, standing there mostly naked, my pussy covered by nothing but a small triangle of purple lace.  
  
The redhead sighed patiently. "Honey, you really need to start listening better. Turn around."  
  
I turned around, pausing with my back to her so she could see, and then I faced front again. She was smiling and the smile made my heart glow sickly. She seemed genuinely impressed, which was incredible—because this wasn't Alice. This wasn't someone who loved me and was only being nice. This was a predator who obviously had no regard for my feelings at all. All she wanted was my body—and my body had made her smile.  
  
"You have a very nice body," she told me, "which is surprising. Alice isn't usually so discerning. She's more of an inner beauty kind of girl, believe it or not."  
  
She made another twirling motion with her fingers and I turned around again.  
  
"Yes, very nice. If I had a girlfriend like you perhaps I'd be neglectful of my sisters too. Take off your panties."  
  
This last command was the easiest to obey of them all, strangely. My pussy was cramping from how horny I was, and my underwear felt tight, constricting, and uncomfortable. I didn't even hesitate. I simply pushed them down and let them drop at my feet, my pussy throbbing painfully from arousal. I looked down so I could step free from the underwear without tripping in my heels and some of my hair fell in my face. I tucked it behind my ear and looked up at the other woman.  
  
"Good girl," she said with a smile. "You're learning. Now take off mine."  
  
I froze, naked but for my shoes. "How?"  
  
She pondered the question for a moment and then she spread her feet slightly. "Use your mouth," she said finally. "I like a girl on her knees, and I'm sure it'll be a thrill for you, too. Go ahead."  
  
My head was pounding, and without really thinking about it, I dropped to my knees at her feet. Her hips were right in front of me, and I was so dazed from the proximity that I swayed slightly.  
  
"Go on, honey," the redhead urged gently. "I don't mind being stared at, of course, but I'm sure you'll appreciate the view more after you've taken them off."  
  
I swallowed and took a shaky breath. Then I took a grip on her hips and leaned to the front of her thong. It was red lace and silk and I could see the floral pattern of it. I pressed my face into her groin and tried to get the waistband between my teeth. When I finally had it, I tugged them down, bowing my head all the way to her feet, like a maiden worshiping some goddess.  
  
I rose up, trembling, feverish. She was bikini waxed, like Alice, and her pussy was moist and smooth-looking. Her hand descended on my head and stroked my hair, much the same as Alice might've of.  
  
"Good girl," she said. "Can you guess what I want you to do now?"  
  
I didn't have to guess. I licked my dry lips, my mouth actually watering, and my stomach was lurching with a sick sense of complete wrongness. I looked up at her from where I was kneeling, taking in her unearthly figure, her red smile, and then I lowered my eyes to her hips, leaned forward, and angled a tentative kiss into her crotch.  
  
The touch of my lips onto her silky pussy almost made me black out. I had no idea why I was being so tender to a woman who was taking advantage of me so horribly, but it felt right, proper—and utterly wrong at the same time. I applied some pressure into the kiss and then I licked. I licked once, twice, and at the end of the third lick I opened my eyes a crack and saw her smirking down at me with her red lips. I felt a rush of resentment for her, so powerful it provoked a sheen of sweat all over my body, and suddenly I licked harder. I gripped down on her hips and kept licking, over and over, and I didn't care if I was a slut or a freak, and I didn't care if she was taking advantage of me because she tasted so fucking good.  
  
"Calmly, my dear," she said, twirling her fingers in my hair. "I'm not as…rushable, as Alice. I require steady attention. I like it nice and slow."  
  
I slowed down, hating myself for obeying, but excited at the same time.  
  
"Yes, that's nicer," she purred. "Keep going, just like that."  
  
I kept licking, and by now I could taste her arousal in every lick. My own pussy was wet with anticipation, and I felt myself getting bolder. I slipped my tongue between her folds and wriggled it into her vagina. I left it in there as I stroked the length of her legs with my hands, up and down, and then I took my tongue out, licked her clit, and inserted it again.  
  
She giggled and stepped back abruptly, leaving me kneeling there with my tongue out. I put it back in my mouth and looked up at her questioningly, but she simply smiled and walked past me toward the bed. My head swung around to look at her ass.  
  
"Come," she said. "Lay down."  
  
I rose, licking my lips and swallowing. I almost stumbled, and I had to steady myself on the edge of the bed. She was standing by the side of the bed and holding out a hand for me to take. I glared at her meekly, not taking the hand.  
  
"Do I leave my shoes on?" I asked sullenly.  
  
My tone made her smile wider than ever. "Yes," she said. "You leave your shoes on. Come, take my hand."  
  
I took her hand, swallowing again, and crawled onto the bed. I lay back on one of the pillows—with my legs closed—and watched as she climbed in after me. Her breasts swung heavily from her chest as she crawled over and straddled my hips. I glared up at her with frightened eyes, my body raging with excitement, and she smiled and lowered her body across mine and spoke into my lips.  
  
"It's okay," she whispered. "Don't be afraid. I told you I wouldn't harm you, didn't I?"  
  
She kissed my lips once. I swallowed reflexively, my breath shuddering. I could feel the warm weight of her breasts laying on top of mine and I was so hot I felt like I was going to spontaneously combust at any moment. She smiled.  
  
"Try to relax," she whispered. "I was only teasing when I said I wanted to test your faithfulness to Alice. There's no such test. You're young, you're allowed to make mistakes. This will be your first one…"  
  
And then she kissed me.  
  
Her tongue snaked into my mouth and I didn't bother resisting. I responded right away, wrapping my arms around her back and moaning as I pushed my tongue against hers, surrendering to her awful passion. She cupped my face and kept kissing me. Her technique was fantastic and the way she stroked my face was driving me crazy.  
  
Then her hands went lower.  
  
She cupped my breasts and squeezed them firmly, almost painfully. Her fingernails were short, but still a little longer than most lesbian's—longer than Alice's—and I felt them prick into the soft flesh of my mounds. I moaned and squirmed my chest slightly, as if to encourage her, and she moaned back, swirling her tongue in my mouth. She began stroking my breasts while rubbing her body against mine, the sound of our mingled breathing filling the room. I let my own hands roam the silky expanse of her pale back, and saliva was pooling in my mouth, mine and hers, and I kept swallowing and moaning and gasping under her kiss.  
  
Finally she broke the kiss to let me catch my breath, watching me with a smile. Her own breathing was heavy, but nothing like my labored panting. While I lay there shuddering and swallowing, she crept her hand between out bodies, toward my crotch. I shivered as her fingers stroked my pussy and looked into her eyes with a feeble defiance. She smiled and flicked her tongue at my lips. I opened my mouth to try and catch it. She flicked it again and I flicked back, and then she mashed her lips against mine and started tonguing and fingering me at the same time, making me groan and writhe under her.  
  
She kept going and going, and soon I was slick and slathered. I had no strength to kiss anymore and after a while I turned my head aside and just lay there panting.  
  
She giggled. "Don't worry, my dear," she whispered. "It'll be all over soon. Like a bad dream."  
  
Her hand wasn't between my legs anymore and when I turned back to her face I saw her licking her fingers, popping them into her mouth erotically, one then the other. She then placed one last kiss on my lips and rose up, straddling my hips.  
  
She was as beautiful as ever and her flaming red hair was tumbled over her pale shoulders. Her lips were smudged and her smile was lazy and very sexy. Both her hands were on my breasts, and as she sat there on top of me, she began to knead them generously, staring down at me. My arms lay limply at my sides and I was staring up at her tits. Then I lifted my eyes to her face and she smiled.  
  
"That's okay," she said, still caressing my breasts. "You can look. I'm not shy. What do you think?"  
  
I lowered my eyes to her breasts and watched them sway slightly with her movements. "You're beautiful," I whispered.  
  
She smiled. "More beautiful than Alice?"  
  
I didn't answer, but in all honesty, at that moment, it was difficult to recall what Alice even looked like.  
  
She squeezed my boobs playfully. "It's okay, you can say so," she whispered. "I won't tell her."  
  
I still didn't say anything, and she smirked.  
  
"No?" she chuckled. "That's okay. I'll take your silence for secret agreement. But what are you waiting for? I can see you're not as feisty as our little Alice, but surely you're capable of more than staring. Touch me."  
  
I lifted my hands and placed them on her breasts. They were so big and soft my fingers seemed to sink into them. I squeezed and licked my lips, my hands tingling. I kept stroking them, exploring the incredible feel of how hot and heavy they were, and she watched me with a smile until she grew bored with just my hands.  
  
She moved my hands away, and without speaking, she bent forward, lowering her chest over my face, and then she grabbed my head and held me against her, rubbing her boobs into my face, smothering me under the heavy weight of her breasts. I opened my mouth and managed to get one of her fat little nipples into it, and I started sucking on it, sucking hard enough to slurp. She giggled and moved her other breast over my mouth and I sucked on that one, too. She offered me the first one again and I flicked the nipple harshly with my tongue, making the whole breast wobble, and she giggled, arched up, and kissed me with her mouth.  
  
Her lips descended on my neck, licking at my collar, and then they fell lower on my chest and breasts. She grabbed handfuls of my boobs and sucked on my nipples, one and then the other, and licked at them and nipped at them with her teeth, making me flinch and gasp. My pussy was in a torment of horniness and I was ready to cry from how badly I needed release.  
  
Finally she shuffled lower on me body until she was kneeling at my feet. My legs were still closed, and I wouldn't open them willingly, no matter how much I ached. She smiled and stroked my shins with her hands.  
  
"Open your legs, honey."  
  
The gentle command was enough to break me, and suddenly my legs spread open all by themselves, exposing my soaked womanhood. My legs were slathered with arousal to the knee and the next thing I felt was her hands on the inside of my thighs, caressing me.  
  
"Good girl," she said, then she giggled. "To be honest, I didn't think you'd be this easy. It's quite a pleasant surprise. I think I'm going to enjoy this very much. You enjoy it too, okay?  
  
I didn't reply. My head was thrown back and I was staring at the ceiling, my breaths long and shuddering. I waited, and waited, and finally I felt it: her tongue on my pussy. I let out a groan that was almost a whimper, and I started squirming as she started licking, letting out little cries, my eyes squeezed shut.  
  
She kept licking and licking, slow and relentless. I felt her tongue explore my folds and poke into my vagina, I felt it curl up inside me. I felt her lick my clit. My eyes were closed and I was sweating all over. I felt sick from how amazing it felt, sick to be doing this with someone other than Alice, someone I didn't love, didn't even know, but I was helpless. Her mouth was amazing, and there was nothing I could do at all other than lay there, heaving, crying, and gradually going awash in the hot torment of her tongue.  
  
Soon she was suckling at my clit and soon I was coming. I climaxed with a strangled cry, and then I lay there, face burning, breath heaving through my dry mouth, covered in sweat. My hair was damp and I had my hands clasped at my chest, curled up on my side with my legs and eyes closed, trembling and gasping.  
  
"Mmm," the woman moaned. "That was delicious. Did you enjoy that, my dear?"  
  
I couldn't answer, and she didn't give me much time to recover, anyway. She rolled me onto my back and straddled my hips, and then she took my hands and pinned my wrists either side of my head. I gulped and looked up at her. She was smiling and she leaned to kiss me once more. I could taste myself on her.  
  
"I wonder what Alice would say if she saw you now?" she whispered, looking into my eyes with a certain sexy malice. "Hm? Were you thinking about her as I ate you out, my dear? Or did the poor girl just slip your mind?"  
  
I didn't answer. Her face was only inches away from mine and still so beautiful, her scent so sweet, and without really thinking, I tugged my hands free from hers, took her face in my hands, and pulled her into a slow kiss, tonguing her lavishly and letting her know that I wasn't some vulnerable little girl she was taking advantage of—the pleasure was mine.  
  
She giggled into my mouth and pushed me away. "I'm glad you have some energy left," she said, "because I'm afraid I'm going to have to insist on some attention."  
  
I said nothing; just waited.  
  
She smiled and leaned a little closer. "Tell me something, honey," she whispered. "If I were to sit on your head and rub my pussy into your face…would you be terribly demeaned?"  
  
The suggestion excited me far more than it should've, but thankfully she didn't make me say it out loud. She simply smirked, rose up, and shuffled her naked body forward, tits jiggling. She knelt over my face with one knee either side of my head, pinning my arms under her legs. Her pussy was right in front of me and I started licking without being told.  
  
I heard her hiss with pleasure and I could imagine her arched body as she tilted her head back in enjoyment.  
  
"Good girl," she whispered, grinding her hips into my mouth. "Keep going. The sooner you make me come, the sooner you can get back to your precious Alice. Your…how did you put it? Your soulmate."  
  
By now I was clearheaded enough to bristle at the mention of Alice, but I kept going. Her pussy was delicious, and the stab of resentment I felt, the reminder of my relationship, only excited me more. Not sexual excitement, but a more darker, colder kind of excitement. It was a bad time to discover a latent taste for sexual humiliation, but I didn't have time to think about it now. Now, all I could do was eat this awful redhead's pussy—and like it.  
  
I didn't seem to have much of a choice, anyway. My head was completely trapped between her slick thighs and there was nothing I could do with my arms but hook them around her legs for leverage as I craned my neck to eat her out better. I lapped up her essence and explored her folds with my tongue. I took my time, no resistance, no hesitation. I felt mechanical and dazed, and it wasn't really a bad feeling.  
  
The scent of her arousal was smothering and the sound of her pleasure was intoxicating. Unlike me, it was calm and deliberate, soft and rhythmic moaning, an occasion giggle as I stuffed my tongue into her vagina or nipped at her clit. She'd been grinding down on me to begin with, but after a while she stopped that and let me suckle on her clit, both of her hands clenched in my hair as she forced my face into the fork of her crotch.  
  
"Mmm," she moaned. "Yes. It's coming, honey. Just a little more."  
  
She started grinding with her hips again and I kept going. It was hard to lick in rhythm with her movements, but I managed, focusing on her clit. Her breathing got faster and I could tell how close it was getting by her hands in my hair. The grip became tighter and tighter until it was almost painful, and finally she came; bucking her hips into my nose and almost smothering me with her pussy.  
  
"Mmm," she moaned, as her breathing tapered off, and I could hear the smile in her voice. "That was wonderful."  
  
I started licking at her again, idly, just for fun. Why not? I seemed to be a complete slut, anyway.  
  
She giggled and enjoyed it for a minute, and then she dismounted from my face, the mattress tilting as her weight plopped down beside me. She sat with her legs stretched out before her, and as I sat up I saw that she was covered in light film of sweat and she was smiling very happily. My face was slathered with her arousal and I turned away to wipe it with a corner of bedsheet.  
  
She watched me, and when I was done, she crawled forward and placed a kiss on my cheek. "You did very well," she whispered. "I'm sure Alice would be proud."  
  
I looked at her blandly. Was she trying to hurt me with these taunts about Alice? I wasn't hurt. I was just numb. The hurt would probably come later.  
  
"Now," she said, clapping her hands together and looking me over hungrily. "I'll simply have a bit of blood, and you can be on your way. Okay?"  
  
I frowned. Blood now? My body, dignity, and self-respect weren't enough? I suppose I should've felt afraid, too, but mostly I just felt annoyed. She was hot and all, but the sex was over; where's my motivation?  
  
"So," she said, smiling wolfishly. "Which artery, hm? Carotid? No, that's Alice's favorite. Brachial? No, it's not erotic enough. How about femoral? Hm? On the inside of your thigh, just here. Would that be acceptable?"  
  
She was tracing a line on the inside of my thigh with her fingernail, presumably where my femoral artery was. I felt a flitter of excitement and it occurred to me that it would be pretty cool to be bitten there. I was almost tempted to let her do it, but I didn't. I maintained a stubborn silence, a frown on my face and tingles between my legs where her finger trailed.  
  
She smiled. "I'm sorry, honey," she said, "but I'm afraid you'll have to say. I wouldn't feel right without your consent."  
  
Her hand was resting on my leg and I felt an intense desire to say yes. I'd fallen so far already that a bit of blood hardly seemed to matter, but then I remembered Alice. I remembered how important feeding had been for her, and I remembered her speeches about rituals and ceremonies, and I remembered that Alice had wanted my consent, too, and that I'd given it to her. I'd said yes to Alice because I loved Alice—I didn't love this woman. And looking at her now, so naked and pale and disgustingly sexy, I realized that I didn't even like her.  
  
"No," I said.  
  
I hadn't even considered how she'd react, but it surprised me; her eyes widened just slightly—in excitement? I wasn't sure. Then she smiled and tilted her head, pouting her smudged red lips. "No?" she wheedled. "Not even if I ask nicely?"  
  
I frowned at her. I'd made the biggest mistake of my life here tonight, and even though my thigh was still tingling under her touch, I felt a powerful urge to spite her in any way I could. "No," I repeated, firmer this time.  
  
She stared at me with her mouth open slightly, passing her tongue under her fangs, making sure I saw them. Her eyes were sparkling and she seemed to be trying not to smile. If she'd pressured me, I probably would've gave in, but she seemed to be willing to allow me this one small victory.  
  
"Pity," she said. Then she smiled and patted my naked leg. "Well, maybe some other night, hm? After we've gotten to know each other a little better."  
  
She winked and rose from the bed, giving me an amazing view of her body from behind, her curvy figure, her luscious ass, the creamy expanse of her back. She was still incredibly fucking hot, and in that moment, I really hated her for it. She sighed and stretched, preening her figure even more, and then she turned and smiled, extending a hand to me.  
  
"Come," she said. "We should get dressed, and then, I suppose, I ought to restore you to your soulmate, hm?"  
  
I looked at her beautiful hand with dull resentment. Then I placed my own inside it and let her help me up.  
  
—  
  
Dread began building as soon as I'd gotten out of the bed.  
  
Alice.  
  
What would she say? I didn't kid myself that I could keep this secret. I highly doubted there were any secrets at all between her and her sisters, and the redhead obviously wasn't a particularly discreet young woman. Alice was going to find out, and when she did...  
  
And what? I didn't know. I'd cheated on her, plain and simple. I was dating her, sleeping with her, and then I'd cheated on her. How did I do it? I didn't even know. It had seemed like a good idea at the time, especially when the redhead had showed me her tits, but now, afterwards, thinking about Alice, it really didn't seem worth it.  
  
I got "dressed" in a state of misery. I didn't know if you could even call these things clothes, but such as they were, I put them on with cold loathing. I almost burst into tears as I pulled up my skimpy purple g-string in front of this woman who'd just face-fucked me like a wild animal, and I made a solemn promise to myself to never again wear anything but ugly pants and cheap hoodies. I'm really not the kind of girl that wears this stuff. I'm not.  
  
Victoria had dressed first and took a moment to touch up her makeup while she waited for me. I caught a glimpse of my own makeup in one of the full-length mirrors and again almost burst into tears. My mascara was smudged, my lipstick was gone, and my hair was tangled. If I'd thought I looked like a whore earlier in the evening, I'd been exaggerating; now I looked like a whore. Happily for me, however, the redhead took pity and allowed me to wipe down my face and brush my hair before releasing me back to my girlfriend. Very considerate of her, and I was so grateful that I almost stabbed her in the boobs with the hairbrush. The bristles looked sharp and her tits were probably fake, anyway. Or at least vampire-enhanced.  
  
It had felt like I'd been trapped in the vile den of the redhead's perfumed bedroom for three weeks, at least, but it was less than an hour. She led me out by the hand and down the stairs, a cold sweat breaking out over the back of my neck. I didn't even have the strength to jerk my hand out of Victoria's. She led me down the stairs, hand in hand as if I were her girlfriend, and I saw that Alice, Leah, and Jane were all in the living room. There was no sign of Rosalie and at least that was one thing I didn't have to worry about. It was going to suck getting righteously dumped by my perfect girlfriend for cheating, and I didn't need the added insult of being eviscerated by the icy blonde who happened to be the soulmate of the woman I'd done the cheating with.  
  
Jane was on the sofa, lounging in Leah's arms, and she was playing some fighting game on Playstation. Alice was sitting on one of the recliners, and she had the family cat, Fang, on her lap. She was petting it with a caress that was probably similar to the caress she liked to use on me, and when she looked up, she knew. She took one look at me, and she knew. She hadn't been smiling and she didn't smile when she saw me.  
  
My heart broke and I looked away quickly.  
  
Jane and Leah both looked up, and they seemed to know, too. It was probably written all over my face and body, evident in my posture. My makeup was all gone, for starters, and I was probably standing in a way that hinted I'd had a tongue in me recently. I glanced at Alice, and she looked away. The cat look up from Alice's lap, and it seemed to know, too.  
  
The redhead was still holding my hand, and now she stepped forward and released me, almost as if flinging me away. "Oh, Alice?" she said with false sweetness. "I'm done with her for now. You can have her back if you want."  
  
You had to admire what a total fucking whore she was. I stood there burning with shame, and no one spoke for a second. Leah and Jane shared a glance, Jane smirking—that fucking imp—and Alice was the first to move. She took the cat from her lap, rose, and placed the cat down in the exact same place she'd been sitting, and the cat immediately curled up and closed its eyes.  
  
Everyone looked at her, even me. She was still dressed in her pink tube top and frilly orange tutu, but I was ashamed to ever have thought she looked anything less than innocent. Alice was the soul of innocence, and no matter how revealing or provocative her outfit, she was still the cutest and sweetest-looking girl in the world. Cuter than the redhead. The redhead was kind of a cow, really.  
  
Alice gave me a small reassuring smile as she crossed the room, which made me soar with both hope and shame, and then she took my hand. A shiver of self-loathing traveled up my arm as I remembered where that hand had been—I hadn't even washed them—but I couldn't bring myself to tug it away.  
  
Alice gave Victoria a look which stated she was upset, but she didn't speak or slap the whore sideways. She simply turned, still holding my hand, and led me outside.  
  
It was dark outside, and very cold. Cold enough to make me shiver, but it wasn't just the cold that made me tremble. Not only had I cheated on Alice, but I'd cheated on myself, too. I mean, what kind of woman was I? I'd always had a favorable impression of myself, more or less, but it was starting to seem obvious that I really wasn't as good a person as I thought I was. From the available evidence it seemed like I was the kind of girl who'd go to her girlfriend's house for dinner and fuck her sister in her bedroom after the dessert. And considering that, how was I supposed to live with myself? I'd always been physically affectionate with Alice, of course, but that was justified by the fact that Alice was my girlfriend and self-proclaimed soulmate. We didn't have sex; we made love. even at the mall, or in the back seat.  
  
But the redhead? She was hot, but that's about it. Was that enough to justify it? Maybe, if I wasn't already with Alice. But there was no justification for cheating—not after I'd promised so faithfully last night. If I was Alice, I'd dump me. If I was Alice, I'd shoot me. I'd shoot myself, if I had a gun.  
  
Alice still hadn't spoken, and without speaking, she led me to her silver Volvo, which was still parked on the curb. She opened the door for me, making me burn with shame all over again, and I hesitated, wracking my head for something to say. But nothing came to me. What could I possibly say that wouldn't only insult her? Anything I said, any syllable I uttered, would be nothing but an affront to her feelings. The only true apology I could make would be to run in the kitchen, grab a large knife, and perform hara-kiri in atonement.  
  
But I was too young to die, and I didn't really have the fortitude to disembowel myself, so I just dropped my tear-filled eyes to the ground, like the shameful harlot I was, and climbed meekly into the car. Alice closed the door after me, and then she went around to the driver's side. She climbed in and started the engine, and I almost wept with gratitude. She was driving me home. Even after I cheated on her, she was still driving me home. She was such an angel. I didn't deserve a ride home. I deserved to be set out by the side of the road like a bag of trash, kicked to the curb with a heel print in my ass, shamed, disgraced, humiliated, left to fend for herself in the dark and dangerous woods without a cellphone. I deserved to be dumped.  
  
With tears in my eyes, I turned to stare out the window. I didn't want her to see the tears, because it didn't seem right for her to know how bad I felt. She might feel sorry for me and I didn't deserve that, either.  
  
It was a long drive, and we drove in total silence. I didn't blame her. What could she possibly have to say to me after what I did? I suppose she could call me a slut and tell me how much she hates me. She could even scream about how she never wants to see my cheating ass ever again. At least Alice and her coven didn't kill people, or I'd really be in trouble. I deserved to die, sure, but the redhead's tits, amazing as they were, didn't really seem like a worthy cause.  
  
Compared to all that, maybe silence was best. It was an uncomfortable, excruciating silence, but with a haze of hope, too. The more I thought about it and the more I mentally made excuses for myself, the more I began to believe that Alice might actually forgive me. Victoria herself said I was entitled to mistakes, and that's all it was. It was a mistake, and I was very sorry, and I'd spend the rest of my life making it up to Alice—if only she'd let me.  
  
God, I couldn't believe that I'd ever been worried about Alice's faithfulness. All morning I'd been wondering if Alice would ever cheat on me with one of those sisters, and now look at me. I should've been more worried about myself. Alice was an angel compared to me.  
  
But how could I have known that it was even a possibility? One doesn't look at a redhead like Victoria and prepare against dominant seduction—not outside a daydream. How could I have assumed she was a threat? I knew she was a lesbian, and knew she was a woman who liked to enjoy her benefits, but seriously; chicks that hot seldom make an effort at ugly highschool girls—even one's dressed like me.  
  
But I'm not really ugly, am I? Mom didn't think so, Alice didn't think so, and even the redhead had the audacity to tell me I'm hot while sexually debasing me like some medieval bed-girl. But still, ugly duckling or not, there was no way I could've known that the redhead would even glance at me, let alone seduce me like a warped piano teacher. How could I have known that I'd be walking into that room a virtuous young woman (mostly) and walking out again with a permanent blemish on my life? I'd been ambushed, coerced, intimidated, seduced. She didn't put a gun to my head, but she showed me her boobs, which were large caliber in their own right. Could I really be blamed for succumbing under such firepower?  
  
I mean, really. Was it truly my fault? And let's not forget that I'm only sixteen years old. The woman's a pedophile. Or at least a predator. Is it illegal to seduce teenage girls even when they want it really bad? I wasn't sure, but it should be, especially when the teenage girl in question already has a girlfriend like Alice. I wondered if I should call the police—at the very least it had to be a crime to walk around with a body like that. But there was nothing the police could do, and not even Superman could save me now. The corruption of the crimson villainess had been unstoppable, and it was too late for me. The damage was done. She fucked me, I liked it, and now I had to go the rest of my life knowing that I'd cheated on a girl like Alice.  
  
I was gnawing at my lip, fidgeting with my hands in my lap. Self-loathing was radiating over me in waves, and with a tremendous force of will, I chanced a glance at Alice.  
  
She was facing front and her expression was neutral with a hint of sadness. Gosh, she was so pretty. How could I even look at anyone else when I had her? And I was in love with her, too! I could feel the love in my chest right now, sitting there like a rock, and deep in my soul I knew I'd never want any one else.  
  
So, er… why did I do it?  
  
Alice must've sensed my eyes on her, because she gave me a glance. She even smiled reassuringly, and that only made me burn all the more shamefully.  
  
I dropped my eyes to my lap and focused on not crying. I did love her, I realized, I really did, and as I realized how much I loved her I also realized that it would be wrong to sit here and cheapen that love by making excuses for myself. Because there was no excuse; the facts were indisputable. Yes, I'm underage, and yes, the woman was a slut—but in the end, there's no excuses for cheating. I mean, let's face it—she seduced me, sure, but she didn't gag me and handcuff me to the bed. My free-will had been unrestrained the entire time, and in my freedom I'd chosen to crack-snack on the most luscious piece of femininity I'd ever seen. Case closed. The defendant is guilty, and the sentence?  
  
That was up to Alice, but I couldn't help harboring a sick hope that she'd forgive me. She'd already smiled at me twice, and Alice was so much more mature than me, so sweet, so angelic. I'd promised her I'd never cheat on her, and I'd promised I'd never love anyone but her, and so far I kept at least one of the promises. That was the important one, right? Alice would understand. She'd take pity on me. I'd never pretended I wasn't weak, and Alice knew that—she even digged it. She'd forgive me. She had to.  
  
I spent the rest of the ride praying that Alice would forgive me, because honestly I had no idea what I'd do if she didn't want to see me anymore. We'd only been dating one month, but we'd crammed so much love and intimacy into such a short time, that it felt like we were married or something. I couldn't picture the rest of my life without her, I really couldn't. I needed her right there, in my arms, as we grew older and bought a house together, as we had babies together. I could see it all so clearly. I'd be the housewife, of course, fussing in the kitchen with pots and pans, wreathed in a fragrant steam as the children ran about playing. Dressed in an apron—and pregnant, perhaps—glancing anxiously at the clock so I could greet my hard working wife as she came home with a peck on the cheek and a fawning smile before throwing her on the kitchen floor and eating her brains out. The children would be gone by then, of course.  
  
It could be so perfect—although completely imaginary. Two women can't actually have babies together—not in a traditional fashion, at least—and vampires don't actually age. Still. It would be nice.  
  
It was ten thirty when we pulled up outside my house, and we still hadn't exchanged a single word. My stomach felt like it was tied in knots, and as the car pulled to a gentle stop, I was seized with a sudden fear.  
  
What if this is it? What if this is where she dumps me? What if this was the last time I was ever going to see her?  
  
I tossed her a wild glance. Why won't she say anything? Could she really be so cruel as to set me out in front of my house, wordless, without ever planning to speak to me again? Could the world really be such a harsh and random place?  
  
I had to say something. I couldn't leave her like this, just couldn't. Panic was rising in my throat, and I felt like throwing myself at her feet and begging for forgiveness, crying my eyes out and pleading for clemency, but when I opened my mouth only one word came out:  
  
"Alice—"  
  
My breath hitched, but I managed not to cry. She looked at me and I had no idea what her expression meant. There was sympathy in it, but something else, and I prayed she wouldn't dump me, prayed, and prayed, and—  
  
"Listen," she said carefully. "We'll talk later, okay? Leave your window open for me?"  
  
My heart soared and I nodded frantically. It wasn't a complete pardon, but it was hope. We were going to talk about it, and somehow everything would be okay, somehow I'd make her understand that it wasn't my fault, and—  
  
My distress must've affected Alice, because she gave me another reassuring smile and touched my cheek tenderly. "I'm not mad at you," she whispered. "Okay? Don't be afraid."  
  
I nodded again, and she went to kiss me.  
  
Panic.  
  
My lips! She was going to kiss my lips, and my lips had—! My lips had been—!  
  
I turned my face away sharply, and Alice came up short. I couldn't bare to look at her, and she seemed to realize the problem. She sat back in her chair, silently, and I glanced at her. I couldn't think of anything to say, so I just grabbed the door handle, opened it, and hurried out. I kept glancing over my shoulder as I went up the garden path in the dark, arms folded against the cold. The car stayed at the curb until I was all the way inside, and I was grateful she hadn't driven off instantly as if I was something foul.  
  
And now I was home. In the home of my mother, who had no idea I was even gay, let alone a raging slut. I guess my betrayal included her, too, in a way. She didn't raise me like this.  
  
I found her curled up on the couch, watching her Sex in the City DVDs, dressed in pajamas and nightrobe, pillow in her lap, cookies on the sidetable under the lamp. I used to make fun of her for watching a TV show with the word 'sex' in the title, but that was back when I was an unblemished maiden. To my immature mind it had seemed perfectly logical to suggest that a woman who liked shows about sex might be prone to the act herself, but I didn't have the right to make fun of her for it anymore. She could've been sitting there watching gay porn, and I really wouldn't have any right to judge.  
  
She looked up as I came in, frowned at my outfit reflexively, and then forced her face into a smile. "Hi, sweetie," she said. "You're early."  
  
I nodded, glancing at the TV to avoid her eyes. "Yeah," I said. "Alice…"  
  
I trailed off with a wave of my hand. I had no idea what I'd been going to say, but mom nodded, as if that somehow made sense. As if Alice was quite a sensible reason to be home early.  
  
"Did you have fun?" she inquired politely. There was an edge of suspicion in her smile that gave me the impression she'd be analyzing my every word and movement for hidden subtexts, but I didn't have the strength to be worried about it.  
  
"Yeah," I said. "I guess."  
  
She nodded, watching me. "Were her sister's nice?"  
  
I shrugged helplessly, not looking at her. "They were okay," I said, not wanting her to worry. Besides, it was kind of true. Leah was always cool, and Jane had refrained from dissecting me with a scalpel. Rosalie had only hurt my feelings once, and Victoria had been very affectionate, the whore.  
  
Mom nodded again, and smiled. "Well," she said. "That's nice."  
  
Oh yes, very nice. It's always nice to be date-raped by a luscious redhead.  
  
"Yeah," I muttered, still not looking at her. "Listen, I'm gonna have a shower before I go to bed. This fucking perfume is getting on my nerves."  
  
Mom didn't usually let me swear, but she could see I was upset about something. Who knows what she was thinking? She must've noticed my lack of makeup, but hopefully she was assuming I'd simply wiped it off after being teased about it by Alice's 'nice' sisters. In any case, she didn't quibble with my urge to take a shower, which was a relief. I'm not sure how well my excuse would've stood up to close scrutiny. If she'd cross-examined me, I might've been forced to admit that the real reason I needed to shower was to wash away the residual filth that clung to me from my encounter with a vile corruptress.  
  
"Okay, sweetie," she said. "I'll be going to bed soon too, after the episode."  
  
I nodded. "Yeah. G'night, mom."  
  
"Night, sweetie. Hey, what about my good night kiss?"  
  
I'd been trying to sneak away without her realizing, but she caught me. I felt panic at the idea of kissing my mom with this mouth, but it wasn't as bad as Alice.  
  
"I'm not four year's old anymore, mom," I said, which was probably obvious by my clothes. Four year old's seldom jiggle.  
  
Mom smiled and tapped her cheek. "And you're not an adult yet, either."  
  
I sighed, went over, and kissed her on the cheek quickly. I felt crying again. How did I ever end up in this situation? It was sad, really. Mom had warned me against the evils of my outfit, and I didn't listen. The outfit wasn't entirely responsible, of course, but it probably hadn't helped.  
  
I felt sorry for her. My well-meaning, hard-working, single mom. Over the years she'd done her very best to raise me as a decent, god-fearing, drug-free virgin, and this was her reward—to be kissed goodnight by lips that only an hour earlier had been plastered to the pussy of a slutty redhead. Children are so precious, aren't they?  
  
I left mom with her DVDs and her delusions of my continued innocence, and went for a shower. I couldn't throw the clothes into the hamper because they were dry-clean only, so I just tossed them on the floor, making a mental note to wrap them up tomorrow and throw them in the trash where they belong.  
  
I washed every inch of my body, and washed my hair, frowning and wondering how long it would take me to get over this. It would depend on Alice, probably. Surprisingly, the whole thing seemed like quite a traumatic event. It was something I'd never thought I was capable of, and now that it happened I had no idea who I was or what I really am. Strange, considering that in other circumstances, bagging that redhead would've been quite an achievement. And, in a way, maybe it still was. Just because I'd been cheating, it doesn't make her any less hot. Most people go their whole lives without a similar accomplishment, especially women. Straight women don't really get any ass at all, unless you count male-ass, and male-ass doesn't really seem desirable enough to be proud of.  
  
But Victoria…  
  
As much as I wanted to hate her, I really couldn't. I'd already decided that the whole thing was my fault, and the shower had bought on me a melancholy mood. It wasn't her fault I was so weak, and I'd never believed in blaming the 'other woman' in these situations. Like in movies or TV shows, when a husband cheats on his wife, it should always be the husband's fault. There's no excuse, no matter what the other woman said or did. No one put a gun to his head and no one had put a gun to mine, either—she'd simply sat on it.  
  
I bowed my head, letting the hot water cascade over my body. I thought about how hot the redhead was and I realized, deep down, that part of me didn't regret it. I realized it with sadness and actually cried a couple tears. She'd been so beautiful, and it had been so amazing. I remembered her body, so round and womanly. I remembered the feel of her heavy breasts as she lowered them over my face. I remembered sucking on her nipples, licking at her pussy, kissing her mouth. Why did she do this to me? Was it just to get back at Alice for something? Or was it just fun for her?  
  
By the time I got out of the shower, I'd moved past anger and loathing and settled on numb depression. I got dressed in my pajamas and crawled into bed, leaving the bedside lamp on, casting the room in a dim orange glow.  
  
I could hear wind outside the window, but I wasn't watching the window. I couldn't muster up any anxiety at all about what Alice was going to say or do, and I found myself thinking about destiny, and about how Alice had said nothing could ever change the way we feel, and nothing would ever come between us. Was that still true? Or had I broken the bond when I cheated on her? How could I cheat on her if she was my soulmate? How…  
  
I heard a sound and rolled to face the window. Alice had lifted the window a little more, and now she was climbing in, still dressed in her tube top and tutu. I saw a flash of pink panties under her skirt and felt a shiver of excitement. It became clear to me then that I really was kind of pathetic.  
  
The orange glow of the lamp flattered her outfit. She looked small and girlish, and suddenly I really wished she'd forgive me. I felt like I'd die if she didn't. I was propped up on an elbow, watching her for some hint on what I should say or do, and she smiled, standing on a tilted hip cutely.  
  
"Hey," she said.  
  
I swallowed. "Hi."  
  
She gestured at the bed loosely. "May I?"  
  
I nodded, hope blossoming in my chest. Alice kicked off her calf skin boots and pulled off her top. Her perfect breasts bounced free and I stared shamefully. She lowered her miniskirt and stepped out of it, and then she climbed into the bed beside me, dressed in nothing but her socks and panties.  
  
She settled her head on the pillow, only inches from mine, and I watched her pretty face in the dim light. We were laying on our sides, facing each other, but we weren't touching.  
  
"First of all," she whispered. "I want you to know that I'm not mad, and I don't blame you for what happened. Vicky's the villain here. Not you."  
  
I didn't wholly agree with that, but I was glad to hear it. Relief flooded through my bones, and I was positive she was going to forgive me.  
  
"Do you know what happened?" I asked timidly.  
  
"Yes," she whispered, dipping her eyes. "Vicky told me everything. But…" She lifted her eyes to mine. "I'm prepared to hear your side of the story. If you want to talk about it."  
  
That's exactly what I wanted, but suddenly my tongue felt swollen enough to choke me. I needed her to know how I sorry was, and how much I still loved her, but I couldn't speak. The very fact that I needed to say these things was disabling. It should be implied that I loved her. There should never be any doubt. How could I have fucked up this bad?  
  
"I…" I whispered. And that's it. Nothing else came out.  
  
"To be honest," she whispered, after the silence dragged on for a few seconds. "I'm a little surprised. It was only last night when you promised you'd never do anything like this. Did you forget that? Why did you do it, Bella?"  
  
Her words crushed me, and I tried desperately for an excuse. "She…" I said, and in trying to place all the blame on the 'other woman,' I added: "…let me."  
  
I'd been so frazzled that it had actually seemed to make sense before I said it. But now that it was out I felt like smothering myself under my own pillow. What exactly was I trying to imply here? That one could be excused from going down on such a woman by her simple consent? Did I actually say that?  
  
Alice's lip quirked in a smirk, but her eyes were sad. "That's very lame, baby."  
  
"I'm so sorry, Alice," I blurted in panic. "I don't know what happened. We were just talking, and then…"  
  
"She let you."  
  
"No, it's just…" I realized I was talking loud, and lowered my voice. I looked at her helplessly, shrugged, and grasped for a differed kind of excuse. "I don't know," I practically moaned. "Do vampires have some kind of mind control power?"  
  
A tinge of hope crept into the question, but Alice shook her head softly.  
  
"No," she whispered. "We have enhanced pheromones, but nothing that could drive away your free will."  
  
I blinked back tears. It would've sucked if the redhead had been mind controlling me, but at least it would've been a perfect excuse. Now I had no excuses. I snorted, trying not to cry. "So I'm just a slut," I muttered.  
  
"You're not a slut, Bella," Alice whispered, caressing my shoulder under the covers. "Vicky's the slut."  
  
But I still didn't believe that, and I didn't want to lower myself to trashing the 'other woman,' when it was me who was the tramp. So instead I fixed my tear-filled eyes on her and asked bluntly: "Are you mad at me?"  
  
She shook her head and smiled. "No."  
  
She'd already told me she wasn't, but it felt like it would be more true if I could get her to repeat it a couple times. "Really?"  
  
"I'm not mad at you, Bella," she whispered, and then she took my shoulder and drew me closer. "Come here. Let me hold you."  
  
I laid my head against her shoulder and let her wrap her arms around me. I felt her warmth enclose around me, but I still felt tainted and weak, undeserving. I wished the feeling would go away.  
  
"Listen," she whispered, stroking my hair. "It's not your fault, okay? Vicky is a powerful woman. She can be difficult to resist." Then a soft chuckle escaped her. "Although from what I heard, you didn't exactly make it difficult for her."  
  
It wasn't a jab, but it hurt slightly, anyway. "I'm sorry," I whispered.  
  
She sighed, my head rising and falling against her chest. "Me too," she whispered. "I guess my plan to establish you as my serious girlfriend kind of backfired, huh?"  
  
I had no idea what to say to that, so I just repeated: "I'm sorry."  
  
"It's alright," she whispered, still stroking my hair. "I should've known better than to let you go off alone with Vicky. Vicky's always been a slut. Did you have fun at least?"  
  
I froze. Why would she ask that? I thought I detected a hint of velvet menace in the question, similar to the redhead herself, and suddenly my mouth went dry. She was waiting for a response, still stroking my hair, and I whispered: "No."  
  
"She says you did."  
  
My eyes were rigid, staring across the room. My head was laying just under her chin and I couldn't see her face. All I could do was lay there, frozen, as she stroked my hair. We were silent for a few seconds, and then she sighed.  
  
"It's funny," she whispered. "They all said you'd end up hurting me somehow. Esme, Rosalie, even Carlisle. So much for promises, hm?"  
  
Two tears dropped onto her chest. "I'm sorry," I whispered, my voice breaking.  
  
She kissed the top of my head. "Me too," she said. "I shouldn't have said that. Hold my breast."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Hold my breast," she repeated. "Go ahead, it's okay. I like when you touch me."  
  
I did as she asked, not sure how I felt about it. Was it really appropriate right now? I cupped my hand around the warm weight of her breast and she moaned softly.  
  
"That's better," she whispered. "Thank you. It's not as big as Victoria's, is it?"  
  
Her tone was completely idle, as if she was just making conversation, but I was positive that her feelings were hurt. I'd hurt her. She'd been trying to blame her sister, but deep down I knew she blamed me, too.  
  
"You're mad at me, aren't you?" I whispered.  
  
"No," she whispered back, holding my hand at her chest. "I don't blame you, Bella. I'm just…disappointed. Not with you. I don't blame you at all, truly I don't. I'm just disappointed in general. With me, with Vicky. The world. Love itself. It's never perfect, is it? No matter how many times you try. No matter how many promises you make."  
  
Her words felt true, even if I didn't fully understand, and I placed a kiss on her bare chest. "I'm sorry," I whispered. It was really the only thing I could say.  
  
"It's alright," she said, and sighed. "I know what it's like. When you live your life without any possibilities, it can be intoxicating when one finally presents itself. First me, now Vicky. Maybe you're not even capable of feeling real love yet."  
  
"That's not true," I insisted. "I love you."  
  
"Maybe it's my fault," she went on, as if she hadn't heard me. "I shouldn't have put you in that environment. I knew what Vicky was. I should've kept you away from her. I should've taken care of you better."  
  
I frowned. "You shouldn't have to take care of me," I said. "I should take care of myself."  
  
She chuckled softly. "I can't even blame Vicky," she said, and gave me a little squeeze. "You looked so amazing tonight. Maybe she's the one who couldn't resist."  
  
I swallowed and raised up, so I could see her face. "Are you really not mad at me?" I asked, searching her eyes.  
  
She smiled and cupped my cheek. "I love you, Bella," she whispered. "That doesn't go away because you made one little mistake. Do you still love me?"  
  
My chest almost burst when she said she still loved me, and I leapt at the chance to tell her I loved her too, loved her so much, so much more than anything in the world. "Yes," I whispered intensely. "I love you more than anything."  
  
"Good," she said, with a smile. "That's the important thing."  
  
But it still didn't feel like enough, so I went on. "I'm so sorry, Alice," I whispered, gazing down at her pretty face. "Are you sure you forgive me? I feel like such a…"  
  
She giggled. "Of course I forgive you, Bella. You're my soulmate. There's nothing in the world I wouldn't forgive you for. I'm only worried that maybe you don't like me anymore."  
  
The suggestion that I didn't like her anymore took me so off guard that I smiled. "Of course I still like you," I told her earnestly, my heart flooding with relief. "I love you."  
  
"Yeah?" She bit her lip coyly and smiled bashfully. "You wouldn't prefer someone like Vicky? Someone taller and sexier?"  
  
Dimly, it occurred to me that she'd lapsed into her role as teen-girl all over again, but I didn't care. I was so relieved that she still wanted me that I let myself lapse into a similar role, letting go of all my anxiety and shame, focusing solely on her. "Of course not," I said, as if the very suggestion was ridiculous. "You're perfect, Alice. I love you so much. Seriously. You're everything to me."  
  
I meant every word, and it felt so great to say it. The self-loathing was gone, if only for the moment, and all that was left was the glow of love I felt for the girl beneath me.  
  
She smiled with a delighted blush, as if this was the best news she'd gotten recently. "Do you mean it?"  
  
"Yes," I told her.  
  
She smirked slightly. "Will you prove it?"  
  
"How?" I asked, already knowing.  
  
She looked into my eyes. "Make love to me," she whispered, and I lowered my lips to hers without answering.  
  
I wanted her more than anything I could ever remember wanting, and I kissed her very passionately. She moaned into my mouth, and the sound of her moan stabbed into my heart, making me kiss her harder.  
  
I let my hands roam her naked body, focusing on her breasts for a little bit, her perfect little breasts, and then I slipped my hand into her panties and stroked her. She was moist and soon I inserted two fingers, still kissing her. I pumped the fingers, making her moan, and then I lowered my lips on her neck and chest, and I sucked on her nipples, forcing my fingers in deeper. She gasped and writhed gently.  
  
The hunger was growing in my stomach, and suddenly I couldn't go a single second longer without tasting her. I abandoned her breasts abruptly and shuffled between her legs, my own excitement spiking as she opened her thighs for me, revealing the damp patch on her panties.  
  
I pulled them off and tossed them away. I trembled at the sight of her glistening womanhood, and suddenly I swooped down and licked it luxuriously, making her moan loudly. I shuffled down the bed further and lay on my stomach, face first into her pussy, and started licking, licking, licking at her with all my heart as if she was the most delicious, most loveliest thing in the world—which she was.  
  
She climaxed with a cry and flopped back. I kept licking at her until I'd lapped up all her arousal, and then I placed a long kiss on her pussy and started trailing kisses up her body, her tummy, her breasts, her heaving chest. I kissed her neck and her chin, and then I kissed her lips, moaning into her mouth.  
  
"Bella," she panted. "Oh, Bella."  
  
"Was that good?" I asked, ready to repeat the whole thing if she wanted me to.  
  
"Yes," she whispered with a beautiful smile. "That was wonderful. Thank you, baby."  
  
"You're welcome," I said, my heart glowing as I gazed at her flushed face. "I love you, Alice."  
  
She smiled at me happily. "I love you too, baby," she said, and then she grabbed my butt playfully. "Now, what would you like? Hm?"  
  
I was still fully clothed—shorts and tanktop—and I was damp from going down on her, but I honestly I didn't want anything. The idea of Alice using her mouth on my body, this body that had cheated on her, bought back a little of the self-loathing, and I wouldn't have felt right to have Alice make love to me. It was too soon, and even though I'd had a shower, I felt like there should be some kind of cooling down period, to let the dirtiness go away properly. It was bad enough that I'd kissed her.  
  
So I looked her in the eyes and shook my head. "Nothing," I whispered. "I just want you."  
  
"Bella," she admonished with a smile.  
  
"No, really," I whispered. "I just want to hold you."  
  
She slipped her hand into my shorts and took a handful of my ass. "Let me do something, baby," she whispered. "I want you to know I still love you."  
  
I hesitated. Then I looked into her eyes and said: "You could bite me."  
  
She froze silently. Her hand stopped caressing my butt and slowly she took it out of my shorts. She looked away, but I could see she was tempted.  
  
"Alice?" I whispered. "Do you want to bite me?"  
  
She blinked up at me in the dim light. "Yes," she whispered. "But only if you want me to."  
  
I felt a rush of excitement. Yes; I wanted her too. I wanted her to mark me and make me hers, but most of all I wanted her to know how much I loved her. This was the best way. My body and my blood.  
  
"Of course I do, Alice," I whispered. "Of course I want you to."  
  
"Really?"  
  
"Yes. Anything you want. Please. Go ahead."  
  
She flickered her eyes over my collar and away again. "Bella," she whispered. "You don't have to do this just because…"  
  
She trailed off, and I quickly cut in. My eyes were fixed on hers and my voice was thick with emotion. I didn't even understand why I was so desperate for it, but I was.  
  
"I know, but please? I'm so sorry, Alice. I know it won't make it up to you, but I want you to know… I want you to know much I love you. How much I-I want you. How much I fucking need you. Okay? Please. Just do it."  
  
She looked at me for a second. Then she smiled.  
  
"Okay," she whispered, and I felt a rush of relief. "Lay down."  
  
I laid myself beside her as she rose up and straddled my hips. She cupped my face in her hands and placed a long kiss on my lips, a kiss that made my heart soar.  
  
"Thank you, Bella," she whispered. "I'll make sure the bite's shallow. It won't be as bad as last time."  
  
"Do whatever you want, Alice," I whispered back. "I don't care."  
  
I lay there breathlessly as she slowly undid my collar and pulled it away. My neck felt very bare and soft all the sudden, and I couldn't wait to get her fangs in it.  
  
She laid the collar on the sidetable, and reached under the lampshade. She smiled at me, and then she switched off the light, leaving us in pitch darkness. I felt her settle on top of me, and she rubbed her body against mine gently. Her lips touched my throat and I shivered.  
  
"Tell me once more that you love me," she whispered into my neck.  
  
I wrapped my arms around her naked back. "I love you."  
  
I felt her fangs graze my neck and then I felt them pierce. I winced with the pain and stretched my neck to allow her better access, my pussy throbbing. She started sucking on the wound and I smiled in the dark, wrapping my arms around her tighter.  
  
"I love you, Alice," I whispered with all my heart. "I really really do."  
  
—  
  



	9. Chapter 9

Skip to next chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why did I include this, because this was in the original and as I have said, this is not my story and I don't want to change anything.


	10. Chapter 10

—  
  
Chapter 10:  
  
—  
  
It was still dark when I woke up the next morning. There was no Alice, and as soon as my eyes fluttered open, memories of last night came creeping into my brain like memories of a bad dream. I felt numb from how awful I felt, and for a long time I just lay there on my back in the dark with the shame and remorse lodged in my chest like a stake.  
  
I was dizzy and tired and I had a headache from the blood loss, and my mind didn't seem to be working right. I couldn't think properly. For a while I entertained a vain hope that maybe last night's dinner date from hell was simply a vivid nightmare, but the sting in my neck was there to remind me otherwise. I'd cheated on Alice—in her own house while she was downstairs—and Alice had forgiven me. She still loved me, she said, and I proved that I loved her too by letting her bite me. So why did I still feel like shit?  
  
And how could Alice forgive me so easily? I lay there blinking at the ceiling sleepily, trying to remember our conversation. What had she said? That the redhead was the bad guy, not me. Well, that's true I guess. I wasn't sure if one woman could technically rape another woman, but the redhead had managed a pretty close approximation of it. She hadn't physically forced herself upon me, but she did kind of close the door and tell me to take my clothes off, which was equally dastardly, when you think about it. And even worse, she took her own clothes off. It wasn't exactly a knife to my throat, but it had rendered me helpless nonetheless. I might as well've been bound and gagged and tied to railroad tracks.  
  
Or maybe I was just kidding myself. And maybe Alice was kidding herself, too. We both wanted to blame the redhead, but the one thing that wasn't the redhead's fault was that I liked it. That was the worst thing, the one thing I couldn't make excuses for. Whether I was seduced, coerced, or even mildly raped—I'd liked it. And that was unforgivable.  
  
I sighed, gazing up at the ceiling with lidded eyes. I'd managed to stop thinking for a few minutes, and for a while I just lay there listening to the throb in my head and the birds that had begun outside my window. I sighed again. My head was hurting and my neck was stinging and shame was roiling in my stomach like acid. And it was a school day, too. My life is ghastly.  
  
It was still dark in the room when I finally struggled out of bed, dressed in my tanktop and shorts. Shivering from the cold, I looked out of the window for a little bit, letting the dead grass and gray sky feed my overall sense of depression. I mean, really; what's the use of living in such a gloomy world? Two days ago I would've found reason to live in thoughts of Alice, but now the thought of seeing Alice only filled me with shame and dread. How could I face her after what happened? True, she'd forgiven me, but I didn't feel forgiven. I felt like the clouds out there; dark and swollen with sorrow. They looked like they were going to burst open any moment, and I felt a similar need. I wanted to cry, sure, but I had to pee as well, so I figured I'd better go do that first.  
  
Before I went for a shower I picked out an outfit, remembering with humiliation my last attempt at composing something 'nice.' I'd wanted to impress Alice, a plan that backfired rather drastically. I did look sexy, though. Inappropriately sexy, of course, but sexy nonetheless. Sexy enough for the redhead, at least.  
  
Still, the question remained; what do I wear today? Well, let's see. Last night I'd made a resolution to never wear anything but pants and hoodies, but I was under duress when I made that vow, and it was still important to impress Alice—now more than ever. After all, she'd bought me all these lovely clothes and I'd hardly worn any of them. Maybe it was time to show her that I appreciated her generosity, and with that thought, I selected a denim skirt and a black short sleeved top that could possibly show a little cleavage with the right bra. Nice, but not too nice.  
  
By the time I got in the shower, I was almost feeling a little better about myself. Alice had forgiven me, which meant my offence wasn't as great as it seemed, and in the end, Alice's forgiveness was all that mattered. I'd made a mistake, she'd understood, and now we were moving on into a bliss of cheatless happily ever after.  
  
So why did I feel so hollow inside?  
  
I didn't know, but from now on I was going to be the perfect girlfriend. I was going to be there for Alice whenever she needed it, body or blood, and never again would I even look at another woman. I'd never look at any guys, either, but I never did anyway, so there was no need to factor that into the vow.  
  
I took a very long time in the shower, thinking things over with the warm water cascading down my back. I love showers. Not really a relevant thought, but it occurred to me once or twice amid my maudlin wallowing. But does Alice truly forgive me? She said she did, and, like always, she'd said it very earnestly, but for some reason I couldn't help feeling a little…doubtful.  
  
I tried to think back to last night, and after moving past how cute she'd looked naked—way cuter than the redhead—I tried to remember our conversation word for word. All in all, she'd been the absolute personification of Understanding Girlfriend, but there had been a couple moments where she'd seemed a little…upset. She had every right to be upset, of course, but why had it seemed like she was trying to hide it? I'd been swaying slightly under the water, but I stopped swaying as I began to remember her words more clearly, more specifically.  
  
"You didn't exactly make it difficult for her, did you?"  
  
"Did you have fun at least?"  
  
"They're not as big as Vicky's, are they?"  
  
"So much for promises."  
  
My heart sank as I remembered more and more. She'd forgiven me, sure, but I had a feeling that she was more hurt—or angry—than she wanted to let on. She didn't scream at me and call me a whore, but there was definitely an undercurrent of bitterness in her forgiveness. Alice had never struck me as a passive-aggressive kind of girl, but maybe cheating on her was such a shock that she didn't know how to handle it. Maybe she was only forgiving me out of impulse because she didn't want to lose me for some reason. I couldn't imagine what was so special about me that she wanted to keep me around despite something like this, but I was pretty sure that deep down I'd really hurt her.  
  
I turned off the water in the shower and just stood there, dripping wet, asking myself that same dreaded question: how could I do something like this to her? After everything she'd done for me, all the hugs, all the kisses, all the sweet things she'd said to me; how could I cheat on her?  
  
No, seriously; how could I? The redhead was hot, sure, but was that really enough to keep me from flinging her away like a piece of sexy garbage? Had it really stopped me from storming out of her room and running into Alice's protective arms like I should've? Was I really so shallow that all it took was a hot body to make me forget my principles, my morals, the person that I love?  
  
Feeling sad and depressed all over again, I got out the shower, wiped down the steamy mirror with my hand, and looked at myself in the bleary reflection. My face and lips were pale from bloodloss, and my dark hair hung in wet ropy locks. I'd never thought of myself as beautiful, but I was beginning to think so now. My features had good shape and definition, my complexion was mostly clear, my eyes were large and dark. But I wasn't really a vain kind of girl, and my wet and naked reflection didn't really make me feel better about myself—quite the contrary; it made me feel worse.  
  
With a sigh, I tilted my head back and examined the bite marks. Like Alice had said, the bite was more shallow than last time, two purple pin pricks with a reddish discoloration around the edges. I touched them with my fingertips gingerly. I remembered the sensation of Alice's lips sucking at the wound and smiled slightly. I knew I couldn't make it up to her with just a bit of blood, but it was a start. It meant something. Maybe I fucked the redhead, but I didn't let her bite me—I only let Alice bite me. Alice was the only one I really wanted.  
  
Which was why I had to be a better girlfriend. It was time to grow up, to stop bumbling around like a witless highschool girl who had happened to stumble into the arms of a perfect vampire. I needed to be there for her, and love her, and meet her expectations. I had to be mature. I had to be a partner, not just a girlfriend. I had to be a lover, a wife, a soulmate. I had to start treating this relationship with the gravity it deserves. I had to stop taking her for granted. I had to give her what she really wanted: true love.  
  
I felt better after I decided all this and for a while it actually seemed possible—but by the time I sat down to breakfast I realized that I had no idea how I was supposed to be a better girlfriend than what I already was. I could refrain from cheating on her again, sure, but other than that, I was already operating at maximum capacity. I was putting out on a daily basis, and I spent more time with her than with my own mother—which was pretty much the pinnacle of a teenager girl's possible affections. What else could I do?  
  
I wasn't sure, but I figured a good first step would be to spend even more time with her—every waking second if possible. And it couldn't hurt to put out even more, too. Vampires seemed pretty sex-crazed and I'm sure she would appreciate it.  
  
Mom came into the kitchen soon after, interrupting my reverie. She noticed something was bothering me right away, but I wouldn't have been comfortable asking her for advice on using sex to demonstrate commitment, so I just told her I had a headache. She then noticed that I was also very pale, and even offered to let me have the day off, despite the fact that I was clearly was not sick or even close to sick. She was the kind of mother who'd rush her child to the emergency room if she sneezed more than twice in a row, but this seemed a little over-over-protective even for her own standards. I was tempted to take the offer and hide in my room for the rest of my life like a sullied hermit, but I was still determined to be the best girlfriend ever, and I had to be there for Alice.  
  
It was Tuesday morning, so unless she'd thought about it some more and decided to dump me, she'd probably be here in half an hour to pick me up for school. I told mom that I was fine, and after she left I went outside and waited on the sidewalk, looking up and down the street for any sign of her silver Volvo. Usually I waited inside where it was warmer, but I was too anxious to see her.  
  
Finally I noticed her car coming down the street and suddenly a huge wave of coldness rolled over me. How could I face her after what I did? I still didn't know, but it was too late to run back inside and hide under the bed. The Volvo pulled up beside me, and I swallowed a lump in my throat, opened the door, and got in.  
  
It was Alice driving, obviously, and she smiled to see me, which only made me feel worse.  
  
"Hi," she said casually, as if she was talking to a someone who hadn't cheated on her.  
  
I tried to smile back, but my stomach was turning and I couldn't really manage it. I felt worst than I did last night, and it was a struggle not to throw up. "Hi," I said.  
  
She leaned to kiss me, and I recoiled uncertainly. It seemed indecent to kiss her after what I did, but at the same time I really needed to let her know that I still loved her. I couldn't do it, though, and she hesitated and sat back. She smiled sadly when I glanced at her, and then she hit the gas and pulled away from the curb.  
  
We drove in silence, and all I could do was sit there and try not to cry. I was still wondering how I could've done such a thing, and I still hadn't come to any conclusions. Maybe this was a bad idea. Maybe I should've stayed home like mom suggested. Maybe it was wrong to accept Alice's forgiveness as if I deserved it. Maybe what I really deserved was to be dumped, and if I really loved her maybe I should just dump myself. Just stay home and refuse to answer the door, refuse to accept her calls. She obviously deserved better than someone like me. Maybe she could hook up with Rosalie. They made such a beautiful couple in that wedding picture. Rosalie would be a better girlfriend than me, bitch or not.  
  
"So," Alice said after a while, a forced cheerfulness in her voice. "How do you feel?"  
  
She glanced at me as she drove, and I tried to smile again and again failed. I had no idea if she was referring to the cheating or the biting, but either way I was feeling so bad that I couldn't even pretend. "Terrible," I said.  
  
She gave me a sympathetic look and went on in a softer tone. "Hey, I've got an idea," she said. "Why don't we skip school and spend the day together? After what happened last night, maybe we could use some time together, just the two of us. And you must be tired, after the blood loss."  
  
I looked at her with just a flicker of hope in my heart. How could she possibly be so forgiving? I was the one who was supposed to be making an extra effort, not her. I truly don't deserve her.  
  
"Okay," I said meekly.  
  
She flashed me a smile that made my heart wilt with shame and turned off the road that led to school.  
  
While she drove she suggested I call my mom and tell her that I'd be staying home. It was a good idea. Mom would've panicked if the school called her, and she'd already offered me the day off, anyway.  
  
We kept driving and I didn't ask where we were going. She drove me to a motel just outside of town and booked us a room. I'd been utterly silent the whole time, and I was still silent as she ushered me into the room. I stood by the cheap-looking bed and watched her as she closed the blinds and turned on the light. It had started raining outside and I could hear it gusting against the window.  
  
Alice turned to me with a smile and began undressing, shedding her top, her jeans, her underwear. Smiling the whole time. I just stood there, dizzy and unsure. I couldn't understand how she could possibly stomach having sex with me after what I did, but that's exactly what she wanted to do, and once she was undressed she began undressing me. Slowly and still smiling. I lifted my arms as she pulled off my top. I stepped out of my skirt as she lowered it to my feet. She took off my boots and my socks, and she pulled down my panties, and then she unhooked my bra and started fondling my breasts, still smiling and watching my face, as if she was trying to make me smile, too.  
  
Finally she wrapped me into a kiss, our naked bodies pressing together. Alice's hands were roaming all over my body, leaving fiery trails along my skin, and slowly her kiss became more insistent. I was still burning with shame, but I was getting very excited, too. The two sensations meshed and mingled until they were the same thing, but I didn't know if I could do it. Her tongue was swirling in my mouth and her hands were touching me all over, but I felt guilty and unworthy, and the throb in my pussy felt wrong and weak, and finally I tore my face away, panting.  
  
"Alice," I gasped. "Alice, I—"  
  
"Shh," she whispered, placing a finger over my mouth. "Let's just fuck, okay?"  
  
I was taken aback by how she said it, but I nodded, instantly deciding to do anything she wanted. She smiled, took my hand, and led me to the bed.  
  
We fucked, and after we fucked, she settled on top of me, straddling my hips and laying with all her weight against me. We were face to face, her chin resting on mine, and she was still smiling. I could still hear the rain against the window and I still felt pretty shitty.  
  
"Did you like that, baby?" she asked.  
  
I nodded, attempting a smile.  
  
She smirked. "Better than Vicky?"  
  
I froze rigidly, and I was so hurt that I almost burst into tears. I knew I deserved far worse, but how could she say that? Laying on top of me, naked, straight after sex. Her face was only inches from mine, and despite the smirk and despite the flippant tone, I got the impression that she said it very deliberately. She had told me two nights ago that her heart broke very easily, and this must be how she expressed it. With these passive-aggressive little jabs.  
  
A lump grew in my throat and I found I had nothing to say. What could I possibly say? Was I actually supposed to assure her that she was better than her sister? I opened my mouth and struggled wordless for a moment, but she only smiled and placed a quick kiss on my lips.  
  
"Sorry," she said, still pretending to be playful. "That was mean, wasn't it?"  
  
The apology stung even more, and I almost felt angry with her. She'd been so good to me so far. Why was she saying these things? I tried to turn away and roll away from her, my eyes filling with tears, but she held me in place, quickly making her voice soft and soothing.  
  
"Baby, baby, don't cry," she whispered. "I was only joking. Really. I didn't mean to upset you."  
  
I blinked back my tears. Maybe I should've just cried, but I didn't want to seem weak—as if I'd ever been anything else. "It's okay," I sniffed, wiping my eyes. "You're allowed to be mad at me."  
  
"I'm not mad, baby," she said, kissing my lips. "Really, I'm not."  
  
"Yes, you are."  
  
"No," she whispered, and then she kissed me longer and slower, kissing me in a way that you couldn't possibly kiss someone you were mad at. She pulled away and smiled. "I love you, baby."  
  
I swallowed. The kiss had succeeded in making me feel a little better, but there was still a hollow feeling in my stomach, and I was still certain that she was more hurt than she was letting on. "I love you, too."  
  
She smiled and started brushing my hair with her hand. "Good," she whispered, not looking into my eyes. "And listen. This thing with Vicky…it wasn't your fault. Okay? Vicky made you do it."  
  
I didn't answer, because there was nothing I could think of to say. I didn't want Alice to blame me, of course, but I didn't feel comfortable with her making excuses for me either. Maybe it was wrong to even talk about this. Maybe there really was nothing to say.  
  
"Besides," she added, cupping my cheek. "You're a very beautiful girl. Maybe you're entitled to go around fucking whoever you please. Is it really my place to judge? Or anybody's?"  
  
Again, I thought I detected a veiled resentment in her words that made my insides coil in anxiety. Suddenly I wished she'd just stop pretending she wasn't angry. "Of course you're supposed to judge me," I said. "I'm your girlfriend. Don't you care?"  
  
She smiled and changed her tone. "Of course I care, baby," she said soothingly, "but I also think you're being a little harsh on yourself. You really didn't do anything wrong. Vicky's the one who should be sorry."  
  
I frowned, redirecting my anger to the redhead. "Is she?" I asked.  
  
Alice chuckled once. "Well, maybe," she said. "Deep down. She's not so good at expressing her feelings. Other than lust, of course. It's a shame you had to meet her under such circumstances, because she can be quite charming when she's not seducing you."  
  
I frowned deeper, unable to understand how she could be so flippant. "Aren't you mad at her?"  
  
She sighed and looked away for a second. Then she rolled off me and sat up in the bed. She let the covers simply fall away and I couldn't help looking at her perky breasts for a second, feeling a perfunctory flash of excitement. Even at this point in our relationship, I had no idea if I was allowed to stare or not, but I did anyway, even though it made me feel slightly uncomfortable with myself. Was it normal to be so fixated on your girlfriend's body? Maybe—if she had a body like Alice's.  
  
My own body had been revealed as well, so I sat up, the same as her, self-conscious about my own exposed breasts. But she wasn't looking at me. She was looking off at the window where the rain was still rattling and she gave a little shrug.  
  
"I don't know," she said. "Me and Vicky have had a very…tumultuous relationship over the years. It sucks that you got involved, but it's not the worse thing she's ever done to me, and it probably won't be the last thing, either." She gave me a small smile. "She likes humiliating people, as you've probably noticed."  
  
I looked down, blushing. I remembered how she taunted me and how she'd made me kneel. It had definitely been humiliating, but kind of hot, too. I was still in disbelief that I'd responded to it.  
  
"Vicky's always had a thing for me," Alice added. "And, in a twisted way, seducing you like that was probably just her own unique way of showing me that she still loves me. Or wants me. Which is basically the same thing to a woman like her. She's very possessive. She probably expected me to dump you and go running back to her."  
  
I said nothing. The idea of Alice dumping me for Victoria filled me with dread. Was it possible? Would Alice actually want a woman like that?  
  
Alice sighed and brushed a hand over her lap as if to smooth some invisible material. "In any case," she went on, "vampires are lusty creatures, and it would hypocritical of me to condemn her for being what she is. I know what it's like, after all. Sometimes the idea just pops into your head and there's really no other choice." Then she lifted her eyes and smirked at me wolfishly. "Like now."  
  
I looked at her in surprise. "Now?"  
  
"Mmhm," she smiled, snaking her arms around my neck. "Come on, let's fuck again. That's the best thing to do in these situations. Sex always makes everything better."  
  
I didn't argue. Talking didn't seem to be making me feel better, anyway.  
  
We fucked again, slightly rougher this time, and again we curled up together under the covers when it was over. I was laying on my back and she was laying at my side, with one leg draped over my body and one hand cupping my breast. She snuggled and made a little sound of contentment.  
  
"Feel better now?" she asked.  
  
"A little," I said, and it was almost true. The closeness and the warmth of her body had a way of driving away my doubts and insecurity—even if only for a moment.  
  
"Me too," she sighed, snuggling closer. "Let's rest a little bit, okay? Then we'll do it again."  
  
My heart flickered with excitement. I still didn't feel like I deserved to be close to her after what I did, but at this point I didn't care anymore. She was so hot and I loved her so much. Maybe she was right. Maybe everything will be fine if we just keep having sex as much as we can.  
  
"Okay," I whispered.  
  
She giggled and placed a quick kiss on my lips. "I love you, Bella."  
  
I smiled back, a frail smile, but a smile nonetheless. "I love you, too."  
  
We laid together for a long time, me with my arm around her and her with her head on my chest. We didn't speak, we just lay there, enjoying each other's warmth.  
  
I was caressing her bare shoulder idly and listening to the rain on the window. I wondered how long it was going to keep raining. I've always liked rain and cold weather. Winter was my favorite season. I preferred wearing more clothes than less. I've always considered myself a cold kind of girl. Or maybe I only wished I was a cold kind of girl. I hate emotions. I'd hardly ever felt any good ones until I met Alice—and now even my feelings for her were tainted.  
  
How could I ever feel comfortable with her again after what I did? I knew that I'd eventually get over it, of course—and probably quicker than I should, considering how shallow I am—but right then, with Alice's warm and naked body nestled against mine, right now it seemed like I'd never get over it.  
  
And how did Alice truly feel about all this? She was trying so hard to forgive me, but I knew she was hurt. Maybe that was the worst thing. She could fuck me and forgive me as many times as she wanted, but deep down I knew she felt betrayed. Why couldn't she be honest with me? Was the truth simply too horrible to bare?  
  
And was it fair of me to continue this charade, knowing that I'd hurt her? Was it right for me to simply accept her forgiveness as if I done nothing wrong? Did I even deserve forgiveness?  
  
Would she dump me if she knew how much I'd liked it? She kept saying that it wasn't my fault, but it was. I could've stopped that woman if I'd really wanted to. I could've walked out. But I didn't. I let her fuck me and I fucked her back. Maybe it really was too horrible to bare. Maybe that's why Alice had to keep making excuses for me. Because if she accepted the truth she'd have no choice but to dump me. Because I really didn't deserve a second chance.  
  
I swallowed a lump in my throat. "Alice?"  
  
"Mm?" she murmured contentedly.  
  
"It's okay if you hate me," I whispered. "You don't have to pretend."  
  
She stiffened for a second. Then she raised up on an elbow and looked down into my face. She was smiling and it was a very gentle smile, without any trace of resentment—which only made me feel worse.  
  
"I don't hate you, Bella," she told me earnestly.  
  
Tears welled in my eyes until my vision blurred. "You should," I said, almost sobbing. "I cheated on you. You can make all the excuses you want, but…"  
  
I sniffed and looked away, fighting back the tears. But she just sighed and sat up, drawing me up in her arms.  
  
"Just go ahead and cry, baby," she whispered into my ear. "It'll get rid of the hormones."  
  
I did. I gave a wet little hiccup and started sobbing into her shoulder. I wrapped my arms around her tightly and I could feel her rocking me as if I was a child.  
  
Slowly my sobs tapered off into a miserable weeping and when it was over I felt even worse than before. Now I had two things to be ashamed of. Not only was I weak and despicable enough to cheat on her, but I was also pathetic enough to cry on her shoulder like a little baby. What the fuck was wrong with me? I didn't want her pity or her forgiveness. I wanted to go back in time and stop myself from cheating on her in the first place. I wanted to go back to when we were just me and Alice; soulmates.  
  
I pulled away and wiped at my eyes with my hands. Alice offered me a corner of bedsheet but I couldn't take it. I gave one last sob, and then I sprang off the bed and retreated into the bathroom, closing the door behind me.  
  
The first thing I did was blow my nose with toilet paper. Then I looked into the mirror over the sink. My eyes were red and puffy, my hair was tangled, and my nose was red. Obviously, I wasn't an attractive crier, but I really didn't care.  
  
For the next few moments, I did nothing but stare at my reflection, feeling nothing more complicated than sheer self-loathing. After a while I stirred into motion. I dabbed the tears away from my face, still sniffing, and then I blew my nose again and washed my hands, wondering how I was supposed to face her after this display. I just kept making things worse and worse, didn't I? How could I have let myself break down so pathetically like this? I deserved to be slapped and screamed at; I didn't deserve to be rocked in her arms as I cried away my sluttish heart.  
  
Finally there was a soft knock on the door.  
  
"Are you okay, baby?" Alice called softly.  
  
I didn't answer. I took a deep breath and opened the bathroom door. Alice was standing there with a sheet wrapped around her, and as soon as I saw her pretty face I felt like crying all over again. How could I do this to her?  
  
"I'm sorry," I whispered.  
  
She smiled and took my hand. "It's okay," she said. "Come here."  
  
She led me back to the bed and sat me on the edge. I felt self-conscious about my nakedness, but it didn't matter. Alice dropped the sheet, knelt at my feet, and opened my legs with her hands.  
  
"W-what are you doing?" I asked, panicking as my pussy was exposed.  
  
Alice smiled up at me. "Just relax, okay?" she whispered. "Let me do this."  
  
And before I could say anything else, she leaned and started licking at me. My breath started shuddering instantly, and despite the fact that we'd already had sex twice this morning, I felt excitement shiver through me with each touch of her tongue. She started very gently at first, just to get me wet, and then she started licking harder and harder until I was laying back on the bed and groaning.  
  
It was still raining, and for the rest of the day we didn't do much but have sex. Alice left at some point to get me some lunch, and we had a couple showers, but other than that we were pretty much naked and entwined the whole time. We didn't talk much, and I was beginning to suspect that maybe she was trying to avoid the issue. She was obviously more upset than she seemed, and this was probably the only way she knew how to handle it.  
  
But I couldn't complain. If she was using sex as a distraction tactic, it was certainly working. There were moments that afternoon when I almost felt better. It was easy to lose yourself in the arms of a woman like Alice, and even though I didn't deserve her and probably never would, I couldn't help loving her with all my heart and wishing that every lick, every touch, would make everything better.  
  
But it didn't. By the time she drove me home I felt worse than I had all day, and the self-loathing was back before we'd even reached the house. It came seeping into my body like a dark mist as I remembered with disgust all the things I'd done to Alice and all the things I'd let Alice do to me. I'd lost count of how many climaxes we'd enjoyed together, but it wasn't a small number. Double digits, maybe, and I didn't deserve a single one of them.  
  
We drove in silence and she dropped me off without coming inside. We made out in the car for a while with the rain rattling on the roof and the heater humming, and then she smiled and told me that she loved me. I didn't manage to return the smile but I did manage to tell her I loved her.  
  
By the time mom got home I had already started on dinner. Cooking was a hobby of mine, and it usually took my mind off things. Usually. Tonight, however, my mind was occupied with other stuff. It didn't take much concentration to make a basic pasta dish, and I wasn't distracted enough to boil my head or chop off a finger, but for some reason I just couldn't stop hating myself. I could feel it stabbed in my stomach like an icicle and soon I started wondering why I was even cooking. I certainly wasn't hungry.  
  
Me and mom sat down to eat together, just like a little family. She asked me what I'd been doing all day and I told her I'd been watching TV. I couldn't have been expected to tell her the truth; that I'd been shacked up in a cheap motel room with my estranged girlfriend. Still, I felt bad about lying, which wasn't really a new sensation. I'd been feeling bad all day, why not feel a little worse?  
  
"Are you okay, sweetie?" mom eventually asked, noticing that I wasn't really eating. "You're very quiet."  
  
I'd been staring at my food. I looked up. "Hm?"  
  
Mom looked at me with concern. "Are you feeling any better since this morning? You're still very pale."  
  
I smiled wearily. "I'm okay," I said, waving it off. "I'm just…"  
  
"Just what?"  
  
I shook my head. "It's nothing."  
  
Her face went even more concerned. "Are you sure?"  
  
I chuckled once, bitterly. "Yeah," I said. "I'm fine."  
  
Mom hesitated for a second and then she put her water glass down. "Bella, I'm your mother," she said. "I can tell there something bothering you."  
  
I smiled, a little more genuinely this time. It's a shame I'm such a horrible daughter. A regular teenage girl could get a lot of use out of a mom like mine who actually wanted to listen and talk about stuff. I waved my fork dismissively. "I'm alright, mom," I said.  
  
But, like a good mom, she didn't let it go. When she detected sadness in her daughter she was like a shark that smelled blood. "Is it your friend Alice?" she inquired, trying not to be nosy. "Did you have a fight?"  
  
A fight? No, we didn't have a fight. That was the problem. How was I supposed to feel better about this if she didn't punish me somehow?  
  
"No," I said, unsure what to say but wanting to say something. "It's just…"  
  
She leaned forward eagerly. "Just what?"  
  
I sighed at how she was trying to squeeze something out of me, but deep down I really did feel like talking about it. So I shrugged, and groped for a way to word it that didn't involve lesbians, vampires, and frequent underage sex. "Well," I began. "I probably shouldn't say anything, but…"  
  
"But what?"  
  
"Well, it's Alice."  
  
She looked a little wary at that, but nodded for me to continue.  
  
"Well…" I said. It would've been hard to explain that I'd cheated on her, considering that mom didn't even know I was dating her, so I decided to create a hypothetical boyfriend. I sighed again and said: "Her boyfriend cheated on her."  
  
Moms eyebrows rose in surprise and she sat up in her chair. She'd obviously been expecting something else, and it occurred to me that maybe she'd been expecting me to confess I was in love with her or something. Unfortunately, that was the least of my confessions, and if they kept piling up like this, I might never be able to tell mom anything about my relationship with Alice.  
  
"Oh," mom said.  
  
I took advantage of her stunned state by elaborating. "She's been really upset," I said, keeping the focus on Alice. "And, you know. I hate to see her upset."  
  
Mom nodded, frowning anxiously. "Well, it's nice you care about your friend like that, but, um… how old is that girl?"  
  
I had no idea. Sometimes I didn't think even Alice remembered how old she really was. "I don't know," I said. "Sixteen, I guess."  
  
Mom cleared her throat awkwardly. "And when you say cheating," she said, "do you mean sex?"  
  
Oh. I should've thought about that.  
  
Well, it's not so unusual, is it? I'd hate to portray Alice as an early bloomer, but I wanted to bring across the gravity of the situation. "Well, yeah," I said. "They're kind of active like that. But they really love each other, so…"  
  
"So they go around cheating?" Mom interrupted with a frown. "That's how much they love each other?"  
  
"No," I said quickly. "Alice didn't do anything."  
  
Mom didn't quite agree. "Maybe," she said, "but isn't she a little young for that kind of relationship?"  
  
"She's more mature than she looks, mom. She's like an adult."  
  
"If you say so," mom said skeptically.  
  
But none of this was really relevant, so I sighed and tried to steer the conversation back to topic. "I just feel really bad for her," I said, which was completely true. I felt awful for her, and I felt even worse that it was all my fault. "She doesn't deserve to be cheated on. She so perfect, you know? How could anyone do that to her?"  
  
Mom softened at that. "I don't know, sweetie."  
  
"I told her that she should dump him," I said, and tears prickled in my eyes as I realized I really meant it ."But she… She wants to forgive him."  
  
Mom frowned. "Forgive him?"  
  
"Well, he was really sorry," I said, which was also true. "And he still really loves her."  
  
Mom snorted.  
  
"And Alice," I went on sadly. "Alice really loves him, too."  
  
Mom was openly angry now. "How could she still love him?"  
  
It felt like mom was angry with me, and I shrugged meekly. "I don't know," I almost whispered. "He was really sorry, and…"  
  
Mom scoffed in disgust. "Well, I'm glad you knew better than to encourage her to stay with him, Bella. In fact, you should try harder to talk some sense into this girl. There's no excuse for cheating."  
  
Tears welled in my eyes and I look down at my plate to hide them. "But what if he didn't have a choice?" I asked, forcing my voice to be casual. "What if it really wasn't his fault?"  
  
Mom snorted. "People can make all kinds of excuses for cheating, Bella, but in the end there's only one reason. And that reason is that they're a lousy person. That's the only reason there'll ever be."  
  
Two tears dropped into my plate. I hadn't even blinked. "You're probably right," I said, and suddenly I realized what a stupid idea this was. If I portray myself as a hypothetical boyfriend, and if I portray the hypothetical boyfriend as the villain, how was any of this supposed to make me feel better?  
  
Mom sighed and shook her head, as if all young people were silly and there's nothing you can really do about it. "To be honest," she said, "I'm surprised that girl even has a boyfriend. She seems to spend most of her time with you."  
  
"Yeah," I said, not looking up, desperately trying to rain back my tears.  
  
"What's his name?" mom asked.  
  
I poked at my food with my fork, hiding my eyes and feigning casualness. "I don't know."  
  
"You don't know? How can you not know?"  
  
"I don't…" I whispered, my voice breaking. I had no idea what I was saying, and suddenly I couldn't hold it back any more. I pushed away from the kitchen table. "I have to go to the bathroom," I said, and hurried away, covering my eyes with one hand.  
  
When I was out of mom's sight, I ran into the bathroom and closed the door behind me. I stood there for a second, with my chest heaving, still trying to hold it all back. But then a sob broke through my restraint and suddenly the dam broke; all my sadness, all my loathing, all my regret burst through the cracks. I stuck a hand in my mouth to keep from howling, and suddenly I folded up and started crying, my body heaving with each sob that shuddered through me.  
  
When the storm had passed, I cleaned myself up at the sink and looked into the mirror. My eyes were red and my lips were pale and trembling. I took a shaky breath and turned off the water. I stared at myself in the mirror for a few moments and after a while my reflection made me start crying again.  
  
—  
  



	11. Chapter 11

—  
  
Chapter 11:  
  
—  
  
Tuesday morning dawned cold and gloomy and I hadn't slept very well. Alice had come to me last night and let me fall asleep in her arms, which was always nice, but my sleep was fitful and full of dreams. Usually I only dreamt about Alice; but these dreams weren't only about Alice. The redhead was there, too. And they weren't really romantic.  
  
In one of the more explicit dreams, Alice left me to go back to Victoria. I don't remember the dialog too well, but the basic scenario was that Alice wanted to punish me for cheating by having sex with Victoria right in front of me. Which she did. The dream was horrific and graphic enough to wake me up in a feverish sweat, and I was so horny that I couldn't get to sleep again until I'd masturbated to the same scenario. It was a pathetic thing to do, but it was already well-established that I was a pathetic person, so I didn't beat myself up about it too much. I slept much better, afterwards.  
  
In the morning, I was again waiting for Alice on the sidewalk, dressed all in black; black hoody, black jeans, black boots—and of course my black collar. I'd always felt most comfortable in black for some reason, even if it was a little ostentatious. Appropriate subtext, too. Maybe I was in morning for my lost honor.  
  
It started drizzling while I was waiting, but I just put my hood up and stood there. The rain was very fine and even if it was pouring I wouldn't have moved. I'd already showered, but it couldn't hurt to get rinsed off one more time before I saw Alice. A girl like me needed all the help she could get.  
  
Eventually, Alice pulled up in her silver Volvo and I climbed in, curious at how she'd greet me. Happily, she gave me a smile and kissed me. Conversation was still a little stunted as we drove, but things seemed to be a little better after our marathon at the motel yesterday. By the time we got to school I'd renewed my vow to be the best girlfriend ever, and even managed to smile for her a couple times. Demurely, of course. I didn't want to insult her by pretending I was okay with everything, and it seemed important to let her know that I was still feeling very bad and still very sorry. Maybe the remorse would make her forgiveness feel more genuine.  
  
Alice walked me to my locker, hand in hand like we used too, and she kissed me as she dropped me off at homeroom. She was wearing jeans and I watched her ass as she walked away. And for about four seconds I actually felt a lot better. That's how cute it was and how pathetic I am.  
  
Lauren and company arrived soon after, and after everything that had happened over the weekend, I really didn't have much anxiety left over to worry about her. Luckily, our truce seemed to be still in effect. She ignored me, other than a few smirks in my direction followed by a couple comments to her friends. Then they all glanced and snickered. I blushed embarrassedly and wondered if Lauren had come up with some new material. I was wearing decent clothes and all the gay-bashing had to be getting old by now. What meanness had she come up with that was original enough to make the whole group laugh?  
  
I sat by myself in homeroom and next to Alice in Biology. I kept glancing at her during the class, feeling that familiar flash of attraction every time. I watched her jot down notes in her perfect handwriting. I watched her blink into the microscope lens. I still couldn't get over how huge her eyes were and how long her eyelashes. She really was utterly perfect.  
  
She caught me looking and smiled. I smiled back and the glow in my heart reminded me of how much I truly loved her. Then she narrowed her eyes and licked her lips at me suggestively. The glow became a smolder, and I gave her a shy smile and a nod. We excused ourselves from class, first me, then her, and then we went and fucked in her car. She was wearing pink panties and was delicious, as always.  
  
We didn't make it back to Biology in time, but at this point, the prospect of poor grades didn't concern me as much as keeping Alice pleased. It wasn't school that I'd cheated on, and it wasn't school that I desperately wanted to cling to for all eternity. School wasn't so cute, either.  
  
In any case, my main anxiety that day was Victoria. Technically, she was a student here too, and it was entirely possible to bump into the bitch. I didn't kid myself into thinking she was sorry about what happened, and I was worried that if I had to pass her in the halls and see her disgusting smirk I might just die from humiliation. It wasn't biologically possible to literally die from humiliation, of course, but then again, cheating on a girl as perfect as Alice didn't seem biologically possible, either.  
  
I hadn't seen the vile redhead at all so far, but I knew it was coming. Lunch period was next and I knew she'd be there, sitting with her sisters at her usual table. I had no idea how I was going to handle it, but I was pretty sure that I wouldn't be able to eat. How could I eat with the symbol of my unfaithfulness sitting across the room? Maybe if the food was a little better I could get it down, but cafeteria food was almost inedible, anyway.  
  
Classes rolled on and finally the dreaded hour arrived. Me and Alice stood in line with our trays, quietly getting our lunch and paying for it. Alice paid for mine and made a lighthearted quip about how I wasn't as cheap as I looked, which I assumed was a not-so-subtle reference to how cheaply I'd given it up to her sister the other night. Maybe she didn't intend for it to be hurtful, but it was. I was still certain she was harboring a lot of hidden resentment, and all I could do was smile painfully and hope she'd get over it before she drove me to suicide. I really didn't think I could live knowing that I'd permanently hurt a girl like Alice.  
  
We made our way to our usual table, and for the first time my eyes flickered to the Cullen table. My insides were twisted up in knots and what I saw only made the knots tighter.  
  
The redhead was watching me cross the cafeteria. Openly staring. Her expression was similar to her expression from dinner the other night; hungry, speculative, appraising. Like a cat who was wondering if she should simply eat you or maybe claw you a little first. Her hair was as wild and red as it always was, and her face was still beautiful, and her lips were still red and sensuous. She was wearing a red tanktop and it had a tiny satin bow on the neckline between her large and lovely breasts. She was leaning an elbow on the tabletop with her chin in her hand and she didn't look ashamed of herself in the least.  
  
What a whore. I couldn't believe she was actually looking at me. I couldn't believe she was eating at a table, either. Shouldn't she be snorting at a trough somewhere like the pig she was? Then again, maybe we should be sharing one. I was no better than her. Worse, even. She was a slut, sure, but she wasn't the one who'd cheated on Alice. That had been me. Maybe I'm the whore.  
  
I looked away and didn't look back. I sat down with my back to the bitch and spent the rest of lunch period focused on Alice. I loved her so much, I really did. How could I do this to her?  
  
By the time we had to go back to class I felt like crying again, but it wasn't like the emotional storm that had built up inside me yesterday. It felt more like a dark gathering of rain clouds. The self-loathing had been welling in my chest all day, from the moment I'd woken up to the moment I laid eyes on the redhead, and suddenly it was too much. I've never been a crying kind of girl, but then again, I've never been a cheating kind of girl, either, so I decided I might as well just do it.  
  
And so I waited until class had started and then I raised my hand to excuse myself to go to the bathroom. These weren't dramatic tears, these were utilitarian tears. I didn't need an audience, I just needed to let it out quietly by myself.  
  
I made my way to one of the low-traffic bathrooms upstairs, and as I shuffled down the corridor, I encouraged the tears by thinking about what a useless person I was, and how I didn't deserve a great girl like Alice. I didn't flail myself with a whip like a medieval penitent, but my thoughts were lashing enough, and by the time I reached the bathroom I was sniffing to myself quite miserably.  
  
I pushed open the door, expecting it to be totally empty—but it wasn't empty. In the far corner, pressed against a sink, there were two girls making out with each other. One of them was a brunette I didn't recognize and the other one was Victoria.  
  
I was shocked. I'd never seen two girls kiss before, outside movies or a mirror, and the first thing that to occurred me was how hot it was. The brunette was no vampire, but she was cute, and she had a hand up the redhead's top and the redhead's tongue in her mouth. It was a great place to put one's hand, as I knew very well, and she seemed to be enjoying the tongue, as well.  
  
That is, until she heard the door swing open. She freaked, to put it bluntly. Her eyes widened like a frightened rabbit's and she twisted away from the redhead so fast she almost fell over. Tears of mortification sprang to her eyes and her face went completely red. She seemed to be verging on hysteria at being discovered, and I could understand her distress. If statistics were any guide, she was probably straight, and yet she'd just been caught lezzing out in the girl's toilets with a big-boobed redhead. You didn't have to be a homophobe to freak out under such conditions.  
  
She didn't speak, she just wiped her eyes and ran out. I stepped aside to let her pass and watched the door swing closed. Then I turned to the redhead.  
  
She was correcting her clothes and when she had my attention she heaved a large sigh. "These small town girls," she said. "They're so skittish, aren't they?"  
  
Suddenly I was afraid. I was alone with Victoria. Alone. With Victoria. The woman who'd dominated my brains out only two nights ago.  
  
She'd turned to the mirror and was straightening her hair. I stood frozen rigidly just within the door, watching her reflection with my mouth open. I didn't know what to do. Was I supposed to yell at her? Accuse her of stuff? Put her head in the toilet and flush it? I mean, this was the woman who'd caused me to cheat on my girlfriend. Surely I was supposed to have some ill-feelings on the subject that required ventilation. Right?  
  
I didn't know. All I felt was cold and complete shock. I'd never expected to see her again so soon. I felt sick to be in the same room, but I couldn't leave. I could hardly seem to breathe. She was wearing denim shorts and they fit very good. I was rooted to the spot, staring, and I could feel the disgust crawl across my skin like spiders.  
  
Victoria reapplied her lipstick in the mirror, her eyes watching mine, and then she stood up and smiled. She turned to me, quite pleasantly, and spoke as she put her lipstick back in her purse.  
  
"Actually, I'm glad I bumped into you," she said. "We left things on a rather sour note, didn't we? We should probably talk."  
  
I swallowed, not moving. I realized that she was going to apologize for what happened and the thought made me sick. There was no apology for what she did to Alice—to her sister. And not just Alice, but me, too. I'm sixteen years old, and it's called jailbait for a reason. You can't do stuff like that and apologize.  
  
And what about Rosalie? Rosalie was a bitch, no doubt about it, but I'm pretty sure she deserved a better soulmate than this. I try not to be judgmental of people who prefer their relationship with benefits, but this was a woman who liked to fuck her sister's girlfriend and make out with teenagers in school bathrooms. Those aren't benefits, those are seriously warped perversions.  
  
No, there was no apology. There was nothing she could say that would take back what she did. In fact, there was nothing she could say that would make me believe she even meant it. I knew she'd never be truly sorry. She was an evil woman, and even if she did apologize, it would only be lies.  
  
But she didn't apologize. She simply smiled with her red lips and said:  
  
"Listen. I've been thinking about the other night, and I want you to know that what happened between us doesn't have to be a one-time deal. Any friend of Alice's is a friend of mine. I'd love to fuck you again sometime."  
  
So much blood rushed to my face that I almost swooned. Did she just say what I think she said?  
  
She smiled at my flabbergasted reaction and touched a finger under my chin to close my mouth. "Think about it," she said, and then kissed me on the lips. I didn't move. Didn't react. The foreign softness of her full red lips pressed against mine was strangely exciting and disgusting at the same time, and when she finally pulled back, she smirked and gave me a little wink. "I'll see you later."  
  
And then she was gone, sailing out into the corridor with the door swinging shut behind her. I stood in the middle of the bathroom, frozen, and after a while I wiped my mouth absently. I didn't feel like crying anymore, but I managed to refrain from rubbing one out in the stall in the corner.  
  
—  
  
Needless to say, I was somewhat distracted for the rest of the day. Not by the possibility of having sex with the redhead again. No way, I'd never do that. Part of me didn't even believe her, anyway. She was probably just toying with me, trying to make me squirm. It had worked for a moment, but now that my mind was clear I was able to focus on a more appropriate reaction; anger.  
  
At least, I tried to be angry. But for some reason this latest outrage upon my dignity didn't seem to light any fires in me. I was numb with other sorrows, and all I seemed to feel was shock. What really amazed me was that she actually had the gall to say something like that. How could she possibly be so shameless?  
  
I'd love to fuck you again sometime.  
  
I mean, seriously. Who writes the woman's dialog? If she actually thought such a cheap and trashy line was going to make me tear off my clothes and leap at her, she was sorely mistaken. I leap at none but Alice.  
  
It was unbelievable, really. The word slut is thrown around pretty casually these days, but the redhead was surely the first woman I'd seen or heard of that truly deserved the label. Not only does she have a blonde goddess that she doesn't seem to appreciate, but she even has a row of anonymous brunettes lining up for her pleasure—and apparently she thought I was one of them.  
  
Disgusting. I wouldn't touch that bitch with a chainsaw.  
  
Math was my final class that day, and I was nervous and fidgety when I got there. I sat down early and spent a few minutes wondering about that other girl I'd seen with Victoria. She was probably a senior. I didn't know her but I felt sorry for her. I remembered her face as she scurried out the bathroom, the fear and humiliation. Poor girl. I knew what it's like to be entrapped in the arms of a fiery haired demoness and I didn't envy her one bit. Her mistake probably wasn't as huge as mine, but she deserved pity all the same.  
  
Still, they looked really hot together. You couldn't ignore that. I didn't get a good look at the brunette, but she was a girl, and the fact that she was kissing another girl seemed to be fascinating enough.  
  
I wondered if she'd been as easy to seduce as I had been, but I seriously doubted it. The girl was obviously straight, so it was fair to assume she put up some kind of fight. Although, she obviously didn't muster much resistance. Unless she'd been pinching the redhead under her top in order to drive her off. I doubted that, though. It was probably more likely she was working though a brief bout of same-sex curiosity by helping herself to a hefty grab of breast. Natural enough. Well, kind of. Beauty has a way of transcending preference, and they are exquisite tits. She wouldn't be the first straight chick to indulge a little girl-girl curiosity. Most of them are content with a bit of porn, but when opportunity has knockers like the redhead, you'd have to be a fool not to take advantage.  
  
Either way, she probably had better excuses than I did. She probably wasn't cheating on anyone, either.  
  
And now the redhead had made a second pass at me. She'd love to fuck me again sometime, would she? Well, well. I'm sorry to disappoint her, of course, but cheating on Alice wasn't something I was eager to do again. I wasn't eager the first time—until the whore took off her clothes, at least. Once her breasts were revealed I was practically frothing at the mouth. And once she told me to get on my knees, well. I'd torn at her panties with my teeth like a rabid dog, hadn't I? I mean, let's be honest here. Credit where credit is due. The woman was incredible.  
  
But not incredible enough to make me do it twice, no, no, not me. From now on, I was a new woman, dedicated to Alice and Alice alone. Alice was the girl I loved, and I was never going to cheat on her again, not ever. Besides, it's not like I had the redhead's phone number or anything.  
  
But jeez, what a whore. I couldn't get over the audacity of the bitch. An apology would've been distasteful enough, to say the least, but an open invitation to fuck her again sometime? I mean, really. She was such a whore you could almost admire her.  
  
And the absolute worst thing? I was tempted. Theoretically, at least. I was confident that I could never bring myself to cheat on Alice again—even if I wanted to, which I don't—but theoretically I had to admit that certain parts of my body were intrigued by the possibility. It was horrible to admit, even to myself, but I could really picture it—me on my knees and just clawing at her clothes. I blushed darkly at the thought but I was frowning. I would never do it, of course, but I could really picture it.  
  
It was sad, really. I'd been learning a lot about myself lately, and I was starting to realize that I was a bit of a slut. I'd always thought that I was a normal girl—albeit a gay one—but I'd never imagined that I was different like this. I had assumed that my physical affections were solely inspired and owned by my sweet and innocent Alice, the girl who wanted them and deserved them. But lately it seemed my physical affections weren't so discerning. It was strange. My heart would always belong to Alice, of course, but the rest of my anatomy seemed to respond to anything with tits and tight clothes.  
  
I was so distracted by my morbid self-reflections that I didn't notice when someone came over and sat down beside me.  
  
"Hey, dyke."  
  
Lauren, naturally. Just when I thought the day couldn't get any worse. I suppose I should've expected it. We always sit together in math.  
  
Nevertheless, her warm and familiar greeting was somewhat of a relief after the turmoil of the last few days, and I replied with the same warmth and friendliness.  
  
"Fuck you."  
  
Maybe it was my mood, but my voice came out a little dark, a little harsh. Honestly, I wasn't in the mood for any shit. Lauren, however, seemed to be in a mood of her own. She smirked and I knew something mean was on it's way.  
  
"So," she said. "Where were you yesterday?"  
  
"Sick," I said, which was kind of true. Sick with grief over hurting my girlfriend. Sick of being weak and spineless. Sick of watching my self-respect drip down the drain like something foul as I fucked pretty much anything that was interested, girlfriend or not. I looked at Lauren defiantly. "Is that a problem?"  
  
Lauren smirked wider and shrugged. "Just wondering," she said. "Your girlfriend wasn't here either."  
  
I frowned. "So?"  
  
"Did you ditch?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Yeah right," Lauren snorted. "Jane told me you fucked that redhead."  
  
My face drained. I went pale and my expression simply evaporated. I couldn't believe my ears. Lauren knew? Jane told her? How could she do that? My voice came out quiet and frightened. "What?" I whispered.  
  
Lauren grinned, but it wasn't a judgmental grin. It was a gossip grin, as if none of this was a big deal to her. "Yeah," she chuckled. "She said you came to their house wearing some satin thing and that you looked like a fucking clown with all your makeup. I mean, what the fuck's wrong with you? Who wears shit like that to their girlfriend's house?"  
  
I didn't answer. I could think of nothing to say.  
  
Lauren shook her head, and now a little judgment came into her tone. "You know, I can't believe you cheated on that little freak," she said, looking at me as if I was something disgusting. "Is it true?"  
  
I looked down. Maybe I should've denied it, but I couldn't do it for some reason. I felt like I didn't deserve to deny it.  
  
Lauren snorted, reading my expression. "Shit," she said. "That's pretty fucked up. I thought Jane was just fucking around."  
  
Her tone was gentler than I would've expected and despite her words, I thought I detected some sympathy. I looked up, but I didn't reply. Lauren looked me over disdainfully and shook her head.  
  
"Did she dump you?" she asked.  
  
I shook my head, my stomach knotting. "No," I said. But I was terrified that it was possible.  
  
Lauren seemed skeptical. "Seriously?" she snorted. "Jeez. She must be pretty fucking desperate."  
  
"She's not desperate," I said, compelled to defend Alice, "she's just…"  
  
"Just what?"  
  
"I don't know," I muttered. "She loves me."  
  
Lauren laughed at that. "Why?"  
  
I glared at her. "How the fuck would I know?"  
  
"You're the one dating her."  
  
"Well I don't know, alright?" I snapped. "Maybe she likes me because I go down on her every fucking day and night. I'm better than any boyfriend you've ever had."  
  
I don't know who was more surprised at my outburst, me or Lauren. She looked at me with her eyebrows up in amusement and I looked down at the desk, blushing. Where had that come from? I had plenty of self-resentment built up, sure, but enough to cause me to gloat bitterly about my sexual output?  
  
Maybe it was the question itself that troubled me so much. The truth was, I had no idea why Alice loved me. I hadn't proven to be a particularly good girlfriend so far, and even my physical charms had to have their limits. She'd fucked me so much since our first night together that it was amazing she wasn't sick of me.  
  
What scared me was the idea that she only wanted me for my blood. After all, she'd only bitten me three times so far. Maybe that's why she was so ready to forgive me for cheating and keep me happy. Maybe she wanted to get a few more pints out of me before she kicked me to the curb. It made sense, kind of, but then again, it was difficult to believe that she was faking all this relationship stuff just for blood.  
  
Lauren glanced around to see if anyone overheard, but the class was still rowdy and distracted. The math teacher hadn't arrived yet, and people were sitting around in groups, talking, texting on their phones. Lauren turned back to me and gave me a slightly queasy look.  
  
"Do you guys seriously do that stuff?" she asked. "Like, sex and stuff?"  
  
I looked at her dryly, still blushing. "What do you think?"  
  
She went even more queasy. "So you've actually eaten her out?"  
  
She seemed to be fascinated by the subject and I remembered my theories concerning her own orientation. She'd always been fascinated by me for some reason. I'd always assumed she was simply picking on an easy target, but after her jealousy with Alice, and that fight on the football field, I was really beginning to believe she had some kind of crush on me. Not a real crush, maybe, but certainly a bit of sexual tension. Maybe I should get Alice to give her Victoria's number. I'm sure the redhead would be happy to help her explore that side of herself.  
  
Still, I wasn't in the mood to pretend to be meek and self-depreciating. I was ashamed of myself, sure, but not here, not now. Not in front of Lauren. So I looked her in the eye, and said: "Yeah. I have."  
  
She obviously wasn't expecting me to be so blunt. It took her off guard, but she managed to come back with her usual line. "That's disgusting," she said.  
  
I snorted and shook my head. "Keep telling yourself that, Lauren."  
  
She got angry at that, her denial flaring up. "What the fuck's that supposed to mean?"  
  
I glanced at her, but I didn't want to cause a scene, so I just shook my head. "Nothing," I muttered. "Just leave me alone, alright?"  
  
Lauren straightened up her textbooks like a ruffled bird. "Jeez, what's your problem? I was only playing around. I didn't even know Jane was telling the truth. I thought she was lying."  
  
I didn't look at her. "Whatever."  
  
"Did you seriously cheat on her?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"That's fucked up."  
  
"You said that."  
  
"Yeah, well, it's true," she retorted. "How could you do that? I mean, I can understand why you'd fuck the freak. At least she looks clean. But the redhead? She looks like a total skank. Weren't you worried you'd catch something?"  
  
I smirked slightly. I knew that vampires were immortal and had some kind of regeneration power, so I didn't think the redhead, as skanky as she was, could be diseased. She could probably fuck a donkey and wouldn't even have to shower. In any case, it was a stupid comment, and I ignored it.  
  
"Listen," I said, changing the topic. "Let me ask you something."  
  
She frowned at me suspiciously. As if worried I might ask her to go down on me under the table. "What?"  
  
"If your boyfriend cheated on you," I said cautiously, not knowing if our faux-friendship covered questions like this. "Would you forgive him?"  
  
It didn't seem to bother her. She screwed up her face, as if the idea was too unlikely and stupid to even consider. "Fuck no," she said. "Of course not."  
  
The blunt denial didn't do much to bolster my belief in Alice's forgiveness. I felt my heart sink slightly, and I frowned, and added: "What if he still loved you?"  
  
She snorted. "I don't give a fuck if he loves me now," she said. "I've been trying to break up with him for weeks."  
  
I was surprised at that, even though I probably shouldn't have been. Lauren had never really pretended to like her boyfriend. Everyone thought that she was only dating him because he adored her—for some reason—and because he was popular and on the football team. He was pretty perfect, as far as boyfriend's went. If you were into that kind of thing.  
  
And maybe that was Lauren's problem. Maybe there was another reason she didn't like him, a secret reason. Maybe she was only dating him to try and be straight. No one would ever guess that a girl like her might be gay or bi—she was a cheerleader, or god's sake—but no one knew her quite like I did. And since were having a friendly kind of moment, I decided to see if I could get her to open up about it a little. I rarely cared about other people's problems, but lesbianism fascinated me, and it would've been pretty cool if I was right about her.  
  
So I glanced around furtively, in case the CIA had the classroom bugged, and then I said: "Why not? I mean, he seems like a nice guy."  
  
She snorted and shrugged, not looking at me. "I don't know," she muttered, as if she knew exactly why but didn't want to talk about it. "I just don't like him anymore. I never did, really." Then she looked at me and gave a smile that was almost friendly. "You know, you're pretty lucky to have a girlfriend like Alice," she said, almost shyly. "Someone that you actually love. I've never loved anyone."  
  
It was one of the nicest thing she'd ever said to me and I felt an awkward flush settle on my face. It was awkward because it reminded me that I still kind of had a crush on this girl, and after my recent episode with the redhead, I really didn't want to have feelings for any one other than Alice.  
  
"Me either," I said, and despite the fact that I'd fallen pretty hard for Lauren in middle school, I added: "Until I met Alice."  
  
It wasn't precisely true, but it made me feel better to say it. It didn't impress Lauren, though. The mention of Alice darkened her face slightly and she snorted. "So why'd you cheat on her then?" she asked, with a little of her usual venom.  
  
I frowned, my own face darkening. "I don't know."  
  
"Maybe you're just a slut," she suggested meanly.  
  
"Maybe I am."  
  
She snorted. "You're not supposed to agree, you dumb bitch."  
  
"Fuck you," I said, and just like that, our mini-friendship was over.  
  
Lauren sneered at me. "Yeah, you probably would fuck me, wouldn't you? After all, you're just a slut, right? You'd fuck me right now if I let you, wouldn't you?"  
  
I looked at her dryly. It was a rhetorical question, and I didn't get a chance to answer it, anyway. Because that's when the teacher came into the room and got the class started.  
  
But I had to wonder. Would I fuck her, given the chance? I couldn't deny I'd thought about it—pictured it, even. But that was before Alice. If I didn't have a girlfriend, then yeah; I'd love to fuck Lauren. Nothing would make me happier. But was she cheat-worthy? I didn't know. She'd always been a pretty girl, with her straight blonde hair, sharp features, and icy blue eyes. Her body was good, too, although nothing truly amazing. I'd seen her in the showers, and she was nice to look at, sure, but nothing that melted a girl's mind. Unlike a certain redhead.  
  
But, still. It was an interesting question, and I found that I didn't really have an answer. I wouldn't fuck her right now in the classroom, of course—I hadn't fallen that far just yet—but if it was a more private scenario, something kinky and kind of romantic, then maybe it was possible. I hated to admit it, but the more I thought about it—the more I pictured it—the more I had to wonder. How weak was I, exactly? If Lauren threw herself at me in the showers after PE one day when everyone was gone, for instance, would I really have the strength to thrust her away while proclaiming my undying loyalty to Alice? Or would I simply giggle and go down on her? I really didn't know. Maybe I should just be grateful it would never happen.  
  
I suppose it was proof of how far I'd fallen that I even had to wonder. Did ordinary women ask themselves these questions? Or was it just us fallen gals? It was so weird being the kind of girl who'd cheated on the person she loved. I never thought I was like that. I truly didn't.  
  
But gosh, math was boring. Why do they even bother with math in schools? It's not like I'm ever gonna need this stuff when I'm older. And it's not like I don't have more important things to worry about. How am I supposed to concentrate on calculus when my girlfriend secretly hates my cheating guts?  
  
And what exactly was I supposed to tell her about my encounter with Victoria? Class would be over soon and I thought I should prepare something to say. I mean, I had to tell her right? Nothing really happened. We'd just bumped into each other, that's all. She'd offered me sex, of course, but that wasn't my fault. I didn't accept and it had only made me a little horny. She'd kissed me too, I suppose, but that wasn't my fault, either. I was just standing there. I mean, what else was I supposed to do? They make it seem so easy in movies and TV, to stand up for yourself, but it's not that easy in real-life. In real-life it was more complicated. If I'd shoved away the redhead when she went to kiss me, for instance, then…well…um…  
  
Well, that's not the point. The point is, I didn't kiss her back. That's what matters.  
  
The bell finally rang, signaling the end of a long miserable day, and I trudged to my locker with a dark sense of dread hanging over me like a black cloud. It occurred to me that maybe I shouldn't tell Alice. Not because I'm a coward, but because maybe it would be best to avoid upsetting her. Nothing really happened, anyway. Maybe she wouldn't even want to know.  
  
But what if the redhead says something? It was a possibility, especially if Victoria was only doing this to hurt Alice. If she went and told her, I'd look like I was trying to hide it, which would only make me look more guilty. And I couldn't afford that, not now, not so soon. Alice needed to know that she could trust me. I had to tell her.  
  
Alice met me at my locker, all ready to go with her backpack over her shoulder, and together we walked to the car and drove home. We still weren't really talking so much, and I had no idea how I was supposed to approach the subject of getting kissed by the woman with whom I'd cheated only a few days ago. It was kind of a touchy subject. Most of all, though, I had to phrase it in a way that stressed that it wasn't my fault and didn't make me moist at all. That was the most important thing.  
  
It wasn't a long drive and I still hadn't managed to bring it up. Alice took me inside, and since mom wouldn't be home for a while, Alice suggested we amuse ourselves by fucking on my bed. Usually we only made out in the afternoons, but sex was certainly more fun than homework, and despite the slight ache in my pants from so many orgasms over the last couple days, I was very eager to comply. The feeling of dread and nervousness didn't go away, but it was still fun to stick my tongue in her. I loved the sounds she made when we didn't have to be quiet.  
  
She left before mom got home, promising with a smile to be back tonight, and then she was gone. We hadn't had a chance to talk—our mouths were otherwise occupied—and as I got started on dinner I was hit with a sudden bolt of panic. I'd figured that I'd tell her tonight, before bed, but what if the redhead said something first? I hadn't even thought of that. But what if she did? Alice would think I was trying to hide it—and think I was guilty.  
  
I was so distressed I almost threw up in the sink. Luckily, I didn't—I was defrosting chicken fillets in there—but for at least ten seconds I was stunned catatonic by my own stupidity. Not only had I failed to report the incident to my girlfriend as I should've, but now she was going to hear about it from her evil step-sister. I kicked one of the cupboards in frustration. How could I possibly keep fucking things up this badly?  
  
And I had still done nothing wrong! All I did was stand there—both with Alice and Victoria. I said nothing, did nothing, and yet I was still the bad guy. Is any of this fair? It didn't seem fair to me. All I wanted to do was be a good girlfriend for Alice. Why is that so hard all the sudden?  
  
I started crying, but then mom came home and I had to stop. I didn't care. Tears are stupid, anyway.  
  
That night I didn't even get in bed. I just sat on the edge, waiting for Alice and praying that Victoria didn't say anything. Alice deserved to hear it from me, so she could also hear how disaffected and uninterested I was in anything that insipid bitch had to offer. I wouldn't fuck that whore with a tent pole. Alice, on the other hand, I'd fuck however she wanted it.  
  
Alice was a little later than usual and when she finally came crawling through my window I got the impression that the redhead did, in fact, say something. Her smile was somewhat subdued and she didn't speak. She just took off her clothes, took off mine, and urged me into bed.  
  
Where we fucked, naturally. It seemed to be the only thing we did lately. I wish I felt a little worse about that, but I didn't. I wanted her just as much as she wanted me, and she was still really hot. I'd been getting more and more comfortable with her ass lately, and I took the liberty of groping it greedily. She didn't seem to mind. She even giggled. She commented that I'd have to do her from behind with a strap-on someday, and it thrilled me that we were making long-term plans. After all, she couldn't be thinking about dumping me if she wanted to keep me around for sex-toy experiments, could she?  
  
My climax when it came was a little strained—it was my third that day and maybe the eleventh or twelfth in forty-eight hours—but Alice's orgasm was as strong as ever. She never seemed to tire of sex, for some reason. It was probably a vampire thing. My own sex-drive was pretty hardcore—I mean, let's be honest—but my charming girlfriend seemed to be pure sex-demon. No pun intended.  
  
The sex managed to distract me from my anxieties for a while, but as soon it was over, I began to feel bad again. Alice curled up beside me in the dark, as she always did, and I decided suddenly that it was best not to tell her about what happened. Not tonight, at least. How could I, like this? No, it was best to wait. I couldn't be sure Victoria had said something, and even if she did, I couldn't be sure that Alice would believe her. No, there was no point mentioning it, not now.  
  
"Mmm," Alice moaned, straddling my hips and laying on top of me. She lowered her mouth to mine and whispered into it. "That was wonderful, as always. Thank you, baby."  
  
Then she kissed me.  
  
I melted. The satisfaction in her voice drove away my anxiety for a moment, and I felt a small glow of pride. Alice was easy to please, of course, but I still tried hard every time. I just hope she realizes how much I loved her.  
  
"You don't have to thank me," I whispered.  
  
She giggled. "It was your pleasure, was it?"  
  
"Definitely."  
  
"Mine, too."  
  
Alice sighed and let herself settle on top of me. I smiled in the dark and wrapped my arms around her naked back. I loved this position. It was really the perfect way to cuddle, with Alice simply laying flat against me, covering me, smothering me in her warmth and nakedness. I could hold her like this forever. Like, literally.  
  
She had lowered her lips to my ear and now she whispered.  
  
"But you'll have to let me know if it's too much for you, okay? I know I've been a little demanding these last couple days, but as a vampire, I recover much quicker from orgasms than you do. I require a little more attention than most girls."  
  
I smiled. "I don't mind."  
  
"You're not getting sick of me?"  
  
I tightened my arms around her. "No way."  
  
"Good," she whispered, and kissed my cheek. "I love you, Bella."  
  
"I love you, too."  
  
She giggled and snuggled against me. She sighed and rubbed her cheek against mine, almost like a cat. I closed my eyes and let myself drift, just loving her. It was a beautiful moment. But her next words froze me.  
  
"So," she whispered softly. "Vicky told me she kissed you today."  
  
Well. At some point you really have to start wondering if your girlfriend is a psychopath. I knew that she was hurting inside, and maybe harboring some secret resentment, but honestly; isn't it just a little creepy to make love to your girlfriend, kiss her, cuddle her, whisper sweet nothing's in her ear, and then confront her about alleged infidelity?  
  
A shiver of fear passed through me. Or maybe not fear. Uncertainty. She'd said it in the tones of idle pillow-talk and she was still rubbing her cheek against mine tenderly—but that only made it more creepy.  
  
I knew that Alice would never physically hurt me, and I knew that my own feelings didn't deserve a whole lot of consideration in this situation, but I really wished she hadn't mentioned it like that. It felt…wrong. It felt like she was deliberately trying to intimidate me, and I didn't want to think of her like that. I wanted to think of her as sweet and perfect and not at all the kind of person who would try to frighten me when I was naked and underneath her.  
  
"It was nothing," I said quietly.  
  
"No?" she whispered, her breath like fire in my ear. "That's not what she said. She said your pulse quickened as soon as your lips touched. And that you were emitting hormones associated with sexual excitement. Vampire's can tell those things, you know."  
  
I tried to swallow. It didn't work. "She's a liar."  
  
Alice chuckled throatily, softly in the dark, right beside my ear. "Is she?" she whispered. "I wonder. She says she could've fucked you again right there on the toilet floor if she wanted. Was she lying about that, too?"  
  
"Yes," I whispered, holding back a sob. The fear was gone by now and all I felt was utter regret and self-loathing. She was right, she was totally right. God, how could I do this? How could I have stood there and let that bitch kiss me?  
  
"Good," she whispered, placing a kiss on my ear. "That's what I was hoping."  
  
The kiss comforted me slightly and I quickly added: "I'd never cheat on you, Alice."  
  
"No," she whispered. "Just that once, hm?"  
  
I started crying. Why was she saying these things? Didn't she know how sorry I was? Didn't she know how much I hated myself for what I did?  
  
Alice quickly changed her tone. "Oh, Bella, Bella, Bella," she cooed, stroking my face. "It's okay, shh. Why are you crying?"  
  
I choked back a sob. "Because you hate me."  
  
"No, I don't," she assured me softly, placing a kiss on my lips. "I love you, Bella."  
  
"Alice, please," I blurted suddenly. "Please, you have to forgive me. It was the biggest mistake of my life. I never meant to hurt you, I truly didn't. Please, I—"  
  
"Shh, shh, shh," she whispered. "You'll wake your mother."  
  
"I don't care," I sobbed wretchedly. "Please, Alice. I-I'm so sorry, I… I…"  
  
I was on the verge of breaking down into tears, but I fought it back desperately. I didn't want to wake up mom but I needed to cry so badly. My chest heaved with the restraint of holding it inside. Alice seemed to realize what was about to happen and suddenly she covered my mouth with her hand—just in time to muffle my first howl of anguish.  
  
She held me and stroked me and whispered soothingly, and eventually I stopped crying. She wiped the tears off my face with her fingers, kissed me a few times, and then got out of the bed.  
  
For a second I was terrified she was going to leave me, and I almost called out. But I could hear her still in the room. It was pitch black and I had no idea what she was doing, but when she came back to the bed, she pressed a tissue into my hand.  
  
"Here," she whispered.  
  
I sniffed; my nose was full. "Thanks," I said, and blew it.  
  
We got back into bed and she straddled my hips and covered me again with her body.  
  
"Bella, listen," she whispered. "I won't lie, okay? I was hurt that you did that stuff with Vicky. But I truly do forgive you. Okay? I love you. I love you more than anyone or anything. You're everything to me, you really are. I told you before, Bella. I'm not going to throw away this relationship because of one little mistake. I love you. Okay?"  
  
Her words were so soft and perfect that I almost cried again. "I'm sorry," I whispered, not knowing what else to say but knowing I had to say something.  
  
She kissed my lips. "Don't be," she whispered. "Just promise me you'll never do it again."  
  
"I promise," I said quickly.  
  
"I'm serious, Bella," she went on. "Vicky might try again to seduce you. And if she does, you have to promise me that no matter what she says, or what she does…"  
  
"I promise, Alice," I whispered. "I'm so sorry."  
  
She kissed me. I closed my eyes and sniffled. Finally she broke the kiss and lowered her lips to my ear.  
  
"Thank you," she whispered. "I feel so awful to put you in this position. You're just a child, after all. You shouldn't be in such a serious relationship just yet."  
  
I wrapped my arms around her, holding her close. "I'll try harder, Alice," I whispered. "I want to be a good girlfriend."  
  
"You are, baby. You're the best. Just promise you'll never do it again."  
  
It hurt that she still didn't trust me, but I nodded in the dark. "I promise."  
  
"Thank you," she whispered into my lips. Then she dropped her voice a little lower. "I just hope you keep it this time. Because if you ever touch another woman again…I'm going to be very upset."  
  
For the second time I felt a shiver of fear. My eyes were open and blinking uncertainly in the dark, but I could see nothing. I could feel Alice on top of me, Alice's warmth and Alice's softness, and I could feel her breath against my lips, but I could see nothing but blackness.  
  
"I won't," I whispered, and I truly meant it. "I love you."  
  
I heard her smile. "Good," she whispered. Then she kissed me on the lips, long and hard. "Now," she giggled. "Shall we fuck one more time before you go to sleep?"  
  
She was already reaching for one of my breasts, but I nodded, anyway. "Okay," I whispered.  
  
—  
  
Alice's words lingered in my head over the next two days. Daily affairs continued on like normal—school, home, frequent sex—but I'd find myself thinking back at odd moments, and wondering; was that a threat?  
  
I wasn't exactly sure. But I thought about it a lot. I'd be sitting in class, not paying attention, or I'd be sitting on the sofa, not watching TV, and unerringly my mind would drift and settle back to that conversation in the dark.  
  
Because if you ever touch another woman again…I'm going to be very upset.  
  
I remembered her exact words. And they still gave me a little chill. Although not exactly a chill of fear. It had been kind of creepy on the night in question, but in the bland light of day, in boring classrooms, it didn't seem so creepy any more. It seemed…exciting.  
  
Okay, I'll be honest. It made me hot. Really hot. It was the way she'd said it, so softly, so purringly, so…possessive. The words would replay in my head and I'd find myself smiling goofily, in the middle of dinner, in the shower. It made me wonder if she wasn't as sweet and innocent as I thought, and I discovered that I wouldn't really mind if she had a slightly sinister side. She was a vampire, after all, and vampires are, generally, evil. She was obviously talented at faking and repressing things. And the one thing she craved about me more than anything else was my body and blood. What if all her talk of love and destiny was, well, slightly exaggerated?  
  
It was weird. I'd been questioning Alice's feelings ever since we first hooked up, but for the first time I began to wonder if maybe she really was playing me for my red stuff. Despite my insecurities, I'd always assumed that the sex and blood drinking were a perk of the relationship. But what if the relationship itself was a perk? What if the physical stuff was really all she needed? All she wanted?  
  
Alice had told me once that sex was basically an appetizer, like smelling a dish before eating it. She'd also spoken about addiction, and about Need, and about how the Need eventually overrides all else until the Need was all you had left. Was that what was going on here? Was that why she was determined to forgive me and tell me she loved me and keep me happy? Because she Needed me? Obviously she was very angry over what happened with Victoria. First cheating, then kissing. Maybe deep down she hated me and wanted to get rid of me, but she couldn't, because she was addicted to me, to my blood. Could that be possible?  
  
I truly hoped not. I knew I'd hurt her, and I was still very insecure, but I was positive that a large part of her forgiveness was genuine. I knew it deep in my heart. She liked me and she liked being with me. After all, I do truly love her and I've always been eager to express that love in a physical fashion. And, as a bonus, I have nice tits. It couldn't be too painful dating me.  
  
Until I cheated on her, of course. After that, maybe it became very painful.  
  
What must it be like, to have sex with someone who cheated on you simply because you needed to drink her blood occasionally? It must be terrible. But the important thing was that she still wanted to be with me. She was trying hard to forgive me and keep loving me, and as long as we loved each other, everything would be fine. At least, I really hoped so.  
  
It occurred me to once or twice over those couple days that maybe I should be a little discomforted at the fact that maybe my girlfriend was only interested in my, well, meat, but honestly I didn't seem to care. I'd known she was a vampire, and I'd known that vampires aren't angels. Alice had told me herself, more than once. Vampire's are, basically, little more than slutty blood addicts. Which probably made healthy relationships a little difficult for them. Luckily for me, however, I've always been a bit of a doormat, so I didn't really mind getting fucked and bitten every now and then. I liked it. Maybe even more than Alice herself.  
  
To be honest, I didn't care what she liked about me, as long as she liked something. As long as she wanted me and wanted to be with me. That's all that mattered. Besides, maybe I was just being insecure. Maybe she really does love me like a regular person would—assuming a regular person would actually love someone like me. None of them had shown any interest so far.  
  
But I wasn't interested in regular people. I was interested in Alice and Alice alone. I loved her, and I didn't care if she liked my blood more than my personality—it was only logical, really. The mind of a superficial sixteen year old probably wasn't that interesting to a centuries old vampire. Food, on the other hand, was always fresh. Besides, it's not like my own feelings were a well of depth and maturity. It was still her ass I loved more than anything.  
  
I only wish she was more honest with me, that's all. I wondered if maybe I should talk about this stuff with her, but our relationship was in a fragile state, and I didn't want to mess things up further. I just wish she knew that she didn't have to fake with me. I loved her more than that. If she was mad at me for cheating on her, then I wanted her to be mad. I wanted her to scream or cry or even slap me. I wanted her to do whatever she had to do in order to forgive me honestly. I didn't want fake forgiveness, even if I had to beg and cry. And if she couldn't forgive me at all, I wanted her to leave me and find someone she deserves. Most of all, I wanted her to love me on her terms; not mine.  
  
And maybe that's why her veiled threat gave me hope. So many times those words replayed in my head over those couple days. Alice's breathy whisper, the soft menace, the secret hurt.  
  
Because if you ever touch another woman again…I'm going to be very upset.  
  
It made me blush every time I remembered it. Alice had always been a theatrical kind of girl, and she'd always enjoyed objectifying me. It had started out cute and subtextual, like the collar, but after the other night maybe she was finally ready to move on to a more literal kind of possessiveness. Loyalty should be mandatory for all couples, of course, but I was glad that she truly wanted me all to herself. I was glad her forgiveness wasn't so easy to earn. But most of all, I was glad our relationship was important enough to her that she felt compelled to threaten me to my face while laying naked on top of me after sex. It was a little blackwidow-ish, even for her, but sweet, too, in a creepy kind of way. There was more love in those words than all her I-love-you's combined.  
  
Alice wanted me, pure and simple. Whatever her reasons and whatever her intentions, she wanted me. And that made me horny, frankly.  
  
So from now on, I was truly going to be the best girlfriend ever. I'd already made similar vows, but over those couple days I made them all over again, and made a few new ones as I thought of them. I was going to love her, and hold her, and be there for her when she needed me. I was going to give her everything she wanted, body, blood, heart, soul. All of it. I didn't care. I was going to be absolutely perfect for her and I was never again going to give her any reason to be upset with me.  
  
And, needless to say, I would never cheat again. Never, under any circumstances. Alice seemed sure that Victoria was going to make another pass at me at some point, but I was prepared this time. When she had caught me in the bathroom, I was taken aback, caught off guard. I'd never expected to see her again so soon and I'd never suspected she was still interested. But now I know. And the next time I see her, I was fully prepared to slap her face off. Or at least pointedly ignore her.  
  
Still, I was glad I hadn't bumped into her yet. It would be great if I'd be lucky enough to never see again for the rest of my life, but I guess that wasn't possible, not as long as we attended the same school. I saw her everyday at lunch, sitting with her sisters and killing my appetite with her eyes. I had no idea while she liked staring at me so much. Sure, I brushed my hair every morning and washed my face, but really; I'm nothing worth staring at.  
  
It was possible she was developing a Darcy-like crush on me, I suppose, but I thought it was more likely she was simply trying to intimidate me into taking my clothes off. It wasn't working—not to that extent, at least—but I couldn't deny the jolt in my heart that I felt on the few occasions I looked up and met her steady stare. After all, no matter how many vows of loyalty I made, she was still one sexy bitch. A hateful whore, as well, but still. In my defense, however, the jolt was always followed by a queasy sickness in my stomach that assured me I'd rather throw up than lay lips on any area of her glorious anatomy. Even her tits.  
  
I dreaded our next meeting, but I consoled myself by reminding myself that it might never happen. There was no guarantee that the redhead was going to make a second pass, and even if she did, I was prepared this time. Things were progressing with Alice. We were talking more. The strain was lifting. Things were finally getting better, and I was fiercely determined not to fuck everything up again—in fact, there were moments when I was actually looking forward to the second pass, just so I could tell the redhead exactly what I thought about her. These moments of righteous indignation were rather brief, of course, but it was fun to fantasize about all the mean things I could quite justly call her. Slut, whore, disgusting bitch. Telling her to fuck off and stay away from me because I loved Alice and Alice alone. I could just imagine as she pouted and slank away in her heels and miniskirt, unfucked and not going to get fucked. Yeah. Take that, bitch.  
  
Sometimes I really wish I had the backbone for that kind of confrontation. But I didn't. Truthfully, I hated drama, and deep down, I really wished that the second pass would never, well, come to pass. I wished she would just leave me alone and let me be happy with Alice, but if her stares across the cafeteria were any guide, I guess it was pretty obvious that she wasn't done with me. Which was why I had to steel myself. Because as much as I hate to admit it, I am a very weak person. I had absolutely no intention of cheating on Alice, of course. But I'd had no intentions of cheating the first time, either.  
  
I still struggled to remember that night. In some ways it was incredible. In other ways it was horrible. Right or wrong, it had been the most exhilarating experience of my life. Somehow, someway, Victoria had managed to completely erase Alice from my head—even if only for a few moments. How could I have let that happen? It was unbelievable, really. This was a woman who'd humped my face like an ape—and I'd let her?  
  
And that's what scared me. I mean, what if it happened again? I'd already stood there once and let her kiss me. I was unprepared, sure, but what if that was just an excuse? What if despite all my vows and all my promises, what if it was inevitable? What if she came up to me and kissed me again? And this time didn't stop? What then?  
  
It seemed like such a simple thing, not cheating, but you realize how complicated it can be when you have a sexy redhead circling and sniffing at your skirts like a fox.  
  
Just thinking about it made my insides clench in fear. Would I resist? Would I topple? I could just picture it, a chance meeting in the corridors between classes. She'd be dressed in one of her miniskirts, maybe wearing a thong underneath. I'd probably try to pass by without looking at her, but of course that would be impossible. I'd have to at least try to scowl at her. I'd put as much hate in it as possible, but it probably wouldn't affect her too much. Or at all. She'd probably just smirk with her sexy mouth, knowing that she'd already had me once, seduced me, dominated me, made me like it. And knowing that there was nothing I could do to change that. Knowing that I'd been weak and helpless against her. And knowing, too, that she could probably do it again if she wanted. Knowing that it would only take a smirk and a bit of skin to weaken me again, to make me—  
  
But no, no. If I couldn't be strong in my fantasies, how could I expect to be strong when it happened? I had to remember Alice. Remember that I loved her. Remember her ass. It was unforgivable to cheat on such a girl with such an ass and I promised myself solemnly that I never would. Again, I mean.  
  
Thursday morning was fun. Alice picked me up early and we had sex on the couch quickly. This was after dual orgasms the previous night, and as eager as I was to perform my duty as best girlfriend ever, it was really starting to take a toll on my stamina. The girl was wearing me out, literally. But I persevered. She kept reminding me that I was well within my rights as a mere human to tell her to back off occasionally, but my pussy wasn't really that sore, and it was kind of cool to see how far I could push myself.  
  
We drove to school through the rain, made out at my locker a little, and I wound up late for homeroom. It wasn't the first time and my excuse was getting a little flimsy. I told the teacher that my ride was late and the teacher suggested I make other arrangements. Perhaps the bus? It was sound advice, and as soon as I found a bus driver cuter than my girlfriend who liked to fuck me every other morning, I'd be sure to do it. Until then, I'd stick with Alice.  
  
I had PE on Thursdays and we were playing dodgeball again. Alice was picked relatively early for teams, which made you wonder about double standards. I suppose it was okay to be a lesbian as long as you were cute and knew how to catch. I, on the hand, was picked close to last, which didn't strike me as terribly fair. It sucks to be ostracized for both your orientation and disorientation. Spastic lesbians deserve equal opportunity to be picked early for teams, too.  
  
In any event, I was last to be picked and the first eliminated. Alice was on the opposite team and I tried not to take it personally when she aimed at my head. She was smiling about it, so maybe it was just her usual playfulness. I didn't want to believe her repressed resentment would lead her to throw rubber balls at my face like a common bully.  
  
I went and sat down on the benches and pretty soon I was joined by Angela. She was another girl who was cursed with the coordination of a, well, girl. She rarely lasted long in dodgeball, but she was straight and popular, so she always got picked for teams ahead of me. I wasn't jealous, though. If I was picking teams I'd pick her, too. She was very tall and her shorts were very short. I wasn't attracted to her, technically, but I could appreciate long legs when I saw them.  
  
Which I did, as she sat down beside me. A quick glance, no more. It was actually really sweet of her to sit next to me. There weren't any others eliminated this early in the game, but still; friendly chick.  
  
"So," she said cheerfully, as if getting hit in the boobs with rubber balls was the most fun she'd had in ages. "How's things going with you and Alice?"  
  
A painful question. I looked across the gym and stared at Alice. "Great," I said. Then I glanced at Angela. "Why?"  
  
I knew that there were certain rumors going around, no doubt spread by a pair of evil blondes, and I wondered if she believed them. I hoped not. Angela wasn't a great friend and her approval didn't really mean much, but I'd prefer it if she didn't know I was kind of a whore.  
  
"Just curious," she said, shrugging, but watching me, too. "You guys are pretty unique, that's all. I'm just wondering if, you know. If everything's okay. I mean, it sucks that people are so mean to you. You guys are pretty cool, if you ask me."  
  
There was a lot of awkward sympathy in her voice and I got the impression that she was tiptoeing around the rumor. She didn't believe it, but like many teenage girls, she was eager for a scandal.  
  
"I think it's pretty awesome how you love her so much," she went on, breaking into a casual grin. "I still can't believe you got in a fight with Lauren last week. My boyfriend would never get in a fight over me."  
  
I smiled and blushed slightly. "It wasn't really a fight."  
  
"You broke her nose," she pointed out.  
  
I shrugged modestly. "Not deliberately."  
  
"Still," she said, "I think it's awesome that you stood up for your girlfriend like that. You're more manly than most of the guys in school."  
  
I chuckled. It was a nice compliment, but modesty forbade me from accepting it. It wasn't really true, anyway. "I got my ass kicked by a cheerleader," I told her. "You call that manly?"  
  
She giggled. "Oh," she said. "I didn't think of it like that."  
  
I shook my head. It was nice to have someone to talk to sometimes. I wondered if me and Angela would ever be real friends. It would be nice to have a friend who wasn't mean to me.  
  
"Well, anyway," she said, waving a hand. "You might wanna hit the gym sometime because Lauren's still talking shit."  
  
My heart sank. I could only imagine the things she's been saying. My only consolation was the knowledge that no one would really believe it.  
  
"What's she saying?" I asked.  
  
Angela snorted, as if it was all too ridiculous to even talk about. "She said you cheated on Alice," she said. "With one of her sisters. I mean, how stupid is that? As if any of those chicks would sleep with you. I mean, no offence."  
  
I had mixed feelings, but none of them were offended. Maybe it was wrong to feel a touch of pride that one of those chicks did, in fact, sleep with me, but I couldn't help it. I got fucked by a centerfold; kind of hard to be ashamed of that. Especially when someone actually mentions it. It was easier to be ashamed when I was alone and depressed.  
  
I lowered my eyes to the floorboards at my feet and smiled slightly. "None taken," I said.  
  
Angela looked at the game and then she leaned to me slightly. "You know what I think?" she said in a rumor-tone of her own. "I think Lauren might have some secret crush on you. And that she's trying to cover it up by being mean to you and spreading rumors and stuff."  
  
That was one thing I'd never expected to hear. I'd had similar theories, of course, but no one ever believes their own theories. Angela's theory, gossip or not, seemed a million times more credible.  
  
I felt a quick shiver of excitement, and it took me by surprise, how good this news seemed. I felt like a highschool girl who just found out that her secret crush might possibly, legitimately, like her back—which is pretty much what I was. I already had a girlfriend, obviously—one who was better in every aspect and bodily dimension—but it was always nice to know a crush is returned.  
  
Outwardly, however, I refrained from any and all expression of delight. I just snorted and kept my eyes focused on the game. Alice was out there and one glance at her ass was enough to dispel any desire for Lauren. "I doubt it," I said.  
  
I would've been a little gratified if Angela had argued her theory a little more, but she just shrugged. "It's more believable than that redhead having sex with a girl," she said, deflecting the subject back to the rumor. "That chick is just too hot to be gay. I mean, no offence."  
  
I smirked. I wouldn't have believed the redhead was a lesbian, either—until she stuck her tongue in my vagina. It's possible I was misinterpreting the signs—like when she got naked and sat on my face—but my gaydar has been fairly accurate so far, so I was pretty sure.  
  
But Angela seemed to have her own beliefs on the subject, and who am I to question them? If she wants to believe her own gender isn't desirable enough to be the primary object of interest for an attractive woman who could easily have any guy she wanted if she did actually want a guy, well, that was her own small-mindedness and lack of solidarity.  
  
So I just glanced at her and shrugged. "None taken," I said.  
  
Angela smirked. "If Lauren wanted to make the rumor believable, she should've said you cheated with her. I'd believe that one."  
  
I'd believe that one, too. It had a ring of truth to it, but all things considered, I'd rather do the redhead. Not again, of course. But if I had to do one of the other, I'd pick the redhead, easily. "Lauren's a bitch," I said noncommittally.  
  
Angela grinned goodnaturedly. "What about that redhead?" she asked, as if she'd read my thoughts. "Would you ever do it with her?"  
  
I composed my face into an expression of righteous denial. "No," I spat. "I'd never cheat on Alice."  
  
Angela only grinned wider. "Never?" she said, narrowing one eye on me to tell the truth. "Not in a million years?"  
  
It was clear she was only playing, so I let a tiny smile curve my lips. The lies came surprisingly natural, but then again, I'd already proven I wasn't a particularly good person. "Of course not," I said. "I'd never do something like that."  
  
She nudged me in the ribs, still grinning. "Not even with that redhead? I mean, you gotta admit, she's way hotter than Alice. I'm straight, and even I'd probably do her."  
  
"But would you cheat on your boyfriend?"  
  
"If I was drunk, maybe."  
  
I frowned at her skeptically. Was it just me, or did she seem a little excited by the topic? "Seriously?" I said, almost screwing up my face in disgust, the way she ought to be doing. "Or are you just joking?"  
  
She giggled. "Of course I'm just joking," she said, slapping my shoulder. "I wouldn't touch a girl. That's disgusting."  
  
I smirked. "Disgusting?"  
  
"Totally," she confirmed, but without her usual awkwardness. She was still grinning and there was a strange blush on her cheeks. "I mean, ew!"  
  
"I think you'd do it," I joked tentatively, not wanting to frighten her away. "You'd probably even like it."  
  
"No way," she objected, still grinning. "That's disgusting."  
  
I smirked at her and looked away again. "Thin line between disgust and attraction."  
  
She grinned. "Well, for me, it's not a line; it's a brick wall. Call me a homophobe if you want, but I think lesbians are disgusting. Seriously. I'd throw up for a week if I ever kissed a girl."  
  
She said all this with such cheerful simplemindedness that I couldn't help giggling. "Classic over-compensation," I told her. "Face it, Ange. You want a chick."  
  
It was the first time I'd ever called her Ange, but we seemed to be having a moment, and she let the liberty go by. In fact, she hardly seemed to notice. She just slapped my shoulder again, her blush even brighter now, and giggled.  
  
"Shut up," she said, "and stop trying to flirt with me. Alice is right over there, you know. What would she say if she knew you were trying to convert me?"  
  
I looked across the gym where the dodgeball game was still going. The coach blew the whistle and barked something. The whole hall was filled with the sound of thudding rubber balls and squeaking sneakers, and for a moment I just stared at Alice. She seemed to sense my eyes, because she turned and waved. I smiled and waved back. Then she went back to the game.  
  
"Let me ask you something," I said to Angela. "If your boyfriend cheated on you…would you forgive him?"  
  
It was an abrupt question, poorly timed, and she frowned slightly. "Of course not," she said, without even thinking about it. "Why?"  
  
"I don't know," I said. I looked at Alice and back at Angela. "What if he was really sorry and it wasn't his fault?"  
  
She snorted. "How could it not be his fault?"  
  
I shrugged, not knowing why I was even bothering. I already knew that everything was all my fault and there was no excuse, no justification, no validation. I was weak, simple as that. I didn't know what I expected from Angela, but I went on, anyway.  
  
"I don't know," I said. "I mean, what if it was the redhead or someone like that? What if she seduced him? Could you really blame him for slipping just once?"  
  
She laughed. "Yeah, I could," she said. "But anyway, it doesn't matter. He'd never do anything like that, and besides; he's not exactly the cutest guy in school. He'd probably have less chance with the redhead than you."  
  
I snorted, my insides turning. My chances with the redhead were probably pretty good. All I had to do was say yes, really. But that wasn't something I was proud of, so I just shrugged and muttered: "Probably."  
  
"Would you forgive Alice?"  
  
The question took me by surprise. "Huh?"  
  
"If Alice cheated on you," she said. "Would you forgive her?"  
  
It was something I never really thought about before. I'd worried about it, sure, but I'd never wondered what I'd do if it actually happened.  
  
I thought about it for a second. One second isn't really long enough for deep and meaningful reflections, but after giving the question a cursory examination I realized that yes; I probably would forgive her. It seemed like the logical thing to do. After all, I already had a habit of masturbating to scenarios involving kinky group sex with her and her sisters. If anything like that happened in real-life, I'd probably not only forgive her, but wheedle for details, too. I could always use fresh fantasy material.  
  
And beyond all that was the fact I loved her more than life itself. There was probably nothing in the world I wouldn't forgive her for—as long as she still wanted me. If she slipped because she got horny some night, and if she was really sorry and still loved me, then yeah; I could probably forgive her—the same she way was trying to forgive me. I wouldn't be happy about it, of course, but I doubt I'd have enough self-respect to actually dump her.  
  
So I looked at Angela and shrugged. "Yeah," I said, nodding. "I probably would."  
  
"Really?" she said, raising her eyebrows. "Just like that?"  
  
I nodded again, more sure. It felt right, as I was thinking about it. "Yeah," I said, still nodding. "As long as she still loved me. Sure." Then I repeated Alice's own words she'd said to me: "I wouldn't throw away our relationship over one little mistake."  
  
Angela seemed surprised and slightly taken aback, as if she wasn't quite sure what to make of that. "Oh," she said. "Well, that's kind of mature, I guess. You guys really love each other, huh?"  
  
I looked up at the dodgeball game. Alice had been watching me and she smiled when our eyes met. Then she turned and adjusted her shorts in a way that drew my attention to her ass. I smiled and felt a glow in my chest.  
  
"Yeah," I said. "We really do."  
  
—  
  
There was cheer practice after school and once again I found myself sitting on a bench and watching Alice. Only this time I was sitting beside Leah, who was far sexier than Angela. She was wearing a black leather skirt and she had her legs crossed, as she usually did. I glanced at them once or twice in discreet amazement. They were very hot, but she wasn't the redhead, so it was probably safe to look at them without getting sexually molested.  
  
But mostly I simply stared out across the soggy football field at where the cheer squad was working their routine in a light rain. They all had wet hair and their clothes were sticking to them. Alice seemed to have been accepted as part of the group by now, but every now and then I noticed Jane say something mean. You could tell it was something mean because it made Lauren laugh.  
  
It made my heart sink to watch because I knew what they might be saying. Alice had been trying so hard to get over my mistake and it killed me to think that her own sister was out there spreading rumors about us. Had she heard about it yet? She hadn't said anything, but I guess it was unavoidable. It made me hate them, Lauren and Jane. Why did they have to be so childish? Didn't they understand that there was an actual relationship involved? That all their teasing and all their rumors might actually ruin something really important? I just hoped they weren't too mean on Alice. I couldn't bare it if I was responsible for that.  
  
I sighed heavily. Me and Leah were sitting in silence under a sheet metal canopy that covered a portion of the bench-line. I had a textbook on my lap but I hadn't even opened it. I just stared at Alice. Watching her with her wet hair and wet training clothes. Her shorts were gray but the rain had darkened them. I sighed again and Leah glanced at me.  
  
"You're pretty messed up, huh?" she asked, reading my expression. "After what happened?"  
  
"Yeah," I sighed.  
  
She smiled and nudged me gently. "You shouldn't let it bother you so much," she said. "Alice isn't the victim here, you are. Trust me."  
  
I looked down moodily. "I still cheated on her."  
  
She chuckled. "Yeah," she said. "I guess you did."  
  
I glanced at her and wondered how she could be so casual about this. But then again, they were a pretty weird bunch of sisters. Jane didn't even have the class to be casual; she was actively hateful. And what about Victoria herself? She was Alice's sister, too, but that hadn't stopped her from fucking me once and extending an offer for twice.  
  
It seemed a little severe for sibling bickering. Then again, they weren't real sisters, were they? Just roommates, basically. Why doesn't Alice move out? She seemed to have plenty of money. Or did that money belong to the coven? Either way, there was really no need for her to stay in such a dysfunctional environment. She could even stay with me and mom if she wanted. Maybe I should try and talk about this with her. I just wish I understood whatever weird bond held them all together.  
  
I sighed and glanced at Leah. It was nice how she asked me if I was okay. She really was the cool sister. I wonder if she cares about Alice? Did it hurt her that Alice was hurt? Did she hate me for what I did? She didn't seem to. But maybe she was holding it in, like Alice. Maybe she was just a nice kind of person.  
  
She did seem to be one of the more decent sisters. How close was she to Alice, exactly? Close enough to confide? Was Leah the person that Alice went to with her problems? Did she cry on Leah's shoulder? Did Leah know something about Alice that I didn't? Did she know how Alice was truly feeling?  
  
The curiosity grew in my stomach until I decided to ask. Leah was definitely the nicest Cullen I'd met, other than the parents. I had nothing to lose and I believed that she really cared about Alice.  
  
"Hey," I said, a little awkwardly. "Can I ask you something?"  
  
"Sure."  
  
I hesitated. Suddenly it seemed a lot harder. But I swallowed my shame and just blurted it out. "Is Alice okay?" I asked meekly. "After what happened?"  
  
I didn't want to mention the event specifically, but she knew what I was talking about. She glanced at me, her face beautiful and copper colored, her eyes dark with dark makeup. A small smirk about her lips. "The truth?"  
  
I nodded. "Yeah."  
  
She sighed and looked across the field. "I think she's pretty upset."  
  
My heart sank. I knew it. I remembered all the cold rage I'd detected in my girlfriend's words over the last few days, the hidden hurt, the bitterness. Leah thought she was upset and I was pretty sure that Leah was being gentle. She was more than upset. She was devastated.  
  
I looked at Leah. "Really?"  
  
Leah nodded. "Yeah," she said, not looking at me. "She keeps it all inside and pretends to be all sweet and forgiving, but I've known her for a long time, and deep down I think she's very…frustrated. She wanted you all to herself. She really likes you, you know. More than you realize, maybe."  
  
I bowed my head and blinked at the grass. I could feel tears creeping up behind my eyes, but I wouldn't let them fall. What hurt most was the suggestion that Alice liked me more than I realized. I'd always been so doubtful of her feelings. Grateful, yes. But I'd never understood them. I just accepted them.  
  
Leah looked at me and nudged me gently, as if to cheer me up. "But listen," she said. "Try not to feel too bad, alright? Alice blames Vicky most of all, but there's complicated feelings between those two. Very complicated."  
  
I frowned. "What do you mean?"  
  
She gave a little shrug of her shoulder. "Well, you have to remember, they've known each other for a very long time. And vampires…well, vampires have bad habits. Drinking blood is just one of them."  
  
She paused and I looked at her. She seemed to be forming the words in her mind, as if careful not to reveal too much, and yet anxious to set my mind at ease.  
  
"Vicky and Alice have been through a lot together," she said finally. "They've been friends, sisters, lovers. They've married each other, cheated on each other, hated each other and fell in love with each other all over again. Victoria pretends that she's only interested in Alice's body, but her true feelings are far deeper than that. Far deeper. She just has trouble expressing them. Or maybe it's Alice who has trouble accepting them. I don't know. They've never been able to make it work…but I guess they can't help trying."  
  
I couldn't even begin to understand the complications of such a relationship. I felt cold just hearing about it. Why do they live together if they broke up? It doesn't make sense.  
  
I frowned. "And Alice?" I asked. "Does she…?"  
  
Leah smiled and chuckled once. "Alice has a large heart," she said. "We all own a piece of it, but there's a special corner reserved for Vicky and Rose. She loves them, as much as she's able. Particularly Victoria. She's always adored Victoria."  
  
I looked out across the field at Alice. "I didn't know," I whispered.  
  
Practice was breaking up by now. They were packing away their things and chatting. Jane and Lauren were standing together. Alice was a little distance apart.  
  
"You want my advice?" Leah asked.  
  
I looked at her. "Okay."  
  
She smiled. "Make it up to her," she said. "Alice may be a centuries old vampire, but she's still just a chick. Buy her some flowers or something, or take her shopping. Let her know that she's special to you, you know?"  
  
I nodded, my chest swelling with hope. How come I'd never thought of that? For almost a week I'd been vowing daily to be the best girlfriend ever, and it had never occurred to me to simply take her out shopping? God, I'm useless.  
  
"I will," I said, wanting to hug her. The woman really was awesome.  
  
She smiled and stood up, smoothing her skirt. I glanced at her legs and looked away quickly, ashamed of myself. But damn; hot legs.  
  
"And stay away from Vicky," she warned me with a smile. "She'll eat you alive if you're not careful."  
  
By now Alice had made her way over to the shelter where me and Leah had been sitting, saving us from walking out in the rain. Jane and Lauren were with her, already grinning meanly. Alice skipped right up to me, smiling brightly, and kissed me elaborately without touching my body with her wet clothes. Rain was rattling on the tin roof of the shelter and I didn't really have the energy to feel self-conscious about being kissed in front of Lauren.  
  
"Hey, baby," she grinned. "Mind if I shower at your place? I'm soaked!"  
  
I nodded eagerly, knowing she'd probably require my assistance in doing her back—and other areas. "Sure," I said.  
  
Usually the sight of me kissing and flirting with Alice would fill Lauren with disgust and jealousy. But this time she only smirked, almost as if it didn't bother her. Almost.  
  
"Hey, dyke," she said, standing with Jane and Leah. "Ready for round two? Your girlfriend's still a stupid freak."  
  
She was trying to provoke me, but despite the cold anger that had been brooding in my chest, I wasn't going to let her. So I just frowned at her, hating her for spreading rumors about me and my girlfriend, and said: "Fuck you, Lauren."  
  
I assumed that would've been the end of it, but apparently it was the opening she required. She grinned. "What, like you fucked your girlfriend's sister?"  
  
I went cold. How could she say that in front of Alice?  
  
Lauren giggled and made a show of being regretful. "Whoops," she said, "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said anything in front of her. Oh well. It's not like she didn't know you're a total slut, right?"  
  
I was speechless. The anger was swallowed up by a wave of humiliation and all I could do was stand there and wish she'd go away without saying anything else.  
  
Alice stepped forward quietly. "Bella is not a slut," she told Lauren.  
  
Lauren didn't seem to believe her. Neither did Jane. Lauren seemed to be willing to let it go, but Jane snorted, very loudly and very scornfully. Alice looked at her coldly. There was no expression on her face and yet it gave me a bad feeling. But it didn't seem to faze Jane. She simply grinned and shrugged innocently.  
  
"Hey, don't look at me," she said. "I'm not the one who cheated on you."  
  
Alice slapped her. It sounded so stinging that even I flinched. No one spoke. Rain kept rattling on the tin roof. Lauren was smirking with a certain brightness in her eyes, as if excited by the violence. Jane was smiling. As if the slap felt nice. It hadn't seemed to affect her at all, other than a splotch of pink that was blossoming on her pale cheek. Alice was still staring at her and then she slapped her again. It was clumsier than the last one but it still sounded painful. Again, Jane didn't react. Only smiled. Alice slapped her one more time and then she spun to Lauren.  
  
"And you," she said lowly, almost hissing. "If you ever say anything mean to my girlfriend again I'll snap your fucking neck. Do you understand?"  
  
Her threatening tone of voice turned me on, but I refrained from breaking into a juvenile grin or swooning like a damsel in distress. I knew I didn't deserve to have my girlfriend stand up for me after what I did, but that didn't stop it from feeling great—and terrible at the same time.  
  
Lauren, on the other hand, didn't seem impressed. It had sounded like a very serious threat, very cold and very venomous, but Lauren appeared to have balls the size of grapefruits, because she only smirked, looked directly into Alice's face, and said: "Fuck you, freak."  
  
Alice reached for Lauren's throat. For a brief dizzy moment I was horrified that Alice was actually going to snap Lauren's neck, right here at school, but suddenly Leah stepped in and seized Alice's wrist. Lauren looked a little startled and stepped back, frowning. Leah put Alice's hand down and pushed her at me gently.  
  
"Bella," she said. "Get her out of here."  
  
I nodded quickly, and took Alice around the waist, pulling her away gently. She came willingly, but she stared at Lauren for a long moment, and Lauren stared back. Jane was still smiling and the left side of her face was very red.  
  
—  
  
We were silent all the way to her car until I said:  
  
"Can I have the keys?"  
  
We'd stopped in the locker room to get her things and I'd managed to grab up my backpack. Alice looked at me for a second and then she handed me the keys. We got in the car, both wet from the rain by now, and I drove her back to my place.  
  
She didn't speak for the entire ride, just stared out the window. I didn't know if she was trying to avoid looking at me, but that's what it seemed like, and I felt miserable. It was bad enough to have made a mistake like I did, but to be teased about it, to be reminded of it, was pure torment. How long was this thing going to take to heal? I had to do something. I had to make it better somehow.  
  
I blinked back tears. I couldn't believe she'd actually stood up for me. I truly did not deserve that. Did she regret it now? Or did she truly believe I wasn't what they said I was?  
  
I glanced at her as I drove. There was no sound in the car at all but the rain on the roof. Usually she played her iPod, but I guess she wasn't in the mood for music. I didn't blame her. Her quietness was so estranged that I could almost feel her hurt and bewilderment. I wondered what she was thinking about. Me, probably. Probably regretting she ever hooked up with me. Probably wondering why she even bothers staying with me. The silence in the car was so smothering, so blanketing, that I could almost hear her thoughts as if they were my own: How could she do this to me? I loved her so much. How could she do this to me? How could she…  
  
By the time we got to my place she still hadn't spoken and my heart was dangerously close to breaking. I took her inside and into the bathroom. We still had almost an hour before mom got home and we didn't waste it. I peeled her out of her clothes, slowly and silently. She watched me as I did it, and my heart soared as her expression began to soften into excitement. I took off my own clothes, letting her watch, and then we stepped into the shower.  
  
I kissed her, washed her, went down on her. I didn't require her to reciprocate, but I didn't object when she did. I knew she liked doing it, and she seemed to be in a better mood, afterwards. She smiled and made out with me for a while under the water, and then we got out and dried off, our eyes catching and roaming our bodies as we dressed.  
  
We cuddled on the couch and watched TV. But we weren't really watching. Mom was going to be home any minute, but Alice hadn't mentioned leaving, and I didn't want her to. I didn't want her to go back to that house where Jane and Victoria lived. I wanted her to stay with me forever.  
  
I had to think. I had to figure some way to make everything better. Leah's suggestions were rattling around in my head and I had decided that I was going to do something on the weekend—but what? Alice liked shopping, sure, but couldn't I come up with something a little more special? I thought about it furiously but I came up with nothing. I didn't have the means to take her to the opera or something extravagant like that, and it wasn't really realistic to take her ice-skating on a picturesque frozen lake somewhere like in a movie. It sucked, but I really didn't have that many options, did I?  
  
But maybe I didn't need any. Alice wasn't dating me for my money or popularity or romantic flair; she was dating me for other things. Sex and blood, most of all. Maybe it was time to be mature about this and stop worrying about all the petty teenage stuff. Alice had her needs and meeting those needs was most important. But was that true? Vampire or not, she was still a girl, even if she only liked to pretend. Leah had said it herself. Maybe what she really needed was something simple and romantic. Something sweet.  
  
I didn't know. Alice's wants and needs were still a pretty huge mystery to me. And maybe mine were too. What exactly did I want out of this relationship, anyway? I had no idea. All I seemed to want was Alice. Just Alice.  
  
Finally I decided that there was no point letting my thoughts circle like this. I wasn't cut out to be the assertive one in a relationship, and in the end, all I could do was make myself available and let her know I wanted to make her happy.  
  
"Hey, Alice?"  
  
We were sitting in the center of the couch and I had my arm around her slim shoulders.  
  
"Hm?"  
  
I felt a flutter of nervousness, as if I was asking for a first date or something, but I swallowed and went on. "I was thinking," I said. "Did you want to do something special on the weekend?"  
  
She sat up and smiled at me. "Like what?"  
  
I was encouraged; there was excitement in her face, and suddenly I abandoned any idea of something sweet and wholesome. Those eyes seemed to only want one thing; and it wasn't flowers.  
  
"Well, I was thinking," I said, making it up on the spot. "Maybe we could, like, get a hotel room again. And we could get all dressed up and you could bite me. We could make it special, like last time. What do you think?"  
  
It seemed like a good idea as I was saying it and she seemed to agree. She smiled happily. "Okay," she said. "That sounds awesome."  
  
Then she kissed me. My heart soared and I rejoiced that I'd finally done something right. But then she broke the kiss softly and her smile went a touch darker.  
  
"Thank you, baby," she purred. "I'm gonna fuck you so bad you'll never look at Vicky again."  
  
I felt a weird rush of hurt and excitement, and I blinked uncertainly, completely at a loss on how to react. She went to kiss me again, but I turned my face away reflexively. Her lips landed on my cheek and I whispered: "I wish you wouldn't say stuff like that."  
  
"Like what, baby?"  
  
I blinked at her tearfully. "I really didn't mean to do it, Alice," I said, referring to the cheating. "It wasn't my fault."  
  
"I know, baby, I know," she said, and pulled me into a hug. "I was just playing. Don't listen to me, okay? I love you. You know that, don't you?"  
  
I pushed away from the hug and looked into her eyes. "I'll make it up to you this weekend," I told her. "I promise. I'll do anything you want. Anything."  
  
"Ooh," she smirked. "My mind's already racing with possibilities. Maybe I could bring a few toys, hm? Would you like that?"  
  
I nodded, happy she was enthusiastic. "Anything you want, Alice," I said, and I really meant it. "Anything at all." And I was so relieved for some reason that I kept babbling. "Hey, do you want to stay for dinner tonight? I mean, I know vampire's don't have to eat, but…"  
  
She smiled. "I'd love to," she said, cutting me off with a kiss. "Can I help cook?"  
  
More relief flooded through me. "Of course."  
  
"Great," she said, then she smirked and touched my leg suggestively. "Your mom will probably send me away afterwards, but you'll save me some dessert, won't you?"  
  
Her lips were already leaning to mine. I watched them approach, dazed. "Yes," I whispered, just as they closed over my mouth. She eased me back onto the couch and snaked a hand up my top. I let myself slip away into the sweetness of her kiss and I didn't think a single thought until mom got home.  
  
Mom wasn't happy to find Alice beside me on the couch. Who knows why? We'd stopped making out as soon as we'd heard the car and I'd tucked my breast back into my top. I mean, really; what's the big deal?  
  
Alice and I made dinner together, a simple vegetable stir-fry, and then we all sat down together. I was still in a strange mood from my hectic day and mostly I was just praying that mom wouldn't embarrass me in front of Alice. I was almost starting to regret inviting her for dinner, but so far it had been okay. Mom was trying to be friendly, despite her vague and unfounded disapproval—well, unfounded as far as she knows, at least—and she even made an attempt at conversation.  
  
"So, Alice," she said, with a fake smile. "I was sorry to hear about you and your boyfriend. Did you get things worked out?"  
  
Oh god.  
  
I almost face-planted into my stir-fry. Why does everything I do backfire so drastically? All I wanted to do was repair things with Alice. Why does the universe hate me so much?  
  
Alice glanced at me and then at my mom. "My boyfriend?"  
  
Mom nodded with sympathy. "Bella mentioned that you were having some problems," she said delicately.  
  
I gave Alice a pleading look, silently begging her not to be mad that I had been talking about her, and Alice gave a strange smile. "Oh," she said, turning to my mom. "Yeah, we were, but we're not seeing each other any more. It didn't work out."  
  
Mom nodded approvingly. "Well, maybe it's for the best," she said. "You really shouldn't trust someone who cheats on you."  
  
Well. I'd always loved my mom more than anything else in the world, but in that moment I was struggling not to stab her with my fork and run out of the room in tears. How could she embarrass me like this? Sure, she doesn't really know what she talking about and the whole thing was all my fault, but still. Do I really deserve this kind of punishment? Haven't I suffered enough?  
  
Alice seemed to think it was amusing. She smiled at me and then at my mom. "Yeah, I guess not," she said. Then her smiled brightened suddenly. "Besides, who needs a boyfriend when I have a friend like Bella? Bella's better than any boyfriend. She'd never cheat on me, would you Bella?"  
  
Well. Apparently I really haven't suffered enough. I chuckled awkwardly, passing it off as a joke for mom's benefit, but deep down it felt like my soul was wilting. How long was she going to be passive-aggressive like this? It was almost enough to drive a girl to cheat.  
  
Alice left after dinner and I found her waiting upstairs for her dessert. I spread myself on the bed for her enjoyment and afterwards we turned off the lamp and curled up together under the covers. It had stopped raining outside and she felt very warm and naked nestled against my side.  
  
We were silent for a long time and then she spoke.  
  
"Bella?"  
  
Her voice seemed a little small, a little hesitant. I blinked in the dark.  
  
"Yes?"  
  
She moved against me slightly. "I love you," she whispered in my ear. "I'm sorry if I seem like a bitch sometimes."  
  
My heart lifted and I rushed to reassure her. "You're not a bitch, Alice. Don't be ridiculous."  
  
"I know," she said. "But sometimes I feel…"  
  
"Feel what?"  
  
"Nothing," she murmured. "It's nothing." She rustled at my side again and cupped a hand around my breast. "Hey," she said, in a much more casual voice. "Do you think your mom will be okay with you spending the night with me on Saturday? I don't want to get you in trouble."  
  
I put my hand over hers automatically. I hadn't even thought of that, but at this point, I didn't care. Mom would have to understand. One way or another. Alice was too important to me. "She will," I said. "But, um, you know I can't pay for the hotel, right?"  
  
It was a brief bit of levity that occurred to me spontaneously. I was relieved that it worked. Alice giggled and straddled my hips, lowering her body over mine.  
  
"I know, don't worry," she whispered into my lips. "I'll take care of all that. There's only one thing you have to do. Do you know what that is?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Let me," she whispered. "Can you do that?"  
  
It felt uneasily like a reference to my flimsy excuse for what happened with the redhead, but I brushed it off. Maybe it wasn't intentional and even if it was…even if it was, I didn't care. I'd promised I was going to make this up to her and I would.  
  
"Yes," I whispered. "I can do that."  
  
—  
  
The next day was Friday and I couldn't wait for the week to be over. This week had been a hell of shame, self-loathing, insecurity, and multiple orgasms, and I was looking forward to the weekend so I could relax and, well, enjoy more multiple orgasms. I was tired of being emotionally exhausted. All I wanted was to be alone with Alice.  
  
But in order to get there I first had to make it through Friday. I was hopeful. Lauren's rumors hadn't killed me from humiliation so far and by now I'd hardened enough to not even fear the redhead. Alice and I had a date planned, a special date, and I was feeling strong with about two dozen different vows and promises in my heart that Alice would forever be the only girl for me. In fact, that morning I felt so faithful to my beautiful Alice that it seemed ridiculous that I'd ever been afraid of succumbing to anyone else in the first place—even someone as hot as Victoria.  
  
Perhaps I was bolstered by Alice's outburst against Jane and her threat against Lauren. I was pretty positive that Alice wouldn't actually kill anyone for being mean to me—even an insect like Lauren—but the sentiment was nice. I found myself fantasizing about it in English; picturing Alice grabbing Lauren by the throat and delivering some dramatic dialog about how nobody speaks to Bella that way before snapping her slender neck like a twig. That would be cool. And it was so amazing when Alice had slapped Jane. It hadn't seemed to bother the psychotic blonde, unfortunately, but the sound was sweet and there was no one that deserved it more. I spent a bit of English fantasizing about Jane's demise, too.  
  
And the redhead? She probably deserved a little righteous justice as well, but in all fairness, the redhead's torment had culminated in a pretty massive orgasm, and the whole ordeal was mostly my fault for being weak, anyway. Lauren and Jane were just mean.  
  
I didn't know why, but for some reason I still had a little trouble mustering any true hatred for Victoria. It was strange. She was the most heartless and cruel woman I'd ever met, but she was sexy, too, and somehow it really took the sting out when she let you suck on her tits. I mean, really. We had sex together. And I was supposed to hate her for that? Part of me truly didn't understand. You couldn't call what happened between us making love, of course—and I wouldn't fucking want to—but how was I supposed to be completely disaffected? We touched each other naked, for god's sake. It was difficult enough not to fall in love with the bitch, let alone despise her.  
  
And even more weird was the fact that not even Alice hated her. Alice; the person Victoria had been trying to hurt. Alice; the person Victoria had history with and feelings for. Alice had said they'd had a tumultuous relationship; Leah had said they still might be a little in love with each other. And how did I fit into all this? Victoria seduced me to hurt Alice and according to Alice she might try again. But how on earth was such vile sluttery supposed to help her win Alice?  
  
I didn't understand any of it—but none of it mattered, anyway. Because Alice loved me and I loved Alice, and from now on I was completely devoted to her, body, soul, and especially body. It had been a truly hellish week, but it would be over in a matter of hours, and for the whole weekend it would be nothing but Alice, Alice, Alice. No Jane, no Lauren, no Victoria. No cheating, no loathing, no secret resentment. Just me and Alice and anything Alice wanted. It was going to be perfect.  
  
I truly believed that. All day I walked around with hope in my heart, positive that by next week things were going to be better, that everything would be back to normal. I was going to show Alice how much I loved and appreciated her, and Alice was going to see how truly I wanted to be hers and hers alone. All I had to do was make it through Friday. And maybe I would've—if the redhead hadn't chosen that day to make her second pass.  
  
My downfall turned out to be nothing more than a chance encounter in an empty corridor. I'd been looking at the floor as I shuffled along on my way to math—of all things—and when I looked up and saw her, I knew. The redhead smiled as our eyes met. Something that felt like acid spread through my chest and I wanted to turn around and run; but I didn't. Despite everything I knew about the woman and despite the bad feeling that seemed to have lodged itself into my actual heart, I continued walking toward her. I still felt faithful and I even managed to scowl at her disdainfully. But this only made her smirk.  
  
"Well, well," she said, her beautiful voice oozing confidence and fake charm. "A chance meeting in the corridors between classes. Is it fate? Is it destiny? Or is it simple misfortune? Tell me, my dear. Are you as tempted to make a tryst of it as I am?"  
  
I glared at her. "A what?"  
  
"A tryst," she repeated. "A date, a meeting, a rendezvous between lovers. Come. Let us not waste fate's bounty, hm?"  
  
She reached for my hand. I jerked it away and stumbled backwards. I'd been carrying a couple textbooks, and my movement was so sudden and panicked that I dropped them. They slapped onto the polished floor; right at the redhead's feet.  
  
I waited for her to move out the way so I could pick them up and get away from her, but she didn't. She just stood there on a tilted hip, watching me. She was wearing a red halter with a white number over the chest in football-jersey lettering. The number was sixty-nine, but that didn't strike me as witty. Her shoes were heeled sandals and her denim miniskirt exposed most of her legs. There was a pair of red lips embroidered on the skirt and I could see the waistband of a thong slung over her hips. I'm pretty sure her outfit was severely against the school dress-code, but I was too distracted to make a note to report her.  
  
My books were laying right at her feet, and the thought of bending down to pick them up with her standing so close made my insides clench in disgust. I glowered at her hatefully. "I have to get to class," I gritted out, hoping she'd get the hint.  
  
She smiled haughtily and shifted her weight onto her other leg, putting a hand on her hip. Other than that, she didn't move. "Well," she said, "don't let me keep you."  
  
I gritted my teeth. I was tempted to leave the books and just walk away. But showing up for math without my textbook wasn't going to solve any problems, and in any case, I didn't want to give her the satisfaction. She thought she was so irresistible. Well, fuck that. I was going to grab my textbooks and leave the bitch standing there.  
  
So, still glaring at her, I took a step closer, cautiously as if she was something poisonous. She watched me. When I was close enough to reach the books I started to kneel slowly. She smiled. I went to take one of the books and suddenly she stepped on it with her foot.  
  
I froze, kneeling there at her feet. I could've wrenched the book away, maybe, but I was paralyzed by the sudden closeness. My eyes traveled up the length of her ivory legs, a dizzy sensation washing over me like vertigo, and up over her bare midriff and over her breasts that hung so heavily in her halter and up to her flushed face. She tucked some hair behind her ear, looking down at me, and smirked.  
  
"I must confess," she said. "It's been quite a while since a girl has excited me the way you do. Perhaps it's only because you belong to Alice. What do you think?"  
  
I stood up, leaving the books there on the ground. "I think you're a fucking slut."  
  
I meant it as an insult; but she smiled happily. "Quite so," she said. "But perhaps you're not so pristine yourself, hm?"  
  
I didn't answer, I just glared at her. My insides were roiling with excitement and disgust, and some secret voice deep in the dark corners of my mind was whispering that she was right, that I was a slut just like her, both of us, total sluts, and oh wouldn't it be great if we could be sluts together, if we could just go somewhere and take off all our clothes and just—  
  
She finally moved. She bent and picked up my books, and at first I was surprised. I thought she was going to give them back. But she didn't. She turned down the corridor and beckoned with a finger.  
  
"Come," she said, and then she walked away with my textbooks.  
  
I should've let her go. Textbooks were replaceable; my self-respect and relationship with Alice were not. But I followed. Her heels clicked on the hard cold floor and I kept a little distance behind her. I was watching her legs and after a while I realized where we were going.  
  
The bathroom upstairs that was always empty.  
  
She walked in first, not even bothering to check if I was behind her. She placed my books on the counter next to one of the sinks and looked at me in the mirror. I was lingering at the door, glaring at her.  
  
"Give me back my textbooks."  
  
She ignored me.  
  
"You're the seventh girl I've had in here so far," she said. "You would've been the eighth if you hadn't frightened away the last one. Forks has been a little more challenging than I'm used to, I'm afraid. The cold weather keeps them a little frigid, I think."  
  
I ignored her.  
  
"Give me back my textbooks."  
  
She smiled and turned to me. "You don't care about the books. You followed me because you want me. You should admit your situation. There would be more dignity in it."  
  
The notion that there could be any dignity in anything that was happening right now almost made me cry. How many promises had I made? How many vows? Was I about to break them? Or had I broken them already by simply being here?  
  
My glare faltered. "Just give me my books."  
  
It came out almost as a beg, but it didn't move her. She smiled. "Lock the door, honey."  
  
I didn't budge. She smiled and came over. I tensed up as she got near, but all she did was reach past me and turn the lock on the bathroom door.  
  
"Stay away from me," I whispered.  
  
She leaned her face closer to mine. "Now, now, let's not get hysterical," she said. "We both know you want it."  
  
I didn't know if it was her smirk or the sheer hateful truth of her words, but something filled me with a sudden rage. I stumbled back and lashed out suddenly with a vicious slap. The sound echoed off the tiles and the redhead smirked.  
  
I was seized with a sudden fear. What had I done? The woman was a vampire and she was obviously quite evil. What if she hurts me?  
  
She stepped toward me with a menacing swing in her hips and I backed up against one of the sinks. She came so close our bodies pressed together. I tried to push her away, but she caught my wrists in her hands and pinned them behind my back. I tilted my face up to hers, my eyes filling with tears of helplessness. She smiled and kissed me.  
  
I knew it was coming. And I knew there was nothing I could do about it. Her lips descended over mine numbly and I didn't close my eyes. I did nothing but stand there and let her. Excitement was building in my chest like a cyclone and suddenly I felt her tongue ask for entry. I wanted to open my mouth so badly, but I couldn't. It was too much, too wrong, too disgusting, and suddenly I twisted my face away with a groan of horror.  
  
She still had my wrists pinned behind my back and I was panting from fear and from how exhilarating the kiss had been. I looked up at her and almost whimpered. "Why are you doing this to me?"  
  
She smiled and I felt her transfer both my wrists into one hand. She then used her free hand to cup my cheek tenderly. "Because you're cute," she whispered. "Because it'll infuriate Alice. But most of all…I just like to fuck. Do you like to fuck, Bella?"  
  
I shook my head desperately. "No."  
  
"I think you do," she smirked.  
  
I sniffed. "Please."  
  
She looked at me with fake concern. "Please, what? Hm? What's the matter?"  
  
"I don't want to do this."  
  
"Yes, you do," she whispered. "Do you think I don't know? I can hear your heart race. I can smell your pheromones."  
  
She lowered her lips to mine.  
  
"No," I said.  
  
"Yes," she said.  
  
I screamed, "Nooo!"  
  
I started thrashing. But her grip on my wrists was too powerful and all I managed to do was rub my chest against hers. The heavy weight of her breasts repelled and infuriated me even more and I screamed again.  
  
"Let me go!"  
  
She clenched a hand in my hair behind my head and wrenched my face back. It hurt enough to silence me and I felt tears leak out my eyes. But she wasn't angry. She was smiling and her voice was very gentle.  
  
"Shh, shh, shh," she whispered, wiping my tears away with the thumb of her free hand. "Calmly, my dear. After all, if you don't respect me, what must you think of yourself? Look at what I'm doing to you."  
  
"Fuck you," I spat, but she pulled on my hair again and I groaned in pain.  
  
"Just surrender, my dear," she whispered, lowering her lips to mine. "It'll be so much nicer if you surrender."  
  
She kissed me.  
  
I had tried to resist, I really did. But I gave up as her tongue forced it's way into my mouth. My mind went blank and my eyes fell closed. What else could I do? My pussy was throbbing and she hadn't been lying. I wanted her. I wanted her so badly it made me sick. So I gave up and opened my mouth.  
  
I started responding and after a while she let go of my wrists. It hardly occurred to me to try and push her away. It seemed far more desirable to grope her boobs. Her own hands had started roaming my body and I moaned as her hand when into my pants and stroked the front of my panties. I pushed her tongue with my own and grabbed her ass. But it was frustrating to grope it through the thick material of her denim miniskirt, so I hiked it up. She was wearing a thong and I took large handfuls of her naked ass, groaning as she squeezed my breasts under my top.  
  
My breath was coming hard and fast and I was close to climax when she stopped. She smiled and led me by the hand into the stall in the corner. She put down the toilet lid, hiked up her skirt a little more, and then she sat and opened her legs.  
  
I watched her, utterly mesmerized. I was so excited I felt like I was gong to pass out.  
  
She smiled and peeled aside her wet red silk panties. Then she spread her pussy with her fingers so I could see inside her, legs in the air, and said: "Go ahead, honey. You know you want to."  
  
I should've been disgusted, repelled, furious. I should've been anything than what I was; which was completely and utterly turned the fuck on. I'd never been more horny in my life, and while it might've been possible to simply turn around and walk out, I didn't do it. Didn't even think about it. I did the only thing I could do—I got on my knees on the toilet floor and started eating her out.  
  
And because I'm such a total fucking whore, I stuck a hand in my panties and fingered myself while I did it.  
  
—  
  



	12. Chapter 12

—  
  
Chapter 12:  
  
—  
  
Victoria was reapplying her lipstick in the bathroom mirror. I stood aside, watching, feeling so sick that I could hardly stand. My textbooks were on the counter beside her and I was waiting for her to get out of the way.  
  
"Listen," she said, capping the lipstick and pursing her lips—lips that had tasted so fucking great. She turned to me and started adjusting my hair, smoothing out the tangles. "I should warn you that I intend to gloat about this to Alice pretty shamelessly. I'm not sure how you plan to handle it, but I thought you deserved a heads up." She smiled at me and winked. "All's fair in love and war, of course, but there's no reason we shouldn't be pleasant about it, hm?"  
  
My skin was crawling and I only started breathing again when she stepped back. I glared at her timidly. "Alice isn't going to forgive me this time, is she?" I asked.  
  
"Perhaps not," she said, and then smiled. "But don't despair." She took one of my notebooks, flipped to the back page, and wrote something with the ballpoint that had been stuck in the binder. "This is my phone number," she told me. "Call me if you get lonely." She closed the book, gathered up the others, and handed them to me. She smiled, a dashing and winsome smile with her ruby lips that gave no hint of the kind of person she really was. "To be honest, I've developed a subtle crush on you," she said, and there even seemed to be a slight blush on her cheeks. "I like girls who can't resist me."  
  
I took the books and didn't reply. I was hoping she'd just go, but she couldn't resist a final parting shot; she placed her hands on my shoulders, leaned, and kissed me. She left her lips on mine long enough to demonstrate that I truly was helpless against her, and then she smiled, waved with a wriggle of her fingers, and left the bathroom.  
  
For a long time I stood there, holding my books. My mind still hadn't really caught up to what had happen and how it was going to affect everything, but I knew in my stomach that I'd fucked up big and probably ruined absolutely everything. I looked at the mirror. I looked like a survivor from a car wreck, pale, dazed, queasy. I was surprised my mouth was open slightly and I closed it and licked my lips. I could taste the redhead in my mouth and suddenly I put my books down and threw up in the sink.  
  
A thin stream of bile, no more. I spat and rinsed my mouth. I hated the taste of vomit, but at least it tasted better than the redhead. Metaphorically, at least. I looked up into the mirror, leaving the water running. Is that really me there? Is it really me that did those things? I couldn't be positive, and despite the vomit and the churning in my stomach, I didn't seem to have any real feelings at the moment. I felt numb and hopeless, cold, weak, hardly able to stand. I licked my lips and spat again. I turned off the water and looked at my reflection. Yep, that really is me. Oh well. I suppose there comes a time in every young lady's life when she has to look in the mirror honestly and ask herself; am I a slut? Does my pussy affect my decision making just a little too much?  
  
Certainly there was something wrong with me. Some glitch in my head or between my legs that drives me to do stupid things involving nudity and pussy-eating. I hadn't known being raped was subjective. It's really not so bad when the perpetrator in question is a sexy red-haired vampiress in a miniskirt. Or maybe it's just me. Something wrong with me.  
  
I bowed my head, unable to keep looking at myself. What was Alice going to say? I honestly had no idea, but even before I had a chance to think about it, I had a vague but definite feeling that the relationship was over. There was no way she could forgive me for this, and even if she did…there was no way I could forgive myself.  
  
I didn't bother going back to class. I stuck my books in my locker and just went home. Lunch period was next and there was simply no way I could've faced Alice. The very thought almost made me keel over and die.  
  
I walked home, staring down at the sidewalk as I shuffled along among the litter and dead cigarette butts. It wasn't raining, or even drizzling, and halfway home I noticed my shadow was more defined than usual. I looked up. The sun had come out and the sky was almost clear. In movies and TV, the weather usually mirrors the mood of the introspective heroine, so maybe there was some other girl out there who hadn't cheated on her girlfriend for the second time and really liked it. Unless the sun was mocking my inner gloominess with it's cheerful brightness, although I'm not sure why it would bother. I'm obviously not main character material, and certainly not worthy of symbolic weather conditions. Just a dumb bitch who cheated on her girlfriend—excuse me; ex-girlfriend.  
  
I went up stairs and threw down my backpack. I stood around in my room, unable to decide what to do. Shall I hang myself or use pills? Pills would be more painless, not that I deserved the consideration. Does it make me a weaker person that I'd prefer a painless death over a dramatic one? I wasn't sure, but considering that I wasn't actually going to do it, it seemed like a silly question.  
  
My phone buzzed. A text from Alice:  
  
Where are you?  
  
No smiley face, no I-love-you. Had the redhead talked to her already?  
  
And what was I supposed to reply? That I'm at home brooding about suicide because I cheated on her again and can't take it anymore?  
  
Another text.  
  
Are you at home?  
  
I didn't reply to this one, either. I couldn't face her right now and I seriously doubted she wanted to see me. How could she? I'm sure Victoria would've downplayed my resistance when she told Alice about the incident, and so what if I'd tried to resist? I'd caved in the end.  
  
My phone buzzed again and I checked the message. I'd been half-hoping for something soft and sweet, something soothing to cajole me out of my hole with assurances that she didn't blame me and still loved me. But it was nothing like that. It said:  
  
I hate you.  
  
I stared at it with blinkless eyes, feeling a strange combo of horror, anguish, and most strangely, relief. The message was a little petty, perhaps—especially for a centuries old vampire—but it was a relief that she was finally having a rational reaction that I could understand.  
  
And just in case I didn't understand, she sent me another one:  
  
You fucking slut.  
  
Well. There's nothing passive-aggressive about that.  
  
I was standing in the middle of my room, staring down at the cellphone in my hands, and I was so upset that I couldn't even cry. My insides felt utterly shredded and I reread the message over and over. It hurt that she was being mean and not even reminding myself that I deserved it could make it stop hurting.  
  
When the phone buzzed again it was with an incoming call. I pressed cancel and stared at the screen. It rang again. My thumb hovered over the number pad, undecided, and then I pressed cancel once more. I waited for it to ring again, but it didn't, and after a while I went downstairs and watched TV.  
  
The next time she called was in the middle of dinner. Mom heard the phone buzz and paused mid-babble as I fished it out my pocket and frowned at the screen. I pressed cancel and it rang a second time less than a minute later. I canceled one more time and it was ringing once again before I even put it back in my pocket.  
  
"Alice again?" mom asked.  
  
I nodded solemnly and turned off the phone. "Yeah," I muttered. My food was mostly untouched and I'd only been picking at it. Mom had noticed something strange about me since she got home but she'd stopped badgering me about it by now.  
  
"Well, go ahead and answer it if you want," she suggested, as if she thought maybe talking to Alice would make me feel better. It was a fair assumption since usually I lived only to talk to Alice—and do other things. "It might be important."  
  
I shook my head, tucking the phone back into my pocket. "Nah," I said. "I'll talk to her later."  
  
I didn't talk to her later. I kept my phone off for the rest of the night and I spent the night with my bedside lamp on, laying on my side and staring at the closed window. Alice never came and after a while I must've fell asleep.  
  
The nice weather continued through the weekend. Mom did some gardening and she was so alarmed by my sullen spirits as I hovered around her doing nothing that she even encouraged me to go out somewhere with that friend of mine. Alice. Until that day she'd been trying to get me to spend less time with her. It was nice of her to try, but the idea of spending time with my suddenly ex-girlfriend only reminded me of the plans we'd made for the weekend. I was supposed to be in an expensive hotel room somewhere getting rough fucked with sexy toys before getting bitten in the neck. I wasn't supposed to be moping around the house with my cellphone off, avoiding an inevitable break up with the most perfect girl in existence.  
  
I had no idea I was this spineless. Not only did I cheat on her—twice—but I didn't even have the decency to let her break up with me to my face. I was pretty sure that's what the calls were about. She wanted to meet somewhere, away from my mom, so she could tell me exactly what she thought about me without being quiet. She hated me, and I was a fucking slut, after all. I'm sure those weren't the only feelings she had that required expression. But maybe the coldness of the texts was even worse.  
  
I didn't turn my phone back on until Sunday morning. It rang less than an hour later. I'd thought I was ready to talk to her, but I wasn't. I let it go to voice mail, and with a feeling like I was about to hear my own death edict, I put the phone to my ear and listened to the message. Her voice came babbling and half-frantic and I was stunned by her words.  
  
"Oh god, Bella, I'm so sorry, please, please, I didn't mean those texts, baby, I really didn't. Please, call me, I have to talk to you, I have to see you. I love you, baby, please. Call me. I'm not mad, baby, really I'm not, please just call me. Please."  
  
I let the phone drop from my ear and I stared at it, a dull hope slowly spreading through my chest. Was it possible? Could she truly forgive me? I listened to the message again and her beautiful voice, so frantic and desperate, rent my heart into pieces. How could I do this to her? She loved me, she truly did. How could I?  
  
Suddenly I was seized in a panic. I was sitting on the edge of my bed, phone in my lap, and I wanted to call her so bad, but I didn't know if I could. I'd done a lot of thinking over the last couple days and the last few shreds of my so-called maturity had demanded that I let her dump me like she should. I was obviously not ready for a serious relationship at this point in my life and I was not worthy of an angel like Alice. But I'd decided all that before I'd known forgiveness was a possibility. What if she truly did want to forgive me and take me back? Had I been overreacting when I thought I wasn't good enough for her? Maybe I wasn't as awful as I thought. Maybe I had some special asset that appealed to her more than I realized. Something like…  
  
Blood. She was supposed to bite me last night, wasn't she? But she didn't. And now she calls me in the morning desperate to make up with me? Her voice even sounded junkie-like. It made sense, didn't it? She sent the texts Friday afternoon in a fit of pique, and as the days wore on, she began to realize that she hadn't fed from me and can't if she doesn't take me back. Was she so desperate for my blood that she'd overlook the fact that I'd cheated on her twice?  
  
I hesitated on the speed dial. I'd almost been about to call her back, but a subtle chill stopped me. Was it Alice who wanted to take me back, or was it the bloodlust? I didn't know, and deep down, I still didn't really care. I'd spend every drop of blood I had if it would buy back my Alice. I didn't care if I didn't deserve her. I needed her, just like she needed me. I loved her, I—  
  
The phone rang again and I almost jumped. I'd hesitated too long and she'd been forced to call again, and even though the ringtone was the same as ever I thought I could hear something angry in it, something scorned. I didn't answer and the message she left chilled me to my core.  
  
"You fucking whore, you stupid fucking bitch, how could you do this to me? I loved you, Bella, I loved you so much, and you, you… I gave you everything and you won't even answer the phone? You fucking bitch. I'd bet you'd answer it if it was Vicky, wouldn't you? You fucking slut, I can't believe I ever loved you. I can't believe, I can't, I can't… Oh, fuck you, Bella, just fuck you."  
  
I was crying before the message was even halfway through, and when it was finished, I deleted both voice mails, turned the phone off, and threw it on the ground as if it was something poisonous. Then I buried my face into my pillow and cried harder than I'd ever cried in my life.  
  
I spent the rest of the day cooped up in my room and I spent most of the night in bed wondering how I was going to get out of school tomorrow. I'd been missing a lot lately and it was going to be hard to convince mom. Maybe I should just skip. Get suspended. Stay home another couple days. How long can I avoid Alice? I had no idea, but I knew it wouldn't be forever. Maybe she was to disgusted right now to come see me personally, but eventually her anger will overcome her disgust.  
  
Or maybe she'll just forget about me. Maybe she'll gradually realize that I'm not even worth being angry about and the next time I see her she'll already have a new girlfriend. Lauren, maybe. The girl could obviously use a chick in her life. They'd actually make a pretty cute couple. Tough, sexy, abrasive Lauren. Cute, charming, affectionate Alice. Alice would mellow Lauren out a little and Lauren would be assertive enough to treat Alice like the princess she is. They'd be pretty hot, too. Lauren, blonde and long haired. Alice, black and pixie-like. But how would they get together? Maybe Lauren would tease her about how I cheated on her. And maybe Alice would be so hurt that Lauren would be sorry and apologize. And maybe Lauren would ask if she wants to talk about it and Alice would mention that she wished she could date someone stronger and more confident and more prettier. Someone like Lauren, maybe. She'd mention that part with a tiny blush of attraction, and maybe Lauren would blush, too, secretly turned on. Lauren would pass it off as nothing and meaningless, but she'd keep thinking about it, and keep thinking about it, and one day after cheer practice she'd catch herself looking at Alice in the showers. And Alice would catch her looking. Suddenly they'd notice that they're all alone. Naked and wet and all alone and secretly attracted to each other. Alice would go over. Lauren wouldn't speak. Alice would kiss her, tentatively, to see if she'd respond. Lauren would be weird at first, but slowly becoming excited, and slowly she'd kiss back. Alice would press their naked bodies together, water cascading all over them, their hair wet and clinging to their faces, tonguing each other more and more urgently, and Lauren would reach down and grab Alice's ass, her cute and wonderful little ass, and Lauren would be so horny that she loses her mind and just drops to her knees, and—  
  
I was touching myself by then, and losing interest in the romantic stuff, so I pictured Lauren sticking her tongue into Alice's ass, and then I came. I hadn't had sex in over two days and I guess I was a little backed up.  
  
Monday morning was fine and sunny, a rarity in Forks. I got ready for school, without any intention of going, and checked my messages before I went down stairs. There was nothing in my voice mail, but there was a number of texts that apologized for her outburst and assured me that she'd be there to pick me up for school and that we needed to talk and everything would be okay after we talked. I didn't delete them, but I didn't reply, either. I went downstairs and I looked for an opening to suggest to mom that I should stay home, but I didn't find one. Mom left for work, assuming I'd be at school, and for a while I contemplated going. Alice was going to pick me up, and…  
  
And that's where I was stuck. How could she possibly want to see me? She couldn't, not really. I still remembered her voice mail, her broken voice, hurt and tearful as let out what she was truly feeling. Why did she want to forgive me so badly? Was it only my blood? Or did she still truly have feelings for me?  
  
I watched the sidewalk through a crack in the living room curtains and eventually a chrome silver Volvo pulled up. Alice got out and stood in the sunshine, looking up at the house. My heart broke. Then she glanced at the window and I quickly ducked away. I hesitated, waiting, and then I approached the front door. I felt feverish and sick. Should I open it? Alice was out there and if I just open the door, if I just—  
  
She knocked. I jumped and froze rigidly, staring at the door. There was a small window in it and I saw a figure move behind the murky marbled glass. Someone short and blackhaired. Alice.  
  
"Bella?" she called.  
  
Her voice almost broke me. It was soft and almost shy. She sounded as unsure as I was. She called again:  
  
"Are you there, Bella? Please, we need to talk. I'm not mad, okay? I'm not. Please, just…"  
  
I saw the figure behind the glass bow it's head. Then I saw the head raise and her voice became harder.  
  
"I'll be back tonight," she said. "You can't avoid me forever, Bella."  
  
Then the figure turned and walked away.  
  
—  
  
I lay in bed that night full of dread. I had no idea if she wanted to forgive me or tear my head off, and even worse, I had no idea what I wanted her to do. I still loved her, so much, but deep in my heart I knew that things would never be the same and it was pointless to even try. Alice needed someone else. Someone who could at least be faithful to her.  
  
I'd left the window closed, half-hoping she'd change her mind and not come. But she came. It was almost midnight and I'd had my eyes closed. I heard a tapping on the glass and I saw her there, just her eyes above the window frame, cold and honey-colored, deathly beautiful. She pinned me with her stare, almost making me cry, and then I got out of bed and opened the window.  
  
"Meet me outside," she said.  
  
"Alice—" I had no idea what I was going to say, but it didn't matter. She dropped down into the darkness below and after a while I closed the window.  
  
I was wearing my bed clothes so I took a moment to get changed. I wore black jeans and a black t-shirt with the logo of a rock band on it and I sat on the edge of the bed and pulled on my boots. I brushed my hair for some reason—Alice had always loved my hair—and then I left my room and started creeping down the corridor. I could hear a light snoring from mom's room and I prayed she wouldn't get up and find me missing. It would completely destroy her image of me and there would be no way I could explain it. I went down the stairs, careful not to creak, and out the front door.  
  
Alice was waiting on the sidewalk, beside her silver Volvo. Pacing back and forth like a caged lioness. There weren't many street lights on this road, but the sky was clear and the moon was almost full. I could see her clearly and she looked paled and gorgeous and very unhappy.  
  
And yet as soon as I was within reach she grabbed me and kissed me. She forced her tongue into my mouth with a little sound of desperation and I felt a flitter in my chest. Good thing I brushed my hair. She backed me into the car and pressed herself into me. She put a hand up my top. I'd only just started kissing her back when she broke away.  
  
"You bitch," she hissed into my face. "You fucking bitch."  
  
Then she kissed me again. Harder. She might've fucked me right there if I hadn't tried to talk.  
  
"I'm sorry," I tried to tell her. "I'm so…"  
  
"Shut up, Bella," she snapped, pushing me away suddenly. "Just shut up. Why have you been avoiding me?"  
  
My expression went meek. "I thought you hated me."  
  
"I do hate you," she hissed. "How could you do this to me, Bella? After everything I've done for you? How could you?"  
  
"I'm sorry."  
  
She shook her head, tearing up suddenly. "I tried so hard to be a perfect girlfriend for you, Bella. Was it me? Did I do something wrong?"  
  
I panicked at the tone of her voice. I did not want her to blame herself and it horrified me that I could've caused that. "No," I said hurriedly, "of course not."  
  
But she went on. "Am I too clingy?" she asked, her expression drooping into insecurity. "I mean, I know I like to fuck a lot, but come on, I thought you liked that. I thought that's what you wanted."  
  
"It was," I assured her. "You're perfect, Alice, you really are."  
  
Now she got angry again. Her brow darkened and she shoved me against the car. "Then why?" she growled. "After all your promises and all those times you told me you loved me. How could you do this?"  
  
"It wasn't my fault."  
  
"Not your fault?" She sneered at me disdainfully. "Well, what are you trying to say, Bella? That you tripped somehow and fell face-first into her pussy? And then avoided me for three days because you thought I wouldn't understand?"  
  
I was startled by her sudden mood shifts and all I could do was shake my head and murmur: "No."  
  
She assumed an expression of fake-innocence, as if there had been some misunderstanding and she was only just realizing. "No?" she said. "Then how was it not your fault? Oh, I know. She let you again, didn't she? That bitch!"  
  
Now I felt my own temper prickle. I had no right to get angry, none at all, but how could she be sarcastic about this? Didn't she know how terrible I felt. "She forced me," I said, even though I'd sworn I wasn't going to try and defend myself. "I didn't want to."  
  
She snorted. "Forced you."  
  
"Yes," I insisted. "I didn't want to do it."  
  
She shook her head in disgust. "You're a liar," she said. "Vicky isn't a rapist, Bella. She's a manipulative, coercive, fat fucking slut, but she wouldn't have done it if you didn't want it. You fucked her and you liked it. Admit it!"  
  
I sniffed, suddenly overwhelmed by the hurt and the regret. "I'm sorry," I said. I tried not to let any tears fall, but I felt them on my cheeks as I blinked. I wiped my eyes, sniffing again.  
  
Alice watched me dispassionately, her face cold and pale in the moonlight. "She told me she gave you her number."  
  
Oh fuck.  
  
I was so horrified with myself that I stopped crying.  
  
"Did you throw it out?" she asked.  
  
I didn't answer and she registered my expression.  
  
"You fucking whore," she said. "You still want her, don't you?"  
  
I shook my head frantically. "No! No, I—"  
  
"Don't lie to me, Bella!" she said, shoving me back into the car, as if afraid I was going to try and hug her. Tears came into her eyes. "You like her, don't you?" she demanded. "You wish you were with her instead of me, don't you?"  
  
"No," I whispered. "I love you, Alice."  
  
She sniffed and wiped her eye, not looking at me. "You love me," she repeated.  
  
"Yes," I said, lunging at the opportunity to make her feel better. I touched her shoulder awkwardly. "More than anything."  
  
She looked at the hand and she looked up at me with her huge brown eyes full of hurt and hope. "Do you really mean it?"  
  
"Yes," I said, and suddenly all my resolutions to let her leave me and find someone she deserved dissolved like acid. I needed her and I would do anything to make her feel better. "Please, Alice. I'm so sorry. I'll make it up to you any way you want. Do you want to bite me? You can do it right now. We can go inside, and…"  
  
But she slapped away my hand idly, not listening. I felt my heart sink. She sniffed and wiped her eyes again. She looked up at the moon, a sad look, resigned, hopeless, full of grief. She sniffed again and then she looked at me and said: "Get in the car."  
  
I felt a shiver of fear. "Where are we going?"  
  
She had already opened the door and she wasn't looking at me. "Just get in," she told me, and I did.  
  
We drove in silence and soon I realized she was taking me to her house. I had no idea what she had planned and no idea how to feel about it. Anxiety seemed most appropriate. I had a feeling she was driving me to a dramatic confrontation with the redhead and I was beginning to wish she'd just dumped me. I had no desire to be involved in a vampire soap-opera and it was pretty clear the relationship was smashed beyond repair. Alice hated me. I could tell by how many times she called me a fucking whore.  
  
Alice pulled up in the driveway, and went around to open my door, and then she grabbed me by the hand and led me roughly inside. She was a short girl but I almost had to jog to keep up with her.  
  
We found Jane and Leah making out in the living room. There was a controller and a pair of yellow panties on the coffee table and Leah had her hand up Jane's skirt. She didn't take it out, even when Alice and I barged in. Must be a casual house, where you can just fuck in the living room with a video game on pause. Too bad I didn't bring my cellphone, although it might've been rude to take a picture, no matter how hot it was. I filed away the scene for future fantasy material.  
  
"Where's Vicky?" Alice demanded, clutching my hand.  
  
Leah smirked. "In the garden," she said. "With Rose."  
  
Jane had hardly noticed we were in the room. She spared a peevish glance with her flushed face and then she drew Leah's face toward hers and resumed making out with Leah's fingers pumping in out of her. Alice didn't wait around to watch for a while, but I managed to contain my disappointment. She dragged me by the hand down the corridor and through the kitchen. The momma-vampire, Esme, was sitting at the counter reading a cook book. In a house like this, you'd half expect her to have a zucchini sticking out of her somewhere, but she only seemed to be reading. She looked up as Alice dragged me through the slidingdoor and outside, but she didn't say anything.  
  
The house had extensive gardens, including a greenhouse. Alice led me down the cobbled path and around a fountain were a naked mermaid reclined on a rock with a jug on her shoulder. She had nice tits, but the sculptor had omitted the nipples for some reason. Too much detail, maybe.  
  
We found the blonde and the redhead sitting on a stone bench in the center of the garden, surrounded by flowers and making out in the moonlight. They were wearing evening dresses, the blonde in black, the redhead in red, and I realized that it was probably a date-night for them. They looked very gothic, on this ornate stone bench in this moondappled garden, and very hot, too. They were making out slow and steady, as if tasting each other, and their hands roamed lovingly over their bodies. But I didn't have much time to appreciate the scene. Alice stormed up and practically shoved me at them, or more specifically, at the redhead.  
  
"Here she is," Alice said. "You want her? Come take her."  
  
Then she grabbed me and pulled me toward her possessively.  
  
The blonde and the redhead broke apart slowly, neither particularly ruffled at the interruption. They shared a glance that was almost a sigh and then they rose from the bench, perfectly synchronized, as if they'd practiced. They dusted the seats of their dresses and then they turned to each other and the redhead placed a long slow kiss on the blonde's lips. It was the hottest thing I ever saw.  
  
"Wait for me upstairs," she told the blonde. "I'll be there soon."  
  
The blonde didn't nod or make any word of agreement, but I got the impression that her obedience was implied and expected. She turned and gave me a disdainful look, as if registering my presence for the first time, and then she approached Alice. She touched my girlfriend's hand, just gently, and leaned and whispered something in her ear. I couldn't hear what she said, but I saw her lips move. They were pink and shiny.  
  
Whatever she said, Alice didn't react. The blonde looked into her face, gave me one last look of distain, and then she walked away toward the house, her heels clicking on the stone. I resisted the urge to watch her go.  
  
Alice was still clutching my hand and she gestured with me to Victoria.  
  
"You want Bella?" she said. "Come get her."  
  
Victoria folded her arms under her breasts and gave a small snort of amusement. "I couldn't care less about the child," she said. "As you're well aware, Alice."  
  
Well. This was rapidly becoming uncomfortable.  
  
"I thought you were better than this, Victoria," Alice said, looking at her with disgust. "I know we've had our problems, but I never thought you'd stoop this low. I told you right from the beginning. Bella belongs to me. She's mine."  
  
Victoria arched an eyebrow. "Is she? Well, well. I hate to interfere in other people's relationships, of course, but I do feel compelled to point out that your claim to the young Miss Swan is perhaps not as strong as you seem to think. At least, that's how it seemed to me, when she was on her knees eating me out."  
  
Alice's grip clenched on my hand painfully, but she remained glaring at Victoria. "You fucking whore," she spat.  
  
Victoria ignored her. "And while we're discussing claims," she said, "I might well mention that I have some claims of my own. Claims on you. And yet you abandoned me to fuck this girl here. And somehow I'm the whore?" She shook her head in mock sadness and looked at me. "A lover's logic is a curious thing, is it not Bella dear?"  
  
"Don't talk to her," Alice hissed. "Don't even look at her."  
  
"Whyever not, my dear?"  
  
"I'm not going to let you steal Bella like you stole Rosalie."  
  
Victoria giggled suddenly and lifted her hand to hide it, as if it was improper somehow. A girlish gesture that almost made her seem cute. "Stole?" she queried. "Dear child, how did I steal her? She's right up there, waiting in her room. You can go see her now, if you like. We could go see her together. There's no need to be such a drama-queen, Alice. Things could be so perfect, if only you'd let them be."  
  
"Shut up," Alice spat. "You had no right to touch her."  
  
I didn't know if she was talking about me or the blonde. But I don't think it mattered. I felt small and insignificant, and I didn't know what I was doing here. There was too much I didn't understand.  
  
Victoria smiled at Alice's outburst. "Oh, Alice," she said. "Spare me the theatrics. You don't truly love this girl. How could you?" She looked at me with her clear and cat-like emerald eyes. "She's nothing. Attractive, perhaps, but nothing that couldn't be replaced at a moment's notice."  
  
Alice's grip on my hand slackened slightly. But she said: "I love her. In a way that I could never love a whore like you."  
  
Victoria smiled at her sadly. "You truly believe that, don't you?" she said, and there was pity in her voice. "Oh, Alice. Don't you see how you're destroying yourself? Why must you be so ashamed of your feelings for me? They're perfectly, natural, I assure you. I am, after all, quite irresistible."  
  
Alice ignored her. "Stay away from, Bella," she said. "I'm warning you, Vicky. If you ever come near her again—"  
  
"She'll beg for more like the slut she is," Victoria finished. "I'm sorry, Alice, but it's the truth. Perhaps the girl really does love you. And perhaps she has been waiting for you all her life. But even the strongest heart is subject to the body it hangs inside of. And her body is weak, my dear. Quite weak."  
  
Alice's grip slackened even more. I glanced at her, but she hardly seemed to be aware of me anymore. She was focused solely on Victoria. "She loves me," she told her. "More than you ever did."  
  
Victoria shook her head. "I don't think so," she said. "But even if she did, does it really matter? Why should your feelings be subjective to hers? Or anybody's? Love is never fair, my dear, and you'd be well within your rights if you wished to leave her. Be honest with yourself, Alice. Admit you were wrong about her and look at her for what she is. A pitiful piece of meat who will never be able to offer what I offer."  
  
Alice's breath was ragged and there were tears in her eyes. Her hand was almost slipping out of mine and she was glaring at Victoria with eyes filled with hate and hurt. "You fucking slut," she said. "You filthy fucking slut."  
  
It made her smile. "She calls me names," she said, and turned to me. "What do you think, my dear? Am I as beastly as your girlfriend seems to think? Or deep in your heart do you not agree that she is a fool to scorn me as she does in favor of a peasant such as yourself?"  
  
Alice's grip strengthened slightly. "I said don't talk to her."  
  
Victoria shook her head again. "You don't love her, Alice," she said calmly, as if explaining it. "You want to, I know, but you don't. You want to believe she's something special. You want to believe she's your soulmate. But don't you realize that all dreams must be woken from eventually?"  
  
"Shut up."  
  
"No matter how many times you tell her you love her, you'll never make it come to pass. You're a broken girl, Alice. There's a flawed place in the fabric of your heart. Do you think I could not know? I own you, my dear. I know your heart as well as if it were my own. And perhaps it is. Is it not?"  
  
"You don't love me," she whispered, her voice high and breathless, as if hyperventilating. Her grip on my hand was very weak. "You never loved me."  
  
"You don't require a lover, Alice, you require a keeper. Your heart is large, my dear, but it is also ultimately empty. It is dark, it is barren. There is no amount of love in the world that could fill it. Not me, not Rosalie, and certainly not this human you seem to have decided upon."  
  
"That's not true," she whimpered, her hand finally slipping out of mine and falling limply at her side. "I love Bella. I love…"  
  
"No," Victoria whispered. "Perhaps once you were capable of love. But not anymore. The years have been unkind to you, my dear. The curse has clouded your head and your life has become so balked about by shattered dreams and wrecked hopes that you are now little more than a walking husk hardly fit to house a woman's heart at all. And yet there does remain a purpose you may fulfill. Do you know what that purpose is?"  
  
Alice was crying. "Stop it," she begged. "Please."  
  
Victoria smiled. "Sex," she said. "That is all you're good for, Alice."  
  
Alice shook her head, covering her face with her hands. "Please," she whimpered. "Just stop."  
  
But Victoria didn't stop. Tears were leaking out of my face and all I could do was watch as she took a step toward Alice, one step, two steps. Her flaming hair flowed about her head and her face was deathly beautiful in the moonlight.  
  
"Submit to me, Alice," she said, "and I will end your despair. Why are you afraid? You know this is what you crave more than anything. In my arms you will find what you're truly looking for. Surrender, subjugation, a sweet release of everything you ever were and will be. You will be nothing but mine. Isn't that what you want?"  
  
Alice took a clumsy step back. "Stay away from me."  
  
"Stop fighting it, Alice," Victoria said, and reached for her. "Let me have you."  
  
"No!" Alice screamed, and lashed out with her hand.  
  
It was almost too quick to see. She clawed the redhead in a quick slash across the face that opened three long gashes in her pale cheek. Alice stumbled back, but Victoria only smiled. It was a horrible smile, painless and as cold as the stars above.  
  
"At last, you touch me again," she said. "How long has it been?"  
  
Alice stared at her, her breath hitching. "I don't know."  
  
Victoria tilted her head and made her voice soothing. As if talking to an animal. "Would you like to touch me again?" she offered. "You may. Only get on your knees first. Where you belong."  
  
Alice looked at her helplessly. "Vicky…"  
  
"Hm?" Victoria said, reaching to cup Alice's cheek. Her own cheek was gouged and bloody with blood leaking down her neck. "What's the matter, my dear? Would you like me to tell you how much I love you? Is that what you want? Because I do. You know I do."  
  
Alice was rubbing her face against her hand. "This isn't love," she whispered.  
  
"What else could it be, my dear? Don't you know how I long for you?"  
  
But she wasn't rubbing her face. She was shaking her head. "It's not love," she said.  
  
Suddenly, Victoria clenched her hand in Alice's hair and wrenched back her face. Alice looked up at her dully.  
  
"Yes," Victoria whispered. "It is. You belong to me, Alice. You can rage against it all you want, but there's no other fate for you. You will submit and in your submission you will understand that it was I and I alone that truly loved you. And I will devour you, my dear. Your body and all your heart and soul."  
  
And with that, she kissed her.  
  
I watched, mesmerized. Alice made a muffled protest, but opening her mouth only allowed Victoria's tongue inside. I saw it go into her mouth and my stomach lurched with sick excitement. My girlfriend was being kissed against her will and it was turning me on. I watched, staring. Alice rocked backwards, but Victoria held her tight. She seemed as helpless against her as I had been, but I noticed a frown growing on her face, and suddenly she thrashed aside violently and shoved the redhead away.  
  
The redhead was wearing heels and she lost her balance. She fell backwards on the dew-smeared grass and landed hard on her butt. Her boobs bounced once in the neckline of her dress. It should've been embarrassing, but she seemed delighted. She giggled and flicked one leg over the other, crossing them provocatively, and looked up at Alice. Laying in the grass among the flower bushes like another kind of rose, red and with thorns.  
  
"I would've preferred to adjourn to the bedroom," she said, "but here's fine, if you insist."  
  
Alice stared down at her, shaking her head. "Don't do this to me, Vicky," she said. "Please."  
  
"Oh, Alice," Victoria said, flicking open her legs and hiking up her dress. Her legs were maddeningly white in the moonlight and she wasn't wearing any underwear. "I wish you'd realize that your mouth has more useful purposes than this pointless blather."  
  
"No," Alice whimpered. "Please."  
  
"Yes," Victoria hissed. "Now."  
  
Alice shook her head, but you could see the surrender in her tear filled eyes. "You fucking bitch," she blubbered, and then she collapsed to her knees as if they'd simply given way.  
  
A gentleman would've obliged them with a discreet withdrawal. But I wasn't a gentleman. My girlfriend—now officially my ex-girlfriend, it seemed—had just been traumatized into angry sex in the garden grass by a woman who had practically raped me a couple days ago, and the extent of my emotional reaction to all this seemed to be horniness. I was too distracted at the moment to be properly disgusted with myself, but the self-loathing would surely come later.  
  
I stared at them helplessly, listening to Alice cry softly as she lapped at Victoria's pussy. Victoria gave me look of triumph with her torn and bloody face and I stared back. She was looking at me when she came and when she came she closed her eyes. Alice crawled on top of her, completely ignoring me as if I'd never existed, and started licking the wounds on Victoria's face, as if to heal them. She was still crying and she was babbling under her breath between licks.  
  
"Oh god, Vicky. I'm so sorry. I love you so much. I'm sorry. Please. I love you. I love you."  
  
Moaning and licking at the blood. It was the blood licking that undid me, and suddenly I turned away, unable to bare it. Salt choked my throat and I wheeled around, stumbling back to the house with eyes that could barely see through tears of horror and shock. I ripped open the slidingdoor that led into the kitchen and the mother vampire rose from her stool in distress.  
  
"Oh, honey, wait a moment and I'll…"  
  
But I didn't pause, didn't listen. I ran through the house to the front door, tore it open, and escaped into the night.  
  
—  
  
It was a long walk home and I got cold very quick. But it wasn't just the cold that made me tremble. I wasn't even close to town yet and the terror of trudging down a dark road in the middle of nowhere was enough to distract me from the horror of what I'd witnessed back at the Cullen house. I was surrounded by dark forest on both sides and every now and then I heard the mournful shriek of an owl. My heart was throbbing in my throat and I trudged on, my thoughts fluttering and circling like moths. I couldn't focus on any single thing and mostly I was just scared. Scared of Alice, Victoria, myself, of what my life had become. The things I'd seen, the things I'd done. Most of all I was scared of the dark. I seemed to be surrounded by it.  
  
I had no idea how far I'd gotten when I heard a car coming up behind me. I panicked and quickly hid behind a tree in case it was a rapist or serial murder. The night couldn't possibly get any worse, but you never know.  
  
The car pulled up on the road and I heard a door open and a gentle female voice call out.  
  
"Honey?" she called. "Please, you can't walk home like this."  
  
It was the mother vampire. Esme. I came out from behind the tree and looked at her. She was older than the others and her beauty was less sharp, less threatening. Looking at her gave me a strange comfort and what choice did I have, anyway? I wasn't even sure I knew how to get back to town. So I took a deep breath and got in the car, a dark green Mercedes, and let her drive me home.  
  
It was a long and quiet drive. The car smelt of fresh leather and a lilac scent that might've been the woman's perfume. The dashboard clock didn't even read one AM yet.  
  
She pulled up outside my house and I looked out through the window. Dark fence. Dark flower bushes, half dead and rotting in their rows. Home. I should've been relieved, but I wasn't. I was filled with a feeling of vast emptiness and I was afraid that the feeling was never going to go away.  
  
I looked at the woman. She was watching me sympathetically and she gave me a small smile. I felt like I should thank her for the ride, but if I opened my mouth I might've thrown up. So I just reached for the doorhandle.  
  
"Honey?"  
  
I turned back to her. She sighed sadly.  
  
"I'm very sorry," she said. "I'm not sure what happened, but I know what Victoria is like. And I know what Alice is like. If you remember, I tried to warn you that she may not be all that she seems."  
  
I nodded. "I know," I said.  
  
She sighed again and looked out of the windshield. Then she looked at me and gave me a strange smile. "Did you know that I used to be one of Alice's lovers?"  
  
It was so unexpected that I felt a flicker of curiosity. "No," I said, shaking my head.  
  
Her smile turned fond and remembering. "It's true," she said. "I used to be married to her at one point, just like Victoria and Rosalie. She was everything to me. Absolutely everything."  
  
I looked at her. I'd thought she was straight and she certainly didn't look bi. "What happened?" I asked.  
  
She sighed once more, looking out the windshield. "I don't know, exactly," she said. "I'm still not sure anything has happened. I still love her, certainly. More than a daughter. But over time I realized that she isn't as perfect as she wants to be. That deep down she's… well, she's very damaged."  
  
She said the last part very delicately. I remembered the things the redhead had said tonight. That Alice's heart was empty. That no matter how much she wants to love me she never will. That she was a walking husk. Could those thing's possibly be true?  
  
I blinked at the woman, suddenly desperate for the truth, and asked: "How?"  
  
But she only shook her head. "I'm not sure exactly," she said. "These things are hard even for me to understand. Believe it or not, I'm still quite young. Only a little older than your own mother. But Alice…I'm not even sure how old she really is. None of us really know, not even Carlisle. All I know is that she's been struggling with some very powerful demons for a very long time. And sometimes the demon's win."  
  
I sat there silently, feeling waves of cold wash over me. It was so hard to believe. Alice, sweet and adorable little Alice. I'd always felt that she wanted to love me more than she actually did, but I never thought—  
  
"Victoria is one of those demons," the woman went on. "Jane is another. They've known Alice far longer than I have, and I really have no right to judge them or interfere in their relationships, but sometimes…sometimes I wish they'd just go away and leave her alone. She's a sweet girl, she really is, but…"  
  
I watched her. She seemed to be struggling with a memory and then she shook her head.  
  
"Well," she said, "this is all useless." She turned to me and gave me another sympathetic smile. "For what it's worth, Bella, I'm very sorry for everything that you've been through. For a while you were a very good influence on her. She was happier, more stable. But after what happened with Victoria…"  
  
I bowed my head.  
  
"But I don't blame you for that," the woman rushed to reassure me. "Victoria was wrong to do what she did and Alice was wrong for flaunting you to her. In the end, I think…I think you were little more than a pawn. To both of them, maybe."  
  
I blinked back tears. "Did Alice ever really love me?" I asked in a small voice.  
  
The question seemed to take her aback and even I could see her response was only to make me feel better. "Well, yes," she said. "I think she did. She tried very hard to treat you properly. And she succeeded, for a time. She was a little over-amorous, perhaps, but she meant well. She wanted to make you happy."  
  
I nodded. "Yeah," I murmured.  
  
"But you have to understand how difficult it is for her," the woman went on. "Vampires experience a myriad of sensations that ordinary people couldn't even begin to comprehend." She paused, as if to frame the words. "The bloodlust," she said softly. "It sings to us. Whispers evil things in our ears. Deadens our empathy. Makes us feel things we would never otherwise feel." A sardonic smile curved her lips. "That's why it's so hard for a vampire to maintain a healthy relationship. After all, not many women have respect for emotions like Need To Fuck, and Enjoying Biting."  
  
I looked at her. "It really is a curse, isn't it?"  
  
I was surprised by her response. She turned to me and smiled, a warm and full smile that displayed her fangs, and then she leaned to me slightly and placed a hand on my leg. "Yes," she whispered huskily. "But such a lovely curse, wouldn't you agree?"  
  
My heart stopped. But I wasn't afraid. I got the impression that she'd deliberately avoided provoking my pity so that I could see what vampires really were. And I saw. Her eyes were so warm and beautiful. And yet completely empty. She smiled when she saw that I understood and removed her hand from my leg.  
  
"You'd better go inside, honey," she said. "You'll speak to Alice sooner or later. I'm sure she'll have some explanation prepared in order to soothe your feelings and coerce you back into some kind of relationship. In addition to her other charms, she's also a very nice liar."  
  
I was too numb to feel much hurt or betrayal at this. I just nodded and flashed a brittle smile. "Thanks for the ride."  
  
She nodded. "You're welcome," she said. "And once again; I'm very sorry."  
  
I had my hand on the doorhandle, but I turned back for a moment. Her expression was a perfect mask of sympathy, but that's all it was; a mask. I studied her for a second, and said: "You don't mean it, though, do you?"  
  
She dropped her eyes and smiled. "No," she said. "I suppose I don't." She lifted her smile to me and really did seem genuine. "Goodnight, honey. Sleep well."  
  
I gave her a quick nod and got out the car. She waited until I'd gotten inside and then I heard the car drive away. She was a nice woman, really. Hard to believe it was mostly fake.  
  
I crept upstairs and I was relieved when I heard mom's snoring coming from her room. After all, it would've been difficult to explain where I'd been. I wasn't even sure myself. My girlfriend had shown up in the middle of the night and taken me to confront the sister of hers with whom I'd cheated before breaking down into tears and eating her out in the dirt. Well. My relationship had never been particularly healthy, but tonight it seemed to have taken a hard turn to disturbing. School tomorrow was going to be fun. Can't wait for biology.  
  
I crawled into bed, tired but unable to sleep. It was all too much, too complicated. How was all this going to affect my life? I felt sick just thinking about it. I shook my head in the dark. I still couldn't believe that Alice was going to forgive me. She had even warned the redhead to stay away from me. She crumbled in the end, but she had been determined to stay with me and make it work. I didn't care what the redhead said. I didn't believe Alice was broken. I didn't believe she was damaged, either. Alice was perfect. She was the prettiest, cutest, most beautiful girl I'd ever met.  
  
I sighed and realized that I still loved her. I didn't blame her for what happened with the redhead. She'd been in tears as she did it and I knew exactly what the redhead was like. But why Alice? What kind of relationship had they had in the past that would make her break down like that? God, that redhead was such a whore. How did she manage it? How could someone be so slutty and so confident at the same time? I just couldn't get that image out of my head. When she'd flicked open her legs and revealed that she had no panties on. I didn't blame Alice for going down on her. I would've done it myself if anyone had asked.  
  
I was beginning to feel a dull excitement build in my belly and pretty soon I was touching myself. I remembered Jane and Leah in the living room, just fucking as if it was nothing. I remembered the kiss between Rosalie and Victoria, that slow long kiss, before Rosalie dutifully departed to wait upstairs. I pictured her waiting in bed with her legs open, dressed in black underwear, playing with herself. I remembered Victoria on the grass with her dress hiked and her pussy exposed. I remembered Esme in the car, touching my leg, and I wondered if I could've fucked her if I let her.  
  
And I remembered Alice. I remembered how she'd attacked the redhead's pussy so desperately and I thought about how hot it would've been to join in and pretty soon I came.  
  
I sighed in the dark and turned to face the window. A lovely curse, huh? Yeah. Well. It sounded kind of cool to me.  
  
—  
  



	13. Chapter 13

—  
  
Chapter 13:  
  
—  
  
I'd only been asleep for a few hours when my alarm went off. I reached out and slapped it off, but I didn't get up. There didn't seem to be much point in it. Alice had gone back to her ex. Suddenly the world didn't seem quite as worth living in, so I did the next best thing to slashing myself in the bathtub; I went back to sleep.  
  
Mom woke me sometime later.  
  
"Bella," she said, her voice somewhat snappish. "You slept through you're alarm. Up, up, up!"  
  
"In a minute," I muttered.  
  
"Now, missy. You're going to be late. Your little friend's going to be here to pick you up any minute."  
  
I rolled away and pulled up the covers. "I don't want to go to school."  
  
"Are you sick?"  
  
"No."  
  
Mom grabbed the covers and pulled them off. Good thing I'd changed back into my sleep clothes last night. Any other night I might've been naked. "Then up you get," she said, trying to be cheerful, "up, up, up. You've missed too much school lately."  
  
I snorted under my breath. And she didn't even know I'd skipped yesterday. There was so much she didn't know about me. She didn't know anything, really.  
  
"I don't care," I mumbled, not moving, laying there with my back to her. I didn't see her face darken, but I heard it in her voice. "What was that?"  
  
I sighed and sat up sleepily. "Nothing," I muttered listlessly, not looking at her. "I'm up."  
  
Mom had her hands on her hips and she studied me for a second. Who knows what I looked like? I had clothes on, at least. "Your cereal's on the table," she said finally. "Come on, let's go. I have to get to work."  
  
I went for a shower, for form's sake, and got changed and ate my soggy cereal. Mom was gone by then, and I went back to bed. I was mildly worried that the school might call her, but it didn't seem like such a big deal compared to my other problems. I half hoped they would call her. I hoped mom would find out and get angry and force me to tell her everything. She deserved to know what kind of daughter she had, and she certainly wasn't going to hear it from me voluntarily.  
  
At first I couldn't sleep. Depression was rolling in my stomach like an egg, and it was weird because I hardly knew what I was supposed to be depressed about. My girlfriend had left me for her severely psychotic ex, but was that worth getting upset over considering that said girlfriend is a few fries short of a happy meal herself? Strangely, I thought it was. She had always made me happy while we were together and I had loved her. Damaged, broken, whatever. Did it matter? She still had a nice ass. Maybe that's why I was so depressed. An ass like that is truly a once in a lifetime thing.  
  
Really, it was beautiful. And now that I was thinking about it, it became even harder to fall asleep. Fortunately, I knew the perfect remedy, and without much self-loathing at all I snaked a hand up my top and another in my shorts. I pictured Alice's ass in different kinds of panties, thongs and briefs, bikini or boyleg, different colors, white, red, black, different materials, lace, silk, spandex, picturing her posing and showing me, and me behind her, touching and taking them off. I fell asleep pretty much immediately when I was done.  
  
I had no idea if Alice came by to pick me up, but I didn't hear any cars and there was no knock on the door. I was up by lunch time, and I spent the rest of the day watching TV with my notebook on my lap. I was behind in my homework, but that's not what I was doing. I was composing a poem to try to capture my current feelings for Alice, but the page was mostly blank and so far I hadn't even managed to figure out what my feelings were.  
  
I missed her, I was pretty certain about that. Life without her seemed relatively unbearable. But was I hurt or betrayed? I wasn't sure. Should I be? She ate her ex out right in front of me, which did seem pretty despicable on the surface, but when you consider how she'd been crying and trying not to, it was easy to feel sorry for her. Obviously, her attachment to the redhead was slightly less than healthy and hardly something she should be blamed for. Victoria was a manipulative woman and, frankly, who wouldn't want to spend eternity as her submissive sex slave? I'm not saying it's the kind of lifestyle I'd embrace personally, but I can understand how it would appeal to others.  
  
I didn't have any right to judge Alice, anyway. I didn't cheat in front of her face, maybe, but I didn't have the excuse of being cursed with insatiable blood lust and multiple centuries of unnamed trauma, either. I tapped my pen on my notebook, looking down at the page where there were only a few lines, all squiggled out. Maybe I'm just stupid. Maybe that's why I can't think of anything. I sighed. Then I put the pad down and went to get something to eat.  
  
I began to get nervous before mom got home, but the school hadn't called her. She gave me a hug and asked if I had any homework. I told her no, only a mild lie compared to my other assorted deceits. Hardly even an omission, really.  
  
Tomorrow morning I really had no choice; I had to go to school. I had no idea how I was going to bare seeing Alice, but I couldn't afford to risk another day off. I got changed and spent a few minutes deciding whether or not to wear my collar. The latest bite marks had faded days ago, and if Alice had gone back to Victoria, I wasn't likely to get bitten again. Ever. But I put it on, anyway. It was symbolic of Alice's ownership over me. Alice didn't take that ownership as seriously as Victoria seemed to, but my heart still belonged to Alice, and I had a feeling it would for quite a long time. Besides, the collar always did look cool on me.  
  
I waited on the sidewalk for a long time, but she never came to pick me up. This seemed like a bad sign for some reason. I couldn't delude myself into thinking we were still a couple somehow, but it hurt that she'd just drop me like this. After what happened the other night you'd think she might find the time to apologize for fucking another woman right in front of my eyes and maybe even clarify what my continued role in her life was. Were we now friends? Were we cold acquaintances? Did she hate me? Did I hate her?  
  
I had no idea and I probably wasn't going to find any answers standing on the sidewalk. The weather had gloomed up again, and I found that strangely comforting. I'd always found the sun a little disarming. Maybe I'm a little vampiric myself. I don't have any blood lust, but I've got plenty of other lusts, some equally disturbing. Then again, vampires aren't sensitive to sun, are they? Oh. I guess I'm just a pale slut, then.  
  
I was late to school and missed homeroom. I felt some anxiety at this, but overall I was more concerned with my eventual encounter with Alice. I glimpsed Jane in the halls once or twice—she was in the same grade as me and Alice—but no sign of Alice herself. History was the first class of the day that we were supposed to have together, but she wasn't there. I took a desk in the corner and waited, but she never came. This was something I hadn't anticipated, and I spent the entire class in a fain fever of despair, staring down at my textbook, not listening to the lecture, not taking notes. Just staring.  
  
The bad feeling got even worse when I walked into the cafeteria for lunch. The Cullen table was empty. Could it be possible that they'd left town? Why would they do that? Were they worried I call the cops and turn them in now that I knew what they really were? That hadn't even occurred to me. I'd look like a fucking psycho if I told anyone, and besides; they weren't so bad really. They don't kill people, at least, and that was the important thing. So what if they seduce innocent young women and drink their blood? It happened to me and I wasn't complaining, although innocent is relative, I suppose.  
  
But no, they had to be here. Jane was here and Leah was never far from Jane. And sure enough when I scanned the line I saw them both with their trays. Leah was in black as always, black skirt and black top, and Jane was wearing tan cargos and a limegreen tubetop. They got their lunch and moved on toward their usual table  
  
I sighed and approached the lunch line. Maybe it was just Alice who was absent. And maybe Victoria and Rosalie, too. If the other night was any indication, they seemed to have a lot of make-up sex to work through. I moved along the line, my anxiety growing. I couldn't believe Alice was avoiding me like this. Where was I supposed to sit? I couldn't sit next to Lauren and I didn't want to sit by myself like a loser. I looked toward the Cullen table. Jane and Leah had noticed me and they were looking over, both smirking. Then they turned to each other and conferred among themselves. Well. It was nice that my emotional pain pleased them, but I wasn't really moved to wave or return their smiles. I turned back to the line and shuffled along, head hung. I missed Alice. I really did.  
  
I got my lunch and I was at the end of the line when I noticed that Leah had risen from her table and came sauntering over. Her strut turned heads at nearby tables, and I stood uncertainly. It was the first time that she'd ever approached me of her own freewill and I wondered what she wanted. She wore a smile and she regarded me with her usual friendliness, tinged with a slight sympathy.  
  
"Hey," she said. "How you holding up?"  
  
Interesting question. How, indeed, was I holding up under the emotional wreckage left in the ruined wake of one the intensely intimate relationships I could imagine being in? I was masturbating rather often, but I used to do that before I'd even met Alice, so I doubted it was symptom of some inner turmoil. I was depressed and missing school, though, so it's not like I'm totally disaffected.  
  
I gave her a shrug and replied somewhat honestly: "I don't know."  
  
She smiled with her hands on her hips, looking down as if she didn't want me to see the smile. But I saw it. "Tell me about it," she said, glancing around the cafeteria to avoid my face. "Rough break ups are the worst."  
  
I nodded. I could tell that she cared absolutely nothing for me and my feelings, but I thought it was nice she made the effort. I'm pretty sure ordinary people fake most of their sympathy, too. "Yeah," I said. "It sucks."  
  
My reply seemed to fascinate her. She looked me over for a second, a vampire's look, calm and evaluating, and then she smiled and motioned with a tilt of her head toward the Cullen table. "Come on," she said. "Come sit with me and Jane."  
  
Then she turned and sauntered away without waiting to see if I'd follow. I did follow, of course. A rational person would've tried to distance herself from these demons as much as possible, or at least hesitate, but I just hurried to catch up. I had nowhere else to sit, anyway, and if I hesitated at all it was only to glance at Leah's ass. She was no Alice, but that was just emotional attachment; ass is ass.  
  
I sat down, only slightly awkward to be dining at such an esteemed table—I was getting glances of awe from all over the cafeteria—and I gave Jane a perfunctory smile. This was the girl who'd spread rumors about me and partly caused one of the most nightmarish break ups imaginable. But she was letting me sit with her, so I said: "Hey."  
  
She smirked. "S'up," she said. "Nice to see you up and about. I thought you'd of hung yourself by now. You know it's over with you and Alice, right?"  
  
Leah gave Jane a look, but she was smiling. "Jane, come on," she said. "She's been through enough."  
  
"I know, I know," Jane grinned, and slapped my hand playfully. "I'm only kidding, honey. Seriously, though; do you want to talk about it? I like hearing about other people's pain."  
  
I shook my head. "I'm alright," I said, then I glanced at the empty chairs. "Where's Alice?"  
  
"Oh, she'd be in Paris, by now."  
  
"Paris?"  
  
"They got on a plane the other night," Leah told me. "Alice, Vicky, and Rose. Didn't even pack."  
  
I frowned. So while I was languishing in Forks with my shredded heart and cooling pussy, she was in a penthouse in Paris getting fucked by two of the most sexy women in existence? Was it wrong to be jealous of that? Either way, it seemed like a fine cure for a messy break up.  
  
"Hardly said goodbye, either," Jane added. "Alice is like that. Sometimes she just has to get away from everything. Get her head on straight. Too bad she's taking her problem's with her. Then again, she's never been that bright."  
  
I unwrapped my sandwich. But I didn't think I was planning on eating it. My stomach was turning and the notion of Alice and Victoria and Rosalie all in the same place with so many unknown sexual variables between them had piqued my curiosity—and other things. "What's the deal with those three?" I asked.  
  
"Hard to say," Leah said. "It changes all the time."  
  
"Alice changes all the time," Jane clarified. "Vicky and Rose are the same as they ever were."  
  
Leah snorted. "Ain't that the truth."  
  
"Basically, Vicky is a hardcore dom and Alice is a hardcore sub," Jane explained. "And Rose, well…Rose is so fixated on Alice that she'll do anything to please her—even sub to Vicky."  
  
"Alice has always had some very extreme ideas about romance," Leah said. "That's why she's always been so attracted to Vicky, because with Vicky, she can indulge in a kind of love that most people aren't even capable of. A kind of love that's complete and absolute. With someone who'll push her to the absolute limits of devotion, right or wrong. And part of her really responds to that."  
  
"But at the same time," Jane added, "she's aware that submission isn't really love at all, it's just submission. That's why she gets confused sometimes. She's never been in love before, and in the end, she simply has no idea what it's supposed to feel like. Her relationship with Vicky seems to be the closest thing she can manage."  
  
I was still holding my sandwich, unbitten. I looked between them, a strange feeling in my chest. "So she's… never been in love at all?"  
  
Leah shrugged. "Not any conventional kind of love, at least. The closest thing she can manage is obsession or possessiveness. Personally, I think she's just picky. She thinks love is supposed to be perfect, but sometimes love is just love."  
  
"Yeah," Jane said, grinning. "Sex is better than love, anyway."  
  
I couldn't argue with the wisdom of that, but I sighed and shook my head. I still hadn't bitten my sandwich. Maybe I should've been more moved or disturbed by these revelations about my former girlfriend, but I was too wrapped up in my own feelings. I put my sandwich down and sighed again. "I just can't believe she never really loved me," I said.  
  
It was meant as a bid for pity, but I must've forgot who I was talking to. Jane giggled. "Really?" she said. "I can believe it. You suck."  
  
Leah gave her another look, again without much reproach in it. "Jane," she said. "Come on."  
  
"Hey, she was asking for it," Jane grinned. "She was wide open for that one."  
  
I'd always had a thing for pretty bullies, and I couldn't help the slight smirk that curved my lips as I attempted to glare at her. "Fuck you," I said.  
  
Jane giggled again. "Ooh, the kitty has claws," she said, leaning on her elbows to give me a steady stare. "But does she know how to scratch?"  
  
I thought that was supposed to be flirty somehow, because her dark blue eyes were smoldering into mine and her voice was dripping with sexuality. I looked at Leah awkwardly, a subtle tingle between my legs, and Leah just smiled and shook her head. "Don't listen to her," she said. "She's crazy."  
  
"Yeah, I'm nuts," Jane giggled. "But listen, I really am sorry about this Alice stuff. I know what it's like to lose a girl who puts out as much as she does. In fact, I know what it's like to lose Alice herself."  
  
I was surprised at that, even though maybe I shouldn't have been. If Alice had been with Victoria, Rosalie, and Esme, I guess it was likely that she'd been with all of them at some point. Maybe even the doctor guy as well. Alice seemed to be pretty lezzy, but I suppose all us girls go through an am-I-really-gay relationship at some point. Especially if you were raised in a era before lesbianism had even been invented. Besides, the dude does look like a chick from some angles. Very slender, very pretty. If I was ever uncertain about my own orientation, he'd probably be the kind of guy I go to for clarification, as well.  
  
But Jane? Talk about a cute couple. Two small little demonic pixies, one blonde, one black. I wondered if she had any cellphone pictures of the two of them together, but cell phones probably hadn't been invented when they'd been dating. Dating itself probably hadn't been invented.  
  
"You've dated her, too?" I asked.  
  
Jane waved a hand flippantly. "Oh, honey, Alice has dated everyone," she said. "She never had high standards. Aside from me, of course."  
  
"But Vicky's the only one she's really held on to all these years," Leah told me. "Or maybe it was Vicky who held on to her. Either way, they can't seem to stay apart. Until you came along, that is."  
  
I felt flicker in my chest at the suggestion that I'd come between them and looked at her curiously. "What do you mean?"  
  
Leah smirked for a second, as if wondering if she should tell me. Then she sighed and went on. "Alice was never exclusive for Victoria," she said. "She used to date humans on the side. Mostly for blood, but not only for blood. She liked the companionship, too. The normalcy. Even if it was fake, she liked to pretend. But no matter who she dated, she'd always go home to Victoria. Every single time."  
  
"Until, of course," Jane said, "she met you."  
  
I didn't point at my chest and flutter my eyelashes, but I did smile. "Me?" I mean, really; me? Victoria had mentioned that Alice had abandoned her to go fuck me, but I never figured I was a special case.  
  
Jane grinned. "Uh huh," she said. "Alice was crazy about you. That day she met you, well, she just flipped the fuck out. You probably noticed how much she liked you when she crawled through your window wearing nothing but a coat and a smile. That was a pretty big risk, you know. After all, she had no way of knowing if you'd simply sigh and spread em, or if you'd scream and call the cops like a regular person. She had no idea about your dreams, but she was too messed up by the thirst to care. She might've raped you if you resisted."  
  
It was a symptom of my disturbed state of mind that not being raped by a thirst-crazed vampiress seemed like a missed opportunity. Stupid dreams. It would've been so awesome if I had no idea who she was or why she was there.  
  
Leah rolled her eyes at that last comment then turned to me. "You were different right from the beginning," she said. "Most of her dates never even found out she's a vampire. And the ones that did were pretty quick to back out. But you accepted her so readily, so willingly, that she began to believe you were something different. Something special."  
  
A soulmate. That's what she'd thought I'd been. I looked down at my sandwich, but it didn't make me feel better. I remembered those early days with Alice. All her carefulness, all her reassurances about how love takes time and how we should take it slow. All her talk about fate and destiny and soulmates. She had been so honest, so sincere. And all of it a lie.  
  
But was it really a lie if she'd believed it herself?  
  
I didn't know. But at least she never set out to betray me. Maybe it was all just a fantasy or a delusion to her—or even just a dream—but at least she hadn't been deliberately trying to hurt me. She wasn't evil; just messed up.  
  
"She even stopped fucking Vicky and Rose for you," Jane said. "That's how serious she was."  
  
I looked up. "And then I…"  
  
"Fucked Vicky," Jane said. "Yeah. She tried to look past it, but it was kind of like a double betrayal, you know? Not only did you cheat, but you did it with the woman who practically owns her. After all, her feelings for Vicky didn't go away just because she met someone else. She suppressed them, sure, but we're talking about four centuries of ardent subbing. That kind of thing doesn't go away in a matter of weeks."  
  
"She tried to forgive you and make it work," Leah said, "but the fairytale was pretty much over as soon as you cheated on her. Until then Alice had been certain that you loved her more than anything. But how could you love her so much if you enjoyed being with someone else? Vicky practically forced you, sure, but if you were Alice's soulmate—if you were designed especially for Alice and Alice alone—you would've fought against it until your last breath." She smiled and let out a small laugh, as if it was a pretty silly idea, in hindsight. "At least, that's how she saw it," she added. "Deep down."  
  
Jane snorted. "Total hypocrite, of course," she said. "Just because she managed to stop fucking around for a few weeks after she met you, doesn't change what she is. She would've slipped with Vicky eventually. But don't get me wrong," she quickly added, "I'm not defending you. You're a horrid slut, no question. But still. Alice is worse, IMO."  
  
I blinked at her. She had just insulted me, insulted my girlfriend, and insulted my relationship. But that wasn't what confused me. "Did you just say IMO?" I asked.  
  
Leah heaved a longsuffering sigh. "Wait till she says LOL," she said. "She's like a walking talking text message sometimes."  
  
"Hey, I adapt with the times," Jane declared. "In the future we're all going to be talking in acronyms, mark my words. And women are going to be the dominant sex, too. Trust me. Now that guns are invented, it's only a matter of time till we figure out how to use em. And god help men when we do."  
  
Leah gave her a glance that seem to doubt her sanity, and then turned to me, swinging us back to topic. "In a way, Jane's right," she said. "About Alice, I mean. After you cheated, she tried to rearrange her beliefs into something more liberal, but in the end, she needed the relationship to be perfect. Once you were blemished, it was bound to crumble. So try not to feel guilty about the whole Vicky thing. In many ways, I think the cheating itself was incidental. She probably would've backed out at any sign of imperfection."  
  
"Yeah," Jane giggled. "So I guess she never saw your ass, because that thing is worse than any amount of cheating. Ever heard of an exercise bike?"  
  
I tried to ignore her, but I did feel a flicker of insecurity. I know I'm no vampire, but I like to think my ass is okay. But I knew Jane was a malicious bitch, so I consoled myself with the possibility that she was lying, and turned to Leah. "But why did she even bother?" I asked. "Did she really think I'd be okay with all this? With you guys? You're, like, the worst people I've ever met."  
  
I said that last part with a bit of heat, but neither sister seemed offended. Leah shrugged. "She was hopeful," she said. "Or delusional. She wanted to believe that destiny would see her through. That everything would be happily ever after. Like I said, she thought you were special."  
  
Jane snorted and looked me over haughtily. "Pretty stupid, really," she said. "No offence, sweetheart, but if there's one thing in the world you don't look like, it's a bunch of specialness walking around."  
  
Again, I ignored her, or tried to. I'd always known I wasn't special, but I hated to hear it out loud. I turned to Leah, since obviously she was the only one worth talking to. "But why doesn't she just leave Victoria?" I asked. "You know, for good? I mean, if she wants to be with someone else…"  
  
"It's not that simple."  
  
"Why not?"  
  
Leah chuckled, as if it was funny. "Because, deep down, Alice is just as bad as Vicky. Look, don't get the wrong idea about this, honey. I'm not trying to tell you they're some special kind of soulmates, or anything like that. They're just a couple of twisted chicks who like to fuck, that's all. Alice could leave her, sure. But deep down she knows no one will fuck her like Vicky does. She might stray from time to time, but she'll always return to her mistress."  
  
I looked down at my sandwich, still uneaten. I shook my head and said: "I'd rather be alone than with someone like that."  
  
Jane giggled. "Alice would rather be with anyone than alone," she said, then smirked. "Even a rag like you."  
  
Even a rag like me. It was true. I should've been horrified at all this, but all I felt was a strange pity. I felt sorry for her. How many times had she had her heart broken? How many times had she struggled for decency and fallen right back into depravity? I didn't know, but most of all, I was sorry that I was the one she'd fallen for.  
  
If only she'd been honest. If I'd known how much the relationship meant to her, I would've tried so much harder. I would've fought against that red-haired whore to my very last breath, just like Leah said. I really would've. But it was too late now. Alice's brief bout of love at first sight was totally wasted—on me.  
  
I'd always known that I wasn't good enough for Alice, but in that moment I realized how much she truly did deserve someone better. Someone stronger. Someone who could've loved her, helped her, saved her. She needed an angel, and what she ended up with was me; a dumb slut who did nothing but fuck her a few times and destroy her dreams. Boy, I really do suck.  
  
I sighed and looked up. "Is she coming back?" I asked.  
  
Jane smiled, guessing my thoughts instantly and no doubt preparing something mean. "Of course," she said. "Why?"  
  
I was wary. "Just wondering."  
  
"Yeah right," Jane grinned. "You still want her, don't you?"  
  
I felt like I was supposed to deny this, so I frowned and said: "No."  
  
Jane chuckled. "Well, we'll see," she said. "She'll be back eventually, and if history's any guide, I doubt she'll be willing to give up on your skinny ass just yet. She oughta get a couple more gallons out of you, at least."  
  
I felt a flicker of excitement at that. The momma-vamp had mentioned that Alice might try to coerce me into some kind of relationship at some point, and to be honest, it probably wouldn't be that hard. Alice was damaged, sure, but I was no model of mental health, either. We'd both made mistakes, but maybe if she gave me a second chance, an opportunity to make things right… Maybe I could be the woman she needed me to be. Maybe it was possible.  
  
"Aww, don't get all sulky," Jane said, slapping at my hand playfully. She must've mistook my deep and meaningful introspection for sullenness; a fine line between the two, usually. But it wasn't everyday the blonde demoness deigned to apologize, so I looked up. "Listen," she said, patting my hand, "don't take it personally, okay? It's just the way I am. I mean, it's not like I actually dislike you. I like teasing you, but I could have just as much fun fucking you. Honestly."  
  
She was still covering my hand. And looking at me for my reaction. I glanced between the two of them, a faint queasiness turning my stomach, a strange brooding between my legs. I should've pulled away my hand, but I didn't. "Would you really fuck me?" I asked.  
  
She knew she had me. She smirked, eyes sparkling. "Sure," she said sweetly. "Why?"  
  
My mouth was dry all the sudden. I shrugged casually, a blush slowly smothering my face. "It sounds better than teasing," I said.  
  
"Oooh," Jane giggled, and then she shuffled her chair closer, glanced around the cafeteria circumspectly, and reached under the table. I felt her fingers press flush against my crotch and I swallowed. Leah was smiling and shaking her head at her girlfriend's antics, and Jane eyed me hotly, applying a little pressure against the front of my pants. "Would it be cool if Leah joined in?"  
  
The cafeteria seemed to be buzzing. The room seemed to tilt as I turned my head. I looked at Leah, and she looked back with her vampire eyes, dark, sexy, beyond all judgment and jealousy. Nothing in them at all but a desire to fuck and draw blood. Ten seconds ago I been wishing for a second chance with Alice, to make things better, to be the honest and faithful woman she needed. Maybe I should've tried to get some practice at that, but looking into Leah's dark and sexy eyes, I realized that I wasn't ready for that kind of commitment—especially if it was only practice.  
  
"Sure," I said.  
  
—  
  
Lunch was almost over, but biology was next, and I didn't mind skipping it. Alice wouldn't be there, anyway.  
  
They took me behind the science building, where we could be alone. It was out of school bounds, but considering the circumstances, it was beyond me to feel bad about violating such an important rule. Jane set me against the brick wall, grinned, and kissed me. She was the third girl I'd ever kissed and it was an exhilarating experience. This was a girl who'd teased me, tormented me, spread rumors about me. And now her tongue was in my mouth. It almost made my head pop.  
  
Then it was Leah's turn, and this was the one I was looking forward to. I'd always liked Leah, and my heart almost throbbed out of my chest as I tilted my face up to hers. Her kiss was slower than her girlfriend's, stronger, more methodical. Jane started rubbing the front of my pants and soon Leah broke the kiss so we could discuss what we were going to do. Jane was very communicative about the whole thing. She seemed to enjoy hearing that I wanted it.  
  
They decided to do me first, and I certainly didn't object. They took turns kissing me until I was dizzy and then they started pulling aside my clothes to expose parts of me. I was wearing a black tee and loose bluejeans, and pretty soon my top was pushed up over my breasts and my pants unbuttoned and fallen around my boots. If any teacher came along I would've died from embarrassment, but this area was enclosed on three sides with high brick walls and it was barren of everything but weeds and a dumpster. So unless there was someone hiding in the dumpster with a camera and a dark agenda, we were fairly isolated.  
  
Soon my bra was pushed up about my collar and they were each squeezing a breast. Jane inquired if I'd like for them to be sucked, and I was so breathless I could only nod. They leaned to my breasts with their mouths, one each, and if I was breathless then, I was on the verge of an asthma attack as I watched two different pairs of lips sucking at my nipples. My breasts were very sensitive, and I was getting very close by now. I might've been enjoying it too much, because Jane was soon demanding some attention of her own. I obliged by feeling her up and kissing her throat. Then Leah pulled me toward her, wordlessly, and I almost tripped as I went to kiss her, hobbled as I was in my jeans. Leah's top was pulled over her breasts as well, and her breasts were as large as mine, and while I felt them up I felt Jane's hands on my ass and between my legs. She's said at lunch that I didn't have a nice ass, but hands don't lie, and I was flattered at the change of heart.  
  
I was so turned on by now that I was having difficulty standing up. Jane laughed at my "little girl" eagerness, and asked me how I wanted them to do it. But I didn't know. My head didn't seem to be working correctly. Leah could tell I was struggling with the situation and suggested, quite kindly, that maybe she should finger me while Jane goes down on me. This was agreeable, as I expressed with a breathless nod. Jane muttered about going down on a troll like me, but she lowered my panties and went down all the same, while Leah pushed two fingers inside me and placed her mouth over mine. I almost short-circuited. I could feel Jane's tongue licking at my clit. I could feel Leah's tongue in my mouth and one hand squeezing my tits. I could feel those fingers inside me and my eyes were rolling behind their lids as I clenched down with my vagina and moaned in rhythm. It wasn't the elegant way to make love, standing straddle-legged in a barren lot with your clothes shoved around to expose your naughty places, but it was effective, and I almost fell over from the force of my climax.  
  
It took me a few minutes to recover and I had to sit down. I managed to pull up my jeans, but I didn't bother zipping them. I touched a hand to my head and listened to Jane tease me about how easy I was. Leah sat down beside me, still mostly clothed, and put an arm around my shoulders. She asked me if I was okay, and even if she didn't mean it, it felt great nonetheless. She then rose and offered me a hand to help me up. I stood up, my jeans falling, and Jane giggled. I went to pull them back up, but Jane just grabbed me and kissed me.  
  
Then it was their turn. After some brief discussion on the subject, it became plain that I was willing to do pretty much anything, and after we'd settled on a couple of particulars, I got down on my knees on the concrete floor among the weeds and litter and ate them out, one after the other, while they made out with each other and stroked each other's breasts.  
  
I did Jane first. She was wearing pink cotton boyshorts, so similar to what Alice might've worn that I was hit with a bolt of nostalgia, and put some love into it. Leah was next, and again, I felt an additional excitement. I really liked Leah, and I liked going down on her so much that I was almost jealous when Jane inserted two fingers and began pumping them. I had to lick around them and while Leah did respond to my attention to her clit she seem to respond even more to Jane's thrusting.  
  
And finally it was all over. Or so I thought. They did me one more time, just for fun, since I'd come so easily. Jane sucked my tits while Leah fingered me from behind, and yes; I did come very easily. After that, it really was over, and we took a few minutes to correct our clothes and straighten our hair. I felt very strange in the wake of the experience, but not really a bad feeling. I knew I was nothing like them, nothing so beautiful or confident, but as we stood around grinning and quipping about the whole thing, I felt a weird kind of camaraderie, and I really wished we could all be friends. They seemed like nice people when they let you fuck them.  
  
"Whew," Jane said, "that was refreshing. Nothing like a vigorous group-fuck to get over the ex, eh Bella?"  
  
I grinned, but I didn't answer.  
  
Jane smiled and approached me. She smoothed down my top, as if to correct wrinkles, and looked into my face. "In any case," she said, "listen up. The first one's free, but if you want to do it again sometime, you'd better be willing to put out with a little something little extra." She smiled so I could see her perfect white fangs poke her glossy pink lip. "If you know what I mean."  
  
I knew what she meant and I felt a shiver. Fear or excitement, it didn't seem to matter. I might've let them bite me right there, simply because I'm an idiot and Alice doesn't love me anymore, but then Leah stepped forward with her smile and pulled Jane away from me.  
  
"Don't listen to her," Leah said to me. "We've got other options for blood, and we'd be happy to fuck you again sometime just for fun."  
  
I remembered that vile redhead had once said something similar, but from the lips of Leah it seemed so much more gracious and flattering. But I didn't get a chance to respond to that one, either.  
  
Jane scoffed. "Maybe you would," she said, "but I've got better options for sex, too. Who knows, maybe I'll give little Lauren a call. I'm sure she'd love to finally let out all that repression."  
  
I smirked at Jane, but Leah regained my attention by leaning to catch my eyes. "Seriously," she said. "It's not everyday we meet a human who's cool with what we are. If you wanna hang some time, even as friends, just give us a call. Like Alice, we enjoy a bit of normalcy."  
  
"I'm not giving her my number," Jane objected.  
  
But Leah was already writing in the palm of my hand with a pen she'd taken from her pocket. My hand tingled where she touched it and my eyes flickered over her face, bewitched by how her dark hair fell over her dark eyes.  
  
"Here's our numbers," she said. "Think about it, okay?"  
  
I positively glowed. I'd always known Leah was awesome. I didn't deserve such graciousness, but I wasn't about to spurn her generous offer of sex and companionship, so I nodded, hoping my puppy-like eagerness wouldn't put her off. "Okay," I said.  
  
Jane snorted and took Leah's hand, dragging her away from me before she could propose marriage. "Come on, let's get out of here," she said, and then turned back to me. "And Bella?"  
  
I'd been looking at their asses. I pretended I hadn't been. "Yeah?  
  
Jane smirked. "You were crap."  
  
I took a hit to my self-esteem, but it made me smile. I nodded to her, blushing prettily. "Thanks."  
  
Jane giggled, Leah rolled her eyes at her, and then they sauntered away, around the corner of the science building and out of sight, taking their asses with them.  
  
I sighed and tried to get myself under control. I still felt weak and feverish, but strangely hopeful too, as if the world really wasn't such a terrible place after all. There was still one class left before the end of the day, but for a while I just stood there in the barren lot behind the science building, doing nothing but smiling and staring down at the phone numbers on my hand. Girl's do stupid things on the rebound, but all in all, it really did seem like one of the most intelligent decisions of my life.  
  
—  
  
I made it in time to my last class and I spent the rest of the day trying not to sweat so the phone numbers wouldn't fade. I'd left my cell phone at home, and I needed to keep them preserved until I put them in my speed dial. I had no idea if I'd ever call them, but even the simple possession of such numbers seemed cool beyond words. My palms sometimes got clammy when I was nervous, so just to be safe, I reinked both numbers.  
  
Today had been full of surprises, but I got another when I made my way out the front gates after school. Leah was straddling her motorbike by the sidewalk, obviously waiting for me. A swarm of boys were hovering about her, jostling and grinning and talking about how awesome the bike was. She seemed to be flirting with them, or at least, that's what it looked like from a distance. Leah seemed to have a permanent flirtyness. With her black skirt and top, her cocky eyes, and the sheer confidence with which she carried her body, she would've looked like she was flirting with anyone she wasn't slapping. I could understand the boys' fascination with her. After all, any girl who straddles a motorbike in a black leather skirt has gotta be aware of how good she looks doing it.  
  
But she lost interest in all the boys when she saw me. She tossed her chin and called me over. I went over, acutely aware of the distinction. Leah handed me a helmet and told me to get on the bike. Jane was apparently hanging out at a friend's place, and since Alice wasn't here she figured she'd give me a ride home. I contained the glow in my chest and put the helmet on, only feeling slightly stupid. The boys were mostly seniors, jocks by the bulkiness of them, and I didn't think any of them knew me. They might've seen me holding hands with a girl around the school, though, because one or two of them goggled at us as I climbed on behind Leah and wrapped my arms around her waist. After all, any girl who lets a lesbian touch her must be a lesbian herself. A silly idea, typically male, and yet grudgingly true, at least in this case.  
  
Leah didn't wear a helmet because obviously she was a total badass and after bidding farewell to her musclely admirers she hit the throttle and sped away. When I looked over my shoulder they were all watching her go and they seemed to sigh visibly.  
  
I'd never been on a motorbike before, but my fear of disfiguring collisions was offset slightly by how my whole front was pressed against Leah's back. Her hair was fluttering in the wind and I had laid my face against her shoulder. Her scent was swirling in my head and I tightened my grip, sighing softly. I could feel the beginnings of a full blown crush forming in my chest, but this only reminded me of Alice. Alice would look so hot on a bike. Hotter than Leah, probably, although the warmth of Leah's back was certainly making my nipples stiff. I guess my body wasn't quite as picky as my heart. The hum of the bike between my legs seemed faintly erotic, too. I've really gotta try a vibrator one of these days.  
  
We got back to my place in less than ten minutes. I got off the bike and handed back the helmet. Leah didn't put it on, she just stowed it behind her. I took a breath and tried to find the words to thank her for her amazing kindness.  
  
"Well, thanks for the ride," I said, and then I blushed and added: "And thanks for, you know. At school."  
  
Leah smirked and blipped the throttle. "Don't mention it, honey," she said. "Take it easy, alright?"  
  
I nodded and stepped back. God, she was so smooth. Smoother than the redhead, even. At least Leah didn't have to go around seducing people. They were falling at her feet naturally. Leah smiled at me, returned the nod, and then she accelerated from the curb, reined the bike around, and roared down the street at illegal speeds. I watched her go and heaved a sigh. Then I shook my head, turned, and went inside.  
  
Today had been fairly decent so far, considering my relationship was over and my ex-girlfriend had fled to Paris to indulge her repressed slavishness with the woman who engineered my downfall. School had been fine, Lauren had left me alone, and I'd had sex with two chicks at once behind the science building. It wasn't a perfect day, but a wise person takes the good with the bad, and all in all I felt that I shouldn't really complain.  
  
But when I walked into the kitchen and found my mom sitting at the table with an empty mug and a dark expression, I had a feeling that the day was about to get a whole hell of a lot worse.  
  
"Mom," I said, knowing in my bones that something extremely bad was on it's way. "Why're you home so early? Is everything okay?"  
  
Her expression didn't change. "Sit down, Bella."  
  
Yep. I'm dead.  
  
I sat down, engulfed by a sudden dread. What had she found out? What did she know?  
  
She frowned at me, sadness in her eyes and plenty of anger, repressed for now, but there. "Your homeroom teacher called me at the salon today," she said. "She wanted to know if I was aware that you weren't at school yesterday. Or the day before."  
  
Fuck.  
  
"Oh, yeah," I said, grasping for casualness. "I forgot to tell you. I wasn't feeling well so I went back to bed."  
  
Mom ignored that. "She also wanted to know if you'd be at school today, since you didn't show up at homeroom."  
  
"Yeah, I was a little late," I said, adding a slight chuckle. As if it was all a misunderstanding and I was glad we cleared it up. "Alice didn't pick me up, I had to walk."  
  
Mom nodded as if that made sense, but I didn't miss the coldness in her eyes. "She mentioned that as well," she said. "She also said you've been late before, always with the same excuse. She suggested that maybe it isn't such a good idea for you to catch a ride with your girlfriend."  
  
There's really not much you can say when your mom confronts you with something like this. Dimly it occurred to me to pass off the phrase girlfriend as a friend who happens to be a girl, but mom wasn't done.  
  
"Apparently it's common knowledge that you're a lesbian," she said, an edge of hysteria creeping into her voice. Tears were building in her eyes. "She was surprised that I hadn't heard. I'd suspected, of course—I mean, I'm not blind—but I figured you'd tell me when you were ready. If it was true. I never expected to find out like this."  
  
I felt like shit. Not a novel sensation for a girl like me, but this was a different kind of shit. This wasn't betraying Alice—this was betraying mom. My best friend. The only person who'd ever really loved me, the only person who'd ever really cared about me. The person I loved more than anyone. I felt my own eyes tear up. "I'm sorry," I said.  
  
"Sorry for what, Bella?" she demanded. "Skipping school? Lying to me?"  
  
Actually, I was sorry for a whole lot more than that, but I felt it was best not to get into specifics just yet. Mom might not have been in the most sympathetic mood to hear about my regrets concerning the frequent debasement of my body for the pleasure of amoral lesbian vampires. The regrets weren't entirely genuine, anyway.  
  
Mom looked at me tearfully. "I went through your room," she said, which isn't something any teenager wants to hear, especially me. "I found underwear and a picture of, of, that girl." She sniffed, too overcome to go on. She was referring to my collection of thongs, which weren't really the kind of panties appropriate to the nightlife a sixteen year old. The picture she was talking about was a purse-sized naked photo of Alice that she'd given me as a surprise. It had been photoshopped to add in love hearts and she'd been posed on her bed with a fluffy pink teddy bear on her lap. I'd kept it hidden in my sock drawer because I didn't want anyone to see it, which probably hadn't been a foolproof plan. Mom got herself under control and looked at me. "Tell me the truth, Bella," she said. "Are you sleeping with that girl?"  
  
It didn't even occur to me to confess. Panic clouded my reason, and I simply couldn't bare the thought of mom knowing that stuff about me. "No," I said, and it didn't sound terribly convincing, even to me.  
  
Mom shook her head, obviously not believing me. "Well, that's it," she said, and stood up, the chair scrapping back on the kitchen tiles. She glared down at me. "I've never had to ground you in your life, Bella, but from now on, I want you home everyday after school and I want your cellphone and I don't want you seeing that girl anymore. She's been a bad influence on you right from the beginning and now she's interfering with your schoolwork and making you, making you—"  
  
She cut herself off. Obviously she didn't relish the thought that some girl out there was making her baby do naughty things without any clothes on—and on school days, too. I felt bad for her, but I also thought it was a good thing she didn't know about the other girls who'd made me do even worse stuff. Maybe I should've taken the opportunity to confess and get it off my dirty chest, but I didn't. Mom seemed to be a little sensitive about my attendance rate and sexual activities; I decided it was best not to admit that I'd skipped biology to get double-fucked behind the science building.  
  
She lifted her head and her eyes were colder than I'd ever seem them. "I thought you were better than this, Bella," she said. "I thought that when you got into a relationship that you'd be mature enough to do it properly. I didn't think you'd go around lying and having sex with some girl you hardly even know. A girl who still had a boyfriend! Did she even love you, Bella? Or was she just using you?"  
  
Funny how mom had pinpointed the exact issue even without the correct facts. Alice had never actually had a boyfriend, of course—just a domineering red-haired mistress—but mom's basic point was spot on; Alice had been using me. For blood, sex, and to fulfill some doomed dream of perfect romance. I hadn't known mother's were this wise.  
  
Mom sniffed again, close to crying. "Now," she said. "I want you to go to your room and stay there for the rest of the night. I want you to think about what's happening to you and I want you to call that girl and tell her not to bother picking you up tomorrow. I'll be driving you myself and I'll be picking you up after school and bringing you directly home. And before you go to bed I want your cell phone. Make sure you've called her by then and make sure you let her know it's the last time."  
  
I didn't mind the forbiddance of seeing Alice—she was already gone—but I was bummed out about my cell phone. I'd never been dependant on it like other girls, but I'd never had the numbers for two different chicks who liked to put out at the same time, either.  
  
But I was too shattered by mom's disappointment in me to try and wheedle out of it. I hung my head meekly. "Alright," I said, pushing my chair back and rising.  
  
My passive acceptance took a little of the sting out of her expression, as if she'd just remembered that I was still her daughter and still basically a good kid—as far as she knew, at least. "Good," she said. "Now go to your room. There's things call principles, Bella. Look it up on google if you have to, but you'd better find some—and fast—before it's too late. I can't believe you'd lie to me like this. Were you really going to meet her family that night? Or were you dressed like a slut for some other reason?"  
  
She was probably referring to the night when I'd worn a skimpy satin halter and a miniskirt to her parent's house for dinner before fucking her sister in one of the upstairs bedrooms. I'd fucked Alice in her car, too. And then again that same night—after I'd cheated on her. All things considered, I decided not to answer the question.  
  
"Well, it doesn't matter now," mom said, as if she didn't really want to know. "Go to your room. Dinner will be ready at seven. You can come down then." She looked at me and shook her head, tears filling her eyes. "I'm very disappointed in you, Bella."  
  
Her voice cracked and I had to say something, anything. "Mom—"  
  
But she didn't want to hear it. "Go!" she cried, flapping a hand as if to shoo me. Then she turned away. "I can't stand to even look at you anymore."  
  
It was a little melodramatic, perhaps, but this whole thing was probably a pretty big shock to her, so I didn't ask if I could have the photo of my naked girlfriend back. I turned and trudged up to my room.  
  
My phone was on my desk, but for a few minutes I simply sat on my bed and felt bad. I cried a little bit, nothing loud, but enough to satisfy myself that I wasn't a teenage monster; I legitimately felt awful for disappointing mom. At least I hadn't fallen so far that I didn't care about my own mother anymore.  
  
Then again, I didn't exactly feel moved to make any meaningful changes in my life, either. In fact, after I'd cried out my feelings for mom, my thoughts turned to more practical matters. Like Jane and Leah. I'd still get to see them at school, and it wasn't like they required an actual bed to have sex. Still, I took a moment to pout over the cruel irony of the situation, staring down at the palm of my hand. Here I had the phone numbers for a pair of slutty lesbian vampires who wanted to use me for sex and blood, and now my mom wants to confiscate my cell phone. Life can be so unfair sometimes.  
  
But I've never been the kind of girl to complain, and no one's ever listened, anyway. I grabbed up my cellphone and punched in Leah and Jane's numbers. Hopefully, mom didn't intend to ground me forever, and when the ban was lifted it might be nice to get together. Just as friends, of course. After all, mom was probably right. Time to make some changes. Grow up. Stop lying. It didn't sound terribly appealing, but there was a strong possibility that Leah and Jane would lose interest in me before I lost interest in them, and if that happened it would be nice to have some morals to fall back on. It would feel less like rejection.  
  
I cycled to Alice's number and sat staring at it. Mom wanted me to call her and tell her it was over. But it was already over. Alice had left me and hopped on a plane to Paris without so much as saying adieu. I sighed. The difficult thing was figuring out if I was entitled to an apology or some kind of explanation. I'd already had an explanation from her mother and two of her sisters, but how much of that could I trust? The mother seemed to have my best interests in mind, and Leah had always been honest, if not outspoken. Come to think of it, even Jane and Victoria were always honest. And even Alice herself. None of them had set out to deceive me, really, they'd just been hiding their true natures as soulless monsters while encouraging my belief that Alice was a perfect person who really loved me. And when you put that way, then yes; I guess they really were deceiving me. But why does the whole thing seem so complicated?  
  
I didn't know, and frankly, I was losing interest. When life gets complicated, movies and TV teach us to listen to our hearts, and my heart was telling me that I still loved Alice. My vagina had been telling me something similar all day—when it hadn't been filled with Leah's fingers, at least—and I decided that I might as well call her. Chances are she wouldn't even pick up. And if she did, it would be good to hear her voice.  
  
And still I hesitated. I couldn't imagine what she might say if she picked up and I had no idea if it would be anything I wanted to hear. What if she was still angry at me for cheating on her? What if she laughed at me and told me to get lost because she had a real woman now? What if we made up over the phone and she instantly came flying back into my arms? Anything seemed possible, even that last one. After all, she'd left the redhead for me once, as inexplicable as that seemed. Maybe she could do it again. Maybe a second chance was truly possible.  
  
Or maybe she wouldn't even pick up. And why should she? I'd let her down, destroyed her dreams, cheated on her and fucked two of her sisters a couple hours ago. I sighed and tossed the phone on the bed. It was too soon to talk to her. I suppose all couples go through a period when they need some space to think things over and engage in threesomes with other people. It was only natural. But then I remembered that mom wanted to confiscate my phone. Which meant that if I didn't call tonight I might not get another opportunity for a long time. Weeks, even. And added to all these problems was the fact that it was a long distance call and my credit was low.  
  
Obviously, I needed to think about it some more, and while I thought about it, I sat at my computer and flipped through my porn stash idly. It was a modest collection, of course—I'm really not this kind of girl—but not bad quality. I couldn't use a credit card, obviously, and I'd never felt comfortable browsing for this kind of thing, so basically it was just a few images I'd happened to download during a timid search or two on google. This was before Alice, of course. I hadn't looked at them in a while, and looking at them now made me feel a little better, even if they didn't light any fires inside me. Jane and Leah had taken care of my immediate urges, and mostly I just admired them for beauty. Mom had told me to look up principles on the internet, but all in all, I found naked women more fascinating.  
  
I sighed and tapped the mouse with a fingernail. I really wasn't horny at all, but while I was there I figured I might as well stick my hand in my pants and see what happens. I supplemented the images with thoughts of Alice doing stuff with Victoria and Rosalie, and I surprised myself with a decent climax.  
  
After that, there was really nothing left to do but wait to eat. I sat on the bed with a book—Wuthering Heights—and pretty soon there was a knock on the door. Mom informed me coldly that dinner was ready and she had little else to say to me for the rest of the night. We ate in tense silence, neither of us with much appetite, and when we were finished I practically begged her to let me do the dishes, convinced in some way that cleaning the plates might make her like me again. But she only told me to go back to my room, reminding me to call Alice.  
  
It was about ten o'clock when I finally called, just before bed. Until moments before I hit dial I had been pretty sure that there was no point calling because she obviously didn't even love me, but in the end, I had decided that I needed to speak to her one last time before my cell phone was indefinitely confiscated. It was mostly just curiosity. I needed to know what she had to say for herself. If she'd say anything.  
  
The phone rang, kept ringing. I almost hung up before it went to voice mail, then she answered. Or I thought she did. My heart stopped beating for a moment and all I could hear was silence.  
  
"Hello?" I said.  
  
I thought I heard a soft breathing, but I wasn't sure.  
  
"Alice?" I said.  
  
Now I did hear breathing; a soft sigh trailing into Alice's voice. "Yeah," she said. "I'm here."  
  
Her voice made my ear tingle, and while it was nice to know she was there, the revelation didn't really supply any topics of conversation. The silence dragged on until she spoke again.  
  
"I'm sorry, Bella," she said. "I never meant to hurt you."  
  
It seemed like a nice thing to say and I felt myself soften. "I know," I said, and I thought I did. I was still in love with her and I didn't want to believe she'd done anything wrong. I wanted to believe it was the redhead's fault, or even mine. I didn't want to blame Alice.  
  
"Are you mad at me?" she asked plaintively.  
  
It made me smile and I leapt at the chance to tell her: "No."  
  
"Really?"  
  
A touch of hope in her voice.  
  
"Really."  
  
I heard her smile, a half giggle. "Aww," she said. "That's so sweet. If I was you I'd hate me."  
  
My heart glowed and again I rushed to reassure her. "I don't hate you, Alice."  
  
Somehow it felt like we were still a couple. It felt like maybe some misunderstanding had occurred and now that I'd called her everything was going to be okay.  
  
"Do you miss me?" she asked hopefully. "I mean, I know it hasn't been very long, but…"  
  
My heart started aching, as if to remind me of how much I did miss her, and I nodded into the phone. "Yeah," I said. "I miss you."  
  
She sighed. She'd always had a beautiful sigh and sighs register so nicely on the phone. "I miss you, too," she said, resignation in her voice. "But it's better like this. Vicky was right. I'm broken. I don't deserve a beautiful, intelligent young woman like you."  
  
I opened my mouth to reply, but I thought I heard something in the background. A snort. As if someone was there with her. Someone who had heard what she said and thought it was funny. But that was impossible. Alice wouldn't have this conversation in front of the blonde or the redhead. Would she?  
  
She spoke again before I had recovered. "I want you to know that I really did love you, Bella," she said. "Maybe it wasn't a normal kind of love, but I did love you. Do you believe me?"  
  
Her words melted me. "Yes," I said. "I believe you."  
  
"Did you love me, too?" she asked. "I mean, really?"  
  
"Of course I did, Alice," I whispered. "You know I did."  
  
I'd thought we were on the verge of making up, but she dropped her voice for her next words, still saccharine sweet but with a glass edge of menace:  
  
"Then why'd you fuck Vicky?"  
  
I felt my hope deflate as if it had been punctured. Tears of anger prickled my eyes and I was tempted to tell her that I'd fucked Victoria because Victoria was hotter than she'd ever be, and that I'd fucked Leah and Jane as well, but before I could speak, she apologized softly.  
  
"I'm sorry," she said. "I didn't mean that."  
  
I didn't reply.  
  
A sigh. "Maybe I should just shut up," she said. "All I ever seem to do is make things worse. Listen, I want you to know that none of this was your fault, okay? It was all me. I should've protected you better."  
  
I was softened by the apology, but still hurt. "When will you be back?" I asked.  
  
"I don't know," she said. "Maybe I won't be. To be honest, I've already met someone else. A human, I mean. Her name's Michelle, but don't be mad at me, baby. I don't love her like I loved you."  
  
I had absolutely nothing to say to that. She'd replaced me in less than two days and frankly I didn't give a fuck if she didn't love her as much she had claimed to love me. How long had she even known the bitch? Two hours?  
  
I shook my head silently. Maybe she had never intended to hurt me in the past, but I had a feeling she was intending it now. The relationship was over and she was toying with me, for whatever sick reason. She was damaged, she really was.  
  
Alice giggled softly. "It was fast, I know, but the thirst doesn't wait," she said. "She's not as beautiful as you, and she'll probably never accept me the way you did, but you never know. Maybe I'll get lucky this time. It's the city of love, after all. Did you know I'm in Paris?"  
  
I resisted the urge to snort. Ah, Paris. Ah, l'amour.  
  
"Leah told me," I muttered, and I was slightly gratified by her response. "When were you talking to Leah?" she asked, and I could hear a note of jealousy in her voice.  
  
"At school," I told her, leaving out the fact that I'd fucked her, too. What was the point? I wasn't petty like that, and I certainly didn't feel guilty about it, especially now.  
  
"Oh," Alice said. Then she sighed. "Well, I gotta go. Thanks for not being mad at me, Bella."  
  
As soon as she said she had to go my anger evaporated and suddenly I felt sorry for her. A bleak hopelessness settled over me and I wanted to use our last words together to make her feel better. If it was possible to make her feel anything at all.  
  
"It's alright, Alice," I said. "I know you never meant to hurt me."  
  
I didn't really believe it anymore, but I didn't really care, either. She was still my Alice and I didn't want to be angry with her.  
  
"Thanks," she said. "Hey, if I do come back, did you want me to bring you some shoes? Finest footwear in the world outside of Milan."  
  
I felt a flicker of hope. It was wrong and stupid, but I did. I didn't care about the shoes, but the possibility of Alice coming back to Forks made me queasy with hope. "Sure," I said.  
  
I heard her smile. "Okay," she said. "Well, I guess I'll see you around. Maybe we can still be friends. What do you think?"  
  
More hope. It made me want to cry. "Maybe."  
  
"I hope so," she said. "You're a special girl, Bella."  
  
I slumped sullenly. "So were you Alice," I told her. Very special, I added silently to myself.  
  
"Yeah," she said, and I could tell she didn't agree with me any more than I agreed with her. Then she sighed and her voice took a chipper tone. "Anyway, I have to go now. Vicky's giving me dirty looks."  
  
I closed my eyes and bowed my head. "She's there?" I asked, resisting the impulse to cry.  
  
Alice giggled. "Well, I'm kind of tied up," she said. "Vicky's holding the phone for me."  
  
"Oh," I said, hardly even surprised. This whole time. The redhead had been there this whole time listening.  
  
"Rosalie's getting impatient as well," Alice added. "She can't speak because she's gagged, but I can tell she's rolling her eyes under her blindfold. We were halfway through something when you called. I wasn't even going to answer, but Vicky wanted me to humiliate myself a little. She likes it when I humiliate myself. She's smiling right now. She has such a sexy smile."  
  
I shook my head. I was numb absolutely all over—aside from one specific sensation between my legs. My pussy had begun to throb with interest, and maybe that was most sickening of all, but I didn't care. I focused on the feeling, because I knew it was more comfortable than anything else I could've felt at the moment.  
  
Alice sighed heavily. "Well," she said. "All this self-debasement is making me horny, so I guess I should probably go. I'm sorry, Bella. You must think I'm a monster."  
  
I thought she was the sexiest thing I'd ever heard of, but I just shook my head. "It's okay. It doesn't matter."  
  
"Thanks," she whispered. "Bye, Bella."  
  
"Yeah," I murmured. "See you."  
  
I waited for her to hang up; already I was anxious to get to bed and bitterly finger myself. But the silence hung for a second until she said:  
  
"Bella?"  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Could you hang up first?" she asked with a touch of her old coyness. "I can't reach the button, and you know how I hate hanging up first."  
  
"Okay," I said. "Alice?"  
  
"Yeah, baby?"  
  
I shook my head and sighed. I didn't know how to say it, so I just said it. "I'm sorry," I said. "About everything."  
  
I heard her smile, that smile I heard so often in the dark with her laying against me, a soft half giggle, the sweetest sound in the world. "It's okay," she said. "It's better like this."  
  
I didn't answer, but I didn't believe it was better like this. I believed it would've been better if me and Alice were still together. Somehow, someway. I believed we could've been happy.  
  
"Bye, Bella," she whispered.  
  
I shook my head, suddenly not caring anymore. "Whatever," I muttered. "See you."  
  
Then I hung up.  
  
And for a while I just sat there on the edge of my bed, my head throbbing with a quiet headache and my pussy throbbing with a subtle ache of its own. I was in a mild state of disbelief, but the facts were plain enough. Alice was a freak. Somewhere in the world, she was tied up and humiliating herself and begging for more. I sighed. Oh well. At least I'll have some fresh fantasy material for tonight. It was going to be difficult coaxing a fourth orgasm out of my exhausted pussy, but I was pretty sure I'd manage.  
  
—  
  



	14. Chapter 14

—  
  
Chapter 14:  
  
—  
  
The next day was Thursday, although I had to admit that I didn't really give a fuck. It could've been Judgment Day and I would've woke with precisely the same will to live. In the wake of last night's phone call, the world seemed to have lost much of its glow, and in a drizzly town like Forks, there'd never been much glow to begin with.  
  
Oh Alice. You sexy cute adorable little fucking whore. How could you do this to me? I didn't know. I thought about it in the shower and while I didn't come to any conclusions I did manage to achieve a modest orgasm.  
  
Mom still wasn't talking to me. I suppose it had been quite a shock to her, to find out her sixteen year old daughter was a sexually active lesbian who liked to skip school and wear thongs. Still, in the dull light of morning it had began to seem like she was overreacting a little. After all, I wasn't on drugs. True, the act of drinking blood was very addict-like, but mom didn't know about that. And she couldn't have known exactly how unhealthy my sexual output was. And she certainly didn't know about Victoria or Jane or Leah. As far as she knew, I was simply a girl who did it with another girl a couple times when I should've been at school. Did I really deserve being grounded for such a paltry reason, thus preventing me from slipping further into depravity?  
  
I only hoped Leah and Jane would understand about me being grounded. I planned to let them fuck and bite the shit out of me today, and I prayed they'd be okay doing it at school during lunch. Alice's feeding habits were somewhat more extravagant, but she'd been acting out some fucked up fantasy that I'd been too stupid to question. Leah and Jane might be more casual. I hoped they would be, because the only thing that kept me from sticking a fork in a live toaster while I was making breakfast was thoughts of Leah and Jane and all the things I was going to let them do to me.  
  
Mom drove me to school early before work, presumably so she'd know I actually went. We got there early, and she didn't actually walk me to my first class, but she did wait on the sidewalk until I'd gotten inside the main building. It struck me as a little excessive. I mean, really; since when did I become the avatar of teen treachery? It's not like she knew the real truth.  
  
I kept to myself all day and by lunch I was so desperate to be bitten that I felt like I'd die if they didn't want to do it. But I remembered Jane's offer and I remembered how Leah had given me their numbers. They wanted me, I knew they did. And that's what I needed right now. Alice's complete and evil rejection had left me emotionally shattered, and deep in my bones—and pussy—I knew that only Leah and Jane could possibly make me feel better again. I wasn't interested in soulmates or destiny anymore; I just wanted to be wanted. Even if they didn't really care about me and even if they'd never really love me. I was done pretending. I didn't want a girlfriend, or a partner, or a lover. I wanted to be fucked and fed upon like the useless piece of meat I am, and most of all, I just didn't want to be lied to anymore. Lies suck.  
  
And so it was with a thumping heart and a swarm of butterflies in my stomach that I entered the cafeteria. I was so consumed by the urge to offer myself that I didn't even bother getting anything to eat. Leah and Jane were sitting at their usual table, just the two of them, and they looked up as I approached. They must've seen it in my face or my posture, because they shared a glance and smiled. I smiled too, blushing shyly, and the whole thing felt a lot like asking a crush for a date. You wouldn't think such dark desires would feel so nice and fluttery, but they did. Leah asked me where's my lunch, but I said I wasn't hungry. They shared another glance, and Jane mentioned that she wasn't really hungry either; not for human food. I didn't lace my hands behind my back and bat my eyelashes, but I told her she could have me if she wanted, and the smirk that curved her petal-pink lips sent a bolt of sheer excitement straight up my ladyparts. She asked if Leah could share, and I gave Leah a steady look into her darkly sexy eyes, and said yes; she could have me too.  
  
They took me into the barren lot behind the science building, like yesterday, and I let them do whatever they wanted. I'd worn my old denim skirt for easy access, but Jane just pulled it down together with my underwear before fastening her lips to my clit. Leah was standing behind me, and she was massaging my breasts and plucking my nipples with my top and bracups pushed up over them. I rolled my head back and tilted it to Leah. She was taller than me, and I was looking up at her, my face flushed as Jane ate me out and Leah's fingers pinched my nipples. Our eyes met for a second and we seemed to have the same idea. We extended our tongues and touched them together, as if tasting each other. It was one of the nicer moments of my life, and while she had shown some reluctance to feed from me yesterday, she could tell it was what I needed today; she lowered her lips and sank her fangs into the soft and pale flesh of my neck.  
  
The sharp stab of pain only made me more horny. I moaned and let myself climax, my naked chest heaving as Leah sucked on the wound in my neck and Jane sucked on my clit. Jane giggled and bounced to her feet, graceful and weightless like a ballerina. My head was still rolled back slightly and one of Leah's hands was clutching one of my breasts. Jane watched my face for a few moments, her hands perched at my naked hips, and then she got impatient. She'd been placing little kisses about my mouth and urging Leah to hurry, but finally she just shooed her girlfriend away and pulled me toward her. She buried her face in the crook of my neck and reached down and grabbed my naked butt as she sucked my blood. My skirt and my underwear were still at my feet. Jane kept sucking, moaning and groping my ass, and behind me I felt Leah move my hair over my other shoulder. I felt her kiss the nape of my neck. I felt her kiss the lobe of my ear. Finally she took me by the shoulders and turned me around. I turned toward her, willing, boneless, and I let my head loll back, breasts exposed, as she again lowered her lips to the wound and settled a hand on one of my tits.  
  
They passed me back and forth for at least fifteen minutes, but the wound was very shallow and the blood loss didn't seem dangerous. I remembered the doctor guy telling me that vampire venom contained a mild anticoagulant to keep the blood flowing even from a superficial wound. But even if I was in danger of passing out, I wouldn't have asked them to stop. Alice had tricked me into thinking that feeding was symbolic of some sacred bond, that it meant so much to her that I let her do it. But I preferred this. It wasn't as romantic, but it felt so damn good. I didn't even know why. My breath was coming quick and fast and I was moaning from time to time, squirming my body against their hands. My head was swimming, and after a while they were both feeding at the same time, taking it in turns to lean and lick the last of the leaking blood as the wound began to close. I smiled dreamily and relished the sensation of their rough tongues licking slowly across my soft and throbbing throat.  
  
The blood loss was significant enough to make me giddy and light headed, and I was so horny that I wanted to do it all over again. Unfortunately, the feeding had made them massively horny as well, and I figured it was only fair to do them first. So I squatted at Jane's feet, hands on her hips for balance, and began to eat her out. Her pale blue panties had come away sticky and she was deliciously wet. Leah was wearing one of her black skirts with sexy black lace panties underneath. She was even wetter than Jane after watching me do Jane first, and I savored Leah like a juicy fruit, gripping her hips and really eating her. I'd made eye contact with them both as I ate them out, kneeling at their feet, but Leah's eyes seemed to give me an extra jolt, and I hoped she could tell how much I loved going down on her—and how much I'd love to do it again.  
  
Lunch was almost over by then, but I came a second time pretty much immediately when Jane shoved two fingers inside me, rather roughly, and began to pump them. Leah supplemented the assault by applying a luscious kiss against my mouth and playing generously with my breasts. She had fantastic breast-technique. I squirmed backwards against the raw brickwall as I came, and when it was over I had to dust bits of gravel from my butt before pulling up my panties. Not the most elegant experience of my life, but I did feel much better.  
  
The bell for class still hadn't rang and before they took their leave they reminded me to call sometime. I told them I would even though I couldn't, hating mom for a second for grounding me. It would've been so amazing to do this stuff in a bed somewhere, at night, for hours and hours. I just hoped Jane and Leah wouldn't lose interest before I got my cellphone back.  
  
Before I went to class, I ducked into an empty bathroom upstairs, cover ing the side of my neck with my hand as I passed people in the halls. It was a good thing I'd worn a black top, because the blood had dripped down my neck and onto the material. I regarded myself in the mirror for a moment, wondering if I looked paler, and then I cleaned myself up with toilet paper and cold water. I kept my eyes on my reflection as I dragged the wet clots of paper over my throat and a strange smile formed on my face as I realized how beautiful I looked. My lips were pale and my eyes were dark and lidded and bright from blood loss. My complexion was smooth and ashen and my hair was long and dark and as thick as it always was. I tilted my head and admired myself for a moment.  
  
I was startled out of my reverie by the sound of the bell, and I leaned to the mirror quickly, examining the bite marks more closely. Two little puncture marks, slightly bruised and discolored at the edges. It excited me to remember that they were Leah's teeth. Jane was cute, but Leah was sexier. I touched them gently, feeling the sting, then I took the black leather collar out my pocket and put it on. The black leather-lace covered the wound and looked pretty against my pale skin. I smiled again, almost giggling, and then I flushed the bloody toilet paper and went to class.  
  
My happy mood didn't last long, but it was nice while it lasted. Mom picked me up after school like she said she would and dropped me at home before driving back to work. I hadn't eaten all day, so I made a sandwich, ate half, and threw the rest out. I could still feel the sting of the bite, but I was beginning to feel a little bad about it. It had seemed so great when it was happening, but by now I was remembering Alice. Remembering our first night together, when she'd come through my window like a kinky cat burglar to steal my heart, blood, virginity. Remembering that night in the hotel room, when she'd fucked me into a floppy mess of slutty slavishness before dressing me up like her favorite doll and feeding from me under the moon with the stars winking in the heavens as I faded happily into her arms, determined to be hers forever. She had tried so hard to make it special, she really had. But did she ever believe it herself? Or was I a disappointment from the very beginning?  
  
I sighed and flopped down on the sofa to watch TV. I wished I had my cellphone. I didn't know if I wanted to call Jane or Leah or if I simply wanted to cycle through my pictures of Alice, but either way, I guess I was more dependant on the thing than I'd realized.  
  
Mom drove me to school again the next morning, still not really speaking. It was Friday, and I passed the morning with a cloud of butterflies in my stomach, hoping that Leah and Jane would want to do it all over again. I was even more nervous than yesterday, so nervous I almost decided to forget about it. Alice used to go over a week without feeding, so maybe they wouldn't be interested again so soon. Did vampire's get full? I didn't know much about the whole process, but Alice had given me the impression that blood was more like a drug than a meal, which seemed hopeful. I didn't know why I was so desperate to do it again, but I was. It really seemed like the only thing in my life worth doing.  
  
Like yesterday, I didn't bother with lunch. I went over to their table and glowed as Jane greeted me with actual friendliness. She seemed happy to see me, which was touching in a way I didn't quite understand. Leah said nothing, but she was smiling and watching me as I sat down. She inquired if I was cool with what happened yesterday, and I responded with an airy casualness, as if threesomes with vampires were a regular part of my lifestyle. Jane giggled and started talking about how we had to do it again sometime, and her enthusiasm was enough to overcome my nervousness. I said we could do it again right now if they wanted, and for a second they seemed stunned. They shared a glance, eyes sparkling with excitement, and then glanced at me. Jane smirked and said; seriously? I returned the smirk, emboldened by their obvious excitement, and said sure; as long as they fuck me first.  
  
They accepted my offer quite eagerly and once again I found myself behind the science building with my clothes adjusted for maximum exposure. They did it a little differently this time, maybe because we'd wasted precious minutes in the cafeteria and they wanted to be quick. Instead of sharing the same bite, they bit either side of my neck, Leah with two of her fingers stuffed inside me and Jane squeezing my tits. It was incredible, and when I was done, I went down on them, although a little less elaborately than prior occasions. I did Jane while Leah stood around waiting and then I did Leah, just plain oral with minor fingering. They'd offered to do each other while I rested, but Jane's body was super-cute and Leah was just plain hot; I was happy to do it.  
  
Before we all split up for class, Leah asked if I wanted to hang out on the weekend and see a movie or something. Coupled with the blood loss, the date-like offer was almost enough to make me swoon, but I was forced to admit that I was grounded for the foreseeable future. Jane was actually disappointed. She seemed to like me much better now that she'd tasted my blood, and after I told her why I was grounded, she commiserated with a few pointed opinions about my mother that I didn't necessarily agree with but didn't actually contradict, either. I told them they could do me again on Monday if they wanted, and at this they both shared a glance. Jane was thrilled at this sudden and continued decline of my self-respect, and made me promise not to forget. I said I wouldn't. Leah gave me a sympathetic smile and placed a slow kiss on my mouth that seemed vaguely apologetic. Then they linked hands, turned, and walked away, pausing only to wink over their shoulders before turning the corner. I was weak, dizzy, and vaguely euphoric from the blood loss; the roll in Leah's hips under her skirt had seemed almost magical and Jane's ass in her designer jeans was almost as cute as Alice's.  
  
Mom picked me up after school and again dropped me off home before going back to work. I rummaged in the fridge for something to eat, but I wasn't hungry, and soon I'd settled at the kitchen table to do homework. I didn't get much done due to a combined lack of interest and concentration, but mom was impressed to come home and find me diligently studying like a good girl, which was kind of the point. She even let me cook dinner with her, although I didn't really eat much.  
  
The next day was Saturday. I'd gone to bed early and slept a solid fourteen hours, long enough to cause mom some alarm. She'd noticed my paleness, but I waved it away, and I spent the rest of the day moping about the house, helping mom with laundry, watching TV. Mom seemed to be softening toward me, worn down by how I hovered around her like a lost puppy, but she still wasn't ready to talk. I was beginning to suspect that the biggest shock had been my orientation. In some of her glances I could just tell that she was disappointed I was a lesbian. She looked at me as if I might be a stranger, as if she wasn't sure if someone had taken away her real daughter and dropped me off in her place. It hurt, certainly, but it couldn't be easy coping with the fact that your daughter likes to eat pussy, and I was sympathetic enough to her situation that I didn't attempt to rush her approval. In all fairness, I really was a terrible daughter, and a little silent treatment was certainly better than being yelled at and disowned like in a movie.  
  
I was depressed all day and depressed when I went to bed, wishing I could've seen Leah and Jane. I fantasized about the day we could've had, the three of us at the movies, sitting in a darkened theater, Leah on my right, Jane on my left. I didn't know what we'd go see, but I wouldn't be watching it anyway, because I'd be watching them, glancing, glancing. And afterwards they'd take me back to their place and show me their room. There'd be heavy metal posters on the walls and stuffed animals on the bed. It would be a doublebed, queen-size, and they'd lay me on it and take off my clothes, smiling as they descended with their lips all over my body before biting into my neck. And then I'd do them, properly, laying on my tummy with my face between their open legs, eating them each in turn, slowly and lovingly, feasting on them as they had feasted on me. It would be so awesome to do it in a bed, somewhere where we wouldn't have to stand, where we wouldn't have to stop, where we could take off all our clothes, somewhere where we could just keep going and going. I knew I was dangerously close to getting double-fucked into hospital, but I didn't seem to care. Leah and Jane were the only things that kept my mind off Alice.  
  
Ah Alice. No matter how much I tried not to think about her, she was there like she always was, smiling in the back of my head with the echo of her giggle in my ears like a lunatic whisper. I still missed her, now more than ever. It was so unfair. She had betrayed me so badly, crushed me, destroyed me—and I still loved her, still felt sorry for her. She had tried so hard to love me, she really had. It had felt so real, so strong, so complete. Why did she give up? Was it my fault? Or Victoria's?  
  
Maybe that was the worst thing. I didn't even know who to blame. Victoria had seduced me, I'd cheated on Alice, and Alice was just plain fucked up. Damaged. The kind of girl who cheerfully offered to bring me back some shoes from her trip to Paris before casually informing me that she had to get off the phone because she was tied up and in the middle of getting fucked by the woman she'd left me for. But could we still be friends?  
  
Stupid Alice. How could she do this to me and not even let me join in? That was the worst thing, really. I mean, it's not like either of us are angels. Why did she need some french chick when I was back here providing the same service for two of her sisters? Obviously I had strong potential as a blood-whore. Why didn't she just bring me along and let me enjoy the complete and utter destruction of my heart? Leah and Jane were hot, sure, but the blonde and the redhead were sheer magnificence, and Alice… Alice was simply exquisite. I remembered her body, so ripe and coltish, her flat belly, her plump breasts, her smooth legs. I remembered the warmth and the weight of her as she lay naked on top of me, straddling my hips. And since I probably wasn't going to get to sleep any time soon, I went ahead and started touching myself as I imagined reaching down and grabbing her gorgeous ass, closing my eyes and breathing quietly in the dark as I fucked the phantom of this girl who'd swallowed my soul and left me hollow inside.  
  
Monday morning I saw Jane in the halls. She was with Lauren and a couple others, but she blew them off when she saw me, and I was so touched by her favoritism that I succumbed to her flirting, took her into one of the bathrooms, and went down on her in one of the stalls. The bell rang before she could bite me, and she tried to get me to skip homeroom, but I was too afraid of getting into trouble to risk it. She pouted cutely, but she wasn't quite as irresistible as Alice; I kissed her cheek and told her to meet me behind the science building at lunch, withdrawing with a wink.  
  
She arrived with Leah and found me leaning against the wall waiting for them, collar in my pocket, my pale neck already riddled with bite marks. I'd almost been afraid they wouldn't come and I was relieved when they did. I smiled and unleaned from the wall, stepping into Leah's arms as Leah sauntered up to me directly and wove a hand into my hair, pulling my face toward hers. I opened my mouth and wrapped a leg around her hips, moaning hungrily as her tongue slithered in. Jane sidled up behind me, giggling, and stuck a hand in my pants. She whispered into my ear, asking me if I liked it, if I wanted it. Leah's lips had lower to my neck and I said yes; I wanted it. Jane giggled again and slipped her fingers inside me, making me moan. She nibbled my ear and called me a whore and slut, hissing these slurs like a sweet endearments as she pumped her fingers, and I agreed with it all, and then she bit me. Leah bit the other side and I came as they fed.  
  
For the rest of the week I met them behind the science building and everyday I let them fuck and feed on me. Jane became very bold, even abusive, taking me by the hand and twirling me into her arms like a dance partner before sinking her fangs into my neck without even going down on me first. She'd then make me eat her out, and I'd do it, silently and without resistance like a human pet. Only then would she scoop me into her arms, kiss me tenderly, and stick her fingers in me. Leah was a little more gentlemanly. She always did me properly, kissing me and groping me up a little before biting into the base of my neck and stroking me to a climax, sometimes with Jane's help, sometimes not. I'd developed a strange taste for Leah, and she never needed to tell me to go down on her; I sank to my knees automatically.  
  
I hadn't had lunch in over a week and I'd started skipping breakfast, too. Soon mom noticed that I wasn't eating dinner, either. She'd also noticed that I was pale and tired all the time, and she asked me why I was starving myself. I would've liked to set her at ease, but I didn't even know myself. I just didn't feel like eating. Whenever I tried I'd start thinking about Alice, and my appetite would just vanish, replaced by less culinary urges. It wasn't so bad to begin with, but it was getting worse, and pretty soon it had begun to seem like the only thing I liked eating was pussy.  
  
Tuesday evening, mom had to throw out most of my dinner, and she was a little shrill in pointing out that this kind of behavior only proves that she was right about how unhealthy my relationship was. I agreed with her, but this only seemed to agitate her further. I was listless and apathetic, pale and thin, and I had the impression that maybe she was blaming my depression on herself for severing my relationship as she believed she had. But none of this was her fault. It was my fault, and Alice's and Victoria's, and even Jane and Leah's. Mom was my rock, my bestfriend. I wanted to make her feel better, so I told her I just wasn't really hungry, and eventually she let me go to bed, kissing me goodnight for the first time since she found out I was gay.  
  
Leah and Jane had kept the bites shallow and the blood loss to a minimum, but as the days passed I could begin to feel it, a creeping dizziness that made it hard to concentrate or care about anything. I was going to bed early, but it took me hours to fall asleep, and by Wednesday it was a struggle to even get out of bed in the morning. My only motivation was to see Leah and Jane. There seemed to be little point in anything else, and when I saw them I would come to life, smiling through the dizziness and feeling my pussy stir as Jane and Leah came around the corner of the science building to find me waiting for them. They'd fuck me and make me moan, and they'd bite me as they fucked me, and every time I'd want more.  
  
They made me forget Alice, but as soon as it was over, Alice would return. Her name had been fluttering through my head like a crazed butterfly all week, but I couldn't focus my thoughts on her at all and I didn't want to. I was watching TV Wednesday afternoon, and suddenly I remembered how cute she'd looked on our first date, in her sundress and sandals, immune to the cold night air. I remembered how we'd had sex in the car, uncontrollably like animals, and the memory was so sharp and desirable that I started to cry. Then I checked the clock, and since mom wouldn't be home for a while, I stuck a hand in my pants and lay back on the sofa. I'd been tempted to Jane or Leah if anyone knew when she'd be coming back, but I didn't even know if I wanted her to come back. All I knew was that I missed her.  
  
I fell asleep with a headache and woke with a worse one on Thursday morning. Mom tried to force me to eat breakfast, but I wouldn't have had much enthusiasm for soggy cereal even if I wasn't dying from malnutrition. I'd been crying again in the shower, and in addition to my red eyes, I was pale and gaunt and sweating from the exertion of staying awake. Mom asked me if I wanted to stay home, and I was almost tempted to accept. I was weak, so weak, but I needed to see Jane and Leah. I wasn't dead yet, and I was curious about what color panties Jane would be wearing. Leah was always in black, but Jane had lots of different colors, and she looked cute in almost anything.  
  
Mom drove me to school, but I fell asleep briefly in the car halfway there, and mom drove me back home and put me to bed. I had a fever, apparently, and I needed to rest. I must've looked pretty serious, because she even offered to stay home and take care of me. It was nice to know that being a lesbian didn't disqualify me from basic maternal care, but I told her I'd be fine if I could just sleep a little. She left, reluctantly, and as soon as she was gone I got out of bed and called Jane and Leah on the house phone. I wished I'd come up with this plan sooner, but I guess I'd been too rattled by the blood loss and sleep deprivation.  
  
Jane and Leah were happy to skip school, naturally, and at last I got my wish of fucking them on a mattress. They had me all to themselves for hours and they didn't waste me. We got naked, totally naked, and I let them direct me as they pleased, too tired to be anything but passive.  
  
It was the first time I'd seen them naked, and I stared at them mindlessly as they made out with each other, admiring their perfect bodies and salivating from how much I wanted them. Leah's body was tall and athletic, with long legs and large breasts. Jane's body was small and lithe, with a pinched waist and perky breasts. They were both bikini-waxed, and when Jane asked me what I wanted to do, I told her I wanted to go down on Leah. Jane seemed to understand the urge and yielded the point with a smile and very little jealousy. Leah did the same and obliged me by laying back on the bed and opening her legs. I took a moment to stroke and admire her beautiful copper-colored thighs, and then I lowered my mouth and dragged my tongue across her bald and glistening mound. I was laying on my tummy, eyes closed, head throbbing. Jane watched for a while and then she mounted one of my legs and started rubbing her wet pussy against the back of my thigh.  
  
Jane came first with a low hiss and suddenly she grabbed my hair and wrenched my face away from Leah's pussy. My mouth was shiny and slathered with Leah's arousal and Jane kissed me viciously for a moment before sinking her fangs into my neck. It was abrupt, but the pain and the dominance made me horny; I grabbed her ass and moaned to let her know I liked it. Leah, close to orgasm, seemed frustrated at this. She grabbed us both by the hair, Jane giggling, and she forced Jane's face into her pussy and locked her legs around Jane's head. She then pulled me toward her and I let her suck on the bite as her girlfriend finished eating her out.  
  
They bit me, they fucked me, they bit me again. We enjoyed upwards of a dozen orgasms between us and at one point I passed out and woke to find Jane gnawing a groove into my wrist like a sexy rodent. She smiled at me with her teeth all red and I told her I had to pee. She licked my wrist clean and told me not to be too long. I smiled at her naked body, eyes lidded and drugged, and said I won't.  
  
I didn't even bother putting clothes on. I peed and washed my hands, leaning against the sink for a second to catch my breath, and then I looked into the mirror. It took a few seconds for my eyes to focus. Dizziness was washing over me in waves and my skin all over felt like it was throbbing with fever. I blinked and tilted my head. My neck looked diseased with bite marks and they hurt when I touched them. I looked away. I turned the water off and shook my hands dry, my naked breasts jiggling, and then I took a deep breath and went back to Leah and Jane. They'd shown absolutely no concern for my health, but at least they'd never lied to me.  
  
That night I went to bed before dinner and lapsed into a feverish sleep, tossing and turning in the dark as I struggled in a delirium of nightmares. From the cooking coils of my poisoned brain came a steady seep of dread and darkness that soaked into my heart and made me afraid. I saw Alice sulking down a staircase carrying a candle in a light clank of chains, naked and sad like a ghost. I saw a darkened cellar somewhere that at first appeared empty until a boom of lightning lit the windows and revealed a dead girl hanging from a wooden beam. The girl was Alice. I moaned and tried to wake but I could not. The girl smiled and in the next revelation of lightning she was gone.  
  
I didn't know if I'd woken or not. I thrashed up from out my drenched bedsheets and froze in horror. Alice was in my room, perched in a highcorner like a spider where she'd been watching me sleep with eyes inky and opaque, fangs exposed and her head tilted like a bat. I screamed a dry and soundless scream and fell asleep again.  
  
In the morning, the fear of the dream lingered, but that didn't stop me from masturbating in the shower. I was so weak I almost fell over as I came, but I managed to stumble to the breakfast table without any fatal accidents, and soon mom was driving me to school. She kept glancing at me worriedly, but I assured her I was better, and I had, after all, gotten plenty of rest.  
  
I was sweating through homeroom and through English. I had no idea what I was going to do on the weekend, but I had a feeling I wouldn't have to worry about it. I stumbled into the lot behind the science building and found Leah and Jane waiting for me. Jane admonished me for being late, but she was so cute I could forgive her for being such an evil bitch; I walked up and slipped my tongue into her pretty mouth.  
  
By math I was feeling pretty dead and I found that it felt pretty good. I was sitting with Lauren as I always did, and I was so pale even she was moved to sympathy. She asked me if I was okay and I laughed. Because I wasn't. Okay. The class started and I tried to read my text book, but the words were swimming off the page eerily and it all seemed pretty stupid anyway. Someone touched my shoulder. I'd been slumped over the table and I hadn't realized. I raised up and blinked. The teacher seemed to feel I should go to the sick bay. Lauren was staring at me with mingled concern and distain. I tried to stand up but my legs weren't working. What was I doing again? I put a hand on the back rest of my chair and heaved myself to my feet. People were staring. I took a step, stumbled. The teacher took my arm but I snatched it back. I stepped again. The room spun. Lauren said something and as I turned so I could hear it better I fell over. My ankle rolled and my head smashed against the corner of the table. There was a gasp and several people jumped to their feet. Blood was dripping from my cracked head onto the floor. I was on my knees. Lauren was kneeling beside me and she was saying something. I tried to stand again, but I couldn't, and when I fell over I didn't get up.  
  
—  
  



	15. Chapter 15

—  
  
Chapter 15:  
  
—  
  
I found out that later that the blood loss, starvation, and concussion were severe enough to cause me to slip into a brief coma. The first time I woke up my eyes barely fluttered before fluttering closed again. The second time I woke I managed to croak a couple words to mom who'd been sitting anxiously at my side before a doctor and a nurse hustled into the room to examine me. They removed the tubes from my nose and the IV from my arm. They told me I had staples in my head. They mentioned brain fever. Mom was crying quietly as she hovered at the doctor's elbow and she was nodding as they told me I was going to be okay now.  
  
The next time I woke it was dark aside from the pale glow of the florescent bar over my cot. The room was empty but there seemed to be a weight in the bed beside me. I turned my head, eyes cracking open, and there on the same pillow was the cute and beautiful face of Alice.  
  
"Alice…" I murmured, unsure if I was dreaming.  
  
She smiled, a soft and gentle smile. "Hey."  
  
Could it possibly be her? I was laying completely still but my head seemed to be reeling. She was right there, laying right there beside me on the edge of the cot, Alice, my Alice. And for a moment I was dazed by the sheer closeness of her. She was laying on her side, hands clasped at her chest like a child, and she was as beautiful as she'd always been. Pale skin, marble smooth. Short black hair framing her perfect features. And her eyes, huge and honey-colored, so close to mine. I blinked into them and my mouth moved to shape one word:  
  
"Alice…"  
  
Her smile went a little wider, as if it pleased her to hear me say her name. She lifted a hand to stroke my hair and began whispering softly. "You've been in a coma," she told me gently. "Four days. You had a nasty concussion. And you've been starving yourself. I came back as soon as I heard. I've been so worried about you."  
  
I heard the concern in her voice and it confused me for a moment. It felt wrong. My brow puckered slightly and slowly the fog was pierced as I remembered the all the hurt and the anguish she had put me through. "Liar," I said.  
  
"It's true," she whispered, still stroking my hair. "You almost died, Bella."  
  
I frowned and tried to turn my face away from her hand. "I don't care."  
  
"Oh, Bella," she whispered. "I'm so sorry, baby. I never should've left you."  
  
My eyes were closed. My head felt like it was floating and I shook it slightly. "I don't care," I mumbled.  
  
Silence. I could hear nothing. She wasn't breathing and after a while I felt her move. She threw a leg over my body, straddling my hips over the covers, and settled on top of me. She stroked my hair to get my attention and I turned my glazed face to hers. My lips were parted slightly as I gazed up at her in a fatigue of haziness and slowly she leaned down and kissed them, once, twice, and then a kiss on the corner of my mouth. The last kiss lingered, and then she squeezed closed her eyes and pressed her forehead to mine, not gently.  
  
"I tried so hard to treat you properly, Bella," she whispered intensely, something like remorse in her voice. "And now this. How could you go and do those things? How could you let them do this to you?"  
  
She settled back slightly to look at my reaction. But I didn't really have one. When I blinked, I blinked very slowly. She was so beautiful and I could feel her weight on top of me. Her eyes were wide with concern, but I knew it wasn't concern. I frowned at her and said: "What do you care?"  
  
The concern became even more pronounced, her eyes large and shiny. She cupped my cheek, gazing down at me longingly. "I care because I love you," she said.  
  
I rolled my eyes; slowly and without much interest. My gaze settled on the heart monitor beside my bed and I watched it blip, ignoring the girl on top of me. It occurred to me that I was still half-sedated. My disinterest seemed to agitate her.  
  
"I do, Bella," she insisted, trying to look into my eyes. "I made a huge mistake, but I'm going to make it up to you, I promise. I'm never going to leave you again. I swear."  
  
I'd closed my eyes while she was talking. She'd been giving me a headache and I was still really hurt inside. "Fuck you," I muttered.  
  
The mention of fucking seem to excite her. I heard a soft giggle in my ear. "Later," she whispered. "Go to sleep, baby. I'll be right here when you wake up."  
  
—  
  
But she wasn't. I woke up in the morning with a dull grey light in the window and the only person in the room was mom. She was sitting in a visitor's chair beside my bed and she'd already closed the magazine in her lap; she'd known I was waking up before I even did.  
  
"Hey, mom," I said, squinting slightly. It wasn't particularly bright in the room, but my eyes hadn't gotten much exercise lately.  
  
Mom rose, setting aside the magazine, and came forward to clasp my hand. There was an ID band around my wrist and my hand felt weird as she touched it. "Hey, sweetie," she said, looking into my face searchingly. "How are you feeling?"  
  
I shrugged, squinting about the room. "I'm alright," I said, and by now I was trying to piece together what the hell was going on. My head hurt and I was in a hospital somewhere. Okay. Um, why?  
  
"You've been in a coma," mom told me, noticing my puzzled glances about the room. She helped me sit up in bed. "Do you remember what happened?"  
  
Actually, no. I didn't. It was strange. It seemed appropriate to be here, as if it made sense somehow, but now that I thought about it, I had no idea how I actually got here.  
  
I remembered that I'd been whoring my body and blood to Leah and Jane all week and by Friday I'd been almost dead on my feet. Is that what happened? I didn't remember any ambulances or anything. All I remembered was Lauren's face, for some reason. She'd been…worried about me? No, that didn't seem right. It was more likely that she'd hit me with something and sent me here herself.  
  
Mom was still hunched over my bed and looking at me apprehensively, so I shrugged again. "Not really."  
  
She nodded, as if she expected it. "I know," she said, patting my hand reassuringly. "The doctor said that short term memory loss is completely normal with a concussion that bad. But you'll be okay now. You just need to rest a little bit. You've had a relapse of that anemia you had last month. Do you remember?"  
  
I remembered. That was the excuse Alice's dad-person had given the first time Alice had fed from me.  
  
Alice.  
  
She'd been here last night, hadn't she? Or was that just a dream? No, it had to have been real. I'd been a little dopey, but it was definitely her, curled up in my bed like a stalker and staring at me as I slept. Jeez, talk about one creepy bitch. I used to think all vampires were like that, but Leah and Jane never did that creepy shit. Alice was fucked up even by vampire standards.  
  
But how come mom never noticed the bite marks? I'd had dozens of them, all carefully concealed under my collar—but was I wearing my collar now? I touched my neck discreetly and felt something powdery on my skin. Makeup?  
  
"You were also practically starved," mom went on, getting a little weepy. "You fainted at school and bumped your head on a desk. All that combined with the anemia…" But she seemed unable to go on. She sprang forward suddenly and wrapped me into a hug. "I'm just glad you're going to be okay."  
  
I hugged her back clumsily. It was nice one of us was happy I was still alive, but my head was still hurting and in all honesty, the news of my continued existence didn't inspire in me a great deal of good cheer. It was okay, I guess, but nothing to throw a party over. Still, mom seemed to love me and prefer me alive—even as a homosexual, apparently—so I patted her on the back a couple times and said: "Thanks, mom."  
  
She hugged me for a bit more and finally settled back into the visitor's chair. "Your classmates have been very worried," she said, and before I could burst out laughing at the absurdity of that, she produced some proof. "Look," she said, plucking a greeting card from the bedside table, "they sent you a get-well card. Your whole homeroom signed it."  
  
I frowned and looked inside the card. It was true; scrawled inside the card were over a dozen little get-well messages and signatures in different colored pens. It wasn't the whole homeroom, but close enough. It made me uneasy and I didn't bother reading them. Although I did feel a mild flicker of warmth as I glanced over Angela's signature. She'd always been sweet. But the warmth faded quickly when I realized there was nothing from Lauren.  
  
It hurt far more than it should've. I mean, I hardly even knew most of the people who'd signed this thing, and yet Lauren, my bestfrenemy, couldn't find the time to scribble down a couple words? Not even something hurtful or derogative? Doesn't she realize if I'd died she would've lost a large part of her daily amusement?  
  
It was almost enough to make me wish I'd never come out the coma. It was absurd and irrational, but crushes are like that. I'd been crushing on Lauren for years, even while I was with Alice, and lately I'd began to believe that maybe she might secretly like me back, despite the fact she appeared to hate my lesbian guts. Since middle school I'd been slavishly soaking up her petty blonde abuse in the pathetic and desperate desire to simply be near her—and now she didn't even sign my get-well card.  
  
I snorted and passed the card back to mom. "Whatever," I muttered. "I don't care."  
  
Mom registered my expression, politely overlooked it, and set the card back on the bedside table—beside a vase of flowers. "And look, some of your friends even sent flowers," she said. "Two of them came to visit you yesterday. Jane and Leah?"  
  
I glanced at the flowers with a strange smile. It was an exotic bouquet and expensive-looking, with a helium filled balloon tied to a thin pink ribbon. It struck me as cute, sardonic, and extremely Jane-like. First she literally screws me into hospital with absolutely no mercy and no regard for my failing health and then sends me a bouquet of beautiful flowers and a get-well balloon. Aw. How sweet.  
  
But I was surprised that mom knew their names. "Were you here?" I asked. "When they visited?"  
  
Mom smiled and put her hand over mine. "Of course, Bella," she said, "I've been here every day during visiting hours."  
  
I looked at the hand uncomfortably. This is what I hate about being sick. Mom always made it seem like I was dying, which, admittedly, had kind of been true in this case. But still. I hated to make her worried.  
  
"What about work?" I asked.  
  
Mom looked at me intently. "You were in a coma, Bella," she said. "Do you have any idea how worried I've been?"  
  
I felt my heart sink a little. I didn't know exactly how bad my condition had been, but brain fever didn't sound particularly harmless, and obviously it was bad enough to put me in a coma and make mom miss work out of concern. I suppose this is the downside to destroying yourself; you tend to drag your mother down, too. I had the decency to look sheepish. "Sorry," I said.  
  
But she shook her head, giving me a reassuring smile. "Don't apologize, sweetie," she told me, patting my hand. "You were sick. It's not your fault."  
  
I returned the smile, but my heart sank even further. Because it really was my fault. Leah and Jane had supplied the temptation, even a little influence, but they never did anything I didn't want them to do.  
  
But I was saved from bursting into flames of shame by the entrance of the doctor. It was Alice's dad-guy, of course, Dr Cullen. He came in with his blonde hair and male prettiness, smiling benignly as if to apologize for the interruption. Mom rose to her feet, only slightly staring at him, and I frowned; since when are men that good looking? The clothes and the flat chest turned me off, but from the neck up, he was pretty damn gorgeous. All he needed was a bit of eyeshadow and some earrings and even I'd probably do him.  
  
"Ah, I see Miss Swan is finally up," he said, taking the chart that hung from the foot of my bed and glancing it over. He took a ballpoint from the pocket of his labcoat, nodded at the chart, and spoke to mom. "Well, everything seems fine for now. I'd like to keep her overnight for observation, but she should be ready to go home tomorrow morning."  
  
Mom nodded at him; obviously his status as Alice's father hadn't made him any less good looking. "Thank you, doctor."  
  
He nodded back and fixed his expression into something gentle and caring. "To be honest," he said, "when I heard it was Bella, I insisted on handling this case myself. It pains me to think Alice might have been responsible for this in some way. I'm not sure how much Bella has told you, but I feel like I should apologize for everything Alice has put her through. The stress of everything that's happened could've partly been the cause of her condition. Or at least exasperated it."  
  
I frowned. I could appreciate good acting as much as anyone, but why not simply stick with the anemia story? It had worked last time, although I suppose I shouldn't complain. It couldn't hurt to be victimized in front of mom; she couldn't hate me if she was feeling sorry for me.  
  
"Bella hasn't told me anything," mom said, with a worried glance at me. "All I know is that they'd been skipping school together. I had no idea she was this affected."  
  
The doctor nodded with solemn understanding, a brilliant performance. "She and Alice were very close," he said.  
  
"Too close," mom added, with an edge of fretfulness. "It isn't right how she's been starving herself like this."  
  
The doctor gave me a worried look, almost matching the concern of my own mother, and turned back to mom. "May I ask, has she been exhibiting any other signs of chronic depression in addition to loss of appetite? I don't mean to interfere, but maybe it would be wise to have her speak with the resident psychologist."  
  
Don't you love it when adults talk about you as if you weren't even in the same room?  
  
"I'm not depressed," I mumbled, but I didn't think any one believed me. Not even me, really. I'd been depressed all my life, before I met Alice, after I met Alice, and while I was with Alice. And now that I'd lost Alice I appeared to have moved past a casual teen angst and into the more chronic varieties of despair that cause a girl to hospitalize herself through excessive rebound-sex with hungry vampires. Well. I'm sure all girls go through a phase like this eventually.  
  
"Oh, I'm not sure if that's a good idea," mom said, and patted my hand protectively, as if she'd save me from the psychologist. "Bella's never been comfortable with strangers. If she needs to talk to someone, she'll talk to me."  
  
I rolled my eyes sullenly. If I needed someone to talk to, I'd leave myself a voice mail. My problems are little too graphic for mom's ears, anyway. I wasn't sure she'd be particularly sympathetic of my need to destroy myself because my sex-crazed ex never actually loved me to begin with.  
  
Dr Cullen smiled at mom. "It's a good thing she has such a loving mother to see her through all this," he said, and then he turned to me. "And for what it's worth, Miss Swan, I'm sure Alice never meant to hurt you. Whatever transpired between you two, I'm sure she'd want you to know that she loved you."  
  
His words gave my heart a subtle flutter, but I scowled at him as if he'd told me I'm ugly. "Whatever," I said.  
  
He smiled and turned to mom. "Mrs Swan, would you mind giving us a few moments?" he asked with polite professionalism. "I have a few tests to run."  
  
Mom nodded, already grabbing up her purse and magazine, as if her presence were somehow detrimental to my recovery and she was eager to do the right thing by departing. "Yes, of course," she said, "I'll go get some coffee."  
  
She then kissed me on the cheek and hustled out the room, glancing back from the door with wet-eyed affection, as if she might never see me again. Then she was gone. The doctor watched her go and then turned to me, smiling a more natural smile; airy amusement mingling with polite indifference.  
  
"You have a very special mother," he said. "She loves you very much."  
  
He was obviously very observant, but rather than thank him for this crucial insight, I simply said: "I know." Then I added: "You know, the last time I was here, you said that anemia stuff was a one time thing. You said it would never happen again. But it did. Twice, now."  
  
A soft chuckle escaped him. "A father lies for his daughters," he said, and made a very small bow, like a regency gentleman. "You'll have to forgive me."  
  
I frowned and didn't say if I forgive him or not. Honestly, I didn't think I cared anymore. They'd all been lying to me, everyday since I met them. I could forgive his "daughters" easily enough because they were hot and let me have sex with them, but I suppose I couldn't really hold a grudge against the doctor, either. He'd patched me up and concealed the truth from mom, which was nice, albeit in his own interests. I'd been wondering how he'd kept the bite marks secret, but I found out right then; he'd produced a few articles of makeup from his coat pocket and now he was bending to my neck and touching up the bites with concealer or something.  
  
I let him work without speaking for a moment. His face was close to mine and I glanced him over suspiciously. I'd never seen such an attractive man before, but then again, I'd never seen such an effeminate man before, either. His face was young and smooth, smoother than mine, even. There wasn't a trace of facial hair anywhere on his cheeks or his upper lip and he had an absolutely perfect complexion that only other vampires could rival. His eyes were long lashed and sparkly blue. His jawline was defined but very fine and even his neck seemed too slim for a man.  
  
He noticed my scrutiny and smiled, turning my head to access the other side of my neck. To cover my discomfort I muttered a question: "What are you doing with makeup in your pocket, anyway?"  
  
He gave a subtle shrug. "A lot of men make use of their partner's foundation."  
  
I was skeptical. "They do?"  
  
He chuckled and put the makeup back in his pocket. "According to magazine surveys, yes," he said. "Thirty percent, at least."  
  
Well, whatever. I was still depressed and I didn't really give a fuck about anything, least of all men's makeup habits. I missed Alice. And suddenly I remembered that Alice was here last night. The realization was accompanied by a jolt in my heart and a sudden wave of dizziness.  
  
Alice was back.  
  
And she still wanted me.  
  
It hadn't properly occurred to me until now. Everyone had said that she'd be back one day, begging for another bite, but I had never believed it. Deep in my heart I'd believed that Alice was gone, together with her magnificent ass, and that I was going to be heartbroken and unsexed forevermore. Jane and Leah had taken care of the sex part, quite adequately, but my heart was still shattered into a bunch of tiny pieces. I could feel it in my chest, all cold and broken up, and as the doctor examined the machinery at my bedside, I frowned uncertainly and said:  
  
"Alice was here last night."  
  
He nodded, jotting something down on my chart. "She came back as soon as she heard," he said. "She was very worried. And rightly so." He gave me a little smile. "You've been a little reckless, haven't you?"  
  
"Me?" I blurted. I might've sounded a little shrill, but really; it didn't seem fair to blame me considering here I was in hospital with a cracked skull. "You guys are the ones who…"  
  
He chuckled softly. "I know," he said, and placed a caring hand over mine. "I'm sorry, but try not to be too harsh on us. It's difficult to resist a willing woman. Especially one as beautiful as yourself."  
  
The compliment made me uncomfortable, but not as much as the hand. It was long fingered and fineboned, manicured and without any trace of hair on the wrist or knuckles. It wasn't a repulsive hand, but I'd always had a subtle phobia about men. I didn't like it when they even came near me, let alone touched me, so I tugged my hand away discreetly.  
  
"She said she still loves me," I said.  
  
He nodded. "She does."  
  
I looked at him, a frail hope in my heart. "Does she really?" I asked. "Or are you just saying that?"  
  
He smiled. "Miss Swan," he said. "It may be that Alice never loved you in a traditional sense, but she did want you. She wanted you more than anyone could possibly want another person. She still does. Don't doubt it. It could be that her passion is dark and twisted and hardly more real than a dream, but it's a passion not to be squandered. She's a difficult girl, but if you can master her heart and make her yours, you'll be the happiest woman in the world."  
  
It was a nice speech and it did stir me slightly. But before I could say anything, a nurse entered the room and asked if the doctor needed any assistance. She was a young nurse, and judging from her expression she might've been happy to assist him directly into bed, but at the moment he only required her to adjust the patient's IV.  
  
The rest of the morning was uneventful. Mom had raced home and back to bring me a small collection of my favorite books, and for a couple hours I didn't do much but lay propped up in bed with Wuthering Heights in my lap. I'd lost count how many times I'd read it by now, but it was still an awesome story, and the only other excitement I had was when I had to use the bathroom. My legs were surprisingly weak, but it was a short walk from the bed to the adjoining lavatory and mom was there to guide me by the elbow, cooing encouragement with each step as if I was a toddler just learning to walk. Thankfully, peeing was easier than walking, and I was able to do it under my own power, privately, with mom waiting anxiously outside after instructing me to be careful for whatever mysterious reasons.  
  
When I got back into bed, she fluffed my pillow and tucked me in like an apprentice nurse, and by now I was clearheaded enough to feel massively guilty about all the love and care she was smothering me with. After the way I'd been treating her lately, lying and concealing and screwing vampires behind her back, I really didn't deserve such attentive mothering. She'd obviously forgiven me for the irresponsibilities of skipping school and being a lesbian—no doubt aided by the doctor's generous portrayal of Alice as the villain of the relationship and me as the innocent young maiden who was taken advantage of—but that was only the surface of my indiscretions. If she knew the truth about me she might've pulled the plug or put a pillow over my head. It would've been the only thing a responsible parent could do.  
  
But alas, I was alive and awake, struggling with a growing guilt as mom sat at my bedside and cheerfully quoted articles out of her magazine as if I might actually be interested. By lunch I was getting pretty tired and I set about persuading her to go back to work while I took a nap. She was reluctant of course, as if her cheerful spirits were somehow vital to my full recovery, but eventually I managed to convince her I'd feel guilty having her sit there while I did nothing but sleep. She finally left, promising to be back for a couple hours after work. I hated being alone, but I felt a little better when she was gone, as if she'd taken some of the guilt with her. But deep down I still felt awful. In addition to the emotional stress I'd inflicted on her, my thoughts ran to hospital fees and the wages she'd lost from missing work. I knew I'd never been a good daughter, but lately I seemed to be the worst one ever. Still, I'd suffered quite a bit of emotional pain myself—not to mention the inconvenience of having my head cracked open and stapled back together—so I consoled myself that I wasn't evil, just weak, and slipped into a brief nap.  
  
I was woken up a short time later by a nurse who removed the IV from my arm and bought me some lunch. I'd heard horror stories about hospital food, but it seemed okay to me. But maybe that was only because I'd hadn't actually eaten in a over a week. Still, it tasted good to my atrophied tastebuds, so even though there wasn't much on the tray, I ate it all, as if my near-death experience had somehow restored my will to live, or at least my appetite. I was actually really hungry. The coma seemed to have settled my soul-crushed anguish into a duller kind of despair, the kind that might be cured by eating a whole cake. They probably didn't serve any at the hospital, but I remembered that we had some chocolate ice-cream at home. That is unless mom had eaten it herself to numb the grief from crying over her comatose daughter. She deserved it more than me, certainly.  
  
The afternoon was a little more hectic than the morning. I had another visit from the doctor, a different one this time, who filled me in on the details of my condition. I found out how many staples I had in my head; nine. My head had been wrapped in gauze, but they'd unwrapped it earlier to examine the wound. It was about an inch long, just above my ear, and they'd shaved a tiny patch of my scalp that was thankfully concealed by the natural thickness of my hair. I'd had a constant pain in my head since I'd been awake but they said it would go away, which was good news, I guess. Half-joking, I expressed some concern over the possibility of brain damage, but they assured me, with equal joviality, that all my scans were normal. I was skeptical of scans that didn't reveal any dementia in a mind as fucked as mine, but I took their word for it.  
  
And then I was alone for a while. Alice had been among my thoughts all morning and now I was thinking of nothing else, my eyes drifting off the pages of the book in my lap as I tried to piece together what I was feeling. But I seemed to have no feelings, just a dull emptiness where my heart had been.  
  
Alice was back. She still loved me and she'd decided to express that love by curling up in my hospital bed to watch me sleep away a coma. I couldn't decide if such behavior was a sweet demonstration of her desire to be near me, or simply a gross violation of my personal privacy. Mom had been watching me sleep too, but she had done it during the day, during the bright light of visiting hours, and she had at least bought a magazine to distract herself. Alice's single-minded staring as she curled into the very bed beside me in the dark didn't seem quite as wholesome. I wondered if she'd copped a feel while I was unconscious. The thought made me blush, and I made a deliberate effort to hope that she didn't; although it would be pretty hot if she did. I could just imagine myself laying there, prone and helpless, unable to resist as she slid a hand inside the covers and caressed my hip, staring into my pale and passive face, before slipping the hand up my hospital gown to cup one of my breasts, feeling the familiar weight of it and staring longingly at my mouth before stealing a kiss from my dry and docile lips.  
  
Well, I guess I did have a feeling on the subject after all; horniness. And maybe that was exactly the problem. Because even if Alice had never really loved me, it was possible that I'd never really loved her, either. I hated to even consider it, but at some point you have to start wondering why you always liked your girlfriend's ass more than her personality. Because it was true. Alice had been warm, kind, intelligent, charming. Yet I'd always preferred fucking her than talking to her. It had never seemed to be a problem, because that's how she preferred it as well, but in hindsight, maybe our relationship had been just a little too physical.  
  
And now she wanted me back. Somehow I'd never expected it, despite everyone's warnings. The momma-vamp had told me she'd be back, Leah and Jane had told me she'd be back, and even Alice herself had told me she'd be back—with shoes. And now that she actually was back, I had no idea how I felt about it. All I knew was that I couldn't possibly get back together with her, no matter how much she claimed she still loved me. Because now I knew the truth; vampire's weren't capable of love. All they could do was lust. Alice could pretend that her insane longing for my body and blood and my complete and consensual acceptance of those longings were part of some special bond between us, but I knew better now. She was horny; I was there. It was a bleak truth, so I guess I could understand why she'd want to delude herself into thinking it was something more, and for a while I'd shared the delusion. But not anymore.  
  
No, I'd never been in love with Alice. I'd simply accepted hers unwittingly. I'd been attached to her, unhealthily attached, but it probably wasn't love. I snorted and looked at the bedside table. It was weird, but in the end, I guess there was only one girl I'd ever really loved. And she hadn't even signed my get-well card.  
  
Funny how the heart works. If someone asked me what I liked most about Alice, I'd be forced to admit that in all honesty it was the promise of her pussy that attracted me most, followed closely by her ass. Yet if someone had asked me what I liked most about Lauren, I wouldn't even consider her body. Because as cute as the individual aspects of her anatomy were, what I liked most about her was the power of her personality. Her tough take-no-shit attitude. Her talent for put downs. I didn't lust for Lauren; I admired her. She wasn't a nice person, but she was a strong person, and deep down I could tell that she'd be an awesome girlfriend—if you could actually get her to like you.  
  
Which was never going to happen, so there was no point even thinking about it. Besides, it's not like her personality was the only thing I liked about her. She had nice hair. And pretty eyes. So in the end I'm still a superficial twit who only likes people based on how cute they are. Alice, Lauren, Leah, Jane, even Victoria—would I have even looked at them if they were ugly?  
  
I didn't know and I didn't seem to care. In any case, I wasn't interested in a relationship anymore, not with Lauren, not with Alice, not with anyone. It was time for me to take a break for a while, get myself under control, gain back a bit of weight. Spend time with mom. Study. Well, maybe not study.  
  
Anyway, I just hoped Leah and Jane would still want to be friends. We'd really bonded over this past week. Being fucked and fed upon on a daily basis has a way of accelerating the intimacy level of a relationship. But I knew how temperamental vampire's could be, and I knew that neither particularly cared if I lived or died. The doctor-vamp had said they were usually very careful, so I guess there really must be something special about me. Something that demanded a little extra attention. I'd been hospitalized three times by three different vampires, but I hadn't seen any other girls walking around school with pale faces and bite marks in their necks.  
  
In any case, it didn't matter. Leah and Jane were cool. They'd been a little careless with my life and self-respect, but even now, laying here in a hospital bed with staples in my head, I couldn't bring myself to regret the things I'd done with them. Because even if I didn't love them, I did like them. I liked being with them and I respected what they were; sexy. Sure, they were demons—soulless monsters that subsisted on the blood of the weak and innocent—but with asses like that did it really matter? Bodies like those obviously belonged to superior creatures, and in all honesty, I'd been privileged to provide my body and blood for their enjoyment. I mean, who wouldn't?  
  
I'd been wondering if they'd come visit me, but I didn't have to wonder long. I'd kept my eye on the clock, counting the minutes after school had finished, and I'd almost given up hope when they finally came, Jane pushing open the door, already smiling her evil smile, and Leah right behind her.  
  
"Well, it looks like Sleeping Dyke finally got her kiss," Jane said grinning, maybe referring to Alice. "How you doing?"  
  
I was happy to see them, although I wondered why she called me dyke. Usually she only did that at school, around other people. I was about to ask, but then I saw that trailing behind them was a third person who'd come to visit.  
  
Lauren.  
  
It was so unexpected that for a second I just stared. She hadn't even sign my get-well card; yet she'd come to visit me?  
  
I didn't understand, but here she was, shuffling in a few seconds after Leah and Jane and closing the door behind her awkwardly. She looked shy and nervous, the opposite of her usual attitude, as if she wasn't sure if she wanted to be here and didn't know how to act. Yet when her eyes flickered to mine I saw concern there. It was just a brief flicker before she glanced away again, but it was there.  
  
My heart skipped a beat.  
  
Lauren had always been my secret crush. The crush had been a little dormant lately, but it flickered into renewed life at this unexpected visit. I'd never seen her in a social situation outside school before, and I felt a sudden and acute self-consciousness. I hadn't washed my hair properly in a week, and Lauren had always been critical of my wardrobe; I didn't think a hospital gown and peagreen bedsheets were likely to get her hormones humming.  
  
Lauren herself looked nice, I noticed. She was wearing a pink top with a dipping white-lace neckline and a pair of tight blue jeans. Her long blonde hair was pulled back from her face with a pink hairband. Despite her abrasive personality, she'd always favored the color pink for some reason, and it had always suited her. Leah was in all black, as usual, and Jane this afternoon was in tan cargoes and a pink top similar to Lauren's. Lauren couldn't really compete with the supernatural perfection of the two vampires, but by human standards, she was very cute. It felt like a long time since I last saw her, and even when I stopped staring, my eyes flickered back to her almost instantly.  
  
"Hey," Leah said, smiling at my expression. "Dad said you woke up, so we thought we'd come by on the way home."  
  
I glanced at her, nodding as if that made sense, and glanced back at Lauren awkwardly. I had no idea concerning the protocol of the situation. Am I suppose to say hi? Pretend she's not here? How exactly is one supposed to act when her secret crush and schoolyard tormenter visits her in the hospital after a near-fatal coma?  
  
Lauren didn't seem to know either, but we both seemed to realize that a tearful reconciliation probably wasn't going to happen. She was standing around with her hands in the pockets of her jeans, more nervous than I'd ever seen her, and she nodded at me grudgingly. "Hey," she said, as if forcing herself to be polite. "We just finished cheer practice. I was just giving Jane a ride."  
  
Ah. She was trying to pretend that she hadn't even wanted to come here, but she should've known Jane better.  
  
Jane giggled and slapped her shoulder. "Yeah right," she said. "You were worried about her."  
  
Lauren snorted, as if such a thing were preposterous. "No, I wasn't."  
  
But I had a suspicion Jane was right. After all, if Lauren was only giving Jane a ride, why did she bother coming up to my room? For that matter, why did Jane even need a ride at all when she had Leah? A subtle glow smoldered in my heart; Lauren actually cared about me.  
  
Leah chuckled at Lauren, obviously not believing her either. "You know, being nice to a gay person doesn't necessarily make you gay too," she told her.  
  
Lauren blushed and gave Leah a disgusted glance. "Fuck off," she said, and I was amazed at her balls. Leah was an intimidating girl; tall, dark, athletic, sexy—but Lauren hadn't batted an eyelid.  
  
Unfortunately for her, however, Jane wasn't intimated either. "Lauren was there when you hit the floor," Jane said to me, grinning widely. "She was so worried she carried you to the sick bay all by herself. She was almost in tears, weren't you Lauren?"  
  
Lauren blushed and adjusted the strap of her backpack. "Fuck that," she said. "And I didn't carry her, she was still walking. And you weren't even there, what the fuck would you know?"  
  
Jane didn't bother to reply. She giggled and backed away to the door, tugging Leah's hand. "Listen," she said to me, "we're gonna go say hi to dad quickly. He's gotta be around here somewhere. We'll be back in a minute, alright?"  
  
I nodded, and Lauren gave a anguished eyeroll; she obviously didn't relish the through of being left alone with me. Jane winked behind her back slyly, and I tried not to smirk; she was deliberately giving me a few moments alone with Lauren. Leah and Jane had picked up on the tension between us ages ago—even Angela had—and even though me and Lauren denied it from both sides, they all seemed eager to see what would happen.  
  
Lauren threw them a dark look as they disappeared out the door, and then turned her dark look onto me, as if it was my fault I was laying there half-dead. Again, I felt an acute wave of self-consciousness—I must've looked awful. Lauren at least was polite enough not to mention it, and she looked away very quickly.  
  
The silence stretched as we glanced about the room, looking at the heartmonitor, the visitors chair, the window, everywhere but each other. Finally she sighed and took off her backpack—maybe because she couldn't think of anything to do—and put it on the floor. She then sighed again and looked me over with a studied disinterest.  
  
"So," she said. "How you doing?"  
  
I shrugged a shoulder. I was propped up in bed and still had the book in my lap. "I'm alright," I said, although I wasn't really. Aside from the discomfort of being trapped in a room with a girl who could tease me into tears at any moment, I was also tired, woozy, and I had a massive headache. But I've never been one to complain, and I didn't want to stretch Lauren's grudging sympathy any further than I had to.  
  
She nodded and put her hands in her pockets. Silence dragged for a few seconds as she looked at the floor—intrigued by the tile pattern perhaps—and then she looked up at me snappishly. "So what happened to you, anyway?" she said in her more usual tones of judgmental abrasiveness. "Homeroom teacher said you had some kind of blood disease, but Jane said you were all messed up over being dumped and starved yourself till you got sick and passed out. Which one was it?"  
  
I shrugged. "Both, I guess."  
  
"So you actually starved yourself over your ex?"  
  
I smiled. "Something like that."  
  
She stared at me with disgust—but there did seem to be a strange jealousy in her eyes. "Do you have any idea how pathetic that is?"  
  
A few weeks ago I might've been hurt by that. But these days I completely agreed. "Pretty fucking pathetic," I said.  
  
She snorted, her expression softening slightly. "Yeah, well, at least you're aware," she said. "How's your head?"  
  
"Nine staples."  
  
"Where?"  
  
"Here."  
  
I tilted my head slightly and dragged my hair away from the wound. Lauren approached cautiously and took a look. It was just over my ear and I listened for her reaction.  
  
"Shit," she said.  
  
I chuckled once. "Yeah," I agreed. "It got fractured. I had a concussion."  
  
I couldn't see her face because my head was turned aside, but when she spoke her voice was surprisingly gentle. "Does it hurt?" she asked.  
  
The soft tone caused a flicker in my heart, and even though the pain in my head felt like having my skull squeezed in a vice, I found myself shrugging. "Not really," I said. "Just a little bit."  
  
Suddenly I felt Lauren's finger touch my scalp. Near the wound, as if she wanted to adjust it for a better look. She was gentle and it didn't hurt, but the excitement of her touch almost made me flinch.  
  
"Fuck," she said.  
  
I chuckled awkwardly and put my hair down, avoiding looking at her. "Yeah."  
  
She stepped back and shook her head. We fell silent again, but the silence didn't last as long this time. She examined some medical poster on the wall for a moment and turned back to me. Maybe the brief moment of tenderness had made her uncomfortable as well, because when she spoke it was with her usual abrasiveness.  
  
"So has the little freak come to see you?" she asked. "Jane said she's been back in town for couple days, but she hasn't been at school."  
  
For a second I wasn't sure who she was talking about. "Alice?"  
  
"No, Angelina Jolie," she snapped. "Who the fuck you think I'm talking about?"  
  
I hesitated, remembering how Alice had been here last night, laying in the bed beside me. Creepiness aside, she'd been very gentle and caring, the way she stroked my hair and kissed me. It was all so soft and sweet compared to Lauren—but at least Lauren wasn't lying to me.  
  
Or maybe she was. She hadn't signed my get-well card, yet she cared enough to make excuses to come visit me, didn't she? She'd even cared enough to help me to the sick bay rather than let me bleed out on the floor. Strangely, she was like the opposite of Alice. Every day Lauren pretended to hate me while deep down she might secretly like me whereas Alice was only pretending to love me while secretly using me to fulfill her own warped fantasies. Neither were ideal, really, but lesbian-denial did seem a little more forgivable than psycho-stalking.  
  
Lauren was still waiting for an answer, so I shrugged slightly. "She was here yesterday," I said, as if it wasn't really important. "But I was still a little out of it, so…"  
  
I trailed off and Lauren looked at me coldly. "Jane said she wants to get back together with you."  
  
Shrugging again, I looked down at the book in my lap. "Yeah," I said.  
  
I didn't elaborate and we lapsed into silence again. I thought about Alice, about all the creepy shit she did every day as if it was casual as breathing, and suddenly I snorted.  
  
"You know, you were right about her," I said, looking up. "About Alice."  
  
She frowned slightly. "What do you mean?"  
  
"She's a freak," I said, feeling a strange anger building in my stomach. "And a total fucking slut. You remember that redhead?"  
  
Lauren had never heard me say a bad word about Alice and she seemed taken aback, almost hesitant to hear more. "Yeah, I remember," she said. "Victoria or something. The bitch you cheated with."  
  
"Yeah," I snorted. "Well, guess what? Alice fucked her too."  
  
She froze, mouth open slightly. The utter scandal of this seemed to shock her. It was probably a stupid idea to tell her, considering this was the same girl who'd been spreading rumors about my own indiscretion, but I was beyond caring. I had a sudden urge to trash Alice and Lauren was one of the only people I knew who'd want to hear it.  
  
"No way," she said.  
  
I nodded. "Uh huh."  
  
"Oh my god," she said. "How did you know, did she tell you?"  
  
I smirked. I could've told quite a story about how I knew, but I decided the abridged version would be better. "I caught them together," I said. "Alice was going down on her."  
  
This little detail almost made her green. "Oh my god," she repeated. "She fucked her own sister?"  
  
They weren't real sisters—not even close—but I didn't mention it. I was feeling mean and I wasn't inclined to make excuses for the girl who'd ruined my heart. "Yeah," I said. "Like I said; freak."  
  
Lauren ran a hand through her hair, still in shock. "Fuck," she breathed. "That's the grossest thing I ever heard."  
  
I chuckled once. "I thought it was hot."  
  
She stared at me in disgust, but she couldn't seem to manage a comment.  
  
"What?" I said, almost innocently. "You know I'm gay."  
  
"It was your fucking girlfriend," she spat.  
  
I snorted, strangely proud of my cavalier attitude. "Fuck her," I said. "I don't care."  
  
I would've expected Lauren to be happy about that, considering how much she'd always hated Alice, but she only glared at me. "So why'd you starve yourself over her then?"  
  
It was a good point, but not the one I was trying to make. I frowned, almost pouting. "I didn't," I said. "I was sick."  
  
Lauren snorted and shook her head, looking away. She looked at the window for a second, shook her head again, and then turned back to me. "I mean, what the fuck?" she said. "Did she do it to get back at you? You know, for cheating on her?"  
  
I was feeling sullen again and I shrugged dully. "I don't know," I muttered. "I think she's just fucked in the head. You know she called me last week after I caught them together? She said she was sorry and wanted to be friends. Then she told me she had to get off the phone because she was in the middle of having sex with her again. I think she's bipolar or something. She pretends to be all sweet and innocent, but she's really fucked up inside."  
  
It wasn't completely accurate—Alice hadn't called me, I'd called her—but it was close enough.  
  
"Fuck," Lauren said, and then she sat in the visitor's chair, as if this news was so terrible she had to sit down. And she actually did look a little pale. I didn't know if she felt sorry for me, or if she was simply shocked senseless at the idea of lesbian incest between two sexy sisters, but either way she seemed to be taking the whole thing a little seriously.  
  
More seriously than me, even. I'd had all this built up inside me for a while now, but none of it was what truly bothered me. I could forgive her for being a freak, and I could forgive her for all the little creepy things she did, and I could even forgive her for cheating on me. But there was one thing I couldn't forgive.  
  
"She never even loved me in the first place," I muttered. "She just liked to fuck me."  
  
Lauren looked at me and away again. She looked at her backpack on the floor, sighed, and said: "Well, I always said she was a freak."  
  
I chuckled once. "I know."  
  
She snorted and shook her head. "Jeez," she said. "I thought you were bad for cheating on her. But at least you were sorry." I didn't reply and she snorted and shook her head again. "You know, in a way I always thought you were kind of lucky," she said. "Because, you know. You were kind of a loser and she was really popular. But I guess she was only into you because you're gay. And, you know. Desperate."  
  
I gave her a strange look. It was pretty insulting, but from her tactful tone—and the subtle blush on her face—I had the impression she was trying to make me feel better. And even more weirdly, she was completely right. For a while there I'd seemed like the luckiest girl in the world. But in the end I'd turned out to be nothing more than the easiest girl in the world.  
  
In any case, it was nice of her say anything to me that wasn't outright deliberately offensive, so I gave her a sarcastic smile and said: "Thanks."  
  
She rolled her eyes, as if she regretted even trying to be nice. Then she took a breath and looked at me. "So it's over with you two?" she asked. "Or are you gonna go back to her?"  
  
I sighed. Deep in my heart I knew I'd probably go back to her as long as she still wanted me—my self-respect was nil at this point and her ass was likely to be as amazing as it ever was—but that wasn't something I was willing to admit out loud. Or even to myself. So I shrugged and decided to maintain a façade of caviler rejection. "Fuck her," I said. "She wasn't even that good, anyway."  
  
I'd never considered myself a vindictive person, but there it was. Lauren smirked and looked away. She seemed unsure whether she was allowed to smile at the mention of lesbian sex without subtextually suggesting that she might be a lesbian as well. Finally she snorted and turned back to me.  
  
"You know, I still can't believe you actually starved yourself over your ex," she said. "Don't you have any self-respect at all?"  
  
Actually, no, I didn't. But I felt like I should at least pretend I did. "I didn't starve myself," I muttered. "I had anemia or some shit. I fainted."  
  
"Still," she said. "It's kind of cool that you were messed up like that. You know, in an overdramatic, tragic-lesbian kind of way. Have you ever noticed that lesbians always die in movies and TV shows? They're always getting killed or committing suicide."  
  
It was a bit of a morbid observation, considering I was laying in a hospital bed recovering from a coma bought on by a near-suicidal fit of rejection. But I could appreciate her point.  
  
Lauren snorted and shook her head. "How come lesbians are always depressed, anyway?"  
  
It was a good question, and after my experiences with Alice and Lauren, I had the perfect answer: "Because girls are cruel and everyone hates us," I said. "You'd be depressed too."  
  
She snorted and averted her eyes. "Yeah, well," she muttered. "I'm just glad I'm not one."  
  
I smirked. "It's not all bad."  
  
"What's so good about it?"  
  
I chuckled and gave a little shrug. "You get to kiss girls," I said. "That's pretty cool."  
  
She scoffed, but she seemed to be blushing a little, too. "I'll pass," she said. "Although I guess it couldn't be much worse than my boyfriend." She heaved a sigh. It sounded like sympathy for a lover no longer loved until she spoke: "I really gotta get rid of that fucker."  
  
It wasn't the first time she'd mentioned something like that. It was pretty clear to me that her boyfriend was nothing but a beard, but I still wondered why she stayed with him. "So why don't you?" I asked. "I mean, if you don't even like him…"  
  
Lauren seemed uncomfortable. "I don't know," she said, not looking at me. "He loves me. And he keeps buying me stuff and sending me all these gooey texts. He'd be devastated if I broke up with him. He'd probably end up in the room next door."  
  
I chuckled. I didn't think Lauren was quite cute enough to attempt suicide over—even a passive suicide like mine—but I didn't mention it.  
  
"Anyway, he's a senior," she said. "He'll be gone next year." Then she shrugged and gave me a look. "Besides, it's not like I'm interested in anyone else."  
  
I felt a slow blush crawl over my face. Was I hearing things? Or was Lauren sending signals? I gave a shy shrug. "I'm available," I said. Then I chuckled and blushed. "I'm pretty easy too."  
  
Lauren was taken aback, not sure if I was joking. "Yeah right," she scoffed. "I'd rather date a… date a…"  
  
She was so flustered that she couldn't think of anything she'd rather date. Or perhaps there was nothing she'd rather date. But luckily for her reputation as a vicious gay-basher, she was saved from further embarrassment by the sudden reappearance of Leah and Jane.  
  
"Good news, guys!" Jane called as she barged in, Leah behind her. "The doctor just gave us permission to put Bella out of her misery. Sorry, honey, it's for your own good. Wanna do the honors, Laurie? I'll hold her down, you put a pillow over her face."  
  
I shrank back against the bed suspiciously, not entirely sure if she was joking, but Lauren ignored her and edged toward the door, still blushing. "Listen, I'm gonna go home," she said to Jane. "You can get a ride with your sister, right?"  
  
Leah nodded, but Jane swung around to call to Lauren as she disappeared out the door.  
  
"Wait, where're you going? It's not even murder, it's euthanasia!"  
  
But Lauren was gone, leaving me with a strange feeling in my chest and wondering more than ever if she might secretly like me. Jane turned back to me, chuckling.  
  
"Jeez," she said, "talk about all talk and no action. You'd think she'd jump at the chance to take you out once and for all."  
  
And then, contrary to her lethal teasing, she leaned over my bed and kissed me flush on the lips, taking advantage of our sudden privacy. I was surprised, but pleased, and I was even more pleased when Leah leaned from the other side of the bed and placed another kiss on my mouth.  
  
"Hey, honey," Leah said, keeping her voice soft. "How are you feeling?"  
  
I felt a warmth spread through my chest. Her sexy face was close to mine and she was holding my cheek, looking into my eyes as if she actually cared, the tingle of her kiss still on my lips. Leah was so amazing. I knew she didn't care about me any more than Jane did, but Leah seemed to have a certain nobility about the whole thing, like a hunter who respects her prey. She didn't tease me like Jane or demean me like Victoria or pretend to love me like Alice. There were no games with Leah.  
  
And wasn't it so sweet of her to keep her voice down? Not even mom had that kind of deference for my headache—which had flared up from talking so much with Lauren. Still, it was nice of her to ask how I was feeling, even if she was only being nice. In truth, I was feeling pretty exhausted and there was a splitting pain in the side of my skull, but I shrugged as if nothing was wrong at all. "I'm alright," I said.  
  
Jane giggled. "Aww, how butch," she grinned. "Staples in her head and she says she's alright. You're pretty awesome, Bella."  
  
Now I felt another warmth; a sweet word from Jane was almost a miracle, and I didn't spoil it by replying. Besides, I'd probably misunderstood and it was actually something insulting.  
  
Leah called my attention back to her. "Listen," she said, "we need to apologize. It was wrong to push you far, so but…" She gave a sheepish smirk and a little shrug. "We hardly ever get to do it with a girl who actually wants it. Usually we feed in secret. But a girl like you… well, it's easy to get carried away, you know?"  
  
I smiled and blushed brightly, unaccountably flattered. It was nice of her to apologize, but completely unnecessary. One's life seemed like a trivial thing to risk when faced with the temptation of daily threesomes with sexy lesbian vampires. And no matter how much they enjoyed my blood, I was pretty certain that I'd got the better end of the deal. Leah and Jane hadn't done anything I didn't want them to do, and let's face it; the only thing that had stopped me from literally throwing myself at them was a lack of leaping ability.  
  
Besides, it had been exactly what I needed to help get over Alice. Even now I felt like a new woman, all broken up and repaired again. Arguably, I was even less mentally healthy than before—not to mention my physical injuries—but I appeared to have stopped giving a fuck about almost everything, and that felt like a good thing.  
  
So I waved off the apology with a shrug and a slightly glazed smile, the exhaustion beginning to catch up with me. "It's cool," I said. "It was mostly my fault, anyway."  
  
Leah nodded, but Jane had noticed something on the floor.  
  
"Hey look," she grinned. "Lauren left her backpack, the dumb bitch."  
  
I didn't think a little forgetfulness warranted such venom, but she was correct; on the floor, a backpack. "Oh," I said. "She must've forgot."  
  
Jane picked it up gingerly by the strap, as if it were evidence of some kind. "Jeez," she said. "That girl has one massive crush on you."  
  
I'd believed the same thing, but it seemed so much less realistic when someone said it out loud. "No she doesn't," I said.  
  
Jane smirked. "Trust me," she said. "I wasn't kidding when I said she was worried about you, you know. She's been fucked up all week. She wouldn't even join in when I was making fun of you with the rest of the squad. She pretends like she doesn't care, but even her friends are starting to notice she's sweet on you."  
  
I felt my heart flicker yet again, but I didn't reply. They looked at me with similar smirks. I was about to ask if they'd noticed anything else, when suddenly Lauren herself reappeared at the door.  
  
She saw the backpack dangling from Jane's hand and came to a halt. She was flustered and frowning darkly. We all looked at her and she motioned at the backpack loosely. "I forgot my fucking…" But she didn't bother clarifying; she snatched the backpack and she was about to leave again, when she shot me an irritable glance from the doorway. "So when're you going to be back at school, anyway?"  
  
I glanced at Leah and Jane, and then I shrugged at Lauren. "I don't know," I said. "Day after tomorrow, I think."  
  
Lauren snorted. "Yeah, well, hurry up," she said, shrugging the backpack over her shoulder. "I need someone to copy from in math."  
  
Then she left. Jane poked her head out the door, as if to check if she was really gone, and then she came back to the bed, grinning. "Poor Laurie," she said. "It's sad, isn't it? So much repression. The poor girl simply has no idea how to express her feelings. Maybe you should help her out a little, huh Bella? She's kind of cute. Nothing compared to me, of course, but so few girls are."  
  
I blushed. "She's not gay."  
  
Jane flipped a hand. "Please," she said. "I had gaydar before gaydar was even invented, and if there's one thing I know how to spot, it's potential prey. Besides, it's so obvious even her friends suspect."  
  
I went quiet at that, because I remembered Angela had said something about it last week, or the week before last. She'd said that maybe Lauren's denial was cover for a crush, and even though she hadn't seemed particularly certain, it was telling enough that it had occurred to her. But still. Even if she did have a crush on me, it was probably just a girl crush, or a brief fit of sexual confusion. After all, she hated her boyfriend and she liked the school dyke; that would make anyone think, but it didn't necessarily make them gay.  
  
Leah must've gotten tired of standing because now she sat on the edge of my bed, folding her beautiful copper-colored legs one over the other. "Jane's right," she said, leaning on an elbow beside me. "Remember, we can see her blood pulse and smell her pheromones. Lauren definitely gets a spike sometimes when she's around you."  
  
I was getting a spike myself. She was wearing one of her black skirts, this one leather, and her crossed legs distracted me a little. But then I realized what she said and frowned; Lauren gets an physical reaction? From me?  
  
I looked between them. "Seriously?"  
  
"Totally," Jane grinned. "And if you're gonna do something, you'd better do it quick. I've been holding back on her because I've been waiting to see if she'll finally make a move on you, but if you don't do something soon, I'm gonna have to step in."  
  
I felt a flicker of jealousy, but I wasn't sure where it was aimed at. I didn't like the thought of Lauren dating a girl who wasn't me, but I didn't like the thought of Jane seeing a human that wasn't me, either. Still, I'd never actually had hopes for a relationship with Lauren, and both Jane and Leah certainly fed from other girls, anyway. Besides, Lauren and Jane would make a cute couple. They had a lot in common; they were both blonde, sadistic, and enjoyed waving pompoms. A match made in heaven, practically.  
  
So I just shrugged. "Yeah, well," I said. "Even if she does like me, she'd never actually go out with me."  
  
Leah smiled and adjusted her legs—a subtle movement, but it made me glance all the same. "You won't know till you try," she said. "What have you got to lose? I think you should take a shot."  
  
I frowned slightly. Deep down I was a little hurt that they didn't want to keep me all to themselves, but I guess I knew that this was all casual to them. It was supposed to be casual and meaningless to me too, but I guess I'm just not the kind of girl who can have hardcore group-sex without forming some kind of emotional attachment with the other participants.  
  
"You do?" I asked.  
  
Leah shrugged a shoulder. "Sure," she said. "She's not the sweetest girl I've ever met, but she's probably your best bet at a healthy highschool relationship. You won't find it with me or Jane."  
  
Jane had been across the room snooping through medical cabinets as if looking for something to use on me, but now she giggled and spun around. "And definitely not with Alice," she added. "That girl is the definition of unhealthy."  
  
The reminder of Alice caused me to sag back against the pillow. Suddenly I was tired. "She was here last night," I said. "Alice."  
  
Jane nodded. She came around and perched on the other side of the bed, likewise crossing her legs. But she was wearing cargoes and it wasn't as distracting as Leah. "She's been here every night," she said. She picked up the get-well card from the sidetable and looked inside it idly. "Carlisle lets her in and helps her sneak out." She rolled her eyes and flapped the card, a touch of sibling rivalry. "She's always been Carlisle's favorite."  
  
"How did she find out I was here?" I asked.  
  
"I called her as soon as you keeled over," Jane said, putting the card back. "Told her the whole story." Then she smirked and placed a hand over mine with mock tenderness. "I may've exaggerated how much of a slut you've been lately, but that's only because I have no respect for you. So don't be mad, kay?"  
  
I smiled and actually blushed. Back when I'd first met her, I'd wondered how Alice could possibly be friends with such a troll, but after getting to know her a little I found that it's quite easy to develop a taste for Jane's debasement. Like Lauren, she had a flair for it, and deep down I don't think either of them truly meant it. Lauren was working through her denial and Jane was just having fun.  
  
"Esme called her as well," Leah said. "Basically she told her off and gave her the whole disappointed mother routine. She's still thinks she's human, I think. She wanted Alice to come back and make things better somehow, but it didn't matter. Alice was already on the plane."  
  
Which meant she'd come back the very second she heard. Was it possible she actually cared?  
  
Jane grinned. "We haven't really talked to her—she's kind of pissed with us for fucking you into a coma—but I think she wants to make up with you. Typical, really. The first break up never takes."  
  
"She left Vicky and Rose in Paris," Leah added, "so she's probably pretty serious. What are you gonna do?"  
  
I didn't know, but I felt a small thrill of triumph knowing Alice had left the blonde and the redhead behind. I could just imagine Victoria, all hot and bothered after Alice dashed out, standing around an empty hotel room with her boobs spilling out of a red leather corset and a whip dangling in her hand, all dressed up and no one to lash. Hard to believe Alice would run out on two women as gorgeous as them, but I guess I had something they didn't; blood.  
  
I mean, that's what it's all about, right? The sex was just an appetizer. Alice had only fed from me a total of three times in one month; she was making me last, savoring me. Her meal had been interrupted by the redhead, but now she was back for more. And then what? Was she going to get sick of me eventually and discard me like leftovers? Or did she really mean it when she said we could be together forever? Is that even what I still wanted? I wasn't sure. Somehow I didn't think I was ready for a serious long-term relationship, not considering my tendency to dive face-first between any pair of legs that open either side a moist pussy.  
  
And what about Victoria? She hadn't been willing to let her little slave go without a fight the first time and she probably wouldn't a second time, either. And Leah and Jane? If I got back with Alice I'd have to stop seeing them and I didn't know if I wanted to do that. The sex was amazing and I really did like them.  
  
And Lauren. As much as I hated deluding myself there really did seem to be possibilities there. It would be difficult and I might end up getting hurt and humiliated, but I'd been dreaming about it since middle school. She was probably the only person I'd ever loved and maybe I was the only person she'd ever loved as well. She was so angry and confused. Maybe I could make her happy. Make her smile. And maybe we could have a real relationship, without biting and blood drinking. Just me and a girl. A real girl.  
  
And then there was mom to consider. She had never approved of my charming ex and she had more reasons than she even knew about. Alice was wrong for me and bad for my health, even I had to admit it by now. Mom would hate it if I got back together with her. But like the doctor said; she wanted me, so badly. And maybe he was right. If I could accept her, accept her and make her mine, then maybe—  
  
Suddenly I stopped thinking about it. It was too much. Too complicated. My head was hurting, I was tired, and deep down I didn't really care. The way I was feeling I could've been perfectly happy to spend the rest of my life utterly alone if I could just avoid all this drama.  
  
So I shrugged, heaving a sigh, and said: "I don't know."  
  
Leah and Jane were still perched on the bed, one on each side, my bestfriends with benefits, and they shared a glance. I looked down at the book in my lap and then looked up with a shy smile.  
  
"Anyway," I said. "Mom will probably be back soon, so…"  
  
Jane smirked and leaned with her elbow beside me, gazing into my face. "So, what?"  
  
"Do you want us to leave?" Leah asked, although her smile said she knew I didn't.  
  
It was funny; a few hours ago I'd been determined to take a break from this kind of stuff and get my life back on track. But now I figured that could wait till I was out of the hospital. Despite the exhaustion, the wooziness, and the splitting headache, I really couldn't let them leave without letting them fuck me if they wanted.  
  
"We could go in the bathroom," I suggested. "It's a little small, but…"  
  
But it turned out to be big enough for the three of us. I was still a little weak to walk, but Leah let me lean on her, and once we were inside, Jane was nice enough to help me take off my hospital gown. I lifted my arms as she pulled it over my head. All I had on underneath was a plain pair of panties and soon those were gone too. It felt good to have their hands on my naked body and while they were doing me I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror over the sink. Jane was sucking on one of my tits and Leah was kissing my throat. Both with their eyes closed. I stared at the reflection, taking in my dark eyes as their lips tracked kisses across my ashen skin, and then I turned my face to Leah's, capturing her tongue in my mouth and moaning as Jane's fingers entered me.  
  
—  
  
I didn't remember getting back in bed, but when I woke up, mom was there. She smiled to see me up and I cringed; why did she have to love me so much? I'd be so much less guilty if she didn't care.  
  
"Hey, sweetie," she said, coming forward to examine my face, as if the hospital had hired her as a physician while I was asleep. "Up again, huh?"  
  
She cooed these things as if consciousness were something to be proud of, but I didn't feel the distinction. I raised up on my elbows and mom helped me sit up.  
  
"Hey, mom," I said. "You know, you really don't need to hang around. They said I'm fine now, remember?"  
  
It was the wrong thing to say. With an over-protective mother it was never wise to trivialize your health. "That's not what they said, Bella," she told me sternly. "They said that you're going to have to be very careful for a few days. You're still very weak. It was a very bad concussion, sweetie. And concussions can be very serious."  
  
Vaguely I wondered if she had any idea how many times she'd just said the word "very," but obviously she was very convinced of the gravity of the situation. I could've set her at ease by explaining that I'd been strong enough to eat two different pussies without passing out, but I opted for discretion.  
  
"I'm fine, mom," I said. "Really."  
  
Mom looked at me with moist eyes. "No, you're not, Bella," she said. " And I don't just mean your head."  
  
She meant Alice. I sighed and looked away. The window curtains still held a dull grey light, but the fluorescent bar over my bed was on. It was getting dark.  
  
Mom sat in the visitors chair and shuffled it forward. She hesitated for a while and then she just said it. "Bella," she said. "What exactly happened with you and that girl?"  
  
I sighed and shrugged idly. I couldn't tell her the truth, but I supposed I could give her the basic facts. "She dumped me," I said bluntly. "Just before you found out."  
  
She didn't know how to respond to that. She couldn't express regret over the girl who'd managed to get her daughter's clothes off, but at the same time she knew how badly I'd been hurt. Eventually she sighed and said: "I'm sorry, sweetie."  
  
I snorted sullenly, not looking at her. "It doesn't matter."  
  
But my apathy seemed to alarm her. She grabbed my hand and squeezed it firmly. "But it does matter, Bella," she insisted, forcing me to look at her. "Do you have any idea how worried I've been about you, sweetie? I never knew there were all these things going on inside you. And that scares me. If I'd known how bad you were hurting, I never would've—"  
  
She was working herself into a decent fit of maternal fretfulness, but luckily for her, I'm not the kind of teen who enjoys theatrics—or making a big deal of her feelings.  
  
"Mom, mom," I said, interrupting her. "Listen, there's nothing going on inside me, okay? I fucked up, that's all. I met a girl who liked me and I didn't know any better. But it's over now, alright? You were right, anyway. She was bad for me."  
  
I'd caught her just before the tears began to fall, but she didn't seem entirely placated. She sat back in her chair, half-wary, as if she thought maybe I was just telling her what she wanted to hear. But my words had been surprisingly truthful. I hadn't known what I was going to say when I opened my mouth, but what came out seemed to be what I was feeling; Alice was a mistake. A mistake with a beautiful ass who let me fuck her plenty of times, but a mistake all the same.  
  
Mom nodded, apparently convinced, and let go of my hand. "Well, I'm glad you're mature enough to realize that," she said cautiously.  
  
I gave her a smile, something reassuring. It wasn't entirely fake, either. I'd always considered myself mature for my age, and it was nice that someone else thought so too, despite the overwhelming evidence to the contrary.  
  
Then suddenly she leaned forward and took my hand again. "I just wish you'd understand that you didn't have to lie to me about all this," she said with a surprising earnestness. "You know I'll always love you no matter what, right?"  
  
I felt a warmth wash over me. "I know, mom," I said, and I did. I'd never doubted mom's love for a single second in all my life. Deep in my heart I always knew that she was only person who'd ever loved me—and maybe the only person that ever will.  
  
She nodded, looked uncomfortable for a second, and went on: "And you know I'll never judge you or anything like that, right? No matter what kind of person you like dating, you'll always be my daughter. Okay?"  
  
It sounded vaguely scripted, as if she'd read it off an advice column on the internet, but I could appreciate the sentiment. Poorly worded, though. After all, what if I enjoyed dating lesbian vampires who like to use me as a fuck-snack as I indeed did enjoy dating? She should've rephrased her acceptance to include human females of regular sex habits only.  
  
In any case, it was an awkward subject, and I wasn't really comfortable with mom knowing I had an appetite for pussy. It seemed a little personal. I'm sure most gay people would flush with relief and gratitude at their parent's acceptance, but the only thing I was flushed with was awkwardness. After all, I wasn't just a lesbian, I was a raging lesbian slut; mom should be disproving. Hell, even I disapproved of myself. In principle, at least.  
  
Still, mom was under the impression that I was a lost teenager in need of an understanding parent, and deep down maybe I was. I mean, anything's possible. So I nodded and tried to smile appropriately. "Thanks, mom," I said.  
  
She smiled back and patted my hand. A lovely moment; mother accepts daughter despite daughter's taste for chicks. Very heart warming, but in all honesty I wasn't really feeling it. I tugged my hand away discreetly and at the loss of my hand mom leaned forward imploringly.  
  
"Just promise me you won't lie to me anymore, okay? Whatever's happening in your life, I want you to talk to me about it. I'm your mother, remember? I'm supposed to give you advice about this kind of stuff."  
  
I wasn't aware that motherhood entailed advising daughters on the correct procedure to prostitute their bodies and blood to lesbian vampires, but I nodded. "Okay, mom," I said. It didn't even occur to me that the promise itself was another lie. "I will."  
  
She smiled. "Thank you, sweetie," she said. "I love you."  
  
I chuckled. "I love you too, mom," I said. "And thanks. For, you know. Caring about me."  
  
And thankfully, that was the end of the drama. Mom sat back in her chair with her magazine and the rest of the evening proceeded with the two of us reading and making idle conversation. She stayed right until visiting hours were over and even then she was reluctant to go. It was sad, really. I was the center of her life and she really knew nothing about me. Even now. Especially now. I felt bad about that, but not as bad as I should've. I didn't seem to have strong feeling about anything anymore. Lately my heart felt like it had been dimming out little by little, like a candle flame drawing down, and I could feel it now, sitting in my chest like a stone as I lay waiting for my final visitor of the day:  
  
Alice.  
  
Jane said she'd been sneaking in every night and I knew she'd come tonight too. I had no idea what she expected from me, but I felt strangely prepared. I'd always been sympathetic to her situation as a soulless creature of darkness, so I could probably forgive her for stalking and lying to me, the same way I'd forgive a dog for biting me. It's not their fault, it's their nature. But I didn't plan on taking her back. I just couldn't. Leah and Jane hadn't proven to be a healthier choice so far, but now that I was over my brief bout of suicidal depression, I felt that I could probably slow down and spend time with them without eventually hospitalizing myself. Well, it might be fun to hospitalize myself occasionally, but never as bad as this. I'm sure if I got my rest and kept my strength up with three square meals a day there'd be plenty of blood to spare for my two besties with benefits.  
  
And then there was Lauren. I would have to feel her out a little, but maybe Jane and Leah were right; maybe I should take a shot. I certainly had nothing to lose, and I was probably cute enough to get her pants off at least once. It would be cool to have sex with a real girl for once, a girl who actually makes you work for it as opposed to these vampires who only required you to take your clothes off. Lauren probably wouldn't be a particularly healthy choice either, but at least she'd be someone I could go to the movies with or go to prom with. That would be awesome.  
  
But Alice.  
  
What could she possibly expect from me at this point? She left me, dumped me, jumped on a plane and replaced me with a french chick, a leggy blonde slave, and a big-boobed dominatrix with fiery red hair. And now she says she still loves me? Yeah, well. Fuck that. Maybe I don't have any pride or self-respect, but I do have something, and that something wasn't interested in her craziness anymore. My heart had had enough. I had other areas that were still interested in her perky breasts and firm ass, but those areas were equally happy with Leah and Jane. It was my heart I needed to listen to.  
  
By now it was full dark outside the window and the room was lit in the pale glow of the fluorescent bar over my bed. I'd put away my book and I was laying on my side, eyes closed. I was trying to sleep, but I couldn't. My head was still throbbing painfully which seemed to be the only noise at all in the absolute silence of the hospital. I was in a convalescent ward on one of the upper floors and it wasn't a very busy place—perfect for sneaking in without being noticed.  
  
It was a long time after dark before she finally came. I'd been almost asleep, but my eyes snapped open when I heard the soft click of the door opening gently and gently closing again. I didn't move. I was still laying on my side and I lay there staring at the pillow, listening. First there was silence. Then I heard another soft click. Then another. It sounded like heel-clicks on the hard tiled floor. Alice was wearing heels? My curiosity was piqued and slowly I lifted my head and looked.  
  
My heart stopped.  
  
It was Alice.  
  
And oh my god.  
  
She was wearing heels—black pumps—but that wasn't all she was wearing. Her body was encased in a small black dress that clung to her curves like a glove. It had spaghetti straps and her bare shoulders were ethereally pale in the fluorescent light. A diamond pendant dangled in the nook of her collarbone and diamonds dangled from her ears. She wore light makeup, mascara and shadow, and her lips were painted a sensuous rubyred. They were smiling.  
  
"Hey, baby," she said. "How are you feeling?"  
  
Shocked. Excited. Confused. I'd been asked that question a few times today, but this was the first time when I truly couldn't claim to be alright. Until that moment, I'd been determined that I wasn't going to go back to her, but I must've forgot how gorgeous she was. But I was reminded now. I was so blown away by this sexy apparition in her sexy black dress that if I was capable of speech I might've simply broke down and begged her to take me back.  
  
I stared. She registered my expression and looked away bashfully before looking back. She stood on a tilted hip and the dress was so short that I could see all of her legs. They were long, slim, impossibly smooth. She was carrying in her hand a single red rose and she held it coyly at her chest. She giggled shyly and gestured with the rose at her dress.  
  
"Can you tell I'm trying to win you back?" she asked. "I didn't want to be too obvious."  
  
I swallowed, recovering slightly. It felt like I hadn't seen her for years, even though it had only been a couple weeks. I couldn't believe how beautiful she was. And how pathetic I was. Because it wasn't just horniness. My heart, which I'd been ready to declare dead only hours ago, was raging into new life. I was looking at Alice and I wanted her with every fiber of my being; heart, body, and soul.  
  
And she knew it. She smiled with her scarlet lips and waved the rose at my bed. "May I?" she asked.  
  
But that's all it took to snap me out of it. The thought of her climbing into my bed dressed like that filled me with a strange fear, a cold and unknown wrongness, and the word that came out was: "No."  
  
Her back straightened. "No?"  
  
I looked at her, almost as if I was sorry. "No," I repeated.  
  
The hand holding the rose dropped to her side limply. "Why not?"  
  
"I'm not your girlfriend anymore, Alice," I told her gently, as if trying to explain it. "You dumped me. Remember?"  
  
She stepped toward my bed imploringly. "That was a mistake, baby," she said, leaning over me to stroke my hair. "The worst mistake of my life. Please, you have to believe me. Vicky caught me in a moment of weakness, that's all it was. She took advantage of us both."  
  
I shook my head, turning away from her touch. "It doesn't matter," I said.  
  
"It does matter," she insisted. "The only reason I left was because I didn't think you could love me anymore. If I knew you still loved me…"  
  
I frowned at her. "Who said I still love you?"  
  
This seemed to take her by surprise. Her hand paused in its stroking and then she stood up. "Well, I just assumed," she said. "Jane told me all the stuff you were doing. And you weren't eating and weren't sleeping. I thought…"  
  
I snorted. "Thought what? That I was so depressed over losing you that I went and fucked myself into a coma with two of your sisters?"  
  
She stood silently, holding the rose in both hands. I shook my head.  
  
"I didn't do all that because of you, Alice," I told her. "I just thought they're hot, that's all."  
  
She had no reply and I shook my head again.  
  
"God, don't you get it, Alice? How could I possibly want to be in a relationship with you again? I mean, you never even loved me. You tried, and I can respect that, but in the end… it was just lust. But you know what? That's okay. Because maybe it was the same for me too. I really liked you, Alice, I did, but… I don't think I ever loved you."  
  
"I don't believe you," she whispered.  
  
"It doesn't matter what you believe."  
  
Her eyes narrowed. "Yes, it does."  
  
"No, it doesn't," I said, raising my voice slightly. "And why are we even having this conversation, anyway? You wanna know the truth, Alice? The truth is, you betrayed me. You fed me lies to keep me happy and docile and the whole time all you were trying to do was fulfill some fucked up fantasy of the perfect blood-slut. That's all it was."  
  
But she hadn't seemed to have heard. "When I believe something," she said, glaring at me with her honey-colored eyes. "It matters."  
  
I looked at her. Then I looked away.  
  
It was hopeless. Her angry eyes had turned me on slightly and I had to fight back the urge to simply give up and give her what she wanted. But deep in my heart I knew that all this was pointless. Lust isn't love, but she was too deep in her delusions to realize that. She still wanted to believe there was something special about what she felt for me.  
  
Alice's expression softened as the silence stretched and she gestured again at the bed with the rose. "May I please get in the bed, baby?" she asked. "Just to talk?"  
  
I didn't answer. I didn't think we had anything to talk about.  
  
"Please, baby?" she pleaded. Then she changed her tactics and assumed a flirty tilt to her hips. "I'm wearing special panties under my dress," she teased. "Don't you wanna see?"  
  
I looked at her, at her smirking ruby lips. She must have a pretty shallow opinion of me if she thought all my hurt and frustration would melt away at the sight of a sexy dress and the tease of sexy underwear. But I guess I really was that shallow, because I could feel my resolve weakening. I still didn't plan to take her back, but I had delusions of my own, delusions that said it would be okay to look at Alice naked, to let Alice into my bed, that it was perfectly safe, that it wouldn't mean anything. So I sighed and threw back the covers silently, feeling my heart drop as if I'd just given up somehow.  
  
Alice smiled and immediately pulled off her dress, taking it by the hem and lifting it up over her head, revealing her body in one glorious motion. I stared. Her panties were black lace and I felt a dizzying wave of longing wash over me as my eyes settled on the tiny triangle of black silk that concealed her pussy. I'd always loved her pussy. Alice giggled and twirled once, giving me a glimpse of how the black lace hugged the contours of her lovely ass, and then she stepped out of her shoes, climbed into the bed, and pulled the covers over us.  
  
The first thing she did was push my hospital gown up over my breasts so that she could settle her naked body against mine. I didn't resist, but my head was turned aside on the pillow and I wouldn't look at her. It felt so wrong and yet so right at the same time, the warm weight on top of me, the softness of her breasts, the hot scent of lavender that was swirling through my splitting head. My pussy was throbbing but my heart felt like it was bleeding.  
  
"See, baby?" she said, cupping my cheek and turning my face to hers. "Doesn't this feel good?"  
  
I looked up into her gorgeous face. It was hovering over mine, our lips only inches apart. "Why couldn't you just be honest with me, Alice?" I asked. "Even if you only wanted my blood. I would've been okay with that. You didn't have to pretend."  
  
"It's not only your blood I want, Bella," she whispered. "It's everything. It's all of you. I love you, baby, don't you understand?"  
  
I didn't reply. She kissed me once on the lips and started stroking my hair.  
  
"I know I messed up, baby, but I'm going to make it up to you," she said. "You'll see. I'm going to treat you so perfectly. I'll make you happy, baby, I promise."  
  
She was nuzzling my neck and I rolled my eyes.  
  
"Why don't you just bite me instead?" I said. "We both know that's all you really want."  
  
Her hand froze in my hair. She looked into my eyes.  
  
"Why are you being so difficult, Bella?" she said. "Can't you see how much I love you?"  
  
I looked up at her passively. "No," I said. "Not really."  
  
A coldness came into her pretty eyes. Then her hand clenched in my hair, almost painfully.  
  
"Then you're an ungrateful bitch," she hissed, her eyes glistening with hurt.  
  
I smiled at her, happy to have broke through the façade. "I'm not ungrateful, Alice," I said. "I just don't like pretending, that's all. I mean, why can't we be honest with each other? You're a vampire, I get it. So fuck me and bite me and hurry back to your mistress. I'm tired."  
  
She shook her head, releasing her grip on my hair. "You really don't get it, do you Bella?" she said. "I was honest. You were the one who lied."  
  
I smirked. "Me?"  
  
"Yes," she said. She cupped my cheeks in her hands, looking into my face. "You. Don't you remember all those promises you made, baby? You promised me you'd never cheat on me. You did. You promised me I'd be the only person you'd ever love. You stopped. I told you right from the beginning, Bella, that the only thing required to make this relationship work was for you to accept me into your heart as I accepted you, and one of us did not. Do you know who that one was?"  
  
"You," I said. "It was you."  
  
She looked at me sadly. "No," she said. "It was never me. I loved you with everything I had, baby. Everything. And rather than return that love, you chose to instead to fuck Victoria. And now you've been fucking Leah and Jane. You betrayed me first, Bella. And now you're still betraying me."  
  
I frowned. "How could I betray someone who never loved me to begin with?"  
  
"I did love you!" she hissed.  
  
It was loud in the silent hospital room and we both paused. I could feel the softness of her breasts against my chest and I wanted very badly to wrap my arms around her and stroke her creamy back. But I didn't. I waited and finally she looked into my eyes and fixed her expression into something pleading and vulnerable.  
  
"I did love you, Bella," she whispered. "I still do. Please, baby. Tell me you love me too."  
  
The raw longing in her voice almost made me relent. Tears prickled my eyes. "What about Victoria?" I asked.  
  
She shook her head savagely. "I don't care about Vicky," she said, almost spitting the name. "Or Rose, or Jane, or Leah, or any of them." Then she held my face in her hands and looked into my eyes. "All I want is you, baby."  
  
I almost believed her. My heart was struggling in my chest and I was about to say something, something that would repair everything and join us together again, but I hesitated too long. Alice smiled and tilted her head slightly.  
  
"Do you remember when I spoke to you about destiny, Bella?" she asked.  
  
To be honest, I'd never listened very hard. But I remembered the gist of it, so I nodded.  
  
"I told you that me and you were always going to be together," she said. "And that nothing will ever come between us. That no matter what happens, one way or another, we will end up together. Do you remember that?"  
  
I looked away wearily. She took it for a nod.  
  
"Well, I still believe that," she said, turning my face back to hers gently. "All couples have problems, baby. As a vampire our problems are bound to be a little more serious than most couples', but they're still only problems. We can solve them if we try."  
  
"Alice…"  
  
"Please, baby. It can still be perfect. All we have to do is forgive each other and keep loving each other. That's all we need to do, baby. Please?"  
  
I stared up at her. Her face was so close to mine, so beautiful. I couldn't think. All I could do was stare, and finally she smiled and started stroking my hair.  
  
"It's okay," she whispered. "I understand, baby. You don't have to take me back right now if you don't want. Remember when we first met? I told you that love takes time and we have to go slow. Well, forgiveness takes time, too. So we'll go slow, okay? I'll give you all the space you need. I'll wait forever if I have to, because in the end…it's destiny. Neither of us can escape it, Bella. It's gonna be me and you forever until the end of time and no one is ever going to change that. Not me, not you, not Vicky, not your mom, no one. I'm gonna love you forever, Bella. All you have to do is let me."  
  
I'd never been so confused before in my life. Every fiber of my being cried out for the girl on top of me, but something was holding me back. "I'll think about it," I said.  
  
This seemed to please her. She smiled and gave me a little kiss. "Thank you, baby," she said. "And I promise, I'll give you as much space as you need, but tonight… May I stay just for tonight?"  
  
I nodded; it seemed harmless enough and I didn't want to lose the warmth and the soft press of her breasts. Not yet. "Okay."  
  
She gave me another little kiss. "Thank you," she said. "You're so beautiful, Bella. It's going to be so hard resisting you, but I will. Because I love you. I know you'll come back to me. I know you will."  
  
She was kissing me as she spoke and now she kissed me again, once, twice, three times. I lay there passively, eyes open, a dull throb between my legs. She gave a little moan on the last kiss and then she pulled back and looked into my eyes.  
  
"Bella?"  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"Before you sleep," she whispered, "may I have one last special kiss?" She caressed my throat as she said it so I'd know exactly what she meant. I felt a shiver and watched her stare at my neck, almost hypnotized. "It's been so long since I tasted you. No one tastes like you, baby. You're my special one. Please? I think I might die if I don't taste you right now."  
  
My heart turned to stone. I'd known before she'd even got into the bed that it was only my blood she wanted. Yet even now she pretended to love me. I didn't understand it but I didn't care anymore.  
  
"Why didn't you just do it while I was unconscious?" I asked.  
  
She'd lowered her lips to my neck and she kissed my tender throat, once, twice. "You have to let me, baby," she whispered. "It's very important."  
  
"Is that a vampire thing?"  
  
"No," she whispered, kissing again, again. "It's a personal thing. Please, baby? Let me taste you one last time."  
  
She was quivering with anticipation. I'd put my hands at her waist and I could feel her skin rippling. So I sighed, wrapped my arms around her back, and said: "Okay."  
  
Her fangs pierced me instantly. I gave a little cry. As the first gush of blood entered her mouth she whimpered and thrust her body against me convulsively. I lay there listening to the sucking sounds. One of her hands was clenched in my hair behind my head and slowly she raised up, lifting me in her arms until I was sitting in the bed with her straddling my lap.  
  
I turned my face to expose more of my neck and her hand clenched tighter. Painfully. I could see the heartrate monitor beside the bed. It was silent, but I could see the green line jerk and flatten with each beat of my heart, and I stared at it, watching the spikes come faster and faster. Alice wrenched aside my head a little more and sobbed eagerly into the wound, sucking with renewed vigor. Already I could feel myself failing and I was still staring at the heartrate monitor. The excitement was fading and the green line was spiking slower and slower as my heart wound down. I laid my head on her shoulder and stroked her back as if to encourage her. The spikes in the green line were getting weaker and weaker. I inhaled her scent, her lovely lavender scent, and I blinked slowly, watching the monitor count away the remaining beats of this heart that had and will probably always belong to Alice.  
  
—  
  



	16. Chapter 16

—  
  
Chapter 16:  
  
—  
  
I'd told Lauren I'd be back at school the day after tomorrow, but it was Monday when I finally went back. Mom had taken me home Thursday morning and given me Friday off, and I spent the weekend catching up on so much homework that I genuinely wished I'd never come out of the coma. The pain in my head had abated, but my life was still a complicated mess of horny vampires and repressed lesbian bullies, and honestly I was sick of it.  
  
I kept thinking about Alice. Such a lovely little liar. She claimed it wasn't my blood she wanted and yet before she left that night she simply had to bite me, didn't she? I'd almost forgotten how intense it was when Alice fed from me. Leah and Jane had simply been snacking; Alice had feasted.  
  
I'd had another transfusion in the night and in the morning I woke with the strange realization that I still loved her. Like, real love. Not lust, not attraction, but love. Despite the lies and the secrets and the overwhelming wrongness, I did, for some reason, truly love her. I'd never stopped, really. From the first moment I'd laid eyes on her I'd known that I'd never love anyone else. She was the girl of my dreams and deep in the bottom of my heart I knew that it would beat solely for her until it stopped beating at all.  
  
But so what? I've never been the kind of girl who places a great deal of importance on her own feelings. I didn't care if I loved her or not. It didn't even seem to matter. What concerned me was her own feelings. And maybe she did love me, in her own way. She loved my blood, certainly, and my scent, and probably my boobs, too. And maybe, just maybe, that was enough. After all, what is love if not attraction? That's all a relationship is, really. Attraction that solidifies over time into attachment. Soulmates and destiny aside, Alice and I did share a disturbingly intense chemistry. But no, the problem wasn't if she loved me. The problem was that her love seemed to be defined by little more than lust, obsession, possessiveness, and the desire to drink my blood. It sounded hot in theory—and even while it was happening—but in principle it was probably wasn't very healthy.  
  
And that was the real problem; Alice was a bad person and she was turning me into a bad person, too. The kind of person who lies to her mom, skips school, and routinely fucks herself in a stupor. She'd had a negative impact on my home life, my school life, and my sex life—well, I suppose it was arguable what impact she'd had on my sex life. Technically it was bad to be a slut, but it seemed pretty cool while you were doing it.  
  
In any case, it was time to make some changes in my life. Vampires were bad for me—Alice worst of all—and it was time to distance myself from them before I fall completely into depravity. Once upon a time I'd cherished the idea of being a vampire like Alice and standing beside her forevermore. And even now I couldn't deny that the idea of being a vampire—even a single vampire—was still extremely intoxicating to me. But no longer. As difficult as it would be, I felt that I should at least try to be a decent person from now on. It would be a shame to miss out on immortality and a sexy vampire makeover, but I'm pretty sure mom wouldn't approve of me as a slutty demoness, and I didn't want to disappoint her anymore. I'd probably make a stupid vampire anyway. Girls like Leah and Victoria made it seem easy, but I'd be such a clumsy seductress that I'd probably starve. Besides, they probably wouldn't even want me in the coven. And there was no guarantee that I could trust Alice to turn me, anyway. Passion doesn't last forever and it's not like she enjoys my conversation so much that she'd want to keep me around for all eternity after she gets sick of my blood.  
  
No, it was time to accept my destiny; not as Alice's soulmate, but as a human. A dumb, boring, pathetic human. It had worked for me for the first sixteen years of my life, and I was pretty sure it would be fine for the rest of it.  
  
These were my resolutions coming out the hospital. And for a while I actually kept them. Mom had given me my cellphone back, but I didn't call Jane or Leah, not even when mom went to work and left me all alone. I wanted to, I really did, but I didn't; I masturbated on the couch instead. I was still a little woozy and I didn't want to climb the stairs for the comfort and privacy of my own room. Besides, the house and empty and I'd kept my clothes on. It wasn't the most elegant solution to my various frustrations, but still; it was progress on my path to decency. Kind of.  
  
To be honest, my recent stay intensive care hadn't actually caused any real revolution inside me, and I certainly hadn't seen any light or been visited by any angels that inspired to me change my ways before it was too late. The only angel who'd come to me was the one who'd come in a black dress and sucked my blood with bloodred lips. And frankly that sounded better than some winged virgin in a long white gown that didn't even show her legs. Besides, I'm pretty sure angels are straight, so they probably wouldn't bother with a girl like me. No, my heart was as shallow and whorish as it ever was, so in this instance it was not the best advice to follow it. My new-found desire to be a decent person was mostly intellectual. I knew it was bad to be around vampires, and I knew it was bad to bleed everyday, and I knew it was bad to date an obsessive psycho like Alice. Therefore it was probably best to stop. It would be difficult, but I would do it. Or try, anyway.  
  
My first trial came that very first night I was home. I'd gone to bed and I was almost asleep when I heard a tapping at my window. I rolled over and there was Alice's face; smiling at me through the glass with eyes that were big and beautiful and begging to come in. I felt a jolt in my heart, but I frowned. I got out of bed and opened the window slightly, not enough to let her in, but enough to talk. A cold wind rushed over my shoulders and arms—I was wearing shorts and a tanktop—and I said:  
  
"What do you want?"  
  
It wasn't what she wanted to hear, but she flickered her beautiful smile at me. "Aren't you going to let me in?"  
  
I shook my head, hugging my arms. "No."  
  
"Why not?" she asked, cocking her head.  
  
I sighed patiently. "I thought you were going to give me space, Alice?"  
  
"Yeah, but after last night…"  
  
"You asked to bite me and I let you," I interrupted. "That's all. I didn't take you back."  
  
She didn't reply, she just looked at me sadly. I looked away uncomfortably.  
  
"Is that all?" I asked.  
  
Her face darkened. "What if it's not?" she demanded. "What if I want more?"  
  
It sounded like a threat and I felt a thrill pass through me. If she wanted to come into my room and rape me, well, I guess I had to admit that I was pretty okay with that. But I knew she'd never do it. Despite her stalker-like tendencies, she had always been fixated on my consent when it came to sex and bloodletting, and I knew she'd never force me against my will. She was only trying to intimidate me. So I shrugged, concealing my excitement, and decided not to encourage her. "That's your problem," I said, and then I closed the window.  
  
It was funny how rejection brings out the worst in a girl. Back when we first started dating, she'd been the sweetest, nicest, most loveliest girl imaginable. And now, at the first sign of resistance in the girl she supposedly loved, she was resorting to intimidation and coercion. It's a shame I wasn't stupid enough to fall for it. Not yet, at least.  
  
I went back to bed and of course Alice didn't leave. Her dark and pretty face stayed in the window, glaring at me sullenly like a petulant child who was denied a treat. I rolled over to face the wall, but I could feel her eyes on me, longing, unblinking, roaming the shape of my body under the covers. Soon I was tingling in several places. It should've creeped me out, but it only seemed to make me horny. Tension built between my legs and after a while it became obvious that there was no way I'd ever get to sleep unless I relieved it. I seriously considered taking her back right then, but apparently I wasn't quite that superficial. I could've closed the curtains, but I didn't want her to know she was affecting me. And maybe I liked how she was affecting me. So I did the only thing I could do. I slipped a hand inside my shorts and I did it very gently, very discreetly, staring at the wall and keeping my breathing as shallow as possible, trying not to move my hips at all. My mouth went dry as I panted quietly in the dark, and I fantasized about her threat, pretending to resist as she tore off my clothes and forced me into orgasm before biting me until I actually died. It was an intense climax, and I couldn't stop the strangled moan that escaped me.  
  
It took me a few minutes to stop trembling and catch my breath. I hoped she hadn't noticed, but I didn't even know if she was still watching anymore. I rolled over to find out and her face was still there; only this time there was a subtle curve to her lips. She knew. I blinked at her, marveling at how sexy her mouth was, and then I rolled back to the wall and fell asleep.  
  
The rest of the weekend was uneventful. Mom went to the store a few times and each time I resisted the urge to call Leah and Jane. But that didn't make the urge go away and I relieved the strain using more personal methods. Alice came again every night and every night she'd stare at me through the window until I fell asleep, clutched to the drainpipe outside the window like a bat or a lizard. She seemed to be making the final transition from metaphorical stalker to legitimate stalker, and she didn't even have the grace to hide behind a bush; she did it openly, brazenly. I had a feeling she was lurking outside the house during the day, too. I was also collecting a large array of voice and text messages asking me if I was ready to talk yet. Either she had nothing better to do with her time, or she really and truly missed me. Or she was simply trying to intimidate me back into a relationship. Maybe it was all three.  
  
But strangely, I found it all very untroubling. Even flattering. Any ordinary girl would probably be repulsed by such sick and creepy behavior. But I'm no ordinary girl. And neither was Alice. After all, this wasn't a human-psycho, this was a vampire-psycho. A female one, with a pretty smile and a perky ass. There wasn't much she could do that I wouldn't like and want more of. And, of course, there was the fact that I was still mostly in love with her.  
  
It was actually a very effective tactic. It had worn me down quite a bit, even after just a couple days. She was there Sunday night when I fell asleep and when I woke up on Monday morning her face was still in the window. I lay there blinking at her sleepily for a while and then I sat on the edge of the bed and looked at her some more. The eye contact had made my pussy start tingling, and as I gathered my clothes I had to fight the urge to get changed right in front of her. I didn't know why it seemed so tempting to give her a flash of boob, but I explored the temptation further in the shower and realized that it was just plain hot—even if your only imagining it. When I went back to my room, fully dressed, she was still there in the window. I let her watch me brush my hair and don my leather-lace collar, but I didn't let her see anything else.  
  
The stalking continued on the way to school. Mom wanted to drive me, but I told her I needed the exercise, so I ended up walking. I was unsurprised to see a chrome silver Volvo waiting on the sidewalk when I left the house, but the driver might've been surprised when I walked right past and continued down the sidewalk. Surprised, and maybe slightly angered, because it followed me the whole way, creeping along behind at a brooding pace. I looked over my shoulder from time to time, but mostly I was wondering if she'd looked at my ass at all. I was wearing jeans, tight ones, and they did look pretty good on me. It was weird how I felt about all this. I'd always hated stalker-villains on TV shows, but those villains were never as well developed as Alice—or as sexy. I certainly wasn't afraid. Hit and run wasn't her style and they didn't do drive-bys in Forks. I honestly thought she only wanted to be near me. I'm sure most stalkers use that exact same excuse, but like I said; Alice was very hot.  
  
By the time I got to school I was in a strangely good mood and my thoughts had turned to Lauren. We'd had a moment or two in the hospital, and I wasn't sure if that meant we could pretend to be friends or not. But I got a nice surprise. As I approached her in the corridor outside homeroom she did a quick double take, as if she couldn't believe it was really me. She only eyed me for a second before looking away, but my heart fluttered and I had strong hopes that hers did too. She was standing with Angela and Jessica, and none of them seemed particularly happy to see me, but they didn't bludgeon me with their textbooks either, so I assumed we were all friends again. Angela even dared to mention that it was nice I wasn't dead. She phrased it more tactfully, of course, but that was the basic sentiment. Lauren said nothing, but she kept glancing at me, and I had to try very hard not to smile at her.  
  
Then it was time for class. Several teachers and even a couple classmates congratulated me on being alive and back at school, although I had no idea why they bothered. Sometimes people just don't make sense. None of these idiots had ever cared about me before, yet now—for some quixotic reason—they were all moved to relief that I hadn't perished over the weekend. I could understand the teacher's relief; a dead student would be a hassle on the rollcall. But I had no idea why my illustrious classmates gave a particular fuck.  
  
In any case, the day went on and my good mood persisted. I stuck as close as I could to Lauren, trailing her in the halls like a lost kitten, sitting with her in every class we had. She didn't talk to me much in front of other people, but when it was just us two, she was actually very conversational, just like the old days, back before I started dating Alice. She seemed to like me a lot better now that I was single. And I seemed to like her a lot better, too. Something had changed between us recently, and even if neither of us could pinpoint what it was, it seemed obvious. She hadn't called me dyke once all day, and she seemed mellower somehow, even smiling sometimes—and not an evil smile either, just a normal casual smile. She looked pretty when she smiled. Then again, she looked pretty when she scowled, too.  
  
Even I seemed to have changed slightly. I was no longer meek and timid—just calm and passive. She was still mean to me in various ways, but instead of glaring and making some feeble retort, I simply smiled and agreed. Which would make her smile too, as if she was glad I wasn't upset. As if she was only playing anyway.  
  
Alice wasn't pleased with any of this, of course, but that only seemed to make my heart flutter harder. Before lunch, I was sitting with Lauren in History, and she said something that made me giggle, some disrespectful joke about some respected historical figure. It was just a giggle but the giggle died on my lips when I saw how Alice was glaring at me from across the room. Jealousy, hurt, longing. So many things were in her honey-colored eyes. I felt a flicker of pity, but I'd be lying if I said the anger in those eyes didn't mostly just make me horny—for Lauren. So I gave Alice a smile, just a small one, and then I turned back to Lauren.  
  
Lauren and I walked to the cafeteria together and together we stood in the line. Angela was with us, so it didn't seem suspicious. I glanced at the Cullen table as I got my lunch, and of course Alice was there glaring at me. Leah and Jane were with her, both smirking, but there was no sign of the blonde or the redhead. They were probably still in Paris, but they'd be back eventually. Another reason why it would never work with me and Alice. Alice may have turned stalker, but Victoria was the real villain of the story. She'd never give up on her pixie slave and she'd already proven that she'd do anything to have her—even fuck me. The woman was dangerous, obviously.  
  
For a second I actually considered sitting with Alice. I hadn't spoken to Leah or Jane in a while and just because me and Alice weren't dating there was no reason we couldn't be friends. But then I remembered that I was trying to avoid the vampires, so I followed Lauren and Angela and sat with my fellow humans. They weren't as sexy as their demonic counterparts, but that was good for my appetite. It was hard to eat with Leah and Jane, knowing that there were more delicious things at the table than sandwiches and potato chips. It was the first time I'd eaten lunch at school in over two weeks. My life was healthier already, although not quite as tasty. Personally, I preferred pussy, but I'm the first to admit I'm a total freak.  
  
My good mood lasted through the remainder of the day. Lauren walked me to my locker after school, a truly extravagant gesture that wasn't lost on me. Unfortunately, Alice had walked with me too, only Alice had followed at a distance. Lauren was talking about some movie she'd been planning on seeing, but then she noticed Alice down the hall and paused to glare. I noticed she'd stopped talking and turned away from my open locker to see what she was glaring at. Alice was standing there, a short distance away, leaning against the wall and watching us darkly.  
  
"Jeez," Lauren said. "What a stalker."  
  
I smiled. She didn't know half of it. "Yeah," I said. "She was calling me all weekend, trying to make up. You wouldn't think I'd be so hard to get over, would you?"  
  
She snorted. "Fuck no."  
  
I closed the locker door and shrugged the strap of my backpack over my shoulder. We stood there looking at Alice, Alice not flinching. "You know she followed me to school this morning?" I mentioned. "I was walking and her car was creeping along behind me the whole time."  
  
"Seriously?"  
  
"Mmhm."  
  
Lauren snorted, not taking her eyes off Alice. "Wow," she said. "That's fucked up. You should call the cops or something."  
  
"I'm not afraid of her," I said, which was true. I'd always had a strange trust for Alice, and that didn't go away just because she'd lied to me and betrayed me. Besides, even if she did snap and try to take me by force, I'd probably only be relieved that I wouldn't have to resist her anymore. "She just misses me, that's all."  
  
"You should be afraid," Lauren said. She was still glaring at Alice and now she tossed her chin at her. "Look at the freak. She's like a fucking vampire or something."  
  
I smirked and turned to look again. She wasn't wearing a cape, but her expression did seem rather vampiric; dark, intense, pale and beautiful. Alice glowered at us both for a second, and then finally she turned and walked away. She was wearing jeans so I checked out her ass quickly, my heart giving a quick pang. Lauren didn't seem to have any similar interest, and after Alice was gone, she shook her head and turned back to me.  
  
"Creepy bitch," she said. "But hey, speaking of vampires, have you seen that new vampire movie that just came out?"  
  
I adjusted the strap of my backpack and shook my head. "Nah," I said. "I'm not a huge fan of vampires."  
  
Ironically, this was true. Being bitten had its thrills, but I'd never really been drawn to Alice's vampiric side; I was more into how she was willing to have sex with me.  
  
"I haven't seen it either," Lauren said. "I was gonna go see it with Angela but she already saw it with her boyfriend."  
  
"Why not go by yourself?"  
  
She shrugged, not looking at me. "I don't know," she said, sweeping her eyes over the ground, almost shyly. "I hate going to movies by myself."  
  
My heart gave a quick flutter. Was that another signal? Was she trying to get me to ask her out? I couldn't be sure, so I shrugged cautiously. "What about your boyfriend?" I asked.  
  
She snorted, still not looking at me. "Fuck that," she said. "I'd rather go with you."  
  
Another flutter. But she'd said it with heavy sarcasm, so I still couldn't be sure. I was flustered and I didn't know what to say, so I just smiled and passed it off as a joke. Lauren glared at me, waiting to see if I'd pull an engagement ring out of my pocket perhaps, and then she snorted and shook her head.  
  
"Well, whatever," she said. "Vampire's suck, anyway."  
  
Then she turned and started away toward her own locker—which was on the other side of the building. Lauren was wearing jeans too, but her ass wasn't quite as maddening as Alice's. Her hips were slimmer and she was a little flatter. Still; I'd love to get my hands on it.  
  
Lauren remained on my mind the whole way home, even with Alice's silver Volvo nosing along behind me like a sullen elephant. I replayed the conversation in my head, analyzing every word and gesture for hidden hints and subtexts. Leah and Jane had confirmed that Lauren was indeed attracted to me, but could it be possible that she'd actually go out with me? Her popularity at school meant a lot to her, but then again, she wasn't exactly a sensitive personality. Would she really care if suddenly half the school stopped talking to her because she was dating a girl? For that matter, would her popularity even suffer at all? Unlike me, she was blonde and she wore nice clothes. Maybe everyone would be so distracted by her platinum sheen and designer labels that they wouldn't even notice she was a lesbian.  
  
I just wish I knew if she'd actually go out with me. But no matter how much and how hard I contemplated it, I just couldn't come to any conclusions. Yes; she was attracted me. But she was also a violent homophobe. How did that work, anyway? Was she straight and simply confused? Was she bi? Was she secretly gay and only pretending to be a small-minded troll? It seemed strange such opposites could exist in one person. But I suppose there was a more important question; was her attraction to me strong enough to overcome her basic denial of all things lesbian? I didn't know, and the worst thing was that there was no easy way to find out. I couldn't simply ask her out. I couldn't even attempt to flirt with her. If I didn't handle this situation with extreme care I'd simply scare her away and I'd never find out if I could've gotten her bra off someday.  
  
By the time I got home the only thing I'd figured out was that it would be pretty cool if she actually did want to date me. It would be nice to hold her hand, and kiss her, and maybe take her to prom. The sex would probably be pretty good, too, with all that repression to work through. But I already knew all that, and it didn't really help determine the probability of these things happening, so I simply went upstairs and tossed my backpack on the bed, deciding to stop thinking about it. I had a more pressing decision to make; homework or masturbate? Thinking about Lauren's potential sexual prowess had made me mildly horny and fantasies might be the closest I ever get to her anyway, so I decided homework could wait a while.  
  
I sighed, and out of instinct, I glanced at the window. But there was no one there. I went to close the curtains, just in case, but then I saw her; out in the backyard. Alice. There was an old junglegym out there and she was sitting on the swing, swaying gently to and fro, hands clutching the chains. The sky was gray and a wind stirred the fine black locks of her pixie-like hair. She'd been watching my window and she smiled when she saw me. My heart skipped a beat and for a second I wondered why I didn't just take her back. It would be so much easier than Lauren and she had such a nicer ass. But then I remembered that technically she was stalking me and the more appropriate reaction would be fear and hysteria. I didn't call the police, and I certainly didn't faint from terror, but I did close the curtains. The less she saw of me, the quicker she'd get over me. And maybe, eventually, I'd get over her, too.  
  
I sighed and looked about my room. I spent a few seconds feeling bad about how I was hurting Alice, and then I went into the bathroom and fantasized about taking her back, Lauren momentarily forgotten.  
  
But my attention span is generally very short and soon Lauren was back on my mind. I thought about her and her signals while I ate dinner with mom and I wondered if I should ask for mom's advice on the subject. She'd made it clear that she wanted to be involved in my life, but somehow I wasn't really comfortable. Mom appeared to be okay with my orientation, but it probably wasn't the best news she'd ever gotten. It would've been cruel to actually force her to be overly-supportive. Besides, I seriously doubted mom would be encouraging of me pursuing another relationship so soon after the tragedy of my first attempt at romance. And she was probably right, too, which was never what a teenager wanted to hear.  
  
No, what I needed was a friend, someone unrelated that I could talk to, someone who knew what I was going through and knew exactly what to say. A BFF, a bestie, a lesbro. Someone with whom I could share my hopes and suspicions, comfortable in the knowledge that they would be reckless and immature enough to encourage me to move forward regardless of the probability that I'd likely fall on my face in a humiliation of scorn and rejection. And then I realized that I did have such a friend:  
  
Jane.  
  
Strictly speaking, she wasn't actually a friend, more like some chick who likes to fuck, bite, and make fun of me. But I had her phone number, and she was obviously in favor of me making a move on Lauren. Maybe she could give me the final bit of encouragement I needed, or better yet, maybe she could provide some vital piece of advice, some unbeatable tactic that would secure my success in the endeavor to remove Lauren of her panties.  
  
But I'm supposed to be avoiding the vampires, aren't I? Damn. Nothing's ever easy, isn't it? Well, maybe there was no reason to completely avoid them. I mean, it's not like she could corrupt me too much over the phone. Maybe we could be just friends. Like, plain ordinary friends, without the fucking and biting and stuff. After all, Jane wasn't a bad person really, just sadistic and kind of sociopathic. It was wrong to reject people for who they were, anyway. I needed to be understanding and sympathetic. And I really needed advice about Lauren.  
  
So after convincing myself that it didn't make me a weak person for breaking my vow to avoid vampires after only three days—it was a new record, really—I settled on my bed and called Jane. The curtains were still closed and it was dark outside. I wondered if Alice was out there, clutched to the drainpipe like a ninja and staring into the curtains, picturing me on the other side, so close yet so far—  
  
"Yo, dodo," Jane greeted me cheerfully in the phone. "What's up? Glad you called, I could use a booty call. Leah's got a date, if you can believe that. Some blonde bitch who wears more makeup than the Joker. Alice isn't putting out, either. She ain't even here. You know, you really messed her up, girl. Alice used to be the fuck-bunny of the family, now she's practically a nun. I haven't fucked her in ages! It's sad, almost. She's great with a strap-on, have you ever done it? You wouldn't think it, because she's so small, but trust me; she's got some thrust in those little hips of hers. She'd fuck you in half if you scream for her just right. So, anyway, how you doing? I haven't seen you in, like, days. Don't tell me you're going nun too. I'd hate to have to find some other bloodbag."  
  
Sometimes it was hard to tell if she was only pretending to be a teenage girl or she really was a teenage girl. Either way, it was an impressive burst of blonde chatter, albeit a little explicit, and I didn't even attempt to match it. "Um, hey," I said, somehow figuring I was supposed to extend some kind of greeting. "Hi."  
  
She chuckled. "Hey," she said. "So, what's up, did you wanna get together?"  
  
I felt a familiar flash of temptation. After all, it would be so easy to say yes, to tell her to come over later when mom was asleep, to take her up to my room and take off all her clothes. But that wouldn't solve my Lauren-issue, and I was still determined not to whore myself out anymore, so I said: "Actually, I thought we could just, um…talk?"  
  
"Talk?" she said disgustedly, as if such a thing was obscene and I was depraved for even suggesting it. "What do you wanna talk for?"  
  
"Well, something happened with Lauren today, and—"  
  
"Ooh, did you finally make a move?"  
  
"No, but that's what I wanted to talk about."  
  
She heaved an audible sigh. "Well, alright," she said. "I'm interested. Go on."  
  
I was a little disappointed she gave up so easily on trying to get a piece of my ass, but technically that was a good thing, so I went right to the point of why I was really calling. "Well, I'm not sure," I said, "but I think Lauren was trying to ask me out."  
  
"About time. You guys move slower than I did when I was your age—and that was six hundred years ago. So, what'd she say?"  
  
"Well, she was talking about this new vampire movie that just came out—"  
  
"It sucks," she interrupted. "Don't even bother. Me and Leah saw it last week."  
  
"That's not really the point."  
  
"Okay, go on."  
  
"Well, she was saying that she was gonna go see it with Angela, but Angela's already seen it."  
  
"Uh huh," she said, indicating that she as following me so far.  
  
"So I said why doesn't she go see it alone, and she says she hates going to the movies by herself."  
  
"Right."  
  
"So then I'm like, 'why don't you go with your boyfriend?' And she's like, 'Fuck that. I'd rather go with you.'"  
  
I even made my voice high pitched like Lauren's, and I caught her sarcastic yet suspicious tone perfectly.  
  
"Ah ha," Jane said, and her voice seemed to be smiling. "And what'd you say?"  
  
"Well, nothing," I admitted.  
  
She was incredulous. "Nothing?"  
  
"Well, I didn't know if I should," I said defensively. I mean, confidence has never been one of my defining characteristics; of course I didn't say anything. "But what do you think?" I asked. "I mean, she probably wasn't serious, right? She was probably just joking."  
  
Jane scoffed. "Come on, what are you, stupid? Maybe she wasn't asking you out, but she was definitely putting it out there."  
  
My heart flickered with hope. That's exactly what I had thought and exactly what I wanted to hear. But I wanted to hear it again, so I pretended to be hesitant and coy. "You think?" I asked.  
  
"Definitely," she said. "Listen, I'm feeling sorry for you here, so let me ask you a question. Do you want to nail this bitch?"  
  
"Um…"  
  
"It's a simple question, dodo," she said dryly. "Do you want to nail this bitch or not?"  
  
It wasn't really an elegant way to put it, and my feelings were slightly more emotional than that—although nailing her was indeed the culmination of those feelings—so I said: "Well, yeah."  
  
"Then you can't afford to be such a passive little doormat about this," she told me. "Laurie isn't like you, she isn't gonna just give it away. If you see an opening; take it."  
  
"Yeah, but…"  
  
"But nothing," she interrupted. "Girls respond to confidence and assertiveness. Trust me, alright? Lauren isn't gonna just fall into your lap, you have to force her there."  
  
It wasn't quite the foolproof advice I'd been hoping for, but the image was kinky, so I found myself smiling. "You never used confidence on me," I mentioned.  
  
She giggled. "You were just a slut," she said. "I didn't have to."  
  
It was probably a bad topic to pursue if I wanted to remain just friends, but I couldn't help myself. It always made me slutty when someone called me a slut—especially if that someone might be interested in taking advantage of that sluttyness. So I smirked and lay back on the bed, smiling up at the ceiling.  
  
"I'm not a slut lately," I said. "I haven't had sex in, like, days."  
  
A couple days certainly wasn't a long period, but that was the cleverness of it; it implied I needed it frequently. Which I did, so it wasn't just flirting.  
  
"Me either," Jane sighed. "Well, not with a human. Leah takes care of me very nicely, but sometimes you just need blood, you know?"  
  
"When's the last time you fed?" I asked.  
  
It might've been a little personal, because she hesitated before answering. "You," she said. "Last Friday."  
  
I felt a warmth in my chest. For some reason it struck me as really sweet that she hadn't fed from anyone else. It made me feel special. "Is that a long time for you guys?" I asked.  
  
"Kind of."  
  
My smirk grew slightly and then I gave up. Fuck being friends. Jane was hungry, I was horny, and really; what's the use of being a decent person when you could be having sex instead? So I smirked into the phone and made my voice sultry. "Well, if you don't mind being quiet," I whispered, "you can come over tonight."  
  
I heard her smile, a sound achingly similar to Alice's half-giggle. "What about Alice?" she asked. "You know she's practically stalking you, right?"  
  
I glanced at the window, but the curtains were still closed. "Alice doesn't own me," I said, and although my tone was defiant, what I felt was a touch of sadness; I wish she did own me. It would make things easier. But she didn't, and right now a quick booty call seemed more harmless than submitting to the girl who was stalking me. So I turned away from the window and smiled into the phone. "Besides," I said. "I like you, Jane."  
  
"Oh god," she giggled. "Look, don't get mushy on me, okay? You want me to come over, I'll come over, but I'm not gonna cuddle your skinny ass and tell you I love you."  
  
I smiled. "That's okay," I said. "I wouldn't believe you anyway."  
  
We arranged for her to come over at midnight and we kept talking until mom knocked on my bedroom door and suggested it was time to go to bed, which was basically the same as telling me. I took her advice and I also took my iPod and Kindle with me into bed, checking the time frequently until it was almost midnight. I tried to read, but anticipation was swirling in my stomach and I kept trying to make excuses for how easily I invited her over. I actually felt a little regret. It felt like I was betraying mom, Alice, myself, Leah. Even Lauren somehow. Am I really such a whore? I guess so, because it was only a little regret. More like a dim background awareness of regret. I wondered if this was how vampire's felt. I remembered how the momma-vamp had explained that the blood lust clouds their minds and makes them do things they wouldn't normally do. I hadn't developed a taste for blood, but my taste for pussy seemed to be overpowering enough. In any case, the guilt didn't stop me from counting the minutes to midnight, and when it was finally time I crept downstairs and let my late night booty call through the front door.  
  
Jane was very excited and I had to keep hissing at her to be quiet as we tiptoed up to my room. She kept trying to tell me she was wearing leopard-print panties, and while I was of course very interested in the aesthetic details of her undergarments, I was also anxious not to wake up mom, and I'd prefer to find out first hand anyway.  
  
I closed my bedroom door softly. She was already taking off her pants, and yes; her panties were leopard-print. I managed not to growl out loud, but I did feel my stomach roll with hunger. She giggled at me for staring and told me to get my clothes off. I did. We stripped to our underwear and sat on the edge of the bed, fooling around with our legs parted and our hands fumbling in each other's panties. As usual, Jane was very vocal, and aside from slapping her, the only way to keep her quiet seemed to be to do exactly what she wanted. It took almost two hours before we were willing to call it a night, and in that time we'd taken turns sitting on each other's faces and she'd bitten me two different times. The bites were shallow but her tongue went deep, and all in all, it was the loveliest night in recent memory. The shade of guilt was still there for betraying pretty much everyone that mattered in my life, but I couldn't bring myself to regret it on those grounds. My only real regret was that I'd only be getting a couple hours sleep before my alarm went off.  
  
I walked her to the front door and let her out. Despite her claims that she wasn't interested in cuddling and romantic platitudes, she did at least kiss me good night and squeeze my ass, which was tender enough for me. I watched her get in her car and drive away, and when she was gone I quickly scanned the front yard for signs of Alice. I'd been expecting to see her glowering from behind a tree somewhere or even running at me with an ice-pick clutched in her hand, but there was nothing. I waited for a second, and then I closed the door and went upstairs.  
  
I got back in bed, but I couldn't sleep. I kept staring at the closed curtains, and after a while, I got up and opened them. But still, no Alice. I hesitated, chewing my lip, and then I went back to bed. For some reason it seemed even more ominous not to have her angry sullen face in the window. What had happened? Undoubtedly she knew that Jane had been here. Was she so furious that she couldn't even bare to look at me anymore? Or had this latest betrayal been so bad that she'd simply given up on me and left? But it wasn't really a betrayal. We weren't even dating anymore. I was allowed to see who I wanted. Wasn't I?  
  
I didn't know, but the bad feeling I had was getting worse. It took me a long time before I got to sleep, and I still hadn't fully convinced myself that I wanted her to get over me. Because deep down, I knew I wanted her back. I wanted her back more than anything.  
  
—  
  
It took me two days before I worked up the courage to ask out Lauren. I'd been sitting with her at lunch and during classes as often as possible, and it was becoming more and more obvious that something had changed between us. Her teasing lost it's hurtful edge and she seemed to take a simple pleasure in having me around. Even when she wasn't speaking to me, she'd always glance at me occasionally, as if to check if I was still there. I always smiled when our eyes met, just in case she hadn't noticed I was into her, and every time she'd look away hastily—but with a blush on her cheeks.  
  
All week we'd been making excuses to spend extra minutes in each other's company, walking each other to each other's classes, walking each other to each other's lockers after school. Lauren was at her most casual when no one else was around and it was almost like the old days, back when we were nearly almost friends—only now there was the possibility of a relationship between us. I could tell she'd been thinking about it. She'd mellowed so significantly that she was almost a different person. Over the past few days she'd made it fairly clear that she preferred my company to pretty much any other girl—or boy—in school, and by Wednesday afternoon I finally took my chance.  
  
"Hey, um…"  
  
It wasn't the most suave way to begin, but it would have to do. Lauren closed her locker and looked at me. She might've sensed something odd in my shy posture and downcast eyes, because her voice went suspicious. "What?"  
  
I shrugged. Jane had recommended confidence and assertiveness, but honestly I was more comfortable with awkward clumsiness. "I was just thinking," I said. "You remember that vampire movie you were talking about?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"Did you see it yet?"  
  
She went even more suspicious. But maybe there was a touch of hope in her eyes, too. "No," she said. "Why?"  
  
I shrugged again. I already had my backpack, and adjusting the shoulder straps were a wonderful way to conceal awkwardness. "I was just wondering," I said. "I was thinking about seeing it after school today."  
  
It wasn't an outright invitation, but I couldn't be expected to do all the work. Lauren seemed to pick up on the hint. "Oh," she said, and then she went on, unsure. "You know, Jane said it's pretty good. She saw it last week."  
  
Actually, Jane said it sucked, but it sounded like Lauren was trying to encourage me to go see it. Because she wanted to go with me perhaps? I couldn't be sure, but her voice was pleasant, and it seemed like a good sign.  
  
So I returned her conversational tone, nodding casually. "Yeah, she said that," I said. Then I swallowed and took another chance. "But, um, what about you?" I asked. "When were you gonna go see it?"  
  
I'd never inquired into Lauren's personal affairs before, and the old Lauren would've snapped at me to mind my own business. But this was Lauren-in-love and Lauren-in-love was a sweeter creature. She looked aside for a second and shrugged; she was wearing her backpack too, and it really flattered her awkwardness.  
  
"I don't know," she said, still not committing. "I was maybe gonna go on the weekend or something."  
  
I nodded, disappointed. I wasn't brave enough to invite myself along with her, and it looked like she wasn't brave enough to invite herself with me, either. And now it was too late. We'd both expressed different plans and maneuvered each other into a stalemate. I sighed; it was so much easier with a vampire. All you had to do was let them.  
  
But she was still standing there, tugging on the strap of her backpack. She looked at me, and maybe disappointment was even more effective then confidence, because she shrugged again.  
  
"But if you're going today," she said with studied casualness, "we might as well go together. I mean, it's better than going alone, right?"  
  
My heart leapt. But I took care not to smile or make any indication that I just had a hot flash in my boobs. I just shrugged, valiantly matching her own level of casualness, and said: "I guess."  
  
It wasn't exactly a date, but it was close enough, and to complete my fairytale, she actually drove me in her car. It was an old beat up Toyota, but to me it was a chariot. I sat in the front, hands in my lap, trying not to smile as my secret crush beared me away to our first faux-date. This was the beginning. This was the two of us admitting we like spending time with each other, and from here anything was possible. All I had to do was keep hinting until she was comfortable, and then it would be a simple matter of getting her alone some place quiet and romantic, where our eyes would catch and we would look at each other silently, knowing, and then I'd lean forward shyly and place a tender kiss upon those lips I'd coveted since middle school, a kiss that would, of course, segue into a real relationship that involves hardcore fucking.  
  
It could be so perfect, and the only thing that clouded my mood was when I glanced in the rearview mirror and saw a silver Volvo tailing us closely. I'd read on the internet that it was a bad idea to remain friends with your ex after a break up, but it seemed that it was also a bad idea to be stalked by your ex after a break up, too. It was very difficult to move on with these constant reminders of my former lover's obsessive fixation on me. Because even though things looked promising with Lauren, I knew deep in my heart that Alice was sexier. It was wrong of me, but sometimes I wished she'd just snap already and take me by force. It would be so much easier.  
  
But I reminded myself that vampire's were evil—or fairly close to it—and while Lauren certainly wasn't an angel she did seem to be the healthier choice. Besides, I've always digged blondes.  
  
In any case, I didn't leap out of the car and go running back to Alice. I continued on with Lauren and when we got to the theater it became clear that I was actually stupider than everyone thought I was. I hadn't checked to see what time the movie was playing, and the next showing was over an hour away, so it seemed my grand plan of tricking her into a date wasn't as grand as I thought it was. The problem was that I hadn't actually believed I'd succeed, and now it seemed I might fail after all. But my usually-volatile date surprised me. She smiled and rolled her eyes, and she asked me how stupid can a person possibly be, but she didn't storm out, jump in her car, and leave me standing there. She almost seemed to be happy for the delay, and we spent the extra time together browsing the shops next door and making eerily pleasant conversation. We didn't actually hold hands, but it felt so odd under the circumstances that we might as well of. I could almost feel the chemistry between us, and when we finally returned to the theater, I had to fight back the urge to buy her ticket and then just give her the rest of cash I had on me.  
  
The movie itself sucked, no pun intended. It was more of an action movie, designed for a male audience, and I wondered how we'd even decided on seeing it. Still, the whole point was to spend time with Lauren, and since the crappiness of the movie allowed us to ridicule it as we watched, I suppose I couldn't complain. If the movie was any better we would've been compelled to pay attention. As it was, the only thing I found fascinating about it was the various scantily clad women who strutted across the screen every now and then. The dialogue often forced the camera on their faces, but I preferred the long shots when you could see their cleavage. I wondered if that made me sexist, but considering I was a girl too, it seemed unlikely. I was probably just a pervert.  
  
All in all, it seemed to be a decent date movie. Mindless, non-topical, and even a flimsy romance built around the action scenes. There were only two scenes that were uncomfortable to watch in a date-like situation. The first was a semi-sex scene between the leading man and the leading lady, but since the only nudity was male and waist-up, it seemed harmless enough. Lauren even made it a point to scoff at the muscled torso and speculate that the actor was holding his stomach in. I found it encouraging that she didn't seem particularly enthusiastic about the male body, but I didn't think she was quite ready for me to tear my clothes off and jump on her.  
  
The second scene that made us uncomfortable was a lesbian scene, naturally enough. Lauren saw it coming and stiffened visibly. It took place in a nightclub of some kind. One of the male vampires had entered the club with three female vampires in tow, and while one of them blew him under the table, the other two were making out on the dancefloor so he could watch. Technically, it was more of a bi-female scene than a lesbian scene, but the girl-girl interaction made Lauren acutely uncomfortable, so uncomfortable that she regressed almost instantly into her old gay-bashing self.  
  
"Fucking dykes," she muttered. "Look at that shit. Why do they put that shit in movies?"  
  
I smiled, watching as one of the women slipped off the other woman's shoulder strap, licked her shoulder, and slipped it back up. "Because it's sexy?" I suggested.  
  
Lauren snorted, but she was watching. "It's fucking gross."  
  
The scene cut to something else and since it was over, I looked at Lauren. "Why do you keep saying that?" I asked, genuinely curious. "I mean, even if it's not your thing, you have to admit it's pretty hot."  
  
It sounded like a reasonable argument to me, but she looked at me as if I'd accused her of going down on me when I wasn't looking. "Jeez," she said. "You sound like a guy."  
  
I'd been called many things in my sixteen years, but never something quite unjust as a guy. Admittedly, my sense of fashion had been mildly masculine before my wardrobe had been updated, but I wasn't aware of any other mannishness in my overall demeanor. My boobs were large and I had more curves than most girls in school, Lauren included. My figure had matured quite a bit these last couple months, but then again, she'd said I sound like a guy, not look like one. So I smiled and said: "What do you mean?"  
  
But she shook her head, unwilling to elaborate. "Look, just shut the fuck up, alright? You're embarrassing yourself."  
  
"Why, because I'm not ashamed of my orientation?"  
  
"No, because your orientation is stupid and guys jerk off about it," she said, spitting out the word 'orientation' as if it was a politically correct term for child-rape. "That's the only reason they put those scenes in these movies, you know. Because it's hot, like you said. But it's only guys that think that. I mean, doesn't that bother you? That basically your orientation is nothing but porno? I mean, doesn't that make you sick? Or are you just too stupid to realize?"  
  
I was surprised by her vehemence. It didn't sound like regular gay-bashing either. It sounded almost self-righteous, as if her real objection to lesbianism wasn't her own feelings but everyone else's. Maybe this was the root of her denial. The fact that lesbianism tends to get bad publicity in modern media. I could see her point, I suppose. When you see male homosexuality on TV, it's either cute comedy or serious relationships. When you see female homosexuality, it's usually just a cheap thrill. It didn't seem entirely fair, but it was a good thing I was too shallow to care about all this stuff, because it had obviously messed up Lauren.  
  
So I smiled and gave a slight shrug. "I guess I'm just stupid."  
  
Lauren seemed to have been expecting more, and I realized I should've taken the opportunity to pretend to be deep. But before I could follow up with a five-page essay on contemporary feminism, she shook her head and turned back to the movie. "Whatever," she muttered. "This movie sucks, anyway."  
  
I turned back to the movie glumly, disappointed with myself for being such an idiot. The nightclub scene had devolved into a savage swordfight with werewolves, and the two chicks who'd been making out were dead on the dancefloor. Typical. Lesbians in movies and TV are never good examples of the lifestyle. Even Tara in Buffy got killed off eventually.  
  
I lost interest in the final-battle and swept my eyes over the other seats. It was a weekday and the movie had already been out over a week, so the theater was almost empty. In fact, it seemed like me and Lauren were the only two people in the whole place, and it struck me as a shame that we were only on a fake-date. I would've loved to put an arm around her or cop a feel. I almost wished I was here with Alice instead of Lauren. Alice would've known how to take advantage of the privacy. Alice wouldn't pause to pontificate on the injustice of lesbian exploitation in movies and entertainment; she'd be too busy exploiting me.  
  
I sighed and looked at the screen. Maybe this was all a waste of time. Lauren would never openly date me, and even if she did, she'd never put out as frequently as Alice. Sex isn't important in a relationship, of course, but it seemed rational that more sex was better than less sex. Especially sex with Alice. That was the best kind of sex.  
  
By now the movie had somehow segued into a scene involving the two female rivals as they fought to the death for the dubious honor of ending up with the guy. They were wearing leather and not much of it, but even this failed to capture my interest. I looked out across the theater, heaving another sigh, and that's when I noticed that one of the seats was occupied—by someone who was turned in their seat and staring directly at me.  
  
I had a brief moment of panic, but then I realized it was Alice, and the panic melted into relief. Oh thank god. It's only my stalker. I hadn't noticed her before and I'd assumed she was waiting in her car outside. Nice to know her obsession was strong enough to cause her to sit through such a crappy movie just so she could be near me. Although I hoped Lauren wouldn't notice. She might assume Alice was dangerous, which might actually be possible. I didn't believe Alice would hurt me, but she certainly didn't have a great deal of love for Lauren. In fact, as I remembered, the last time I saw them together was when Alice had threatened to break Lauren's neck—and that was only for being mean to me. What would she do if she knew Lauren was being nice?  
  
Alice had smiled when our eyes met, and against my better judgment, I gave her a slight smile back. It was wrong to encourage her, but I couldn't help it. I missed her and I wanted to make feel better, even if I knew we couldn't be together. Her smile widened slightly, and then she motioned with her head toward the exit. As if she wanted to speak to me alone. I shook my head quickly, but she only tossed her head once more, and then she got up and walked out. It was too dark to see her ass very clearly.  
  
I turned to Lauren and hesitated only for a second. I couldn't leave Alice out there waiting for me. It would be too close to a direct snub, and I couldn't do that to her. Whatever she wanted, I had to go out there and tell her to her face that I wasn't interested in anything she was thinking, even if it involved opening her legs, so I turned to Lauren and whispered: "I'm gonna go to the bathroom quickly."  
  
She shot me a look. Either she was upset I'd interrupted the movie, or she was upset about losing my company even for a minute. She'd already said she hated the movie, so I promised myself I'd be quick, and then I ducked out into the aisle and hurried after Alice.  
  
I appeared in the outer corridor and saw her leaning against the restroom door. When she saw me she pushed back into the bathroom and let the door swing shut. I took a deep breath to steel myself and approached the door. I had no idea what was waiting for me on the other side; it could be a seduction attempt, a brutal murder, or stall-to-stall chit chat. But I pushed the door open and went in.  
  
Luckily, my obsessed ex didn't seemed to be inclined toward violent confrontation—not this afternoon at least. She was leaning against one of the sinks and she smiled to see me, as if it was such a coincidence we'd bumped into each other. "Jeez, that movie sucks," she said, as if she hadn't been stalking me all week. "Wanna go see something else? My treat."  
  
I maintained a respectable distance. She was wearing jeans and a pink tee, and it was the closest I'd been to her in days. I fixed my brow into a frown, ignoring how she was making my heart pound, and said: "I thought you were going to give me space, Alice."  
  
Something flinched in her eyes and her smile went a touch eerie. "I said I was going to give you space so you realize that you still love me," she said. "I didn't say I was giving you space so you can go fall in love with someone else."  
  
"Me and Lauren are just friends. We're just hanging out."  
  
"Friends," she repeated.  
  
I nodded. "Yeah."  
  
"But you'd like to be more."  
  
"I don't know," I admitted. "Maybe."  
  
I felt bad saying it, but we both needed to hear it. I needed to convince myself that I was serious about both Lauren and becoming a decent person, and she needed to know I was serious about that too. But if I'd been hoping for understanding and a respectful withdrawal of her suit, I would've been disappointed.  
  
"You're unbelievable, Bella," she said, staring at me coldly. "Since the first moment we met I did nothing but love you with all my heart and yet here you are determined to worm your way into the pants of a girl who's done nothing but hate and reject you." She frowned and her tone went accusing. "You always liked her, didn't you? Even when you were with me."  
  
Her tone irked me; mostly because it really hurt. "Crushes don't go away just because some psycho crawls through your bedroom window and proclaims herself your soulmate," I told her, immediately regretting it.  
  
But she shook her head slowly, not taking her eyes from mine. "Unbelievable," she repeated, looking at me as if she'd never seen me before. Or worse, was finally seeing me at last. The way I always was, always will be. I felt pathetic under her eyes and I looked away. "You were unfaithful to me in so many ways," she said sadly. "And yet you can't forgive me for one little moment of weakness. Is that fair?"  
  
Her tone made me blink back tears. "It's not about that, Alice," I said. "I forgave you for that a long time ago."  
  
She took a step toward me imploringly. "Then why?" she demanded. "Why can't we be together?"  
  
"Because," I said, my voice querulous. "You're a bad person, Alice. I mean, you stalk me, you lied to me, you used me. You have some fucked up mistress who'll probably kill me if I take you away from her again. I don't want to be with someone like you. I just want a regular relationship. You took advantage of me because I was weak, but I'm not weak anymore. Okay?"  
  
At first she didn't react. Then she let her weight on one leg, cocking her hip, and gave me a coy smile. "You're right," she said, leveling her dark eyes at me sexily. "I've been a bad girl, haven't I?"  
  
A ball of queasy excitement rolled through my stomach. She was shifting tactics. Traditional arguments hadn't worked so now she was attempting a more direct approach. She took a step forward, only a couple steps away now, and I tried to make my voice stern.  
  
"Don't even try it, Alice," I said.  
  
But she only smiled. "Try what, baby?" she asked innocently. "Aren't I allowed to apologize? To tell you how sorry I am? And how eager I am to make it all up to you?"  
  
I was wearing a black tee and to punctuate her statements she lifted a hand and trailed a fingertip under the globe of one of my breasts. The touch made my breath jerk and made my nipples stiff. I swallowed and forgot how to talk for a second.  
  
"But maybe I should stop telling you how sorry I am," she said, gazing into my flushed face, "and start showing you. Hm? Would you like that, Bella?"  
  
Before I could say anything, if I was even capable of saying anything, she sank to her knees at my feet. I was wearing black cargoes, and all I could do was stare helplessly as she hooked her hands into the waistband and pulled them down to my knees, together with my panties.  
  
"Alice, stop," I said, throwing a panicked glance at the bathroom door. "We're in public."  
  
But considering how empty the entire place was it was unlikely anybody would be walking in, and in any case, she didn't listen. She leaned toward me, just slightly, and blew a soft breath over my exposed pussy. A shiver rippled through me.  
  
"Baby's pussy is so pretty," she whispered, her lips so close, so achingly close. "She's so cruel for keeping it from me."  
  
Dimly, I was again astounded at her shallow opinion of me. Granted, I was somewhat of a slut, but did she really think I was brainless enough to be coerced back into the relationship by the promise of a pussy licking?  
  
"Alice, please."  
  
But she didn't listen. Her hands were holding my hips and slowly she leaned forward with her tongue and licked me gently, just once. Her hot tongue grazed softly against my dry but sensitive folds and her eyes rolled up to meet mine submissively.  
  
"Oh god," I moaned, almost falling over.  
  
She smiled, gazing up at me from her knees. "Does baby like that?" she asked. She giggled and returned her eyes to my pussy. "I bet baby does. I bet she really likes it."  
  
Baby did like it, but baby was on a date with someone else, and baby really wasn't the kind of girl who had sex in public restrooms, not anymore. But for some reason, I couldn't speak, and even if I had, she probably wouldn't have listened. She was still staring at my pussy as if she was in love with it, and then she leaned again, very slowly, and placed a kiss on it, leaving her lips there as she spoke.  
  
"Does baby want me to keep going?" she whispered, every word vibrating into my core. "All she has to do is take me back. I'd be so grateful if she takes me back. I'd do anything to make her happy."  
  
"Alice," I whimpered.  
  
"Please, baby?" she asked, pressing her lips to me again in another kiss. "Just tell me you take me back and I'll do anything you want. Anything."  
  
But suddenly I had enough. It was too much, too degrading. If she really loved me she wouldn't do this to me, seduce me in a bathroom while I was on an trial date with someone who was important to me. Alice didn't love me. She only wanted me. I wanted her, too, but not like this. It was too fake, too wrong. She didn't really want to go down on me right now. She was only faking so that I'd go back to her.  
  
So I wrenched away from her lips and stumbled backwards, almost tripping in my pants around my ankles. I pulled them up frantically, acutely embarrassed, and looked at Alice. "Fuck you," I sobbed, and then I ran out of the bathroom, leaving her kneeling there.  
  
I didn't see Alice again for the rest of the day. I sat through the rest of the movie with Lauren and at first I was so distracted by the erotic encounter that I hardly knew how it ended. But then the credits began to roll and Lauren immediately started talking about what a waste of time it was to even see it and we should've just walked out halfway through and gone somewhere else. It made me smile that she'd included me in her plans to walk out and by the time we'd exited the theater I was refocused on my bitchy blonde crush.  
  
Unfortunately, however, we didn't have any more excuses to hang out, and it was getting a little late by now, anyway. She drove me home in her cheap Toyota, and I kept glancing in the rearview, but there was no sign of any silver Volvo. I wasn't exactly disappointed, but I wasn't happy, either. Just resigned. Alice needed to get it through her head that I was human, and I wasn't interested in selling my soul for pussy—even a pussy like hers.  
  
It was almost dark by the time we pulled up outside my house and for a second we sat in awkward silence. I wondered if this felt like a date for her, too. Briefly I considered attempting to kiss her goodnight, but I knew she wasn't ready. We had to go slow. It wasn't one of my preferred tactics, but Lauren wasn't a slutty whore of darkness. She was a regular girl, and a quick fuck in the backseat probably wasn't the best way to show her I was serious.  
  
Finally Lauren broke the silence. "So this is where you live, huh?" she said, leaning to look out the window. "Does your mother know you're gay?"  
  
It was a weird question, and I answered hesitantly, unsure what she wanted to hear. "Sure," I said.  
  
She nodded, trying to be casual. "How'd she take it?"  
  
Ah, now I understood. She wanted to know how a typical mother reacts to the revelation that her daughter would rather eat pussy than get married and provide her with natural-born grandchildren. I figured I should put a positive spin on it, make it seem like no big deal. It was probably best not to mention that my own mom had freaked out, severed my relationship, and grounded me until I'd smashed my head open in a fit of catatonic depression.  
  
"Well, it was a shock," I said, "but you know. I'm still her daughter. She'll always love me."  
  
It seemed to hit the right tone; optimistic yet rooted in reality. Lauren went thoughtful for a second, but only a second. She covered it up with a quick smirk and a quicker jab.  
  
"If I was your mother I'd disown your lezzy ass."  
  
I smirked back. "If you were my mother I would've killed myself by now."  
  
"Not if I smothered you first."  
  
We chuckled together. I wasn't sure what was so amusing about filicide, but it was nice to share a moment of levity. Unfortunately, it only lasted a couple seconds before we lapsed into silence once more. I knew I was supposed to casually say bye and get out the car, but I felt I should send one last signal, something indisputable so that she'd know without a doubt that I liked her. So I put on my best attempt at a smile and said:  
  
"Hey, um… I really had a lot of fun today."  
  
It was an improbable statement, considering we both hated the movie, but the subtext was blatant enough. Lauren immediately went defensive.  
  
"Yeah, so?"  
  
"Well, I'm just saying," I said, unfazed by her defensiveness. "It was nice hanging out with you." And in case that was too subtle, I gave an awkward chuckle, and added: "Almost like a date."  
  
Lauren frowned and said nothing. I was disappointed. I knew she wasn't going to lift her top and show me her boobs, but I'd hoped for maybe a bashful smile. I guess it was still too soon.  
  
"Well," I said. "I'd better go."  
  
I opened the car door and got out. I flashed her one last smile and I was about to close the door when she said:  
  
"Hey."  
  
I paused. Had she changed her mind and wanted to fuck me in the backseat quickly? I concealed my excitement and blinked at her. "Yeah?"  
  
"You forgot your backpack."  
  
It was sitting there in the floor. "Oh," I blushed, grabbing it up. "Sorry."  
  
But before I could go she spoke again.  
  
"Listen," she said, frowning uncomfortably. "There's this party on Saturday. Down at La Push. Were you gonna go?"  
  
La Push was the beach just outside of town, but whether it was outside of town or on the moon, it still seemed unlikely that Lauren would invite me to a party there. Did she want to be seen in public with me sp she could see how people would react? Or was she just being friendly? Either way, I didn't think a beach party would be the best place for a meaningful romantic interlude, not considering I was unpopular and had never been to a party in my life.  
  
"I don't know," I said. "I probably wouldn't know anyone there."  
  
She frowned even more savagely. "I'll be there," she said, as if accusing me of something. "And Jane and Angela'll be there. You might as well go. I mean, you got nothing better to do, right?"  
  
It warmed my heart that she seemed to require my company, but I really wasn't a party-girl, and I'd probably only make a fool of myself and turn her off. So I shrugged and demurred, only slightly tempted. "I wouldn't know how to get there," I said. "I don't even have a car."  
  
She shrugged as if it was no big deal. "I could pick you up."  
  
My heart jolted. That sounded a little more appealing. Lauren was obviously having a hard time with her feelings for me, and maybe giving me rides was the first step toward full confession. In any case, she seemed to really want me there, and I didn't have the heart to refuse a third time.  
  
"Well, okay," I said. "Are you sure?"  
  
"Yeah, whatever," she muttered. "I don't give a fuck."  
  
Her sudden shyness emboldened me. "Thanks," I smirked. "I'll wear something sexy."  
  
She gave my body a skeptical glance. "Good luck."  
  
"Fuck you."  
  
She snorted, that familiar smirk crossing her lips. "Keep dreaming, dyke," she said.  
  
I grinned and slammed shut the door as if I was angry with her. But I wasn't angry. It was the first time she'd called me dyke in over a week and for the first time it felt almost like a pet-name. I watched the car drive away until it turned the corner, and then I sighed and turned toward the house. I didn't pirouette down the garden path, but I felt like it, and the only thing that could've made our pretend date better was sex.  
  
Mom was home and I found her in the kitchen making dinner. She was chopping vegetables and she glanced over her shoulder as I came in.  
  
"Hi, sweetie," she said. "Have fun at the movies?"  
  
I'd called her from school to let her know I'd be late home. Among my desires for decency was the desire to be a good daughter, and so far I had been, aside from that one booty call a couple nights ago. But that didn't really count since she didn't even know about it.  
  
"Um, yeah," I said, careful about how much excitement I should reveal. I didn't want her to think I'd had too much fun. "I guess."  
  
She turned back to the chopping board. "Who'd you go with?" she asked, ever the attentive and interested mom.  
  
"Lauren," I replied.  
  
"Lauren?" she repeated, as if surprised. "Wow. It's been a while since you've spent time with her, hasn't it?"  
  
I'd come over to inspect what she was making. It seemed to be preparation for a stir-fry and as usual she'd cut the carrot too thick. This is why I preferred to cook. I bet she didn't even peel them properly. But rather than scold her for her culinary carelessness, I replied to the question.  
  
"Well, we were fighting for a bit," I said. "She didn't like Alice. But now we're kind of friends again."  
  
"Kind of?" she inquired politely.  
  
My tone might've been a little suspicious, and I had the impression that she was looking for something she could be disapproving of and thereby protect me from. But I decided I might as well be honest. She had already said she wanted me to open up about my feelings, and my budding relationship with Lauren was the perfect opportunity, since it didn't involve sex, biting, or massive blood loss.  
  
So I gave a little shrug. "Well, she invited me to a party on Saturday," I said. "And she said she'd come pick me up. I think she might, you know. Like me."  
  
She glanced at me, flustered. "Wow," she made an effort to say. "That's, um… That's great, sweetie. But, um…"  
  
I smiled at how quickly she got disconcerted. Was girl-girl attraction really such a scandalous topic? She was chopping a mushroom and I was surprised she didn't lop off a finger. "But what?"  
  
She gave a small shrug, as if to soften something that might be a little harsh, and focused on the mushroom. "Well, don't you think it's a little fast?" she said. "I mean, you only just ended a relationship a couple weeks ago."  
  
I shook my head. "Lauren's different from Alice," I said, and it was true. Lauren didn't stalk me during dates, or leer at me in class, or sexually submit to me in public restrooms. Lauren was actually a decent person, aside from a mild homophobia and a tendency toward profanity. She was certainly a healthier choice than Alice.  
  
But mom of course had other objections. "Well, that's the other thing," she said, placing the knife on the cutting board and turning to me. "I mean, what if she doesn't really like you like that? What if you've made a mistake and she's just being friendly? I couldn't bare it if you got hurt again."  
  
I could see the concern in her face, and she made a valid point. I was pretty certain that Lauren was gay, or at least bi—Leah and Jane had pretty much confirmed it—but it was still doubtful if she'd ever openly date me. But that's why this party would be important. It was a first step.  
  
So I waved away her worries and shook my head. "Lauren isn't that friendly," I said. "Trust me, it's a big deal that she wants to spend time with me. Besides, even her friends think she has a thing for me."  
  
Mom wasn't convinced. "Well, maybe she does, but…"  
  
"But what?"  
  
She dried her hands with a dishtowel and sighed. Evidently we'd stumbled into a serious conversation.  
  
"Well," she began, almost hesitantly. "I've done some research about all this on the internet—you know, to try and understand what you've been going through better—and I read that sometimes this kind of thing can be a phase. Especially at your age. So even if this girl does like you, it doesn't mean she's like that, you know? I mean, maybe even you aren't really like that."  
  
I only barely refrained from laughing. The notion of my orientation being a phase was so wildly optimistic of her that I had to bite the inside of my mouth to keep from grinning. But mom was obviously trying to be serious, and I felt that I should at least pretend to be serious, too.  
  
"What do you mean?" I said.  
  
She'd been watching for my reaction, afraid perhaps that I might fly into a fit of angry self-righteousness and accuse her of trying to change me. But when she saw that I was only curious about how she came to this conclusion, she nodded understandingly and went on.  
  
"Well," she said, "I was just thinking, that's all. I mean, after everything that happened with that girl, it's perfectly understandable that you might be a little confused. Do you think that could be what's happening here?"  
  
I almost felt sorry for her. She seemed to seriously think that maybe Alice had somehow beguiled me into lesbianism, and while that may've made sense from her perspective, it seemed rather preposterous from mine. Alice had been a corrupting influence, certainly, but that didn't explain why I'd been fantasizing about the entire cheersquad since before I ever met her. Anything was possible, I suppose, but given that my enjoyment of pussy extended far beyond Alice's, I seriously doubted my orientation was Alice's fault.  
  
But mom had obviously put some thought into this—she'd even done research—and I didn't have the heart to shatter her hopes. I wasn't really mature enough to take any of her concerns seriously, but at least I could pretend.  
  
So I nodded, shrugging slightly. "Um, maybe," I said, and compared to all the other lies I've told her I doubted this one would cause me to get struck by lightning. "I don't know."  
  
"I mean, I'm not trying to change you," she rushed to reassure me, "and I'll always love you no matter what, but…" She gave a little shrug. "It's just, you're still very young, sweetie. You've got a lot of growing up to do before you can know who you really are, and you really shouldn't commit to anything so soon. I mean, just because you like girls now, doesn't mean you won't like men later, you know?"  
  
I tried not to cringe. I'm sure men were very nice—if you like that kind of thing—but in all honesty, I really couldn't picture myself having sex with something that didn't have tits. But I was determined to be mature, and a mature young woman would take her mother's advice seriously, so that's what I pretended to do.  
  
"Um, yeah," I said. "I guess."  
  
But mom still wasn't done, the poor thing. "It's just…" she began. She struggled for a second, as if trying to recall a prearranged speech, and went on. "Being gay isn't easy," she said. "It can make your life very complicated. More complicated than it needs to be. It's hard enough being straight, trust me. I couldn't make a relationship work and I never had to deal with the things that you'll have to deal with when you're older."  
  
Again, I struggled not to smile. I was dealing with quite a few things right now, including a stalker ex. But I figured it was best to let mom get it all out of her system. "What things?" I asked.  
  
"Well, societal disapproval for one," she said. "No one likes to be looked at in public, right?"  
  
Well, that was true, I guess. I remembered the looks I'd gotten at school whenever Alice had kissed me or held my hand. It had made me uncomfortable at first, but I'd gotten over it quickly enough, and in any case, it wasn't all discomfort and awkwardness. The good thing about kissing a girl in public was the fact that you're kissing a girl. Why nitpick over who's looking?  
  
"Besides," mom went on, "wouldn't you like to have a family some day? A real family? With a husband who loves you and children created by that love?"  
  
In all honesty, I'd rather have a lesbian mistress who'll sit on my face and yank my hair, but that probably wasn't what mom wanted to hear. So I nodded ruminatively, as if this was all an interesting revelation and I was seriously considering it. "Yeah, maybe."  
  
And thankfully, this seemed to be enough to satisfy her, because she smiled and turned back to the chopping board. "Well, anyway," she said, going back to work on the vegetables. "I suppose you're still too young to think about this kind of stuff. Just remember that you've still got a lot of growing up to do and orientation isn't set in stone. Especially for a woman. It changes sometimes."  
  
She'd probably read that on the internet. I'd done some research too, and I'd read similar things. I'd even read some of those articles about women who used to be committed lesbians and are now happily married mothers of four. A true triumph for domestic bliss, those articles, but with all due respect I struggle to see the nobility in a woman who backs out of her lifestyle as soon as something easier presents itself. I mean, seriously; what are they so proud of? I didn't know giving birth was such an achievement, but I guess it's only a matter of time until they make it an event at the Olympics. There was always a family snapshot in those articles and I guess they must really be proud of their maternal prowess because only a truly loving mother could love kids so ugly. Still, as long as they're happy. Personally, I think a nice ass and a second set of tits is more valuable than a husband and a couple children, but hey; everybody's different.  
  
In any case, at least the conversation was over. There was only one last thing to clarify. "Am I allowed to go to the party?" I asked. Because, really, that's all I cared about at the moment.  
  
Mom smiled. "Of course, sweetie," she said. "I want you to have fun with your friends, I just don't want you to get hurt, that's all."  
  
I nodded and hesitated for a second. "And what if Lauren really does like me?" I asked. "Would it be okay if…"  
  
She hesitated too, clearly fighting the urge to buy me a male-whore before I did anything rash with another girl. "Well, that'll be up to you to figure out," she said. "Just promise me you'll do the right thing and be responsible, okay?"  
  
I complimented her wisdom in letting her daughter make her own decisions. It was just a shame I wasn't as mature as she thought I was. "I will," I said, and really; I was sure I'd try.  
  
Dinner that night was chicken stir-fry, and while we ate, mom worked on her supportiveness by asking me all about my day with Lauren. I was cautious at first, but she nodded and smiled and agreed that certain aspects of Lauren's behavior may indeed indicate a romantic attachment, and before I knew it I was even giving her a rundown of the movie. I'd missed a few plot points toward the end where I'd been sexually assaulted in the restroom by my manic ex, but I remembered most of it.  
  
We concluded dinner with a dessert of frozen yogurt, and mom took the opportunity to again caution me, very supportively, in my dealings with Lauren. After all, girls are a shifty bunch and you can never quite tell what they're feeling, especially for other girls since it's probably just a phase and girl's aren't really capable of loving their own kind because boys are so much better and more socially appropriate. Apparently this generalization applied to me, too, and she went on to remind me that sexuality is a fluid thing and I was still too young to really know anything about myself and maybe I was just confused anyway. I'm sure it was all very wise, but I wasn't really listening anymore; I was mentally preparing my fantasy material for tonight and I just couldn't decide what kind of panties Alice should be wearing.  
  
There were a couple hours before I went to bed and I spent the time curled on the couch beside mom with my Kindle. She was re-watching her Sex in the City DVDs, and every now and then I'd look up and shake my head at some stupid bit of dialog. Pretty actresses, though.  
  
By the time I went upstairs it had started to rain. I opened my bedroom door and froze.  
  
Alice was sitting on my bed.  
  
She was sniffing my pillow and she put it down when I came in. She smiled at me and tilted her head, an adorable psycho. "Hi," she said.  
  
I closed the door and glared at her. "Get out," I said.  
  
She pouted and gestured at the wet window. "But it's raining."  
  
"You can't keep doing this to me, Alice," I said. "Stalking me isn't the solution to our problems."  
  
"Then what is?"  
  
"There is none. You're a vampire. You drink blood. I mean, don't you get it?"  
  
She smiled and averted her eyes, caressing the pillow in her lap like a cat. "It's not nice to reject someone because of what they are," she said.  
  
"Alice, please."  
  
She looked at me. Then she stood up in one graceful motion and tossed the pillow back onto the bed. "Fine," she said. "I'll go. But only because I know you'll take me back eventually. It's destiny."  
  
I tried to glare at her pretty face, but I didn't think I managed it. She smiled at the attempt.  
  
"You know, I think I like this defiant streak of yours," she said. "It's cute. But just remember, baby… I'm a very, very, submissive woman. If you take me back… you have no idea how thankful I'll be."  
  
I swallowed and tried not to show how insanely horny this made me. She smiled and then she turned to the window, bending at the hip to lift it open. I tried not to look at her round, perky, jeanclad ass, and I failed at this, too. She gave me one last smile, and then she stepped outside, took a grip on the drainpipe, and shut the window.  
  
And there she stayed, watching me placidly. I was still in my school clothes and I realized that I had to get changed. But for a second I couldn't move. I just stood there and watched her through the glass, watching as the rain slowly soaked her hair and ran down her cheeks like tears. She knew I had to change and she was waiting to see what I'd do. I could've closed the curtains or taken my clothes to the bathroom. But her eyes. Her eyes were so big, so beautiful. So smug, so expectant. There was a dull fury in my chest and I had the sudden urge to show her what she's missing out on. To show those cocky eyes that I didn't care if they were staring at me all night. I wasn't sure what exposing myself to her would prove, but I knew it would prove one thing: it would prove that she wanted me more than I wanted her. And for some reason that seemed like an important thing to prove.  
  
So I did it. With Alice's face in the rain-smeared window, watching me, I started taking off my clothes. I pulled off my top and tossed it on the floor. I dropped my pants and kicked them aside. I'd taken off my boots when I'd first gotten home and I left my socks on. I stood there, naked but for white underwear, white socks, and looked into her face. The change in her expression was very subtle, but I saw it; a faint glimmer of hope in her eyes. She thought I was giving up, that I was on the verge of taking her back. But I wasn't. I was only teasing her; the same way she teased me.  
  
And I wasn't done. Turning aside slightly, I unhooked my bra and peeled it away, slowly before letting it drop. My breasts had always been large for my age, but lately they seemed even larger, as if vampire venom contained some strange swelling agent. Their shape seemed to have improved slightly, too. They seemed to have a little extra lift, an added buoyancy. In any case, they were now, officially, my best feature, and Alice was staring right at them. She was being careful to conceal her expression, but I noticed her lips were parted slightly. My nipples were hard and erect under her eyes, and without making any effort to cover myself, I simply stood there awkwardly, letting her look, my arms dangling at my sides. I could hear the rain on the roof and the rain on the window. I didn't know what to do with my hands so I tucked some hair behind my ear. My boobs were tingling and after a while I noticed Alice lick her lips unconsciously. This made me smirk and I turned away.  
  
Next was my panties. Fortunately, I'd seen Alice undress enough times to know how this was done properly; I bent at the hip and slid them down my legs, keeping my legs perfectly straight. My legs, like my breasts, seemed to have improved lately, too. They used to be flat and kind of skinny. Now they seemed to be a little fuller. I had no idea what kind of shape my ass was in, since I rarely looked at it, but it was facing the window and it tingled as I stood up and stepped out of my panties with gentle flicks of my feet. I was now completely naked aside my socks, but I figured I'd leave them on. I wasn't aware of any erotic way to remove socks, and sometimes they looked cute on a naked body, anyway.  
  
Alice was still watching. There was a subtle desperation in her hot honey-colored eyes, and her wet black hair was stuck to her head like a helmet, making her seem like a soaked kitten. A sad little kitten that wanted to come in and be petted. And I did want to let her in, I really did. I wanted more than anything to simply give up and take her back and spend the rest of my existence enjoying the unholy lust she was so intent on forcing upon me. But nothing had changed. Lust doesn't last forever and Alice had already failed at relationships with Jane, Rosalie, Victoria, Esme, and maybe Leah as well. There was nothing special about me and I knew she'd never keep me forever. She was just a sexy soulless little monster.  
  
And I hated her for ever making me believe she was perfect.  
  
So this was my revenge. A bit petty perhaps, but it was hot for me too, so I couldn't complain. I wasn't done, either. I wasn't about to simply crawl into bed and go to sleep. I wanted to give her a real show, so she could see exactly how much I didn't need her, didn't want her. My pussy didn't belong to her; it was mine and I'd do whatever I wanted with it. Either by myself or with Leah and Jane or even with Lauren someday. I didn't need her anymore.  
  
So I spread myself on the bed and started playing with myself. It was cold in the room but I didn't cover any part of my body. I was entirely exposed and I kept my eyes locked with Alice's as I touched my breasts and nipples and stroked my pussy and clit and inserted fingers into myself, slowly pumping them. My face was flaming and I only broke eye contact when I came, squeezing my eyes shut with my naked chest heaving as the orgasm shook through my sweaty body.  
  
Alice was still staring and her expression had darkened. Her eyes were furious with longing and the rain was dripping from her eyelashes. In a way, it was the perfect metaphor for our relationship; me, a horny teenager, and her, out there in the dark and the rain, glassed away in her own little world where soulmates are real and love and lust are the same thing. I smiled at her sleepily and then I got up, still naked, and approached the window. One last flicker of desperation crossed her face as she thought maybe I was going to open the window and let her in. But I didn't. I closed the curtains, and then I got changed into my sleep clothes and went to bed.  
  
—  
  
I kept the curtains closed for the rest of the week. The next day was Thursday and after school I found myself watching cheer practice with Leah. The clouds had cleared and there was even a little sun. Leah, like Jane, had proven to be interested in my love life, and by now I'd filled her in on the details of my budding courtship with Lauren.  
  
"I guess all you gotta do now is make a move, huh?"  
  
I nodded, but I was still hesitant. "I guess."  
  
We were sitting on the bench and looking across the field where the squad wasn't doing much but standing around talking. Alice was slightly apart and she was holding a pompom in both hands like a mournful bouquet, gazing at me sadly. Lauren was laughing about something with Jane.  
  
"Want some advice?" Leah offered.  
  
I looked at her. "Okay."  
  
Leah smirked and nudged me with her elbow. "Get her drunk first," she said. "Trust me on this one. Alcohol; straight chick's kryptonite."  
  
I smiled and demurred. "I was thinking that maybe I should just tell her how I feel," I said. "And let her decide."  
  
But Leah was already shaking her head. "Score first," she said. "Talk about your feelings later. Seriously. I've seduced a lot of straight chicks in my lifetime and I know what I'm talking about. You can't treat this like a normal relationship. There's no barriers between her and boys, but there's a barrier between her and you, and before anything you need to smash that barrier. You see what I'm saying? It's called tactics. Reveal your feelings only when she's most likely to accept them, and remember; girl's are most vulnerable when you got their clothes off. That's always been true."  
  
By now the practice was breaking up, and some of the football team had gone over to flirt with the cheerleaders. Lauren's boyfriend came over and tried to put an arm around her, but she shied away, her eyes flickering toward me. He tried again and she snapped at him. I smiled.  
  
"She's not prey to me, Leah," I said. "She's a girl I like."  
  
Leah chuckled once. "Sounds like prey to me."  
  
"Besides," I added, "we're too young to drink."  
  
"I'll slip you a bottle of something at the party, don't worry about it. Do you know what you're wearing?"  
  
I had no idea what I was wearing, but I figured school clothes were good enough. Leah didn't agree. Casual clothes were fine if you were just going to a party, but if you were going to a party with the intention to seduce a cheerleader, it was wiser to wear something that might make the cheerleader in question look twice. Leah herself made it a habit to dress with a sexy flamboyance everywhere she went, and she advised that maybe I should try the same. That's how I ended up going clothes shopping with Leah after school.  
  
To be honest, I was very excited. Hard to believe that only a few month ago I'd hated shopping. In any case, there was only one decent clothes shop in town, and that was the fashion boutique run by Angela's mom. Angela herself was behind the counter when we came in, and she seemed surprised to see us, and maybe a little impressed. Leah had quickly developed a reputation as the coolest chick in school, and hanging out with her was no small deal, especially for a sophomore like me. I felt the distinction very keenly.  
  
Leah and I browsed for a while and discussed my personal tastes and preferences in party-apparel. Since I'd never been to a party, it was difficult to say, but soon it became clear that black was really the only color that made me feel sexy. Leah was the same way and we browsed with a strange camaraderie, holding tops and skirts to our bodies, smiling, flattering each other, our tastes pleasantly aligned.  
  
Unfortunately, however, my tastes were also a little over-the-top. The outfit I'd worn to Alice's house for dinner still caused me to cringe whenever I thought about it, and I was in danger of making the same mistake again. Like a crow or a raven, I gravitated toward things that were sparkly and flimsy, oblivious to how odd I'd look compared to everyone else and thinking only of how hot I'd be in my own mind. Fortunately, Leah was there to keep me grounded. But not too grounded. She explained that individual style is important, but style should always be relative to the occasion. One didn't wear an evening dress to school and one didn't wear pants and a tee to the opera. That said, however, there were certain exceptions to every rule. Such as goth fashion, for instance. When the essence of the style is distinctiveness itself, one was well within the bounds of fashion to dress oddly or inappropriately. Within reason, of course.  
  
This sounded appealing to me, and after scouring the store we at last arrived at an outfit that satisfied my sense of awkward flamboyance and may even impress Lauren. We'd found a sexy black top with black mesh sleeves that would look great with my collar, and we also found a pleated black miniskirt. I was going for a goth look, and the store even carried some goth accessories, so to complete the ensemble, we perused the hosiery and selected a pair of black thigh-high stockings that featured a spiderweb design. Inappropriate, but stylish.  
  
I was very excited about the outfit—especially the stockings—and I only hoped I wouldn't look too ridiculous. Leah followed me into the tiny change room in the back when I tried it on, and she assured me that I looked fine and I was too sexy to look stupid. It was really nice of her to say, so I took it all off and had sex with her before putting my other clothes back on. It was an act of friendship, really, so I didn't beat myself up about it too much. I was still a decent person; just affectionate. And I really missed Leah's pussy. It was the nicest pussy I'd ever went down on, all soft and juicy like a peach. She sat on the small stool in the corner and I was kneeling naked between her legs, licking her out. Alice's was cuter, but for sheer sexy, few pussies could make a girl salivate like Leah's.  
  
I'd taken my time and maybe I took too long, because Angela commented when we came to the counter with the clothes. She smirked at us and said:  
  
"You guys were a long time in the there."  
  
There was probably rules about having sex in the change room, but neither of us confessed or apologized. Leah smirked.  
  
"Are you suggesting something?"  
  
Angela smiled, obviously just teasing. After all, two girls in a change room and one of them a lesbian—it did seem a little scandalous. Like getting changed with a guy, almost.  
  
"Just saying," she said. "Kind of suspicious, that's all."  
  
She was sorting the clothes. Leah watched her.  
  
"Bella's orientation isn't a big deal to me," she said. "My sister's gay, remember?"  
  
Angela shrugged, no hard feelings. "It's not a big deal to me, either," she said. "I was just teasing."  
  
Leah smiled. "Do you like teasing people who are different?"  
  
Angela paused with the top in her hand. She wasn't sure if Leah was upset. "No," she said. "I mean, I was only playing."  
  
"Just playing," Leah repeated.  
  
Angela shrugged. "Yeah."  
  
"I could tease you back, you know."  
  
"I said I was sorry."  
  
"No, you said you were playing."  
  
"Well, I'm sorry. Okay?"  
  
Leah smiled and looked at her. Angela was a little uncomfortable. I looked between them, and Leah tossed her chin at the pile of purchases.  
  
"How much for the clothes?" she asked.  
  
"Um, seventy bucks."  
  
I reached for my pocket, but Leah stopped me.  
  
"I got it, Bella," she said. "Don't worry."  
  
Angela seemed confused. "You're paying for her?"  
  
Leah handed across the money. "Is that a problem?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Maybe I'm paying because I'm secretly in love with her."  
  
Angela gave her a weird look. "I didn't say that."  
  
"Were you thinking it?" Leah said, watching her.  
  
"No."  
  
"Hm."  
  
Angela put the clothes in a bag with the receipt and passed it to me. I was ready to go, but Leah stood there watching Angela. Angela squirmed.  
  
"Will there be anything else?"  
  
Leah smiled. "I don't know," she said. "Will there?"  
  
"Huh?"  
  
Leah glanced about the shop. "Do you sell underwear?"  
  
"What?"  
  
Leah turned back to Angela. "I said, do you sell underwear?"  
  
Angela frowned, trying to be professional. "Um, no," she said. "We're a fashion boutique. We only sell clothes and accessories."  
  
Leah seemed disappointed. "That's a shame," she said. "I would've liked to buy something for Bella."  
  
"Oh."  
  
"Something sexy," Leah added. "A thong, maybe. Just for fun. She'd look hot in a thong, don't you think?"  
  
Angela frowned even more, giving me a disgusted look. "No."  
  
"I do," Leah said. "But she's very shy. That's why she'd need me in the change room with her. So I can watch her try it on and tell her how sexy it looks on her."  
  
Angela didn't reply. An awkward blush had crept onto her cheeks and I could see her swallow. Her eyes darted between us. Leah smiled and chuckled once.  
  
"But maybe that seems suspicious to you," she said. "Maybe you think there's something wrong with admiring another girl's body. Maybe you think that makes me gay too."  
  
"I didn't say that."  
  
"Were you thinking it?"  
  
"No."  
  
"I think you were."  
  
Angela snorted, finally losing her cool. "I think you're all a bunch of freaks," she said.  
  
But Leah only grinned. "Hey, don't get upset," she said soothingly. "I'm only teasing."  
  
Angela regained her composure and tried once more to be professional. "Will there be anything else or not?" she asked.  
  
"You already asked me that."  
  
"Well, will there?"  
  
"Actually, yes," Leah said. She plucked a random top off a nearby rack and held it to her chest. "Let me ask you something. Does this top look cute on me?"  
  
Angela didn't know what to say. She was supposed to flatter the customer, but she was wary of Leah's teasing. She shrugged nonchalantly. "I guess," she said.  
  
Leah smirked. "So you think I'm cute?"  
  
"I said the top's cute."  
  
"But is it cute on me?"  
  
"Sure."  
  
"Then you think I'm cute. With the top."  
  
"Fine, I think you're cute."  
  
"You do, do you? Well, well. That seems kind of suspicious to me. What do you think, Bella?"  
  
Angela was almost squirming by now. "This isn't funny, you know."  
  
Leah grinned and put the top back on the rack. "It's funny to me," she said. "Besides, you like playing with lesbians. That's what you said, isn't it?"  
  
"That's not what I said."  
  
"I'm pretty sure you did."  
  
"I said I was only playing," Angela insisted. "As in, just making fun."  
  
"Maybe I'm just making fun too," Leah said. Then she smirked and fixed her dark eyes on Angela's. "Or maybe not. What do you think?"  
  
Angela swallowed and looked away. "I don't know," she said. "How would I know?"  
  
"Well, you're the one with the suspicions. Do you think I'm gay or not?"  
  
"Of course not."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"You're too hot to be gay."  
  
Leah grinned. "So now I'm hot?" she said. "Gee, maybe I really should be suspicious."  
  
Angela frowned. "That's not what I meant."  
  
"No?"  
  
"I just meant that you could have any guy you wanted, so—"  
  
"—so why would I bother with a girl? Is that what you're saying?"  
  
Angela looked at me hesitantly. I was trying not to smile. I had no idea why Leah had the sudden desire to torment the poor girl like this, but it was pretty funny. Angela turned back to Leah.  
  
"I don't know," she said.  
  
Leah smirked. "You don't seem to have very firm opinions on any of this, do you?"  
  
"I never thought about it."  
  
"But you do think I'm hot."  
  
"I was just saying that."  
  
"So now you don't think I'm hot?"  
  
"Of course not."  
  
"What if I think you're hot?"  
  
Angela scoffed, but she was blushing. "I don't care."  
  
Leah smirked. "Are you too hot to be a lesbian?"  
  
"No."  
  
"That's good to know."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Because maybe I could ask you out sometime."  
  
Angela scoffed again, and blushed even more. "I have a boyfriend," she said.  
  
Leah smirked flirtily and leaned with her elbows on the counter, bunching her breasts between her arms. "Is he as hot as me?" she asked.  
  
"That's not…"  
  
She may've been distracted by Leah's cleavage.  
  
"Not what?" Leah prompted.  
  
Angela swallowed. "I don't like girls."  
  
"Maybe you do and you don't know it yet."  
  
"I don't think so."  
  
"Why not?"  
  
"Why what?"  
  
"Why don't you like girls?"  
  
Angela couldn't seem to think of a reason. Then she shrugged, a little frantically. "Because they're girls," she said. "It's gross."  
  
Leah was still leaning on the counter with her elbows, arms folded under her breasts. "What about me?" she asked, shifting slightly so that her breasts pressed against her folded arms and swelled against her tanktop, almost preening. "Am I gross?"  
  
"No, but…"  
  
"But what?"  
  
"You're a girl," Angela blurted. "Besides, you're not even gay."  
  
"I'm not?" Leah smirked. "I thought you were suspicious?"  
  
"I told you I was just playing."  
  
"You did, didn't you? Hm."  
  
Angela looked at me, perhaps hoping I'd come to her rescue. I stood there holding the bag, trying not to grin. Leah looked at Angela for a second and then she tapped the countertop with her fingernail and unleaned from it.  
  
"What's you're name again?" Leah asked.  
  
Angela was wary. "Angela," she replied.  
  
"Angela," Leah repeated. "Wanna see something hot, Angela?"  
  
"Huh?"  
  
Leah smiled and spoke slowly. "I said," she almost whispered, "do you wanna see something hot?"  
  
Angela shook her head. "No."  
  
Leah smirked and chuckled once. "Watch this," she said, and then she turned to me. She put one hand around my neck and the other at my waist. My throat went tight and my face heated as I realized what she was about to do.  
  
Angela panicked. "What the fuck are you doing?"  
  
I'd never heard Angela swear before. From the panic in her voice you'd think Leah was about to stab me, but all she did was lean to my lips and kiss me. Slowly, graphically. I'd never been used as a tool to titillate a straight girl, but I found that I had little objection. Leah slid her tongue into my mouth and swirled it around so that Angela could see. She caressed the nape of my neck. I moaned, and not just for effect; it really was a hot kiss.  
  
When it was over, even I was dazed. Angela had been staring. Her face had gone pale but for two splotches of red on her cheeks and her mouth was open. Leah smirked at her and winked.  
  
"You don't need to be gay to like girls," she said. "You only need to be adventurous."  
  
Then she turned and walked away. Her hips rolled under her leather skirt and Angela looked without realizing. Then she looked at me. But I had nothing to say. I was as flabbergasted as she was, and without speaking, I turned and hurried to catch up with Leah.  
  
Leah was already straddling her bike and she passed me the helmet as I came up.  
  
"She's cute, isn't she?" Leah said, tossing her chin toward the shop. "I think I might pay her a visit sometime."  
  
I'd never had suspicions about Angela, but after all that, it did seem as if she might not be perfectly straight. I climbed on behind Leah and wrapped my arms around her waist. "Is she gay?" I asked, since I knew Leah could smell hormones and things.  
  
"Probably not," Leah said, revving the throttle. "But she wouldn't be too hard to flip."  
  
I chuckled and Leah accelerated from the curb.  
  
But we didn't go home right away. She took me to a department store where we picked up a few extras, mostly makeup. Eyeliner, mascara, lipstick. All black. We also bought a bottle of black nail polish and a black thong from the underwear department. I was a little hesitant on the thong, but since I wasn't actually going to get lucky and no one was actually going to see it, I figured there was no harm. A little discomfort, perhaps, but I'd been developing a warm regard for my body lately, and I wanted it to look good, outside and inside. I'd just have to make sure that mom never finds out, since she seemed to be convinced that thong underwear was evil. It would be a hassle to hand wash it in secret, but nobody said being a bad girl is easy.  
  
All in all, it was the most fun I'd had in a long time. I never thought I'd be the kind of girl who would have fun shopping, but it wasn't just the shopping. It was simply cool to be ferried through town on the back of a bike with your arms around the sexiest girl in school. It got me thinking if maybe I should be focusing my romantic intentions on Leah instead of Lauren. Leah was a vampire, sure, and yeah, she did assist Jane in fucking me into a coma a couple weeks ago. But all that had been mostly my fault, really. Leah had warned me against it and even offered non-sexual companionship. It was me who'd practically begged for it. Still, as much I as liked and admired Leah, I was pretty sure it wasn't love, just hero-worship mixed with sexual attraction. And in any case, she already had a soulmate; Jane. Neither of them would ever pick me over each other. They just liked to feed from me and use me as a fuck-toy. Which was fine, really. Even appropriate. I didn't mind offering myself as a snack, because let's face it; I'm not really good for much else.  
  
I'd promised myself that I wasn't going to whore my blood anymore, but that was almost a week ago, and it's not like I had a girlfriend yet. So when she dropped me off outside my house, I handed back the helmet, and coyly asked if she wanted to come in for a little bit. She seemed to know what I meant and she asked me if I was sure. She said she was cool if I wanted to be just friends, but her consideration only made me want her more.  
  
Mom was already home by then and she was happy to see Leah. After all, this was the girl who'd sent me flowers in hospital and come to visit me twice. Of course, she was also one of the girls who'd put me there, but mom didn't know that. I told her that me and Leah were gonna study upstairs for a bit, and mom seemed pleased that I was focused on my school work. I tried to feel guilty about deceiving her so shamelessly, but it was beyond me at the moment. Leah followed me upstairs, and I closed my bedroom door, lowered my pants, and fingered myself as she bit into my neck and groped my boobs. I'd feel guilty later, but for now; it was just too awesome.  
  
—  
  
I was excited about the party. So excited that I tried on my outfit twice on Friday, once immediately after school, and again before bed. Lauren had reminded me about the party at school and told me when she'd be picking me up. Eight o'clock. And don't be fucking late. I told her I wouldn't and somehow refrained from asking if she thought black lipstick was hot.  
  
Then it was Saturday, and naturally enough my excitement was instantly engulfed by a gaping pit of anxiety. After all, I was going to look stupid and Lauren would probably regret even inviting me. She might even just drive away laughing and leave me on the sidewalk with my black clothes and blacker heart. I mean, I might as well go kill myself it was so hopeless. In fact, I almost chickened out from going at all, but no, this was the new Bella, goth Bella, the Bella that dresses according to her personality without reference to convention or social protocol. I'm allowed to wear clothes I like. So what if I'll look odd and out of place. My own opinion is the only one that matters. Um, right?  
  
But no, that wasn't true. Lauren's opinion mattered too, since she's the one I'm trying to turn on. But there was no guarantee she'll think I'll look stupid. Maybe she'll respect my bold sense of fashion. Maybe she'll take one look at me and simply faint from sexual attraction. Anything was possible, although in all likelihood, she'll probably just make fun of me.  
  
In any case, I liked my new clothes and Leah herself had said they looked sexy on me. So I swallowed my anxiety and got changed after dinner. I went for a shower, just in case Lauren wanted to smell my hair at some point, and then I went into my room and dropped my towel. My clothes were laid out on my bed and I put the thong on first, wriggling into it and patting the waistband affectionately; I liked kinky underwear. I liked it even better on other people, but it was nice on me too, especially when no one else knew I was wearing it. It was less embarrassing that way. Next, the bra. It was black, of course, and a size larger than what I wore a month ago. Why, I almost felt like a grown woman. After that, the stockings. This was the tricky part. I'd never worn stockings before, but these were thigh-highs and they seemed simple enough. I sat on the edge of my bed and threaded my legs into them, one at a time. They were like really long socks that reached mid-thigh, only thin, see-through, sexy. They instantly became my favorite piece of the ensemble. I loved the spiderweb design and I took a moment to admire them, leaning back on the bed and lifting my leg, turning it slightly, extending my foot to keep a seemly shape. Yeah; definitely hot.  
  
I was slightly more confident as I donned the rest of my outfit. The skirt was simple enough, black pleats that were just short enough to show a glimmer of thigh above the stockings. The top was black with black mesh sleeves off the shoulder and black lace trim. It didn't show cleavage, but you could see my brastraps, which was pretty cool. Finally I put on my black leather collar and then I looked myself over in the mirror. I posed a little, allowing myself a smile. The black looked wonderful against my pale skin and I thought I looked pretty good. A little daring, perhaps, but sexy enough to get away with it. I just hoped Lauren would agree. I wondered if it was possible she'd simply go crazy and have to have me. That would be cool.  
  
But I didn't have time to stand there pontificating. I still had to put my makeup on, and I did it very carefully in front of the bathroom mirror, anxious not to mess it up. I applied the eyeliner and the mascara thick and went sparing with the eyeshadow. The lipstick wasn't exactly black, more of a very dark burgundy, and it complemented me nicely. When I was done I brushed my hair one more time and tied it into two long dark pigtails. I was pretty sure pigtails were a goth thing. I'd seen it on TV. Then I sprayed some perfume on my neck and a quick squirt in my hair, and finally CinderBella was ready for the ball.  
  
I was planning to meet Lauren outside, but I had to say bye to mom first. Needless to say, she was rather startled at my outfit, but she rallied herself and pretended to admire it. I could tell she was dying to order me to put on a sweater, a pair of pants, and maybe a biohazard suit on top of it all, but she told me I looked nice and even told me to have fun. This was very gracious of her, but unless Lauren was willing to go lezzy overnight, I probably wouldn't be having huge amounts of fun. At most, all I could hope for was some kind of tender emotional moment that may eventually blossom into a full confession of hopes and feelings. In the mean time, I hoped she'd at least check out my legs. I mean, seriously; I'm not wearing these stockings for nothing.  
  
In any case, I kissed mom goodbye, and went outside to wait in the dark and the cold. The cold didn't seem to bother me lately, but I shivered anyway, mostly from nervousness. I wished me and Lauren could just skip to happily ever after without all this tension and anxiety, but we hadn't even made it to first base yet. I suppose that was the one thing I didn't like about Lauren; she didn't want to fuck me. It was sweet that she seemed to like my company, but after a girl like Alice, it was difficult not to feel slightly wounded that Lauren wasn't interested in getting a hand up my skirt. Not while she's huddled in her closet, anyway.  
  
Ah, Alice. The clouds had cleared slightly and there was a thin crescent of moon up there. And where was Alice this evening? Victoria and Rosalie still hadn't been back at school, and I wondered if Alice regretted leaving them so abruptly. And she hadn't just left them; she'd left them for me. A girl who claimed she didn't love her, didn't want her. And the whole time secretly fantasizing about her.  
  
I looked up and down the street, and then I saw it. Alice's chrome silver Volvo, parked under a tree with the moonlight glimmering evilly off the hood. I tried not to smile, but it was hard. It was so cool having a stalker who was hot and who you secretly lusted for. And here I was, all dressed up in my skirt and stockings, pale and soft in the moonlight, full of warm wet blood. It was disturbing how much I wished she'd just snatch me off the sidewalk and take me to a dungeon somewhere, chain me up and never let me go. Did she like my new outfit? Could she see it properly from there? She'd probably be at the party, so I guess she'd get a better view later. Poor Alice. I knew how she felt, longing for someone she couldn't have. I longed for her, too. I just wish—  
  
A car was coming from the other direction, and when I turned and looked, I saw it was Lauren's old blue Toyota. She was early, slightly, and I thought that was a good sign. She pulled up beside me, and I opened the door and got in.  
  
She spoke first, and she didn't compliment my hair.  
  
"Jeez, what's with the black?" she said, staring at me as if I was wearing a dead bear. "We're going to a party, not a funeral."  
  
I smiled and shrugged, blushing as if she'd said I look cute. "I like black," I said.  
  
She looked at me, shook her head, and snorted. "You look like a fucking corpse," she said, although not really meanly. "This ain't Halloween, you know. There's no prize for best costume."  
  
I smiled. She'd stolen a glance at my legs. She tried to hide it, but I saw it, and it made me very excited.  
  
Heehee.  
  
But I refrained from giggling out loud. She'd started driving and I took the opportunity to glance her over. She was wearing cream-colored cargoes and a pink top with a sequined love-heart on it. It wasn't much different from what she'd wear to school, but she was also wearing light makeup, pink lipstick and a light dusting of blush and eyeshadow. Her hair was straight, pale, and shiny like always.  
  
She never wore makeup to school. I thought she looked pretty and I decided to tell her. I didn't know if it was a smart move or not, but the whole point of all this was to let her know I like her, so I swallowed my anxiety and said: "You look nice."  
  
She shot me a look. "Nice?" she said, as if I'd accused her of having a pimple.  
  
"Yeah, nice," I smiled. "Is that a problem?"  
  
Her face darkened a little. "Look, just so we're clear," she said, "this ain't a fucking date, alright? I'm giving you a ride; that's it."  
  
But for some reason this didn't discourage me. And if she was determined on being a total homophobe for the rest of her life, then this wasn't going to work, anyway. So I decided to push her a little.  
  
"I didn't say it was a date," I said. "I only said you look nice."  
  
She paused for a second, glanced at me, and then focused on the road. "Well, thanks," she muttered. "Now shut the fuck up about it."  
  
"Your hair looks really beautiful, too."  
  
A sudden grin crossed her face, as if she just couldn't believe I'd said that. I'd even surprised myself. I'd said it half mockingly, to protect myself, but we both knew I meant it.  
  
"You better shut up with that gay shit," she said. "I told you this ain't a fucking date."  
  
I smirked. "Are you sure? Because I'd totally put out if it was."  
  
This time she tossed me a wild look and burst out laughing. The car even swerved a little. "Shut the fuck up, Bella," she said, trying not to grin. "Seriously."  
  
I smiled, and decided to give her a break. It was subtle progress on our road to a sexually active relationship, and maybe by the end of the night I'd have the courage to chance a kiss. I turned my smile to the rearview mirror, but the smile faded when I saw that familiar Volvo creeping along behind us. Alice. Alice, Alice, Alice.  
  
The party had already started by the time we got there, which wasn't surprising since it had started half an hour before Lauren had even picked me up. We'd been talking less and less as we drove, the tension building as we approached the place where people might actually see us together, and when we pulled up in the parking lot, I got my first disappointment. Lauren ditched me pretty much instantly, hurrying out of the car and away from me as if she didn't even know me. I guess I could understand how she didn't want to make it general knowledge that she'd had a lesbian in her car, but it still hurt a little.  
  
I'd never been to a beach party before—or any party—and I was surprised that there was a bonfire going. The sky was mostly dark and the fire was very bright and very orange, with flickers of green and blue from the burning saltwood. There were logs arranged around it in the sand were people could sit and sing campsongs perhaps, but there weren't many people sitting. Someone had bought a stereo and it seemed to be blaring the poppy playlist of a sixteen year old girl. Which was entirely possible, since most of the girls here would be about sixteen. Personally, I was more into metal. I think love songs are stupid.  
  
Leah and Jane were there and they seemed happy to see me, although the feeling wasn't quite mutual. Leah's outfit was simpler than mine, yet she still looked sexier. I knew it was unfair to compare myself to a tall and toned female vampire, but I took a hit to my self-esteem, nonetheless. We'd only been chatting for a little bit before a group of boys were calling for Leah. One of them had bought a football and they were trying to start up a game in the sand. They wanted Leah to play, and surprisingly, Leah obliged them. They threw the ball at her, she caught it, and jogged out to join them. By then some of the boys had noticed that my skirt was short and several of them called out a few rugged compliments that did nothing to increase my affection for the male species. I watched Leah joking around with the jocks and I wondered if she was bi. If so, she was going to make one of them extremely happy. But somehow I got the impression that Leah's feelings for guys weren't particularly sexual. She seemed to treat them like puppies, and no matter how much one likes puppies, one wouldn't necessarily have sex with them.  
  
Left alone, Jane and I wandered over to join Lauren and company. My appearance within this inner circle stunted conversation and triggered a quick cat-attack, each girl verbally clawing at my outfit until I felt shredded and sad. Me and Leah were the only girls at the party bold enough to reveal over fifty percent of our bodies, but Leah was cool and popular, and I was just a lowly lesbian. So I got teased. Lauren was oddly silent, and she seemed to feel sorry for me even if she didn't leap to my defense and bitch slap my tormenters into the sand. Strangely, it was Jane who came to my rescue. My blood must be very tasty, because I never thought Jane would ever stick up for me. But she did. Discreetly, but decisively, not actually defending me but rather attacking my attackers. She laughed scornfully and made cutting observations about my critic's own clothes, suggesting that the finer points of fashion might be beyond the kind of girl who shops at Wal-Mart. Jessica had the audacity to mention how gross it was that my brastraps were showing, and this turned out to be a pretty big mistake, because Jessica was overweight, a fact that Jane was quick to point out. Jane then went on to advise that before Jessica takes it upon herself to comment on the grossness of others, she might want to lose a few pounds and wear looser pants, because there wasn't anything grosser around here than her own fat ass. Even the other girls laughed at this, and Jessica just glared sullenly. She probably wasn't going to develop an eating disorder, but it was nice that her feelings were hurt.  
  
Soon after this, Lauren's boyfriend came along and Lauren was forced to go away with him. She didn't look happy about it, but she went. They went for a walk somewhere, toward the parking lot, and I watched them go sadly. I'd only come to the party so I could try and corner Lauren into some kind of romantic situation, but so far we'd barely spoke two words to each other. Why did she even bother with her boyfriend when it was so obvious she didn't even like him? Was her denial so strong that she'd be with a guy she didn't like? I hoped they weren't going to fuck somewhere. I knew they'd done it before, of course, but I'd prefer my future girlfriend to be as untainted as possible.  
  
In any case, I was only here for Lauren, and now that Lauren was gone, I sat by myself at the fire, staring into the red embers sullenly. This was going to be a long courtship. And maybe in the end it was all just a waste of time. She was never going to openly date me, and even if she did, how long would she stay with me? A few months? A year? I mean, it's not like we're going to get married one day and have babies. We probably won't even go to the same college. Was it really worth all this stress and aggravation? Lauren wasn't my soulmate. Lauren wasn't my destiny.  
  
But Alice…  
  
Suddenly two hands reached from behind me and covered my eyes. I would've freaked out, but the touch made me tingle and I caught a scent of lavender on the breeze.  
  
"Guess who?" said a beautiful voice.  
  
I smiled slightly. "Hey," I said.  
  
Alice giggled and sat on the log beside me. She was wearing a practically weightless sundress, pale yellow, and she had her butterfly hairclip in her hair. Her pretty face flickered in the orange glow of the bonfire and she was smiling.  
  
"Hi," she said. "Did you know I was going to be here?"  
  
I'd seen her follow me, but I shook my head. "No."  
  
By then she'd noticed my legs, and she inhaled sharply, as if she'd just witnessed something rare and beautiful. "Wow, pretty stockings," she said. "Where'd you get them?"  
  
The compliment hit me so hard it almost made me cry. But I had no idea if she meant it or if she was only trying to weaken me up. So I gave a little shrug. "Leah bought them for me," I said.  
  
She giggled and gestured at my neck. "They go with your collar," she said. "That collar always looked cute on you."  
  
I touched my throat self-consciously. I still remembered when she'd explained that the collar was symbolic of her ownership of me. It was a shame it was only symbolic. But I was gracious enough to accept the compliment. "Thanks," I said.  
  
She nodded, still smiling brightly. "I've always loved black on you," she said. "That goth look really suits you."  
  
I smiled, but didn't reply. What exactly do you say to a charming stalker with whom you'd love to go down on? She seemed to have run out of compliments, and slowly her smile slipped away. The silence dragged awkwardly. I could hear the fire crackle and the stereo somewhere in the dark. Her dress was knee length, and her pale calves glowed orange in the firelight. I could feel the heat of the blaze on my face and on my own legs, and after a while Alice spoke.  
  
"Bella, when are you going to take me back?"  
  
Her voice tore at my heart. It was quiet and plaintive. As if she was sick of all the games and just wanted me back. But I held strong, forcing myself to remember that technically Alice was the villain of my story and Lauren was the heroine. Lauren represented my salvation; Alice represented bloody depravity. It was difficult to resist, but I had to. So I shrugged again, hugging myself around my middle.  
  
"I don't know," I said, trying to be gentle. "Maybe I won't."  
  
"Yes, you will," she said. "You have to. Don't you know how much it hurts me to be alone?"  
  
"I'm sorry, Alice."  
  
Alice bowed her head. I watched the firelight play over her face. God, she was beautiful. I felt so sorry for her, and I decided that maybe I should try and explain what I'm feeling. I hated talking about my feelings, but maybe it would help her understand.  
  
"Listen," I said. "Do you want to know the truth?"  
  
She looked at me with interest. Flames flickered in her dark eyes and her lashes were so achingly long. "Yes," she said.  
  
I swallowed. "The truth is," I said quietly. "I still love you. I never stopped. I probably never will. You'll always be special to me, Alice."  
  
A slow smile lit her face and I quickly added:  
  
"But…"  
  
She frowned. "But what?"  
  
I shrugged helplessly. "I just can't be with a vampire," I said. "I mean, you're kind of evil, you know?"  
  
"I'm not evil, Bella," she whispered. Then a mischievous glint twinkled in her eyes and she touched my stockinged knee suggestively, almost as if she couldn't help herself. "Just a little naughty."  
  
My throat went tight at the touch, but I pushed her hand away. "Maybe not evil," I said. "But you're pretty bad. I mean, I'm sixteen years old and you're, like, a grown woman. It's illegal to, you know. Have sex me. And not only that, but there was all that stuff with my mom. I've been lying to her ever since I met you and even now I'm still lying to her. And then there's stuff at school. I stopped doing homework when I was dating you and skipped all those days. I mean, you're a bad influence, Alice. You know?"  
  
They sounded like serious issues to me, but Alice seemed to be trying not to smile. "Bella," she said. "I'm sure all that seems like a big deal to you now, but in the long run, none of it matters. Love transcends age, you'll have centuries to finish highschool, and as for your mother…" She gave me a certain smirk. "I'm more important."  
  
The sheer boldness of that claim made my heart flutter. And maybe in some twisted way it was true. Even in a marriage vow you're suppose to "forsake all others." A soulmate would seem to take priority over family, but my mother was like a goddess to me, and it seemed sacrilegious to admit I'd ever love anyone else more. So I used her claim as ammo against her.  
  
"That's exactly what I'm talking about, Alice," I said. "You're too intense. It's not normal. It's not healthy. And what happens when I become a vampire and you can't drink my blood anymore? What happens then?"  
  
She opened her mouth to reply, but nothing came out. Her face trembled in the firelight. She seemed embarrassed, and I shook my head at her.  
  
"See?" I said, angry tears welling in my eyes. "All you want is my blood."  
  
She looked at me imploringly. "That's not true, baby."  
  
But I just bowed my head and dabbed my eyes with a knuckle. I couldn't afford to cry with so much eyeliner. I look stupid enough as it is. I sniffed and looked up. I opened my mouth, but then I noticed Lauren. She'd returned to the party and she was standing at the edge of the firelight, glaring at me and Alice uncertainly. I felt a quick flash of warmth and turned to Alice.  
  
"It doesn't even matter, Alice," I said. "Because now I have a chance with Lauren. A chance at a real highschool relationship. I never thought I'd ever have that, but…"  
  
Alice frowned at the mention of Lauren. "She'll never love you like I love you."  
  
And that was the exact reason why Lauren was the better choice. Because she was normal. Kind of. Lauren at least wasn't fixated on my blood to the exclusion of all else. So I looked at Alice.  
  
"If you truly loved me," I said, "you'd want me to be happy."  
  
It was well delivered, and a line like that would certainly work in a movie. But Alice wasn't a typical romantic cliché, and it hardly seemed to faze her.  
  
"I do truly love you, Bella," she said, taking my hands and holding them. "And that's why I know you'll be happiest with me. Okay?"  
  
It seemed to make sense, even to me, but I tugged my hands away gently.  
  
"I'm sorry, Alice," I said. I stood up and dusted the seat of my skirt. "I'll always remember you, and you'll always be special to me, but…" I glanced at Lauren, who was still watching, and then I looked down at Alice, sitting there in her yellow sundress, ethereally pale and pretty in the firelight. "I have to at least try to be a decent person, you know? If I went back to you… it would be like giving up."  
  
Alice didn't answer, but I could see in her eyes that even if she was willing to let me go for now, she'd never let me go forever. Not as long as my blood flowed. But there was nothing left to say tonight, so I turned away and went over to Lauren, who'd seemed to be waiting for me.  
  
Lauren and I went walking on the beach. The party sucked, apparently, and since I was there I might as well go with her. So we started walking aimlessly, away from the bonfire, trudging along in the sand. It got darker and colder, and I could barely see her in the pale light of the moon. The sea heaved blackly in the dark and I could hear the waves crashing. The sound of the stereo had faded a while ago.  
  
Leah had given Lauren a bottle of Vodka, and we passed it back and forth as we walked. Lauren was walking fairly close to me—so close I could smell her perfume when the breeze picked up—so I suppose the alcohol was doing it's job. I didn't think it would loosen her up to the point where she'd take off her clothes, but it was nice to hear her giggle. She was a giggly drunk, and she'd had over half the bottle. I'd never had hard liquor before, but I handled it manfully. It burned my throat a little on the first sip, but I didn't wince or cough. Lauren almost seemed disappointed. I think she wanted to make fun of me. I'd drank quite a bit by now, but I wasn't sure if I was drunk. My body felt hot and I seemed to be sweating under my arms, but I wasn't stumbling that I was aware of. Lauren was having a little more trouble, and soon she was leaning on me as we walked, her arm around me, warm and sweet smelling. It was almost romantic, but she was talking about how much she needed to pee, and eventually she had to duck behind a bush. I had to pee too, but I would've felt awkward using the same spot, so I waited a bit and found a bush of my own.  
  
We continued on, further down the barren stretch of beach. We passed the bottle. The sand was dark blue and there was nothing in front of us or behind us but beach. On our left was the sea. On our right was a high cliff-face. The road was on top of the cliff, but you couldn't see the beach from there. We were entirely alone. No sound at all but the waves. Somehow I'd started talking about Alice, and about how she wouldn't leave me alone even though I kept telling her to go away. Lauren nodded and sipped, coughed, and laughed.  
  
"I can't believe that little freak still wants you back," she said. "I mean, seriously."  
  
I chuckled once. "Yeah," I said. "It's, like, so pathetic."  
  
Obviously the alcohol hadn't improved our eloquence. Lauren sipped again and passed me the bottle. "You're not listening to her bullshit, are you?"  
  
I shook my head and sipped, resisting the urge to lick the rim where Lauren's lips had touched. Still; indirect kiss. "No," I said. "She's not… I mean… You know."  
  
I waved a hand. She seemed to understand. She took the bottle back and chugged the rest. She didn't even wipe the rim. There wasn't much left, but it was enough to make her cringe, squeal, and giggle.  
  
"Hey, guess what?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"I broke up with my boyfriend."  
  
She didn't even pretend this was sad news. She giggled and gestured with the empty bottle drunkenly, almost like a victory toast. I grinned and she went on.  
  
"He wanted to do me in his truck," she said, "and I was like; fuck that. No way. I'm just sick of pretending, you know? I mean, fuck it. Why should I?"  
  
"Yeah," I agreed.  
  
She smiled and went to sip from the bottle. But it was empty. "Oh," she said to the bottle. She seemed to be puzzled about what she was supposed to do with it now that it was empty, and then she grinned, reared back, and threw it into the ocean. It was so dark I couldn't even see where it splashed. It was cold, but I was hot.  
  
Lauren laughed and slapped my shoulder to get my attention. "Hey, you know what we should do?"  
  
I grinned; there were several things I thought we should do. But I said: "What?"  
  
"Go swimming," she said. She gestured at the water with a sweep of her hand. "I mean, it's a fucking beach, right?"  
  
I chuckled and tried to frown. "Do you have any idea how cold that shit would be?"  
  
"Come on, don't be a bitch."  
  
"We don't even have swimsuits."  
  
"So?"  
  
Lauren was already taking off her clothes. Startlingly, she was wearing pink underwear. Plain cotton with frilly elastic. It looked like something a twelve year old would wear. Her breasts were small, her figure slim, and she looked strangely young to me. So much younger than Leah or Jane or Alice. She kicked off her shoes and noticed that I hadn't moved.  
  
"Come on, hurry up," she said. "What are you waiting for?"  
  
I looked down at myself. I hooked my thumbs in the waistband of my skirt and suddenly I remembered what I was wearing underneath.  
  
"Oh fuck," I said.  
  
She was undressed by now, and she looked at me with her hands on her hips, waiting. "What?"  
  
"I can't take off my clothes."  
  
"Don't worry, you're not that fat."  
  
"No, I mean…"  
  
She frowned, the beginnings of impatience and disappointment flickering over her face. "What?"  
  
I blushed. I couldn't think of any excuse that was less embarrassing, so I told her the truth. "I'm wearing a thong."  
  
She still had her hands on her hips and suddenly she was trying not to grin, standing there in her underwear with the night wind tousling her long blonde hair. "No way."  
  
"Yeah."  
  
A giggle escaped her. "Bullshit."  
  
"Nope."  
  
She flapped a hand at me. "Let me see."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Come on, prove it," she grinned. "I don't believe you."  
  
I was very embarrassed, but I was excited that she wanted to see, even if she'd make fun of me. So I took off my top first, to buy some time, and then I pushed down my skirt. It fell at my feet, and I felt the breeze on my bare ass. I stepped out of the skirt daintily and twirled once, quickly, so that she could see.  
  
"Oh my god," she said. Her grin was almost glowing by now and suddenly she burst out laughing. "I don't believe it," she giggled. "You in a thong! That's the scariest thing I ever seen."  
  
I blushed, standing there in my black underwear and black stockings. "Thanks," I muttered, shivering in the cold.  
  
She was still laughing. "I mean, what the fuck were you thinking? Did you think you were gonna get lucky tonight or something?"  
  
"I just thought it's sexy, that's all."  
  
"You're fucking crazy."  
  
I put my hands on my hips. My black hair was blowing about my face. "Are we going swimming or not?"  
  
Lauren stopped laughing, but her smile didn't go away. She raked her eyes over my body excitedly, biting her lip, and then she shrugged. "Okay," she said. "Let's go."  
  
Then she giggled and ran out toward the water. Easy for her; her boobs didn't bounce embarrassingly. I followed at a slightly slower pace and Lauren was already shrieking in the surf. I almost shrieked too when my foot touched the water. I hadn't taken off my stockings and I hoped the salt water wouldn't ruin them.  
  
Lauren dove in the hip-deep water and came up with her hair dark and stuck to her face and back. She turned to me grinning, her lips blue. I was wading out carefully with my elbows tucked and hands out, surprisingly girlish. Usually I tried to be butch about enduring pain and discomfort, but the cold was already chattering my teeth and the water only came to my knees. An icy wave rolled up and kissed the inside of my thighs. I screamed at the sheer coldness of it and Lauren burst out laughing.  
  
"Aw, come on," she cried. "Stop being such a bitch."  
  
She slapped at the water and splashed me. I freaked out and screamed again.  
  
"Lauren!"  
  
But she only laughed and splashed me some more. I grinned and turned my side to her helplessly, trying to protect myself with my arms, dancing on the spot under this cruel and icy barrage.  
  
"Stop it!" I shrieked, giggling. "Oh god, that's cold!"  
  
Blindly, I splashed back, but Lauren came after me and grabbed my arm. I squealed and flailed away, fearing she'd dunk me, and then I spun around and started running through the water. She chased me, giggling, and I was giggling too, giggling and screaming as the icy water splashed all around me, on my legs, my butt, my chest and arms.  
  
Then I tripped on a rock. I yelped, lost my balance, and fell into the water. The sheer coldness of it stabbed at me like knives and when I broke the surface my breath rolled from my mouth like smoke. Lauren was helping me up, grinning and holding my arm. I stood up, dripping, my hair soaked and freezing, and I looked at Lauren.  
  
"Thanks," I said. It didn't occur to me that she was the one who'd been chasing me and splashing me to begin with.  
  
She grinned, her jaw visibly chattering. "You okay?"  
  
I nodded, hugging myself. It was only a short run but my breath was heaving. I tried to swallow, but my teeth were chattering very violently. "Yeah," I said. "I slipped on something."  
  
And then we just stood there, shivering and staring at each other. We were almost exactly the same height, but I was slightly hunched, so I looked shorter. A wave came up and rolled against our hips. It was dark and there was no sound but the water and our breathing. My hair dripped coldly onto my bare shoulders. She was staring at my face and I smiled at her hesitantly. Her bra was plastered to her breasts and her nipples were stiff.  
  
"Is my makeup ruined?" I asked.  
  
She shook her head, still staring. There seemed to be tears in her eyes, but I couldn't be sure. "No," she said, almost whispering. "You look… You…"  
  
She kissed me.  
  
My eyes flew open in surprise and I stopped shivering instantly. Her hands were on my shoulders and her lips were pressed to mine. Lauren's lips. I was so shocked I couldn't move. Then I felt her lips move against mine slightly and I let my eyes fall shut. I put my arms around her and kissed her back.  
  
The wind blew, a waved rolled against our legs. She tilted her face and parted her lips slightly, a low moan escaping her. I requested entry with my tongue and she opened her lips wider. I touched her tongue with mine and I could taste the alcohol in her mouth. I moaned and stroked her back. She experimented with her own tongue, letting it curl against mine. Her arms snaked around my neck and she pulled me closer, deepening the kiss.  
  
"Oh god."  
  
I wasn't even sure who said it. It could've been me, it could've been her. My head was hazy from the kiss and the alcohol, and I moaned into her mouth. I was shivering again and the kiss was becoming more urgent. Her breath blasted me between pauses and suddenly she was kissing my neck. I tilted my head back and felt her lips on the flesh around my collar and for one dizzy moment I thought she was going to bite me. Wanted her to bite me.  
  
But she didn't. Lauren wasn't like that. She made a whimper and captured my lips once more. Her hand descended down my back and cupped my butt, and she moaned as she squeezed it. I wrapped a leg around her and pushed my tongue into her mouth in response. She ran a hand over my stocking and I could hear water drip from my leg. She moaned again, her tongue pushing back.  
  
"Oh fuck you're hot," she hissed.  
  
I opened my eyes and panted at her. "Lauren," I whispered.  
  
She kissed me again, savagely, and then she took my hand. "Come on," she said, and together we went ashore, trembling and dripping in our underwear, and our breath smoking in the cold.  
  
We found a rocky place where there was no sand and we spread our clothes on the ground. Neither of us spoke. Lauren had knelt to arrange the clothes and I knelt beside her. I was so cold, but my skin felt like it was on fire. She turned and wrapped her arms around me. She laid me down and started kissing me.  
  
And kissing me.  
  
And kissing me.  
  
She kissed me for a very long time and her hands roamed all over my body and she was rubbing her body against mine for friction. It was so cold, but it wasn't only the cold that was making me shudder against her. Her nipple under my hand felt like a pebble in the wet cotton of her bracup and her hair hung like blonde seaweed. She pushed my bra over my breasts and squeezed me in her hands.  
  
"Lauren," I hissed.  
  
She said nothing. She shifted between my legs, and without looking at my face, she pulled away my panties and lowered her mouth to my pussy.  
  
My back arched and my feet peddled in the air. It felt so amazing. Lauren. Lauren's mouth. She licked and kept licking, and I moaned, writhing on our damp bed of clothes. She bought me to a climax very quickly and when it was over she wouldn't look at me. She sat there in her underwear, breathing heavy, her blonde hair dangling in dark clumps. I touched her shoulder and she turned to me. Her eyes flickered over mine and away again. Waves crashed on the beach. I smiled and leaned slowly to kiss her. She stiffened for a second, but then she let me lay her down.  
  
I removed her bra and kissed her nipples, licked them, sucked on them. Her breasts were small, but her nipples were large and swollen. I could taste the salt water on her body. I trailed kisses down her stomach and kissed the front of her panties, making her moan as I dragged a long lick across the damp fabric. I pulled them away and kissed at her pussy, teasing her. Her hips twitched and she was whimpering. I spread her with my fingers and licked inside her. She moaned. She tasted tart and salty. I kept licking and her breathing became harder and faster and finally she squirmed and cried and climax.  
  
It had gotten darker and I could barely see her. We were both shivering violently, but I was happy in a way that I'd never been before. I couldn't believe it; me and Lauren. It had truly happened. I'd been dreaming and fantasizing about this since middle school and I couldn't believe it had actually and truly happened.  
  
I'd crawled on top of her and I was waiting for her to catch her breath. She had her face averted but it was too dark to see her expression. I kissed her cheek, once, twice, and then I made a soft giggling sound.  
  
"I always knew you were gay," I whispered.  
  
I knew instantly it was the wrong thing to say; she stopped breathing and her whole body went rigid. It wasn't supposed to sound smug. It was supposed to be accepting and understanding. It was supposed to let her know that we were same and she could be herself around me. But she must've got the wrong impression.  
  
"What the fuck did you just say?"  
  
Her voice was cold, colder than the wind that blew over my naked body.  
  
"N-nothing," I stuttered, but I knew it was too late.  
  
"Get the fuck off me," she said.  
  
"Lauren—"  
  
She screamed, "Get off!"  
  
I froze, unsure. She was trying to push me away and she made a disgusted sound when her hand squished my breast. As if she'd touched something gross by accident. I quickly rolled off her and started panicking as she jumped up and sorted through the clothes frantically. I didn't know what to say. I had to apologize and tell her something that would make her understand that I didn't mean whatever she thought I meant. But I couldn't think of anything.  
  
She'd found her clothes and now she was getting dressed. I could hardly see her, she was just a dark shape pulling on her panties, her pants, her top. I could hear the waves on the beach, but there was another sound, and suddenly I realized that Lauren was crying.  
  
I panicked and said: "Lauren, wait—"  
  
"Fuck you," she sobbed. "Fucking dyke."  
  
"Lauren—"  
  
I reached for her arm. She twisted it away and screamed:  
  
"Get away from me!"  
  
I shrank back against the cold rocks, watching as she spun around and ran back down the beach. For a while I couldn't even move. I just sat there, naked, shivering, rejected. My heart felt heavier than the rocks I was sitting on, and after a while I stood up and gathered my clothes. I got dressed and looked up at the cliff-face. There was a tiny shape up there, a black silhouette like a bat.  
  
It was probably Alice.  
  
—  
  
All in all, it wasn't exactly perfect, but I had my hopes. Lauren had been frightened, obviously, but that was perfectly understandable. It was too much, too fast, and it was perfectly rational that she'd freak out a little. Lauren wasn't a vampire like Alice or a slut like me. She was regular a girl, and she was in severe denial. She needed time. I just had to be patient, that's all. Tonight was actually a good thing. The first barrier was down. Now it was only a matter of talking it out and explaining to her that it's perfectly okay to eat pussy and even better to eat mine.  
  
Those were my assumptions, anyway. I had a long time to think about it as I walked back to the party. I'd lost one of my hair ties and I'd pulled the other one out. Now my hair hung in tangled clumps. One of my stockings had got torn, too. I didn't even want to think about what my makeup looked like. I looked like a whore after a hard day, and I was grouchy like one, too.  
  
My tattered reappearance at the party raised a few eyebrows, but I ignored them and went straight to Leah. I hadn't seen Lauren, but I didn't think she'd be eager to give me a ride home. She needed space anyway, and I had no idea what to say yet. In all honesty, I was very depressed. Which was natural enough since lesbians are, after all, prone to depression. I wasn't depressed enough to run into the ocean and drown myself, or climb the cliffs and jump off, but I wasn't exactly in the mood to soothe Lauren's homophobia. It was important to be understanding in a relationship, of course, but at the moment I found it a little difficult to be sympathetic to Lauren's irrational and unfair disgust of my personal sexual preferences. So I didn't even bother looking for her. I tapped Leah's arm like a lost child and asked if I could get a ride home. She took one look at my hair, my clothes, my eyes, and nodded.  
  
We couldn't talk on the bike, but I gave her a quick recap of this latest Lauren related drama after she dropped me off outside my house. She listened and admitted that she didn't quite know what to make of it. Such vehement denial could imply that subconsciously she knows she's gay and there's nothing she can do about it. But at the same time it was possible that she was simply deeply confused. The only way to find out would be to talk to her.  
  
She was probably right. I considered offering her oral to say thanks for the ride, but I figured I might as well get some practice at being loyal to Lauren. I was relatively certain that we'd hook up eventually; she came too hard to be confused. Her boyfriend obviously didn't do it for her like I did.  
  
Mom had stayed up waiting for me. It was almost eleven and she was watching TV when I came in.  
  
"Hi, mom," I said, cheerfully enough.  
  
"Hi, sweetie," she said, turning around, "did you have—"  
  
But that's when she noticed my tangled hair, runny make up, torn stocking. Alarm flashed over her face and she rushed forward. She probably thought I'd been mugged.  
  
"Bella, sweetie, what happened?"  
  
I waved her away casually. "Nothing," I said. "I went swimming, that's all."  
  
"Swimming?"  
  
"Well, it is a beach."  
  
Mom frowned disapprovingly. "Bella, do you have any idea how cold it is outside?" she demanded. "I thought you said you were going to be responsible?"  
  
I thought about that word responsible, and I just had to smile. Alcohol, sex, and skinny dipping in the frigid deeps of La Push. Maybe I should stop blaming the vampires for all my personality flaws. Maybe I'm a bad person all on my own. Even with a human I couldn't seem to manage mature behavior.  
  
In any case, I wasn't going to admit any of that to mom, no matter how many times I'd promised to be honest. So I soothed her as best I could, and after assuring her that no, I wasn't dying from hypothermia, and no, I didn't need an ambulance, I went upstairs, took a shower, and went to bed.  
  
I woke up Saturday morning with a headache and I was very thirsty. The headache was gone by lunchtime and it wasn't until after dinner when I realized that I'd been hung over. It didn't seem like such a big deal and I wondered why they always described it as the apocalypse in novels. Maybe I hadn't been drunk enough. In any case, my memory was fine, and I remembered every detail of what happened with Lauren. I was distracted and depressed all day. My brand new stockings were ruined and my prospective girlfriend had fucked me and left me laying there. It was kind of harsh, really. Good thing I was too shallow to really be hurt by it. In fact, maybe it was a good thing. It'll give her something to apologize about. The apology would segue into a tender emotional moment, and then, of course, we could have sex again. And this time she'd actually allow herself to like it.  
  
It's a shame I didn't have her phone number, but I figured she needed some space. I spent a lot of time wondering why she was so messed up about all this, but I just couldn't figure it out. I'd never had any denial. Lesbian attraction had always seemed natural to me, even sensible. I mean, look at the alternative. Boys? Please. I try not to be judgmental of other people's preferences, but really.  
  
Lauren obviously didn't like boys. She didn't even have a boyfriend anymore. She'd broken up with him that night and come directly to me. She wanted me, I knew she did. I remembered all the times our eyes had met, and all the times I caught her checking me out. I remembered how urgently she kissed me and how insistent her hands had been. Maybe it wasn't really denial at all. Maybe she'd simply been startled at how much she liked it. I'd gone through something similar my first time with Alice. It had been so intense, so perfect, that it was almost scary. It had been like that with Lauren, too, but with Lauren I'd been prepared. Lauren hadn't been prepared, though, and maybe she'd been so surprised by how right it felt, that maybe it felt a little wrong, too. It made sense. In a way.  
  
In any case, there was nothing I could do till Monday. The important thing was to be sympathetic and understanding. Obviously it had been a big deal for her, and it was going to take some time before she was comfortable. I've never been particularly patient in sexual matters, but even if she wanted to stay in the closet for a while, I was sure that I could give her the time she needed.  
  
And so, I woke on Monday morning with hope in my heart and butterflies in my stomach. I was nervous about seeing Lauren, but I was confident everything would be okay. I had the whole scene planned in my head. Lauren would be shy and demurring, a little prickly perhaps, pretending that nothing happened maybe. But she'd see that I wasn't angry with her and that I wasn't hurt, and that I still liked her, and that I wanted her to know that she could talk to me. And she would. Hesitatingly at first, but slowly she'd be more and more natural. She'd explain that she'd never been attracted to a girl before and she didn't really know how to handle it, and I'd assure her that I understood completely and that I'd give her as much time and tenderness as she needed, and no matter how long it took, I'd wait at her side with respectful eagerness as she opened for me slowly like a flower.  
  
It could've been perfect. Reality, however, isn't so kind, and I had a bad feeling from the first second I saw her. I'd gotten to school early and I was waiting in the corridor outside homeroom. Lauren was coming down the hall with Angela, and her expression wasn't coy or bashful like I hoped. She glared at me as if I'd raped her, but I tried not to lose hope. I smiled at her, and when she was close enough I said:  
  
"Hey."  
  
It was only one word, but I guess it was the wrong thing to say. She shoved me back against the wall and glared at me disgustedly. "Get the fuck away from me," she hissed. "Fucking dyke."  
  
Then she continued past me and into homeroom, leaving Angela to gawk in surprise for a second before hurrying to catch up.  
  
Well. I didn't think violence was called for, but I retained a glimmer of hope. Lauren had always been an explosive personality. Maybe the outburst didn't really mean anything and she was only waiting until were alone.  
  
It seemed like a sound theory, but it fell apart by lunch time when I saw that Lauren was sitting with her boyfriend. Apparently they gotten back together, because as soon as Lauren saw me, she started making out with him, right there at the table. It was a pretty clear statement, to shove your tongue down a guy's throat like that. She had decided she was straight and as I watched I felt a dull rage build in my heart. Not only was she rejecting me, she was rejecting my orientation as well. And this was the girl I'd been crushing on for half my life? I mean, what the fuck? I'd seen a similar scene in a movie once. The movie had been bad; it was worse in real-life.  
  
I stood there with my lunch tray in my hands, staring, trying not to cry. Then I turned away and as I turned I saw that the vampires were watching me. Jane, Leah, Alice. The blonde and the redhead still weren't back yet. They'd seen Lauren making out with her boyfriend, yet none of them were smirking. I bought my empty tray over and sat beside Alice. She gave me a smile, but she didn't say anything.  
  
"Hey," Jane said, her voice almost sympathetic. "Tough break about Lauren. What a slut, huh?"  
  
"It looks bad," Leah said, "but maybe you shouldn't give up just yet. She's probably just testing you. All you gotta do is get her alone somewhere and talk it out, trust me."  
  
But I didn't care about Lauren anymore. "Fuck her," I muttered. "She's a bitch, anyway."  
  
They fell silent. I sat there staring down at my empty lunch tray and after a while I felt someone take my hand under the table. It was Alice. I looked at her and she smiled. I smiled back, tears in my eyes. I was so hurt and her touch felt so nice. In that moment, I couldn't even remember why I'd been resisting her all this time, and suddenly I gave up.  
  
Alice must've read my eyes, because she leaned forward and kissed me. I didn't stop her. Her hand let go of mine and wrapped around my neck. She deepened the kiss, letting her tongue into my mouth. Slowly all noise in the cafeteria died away and when she broke the kiss it was still silent. Half the cafeteria was staring at us, Lauren included. Her face was pale and as she turned away she looked like she wanted to cry.  
  
—  
  
That night I was almost giddy with anticipation. Leaving the window invitingly open, I stripped off all my clothes and practically pirouetted into bed, my whole body tingling. I was too shallow to dwell on Lauren, and Alice was coming tonight, Alice, my Alice, the Alice I've been lusting for for so long. I'd been stupid for even trying to resist her.  
  
She came at midnight, my Alice, and my heart leapt at the sight of her. She crawled through the window, smiling, and then she turned and closed it. She was wearing jeans that had a red loveheart on the back pocket, and I stared shamelessly at her ass, feeling the lust course through me. She turned to me, smiling in the glow of my bedside lamp, and started undressing. She didn't speak and I stared at her boldly, touching myself under the covers, and when she was naked I threw back the quilt and let her into the bed.  
  
Where we fucked, and fucked hard. We practically ate each other's mouths and our hands were all over our bodies, groping, squeezing, clawing at the places we hadn't touched in so long. The covers fell away and we writhed together naked on the damp sheets, moaning, grunting, and finally she mounted over my pussy and started grinding me under her pubic bone, mashing our slathered pussies and rubbing and rubbing until we came, came together, soaked with sweat and heaving with hair stuck to our faces. She covered my mouth to stifle my scream and I bit into her hand so hard it drew blood. The blood tasted nice.  
  
It took us a while to recover and then she gathered me up in her arms, the two of us sitting in the bed and panting into each other's faces.  
  
"I'm sorry, Alice," I said. It was the first either of us had spoken. "I'm so sorry."  
  
And I was. I was sorry for everything, and most of all I was sorry for denying her this whole time. She smiled and stroked my hair. I almost died at that familiar touch. I'd forgotten how wonderful it felt when she pet me. I sighed dreamily and cuddled into her arms, wrapping my naked legs around her.  
  
"It's okay, baby," she whispered. She placed a kiss on my ear. "I knew you'd take me back."  
  
I'd known, too. Deep in my heart. I'd known that I never really wanted anyone else. I didn't care if Alice was bad or if Alice only wanted my blood. Alice was Alice, and she was cute, and sexy, and I loved her too much to care about any of that anymore. Alice was my soulmate.  
  
My destiny.  
  
So I smiled and let my head loll back, exposing my throat. She wants my blood? She can have it. I was done resisting. I was exhausted and dizzy and feverish from the intensity of the orgasm, and I was done pretending this wasn't exactly what I wanted. She removed my collar without asking and then she kissed my neck gently and whispered:  
  
"May I, baby?"  
  
I smiled and some whimsy moved me to reply in an airy voice:  
  
"You may, my love."  
  
And she did. Her fangs pierced into my flesh and I wrapped my arms around her, my Alice, my soulmate, my destiny, smiling and sighing in her arms as she sucked loving at the wound.  
  
—  
  



	17. Chapter 17

—  
  
Chapter 17:  
  
—  
  
Alice woke me up with a kiss. It was dark morning and I could just barely see her as my eyes fluttered open. At first I was confused, because it was the first time she'd ever stayed the whole night. But then I smiled, squinting up at her sleepily. "Hey," I whispered.  
  
Her face was right over mine and she was stroking my hair. "Hey, baby," she said, and then she placed another kiss on my mouth.  
  
I let my eyes close, moaning softly at the soft touch of her lips. It felt like years since I'd felt her kiss. She moaned too, and then her lips were gone and she was smiling at me. She hadn't slept at all, and her face was bright and loving. I blinked at her heavily, feeling my own lips curve into a smile.  
  
"Sorry to wake you," she whispered. "But I wanted to see you before I go. We never had a chance to talk last night."  
  
A sleepy chuckle escaped me, remembering last night. What was there to talk about, anyway? I took her back. Doesn't that say it all?  
  
She was laying on top of me, straddling my hips, and I was finally awake enough to put my arms around her. She hadn't put any clothes on and I ran my hands up and down her silky back. "Do we have to talk now?"  
  
She smiled, shaking her head. "No," she whispered. "I just wanted to hear your voice before I left."  
  
I gave another little chuckle. "That's sweet."  
  
"May I pick you up for school?"  
  
I didn't like the mention of school, but I nodded. "Okay."  
  
She smiled and kissed me again, just softly on my lips. Then again, and again, on my cheeks, my eyelids, my lips again. I just lay there enjoying it, giggling once or twice, and then she kissed me once more.  
  
"I love you, baby," she whispered.  
  
I'd had some doubts about that recently, but at the moment I didn't care. I loved her, and in the end, wasn't that the important thing?  
  
So I just smiled. We had our problems, me and Alice, but she was naked and she was laying on top of me, so I arched my neck to kiss her lips and said: "I love you, too."  
  
She sighed and continued stroking my hair for a little bit. I could've held her forever, but if that was actually possible, I never would've let go of her to begin with. The relationship would certainly be simpler if we could lay in perpetual embrace for all eternity, but eventually she sighed again and got out of the bed.  
  
I rolled onto my elbow and watched her gather her clothes from the floor. I regretted the loss of her warmth, but the view was certainly better. The room was very dim, but her naked body was very white and very perfect. I watched her bend and retrieve her panties, my heart fluttering. That ass. My god. I bit my lip to keep from smirking, eyeing her brazenly as a certain area of my body began to tingle. She giggled when she saw me watching and then she scampered over and gave me a quick kiss. She went to turn back to her clothes, but I grabbed her hand.  
  
"Wait," I said. "Don't leave yet."  
  
She smirked. It was pretty clear why I wanted her to stay a bit, but I had to pee and I hadn't brushed my teeth, so I got out the bed and poked my head out the door, looking up and down the hall for any sign of mom. But it was still very early and she wasn't up yet. So I gestured for quiet with a finger to my lips, and then we tiptoed down the hall and into the bathroom, closing the door softly behind us.  
  
There was no better start to the day than shower-sex with the girl of your dreams, and afterwards I stashed Alice in my room while I pretended to get ready for school. I'd already decided that I'd be skipping, but I figured it was best to do it off the books. I could probably bluff mom into giving me the day off since I did look a little pale after last night, but I didn't want to lie or risk her saying no. Me and Alice had a lot of catching up to do. It was funny. The whole reason I'd avoided taking Alice back was because of the negative influence she had on my life. We'd only been back together a matter of hours and already I'd smuggled her into the shower and now I was planning to skip school so I could stay home and fuck her all day. But I was done blaming Alice. It was me that wanted her, needed her, craved her. My stomach was positively rolling with eagerness and I could barely even get my cereal down. The idea of sitting through class when I could be at home making up with my girlfriend all day was absurd, so I waited anxiously for mom to go to work, and when she was gone I practically dashed upstairs.  
  
We made love and made love and then made love again. Between orgasms we'd lay in each other's arms and fondle each other idly, reacquainting ourselves with each other's bodies. We didn't talk much and when we did talk we'd mostly just tell each other how much we loved each other. There was plenty more we needed to talk about, but it was enough for now to simply lay with her in my arms. I'd forgotten how wonderful it felt.  
  
It was about three o'clock when we stopped for lunch. I wasn't particularly hungry, but my re-devoted girlfriend was excited about making me something, and it sounded nice to me, too. Besides, I was pretty exhausted and I could used a break. So we threw on clothes and went into the kitchen. Alice asked me what I wanted, and at first I suggested a salad or sandwich—something easy—but she was determined to put some effort into it, so I figured pancakes would be nice. True, it was afternoon, but we'd only just gotten out of bed, so why not?  
  
Alice wouldn't let me help, she only let me give directions as she bustled about the kitchen, mixing the batter, pouring it into the pan. She didn't need as much clothes as me, and she was dressed incredibly provocative—t-shirt and panties. That's it. The panties were pink and I stared at her ass as she stood at the stove, sighing and marveling at how amazing it was. Sure, she was an obsessive demoness who was steadily leading me astray into a life of darkness and depravity—but that ass! Such cuteness could not possibly be evil.  
  
She flipped the pancakes and shifted her hips slightly. I was leaning with my elbow on the tabletop and my face against my palm, staring at her ass as if I was crushing on it. God, those panties fit so snuggly. If I could die and be reborn as anything it would be a pair of Alice's panties. She glanced over her shoulder, smiling. "Are you staring at my ass?" she asked innocently.  
  
"Mmm," I said, smiling. I didn't stop looking and my voice came out in a sleepy, contented, well-fucked purr. "It's beautiful."  
  
She giggled and bought over the plate of pancakes, setting down a bottle of syrup and a glass of milk beside it. She'd topped the pancakes with whipped cream and she'd carved a couple strawberries into lovehearts. She was standing by with a proud little smile, as if waiting for me to pat her head and call her a good girl. But I didn't want to demean her, so I just let my face melt into a grateful smile and said: "Thanks."  
  
She bobbed her head happily and sat down. She'd sat opposite me, but it only took her a moment to realize that it was quite a gap between us, so she got up, moved her chair directly beside mine, and sat again. She was so close our knees touched and as I ate she wrapped her arms around my middle and leaned her head on my shoulder. It made eating a little awkward, but I didn't have the heart to complain.  
  
"Is it good?" she asked.  
  
"Mmm," I said. "It's great. But you know what's weird? I'm not even that hungry."  
  
"No?"  
  
Actually, I hadn't been hungry at all lately, and even though I hadn't been eating, I hadn't lost any weight, either. I'd even gained some, and not bad weight. Sexy weight. Roundness, fullness, that kind of thing. I hadn't really thought about it, but I figured it might have something to do with vampire venom. I didn't know much about this whole turning process, but the only other explanation was that I'd gotten implants over the weekend and didn't remember.  
  
"Actually, I've been noticing a lot of weird stuff lately," I mentioned. "Like how I've been gaining weight a little. Even though I haven't been eating much. And I've been having trouble sleeping." And as I said it, something else occurred to me, something that happened last night. I'd been too distracted by the blinding bliss of being reunited with Alice to worry about it too much, but I figured I might as well mention it now. "And last night," I said, "when I bit your hand… I tasted your blood and…"  
  
She gave a little giggle. "You liked it?"  
  
"Yeah," I nodded, glad she knew what I was talking about.  
  
She let go of her embrace and looked at me for a second. I turned to her, pancakes forgotten for a moment, and she tucked some of my hair behind my ear and examined my face. Her fingers brushed my cheek and she looked into my eyes. "I think maybe…" she said, "you might be beginning to turn."  
  
"Turn?"  
  
"This is how it happens. As your body absorbs vampire venom you'll begin to take on more and more vampire traits, until…"  
  
"I become one?"  
  
Alice nodded. She was still looking into my face, but now she seemed to be watching for a reaction. But to be honest, I didn't know what to feel about that. Something cold passed over me, but it was probably excitement or anticipation. I knew that being a vampire was bad, and that the blood lust messes with your head and makes you do bad things, but none of that seemed to matter anymore. Alice and I were together again; it had to happen eventually.  
  
But I had no idea it was already happening. How come she'd never mentioned this before? In fact, she had, hadn't she? But she never said it would happen like this. "I thought you said I wouldn't turn from a bite?" I asked.  
  
She gave a sheepish shrug. "Well, I didn't want to scare you off," she admitted. "And technically, it's not one bite, it's many bites. The changes wouldn't even be noticeable by now if you hadn't spent so much time with Jane and Leah. They really like you, don't they?"  
  
I was a little disenchanted that she'd lied to me about such an important aspect of our relationship, but she deflected it well. Jane and Leah did like me, and I had to admit I was proud of that. I'd only earned their affection through my willingness to put out, of course, but who says sluttyness isn't a virtue?  
  
So I smiled and gave a little shrug. "Yeah," I said. "I guess they do."  
  
Alice smiled back and wrapped her arms around me possessively. "But they'll never like you as much as I do," she whispered.  
  
There probably wasn't a girlfriend in the world who could match the psychotic affection of my little Alice, so I smirked and said: "Probably not."  
  
She moved her lips closer to mine. "I love you, Bella."  
  
My stomach stirred at the prospect of a kiss. It made me even more hungry than the pancakes. "I love you, too," I whispered, and closed my eyes as her lips pressed against mine.  
  
The kiss turned a little deep and then she broke it. We smiled at each other for a little bit, almost tranced, and then she giggled and gestured at the plate. "Eat, eat, eat," she said. "Don't let it get cold."  
  
I could think of something I rather eat, something sweeter and more syrupy than any pancake, but it was a beautiful lunch, and I didn't want to waste it, so I started eating again. Alice seemed content to watch me, but as the bliss of her kiss began to fade, my mind returned to the topic of turning.  
  
"How long is it going to take?" I asked.  
  
She didn't seem to know what I was talking about. "Hm?"  
  
"Before I turn," I said. "How long before I turn?"  
  
Alice still had her arms around my middle and I felt her shrug slightly. "It depends," she said. "It takes quite a bit of venom."  
  
I got the feeling she was deliberately being a little vague, but I wasn't as shy and quietly inferior as I used to be, so I decided to probe. "How much venom?"  
  
She shrugged again. "It's hard to say," she said, a little reluctantly. "The venom's kind of like a drug. It's part of what draws the victim, keeps them coming back. Which is why we rarely feed from the same person for any length of time. You'll become a vampire when you OD, basically. When there's too much venom in your system for your body to cope."  
  
"So the venom's addictive?"  
  
She nodded, her head still leaning on my shoulder. "The blood is addictive to us," she said. "The venom is addictive to you. You can even taste it on my kiss. And on my pussy."  
  
She said the last part simply, as if it was just a fact. But it was much more than a fact to me. Suddenly I understood a lot of things. I knew now, for instance, why they'd all been so reluctant to explain the logistics of vampire venom. If my charming girlfriend had told me when we first met that her crack was addictive as crack, I might've been forced to admit that I didn't do drugs, even ones as pretty as her. Now, however, I found this terribly hot, even though I certainly shouldn't have.  
  
So I blushed and swallowed whatever was in my mouth. The pancakes were terrific, but suddenly they tasted as bland and inedible as wet newspaper. I looked at Alice's pretty face, thinking she really IS addictive, like literally addictive. She was watching for my reaction and eventually I remembered how to speak.  
  
"You're addictive?" I asked.  
  
She gave a nod. "So are you," she said. She smiled, almost shyly. "After all, it's not just your blood. It's your scent. You're pheromones. You're arousal." She gave a tiny giggle. "It's a dark little cycle, isn't it?"  
  
I look down at my pancakes, thinking. "I thought so," I said. "When I was with Leah and Jane, it was like I needed it. And when you left for Paris, all I could think about was being bitten again. By anyone." I lifted my eyes to hers. "But it was never like when you bit me."  
  
She smiled happily. "That's because you were addicted to me first."  
  
"So it's not really love, after all."  
  
Slowly her smile faded. "Attraction is attraction, Bella," she said. "Why do you have to cheapen it like that?"  
  
I didn't answer. My stomach was flipping and I had no idea how I was supposed to feel about all this. I was turning into a vampire and my girlfriend has been slowly stealing my free-will with addictive venom and pussy juice. On the plus side, my boobs were bigger and she tasted real nice. On the minus, I was kind of selling my soul for real. If I continued seeing my vampiric girlfriend eventually I was going to become a slutty blood fiend just like her. No life, no career, no family; just blood lust. But if my ultimate damnation included frequent sex with the hottest girl I've ever witnessed, was it really so tragic?  
  
Alice frowned at my unresponsiveness. "I'm serious, Bella," she said. "You keep saying it's only your blood that I like, and I'll admit it; your blood is what I love best about you. But why is that so terrible? I know there's more to you than blood, but your blood is part of you. It's your life, your vitality, your vibrancy. I mean, isn't it romantic that I'm so crazy about it? It's like I'm in love with your essence itself, don't you think?"  
  
It sounded nice, in theory, but I guess I wasn't shallow enough to believe it. Any attraction rooted in blood and infectious vampire venom probably wasn't so wholesome. But my dark darling had always had a slightly warped sense of romance, and I figured I'd indulge her. I didn't want to argue, and I knew that I'd been attracted to her before all this. Before sex, before being bitten. I loved her from the second I saw her. So I smiled and gave her a little shrug. "I guess," I said.  
  
It seemed to satisfy her. She kissed my shoulder and wrapped her arms around me again. I resumed eating.  
  
"But anyway," she said, "becoming a vampire is your decision. You'll have to do it eventually if you want to be with me, but how and when and where—all that's up to you. We can talk about it more later. In fact, there's probably enough venom in your system now that I could turn you over the weekend if you wanted me to."  
  
That actually sounded appealing. Get it over with, get it done with. Why delay eternity? It would be one less thing to worry about, at least. So I said: "Maybe we should."  
  
But she chuckled, shaking her head against my shoulder. "Well, I don't think you're quite ready just yet," she said. "It could be dangerous to force it too soon. The more venom you absorb, the safer the transition. Besides, when we do it we should do it special."  
  
That made sense, I guess, but I felt a small wave of bitterness, and before I could stop myself I said: "And I suppose it would suck if you couldn't feed from me anymore, right?"  
  
"That's not true," she insisted. "And FYI, vampires can feed from other vampires."  
  
"They can?"  
  
She noticed the hope in my voice and went on cheerfully. "Of course," she said. "We bleed like anything else. Our teeth are our main weapons against other vampires. But not always. Sometimes it can be a special thing between mates. We could bite each other at the same time like a special kiss, or we could even organize our relationship around it."  
  
I shrugged away from her embrace so I could look at her. Suddenly I found myself very interested. I'd never given much thought to how we'd function as a vampire couple. Feeding would obviously be a big deal, but I never wondered how that would work.  
  
"What do you mean?" I asked.  
  
She gave a casual shrug, but a hint of self-consciousness had crept into her expression, as if she'd been waiting to talk about this for a long time and wasn't exactly sure how to go on. "Well, there's lots of ways," she said. "For instance, you could be the hunter, and I could be your…well, slave." A weird blush lit her face as she said that. But she went on, completely casual. "You could feed from humans and I'd only feed from you. You'd have to feed extra, to keep your blood up, but I'd be exclusively yours. You'd be, like…my mistress."  
  
She didn't look at me as she said it. Her words had excited me in a way I didn't even understand, but for the moment I was stuck on the possibility of Alice feeding from me even as a vampire. If that was true, then maybe our relationship really could survive for all eternity. I'd been afraid that she'd get sick of me once she couldn't feed from me, but if—  
  
"Maybe I should've had some pancakes," she said suddenly. She touched her finger to the pool of syrup on the plate and put the finger in her mouth. "Sometimes it's good to have a little food."  
  
"But would that work?" I asked, ignoring the subject change. "I mean, would you really be able to feed from me even if…"  
  
"Mmhm," she nodded. "In fact," she went on, "that's how Esme and Carlisle are kind of organized. Esme's still very young so she's kind of shy about feeding. She only feeds from Carlisle, unless she meets a girl she really likes. Leah and Jane are kind of like that, too, in a way. Leah doesn't feed from human's very often, and when she does she usually double teams them with Jane. But mostly she only feeds from Jane. Or me, back before I met you. Back then, I used to be the huntress of the family. Especially in bigger cities. I'd have about four or five girlfriends at a time, and every night I'd go home and let one of my sisters feed from me. Vicky and Rose always had priority, of course, but I loved all my sisters enough to let them feed from me."  
  
It was a lot of information all at once, and before I could process any of it, she took my hand and smiled at me warmly.  
  
"Until I met you," she said. "I still love my sisters, but after I met you…" She paused, gazing into my face. "I knew there was only one woman I was supposed to be with."  
  
I smiled, completely touched. Warmth spread through my body and it occurred to me that maybe I'd been unfair about Alice this last month. She wasn't the most stable girlfriend in the world, but she tried really hard, she really did. She always had. It was wrong to criticize why she liked me, because in the end, the important thing was that she did like me. She loved me. In her own unique crazy-stalker kind of way. It was sweet really.  
  
So I leaned forward and kissed her. It was a quick impulse and it made my heart leap. The sensation was so unique that I was suddenly reminded of how little I ever initiated contact between us. Alice had tried hard every day since the day we met to make me feel as loved as possible; maybe it was time for me to make her feel something similar. I wouldn't start stalking her, but at least I could try kissing her every now and then.  
  
"Mmm," she moaned into the kiss. "I love you, Bella."  
  
I smiled. "I love you, too."  
  
This time it was her who kissed me. A quick one on the lips, then another. Then she giggled and gestured at the plate suddenly. "Eat, eat," she commanded. "Maybe you're not hungry, but it can't hurt to keep your strength up."  
  
I smiled and started eating again. "Hey, can I ask you something?"  
  
"Of course."  
  
"How do you feed in secret? Without the person knowing?"  
  
I'd always wondered about that. There was nothing secret in how they fed from me; they were quite blatant. Not that I was complaining, of course. There were few things I enjoyed more these days. But maybe that was the venom.  
  
Alice shrugged. "It depends."  
  
"On what?" I prodded.  
  
She shrugged again. "Who, when, how, where," she said. "Methods change over the years. If you want, I could take you along on a hunt sometime. After all, if you're going to be a vampire someday, you'll have to learn how it's done."  
  
I nodded. In any case, I wasn't ready just yet. I didn't relish the thought of Alice feeding from any girl but me, but if it was just a meal, just a hunt, I guess I'd have to be understanding of that—especially if I'd have to do it too someday.  
  
But was that what I really wanted? Did I actually want to be a vampire? For the past couple weeks I wasn't sure, but everything was suddenly so much clearer now that I was with Alice again. Yes; I wanted to be a vampire. I didn't care what that meant giving up. I wanted to be just like Alice. Like Leah and Jane, even like Victoria. I wanted to be a sexy, smirky, demoness.  
  
The thought actually made me smile. It felt like a relief to have it settled in my mind. I'd spent over a week resisting the idea and now, after a couple seconds contemplation over pancakes, my mind was suddenly made up; I wanted to be a vampire. It was such an exciting thought that I stopped eating and turned to Alice.  
  
"But even if I became a vampire," I said, "would I have to feed from people? I mean, couldn't I just get blood bags from the hospital or something?"  
  
"It doesn't really work like that."  
  
"Why not?"  
  
"Well, like I said, it's not only about the blood. It's about scent, warmth, closeness. Desire. It's mostly about the person you're with. It works like sex, kind of. I mean, if you had a choice between a vibrator, Angela, and Lauren, which one would you do?"  
  
I didn't answer, but I got her point; the more you liked a person the more you wanted them. But anyway, I wasn't sure if I'd do Lauren again, even if she wanted it. Yesterday's betrayal had been way worse than anything Alice had ever done to me. Sure, Alice had devoured her ex right in front of me, but in all fairness that was one sexy and manipulative ex. Lauren's ex was just a quarterback.  
  
"The thirst works the same way," Alice went on. "That's why we call it blood lust. It's possible to feed from someone you don't like, but it's always better if you like them. Even if it's just as a friend."  
  
"But isn't that kind of like cheating?"  
  
She gave a little shrug. It didn't seem to be a topic she liked thinking about. "I don't know," she said. "I suppose it does involve putting your lips on another person. But in the end, it's a matter of survival. With you it's always been special, but with any one else…"  
  
She trailed off and maybe I should've let it go, but I was curious. Alice had never been very forthcoming about her feeding habits, aside from me, but I had a right to know, didn't I?  
  
"Do you feed from people other than me?"  
  
She looked at me and sighed. "Sometimes I had to, but never from humans. Only from Jane. Me and Jane are very close. In Paris, I fed from Vicky. I couldn't bring myself to feed from any other human but you. I tried, but…"  
  
I nodded. Alice smiled suddenly and kissed me.  
  
"You're the only girl I'll ever want," she said. "I love you, baby."  
  
I kissed her back. "I love you too, Alice."  
  
"Good," she giggled. "Now hurry up and eat. I'm hungry too, you know."  
  
I smirked and leaned forward, capturing her lips once more. The pancakes were nice, but not as nice as her. I kissed her slowly, caressing the nape of her neck, and I noticed that my head was tingling. I always thought it was because I loved her so much, but maybe it was the venom, too. It certainly felt addicting, and I couldn't help moaning and leaning into her a little more. Finally I broke the kiss and smiled at her.  
  
"I think I'm done," I said, referring to the pancakes. Then I took her hand and stood up. "Come on."  
  
She giggled and hopped up, eager as a bunny. Struck by a sudden assertiveness, I pulled her into another kiss and cupped her butt. She moaned happily, leaning into me, and I pulled back quickly. "Bring the syrup," I purred, and she quickly grabbed the bottle as I tugged her gently toward the stairs.  
  
The funny thing about syrup is how much sweeter it tastes when licked off your girlfriend's boobs. Especially when the boobs in question are as plump and perfect as Alice's. It did leave us a little sticky, however, and we had to finish up a little early so I could shower before mom got home. I had syrup on my chest, my stomach, my thighs, and in my hair somehow, so it was quite a long shower. Alice joined me, of course, but the extra pair of hands didn't exactly speed things up. They were too busy groping me into yet another orgasm.  
  
I was reluctant to say goodbye, but we both knew that she couldn't be here when mom got home. We talked about it briefly and decided that I'd have to tell her we back together eventually, but considering how she reacted the last time, it was probably best to wait for the right moment. Neither of us wanted to risk me getting grounded again, not when there were so many dates out there we'd hadn't been on yet.  
  
So we parted, reluctantly and not with a some gratuitous making out. It was almost painful to be without her so suddenly, but the pain was dampened slightly when I walked into the kitchen and saw the mess she'd left behind from her whim to make me pancakes. I cleaned it all up before mom got home, and I found it oddly reassuring that she actually had human flaws, too. Most of her personality quirks where the result of her nature as a vampire—stalking, for instance. But to leave a mess for your girlfriend to clean up was decidedly more human, and it made me feel a little better about my own role in the relationship. After all, if she wasn't quite so perfect then I wasn't quite so inferior, was I?  
  
It was a long wait till I saw her again—like, hours—but eventually I got into bed and lay there watching the half-open window. We arranged for her to come at eleven o'clock, and while I waited I thought about everything we'd talked about over lunch. One thing my mind kept returning to was how she had explained that vampires could feed from other vampires. It made sense, really. I remembered that night at the Cullen house, when Alice had confronted Victoria. Alice had slashed the redhead's face with her fingernails and then licked the blood, like an animal with a cub. I wondered what it would be like with me and Alice. I guess deep down I was prepared to accommodate her any way she wanted, but to be honest, the thought of feeding from other girl's didn't really appeal to me, even with my budding vampiric tendencies. Maybe that would change, but for now, I felt like if I had to feed from anyone, I'd want to feed from Alice. The thought made me smile. I could picture myself sitting in bed, Alice in my lap. Both of us naked, just after sex. She'd tilt her head and offer me her slender neck. And then I'd lean and place my lips on her throat, kissing her gently first so she'd know I loved her, and then I'd grab her ass and just bite the sexy bitch. Yeah. That would be hot.  
  
But the fantasy was interrupted when Alice finally arrived. She came through the window and I had a sudden wave of déjà vu.  
  
She was wearing a long black coat.  
  
It was just like my dreams, the ones I had before I met her. Back then it was the same recurring dream, but since then my dreams have been more eclectic. None of them had the same intensity of premonition as those early dreams, but I still dreamt about her almost every night. Alice. The girl of my dreams.  
  
But more important than dreams at the moment was the reality that Alice had just crawled through my bedroom window wearing a long black coat. And I had a suspicion, just a hunch, that she was wearing nothing—or close to it—underneath.  
  
"Hey, baby," she said sultrily, undoing the coat-belt. She was wearing makeup and she looked exquisite. "I've got a surprise for you."  
  
I literally held my breath, my face frozen in excitement. Smiling, she opened the coat and slipped it off. She wasn't naked, but it was even better. She was wearing crotchless black lace panties, a black lace pushup bra, black stockings, and a black garter belt. The black lace was beautiful against her marble skin and on her feet were black patent leather pumps. She stepped forward, rolling her hips. I flung off the covers and swung my legs over the side as if I was about to stand up, but I didn't stand up. I just sat on the edge of the bed and stared.  
  
"Does baby like?" she asked coyly.  
  
"Baby likes," I murmured, raking my eyes over her body. Her crotchless panties were right there, right in front of me, and if I just slipped to the floor and knelt down at her feet—  
  
She stroked her hand across my hair, drawing my eyes up. She smiled with her ruby lips. "Does baby want me to eat her pussy?"  
  
I shook my head, smirking up at her. "Baby wants to eat your pussy."  
  
She giggled and sank slowly to her knees. "Well, baby will have to wait," she said, opening my legs. "Because I get to go first."  
  
And then she tugged off my shorts and started going down on me. I wove my hand in her feathery black hair and leaned back, letting the arousal spike through me as I felt her lips on my pussy. I was so eager I didn't even require foreplay. Her lips and lingerie had put me in an extremely agreeable mood, and I became moist for her very quickly, hissing my breath under each lick and trying not to moan too loud.  
  
Finally I got her into bed where she let me enjoy her for as long as I wanted. I kissed her everywhere, peeling away her bracups and taking her nipples between my lips, stroking her sides. I kissed her mouth, mustering all the technique I could to make her as wet as possible. Her quiet little whimpers were like music to my ears and soon she was biting down on her hand to keep from crying out as I spread her pussy and licked her into orgasm.  
  
Alice's teeth had drawn blood on her hand and as we cuddled up afterwards I took her hand and kissed it better. Her blood, even just those couple drops, left an odd sugary taste on my tongue. It didn't quite seem drinkable, but it certainly didn't taste repulsive. Then I guided her mouth to my neck and told her to bite me. Last night had left me very drained, but she didn't need so much this time, and I wanted her to do it. Needed it. I felt her fangs pierce my neck and as she sucked on the wound I felt like I could feel the venom course through the bloodstream as my heart pumped it all through my hot and tingling body.  
  
It was late by now. I was tired, but I couldn't really sleep, so we cuddled and talked. We whispered about how much we loved each other and this love soon prompted us to decide that we should skip school tomorrow too so would could fuck all day again. The talk turned a little flirty after this, and somehow or other we got sidetracked to the subject of sex toys and whether or not we'd enjoy using them on each other. Alice was a little tentative at first, but I was open-minded, and soon she was comfortable enough to express a desire to fuck my brains out with a strap-on. I admitted this sounded intriguing, although I couldn't help raising a few concerns about whether it might hurt. But she waved this away with a giggle and a kiss. She told me that she'd had a lot of practice and even if she fucked me in half by accident I'd probably only beg for more.  
  
Needless to say, I woke up the next morning in a state of nervous excitement. Alice was in the bed with me, but she'd been home and back in the night, and bought with her a familiar shoe box decorated with red markerpen. I went to lift the lid, but she slapped my hand playfully and wouldn't let me look inside until we were ready. I'd already seen inside when I went snooping through her room two months ago, but I didn't spoil her surprise. She seemed quite eager to start sticking things inside me, and it was hard not to share the mood. The hard part was waiting for mom to go to work.  
  
So I went down to have breakfast, or tried to. I couldn't eat more than a few spoonfuls, but maybe that was normal for a girl who was hours away from her first experience with penetration. It seemed like a big deal. Technically, I'd been de-virgined quite a while ago, but I'd never had anything bigger in me than Jane's fingers—and Jane was quite petit. A strap-on seemed a little more intimidating. I wasn't sure how I felt about it in principle—the phallic symbolism was fairly indisputable—but I trusted Alice, and I knew Alice would make sure I liked it.  
  
Mom was almost late for work, distracted my paleness and generally lethargy, but eventually she left. I probably could've gotten the day off, but if she called the school they might've mention I wasn't there yesterday, either. For now I was content to not even think about it. I hoped she wouldn't find out, but even if she did, I felt strangely resigned. I hadn't changed my mind that Alice was bad for me; I just didn't care anymore.  
  
So I went upstairs, and Alice and I sat cross-legged on the bed with the toy box between us. She lifted the lid excitedly and I looked inside, trying not to wince. It was as bad as I remembered it; vibrators, strap-ons, dildos, double dildos, all colorful and clustered in the box like a nest of kinky snakes. Alice giggled and tipped the box upside down, scattering the toys between us.  
  
"So," she said, spreading them with her hand. "What do you want to try first?"  
  
"Um," I swallowed. "I thought you wanted to use a strap-on?"  
  
It was laying there, I could see it. A pink cylinder attached to pink leather belts that presumably looped around the wielder's legs. I tried not to be afraid of it; it was pink, after all.  
  
"We'll get to the strap-on eventually," Alice said, brushing it aside, "but why don't we start slow?" She plucked up a different object. It was black, slender, and it didn't bend. "Let's start with a vibrator," she said. "It's one of the great inventions of modern times, the vibrator. Very versatile. It can be used on yourself or on your partner, and even if you're not into penetration so much, it still has its uses."  
  
I was puzzled. "Like what?"  
  
Alice grinned. "Like this," she said, and then she switched the vibrator on and touched the tip to my nipple. I froze, mouth open, as my breast started quivering. I was wearing a t-shirt, but that was a flimsy layer. Frankly, I was stunned by how nice and unique it felt. Alice smiled at my expression. "Like a magic wand, hm?"  
  
I gave a little chuckle. "Yeah."  
  
"So what do you think?"  
  
I shrugged excitedly. "Okay."  
  
She giggled, switched it off, and handed it over. "Here," she said. "Black, your favorite color. I bought it for you back when we first started dating and I've been waiting for the right moment to give it to you. It'll be the first piece of your collection."  
  
I smiled and looked at the object with a certain fondness. My first sex toy. It was the sweetest thing anybody had ever given me. My pussy began to feel very grateful.  
  
"Thanks," I said.  
  
Alice leaned and kissed me. "You're welcome," she said, then she smiled and clapped her hands. "Now," she said. "Since it's brand new, I think you should have it first, just to establish ownership. It's a close bond between a woman and her vibrator. It's like a teddy bear for grown-ups. You could even give her a name if you wanted."  
  
I smirked, holding it in both hands awkwardly. "A name?"  
  
"Sure."  
  
I looked down at it. "I don't know."  
  
"How about Alice?"  
  
I chuckled. "Alice?"  
  
She nodded eagerly. "Sure," she said. "That way it'll be like you're always with me, even when it's just yourself. And I won't have to be jealous when you use her, either. Vibrator envy can be a big deal with some couples."  
  
It seemed a little silly to name a vibrator, but I liked the idea of establishing it as female. A stiff and somewhat slender female, but female nonetheless. And if it pleased Alice, it made me happy too. So I grinned and gave a little shrug. "Okay," I said. "I'll call it Alice."  
  
She giggled and swept the rest of the toys off the bed with her hand carelessly. The toys rained to the floor, and then she composed herself with her hands in her lap and smiled at me. I held the toy in my hand, waiting for instructions.  
  
"So," she said. "Did you want to do it yourself, or may I?"  
  
—  
  
I was surprised by how much I liked it. But maybe that was only because Alice was there.  
  
She was very vocal about the whole experience, and very proud of the vibrator's nickname. She talked to me constantly, asking me how much I liked Alice, and did Alice feel good where Alice touched me, and do I want her to stick Alice inside me yet. I was half-mindless from excitement at that point, so my powers of conversation weren't exactly scintillating, but I'm pretty sure all my answers were in the affirmative. The weird thing about when your girlfriend touches a vibrator to your engorged clit is that it tends to make you forget how to do anything but moan.  
  
But eventually I got the thing inside me, and I have to admit; I damn near died. It was tight a fit, but she slid it in slowly and held it there as I got used to it. She was sitting behind me and I was laying back in her arms, her legs hooked over mine and spreading them apart. It was just the tip at first, the tip nestled just within my entrance, vibrating into my core. Then she pushed it in a little more, and a little more, more, more, more. It felt huge inside me even though it wasn't really that big. By then her other hand had moved to my clit and began teasing it. I let my head roll back and suddenly her tongue was in my mouth. My face was on fire and my chest was heaving. She began to stir the vibrator inside me and suddenly it was too much; my vagina went spastic over my new toy and almost crushed the poor thing in the clench of the climax.  
  
And that was only the beginning.  
  
The respite was only brief and soon it was my turn to do Alice. She gave me a few moments to get myself together, watching me lay there with my breath sucking in and out as she sat beside me, idly licking the arousal from the vibrator as if it were her favorite kind of icie pop. Then she patted my ass gently and told me it was time to get back to work.  
  
It was almost as fun to use the vibrator on her as it was to have it used on me. It didn't end with the same soul crushing orgasm, but I found that it was strangely erotic to stick things into your naked girlfriend and make her like it—in fact, now I understood why guys liked doing it. Of course, I didn't stick it in right away. I teased her a little first, tracing circles around her nipples, bending to suck them. Then I trailed the vibrator down between her legs, but I still didn't put it in. I let it vibrate against her soaking folds, applying pressure and slacking off, smiling at how her face would elate with anticipation and then crumple in disappointment. She was still very vocal, even while on the receiving end, only this time she was begging. I liked to hear her playful little pleas, but it only made me want to tease her more. I asked if she could roll over a little, and she didn't question it. She even poked her ass at me a little, as if she knew exactly what I wanted to do and she wanted it too. It was just a whim, but it was fun. I traced the tip of the vibrator along the soft cleft of her buttocks, starting at the top and trailing it down, and then I poked at her with it, not penetrating, just teasing. She moaned for my enjoyment and then she rolled onto her back, opened her legs as far as they would go, and spread her pussy with her fingers. She asked me would I please put that thing inside her and I decided I'd teased her enough. So I did. I stuck it in and mimicked the things she did to me, watching her face and stirring the vibrator inside her until she arched up in orgasm and flopped back down again, all flushed and sweaty.  
  
Next was the strap-on. But at least we had a tiny break. Alice had fetched me a glass of water, and then we cuddled for a while, complimenting each other on technique and thoroughness, mentioning the things we liked, thanking each other with little kisses. Soon we were petting each other and contemplating what to try next. There were a variety of options, each as appealing as the next, and after a while she leaned over the side of the bed and fished up the strap-on. It was the pink one, and as she put it on she showed me how it buckles and explained how to get it tight and secure. It looked almost funny, the way it stuck out from her crotch like that. It made me think how odd guys must look during sex. But results were more important than presentation, so I was willing to overlook the silliness of it. She asked me if I was ready. I nodded, eyeing the thing somewhat skeptically. She smiled, and then, without further ado, she proceeded to fuck me with it.  
  
It was one of the more arduous experiences of my life. If Alice had an actual penis that she couldn't remove and store in a shoe box, I'd have to break up with her. Because there was no way I'd survive very long under conditions of nightly ravaging with this thing she was using on me. Then again, if it was an actual penis she probably would've squirted ages ago and gone to sleep, so maybe my true enemy was the inexhaustible power of the strap-on itself. That, and the fact that Alice was a wizard with it.  
  
In any case, I'd already had one massive orgasm today so it was a long and not leisurely journey to the next one. Alice started slow, with lots of kissing and touching. I could feel the strap-on poking my tummy, and at first it felt odd and uncomfortable. But slowly my mind began to cloud under the kiss and my pussy took over the thinking process. Alice had begun to move her hips against me gently, and it began to occur to me that I was getting horny and a long shaft-like object might be just the thing to deal with that. Like that thing poking my stomach, for instance. If I could get that thing shoved into my pussy somehow, well. Maybe that would feel just fine. Fortunately that was exactly Alice's intention. She was just taking a maddeningly long time to get to it.  
  
The foreplay went on forever. First with her hands and then her mouth. She massaged my breasts firmly and professionally, kneeling over me and kneading them like a lesbian baker. She was quiet now, watching me with her little smile as I lay there blushing, frustrated. Then she lowered her mouth and sucked my nipples. If she kept this up I was going to come before she even used the strap-on. I have sensitive tits. But she didn't dwell on them too long, which seemed like a shame as soon as she stopped. Then she lowered her mouth to my pussy and started licking.  
  
At first I was puzzled—weren't we supposed to be using the strap-on? But oh well. I loved her tongue, the way she dragged it so slowly across my sensitive folds and flicked my clit. It was better, even. But that didn't last long, either. Finally she knelt between my legs and nudged the strap-on at my entrance, watching my face. I watched back, waiting for her to do it. My pussy was in an agony of anticipation and I flinched as it finally poked into me. Just the tip. It was so much bigger than a finger, so much huger. I whimpered and squirmed slightly, stretching my legs wider, as if to make my opening bigger. Alice smiled and leaned down across me, and as she did the strap-on went in deeper. A strange little moan escaped me, something between surprise and fright. I could feel it going into me and I'd never felt anything like it before. My eyes were closed but I opened them as she stroked my hair. Her pretty face was reassuring and suddenly I moved my hips a little, getting it in just a bit deeper. She smiled, watching my face burn, and then she kissed me.  
  
It was a slow kiss and at first she didn't move her hips at all. She just left the strap-on inside me, letting me get comfortable with it. Which happened pretty quick. Soon I was getting into the kiss and moving my hips, desperate for just a bit of friction. Alice responded with a tentative thrust, and I gasped, breaking the kiss. She watched my face and gave another little thrust. I shuddered and groaned impatiently, squirming my hips. She smiled, a sexy smile that was almost a smirk, and then she started moving her hips against me, humping me gently. My head went blank. My legs wrapped around her automatically and started clenching in rhythm, finally getting into it, stroking her slim and silky back, feeling her soft breasts press against mine as she kissed my throat, and then—  
  
She stopped. Just pulled it out. At first I was flabbergasted; then I was furious. I felt like tearing her face off for just stopping like that, but there was a method to her madness. She let me cool down a little, sitting beside me and stroking me, talking to me, and when she deemed I was ready to resume, she rolled me onto my stomach, lifted my hips, and started doing me from behind. I was a little self-conscious to have my ass just pointed at her like that, but she made me feel good about it by petting it and talking about how cute it was, so I didn't resist. My face was in the sheets and my ass up in the air like a cat in heat, and I just let her do her worst. She eased the strap-on in and out, shallow strokes at first with just the tip penetrating an inch or two, and slowly making the strokes longer and slower, then speeding up, harder, harder, withdrawing gently and plunging roughly, until—  
  
She stopped again. She bought me to the brink of orgasm and then just stopped. Again, she let me cool down a little, holding me and making me tell her how much I liked it. By now my pussy was a gaping hole of fuck-me-please, and I wasn't above begging her to keep going. Eventually she did. She stuck it in and continued with a rough pace right from the beginning. My moans resumed as if they'd been on pause. Her gorgeous face was right above mine and I was staring up at her, letting her watch the helplessness pass over my face as I moaned and panted and finally began chanting her name with rising desperation, Alice, Alice, Alice—  
  
It ended in multiple orgasms. The climaxes clashed like cymbals in the white noise of my mind and I was groaning from how amazing it was. My ankles were locked around her back but then they came undone and flopped either side of her. My hair was wet with sweat and for a while I didn't even have energy to open my eyes.  
  
Well. Overall it was pretty fun, but a little intense for my taste. It was nice to be fucked face to face, and it was certainly a delight to wrap my legs around her body like an anaconda while my pussy convulsed uncontrollably over that thing inside me—but all in all, I think I'm more of an oral kind of girl. Call me old fashioned.  
  
Next it was Alice's turn. She was rather horny, understandably, and she wasted little time getting the strap-on off and buckling it onto me. I knelt there in the bed, looking down at in something like horror. It was weird seeing it on my girlfriend, but seeing it on me was just wrong. But it would've been barbaric to refuse after she'd been so thorough and generous with me, so I swallowed my trepidation and asked what she wanted me to do.  
  
Luckily, she took mercy on my inexperience and decided to do all the work herself. She laid me down on my back and straddled my hips, rubbing her pussy against the shaft, just teasing herself. She told me to watch very closely, but she didn't have to; I was watching. She raised up a little and angled the tip of the strap-on into her entrance. Then she just sat down on it. The look on her face was breathless and she let out a pretty moan as it thrust up inside her, as if she'd been waiting a long time for just that. I'm sure the moan was mostly for my benefit, and it did make me smile. She looked absolutely sexy, sitting there naked on top of me, squirming gently on the strap-on with her eyes closed. She enjoyed that first penetration for a little bit and then she started moving up and down on it. She smiled at me and told me watch, putting an extra bounce in her boobs as she bounced herself to a climax.  
  
Needless to say, by the time she was done I was horny all over again, and I didn't object when she fetched up another toy, a double ended dildo. It was lilac in color and longer than my forearm. It seemed even sillier than a strap-on, but maybe I'm just an innocent little girl who doesn't understand these things yet. Innocence is a fleeting thing, however, because it stopped being silly as soon as it was inserted. My pussy was a little tender at this point, but it was a nice fit. Alice then inserted the other end into herself and we proceeded to squirm and writhe and talk dirty until we came.  
  
The last thing we tried was handcuffs. It seemed to be an impulse, not something planned. Alice was sorting through the toys on the floor, searching for just the thing that would finally make me explode, when she lifted the cuffs and looked at them, excitement flittering over her face. They were padded and fluffy pink so they wouldn't hurt the captive's wrists. She smiled at me questioningly and it was a smile that made my heart leap. She then climbed back onto the bed and looked me in the face as she cuffed both her hands behind her back. Then she just knelt there demurely, her breasts so prominent with her arms behind her back. I was blushing so hard it felt like my face would melt off, but I managed to ask her what she wanted me to do. But she only smiled and said anything; anything I wanted.  
  
And with an invitation like that, what else could I do? Hesitantly, the first thing I did was stroke her breasts. They were so tempting the way they were just there on chest, vulnerable, unguarded. So I stroked them, a lump rising in my throat. Somehow the handcuffs changed the context entirely, and it felt like I was taking advantage of her, exploiting her defenselessness. And I liked it. I smiled tentatively and she smiled back, to let me know it was all okay. Then I wrapped her into a hug and kissed her.  
  
For a while I just enjoyed her helplessness. She gave me no directions at all, no hints. She seemed to enjoy absolutely anything I did to her, so I laid her down and touched her all over, kissing on impulse at whatever area appealed to me. I was very slow, very methodical, examining her body closely as if curious how it was made. She did nothing but breathe and moan, and soon her body was hot and limp. I could feel her muscles all liquefied under my hands, and after a while my excitement was too much to contain. I had to do something, to both of us, and before I knew it I was rubbing my pussy against her knee. It felt good, so I moved up to her thigh and rubbed against that. She watched me with her hands behind her back, and then she smirked and flickered her eyes at her breasts. It was just a small hint, but clear enough, so I straddled her chest and started grinding against her boobs, slathering them with my arousal. She let me do that for a while and then she smiled and licked her lips very deliberately; another hint. I'd been reluctant to do anything that might be abusive or demeaning, but suddenly I couldn't help it; I straddled her face and mashed my pussy into her mouth.  
  
She didn't lick or react at all. She just lay there as I ground my hips into her face, her lips, her nose. I bought myself to the cusp of orgasm and then stopped suddenly, swooping down to kiss her and lick her face clean. Then I flipped her onto her stomach and rubbed against her ass, fast and hard. Her cuffed hands were there in the small of her back and suddenly I stopped again and bent down to kiss them and suck her fingers. Then I tribbed on them for a little bit, inserting a finger or two into myself, before returning to her ass. I held her cuffed hands as I rubbed myself against her and finally I came, breathless and wild.  
  
I'd lost control briefly. Usually I wasn't the kind of ogre who'd come before her girlfriend, but I was quick to make it up to her. I flipped her onto her back and opened her legs to expose her glistening pussy. I remembered what she'd said about how there was venom in her saliva and arousal, and how the venom is addictive. But I didn't hesitate. Her scent had already invaded my head and I didn't care if she was turning me into a foaming slut. I liked being her slut. She came and after she came I licked all the arousal from her thighs and pussy until she giggled and mentioned she was getting horny again. So I ate her out one more time, devouring her yummy little pussy while she lay there in handcuffs.  
  
Afterwards, I hunted around on the floor for the key and unlocked her. The first thing she did with her arms was wrap them around me and kiss me passionately. It felt like a thank you kiss, and when she pulled back, I asked if I did okay. She smiled and said yes; I was wonderful.  
  
—  
  
It was early afternoon when we stopped for showers. But then we saw the bath and decided a bath would be more romantic. We took a shower first, just to scrub off, and then we drew a bath, making it nice and hot, and then we settled under the water. Alice reclined in my arms with my legs wrapped around her and soon we were chatting about our adventures with toys.  
  
"Which one did you like best?" she asked me.  
  
"I'm not sure," I said. "They were all pretty good."  
  
"There has to be one thing you liked better than anything else."  
  
"Honestly?"  
  
"Honestly."  
  
"I think I just liked going down on you."  
  
She giggled, stroking my shin under the water idly. "That's sweet," she said. "I'm more of a natural girl, too, but sometimes it's fun to play around with toys, don't you think?"  
  
I chuckled. My arms were wrapped around her middle, just under the warm globes of her breasts. I couldn't deny how hard I come from some of those things, so I didn't even try. "Yeah," I said. "I guess so."  
  
"Hey, can I ask you something?"  
  
"Sure."  
  
"Did you like it when I was handcuffed?"  
  
I was too embarrassed to answer for a moment, so she turned to me slightly, the water rustling. Her eyes were full of curiosity, and I knew she was hoping I liked it, so I shrugged and smiled shyly. "Um, I don't know," I said. "I guess it was pretty hot."  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Sure," I said, with another little shrug. "I mean, as long as you liked it. I wouldn't want to do it if you didn't."  
  
She looked at me for a second, perhaps wondering if there were whips and paddles in our future. I blushed and it was probably pretty obvious that I'd liked it more than I let on. But she didn't push, she just smiled and turned and settled back against me.  
  
"Can I ask you a question?" I asked.  
  
"Of course, baby."  
  
"Do you like that kind of stuff?"  
  
"You mean bondage?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
My face was flaming and I think I already knew the answer. She shrugged a wet and bare shoulder.  
  
"Sometimes," she said. I couldn't see her face but her voice sounded a little self-conscious all the sudden. "I mean, it's kind of romantic, when you think about it. Not just bondage, but you know. Submission. It's the purest kind of devotion, don't you think?"  
  
I nodded, but didn't reply. Suddenly she giggled and her voice was casual again.  
  
"Do you really wanna know why I like being dominated?"  
  
"Okay."  
  
She turned with a grin and leaned to my ear. "Because it's hot," she whispered, and then she giggled and kissed me.  
  
"I'm serious, Alice," I said when I had use of my mouth again. "I mean, if you really like this stuff, maybe I could…"  
  
I trailed off, not even sure what I was offering. I was happy to please her in any way that I could, but if she seriously wanted to be dominated—I mean, what if I couldn't do it?  
  
But she only smiled and placed another kiss on my lips. "Don't worry, baby," she said. "I'm not a demanding woman and I'll never make you do anything you're not comfortable with. Let's just take it slow. There's plenty of time for our relationship to grow."  
  
I nodded; that sounded better. Then she smirked.  
  
"That said, however," she went on, "I do think you ought to be a little more enthusiastic about my submissive side. After all, a slutty sub is a terrible thing to waste. Wouldn't you like to be my mistress, baby? Hm?"  
  
The conversation had turned casual, but I was still a little self-conscious. "Is that what you want?" I asked.  
  
"Maybe," she said, looking into my eyes. "What do you think?"  
  
"I don't know," I said, shrugging hesitantly. "Aren't I too young?"  
  
She smirked. "Well, maybe just a little," she said. "It might take a few years to train you up. Then you'll be my sleek and sexy mistress. A perfect little panther. And I'll devote myself to you forever and ever. And serve you with my mouth all night long and then serve you all day as well. Would you like that, baby?"  
  
I had a brief mental image of me in leather with a whip in my hand. Alice on the floor, simpering at my feet. My face didn't actually burst into flames, but maybe that was only because it was wet from the bath. I swallowed. "Um, maybe," I said. "I don't know."  
  
She giggled and kissed me. "I thought you might."  
  
"But wouldn't it be better if you were the mistress?"  
  
I blurted it out without thinking, but it did make sense. I mean, I was the weak and vulnerable human. The blood-slut, so to speak. Wouldn't it be more natural if I was the slave, living only for her, fulfilling her every whim and desire. It sounded pretty good to me.  
  
But she only shrugged. "Well, maybe," she said. "I guess it's fun to be the mistress sometimes. I used to be Rosalie's mistress, so I've had practice."  
  
I froze slightly. I knew almost nothing about her history with the blonde and the redhead, aside from the fact that she used to be with them and even now there was some strange bond between them. I was instantly curious.  
  
"You were?" I asked.  
  
I half-expected her to dodge the subject like she had in the past, but I guess we were past that. "Mmhm," she said. "Rosalie was an amazing sub. You'd be surprised. All tall and proud and gloriously blonde. You'd never guess she likes to be tied up and spanked, would you?"  
  
Now I had another image of a blonde goddess bent over Alice's knee as Alice spanked her perfect ass. I gulped. "Not really," I said, proud that I didn't stutter.  
  
Alice giggled, almost fondly. "She totally does," she said. "I loved to be spanked, too. We'll have to try it sometime. Vicky, on the other hand, doesn't have a submissive bone in her body. She's the most hardcore domme I've ever seen. You have no idea."  
  
"I could imagine."  
  
Alice snorted quietly. "No," she said. "You can't."  
  
I couldn't see her face because she leaning back in my arms, but something had changed in the conversation. "What do you mean?" I asked.  
  
She hesitated a second. Then she turned to me. "Listen," she said. "I know I'm a liar. I've lied and concealed the truth about a lot of things, but I only do it because sometimes the truth just sucks, you know?"  
  
I nodded, not sure where she was going with this.  
  
"But if we're going to be together," she said, "you deserve to know about my relationship history. And there's something I want you to know. About when I went to Paris."  
  
I felt a quick pang of hurt at the mention, but she seemed to be serious, so I nodded. "Okay."  
  
She took a breath, looking young and vulnerable for a second. "The truth is," she said. "You saved my life."  
  
I frowned. "How?"  
  
"Vicky wanted to kill me," she said. "In Paris."  
  
The feeling that passed over me was so cold. I moved in the water, straightening up a little. "What?"  
  
Alice chuckled once, as if to take the edge off it. "Yeah," she said. "The only thing that saved me was you. When Jane called and told me you were in a coma, I just had to come back."  
  
"But I don't get it," I said, feeling panic rise in my chest. "Why did she want to kill you? Is it because of me? Is it my fault?"  
  
"No, no, it's nothing like that. I mean, she was jealous, sure, but it wasn't only that."  
  
"Then what?"  
  
She sighed and settled back against me. "This is where it get's difficult for you to understand," she said. "But you know I was Vicky's sub, right?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"Well, I've been her sub for a long time. And over the years we've explored different kinds of submission. Bondage. Humiliation. Pain. I've done absolutely everything I could think of to prove my devotion to her. The only thing left…is death."  
  
I froze, arms around her. I had no idea what to say, so I just repeated: "Death?"  
  
Alice chuckled and waved a hand, water dripping. "Death," she said theatrically. "The ultimate submission. It probably sounds insane to you, but death is Vicky's version of going all the way. She wanted me to let her kill me. It makes a certain sense, too. A heart won can be lost again but a heart destroyed is claimed forever."  
  
I was stunned. Just completely stunned. "That's…" I stammered. "That's…"  
  
"Oh, it's hardcore," she giggled. "But like I said, Vicky's a hardcore kind of girl. It's one of the things I loved about her. No one's ever pushed me to the limit like Vicky. I've told you before that my ideas about romance are very radical."  
  
I turned Alice around by the shoulders. "But you'd never let her do that, though, right?"  
  
But she only shrugged her bare shoulder, so strangely untroubled. "I don't know," she said. "I almost did. She's been trying to get me to do it for decades, but I was just never quite ready. It's a pretty big step, after all. But then there was you, and everything that happened. I was very vulnerable in Paris. I thought you were my soulmate, my destiny. And then you cheated on me. But I know now that I overreacted. Vicky is a powerful woman and you're just a girl. It wasn't your fault. Only a self-righteous troll could possibly blame you for what happened. But it shook me up. I thought that I'd finally stumbled across the perfect girl, the perfect relationship. But then it was tainted. It wasn't perfect anymore."  
  
I blinked back tears. I regretted cheating on her so much. "Alice…"  
  
"That's why I ran back to Vicky," she said. "Because Vicky… Vicky can never be corrupted because she is corrupt. With Vicky, I know what I am, I know where I stand. I know what's expected of me. I know what I have to do, I don't have to guess. I don't have to worry. All I have to do is submit. With my body, my heart. My life.  
  
"Part of me really wanted let her do it. She's been wearing me down for years, and I'm getting old now. Very old. I felt like maybe I was ready to die anyway. I just get so tired of life sometimes. My heart's been broken so often. So many girlfriend's I've had to say goodbye to. And Jane, and Rosalie, and Esme. And then you. I regretted going back to Vicky, but I never thought you'd forgive me. I was an idiot. I should've believed in you. Because we really are soulmates, Bella. I'll never believe that this isn't special between us. I don't care if you slept with Vicky, or Jane or Leah, or even Lauren. Because I love you, and…" She wiped a tear from her eye and smiled quickly to hide it. "—I mean, you know I'll forgive you for anything, right?"  
  
I nodded, blinking back my own tears. "I know."  
  
"And you forgive me too, don't you?"  
  
I wrapped my arms around her and drew her close. "You never did anything wrong, Alice," I whispered to her.  
  
She gave a wet giggle, leaning against my chest. "I thought I did all kinds of things wrong," she said. "I make you lie to your mother, I make you skip school, I stalked you. I bite you, I make you do naughty things in bed. I went back to Vicky."  
  
All that was true, but I was beyond caring. I loved her; now more than ever. "I forgive you for all that, Alice," I said, caressing her soft shoulder. "I love you."  
  
She looked into my eyes. "Oh, baby," she said. "I love you too."  
  
Then she leaned forward and kissed me. I held her naked body and stroked her under the water. My Alice. She was so warm and soft, so smooth and slippery. She broke the kiss and smiled at me. I smiled back, so wrapped up in the sudden love I felt for her that I momentarily forgot what she'd just told me about her ex. Then I remembered and shook my head quickly.  
  
"I just can't believe that woman is such a fucking psycho," I said. "I mean, why are you even still living with her?"  
  
Alice giggled and went flippant again. "Oh, she's not a psycho," she said, settling back against me. "She's just a woman who knows what she wants, that's all. It's her confidence that drew me to her. It can be intoxicating." Then she gave a giggle as if something amusing just occurred to her. "It's funny in a way, isn't it? Lesbian Bed Death is a serious issue for lesbian couples, only in Vicky's arms the death part tends to be a little more literal."  
  
I frowned. "What's lesbian bed death?"  
  
"It's the theory that lesbian couples stop having sex earlier than other couples," she said. "It's not really true, but sometimes when a woman goes through menopause, she loses interest in sex. Hormone fluctuations and all. It happens to straight women just as easily as gay ones, but sexologists have always been eager to disenfranchise lesbianism over the years. No one wants to believe that a woman can be happy without a penis in her life."  
  
I cringed slightly. I was generally uncomfortable on the topic of penis in any situation, but naked and in the bath with my girlfriend made the subject seem just a trifle more inappropriate. In any case, I felt that I should try to keep her focused on the primary issue, which is the fact that her ex wants to kill her.  
  
"Alice," I said, turning her by the shoulders so that I could look into her eyes. "Just promise me you'll never let her…"  
  
I trailed off; I didn't even want to say it out loud. How could someone possibly want to do that to someone they loved? I couldn't even begin to understand. I'd never do anything to Alice that didn't make her feel good. All I'll ever want to do is kiss her and touch her softly.  
  
Alice smiled and placed a kiss on my lips. "I don't have to promise," she said. "Because I have you. I'll live forever as long as you want me. Just promise you'll never leave me, okay?"  
  
My heart roared with love. The feeling was so powerful I almost cried. "I promise," I said, holding her tight. "I'll love you forever, Alice. I'll never stop."  
  
She smiled and kissed me again, longer this time. Then she stroked my wet hair, placed one more little kiss on my lips, and settled back against me.  
  
We were silent for a few minutes and my mind was racing with everything she'd said. I was scared of the redhead before. Now I was terrified. Was she actually capable of killing people? Alice had said that her coven doesn't hurt humans, and technically Alice wasn't human—but how could she ever want to hurt Alice?  
  
Alice. God, I loved her so much. I've been such an idiot. How could I even think about Lauren with such a perfect girl lurking outside my bedroom window? She'd only stalked me because she loved me. She'd always loved me. And then I—how could I have ever have cheated on her?  
  
And with her. How could I ever have touched that vile slut? A woman who likes to kill her lovers like a black widow. And what about the blonde? Is she safe? I hoped so. The blonde was always mean to me, but she was gorgeous, and I really hoped the redhead wouldn't hurt her.  
  
Or me. Victoria was obviously a total psycho. What would she do when she finds out that Alice went back to me? Would she try to take Alice back? Would Alice go? No, Alice loved me. Alice—  
  
"Alice."  
  
"Mm?"  
  
My legs were wrapped around her and she was stroking my shin like a cat. I paused to frame my question. But then I just said it:  
  
"What's going to happen when she comes back?"  
  
"Vicky?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"I don't know"  
  
"Is she going to try and take you back?"  
  
She sighed and continued petting my leg. "I don't know, baby," she said. "I really don't." Then she turned in my lap and looked at me. "Would you fight for me if she tried?" she asked.  
  
I didn't even think about it. "Of course I would."  
  
Alice smiled and kissed my lips. "Then I'm sure I have nothing to worry about." And again she settled back against me.  
  
It occurred to me then that if it really did come to a fight then I'd be pretty much fucked. I suppose I could sharpen some stakes and ask a priest to bless a bottle of spring water, but beyond that, what could I possibly do against a woman like Victoria? I couldn't even protect myself from her, let alone my girlfriend.  
  
Why was Alice so dependant on that woman, anyway? Shouldn't she hate her, despise her, loathe her very being? But even as I wondered, I think I already knew why.  
  
"Victoria is the one who turned you," I said. "Isn't she?"  
  
The question seemed to startle her. She'd been stroking my leg under the water, and she stopped for a second before resuming, as if she didn't want me to notice. "What makes you say that?" she asked.  
  
"I don't know," I said, and I really didn't. It just made sense. Everyone said there was a special bond between them and I couldn't imagine anything else that would keep Alice going back to such a person. "Was she?"  
  
"Yes," she said. "It was about three hundred years ago. Vicky was a duchess."  
  
That surprised me. "A duchess?"  
  
"Well, she was the wife of a duke. Technically women had no authority in those days."  
  
That flabbergasted me. "She was married?"  
  
Alice giggled. "Well, technically she was," she said. "I have no idea how she became a vampire or when. I never met her husband, either. She never talked about him or even mentioned his name. I assumed he was living in the city. But maybe he was dead. Vicky had a steward that handled his duties as duke. And, of course, she had her hobbies."  
  
"Hobbies?"  
  
"She liked to seduce young girls from the village. Preferably virgins. She'd pick one out who was young and pretty and she'd invite her to come live with her in her manor. Sometimes just one, sometimes two or three at a time. She'd buy them things, jewelry, pretty dresses, horses. She'd take them for rides in her carriage. It never took very long to get them into bed. In most cases, they were quite eager. Vicky was like a goddess and it felt natural, even proper, to worship her. She would train them as sex slaves, and when she was done…"  
  
I felt a chill. "She killed them?"  
  
Alice gave a chuckle, still stroking my leg. "No," she said. "She sent them to town and hooked them up with husbands. None of them were actually gay, after all, and a decent marriage was really the best a girl could hope for in those days. She treated them all very gently, even lovingly. She was a big softie back then. She never killed any of them and never turned any of them. Until me.  
  
"I was a special case, obviously. I don't remember my human life so well, but I was nothing before Vicky. A peasant. I never had any interest in men, but a girl had very little liberty in those days, so if it wasn't for Vicky I would've been forced into marriage. Or worse.  
  
"I still remember the first time I saw her. Vicky was returning from town and she passed through the village in her carriage. It was a beautiful carriage, black lacquer work and gold trim. Four beautiful black horses. Everyone in the street stopped and watched. I was standing by the side of the dirt road in a dirty dress, staring like everyone else. Her window was open and as she passed our eyes met. It was just a brief moment, but she smiled. I was stunned by how beautiful she was, with her bright red hair and perfect face. All I could do was stare, and at first she drove on. But then the carriage stopped. I think I knew right then that my life was about to change, and I wasn't wrong. Because then she leaned out the window, smiled, and beckoned me forward with her finger.  
  
"Vicky didn't get out the carriage, of course. The road was muddy. But she talked to me. She was very warm, very friendly. Almost patronizing. She was the kind of woman who was well aware of her own superiority, but I think that's what attracted me most. She asked my name, and I told her. Then she asked if I'd keep her company on the ride home. She let me get in the carriage, dirty as I was, and that was the last I ever saw of my family. I never missed them."  
  
I listened in silence. She was still stroking my leg and she went on with a sigh.  
  
"It was like a dream come true," she said. "Vicky was everything I never knew I wanted. I was less resistant than most girls, obviously. She had me that very first night. She let me stay for dinner and then she had the maids draw me a bath. She helped me undress and bathed me. Then she had another bath drawn and she let me watch her bathe. I was mystified by her body. I'd never seen anything so beautiful. I mean, her tits. Have you ever seen such amazing tits?"  
  
"Of course," I said. "Yours."  
  
And to emphasize my point I cupped them and gave them a quick squeeze. She giggled and turned to give me a quick kiss.  
  
"Yours, too," she said, "but this was before I met you. Anyway, that's how it started. From the second I saw her, I was filled with an inexplicable trust and desire to please. She was the first woman I was truly attracted too. There were other girls I liked, but no one ever affected me like Vicky.  
  
"And she knew it. She could see how much I liked her in my face, so she didn't bother taking it slow. She took me to bed, naked, and started touching me all over. Stroking me like a stray kitten she'd taken home. I let her do anything she wanted and I did anything she asked me. I even let her feed from me. I was a little scared when I saw her fangs, but I was far more excited and eager to please. I responded to her even more readily than you did to me. It felt right, appropriate, perfect. I wouldn't have cared if I died. It was just too awesome.  
  
"She was very gentle to begin with, but right from beginning it was clear that she liked me to be obedient. And over time it became more and more clear that I liked being obedient. It was fun for me. At first she was happy to simply have her every command obeyed without question. But then she started to push me. I think she was fascinated to see how far I'd go. So she started to hurt me. First with her hands. She'd slap me and pinch me. Playfully at first, but harder and harder. Hard enough to make me scream or cry. Then she started to use knives. Shallow cuts so she could lick the blood. But no matter what she did and how much it hurt, I only wanted more.  
  
"In the end, it's hard to say who corrupted who. She wouldn't have gone so far if I hadn't been willing, and I wouldn't have been willing if she didn't want to do it. For me it was all very simple. But for her it was a little more complicated. It became harder and harder for her to refrain from killing me, especially as it became clear that I would've let her. She had me at the absolute edge and all she had to do push. With a single command she could've claimed me forever. But she couldn't. Because she'd fallen in love with me. In her own way. No girl had ever worshiped her so completely like I did, and after a while she became so smitten with my level of submission that…that she decided to turn me. The constant influx of venom had been maintaining my body and helping my wounds heal, but she didn't want to risk losing me to illness or infection. Not so soon. Because as much as she craved my destruction, she couldn't bare to lose me. And maybe I wasn't ready to die, either. Because deep in my heart I knew I wanted to worship her forever. I never wanted to stop."  
  
I'd been listening with a sick feeling in my stomach and even sicker feeling in my pussy. The bath water had cooled and there was a cold feeling inside of me. I had no idea the redhead was so warped. And Alice… How could Alice…  
  
"But that was a long time ago," she said. "Our dark little fantasy lasted quite a while, but eventually…"  
  
"What?" I whispered.  
  
"Well, we were vampires," she said. "We needed to feed. Other women were inevitable, and soon there was jealousy and possessiveness and bickering. Not to mention the small dramas with Jane, Rosalie, Leah. Even Esme. We tried various arrangements, but in the end there was nothing that would satisfy the unrealistic demands we had of each other. At first I only fed from Vicky and I remained exclusive to her for many years, but after a while it occurred to me that it was unfair she got to have human lovers and I didn't. So I started to take human lovers of my own. Vicky was furious and at first I went back to her right away. She'd beat me and demean me and make me beg her to take me back. But nothing had changed. It still wasn't fair that she got to have other women, and the longer we stayed together the more I realized that it wasn't really love between us. Just a twisted kind of sisterhood. Still special and important to me. But not love.  
  
"My idea's about love had changed and evolved over the years, and by then I wasn't sure if death was really so romantic. Is sacrifice truly the ultimate expression of devotion? Or does true devotion linger forever without faltering, unending, never weakening? I don't know. We never did come to any conclusions. But by then it didn't matter. Our relationship became less rigid, but in many ways, it only became stronger. Because no matter how many other women there were between us, one thing was clear; neither of us wanted any one as much as we wanted each other."  
  
Alice turned and smiled.  
  
"Until you," she said.  
  
At first I didn't even know what she meant. I blinked at her. "Me?"  
  
"Mmm," she said, lifting a hand from the water and caressing my face. "You were the first woman who made me want to leave Victoria. Because when I met you, I knew. I knew that you were the only woman I was supposed to be with."  
  
I was so overwhelmed that I couldn't even process that. I just looked at her. She was blinking back tears and her eyes were so huge, so pretty. She smiled at me sadly.  
  
"I keep talking about destiny," she said, "but honestly I have no idea what's going to happen between us, baby. I truly don't. All I know is that I want to be with you. Now and forever. No one's ever made me feel the way you make me feel. I love you, baby."  
  
She kissed me before I could speak. It was an urgent kiss, desperate for me to respond. I did. I wrapped my arms around her naked body and drew her closer, requesting entry with my tongue. She opened her mouth and I caressed her tongue with my own, making her moan for more. Then I broke the kiss suddenly and said:  
  
"I love you too, Alice."  
  
She was sitting in my lap, naked, pretty, looking at me with such huge and beautiful eyes. "Do you really, baby?" she asked. "Even after all that?"  
  
My heart swelled until it felt like it would burst out of my chest. The look in her eyes filled me with a sense of fulfillment. Because for the first time I realized that I really was valuable in this relationship, that I actually contributed to my girlfriend's happiness. There was something I could give her that no one else could, and I wanted her to have all of it. So I cupped her face and smiled.  
  
"Of course I love you, Alice," I said. "You're my soulmate."  
  
She almost melted. Her whole body sagged with happiness as all her breath escaped her and then she thrust her lips on mine. "Oh I love you too, baby," she whimpered. "I love you so much."  
  
It was a touching moment. I was prepared to sit her on the rim of the bathtub and go down on her, but she had another idea. Her lips fell onto my neck and suddenly she bit me. I gasped from the shock and the pain, but she only snaked her arms around my back and sucked hungrily at the wound, desperately.  
  
It was the first time she'd ever bit me without my expressed permission, silent or not, but I didn't mind. She was rough, almost painful. Blood dripped from her mouth and bloomed pale pink in the bath water. I craned my neck, stretching the wound for her and wincing at the sting of her lips. She moaned eagerly and sucked harder, her fingernails digging into my back like claws. She didn't need my permission and I was happy she finally knew that.  
  
"I love you, Alice," I whispered. "I love you."  
  
—  
  
We skipped school for the rest of the week. We didn't talk about her psychotic ex again and we both seemed to be resolved on simply enjoying each other as much as we could for as long as we could. We'd make love all day and at night Alice would come through my window wearing her long black coat and something special underneath. On Tuesday it had been black lingerie. On Wednesday it was a hot pink spandex thong and no bra. On Thursday it was a delightful ensemble composed of a pale purple nightie, purple stockings, and fingerless gloves of purple lace that reached to her elbows. The nightie was see-through and she wore nothing underneath. All through Friday I kept asking her what she'd be wearing tonight, but she'd only giggle and say it was a surprise. I was very excited, needless to say.  
  
That afternoon we bid our brief farewells before mom got home, as usual, and I settled on the couch to watch TV and wonder what kinky costume Alice would surprise me with. The possibilities were endless with a self-professed slutty sub like Alice, but whatever it was, it would be sexy. I wondered if I was within my rights as her girlfriend to make requests. I'd love to have some fun with her cheerleader uniform someday. That miniskirt with no panties. Yum.  
  
I was in the middle of these musings when mom got home. She came into the living room with her face set in a stony expression and I knew instantly that the school had called her. Me and Alice had been planning to go back on Monday. I'd been hoping that she mom find out, but at the same time, I guess I always knew she would.  
  
"Hey mom," I said, somehow hoping I was wrong.  
  
But I wasn't. Mom snatched the remote out of my hand and turned off the TV. "You're homeroom teacher called me after school," she said. "She said you haven't been all week."  
  
There was very little I could say here. My heart sank, but I felt curiously unaffected. If I was going to be a vampire someday, what did it matter if I missed a bit of school?  
  
Mom frowned at me, hands on her hips. "Where have you been?" she demanded.  
  
"Home."  
  
"You expect me to believe that?"  
  
"It's true."  
  
"Why haven't you been at school?"  
  
I looked away, my heart sinking a little further. I decided to just tell her the truth. "I got back together with Alice," I mumbled. "We were hanging out."  
  
She shook her head. Her hands were still on her hips and she wouldn't look at me. "I don't believe this, Bella," she said. "After everything that girl put you through…"  
  
I felt a sudden surge of affection for my demonic girlfriend and I rushed to her defense. "It wasn't her fault, mom," I said. "It was a misunderstanding, that's all."  
  
Which it was, really. Somehow, I'm sure. But mom didn't believe me.  
  
"Why haven't you been at school?"  
  
I didn't know what to say, so I said nothing.  
  
"Answer me, Bella."  
  
I heaved a sigh in typical teen fashion. Man, what a drag. Why don't parent's ever understand that sometimes a daughter needs to lay around all week and have her brains fucked out with sex toys?  
  
"Alice has been coming over," I said, and because I couldn't mention sex to my mom, I added: "We just wanted to hang out, that's all. You know, just us."  
  
Mom glared at me, still frozen there with her hands on her hips. "So you'd thought you'd just skip a whole week of school?"  
  
Well, basically. I'd gone on Monday and got my heart broken by Lauren, but I didn't think mom wanted to be corrected on the technicalities. So I just shrugged helplessly.  
  
"We wanted to be alone."  
  
Her glare became even more fierce. "Why?"  
  
The implication was fairly obvious, so I just hung my head.  
  
"Is this why you're so pale and spaced out all the time?" mom demanded. "Are you doing drugs?"  
  
Actually—  
  
"No," I blurted. "Of course not."  
  
Mom didn't appear to believe me, but she didn't stand around to ask more questions; she turned on her heel and marched up stairs. I followed, finally beginning to panic.  
  
She blew into my bedroom like a hurricane and started rifling through my drawers. I stood in the doorway in an agony of discomfort. I wanted so badly to say something that would make everything go back to the way it was, but there was nothing to say. All I could do was watch as she ransacked my room for illegal substances. Suddenly I realized that I should've hid the vibrator better. It wasn't a drug, but in Alice's capable hands it could certainly be addictive. I was also pretty sure there were laws that restricted sex toys to a certain age, although I'm not sure who would police them.  
  
Mom found it in my underwear drawer. She swept aside a stack of panties and froze as if she'd found a butcher knife. She picked it up and turned to me furiously.  
  
"What the hell is this?" she demanded in a brittle voice.  
  
In my panicked state of mind, I actually thought she didn't know what it was, so I attempted a lie. "It's one of those things for Wii," I said, which was rather brilliant under the circumstances. "Like a controller."  
  
But mom only shook her head, her eyes filling with tears. "You must think I'm completely stupid."  
  
"No," I said. "I just—"  
  
With a loathing look on her face, she flung the vibrator on the ground as if it was something too disgusting to touch. And considering where it had been recently—  
  
"Where did you get it?"  
  
I saw little point lying. "Alice gave it to me."  
  
"I can't believe you, Bella. I told you that girl was bad for you, didn't I? How could you possibly go back to her after everything she put you through?"  
  
"I love her."  
  
"You love her."  
  
"Yeah."  
  
Mom looked away, her bottom lip trembling. It must be distressing to have a daughter like me. "This is a mother's worst nightmare, you know," she said, and I could hear tears in her voice. "To have a daughter so hung up on a boyfriend that she can't even…"  
  
I bowed my head. Technically, I was hung up on a girlfriend not a boyfriend, but I could appreciate her point. I completely agreed; nothing more pathetic than a girl who has no life outside her relationship. It was difficult to be remorseful of having frequent sex with the prettiest girl in the world, but for mom's sake I made an effort.  
  
"I'm sorry," I said.  
  
Mom composed herself, sniffed, and glared at me. I shrugged and looked away from her wet eyes.  
  
"I know it was wrong to skip so much school," I said, trying to explain. "But I had to. I needed to be with her, just her. No one's ever made me happy like she makes me."  
  
"No one's ever made you miserable like her, either," mom retorted.  
  
Another valid point, but it wasn't a point that aided my case, so I overlooked it. "I'm sorry, mom," I said. "But these feelings I have for Alice… I can't just ignore them and go to school. I mean, it's not like a regular highschool relationship. She's more than a girlfriend, she's…  
  
"She's what?"  
  
I knew how stupid it would sound, but I said it anyway: "My soulmate."  
  
It came out odd and self-conscious. Somehow it seemed less romantic than when I said it to Alice in the bath. Maybe it was my poor delivery, but mom wasn't quite impressed with the full majesty and significance of the word.  
  
"She's a tramp," mom spat. "That's what she is."  
  
In all fairness, I shouldn't have gotten angry at that. Of all the descriptors available to a lady like Alice, tramp was actually a trifle tame. It was like calling a pornstar cute, but I bristled a bit with self-righteousness anyway.  
  
"Don't say that, mom."  
  
Mom narrowed her eyes. "Excuse me?"  
  
The look quickly frightened the anger away and I took a distraught step forward. "Look, I'm sorry," I said. "Okay? I'll go back to school on Monday. I really didn't mean to skip so much. I just wanted to hang out with Alice a little, that's all. I just—"  
  
But mom raised a hand and turned away in disgust. "Just don't talk to me, Bella," she said. "Don't even talk to me right now."  
  
Then she strode past me and out the door, slamming it behind her. I stood frozen in my suddenly silent bedroom. I was stunned thoughtless. Mom had never spoken to me like that before. Even when she'd grounded me. She'd been hurt and angry—but she'd never been disgusted. Not really.  
  
I sat on the edge of my bed. Then I laid down. I tried to think of someway I could make things better with mom, but there was none. She didn't approve of my relationship with Alice and she never would. It was sad, but there was really nothing I could do, and after a while my thoughts turned back to wondering what Alice would be wearing tonight.  
  
It was only a few hours till I found out. I skipped dinner and said a meek goodnight to mom—who didn't reply—and then I got naked and got into bed.  
  
Alice came at eleven o'clock as she always did and I smiled to see her long black coat. She was smiling too and without speaking she undid the belt and dropped the coat behind her. Her pale body was encased in a tight black leather corset that bunched and spilled out her breasts, and she was wearing thigh-high black leather boots with tall heels, and on her hands were long black leather gloves with zips up the side. Protruding from her crotch was an enormous black strap-on.  
  
"Hey baby," she said, sauntering forward. "How would you liked to get fucked?"  
  
I smiled. She did look more like a tramp than a soulmate—a very hardcore tramp—but she was my Alice and I loved her. The sight of her sexy self had swept away any emotional turmoil I might've been feeling and all that was left was the desire to indeed get fucked. So I flung off the covers and spread my legs for her.  
  
"You look fucking amazing," I told her as she climbed onto the bed.  
  
"Thanks," she said. The strap-on was pointing at me rigidly and without warning she stuffed it directly into my pussy. I gasped from the pain and my whole body flinched in a sudden spike of breathless violation. Alice smiled and covered my mouth with her hand, pushing the strap-on in deeper. "Just don't get too used to being dominated," she said. "I'm only showing you how it's done so you can do it to me someday, okay?"  
  
I nodded frantically with her hand over my mouth and the strap-on half splitting me. She smirked her sexy smirk and suddenly gave me a savage thrust, making her exposed boobs jiggle above the shiny black leather of her corset, making mine wobble too where I lay there helplessly. I whimpered and she nodded at my passiveness.  
  
"Good girl," she said. "Now grab my ass while I fuck you."  
  
—  
  



	18. Chapter 18

—  
  
Chapter 18:  
  
—  
  
Alice and I had a lovely weekend. Mom wasn't very happy about it, but she probably needs to get laid. I got laid all the time and I was relatively happy.  
  
Still, Alice and I were careful not to push her too far, and we managed to avoid any scenes or dramas. Alice came over Saturday morning and we spent most of the day cooped up in my room, listening to music and just chilling. Mom would eye us darkly whenever we made appearances in the kitchen or living room, but Alice would smile her charming smile and the encounter would pass without incident.  
  
On Sunday we went shopping in the city. We were out all day and came back in the evening with about twelve bags of clothes, mostly goth stuff—casual things that I could wear to school—to round out my wardrobe. We had a brief fashion parade in my room where I showed off my new baggy black cargoes and baggy black jeans, my new tops that were black with skulls or roses on them, my new boots and bracelets and leather necklaces, all black and most with studs on them. She loved everything, but she seemed to prefer me in nothing at all, so I gave her a naked lap dance before dinner. I completed the performance by slipping my new black vibrator inside me and going down her while she sat on the edge of the bed, and I was so happy with my new clothes and so flattered that she would spend so much money on me that I put an extra bit of thankfulness in it and really ate her out.  
  
I woke up Monday morning with a feeling of acute disappointment. Alice and I had decided that it was best to go back to school and resume some kind of normal routine. Unfortunately, this meant that she wasn't in my bed when I woke up and I wouldn't see her for at least an hour. I found that it was much harder to struggle out of bed when I knew there'd be no shower sex with my gorgeous girlfriend, but somehow I managed, and in trying to arrive on at outfit to wear, I went with a black skirt and fishnets. I would've preferred my brand new baggy black cargoes, but there was no way I was going to make it through the whole day without sex, and it was simply easier to get fucked in a skirt than pants. Besides, fishnets are cute.  
  
Lastly I tied my hair in twin pigtails, added a touch of eyeliner and dark lipstick, and then I donned my collar and a couple bracelets; casual but goth. The bite marks on my neck were still fresh, but it had been days since she'd bitten me, and I was starting to regain a little color. I was still pale, just not grey. And, as I couldn't help notice as I gazed into the bathroom mirror, I was also looking extremely pretty. My dark eyes made my own heart flutter and I couldn't help thinking I'd definitely do that bitch; definitely.  
  
Alice picked me up at seven thirty, and to my delight she was wearing a skirt as well, which made it really easy to go down on each other in the back seat. Eventually we wound up at school, although neither of us were particularly happy to part from each other, not even for something as important as education. But we did, like the responsible young women we were, and I was only slightly late to homeroom after our goodbye kiss at my locker turned into a bit of a make out session.  
  
We lasted about ten minutes in biology before we both excused ourselves to use the bathroom. And we did, in a way. We used the bathroom to finger each other one of the stalls, but we were very quick, and we went straight back to class.  
  
Lauren avoided me all day, but I caught her glancing at me from time to time. She seemed sullen and sad, sitting quietly with her friends, not smiling, not laughing. I felt sorry for her but I didn't know why I should. I hadn't thought much about that night, but I had the time in class since I certainly wasn't focused on my school work, and I tried to figure out what went wrong. It didn't seem to be my fault. I'd said something stupid at a crucial moment, sure, but I'd been prepared to apologize. And considering her reaction at the time, that was pretty gracious of me. Besides, she was the one who freaked out and went back to her boyfriend. Anyway, it didn't even matter. Humanity didn't interest me anymore—if it ever did—and now I had Alice again. Alice was all I needed.  
  
At lunch time Alice and I stood in line in the cafeteria. Neither of us had much appetite, but we grabbed something to eat anyway, and made our way to a private table of our own. I would've liked to sit with Leah and Jane, at least during lunch, but I guess it was sweet that Alice wanted to keep me to herself. But our romantic luncheon for two didn't last long, because when Leah and Jane entered the cafeteria and saw us sitting alone, they forewent their usual table and came directly over to us, Jane grinning, Leah sauntering along behind her.  
  
"Hey there, you lovebirds," Jane said, sliding into a chair. "Nice weekend?"  
  
Alice seemed a little put out at the intrusion, but I smiled.  
  
"Oh, you know," I said. "Hung out. Went shopping."  
  
It was the abridged version of our activities and Jane knew it.  
  
"Yeah, I'm sure that's all you did," she giggled.  
  
Leah had sat down too, neither of them with a lunch tray. She looked over my top and smirked. It had a skull and crossbones on it and it fit pretty tight.  
  
"Cute top," Leah said. "Suits you."  
  
"Thanks."  
  
"Yeah," Jane agreed. "Really emphasizes your rack."  
  
I blushed. Alice bristled.  
  
"Stop looking at my girlfriend."  
  
Jane giggled and plucked a potato chip from Alice's lunch tray. She didn't have to eat so it was obviously a blatant act of annoyance. She popped the chip in her mouth and smirked. "Be grateful we're only looking," she said. "Two weeks ago we were fucking her."  
  
Alice had been holding my hand under the table. The hand tightened, but she didn't say anything. Leah smiled at me.  
  
"So you guys are officially back together, huh?"  
  
I smiled at Alice and gave her hand a squeeze under the table. "Yep."  
  
"Aww," Jane cooed, "I guess it's true love, after all. That's so sweet. You know, we all gotta go on a double date sometime. I'm thinking dinner and a movie, a hotel room, maybe a casual orgy. What do you think?"  
  
Alice looked at her. "I don't think so."  
  
"Come on, I was only joking. Let's just hang out or something."  
  
"Me and Bella wanna focus on each other right now."  
  
Jane turned to me. "You gonna let her make all your decisions like that?"  
  
I looked at Alice. She was still very pretty so I turned back to Jane and said: "Um, yeah."  
  
Leah chuckled silently. Jane rolled her eyes.  
  
"Oh brother," she said. "Listen, honey. Alice doesn't own you. You're a big girl, you can make your own decisions. You could even make those decisions with me—without any clothes on."  
  
I looked at Alice helplessly and Alice turned to Jane with a grin. "Forget it," she said. "I'll be making all of Bella's decisions from now on and I can assure you that none of them will involve her taking her clothes off for any one but me."  
  
I felt relieved. It was so nice to have a girlfriend assertive enough to nullify your capacity for independent thought. Jane heaved a sigh and looked at me forlornly.  
  
"Oh well," she said, "I tried. So does this mean you're done with Lauren?"  
  
I felt a slight prickle run across my skin, but I ignored it. I didn't want to talk about it, so I just nodded.  
  
"You sure?" Jane went on. "You probably still have a shot. Poor chick was messed up all week. She's still not right. It's like she fucked up the love of her life or something."  
  
Alice was looking at me intently, not pleased with the conversation. I didn't want her to think I had feelings for anyone but her, so I frowned at Jane. "I don't care," I said. "I never even liked her to begin with."  
  
A slight exaggeration, but it made Alice happy. Jane turned in her chair and looked across the cafeteria at where Lauren sat with her friends. She was the only one of them not talking and she didn't seem to be eating either.  
  
"Maybe it's time I take a shot at her," Jane said. "She's kind of cute." Then she turned back to us and sighed. "It just sucks to start with a new girl after you already get used to one. If Ally wasn't such a bitch she'd let us have you too."  
  
Alice snorted and took my arm possessively. "Get your own girlfriend."  
  
"Sisters share, Alice," Jane told her.  
  
"You're not my sister, it's just pretend."  
  
"Friends share too."  
  
"They don't share girlfriends."  
  
"Why don't you let Bella decide if she'd like to be shared?"  
  
"Because Bella belongs to me, don't you Bella?"  
  
Everyone looked at me for my feelings on the subject. I'd been taking a bite of my sandwich and now I lowered it. I knew they were only play-bickering like they always did, but there seemed to be an edge of seriousness in the conversation too, as if the table were genuinely interested if I'd like to share myself sometime. Alice was looking at me expectantly, still holding my arm, and since she did totally own me, I said: "Of course."  
  
Alice smiled happily and touched her head to my shoulder fondly. Jane rolled her eyes.  
  
"Jeez," she said to Alice, "since when are you the dominant one?"  
  
Alice smirked. "It's only sometimes."  
  
"Well, that's still no reason why we can't go on a double date sometime. Come on, it'll be fun."  
  
Alice paused to think about it. She looked at me, looked at Jane. Then she gave a little shrug. "I'll think about it."  
  
"Yay!" Jane cheered. "That means yes."  
  
Alice was smiling too. "But no sex," she added warningly. "Just hanging out."  
  
Leah smirked, looking me over with her dark eyes. "We'll see," she said.  
  
She'd said it with her sexy eyes fixed firmly on me, but this obvious threat to my maidenhood only made Alice giggle. "I'm serious," she said, tightening her grip on my arm. "Bella's pussy belongs to me, doesn't it Bella?"  
  
It seemed a little crude for the lunch table, but I could feel my pussy stirring as if nodding eagerly, so I smiled at her. "Sure."  
  
Jane and Leah shared a look that was almost an eye roll. Alice giggled.  
  
"Speaking of which," she said, rising to her feet. "Bella and I aren't exactly hungry for food, so if you'll excuse us…"  
  
Alice tugged me to my feet, and I admit I wasn't too disappointed to leave my lunch. She took me to an empty classroom upstairs where we indulged in a tastier meal and then we just made out until the bell went.  
  
"Fuck," I said, disconnecting my red and swollen lips from Alice's. I had been getting horny again and I didn't want to stop.  
  
Alice giggled and tucked her boobs back into her bra. "Hey, I got an idea," she said. "Take off your panties."  
  
"What about class?"  
  
"Just quickly."  
  
I was already slipping them off. I was hesitant to skip class with my relationship with mom so frayed already, but luckily that wasn't what Alice had on her devilish little mind. She slipped off her own panties as well and handed them to me.  
  
"Here," she said with a grin. "You wear mine and I'll wear yours. We'll swap back later at your place."  
  
"Uh, why?"  
  
"Because it's sexy," she giggled, pulling on my own panties. She lifted the hem of her skirt and struck a pose. "Don't you think?"  
  
Sometimes it was difficult to remember that Alice was a centuries old vampire. But she did have a point, I realized as I stepped into her panties and pulled them up under my skirt; it was kind of hot.  
  
Alice giggled and quickly kissed me. "I love you, baby."  
  
I smiled and kissed her back. "I love you, too."  
  
It was a curious feeling to sit through the rest of the day in my girlfriend's underwear and even more weird when I walked into math and saw Lauren sitting by herself in the corner. I felt a wave of pity for her, even though I was pretty positive that it had been her fault our brief attempt at a relationship had crashed and burned. She was staring down at a textbook and tapping it with a pen sullenly. She didn't really look like she was reading it.  
  
I hesitated a few moments and then I just went over. I probably should've avoided her, but I had no one else to sit next to, and I did still care about the closet clutching bitch.  
  
"Hey," I said.  
  
I had no idea what her reaction would be, considering what a volatile little troll she could be, but I was surprised; she looked up, surprise flashed over her face, and she actually shuffled her chair over as if to make room, although there was plenty of room already.  
  
"Hey," she said.  
  
Satisfied that she wasn't going to stab me with a pencil and call me a dyke, I sat down beside her, ignoring the weird feeling that fluttered through me.  
  
We were silent till class started and silent for a while afterwards, the awkwardness growing between us. We could barely even look at each other. When I did glance at her I didn't see her expression; I'd been distracted by the glossy sheen of her hair, and I turned away bitterly. I loved Alice and I never wanted to be with anyone else, but it made me sick to think of the wasted possibilities between me and Lauren.  
  
"So where were you all week?" she asked suddenly, without looking at me.  
  
I glanced at her. Her voice was a sullen mutter, as if she didn't really care about the answer, but I knew she did. She knew that me and Alice were absent at the same time and Jane had probably told her we're back together. I was feeling slightly bitter, and I almost said something vulgar just to let her know that she'd missed out on a chick that puts out more than a professional whore, but I didn't. I felt sorry for her, so I just shrugged.  
  
"Sick," I said.  
  
Lauren nodded. She didn't believe me, but she seemed to be happy I didn't mention Alice.  
  
We fell silent again, pretending to focus on our school work. Then I blew out a frustrated breath and said:  
  
"So how's things with your boyfriend?"  
  
She gave a sullen shrug, still not looking at me. "We broke up."  
  
"I thought you got back together."  
  
"We did, but then…" Another sullen shrug. Still not looking at me.  
  
I studied her profile for a second. She seemed really sad. Sadder than I ever would've expected from someone I'd always thought was kind of heartless.  
  
I didn't know what to think. She got back together with her boyfriend to prove she wasn't gay and dumped him again within a week. It made no sense. Had she been hoping that I might fight for her, as ridiculous as that sounds? Did she think I'd see her making out with her boyfriend and suddenly draw a dueling pistol to challenge him for the right of her love? I mean, seriously; what the fuck was this chick's problem?  
  
She turned to me suddenly, her icy blue eyes narrowed like a cat's. "You and the freak still together?"  
  
Her attitude was suddenly infuriating. She had no right to call Alice a freak, not when Alice was the one who loved me and wanted me, and not while I sitting was there wearing her panties with the taste her pussy still in my mouth. Freak indeed. So I let my features shift into a sneer and muttered: "Yeah, we are. Is that a problem?"  
  
She turned away disgustedly. "No," she snorted. "Like I give a fuck."  
  
I stared at her, bristling. How could she possibly be such a bitch?  
  
"Well, if you don't give a fuck," I gritted out, "why the fuck did you ask?"  
  
"Just wondering how much of a slut you are."  
  
I snorted. "More than you could handle, obviously."  
  
"Whatever. You're disgusting."  
  
"Yeah, keep telling yourself that, Lauren." My anger had boiled over and suddenly I just blurted out what I was really feeling. "I mean, you know you're a total dyke, right? You should just admit it. It would be less pathetic."  
  
"Shut up," she hissed.  
  
"Whatever. Go fuck your boyfriend again, maybe he'll get it right this time."  
  
She glared at me with tears filling her eyes. "Fuck you."  
  
I looked at her disgustedly and shook my head. "You already did," I said, "and you fucking loved it."  
  
She was trying not to cry, but she couldn't stop it. Her whole face trembled and she said: "Fuck you, Bella. You fucking—"  
  
But she broke off with an angry sob and suddenly threw one of her textbooks at me. The class had been mostly quiet and everyone turned to look as she suddenly jumped to her feet and wheeled away toward the door, covering her eyes.  
  
"Lauren!" the teacher barked. "Where are you—"  
  
She didn't stop. She barreled out the door and into the corridor. The teacher moved to follow and then turned to me.  
  
"Miss Swan," the teacher said. "What just happened?"  
  
I was blinking back my own tears and I gestured with a hand angrily. "How the fuck would I know?" I snapped. "Fucking bitch is crazy."  
  
The class laughed. The teacher didn't, but I never did get in trouble for swearing.  
  
I sat through the rest of the class in sullen silence, trying to stop thinking about it. I didn't care if Lauren still had feelings for me. She was too complicated and I had Alice. Alice was so much simpler. Even with her fucked up past and fucked up ex. Alice loved me in a way that Lauren never could. And she was way hotter, too.  
  
I felt better after I'd sorted that in my mind and I remembered that I was wearing Alice's panties. The thought gave me a strange comfort, so I crossed my legs under the desk and smiled to myself. None of this highschool stuff mattered, anyway. One day I was going to be a vampire. I didn't know when and I didn't know how, but Alice and I were going to be together forever. No one was ever going to come between us. Not Lauren, not Victoria, not Leah or Jane. No one.  
  
So I flipped to the back of my notebook and started doodling lovehearts with Alice's name in them. Decorating them with little flourishes, smiling at how pretty her name looked. Alice, Alice, Alice.  
  
My love.  
  
—  
  
The next day was Tuesday and I was wearing my baggy black cargoes. I thought they looked really cool on me, and apparently Leah agreed.  
  
"Cool pants," she said.  
  
We were sitting at the edge of the football field watching cheer practice. Alice was still on the squad despite her absences, but Lauren was nowhere to be seen. Jane said that she'd quit last week.  
  
"Thanks," I said. "Alice bought them for me."  
  
Leah nodded. "So have you and Alice talked about a double date yet?"  
  
Actually we hadn't talked about much at all. She'd hung out after school yesterday until mom got home but our mouths were otherwise engaged.  
  
"Not really," I said.  
  
Leah smirked. "She's really fixated on monogamy, huh?"  
  
"I guess so."  
  
"Yeah, but what do you think?"  
  
"About what?"  
  
"About me and Jane. I mean, we were just starting to bond, weren't we?"  
  
"I guess."  
  
"And suddenly you're back with Alice and you're not even allowed to talk to us? Sounds like bullshit if you ask me."  
  
She'd said the last part with a mild snort in her voice. She was looking out across the field, not at me. Honestly, I didn't know what to say. Sure, I'd love to hang out with Leah and Jane, but I was happy with Alice.  
  
"Well," I said. "I think Alice is just a little scared, that's all. I mean, we've had problems before, you know."  
  
"You mean with Vicky?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"Well, I'm not Vicky. Neither is Jane. I mean, I thought we were friends?"  
  
It sounded a little weird to hear the word friend from a girl like Leah. She seemed a little too cool to be concerned with friendship. But it was touching that she thought so, very touching, so I smiled and gave a little shrug.  
  
"We are," I said.  
  
She raised a perfectly black eyebrow. "So how come you don't even hang out any more?"  
  
My heart sank a little at that. To be honest, I hadn't even thought about it. Sure, I'd missed a whole week of school and kept myself almost entirely to my girlfriend, but it never occurred to me that I was avoiding anyone.  
  
"Sorry," I said. "I didn't even realize." Then I gave an embarrassed chuckle. "I didn't know you even liked me."  
  
She smiled a sexy smile and placed a hand on my knee. Good thing I was wearing pants; the material dulled the tingles.  
  
"Of course I like you," she told me.  
  
She caressed my knee gently and I frowned at the hand. Mostly I was confused. I'd never cheat on Alice, of course—not again—and it was puzzling to me that anyone would want me to. Victoria's attempts had made sense; she was trying to hurt Alice. But why would Leah even suggest it? Sure, she'd been fucking me for a couple weeks while I was on the rebound, but I assumed she was just using me, just having a bit of fun with a human for a change. And now that I was with Alice again I thought it was all cool, back to normal, no hard feelings.  
  
But could it be possible that Leah actually liked me?  
  
She noticed my nervousness and removed her hand. "Look," she said. "All I'm saying is you shouldn't let her run your life. Alice isn't the kind of girl who knows what's best for you. Or even for herself. Trust me. She'll eat you alive if you're not careful and then tear herself apart over it."  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"Haven't you noticed by now that she's kind of crazy?"  
  
"She's not crazy. She's just…quirky."  
  
Leah smiled as if trying not to laugh. Then she leaned to me slightly. "Listen," she said. "I can appreciate you wanna be loyal to your girlfriend. If you wanna be friends, I'm cool with that. But I won't lie. I like you. You're one of the nicest, sluttiest, tastiest girls I've ever met. There's no need for you to limit yourself to just Alice. You don't even have to date her if you don't want."  
  
Her words made my stomach tighten in excitement. My self-esteem had never been particularly high, but by now I was beginning to realize that when it came to vampires I truly was a catch. Nice to look at, easy to manipulate, quick to go down. Liberal with my body and blood. I had a flair for depravity and yet a strange innocence at the same time which kept me from being nasty or disgusting. A perfect little fang-banger.  
  
But no matter how much Leah liked me and admired my sluttier qualities, there was another girl out there who loved me more, and her name was Alice. So I shook my head and said:  
  
"Alice is my soulmate."  
  
"You actually believe that?"  
  
"Of course.  
  
"What if vampire's don't have souls?"  
  
That stung a little, but since I had no idea what a soul actually was or what qualified a person to have one, I just shrugged. "I don't care," I said. "It's a figure of speech. I love her. That's all that matters."  
  
Leah looked at me long enough to make me wonder if I'd said something wrong. She seemed to be searching for something and apparently she found it, because she smiled. "Ally's one lucky kid."  
  
I chuckled and shook my head. "No, she's not."  
  
"I think she is," Leah said. "I think she's very lucky."  
  
By now cheer practice was breaking up. Leah looked at me for a few seconds more and then she stood up and smoothed her skirt. It fit really nice over her ass and I mentally slapped myself for looking.  
  
"Think about it, alright? Jane feels the same way. We could have a lot of fun before we turn you. And even then it'll be a while before we get sick of you. You know what I'm saying?"  
  
I didn't answer. Alice was already jogging over toward me and I rose just as she sailed giggling into my arms. Leah gave me one last look and walked out to meet Jane. Alice kissed me.  
  
"Hey baby," she said. "Mind if I shower at your place?"  
  
Her arms were around my waist and her smile made me forget all about Leah's offer. "Only if you let me do your back," I said. Then I kissed her and added: "And everything else."  
  
—  
  
But I didn't forget for long. I didn't actually consider it, but over the next couple days I decided that it was good to have options, just in case. I knew that Alice loved me and that Alice was serious about me and her for all eternity, but let's face it; she wasn't the most stable girlfriend on the planet. There was still her psychotic ex out there to deal with and there was no way of knowing how long her lust for my blood would last. I didn't think it would happen, but if she ever did stop loving me, it was nice to know that Leah and Jane would be happy to accept me into the coven.  
  
There was another cheer practice Thursday afternoon. Alice drove me home afterwards and I helped her shower like I always did, washing her hair like a handmaiden, dragging the loofa all over her gorgeous body. We made love under the water and then we settled on the couch to watch TV.  
  
Alice was laying with her head in my lap and I was toying with her hair. She sighed and said:  
  
"I love when you pet me."  
  
I leaned down and kissed her. She smiled up at me for a moment and then she frowned playfully.  
  
"You know, you haven't told me you love me today."  
  
I chuckled, still petting her hair. "Yes I did."  
  
"It doesn't count in the morning."  
  
I smiled. I hadn't been aware of that—and I distinctly remembered saying it at school at least twice—but rather than argue, I just kissed her again and said: "I love you, Alice."  
  
She smiled happily. "I love you, too."  
  
We fell silent for a little bit. She'd turned her face to the TV, but there was nothing interesting on, and after a while she heaved another sigh.  
  
"Can I tell you something?"  
  
"Sure."  
  
"Sometimes I miss Leah and Jane."  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
Another sigh. "I don't know," she said. "We used to be very close. But then I met you and I couldn't even picture being with anyone else. It's a shame, in some ways. We used to have a lot of fun together."  
  
We fell silent again. I continued stroking her hair, so fine and soft, like a little kitten in my lap. It was rare for Alice to talk about any of her feelings that weren't focused on me or my body, and I felt like I should prompt her to continue. So I said:  
  
"What kind of fun?"  
  
She gave a little giggle. Her body was curled up on the couch and the giggle made my lap shudder. "You know," she said, "fun. Group sex. That kind of thing. It was fun to come up with different combinations. Sometimes Jane and Leah, sometimes Vicky and Rose. Sometimes all four or a combo of three. Sometimes with Esme. Sometimes with humans.  
  
"It's weird how quickly I changed. I always thought that it was natural to have sex with your friends. Proper, even. Like an extra-affectionate hug. I mean, if you love someone, what's wrong with expressing that physically? But I guess it was always wrong. It's hard to justify coming home from a date and having sex with someone else, isn't it?"  
  
I was still stroking her hair but I stopped as she turned her head to look up at me. I'd known that Alice had always had a strange intimacy with her sisters, but for some reason it had never bothered me. It didn't even bother me now. She was looking up with her huge and pretty eyes, and she seemed to be searching for acceptance, so I gave her a smile and stroked her cheek.  
  
"Well, I don't know," I said. "I mean, you're a vampire. You're immortal. You drink blood. It's unreasonable to expect you to be a normal person, you know?"  
  
She was relieved but she narrowed her eyes playfully. "Are you saying I'm a freak?"  
  
"I'm saying you're unique," I told her. "You're the most special woman I've ever met."  
  
"But does it bother you that I used to…"  
  
"I don't judge you for your past, Alice. I love you."  
  
A beautiful smile lit her face and she sat up. "Thank you, baby," she said. "I love you too."  
  
She kissed me and then she wrapped my arm around her shoulders and snuggled into me. I was quite proud of myself for how I handled that—I'd almost seemed mature—so I tightened my arm around her and reflected on what a good girlfriend I was.  
  
"Do you miss them too?" she asked.  
  
I wasn't sure what she was talking about. "Who?"  
  
"Leah and Jane."  
  
"Oh. Um, I don't know. Kind of, I guess. It was fun to, you know…"  
  
I trailed off, wishing I never said it, but she only giggled.  
  
"Oh, I know," she said. "They're fun girls."  
  
I chuckled awkwardly. I was perfectly fine with my girlfriend's history of kinky group sex, but I didn't have the same excuses as she did, so I felt I ought to be a little ashamed. The context was completely different. I wasn't a vampire, for instance. I was a regular girl and regular girls really shouldn't do those things.  
  
"You know, I've been thinking," she said. "About what Jane said."  
  
Again, I wasn't quite sure what she was talking about. "About a double date?"  
  
"No, about me not owning you," she said, then she straightened up to look at me. "Because she's right. I mean, I don't want you to think you're not allowed to have any friends other than me. Just because I'm totally and hopelessly obsessed with you, doesn't mean you have to spend every single second of your life in my company. If you wanted to hang out with Jane or Leah sometime…"  
  
But I was shaking my head. It was nice to know my girlfriend was gracious enough to allow me a life outside the relationship, but I wasn't really interested in anything but her. So I cupped her cheek and said: "The only person I want to be with is you, Alice."  
  
"I know," she said, rubbing her cheek against my hand. "I just don't want you to get sick of me."  
  
That might've been a valid concern for some couples, but vampire's don't gain weight, so it was hard to imagine losing interest in an ass like Alice's. So I placed a quick kiss on her lips.  
  
"That's never going to happen," I told her.  
  
She smiled and flickered her eyes over my face. "I hope not."  
  
"It won't."  
  
Her smile widened and she kissed me quickly. "Listen," she said. "I trust Jane and Leah, but…"  
  
"But what?"  
  
"Well, they really like you. And they're still kind of addicted. So if they ever make a try at you…"  
  
"I'll tell them to go fuck themselves," I interrupted, "because I have the most beautiful, sexy, amazing girl right here."  
  
A radiant smile broke out over her face, like the sun coming out from clouds, and I leaned forward to kiss her. She deepened the kiss, moaning, and suddenly she broke it.  
  
"Hey, you know what?" she said suddenly.  
  
It took me a moment to shift gears. "What?"  
  
"I think we should go on a double date," she declared.  
  
I blinked. Now, when she said 'date,' did she mean group sex or an actual date? Because I'd been a little confused about the two lately.  
  
"You do?" I asked.  
  
"Sure," she grinned. "We could always be alone afterwards, and they're still my sisters. It'll be fun, what do you think? Ooh—we could go dancing!"  
  
"But I don't dance."  
  
"You do this weekend."  
  
"I do?"  
  
"Yep!"  
  
"I thought you don't own me?"  
  
She giggled and cupped my face in her hands. "Oh, I own you, baby," she said. "I own every inch of your sexy ass…"  
  
I couldn't argue with that; especially after she covered my mouth with her own and stuck her tongue in my mouth. In any case, it was nice to know that she'd meant a literal date. I had nothing against group sex with other couples, of course, but at this point in our relationship I felt that we should focus on each other.  
  
And focus we did. Alice moaned and snaked a hand up my top. I held the hand against my breast as she squeezed it, and we probably would've ended up having sex right there on the couch if mom hadn't come home.  
  
Normally my amorous girlfriend would be gone by the time mom got home, but lately we'd been arranging for her to catch us together in innocent situations, so that she'd get used to seeing us together. Alice had been hanging out every day after school and every day mom would come home and find her beside me on the couch, watching TV or playing video games, pretending to be just an ordinary girl. Mom still hadn't really talked to me since raiding my room and finding a vibrator, but she seemed to be softening slightly to Alice. But only slightly. She still didn't approve and she still somehow seemed certain that Alice was even worse for me than the facts as she knew them would suggest.  
  
It wouldn't do to let her catch us making out, however, so it was lucky that Alice heard the car. "Fuck," she said, unhanding my breast reluctantly. "Have you ever considered moving out?"  
  
I felt a spike of excitement, wondering if she was serious, but then mom came in before I could ask.  
  
"Hi, mom," I said. "Me and Alice were just watching TV."  
  
I just hoped my lips weren't too swollen.  
  
"Hm," mom said, eyeing the two of us suspiciously. "Is she staying for dinner again?"  
  
I looked at Alice and looked at mom. "Um, is that okay?"  
  
"As long as her mother knows where she is."  
  
Alice was sitting there with her hands in her lap, innocent as you please. "Thanks, Mrs Swan," she said. "Can I help Bella cook?"  
  
Her voice was as beautiful as wind chimes but mom only glowered at her. "Hmm," she said, almost growling it, then turned to me. "Just don't make a mess, alright? Have you got all your homework done?"  
  
Actually, no, none of it. I couldn't even remember the last time I'd done homework. I felt bad about lying, but I didn't want to upset mom more than she was, so it was in a good cause. "Most of it," I said. "But we've got till the end of the week, so…"  
  
"Tomorrow's Friday, Bella," mom told me.  
  
"Is it? Oh."  
  
Alice had been watching the exchange. Now she smiled. "We'll finish studying tonight," she chimed in. "Is it okay if I stay a little late?"  
  
Mom's plan had backfired, and more than she knew; if Alice stayed late we certainly wouldn't be studying. But mom nodded. "As long as your mom knows," she said.  
  
"Thanks," Alice said, "I'll call her later. Hey, guess what? Me and Bella are going dancing on the weekend."  
  
She'd said it with a casual good-natured excitement, but mom looked at her as if she'd said we'd be going to a rock concert followed by a Satanist rally.  
  
"Is that so?" she said.  
  
"Yep," Alice giggled, undaunted. "We're SOOO excited!"  
  
"Bella hates dancing."  
  
Alice looked at me woundedly—a talented actress—and I said to mom: "Well, I don't hate it. I just never really tried it."  
  
"Don't worry, I'll teach her," Alice added, with another well-timed giggle. "It's going to be awesome."  
  
—  
  
Alice informed Jane and Leah of our decision at lunch the next day. Jane was very excited and immediately she and Alice began bickering over gets to wear pink because it would be sooo stupid if they showed up looking like twins. They each put forth a convincing case toward their claim on the color, but neither could come to an agreement on who truly owned it, and finally they turned to Leah and I for a ruling. We'd been sitting there silently chewing our sandwiches and it seemed we were the male-equivalents of our respective relationships because I don't think either of us particularly gave a fuck what they were wearing so long as they took it off at some point. In the end it was decided by Alice that pink was stupid anyway and it suited Jane because she was stupid too. When they asked Leah and I what we'd be wearing we answered simply that we'd be wearing black. We didn't argue about it, either.  
  
It was a long drive to Seattle, but at Alice's manic speeds, we got there soon enough. It was a private salsa club called La Rasa, and I was so nervous that I could hardly walk in my heels. Purple heels, to match my purple dress. Black hadn't suited Alice's outfit apparently, and it was decreed that we'd make a cuter couple if I wore purple. So I wore purple. But it was a beautiful dress, so I didn't complain. Loose fitting, short, and with a plunging back. A soft lavender color. Alice was wearing a shimmering cocktail dress of pale blue satin, and I wasn't exactly sure how my own dress complimented hers, but she seemed to be satisfied, so I didn't mention it.  
  
Leah too seemed to have been forced into color coordination with her girlfriend. Jane was in pink, as was her right, and Leah was in red. They were already on the dancefloor when we went over. Jane and Alice exchanged a dozen air kisses, flattered each other on how cute they looked, and then turned the flattery on me and Leah. Alice kissed Leah on the lips, but I reminded myself that close friends are allowed to do that, and then Leah kissed me on the lips. We weren't close friends, but being kissed on the lips by a sultry brunette in a red dress wasn't the worst thing that had ever happened to me, so I let it slide.  
  
Meanwhile we were getting bumped and jostled by other couples on the dancefloor and Alice and I were obliged to retreat to the bar. Alice presented the bartender with an ID that had to have been fake and ordered herself a Mai Tai and a soft drink for me, since I was underage. We carried our drinks to Leah and Jane's table and I eyed Alice's Mai Tai jealously. It looked like a fishbowl of pink slush, complete with a little umbrella sticking out of it, and even though I wasn't a fan of alcohol, I had to admit I would've loved to try one. Alice noticed my longing look and giggled before passing it over and telling me not to let anyone see.  
  
It was pretty good, although I didn't discover any actual alcohol in it. Not enough to inspire me to dance, anyway, and for while I was content to look out over the dancefloor from our table on the upper balcony. Jane and Leah had come over and chatted for a while but now they were back on the dancefloor, easily the hottest couple in the club. They weren't the only same-sex couple, either. There were quite few a girls dancing together and even a couple guys. The girl were in dresses of every color and cut, no two alike, and the guys wore shirts of satin or silk. It was a pretty swanky club and everyone danced very well.  
  
Alice had been to the bar again and this time she bought me back a rum and coke. I noticed the alcohol in this one and by the time it was gone a pleasant warmth was flowing through me and I was ready to try dancing.  
  
Alice took me out onto the floor and I think I managed tolerably well. I didn't know the difference between a cha cha and a chicken wing, but it seemed acceptable to simply two-step around the edge of the dancefloor. Alice led me more drinks and soon I was dancing with Leah and Jane, laughing, flirting, slapping Jane's hand when it cupped my butt, ignoring the tingle between my legs as I slow danced with Leah. It was a rumba, she said, which meant she was allowed to make my knees weak as she stroked my back and stared into my eyes.  
  
The evening began to get a little hazy and eventually I found myself sitting at the table with Leah, sipping another rum and coke, as Alice and Jane twirled and swirled around the dancefloor. They looked like professionals and several people had actually stopped dancing to watch them. I was watching too. I'd seen a couple episodes of Dancing with the Stars, so I knew that a couple didn't actually have to be in love with each other, but I couldn't help noticing the way they kept smiling and looking into each other's eyes. It was mystifying, in a way. How much history between them? How many times had they made love together? Did all that really go away just because Alice had fallen for me? Or was it all still there beneath the surface, a subtle connection that transcended time and separate relationships?  
  
Leah had noticed me staring. "They make a cute couple, huh?" she asked.  
  
I tore my eyes away and chuckled. "Yeah," I said. They made more than a cute couple; they made an awesome couple. Alice had talked about coordinating her outfit with mine, but her pale blue was a direct contrast to her partner's pale pink. They looked more like a couple together than they did with me or Leah.  
  
Maybe the alcohol was hindering my ability to hide my expressions, because Leah smirked.  
  
"Jealous?" she said, loudly over the thump of music.  
  
"No."  
  
"Did Alice ever tell you about her and Jane?"  
  
I shook my head. The movement made me slightly dizzy.  
  
"They were together a long time," she said. "Before me, before Rose, before Vicky. Jane was Alice's first and Alice was Jane's first. Six hundred years they've been together. Sometimes friends, sometimes lovers, but always close. Always sisters."  
  
I frowned slightly. That didn't sound right for some reason, but my mind was a little cloudy and I couldn't pinpoint why. Didn't Alice say Victoria was her first?  
  
Leah was looking out over the dancefloor where Alice and Jane twirled about with their faces flushed and shining, their hair and skirts flaring in the twist of their perfect hip work.  
  
"This is the longest they've been without fucking each other in centuries," Leah said. "Jane tries to hide it, but she really misses her. That's why she's so mean sometimes and why she was trying to get you to hook up with Lauren. Deep down she's probably even more jealous of you than Vicky. It's like she lost her best friend."  
  
Again, it was probably the alcohol, but I felt really sad for some reason. I almost cried. Poor Jane! It must be terrible to lose sexual privileges with a feisty little thing like Alice. How on earth does she carry on?  
  
I turned to Leah. "What about you?"  
  
"What about me?"  
  
"Do you miss Alice?"  
  
Leah shrugged, almost as if she was trying to hide something. "I was never as close to Alice as the others," she said. Then she sipped her drink, even though she couldn't possibly be thirsty. "But yeah," she added. "I miss her."  
  
It was sad to see even a hint of emotional vulnerability in a woman as confident as Leah. I felt really guilty, but more than that I felt like I had to pee. So I stood up, not really stumbling.  
  
"I gotta go to the bathroom."  
  
Leah smiled. "Human's often do."  
  
I went. It was a private club so the bathroom was empty, but while I was washing my hands, the door swung open and someone came in. It was Jane.  
  
"Whoo!" she cheered loudly. "Hey, human," she giggled. "You having fun?"  
  
I swiped a paper towel and dried my hands. "Sure," I said. "I love dancing."  
  
"Me too," she said, sauntering up behind me in her baby pink cocktail dress. She wrapped her arms around my middle and propped her chin on my shoulder. "It's so nice to finally get my hands on Alice again."  
  
I froze. I suppose it was somewhat normal to hug one's friends, but the way she was looking at me in the mirror didn't seem quite so platonic.  
  
"What are you doing?" I asked meekly.  
  
She smirked. Her lips were painted candy pink. "Oh, nothing," she said. "I was just thinking. You and Alice have any plans after tonight?"  
  
"Um, not really."  
  
"Well, there's no reason the fun has to end on the dancefloor," she said. She gave a sultry giggle and started swaying side to side, her arms still locked around my waist. "We could go back to our place. Hm? What do you think? You ever been with three chicks at once? It's awesome, trust me. So many things we could try…"  
  
My head was humming softly. "Um…"  
  
"Come on, it'll be fun," she whispered into my ear. "I mean, it's not cheating if you do it together, right?"  
  
"I don't know if Alice would like it."  
  
"Yeah right. I was groping her up all over the dancefloor. She wants it as bad as you do, trust me."  
  
I was shaking my head, and I finally had the presence of mind to disentangle myself from her arms and step away. "No, she doesn't," I said, flustered. "And I don't. Either."  
  
She smirked. "No?"  
  
"No," I affirmed with a nod. "We're soulmates."  
  
Jane chuckled as if this was cute. "So? I'm not telling you to break up with her. Even soulmates are allowed to have a little fun, you know. I mean, why waste the opportunity? We're all in the mood. Don't tell me you're not horny."  
  
I shook my head again, my body softly throbbing. "I don't…"  
  
"Listen," she said. "Just mention it to Alice, okay? Let her decide."  
  
"But I don't—"  
  
Jane had me backed up against the counter, and even though she was shorter than me, her smirk somehow managed to silence me. She put her hands on my hips, as if she wanted to dance right there in the restroom. "Come on," she said. "It could be so much fun…"  
  
I tried to move away, but I only gasped as her hands slid across the fabric of my dress and cupped my boobs. I panicked—foreign woman grabbing my breasts. I couldn't think of anything to do other than be excited, and before anything came to me, my pink assailant leaned to my lips and placed on them a sexy kiss.  
  
I wasn't sure how long it lasted. I probably would've began resisting at some point, but I was saved from using my own will by a quick blast of music as the bathroom door swung open.  
  
Horrified that it would be Alice, I broke away and looked—but it was only two women off the dancefloor. Jane's hands were still clutching my tits and the little blonde's body was pressed against mine. The two women stood there, arms folded, eyebrows arched blandly. The sight of a lesbian situation didn't seem to freak them out, but it was clear they weren't impressed.  
  
"We're just friends," I blurted out.  
  
One of them snorted. Jane giggled, took my hand, and lead me out.  
  
I had no idea how I was supposed to feel about what just happened, and I didn't really have time to think about it before we were back at the table. Alice was sitting with Leah and she was sipping something from a slender glass. She smiled brightly when she saw me and stood up. Jane was still holding my hand but it didn't seem to disconcert her.  
  
"Hey, there's my baby," she cooed, taking my arm away from Jane. "Did baby do her business like a good girl?"  
  
I frowned uncomfortably. I'm human; not a cat.  
  
Alice giggled. "Come on, I saved the last dance for you," she said, tugging me toward the dancefloor. "Then we can get out of here. I'm so horny!"  
  
The salsa music was loud and cheerful and soon me and Alice were shuffling in place at the edge of the dancefloor. I was still confused from what happened in the bathroom and I didn't know if I should say anything. I certainly wasn't going to try and talk my girlfriend into group sex. I wasn't even interested. Really. But I couldn't help being disappointed with myself for just standing there and letting Jane touch me.  
  
Alice seemed to have noticed my distracted expression. "Is something wrong, baby?" she asked.  
  
"I don't know," I said. "Can I tell you something?"  
  
"Of course. What's the matter?"  
  
I swallowed, nervous all the sudden. I stopped dancing and spoke loudly over the music. "Jane kissed me," I said. "In the bathroom."  
  
She'd been holding my waist and swaying her hips in rhythm with the music. Now she slowly stopped, as if winding down. She stood there absolutely still, looking at me with a careful lack of expression. I looked back helplessly.  
  
"I didn't kiss her back," I said.  
  
She frowned. "Did you want to?"  
  
"Of course not," I said instantly, and I meant it. But then I remembered something else had happened that I should mention, too. "But, um…"  
  
"What?"  
  
"She also groped me up a little."  
  
"And you just stood there?"  
  
"I didn't know what to do."  
  
The helplessness in my voice softened her a little. She sighed and ran a hand through her hair. The other couples on the floor kept dancing, some of them glancing over curiously. Alice looked at me, not quite sadly, but not really anything else, either.  
  
"She was trying to seduce you, wasn't she?"  
  
"Not just me," I said. "You, too."  
  
Alice shook her head. With each shake she seemed to get angrier and finally she blew out a breath from her nostrils. "That bitch," she said. "That fucking bitch!"  
  
I was pretty sure she didn't mean me, and I completely agreed, but mostly I was concerned with how she felt about me. "Are you mad at me?" I asked.  
  
Alice turned to me and smiled suddenly, taking my hands in hers. "No, baby," she said. "Not you."  
  
I sighed in relief. Alice held my hands and looked at the other dancers thoughtfully, but I doubt she was admiring them for technique. Then she turned back to me, still holding my hands. Her expression was almost meek.  
  
"Did you want to do it?" she asked.  
  
At first I didn't even know what she meant, and then I realized. The alcohol in my system prompted me to frown indignantly, almost as if she had accused me of something. "No," I said. "Of course not."  
  
She smiled and petted my hands soothingly. "It's okay, baby, you can be honest," she said. "I won't get angry."  
  
But I only frowned harder. "I don't, Alice," I said. "All I want is you."  
  
It was utterly honest, and she could tell. Her eyes fluttered and she said: "Really?"  
  
I tightened my hold on her hands. "Yes," I said. "You're the only woman for me." And then, in search of something special to say that would reassure her, I added: "My pussy belongs to you, remember?"  
  
Alice was delighted; she covered her mouth with her hand and almost cried. "Oh god," she said. "That means so much to me, baby. You have no idea."  
  
I was a little miffed that my fidelity seemed like such a gift to her. I know I've made a mistake or two in the past, but I'm not the whore of Babylon. Still, it was nice she was happy and even nicer that she knew I wasn't interested in any one but her, so I cupped her cheek and leaned to kiss her.  
  
It was poor form to make out in the middle of a dancefloor, but no one tapped us on the shoulder or squirted us with a waterhose. Alice kissed me back, moaning, pulling me down toward her, and then suddenly she broke away. She was grinning widely and her eyes were sparkling with mischief.  
  
"You know what?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"I think we should do it."  
  
Again, it took me a moment to realize what she was talking about, and even when I did realize I was confused. I blinked and shook my head, as if maybe I hadn't heard right. "Excuse me?"  
  
"Well, why not? I mean, if we both love each other and if we're both involved, it's not like it's cheating. Besides, they're still my sisters. They'll be your sisters too someday."  
  
"Are you serious?"  
  
Alice giggled, her mood completely morphed. There was no sadness in her eyes, no bitterness, no anger. Just mischief. "Totally serious," she said. "In fact, it'll be good for us. I've done a lot of group stuff before and I want you to have those same experiences. I want you to know absolutely for certain that it's me you want to be with."  
  
I shook my head. I was kind of drunk and the idea of group sex seem like a hassle and a little unnecessary. Besides, I knew in my heart that I loved Alice and Alice was all I wanted, so I said: "I already know, Alice. I don't need to…"  
  
I trailed off as she cupped my cheek. "I know, baby," she said. "That's why it's up to you. I won't force you, but I really think this could be a big step for us. I'm not sure how, but I feel it. I think if we could do this and still totally and completely love each other afterwards…I think that would be really great, don't you? It'll prove how strong our feelings are."  
  
Her words and how she said then swayed me a little. It was hard to put a self-righteous spin on group sex with another couple, but if it was an experience we shared, together, then maybe—  
  
"So," Alice said. "What do you think?"  
  
I looked at her. She was smiling and she looked excited. So I gave a little shrug. "I'll do whatever you want, Alice" I said. "You know I will."  
  
"I want you to decide."  
  
Her hands were at my waist and she was looking up at me expectantly. All I wanted was her to be happy, and I remembered how she'd dance with Jane and how Leah had said they hadn't been together in so long, and I remembered how even Leah missed Alice, and before I realized it I was shrugging. "Okay," I said. "If you want."  
  
Alice giggled and bounced on the spot happily. "Are you sure?" she asked. "You don't have to if you don't want, but I really think it would be awesome for us. Not just us, but all of us. I love my sister's so much. It would be so great if I could share that with you."  
  
Her sudden shift in attitude was slightly baffling, but her excitement was contagious, and let's face it; it's not like an orgy with three sexy vampire chicks was gonna kill me. Unless they got carried away when they bit me, that is. So I nodded and said: "Anything you want, Alice."  
  
Alice grinned so widely I had to question her sanity. Then she giggled, took my hand, and lead me back to the table.  
  
Leah and Jane were making out in the corner of the booth like common club skanks. The sight made me horny and I felt slightly better about the whole thing. They didn't seem to notice us approach the table, but instead of clearing our throats politely, Alice grabbed one of the drinks off the table and tossed it's contends directly into Jane's face. They jumped apart like coupling cats. Several people at near by tables looked over, but no one called the police.  
  
"I told you to keep your hands off my girlfriend!" Alice said fiercely, still clutching my hand.  
  
It seemed like an odd way to extend and offer for group sex, and Jane seemed to agree. "I guess that's a no, then," she said, wiping her face. Leah simply sat back in the booth smiling.  
  
"No, it's a yes," Alice said, causing Jane to look up in surprise. Alice smirked. "But you should've got my permission first," she said. "Bella belongs to me. You can only borrow her if you ask nicely."  
  
Jane smirked, feeling the spirit of things. "May I?"  
  
Alice turned to me, all politeness. "May she, baby?"  
  
I looked between the two of them. It was my cue to say something, but I didn't have their flair for playfulness, so I just said: "Um, okay."  
  
Alice turned back to Jane and nodded. "Yes, you may," she said.  
  
And Jane did. She wrapped her arms around me and put her tongue into my mouth. Right in front of Alice. It was an odd sensation, but hot too, and then she giggled, turned to Alice, and wrapped her into a similar kiss. I blinked, watching them. Then I looked at Leah. Leah chuckled, finished her drink, and stood up.  
  
"Well, I guess we're done dancing," she said. "Let's get out of here."  
  
—  
  
It was proposed to get a hotel room, but no one had thought to bring along any toys, so eventually it was decided to rendezvous at the Cullen house.  
  
My excitement grew during the drive, my head pleasantly clouded with alcohol, my body warm with the promise of what we were about to do. My first orgy. It was something I'd never thought I'd do in my lifetime, and suddenly I was thankful for Alice's change of heart. She filled the silence by talking about how awesome it was going to be to share this with me, and I was starting to share her perspective. After all, love wasn't about sex, it was out hearts and emotions and stuff like that. Sex was part of it, but it was perfectly fine to share the sex part with other couples—especially if you're drunk and your girlfriend was into it.  
  
Jane's car remained behind us the whole way and as soon as we arrived at the house we went directly upstairs. I had no idea concerning the protocol of these situations, but Jane and Alice seemed to know what to do; they latched onto each other's faces with their mouths and tumbled onto the bed. There appeared to be quite a bit of repression between them, considering how eagerly their hands were all over their dresses and exposed legs. It was so hot that I actually stood and stared for a while until Leah turned me by shoulders and kissed me. Then she winked and climbed onto the bed, joining her sisters.  
  
I didn't know what to do, so I just stood there, almost shyly, and watched. By now Alice and Jane were kneeling in the bed and Alice had pulled off Jane's dress and taken one of her nipples in her mouth. The blonde was wearing a thong of pink lace and she smirked at me as Alice sucked her tit. Leah then pulled Alice's face away and captured her lips in a kiss. Jane hiked up Alice's dress and started caressing her pussy, making her moan as Leah popped one of her boobs from the neckline of her dress, squeezing it, squishing it. Finally Jane lifted Alice's dress up over her head and tossed it aside. Leah had pulled off her own dress and then they were all naked except for their panties, Jane in pink, Alice in blue, Leah in red. All thongs. All unbelievably sexy.  
  
I stood there, staring, my pussy throbbing between my legs. They laid Alice down and began to double-team her, Jane at her mouth and Leah at her breasts. It was so beautiful my vision blurred and I almost didn't want to join in. They were so perfect, with their perfect bodies and perfect rhythm, their little moans and gasps. Alice's eyes were closed and when she opened she saw me standing there. She smiled, a high blush in her cheeks, and then she opened her legs, an obvious invitation.  
  
Yet still I hesitated. I felt like an intruder, a mortal among goddesses. But they giggled and called me over and I climbed onto the bed and bent my lips to Alice's pussy as Leah and Jane massaged her tits and took turns tonguing her.  
  
That was just the beginning, but it was enough to break the ice. After we triple-teamed Alice, we triple-teamed Jane and then triple-teamed Leah, and finally it was my turn. Six hands roamed my body, stroking it into something soft and supple, while six lips and three tongues kissed and licked at my breasts, my legs, my pussy. I had a tongue in my vagina, a tongue in my mouth, and a pair of lips fastened to my one of my nipples, and by the time I'd come I was pretty sure that it wasn't an experience I'd ever regret.  
  
Things slowed down after that initial exchange and soon Alice and Jane were discussing all the things they'd like to do. Leah and I didn't seem to have any say in the matter, we simply waited for instruction or opportunity. I'd always suspected that Jane was a dominant type, but Leah was surprisingly passive. Almost as passive as me. Finally it became plain that Alice and Jane wanted to watch me and Leah while they did themselves with vibrators. Leah didn't object and I certainly didn't either; she took my face and laid me down and soon Alice and Jane were sitting side by side against the headboard, legs open with vibrators poking from their soaking pussies.  
  
After that was partner swapping. Jane did me with a strap-on while Alice went down on Leah. Alice then licked my pussy juice off the strap-on before pushing Jane onto her back and climbing on top. Leah straddled Jane's face backward and from the expression that crossed her face it appeared that Jane wasted little time in slipping her tongue inside her. Leah squirmed on Jane's face gently and then she started tonguing Alice as Alice bounced on the strap-on. And left to my own initiative, I indulged myself with a brisk fingering as I watched.  
  
Eventually it was all over and we collapsed into our original pairs and cuddled.  
  
"Wow," I said. "That was awesome."  
  
Alice giggled and held me. "I'm glad you have fun," she said, placing a kiss on my hair.  
  
"Yeah, you're pretty good for a human," Jane said. She was sitting up in the bed and Leah was behind her with her arms around her. "Now, how about a bit of blood?"  
  
"No," Alice said sternly. "Bella's blood really does belong to me. That's one thing I'll never share."  
  
"Bummer," Jane said. "But I guess sex is good too. It's just a shame Vicky and Rose aren't here. Vicky's amazing in a group situation."  
  
I didn't liked the mention of the redhead, and I didn't think Alice did either, but neither of us said anything, and before Jane could speak again there was the sound of a car outside crunching up the driveway. A bright headlight washed up against the front of the house, passing over the window, and went away again. The car stopped.  
  
Alice raised up slightly. "Who could that be?"  
  
Jane hopped off the bed and parted the curtain slightly. A sudden grin broke over her face but she said: "Uh oh."  
  
I already had a bad feeling. I didn't like strangers and I liked them even less when I was totally naked and in someone's else house. Maybe it just the doctor guy, coming home late.  
  
Alice sat up, slipping out of my arms. "What is it?" she said.  
  
Jane only chuckled still looking out the window. "You might wanna put some clothes on, Ally," she suggested.  
  
I sat up in the bed, pulling the sheet over me. I looked at Leah but she only smiled and laid back on the pillow, hands behind her head, naked and uncaring.  
  
"Oh shit," Alice said, and my head swung toward her. She was looking out the window and I pulled the sheet higher over my body. "What is it?"  
  
Leah chuckled. "Speak of the devil and she shall appear."  
  
I had no idea what that meant.  
  
Jane giggled and clapped her hands excitedly. "Oh my god," she said, "this is gonna be hilarious."  
  
Alice let the curtain fall and turned to me. Her face had gone pale and she didn't seem to know what to do.  
  
"What?" I demanded. "What the hell is it?"  
  
No one answered, but I didn't have to wait long before I found out. I was on the verge of panic when suddenly the bedroom door swung open. My heart jumped into my throat and gliding into the room, smirk first, was none other than the redhead.  
  
Victoria.  
  
No one spoke. We all stared. The redhead had been trailed by the blonde and for a second they stood there just within the door, sweeping their eyes over the room. The redhead looked at the dresses on the floor, the underwear, the sex toys. She swept her eyes over the four naked women. Leah tossed her chin in greeting, completely casual. Jane was grinning excitedly with her hands laced behind her back. Alice stood by the window, lost and unsure. And I was clutching the sheet at my chest, trying to keep my heart from expiring.  
  
Victoria had been carrying a small suitcase and now she placed it on the floor. She put her hands on her hips, smiled, and reviewed the room once more. "Well," she said. "It seems I've missed all the fun."  
  
Her voice sent a chill through my naked body and I stared at her as if I didn't know what was going on. But there was no mistake. The infamous redhead had returned from Paris.  
  
Merde.  
  
—  
  



	19. Chapter 19

—  
  
Chapter 19:  
  
—  
  
"So," the redhead said, spreading her arms for a hug. "Who will be the first to greet me?"  
  
Jane giggled and ran into her open arms. "Vicky!" she squealed, wrapping the woman into a hug and twisting her about like rag doll. "Oooh, I missed you so much!"  
  
I was still frozen under the sheet, clutching it to my chest. Alice came over and slipped under the sheet beside me, hiding her naked body meekly. She glanced at me and her face seemed scared and unsure. The redhead spared us both a smirk over Jane's shoulder and then patted Jane's naked back.  
  
"I missed you too, Jane dear," she said. "How have you been keeping?"  
  
"Oh, same old, same old. Hi, Rose!"  
  
The blonde was leaning a hip against the dresser, quietly in the background. She was wearing a white sunhat with a red ribbon around the crown and a white sundress of flowing silk. She smiled at Jane's greeting and nodded. Jane was still hanging from the redhead's neck.  
  
"Rosalie, don't be so cold," the redhead said. "Give your sister a kiss."  
  
The blonde sighed and unleaned from the dresser. She removed her sunhat, but she seemed to be moving too slow for Jane, who ran into her arms, naked and giggling, and wrapped her into a kiss. It wasn't really a sisterly kiss. The hat fell silently to the carpet and a moan rose from both blondes. They weren't shy with their tongues and when Jane grabbed Rosalie's ass under her dress I saw a flash of white panties.  
  
The redhead had hardly glanced at them. "Leah," she greeted, smiling at the woman on the bed. "You're looking as lovely as ever."  
  
Leah was propped up against the headboard, one knee drawn up, forearm resting on it. Completely naked. She smiled at the redhead's greeting but she didn't answer. Her eyes flickered over the other woman's body and she seemed to be waiting for something. The redhead was wearing a maroon skirtsuit and tall heels. She met Leah's eyes for just a second, and then she turned her attention—and her smirk—to me and Alice where we lay huddled under the sheet.  
  
"And if it isn't the young Miss Swan," she said with fake friendliness. "I see you've patched things up with Alice. So nice when true love triumphs, isn't it? Gives hope to the rest of us."  
  
No one answered. My heart felt like a lump of ice in my chest and Alice's body felt cold where it was nestled against me under the sheet. I was naked and I hated being so helpless. My head was thumping, I was still drunk, and I didn't know what to do. I couldn't slap her, I couldn't storm out. I couldn't do anything but stare at her in dull anger as she smiled, sighed, and sat on the bed beside Leah.  
  
"Such an exhausting flight," she said, her eyes roaming Leah's body. "How wonderful it is to be home again. I've missed you all so much."  
  
As she spoke she started touching Leah. She slid a hand between her thighs and caressed. Leah smiled as if this was what she'd been hoping for and made no move to resist or respond. Another moan came from across the room and when I looked I saw that Jane was pulling Rosalie's sundress over her head. The tall blonde wore no bra underneath and her breasts were perfectly sized and perfectly shaped. Like a sculpture. I only had a glimpse before Jane's hands covered them.  
  
"Did you miss me too, Alice?" Victoria asked. She was looking across the bed at where me and Alice cowered under the sheet, and her hand was moving between Leah's thighs. She was fingering her. "You left so abruptly," the redhead went on. "Why, you hardly even said goodbye. And now I return and you sit there staring at me as if I were some kind of intruder. I must admit I was expecting a warmer welcome. Won't you at least kiss me?"  
  
Alice's brows gathered in a frown. She was behind me, almost as if I was her shield. "No," she said.  
  
Victoria cocked her head. "No?"  
  
"No," Alice repeated, firmer this time. "I'm never touching you again."  
  
The redhead smiled at that. Then she began unbuttoning her maroon blazer. She was wearing a matching bra underneath, a maroon pushup that unlatched at the front. Smiling, she unlatched it and opened it. Her heavy breasts leapt free. Leah leaned with her mouth and took one of the exposed nipples between her lips, cupping the other in her hand and squeezing it's fat softness. The redhead simply sat there, letting her. She was leaning with a palm on the mattress and smiling over the top of Leah's head at me and Alice.  
  
"What about you, Miss Swan?" she asked. "After all, you and I aren't merely acquaintances. Did you miss me?"  
  
I swallowed. My face was on fire and I was sick to realize I was massively horny. "No."  
  
The redhead gave a chuckle, sitting there with her blazer and bra open, her breasts exposed, Leah sucking and squeezing them. "You neither? Oh dear. I'm positively shattered. I thought we had something special, you and I."  
  
Alice leaned over me suddenly, almost like an animal. "Don't talk to her," she hissed. The sheet had slipped away and her top half was revealed.  
  
"My, my," smiled the redhead. "How fierce. She's dreadfully protective over you, isn't she Miss Swan? When she learnt that you were in hospital she was so distressed. She insisted on returning to your side that very instant. She had to be unlocked from her chains first, but still. A very gallant young woman, is she not?"  
  
Alice seemed to regain a little confidence at this. She gave the redhead a disgusted look. "You took advantage of me," she said. "But that's never going to happen again."  
  
"Oh, I think it will. Soon, in fact."  
  
"Bella is my soulmate. You'll never convince me otherwise."  
  
"I'm sure I won't have to. You'll realize on your own soon enough. I'm prepared to wait, although I'll have my amusements in the meantime."  
  
Leah moaned into her breasts, but Victoria took her by the hair, wrenched her head back, and kissed her powerfully. Leah moaned again and then Victoria tossed her aside, rose from the bed, and hiked up her skirt. Leah lay back, waiting. Victoria slipped off her panties—a dark red g-string—and left them on the floor. Then she climbed onto the bed, still in her heels, and straddled Leah's face backwards. Leah started licking automatically.  
  
Alice snorted in disgust and got out the bed, unmindful of her nakedness. She crossed to the dresser—Victoria's eyes following her—and opened the top left-hand drawer. The right-hand drawers were obstructed by Rosalie's legs. Her panties had been removed and she was sitting on top of the dresser with her legs wrapped around Jane's head. Jane was kneeling there, naked, eating her out with muffled moans of enjoyment.  
  
I was frozen in horrified excitement. Was this what it was like to be a vampire? Mindless fucking whenever the urge strikes you? It was disgusting, depraved, repulsive—and yet entirely desirable. My mind was so clouded by alcohol and exhaustion that I felt like I was floating. I wanted nothing more than to be part of it and yet I couldn't. It was wrong, it was not-Alice, it was—  
  
"Mmm," Victoria moaned, smiling at Alice's ass as she rummaged in the dresser drawer. "Such a gorgeous body. You'll never be as beautiful as Rosalie, but you were perfectly satisfactory for a century or two."  
  
Rosalie smirked at that, her face flushed from Jane's tongue work. Alice glared at her and then glared at Victoria. She seemed almost jealous, but only for a second. She took a pair of jeans from the dresser and stepped into them and then she pulled on a top, no underwear. She took out another pair of jeans and a top and threw them at me.  
  
"Hurry up," she said.  
  
I took the clothes under the sheet and started to dress, careful not to let the sheet slip. It was important not to let anyone see me naked. I didn't know why, but it was.  
  
"Why are you doing this, Alice?" the blonde asked. "You don't belong with her."  
  
"Bella is my soulmate."  
  
"So was I at one point."  
  
Alice zipped up her jeans and sneered at the blonde hatefully. "You were never my soulmate," she hissed. "Just that thing I liked fucking."  
  
Rosalie looked sad, an odd expression on her flushed face. Her chest was rising and falling with approaching orgasm. "You don't mean that, Alice," she said. "You're just confused."  
  
Alice didn't answer. Victoria had watched the exchange from her perch atop Leah's face and she'd leaned down slightly across Leah's body and she was stroking Leah's sides, her breasts swaying within her open blazer. Leah's legs were wide open, waiting. I stared at her pussy as I wriggled into the jeans under the sheet. My mouth was open and I wanted so badly to go down on it.  
  
Alice came over and tore away the sheet. "Come on," she growled, and grabbed my hand. I was so weak from shock and excitement, and still drunk, that I stumbled when I stood. Alice gave me a firm look but said gently: "Let's go, baby."  
  
The blonde was climaxing as we went past. Jane was kneeling with her perky ass in the air and between her legs I could see her hand working at her pussy. Rosalie had two hands clutched within Jane's silky blonde hair, legs wrapped around her head, and her cold blue eyes met mine for just one moment before she closed them and tilted her head back in orgasm, moaning loudly with her bare breasts pointed directly at me.  
  
Alice stopped at the door and spun around. "From now on, we're no longer sisters," she said, speaking to the redhead. "If you ever go near Bella again, I'll kill you."  
  
Victoria smirked, squirming on Leah's face. She looked so sexy, crouched in the bed with her heels, her skirt hiked up over her wide and round hips, her enormous breasts moving gently between the maroon drapes of her open blazer. She swept her eyes over Alice, a blush finally rising in her face. "There's no need to be dramatic, Alice," she said. "Take your time, and when you realize that you can't live without me, I'll be here. Waiting. I'll even allow you to keep Miss Swan. I'm sure she'll be a lovely addition to the coven."  
  
My heart flared for some reason but Alice's grip on my hand tightened painfully.  
  
"Bella belongs to me," she hissed. "You'll never have her."  
  
Maybe I was just incredibly drunk, but I almost objected to that. Victoria seemed to notice and one final smirk crossed her glorious red lips.  
  
"We'll see," she said, and then, conversation over, she leaned those lips down toward Leah's pussy. The moment they touched a loud moan rose muffled from between her thighs where Leah's face was and Leah's fingers dimpled into the redhead's ass. Leah's naked legs squirmed in ecstasy and I was staring so hard Alice had to pull me away.  
  
—  
  
It was a long drive, and we rode mostly in silence. My excitement had faded somewhat and I was sad at how horny I'd been. True, I'd managed to restrain myself from diving into the redhead's tits, but that didn't seem like much of an achievement. I'd thought about it. That was the worst thing. Even after everything me and Alice had been through, and after everything I knew about Victoria, and even after being rambunctiously triple-teamed for most of the night—I'd still thought about it.  
  
Mom was already asleep when we got home. Alice put me in the shower and washed me and then she put me to bed. I was afraid that she wouldn't stay because of my less than impressive performance back at her house, but she did. It was perfectly dark and I couldn't see her face. I was so tired that I could hardly stay awake, but I had to say something, anything. So I said:  
  
"Alice?"  
  
"Mm?"  
  
"Don't we have to talk?"  
  
She was tracing a pattern on my hip under the covers. "Not now, baby," she said softly. "You're tired."  
  
"I'm sorry," I said, for some reason. My voice was soft and sleepy.  
  
She caressed my hip. "For what, baby?"  
  
"I don't know," I said. "They all miss you so much. I feel like I messed up your life."  
  
"No," she said, and placed a kiss on my temple. "You saved my life, baby."  
  
I smiled in the dark. Oh, Alice.  
  
"Now, go to sleep," she whispered. "I'll be here when you wake up."  
  
—  
  
I didn't sleep long. Maybe just a couple hours. But once I was wake it was clear I wasn't going back to sleep. The brief rest had cleared my head and I woke with a strange sense of turmoil, as if I'd just realized what had happened last night. The redhead was back.  
  
And she's still fucking crazy.  
  
Alice and I didn't even make love that morning. That's how serious the situation was. We didn't even shower. We sat at the kitchen table and talked, mostly about how we were both going to avoid the clutches of her psychotic sister. A dull grey light was slowly getting brighter in the kitchen window and after a while mom got up.  
  
She came in wearing her nightrobe and slippers, brown hair frizzy and disheveled. She halted mid step when she saw us both sitting there at the kitchen table, side by side. Alice had borrowed some of my clothes and I was still in my sleepwear. Mom closed her robe, tied it, and frowned.  
  
"I didn't hear you come home last night," she said. "I was waiting till midnight, but…"  
  
My excuses weren't very valid, and mom's opinion of me had degraded far enough without mentioning lesbian sex parties, so I just said: "It was late. Alice stayed over."  
  
Mom nodded as if this was typical and she didn't expect any better. "I see," she said. "So you don't even ask, do you? You think this just some hotel where you can come in any hour you please and—"  
  
"Mom," I interrupted gently. "We need to talk."  
  
Nobody likes to hear those words. Girlfriends in particular hate it, but it seemed even mothers were wary of the need to talk when pronounced in serious tones. You could almost see the hysteria building in her eyes. She probably thought I was pregnant somehow.  
  
"About what?"  
  
Suddenly I regretted phrasing it like that, but I'd only been trying to deflect the disappointed-mother routine. So I gestured at the coffee machine. "Well, don't you want coffee first?" I suggested. "I mean…"  
  
"Bella, what is it?" she demanded. "Did something happen? Are you okay?"  
  
"Everything's fine, mom," I assured her. "It's about Alice."  
  
This took her aback. A lot of the worry went out of her face so it was pretty obvious she cared more about her own daughter than her daughter's girlfriend. She was probably hoping we'd decided to break up.  
  
"Oh," she said. "What about her?"  
  
But it wasn't something you could just blurt out, so I flapped a hand at the coffee maker again. "Look, have your coffee first, okay?"  
  
Mom wasn't happy about being ordered around her own kitchen, but she got her coffee like a good girl and then came over and sat down. Stubbornly, she didn't even sip it, as if to prove that she didn't require caffeine in order to deal with her daughters problems. Alice was holding my hand under the table and we shared a look before I spoke.  
  
"The thing is," I said. "Alice had a huge fight with her sisters last night. They don't approve of her relationship with me."  
  
It wasn't the exact truth, but it was the cover we'd come up with. It made a certain sense. Sister's are mean and foster-sisters would have to be even worse.  
  
Mom blinked. She hadn't expected that. "Oh," she said, and looked at Alice. "I'm sorry."  
  
I'd always marveled at the vampires for how they faked sympathy, but mom was pretty good at it too. I suppose it's a skill all people have to acquire if they plan on passing as decent.  
  
Alice accepted the sympathy with a thankful smile, slightly sad at the edges, still upset from her traumatic night. She was far more talented than mom and she handled the complicated expression wonderfully.  
  
My own skills as an actress were sadly below the lofty levels of my girlfriend, but I didn't need to act. It really was a grave situation and my expression reflected that even as I recited my false lines.  
  
"That's why Alice stayed over last night," I said. "It was a really bad fight. They've always been really mean to her, and…"  
  
"And what, sweetie?"  
  
There was actual curiosity in her voice and I went on with more confidence. "Well, she doesn't want to go home. She just can't bare to be in that house anymore, you know? So I said she can stay with me for a while. Just until things cool down with her family. Is that okay?"  
  
My delivery faltered a little at the end, but Alice squeezed my hand under the table supportively. This was our solution to avoiding the redhead; avoid her. It didn't solve the problem, but it was a first step. Alice would stay with me, we'd keep as much distance between us and the redhead as possible, and then…  
  
Well, we didn't know and then. Conceivably, it was possible that the redhead might mellow out in her desire to sexually murder my girlfriend one day and we could all be friends. But likely she'd try something dastardly and force us into a new strategy. For now it seemed like enough to avoid her and hope for the best.  
  
It seemed a good excuse to get Alice to out the house—to feign domestic crisis within the Cullens—but the full gravity of the situation was lost on mom who seemed a little taken aback.  
  
"Stay here?"  
  
At this point Alice piped up. "Just for a while," she said, her face sad and wounded. "I just…" She heaved a sigh and shook her head woefully. "I just can't go back there."  
  
I didn't how much of it was performance and how much was genuine anxiety, but I squeezed her hand and gave her a smile. She smiled back.  
  
"But what about your parents?" mom asked, trying to hide how displeased she was with the plan.  
  
"They'll understand," Alice said. "They know what my sisters are like."  
  
"Well, I don't…"  
  
"Please, mom," I jumped in. If mom refused then Alice would have to stay at a motel or something, and I'd have to go with her. Me and mom hadn't been as close as usual lately, but I still loved her and didn't want to move out just yet. "She just needs a place to stay, that's all. She won't be a bother."  
  
Mom shook her head but she wasn't outright rejecting the scheme. "I don't know, sweetie," she said. "I mean, this is serious. I don't want to interfere in another family's personal matters."  
  
Alice made her face round and begging. "Please, Mrs Swan?" she said. "It's just for a little while. I just can't stand to even look at them anymore. It makes me so sick."  
  
I remembered seeing them last night – it had made me sick too. Sick at myself for being so horny. Even now I felt a blush creeping over my face, wondering what I would've done if that redhead had just grabbed me by the hair and forced my face between her—  
  
"I never knew you were having problems with your family," mom said, with genuine sympathy this time.  
  
"I don't like to talk about it," Alice admitted. "Even Bella only found out last week. She's been so great." She gave me a warm and loving look. "I love her so much. If I didn't have her…"  
  
I swallowed, pushing the redhead and her pussy out of my mind, and turned to mom. "Please, mom? I know you don't exactly approve of our relationship either, but…"  
  
"Well, it's not that I don't approve," mom assured us hastily. "I'm happy you've found someone you love. But that doesn't mean you can just skip school whenever you please. And honestly, I think you've been moving way too fast for your age. And not only that, but you've changed so much since you started dating. I mean, some days I don't even recognize you, you look so different."  
  
She was probably referring to my penchant for black skirts and fishnets, but my body had changed a lot too. My skin was clearer and my figure was a lot fuller, courtesy of my darling's venomous kiss. I should've been angry at her or hurt that she'd concealed such a significant detail, but it seemed unreasonable to complain about results that were so sexy.  
  
"That's mostly my fault," Alice confessed with a sheepish smile, but obviously she didn't mention the venom. "I like buying Bella things."  
  
Mom glared at her. "Yes, I've seen some of the things you've bought for her."  
  
Alice wasn't sure what she meant, but I did; vibrator. It wasn't the kind of gift most mothers would approve of, and it was an ill-timed reminder that mom really didn't approve of our relationship.  
  
"Look," mom said, suddenly stern. "If you're too intimidated to go home, then fine. You can stay here. But I want to talk to your parents about this as soon as possible, because frankly…I don't trust you. This could all be lies. I have to put my own daughter first, and I don't want her spending time with someone who isn't good for her."  
  
I felt sorry for her. She tried so hard to be a good mom. She wasn't perfect, but I'm sure she had the majority beat. It's just sad that she doesn't have a daughter that appreciates her. If I'd never met Alice, maybe I might've been a daughter she could be proud of, but if I'd never met Alice, I wouldn't be having so much sex, and in my venom-addled state, I honestly thought sex was more important.  
  
But not just any sex – sex with Alice and Alice only. She is my soulmate, after all.  
  
Alice let go of my hand and leaned forward on the table. She gave mom a look that would make a puppy jealous and said: "I love Bella, Mrs Swan. I know I broke her heart once, but that will never happen again. She's everything to me. This isn't just a highschool thing for us. It's forever."  
  
Despite the brilliant performance, it didn't seem to make a dent in mom. She rose from the table, the chair scrapping back. "When can I speak to your parents?" she asked.  
  
They came later that afternoon. The good doctor took a shift off after lunch and he bought his wife with him, treating the situation with all the gravity and solemnity expected of respectable parents. Mom sat us all down at the kitchen table, the two sets of care-givers opposite and the wayward daughters side by side, completely bored but pretending to be alert. Coffee was served, the state of the house apologized for—it was a mess, apparently, even though mom had cleaned up specifically for the visit—and finally the discussion began.  
  
The doctor did most of the talking. He spoke with great warmth and concern, and began by apologizing for Alice's intrusion. He followed this up with a succinct and completely fabricated recap of the incident that had prompted the flight, supplementing the report by detailing also the environment of hostility and rejection that Alice has had to cope with from her sisters since she began dating me, his wife nodding at his elbow and sending sympathetic looks toward Alice. The doctor went on to elucidate how difficult it's been to raise five foster daughters and how sometimes it's inevitable that they won't get along and how poor little Alice has always been alienated for her orientation and choice of companionship. He added for mom's consideration an optimistic analysis of our relationship, claiming that 'Bella' has been a source of tremendous support for Alice throughout this trying time in her life, and even if Alice hasn't quite mastered the concept of boundaries in relationships it was certain that she loved 'Bella' and that 'Bella' has been a good and calming influence on her. He concluded by saying Alice's homelife has become a terrible strain on her tender emotions and he'd be very grateful if mom would consent to grant Alice sanctuary for the time being, at least until Alice is confident to go home again.  
  
Mom had raised a few concerns here and there, but mostly she was nodding. Whether she agreed or was simply dazzled by his blonde handsomeness, it was difficult to say. In any case, there was no arguing with such an overwhelming outpouring of fatherly concern, and mom said that she'd be happy to have Alice stay for a while—in fact, she'd never considered otherwise, she only wanted to be certain that she wasn't interfering in private matters.  
  
The doctor thanked her for her thoughtfulness, and the momma-vamp added her own gratitude to the doctor's, expressing relief that Alice has such a lovely girlfriend to help her through this. She went on to mention that she'd pack some clothes and a few of Alice's things and bring them over later tonight. Alice thanked her parents for understanding and then heaped a little more gratitude onto mom before renewing her promises that she loved me and she'd treat me properly. For the sake of my pussy I hoped this was just another lie. Finally mom rose from the table and thanked the doctor and his wife for coming and explaining the situation to her. She felt much better now she knew exactly what was going on and told them not to worry about a thing; Alice could rely on the absolute best of care for as long as she remained under her roof.  
  
This pledge was met with another round of gratitude as they slowly drifted to the front door. Alice and I trailed along behind as if it was somehow expected of us. We were holding hands, and when the doctor noticed, he smiled a certain way. Then he asked mom if he could speak to me alone for a second.  
  
The request seemed to confuse mom, but she appeared to be under the impression that the doctor was an extremely wise man who probably knew better than her in these matters, so she granted her permission. Alice was reluctant to let go of my hand, and she even seemed a touch mistrustful. The doctor asked if we could speak in my room, and lacking anything else to do, I said sure and led him upstairs.  
  
"Well," he said, as I closed the door. "This must be very overwhelming for you."  
  
I shrugged a shoulder. "A little."  
  
"Things used to be simpler, but Alice has changed since she met you. She's become very faithful. Which is quite disappointing to some of her sisters."  
  
I snorted and put my hands in my back pockets. "I noticed," I said.  
  
He studied me for a second. "To be honest, none of us expected her to remain with you this long," he said. "But it seems her feelings have only gotten stronger."  
  
"Isn't that a good thing?"  
  
"Possibly. Nevertheless, I feel obligated to warn you."  
  
"About what?"  
  
He sighed and glanced at the window briefly. "Alice has failed at hundreds of relationships, Miss Swan," he said. "With humans, with vampires. She's been a slave, a mistress, a wife, a lover, a soulmate. Yet nothing and no one has been able to contain her. Not ever. And can you guess why?"  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Because true love doesn't exist," he said. "It's a fantasy, a dream, an illusion. One that Alice has cherished for centuries. All her existence she's craved nothing more than her one true love and even after ages of disappointment and heartbreak she is unable to accept that such a thing simply doesn't exist."  
  
I didn't answer. He was silent for a second. He seemed to be forming the words in his mind and after a moment he turned to me.  
  
"Miss Swan," he said. "All I want is for Alice to be happy."  
  
"Me too."  
  
"I know. I didn't take you aside to discourage you. I only meant to warn you."  
  
"Of what?"  
  
"Of Alice's expectations. Her demands. Alice is determined to force her dreams upon you and your relationship is fast approaching the point of no return. This is when you'll have to decide. Because soon you'll have no choice. Alice's love is poisonous. Figuratively and literally. Even now her venom is coursing through your body and turning it to her purposes. Don't let her deceive you. She has nothing to give. She wants only to take. If you are determined to be her partner, to be her companion in eternity, to be her last and final lover, then you'd best be willing to cut your own heart out of your chest and place it directly into her hands, because Alice will expect nothing less."  
  
—  
  
The sun was beginning to go down as I walked him outside to where Alice and Esme were waiting by the car, a dark green Mercedes. His words had left a strange impression on me but I had no time to think about it.  
  
"Hey there, you two," Alice said, smiling as we approached. "Nice chat? You better not have been talking trash about me, Carlisle."  
  
He smiled and didn't answer.  
  
The momma-vamp turned to me with well-feigned maternal concern. "I'm sorry we've caused so much trouble for you and your mother, Bella," she said. "I did beg Alice to be more responsible. I begged you both."  
  
I waved a hand casually. The wind was blowing my hair. "It's alright," I said. "We're teenagers, we don't know any better."  
  
Alice giggled and took my arm. "Well said, baby."  
  
"I just wish it didn't have to be like this," the momma-vamp went on. "Things could've been so much easier if only you two showed better judgment. I just hope it's not too late."  
  
The doctor opened the car door for his wife. "We should let Bella get inside," he said.  
  
The momma-vamp glanced at him and back at Alice. "I'm going to miss you, Alice," she said. "When will you be home?"  
  
"I'm not sure," Alice said. "But I can't be around Vicky right now."  
  
The momma-vamp shook her head crossly. "I've always hated that woman."  
  
"Then why do you fuck her so much?" Alice smirked.  
  
The doctor chuckled silently, still holding open the car door. The momma-vamp blushed.  
  
"She has a submissive streak," Alice explained to me. "Most of us do."  
  
The momma-vamp frowned and changed the subject quickly. "Well, at least I'll see you at school," she said. "I got a call yesterday. One of the English teachers is on maternity leave and they need someone to fill in."  
  
"That's awesome."  
  
I looked at her in surprise. "You're a teacher?"  
  
She nodded, smiling. "And a decorator and a carpenter. But I've always loved teaching. They said there might even be space on the faculty next year, so…"  
  
The doctor cleared his throat. "Honey?"  
  
He was still holding open the car door. The woman gave him a quick look and turned back to me and Alice. "Well, we'd better let you girls go inside."  
  
She seemed to be expecting a hug. Alice let go of my arm and asked: "Is it okay if I kiss Esme on the mouth? It's a family thing."  
  
I looked at the momma-vamp. Her caramel-colored hair was in a bun atop her head and the wind was riffling her silk blouse against her breasts. I got the impression that vampires were more intimate than normal people, and the momma-vamp seemed like one of the less slutty ones. Besides, it was just a kiss. So I turned back to Alice and said: "Sure."  
  
Alice smiled and turned to her pretend mother. The woman was two inches taller than Alice than Alice kissed her very tenderly, wrapping her arms around her neck and pressing her lips flush against the other woman's. I glanced back at the house wildly, hoping mom wasn't peeking through a window or something. I turned back at the sound of a soft moan. Alice let her mom go and looked into her eyes for a second. Then she turned to me.  
  
"And Carlisle?" she asked.  
  
I balked at that. I looked at him; tall, blonde, angelically chiseled features. I didn't really want my girlfriend to kiss a guy, but I didn't want to be small-minded about their relationships either, so I said: "Well. If you have to."  
  
But the doctor only smiled and shook his head. "That won't be necessary," he said. "You have a partner now, Alice. You should start acting like it."  
  
Alice frowned. The momma-vamp got into the car and he closed the door.  
  
"I am acting like it," Alice said.  
  
The doctor smiled and opened the driver's side door. "Act harder," he said, and then he got into the car, started it, and pulled out the driveway.  
  
Alice glared at the car as it drove away into the sunset. I looked at her pale face as it was bathed in the orange glow for a moment, wondering what she was thinking. Such a complicated girl, full of lies and lusts and endless longings. I took her arm and she smiled at me instantly. She gave me a kiss and then we went inside.  
  
—  
  
Living with Alice was like a dream come true.  
  
It was like being married. Alice was there when I went to bed and there when I woke up, and she'd stay there, not leaving like she always did. She was there in the shower and at breakfast. She was there at school. She was there to drive me home and make out with me on my bed. She was there when mom got home and there to help me cook and there for dinner and there to help me with the dishes. She was there at night, cuddled up beside me on the couch as we watched sitcoms with mom, both of us in pajamas, sharing a blanket when it was cold. She was there when I went to bed, climbing in after me as she reached for the lampswitch. Making love to me in the dark and holding me as I fell asleep. And there again in the morning.  
  
Mom wasn't wholly approving—especially of us sharing a bed—but she was beginning to realize at this point that there was nothing she could do to stop us. We were like lovers in a poem, utterly heedless of convention or consequence. We held hands everywhere and we were rarely in the same room without some kind of physical contact. At breakfast, she would sit so close our knees would touch. When we watched TV, she'd snuggle directly into my lap. I'd make dinner standing at the stove with her arms around my middle. After a while even mom seemed to become envious of our intimacy.  
  
And, of course, there was sex. That was probably the best part. We had our routine—in bed at night and in the shower in the morning—and we made an art of quickies, retreating into my room whenever the urge struck us, and it struck us often. We developed a rhythm where words weren't even required. Mom would mention that she had to go to the store, and as soon as she was out the door, I'd simply unzip Alice's jeans and go down on her. As a vampire, she recovered from orgasms much quicker than I did, and I tried to provide her with three for every one of mine, just to let her know I love her.  
  
The only thing that wasn't perfect was the promise that it wouldn't last. The redhead and the blonde had returned to school and they'd watch us from across the cafeteria where we sat at our own private table, the redhead with a smirk, the blonde with her cold cat-eyes. But soon Alice and I stopped going to the cafeteria at all. We found an abandoned classroom upstairs and rendezvoused there everyday, lifting our skirts and eating each other out in the corner. Sitting in the dusty carpet and holding each other, silently, waiting for the bell. Neither of us wanted to go to class but we did. It seemed important to pretend everything was fine even though any day the redhead could ruin everything.  
  
Alice avoided her family as much as she could, even her mother who appeared on Tuesday morning to replace the English teacher. She wore skirtsuits and heels that accentuated her ass and bust and she carried herself with a firm and somehow flirty demeanor that made her an instant favorite with the students, male and female alike. On Friday afternoon she asked one of the girls to remain behind after class. On Monday morning the girl had bite marks in her neck. I didn't have English with Alice and for a few days I managed not to stare at Ms Cullen's ass as she wrote on the whiteboard, but eventually I gave up and ogled her like a common guy.  
  
One afternoon a class of senior's were passing through gym during PE. Victoria and Rosalie were among them. I was sitting on the bench beside Alice, holding her hand. The hall was filled with loud voices and squeaking sneakers. I glared at them with a tight feeling in my chest, hating them for the threat they posed to me and my Alice. The redhead noticed me and smiled. I maintained my glare, but she only winked sexily, causing a curdled excitement between my legs. Alice then noticed them and suddenly she turned my face to hers and kissed me viciously, presumably to make them jealous, but I didn't think it was her they were jealous of. The kiss was so hot half the dodgeball game stopped to stare. The coach had to blow her whistle and bark at us to break it up.  
  
This whole time we hardly talked about anything deeper than what we wanted to do to each other. Alice hadn't fed from me in a long time and by the second week she was so insatiable we could hardly show ourselves in front of mom anymore. She was letting her thirst build and build, so that it would be special, and finally I had to put my foot down and demand she bite me. My pussy was in pain from the strength of her appetite and I needed her teeth. By now I was consciously addicted to her venom and sex wasn't enough; I needed to feel it directly into my bloodstream.  
  
So we made a date on Saturday. Almost a replica of our first big date so long ago. Alice wanted to do something special. We booked a hotel room in Seattle and we spent the afternoon dress shopping and making love in the change rooms. Like last time, we both opted for black. We made an appearance in the hotel dinning room for dinner. I didn't have much of an appetite but I ate a beautiful dinner and a chocolate dessert. Alice had nothing; she just sat and watched the food pass between my lips, smiling and waiting her own turn.  
  
We went upstairs and ordered champagne. We sat on a cream-colored sofa with gold armrests and began making out, slowly, determined to make it last. Alice paused at one point and lifted a handful of my dark hair, inhaling it's scent. She was in full make up and tiny diamonds dangled from her ears. She'd closed her eyes and when she opened them I leaned again to her lips.  
  
My dress was long with a slit down one leg and after a while she flipped aside the material to expose my naked lap. I was sitting with my legs together and she slipped her hand between my sensitive thighs, caressing me as she looked into my face. I let my own hand fall between her legs, as high as it could go. Her dress was short and tight and her thighs were soft and warm. She pressed them together against my hand and then we were kissing again.  
  
We kissed each other's shoulders, we kissed each other's throats. We placed kisses on each other's chests and on the swell of breasts above the necklines of out dresses. My head was swirling with lust and we hadn't even gotten into bed. I pulled her dress away from one of her breasts and engulfed her nipple in my mouth. She moaned and scrunched her hands in my hair.  
  
Finally we rose, hand in hand, and moved to the bed. We turned down the covers and climbed on top, leaving on our heels and dresses. Alice straddled my hips and rubbed herself against me, almost growling. I pulled her into a kiss, opening my mouth for her tongue. My hands roamed the fabric of her dress until they came to the area that covered her ass. The black satin was smooth, but not as smooth as her skin, and suddenly I grabbed the hem and tugged it up over her hips. I used both hands to clutch her thong-clad ass and then I flipped her onto her back and forced my tongue into her mouth.  
  
By the time we'd removed each other of our dresses we were wet dripping wet. Our panties were soaked and our thighs slathered. We tossed our dressed over the side of the bed and peeled out of our underwear. Our hair was damp with sweat and we wore nothing but jewelry, heels, and makeup. We rolled about in each others arms, gripping each other's bodies with increasing urgency, gasping under each other's mouths.  
  
Alice was at the end of her resistance and finally she gave a strangled whimper and forced me onto my back, pinning my wrists with her hands. She was between my legs and I wrapped them around her, my pussy in an agony of anticipation. She looked into my lustful face where it lay in a pool of black hair. She was gasping through her mouth and I could see her fangs.  
  
"What do you want me to do?"  
  
Her voice was high and breathless. I knew exactly what she wanted to hear and I smiled and said:  
  
"Anything."  
  
"Anything?"  
  
"Anything," I said, gazing up at her with perfect devotion, her face so pretty, so sexy, so completely fucking gorgeous. She could do anything, absolutely anything - and she saw it in my eyes. She ran her tongue along her teeth, staring at me with a lust that was almost evil, and then she swooped and sank her fangs into my neck.  
  
It hurt tremendously but I gasped with joy and tightened my legs around her. She sucked at the wound for a while and then stopped abruptly. She licked her bloody lips and kissed me. I could taste my own blood in her mouth and it tasted sweet.  
  
She kissed me until my mind was rolling in my head and then she stopped. Blood was leaking from my neck and soaking into the sheet. She still had my wrists pinned to the mattress and now she raised one and bit into it. I groaned at the pain and watched her suck on it, blood running down my forearm. Then she tossed that arm aside and bit into the other wrist, holding it with both hands and watching my eyes as she sucked on it. It hurt more than the other one, but I did nothing but whimper and stare at her wantonly. Her eyes crinkled as if she was smiling into the wound and then she dropped the arm and gripped her fingernails into my breasts, clawing me like a cat.  
  
"This is going to hurt," she said.  
  
I nodded breathlessly. "Okay."  
  
She bit into one of my breasts. She squeezed it until it bulged in her hand and then she forced her fangs into the soft flesh below my nipple. The pain was unlike anything I'd felt before, not real pain, but nice pain, scintillating pain. I writhed helplessly under her teeth and moaned as her tongue licked across the wound and across my nipple. Then she bit into the other one, popping the nipple in her fist and covering it with her mouth so that her fangs sank into my areola. She sucked on the nipple and the wound at the same time and then she abandoned them both and moved her lips lower across my tummy.  
  
My legs were open to her and for a while she simply licked up the arousal from my thighs and pussylips, leaving red streaks from the blood on her tongue. She spread my pussy and licked inside it, inserting her tongue and pulling it out, pushing it in again. She urged me to the absolute edge and then she stopped and sat up between my legs. I lay there panting with my breasts heaving and blood stained.  
  
"Alice," I whispered desperately. "Please…"  
  
But she only smirked and licked her lips. Her hand closed around my slender ankle and she lifted my whole leg. She eyed it hungrily as if it were a piece of meat and then she selected a tender place in my calf and bit into it. I groaned and suddenly she thrust three fingers of her other hand into my vagina. I arched up and clenched down, crying out loud from shock, excitement, desperation. Alice sucked at the wound in my leg and pumped with her fingers.  
  
"Alice," I gasped with tears in my eyes. "Alice."  
  
She removed her fingers and threw my leg aside, tossing me onto my stomach. The next thing I felt was her fangs sinking into the soft flesh of my ass. I balled my fist and pounded the mattress, whimpering. She licked at it, her hot tongue stinging against my pierced skin, and then she stopped. There was nothing for a second and then her hand clenched in the back of my hair and she pulled me upright onto my knees, wrenching my head back so that she could hiss in my ear.  
  
"Is this what you want?"  
  
"Yes," I breathed. "Yes. Please. Please, Alice. Keep going. Keep—ahh!"  
  
I trailed off into a scream as she bit roughly into my neck, the other side this time. I was kneeling in the bed with her behind me, my head wrenched back, arms dangling at my sides. Her grip in my hair was painful and she bit me so hard it made me cry. She reached around with her other hand and started fingering me as she sucked on the wound and I closed my eyes, whimpering, crying, quivering in her arms.  
  
Finally she released her grip and let me flop down onto the bed. I curled up on my side like something injured, and she stood up on the mattress in her heels, looking down at me where I lay sweaty, bloody, trembling on the bloodstained sheets. She let me catch my breath for a second and then she nudged me over with the toe of her shoe. I rolled onto my back, staring up at her as she stood there in the bed like some dark goddess, small, sexy, her face covered in my own blood. Then she stepped astraddle of my head, smirked, and slowly squatted with her legs open, lowering her pussy until it was over my mouth.  
  
Her pursed and pink cleft was so swollen and engorged it looked much like a wound itself and she didn't need to tell me to start sucking it. I hooked my arms around her thighs and licked, licked, licked. She moaned and held my head firmly into her crotch, rubbing herself into my face. Finally she threw my head back, dismounted, and remounted backwards. I resumed licking instantly, my hands gripping her ass, and I felt her lower herself across my body until she could lick at my own pussy.  
  
But she didn't. She stuffed several fingers inside me and then she bit into the soft flesh of my thigh. I whimpered into her pussy and licked at her harder, harder. I could feel her venom coursing through my veins and poisoning my brain. She alternated between licking my blood and licking my arousal until finally she abandoned my blood altogether and focused solely on my pussy and when I climaxed I climaxed so hard it felt like I was going to die.  
  
Finally it was all over. Alice gathered me into her lap and fed a little more at the wounds in my neck and my breasts, softly now, lovingly. I stroked her hair and when she was done she smiled at me, a smile of happy satisfaction with her beautiful bloodstained mouth.  
  
"So how do you like dating a real vampire?" she asked.  
  
I chuckled drunkenly. "Well," I said. "It's not like a novel."  
  
"Tell me about it. I don't even sparkle in the sun."  
  
"Still sexy though," I whispered, and then I kissed her, letting my tongue taste my own blood.  
  
—  
  
Alice took me into the ensuite bathroom and sat me on the rim of the bathtub while she cleaned my wounds with a washcloth. I watched her daub at my body with a certain delight, eyes bright from bloodloss. The washcloth was white and it pinkened slowly as she dragged it across my ravished flesh, parting my legs to wipe my thigh, my calf, smiling as she wiped the dried blood from my breasts. It wasn't long ago when I'd been disheartened at the idea that she mostly liked me for my blood, but I felt different now. I felt…delicious.  
  
"You gotta stop letting me dominate you, baby," she said, wringing the cloth in the sink. "My formal training's in submission."  
  
I stood up and wrapped my arms around her from behind. "I like when you dominate me," I whispered into her ear.  
  
"Me too," she said, turning around to face me. "But it's dangerous. It's safer when I'm passive."  
  
"I trust you."  
  
"Do you?"  
  
"Of course I do," I said, caressing her cheek. "I love you, Alice."  
  
She looked into my eyes as if she was searching for something. There was nothing there but the same bland and vapid devotion I'd always felt for her, but this seemed to be what she was looking for; she smiled, kissed me, and pulled me tighter.  
  
We went for a shower afterwards, so I guess the washcloth had only been a way for her to tenderly admire her handiwork. I was going to need more than a collar to conceal the marks this time. I had a total of eight different bites, each of them rough, savage, glaring redly in my white skin. She seemed to be very proud of her work and while she showered she kissed each of them, dropping to her knees in the shower floor to reach the lower ones, stroking my legs. They still stung a little, but I wasn't angry with her or hurt or scared. It was true what I said; I trusted her. I trusted her from the second I saw her, and I knew she'd never hurt me. Finally her lips landed on my pussy where I really wanted them and I held her to me as the warm water cascaded against my pale face.  
  
We were wearing robes when we reappeared in the hotel room and I was surprised at how bloody the bed was. Sometimes at home we'd leave a dark mark in the sheet like a bridal stain, but this was different. It looked like someone had been murdered there or some small animal butchered. For a second I stopped and stared, strangely excited. It had happened less than an hour ago but already it felt like a memory, a dream.  
  
Alice was holding my arm and looking at the same thing. "I guess I got a little carried away, huh?"  
  
A touch of self-reproach was in her voice and I smiled to set her at ease.  
  
"Maybe a little," I admitted. "But that was the whole point, wasn't it? To do something special?"  
  
"So you're okay?"  
  
I nodded happily. "I'm great."  
  
"Thanks, baby. You were perfect."  
  
"You too."  
  
Alice wrapped me into a kiss. Then she stood there gazing into my eyes. Again, I had no thoughts more complicated than how much I loved her, but she seemed to find this pleasing. Eventually she placed another little kiss on my mouth.  
  
"The wounds will heal pretty quickly with so much venom in your system," she said. "A few days, maybe."  
  
"Cool."  
  
"Want some champagne?"  
  
"Sure."  
  
Alice went over and poured me a glass. I stood there, watching her, loving her. She looked so adorable in her oversized bathrobe. She came back with the glass, gave it to me, and then she took my other hand and led me to the sofa.  
  
I sat against the armrest and she snuggled between my legs. She laid her head against my chest, but then she sat up and opened the robe to expose one of my breasts, and then laid down again with her face against it.  
  
"Mmm," she moaned contentedly. "Do you know what I love about you, baby?"  
  
Honestly, I had no idea. I wasn't aware of any finer qualities that set me aside from the average slut. Other than the fact that I like girls. Most sluts don't. At least not exclusively.  
  
But my charming lover had always liked saying sweet things, and I certainly wasn't going to deny her the opportunity. "What?"  
  
True to form, she nuzzled her cheek against my chest and said: "Your tits. I absolutely adore them."  
  
Well, that was sweet too, I guess. Smiling, I took her hand and placed it inside my robe, pressing it against the other one. I kissed the top of her head. "Thanks," I said. "They belong to you, you know."  
  
"Oh, don't say that," Alice whined playfully. "You'll make me horny again. I only just started relaxing."  
  
"Sorry," I giggled. "Just wanted you to know."  
  
We fell into a companionable silence for a few minutes. I sipped my champagne and thought about how much I loved the girl who was relaxing with her face in my tits. Moments like this, I found it hard to believe that I'd ever been attracted to the redhead. My heart was so full of love for Alice that it seemed impossible there could be room for anything else. But then again, it wasn't my heart that had wanted Victoria, was it?  
  
I suppose everybody has at least one crippling personality flaw, no matter how pretty or charming. Alice's flaw was her various stalker tendencies. Victoria's flaw was general sociopathy. My flaw must be sexual shallowness. No matter how much I loved Alice I'd probably always be vulnerable to psychotic dominatrixes.  
  
Which is why I have to be vigilant. My feelings for Alice are precious and sacred. I have to protect them, nurture them, make sure nothing fucks with them. I have to avoid the redhead at all costs, don't talk to her, don't look at her, don't—  
  
"Baby?"  
  
Her voice was almost sleepy.  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Can I tell you something?"  
  
"Sure."  
  
"You might think it's weird."  
  
I chuckled softly and held her. "Nothing's weird anymore, Alice."  
  
I mean, really. I'm a sixteen year old lesbian cuddling up with a kinky vampire between my legs who's nuzzling my tits with her cheek in the warm afterglow of hardcore sex in a five-star hotel suite with a blood soaked bed in the background from where I'd been eaten like an antelope. How do you define weird?  
  
"Tonight was my anniversary," she said. "With Rose."  
  
Oh. That is pretty fucking weird.  
  
I didn't know what to feel. Actually, I didn't feel anything. Only curiosity as to what the fuck she was thinking exactly when she set up the most romantic date of my life on the anniversary of her wedding with her ex.  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"We were married today, eighty-three years ago," she said. "I tried to forget, but I couldn't. Tonight is the first anniversary we haven't been together in almost a century. We're not even divorced, either. We never even broke up. I just…walked out."  
  
She sounded sad, but I didn't know what she wanted from me. Shouldn't I be angry right now? I mean, from what I understand, my girlfriend had just used me to take her mind off missing her ex on her anniversary. And now I was suppose to comfort her?  
  
"I'm sorry," she said. Her face was still in my tits, but now it felt like she was afraid to look at me. "I didn't want to tell you, but I thought you'd understand."  
  
"Understand what?"  
  
"I don't know. I just thought you would."  
  
We fell silent for a second while I tried to isolate what I was feeling. But again, I didn't really feel much of anything. Just that same cold curiosity as to what exactly was running through her messed up little mind.  
  
"Do you miss her?" I asked.  
  
"Sometimes," she admitted. "We both had Victoria, but we were always close. In many ways, we were even closer to each other than to Vicky. We were partners. True partners. She deserves better than to be abandoned like this, but…"  
  
She sat up and looked at me. My boobs were just sitting there exposed, so I pulled my robe around them. The conversation seemed to call for a touch of propriety.  
  
"I'm sorry, baby," she said. "This must seem so twisted to you."  
  
I didn't know what to say. Her face was sad and remorseful – but watching, alert. I got the impression that she wasn't really sorry, that she was just trying to get something out of me, a certain reaction. But what?  
  
"I feel so terrible," she went on. "I don't know why I wanted to do something special tonight. It was stupid. Maybe I was trying to recreate what I had with Rose, or maybe I was just trying to replace her. Maybe I just needed to feel loved. I don't know. All I know is that you're the one I want to be with. Not her, not Vicky. Just you."  
  
It was a touching speech, and she'd said it with perfect authenticity – but I didn't believe a word. In the past it had been difficult to tell when she was acting or honest, but by now I was beginning to realize the truth. It was all an act. Vampires were soulless and Alice was no exception. Sometimes she was quirky teenager, sometimes she was affectionate girlfriend. Right now she was theatrical young woman with relationship issues.  
  
None of it was real. She wanted all of it, but she felt none of it. Victoria had been right; she was a shell, a husk. It was all just a game to her, a role to play, her own personal soap opera. She was looking at me, waiting for my reaction, her heart dead in her chest and the mind behind her eyes cranking out it's romantic calculations. This was the scene where I was supposed to be understanding of her various emotional complications.  
  
So I did.  
  
"It's okay, Alice," I said, hot salt lodged in my throat. "I know you love me."  
  
She smiled, a smile that said she was so grateful to have such a perfect—or gullible—girlfriend, and then she kissed me. For the first time, her lips felt foreign, like dead things on my face. But then her tongue slithered into my mouth and her venom tingled in my head and soon I was kissing her back.  
  
We fucked on the couch and fucked on the bed. A weird mood had come over me since her confession, but I couldn't hate her or be angry with her. I wasn't even hurt. I felt strange and detached, as if I expected no better. I went down on her with waves of something like sympathy rolling over me, licking her as deep as I could because I knew that she could feel it, that it was one of the only things she really did feel. I felt sorry for her, to be so empty inside and so desperate to be filled. So fixated on finding her one true mate. But why couldn't she just be honest?  
  
I remembered what the doctor had told me the other day in my room. She has nothing to give. She wants only to take. I was starting to get that impression, but I thought I could handle it. I loved her and I wanted to make her happy. I'd give her anything she wanted. Understanding, forgiveness, love. Blood. Anything at all that would convince her I loved her. Because I did. She was everything to me. Absolutely everything.  
  
And anyway, damaged or not, she was still a sexy little slut who let me fuck her all the time. Emotional issues didn't affect the taste of her pussy.  
  
We fucked all night and eventually we wound up cuddling under the covers with the lights off. I was exhausted and slightly drunk from the champagne, but I couldn't sleep. I stroked Alice's back up and down. So smooth. So perfect. I just wish she knew she didn't have to lie to me. Maybe it was necessary when we first started dating, but I was beyond all that now. There was nothing she could do that would drive me away.  
  
Anniversary, huh? I felt sorry for the blonde. I'm sure she'd take comfort in the pillowy bosom of her redhaired mistress, but it must suck to be dumped by a girl like Alice. And for me, too. Talk about insult. Alice really was crazy. Who'd dump a girl like that for a girl like me? And it wasn't just the blonde she'd dumped. The redhead, too. And Jane and Leah. Her whole family. Why? Because I'm her soulmate? I guess that made sense. But wouldn't a bunch of sexy fuck-buddies be better?  
  
"Alice?" I whispered in the dark.  
  
"Yeah, baby?"  
  
"Can I ask you a question?"  
  
"Of course."  
  
"What happened with you and Rosalie?"  
  
She hesitated. Her hand was cupping my breast—they were what she liked best about me, after all—and she was caressing it. "Why do you ask?"  
  
I shrugged, perfectly nonchalant. It seemed like natural curiosity. After all, my girlfriend was so hung up on her ex that she'd tried to recreate their anniversary with me. Either that, or she'd been pretending to recreate their anniversary just so she could see how I'd react to it. I think I had a right to know exactly what the deal was between them.  
  
"I just want to know, that's all," I said. "I saw the wedding picture of you and her in her room. You looked like a really beautiful couple. I was just wondering what happened."  
  
"I already told you, baby. You happened."  
  
"Just like that?"  
  
"Basically. Do you want to know the whole story with me and Rose? It's actually really sweet. And kind of tragic at the same time. Like most lesbian stories."  
  
Yay. Bedtime story.  
  
"Okay," I said.  
  
Alice took a deep breath and snuggled closer, as if to get comfortable. "Well, I met Rose about ninety years ago. This was in the twenties. She was eighteen years old and from a wealthy family. Her parents had set her up with a fiancé, a friend of the family. Rosalie was okay with it at the time. He was a decent guy, or he seemed to be. She wasn't in love with him, not even attracted to him, but she trusted her parents judgment, and she was never the kind of girl who enjoyed making her own decisions. Even back then she always had a strong sense of duty and obedience.  
  
"At the time I was a nurse at the same hospital as Carlisle. I'd already been through highschool and college. I would've been twenty or so, according to paperwork. I have no idea how old I really am. I don't even know how old I was when I was turned. Somewhere near eighteen, I guess. Jane and Leah were with us by then as well, and of course Vicky. Esme was the only one that hadn't joined us yet. It was in the hospital where I met Rosalie. She was a patient."  
  
"What happened?"  
  
"She'd been raped and beaten by her fiancé and several of his friends."  
  
"Oh my god."  
  
"Yeah. She almost died. Her beautiful face was all messed up and one of her legs and one of her arms and a couple ribs were broken. She also had internal injuries. Injuries that meant she'd never have children. It was Carlisle who treated her, and of course he saw how amazingly beautiful she was, even with the disfigurement. But Carlisle already had a couple girlfriends, and he knew I was looking for someone new. So he told me about her and told me what happened. And when she woke up, I was there, right beside her bed.  
  
"It was a slow seduction, of course, in deference to her trauma. But she responded to me right away. She told me later that's how she realized she was gay. It was a first sight kind of thing. I fell for her pretty hard, too. Not as hard as you, but for a while I did think she may have been my soulmate. I guess I didn't know any better.  
  
"Anyway. She was in the hospital a long time, and I visited her everyday and took care of her. She was very quiet to begin with, even cold. But slowly she opened up. Eventually she told me what happened to her. Her fiancé was drunk. He tried to show her off to his friends and when she tried to leave he got rough. He tore her clothes and beat her. Then they all…  
  
"Well. There's no need to go into detail about that. Needless to say, I was rather infuriated. At that point she hadn't talked to the police. Or even her parents. Then one day her parents came to visit and she told them everything. And guess what? Her parents didn't believe her. They thought she'd been out whoring and got what she deserved. So they told her to go back to him and be grateful if he even still wants her."  
  
"How could they do that?"  
  
"Because his family was rich and influential. Business associates. It doesn't matter. What matter's is that Rosalie wasn't brave enough to stand up to them. She told me the whole story that night and started crying. She said she wished they'd just killed her."  
  
"That's sad."  
  
"Mm. So you know what I did?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Well, remember when I said I don't kill people?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"Well, sometimes there's exceptions."  
  
"You killed them?"  
  
"Mm. Not her parents. Just the ones that hurt her. I killed the fiancé first and got the names of the others. Then I hunted them down, one by one. I didn't feed from them, of course. That would be disgusting. I didn't even touch them. I used a gun. Carlisle bought it for me."  
  
I froze. So, basically, I was in bed with a woman who was not only married but a murderer as well. I guess she had her excuses, but it was difficult not to feel just a little awkward.  
  
"Do you think it was wrong to kill them?" she asked.  
  
I shook my head in the dark. "Of course not."  
  
"Good," she said. "Rosalie didn't, either, when she finally found out. It had taken a week or two to get them all. I didn't want to kill the wrong person by accident, so I had to be careful. I had to catch them alone and make them confess. So I could be certain I had the right one. It was funny, in a way. They begged me not to kill them. They had all kinds of excuses. They were drunk, they didn't know what they were doing. They were sorry, they didn't mean it. Some of them even offered to go to the police. But I killed them, anyway. I don't make it a habit of killing people, of course, but it can be fun when one has the moral excuse.  
  
"The story was a pretty big deal in the paper. Rosalie didn't read the paper, of course—not a current affairs kind of girl—but after the death of her fiancé a couple of detectives came to interview her. She couldn't have been a suspect since she'd never left the hospital since being admitted, but it seemed coincidental that the rape and the murder occurred so close. They asked if her fiancé had anything to do with what happened to her, but she wouldn't answer.  
  
"I was there during the interview. Rosalie had asked if I could stay. And while the police were asking her questions, I was standing there in the background, smiling, dressed in my cute little nurse's uniform. Innocent as you please. Rosalie looked over at me at one point and I could see in her face that she knew. She knew I did it.  
  
"But she couldn't have possibly believed that a nurse—even one as nice as me—would run out and kill her rapist in a fit of psychotic sympathy, so she never said anything. Then or now. Even when the others started to die and the detectives came back and asked more questions. She preferred to pretend the whole ordeal never happened. In a way, she did die that night. She was a new woman after she met me.  
  
"She was in the convalescent ward for over a month. Slowly her wounds began to heal. I'd visit her every single day and stay as long as she wanted me to. I could see the change in how she looked at me, and after a while I became more and more daring. I showed my fangs when I smiled. I kissed her more often, on the lips. That was how my dominant streak began to emerge. Most of her bruises were healed, but she had a cut above her perfect eyebrow and her lip had been split very bad. The injuries on her beautiful face made her look fragile and vulnerable, and I really loved that look on her. And I'd love it how she'd light up whenever I'd walk into the room. She wasn't a girl who smiled often, but she always smiled to see me. She had fallen for me pretty hard, and even if she didn't understand it, she never questioned it or resisted it. She was so quiet and demure, so grateful to have me to take care of her. Her eyes were like a cat's, the way she'd stare at me with such bland but intelligent devotion. It was intoxicating. So I decided to keep her.  
  
"Eventually it was time for her to be released from hospital, but she couldn't go home to her parents, so I offered to take her home with me. I was living alone at the time, since technically I was an adult. Jane was living with Carlisle, still posing as his daughter, and Leah was living with Vicky. Leah was going through her sub phase. You'd be surprised about her, too. We maintained separate residences, but we saw each other all the time, for feeding or sex. Vicky's house was most popular, of course.  
  
"Anyway, I took Rosalie back to my apartment, and I took care of her as if she was my daughter. Or a pet. The same way as how Vicky had treated me back when we first met. I took her to bed that very first night and stroked her, kissed her, made love to her the same way that Vicky had done to me. And then, for the first time, I bit her.  
  
"It was a very special bite. I'd waited a long time so that it would be as perfect as possible. And it was. She still had no idea what I was, but she accepted me whole heartedly, with no fear, no hesitation. The only bite I enjoyed more was the first time I bit you."  
  
"I didn't have any fear, either," I said, with just a flicker of jealously. I mean, let's not forget who the soulmate is here. "I was accepting, too."  
  
Alice giggled and kissed my tit—romantic. "I know you were," she said. "You were wonderful."  
  
"So what happened then?"  
  
"Well, for a while our relationship progressed pretty much the same as me and Vicky's. Of course, I was never as hardcore as Vicky, so I didn't enjoy hurting her. We only did playful obedience training kind of stuff. A little bondage. Some light spanking. Even when I bit her, I was as careful as possible not to hurt her.  
  
"It was perfect for a while, as relationships always are. I'd quit my job at the hospital, since I certainly didn't need the money, and to begin with I simply lavished as much attention on Rosalie as I could. Rosalie was one of my special ones, and for a long time I kept her to myself. But I always returned to Vicky or Jane and let them feed from me. Especially Vicky. At first she was even supportive of my relationship with Rose. They all were. We hadn't had an addition to the coven in a long time, and they could see how happy Rosalie made me. So I took Rose away to Europe where it would be just me and her, somewhere special, and I turned her.  
  
"Unfortunately, however, that's where my fairytale ended. And maybe where hers began, who knows? In any case, until then I'd kept her all to myself, but when we came back home, I decided it was finally time to introduce her to my family. She knew about the intimacy I shared with my sisters, and I was prepared to allow her the same intimacy if she wanted. I even encouraged her. As I said, I was very liberal-minded back then, and sex between friends seemed perfectly natural, even special. I only changed my mind about that stuff after I met you. Anyway, Rosalie assured me that I was the only woman she'd ever want, and I have to admit I was kind of grateful for that. I liked the idea of having her all to myself. So I introduced her to all of them, and of course, Vicky was very pleased to meet her. Very pleased.  
  
"And Rosalie was as well, I have to admit. I was surprised, honestly. They couldn't keep their eyes off each other. I'd never seen Vicky in love. I thought she'd been in love with me, but that wasn't love. She never looked at me the way she looked at Rose.  
  
"Nothing happened right away, but I guess it was inevitable. Vicky seduced her. Rose loved it. The connection between them was stronger than sisters or fuck-buddies, and of course they both had feelings for me, too. The solution was kind of obvious, and in the end it was me who suggested it. I like to claim that Vicky stole Rose from me, or that Rosalie abandoned me, but in the end, it was consensual on all sides. I just hate to admit that maybe they liked each other more than they liked me. Maybe that's not even true, but sometimes it felt like it.  
  
"Anyway, I don't know. It didn't seem so bad at the time. Like I said, I was liberal minded. I rationalized it to myself in different ways. Sometimes I think I was trying to create a whole new kind of relationship. A triangle is the strongest shape in geometry, so why not in love? It seemed to make sense, but at the same time I think the truth was obvious; it was just too hot to pass up.  
  
"So we invited Vicky over one night. A very special night. I let Vicky dominate me right in front of Rose. Which turned her on, naturally. Hard-fucking-core, as they say. Then it was Rosalie's turn. Then both of us together. Vicky commanded us to do things to each other, and of course we were very eager to comply. Finally she allowed us to bite her, one on each side of her neck, and from that night, we both became Vicky's subs. Sister slaves with the same mistress."  
  
I'd been sleepy before she started the story. I wasn't sleepy anymore.  
  
"O-oh," I said.  
  
Alice giggled softly. "Don't get too turned on, baby," she said. "Vicky could always use a third."  
  
"No," I said hastily, "I mean… It's just…"  
  
"I know, it's hot. But you don't like Vicky, do you?"  
  
"No way," I asserted. "I fucking hate her."  
  
Alice gave me a quick kiss. "Then there's nothing to worry about," she said. "Rosalie was different. She wasn't my soulmate, but she was always special to me. She still is, although I'd never admit it. Vicky let us be as close as we want, and we were always together, with Vicky or without her. We got married, and in many ways we were true partners. It was nice to have someone who shared my passion for Vicky. We had a lot in common, me and Rose. Fashion, music, sex. Sometimes it even seemed like Vicky was just another sex toy between us. But in the end, I still hadn't found true love. Just another sister."  
  
Alice then swung a leg over my hips, straddled me, and lay her body flat across mine. Her breath tickled my lips in the dark.  
  
"But then I met you," she whispered. "And suddenly I realized why I'd never truly loved anyone else. Because I was waiting for you. My love. My Bella."  
  
Her lips descended on mine. My eyes were open but I could see nothing but black.  
  
"Alice?"  
  
"Mm?  
  
"Do you really think I'm your soulmate?"  
  
"Yes. I really do."  
  
My heart gave a peculiar pang and some of my anxiety seeped through the cracks. "But you don't know for sure, do you? I mean, there's no supernatural proof that you see and I don't, right? You're just assuming, aren't you?"  
  
"I don't need proof. All I need is you."  
  
"But how do you know soulmates even exist?"  
  
"Because I've found mine. And so have you. You're just struggling with the cheesiness of it, that's all."  
  
"I'm being serious, Alice."  
  
"So am I. Romance is my forte, baby. I've devoted centuries to exploring it's mysteries, and if there's one thing I've learnt it's this; to an ardent heart even the most frivolous fancy becomes true love. And I do love you, Bella. I do truly love you,"  
  
Her lips covered mine. I let my eyes fall shut and my mouth fall open. Her tongue slithered in dripping with venom and suddenly I didn't care about Rosalie, or Victoria, or soulmates anymore. I reached under the covers and grabbed her naked ass with my fingernails hard enough to make her squeal. Then she giggled and flipped me over and let me fuck her.  
  
—  
  
We stayed in the hotel two nights and returned home on Monday, missing school. Mom was almost hysteric, but she was determined not to make a scene with Alice. She took me aside and tried the reasonable approach. She begged me to be more responsible, for my sake and Alice's. I promised I would, but in my heart I'd already began to detach myself from mom. Pretty soon I was going to be a vampire. Jane and Leah were perfectly able to pretend to be regular girls, but even as an actual human I couldn't seem to manage it. Alice was struggling, too.  
  
A strange melancholy had settled over me since our big date. In the days to come it began to seem less romantic and more barbaric, the way she'd practically butchered me like that. I'd be perfectly fine with it if Leah or Jane had done it, because with them it would've been simple and understandable. But with Alice I had no idea how I was supposed to feel about it. I couldn't decide if the experience had been a special and meaningful demonstration of the trust and desire we shared as soulmates or if my girlfriend was simply a blood-crazed demon who fed me lies to keep my legs open. I just didn't know.  
  
But despite these doubts, my love for her never faltered, not in the slightest. In fact it only seemed to grow stronger. It felt like I was seeing her more clearly and accepting her as she really was. And nothing had really changed. It still thrilled me to peel aside her panties and go down on her whenever I got a chance and I still loved to hold her hand and cuddle her and make out with her. I still tingled at her touch and my heart still glowed when she smiled at me.  
  
So why did I feel so sad sometimes?  
  
My moods began to become irregular. With Alice I was cheerful and placid. Without Alice I was miserable and frustrated. Left alone I'd wonder if Alice truly loved me, doubtful yet somehow convinced. It was becoming a struggle to go to classes that didn't have Alice in them. Sitting through history and staring at the clock over the door, fidgeting like a junkie. I'd find her at lunch in our abandoned classroom and I'd be relieved to see her, as if worried she might not be there. Driving home together and tumbling into bed before mom got home. I began searching her words and actions for symptoms of her true feelings, but all we seemed to do is fuck and wait to fuck.  
  
Two weeks of this. Alice fed from me almost every night, just little sips. She consumed my every thought and feeling and my desperation began to manifest in strange ways. My eyes rarely left Alice when she was in the room and when Alice was gone my desire seemed to spill over onto anything with a decent ass. I found myself staring at other girls, lusting for them. In class, in the hallways. An attractive girl would walk past and I'd spin on the spot to look at her. In math I couldn't stop glancing at Lauren. The girl's locker room seemed to hum slightly as I focused on not staring at anyone. Something felt wrong. I wasn't sure if she loved me anymore and I developed a strange urge to cheat on her. With someone, anyone. As if that might prove something.  
  
Prom was approaching. Angela was wearing jeans and she was on the decorating committee. We were talking about it in class and somehow or other I ended up following her into the gym and helping her paint a banner that would be hung over the doors. Prom was held in the gym at Forks High and a few balloons and some streamers was all the glamor one could hope for.  
  
Angela had borrowed a couple pots of paint from the art room and the red didn't really remind me of blood. It was too bright. Blood's darker than that. Angela was gabbing happily about something, and we were sitting on the floor at the base of the bleachers, either side of the sign. There was a basketball game on the court, but they were all guys, and I didn't care how short their shorts were. I sighed and swept my eyes over the gym in search of anything more attractive than Angela and—  
  
My eyes landed on the blonde. Rosalie. She must've had a free period, because there was no class and no coach, just her. She was working a routine on the gymnastics mat, dressed in a black one-piece leotard that fit her like a second skin. I stared at her, admiring her poise as she stretched and twirled, her body so perfectly graceful and long-limbed. Her long blonde hair was in a ponytail and it flared outward as she spun.  
  
Her eyes met mine during the routine, but she didn't stop, or flinch, or even register my presence. She just continued and I just stared, mesmerized. Her legs were so flexible.  
  
"Alright, stop drooling."  
  
It was Angela who said it. I turned back to her.  
  
"Huh?"  
  
She shook her head, leaning over her sign with the paintbrush. "You were staring at your girlfriend's sister," she said. "I thought it was only cliché that lesbians are attracted to every female in their life?"  
  
"I'm not," I lied.  
  
She didn't believe me. "Name one girl in school you're not attracted to," she challenged.  
  
I turned to steal another glance at the blonde but then I noticed there was someone with her – Victoria. She was sitting in the bleachers nearby, several rows up, legs folded one over the other. She was watching her lover on the mat but she noticed me as I looked over. She smiled and waved with just her fingers. I frowned, ignoring the sudden gallop in my chest, and turned back to Angela.  
  
"Victoria," I said, answering her question. "I fucking hate that whore."  
  
"Oh, the girl you cheated with and then lied and said you didn't? That girl?"  
  
I blushed; it was a little more complicated then that, but I shrugged. "Yeah."  
  
Angela shook her head woefully, still focused on her sign. "You're a really poor example of your orientation, you know that? You're, like, every negative lesbian cliché rolled into one."  
  
"Not all of them."  
  
"Just the skanky ones."  
  
"Well, yeah."  
  
Angela shook her head again, but she was smiling. She'd loosened up about my orientation lately, and she was almost totally cool with it. "So I guess you're going to prom with Alice?" she asked.  
  
I didn't even know if I'd still be human by prom, but I shrugged and said: "I guess so."  
  
"Have you asked her?"  
  
"No. Do I have to?"  
  
"Are you the guy of your relationship?"  
  
"Well, I'm taller."  
  
"Then you should ask her. It's only romantic."  
  
It seemed to make sense, so I nodded. The basketball game was still going and we had to talk loudly over the shouting of the team and the thud of the ball on the floorboards.  
  
Angela touched the paintbrush to the corner of the sign and glanced at me briefly, almost hesitantly. "What about that Leah chick?" she asked.  
  
I didn't know what she meant. "What about her?"  
  
"Does she have a date for prom yet?"  
  
It seemed like a weird question, so I just shrugged. "I don't know," I said. "She'll probably go with Jane." Then I remembered that they were supposed to be sisters, not girlfriends, so I added: "I mean, you know. As friends. Sisters."  
  
Angela didn't notice my slip up. She nodded and remained focused on the sign. "So she doesn't have a boyfriend?"  
  
"Who?"  
  
"That Leah chick."  
  
She said it with an odd self-consciousness, and I realized there might be a bit of a girlcrush there. Leah was certainly girlcrush material, tall, athletic, sexy. But I didn't know if I should encourage her. Dating a vampire was no fairytale as I knew quite well.  
  
"I don't think so," I said, and because I couldn't help myself I added: "She's not really into guys."  
  
"Seriously?"  
  
"I think so."  
  
Angela hadn't looked at me, but she was shaking her head in an adult kind of way, as if it was unbelievable what girls got up to these days. Then she stuck the paintbrush back in the pot and jumped to her feet. "I gotta go get something," she said, dusting her hands together. "Be back in a sec."  
  
I watched her ass as she left, but her jeans weren't that tight. She walked past the basketball court on her way toward the exit and as she did one of the players fumbled a pass and the ball went rolling across the gym – right toward Rosalie.  
  
I was curious to see what she'd do. She'd finished her routine and she was bending at the hip to sort through her gymbag. The ball rolled into the back of her feet and veered aside. Her round leotard-covered ass was facing the basketball game and a loud hoot rose as she straightened up and eyed the ball coldly. The players grinned and called out for her to 'pass the rock, baby,' but she only swept her eyes over them disdainfully and shrugged her gymbag over her shoulder and stalked away toward the locker room, all in black like a panther.  
  
"She's beautiful, isn't she?"  
  
The voice came from behind me and it send chills down my spine. The redhead sauntered around the sign on the floor and sat on the first bench of the bleachers, right in front of me. She was looking across the gym where the blonde was disappearing into the girl's locker room.  
  
"Words hardly do her justice, of course," she said, "but a more appropriate method of worship would likely get us expelled. I'll always have a special place in my heart for Alice, but Rosalie is my true queen. Compared to Rosalie, Alice is but a paper princess."  
  
I wouldn't argue with the majesty of the blonde, but I was reasonably affronted at the slight to my Alice. "Then why don't you leave her alone?" I said, glaring up at her.  
  
"That's an interesting question."  
  
"What would be an interesting answer?"  
  
She smiled and gestured with a hand airily. "It's difficult to say," she said. "I suppose it's a question of ownership, really. Alice belongs to me."  
  
"Alice told me how crazy you are."  
  
"Leaving out her own personality quirks, I'm sure. Come. Let us talk somewhere more private."  
  
"Alice doesn't want me to talk to you."  
  
"Oh dear," giggled the redhead behind her hand. "Does she think I'm going to seduce you again?" She was wearing a denim miniskirt and slowly she opened her knees so I could see inside. I was sitting on the floor, eyelevel to her lap, and suddenly the thud of my heart was louder than the thud of the basketball off the backboard. It was dim in the cavern of her skirt but I could see she was wearing red lace. Heat rose in my cheeks and I tore my eyes away and forced them up to her face. I was trying to glare at her defiantly, but she only smirked and closed her legs again. "Rest easy," she said. "I haven't the urge right now. I only wish to talk. I have a proposal to make. Something you might be very interested in."  
  
I swallowed a huge lump in my throat. "I'm not interested," I told her.  
  
But she only rose to her feet and smoothed her skirt. "Come now," she said, "there's no need to be so mistrustful. We're practically sisters, you and I. Or we will be eventually. Alice would want us to get along. She's a little upset with me right now, but that will pass when she remembers how much she loves me. If you're serious about your future with her, you should listen to what I have to say."  
  
I knew she was a liar and a psycho, but her words made a seductive amount of sense. Alice and I couldn't avoid her forever, and maybe there was some way we could work everything out. There had to be some way we could all be friends. So I hesitated.  
  
"Come," the woman said. "I'll keep my hands to myself, don't worry."  
  
Then she completely violated the claim by extending a hand to help me up. I looked at the hand, but my fear of wanting her was so strong I wouldn't dare touch it. I stood up by myself and glared at her truculently, just to make it clear I wasn't interested in anything to do with her, not even this so-called proposal. But vampires could smell pheromones and her smile made it equally clear that she knew exactly what I was interested in. She turned and started walking. I followed, watching her legs.  
  
She led me into the girls' locker room, which was private enough, considering it was totally empty. And then suddenly I wondered why we even needed privacy to begin with. We could've talked just as easily out in the gym. It should've occurred to me before, but I'd been flustered. Now here I was alone with the redhead, the one place I've been trying to avoid for the last month.  
  
But not totally alone. There was a shower running and as the redhead led me around a block of lockers I saw that we had company. It was Rosalie.  
  
She was showering.  
  
Each showerhead had a curtain on a circular rod that could enclose the occupant, but the blonde had left the curtain open. She stood there under the faucet, naked, water streaming over her face and body, soap suds rinsing away from her shapely shoulder and arm. Her blonde hair was dark and stuck to her back. It was so long it kissed the tips of her buttocks. Her eyes opened and saw me and then closed again as she swayed under the water.  
  
I glanced at her and glanced wildly at Victoria. I felt like I had walked into a set up, but neither acted as if this was anything but normal.  
  
"You don't mind if Rosalie overhears, do you?" the redhead asked, gesturing at the wet goddess. "I have no secrets from my Rosalie and what I have to propose involves her too."  
  
I already had a bad feeling. I should've just walked out, turned my back and walked away, but I was overwhelming curious about what she had to say. I was so sick of waiting for something bad to happen, and I had to know if there was any way I could make this situation go away. So I fixed my face into a glare, looking as much as I could like a girl on guard, and said:  
  
"Well? What is it?"  
  
The redhead sighed and gave me a look of warm sympathy. I'm sure the emotion was as foreign to her as defiance was to me, but she was the far better actress.  
  
"To be honest," she said, "I'm concerned about Alice. From what I've been told, she's been very…unstable lately. I'm not blaming you, of course, but I can't help feel that your current relationship isn't very healthy for her."  
  
"For her?"  
  
"Well, yes. She's fixated on you, dear. It's not normal."  
  
The utter stupidity of her remarks gave me confidence.  
  
"Normal?" I blurted. "You're fucking vampires!"  
  
I'd raised my voice and it echoed in the empty locker room. I felt embarrassed and I even glanced at the naked blonde in the shower, as if to apologize for disturbing her. She didn't notice, she just turned under the water and rinsed out her hair.  
  
The redhead smiled. "True," she said, "but that only makes her situation all the more sad. Vampire's are peculiar creatures, Miss Swan. We're not designed to be faithful. Quite the opposite. But Alice has these ideas. She's very stubborn."  
  
I knew all about Alice's ideas, and frankly I found it noble that she was more interested in a meaningful monogamous relationship than hopping from bed to bed like a whore. We were still sluts, of course, and we'd had some slip ups in the past—include several instances of cheating and a drunk orgy with another couple—and true, I wasn't even sure if Alice wasn't simply acting out some fucked up fairytale with me cast as the heroine—  
  
—but at least we were trying.  
  
So I darkened my glare a couple shades and said: "You should be happy she's finally found someone she loves."  
  
It was suppose to be cutting, something to make her angry or jealous, but her expression only went more sympathetic, almost genuinely so. "Alice isn't capable of love," she said. "None of us are. We're vampires. That's what I'm trying to explain. She says the words and makes the gestures, but in the end…it's only lust and lies."  
  
Her words were a direct echo of my own fears, but I just shook my head, crossing my arms stubbornly. "Fine," I said. "I don't care. She wants me. That's all that matters."  
  
"Yes, but can't you see how unnatural it is for her to pretend? It was amusing to begin with, but by now the novelty has worn off. She's beginning to believe her own lies. It's sad. If she continues like this she'll be lost to her family forever. I want my sister back, Miss Swan. And I'm asking you to return her."  
  
Her voice was smooth and plaintive, her eyes large and earnest. I was almost moved, but how could I take any of this seriously? She wanted me to dump the woman I loved so that she could have her submissive fuck-slave back. What right did she have to ask such a thing?  
  
The shower turned off. I glanced at the sound of the water ceasing and watched the blonde bend and wring out her hair like a rag. Then she rose abruptly, flicking her hair over her shoulder. She looked at me coldly and walked over, naked, glistening with water. I tore my eyes away.  
  
"No," I said to the redhead.  
  
She cocked her head. The naked blonde passed directly between us. "No?"  
  
"No," I repeated, fighting back both a blush and tears. "Alice doesn't like you anymore. Get over it."  
  
The blonde had taken a towel and she was drying her hair, standing just beside her lover, watching me with her cold eyes, completely naked. Her perfect breasts jiggled as she toweled her hair with a careless vigor. It was the second time I'd seen them and repetition had not dulled their impact. Her nakedness was maddening and it as hard to concentrate on anything but how beautiful she was.  
  
Victoria heaved a sigh. "I'm afraid I can't get over it," she said. "Neither can dear Rosalie. Did you know last week was their anniversary? They were married that day eighty three years ago. A private ceremony, of course, but very beautiful. I doubt Alice even remembers in her current state."  
  
I could've told them that she did remember and that she used me as a wife-substitute, but I just glared. Victoria gave her lover a special glance and then turned to me.  
  
"What I propose, Miss Swan," she said, "is your immediate acceptance into the coven. Our position in Forks has degenerated more rapidly than usual. We've all been a little reckless, and really, it's such a dreary little place. We moved here for Esme's sake, to indulge her wish of living in a small town, but it's time we moved on. I'd like to take you with us. And Alice, of course. You'd have to leave your mother, but a child always does, and as a vampire you'll be relatively immune to sadness and regret. But don't worry, you'll have time to say goodbye and provide her with a passable explanation."  
  
I stood frozen. Victoria tilted her beautiful head and stepped forward, just one step, close enough to lift a hand and touch the backs of her knuckles against my cheek tenderly.  
  
"I want you to become one of my lovers," she whispered. "You and Alice. I told you once that any friend of Alice's is a friend of mine. I meant it. Return her to me and join her as her sister. Forget this soulmate nonsense."  
  
I staggered backward, away from her touch. I bumped into the cold block of lockers. My heart was wild in my chest and it took me a moment to remember her name.  
  
"Alice," I said. "Alice doesn't…"  
  
She nodded understandingly before I could continue. "Yes, you'll have to talk about it with Alice," she said. "Do that. I'd speak to her myself, but she's such a drama queen lately. Let her know that I only want what's best for her. For you, as well. Things could be so perfect if only she'd accept the inevitable."  
  
"What inevitable?"  
  
"This."  
  
She closed the distance between us in an instant and pressed her lips to mine. I squealed into her mouth and jerked my head back but all I did was make a dent in the locker behind me. She pushed her lips harder against mine and suddenly I put my hands against her chest and pushed. She stumbled back surprisingly easy, but smiling, unworried.  
  
"You disgusting bitch," I hissed.  
  
I spat on the floor, but it was myself I was disgusted with. The blonde smirked at me, silently suggesting that I should've been more grateful for the kiss, and the redhead suddenly snatched me by the hair and pulled me into her. A moaned and tried to squirm away but I couldn't. My face was mashed into hers and she spoke directly into my mouth.  
  
"Alice thinks she can make you're relationship special by claiming it's special. She talks about destiny, but if destiny meant to interfere on her behalf would it not have done so by now? Would it not have kept you from my clutches and preserved the purity of your devotion to her? Hm?"  
  
"Fuck you," I spat.  
  
My lips had moved against hers as I spoke, making my insides curdle even as my pussy flared with excitement. She pushed her breasts against me and brushed her lips against mine, side to side, slowly, deliberately.  
  
"You'll have to forgive me. In order to conquer Alice, I must first conquer you. She must be made to understand how flimsy your bond truly is."  
  
I struggled, but she only tightened her hand in my hair, making me cry out from the pain.  
  
"Calmly, my dear," she whispered. "As I said, this is inevitable…"  
  
Her tongue slid into my mouth. I moaned in disgust and squirmed helplessly. I wanted so badly to simply give up and do whatever she wanted me to, but it wasn't right, it wasn't Alice. I resisted, and finally got my hands between our bodies and thrust her away. Her lips ripped away from mine and she stumbled backward, a handful of dark hair in her fist. My scalp burned from where the hair had been pulled from the roots.  
  
"I'm going to call the police," I gasped, staggering backwards. "I'm going to…"  
  
"To what, dear?"  
  
I should've run, just turned around and ran as fast as I could, but some flimsy defiance rooted me to the spot. When I left, I wanted to leave on my own terms, but when I opened my mouth I found myself begging.  
  
"Please," I said. "Just leave me alone. Why can't you just leave us alone?"  
  
She smiled and shared a glance with the blonde. The blonde had her arms folded under her breasts and a haughty look on her face, as if she thought I was too stupid to really understand what was happening. The redhead turned back to me and smiled.  
  
"You're a sweet girl, Miss Swan," she said, "so I'm going to make this easy for you. Submit of your own free will. Everything will work out fine in the end, trust me. Alice will forgive you, your relationship will survive, and we'll all be happy together. All you have to do is submit."  
  
I was already shaking my head.  
  
"Think about it, Miss Swan. Alice's feelings for you are fake and unnatural and they will fall apart before long. Monogamy is not possible for a vampire. Eventually her thirst will either kill you or turn you. If you die, she'll move on and find a different vessel for her fantasies. If you turn she'll eventually become jealous of the women you feed from, and sooner or later she'll decide that you were never her soulmate to begin with. I've seen it happen. It happened to me, it happened to Jane, it happened to Esme. It happened to Rosalie."  
  
Her words hurt so much it felt like they'd make my ears bleed. Tears started falling down my face, but I still didn't run. Rosalie was watching me coldly and I remembered Alice's story of how they got together. How Alice had thought they were soulmates until Victoria got involved. Then she met me.  
  
"And now it's happening to you," the redhead said. "And the only difference between you and the rest of us, is the fact that Alice has grown old, unbalanced, and desperate for drama. Do you truly believe she wants to live happily ever after? With you, as a regular couple? No. She doesn't want a happy ending. It's the ending itself she craves. Why else would she throw herself onto you so completely? She knows that I'll never give up on her. She knows I'd rather see her dead than in the arms of another. Don't you see? I was prepared to wait, to let your relationship run its natural course, but this charade has gone on long enough. It pains me to see you both in the grip of your pathetic illusions. Submit to me, Miss Swan. Things will be so perfect if you'll only submit."  
  
"I can't."  
  
"You can. Why be loyal at this point? You owe her nothing. She lied to you and in doing so she betrayed us both. You love her, I understand. You know no better. But why not love me instead? I'm a greater woman than her in every respect, surely you realize. You'll be happy with me, I promise."  
  
"You're fucking crazy."  
  
"Not at all, Miss Swan. I'm simply a woman who knows what she wants. Come. There's no need for you and I to be on bad terms. Embrace me as your sister."  
  
She spread her arms as if she thought I'd actually do it. But I just shook my head. My face was wet with tears and my heart was like an ember in my chest, pulsing painfully in my ribcage with each breath. I didn't have one feeling I was certain about but there was no way I was going to give this disgusting bitch what she wanted.  
  
"I trust Alice," I said. "I'll never cheat on her."  
  
The blonde still had her arms folded under her naked breasts. She was watching my emotional turmoil with something like amusement. She glanced at her mistress and her mistress shook her head sadly.  
  
"I see you're determined to be stubborn," she said. "That's fine. In fact, why don't we have some fun with it? You see, I think you've misunderstood your situation somewhat, Miss Swan. I offered you a choice merely to offer you a choice. But as I said, I must have you—with your consent or without it."  
  
Funnily, the threat took me by surprise. I looked between them as if maybe I hadn't heard properly. "You're going to rape me?" I asked, my voice breaking on the word rape.  
  
"I'm afraid so."  
  
My blood turned to ice. My brow puckered in confusion as I looked between them again, searching for signs that I'd misunderstood. "You can't," I said meekly.  
  
"Oh, nothing simpler," the redhead said. "I dare say you'll even enjoy it."  
  
And smiling, she advanced toward me.  
  
"No," I said, starting backwards. "No!"  
  
I went to run, but she grabbed my wrist. I slipped and sprawled against the floor. The redhead stepped on my back with her heeled boot, forcing me down. I twisted in the tiles like a snake and finally broke away. I started to crawl but the redhead seized the back of my head by the hair and pulled me around roughly. She knelt down behind me and pinned my arms behind my back. I was sitting in the locker room floor with her arms hooked around mine, holding me down. I thrashed and groaned and she leaned to my ear and hissed:  
  
"Shut up."  
  
It was the harshest thing she'd said to me since I'd walked into the locker room and the cold authority in her voice froze me as obediently as if I'd practiced. The blonde had smiled at all this and now she sauntered up and squatted in front of me with her legs open so that her pussy was completely exposed. A white hot bolt of lust struck directly into my core and my voice came weak and without any real resistance.  
  
"Get away from me," I said.  
  
The redhead chuckled breathily into my ear. "You and Rosalie have never got along so well, have you?" she whispered. "The poor thing has been so jealous of you for taking Alice away from us. But I think it's time you got to know each other a little better. Would you like for her to eat your pussy, Miss Swan? She'll do it if I tell her."  
  
But she didn't have to tell her. The blonde received these orders with no change in her expression and keeping her cold blue eyes locked on mine she placed her hands on my knees. I was wearing a pleated black miniskirt and I groaned helplessly as she forced open my legs to reveal my horny pussy. There was nothing between me and her but a flap of skirt and a thin strip of black panties.  
  
"Oh god," I said. "Please. Don't do this."  
  
"I'm afraid we must," Victoria whispered into my ear. "It'll prove a point to Alice and besides…it'll be fun."  
  
I moaned; the blonde had already knelt her lips between my legs and she was licking at the front of my panties.  
  
—  
  



	20. Chapter 20

—  
  
Chapter 20:  
  
—  
  
I've read a lot of romance novels, and never once had I seen a heroine get raped. Real-life tends to be a little more harsh, of course, but still; it's not something you ever expect to happen to you.  
  
"Attempted" rape is a common cliché in novels, of course, but it never goes beyond the attempt. Usually the hero shows up in the nick of time to save the girl and wisk her away in the saddle of a pale gray stallion as she buries her distressed and tearstained face in the chiseled bosom of his manly chest. I suppose that's what sucks about being a lesbian. You aren't even eligible for a knight in shining armor. I suppose it was possible for Alice to come galloping through the locker room in metal-bikini armor, sword drawn to lop heads and rescue her one true love, but somehow it didn't seem likely.  
  
In any case, as far as getting raped goes, it could've been worse. They weren't men, for instance. I'm sure most girls would be horrified at the idea of being raped by another woman, but luckily for me, I had the advantage of being a slutty lesbian with a latent taste for sexual humiliation. I'm not saying I enjoyed it, but in all honesty, it wasn't the most traumatic experience of my life. My horror was mostly limited to the fact that I was being forced to have sex with someone other than Alice, and even that shock was mitigated somewhat by the fact that being raped isn't quite the same thing as cheating.  
  
At the very least, I didn't actually cooperate. But it's difficult to be proud of that, since having my resistance broken, feeble as it was, was one of the hotter aspects of the experience. The blonde began by going down on me and at first I tried to kick her away. Well, maybe not at first. At first I was kind of paralyzed by the fact that this gorgeous woman, this woman who hated my guts and probably wanted me dead, was kneeling naked between my legs like a cat as she poked at my swollen clit with her tongue through the flimsy fabric of my panties. My legs were understandably weakened, but strength came back to me when I felt the redhead's tongue in my ear. It was a bit startling, and a bit icky, and suddenly I lashed out, kicking and screaming. But a hand clamped down over my mouth instantly and I felt a searing pain in my breast. The redhead was pinching my tit. She told me to be quiet and be a good girl. I tried to thrash away once more, but her pinch was surprisingly painful, and suddenly I went limp. I'm sure a nobler heroine would've resisted to her very last breath, but it really did hurt, and I've always had sensitive breasts.  
  
So I gave up, at least for the moment. It wasn't exactly a knife to my throat, but it seemed more logical to simply lay back in the redhead's arms and stare passively at the ceiling as I felt the blonde remove my panties. Victoria's body was warm and soft and she smelt wonderful. She was kissing my cheek and whispering things. The blonde was going down on me. The pain in my boob was fading and her touch had become far gentler. She'd lifted my top and I had no bra on. She was pinching and plucking my nipples, kissing my neck and shoulder, and the blonde's tongue was wriggling inside me. I let them keep going until they were done and they were only done after I climaxed.  
  
I tried to hold it back, but that only made it more bigger, more powerful. It was amazing, frankly, and as I recovered it actually occurred to me that it would've been great if I met Victoria before Alice. A girl could get used to this.  
  
It got slightly more humiliating after that, and I tried my hand at resisting again. The redhead lifted her top and commanded me to suck her tits. The blonde had already crawled over and taken one in her mouth. Ordinarily, I'd love to oblige. I'm a reciprotory girl. For me, sex is ninety-nine percent about the other person. But under the rape-like circumstances of today's encounter, I thought I could be excused for being slightly withholding. My skirt had been removed, so basically I was naked aside from my top, which was pulled up over my breasts, and my boots, which were knee-high but not really concealing. I suppose some girls might've ran away regardless, but honestly, I thought it was better to be humiliated in here than in front of the basketball game that was still going on out there. I tend to be a little prudish with boys.  
  
But still, I didn't cooperate. I sat there in the locker room floor, covering my exposed areas with my hands, glaring sullenly at the massive tit I was supposed to crawl over and suck. The blonde had one of the redhead's nipples between her lips and as she sucked it she opened her eyes and looked at me. She stroked the other breast and angled it toward me, as if to invite me over. But I didn't budge. Her cold blue eyes narrowed, and then she came over, grabbed my hair, and forced my face into her mistress's tit.  
  
It wasn't the worst thing I'd ever had in my mouth. Mom's cooking could be more offensive sometimes. So I started sucking. I wondered if I should've tried biting her, but that seemed a little too feisty for me, and I guess I don't really enjoy hurting women, even the one's who are hurting me.  
  
I had no idea when the next PE class was due, but the redhead didn't waste too much time on foreplay. She indulged herself with a dual tit sucking for a minute or two, a bit of light petting, and then she lay me down and sat on my face, hiking up her denim miniskirt and peeling aside her panties. Her pussy looked incredibly tantalizing, but once more I attempted a flimsy bit of resistance by simply glaring up at her grudgingly. But it wasn't the most empowering position, to be sat on by a half-naked slut, and I don't know much defiance I managed to communicate. In any case, it didn't move her. She chuckled and stroked my hair and tried to make me do it willingly. But I didn't, so she shrugged and started tribbing against my mouth. The smothering scent of her musky arousal invaded my head and made me hungry, but somehow I managed to keep my tongue in my mouth.  
  
When she was done she dismounted and allowed the blonde her turn. I was forced to lick this time. The redhead had set herself up between my legs, and of course by this point I was horny again, so the pussy she revealed by opening my thighs was moist and waiting. She proposed that she'd be happy to take care of me if I took care of the blonde, but I still didn't do it. So she slapped at the inside of my thighs as if I was being a pest and then she started pinching the back of my leg until I did it. I didn't appear to have much choice, so I lifted my lips to the blonde's luscious pussy and started eating her out. The pinching stopped as soon as the blonde started moaning and after a few seconds I felt a pair of lips on my own pussy followed by the luxurious lick of a tongue across my clit. But because the redhead is such an evil fucking whore, she didn't even make me come. She stopped as soon as the blonde dismounted, leaving me horny, humiliated, and extremely pissed.  
  
But at least it was over. Orgasms achieved, my charming rapists tossed me my skirt and smiled at how I scrabbled into it desperately. I was blushing madly and still mega horny. I could've fled the moment I had my skirt on—after pulling my top down over my breasts, of course—but I wanted my panties back too. It was a short skirt, and besides, it seemed silly to flee in terror at this point. And, if I was being completely honest, I had to admit I found something fascinating in watching the blonde get dressed.  
  
She did it very gracefully and mechanically, strangely unhurried as if this were all part of her day. White bra, white underwear. Her body was completely gorgeous and I tried to hate her, I really did, but I couldn't. I almost felt sad that she'd been forced to rape me. Considering the gap between us in how hot we were, maybe she was the real victim.  
  
"Well," said the redhead, pulling her top down over her breasts. She then cupped them in her hands and moved them around, as if to make them fit better, smiling at me as she did so. "I suppose we're done for now. Unless you'd like some more?"  
  
The incomplete orgasm was still burning between my legs, so maybe that was supposed to be funny. I didn't laugh. The redhead chuckled lightly, a pleasant sound that echoed off the lockers.  
  
"Oh, don't be so sullen, my dear," she said. "You know you liked it. You were supposed to. Be sure to make that fact crystal clear to Alice when you collapse into her arms to weep away your soiled heart."  
  
The mention of Alice rankled me. There was something extra humiliating about being raped as a means of hurting your girlfriend. The redhead was truly evil – it would've been sweeter if she only did it because I was too sexy to resist.  
  
But I wasn't about to admit I was jealous over something so wrong and ridiculous, so I simply glared and let my anger manifest in Alice's defense. "You don't own her," I growled.  
  
"Excuse me?"  
  
"Just because you turned her, doesn't mean you own her. She's allowed to see whoever she wants."  
  
It was a petty argument, but strangely it seemed to affect them both. The redhead's smile faded somewhat and she tilted her head to eye me curiously. The blonde paused while brushing her hair and glanced back at her mistress.  
  
"Turned her?" said the redhead. "Is that what she told you?"  
  
It was like a cold wind blew over me.  
  
Alice lied.  
  
Again.  
  
"Yes," I said, pretending to be confident. "Why?"  
  
But the redhead only smiled and gestured with her hand. "Oh, no reason," she said. "Alice has always had a generous memory. It's one of her more endearing traits, really."  
  
I didn't know what to think. Why would Alice lie about being turned by Victoria? It made so much sense, given their relationship. Did she have something to hide or was she just a plain liar?  
  
Rosalie had bent to fetch my panties and now she held them out to me. She was at least three of four inches taller and she was looking down her perfect nose at me with a certain superiority. She seemed a bit high and mighty for a sex slave, so I snatched my panties back and glared at her.  
  
"Alice killed your rapists and you weren't even her soulmate," I said. "What do you think she'll do to mine?"  
  
It was a decent threat, but my delivery might've been robbed of menace somewhat by the awkwardness of pulling on my panties at the same time. In any case, she didn't seem alarmed. She simply smiled a cold smile and said: "Do I look worried?"  
  
There was nothing to say to that, nothing left to say at all, so I turned on my heel and strode out.  
  
As I emerged into the gym, there was a PE class just entering, a crop of girls on their way to the locker room. If they'd been ten minutes earlier, they could've saved me, or even joined in. Actually, that would be great fantasy material. It was fun with the blonde and redhead, but maybe being raped by the whole volleyball team would be even hotter. Some of those chicks were really cute.  
  
Angela was back at her sign with two new fresh pots of paint. Too bad she hadn't gotten a bad feeling when she saw I was gone and come looking for me. Then again, when a friend goes missing for a moment or two at school one doesn't automatically suppose she's being raped in the locker room by sexy lesbian vampires. It was more logical to assume she'd gone back to class or to the bathroom.  
  
I sat down opposite and plucked up one of the paintbrushes. This was so stupid. I didn't even want to go prom, anyway.  
  
"Hey," Angela said when she noticed me, her voice light and full of casualness. "Where were you?"  
  
I opened my mouth to say something and closed it again. The question startled me back into reality and a weird feeling washed over me as I suddenly realized what I was doing. I'd just been raped by my girlfriend's ex…and now I was carrying on with my day as if nothing happened?  
  
It didn't seem right. Something else should be happening. Obviously, something had to be done about this latest affront against my honor – but what? I glanced about the gym, as if looking for an answer, but I saw nothing but a basketball game and girls filing out of the locker room in their gym shorts. Nice asses, some of them, but none of that was an actual solution to the question of what I was supposed to do now.  
  
"You okay?" Angela asked, looking at me with concern. "You look a little weird."  
  
I felt a little weird, too, and without replying I put the paintbrush back into the pot, stood up, and walked out.  
  
I left my bag, my books, even my cellphone. I just walked right out the front gates and started home. Chief among my thoughts was what I was going to tell Alice, but the whole subject seemed a little uneasy. How exactly does one mention to her girlfriend that she'd been raped at school by two of her sisters? Especially when the girlfriend in question was an unpredictable vampire who's reaction could range anywhere from destroying said sisters to even accusing me of liking it.  
  
It started raining on the way home, which was typical enough. After all, it's not as if I haven't suffered enough lately. Might as well be wet too. I seemed to be having a pretty shitty day. First I'd been pinched in several sensitive places and now I was all wet – is it any wonder I find the whole idea of life overrated? Still, life teaches us that there's always a bright side to every unhappy situation if you look at it from the right angle, and after a couple minutes of earnest contemplation I realized that I couldn't possibly get pregnant. Thank god – I'm so relived. I don't believe in abortion and bringing another demonic redhead into this world would've been more than I could bare. Even the visual was disturbing.  
  
By the time I got home I was totally soaked, but at least the venom in my system kept me from getting too cold. I went for a shower right away, concerned about scent and remembering how wonderful the redhead had smell. It was a bad thing to think about, because it also made me remember her warmth and softness, her touch, her tongue, the sexy authority in her eyes as she flaunted her supremely beautiful body and made me do things to it. Such an evil bitch, the way she'd teased me with a second orgasm like that, bringing me all the way to the edge and then just stopping. No decency, just none at all. A total barbarian. And now here I was in the shower, naked and wet and frustrated that my rapist had been so completely sadistic that she only made me come once. Is it because she didn't like me? Am I not hot enough? Granted, the interrupted orgasm wasn't my biggest problem right now, but it really seemed like a mean thing to do. Below even the redhead's standards.  
  
But oh well. Obviously, my mental process had been jarred somewhat by this latest trauma. Nevertheless, I found it difficult to concentrate with that persistent ache between my legs. So I went ahead and touched myself, replaying the scene in my head, but tweaking it slightly so that the redhead apologized with a lovely tongue kiss before admitting she only did it because she was totally in love with me and wanted me forever. It turned consensual after that.  
  
A bitter fantasy, considering the truth was opposite. Alice was the irresistible one; I was just the knife the redhead was using to stab her in the back.  
  
I got changed after the shower and a bit of clarity returned to me as I tossed and turned in my bed, wondering what I was supposed to do now. I could call the police, I suppose, but that seemed a little dramatic, and in the end, it was my word against hers. Besides, I honestly doubt the redhead would allow herself to be arrested. I'm sure she'd make plenty of friends in prison, but one shower every seventy-two hours wouldn't be very good for her beautiful red hair. In any case, it was probably best to keep the episode as secret as possible. I certainly didn't want mom to know. She was worried enough already.  
  
But Alice, Alice was the problem. Poor Alice. How could the redhead do this to her? She's going to be so devastated. She'll be happy to hear that I resisted as best I could—I might have to exaggerate that a little—but she's not going to be happy that I had another woman's pussy smeared all over my face. I wasn't happy about it either, even though my stomach gave a little lurch of excitement at the memory.  
  
Would she see me as stained, tainted? The last time another woman touched me she'd ran back to the very woman who'd done the touching, convinced I wasn't her soulmate. What if she feels the same way this time? True, I'd resisted, but let's be real; I loved it. Alice had already demonstrated how unrealistic her expectations of me were; soulmates don't cheat. Ever. Even when raped, you'd have to assume. And maybe she was right. I mean, it makes sense, really. I should've fought harder. Much harder. I should've fought with every ounce of my strength, to my very last breath, thrashing and screaming and finally dying with my lover's name on my lips and a relatively dry pussy.  
  
But I didn't. I made some token resistance, but mostly I just loved it. Oh god, I'm such a slut. How could being raped be so amazing? Maybe that's the worst thing. Maybe I'm not even worried if Alice would forgive me; maybe I'm mostly worried that I wish the redhead had kept me.  
  
But no, that's crazy. I gotta think straight and figure out what to tell Alice. She'd forgive me, she loves me too much to hate me for something like this. Maybe it'll be like her and Rosalie. Rosalie had been raped and Alice had avenged her. Maybe she would do the same thing for me.  
  
But Rosalie was different, wasn't she? She'd resisted. Truly resisted. She'd resisted herself directly into ICU with broken bones and massive internal injuries. Of course Alice would feel sorry for her and rush out to avenge her. But me? What did I have to show for my resistance? A bruised boob and a desire to masturbate in the shower because it was so awesome. Yeah, great Bella. Some victim you are.  
  
But was it really my fault? It's a completely different context. I don't want to make light of another woman's sufferings, of course, but if I'd been raped by a bunch of drunk guys as opposed to two sexy lesbian vampires, I'm pretty sure I would've managed a great deal more resistance. In fact, I would've gladly jumped out a fifth story window to get out of it.  
  
I mean, is it really my fault the blonde and redhead are so hot? Can I truly be blamed for climaxing under such conditions? And let's not forget that these chicks are vampires. They hadn't actually threatened to kill me if I resisted, but it was logical to assume, wasn't it? Maybe that's why I'd caved so easily. Because I was scared. Yeah, maybe that's it.  
  
Oh, who am I kidding? Alice is never going to forgive me. Soulmates don't cheat, and she's right. I should've resisted more. This is hopeless. I'm a slut. Maybe I should just go back to school and submit to the redhead properly. It seems sex is all I'm good for, anyway. I'd be the crappiest lay in the stable, but my tits would be the biggest.  
  
Maybe I should just keep it secret and not even tell Alice. Maybe—  
  
Wait a second. Secret?  
  
I'd been laying on my bed, but as the thought hit me, I sat up. Actual hope flooded through me. It seemed so simple, so elegant, so perfect.  
  
Secret.  
  
If I kept it secret, everything would be fine. Me and Alice would continue as if nothing ever happened and, and…  
  
And then? What happens when she does find out?  
  
But there's no guarantee that she will. She doesn't speak to her family anymore, not even in texts or on the phone. And she won't go near Victoria or Rosalie. It could work. All I'd have to do is—  
  
Lie.  
  
Oh. Yeah, I guess I'd have to lie. Or at least omit. But considering all the things that Alice had lied or omitted about in our relationship, could I really be blamed, just this once, about this one little thing?  
  
It was really for the best. The redhead was psycho, crazy, insane. She said herself that she'd rather see Alice dead than with me, and if it came down to a fight, the redhead had the height and weight advantage. She also seemed much meaner. It was probably best to just not mess with her. Best to just—  
  
Run away?  
  
Yeah. Leave Forks, just me and Alice. We could go somewhere the redhead will never find us and we'll be happy, just me and her. But would she do it? Would she leave her family? She loves them so much, and even though she's fighting with them right now, there's still centuries of history between them. And despite her claims about not being interested in anyone but me, she still shows a grudging interest in the blonde and redhead. She pretend to hate them, but deep down she misses them. And she was pretty quick to do group sex with Jane and Leah, wasn't she? She even tried to get affectionate with Esme and Carlisle. Maybe Victoria was right. Maybe monogamy is unnatural for a vampire. Maybe deep down she's pretending it's only me she wants.  
  
But why? It's not like I'm too closed-minded to let her have sex with her sisters. Especially at this point. I mean, we've already established that love isn't a fairytale. Why not fuck your whole family? Hell, why not share me with them, too? After all, I'm a total slut, so it's not like I'd complain.  
  
I just wish I knew what the hell was running through Alice's pretty little mind. Why did she lie about being turned by Victoria? Why is she so determined to be faithful when it's not even in her nature? Why—  
  
Suddenly the rain outside got louder as the window slid open.  
  
It was Alice.  
  
She crawled through the window, wet but not soaked, and saw me sitting on the bed. "Baby?" she said, turning to close the window, keeping her worried eyes on me. "What's wrong? I was waiting forever in the parking lot but you never came."  
  
I had no idea how I was going to handle this, but it felt natural to pretend to be natural, so I stood up from the bed and waved a hand. "Yeah, I came home." I said. "Sorry."  
  
She hugged me. She smelt like rain and Alice, a beautiful mixture. I closed my eye and inhaled her scent. Just like that, I forgot all about the redhead, and my head was filled with Alice, Alice, Alice.  
  
"Thank god you're okay," she said. "I was so worried. I thought Vicky had done something."  
  
My heart quickened. So she didn't know. That was good. Wasn't it?  
  
"Nah," I said. "I just had a headache."  
  
She pulled away to peer into my face, her expression startlingly similar to mom's when she'd be trying to decide if I need an ambulance. I managed a smile, but I felt pale and feverish.  
  
"Really?" Alice said. "There's nothing wrong?"  
  
I nodded. "Yeah," I said. "Just tired."  
  
Alice didn't seem entirely satisfied, but she let her hands drop from my shoulders. "Well, next time take your phone, okay? You have no idea how worried I was. You're just lucky I know you well enough to know that you probably left it in your locker. I was calling the home phone too, but I guess you didn't hear."  
  
"Sorry," I said, blushing as I realized how cute it was that she was so concerned about me. Like a mini-mom. I wonder if it was genuine? Vampire's don't feel empathy, but if they feel possessiveness, then I guess it was possible for them to panic over their possessions.  
  
Alice smiled with her rain-speckled face. "You should've called me," she told me. "We could've skipped together."  
  
I shrugged, as if this possibility had slipped my mind. But in truth I just didn't want to admit that one of those skipped periods was used to enjoy being raped in the girl's locker room.  
  
"Are you feeling better now?" she asked.  
  
I nodded. "Yeah," I said, and I meant it. Alice was magic on me. Addiction or not, I loved the creepy little bitch. I didn't care what her family said about how she didn't love me and how it wouldn't last. I was going to hold onto her for as long as I could.  
  
Alice smiled and put her hands at my waist, a subtle caress. "Maybe baby's been having too much sex," she said. "Maybe she needs to slow down."  
  
I smiled and touched her hands. "I don't think so."  
  
"No?"  
  
"No," I said, and kissed her. Alice moaned and leaned into me, wrapping her arms around my neck. The rain pattered against the window. Her wet scent swirled in my head. I broke the kiss and looked into her eyes, perfectly placid as if drugged from her kiss. "I love you, Alice."  
  
"I love you too, baby."  
  
We shared a moment of eye contact, just smiling at each other. Then she giggled and urged me at the bed. "Now hurry up and get your clothes off so can I fuck you," she said, and since I seemed to have a weakness for dominant women, I did as she asked.  
  
Our clothes fell to the floor and Alice giggled into my arms, naked and smooth. We tumbled onto the bed and made love, simple love with the rain rattling against the window. Through some mysterious insight, either as a girlfriend or a vampire, Alice could tell my pussy had been tampered with during the day, and I was forced to admit I may've gotten sidetracked in the shower. She pouted and admonished me for squandering an orgasm so recklessly and suggested that in the future I should make more of an effort to make sure they all belong to her. She then grinned and asked if I'd at least been thinking of her, and it broke my heart to lie, but I told her I was.  
  
Afterwards, we snuggled up under the covers in our usual cuddle position with her flat on top of me, smothering me in her warmth and softness as she liked to do. Her face was buried in the crook of my neck and for a while we just lay silently, listening to the rain. Then I said:  
  
"Alice?"  
  
"Mm?"  
  
"Can I ask you something?"  
  
"Sure."  
  
She lifted her face to look at me. She always looked so beautiful after sex, her face mellower, her lips a little paler somehow. I had no idea how I was going to handle the situation with the redhead, but in the pit of my stomach I knew that I couldn't tell Alice. I just couldn't. Someway I had to convince her to leave with me, but as soon as I looked up into her pretty eyes, I was suddenly struck with doubt.  
  
What if she doesn't love me enough?  
  
So flickered my eyes away and back again. "I was just wondering," I said. "Are you happy with me?"  
  
The question made her grin radiantly. "Of course I am, silly," she said. "I love you. I've never been happier in my life than when I'm with you. You're everything to me, baby?"  
  
She'd said it so sweetly and lovingly that it made my eyes water. My arms were around her waist, stroking her slim back. ""What about your family?" I asked. "Don't you miss them?"  
  
But she passed this off as nothing. "They'll understand eventually," she said. "They just need some time to realize that I'm done fucking around. From now on, it's all Bella, all the time."  
  
She punctuated this with a kiss, but I didn't feel better.  
  
"Victoria won't understand," I said.  
  
Her lips paused against mine. I couldn't tell if her heart fluttered. Then she disconnected them and smiled at me casually. "Well, maybe she will," she said. "Deep down I think she does love me. In her own way. In the end, she'll realize she only wants me to be happy. She's not an evil woman, just kind of possessive."  
  
Either she was lying to me or deluding herself. Because I knew the truth. The redhead will stop at nothing to get Alice back. This was just the beginning, foreplay. She'd probably even kill me eventually. She talked about killing Alice, but somehow I got the impression that she preferred Alice alive – and in her arms.  
  
I was worried, very worried, and I tried to suggest it to Alice without mentioning what happened today. "What if she doesn't?" I asked. "What if she'll never stop until she has you back?" I swallowed and added: "What if she hurts me?"  
  
Alice's expression went sad. She looked into my eyes, but she didn't know what to say. The rain clattered on the window for a while and then I said:  
  
"I've been thinking."  
  
"About what?"  
  
"I want you to turn me," I said. I hadn't been aware I was going to say it, but as it came out it felt right, like a real solution. So I went on. "As soon as possible. I'm just sick of waiting, you know? I want to be with you for real. A real partner. And I want you to leave your family. Especially Victoria. I want to go somewhere they'll never find us, where it'll be just me and you. I mean, isn't that what you want?"  
  
An edge of hysteria crept into my voice as it all came pouring out, and the last part almost sounded like an accusation, as if it was her fault she hadn't thought of this already. And as I said it, I realized that maybe it really was her fault. None of this would've happened if she didn't have such a juvenile taste for drama.  
  
But I couldn't really blame her. I loved her. She had her flaws, but she was so perfect, and my eyes went big and pleading as I gazed up at her, desperate for her to say yes, to take me away somewhere, away from everything. For a second she simply watched my face. I could feel the unshed tears in my eyes, but I didn't let any of them fall, and after a while she smiled a thoughtful smile, nodded, and said:  
  
"Okay."  
  
"Okay?"  
  
"Well, sure," she said, her smile widening as the idea grew in her mind. "I mean, I think we're ready. I'd been hoping to patch things up with my sisters, but maybe it's better like this. If you have to leave your family, it's only fair I leave mine, too, right?"  
  
A wave of sheer hopeful bliss crashed over me and I started crying from relief, from the sudden certainty that everything really was going to be okay. "Really?"  
  
She giggled at my reaction and wiped my tears with her thumb. "Of course, baby," she assured me. "It's about time we had our happily ever after. It's been a little stressful lately, hasn't it?"  
  
I almost whimpered with love as I gazed at her with absolute devotion in my tear-filled eyes. "Thank you, Alice," I said. "This means so much to me. I love you."  
  
She smiled and brushed hair from my forehead. "I love you too, baby," she said. "I'm so sorry you've had to go through all this. I should've taken you away a long time ago. I was stupid. I thought I could have you and my family both. But by now I guess it's pretty obvious that I have to choose. And I choose you, Bella. Now and always."  
  
She kissed me, but there was so much happiness inside me that it burbled out as a giggle. She giggled too and wiped away a couple more of my tears. My mind was racing with hope for the future and suddenly I said:  
  
"When can you do it?"  
  
"You mean turn you?"  
  
I nodded eagerly. She shrugged a naked shoulder.  
  
"Whenever you want."  
  
"Can we do it now?"  
  
She giggled. "Well, not now," she said. "It's not like changing your top or getting a haircut. Besides, shouldn't we make it special?"  
  
A little of my hope dimmed at the idea of any delay at all, but I wanted to make her happy, so I forced myself to ask: "How?"  
  
"Well, why don't we do it on prom night?" she suggested. "I think that would be romantic."  
  
It probably would be, but my insides tightened and I groped for an excuse. "I don't know," I said. "I mean, I don't even want to go to prom. We'd only get stared at, anyway. Besides, I don't even want to go to school anymore. I can't bare to even look at that whore anymore. I just wanna get out of here, Alice. You don't have to turn me tonight, but can't we just leave? You have money, right? Can't we just get in the car and drive, just get out of here?"  
  
Alice looked at me thoughtfully, as if wondering why I was so desperate, but before she answered we heard the carport door rise as mom pulled up in the driveway.  
  
"Fuck," I muttered, genuinely distressed, but not because of mom. We jumped out of bed and started scrabbling into our clothes, and I knew I had to say something, quickly, something that would make her understand that we had to go, NOW, before it was too late, before—  
  
"Let's not rush things, okay baby?" Alice said, zipping up her jeans. "Turning you has to be special and I'm not gonna let Vicky ruin that. Don't worry about her. I'll never let her hurt you, okay?"  
  
But she had hurt me, she IS hurting me, and—  
  
"Alice—"  
  
I didn't know what I was going to say, but I didn't get to say anything. The front door opened and closed downstairs and Alice placed a quick kiss on my lips. My heart felt like it was ripping in half from worry, but she only smiled and winked.  
  
"We'll talk later," she promised. "Let's go say hi to your mom."  
  
—  
  
But we didn't really talk, not about what was really bothering me. Alice was somehow convinced that turning me on prom night would be the perfect conclusion to our turbulent courtship, and under other circumstances, I would've agreed with her. But with that psychotic redhead running loose with her blonde and sexy accomplice, I felt that it might be better if we just got the fuck out of here as quickly as possible. I tried to suggest this without sounding suspicious, but she only told me I was being silly. She wanted me to enjoy my last week as a human and to make the most of it with mom.  
  
So we did. It was the weekend and when we weren't alone we were with mom. We went to the store with her and watched movies with her. We helped her with chores and in the kitchen. She didn't know that I'd skipped half of Friday, but there was so much she didn't know about me. And soon I'd be leaving her. I must be the most awful, ungrateful daughter that ever lived, but even as I hugged her knowing that it would be one of the last times, I couldn't muster any real longing to stay. I had to get out of here – with Alice. I felt bad for mom, but maybe she'd be better without me. I hoped she would be. She deserved better.  
  
Prom was next weekend. I had to keep my secret for five days at school, but I thought I could do it. It would depend on how much the Cullen's knew, which I hoped was nothing. Tactical rape wasn't really a topic you'd gossip about with your sisters, so it seemed reasonable to hope that the redhead wouldn't even tell them. Alice still had some contact with her sisters at school, especially Jane, and I couldn't afford to have Jane blurt out some hurtful remark about my stolen virtue like the demonic little sadist that she is.  
  
But mostly it was the redhead I was worried about. The only reason she'd done it was to provoke a reaction out of Alice, and when she found out that Alice didn't even know, what's to stop her from simply walking up and telling her? Certainly not discretion – but maybe pride might keep her mouth closed, at least for a week. After all, she'd obviously been hoping to cause friction between us, and despite her dominant nature, she wasn't much of a hunter, more of a passive predator, like a venus flytrap. She didn't pursue her prey, she waited for it to come to her, lulling the unwary into her jaws with attractive pheromones and large tits. Never once had she set out to seduce me. The first time was at her house when I'd come to dinner. The second time was a chance meeting in the halls. And the last time was when our paths had crossed in the gym. Likewise, she'd never pursued Alice, either. She'd simply set the trap and let Alice come to her. That's probably what she was expecting this time, too, and if it was, she might consider it beneath her dignity to actually cause a scene herself.  
  
At least I hoped so.  
  
In any case, I was a nervous wreck on Monday morning. It could've easily turned out to be the worst day in my life. Alice and I had finally made definite plans about our future, plans that included happiness and massive amounts of sex, and the redhead had the power to ruin it all. I still had no idea how Alice would react if she found out, but somehow I knew she'd be disappointed in me, especially now that I've attempted to keep it a secret. The sad thing was she had a right to be disappointed. A girlfriend could be excused for giving up so easily; a soulmate should've resisted more.  
  
So I had to keep it secret. It felt like my final hope. I couldn't take anymore stress in this relationship. I needed to go away with Alice and start all over again. Fresh. With no lies, no mistresses, no humanity. Just me and Alice and the love between us. That was my dream.  
  
And all I had to do to make it come true was last one more week.  
  
I was hopeful. It seemed possible. But the hope dimmed somewhat when we pulled up in the school parking lot and found the blonde and the redhead leaning against a red convertible, apparently waiting for us. The redhead had her arms folded under her breasts and she didn't looked pleased. Maybe she had a bad weekend. It must've been frustrating to stand around the house, fruitlessly waiting for her old slave to burst back into her life in tizzy of helpless hysteria. But at least she had the blonde to keep her company.  
  
Alice glanced at them, but she didn't seem to register them or make any expression. She turned to me with a smile and took my hand and we walked right on past into the main building. The redhead kept her dark green eyes me on me the whole time.  
  
The encounter gave me slight hope; maybe my theory was right. Maybe she was too proud to actually chase after her prey like a real predator. Maybe she'd just wait and see what happens, or wait until she catches me alone again, or maybe—  
  
She'd ambush me in the bathroom after History.  
  
It turned out to be the former, as I quickly realized when I exited the stall and found her waiting by the sinks. I hadn't heard her come in, hadn't seen her follow me. Her hip was leaning against the counter and her arms were still folded in an almost identical posture as when I saw her in the morning, as if some one had simply picked her up and set her down in here like a mannequin. She smiled at how I froze, midstep, half out the stall.  
  
"You never told her," she said. She gave a single chuckle and shook her head. "I hadn't considered this. It makes me seem quite stupid, doesn't it?"  
  
She had a british accent, and it came out stewpid. I tried to ignore how cute it sounded and focused on remembering that this was the woman who'd raped me.  
  
So rather than blush and ask coyly why she never called, I simply blushed and went over to the furthest sink away from her to wash my hands. She followed me with her eyes and went on with her honeyed voice.  
  
"I suppose you did enjoy it a little too much to play the victim," she said. "You must be terribly ashamed of yourself, succumbing so readily like that. Your pussy is remarkably treacherous. I confess I rather—"  
  
But I wasn't interested in her craziness, so I didn't even dry my hands. I just shook them once and walked past, toward the door. Suddenly her hand shot out and seized my wrist.  
  
The movement was so rough and sudden it took me by surprise. She pulled me around to face her and hissed: "Who do you think you are to walk away from me?"  
  
I slapped her. It was my left hand, so it landed with an awkward thud against my wrist as opposed to satisfying sting with my palm, but I felt a thrill anyway as her eyes narrowed in anger. I'd never seen her angry before, actually angry.  
  
It made me hot.  
  
"You little whore," she spat, and then she slapped me back.  
  
Her technique was far better than mine; a sharp smacking sound echoed off the tiled walls and I stumbled back with a tiny cry, holding my cheek. Already the skin felt hot under my hand, but maybe I was just turned on.  
  
The slap seemed to startled her as much as me. She looked away, regained her composure, and turned her eyes back to mine – but they were still angry.  
  
"You are truly determined to indulge Alice's dreams, aren't you?" she asked.  
  
I glared at her defiantly. "They're my dreams, too."  
  
"Then I feel sorry for you," she sneered. "Dreams often reveal themselves as nightmares as they will in this case, my dear, I do assure you."  
  
And with that she reached out to grab me again. I flailed at her hand, but mostly I just cringed in terror, the same way I do in PE when someone throws a ball at me. I felt her hand clench painfully in my hair and suddenly she was kissing me. Her disgusting tongue wormed into my mouth and suddenly I realized that she was going to rape me again.  
  
For a moment—too long a moment—I actually considered letting her. Her scent had engulfed me as absolutely as her lips, a hot tincture of roses and wildflowers, and I was so tired of worrying about it, resisting it. Things would be so much easier if I simply surrendered to her. Easier than leaving with Alice, even.  
  
I think I finally understood why Alice had been so fascinated with this woman over the years. She'd said once that Victoria can't be corrupted because she is corrupt. It was true. Victoria represented something absolute that couldn't be tainted – desire, pure and simple.  
  
The temptation to surrender was even stronger, because for the first time I got the feeling that it was me she wanted. She wanted Alice too, and Rosalie, but me as well. Something about me turned her on, and that's why she'd ambushed me like this. That's why she'd been angry I kept our last encounter secret. That's why she'd been offended when I tried to walk away.  
  
Because she wanted me.  
  
But I snapped out of it as soon her hand landed on my breast. Maybe a girl like me had no right to call herself anyone's soulmate, but I loved Alice, and in my heart I never wanted anyone else. So I twisted my face away from the redhead's lips and headbutted her in her beautiful face.  
  
Again, clumsy technique. I missed her nose and mouth and my forehead landed in the relatively safe area of her cheek. It probably hurt me more than her, but I used the brief break to try and thrash out of grip. But her hands were very strong, and soon I changed tactics to pummeling the balled fist of my free hand against her chest. She hissed in pain or annoyance and managed to grab my wrist, forcing them both behind my back. She went to thrust her lips on me again, but I lifted my knee and rammed it into her crotch.  
  
It wouldn't have had the same impact on her as on a common rapist, but I hope at least it was humiliating. She gave a satisfying grunt and suddenly I thrashed harder, harder than I ever had. My mind was fading away into a red haze and a feral growl escaped me as I actually managed to dislodge her grip. She hissed at me like a cat, fangs exposed, but I felt no fear, no impulse to run – only hunger.  
  
I grabbed her and tried to bite her face. Now it was her thrashing. She landed a knee into my crotch, but it really wasn't that devastating. We grappled, pulling each other's hair and hissing. We toppled and fell onto the bathroom floor. We rolled about and beat each other with our fists and somehow I managed to straddle her hips and pin her wrists to the tiles.  
  
She hissed at me from her helpless position, but this only made me excited, powerful, euphoric in a way that I didn't even understand. My vision had gone red and suddenly there was no sound in the world but the pulse of the artery in her pale neck. She tried to thrash out from under me, but I didn't let her. Consumed with a dark lust that I never knew existed I swooped to her neck and bit into her flesh savagely with my bare teeth.  
  
A soft gasp escaped her. Her hot blood flooded my mouth and my every tastebud seemed to contract in ecstasy, like a massive orgasm in my mouth. She tried to resist, squirming beneath me with a dull moan, but then she when limp. I sucked at the wound, consuming her glorious red blood, and finally I raised up and looked down at her with my dripping mouth.  
  
My head was throbbing and all I could do was stare down at her face vacantly. She stared back. The wound was pumping dark red blood that looked almost black against her ivory neck. I became aware that my whole body was twitching from how badly I wanted to cover her lips with my own, kiss her, fuck her, ravage her, tear into her pale body with my teeth until—  
  
"Go ahead," she said.  
  
It was barely audible, a silky whisper, so maddeningly seductive that I almost did.  
  
But I couldn't. I wanted to hurt her and I knew the best way to hurt her would be to simply get up and leave her laying there on the bathroom floor. So I swallowed, the taste of the blood still thick on my tongue, and then I scrabbled to my feet and fixed my clothes with trembling hands. She lay there watching me, knees drawn up and slightly open, as if waiting. She was so beautiful, so sexy, so completely fucking desirable. I felt a wave of disgust for her and suddenly I leaned and spat her own blood onto her gorgeous face.  
  
"Fuck you," I said, and then I turned, tore open the bathroom door, and stalked out.  
  
Biology was next and as I walked I kept spitting on the ground, trying to get the taste out of my mouth. The red fog that had invaded my mind was slowly dissipating, but I was still feverish, still shaky. I couldn't believe what had just happened. It had to have been some kind of burgeoning vampire instinct, to bite her like that. I must be very close to turning.  
  
The halls were empty and I paced out side the biology lab for a while before entering, wiping my mouth and still spitting. Thoughts of Alice had began flittering though my mind, and suddenly I needed to see her. I had no idea what I was going to do or what was going to happen, but I needed to be near her, I needed to touch her, because deep down inside I knew that only Alice could make me feel better. So I took a deep breath, pushed open the door, and went in.  
  
Biology had started by the time I got there, but I hurried over to my stool beside Alice without interrupting the teacher's lecture. She smiled at me and took my hand under the bench.  
  
"Hey, baby," she said.  
  
"Hey," I replied distractedly, and then I glanced around and leaned to whisper to her. "Listen, do you wanna go home?"  
  
"Why?" she asked.  
  
Because my brief fit as a vampire had worn off and I was scared of the redhead again. Because I wanted to be alone with Alice. Because school sucked. There were tons of reasons, so I just shrugged and said: "I'm sick of school. I mean, what's the point?"  
  
"Well, it's fun sometimes," she said, as if she actually did think school was fun. "And we've got PE today, too. Maybe we can stay behind in the showers for a while, hm?"  
  
I didn't see the difference between shower-sex at school or shower-sex at home, and to be honest, I was a wary of the girl's locker room. I didn't need any reminders of what happened there.  
  
So I glanced at the teacher, making sure we weren't attracting attention, and turned back to Alice. "I just want to be with you, Alice," I said. "Please? Can we go home?"  
  
My face must've been suspiciously desperate, because she paused to study me. Her thumb was caressing my hand under the table. I couldn't meet her eyes.  
  
"You smell like Vicky," she whispered.  
  
I looked at her in alarm. I had a crushing sensation that everything was about to fall apart, but I nodded and shrugged. "I bumped into her in the bathroom," I admitted.  
  
Her face remained expressionless, but her thumb was still caressing me as if she wasn't even aware of it.  
  
"Did she touch you?"  
  
There was nothing in her voice, no concern, no judgment. Not yet.  
  
"She tried," I said. "But I…"  
  
"You what?"  
  
For some reason I was self-conscious about what really happened, so I said: "I hit her."  
  
She let out a breath as if she'd been holding it, and a huge smile spread across her face. I almost fainted from relief.  
  
"No way," she grinned.  
  
"Yeah," I said, allowing myself to smile too. "I kicked her ass. I think it might've been, like, vampire strength or something. You know, from the venom."  
  
"Oh my god!" she squeal-whispered, leaning to hug me from her stool. "That's so awesome!"  
  
The teacher cleared her throat. "Something to share with the rest of the class, Miss Cullen?"  
  
A round of chuckles. I was still human enough to blush at the attention, but it didn't bother Alice. She looked at the teacher, she looked at me. I raised my brows, my eyes pleading to get out of here, and then she giggled, grabbed my hand, and we dashed out of the classroom.  
  
Out in the corridor she threw me up against a block of lockers and pushed a kiss on me. Then she startled backwards as if she'd tasted something weird in my mouth.  
  
"You bit her," she said.  
  
I felt another wave of uncertainty, no idea how she would react. So I just nodded. I shouldn't have worried; a huge grin broke over her face and she launched herself at my mouth again. But again the kiss only lasted a moment.  
  
"Oh my god," she giggled, stroking my face, breathing onto my lips, her whole body pressed against my front. "That makes me so horny. I knew you'd never let that filthy whore touch you again. I love you, baby."  
  
My triumph was tainted slightly by the fact that it had taken me two attempts to resist properly—and that I was deliberately concealing my failure—but I wasn't deep enough to feel guilty right then. My heart soared with pride and for once I really did feel like a girl worthy of Alice.  
  
"I love you too, Alice," I said, kissing her and treating myself to a heroic grope of her impossibly cute jean-clad ass.  
  
—  
  



	21. Chapter 21

—  
  
Chapter 21:  
  
—  
  
Alice and I went directly home after we left biology and spent the rest of the day having sex and shopping for prom dresses on the internet. Price was no object, according to Alice, and I had way more fun browsing than I'll ever admit. Jumping from site to site, matching shoes with dresses, cross-referencing jewelry and underwear, only to abandon the whole ensemble because maybe there'll be something even better if we just keep looking.  
  
It was a somewhat shallow escape from the various problems I was facing—such as the threat of a scorned dominatrix who could quite conceivably kill me before the dress was even shipped—but somehow it seemed that if I could only find that perfect pair of shoes to go that perfect dress, then maybe everything would okay.  
  
I've never been over-concerned with fashion, of course, and deep down I certainly did NOT want to go prom where the redhead would have the opportunity to fuck up my life in true horror-movie fashion, but Alice's excitement was infectious, and she managed to topple my resistance without even pinching my boob. It was the dress I was going to be turned in, she told me, and it had to be special. I tried to make the distinction that I was fine with wearing a dress, but did we really have to go to prom? After all, we're still lesbians, and most of the school hates us – in addition to the fact that the redhead might feel urged to slaughter me on the dancefloor and do a tango in my blood. But none of that made a dent in my charming Alice, who smiled and countered that it would be my last memory as a human and she wanted to make it as special as possible for me. Which appeared to be girlfriend-code for "I want to go to prom so just shut up and take me."  
  
In any case, I was cautious about raising too much resistance. I didn't want her to begin questioning why I was so eager to stay away from Victoria, since as far as she knew I was unblemished in our recent encounters together. I couldn't tell her that I wasn't only afraid of being decapitated in the wrath of the rejected redhead, I was also distressed at the possibility of Alice finding out that the rebuff had been rehearsed several days earlier with slightly less successful results. But my subtle desperation had little affect, and it soon became clear that my princess had her heart set on attending the ball, and it would take more than locking her in a sooty cellar to keep her from it.  
  
So we shopped for prom dresses. My internet was terrible and my computer worse, so it was a leisurely albeit frustrating browse. Automatically we discontinued any color but black, red, and white, since obviously the color had to the reflect the occasion, and being turned into a blood sucking slut seemed to call for something bold. Red seemed a little pretentious, and black was too similar to every other dress I'd ever worn, and pretty soon I'd decided on white, to symbolize my purity and virtue and all the other imaginary traits that I'd be forfeiting as I took my place in the night as a wanton whore of darkness. It'll look beautiful with my hair, at least. Alice went with black, of course, and we both got shoes and lingerie to match.  
  
Luckily, it was all in-stock and with express delivery it all arrived the very next day. Me and Alice had pretended to go to school, but as soon as mom was gone we went upstairs and fucked with vibrators. The dresses didn't arrive till after lunch, but we hadn't actually eaten food.  
  
In any case, we took our parcels upstairs and unwrapped them and left the boxes on the floor. It was so exciting to try everything on that I forgot my problems for a full fifteen seconds at a time, sometimes. A tiny worm of anxiety remained in my stomach, but it was an undeniable thrill to shimmy into my figure-hugging gown, look into the mirror, and think; this is the dress I'll be wearing when she turns me – when she makes me hers.  
  
The thought made me smile. The dress was pure white, not cream, not ivory – snow white. Paler than my skin. The fabric was soft and clingy, not shiny, and it was slit down one leg. It looked soft and wholesome, yet sensual and stylish.  
  
Alice's dress was opposite, black, satin, incredibly short and tight. It had as much coverage as a towel wrapped around her middle, barely covering her ass and breasts. It was similar to the dress she'd worn on our first big date, but I couldn't complain about the repetition; it looked amazing on her.  
  
We spent a while fawning over how hot we look and then played around with makeup for a bit, experimenting with different shades. It was the most fun we had with clothes on in a long time, and we were so distracted that we didn't even get to squeeze in one more fuck before mom got home. Then again, my door had a lock and we hadn't been afraid to use it these days.  
  
When mom came upstairs to say hello, she found us sitting on the bed in our new prom dresses, a pile of makeup on the mattress between us and the floor littered with shipping boxes. She was already frowning.  
  
"Hey mom," I said, as if it was perfectly normal to special order prom dresses with mysterious finances without your mother's knowledge. I hopped off the bed to show her my dress, trying to ignore her dark look. "What do you think?"  
  
But mom only turned her frown to Alice. Alice smiled, but she was sitting there in the sluttiest prom dress known to girlkind, and she had the decency to look a little abashed.  
  
"I'd like to speak to my daughter alone," mom said, and then added with a certain bitterness: "if you don't mind."  
  
Alice hopped off the bed, glancing at me. I felt a spasm of panic. I knew mom wouldn't hurt me, but Alice, Alice, I didn't want Alice to—  
  
"Um, okay," she said. "I'll just be downstairs."  
  
She gave me a quick smile and touched my hand. The touch gave me relief, but was it still hard to see her go – although it was amazing how short her dress was.  
  
"The school called again," mom said, as soon as we were alone. "I've been lying about your days off so you wouldn't get in trouble, but they're getting suspicious. Apparently you haven't handed in a piece of homework in months and you have more days absent than anyone in your grade. Aside from your friend, out there."  
  
"Mom—"  
  
"And don't tell you haven't been doing drugs," she interrupted suddenly. "You're not eating, you're not sleeping, you're pale and fidgety all the time. I did research on the internet, Bella, I know what the signs are. Now tell me, what is it? What are you two on?"  
  
I didn't answer. I was fidgeting with the white fabric of my dress, but that was probably just the normal nervousness that arises when your mom confronts you about symptoms of drug use. Truthfully, I suppose I did have an addiction or two, but none of them were actual narcotics, and I really didn't think my symptoms were so strong anyway. I was pale, sure, but pearly pale, beautiful pale. And yeah, I wasn't eating, but maybe I'm on a diet, trying to lose a couple pounds of breast-weight. And as for sleeping, well. It's kind of difficult to sleep with a slutty vampire in your bed. I wouldn't sleep at all if I didn't eventually pass out.  
  
Mom was shaking her head. "I can't just stand here and watch you destroy yourself, Bella," she said. "That's why I've decided. If things don't improve—and I mean drastically—then that girl is out of this house. I don't care if she winds up in a homeless shelter. If she's bad for you, she's going. And that's just to begin with."  
  
"It's not her fault, mom."  
  
"Well, who's fault is it, Bella?" she countered. "Mine? Yours? I don't believe that. You were absolutely perfect before that girl entered your life."  
  
She had a point, I guess, but I thought perfect might have been exaggerating. After all, I was much thinner then, and my hair was duller, and my wardrobe was a complete disgrace. I was virginal, too, which is never ideal to the virgin herself. But I didn't argue.  
  
She was shaking her head again, glancing around the room. The empty boxes on the floor seemed to be a worry to her. "I knew I should've kept you separated," she said. "I just feel sorry for her parents. She's obviously been lying to them. They can't possibly know what she really is."  
  
I didn't know what to say, so I said: "I'm sorry, mom."  
  
"Then break up with her," she said, looking at me suddenly.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Break up with her," she repeated. "If you cared about me—if you cared about yourself—you'd stop seeing her right now. Send her home. She's bad news, Bella."  
  
Suddenly I was tired of the conversation. I let my arms flop at my sides and looked away sullenly. "It's not that simple," I muttered.  
  
"Why not? Why does that girl have such control over you?"  
  
"I love her, mom," I said, raising my voice just a little. "Haven't you ever been in love?"  
  
"And what would you know about love, Bella?" she demanded, and then flapped a hand angrily. "You're sixteen years old, for god's sake!"  
  
I didn't reply, just stood there in my white dress, examining the ground. Mom would never understand, and as much as I loved her, as much as I cared about her, I just couldn't explain.  
  
Alice was my soulmate. Simple as that.  
  
Mom was silent for a second and when she spoke her voice was anxious and pleading. "Please, Bella," she said. "I'm asking you as your mother. Please, just stop seeing her. I can't bare to see you destroy yourself like this. That girl has been nothing but a curse on you. She's taken over your whole life."  
  
I smirked, still without looking at her, and said: "Cute curse."  
  
Mom started crying. The sudden sob took me by surprise and completely shattered my air of petulant teen angst. A sharp stab of guilt hit me in the heart and as mom turned to hurry out the room I quickly grabbed her hand.  
  
"Mom, mom," I said quickly, "please: I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry."  
  
She wiped her eyes with her other hand and got herself under control. But she wouldn't look at me and wouldn't answer. My heart felt like it was breaking from how I was treating her, so I did what I always did when I tried to make her feel better: I lied.  
  
"Listen," I said. "I can't leave Alice. I love her. But I'll try to change, okay? I'll talk to her. I'll tell her we need to be responsible. I just…"  
  
I'd run out of words, so I stepped forward and hugged her. Hugs had always worked well on mom, and maybe I needed one too. It had been a long time since I'd hugged mom with all the drama between us lately, but I hadn't forgotten how nice it felt. Her scent was nothing like the vampires, just a regular human scent of soap and clothes and a lingering hint of perfume bodyspray, but she was mom and I'd always love her, no matter what happened between us.  
  
But the hug had lasted barely two seconds before I realized that she wasn't hugging me back, and then I felt her push me away, gently but firmly. She sniffed and shook her head.  
  
"I don't know what happened to you, Bella," she said, and then she turned and walked out.  
  
For a second I just stared at the empty doorway, a dead feeling in my heart. But then Alice stepped into the frame, in her sexy black dress, and my heart flickered back to life.  
  
She was looking over her shoulder where mom had disappeared and then she turned her troubled eyes to me. "She's pretty upset," she said.  
  
"Yeah," I said, feeling an echo of the guilt, but only an echo. Alice was here, and Alice made everything better.  
  
She sighed and kicked one of the boxes with her bare foot. "I told you we shouldn't of skipped," she said. "We have to go back, at least till the end of the week."  
  
"I don't want to."  
  
Alice stepped into my arms and forced my focus on her pretty face. "We have to," she said. "We can't afford any more complications right now. I mean, what if your mom decides to ship you out to a rehab clinic somewhere?"  
  
I shrugged, my hands at her waist. "Then we'd just leave."  
  
"But don't you want your last few days with your mom to be as pleasant as possible?"  
  
Suddenly I felt a flicker of suspicion. Why was she so desperate to go to school? Did she want to see her sisters? Am I not enough?  
  
"What do you care?" I asked, slightly embarrassed at how petulant I sounded.  
  
But she only smiled and cupped my cheek. "I care about you, baby," she said. "I just want you to be happy."  
  
She kissed me, and I opened my mouth automatically for her tongue. My head tingled as soon as it touched mine and all my suspicion and insecurity was washed away in a warm wave of her love.  
  
"When were you going to say goodbye?" she asked, breaking the kiss.  
  
I shrugged again, still holding her trim waist. "I don't know if I can."  
  
"Why don't you write her a letter?"  
  
"What would I say?"  
  
"Just let her know that everything's okay and you're going away with me and that we're going to be very happy together."  
  
I felt a touch of bitterness. "So, lie?"  
  
Again, I was afraid she'd be upset at my petulant tone, but she only smiled, as if I was being silly but she thought it was cute. "It's not a lie," she said. "We are going to be happy together."  
  
My emotions swung again into hope and warmth. "Do you really think so?"  
  
"Yes," she said. "I really do."  
  
I kissed her. It was still rare for me to initiate affection between us, but I was getting more and more used to it, secure in the knowledge that she liked it. So I let my tongue into her mouth and kissed her deeply, finally pulling away with a sigh.  
  
Five more days till prom and anything could happen. The thought came to me as soon as the kiss was broken and anxiety crept into my stomach.  
  
"Are you going to say goodbye to your family?" I asked, selfishly hoping that she wouldn't.  
  
She shrugged a bare and tiny shoulder. "Do you think I should?"  
  
"I don't know," I said hesitantly, wondering if she loved me enough to let me say no, to tell her to run for the hills, to never speak to them again. "I don't want them to convince you to stay," I went on. "I need to get out of here, Alice. Away from them, away from mom. I need you, just you. I know you love them, but… Maybe you could call them? After we've gone?"  
  
She was standing right up against my front with her arms around me and her hands playing over my back. The gown was backless and her fingers tingled like spiders on my skin. She was looking at my bare shoulder and she seemed to be considering my suggestions. Finally she looked up.  
  
"Maybe I'll send them a letter," she said.  
  
"After we've gone?" I asked, needing clarification.  
  
"Yes," she said, smiling. "After we've gone."  
  
Then she lifted her lips and kissed me. I hope I managed to conceal most of the relief I felt. That was one less worry, at least. If she had decided that she had to say goodbye to the blonde or the redhead, everything could've been ruined.  
  
She broke the kiss and I felt a flush of insecurity, suddenly needing to make sure she wasn't mad at me. So I gave her an anxious look, a look that suggest I need reassurance, and said: "I feel really bad for making you leave them like this."  
  
And I did, a little bit. There was centuries between Alice and her family, and only months between Alice and me. I had no right to ask her to do this, but she smiled and shook her head, her warm little body still pressed against mine.  
  
"Don't feel bad, baby," she said. "I should've taken you away a long time ago."  
  
"I know, it's just… Sometimes I get the impression that you wish…"  
  
"Wish what?"  
  
"That you could still be with them. Like you used to."  
  
"The only girl I want is you, baby."  
  
"I know, but…"  
  
"But what?"  
  
A strange breath escape me and I looked away. The insecurity seemed to be squeezing my heart in my chest, but I went on, needing to know how she really felt.  
  
"But it's not how you really feel, is it?" I asked. "I mean, deep down, you still want them, don't you? You're only fixated on being faithful because you think it means something."  
  
"It does mean something, baby."  
  
"Does it?"  
  
She fell silent, gazing into my face and letting her fingertips roam my back. Then she smiled and tilted her head. "Do you want to know the truth, Bella?"  
  
I was almost afraid, but I nodded.  
  
A loving smile appeared on her perfect lips and she looked directly into my eyes. Her hands paused in their exploring so that her arms could tighten around me. "From the second I met you," she said in a romantic whisper, "my desire for any other woman completely vanished. The only person I could think of touching was you."  
  
"And now?"  
  
"You're still the only girl for me. Forever and ever, Bella. My ties to my family are strong, but nothing compared to you. My heart, my body, my soul, all of it belongs to you. If you want to leave, we'll leave. From now on, nothing matters but making you happy. Okay, baby?"  
  
My heart felt like it was going to burst from happiness – but deep down I didn't believe a word. If she had no desire for her sisters she wouldn't have gone back to Victoria so quickly, she wouldn't have hooked up Leah and Jane that night, she wouldn't have substituted me for Rosalie on their anniversary, she wouldn't have tongue-kissed Esme to say goodbye.  
  
But I wasn't angry or hurt or anything but happy. Because it didn't matter if it wasn't the truth. Her words were beautiful and exactly what I wanted to hear and I knew she meant them even if they weren't true. It wasn't lying if she meant them. I didn't know what it was, but it wasn't lying. I couldn't possibly doubt her love at this point, so I smiled and nodded, a single tear dropping down my cheek.  
  
She smiled back for just a moment, her eyes big and pretty and warm with love, and then she lifted her lips and touched them to mine. She kissed me, long and deep, our arms tightening like tentacles around each other. Then suddenly she broke the kiss and said:  
  
"Do you belong to me, too?"  
  
I was so dazed by the kiss I didn't know what she meant. "Hm?"  
  
"Well, you're not the only one who's insecure, baby," she said, smiling flirtily. "It would be nice to know if you belonged to me, too."  
  
"Of course I do," I said, breaking into a grin. "You know I do, Alice."  
  
"How much of you belongs to me?"  
  
"Everything."  
  
"Everything?"  
  
"Everything."  
  
"Including your body?"  
  
"Especially my body."  
  
"Good," she giggled. "That's the best part. I mean, I respect you – just not as much as your boobs, you know?"  
  
It was a little objectifying, perhaps, but I felt the same way about her ass, so I couldn't complain. So I just smiled with a glow in my heart and tingle in my breasts, and said: "I love you, Alice."  
  
"I love you too, baby," she said, and kissed me.  
  
A dull glow had been building in the pit of my stomach and I responded with a moan, letting the kiss carry me away to where there was no insecurity, no rivals, no mom who didn't approve. Carrying me away to a place where there was nothing but warmth and loveliness and Alice, Alice, Alice. Our hands were roaming our bodies that were covered in our brand new dresses, the black satin cool and smooth under my fingers, and suddenly I just yanked it up over her hips, tore down her panties, and sank to my knees.  
  
But we'd left the door open, and with a quick giggle she scurried over with her naked butt, closed it, locked it, and came scampering back to my lips.  
  
—  
  
The next day was Wednesday and Alice and I mentioned loudly over breakfast that we'd better go to school early this morning so that we could complete some vital research in the library for a class project. It was mostly for mom's benefit, so that she'd know that we were actually going to school today and that we were serious about our academic futures. She didn't weep with gratitude at this sudden change of heart, but she did give us a look that was almost hopeful. We were gone before she'd even left for work, and she even let Alice hug her goodbye.  
  
Sadly, we did actually go to school. The motives behind my girlfriend's scholastic zeal were still a mystery to me, but she did have a point about mom. It was going to tear her apart to abandon her; at least we could make sure she was in one piece when it happened.  
  
Alice cheered me up with a quickie in the bathroom before class. We were early after all, and neither of us had had much breakfast. Then we parted and suddenly I could feel the justice of mom's drug accusations. I was instantly jittery and sullen, sitting through classes with grim determination and no focus on my work at all.  
  
And in addition to the dilemma of being without Alice for hours at a time, I had the looming threat of a certain psychotic redhead to contend with. But so far there was no sign of her. Nothing in the parking lot, the corridors, the schoolyard. I even went to the bathroom at one point without being molested. And at lunchtime I looked over at the Cullen table, my heart tight in my chest, and I almost sagged in relief when I saw that there was no redhead at all. No blonde, either. Just Jane and Leah. I was so relieved I would've been happy to sit with them despite the possibility of being coerced into another night of hot and sweaty group sex, but Alice took me to an empty table of our own where we sat holding hands for a while before realizing that neither of us were hungry and we were wasting precious time that could've been used to fuck. So we retreated to our abandoned classroom upstairs where we huddled in the corner with our hands in each other's pants, moaning and kissing and stroking ourselves to a climax under the second story window where the dustmotes we raised danced in a yellow sunbeam.  
  
The next day was Thursday. There was cheer practice after school and I found myself sitting with Leah. A strange mood had settled over me as we watched the squad work their routine. Alice was in view, but very far away, and even though she was constantly looking over, I began to get a little jealous. Why does she need the cheersquad when she has me? How does the cheersquad fulfill her in a way that I don't? Why doesn't she prefer spending her time with me? Is it possible that she doesn't love me as much as she claims?  
  
I knew it was obsessive and stupidly irrational to be jealous of such a thing, but I couldn't shake the feeling that had lodged itself in the pit of my stomach. It felt almost like panic. I mean, as if I didn't have enough to worry about with the redhead. Now I have to worry if my girlfriend is having an affair with extra-curricular activities.  
  
"You're getting pretty close to turning, huh?"  
  
I startled slightly, glancing at Leah. She was sitting beside me, a respectable distance apart, and dressed in her standard outfit, black leather skirt, black tanktop, black knee-high boots with a tall heel. Legs crossed, so fucking sexy. Did she have these same anxieties about Jane? No, impossible. She was happy to share Jane, with me or Alice or her family or anyone. And yet supremely confident that Jane loved her. How did she get so confident?  
  
"What do you mean?" I asked.  
  
She nodded at my foot; it was tapping feverishly and I hadn't even realized. I stopped it.  
  
"She must have a lot of venom in your system," she remarked.  
  
I blushed, embarrassed for some reason. "Yeah," I said. "I guess so."  
  
Leah nodded and waited to see if I'd elaborate, but I didn't. She turned her smile to the field and settled her eyes on Jane where Jane was doing a cartwheel for some obscure reason.  
  
I started tapping my foot again. Then I realized and stopped. I turned to Leah and blurted out some question.  
  
"So where's Victoria lately?"  
  
I didn't know that was what I was going to ask, and I was afraid that it was the wrong thing to say, that I may've given something away about my plans with Alice. But Leah shrugged a shoulder coolly.  
  
"Home," she said. "I don't think she'll be back at school anymore."  
  
"How come?"  
  
"Who knows. She's been shacked up with Rose since Monday. I think she's pissed that Alice hasn't gone back to her yet. Alice is the only woman who's ever resisted her, you know? She's not used to it."  
  
I felt a flush of triumph. Eat that, fire-crotch. Does it taste like Alice's pussy? Didn't think so.  
  
"The only one?" I asked.  
  
"Yep," Leah said. "In the whole history of humanity, Alice is the only woman to look her in the eye and tell her to take a hike."  
  
Until me, that is. I smirked, feeling another flush of triumph. Sure, she'd conquered me three times and I'd only beaten her once—and only barely—but you know what they say about winning battles and wars. Now all I had to do was flee town while the victory was still mine.  
  
But jeez, me and Alice are the only women in history who've resisted her. I could believe that. The only reason I'd resisted at all was because Alice had filled my head with lofty notions of soulmates and similar things. Under any other circumstances I'd be thanking my lucky stars nightly for the opportunity of being the redhead's slave.  
  
So I smirked and decided to be gracious. "I almost feel sorry for her," I said.  
  
"Me too," Leah said, then returned my smirk. "Almost. But don't feel bad for Vicky. She'll always have us and Rose. Alice would have us, too, if only she wouldn't be such a romantic twit." She chuckled once, a touch bitterly. "You know, I still can't believe you're letting her rule you like this. Alice doesn't own you, you know. What gives her the right to tell you who you can and can't sleep with?"  
  
My heart glowed; I liked the idea that it was noticeable that Alice owned me. I also liked the idea that maybe Leah was jealous. It was so awesome. If I didn't have a soulmate I'd fuck her right now if she wanted. I might do it anyway if she made an effort at me. After all, Alice had her cheersquad.  
  
"Um, because she's my girlfriend?" I suggested playfully.  
  
Leah waved a hand. "Please," she said. "If she truly loved you she'd let you fuck whoever you wanted."  
  
I smiled, only slightly blushing. "That doesn't even make sense."  
  
Leah was looking out across the field, her face serious. "It does to a vampire," she said. "It's a completely different set of morals. Or lack thereof. You know, I almost feel sorry for her, the way she's fixated on you like this. I mean, it was cute to begin with, but now it's just sad."  
  
I tilted my head, a sudden melancholy settling over me. Victoria had said something similar, the other day when she'd forced her sexy self upon me. I'd passed it off as jealousy, but Leah didn't really sound jealous.  
  
"Why?" I asked. "Why do you all say that? How come no one can be happy for us?"  
  
She glanced at me with a smile that had no happiness in it and looked out across the field again. "Because we all know how it's gonna end," she said. "Alice has been stomping hearts for centuries, Bella. I mean, come on. Do you really think you'll be any different?"  
  
"Yes," I said sternly. "I do."  
  
But she only chuckled, twice without humor. "That's even sadder."  
  
I bristled. I was so sick of people questioning our relationship. "Alice does love me," I said. "And maybe she's not perfect, and maybe she still has feelings for all of you, but I'm number one in her heart. It's me she wants more than anyone."  
  
Tears crept into my voice toward the end, as if I didn't really believe myself, and Leah quickly made her voice soft and put a hand on my back.  
  
"I know, honey," she said soothingly, "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said anything. I was just jealous. Okay?"  
  
The fact that she was trying to make me feel better only made her words seem even more credible. "It's true, though," I persisted. "She really does love me. She's even willing to…"  
  
I trailed off, a hot blush consuming my face as I realized I was about to blurt out our plans to leave. Leah was watching me curiously, waiting for me to go on, and suddenly I realized that there were really no reason I shouldn't tell her. Leah was definitely the cool sister, and she wasn't a gossip, and she wasn't mean.  
  
And suddenly the desire to confirm Alice's feelings out loud, both to her and to myself, was irresistible. Alice's willingness to leave her family was proof that Alice's feelings were real, and I wanted Leah to know exactly how much Alice loved me. There was no practical purpose in telling her, but I needed her to realize that she was wrong and that me and Alice were going to be together forever, and that it truly was different with me and Alice.  
  
So I glance at the field discreetly and back at Leah. "Can I tell you a secret?"  
  
"Sure."  
  
"You have to promise not to tell anyone else."  
  
"Okay."  
  
I had a sudden doubt and I paused, biting my lip. Then I just blurted it out. "Alice and I are leaving Forks," I said. "Together. Just us. After prom—sometime. Sometime after prom."  
  
I modified the plan at the last second, so she wouldn't know the exact details. I didn't think she'd try to stop us, but it was best to take precautions. All she needed to know was that Alice loved me enough to leave.  
  
Leah looked at me for a second, totally expressionless. "She's leaving the coven," she said. It wasn't a question.  
  
"Mmhm," I said proudly, feeling my heart flush. "That's how much she loves me."  
  
I thought I made my point, but Leah only looked at me for another moment. Then she smiled and gave a chuckle.  
  
"Well, congratulations," she said. "I guess she sounds pretty serious, doesn't she?"  
  
They were the correct words, but they didn't make me feel better. They were too casual, too flippant, and they gave me the impression that she was only telling me what I wanted to hear. But it was what I wanted to hear, so I accepted it with a smile and a nod. My foot was tapping again.  
  
"Just promise you won't say anything to the others," I said suddenly. "I don't want Victoria to find out."  
  
She nodded, smiling at me gently. "I promise," she said, "but you have to promise me something in return."  
  
"Promise what?"  
  
"That you'll come visit us someday. Let's say ten years from now. We'll meet up right here in Forks. Maybe you'll both be mellowed out enough by then that we can all be friends. Okay?"  
  
It sounded like a nice promise, so I smiled with a certain relief and nodded. "Okay."  
  
"Promise?"  
  
"Promise," I said, but I've broken dozens of promises, and I had no way of knowing if I meant to keep this one.  
  
The next day was Friday, last day of school before prom. Last day before I live happily ever after with Alice, alone somewhere, just the two of us. All night we were discussing plans and talking about where we wanted to go. Alice wanted to show me Europe, but that was going to need passports and fake IDs. She was also worried about her funds running low, since most of the money belonged to the coven, not to her. It was going to be a little more complicated than I'd thought, but I trusted Alice, and Alice showed no signs of reluctance. She was even excited. I still wasn't sure how she truly felt about leaving her family, the people she'd been loving and fucking and living with for hundreds of years, but the date was getting closer and closer, and her love for me held strong – as did mine for her.  
  
My only regret was Lauren. Weirdly, leaving her felt like an even stronger regret than mom, in some ways. I could feel it pulling at me in class, tugging my head in her direction where I sat pretending to focus on my textbook. We hadn't talked since our fight in math a couple weeks ago when she'd stormed out in tears, and now we'd never have a chance to make up.  
  
But I guess there was no point, anyway. It would've been nice to be friends, but I had Alice, and I could never love anyone more than Alice. Alice was my soulmate, my destiny, my future companion in eternity – Lauren was just a crush. A very strong, very dramatic crush, but still only a crush. Whether I left her now or left her later, it was never going to last much past graduation, if it even went that far. If it even happened at all, which was still doubtful considering she was stuffed so deep in her closet she was practically in Narnia. We were never soulmates. There was hardly any point even thinking about it.  
  
But I did. Lauren was the only human I'd ever loved or been with. She'd been a dream before Alice was a reality, ever since middle school when she'd found out I liked girls and decided this was the height of disgusting and abnormal behavior and I simply must be tormented for it. I'd always liked her even when she was mean to me. My face would blush furiously but not only from embarrassment, from helplessness, too, because I didn't want her to hate me. I wanted her to like me.  
  
I wondered what would've happened if I never met Alice. Since a lot of Lauren's attraction to me was rooted in jealousy, maybe nothing. But maybe it was possible. Maybe we would've went on our date and made love on the beach. She'd freak out and go back to her boyfriend, only this time I'd corner her at school sometime and make her understand that it was okay to like girls, and even better to like me, because I loved her and I knew she loved me back. We'd kiss, maybe. She'd want to keep our relationship secret at first, and of course I'd be very understanding. And then prom would approach and I'd muster up the courage to ask her. I'd be sure to stipulate that we didn't have to go as a couple, just as friends, and she'd be very relieved and very grateful for my understanding, and yet when prom finally came we'd find ourselves dancing together, just as friends of course, but then the song turns slow and even though it would be suspicious to keep dancing we do, slow dancing with our heads resting on each other's shoulders, our hearts thudding, beating as one, and people would stop dancing to stare but we'd ignore them, slow dancing in each other's arms to the gentle chords of a romantic ballad, and finally she'd lift her head at the end of the song, eyes shining with love and courage, and before the whole school place upon my lips a soft and wonderful—  
  
God, I miss Alice. I was tapping my foot under my desk and suddenly I lost interest in staring at Lauren and turned my attention to the clock on the wall. It was gonna be over an hour before I saw her and even longer before I got my tongue in her. Man, school sucks.  
  
I huffed and turned my eyes back to Lauren. She'd glanced over from across the class, but she looked away quickly as soon as our eyes met. My heart panged. Did she still like me? Did she think I was as pretty as I thought she was? Did she—  
  
"Okay, class," Mrs Cullen said, rising from her desk and clapping her hands for attention. "Homework by Friday, no excuses."  
  
I guess class was over. A loud murmur rose as everyone stood up and started talking at once. I gathered up my books and rose, checking the clock again, wondering—  
  
"And Bella," added Mrs Cullen, "would you mind staying behind for a few moments?"  
  
I hesitated. Since the momma-vamp had taken over as English teacher we hadn't really spoken to each other, other than casual greetings. She'd never asked me to stay behind before, and maybe I was being paranoid, but with so many things that could go wrong before prom, I couldn't help feeling anxious.  
  
But she was still a teacher and it was probably just school stuff, so I set my books against my hip and went over. She was standing and arranging some papers on her desk, dressed in a tanned-colored skirtsuit with a magenta magnolia in her lapel. Fresh flower. She had a different one every day and she was unequivocally the sexiest teacher in school. I'd do her. Alice or not, she could discipline me any day.  
  
But that would've been harassment to say out loud so I just stood by patiently as she turned to me with a smile and leaned a hip against the edge of her desk.  
  
"So," she said, pleasantly. "I don't suppose you've finished that assignment that was over due?"  
  
I shook my head.  
  
She sighed as if disappointed. "I didn't think so," she said. "Alice has been keeping you very busy, hasn't she? How is she lately? It seems like I hardly speak to her at all anymore."  
  
I felt a flicker of suspicion. I knew she didn't actually care about homework; she wanted to talk about Alice.  
  
But why?  
  
I didn't know, but I nodded casually. "She's fine," I said. "We're just focusing on each other right now."  
  
She seemed to accept that. Not happy about it, but she nodded as if she understood. Then she smiled. "And how have you been?" she asked.  
  
"Fine," I said, which seemed true aside from the fact that I'd been fearing for my life lately because there was still a redhead out there who had an unhealthy fascination with death and domination and my girlfriend. "Why?"  
  
"I've been worried about you," she said. "I heard about what happened. With Victoria."  
  
I glanced at the clock. How long was this going to take? Alice would be waiting and—  
  
Wait.  
  
What did she say?  
  
I looked at her, my foot ceasing to tap. She knew about what happened with Victoria? She was watching me with a sympathetic expression and I asked: "How did you find out?"  
  
"Victoria told me," she said. "She's been very sullen lately, and I tried to comfort her. She confided in me. It's quite twisted how upset she is that her plan didn't work."  
  
"I thought you didn't like her?"  
  
"Well, I don't," she said. "But sometimes it's hard not to think of her as a daughter. Even though she's so much older than me."  
  
I nodded and fell silent. She knew. But how much did she know and what was she going to do about it? What was she planning?  
  
But apparently her plan was nothing more sinister than laying a comforting hand on my shoulder. I went a little rigid at the touch; it felt odd whenever someone other than Alice touched me. Inappropriate – but exciting, too.  
  
"You poor thing," she said, and I completely agreed, very poor, poor indeed. "I can't imagine how awful it must've been for you. You still haven't told Alice, have you?"  
  
Ah, so she was referring to the rape-like event of last week. Of course I hadn't told Alice. Why would I tell her that I enjoyed being sexually dominated by her former mistress? So I shook my head.  
  
Mrs Cullen released my shoulder and sighed, arranging her beautiful face in a very convincing mask of maternal concern. "I can't imagine what Alice would do if she found out," she said. "She can be very unpredictable."  
  
From her tone she seemed to be assuming that my erratic girlfriend would blame the redhead and exact some kind of formal vengeance. That would be the better conclusion, but more likely I think she would dump me like the slut I am and finally fall over the edge into despair at the ugly reality that soulmates don't exist. Which was why I had to keep it secret, and why we had to get out of here. Victoria was damaging to Alice's dreams. They simply couldn't coexist.  
  
So I frowned and said: "I just want to forget it ever happened."  
  
She nodded, her eyes full of sympathy, but touched with reluctance, too, as if what she was about to say might be upsetting but she had to say it. "I understand," she said, "but sometimes it's not smart to avoid your problems. Alice and Victoria have a lot of history and this isn't just about you. After all, Victoria wasn't only trying to hurt you. She was trying to hurt Alice as well. Don't you think she deserves to know?"  
  
This hurt, mostly because it was true, but also because it was completely unfair. "Alice has been lying to me ever since we first met," I said. "Didn't I deserve to know that her venom was slowly turning me? Didn't I deserve to know that she had this fucked up mistress who was going to cause all these problems? Didn't I deserve to know that vampires are evil?"  
  
Mrs Cullen looked down. The word evil might've been a little harsh—they didn't kill people, after all—but I made my basic point. So I made an effort to calm down and followed up.  
  
"I'm not lying to her," I said. "I'm protecting her. Alice and I are going to be together forever. Victoria isn't important."  
  
I almost slipped up and mentioned that we were leaving Forks, but I caught myself. I still trusted Leah—at least I hoped I could—but if the momma-vamp had a habit of 'comforting' her daughters, it was probably best not to tell her too much.  
  
Mrs Cullen tilted her head and gave me a gentle look. "You truly love her, don't you?"  
  
"Yes," I said, feeling the love I spoke of wash over me in a warm wave.  
  
But rather than be reassured by my confidence, she only looked sad. "You poor thing," she said. "She doesn't deserve you."  
  
Leah had said something similar, so had the doctor guy, and even Victoria had let on that how startling it was that I did truly love her. But I was sick of hearing it and I knew the truth. So I told her. "Alice deserves the best," I said. "I'm just what she's stuck with."  
  
She nodded, but not with approval; resignation. As if she realized that there was nothing she could say that would change my mind and she wasn't even going to try. "It's sad that you actually believe that," she said, "but I understand how you feel. Alice is an amazing woman. She can be quite a charmer when she wants to be. And, of course, she's a devil in bed."  
  
I grinned suddenly, the tension instantly evaporating. "Yeah," I said. "Tell me about it."  
  
"Oh, there's some things I could tell you," she said, returning the grin, "but I think I'll let you find out for yourself."  
  
It was a much needed moment of levity, and in my levity, I let my eyes flicker at her bust. She must've been wearing a very pricy push-up because her breasts were very prominent. Beautiful cleavage. I lifted my eyes back to her face, but she seemed to notice what I'd been looking at. She smiled. I looked away. The room was completely empty other than me and her and it seemed that no other class was on it's way.  
  
"Well, whatever happens," she said, "I truly wish you the best, Miss Swan. You're a special girl. You deserve to be happy."  
  
I was glad she overlooked my indiscretion. "Thanks," I said, and quickly added: "And don't tell Alice, okay? About what Victoria did."  
  
"I won't," she assured me. "I don't make it a habit to interfere in other people's relationships."  
  
I nodded, and as I did two students passed in the corridor outside, their voices flaring as they went by the door then lapsing again. Mrs Cullen and I both looked over at the open door and then we looked at each other. I blushed, as if it was lucky we hadn't been caught talking perfectly innocently, and she smiled. Then she went over and gently closed the door.  
  
My heart flared with uncertainty. Was she closing the door because she only wanted privacy? A quiet moment with a student to talk about relationship problems, an impromptu counseling session? Or was she closing the door because—  
  
She was wearing flesh-toned pantyhose and fuck her legs were hot. Her skirt was cut above the knee and it fit nicely over her round ass. I looked at it as the door clicked softly close and looked away as she came back, smiling and walking with a certain strut in her hips. But when she spoke it was if she hadn't done anything odd at all.  
  
"I remember when we first met," she said, "back when you and Alice first started dating. I urged you to consider boundaries, do you remember?"  
  
I blushed, struggling to be casual.  
  
"In all honesty, I was jealous," she said, a hint of pink in her cheeks. "Of both of you. It had only been a couple weeks, but I missed Alice already. And I have to admit, you fascinated me a great deal. You were so pretty, so accepting. Just the kind of girl I'd like for myself."  
  
I swallowed. She was wearing gold hoops in her ears and light makeup and suddenly I was aware of her scent, a delicate vanilla. I was alone in an empty class room with a sexy vampiric English teacher who just basically said she liked me. So I shrugged awkwardly and focused on the other part of the conversation.  
  
"I wasn't really accepting," I said. "Just stupid."  
  
She smiled as if this was the correct answer and she was proud of me for getting it right. "You have a large heart, Miss Swan," she said. "It's a shame to see it blackened like this, but I'm happy Alice has found someone. I was skeptical in the beginning, but I think maybe she truly does love you. Maybe she wasn't ready with me or the others. Maybe she was just waiting for the right girl."  
  
I felt a surge of hope. It was exactly how I felt. I was the right girl. Alice loved me more than anyone else. I smiled, grateful that she understood.  
  
"In any case," she went on with a smile, "you shouldn't relax just yet. Alice's feelings will require constant attention. My mother taught me when I was little that marriage is just the beginning. You have to work at it for the rest of your life if you want it to succeed. Above all, don't give her any reason to doubt you."  
  
I nodded, accepting this as sage advice. I wish mom was this accepting.  
  
Mrs Cullen smiled and tilted her head, regarding me closely, as if judging me in some way, but kindly, without criticism. "Alice is a damaged girl," she said finally, "but I think…I think you might be exactly the thing to fix her."  
  
Her words made me glow. It was nice that someone was finally supportive of our relationship. She was really nice, Mrs Cullen. And so beautiful. I felt an urge to hug her, and my feet did seem to twitch toward her, but I didn't know how appropriate it would be, so I didn't.  
  
"Thank you, Missus Cullen."  
  
"Oh, call me Esme," she said, casually. "After all, I'll be your mother-in-law soon, won't I? Come here, give me a hug."  
  
I think deep down I knew it was a bad idea, but I couldn't stop myself. I stepped into her vanilla scent and wrapped my arms around her middle. Something washed over me, something warm and confusing. Her arms enclosed around my back and she held me for a moment.  
  
"Thank you, Esme," I said. "You're pretty kind for a vampire."  
  
She chuckled and rubbed my back. "Well, I still have a little humanity left," she said modestly. "I'm very young, after all."  
  
"I wish your whole family was like you."  
  
The hug had stretched for quite a few seconds, but I didn't let go; I held her even more tightly, my head swirling with her vanilla scent.  
  
"Thank you, honey," she said. "You're very sweet."  
  
Then she released me, but only slightly. Just enough so that she could bend and place a kiss on my cheek. My face began tingling, but it was only a comforting kiss, a chaste kiss. She was taller than me in her heels, and she smiled at me for a second before kissing my cheek again. She was holding my face in her hands and my whole face was on fire. Her lip landed on my cheek once more, closer to my mouth. And again, closer. My heart was thudding in my chest and finally I turned my burning face just slightly so that her lips fell full upon mine.  
  
At first she tried to keep the kiss platonic, but it was impossible for either of us. I gave a small and muffled moan, and that seemed to break her. Her tongue slid across my bottom lip and I opened my mouth obediently. My mind was blank and somehow it felt like I was falling. She was so sweet, so nice. It felt natural to let her kiss me. To wrap my arms around her neck and moan as our tongues touched and swirled.  
  
Soon she had me pressed up against the desk and we were moaning together. Urgently. When the kiss broke it was her that broke it. She looked into my eyes, searching for permission, consent, as if I hadn't given it already. I swallowed breathlessly, and said:  
  
"Is this cheating?"  
  
It didn't feel like it. It didn't feel bad or wrong at all, and she appeared to agree. She caressed my face and smiled.  
  
"No, honey," she whispered. "It's comfort."  
  
I think deep down I knew that was a lie and that she was only lying because she was a vampire like all the others, but I didn't care. It felt too wonderful to stop, too natural, too perfect. So I lifted my swollen lips to hers and resumed the kiss.  
  
I kissed at her face until the powdery taste of makeup was in my mouth. I kissed at her throat, her chest. She opened her tan-colored suit-jacket and my lips fell on her breasts before she'd even peeled away her bracups. I lifted her large mounds in my hands and sucked on her nipples. She moaned and pulled my face back into a kiss. I lifted my top, braless, and pressed my naked breasts against hers. Her hands cupped them, stroked them. I was getting wet and I could taste the urgency in her kiss. Finally I hiked up her skirt and she hitched herself up onto the edge of the desk, legs dangling, breasts exposed. I knelt at her entrance and she was playing with her own nipples as I tore a hole in her pantyhose with my teeth to get at her pussy.  
  
Afterwards, I skipped the last class of the day and washed myself off in the bathroom with water and toilet paper. I wiped down my breasts, my pussy, my throat, everything that might've come into contact with her saliva. I stood at the mirror, working quickly in case anyone came in, and as I mopped at my breasts with the wet clot of paper my eyes met mine in the reflection. I paused for a second and looked at myself, reviewing my tits, my mouth, my rampant black hair, and for a second I was quite proud of the fact that I was such a complete fucking whore.  
  
I met Alice in the parking lot. It was windy and she actually sailed into my arms for a hug before she started sniffing. She recognized the scent on my clothes as her mother's, but I told her it was just a hug. She seemed to believe me.  
  
—  
  
Finally it was prom night. Together we went for a shower and together we got dressed in my room and together we put on our makeup and jewelry, our shoes, our smiles.  
  
The encounter yesterday afternoon had given me doubts, but it was too late for doubts. I blamed my budding vampire instincts for what happened, and I still wasn't convinced it was wrong. It truly had been comfort. Esme had reassured me about my relationship, convinced me that I was special, that I was perfect for Alice, that me and Alice were going to together forever – and then she'd let me fuck her, thereby negating every confidence I'd managed to muster.  
  
How could I be Alice's soulmate if I did that?  
  
Am I truly ready for this kind of commitment?  
  
Is true love really better than a family of fuck-buddies?  
  
I didn't know anymore, but it didn't matter. I loved Alice, nothing was going to change that. Our plans were made, our bags were packed, and my goodbye letter to mom was folded neatly on my pillow. By the time she found it I'd be in a hotel room with Alice, languishing in the lust of her fangs as I surrendered my humanity and took my place at her side for all eternity – as her soulmate and one true love.  
  
Nothing could stop us now, aside from the truth. So I lied and I was slightly sad at how little guilt I felt. It was probably another influence of the venom, or my growing vampire traits. I was deceiving the woman I loved, the woman who wanted to be mine of all eternity, and all I could do was hope that she never found out that I'd legitimately cheated on her the day before the biggest night of our lives.  
  
Things with mom had healed enough that she could stand to be in the same room with us and before we left she took our pictures in the living room, arranging us against the wall and telling us to smile. The smile came very easy for Alice. But it was harder for me. This was the last time I was ever going to see mom. Ever since I was twelve she'd been badgering me about getting a boyfriend so I'd finally have a relationship to talk about, and this is what she ended up with, lies, lesbians, sluts. And now I was leaving, abandoning her like an old shoe while our relationship was still shattered, leaving her with the broken memory of a daughter who was irresponsible, immature, and an ungrateful little whore. My heart was breaking as I tried to smile for the picture, my arm around my dark date's waist, but even so, I had no desire to stay. The last vestige of my so-called maturity knew that the longer I stayed, the more pain I'd bring to mom.  
  
And beyond all that, I needed Alice. I had made some mistakes lately, but nothing had changed in my feelings for Alice. I needed her. And by now I'd amassed so many lies between us that our relationship couldn't hope to survive here where the truth lingered. I couldn't let her find out, about any of it. Maybe one day I could explain to her what happened back then and that I'd been weak and young and stupid, but for now it had to be a secret.  
  
So I smiled for the picture, clad in my long white gown like a bride. There was no lace and voluminous skirts, but the symbolism of the color was similar, and as false.  
  
Mom took the picture and Alice rushed over to see. Mom tilted the camera for her and even smiled at her excitement. Some times they did get along, and tonight they were united in the belief that junior prom was the most important night in a young woman's life. Mom's belief was innocent; Alice's slightly more sinister.  
  
But god, she looked amazing in that dress. Shimmering black, clinging to her ripe little body. Her heels were incredibly tall for a girl so small and her legs were so long and white and shapely.  
  
"Bella, come look at the picture," Alice said. "You look so beautiful!"  
  
I blushed and gestured feebly with my hand. "Nah, it's alright."  
  
Alice giggled and turned to mom. "She's so shy, isn't she? Make sure you get me a copy of the picture so I can use it as a wallpaper, kay?"  
  
Mom actually smiled at her for a second, still gazing at the picture. "Sure thing, sweetie," she said, then lowered the camera. "Now, when do you girls think you'll be home?"  
  
It hurt that mom called her sweetie. I don't know why. It hurt even more that Alice was so talented at lying and acting normal. But what hurt most of all was that we wouldn't be home. Not ever.  
  
"Actually, I'm not sure," Alice said. "I guess it depends how much fun we have. Knowing Bella we'll probably be home in an hour or two. The last time we went dancing I had to practically force her out onto the floor at knifepoint."  
  
They chuckled at this. I gave a queasy smile.  
  
"Well, you girl's have fun," mom said, and suddenly I knew it was now or never.  
  
I jerked a step forward, wringing my hands. Alice gave me a sad look.  
  
"Mom," I said.  
  
She was looking at the picture again. "Yes, sweetie?"  
  
Suddenly I surged forward and wrapped her into a hug. It took her by surprise, but she hugged me back, patting the back of my dress with one hand, the other holding the camera out.  
  
"See you, mom," I said, unable to say the word goodbye. It took all my strength not to cry. "I love you."  
  
She sensed something odd and tried to look into my face. "I love you too, sweetie," she said. "But why, what's the matter?"  
  
"Nothing," I said, sniffing quietly. "We'll be home soon, okay?"  
  
"Well, I'll be waiting up for you, so try not to be too late."  
  
"We won't," I said, and then I suddenly hugged her again. "Love you, mom."  
  
She chuckled awkwardly and patted my back. "Love you too, sweetie."  
  
I blinked back tears and my throat felt completely closed over. Desperate for one last way to let her know I love her, I went to kiss her cheek. But it was awkward timing and my lips landed on the corner of her mouth. My heart gave a huge jolt and I turned away quickly, tears finally streaming down my face.  
  
And that was the last time I was ever going to see her. Alice opened the front door and led me out. I didn't look back. We emerged into the windy sunset, hand in hand, and went down the garden path to where her car sat on the curb, passing among the rows of dead flower bushes that sat rotting under the sunless sky no matter how hard mom tried to take care of them. We were going to prom, and if I could make it through the night, I was going to live happily ever after with Alice. So I got in the car and folded my hands in the lap of my snowy white dress.  
  
It was either going to be the greatest night of my life or the worst.  
  
And I truly didn't know.  
  
—  
  



	22. Chapter 22

—  
  
Chapter 22:  
  
—  
  
By the time we got to prom my mood had improved considerably. It had been difficult to say goodbye to mom, but the heartbreak dulled with distance, and soon the majority of my emotional activity was focused on how sexy my date was. I kept glancing at her as we drove, my eyes darting at her body as if they couldn't help themselves, flickering in excitement over the shiny satin of her tiny black dress, her bare legs. A couple times she'd catch me and smile. We'd been driving in silence, presumably so I could have some time to get over the tragic rupture from my loving mother, but by the time we pulled up in the school parking lot, I only had one thing to say:  
  
"You look so fucking hot in that dress."  
  
Alice accepted the compliment with a certain smugness, pushing the gearshift into park and turning to me with her ruby lips in a cocky smirk. "I know," she said, and then she threw a leg over the headrest of her chair and collapsed back against the car door with her legs open. "Go down on me."  
  
She didn't need to tell me twice. I unclicked the seatbelt and leaned eagerly between her thighs, placing kisses everywhere over her warm and soft flesh. Her dress was so short it hardly had to be hiked and her underwear was black lace, my favorite. She was far from wet, but very receptive, and I soon had her honey flowing, panties peeled aside as I lovingly licked her out. We moaned together, her with satisfaction, me with hunger, and I was bringing her closer and closer and—  
  
Someone tapped on the window.  
  
I jumped up in shock, still human enough to be utterly mortified. I'd forgotten we were in public parking lot—at school, no less—but luckily for my modesty it was only Jane.  
  
She smiled and waved though the glass, as if her sister wasn't sprawled there with her legs open and pussy completely exposed. I was slightly dazed, leaning over the gearshift with Alice's pussy juice on my lips, but Alice only giggled and waved back, not bothering to close her legs.  
  
Jane tapped again and spoke to me. "It's okay, finish her up," she said, loudly through the glass. "We'll wait out here."  
  
Then she turned away and started giggling with Leah.  
  
The mood seemed slightly spoiled, but Alice only turned back to me expectantly. Her pussy was still wet, still waiting, and after rationalizing that even human couples get caught from time to time, I lowered my mouth and resumed my loving attentions to my girlfriend's horny vagina.  
  
Jane and Leah were leaning against the trunk when we finally got out the car. It was still daylight and still windy. Jane wore a flowing lilac cocktail dress that riffled against her body and her platinum hair stirred in the breeze like cornsilk. Leah's hair was as dark and wild as it always was and surprisingly she didn't wear a dress; she wore a black miniskirt, black boots, and a black tanktop, similar to what she always wore but in a more stylish form. Her boots had a tall heel and zippers up the side, and her skirt had a intricate chain belt, and on her wrists she wore leather bracelets with studs on them. She looked at my dress oddly, and suddenly I did feel a little self-conscious in such glaring white, but she was polite enough not to mention anything.  
  
Alice was straightening up the hem of her dress as we got out and Jane giggled at her. "You lovebirds at it already, huh? Ah, nothing like new love. You gonna let Alice dance with us, Bella?"  
  
I was holding Alice's hand and she looked at me, as if it really was my decision. I would've preferred to keep her to myself until we were safe and gone from Forks, but it was clear she expected to dance with her sisters, so I nodded, smiling, hiding my reluctance.  
  
"Cool," Jane grinned. "How about a motel room when we're all done dancing?"  
  
But at this Alice drew the line. She threaded her arm around mine and smirked possessively. "Not this time," she said. "Tonight is all about my Bella, isn't it Bella?"  
  
"Man, you've changed since you started dating," Jane whined, and then turned her pout on me. "You're a bad influence on her, Bella. She never used to be like this until she met you."  
  
Technically, I was a good influence on her. Our relationship would never win the award for healthiest couple of the year, but at the very least it was improvement on her former life of mass-fucking her whole family. But I didn't want to get into a debate on morality with a vampire, so I just shrugged, Alice still clinging to my arm.  
  
"Sorry," I said.  
  
We were moving toward the gym by now and Jane snorted. "Sorry won't get my pussy licked," she countered.  
  
"Sorry," I repeated, but it didn't sound any more earnest than last time.  
  
Alice giggled and nodded at Jane and Leah's hands; they were clasped.  
  
"You guys are holding hands?" she inquired.  
  
Jane smile and swung their clasped hands like a pendulum. "Why not?" she said. "We're not gonna be in town much longer. Might as well go out with a bang."  
  
The parking lot was half-full of cars and a couple trucks. Students stood in groups or pairs, posing with digital cameras, the girls in colorful dresses, the boys in tuxedoes, arms around waists, hair flickering in the wind. Standing around on the asphalt in their heeled shoes, talking, laughing, and as we passed most of them turned to look, nudging their friends and pointing, smirking, making comments. Two pairs of girls going by in sexy dresses, holding hands. We ignored them and continued on.  
  
"So what's the white dress?" Leah asked, nodding at my dress. "You getting married?"  
  
Actually, in a way I really was getting married. There'd be no ceremony and no witnesses, but tonight Alice and I would truly be joined. But I couldn't explain all that so I just smiled and shrugged. "I thought it was cute," I said.  
  
"I think it's sexy," Jane said, and smacked my ass.  
  
I jumped, rolled my ankle, and spilled onto the ground. Jane burst out laughing. Across the parking lot more laughter drifted over. Leah shook her head with a smirk and even Alice giggled as she help me up.  
  
"Poor baby," she cooed. "Are you okay?"  
  
"Yeah, I'm fine," I said, blushing. I tilted my leg to check my dress and I was irrationally sad at the large smudge of dirt across the pristine white fabric. I never expected the night to be perfect, but this was particularly poor start. How could I possibly face certain threat from a nasty redhead in a dirty dress? My ankle hurt, too.  
  
"Here, let me get that," Jane said, and started patting my leg.  
  
But Alice swiped her hand away. "Don't touch," she said, leaping at the chance to assert her possessiveness. But she was smiling and she seemed mostly playful. "Or I'll rip your hand off and slap you with it."  
  
Jane lost interest in me and advanced on Alice with a grin. "Oh yeah?" she grinned. "What if I touch you?"  
  
Alice was on guard, grinning, and suddenly Jane feinted left, sidled right and landed a very loud spank on Alice's ass. Alice yelped and pointed a threatening finger at her blonde sister.  
  
"Stop it," she said. "Or else."  
  
"Or else what?" Jane grinned, and spanked her again.  
  
Alice squealed and retaliated with a smack of her own. Then they started running around the parking lot, scrabbling in their heels and shrieking with giggles as they slapped at each other's asses. Couples who'd been making their way to the gym stopped to stare.  
  
I watched them for a second with a touch of guilt in my heart. They fought a lot, Alice and Jane, but mostly it was just play-bickering. They really did love each other, as much as vampires were able. I hated to come between them, but deep in my heart I knew that Alice wanted me above all, and leaving was our only chance to have the kind of relationship we wanted. Just us.  
  
No redhead.  
  
Leah stood by with her arms folded, patiently waiting. I glanced at her and started swiping at the dirty leg of my dress. Luckily it was only dry dust and it was going away. Leah turned her eyes to me and smiled. I blushed and asked:  
  
"Is Victoria and Rosalie here?"  
  
My heart sank as she nodded. Suddenly the whole night seemed hopeless, but there was nothing I could do except hope the redhead would have too much fun dancing to bother ruining my life.  
  
I turned to look at Alice, as if worried even now the redhead might be closing in on her, but it seemed I had a new threat. Jane had her cornered against the back of a truck and she had her hands at Alice's waist, pinning her in place. Alice was batting at her playfully, but she didn't seem particularly eager to escape her sister's grip. Jane said something that drew Alice's eyes and then, as I watched, Jane leaned and pressed her lips against Alice's.  
  
A very strange feeling passed over me. A chill. Alice didn't return the kiss and she pushed Jane away fairly instantly, but the repression between them was obvious. And it wasn't only Jane. Alice wiped her mouth with her hand, but she seemed awkward and unsure. Then she looked up, saw me, and begged with her eyes for me not to be mad. I smiled and shook my head, as if to say don't worry about it. She smiled gratefully and snapped something at Jane. Jane shrugged and laughed.  
  
Leah heaved a sigh. People had seen the kiss, but Jane didn't bother being discrete as she threaded her arm around Alice's like a lover and led her back to me and Leah.  
  
"Come on," Leah said. She had her purse on her arm and she was already reaching for the digital camera inside. "Let's take some pictures."  
  
—  
  
The bad feeling persisted as we entered the gym to get out the wind and passed the camera around so that we could all take pictures of each other. The vestibule was full of groups who had the same idea, but we found a small space of brickwall and arranged ourselves in various couplings. Jane insisted on having her picture taken first, and despite the display outside, I saw little evil in her request, even when she wrapped her arm around my girlfriend's waist in a way that wasn't quite sisterly.  
  
Alice then had her picture taken with Leah and then Leah and Jane together. Finally they got around to me, but I was very self-conscious. I declined having my picture taken a number of times, but eventually Jane pulled me into the frame and clamped me in place with an arm around my waist before appropriating the camera herself and ordering Alice and Leah beside me, one at a time, then both. Finally she handed the camera to a girl she knew who was passing with her boyfriend and we had a picture taken of all four of us. Alice and Jane managed their smiles as easily as always, and even Leah presented a cool curve of her lips readily enough, but it was harder for me. I'd cheated on my girlfriend yesterday and I was never going to see my mom again. Considering how close I was to living happily ever after, it was strange how it didn't seem like I had a great deal to smile about. But then Alice's hand gave me a little squeeze around my waist and she turned her dazzling smile to me for just a second. My own smile flickered on like a lightswitch and we both turned to the camera.  
  
It was dark outside by the time we'd actually gotten our tickets. There'd been a delay while one of the teachers warned me and Alice that inappropriate behavior would not be tolerated. Somehow I didn't think any of the straight couples got the same warning, but in all fairness, I suppose me and Alice did have a mild reputation.  
  
Victoria and Rosalie were already there. Me and Alice had walked in, arm in arm, and we paused to survey the room. The lights were dim with multi-colored lights and the dancefloor was already sprinkled with couples. Balloons and crepe paper festooned the raw cinderblock walls, and folding tables were set up across one side of the gym along with folding chairs and a punch bowl where a weary couple could rest and take refreshments. All in all, it seemed about as glamorous as square-dancing in a barn somewhere, but Alice seemed to be clutching my arm in genuine excitement.  
  
I wasn't excited. Because my eyes weren't admiring the nice but frugal efforts of the decorating committee; they were fixed on a certain couple who stood by themselves in a darkened corner, calmly sipping punch and casting their eyes across the dancefloor under the lamps. As if they were looking for someone. Or waiting for someone. Victoria, like Alice, seemed pleased to be here for whatever obscure reason that rendered proms appealing to vampires, and when her eyes finally tripped over mine, she smiled with her scarlet lips, tilted her head just slightly, and sipped her punch, keeping her gorgeous eyes fixed firmly on mine over the rim of her paper cup.  
  
Well. It probably wasn't the worst thing she was going to do to me—looking at me like that—but for the moment it seemed bad enough. I looked away, my heart in my throat. I'd known how sexy they were, of course, yet somehow it took me by surprise, and it was a moment or two I remembered how afraid I should be. Alice hadn't seen them, and when she looked at me to see how excited I was to be at prom, I forced a smile and gave an enthusiastic nod.  
  
Jane immediately began badgering Alice for a dance, but Alice insisted the first dance had to be mine, and I was obliged to sail directly onto the floor where I attempted to dance in my heels. Thankfully, she didn't require anything complicated than an awkward shuffle and she seemed content to simply move rhythmically beside me while music played. Leah had flatly refused to dance at all so naturally she was out on the floor too, dancing with Jane. They didn't look much like sisters, the way they grinded on each other. That faux-lesbian stuff might've been perfectly normal in other places, but in a dreary town like Forks, it called for a glance or two.  
  
We danced, and as we danced, my eyes kept swinging to the redhead's, but so far she hadn't leapt at me and ripped out my larynx. Whatever she was planning—if anything—it seemed that for now at least she was content to watch. She hadn't taken her gaze from me or Alice, and her look was cold, calculating – and yet strangely playful, as if there were hard work to be done but if the right method could be found it may be fun. I tried to avoid looking at her as much as possible, but I was like a moth to the blazing flames of her hair, and every time I glanced my heart sank a little more.  
  
Alice had noticed them, too, but other than a disapproving glance, she paid them no mind. She was in full girl-mode, and as we danced she talked fondly of why she liked prom and why she enjoyed going to school sometimes. Forks had been a little disappointing, but she'd met plenty of nice people, and above all – she'd met me. I tried to think of something romantic to say back, but I came up blank. All I wanted to do was get the hell out of here, but that probably wasn't the most tender rejoinder to your girlfriend's heartfelt platitudes for prom. So I just smiled and kissed her.  
  
Pretty soon Jane came sniffing around for her dance and I was forced to relinquish my Alice. I thought I'd been okay with it, but I felt a sudden stab of loneliness as soon as our hands disconnected. But rather than be a possessive bitch, I allowed my girlfriend a dance with her sister and smiled my blessing. Alice was reluctant to part from me as well, but it was clear she was pleased to dance with Jane. They immediately sashayed into a flamboyant waltz and soon Alice was smiling and giggling and chatting away. Again I felt a wriggle of guilt at asking Alice to leave them, but I squashed it mercilessly; this was what Alice wanted, too.  
  
Leah led me off the floor, thankfully not even offering to dance. She noticed my nervousness and noticed the source, too. Glancing at the redhead, she asked me if I was okay, and when talking didn't calm me she produced a more practical cure; vodka. She had a bottle in her purse. I refused, since my last experience hadn't been exactly a raging success, and Leah was kind enough not to pressure. She poured her own punch cup half full and slipped bottle away, leaving me to drink the punch itself. Supposedly it was fruit punch, but it tasted more like chemicals than anything else.  
  
Leah and I chatted for a while and soon one of the more braver boys in attendance came over and requested a dance of the wolfish woman in a miniskirt beside me. He was tall, muscular, and had boyish good looks that would've caused fits of desperation in any young girl's heart. He looked like an ape to me. Leah, however, seemed vaguely impressed—perhaps by his courage in approaching her to begin with—and after a moment's appraisal she did him the honor of allowing a dance. She turned to hand me her cup and while her back was turned the boy practically melted in relief at not being rejected. Leah winked as if she knew, and then she took his arm and let him lead her onto the floor.  
  
Meanwhile Jane was done with Alice and came scurrying over to claim me for the next dance. She was tugging me by the arm, completely ignoring my desperate refusals. Finally I gave up and gulped the rest of my punch—but it was Leah's cup, and the vodka burned all the way down my throat. Jane burst out giggling as I coughed and hacked for a moment, but the warmth that spread through my body was really relaxing, and I finished off the rest of the cup as soon as I regained myself.  
  
With a drink or two in me, I was much looser, and I found myself dancing with Jane, then Alice, then Jane again. Then they both ganged up and forced Leah and I to dance together. I managed to sneak another drink, first.  
  
And all this time I could feel Victoria's eyes burning into my body. I didn't know if I should be comforted in the fact that she'd rather stare at me than my girlfriend or even more afraid. She and that blonde hadn't danced yet, but they circled the floor like sexy sharks, watching me, pausing from time to time to chat with girls they knew, even posing for pictures. The redhead seemed to be quite popular, considering what a vile whore she was. She was wearing a beautiful maroon evening dress that the other girls visibly gushed over. It was long, elegant, absurdly expensive-looking. The blonde trailed at her side, not as sociable, but far from shunned. She wore white, like me, but her's was shiny white with a band of sequins at the hem. They were easily the most amazing girls in the building, although Alice was by far the most fuckable – her dress simply seemed to beg for it.  
  
The dancing continued. Leah and I made requests to the DJ – it would've been heartless not too after Jane and Alice hinted so hard at certain songs they'd like to dance to. Leah snuck me a little more alcohol. Alice and I gave each other head in the girl's bathroom. When we exited the stall the girls who'd been retouching their makeup at the mirror knew what we did. They looked at us with disgust and called us skanks, but we only giggled and ducked back into the prom. They were probably just jealous.  
  
Alice had lots of friends and she took me around as she admired their dresses and took pictures of them with Jane's camera. I had the impression she was subtly saying goodbye. She took more pictures of me, more pictures of Jane and Leah. She glanced almost longingly at Victoria and Rosalie with the camera in her hands, but she didn't mention it.  
  
Mrs Cullen was one of the teachers on duty and I'd been trying to avoid her, but Alice took me over and made me take their picture together. This was the woman I'd cheated with yesterday and now I was taking her picture with my girlfriend. To make the situation even more weird was the look she was giving me. It seemed sad somehow, regret maybe, but I had my doubts if vampires were even capable of such things, so I took the picture and tried to ignore how beautiful the older woman looked in her blue dress with her caramel-colored hair done up in a bouffant with adorable little sausage curls framing her face.  
  
The song turned slow and we danced again only to have Jane cut in and send me away with a giggle and a wave of her hand. It was always difficult to relinquish Alice, but I consoled myself by remembering that I'd have an eternity to dance with my darling and that I hated dancing anyway.  
  
So I backed away, smiling anxiously as they settled in each other's arms to sway and move to the music in a way that didn't seem appropriate for sisters, even foster ones. Several teachers looked on with their brows knitted in formal expressions of indecision, but none seemed sure if this semi-incestuous slow-dance quite called for intervention. I hoped Jane would refrain from cupping Alice's ass.  
  
Meanwhile, I scanned the hall for something to do with myself. The blonde and redhead were still watching, but by now my fear had dimmed away to a dull terror in the pit of my stomach. It was getting late and soon I'd be able to convince Alice to leave early. As unlikely as it seemed, I was beginning to believe that they might actually leave me alone.  
  
In any case, I couldn't exactly go over and strike up a casual conversation with the nemesis of my very existence, so I scanned the gym again for Leah. But she, too, was unapproachable. She was playing hostess to a group of boys who huddled around her like penguins in their tuxedoes as she poured a bit of vodka into each of their cups, their girlfriend's looking on in consternation from across the gym where they'd been left. I had no idea why she felt so compelled to bless boys with the honor of her presence, but I suppose we all have our eccentricities.  
  
It wasn't the kind of fun I could share, however, so I let my eyes roam some more and finally I noticed Angela. She was by herself near the punch bowl, quietly sipping from a paper cup, bobbing in place to the music as she watched the dancing. I hadn't spoken to her in a while and she'd turned out to be one of my few friends in Forks, so I went over, confident at least she wouldn't toss her drink in my face and call me a dyke. Her dress was also white, but hers had blue dots on the skirt, and frankly, it didn't really look expensive. The fabric was dull—almost like cotton—but it seemed to suit her image, and it would've been mean to mentally snicker at how much hotter I was. So I fixed my face in a friendly smile that suggested I was accepting of all people no matter how shabby their dress was and said:  
  
"Hey."  
  
She smiled to see me, which I thought was nice. Really a nice girl, Angela. "Hi," she said, still bobbing, holding her cup in both hands. She nodded at my neck. "Wow, cute collar," she said. "Is that one new?"  
  
I touched my throat, feeling the lace under my fingertips. Alice and I had special ordered it with the dress; white to match. It was just a thin strip of lace that wrapped snug around my neck. It was see-through, almost, and you could see the bite marks it covered if you looked close enough. It was actually a piece of bridal lingerie. I was well aware of how sexy it looked against my pale neck, so I nodded, almost proudly.  
  
"Mmhm," I said. "Alice bought it for me. To go with the dress."  
  
"Cool," she said. "How come you like those things so much? You're always wearing one, even at school."  
  
I shrugged coyly, still fingering the collar. "Because," I said, and because I was kind of drunk, I added: "It symbolizes Alice's ownership of me."  
  
As soon as the words were out, I felt a surge of liberation ripple through me. Of course, being owned is the exact opposite of liberation, but it felt awesome to it say out loud.  
  
Angela was taken aback. It wasn't what she was expecting, and to play it safe, she chuckled awkwardly. "That's cute," she said. "I wish I owned my boyfriend."  
  
But the rush I got from saying it out loud wouldn't let her pass it off as a joke, and I quickly went on to correct her. "No, seriously," I said, feeling excitement bubble in my stomach. "She owns me. Like, literally. I do everything she says, whenever she wants it. Like a pet. I'm, like, a total slave for her."  
  
Angela tried to smile it away, but she faltered at the last second. We were silent for a second, the music softly serenading in the back ground. Angela's face seemed to go a little pale, but she managed a smile at last.  
  
"Oh," she said, and lacking anything playful to add, she said: "That's pretty fucked up."  
  
I wasn't sure if that was suppose to be judgmental, but it didn't feel like it. I nodded, smiling pleasantly. "It's a fucked up relationship," I confirmed.  
  
She chuckled once, almost impressed but remaining disgusted for form's sake. "No shit," she said.  
  
I poured myself a cup of punch and sipped it. Alice and Jane were still swaying in each other's arms in the dark of the dancefloor, and seeing them so intimate reminded me of something that made me grin. I leaned to Angela and said: "We've done group sex."  
  
The thrill that passed through me made me grin even brighter. Angela startled, as if she'd felt the thrill too.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Me and Alice," I said, tossing my chin at the dancefloor. "We've done group sex."  
  
She didn't know if I was joking, but my smile must've seemed a little radiant for a lie, so she chuckled awkwardly. "Seriously?"  
  
"Yep," I said.  
  
Another awkward chuckle, this one a little looser. "Oh my god," she said. "What kind of freak is she?"  
  
"And that's not all, either," I went on. "We've done all kinds of things. Bondage, BDSM, sex toys, things in public. Everything. Wanna see something?"  
  
Angela quickly shook her head, as if afraid I was going to show her my boobs or something. She held up a hand defensively and said: "I don't…"  
  
But all I did was brush my hair away from my neck and peel aside my collar slightly to show the bite marks. It was dark in the gym, but she noticed the purple pinpricks right away.  
  
"That's where Alice bit me," I said. "There was blood and everything. She bites me all the time. Not just on the neck, everywhere."  
  
"Jeez," she said shakily. She'd bent to examine the marks more closely and now she straightened up. "What is she, a vampire?"  
  
I fixed the collar and smirked. The alcohol had made my head a little dizzy, but it wasn't just the alcohol. It was my love for Alice that truly intoxicated me, the love and the pride I took in that love. I'd been somewhat ashamed of myself when we first started dating and doing stuff, but it was different now. Because now I realized that there was nothing ugly about how I felt about Alice, nothing disgusting, nothing depraved. It was love, plain and simple.  
  
That didn't explain how I'd been able to cheat on her, of course, but that didn't seem important right then.  
  
But suddenly I realized I was being very self-centered, talking about myself so much, so I decided to redirect the topic. "What about you and your boyfriend?" I asked politely. "Have you done it yet?"  
  
The mention of her boyfriend piqued her interest. She went all coy and she shook her head, still holding her cup in both hands. "Not yet," she said. "Actually, he got us a motel room for tonight. But I'm not really sure."  
  
I sipped my punch. "How come?"  
  
"I don't know," she said, with a shrug. "They say it's supposed to be special. I'm just not sure if I'm ready."  
  
I nodded as if I understood, but frankly, the concept of not being ready was as foreign to me as international tax laws – I'd been prepared to fuck the first reasonably attractive thing that showed interest in me since puberty. But I suppose it's different for straight girls. Having sex with a boy must require more courage. After all, they're so ugly.  
  
Angela shifted on the spot, watching the dancers. There seemed to be something on her mind, and after a moment she turned to me. "What about you?" she asked. "Do you regret doing it early?"  
  
I laughed. Not the most elegant response to a question she seemed to take so seriously, but I couldn't help it. The notion of regretting anything with Alice was absurd. "No," I said, my giggles tapering off. "Of course not."  
  
She seemed mildly ruffled and turned away primly. "Well," she said. "We're not all total sluts like you."  
  
I smirked; we're not all dating losers, either, but it didn't seem nice to mention it. I sipped my punch. The dance had finished, but another slow song started, and Jane captured Alice's hand as she tried to walk away. Alice gave me an apologetic smile and twirled back into Jane's arms.  
  
"What was it like with a strap-on?" Angela blurted suddenly. "Have you done it? I mean, did it hurt?"  
  
She was blushing and pretending she was just asking out of curiosity. I smiled and shrugged. "Kind of," I said. "But a strap-on is probably way bigger than anything your boyfriend's got, so I wouldn't worry about it."  
  
She actually smirked at that, and then shook her head quickly, as if to shake the smirk away. It didn't work, but as her eyes swung to the side they landed on Leah – who was approaching out of the gloom, smiling, sauntering over in a swing of hips. Angela's smile dropped away instantly, and she turned aside, blushing even worse. You could almost hear her mentally praying that Leah wasn't coming over, but she was, and when she arrived she smirked at Angela's shyness.  
  
"Hey there," she said. "Angela, right?"  
  
Angela nodded, struggling mightily with an attempt at casualness. Obviously she remembered Leah from our shopping trip to her store, when we'd made out briefly in front of her. The event seemed to have made an impact on her. I'd been suspicious of a girlcrush before, but this confirmed it. It reminded me of how I used to behave around Alice when I first met her and I couldn't help sharing a smile with Leah. She'd probably been coming over to see me, but confronted with Angela's obvious awkwardness, she switched targets.  
  
"I remember you," she said. "From that little store."  
  
Angela nodded again. She seemed to be afraid to speak. Leah smirked and looked about briefly.  
  
"So," she said, "where's your little boyfriend tonight?"  
  
Angela couldn't avoid a direct question, so she pointed vaguely in some direction, and said: "He's, um, with his friends."  
  
"Left you alone, huh?"  
  
I bit my lip to keep from smirking. Poor Angela. She shrugged, still feigning casualness. Leah took the punch cup out of my hands, sipped, and passed it back. Angela followed the cup with her eyes, but Leah hadn't taken her eyes off Angela.  
  
"Wanna go for a walk?" she asked.  
  
Angela had trouble understanding the question. "Where?"  
  
Leah smirked and tossed her chin in the general direction of where they could be alone. "Outside," she said. "Get some air. You look a little hot."  
  
Angela gulped, but managed to wave a hand casually. "Nah, I'll just wait here."  
  
But Leah wasn't taking no for an answer. "Come on," she said, and actually wrapped her arm around Angela's shoulders. "You coming, Bella?"  
  
I smiled and shook my head. It seemed obvious that she only invited me to set Angela at ease, but it didn't seem to work. Angela threw a panicked look over her shoulder, but she allowed Leah to lead her away. You could almost see her bare shoulders tingling under Leah's arm.  
  
And then I was alone again. Alice and Jane were still dancing, and since I'd already exhausted my entire roster of friends with Angela, I simply stood by the punchbowl and watched my girlfriend drape herself all over her sister. It wasn't long before jealousy began to brood in my chest. They weren't dry-humping each other, but they looked like they wanted too.  
  
I could understand why Jane wanted to dance with Alice. Alice looked so sexy in her tiny black dress that I'm sure even the straightest girls in attendance had caught themselves glancing at her in confusion. But why was Alice so happy to dance with Jane? Was it simply a farewell gesture? Or did all this mean she was having second thoughts about leaving?  
  
Jealousy mingled with insecurity and doubt until I was glaring sullenly at the back of Jane's blonde head with almost real hatred. But before I could run out onto the floor and chase her away from my girl with a crucifix, someone appeared beside me at the punch bowl and poured themselves a cup.  
  
I'd been so distracted that I didn't even notice until I heard the punch splash in the cup. The punch was terrible, so it was a low-traffic area. I glanced once, just to make sure it wasn't the redhead in preparation of yet another hostile seduction. But it wasn't the redhead, it was just some blonde. But a really cute blonde, so I glanced again, and—  
  
Lauren.  
  
It was Lauren.  
  
She was so beautiful that I hadn't even recognized her. Her platinum hair was elaborately styled into something that belonged on the cover of a magazine. I'd never seen her with her hair up, and she looked almost like a different person. Her makeup was perfect, and she wore elegant-looking earrings that looked like diamonds but were probably fake. Her dress was rose-pink and it was lowcut with sleeves off the shoulder. She must've been wearing padding, because I'd seen her breasts, and they weren't that pronounced. But the overall image was amazing and she looked like she'd spent hours getting ready, as if she wanted to be absolutely perfect.  
  
But why? She had no boyfriend, not anymore. I'd heard that she wasn't even going to be at prom. And yet here she was, the prettiest mortal in the building. And late, too. I hadn't seen her all night, so she only must've just arrived. But why would she be so late? Because maybe she was shy in her pretty dress?  
  
Or because she was shy to see me?  
  
I didn't know where that thought came from. It was vain, self-centered, completely ridiculous that a girl as confident and brash as Lauren could possibly be concerned with—  
  
But it made sense, didn't it? I was the person she liked. Or even loved, maybe. She could deny it as much as she wanted, but we both knew the truth. So if she'd put extra-effort into her appearance…could it possibly be aimed at me?  
  
I didn't know, but the thought made my heart flare, and for a second I simply stared at her. She was standing at the punch bowl, calmly sipping from her cup, pretending to not even notice me. Her aquiline profile was in its usual sullen mask and she seemed more interested in examining the contents of her cup than paying attention to the secret crush at her side who had just double-taked at her and proceeded to stare.  
  
Maybe she was only thirsty. But it also seemed like a subtle bid for attention, and maybe it was the alcohol that made me confident, or maybe I just wasn't such a loser anymore, but either way it was me that spoke first.  
  
"Wow," I said, feeling my mouth curve into a smile. "You look amazing."  
  
Now she decided to notice me. The compliment must've been close to exactly what she wanted to hear, but from the grumpy frown she gave me you would've thought I'd totally missed the point and she'd been aiming at ugly. "Thanks," she muttered.  
  
This would've been point where anyone else would've walked away, away to their real friends, the ones they could talk to without massive amounts of tension between them. But she stay put, right at the punch bowl, as if she liked it so much she was planning to refill her cup as soon as it was gone.  
  
I glanced at the dancefloor. Alice's back was to me and my heart panged as I checked out her legs. But then I turned back to Lauren and the pang smoothed out into something more subtle. I just couldn't get over how beautiful she was, with her perfect hair and slender neck. I let my eyes roam over her dress and I smiled at her feet – she was wearing pink little shoes with diamante butterflies on the toes. But what fascinated me most was her face. Her skin was so much more colorful than a vampire's, so vibrant and soft-looking. Her complexion was perfectly peach-colored and I found myself staring, staring at this girl who'd been my crush since forever, gently dazed with a romantic ballad in the background, feeling my heart stir as—  
  
"Jeez," she muttered, glaring at me uncomfortably. "Would you stop fucking staring?"  
  
I looked away quickly. I was pretty sure that the purpose behind her dress was to make me look, but obviously I wasn't suppose to know that. So I apologized. "Sorry," I said, and in an attempt to explain, I added: "You look beautiful in pink."  
  
She snorted, turning away to look at the dancefloor. She didn't reply.  
  
"No, really," I said. "Pink's always looked great on you."  
  
"I fucking hate it," she muttered.  
  
I smiled conversationally, even though she wasn't looking at me. "So why do you wear it?"  
  
She snorted, still not looking at me. "My fucking mom," she said. "She keeps making my wear pink shit and she made me take fucking ballet lessons and join that fucking cheersquad and she keeps going on and on about getting back together with my fucking boyfriend. Fucking bitch tries to control my life. I'm fucking sick of it."  
  
Well. She wasn't sick of the word 'fuck,' at any rate. But perhaps this was further root of her denial. If her mom wanted a ballerina with a boyfriend for a daughter, it was probably safe to assume that she preferred her straight, too.  
  
By now the song had finished and there was a brief round of applause. The song had been so romantic that some of the girls had to wipe their eyes. Either that or their boyfriends were painful on their retinas. Alice had noticed me with Lauren and she was already on her way over, Jane beside her. She was smiling, but her eyes were alert, looking for anything suspicious between me and the girl who liked me.  
  
"Hi, Lauren," she said pleasantly, as if we were all best friends. "Wow, pretty dress. Want me to take a picture of you and Bella?"  
  
It was a noble gesture—extremely noble—but it was wasted on Lauren. She looked Alice in the eye, even leaning forward slightly, and said: "Fuck you."  
  
She said it in very clear and distinct syllables, so that there could be no doubt that Lauren just frankly hated Alice. It was moments like these that made me wonder if Lauren was really gay. How could anyone attracted to the female form be insensible to Alice's sheer hotness? Maybe ordinary lesbians really aren't rabid over every cute girl they see.  
  
Alice's smile faltered, but she didn't retaliate. In the end, it was Jane who intervened – on Lauren's side. For a girl who claimed to miss her sister so badly she sure didn't have any principles against being a total bitch to her sometimes.  
  
"Yeah, fuck you, Alice," she said with a giggle, and then she actually took Lauren's hand. "Come on, Laurie, let's get out of here. Let's leave these lezbos alone."  
  
Lauren didn't seem eager to leave me so quickly, but it was probably the best exit she could hope for, so she let Jane lead her away into the crowd, only looking over her shoulder once.  
  
I turned back to Alice. She'd been watching me watch Lauren leave, and her expression was guarded, but her voice came out naturally.  
  
"Lauren looks nice, doesn't she?"  
  
She did, but now, face to face with Alice, it didn't seem important anymore. Alice was sexy, sublime, utterly fucking gorgeous; so I fixed my slightly tipsy smile on her and leaned to give her a little kiss.  
  
"Not as sexy as you," I whispered.  
  
She giggled. Then she took the punch out of my hand, drained it—it had a little vodka in it—and set the cup on the white tablecloth. "Come on," she said, taking my hand. "Let's dance."  
  
And then we were dancing. The evening was winding down and the songs were mostly slow. Alice had a hand on my shoulder and I had a hand at her waist, our other hands clasped. I suppose that meant I was leading, but all we were doing was moving slowly in a slow rhythm, gazing into each other's eyes under the disco ball above with flickers of light playing over our faces. Alice smiled.  
  
"Are you having fun, baby?"  
  
Actually, I was, but the question reminded me that I shouldn't be. I threw a quick glance across the dance floor, in case the redhead was waiting by with a bucket of pig's blood for some awful prank, but there was nothing but other dancers. So I turned back to Alice and smiled, but with anxiety in my heart.  
  
"I'm just happy being with you," I told her.  
  
She stroked my shoulder and smiled. "That's sweet."  
  
I nodded as if I agreed with her. Then I hesitated and asked: "So when are we leaving?"  
  
She smiled at me indulgently, as if I was a kid trying to get out of something that was good for her. "Soon," she said. "Very soon. Trust me, baby, I'm as eager as you. I just want it to be perfect, that's all."  
  
I could've told her that our chances for perfection would drastically increase if we got the hell out of here as quickly as possible, but instead I said: "You know, you never told me how you're going to do it."  
  
She looked at me for a second as we danced. Her look could only be described as hungry. Her eyes were dark on the dark dancefloor and flecks of light from the disco ball kept racing across her pale face. She smiled with her mouth open, tongue toying with her fangs, and spoke in a husky whisper. "It'll be a surprise," she said. "All I can tell you is that it'll be perfect. Absolutely perfect."  
  
Her words gave me a shiver of anticipation. I hoped it would be perfect. For me, I didn't care so much, but I knew that this was a huge deal to Alice, and I wanted it to be as special as possible for her. I just hope the redhead—  
  
My thoughts cut off as I glanced over Alice's shoulder and saw the blonde and the redhead. They were dancing. It was the first time I'd seen them on the dancefloor, and the redhead was holding the blonde's hand against her chest as they gazed romantically into each other's eyes, foreheads touching. They were drawing more stares than a pair of strippers, and it was easy to see why; they did not look like sisters.  
  
"What's the matter?" Alice asked, and turned to look. She froze for a second, but then she recovered and turned back to me. "Just ignore them, baby. Victoria's always loved a good ball. She's just here to enjoy herself."  
  
As she said it, the redhead turned her eyes to me. It was just a look, but it stopped my heart. I turned away, letting my fear show on my face. Alice had mellowed out a little about the redhead lately, but that was only because she didn't know the truth. As far as she knew, all the redhead had done was fail to seduce me once. She didn't know that days earlier the redhead had forced me down, sat on my face, and made me like it. She also didn't know how pissed the redhead was that I'd not only rejected her, but beat her, bit her, and spat in her face as if she was a piece of trash. And, frankly, a pissed redhead was something that scared me. Even the warm and friendly redhead was terrifying.  
  
"I don't trust her," I said. "What if she… what if she…"  
  
Alice was caressing my shoulder soothingly. "Don't worry," she said. "I won't let her hurt you."  
  
It was nice of her to say, but so far my well-meaning girlfriend had a particularly poor record in the protection department. In fact, the very first time the redhead had seduced me was in her own house with Alice downstairs; obviously Alice's knightly instincts were sadly lacking.  
  
Therefore it was up to me. It was my relationship, too, and if Alice couldn't protect me or even protect herself, then I had to try for both of us. So I actually stopped dancing and took a step back, still holding Alice's hand. "Let's just leave, okay?" I said, tugging her hand gently. "Come on, let's just go. Let's just—"  
  
But the redhead's timing was as wonderful as always. She approached out of the darkness, blonde in tow, and smiled – at Alice. "Good evening, Alice," she said. She flickered her eyes over my girlfriend's body as it was encased in her black satin dress. "You look ravishing."  
  
Alice frowned, but I'd seen the same frown on Lauren; she was secretly excited. "Thanks," she muttered.  
  
The redhead turned to me with a certain superiority, and with a chest her size it really wasn't difficult for her to assert superiority. The maroon of her gown was as dark as blood and the bodice of her dress hiked her generous breasts into a blinding décolletage that actually managed to distract me for a fraction of a second.  
  
"Mind if I cut in, dear?"  
  
I snapped my eyes up to her face and shook my head. "I don't…"  
  
But the redhead only smiled and took Alice's hand away from mine. "Just one dance," she said. "You can have her back when I'm done, don't worry." Then she smirked. "If she still wants you, of course."  
  
Alice gave me a look that was lost and unsure, but when the redhead tugged her, she twirled into the other woman's arms like a puppet, lifting her eyes and locking them grudgingly onto Victoria's. The reluctance was charade only, but I hoped she believed it as much as I did. Alice was obviously not over her mistress, and no matter how hard she tried to be upset with her for all the trouble she'd caused between us, the truth was always plain; it was Victoria's dark side that had originally attracted her.  
  
Someone took my hand.  
  
I looked; it was the blonde. Rosalie. Her expression was not warm, inviting, or friendly; yet for some reason she felt compelled to dance with me. So I let her. She put my hand on her shoulder and put her own at my waist. We started moving to the music, softly, slowly. My eyes kept darting to Alice and Victoria, but hers remained fixed on my face. Victoria was saying something to Alice, and my heart was clenching as I hoped she wasn't gloating about our encounter last week, how she'd stripped me down, and plucked my nipples, and forced me to keep still as—  
  
"She's not going to say anything," Rosalie said. "She's too proud."  
  
I looked up at her. She was taller than me, much taller, and her perfect face held an expression of cool resentment. But I relaxed slightly at her words. I'd been counting on pride keeping the woman's mouth shut, and if we could only make it through tonight, through this dance, then—  
  
"But it doesn't matter what she says," the blonde went on. "Alice will return to us eventually. So will you."  
  
I bristled, my brows gathering into a frown. Her haughty face watched me coolly, but just because she was as gorgeous as an angel, didn't mean I was going to admit I was secretly turned on by the idea of a sexual relationship with her and her mistress. So I glared and said: "No, we won't. We love each other. And only each other."  
  
She snorted. "What would you know about love?"  
  
"I know it's not about being tied up and spanked," I retorted.  
  
And suddenly I feared for my life. The preference of the proud and haughty blonde to be tied up and spanked on her pretty ass was probably not something she liked mentioned out loud, and for a second she stared down at me, simmering with cold rage. I glared back feebly. Finally she released a breath through her nostrils.  
  
"Victoria has her desires and I have mine," she said. "Together we fulfill those desires. Call it whatever you want – we're a match. Unlike you and Alice, who have to lie and delude and trick yourselves into believing in something that doesn't even exist."  
  
Her words were truer than I'd ever admit, but I snapped back with a confidence I didn't really feel. "You don't believe in true love because you'll never have it. Me and Alice do. We're soulmates. Why can't you people understand? Alice doesn't want you anymore. Get over it. Move on."  
  
The blonde looked at me silently. Then she inclined her head to where Alice and Victoria were dancing in the lapsing flare of the multi-colored lights.  
  
"Look at them," she said.  
  
I looked. Alice was much shorter than the redhead and she was staring blankly at the other woman's collarbone as the other woman's lips moved silently, whispering a poison that seemed to be slowly killing Alice's resistance.  
  
"Do you honestly think she doesn't want it?" the blonde asked. "Do you honestly think you don't want it?"  
  
I glared up at her. Honesty was not something either Alice nor I valued in our relationship, and regardless of any mistakes we'd made or will make, we were still soulmates. So I said:  
  
"I don't."  
  
The blonde's lips moved slightly into a smirk. "No?"  
  
"No."  
  
She obviously didn't believe me. She leaned to me closely, erotically close, and whispered onto my lips. "What if I were to seduce you right now?" she said. "Hm? What if I went down on you right here on the dancefloor? Would you want that?"  
  
Raw heat rippled over my skin, but I kept my face and voice firm. "You'd have better luck raping me again," I said. "How did that feel, by the way? To lower yourself to the same level as the men who—"  
  
I guess I went too far. Her hand suddenly seized a handful of my hair and my words were chopped off in a painful gasp.  
  
"Shut up," she hissed.  
  
I spat on her face. "Fuck you."  
  
Her reaction shocked me; she forced her lips on mine and kissed me savagely. My mouth opened traitorously and hot excitement ignited in my core as she forced her tongue into my mouth. But my passiveness only lasted a second before I began tonguing her back in mindless fury.  
  
Dimly I heard several gasps from the nearby couples and it occurred to me how amazingly hot we must look. Both of us in white dresses, both of us beautiful. Her lighthaired, me darkhaired. Like angry angels making out on the dancefloor with fistfuls of each other's hair, moaning, bodies mashed together.  
  
"Holy fuck…" someone said.  
  
Who knows how far we might've gone, if we hadn't been interrupted. At first I thought it was Alice, but it wasn't. Despite Alice's vows to protect me, she had her back to the whole scene, transfixed on her old mistress. It was momma-vamp who broke it up. Mrs Cullen, of the English faculty.  
  
"Rosalie!" she hissed, grabbing my hand and snatching me away from her daughter. "Rosalie! What do you think you're doing?"  
  
I was dazed. People were staring. Rosalie smirked and licked her lips. Mrs Cullen swept her worried eyes over of the gawking crowd and turned to me. "Come with me, Miss Swan," she said, and began to lead me away.  
  
I stumbled along and looked back helplessly. The blonde was walking up behind Alice and a feeling of sick dread bloomed in my stomach as I watched the blonde snake her arms around Alice's waist as Alice put her arms around the redhead's neck.  
  
Mrs Cullen took me into the girl's locker room. It was dark outside and moonlight fell from the high windows. The white tiles in the shower stalls were tinted dark blue and the blocks of lockers cast long shadows. The locker room was completely empty and our heels clicked sharply on the concrete floor.  
  
"I'm so sorry about that," Mrs Cullen said, her voice echoing hollowly among the steel lockers. "Now that we've decided to leave Forks it seems they're all determined to be as indiscreet as possible. Are you okay?"  
  
I'd been looking around, dazed, completely unable to form any thoughts at all about what I was supposed to do now. She was still holding my hand and her voice jarred me back into the present. "I'm fine," I said, then frowned. "Why are we in here?"  
  
A smile crossed her face in the dark. "Well," she said, slipping her other hand onto my waist. "After such an appalling display, you need to be disciplined, don't you?"  
  
I went cold all over. "What?"  
  
She kissed me. But I wasn't in the mood this time. My relationship was disintegrating in the gym while I was in the locker room being seduced by my English teacher, and suddenly it was too much. I was sick of these vampires, sick of their games, their lies, their lusts. I made a muffled protest under her lips, but she only kissed harder, forcing her tongue into my mouth.  
  
My mind hazed for just a moment, but only a moment. Her tongue felt nice and I was so upset. It would've been so easy to just let myself forget, just open my mouth a little wider and let her kiss my problems away. But it was Alice I wanted and Alice who was in trouble. Alice deserved better than these horrible, disgusting, putrid fucking whores, and it was up to me to save her, to take her away, to give her the happily ever after she deserved.  
  
So I struggled, trying to disengage myself gently. But she held me firm. Suddenly her tongue felt disgusting and vile and finally I twisted out of the older woman's grip and shoved her away. "Fuck!" I spat, wiping my mouth. "What the fuck is wrong with you people?!"  
  
She seemed slightly confused. "Why, what's the matter, darling?" she said. "I thought—"  
  
"What's the matter?" I echoed, my voice trembling through the empty locker room. "I'm in love with your daughter, you disgusting bitch!"  
  
Her mouth fell open and her face went aghast. She was totally shocked. "I-I'm sorry," she said, stepping backwards. "I thought you liked me."  
  
I may have given that impression when I fucked her in her classroom yesterday afternoon, but that was then, this was now. She'd taken advantage of me, whether she realized it or not, and that was never happening again. From this moment on, there was only one woman I wanted; Alice.  
  
So I didn't even answer, I simply spun around and stormed out. I emerged into the gym and felt a sense of panic sweep over me. I couldn't see them. I rushed out onto the dancefloor and threaded through the couples, searching for red hair, blonde hair, Alice's ass. But there was nothing.  
  
I stuck a hand in my hair and looked around helplessly, my eyes sweeping across the gym. The dancers gave me awkward glances, but there was no sign of Alice. Where could they have gone? Did they leave? I'd only been gone a couple minutes. What if they left and they were driving to the airport right now, calling ahead for tickets to Paris? What if—  
  
Suddenly I grabbed a girl by the arm. "Have you seen, Alice?" I asked her desperately. "She was just here, she…"  
  
She tugged her arm back and looked at me disgustedly. "Get away from me, freak."  
  
I almost started begging, but the guy she was dancing with—who was naturally more sympathetic to the distress of a young lesbian—cocked a thumb toward the doors. "I think she left," he said, and already I was running for the exit.  
  
I stumbled outside into the cold and cast my eyes across the parking lot. Alice's Volvo was still there and so was the Victoria's convertible. It was still windy and I hugged my shoulders as I wondered what to do. They weren't in the gym and their cars were still here. I started off in one direction. Maybe—  
  
"Hey, dyke!" a slurred voice called out. "Where're you going?"  
  
I recognized the voice.  
  
Lauren.  
  
I turned around and she came ambling up, grinning, an almost empty bottle of vodka in her hand. She was drunk and she was stumbling in her pretty pink shoes, giggling as she righted herself and took a swig out the bottle.  
  
Obviously she'd gotten the alcohol from Leah and Jane. Neither of them had been in the gym when I checked, so they probably didn't know where Alice was, but maybe Lauren had seen something.  
  
"I'm looking for Alice," I said. "Have you seen her?"  
  
Lauren laughed and waved the bottle. "Oh, fuck that freak," she said. "Why you fucking with that freak for, anyway? Jane said—" She paused to giggle. "Jane said—"  
  
"I don't care what Jane said," I interrupted. "Have you seen her?"  
  
"Nup," she said, and then giggled drunkenly. "Angela's gone too. Probably fucking her loser boyfriend somewhere. Good luck, huh? Guys suck."  
  
I looked at her with pity as she took another large gulp out the bottle. Two people walked past on their way to the parking lot, glancing at the drunk girl. It was amazing no teacher had seen her yet. She lowered the bottle, giggling, and held it out to me.  
  
"Want a drink?"  
  
I shook my head.  
  
"Aww, come on," she grinned, rattling the bottle. There wasn't much left in it. "Have a drink," she said, and stumbled up to me, throwing and arm around my shoulders. "Let's get drunk and fuck," she said into my face. "Like we did. At the beach." She trailed off into a giggle.  
  
I felt sorry for her, but my girlfriend was in danger of being devoured by a dominatrix and her blonde subordinate, so I tried to pry her off gently. "Let me go, Lauren," I said. "I don't want to."  
  
She tried to kiss me. "You did before," she said, aiming at my lips.  
  
"That was when I was broken up," I said, turning away my face. "I have Alice now."  
  
She pouted and pushed me away playfully. "Oh, fuck Alice," she said. "Alice, Alice, Alice. Fucking freak."  
  
I looked at her sadly. Why did she have to be so difficult? If she hadn't been such a repressed bitch, we probably would've went to prom together, and by now we'd probably be drunk together and making out in the back of her car. But instead—  
  
She stared at me drunkenly, swaying slightly like a cobra, and then she grinned and draped herself over me again. "Come on," she hissed in my ear. "Fuck me, Bella. Please? I'm so fucking horny…"  
  
She kissed me, but I turned my face away after the briefest contact, my lips tingling. "Get off me, Lauren," I said, but she tried to kiss me again, and suddenly I shoved her away forcefully.  
  
She stumbled back, skidding on the asphalt in her pink shoes, the butterflies on her toes winking in the moonlight. Her hair twisted in the cold night wind and she looked at me with a sudden hatred.  
  
"Well fuck you!" she screamed. "Fucking stupid dyke. You think you're so much better than me? You think you're so perfect because you never had a boyfriend? Because you're so fucking gay!?"  
  
A group of boys in the parking lot looked over at the sound of the screech. A thin cloud of smoke hung in the night air above them as they passed around a joint or two. I looked away embarrassedly and tried to put a hand on Lauren's shoulder.  
  
"Lauren," I said.  
  
But I didn't know what to say, and suddenly she burst into tears. She swatted my hand away and looked at me accusingly. "I thought you liked me," she said miserably.  
  
My throat went tight. "I do," I whispered, and suddenly she stopped crying and lurched at me again.  
  
"Then please," she moaned. "Please, just…"  
  
"I can't," I said, pushing at her softly.  
  
I was trying to be gentle, but in the end it was her who snapped and shoved me back. I staggered in my heels, only barely avoiding a fall. Lauren glared at me venomously.  
  
"Well, maybe Jane will fuck me then," she spat. "She's totally fucking lezbo too, you know. She just lies about it because she's not an idiot. She even tried to kiss me, but I… but I…"  
  
But it was me she wanted. She had rejected Jane because she wanted me, that's what she couldn't say. I felt sorry for her, and I wanted her to be happy—I really did—but Alice was still missing, and I had to find her. So I tried to calm Lauren.  
  
"You're drunk, Lauren," I said. "You should go home. Do you need a ride? If you help me find Alice, we could drop you—"  
  
It was the wrong thing to say. She reeled back and threw the empty vodka bottle at me. She had probably been aiming at my face, but even if I hadn't flinched away it would've missed. It exploded against the wall of the gym.  
  
"Fuck you!" Lauren hissed. "And fuck that little freak too!"  
  
She then spun around and wheeled away. Already a teacher had come out to inspect the crash of glass. She examined the fragments and turned to look for a culprit. I was already hurrying away, head down, hair whipping in the wind.  
  
There was only one place left to look, and that's were I found them. Part of the school grounds had used to be a small park, and a portion of the park had been preserved, including a garden, some hedges, and a wrought iron gazebo that had been decorated for prom with twinkle-lights coiled around the posts and strung from the lattice fretwork that hung from the ceiling like iron icing. That's where I found them.  
  
There were no teachers, no other students. Just my girlfriend and her former lovers. It was late and cold and windy, and everyone who hadn't left was inside or getting ready to leave. Music carried dimly from the speakers within the gym, but they weren't dancing. The gazebo was a raised wooden platform with an ornate iron fence and iron pillars holding up the iron dome of the roof. There was a pair of iron park-benches that ran either side of the gazebo and Alice had a foot propped up on one of them. Her dress was hiked up slightly over her ass and she was poking her pussy at the blonde who was kneeling behind her and licking at it. Her black panties were stretched between her knees. The redhead had dropped the shoulder straps of her gown and exposed her breasts for Alice to suck on. The wind raced through her hair, her long red locks flickering like fire, the heavy fabric of her maroon dress stirring ponderously against her legs. She was the first to notice me and she smiled, holding my girlfriend's mouth to her naked chest, her smile triumphant yet inviting, as if offering to let me join in but only because she was willing.  
  
It was the sexiest thing I'd ever seen, and for a second I could only stare, my lips parted slightly and a cold wind passing over my bare shoulders. For one blinding instant the temptation to join them was overwhelming, so overwhelming I actually swayed as I tasted it, like a lily in the breeze. But my love for Alice was stronger than anything else, and the sight of her between these two monsters, completely at the mercy of their sickeningly gorgeous bodies, suddenly made me sick. A cold black rage seethed into my heart as I approached the iron steps and stepped up into the gazebo.  
  
"Get away from her," I said.  
  
My voice was quiet, cold, a voice hardly like my own. Rosalie stopped licking at the interruption and glared at me, the side of her face pressed against Alice's ass possessively. Alice stopped sucking on the redhead's nipple and looked at me blankly. She almost didn't seem to recognize me, but she did. One of her hands was tenderly cupping the redhead's heavy breast and she didn't let it go. She didn't even move her mouth very far from her nipple.  
  
"Bella," she said.  
  
Victoria smiled and turned Alice's face back to her breasts. Alice didn't resume sucking, but she didn't resist, either. She simply blinked with her cheek resting in her mistress's bosom, eyes glazed, almost catatonic. Rosalie spared me a smirk, a glaze of my girlfriend's pussy-juice covering her lips as she knelt at my girlfriend's ass. My ass. The wind riffled in her hair and dress, and then turned her tongue back to Alice's pussy, licking across it generously with a gloating moan. A smile flickered over Alice's mouth at the contact, and it was enough to break her all over again; her tiny hand lifted a handful of Victoria's breast as she captured that fat and swollen nipple between her lips once again.  
  
"How fortunate you could join us, Miss Swan," Victoria said. "Come. There's plenty of Alice for everyone."  
  
My fists were balled at my sides. "Get away from her," I growled.  
  
Victoria laughed, the straps of her dress dangling at her elbows, her chest completely bare. She stroked Alice's hair and Alice continued sucking, unmindful of me or anything else. Victoria smiled at me, holding her in place. "Oh, dear, are we trying to be tough? I'm afraid you won't catch me off guard again this time. I have my Rosalie with me now, and she can be quite protective."  
  
Rosalie had her entire tongue thrust into Alice's pussy, and at the mention of her name she opened her eyes to gloat at me for a second. Then she closed them again, withdrawing her tongue and licking and sliding it in again.  
  
The rage felt like bile in my throat and I glared at Victoria so hard it felt like my heart would burst from fury. "I don't care," I said. "Get away from her."  
  
Victoria didn't laugh this time. She sighed, but still made no move to release Alice. "Miss Swan, in all earnestness," she said. "There's no need to be so upset. Come, join us. We're all sisters now. Things could be so perfect, if only—"  
  
"I'm not interested," I interrupted. "Neither is Alice. Now. Get the fuck—away from my girlfriend."  
  
Victoria's expression darkened, but it seemed she was truly a woman who despised the inelegancies of confrontation; she released Alice's face roughly and stepped away. Rosalie followed suit, withdrawing her tongue from Alice's pussy and rising to her feet gracefully. Alice gave a little gasp, as if startled at this sudden abandonment. Lacking anything to do or be done to her, she seemed lost and without purpose, and slowly she simply slumped lifelessly to her knees, like a marionette with its strings cut.  
  
"You're beginning to truly annoy me, Miss Swan," Victoria said, lifting her shoulder straps and adjusting her breasts back into the maroon velvet of her dress. "Who do you think you are? Our coven has existed for hundreds of years in perfect harmony. What gives you the right to ruin it?"  
  
I looked at the blonde and at the redhead, tall, proud, voluptuous, sublimely sexy in their elegant evening gowns. I looked at Alice, sprawled on the floor like something broken, unmoving, panties around her knees. One of her shoes had fallen off and her legs were so beautiful and so bare. I felt so sorry for her, the way she was just slumped there. She deserved so much better than to be treated like this and suddenly I knew exactly why I had the right to interfere. So I turned my eyes to Victoria and told her.  
  
"Because I love her," I said.  
  
Alice didn't look up, but the declaration seemed to stir her. She kept her eyes fixed on the floorboards, but she began tugging up her panties absently. Rosalie glared at me hatefully and Victoria took a step forward aggressively.  
  
"Love," she said, and then spat in distain, a shockingly crude gesture from such a refined woman. "Your ignorance sickens me. You don't love her, you stupid girl. You're simply a dumb slut who latched onto the first woman that liked her. You are nothing compared to me."  
  
Alice had curled up at the foot of the bench, arms wrapped around her bare knees, ignoring the whole world. My heart ached to run over and hold her, but I didn't want to risk provoking the blonde or the redhead. But the redhead had noticed my longing and surprisingly her expression softened. She straightened up haughtily, the wind passing through her hair, her dress.  
  
"Well, there's obviously no reasoning with you," she said. "Not tonight, at least." She glanced down at Alice dispassionately and then held out her hand for Rosalie. Rosalie took it obediently. "Rosalie and I will be leaving now," she said to me. "We'll give you some time to talk. I suggest you use that time to reflect on what's happened here tonight and redefine your relationship to include the rest of the coven. There is no other way I'll allow it to exist. Do I make myself clear?"  
  
I didn't answer. I had no intention of including anyone else in our relationship. Me and Alice were going to be together forever for all eternity, just us, no one else. And after tonight neither of us would ever have to look at Victoria's vilely gorgeous face again.  
  
Victoria seemed to take my silence for agreement. She passed at my side and down the steps, leading her blonde like an obedient feline. I tensed up as she went by, but they did go by, and when I looked over my shoulder they were making their way through the darkness around the back of the gym.  
  
Alice hadn't moved. She was still curled up in a fetal position, as if trying to pretend she didn't even exist. My love for her overwhelmed me and I hurried over to bob down beside her. There wasn't a single ounce of resentment in all of my being for whatever she did or allowed to be done, just love and the desire to make her feel better, so I gathered her into my arms with no hesitation and began to stroke her hair.  
  
"Hey," I whispered. "It's okay, Alice, they're gone now. Come on, get up."  
  
She didn't answer, but she couldn't block out my voice entirely. She turned her face away and blinked back tears of shame. My heart felt like it was splitting from the sudden rush of love and pity I felt for her, and I tugged down the hem of her dress a bit more to cover her butt properly. I didn't blame her, not at all. I had no idea what the redhead had said to her and I didn't care. All I knew was that I had to get her away from here, away from the coven. I had to take her somewhere where I could love her properly, the way she deserved.  
  
So I raised her up and hefted her onto the bench, sitting beside her and wrapping my arm around her. Her head lolled against my shoulder and she stared into my lap vacantly. I kissed her soft hair, holding her hand, inhaling her scent that was mingled with the scent of the blonde and the redhead, hating them but loving Alice, my heart throbbing painfully within my chest.  
  
"It's okay, Alice," I whispered. "You'll be okay now."  
  
I rocked her gently, looking out across the dark schoolyard. We should be safe from here. The redhead was gone, and if we could only get in the car and start driving, we'd soon be completely—  
  
"She's right," Alice said.  
  
My heart jumped to hear her voice. I lifted her head and looked into her face. I was so happy to hear her speak I didn't even know what she said, so I asked her. "Right about what?"  
  
"You," she said, but her voice wasn't accusing. It was calm, dead, resigned. "You don't love me, do you? Not really. I'm just the first girl who liked you."  
  
So that's what the redhead had been telling her. I wished Alice had had more faith in me, but I guess so far I hadn't proven to be the best girlfriend. But that was going to change, beginning right now.  
  
"Of course I love you, Alice," I said. "I love you more than anything."  
  
She looked into my eyes sadly, plaintively. "Not as much as I love you," she said.  
  
That seemed a little unfair, considering the position I'd just rescued her from, but her voice was so small, so lost, that I was sure she hardly had any idea what she was saying. She wasn't insecure about me, she was insecure about herself, everything. So I held her face firmly and looked firmly into her eyes.  
  
"That's bullshit," I said. "You're everything to me, Alice. Absolutely everything. And I'm going to spend the rest of my life proving it. So let's get out of here, okay? Come on, let's just go. There's no point staying anymore."  
  
But she only shook her head away from my hands. She stared down into her lap and she didn't seem to have the enthusiasm to do anything else. Then she brushed the back of her hand against her dress, as if to clear something away. "I should've listened to you," she said. "It was a bad idea to go to prom."  
  
I tightened my arm around her shoulders. "It's okay, Alice."  
  
"I just wanted it to be perfect, that's all."  
  
"It still can be," I assured her. "All we have to do is leave."  
  
She shook her head sadly, refusing to look at me. "No," she said. "It's ruined now. They touched me."  
  
I looked out into the darkness beyond the gazebo helplessly, wondering if I was too late, if the damage was already done. Alice had dreamt of the perfect prom and the redhead had destroyed it in the worst way possible. Alice's dream of a relationship built on love and faith had been shattered at her very own hand. I had no idea what I could say to put the pieces back together, so I just told her how I feel.  
  
"I don't care, Alice," I told her. "Okay? Truly, I don't. I love you. I'd never blame you for something like that."  
  
She didn't look at me. "I let them," she said bluntly.  
  
And that hurt, it did, but—  
  
"It's okay," I whispered. "I know what they're like. You were vulnerable. It's not your fault."  
  
But she only turned away sullenly. "If you truly loved me you wouldn't forgive me."  
  
My mouth opened to continue soothing, but then I realized what she said.  
  
She's upset that I'm willing to forgive her?  
  
Obviously she was confused and distraught. The redhead had ambushed her, raided her dreams and ransacked her hopes of everything she ever wanted or whished for. And now her insecurities were bubbling up in any chaotic order. Soulmates don't cheat, but more importantly; soulmates forgive. Soulmates love each other – no matter what.  
  
So I smiled comfortingly and hugged her around the shoulders playfully. "You're not making sense, Alice," I said. "Of course I'd forgive you. I love you. Nothing's going to change that."  
  
Finally she turned to me. Her eyes were shining and her sad face was majestically pretty in the yellow radiance of the twinkle-lights strung across the gazebo. She was coming back to me.  
  
"Are you sure?" she asked.  
  
My smile kicked up a couple notches. "Of course, Alice," I assured her. "It's destiny, remember? Nothing is ever going to come between us. I love you."  
  
Her lip trembled and her eyes filled with tears. Then suddenly she blubbered and threw herself at me. "Oh, Bella," she sobbed, hugging me around the neck. "I love you too, baby."  
  
"I know," I whispered. "I know."  
  
I held her, patting her back. I was trying not to cry, trying to be strong for some reason, but I couldn't stop the tears from leaking out my eyes. I bit my lip, looking out across the dark schoolyard. The science building stood in the distance, stamped pitch black against a dark gray sky. The music from the gym had stopped and now a teacher I didn't recognize passed by on his rounds. He saw us from the footpath, but he didn't come over.  
  
"Prom's over ladies," he called, pointing at his watch, as if we could actually see it from twenty feet away in the dark. "Time to be getting home."  
  
Alice was still crying on my shoulder, but I nodded. The teacher went on, disappearing around the side of the gym.  
  
"Alice," I whispered, trying to pry her away gently. "Alice, did you hear that? We have to go. Come on, let's get out of here."  
  
Alice made no move to get up. She just wiped her face and looked at me. The front of my white dress was stained dark from her tears.  
  
"Are you sure you still love me?"  
  
I leaned and kissed her. It was an impulse and I thought it would be the perfect way to affirm that I truly did love her. But as our lips touched I suddenly remembered that less than ten minutes ago these same lips had been fastened to the redhead's tit, sucking at it like a greedy piglet. The thought made my stomach curdle, but only slightly, and I managed to push the image away and smile reassuringly.  
  
"Of course I love you, Alice," I told her. "I always will, you know I will."  
  
She smiled, brightly but restrained, as if scared to believe it. "Really and truly?"  
  
"Yes," I said, placing another kiss on her lips, again feeling a slight twinge of disgust. But it didn't show, and I said: "You're everything to me."  
  
"Everything?"  
  
"Everything."  
  
I went to kiss her again, but she put her hands on my chest to stop me. She blinked at me insecurely.  
  
"Absolutely everything?" she asked.  
  
I smiled and nodded. "Absolutely everything."  
  
She looked into my face searchingly, her hands still at my chest. Whatever she was looking for she must've found it, because she smiled and dropped her hands. "Okay."  
  
I chuckled at her girlishness and placed another kiss on her lips. There was no discomfort this time, and when I pulled back, I said: "So we can go?"  
  
"Yeah," she said, with a nod. "We can go."  
  
I felt a huge rush of relief. Finally; eternity with Alice. I stood up, my legs weak from sudden excitement. Alice held out her hands and I tugged her to her feet, pulling her into my arms and wrapping her into a kiss. Her arms settled around my middle and she stood pressed against my front, face tilted up to mine, letting me kiss her. I let my tongue pass between her lips and she opened her mouth. I felt an insane urge to reach down and grope the shiny black satin that covered her ass, but the impulse felt wrong or inappropriate, so I didn't.  
  
Finally I broke the kiss and cupped her face. We stood together in the middle of the gazebo, Alice in black, me in white, and we gazed into each others eyes, bathed in a warm yellow light.  
  
"I love you, Alice," I said. "I really—"  
  
But suddenly Alice's pretty face was snatched away in darkness as the lights went out. The lights around the gym went out at the same time. Prom was truly over.  
  
It was almost pitch black and all I could see of Alice was a vague silhouette. I blushed at hoe my tender profession of love had been so rudely interrupted, and Alice giggled softly.  
  
"Well, gee," she said. "How romantic."  
  
It was nice to hear levity return to Alice's voice. I took her hand.  
  
"Come on," I said. "I guess it's time to go."  
  
"Wait, wait," she said. "Finish what you were saying."  
  
"You know what I was saying, Alice."  
  
"I know, but I want to hear it. Please?"  
  
I smiled at her in the dark. I knew she could see me clearly, but I could see almost nothing, and I had to grope with my hands to find her in the dark. Finally my hands landed on her shoulders and I smiled at the shadow of her face.  
  
"I love you, Alice."  
  
"Oh, baby," she said. "I love you, too."  
  
I felt her arms snake around my neck and then she was kissing me. I was still anxious to get out of here, but I didn't rush her. After what she'd been through I wanted her to be as reassured of my love as possible.  
  
"Mmm," she moaned. "Baby?"  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Can you do something for me?"  
  
"Of course."  
  
"Go down on me," she whispered. "Please?"  
  
At first I didn't think I'd heard properly. She couldn't possibly want it now, not after what had happened, not here in the dark, at school. How could she possibly want it right now? Her pussy was probably still wet with Rosalie's saliva. And she wanted me to go down on it? I didn't understand, so I said: "What do you mean?"  
  
"Just quickly," she said. "Please? No one will see."  
  
"Are you serious?"  
  
"Yes," she hissed, tugging at my dress, as if to make me kneel. "I need it. Please, baby? I need it so bad…"  
  
The urgency in her voice took me by surprise, and even though it didn't quite seem right, I let myself sink to my knees submissively. Alice was standing with her feet apart, the fork of her legs like slim black pillars in the darkness. She'd already hiked up her dress and shoved down her panties.  
  
"Hurry," she whispered. "Quickly."  
  
I found her pussy with my tongue and fought down a sense of queasiness as I remembered what the blonde had been doing to it only moments before. Alice hissed with pleasure. She was surprisingly wet. I closed my eyes, but the picture of the blonde with her tongue shoved into my girlfriend's pussy wouldn't leave my mind. It made me sick and turned me on at the same time, to think my tongue was in contact with the residue of the blonde's saliva, that I was licking it, licking it off of the soft and silky surface of my soulmate's entrance.  
  
And this was what my soulmate wanted.  
  
I didn't fully understand what was happening, but my mind was hazing over in a cloud of lavender loveliness, and if this was what Alice needed in order to feel loved, then it's exactly what I'd give her. There was nothing I wouldn't do for her. So I licked, and licked, and suckled at her clit, my own arousal growing between my legs, and finally she shuddered and came, her hands clenched in my hair.  
  
"Thank you, baby," she gasped. "That was beautiful."  
  
I rose in the dark, watching the silhouette of my girlfriend tug up her panties – for the second time that night. It occurred to me meanly that there seemed to be hardly any point in her wearing underwear at all, but I pushed the thought away savagely, and glanced back toward the gym anxiously.  
  
"Your welcome," I said. "Can we go now? I mean, what if…"  
  
But I didn't want to mention the redhead's name out loud. I didn't think she'd be back, but still, I'd feel much safer if we could just get out of here.  
  
Alice's hands appeared at my waist, her touch tingling on my sensitive skin.  
  
"But doesn't baby want a pussy licking, too?"  
  
I pushed at her hands, trying to take one so I could lead her away. "That's okay," I said. "I'll wait till we get to the hotel. Come on, let's—"  
  
But she snatched her hand back. Shocked, I spun around. She stood there, a dark shape in the darkness.  
  
"You'll wait?" she said coldly. "You must not want me very bad."  
  
I looked at her. I truly had no idea what to say. But the silence only lasted a second before she rushed forward and threw herself at me in a hug and began apologizing.  
  
"Oh, baby, I'm sorry," she said, almost crying. "I didn't mean to snap like that. It's just… I'm so… Please, don't…"  
  
I patted her back. "I know," I said, even though I didn't.  
  
I heard her sniff in the dark. She stepped back and wiped her eyes. "I'm so sorry, baby," she said in a small voice. "I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm so fucked up. Please—let's just go to the hotel, okay? Let's just…"  
  
My heart flushed with pity. I'd never understand how Alice's head worked, but she was still Alice, and I still loved her more than anything. So I reached for her hand—  
  
But she snatched it away again.  
  
"No," she said, her voice rising in hysteria. "No. No, we can't. We can't… We…"  
  
Tears of panic sprang into my eyes. She was pacing back and forth in the darkness under the gazebo, her arms moving in black silhouette as if she couldn't decide if she wanted to rip her hair out.  
  
"Alice, please," I said. "You're scaring me."  
  
A wet and miserable giggle escaped her. "I'm sorry," she said. "I'm sorry, I'm just… I'm worried that…"  
  
"Worried what?"  
  
Her voice came out stuttering and half broken. "Worried that, that… That you don't want me anymore, or that… That you won't let me do…what I want to do—to you—and, and…"  
  
She was still pacing, struggling for words, but I hurried forward and pulled her into a tight hug. She immediately started crying on my shoulder.  
  
"That's ridiculous, Alice," I said firmly. "I love you. I'll always want you."  
  
She snuffled and turned her nose to the crook of my neck. "I love you too, baby," she whispered. "It's just…"  
  
"Just what?"  
  
Something flicked my neck. Something cold and wet. I thought it was her tongue, but it could've been the wind.  
  
"Nothing," she said. She sniffed and pushed away from me, wiping her eyes. "We can talk about it at the hotel."  
  
For a second I was wracked with indecision. Part of me felt that it would be best to take advantage of her sudden stability and take her away to where we could be safe by ourselves, but the other part of me knew that she wasn't fully soothed, not even close, and that it was best to soothe her now – before it was too late. So I swallowed, my throat filled with tears, and said:  
  
"It's okay, we can talk about it now."  
  
She sniffed again. I could just barely see the shapes of her dark knuckles dabbing at her dark face. "Are you sure?" she whispered.  
  
"Of course," I said. "What is it, baby?"  
  
It was the first time I'd called her baby, and suddenly I realized that our roles were completely flipped. It was supposed to be me who was weak, crying, insecure. But somehow our roles were reversed and I'd become the strong one, the constant one.  
  
I felt a small flush of pride, but Alice didn't seem to notice, or if she did, she didn't let it derail her train of thought.  
  
"Well," she said. "it's just…"  
  
"Just what?"  
  
She went completely silent for a second. Then I heard her swallow with a dry click. "I had an idea," she said thickly. "About something we could try. Tonight. Instead of—before I turn you."  
  
Her still form was watching me in the darkness. It was hard to believe her anxiety was focused on whether or not I'd be willing to try some new sex position, but I nodded encouragingly.  
  
"It's something very special," she whispered. "Something that could be absolutely amazing if we did it properly."  
  
Her voice was soft and husky. As if something deeply repressed was finally finding a voice. I couldn't imagine what could be so important to her, but it didn't matter.  
  
"Okay," I said simply. "Anything you want."  
  
"Anything?"  
  
"Anything."  
  
"But do you mean that, though?" she asked, stepping toward me cautiously, as if afraid to frighten me away. "Do you really?"  
  
I couldn't believe how silly she was being, and I giggled, closing the distance to wrap her into a hug. Considering the sheer amount of love, trust, and lust that had gotten us this far, it was ridiculous to believe there was anything I wouldn't be willing to do with my Alice. So I smiled, tightening the hug, and kissed her cheek.  
  
"Of course I mean it," I said. "My body belongs to you, remember?"  
  
"I know," she whispered, her voice so soft and throaty. "But this is about more than your body. I'll need your heart, too. And your soul."  
  
I shook my head, nuzzling her soft-smelling hair. Sometimes I wish she didn't have to be so melodramatic, but I guess it was one of the things I loved about her, my little soulmate.  
  
"You've always had those, Alice," I told her. "And you always will, okay?"  
  
Then I kissed her. She seemed to be soothed now, and I thought now was a good time to urge her away from here, while she was excited about doing this thing she wanted to do. So I pulled back gently and took her hand.  
  
"Now, come on," I said, "let's get out of here. The sooner we get to the hotel, the sooner we can do this thing you want to do."  
  
She didn't budge. I turned back, still holding her hand, our arms like a black rope in the darkness between us. Her voice came out curiously blank from her blank face.  
  
"Don't you want to know what it is?" she asked.  
  
I felt like I had made a mistake by not showing enough interest, and attempted to cover it up with a smile. "Wouldn't you like to surprise me?"  
  
Her silhouette shook its head. "It can't be a surprise," she said. "I have to have your consent."  
  
The scene was starting to drag, and suddenly it felt awkward to just stand there holding her hand. But I didn't let go, and I forced my voice to be cheerful. "Of course you have my consent, Alice," I said. "You always had it. But why are you so nervous? You know there's nothing I wouldn't do with you." Then I playfully added: "Unless it's really gross."  
  
I was worried she might've taken that the wrong way, but she seemed to have calmed. "It's not gross," she said. "It'll be beautiful, I promise."  
  
"Then why are you worried if I wouldn't want to do it?"  
  
"Well," she said, and stepped up to me. Her head was bowed slightly and she seemed to be speaking to my chest. She lifted a hand and traced a finger under the globe of my breast, my whole chest tingling at the touch. "It's pretty hardcore," she said.  
  
I chuckled. "It can't be more hardcore than what we did a couple weeks ago," I said, referring to the night where she'd bit me a dozen different times. "You almost killed me, remember?"  
  
"Yes," she whispered breathlessly, her hand stroking the fabric that covered my breast. "That was amazing, wasn't it?"  
  
I covered her hand with mine, enjoying the touch. "Totally," I assured her, although in all honesty, it wasn't something I'd be eager to repeat too often. Tonight would be okay, if she wanted, since tonight was special, but mostly I was more of a simple girl.  
  
Still caressing my breast, her other hand snaked behind my neck, caressing my nape. "Did you really like it?" she asked.  
  
"Of course."  
  
"Good," she said, and her voice had gone husky again, so husky that I could hardly hear her. "Because tonight I want to do something similar. Only this time I want to keep going…and going…and going. Until you die."  
  
She kissed me. Her lips closed on mine out of the darkness and the feeling that washed over me was so cold. I didn't kiss back. My eyes were open and blinking, but I could see nothing but the murky black shape of my girlfriend, leaning to my mouth like some amorphous succubus surmised of darkness and feeding from my lips. My whole body was numb. Her hand at my breast felt as flat as a bra or any other piece of dumb apparel and her tongue when it slithered between my lips felt like some alien appendage. I chuckled awkwardly and pushed her away.  
  
"What do you mean?" I asked, as if wasn't clear, as if this was all—  
  
"Well," she said. There was a hint of excitement in her voice, and her hand left my breast to cup my cheek. "I've been thinking about it for a long time. But now I'm sure. I love you so much, baby, and I know you love me. And I know it's not normal love. It's real love. True love. It's the kind of love that no amount of words or sex can express. A love like ours deserves something stronger. Something grander. Something absolute. Something that can never be changed or altered or cheated on. Do you see, baby? The only way to truly express a love like ours…is death."  
  
She concluded with a coy little shrug. Like a girl who'd been explaining that maybe she was ready to go all the way. I saw her shoulders move in the darkness. I couldn't see her face, but she was probably smiling. I was smiling too, but it was a frozen smile, something that sat unnaturally on my face as my lips tingled with the kiss of this woman who'd just revealed her fondest dream of killing me.  
  
The silence must've made her nervous. She went on.  
  
"To be honest, I was scared to mention it," she said. "Because I didn't think you'd understand. And because I thought maybe I was wrong. But now, I know you understand. And I know I'm not wrong. From the very first second I saw you I knew that this was what I wanted. And now that I'm saying it out loud, I know it. This is what's right for us, baby. Don't you think?"  
  
Alice's hands were at my waist, and her dark face was looking at me expectantly. I swallowed a lump in my throat that felt like a boulder and licked my lips. They were dry. "I don't know," I said, struggling for speech, some last vestige of hope forcing me not to overreact. "You want to kill me?"  
  
"No, no, no" she said quickly, "Not kill. Kill's an ugly word. I don't want to kill you, baby, I want to love you. Completely. Absolutely. I mean, wouldn't it romantic? What could be more perfect than dying in your lover's arms with your blood on your lover's lips?"  
  
I smiled aside, a smile as bleak and hopeless as the dark all around us. Two tears dropped onto my cheeks. "I thought you were going to turn me," I whispered.  
  
"I was," she said. "But don't you think this is better?"  
  
I shook my head, more tears falling. "Not really."  
  
Her hands left my waist and she took a step back. When she spoke her voice came out smaller, less sure.  
  
"Why not?"  
  
But I only kept shaking my head, suppressing a sob with all my might. Swinging my head from side to side, eyes squeezed shut. Trying to shake away the sadness, the hopelessness, the black despair of my entire pointless life.  
  
"I know it seems a little radical, baby," she said. "But I wouldn't have said it if I didn't think you could handle it. I know you love me, baby. And this is your chance to prove it. Truly prove it, beyond question. Please. Let me have you."  
  
I opened my eyes, inhaling sharply. "Are you serious, Alice?" I demanded in a sobbing voice. "I mean, this isn't some sick vampire joke, is it?"  
  
Her dark face seemed to darken more. "This isn't sick, Bella," she said. Then her voice softened and she approached with a dark hand out held. "And there's no need to be afraid. I'm not asking you to do this alone. I'll die straight after, I promise. I could never live without you. And then, after tonight, our souls will truly be one."  
  
I waved the hand away before it could touch me.  
  
"You're crazy, Alice," I said. "Crazy at last."  
  
This made her freeze. Her black face paused, and she must've decided it would be most beneficial to pass off my quip as a joke, because she tilted her head and giggled softly.  
  
"If I'm crazy," she said, "it's only because I'm crazy about you."  
  
Then suddenly her dark shape closed the distance and wrapped itself around me in a kiss. I made a muffled moan and went limp, trying to just go with it, to be as passive as I always was. But I couldn't. It just didn't feel right. So I twisted aside and pushed her away.  
  
"I can't do this," I said, my voice surprisingly strong.  
  
"We have to, baby," she said. "It's the only way to truly consummate our feelings. To preserve them at the peak of their being. After tonight, our love will never fade or go away, and Vicky will never touch either of us again. This is the only way, baby. The only way we can truly be happy."  
  
I shook my head. If that was happiness, then I didn't want to be happy. I'd rather be miserable for the rest of my life than die. Her hands were at my waist again and I started to push them away.  
  
"No," I said  
  
Her hands didn't budge. "What do you mean, no?"  
  
"Get away from me," I said, beginning to panic.  
  
"Baby," she said, her hands clamped on my body like claws. "Baby, please—"  
  
But I'd had enough and suddenly I screamed: "Get away!"  
  
Alice stumbled back, startled. The exertion of screaming made me dizzy, and suddenly I bent over, gasping for breath as if I were hyperventilating.  
  
"Baby, are you—"  
  
"Get back," I wheezed, leaning on my knees, struggling to get my breath under control. "Just stay back."  
  
She stood there watching me. She was just a black shape, but she seemed to be sad. I heard a sniff and realized she was crying. "I thought you'd understand," she said in a broken voice. "I wanted to turn you, baby, I really did, but… But I truly feel it'll be better like this. I've turned other girls before, and it never lasts. Something always goes wrong. I don't want that to happen to us. I want our love to be preserved for eternity. Don't you?"  
  
I didn't answer. My breath wheezed in the ragged pipes of my throat and I couldn't speak even if I wanted to.  
  
"Please, baby?" she went on, her voice pleading. "There's no need to be afraid. It'll be perfect, you'll see. You know I'd never do anything you don't want me to. I'll start out slow and gentle. And slowly we'll start exploring your limits. And finally, when it's time, you'll have the most perfect release you could imagine. And all of it at my hand. The hand of your one true love. Please, baby? Just—please?"  
  
I lurched upright and stumbled backward. I bumped into the railing that ran around the gazebo. The iron was cold even through the fabric of my dress. The black shape of my girlfriend was approaching and she was talking softly from her blank and black face.  
  
"Bella? You said you belong to me, remember? Your body, your heart, your soul. You said I could do anything. Don't you remember?"  
  
I shook my head. "I can't."  
  
"Yes, you can," she whispered. "I know you can."  
  
"No."  
  
Her hand descended on my cheek. I froze and it caressed me gently.  
  
"Yes," she said. "You love me, baby, I know you do."  
  
But suddenly I realized. "No," I said. "I don't."  
  
Her hand froze. Then it dropped away.  
  
I looked sadly at the black shape in front of me. Faceless, featureless. This figment of lust that had crawled through my bedroom window one night and filled my heart with a broken dream. I shook my head.  
  
"Victoria was right," I said. "I'm not your soulmate. I'm just some slut who latched onto the first girl who liked her."  
  
"That's not true, baby."  
  
"Yes," I said, sniffing away tears. "It is." Then a bleak chuckle escaped me and I gestured wildly with my arms. "This is ridiculous," I blurted. "I always thought Victoria was the psycho, but it's you, isn't it? You're the one's who crazy. You were always crazy, I just didn't see it."  
  
"I'm not crazy, baby," she pleaded. "Please. Just—"  
  
She reached for my face again, but I smacked the hand away. A dull thud in the darkness.  
  
"Don't touch me," I said, sidling away from her.  
  
Her voice was broken and full of regret. "Baby," she said. "Baby, please—"  
  
"Shut up, Alice," I hissed. "Just shut the fuck up. I mean, what the fuck do you think this is? I can't believe you'd do this to me. After everything you put me through. After everything I was willing to do. It's not enough for you, is it? And now you want me to let you kill me? I mean, are you out of your fucking mind? Did you honestly think I'd do that? You stupid little psycho! What the fuck is wrong with you?!"  
  
"Baby—"  
  
She reached one more time, but I stumbled backwards in blind rage, almost falling down the steps behind me and into the grass. I loathed her so much right then that if she touched me I might've just kept screaming until my head popped.  
  
"No, fuck you, Alice," I said, walking backwards away from the gazebo where Alice stood at the top of the steps, black and expressionless. "I'm not listening to your shit anymore. You crazy fucking—" I staggered in the grass, righted myself, and jabbed a finger in her direction. "From now on you stay the fuck away from me. It's over. I never want to see you again."  
  
"You don't mean that," she whispered.  
  
I'd half turned away, but now I spun back like a schizoid, my mind flooded with fury. "Yes, I do," I hissed. "I hate you. I can't believe I ever loved you in the first place."  
  
"Baby, please. Just—"  
  
"No!" I screamed. "No more! If you ever come near me again, I'll kill you. I'll sharpen a stake and stab it right through your fucked up little heart. You creepy fucking bitch."  
  
My voice broke into a sob and I wheeled away. I didn't look back. I stumbled toward the gym and my eyes were so blurred with tears that I had to feel along the brick wall with my hands to keep going.  
  
I made it into the parking lot and kept walking. There was only a handful of cars left. One of them was Jane's and in the back window there was a shoe pressed up against the glass, as if someone was sprawled in the backseat with their legs up. The shoe was pink with a diamante butterfly on the toe. I went on.  
  
Stumbling and choked with sobs I wheeled out the front gates and staggered down the sidewalk in the direction of home. Soon I'd stopped crying and I only sniffed occasionally. The wind had picked up again. I was hugging myself against the cold and tottering along in my white gown like an escaped mental patient, the fabric flapping about my legs, my hair blowing. Gazing with my glazed eyes at the concrete underfoot were weeds grew in the cracks, stepping to avoid them in my heels. A car passed from behind, the glare of the headlights throwing a long shadow over the path in front of me. I went on, wandering white and mindless through the night like a ghost escaped from some nightmare where her lover yet lingered. Half way home I ripped the collar off my throat and left it laying in the gutter.  
  
When I finally got home I realized that I didn't have a key. I knocked on the door and presented mom with my best attempt at a smile when she answered. I just hoped she hadn't found the goodbye letter I'd left on my bed.  
  
"Hi, sweetie," she said, and looked over the dark garden behind me. "How come you don't have your key? Where's Alice?"  
  
I pushed past her and into the hallway. She closed the door and turned to me.  
  
"I left without her," I said.  
  
Mom's face went concerned.  
  
"Oh," she said. "Why?"  
  
I shrugged, as if it didn't really matter. "I don't know," I said sullenly. "We had a fight. I don't think she'll be home tonight."  
  
"Was it serious?"  
  
I didn't want to think about the question, so I just shook my head, shrugging again. "Nah, it's no big deal," I said. "Just, you know."  
  
Mom looked at me. I didn't know what I looked like, but my throat felt closed up, and my eyes were burning, and I felt sick and shivery all over.  
  
"Are you okay, sweetie?"  
  
I gestured with my hand, as if I was about to explain something. Then I let it drop. "Yeah, I'm fine," I said. "Just tired."  
  
Mom nodded, and because she knew I wasn't alright at all, she came forward and gave me a hug. I hugged her back loosely and felt my chest tighten. Good old mom. Mom never wanted to kill me.  
  
Finally she released me, and despite all the problems we'd been having recently, she actually smiled, a smile that was supposed to make me feel better about whatever was bothering me. "Well, I'm sorry you didn't have fun," she said. "I guess there's always senior prom, huh?  
  
I snorted and turned away toward the stairs. "It's alright," I said. "I didn't even wanna go to prom, anyway."  
  
My room was the same as I'd left it. I was never supposed to be back, but it had only been a couple hours. The first thing I did was lock the window and draw the curtains. Then I kicked off my shoes and turned to the bed.  
  
The goodbye letter I'd written for mom was laying on the pillow, untouched. I stared at it for a while, then I picked it up, unfolded it, and started reading. My bottom lip was already trembling as I remembered how hard it was to write, the guilt and regret of leaving mom warring with the love and need I felt for Alice. A sheen of tears covered my eyes and I kept reading.  
  
Dear Mom,  
  
I'm sorry. By the time you read this, I'll be gone. Alice and I are leaving Forks.  
  
I know you won't understand, but I can't explain. Alice is my soulmate. I can't leave her. I told you before that this isn't a highschool thing between us. It's for real. It's forever. I want to be with her for the rest of my life.  
  
Please don't think that I don't love you or that I don't appreciate you. I do. I love you. You're the best mom I could ever imagine having. But I can't let Alice go.  
  
It's like a marriage vow. "For better or worse, forsaking all others, till death do us part." That's how much I love her. I know that maybe sometimes she's been a bad influence on me, but that's only because she loves me so much. We've had some problems, but we fixed them, and now our relationship is stronger because of it. We love each other and we have to be together. There's no other way for us.  
  
I'm sorry. Please don't worry about me. I'll be fine. I'm going to be happy with Alice. We're going to be together forever. I'm sorry to leave you all alone, but I just love her too much. I hope I see you again someday. Please don't be mad.  
  
Love Bella.  
  
By the time I was finished I felt so cold it seemed I would never be warm again. I blinked down at these words I'd written, tears dripping onto the paper as if it was starting to rain. Together forever. Soulmates. My eyes glazed and the false destiny inked out upon the page before me began to swim away.  
  
I screwed up the paper in my fist. My eyes and nose were leaking freely and I was so light headed it felt like I was going to fall down. The balled letter dropped out of my hand and bounced under the bed, as if trying to hide. My head spun. I turned around, staggered, leaned on the desk. Hot anguish was gathering in my chest like a torrential storm and my breath started to whoop. I tried to hold it back, but it was no use. I couldn't breathe. I tried to exhale, but a sob came out. Then a groan. A low whine began in my chest that slowly grew in volume until finally I was wailing aloud, sinking to my knees in the carpet and howling in abject agony.  
  
Mom footsteps thudded up the stairs and she came barreling into my room.  
  
"Bella!" she cried. "Bella, what—"  
  
But she broke off suddenly at the sight of her daughter crumpled and bawling in the floor, and she quickly hurried over and gathered me into her arms and started rocking me and whispering about how everything was going to be okay. I clutched at her, buried my face in her neck, and I cried and cried and cried until I thought I die from it.  
  
—  
  



	23. Chapter 23

—  
  
Chapter 23:  
  
—  
  
By morning it had began to seem that maybe I'd overreacted a little. I had managed to weep myself into an hour or two of fitful sleep, and while it would've been nice to never wake up again, it seemed that a good portion of my anguish had settled overnight into a mingled medley of shame and regret with a bit of embarrassment around the edges. I'd cried in front of mom—which wasn't something I was proud of—and it occurred to me that I'd probably handled Alice a little poorly, too. It had been a disturbing shock to learn that my girlfriend felt the next step in our relationship was sexualized murder-suicide, but maybe a simple no would've sufficed. Spazing out and screaming at her probably wasn't the best way to achieve a compromise where we could live happily after and actually, you know; live.  
  
Because I still did want her. I was mad and pissed and incredibly depressed – but I still loved her.  
  
It didn't come to me in a epiphany or a tear-soaked revelation as I wept away my tattered heart. It was simply a fact about me. I have dark hair, my tits are large, I love Alice. A fact among other facts, something that was part of me and would never change, not even with a bottle of peroxide and cosmetic surgery. Because my love for Alice didn't exist on the surface, it existed in the darkest and deepest corners of my heart, in a place so insulated against the weathers of the world that not even this monstrous betrayal could dislodge it.  
  
I loved her.  
  
I realized it as I realized how difficult it was to lay in a bed without her and how awful it was to wake up without her there to kiss me, cuddle me, and hustle me into the shower. It had been a terrible betrayal—the worst one yet—but it wasn't the first and it probably wouldn't be the last. Alice had been deceiving me ever since we first laid eyes on each other, but it had always been because she loved me, and now more than ever it was clear that the one thing she'd never lied about was how much she did indeed love and want me. Her passion was dark and certainly very twisted, but she was at a vulnerable place in her life right now, and I was sure that all she needed was a little tenderness and understanding to fix her up.  
  
And what had she gotten instead? A screeching pterodactyl that had swooped upon the innermost fantasy of her heart and tore it to pieces in a self-righteous rage of betrayal.  
  
The thought made me cringe even while I wept into my wet pillow. Emotional outbursts weren't consistent with my self-image as a calm and mature young woman, and I hated myself almost as much as I hated Alice. We'd both fucked up. Her fuck up was way worse than mine—which was some consolation—but overall we both seemed to be pretty crappy soulmates.  
  
A chary gray light was accruing in the window curtain and soon I'd have to get up and face another day on this dumb and shitty earth. This cold and crappy rock that rolled through the universe without any concern at all that I might've permanently damaged my relationship last night. I hated to feel sorry for her after such a sick expression of murderous lust, but let's be honest here; the chick's a vampire. I knew it, she knew it. She's not psycho, she's just a girl who happens to be cursed with an unholy craving for blood. Naturally, her sense of romance is slightly twisted. It wasn't her fault I couldn't handle it.  
  
I had no desire to die, of course, but I seriously doubted she wanted me too, either. Her perfect prom had been ruined and in her despondency she'd decided that we might as well do a Shakespeare and get it over with. I'm sure it made a great deal of sense to her at the time, but if I hadn't overreacted, if I'd just taken the time to talk her down and explain that an eternity of hot sex was actually way better than dying, then maybe I'd be a vampire by now. Waking up in a hotel room in Seattle somewhere, blinking up at Alice, my Alice, my Alice for all eternity, as she bends to kiss my vampire lips and—  
  
But wait. Because last night wasn't a spontaneous itch for tragedy, was it? No, she'd said she'd been thinking about it for a long time. She said that she knew what she wanted to do ever since she first saw me, and now…it felt right.  
  
Suddenly I felt sick. Any love or pity I'd felt was washed away in a dizzy wave of nausea. What the hell had I been sticking my tongue into all this time? A woman who wanted to kill me? What kind of whacked-out bitch could possibly…  
  
But I didn't want to think about it anymore. It was too much, too complicated, too early in the day. I was tired and exhausted and all I wanted was for time to go as fast as possible so that all this would become nothing but a memory that Alice and I would one day look back on and laugh at how young and stupid we were. Because I had no doubt that we'd get back together. I couldn't imagine life without Alice, and if last night proved anything, it certainly proved that she couldn't live without me either—in fact, she didn't plan to. Rather than risk any more complications in our already complicated relationship, her solution was to give me a romantic send off into the blank bliss of death before following along in whatever manner appealed to her sensibilities as a tragic lover. Very elegant, almost beautiful—aside from one little problem, of course. Like, oh say, the fact that we'd be dead. Speaking for myself, death wasn't a state I was eager to enter into. Marriage was fine, and even vampirism sounded like fun, but death? Fuck that. If I had to choose between Alice and Life, I'd…  
  
I'd what?  
  
I didn't know, but that was another thing I didn't want to think about, so I finally threw off the covers and staggered weak and red-eyed into the bathroom. I showered, swaying sleepily under the water. I felt the urge to just slit my wrists and let it all wash away, but that seemed a bit redundant considering I'd recently denied my girlfriend the same pleasure. It was sad. I'd chose to live, and now I was stuck with it. Talk about fate worse than death.  
  
I just hoped Alice wouldn't do anything rash. She'd been triple-crushed last night, first by her mistress and wife, and then by me, her soulmate. And even before the trifecta of betrayals she hadn't been the most stable young woman. The last time we'd had a tiff she ran directly back to the redhead and almost allowed her mistress to put her out of her misery like an injured dog.  
  
But she wouldn't do that again, would she? God, I hoped not. She knew that I didn't mean all those things I said, didn't she? Well, I meant some of them, but I certainly wasn't serious when I said I'd stake her if she ever came near me again. That had been sheer teen bravado, a young girl getting carried away in the heat of hysteria. Alice knew that, didn't she?  
  
Maybe I should call her. And say what? Hey, Alice, sorry about not letting you kill me last night. I just wasn't ready, you know?  
  
No, that's ridiculous. This was a serious issue and I had to take it seriously. Alice had fucked up big time. Maybe I'd overreacted just a little, but I was perfectly justified. I mean, the woman wanted to kill me, for god's sake. I'd resisted her mother, rejected Lauren, and saved her from the redhead, and in return she wanted to reward me with a nice romantic death. Well, that was wrong of her. Therefore the next step was up to her. If she truly loved me like she claimed, she'd apologize. She'd admit that she was wrong, beg for forgiveness, and promise never to—  
  
Oh, what the fuck am I thinking? This is Alice. Alice isn't normal. Alice doesn't think normally and she sure as shit doesn't act normally. What was she most likely to do?  
  
I had no idea. The scope of her reaction could include every extreme of romantic absurdity. She could go back to her ex, start stalking me again, hop a plane to Paris, violently murder me in my sleep some night, or she could even pick me up for school on Monday morning with a cheerful smile and a fragile pretense that nothing is wrong at all. I just didn't know.  
  
And me? What was the scope of my reaction? I wasn't sure, but I could add a budding sense of panic to the list. Why hadn't Alice come home last night? Where had she gone? She should've come back. She should've ran after me that very night and apologized. How could she let me leave after all those things I said to her? What if… what if…  
  
The feeling of wrongness slowly grew inside me until I realized that this stupidness had gone on long enough. It had only been a matter of hours since the fight, but when you're as addicted to a girl as I am to Alice, a few hours was a few too long. There was no point getting all pissy about it. Alice and I were soulmates; that was never going to change, and it pretending to be angry at her was just stupid and unnecessary theatrics. The quicker we got over this, the quicker we could get on with our real happily ever after, the one that didn't involve double death in a hotel suite somewhere.  
  
So I got out the shower and dried off quickly and then I hurried back to my room with the towel wrapped around my body. It was the first I hadn't had sex in the shower for a long time, and this was another reason to be angry with Alice. But in the interest of a swift reconciliation, I pushed the thought away and began looking for my cellphone. It wasn't on my desk and I realized that I must've left it in Alice's car; along with my purse with also contained my keys, my vibrator, and a spare pair of kinky panties that Alice liked.  
  
Okay; no cell phone. I got changed and tried to think rationally, but by now my head was bubbling with all the horrible things that could prevent us from getting back together. I'd never been the kind of girl to fall to pieces over losing her cellphone, but the stakes were very high this morning and I really needed to speak to Alice, to let her know at least that I was willing to forgive her and continue fucking her—as long as she didn't eat me alive afterward like a praying mantis.  
  
I turned on my computer and jiggled impatiently while the slow-ass motherfucker booted up, and then I checked my e-mail. Email wasn't our preferred method of interaction, of course, but lacking a phone it would've been the next logical way to contact me. But nothing, nothing from Alice at all. Just a couple pieces of junk and some spam that offered to enlarge my penis. Mom had borrowed my email for a while before she'd learnt how to create her own, and for a second I wondered what the hell kind of sites she'd signed up on, but it wasn't important right then. My relationship was in jeopardy and I had to contact my girlfriend. But how do I do that without a cellphone?  
  
Then it hit me: home phone.  
  
It should've occurred to me before email, but I was starting to feel a little flustered, and my mind wasn't really working right. A hollow feeling had began to open in my stomach as the possibility of permanently ruining my relationship grew in my mind. I was already half way down the stairs and I truly did not know what I'd do without Alice's touch, Alice's voice, Alice's—  
  
Venom?  
  
But I shook that thought away and grabbed up the phone on the wall in the kitchen. I punched in Alice's cell number and started biting a fingernail while it rang. But what was I going to say? I didn't know, but anything would be better than nothing. God, what a stupid thing to argue over. Why the hell had I freaked out so bad for, anyway? It's not like I'm not half suicidal already. Was it really—  
  
The phone answered. My heart leapt, half in terror, half in relief, and—  
  
"Hi, this is Alice," said the prerecorded message. "I can't come to the phone right now, so—"  
  
I slammed the phone into the cradle. Unbelievable. After everything she did, after the enormous betrayal of ruining my prom night by trying to kill me, she didn't even have the decency to pick up.  
  
But what if she can't pick up? What if she's tied up somewhere with the redhead and—  
  
I grabbed the receiver and called again. Alice's message played, it beeped, and then—  
  
I stood frozen with my mouth open. What the fuck was I supposed to say?  
  
"Hey, Alice," I said, and my voice came out so pleasant and normal it seemed disturbing. "You never came home last night. I was worried." I paused. Breathed. Swallowed. "Um, so call me, okay? I was… Just, um…" My eyelids fluttered, tears sprinkled to the floor – but my voice continued to be completely casual. "I love you, okay? So, listen. Um… Call me when you get this. Just…"  
  
I hung up. I blinked some more and wiped my eyes with my palms. God, this was so stupid. How could I do this to her? She would've understood if I'd explained it to her, if I'd just—  
  
"Bella?"  
  
Mom's voice. She had just come in the kitchen, clad in slippers and nightrobe, hair disheveled. Her eyes were red and she looked like she had slept much or at all.  
  
I felt a stab of guilt, and I truly didn't want to hurt her anymore, so I forced my mouth into a smile and pretended that I hadn't been crying.  
  
"Oh," I said, resisting the urge to sniff loudly. "Hi, mom."  
  
Mom looked at me sadly. I was standing by the phone and it was probably pretty obvious who I'd been calling. She came over and wrapped me into a hug, presumably to make me feel better. "Are you okay, sweetie?"  
  
I returned the hug, but I stiffened uncomfortably. Why did she even bother asking? Of course I wasn't alright, but obviously I was trying to pretend I was. Why make me say it out loud?  
  
"Yeah," I said, patting her back. "I'm fine, why?"  
  
She released me and looked into my face. "You were very upset last night," she said, as if maybe I'd forgotten.  
  
But of course I hadn't. Last night was still very fresh in my mind, only this morning it was tempered by the knowledge that I couldn't live without her and I needed her back. So I shrugged it off and quickly computed a response that would hopefully make the subject go away. "Well, it was prom," I said. "I just, you know. And Alice…"  
  
I trailed off. Saying her name out loud almost caused me to break down again, but I held it back.  
  
Mom was shaking her head. "Even after everything she's put you through, I'm surprised at her," she said. "She seemed like she really wanted it to be perfect for you."  
  
The bitter irony of that made my heart clench. Alice had tried, she really had. She wanted it to be perfect – absolutely perfect. Her methods were twisted, but her sentiment was sweet, and before I realized it, I was defending her. "She did, mom," I said. "It was my fault. I should've…"  
  
But mom looked at me fiercely. "You can't keep blaming yourself for everything that girl does," she said. "You're a good girl, Bella. It hurts me so much to see you like this."  
  
Suddenly I realized there was no point talking about this with mom. She'd never understand, could not possibly understand. So I just shook my head. "I'm fine, mom," I said. "Look, can we not talk about it? It's nothing, really."  
  
"It wasn't nothing Bella," she said. "Do you have any idea—"  
  
"Mom, please," I interrupted softly. I shook my head and looked at the floor. "Just…"  
  
She watched me for a minute and then she wrapped me into another hug. "Okay, sweetie," she said. "But promise me you'll talk to me if you need to, okay?"  
  
"I promise," I said, and as usual, I didn't really mean it.  
  
It was Sunday morning, so there was no school. Mom badgered me about breakfast, trying to get me to let her make blueberry pancakes, as if she thought that might cheer me up a little. But my appetite was mostly gone these days and pancakes—even mom's pancakes—seemed about as desirable as sawdust and syrup.  
  
But I didn't want mom to worry about me anymore than she was already, so I worked through a bowl of cereal with grim determination, my stomach churning as I spooned up the cold milk, cold corn flakes, wondering what the hell I was supposed to do now. Last night was supposed to be the answer to all our problems, and instead we'd only created more. Not only were we still in Forks, but we now had an ultimatum from the redhead; give up some ass or else. And while it was certainly a unique predicament to be hounded by a beautiful woman for sex, it still wasn't the best step for me and Alice. Then again, Alice and I seemed to disagree on what our next step should be, didn't we? I was ready to settle into a life of beautiful debauchery that would hopefully never end; she was ready to kill me and off herself afterwards.  
  
Hence our current relationship status of quasi-broken up. But that wasn't good enough, not with a girl like Alice. This was not a girl prone to rational and well thought out behavior; this was a girl who liked to dangle her girlfriend in front of her ex at dinner parties, who liked to flee the continent when things got tough and return only when her partner falls into a near fatal coma, who wanted to go to prom when the whole school hates her and several of her sisters are frothing at the mouth for her pussy. None of her decisions had worked out well for anyone involved so far, and however she decided to handle last nights tiff, it was probably not going to be in a smart and mature manner.  
  
Therefore it was up to me to make things better – before thing got worse.  
  
I called her again after breakfast and then I tried her house phone. I got messages on both. I didn't know Leah's number by heart, but I tried Jane's; nothing.  
  
Well. Things were getting worse already.  
  
But maybe I was overreacting. After all, it was a big fight. Maybe Alice needed a little time to herself, to calm down, to realize what she did wrong. Time to lick her wounds, and lick the redhead's—  
  
But no, it was wrong to assume that. Just because Alice wasn't answering, didn't mean she'd gone back to the redhead.  
  
Did it?  
  
The phone was cordless and by noon I had it sitting in my lap like a pet as I stared at the TV, not watching, waiting for it to ring. Then I realized that maybe she didn't know I'd lost my cellphone, so I called again and let her know to call me at home, my voice still disturbingly casual. But after a while I realized that I'd forgotten to mention why she had to call me at home, so I called again and told her voicemail that I'd lost my cellphone, and then in another ten minutes I called again and asked if she could keep an eye out for it; I might've left it in her car and she might've missed it. This was enough for half an hour and then I called one more time and said that if she found my phone she might as well bring it over, the pleasantness of my voice promising that I wasn't mad and that everything would be okay if only she'd call or come over.  
  
But she didn't. I waited all afternoon and the longer she maintained radio silence, the more worried I became – and angry. Mom made dinner by herself and it was the first time in over month we'd eaten without Alice. I sat down with tears of rage speckling my vision and I couldn't eat a bite. Mom asked if I'd heard back from Alice yet, but I shook my head; I might've cried if I tried to talk.  
  
How could she do this to me? It was understandable not to come home last night, but it was pure evil to avoid me all of today when I was trying so hard to get in touch with her. Was this punishment for refusing to die? That's not fair. She was the one who fucked up. I was the one who was hurt, the one who had a right to be angry. She had no right to treat me like this.  
  
After dinner I again found myself on the couch with the phone in my lap, but still, no call. I had bitten all my nails and soon mom asked me if I was cold. My teeth were chattering and she could hear it from across the room. I told her I was fine, but I was not fine. It had been almost twenty-four hours since I'd seen Alice. Since I'd touched her, held her, made love to her. I was feverish and my face felt hot under my hand. The last couple weeks it had been a struggle to go even a couple hours without her. I was addicted, figurative and literally. If I didn't see her soon—  
  
"Are you sure you're okay, sweetie?" mom asked. "You look…"  
  
"I'm fine, mom," I said, smiling through clenched teeth to keep them from chattering. Suddenly it occurred to me that Alice could be waiting outside my window this very minute and even more suddenly I stood up. "Listen," I said, already backing away toward the stairs. "I'm gonna get to bed. Is it okay I take the phone? Just in case?"  
  
"Well…"  
  
"Thanks mom," I said, and then quickly dashed over and kissed the top of her head. "See you in the morning."  
  
I hurried upstairs and paused outside my room, hand on the door knob. Somehow I was absolutely positive that she was going to be there, waiting, naked on my bed to surprise me with an apologetic fuck, a single red rose in her hand perhaps. It was typical Alice, vintage Alice, exactly Alice. It was her style. Sex was her solution to everything, and creepy sex when it was least appropriate was her home run swing.  
  
I could see it so clearly it seemed inevitable that when I opened the door it would reveal Alice, and yet I hesitated, because I knew, I knew that—  
  
I pushed open the door. Nothing. My bed was rumpled, unmade. The window closed. No sign of anyone having been here but me. No scent of Alice – just a lingering hint of lavender from yesterday.  
  
The disappointment was crushing. I'd been so sure, and yet…  
  
I opened the window half way and stuck my head out. My teeth were rattling in my mouth and the wind tossed my hair, making me shiver. But there was no Alice. No Alice in the yard, no Alice on the swing set. No Alice anywhere.  
  
I curled up in bed with the phone cuddled at my chest like a teddy bear, staring at the window, watching the drapes move in the night breeze, trying to figure out what Alice could possibly be thinking, feeling. But I truly had no idea. No matter how close we became, no matter how intimate, she would always remain a pretty enigma. She couldn't possibly be mad at me, could she? No, no, that was just ridiculous. She had no right to be mad at me, even she would have to see that. It was more likely she was hurt. Hurt by my rejection, and…  
  
And what? What would she do if she was hurt? Well, if history was any guide, she'd whip out the handcuffs and run back to the redhead. But things had changed between them lately, and between us. Alice loved me far more now than she did then, and it wasn't a guarantee she'd go back to the redhead. Maybe she just wasn't ready to talk yet. Maybe she realized she made a mistake and she wasn't ready to face me. Maybe she'd left her car and her cellphone and simply set off, wandering the streets like a lost puppy, and soon she'll wander back, as soon as—  
  
But how come there was no answer at her house? And how come Jane never answered, either?  
  
I didn't know, but the bad feeling in my stomach felt like I'd been bodypunched by a heavyweight. I was tempted to run downstairs and grab mom's keys and just drive over. But that would alarm mom, and I didn't want to believe something had gone wrong that badly, not yet. Alice would call eventually. Maybe it would take a couple days. Or maybe just a couple minutes. Maybe—  
  
I burst into tears. I didn't know I was going to do it, and I was ashamed, even though no one could see. I was ashamed of myself. How could I be so pathetic? This was a woman who wanted to kill me. Who'd lied to me every single step of our relationship. And I… And I…  
  
I love her.  
  
That was the truth. I loved her and I would always love her. I fell in love with her from the first second I saw her and that had never gone away. Even now. Especially now. Because deep in my heart I knew that she was hurt and alone and that she needed me now more than ever, and all she had to do was call, just call and everything would be okay.  
  
But she didn't call, and so I buried my face into the pillow to muffle the sobs and I cried and finally I cried myself to sleep.  
  
Monday morning. I woke with a headache and a sense of dizzy disorientation, as if I was falling. My hand snatched out to grab something—Alice—but then my eyes snapped open and I was in bed. Alice hadn't come back. I checked messages and checked my email; nothing. My mouth was bone-dry and when I looked into the bathroom mirror my lips were pale. How long since I'd kissed Alice? I wasn't sure, but when I thought about her lips, about the sweetness of her kiss, about her beautiful saliva, my headache got worse and my mouth even drier.  
  
I drank three cups of water at the kitchen sink but the dryness didn't go away. I took some aspirin but the headache didn't go away either. I was distracted and fidgety all morning, and soon mom was suggesting that maybe I shouldn't go to school. Considering my recent absences, I must've looked pretty bad. But I had to go to school. Alice might be there, and even if she wasn't the other Cullen's will be, and I had to know where Alice was and what she was doing. I just hoped she hadn't gone back to the redhead. I just hoped—  
  
Mom gave me a ride to school, not wanting me to walk. My eyes were red and burning and I wandered through the corridors with dread seeping through my stomach. There had been no Volvo in the parking lot, no Mazda, no red convertible, no motorbike. I was used to going through homeroom with no Alice, but usually we'd make out at my locker for a bit, which would be enough to hold me over till our next class. This was different. I hadn't kissed Alice in two days, which was manageable back before we'd moved in together, but at this point in our relationship it was a torment. My head felt like it was pounding and it was painful to swallow. I was drawing glances, but I realized it was probably to do with prom, about me making out with Rosalie, about me and Alice fucking in the bathroom, grinding all over the dancefloor. I didn't care. Alice and I were going to get back together, and she was going to turned me into a vampire, and—  
  
There was no Mrs Cullen in English and at lunch in the cafeteria the Cullen table was empty. My sense of dread grew and after waiting till the bell rang in case they were late, I got up and left, walking straight out of school and directly home.  
  
The first thing I did was check for messages. The second thing I did was take a couple more aspirin. I sat at the kitchen table with the phone in front of me and tried to think. No Cullens. None at all. I started crying when I remembered how they been talking about leaving Forks soon. What if soon meant right now? What if Alice had gone back to them, devastated, brokenhearted, and convinced them all to just leave? Was that possible? Could Alice be that hurt? That angry?  
  
No. No, she wouldn't leave me. Not like this. There had to be some other reason. Maybe they were just sick of school. Maybe they were still in town, but there was no point going to school anymore. And Alice…  
  
Where was Alice? She wasn't here. She wasn't at school. She should be here. With me. How could she do this to me? It wasn't fair. I loved her so much and she wanted to kill me? And now I couldn't even get her on the phone. Life can be so fucked up sometimes.  
  
I called her cell and called her house. I called Jane. No answers. I hung up and moaned miserably. This wasn't fair. This wasn't—  
  
I went up to my room and started going through Alice's things. Her clothes and accessories. Her iPod. I put an earbud in my ear and sat on the floor with her clothes scattered on the carpet, crying at almost every song, songs that sang about love and never giving up on love and about how beautiful love was. I had one of Alice's tops in my lap. It was pink and flimsy, a small little top for her small little torso. It still smelled faintly of her, and I lifted it to my nose and inhaled and wiped my eyes with it.  
  
I went though Alice's notebooks, flipping through pages and pages of doodled love hearts with my name in them, lovehearts with arrows through them or little angel wings or devil horns, inscribed with initials and dates. In her art book there were sketches of me, my face, my eyes, my naked body. The back of her Biology notebook contained the transcripts of notes we'd passed back and forth, telling each other how much we loved each other and what we were going to do to each other to prove that love. She had never mentioned death once.  
  
My head was splitting and my mind was in fractures, but I couldn't help thinking about it, and the more I thought about it, the more I could understand how perfect and desirable it must've seemed in her warped little mind. After so many centuries of heartbreak and failure, and facing so much pressure from her family and pressure from me, it must've made perfect sense to end it all on her terms, to twist the inevitable death and separation into something beautiful and meaningful. But she didn't have to do that with me, because I loved her more than that, more than anyone she'd ever known, and she'd be happy with me if only she come back.  
  
I picked up a pair of her panties and became insanely horny. They were leopard-print bikini briefs and the memory of her in them caused a bolt of lust to strike directly between my legs. I ransacked her underwear drawer for her own personal vibrator and, remembering how many times it been stuffed into Alice's pussy, I started licking and sucking it with my dry and hungry mouth, and finally I struggled out of my jeans and stuck it inside me, whimpering as Alice came to me in my head, naked and smiling and opening her legs for me to kneel between, whimpering and hissing her name into the carpet as I came, Alice, Alice, Alice.  
  
The next day was Tuesday. I went to school again, but no Alice, no Cullens. I went home and called, but by now the numbers were disconnected.  
  
Three days since I'd seen Alice, then four. My withdrawals got worse. I shivered myself to sleep and had bad dreams. I sat at the breakfast table, hugging myself, rocking, blinking into my cereal. Unable to eat, to think. My throat was burning and it was all I could do to pretend to be okay for mom. She wasn't satisfied, and she demanded I stay home and rest and if I wasn't better by the time she got home she was taking me to the doctor. I told her I would, and after she was gone I started walking to school. But before I was even half way there I'd changed my mind and set off in the direction of the Cullen house.  
  
It was a long walk out to their house in the middle of nowhere, slumping along in my boots, shivering in the wind, my jaw chattering loud enough to make my headache even worse. The road wound through a forest of evergreens. Occasionally a truck would pass. Dead leaves scuttled in the wind and scuttled back. The road was wet from rain last night and when I looked up I saw the house in the distance; a modest mansion on a rise above the road.  
  
Already my heart was failing. The curtains were drawn in every window and there were no cars in the driveway. An envelope was sticking out of the mailbox. Several newspapers sat untouched on the porch. I jogged up to the front door, staggering in clumsy fatigue. I knocked. Nothing. I knocked again, waiting. I pressed the doorbell, a soft whimper escaping me as I leaned an ear to the oak paneled door, straining to hear anything, anything at all beside the wind and the bell chimes.  
  
But there was nothing. For a long time I stood there helplessly, rocking on the spot, hugging myself from cold. Then I balled my fist and lambasted the door about five times.  
  
"Alice!" I screamed. "Alice, are you—!"  
  
I choked off into a sob and then I staggered off the porch and stumbled around the side of the house. I found the screendoor and banged on the glass, screaming for Alice. The family cat, Fang, sat on the kitchen counter, watching me. Nothing else in sight. I grabbed the door handle as if I would tear it open. I grunted and strained. The cat flicked it's tail, watching me with total unconcern. Finally I fell back and cast about wildly for something to throw. I picked up a heavy clay pot plant and threw it with all my strength at the screendoor. The glass shattered and the cat leapt off the counter and scrabbled away across the linoleum.  
  
My breath shuddered through my clicking teeth. I stepped into the kitchen, boots crunching in the broken glass. I called out timidly:  
  
"Alice?"  
  
No answer. Nothing. I whimpered quietly and went on through the house.  
  
It seemed abandoned. No lights were on and it was dark. The cream-colored furniture gray and featureless. The plasma TV, dead and black. I went up the stairs, blinking rapidly, trying not to stumble. But the steps seemed wonky and the house seemed to be swaying. I gripped the balustrade and emerged into the upstairs corridor.  
  
Alice's door was at the end and the whole hall seemed to recede before me as I struggled toward it with feet that felt like shovels. I reached for the door knob, swaying, certain that Alice would be here, that Alice would be—  
  
I opened the door. Nothing. Bed. Closet. I swung my head from side to side, straining for focus. No Alice.  
  
Several of the dresser drawers were open and clothes were missing. Then I looked up and saw.  
  
The collage on the wall that had been composed of hand drawn pictures of me was gone. Every picture pulled down and torn up and scattered over the carpet like snow.  
  
I reeled across the room and sat on the bed. I tried to swallow, but I couldn't. My throat felt closed. I stared at the ripped up portraits on the floor, a feeling of alien desolation sweeping slowly over me and making me sweat. Alice hated me. I'd let her down. My vision was blurry and my head was twitching on my neck. Alice's mural of me lay torn up and shredded at my feet and I stared at the remains as if I couldn't quite figure out what it meant. But even as my brains baked in my head it was pretty obvious.  
  
Alice was gone.  
  
And she wasn't coming back.  
  
—  
  



	24. Chapter 24

—  
  
Chapter 24:  
  
—  
  
Somehow I'd managed to get home. I'd fallen asleep on Alice's bed and woke up as the sun was going down. The family cat was sitting on the dresser, watching me. It looked like it hadn't been fed in days. Abandoned like me. I found a carry-cage in the laundry, the kind you use to cart troublesome pets to the vet, and I managed to coerce the cat inside it. Then I bought it home with me, cooing to it drunkenly as I staggered home in the dark and the wind.  
  
It wasn't pleased with my kindness. It hissed and tried to claw me no matter how nice I was to it. Mom wasn't happy either, with the cat or the late hour, but she soon had other things to worry about. I wasn't doing so good. The devastation of losing Alice, permanently and forever, had left me vague and distracted, staring about as if not sure what I was doing here. I had a fever and I was swaying on my feet. Mom rushed forward to feel my forehead and her hand almost knocked me over. I told her I was okay, but she didn't believe me.  
  
I slept and woke and slept again. I had dreams all night. Mom woke me in the morning and in trying to get out of bed I fell on the floor. My hair was soaked with sweat and I kept telling her I was okay, but she still didn't believe me. She took me to the doctor where I sat tottering in my chair in the waiting room, mom's arm around my shoulders. The doctor examined me and took some blood. I panicked and tried to swat the syringe away. My blood belonged to Alice, no one else. But mom calmed me down and soon she took me home. Apparently my symptoms were consistent with the stress of some kind of extreme emotional trauma. There was nothing wrong with me physically. They analyzed my blood and they didn't seem to find any trace of vampire venom.  
  
There was only a couple more weeks of school and mom thought it was best to keep me home. So I could rest. And get better. I did rest but I didn't get better. I got worse. Mom's weight tilting the mattress in the morning, her hand on my forehead, brushing away my sticky hair. For days I lay in bed, floating in a faintly fevered world with my lover's venom flushing from my system. I fell prey to strange cravings. Alice and her sisters came to me in my sleep as I flailed under the sweat-soaked sheets in the throes of sexual nightmare. Struggling in the grip of these demonic harlots as they smiled with their fangs and tore into my flesh. Climaxing with a cry, waking, lapsing again into the darkness where they yet waited to devour me, body, heart, soul.  
  
Now come days of delirium, days of despair. Days without Alice.  
  
One night I went to look for her. Fumbling with the lock at the front door and staggering down the sidewalk in my pajamas. Mom must've heard the door because she soon came running out after me in her slippers. She took me by the shoulders and turned me back toward the house.  
  
"Come on, Bella," she said, wrapping her arm around me. "Come on, sweetie."  
  
"No," I said, trying to struggle away. "No, I have to… I have to…"  
  
She put me back in bed and stroked my hair until I fell asleep. It felt like Alice's hand, but it was not Alice, and when I woke there was no mom nor Alice, just dim dawn in the window and emptiness inside.  
  
I couldn't eat, I couldn't drink. I couldn't think. Alice visited me in my dreams, washing up on the shores of my sanity where she pretended not to notice me, coyly toeing the ground with a naked foot as I screamed for her in my sleep. Mom tried to shake me awake but I would not wake. Alice was on a beach. Casting sad smiles at a sunset beyond the swells where no sun would ever rise again. A trail of footsteps in the sand behind her. Mom woke me and rocked me back to sleep and I was awake again within the hour, stumbling into the bathroom, naked and drenched with sweat. I threw on the lightswitch and collapsed at the toilet. I vomited blood into the bowl and wiped my mouth with my wrist.  
  
Standing at the sink, washing my hands. Spitting. A pink stain swirling into the drain. I lifted my eyes to the face in the mirror, haggard, haunted, dark hair dull and lank. A strained smile with lips that were pale and peeling and speckled with blood.  
  
"Well," I said to my reflection. "You're dying."  
  
But by now I'd ceased to care. I went back to bed and Alice came to me again, bending over the pillow and blinking at me with her nymphish eyes, asking me if I was okay. I moaned her name and reached to grab her, to drag her from my dreams into the waking world where I could hold her as I so needed to. But she only giggled and sidled away, fading again into icy unreality and leaving behind nothing but the memory of a scent, a touch, a kiss.  
  
She was gone. Alice was gone. And no matter how hard I moaned and cried she was never coming back. No Alice, life without Alice. The enormity of my dilemma was revealed at last and for a while I couldn't breathe. My breath rasped in and out as I tried to call out for her to come back. To apologize, to tell her how sorry I was, because now I knew that she was right. It was better to die than to live like this, without her, without her lips and her kiss, her smooth and silky body as she lay at my side all warm and lovely. She was right. Death was the only way, in her arms, under her lips. I'd told her no and now I was dying alone.  
  
In the morning mom found the blood in the toilet and rushed me to the emergency room. They said the symptoms were similar to typhoid but there was no trace of the virus in my system. Mom mentioned drugs, that maybe I'd been on drugs. But there was no traces of that either. Again, the venom seemed to go undetected.  
  
A genuine medical mystery. They looked at me in silence and I leaned to mom's ear.  
  
"I'm okay now," I lied.  
  
A young nurse with brown hair was taking off my clothes. I giggled drunkenly and wondered if we were going to fuck. Then she pulled a gown over my head and tucked me into the bed.  
  
Where I wheeled away in a hot helix of delirium that led me lower and lower into the sleazy darkness of my heart where Alice was waiting. I saw her as I left her at prom, in her tiny black dress, satin, so sexy. Smiling, smiling, smiling softly in my skull. She was so beautiful, so amazingly gorgeous. Her loveliness washed over me like a wave and made me collapse bonelessly at her feet where I began clawing at the hem of her dress, gibbering and pleading with her to come back, to be there when I woke up.  
  
But she only smiled down at me and stepped away from my touch. She lifted a foot and put her shoe against my shoulder, pushing me away. Then she turned and left, leaving me to watch her ass as it rolled sexily under the black satin of her dress.  
  
My eyes fluttered and fluttered closed.  
  
When I dreamed again, I dreamed of Jane and Leah, Jane in her cheerleader uniform, Leah in her leathers. They were making out and offering me to join in, but I had Alice, and I could never cheat on Alice. But Alice was standing behind me and urging me to go ahead. Jane smirked and lifted her skirt to temp me. Underneath her panties were pink and she giggled as I stared. Leah slipped her hand inside and fingered her generously. They watched me with their heavy eyes and Alice gave me a playful shove and soon I was tottering over toward them.  
  
Victoria laughed and suddenly I was somewhere else. Red room, red bed shaped like a loveheart, red satin sheets. On the bed the redhead lounged with her naked body in glorious exposure like a demoness in flames, her blonde slave curled at her feet like a fallen angel and lapping lovingly at the pursed and pink cleft between her legs. Victoria smiled and beckoned me forward. Dumbed and drooling I crawled onto the bed beside the blonde and together we alternated with our tongues to worship the redhead. Alice giggled and when I looked up Alice was sitting on her mistress's face like a princess, winking at me over her bare shoulder and grinding on Victoria's mouth.  
  
And then I was back at school. English. Mrs Cullen was wearing a crotchless black leather corset and carrying a whip. No one seemed to think it was strange and for some reason the entire class was girls. Alice was going down on me under the desk. Lauren was jealous.  
  
"Miss Swan, what on earth is going on over there?" questioned Mrs Cullen.  
  
I looked down at Alice's head. She was still licking at me, her eyes lifted to mine passively. I shrugged at the teacher, embarrassed. "I don't know."  
  
Lauren snorted. "Dumb dyke."  
  
I looked at her and saw she was naked. Then I realized we were all naked and by then I was coming under the desk while everyone watched.  
  
Prom. But it was different this time, because this time I was going to let her do it, let her have me the way she wanted to have me, because I realized now that I couldn't live without her. I kept apologizing for not letting her the first time, but she only soothed me with gentle words and peeled me out of my dress before shedding her own, stepping pale and perfect from the pooled black satin like a chrysalis emerging. She laid me on the bed and I was so happy to have another chance, to give her what she wanted, to be the lover she wanted me to be. I accepted her into my arms and kissed her passionately.  
  
Writhing happily under her lips as they searched out every inch of this body that belonged to her, all of it, just for her. My hands scrunching in the sheets as her tongue pierced my entrance, my legs spread so far it felt like I was splitting myself, moaning into a magnificent climax.  
  
But there was another climax and this one was deeper, darker, a climax of everything I'd ever known, loved, or longed for, and it was this climax Alice was eager to offer me. And so she gathered me into her arms, limp and pliable, completely hers. She kissed me and stroked me for a little bit, letting her love spread through my body, letting the anticipation build and build until finally she lowered her fangs and bit into my neck.  
  
I gasped, knowing that this was the end, the last time, the best time. Knowing that this was what Alice wanted more than anything, her dream, her fantasy, and knowing that it was me who was giving it to her, me and no one else. The joy of fulfillment came at me like a comet, blazing huge and ponderous through a dark sky and whirling toward me at inconceivable speed, swirling in to consume me and capture me and carry me away into a boundless universe of rapture and all-knowing love, unity, and acceptance—bliss without end, in me and of me and all around me forever in Alice's arms with Alice's name gasping from my lips – Alice, Alice, Alice.  
  
And then I woke up.  
  
The happiness was gone and nothing welled to replace it beside a black and absolute certainty that I'd never be happy again. It was my first lucid thought in weeks and my second was that I wished I died.  
  
Mom was beside my bed. The doctors had told her I was getting better and she was very relieved to see me awake. Tears and everything. I managed to mumble a few words to assure her that I was going to be fine and soon I was asleep again.  
  
I woke at night, in a dark room lit solely by the pale glow of the fluorescent bar over my bar. I had a moment of dizzy deja vu and sat up wildly, looking for Alice. The last time she'd left me she'd returned when I'd fallen into a coma. But there was nothing and I subsided back against the pillow with an outbreak of sweat across my forehead. I sniffed back tears and used my returning mental clarity to call myself a pathetic moron. Of course she wasn't here. Last time she'd only came back because Jane had called her. But who would call her this time? Mom? Yeah right. By now I was sure mom would rather bludgeon her with a phone than call her with it.  
  
Alice was gone. But this time the realization caused nothing but numbness. Alice was gone, taking my heart and soul with her, and I was never going to see her again. My lip trembled and I started crying again, softly, but loud enough to wake mom who was sleeping in the visitor's chair and who quickly rushed forward to hug me and make me feel better.  
  
I was in the hospital for another two days before mom took me home. During my stay in the hospital she had purged the house of anything that might remind me of Alice. She'd gotten rid of all her clothes, her notebooks, all her little knick knacks. Which was probably a smart thing to do with a daughter who's symptoms of depression extended to comas and vomiting blood. But honestly, there was no reason for her to worry anymore. I couldn't claim to be over it, but my time in the hospital had healed the worst of my ruptured heart. The bleeding had stopped and the wound had began to scab over. The venom induced delirium now seemed like the nightmare it really was and my heart hung dead and cold in my chest like a big ball of scar tissue.  
  
The only thing I truly missed from Alice's missing effects was the vibrator. I'd gotten used to the thing and masturbating by hand seemed like a lot of effort. But my convalescence seemed to require an orgasm or two, so I managed, and managed quite often. Always thinking about Alice. It probably wasn't the best way to get over her, but a girl can't help how she feels. My mind was already over her, but the shredded remains of my heart held on bitterly, and my pussy itself seemed entirely oblivious to the fact that we'd broken up. Addiction or not, it craved Alice as much as it ever had, and nothing but Alice—or the mental image of Alice—would satisfy. It made me wonder if Alice's venom was the true reason behind my slutty behavior, or only the excuse, but it seemed like a moot point; even before I'd met Alice I'd never been shy to rub one out whenever the urge struck me.  
  
All in all, I was doing okay in those days fresh out the hospital. All things considered. Aside from crying myself to sleep most nights. And researching suicide on the internet. I'd never do it, of course, but it was nice to know the method most considerate to friends and family was in the bath with a razor; less mess to clean up.  
  
School was over by now and it was vacation. Spring time. A sad and bitter-sweet season. Slumping through the days like a prisoner on parole, cautious and not particularly optimistic about my new freedom. The intellectual part of my mind knew that Alice had been bad for me, but it also knew that my life wasn't likely to ever be better than death in Alice's arms. Still, I was alive, and I was stuck with it, so I didn't complain.  
  
But it wasn't all doom and gloom. In many ways, things were great. Mom showed me my report card; I'd managed to pass a couple subjects, despite not handing in a single piece of homework for the latter part of the semester. I promised her I'd do better next year, and strangely I really did mean it. Even more strangely, she believed me. Mom and I had had a reconciliation of sorts and soon we had become closer than ever. She never pressed me for details on what happened and why I reacted so badly to it. She was just grateful to have her daughter back. Although one night we were watching a movie, a romantic comedy, and she asked me if I thought the male lead was cute. Unfortunately, my recent detox had done nothing to diminish my desire for the female form, and I was forced to confess that maybe the girl was more my type. Mom might've been disappointed that I didn't intend to straighten out all the way, but she hid it well.  
  
The detox, however, had been pretty rough on my body and I'd lost a lot of weight, even dropping a bra-size. Luckily my appetite had returned and after stuffing myself like a pig for a couple weeks I managed to regain a bit of shape. Unfortunately, I'd also been scarfing every piece of chocolate I could beg from mom, and one morning I looked into the mirror and saw a rash of pimples across my forehead. Gone was my perfect pearl-like complexion and in it's place was a greasy sheen over a pallid and suddenly not-so-pretty-anymore face. It was another thing to be depressed about, but I rallied myself like the mature and rational creature I am and remembered that I didn't have a girlfriend any more so who cares if I'm an ugly troll. Real beauty's on the inside, anyway.  
  
Throughout all this the only memento I had to my life with Alice was her cat, Fang. I didn't even remember bringing it home, but it had become part of the house. Mom didn't have the heart to have it put to sleep, and even though she'd never admit it, she seemed to like the vicious thing. It wasn't the most affectionate animal a girl could wish for, but it was quiet and clean, so we fed it and bought it toys and a cat box, and some nights it would even deign to sit on my lap and let me pet it. Truthfully, it reminded me more of Rosalie than Alice, although I didn't think the blonde ate cat food. I had a feeling the poor thing missed it's mistresses, but it seemed content with me and mom, and it was nice to have a pet.  
  
The days rolled by, rolling inevitably toward school and the rest of my life without Alice. I hadn't cried about it in a while, but when I woke up on my birthday I indulged myself with a brief fit of sorrow as I fantasized how perfect my birthday could've been with Alice. The presents, the sex. Alice naked, a bright red ribbon around her throat. But deep in my heart I knew it was fantasy only and the reality was that if I'd stayed with Alice I'd be dead. And even deeper in my heart I was beginning to realize that Alice wasn't worth dying for. She was worth fighting for, and caring for, and living for – but death was just stupid.  
  
But even without Alice, my birthday turned out to be pretty cool. I had no friends to invite, but me and mom spent the day baking a cake together, decorating it with cream and candles. Mom had put up some balloons and streamers in the kitchen and she sang as she placed the cake in front of me in the dark and told me to make a wish before blowing out the candles. My wish had been prepared hours in advance and I smiled wistfully in the pale warmth of the flickering candles as I said it in my head:  
  
I wish Alice would come back.  
  
But it was just a wish and I was well past the phase when I believed they meant anything. So I blew out the candles without much hope and watched the thin spires of smoke rise from the wicks, mom clapping and reaching for the lightswitch.  
  
Mom had bought me a car as a present, a truly extravagant gesture that seemed to indicate a great deal of faith on her part. It was red and almost new. She bought it cheap off a friend, she explained, and after protesting that I didn't deserve it and promising to pay her back, she pressed the keys into my hand, hugged me, and told me she only wanted me to be happy. Obviously she truly believed I'd changed for the better, and as I jangled the keys and looked over my new ride, I promised myself I'd prove worthy of her confidence.  
  
The first place I drove to was the Cullen house. It was the day after my birthday. I'd just been cruising around and found myself turning off in the direction of the mansion. It probably wasn't the best way to facilitate my recovery, but I was pretty much over it by now, and I only wanted to see.  
  
But there was nothing to see. They hadn't come back and the house was still empty, even emptier than last time. All the furniture had been removed and the blank windows looked into blank rooms. A For Sale sign was stuck in the front lawn and as I sat parked on the curb the truth became more clear than it ever had been.  
  
Alice was gone.  
  
She was truly gone.  
  
I bowed my head in my new car. Then I turned the key and drove home.  
  
And that was that. Alice was gone, and wherever she was, I was sure she'd met someone new, and probably hotter. I didn't think she'd go back to the redhead. Those two had problems that went beyond me. Alice didn't want to die; she wanted to kill. She could pretend to be as submissive as she wants, but in her heart she was domme, through and through. Strangely, I still wasn't mad at her. All I felt was pity and regret. Pity that she was so fucked in the head and regret that I wasn't the woman she needed. And maybe, deep in my heart of hearts, there was a tiny flicker of hope that maybe one day she'd come back.  
  
In any case, the bitch was gone, the world rolled on. And now there was nothing left to do but get on with the business of living, which invariably meant going to school.  
  
First day back was next Monday. I wasn't excited. After all, I was still gay and unpopular. The only difference now was that I wasn't having sex with the cutest girl in school anymore. It made me wonder why I'd been so eager to continue living at all, but I managed to struggle out of bed in the morning and into the shower, where I cheered myself up with a brisk fingering. Mom made me pancakes for breakfast with melted butter and whipped cream and strawberries, which managed to cheer me up even more. It was very difficult to maintain a sense of soul-crushing despair and total personal worthlessness when confronted with such a magnificent breakfast, and I gave up trying half-way through. If this made me shallow, so be it. The return of my appetite was one of the few perks of breaking up with Alice, and that morning I used it to stuff myself as full as possible. I kept hoping for a coronary on the way to school from all that saturated fat, but it seemed a couple pounds of weight gain and a pimple or two were the best I could hope for.  
  
Butterflies were fluttering in my well-fed tummy as I pulled up in the school parking lot. I told myself that no one was going to bite me, but it didn't seem that funny.  
  
I got out the car, squinting in the sun. A bright and cheerful day to commemorate my return to the happy and healthy reality of being bullied and no sex. There was even a bird chirping somewhere. I lifted a hand to shield my eyes and across the parking lot I saw Lauren.  
  
She was beautiful. The sun glinting off her blonde hair, smiling as she chatted away with her friends. She was walking with a few others toward the front building, and my heart gave a pang for them. My old friends. So I shrugged up my backpack and jogged over, catching up just as they were climbing the steps.  
  
"Hey," I said, to the group but mostly to Lauren.  
  
No one wrapped me into a boisterous hug and asked me how I spent my vacation, but Angela smiled, and Lauren nodded coolly.  
  
"Hey," she said, presumably on behalf of the group.  
  
Then they continued up the steps and into the building. Conversation resumed and I fell into step beside them, lagging behind slightly so that I could check out their asses. Lauren's was cutest, and when she glanced over her shoulder and saw what I was looking at, she gave me a smirk. Or she seemed to. I blushed and looked away, and even though none of those asses held a candle to Alice's, I felt that there may be hope for the future after all.  
  
—  
  



	25. Chapter 25

—  
  
Chapter 25:  
  
—  
  
Alice and I had made a habit of locker-sharing in the final weeks of our relationship, and for a while that morning I was afraid to open it, scared of what I would find. Or wouldn't find. I stood there with the combination lock in my hand, turning the tumbler slowly, rotating the knob into the combination that only me and Alice knew, secret knowledge between us. Finally I jerked the lock down and twisted it open. Then I paused, took a deep breath, and opened the metal door.  
  
It was exactly as we'd left it. The inside of the door was covered with pictures of the two of us that she had taken and printed out, us and her family. Most of them of us, together. My eyes landed on a picture she took on one of our dates together, our cheeks pressed together to fit both our faces in the frame and her arm outstretched to snap the photo on her cellphone. Alice was smiling at the camera but my eyes were tilted toward her. I was smiling in the picture but with a wistful cast to it, as if even then I knew it would never last, could not possibly be real.  
  
Seeing her pretty face again, even just in a picture, sent a wave of dizziness over me so powerful I had to steady myself against the locker door, the terrible truth crashing into me, again, as it did sometimes. Behind me people were going by in groups or pairs, talking, laughing. I could hear nothing but a ringing in my ears. Slowly I lifted my eyes to the pictures and blinked at them.  
  
Obviously they were a painful reminder of a painful break up, and a girl dedicated to the mend of her broken heart would've almost certainly tore them down and stuck them in the trash with all the other shredded remains of her relationship. But I couldn't. I didn't cry, didn't even feel like crying, but I felt that I wasn't quite ready to get over her completely. After all, it had only been a couple months, and our relationship had been pretty intense. I knew mom wouldn't approve of keeping the pictures, but mom would never know if I left them here in my locker; a reminder every morning that once upon a time I did have a girlfriend, and she was amazing and sexy and completely fucking psychotic. Besides, I owed it to Alice. She was my soulmate. A period of harmless depression seemed appropriate, even elegant. So I decided to leave the pictures right where they were.  
  
I was still staring at them when the bell rang, and with a forlorn sigh, I lifted a hand and traced my fingertips over her smile. God, she was so beautiful. I gathered my books, my eyes constantly darting toward the pictures, the corridor clearing out behind me. Soon I was alone, and before closing the locker, I took a quick glance around the empty hall and then I leaned and kissed the picture, my heart giving a subtle pang, as if the kiss was real. I went to close the locker, but paused again, gazing at her beautiful face, her beautiful lips, and then I kissed my fingertips and touched them to the picture, as if to say goodbye for now. Then I heaved one last sigh, closed the locker, and hurried away to homeroom, not wanting to be late.  
  
All morning there was a weird electricity between me and Lauren. I sat next to her in homeroom and in English and again in History, poised silently at her side like a shadow while she talked and chattered with her friends. She didn't speak to me much, but she kept glancing and our eyes kept catching. So much had happened between us over the last year, yet there was a startling lack of tension between us – in fact, there even seemed to be a restrained eagerness, especially on her part. She seemed determined to make a good impression on me, and it was working. She had given up teasing me entirely, and when she did speak to me it was polite and tactful, as if afraid of mentioning something that should be left unmentioned. I replied with smiles and blushes and demurred responses, which only seemed to please her. She didn't even swear that much. She was almost a completely different person, at least with me. With everyone else she was the same tough, bold, abrasive bitch she always was.  
  
The only time she seemed to really tense up was at the mention of the Cullens. It was a hot topic all day, especially at lunch, where I was personally questioned on the subject. I'd wandered into the cafeteria at Lauren's heels like a lost puppy and followed her to a table, hoping to slip into a chair unnoticed. But I was beginning to realize that my recent exploits as both a lesbian and the school slut had lent me a notoriety that almost felt like popularity. All morning I'd been the target of little jabs and jibes about Alice and the other Cullens, but delivered with a chuckle instead of a snicker. All that plus my dark clothes and easy personality had lend me a kind of Bad Girl panache, and everywhere I went I was recognized and talked about. The only thing people talked about more that first day was the disappearance of the Cullens.  
  
People were extremely curious about what happened to them, especially after all the lesbian imagery at prom. Rosalie had made out with me in front of the whole school, Jane and Leah had been ass-grabbing all over the dancefloor, Victoria was already the subject of many girls harassment claims, and of course Alice had never been shy to publicly parade her sexuality. It made people more curious than they would've been otherwise. After all, a pack of attractive lesbian sisters with incestuous tendencies, disappearing overnight with no reason, no plan, no goodbye. Were they murdered and buried in the woods? Were they abducted into some kind of underground slave-ring? Did they runaway to California and become porn stars? All very intriguing theories, but the official explanation, according to teachers and friends of Leah, was somewhat less lurid; family emergency.  
  
Everybody seemed to think I had some inside information, and I did, of course, although I pretended not to. It might've been tricky to explain that the Cullen's were, in fact, vampires, and that they had fled town over complications arising from Alice's need to cement our relationship in the sanctity of death. Still, they prodded for details all through lunch until my articulate shrugs began to get boring, and then they talked about something else.  
  
Lauren was quiet all through the inquisition. There were plenty of opportunities for hurtful comments during my fumbling attempts to explain that I knew nothing, but she seemed content to simply glare at her sandwich until the topic was changed. She seemed as uncomfortable about the whole thing as I was, or more even.  
  
I fell silent until I finished eating, chewing silently and wondering how long it had been since I actually ate lunch in the cafeteria. I didn't even know. For over a month Alice and I had spent our lunch periods in the abandoned classroom upstairs, enjoying a different kind of meal that wasn't quite so nutritious. Then again, it's not like these cafeteria sandwiches were particularly healthy. I should probably lay off the bread, anyway. Too many carbs. I'd gained a couple pounds since the breakup and I wasn't walking to school anymore, so it was probably time to start watching my weight, although I had no idea why. It's not like I had a girlfriend anymore.  
  
I sighed and looked up—and Lauren looked away. I felt a hot flush that drove away a good portion of my melancholy and made me smirk slightly. I may have lost my half-turned vampire sparkle, but it seemed I was still cute enough for Lauren. Was it actually possible that she still liked me? I had no fucking clue, but I still found it hard to believe she'd openly date me, even if she did like me.  
  
So I sighed and stood up from the table with my tray, deciding to take a stroll upstairs where I could amble past the empty classroom of my memories and wallow in the despair of never meeting Alice there again. But as I stood up, Lauren stood up too—almost as if she'd been waiting—and she fell into step beside me as I made my way to the trash containers.  
  
"Fucking Jessica," Lauren said conversationally. "Bitch needs to shut the fuck up about that loser she's dating. Can't she see no one gives a fuck?"  
  
Her words made me smile like a goof. I'd always loved Lauren's brash abrasiveness, and it was a delight to hear it aimed at someone other than me. It gave me the feeling that we could be friends, and of course it was flattering that she'd left the table simply to have a couple extra seconds with me.  
  
I gave her a polite chuckle in response, but since I had no idea what Jessica had been talking about, I couldn't really offer any meaningful comment. We dumped our trays and Lauren glanced back at the table before glancing at me.  
  
"So what class you got next?"  
  
This was natural curiosity since our schedules were all new, but I got the impression that maybe she was hoping we had the same class. To be honest, I didn't even know what I had next, so I pulled the schedule out of my pocket and unfolded it.  
  
My heart sank.  
  
Biology was next.  
  
Biology would always have a special place in my heart, mostly because it was how me and Alice met. The first time I'd spoken to her was in Biology, on her first day. I could remember it as if it was yesterday, as I walked into the lab and saw her sitting in the pale light at the window, an empty stool beside her, approaching with my heart pounding in my chest as she turned and—  
  
Lauren was looking at me. My face was blank and I tucked the schedule back into my pocket.  
  
"Biology," I said, no hint of the weird feelings that ran through me.  
  
It was definitely going to be the worst class for the rest of my school life. School without Alice was bad enough, but Biology without Alice was just wrong and unnatural. It was our class. How could I ever be expected to sit at a bench beside anyone but Alice, sharing a microscope with anyone but Alice, chatting with anyone but—  
  
"Me too," Lauren said.  
  
My heart fluttered for some reason. Lauren had Biology too? With me?  
  
She'd been watching to see how I'd react to this news, and what she saw must've been encouraging, because she added:  
  
"Wanna be labpartners?"  
  
The question hung in the noisy cafeteria air as my mind snatched it up and analyzed it. Not only did Lauren have Biology with me, but she wanted to be my labpartner, too? It seemed like a serious step, and there seemed to be a subtext to the question, as if she was also asking if I wanted to sit next to her, if I wanted to talk to her, if I wanted to be her friend, and I realized that yes, I wanted all those things. And as I realized all that I realized something else:  
  
I still liked Lauren.  
  
"S-sure," I stuttered, then recovered, cleared my throat, and added: "I mean, um…sure."  
  
She smiled at my attempt at casualness, and I blushed. Two seconds ago I thought Biology without Alice would be worse than chinese water torture. Now it didn't seem so bad.  
  
Lauren and I spent the rest of lunch walking around and talking by ourselves and we appeared at the Biology lab together, taking a bench at the very back of the room as half the class turned on their stools to glance. Bella and Lauren? Sitting together? By themselves? The scrutiny made me blush, and I was worried Lauren might have regrets at willingly placing herself at my side, but she only swept a glare across the room causing each glance to fall away quickly as if they hadn't been looking at all. I had a strange tingling sensation over my skin and when she turned to me she smiled.  
  
My heart flipped, and I should've smiled back, but all I could do was look away hastily, pretending to fuss with my notebook. I was genuinely confused. Why was Lauren being so nice? It didn't make sense. The only explanation was that she truly did like me – and more importantly, intended to do something about it. But was that really possible? Could Alice's departure really have caused such a change in her?  
  
The teacher came in and started the lesson. Me and Lauren worked together quietly, with a lot of glancing, a lot of blushing. I noticed that her shiny blonde hair was as pretty as it always was, swept back from her face by a pink headband. It was the perfect shade of platinum, pale and flaxen. I'd always loved blonde hair. She was dressed in jeans and a pink top, and she looked as she always did, pretty and popular. But no one knew her the way I knew her. They didn't know the Lauren that hated pink, hated cheerleading, hated boys. The Lauren that liked girls – me in particular. Nobody understood her the way I did and nobody would accept her the way I would. Is that why she likes me?  
  
And me? Do I still like her? It felt like it, especially now, sitting so close to her. But at the same time it felt weird to be anyone's labpartner but Alice. It felt wrong somehow, as if I was cheating on Alice or on Alice's memory. But I guess there was enough resentment inside me that I didn't care. A strange wistfulness settled over me as I kept an eye on Lauren, trying to notice every glance she directed at me without being obvious that I was trying to notice. Lauren's glances weren't potent enough to whip me into a frenzy of raging estrogen that required skipping class for a quickie in the bathroom, but they made me blush, and I took comfort in the simplicity of the feeling. It was nice to simply like someone without being in danger of launching myself at her like an animal.  
  
We talked, we joked, we compared notes. I was still completely confused at how nice she was being. Was she seriously into me? Was she seriously trying to make good with me? It seemed so odd and impossible, but the more I thought about it the more it seemed to make sense. Maybe she'd been thinking about this all vacation, fantasizing about it even. Her boyfriend was gone, off to college, and Alice was gone, too, which meant she finally had a clear window – at me. The girl she'd been secretly crushing on for who knows how long, the girl she'd had amazing sex with on the beach, the girl she'd thrown herself at at prom.  
  
The thought was dizzying. Lauren liked me – and she was going to do something about it.  
  
It had been my highschool dream ever since my very first day, and to think that it could happen now, so soon after Alice, right when I needed it most – it seemed too good to be true. My life is supposed to suck; since when am I allowed to be happy?  
  
But maybe I'm just deluding myself. After all, Alice had been a dream, too, and Alice had turned out to be a bit of a nightmare. It seemed to happen a lot in my life. Besides, even if Lauren did like me, she probably wouldn't be ready to express that like any time soon. It must be taking all her composure to simply sit next to me. And aside from all this, did I really want a new girlfriend? Was I really ready to put Alice behind me and move on with someone new? I wasn't sure, but as I glanced at Lauren for the hundredth time that day, I figured it couldn't hurt to lose a few of those extra pounds just in case.  
  
Last period of the day was PE, another class that me and Lauren shared. And another one that I used to share with Alice. It was the same old locker room, the place where me and Alice would linger until everyone had gone so we could have sex in the showers, the place were I'd been raped by the redhead and the blonde. Ah, the memories. I missed all the Cullens, but other than Alice, I think I missed the redhead most and the erotic complications she added to my life. I'd hated her at the time, but in hindsight she really didn't seem so bad. She never tried to kill me at least, and the sheer sexiness of the woman took the edge off her demands for sexual obedience.  
  
There was no chance of shower-sex today, unfortunately – or gang rape. No matter how much Lauren might like me, I didn't think she was quite ready to get slippery in the showers. And while I wouldn't have a objected if several of the girls held me down and took turns sitting on my face, I really didn't think that was going to happen either.  
  
So I consoled myself by remembering it was the last class of the day, and got changed into my gym clothes. White t-shirt, navy shorts. My t-shirt wasn't quite as tight across my chest as it used to be and I took a moment to lament my drop in bra-size. But after quickly checking out the other half-dressed girls in the locker room, I reached a conservative conclusion that I was still among the most well-endowed of my weight class.  
  
Eventually we all filed out into the gym, me trailing at Lauren's side. The coach had decided to welcome us all back to school with a nice relaxing game of dodgeball, which wasn't much of a surprise. It seemed to be the only thing we did in PE, other than routine calisthenics and the occasion bout of badminton.  
  
Yet even here I was in for a surprise. Lauren was one of the team captains—and surprise, surprise—she picked me to be on her team. She couldn't pick me first, of course. I was still uncoordinated deadweight that added no value to a team at all. But she picked me third, before most of her friends even, which was basically the same as declaring in a loud voice that I was her new BFF. It was the first time in the whole of my memory that I'd been picked before Angela. Lauren got some skeptical glances and the other two girls whined bitchily about having 'that clumsy dyke' on their team, but as I took my place behind my blonde captain I couldn't help giving her a grateful smile. She pretended not to notice for the sake of her reputation—pretending that she'd picked me for my stellar and well-known athleticism and nothing else—but I noticed her blush, and I was more positive than ever that she was deliberately being nice to me. It was going to be a long time before I fully got over Alice, but if Lauren kept this up, it probably wouldn't be too long before I got my panties off. Vampire venom or not, I was pretty sure I was still a slut – all I needed was a girl to find out.  
  
The game started and no one was really surprised when I was eliminated within thirty seconds. I trudged off-court to a chorus of snickering and soon I was joined by Angela. Angela was still the closest thing I had to a friend—aside from Lauren's attempts to be my new bestie—and like everyone else in school she was curious about what happened to the Cullen's, and before long she was trying to wheedle information from me. We were sitting on the bench, watching the game, and she must've thought I'd be more open if no one else was around. But I really had nothing for her.  
  
"So you really don't know where they went?" she asked, clearly in disbelief.  
  
I shrugged, watching Lauren on the court. "Nope," I said. "They didn't say, they just split."  
  
"Come on, you were dating one of them," she said, making the word dating sound like it was the most despicable thing two people could do. And considering the things me and Alice had done together, it was ironically appropriate. "How could she seriously not tell you where they were going?"  
  
I was acutely uncomfortable at the topic, but I guess I was so good at acting casual that Angela couldn't tell. "I don't know," I said. "We had a fight. At prom. I never saw her again. I didn't even know she was going."  
  
Angela still seemed skeptical. "She just left?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
She snorted. "Wow," she said. "That's pretty heartless. She never even called or anything?"  
  
I shook my head, feeling stomach turn. Truthfully, I sill wasn't sure if I had any right to be mad at her. I'd known she was a vampire, and I'd known she was completely crazy; it was me who should've handled it better.  
  
Angela, however, seemed willing to blame Alice. "Jeez," she said. "What a bitch."  
  
"It wasn't her fault," I said.  
  
"Why? What'd you do?"  
  
I dropped my eyes to the floorboards. What had I done? I failed her. Not just in the end, but every step of the way. I cheated on her, I slept around, I rejected her dream so harshly she couldn't even bare to see me anymore. But I couldn't explain any of that to Angela, so I just shook my head. "I can't talk about it."  
  
"Did you fuck one of her sisters again?"  
  
I looked at her. It seemed a little harsh from a girl like Angela, but she'd said it with a playful smile and she quickly apologized.  
  
"Sorry," she said. "But, you know. I mean, I know you guys were serious, but you weren't like, serious, serious. You were just fuck buddies, really. Actually, it was kind of disgusting."  
  
I frowned at this. I'd never really stopped to think about what other people thought about our relationship, but I guess what Angela said made sense. Mom had never been convinced that me that Alice were anything but irresponsible sluts. Most of the school thought we were just whores. Alice's own family never believed we were soulmates. And deep down, maybe I had never believed it either.  
  
The only person who'd truly believed in us was Alice.  
  
I felt a sudden choking feeling in my throat and I looked down so that Angela wouldn't see the tears come into my eyes. "I still loved her," I said.  
  
Angela looked at me for a second and a lot of the snicker went out of her voice. "Do you miss her?" she asked.  
  
I balked at the question, not wanting to confront my feelings on it, and delayed by saying: "Who?"  
  
Angela chuckled once. "Alice, you idiot."  
  
Still not wanting to answer, I shrugged helplessly and looked out over the court. Lauren was out there, smirking, ball in hand. She threw it, hit a girl in the head. Only months ago I used to sit here watching Alice on the court, watching her glide and bounce gracefully over the floorboards with her ass so round and cute in her shorts. Lauren's ass was nice too, but her hips were slimmer, and it just wasn't the same.  
  
So I turned to Angela and shrugged again. "Yeah," I said. "I guess so. I mean, you know. We were dating a long time."  
  
She nodded. Then sighed. "Not as long as me and my boyfriend were," she said.  
  
Obviously she was done talking about me and wanted to talk about herself. And since the topic of Alice was still quite painful, I obliged her by showing interest.  
  
"Were?" I queried.  
  
She shrugged glumly. "I don't know," she said. "After prom, we kind of just stopped hanging out. I guess technically we're still together."  
  
"What happened?"  
  
"I think he was hurt that I left prom without him."  
  
I thought back to prom for a second and vaguely I remembered Angela being hit on by Leah. And then I remembered her boyfriend going around looking for her because he couldn't find her. Had she left with Leah?  
  
"Why'd you leave without him?" I asked.  
  
Another shrug. "I don't know," she said. "I just didn't want to deal with telling him no about sex."  
  
"Didn't he drive you to prom?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"So how'd you get home?"  
  
"Leah gave me a ride."  
  
She didn't look at me as she said it, saying it just casual as if it was perfectly normal to catch a ride home with an aggressive lesbian vampire who you were grudgingly crushing on. I smirked slightly.  
  
"Leah?" I prodded.  
  
This time she smirked, allowing that maybe it was kind of suspicious, but it was pretty clear from her expression that nothing had actually happened. It didn't surprise me. Angela wasn't gay and Leah was certainly the least psychotic sister. She wouldn't have forced Angela if Angela didn't want to.  
  
"Yeah, Leah" Angela said, then chuckled. "You know she tried to hit on me? I mean, I'd never actually do it, but it was pretty cool that she was into me. Hard to believe that whole family's lezbo. I mean, not only you were doing Alice, but you did it with that redhead too, and then you were making with the blonde one at prom. And Leah said she and Jane used to do kiss practice. I mean, how gross is that?"  
  
I smiled. It was nice to see she was over her reflex homophobia, but she didn't seem accepting of the faux-incest. I suppose she was right. Foster sisters or not it was pretty gross, at least to a regular person. To me, it had been kind of hot, but I've never been the most conservative girl around town. Either way, she had a point and it was the principle that mattered, so I agreed.  
  
"Pretty gross."  
  
"Yeah," she said, and she looked like she was about to elaborate on the grossness when suddenly she appeared to remember something. "Oh!" she said, loudly. "Shit, I completely forgot."  
  
The coach blew her whistle and barked something at Lauren. Lauren held up her hands defensively and pretended she hadn't deliberately thrown the ball at the other girl's nose. I smiled and turned to Angela.  
  
"Forgot what?"  
  
"Back at prom," she said. "Me and Leah were hanging out, and one of her sisters called. It must've been bad news or something, because she had to go home right away. But before she did, she told me to give you something."  
  
She had succeeded in grabbing my attention. "Give me what?"  
  
"The flashdrive from her camera," she said. "It had all these pictures on it of you and Alice. She said you might want them." Then she shrugged and added: "I guess she knew they were all going to be leaving soon. I was going to give it to you the Monday after prom, but I didn't see you. Then there was a vacation, and I didn't have your number, and today I just completely forgot. Till now."  
  
A weird feeling passed over me. Leah had known they were leaving and she wanted me to have something to remember them by – to remember Alice.  
  
The thought gave me an unexpected surge of warmth for the other girl. Leah had always cared about me more than the others. She was really the only one who had truly been considerate of my feelings. But why leave the flashdrive with Angela? Had Alice been so upset that Leah didn't even have time to say goodbye?  
  
Angela was waiting for a response of some kind so I snapped out of my daze and said:  
  
"Do you still have it?"  
  
"Yeah, it should still be in my locker," she said. "Do you want it?"  
  
—  
  
I drove home from my first day back at school with a pensive expression and a flashdrive in my pocket containing pictures of my ex-girlfriend that I wasn't fully over. I kept wondering if I should've refused the pictures, or just tossed the flashdrive away, but I couldn't do it, didn't even really consider it. I used the same reasoning I'd used to keep the pictures I'd found in my locker; I wasn't angry at Alice, and I wasn't that eager to get over her, either. Lacking Alice herself, regret was all I had left. Besides, having pictures on my computer at home couldn't be any more worse or damaging than having them in my locker at school. I'd just have to make sure mom didn't find out, that's all.  
  
And as soon as that thought occurred to me, I had to snort and shake my head. They were just pictures, but I'd have to keep them secret. Secret from mom. Alice wasn't even here anymore and she was still causing me to lie.  
  
When I got home I pulled up on the curb, leaving the driveway clear for mom, and then I went inside. As soon as I closed the door the cat came trotting down the stairs and, in an unexpected display of affection, she rubbed up against my ankle. I smiled and bobbed down.  
  
"Hey, Fang," I said in the pleasant tones one takes with lifeforms that aren't really expected to understand what you're saying. "Miss me? Hm? Yes, you missed me, didn't you? It's okay, you can admit it."  
  
I reached out and petted the cat's head very delicately. It tolerated this for a couple seconds then it tried to bite me. But I'd been alert, and I pulled my hand away, giggling. I pointed at her warningly.  
  
"Bad girl, Fang," I admonished playfully. "No biting."  
  
The cat purred and stared at my finger, as if longing to take a bite, and I quickly swatted her tail with my other hand, taking her by surprise. She jumped around and crouched against the floor, as if she thought she was a lion. I giggled, rose, and went upstairs, the cat following me.  
  
I sat at my computer and a nervous cramp engulfed my stomach as I inserted the flashdrive. While it auto-installed the software, I glanced at the cat, trying to distract myself. There was a dent at the foot of my bed where she had been sleeping all day and now she jumped up onto the covers and settled in the exact same spot, curled up and watching me over her tail.  
  
I smiled and waved at her. She didn't reply, but I really got the impression she was happy to see me. I wonder why the Cullens left her at the house? I know they're vampires, but didn't they at least have the humanity to find a new home for their loyal pet? I'm there were plenty of families out there who would've been happy to take in a violent and anti-social housecat. It seemed cruel to leave her all alone in an empty house, although better than dropping her off at an animal shelter, I suppose. Assuming she knew how to get outside, she probably could've survived by hunting and eating small birds; she didn't seem overly domesticated.  
  
Pretty cat, too. She was small, less than five pounds, and her fur was long and thick. Brushing her every night was pure hell that required heavy duty gloves and ambush tactics, but it was very beautiful fur; all black with white on her paws that looked like socks or stockings and a white stripe down her forehead.  
  
I watched the cat with my dumb smile of admiration until the poor thing became so suspicious it's tail started twitching, and then I turned back to the computer. I hesitated with my finger on the mouse, my stomach turning, and then I opened the pictures in a gallery.  
  
The first picture was a picture of Alice. Leah had snapped it before we'd even entered the gym, still in daylight as we were passing through the parking lot. The picture was on a slight angle as if Leah had taken it while walking and Alice was midstep in her tiny black satin dress. She'd turned to the camera and flashed a perfect smile, head tilted slightly and her eyes so bright, so vibrant, no hint at all of the darkness that brooded behind them.  
  
It took me by surprise. My vision blurred and I looked away as my throat closed over. I swallowed, once, twice, and breathed in, and breathed out. Then I lifted my eyes back to the picture.  
  
I don't know how long I stared at the one picture, but it was a long time, and in all that time I could think of nothing but how beautiful she was and how much I missed her. I clicked on the next one. This one was Alice and Jane, arms around each other's shoulders, smiling. This one was taken outside as well and Jane's blonde hair was mid-flicker. I wondered if they were together now somewhere, if Jane had finally recaptured that intimacy with Alice that she'd lost when Alice started dating me. I hoped she did. Jane was kind of cool and I knew Alice liked her too. I clicked on the next picture, and froze.  
  
It was me. I didn't know why that was so shocking, but it was. I was standing there in my white gown, white collar, smiling self-consciously as I tucked an unruly lock of dark hair behind my ear. I looked incredible; pale and ethereal in the windy gray-blue dusk, like a girl closer to death than life. I stared at the picture for a long time, letting my eyes roam over this other me, this me who's life was unraveling all around her, this me who would've done anything for her girlfriend besides die, this me who looked so amazingly beautiful in her prom dress. There was a glazed cast over my eyes, something reluctant and resigned, as if somewhere deep inside I'd already abandoned hope. I sniffed, shook my head, and kept clicking.  
  
Tears began to fall as I cycled through them, silent droplets that dashed on my cheeks as I wiped them away with my fingers. I saw pictures of Alice, pictures of Jane and Leah, pictures of all their friends. Pictures of me.  
  
Someone had taken a picture or two of the blonde and the redhead, and for a while I stared at this one as well, examining the redhead's cleavage in the rich velvet of her maroon dress before lifting my eyes to her face and looking into those sharp green eyes that shined with utter confidence. The blond was at her side, an arm around her mistress's waist, not smiling, but certainly not unhappy. I noticed that the blonde was just a fraction taller than the redhead. I'd never noticed that before. They were both so beautiful and statuesque. I stared, and for a moment I envied their relationship. Alice had once described them as soulmates with benefits, and I think I understood that now. The bond between them seemed to transcend monogamy or convention or anything like that. No matter how obsessed they were with Alice, they were always first in each other's hearts.  
  
I continued cycling through them. There were a lot, over a hundred, and soon my emotions had settled to the point where I could look at Alice with little more than hopeless longing. She was so beautiful, so happy. And the whole time she was hoping to murder me in bed like a blackwidow. I came across a picture of the two of us on the dance floor, swaying in the darkness under the disco-lights. Jane or Leah must've taken it without us knowing, because we weren't looking at the camera. We were gazing into each other's eyes, identical smiles of loving devotion on our lips. I looked at Alice's face for a long time, wondering what she could possibly be thinking in that moment. She loved me – and she wanted to kill me? How could two such conflicting desires exist in her heart at the same time. I didn't know, but as I stared at the picture I truly began to regret that I didn't let her do it. I'd never agree with her that death was the best thing for us, but it was what she wanted, and in the end, all I ever wanted to do was make her happy.  
  
I sighed and kept clicking. There were some more pictures of Alice and I dancing, a couple pictures of Alice's friends, and then suddenly there was a picture of Jane's panties.  
  
I'd been leaning on an elbow as I gazed forlornly at these bittersweet memories, and as the sudden close up of Jane's hot pink thong filled the screen I actually recoiled in shock. Then I chuckled once and looked closer. Obviously she had stuck the camera up her dress and snapped a picture pointblank of her underwear. Cute. I clicked to the next picture and sure enough another thong filled up the screen; this one black lace – Alice's. I giggled to myself and shook my head. It was funny. They were immortal beings, centuries old, and in their accumulated wisdom they had decided to huddle in a highschool bathroom and stick a camera up their skirts to presumably surprise their girlfriend's with a kinky snapshot of their sexy panties.  
  
A blush settled over my face and I stared at the picture for a long time, longer than any of the others. It was a somewhat sad commentary on the depth of my feelings, but honestly, I found this picture the most fascinating of all. It seemed to capture the essence of my charming soulmate absolutely perfectly; sexy, playful, kind of slutty. I leaned my chin on my palm and gazed wistfully at that thin triangle of black lace, remembering the pussy it so teasingly concealed, remembering how pretty that pussy was, how yummy, how much I'd loved going down on it. A dull throb began between my legs and I figured why not. Mom wouldn't be home for a while, and I had the whole house to myself, so—  
  
Actually, I didn't have the whole house to myself.  
  
I looked back at the bed and saw the cat dozing on the covers. I felt bad to wake her up, but what I was about to do was pathetic enough without an audience, so I picked her up, set her out into the hall, and closed the bedroom door behind me. Then I sat back at my desk, shuffled my chair forward, and let a hand slip into the waistband of my black cargoes. When I was done, I cycled through the rest of the pictures quickly, and saved them all to the harddrive.  
  
When mom came home she found me at the kitchen table, bent over my school books like a good girl. Homework was light on the first day back, but I'd gotten a late start, and I was only half done. I'd fed the cat and currently Fang was crouched at a small plate of tuna which I'd served on the actual tabletop.  
  
"Bella," mom admonished with a glance at the cat. "I've told you not to feed her at the table."  
  
I didn't see why the cat couldn't eat at the table like a respectable person, but I didn't want to argue. Mom had gone to pet her to say hello, but this was a bad idea while she was eating; she growled warningly and took a swipe with her paw. Mom jerked back, and the cat quickly hopped down from the table and trotted away with a sullen air, as if her dinner had been ruined and she wanted everyone to know.  
  
"Hi, mom," I said.  
  
Mom was rubbing her hand; she must've got nicked. She noticed I was doing homework and smiled. "Hi, sweetie," she replied. "How was your first day back?"  
  
Judging from her expression she seemed to be hoping for some positivity out of me, so I decided it was probably best not to mention that I still hated school, still hated my life, and that it sucked to go through the whole day without having sex in the bathroom three different times between classes. I smiled instead and shrugged with the correct amount of casualness.  
  
"Pretty good," I said, and then, remembering that the day hadn't been totally awful after all, I added: "Lauren's my new labpartner."  
  
The mention of Lauren made her smile. Which made sense, I guess. I'd always talked about Lauren as if she was my best friend, and mom had no idea that in actuality she wasn't really the sweetest girl in the world. Not till today, at least.  
  
"Oh," she said, slipping off her handbag and putting it on the kitchen counter. "Isn't that the girl who might kind of like you?"  
  
I smiled, reigning back a blush. "Yep," I said, and felt a sudden desire to elaborate. Mom had always wanted me to be open about my relationships, so I figured I might as well start. "Actually," I said. "I think it might be more than 'kind of' like me. She was glancing at me all day and she even ignored her friends to hang with me."  
  
I was afraid she was going to launch into another of her lectures about how lesbianism is mostly just a phase and I should probably just go straight now and save time, but she managed to contain herself. "Well," she said, appropriately impressed. "That's a nice start to the year, isn't it?"  
  
I smiled and tapped my pen on my notebook. "Maybe," I said coyly.  
  
She must've noticed the romantic gleam in my eyes, because she went playfully stern and held up a cautionary finger. "But whatever happens, remember; school before relationships. You're not there to find a girlfriend, you're there to learn. Right, sweetie?"  
  
I felt a bit like a four year old, but it was cute how determined mom was to steer me in the correct direction, so I nodded. "Sure, mom," I said, and under my mother's proud smile I bent once again to my school books like the studious young girl I was.  
  
—  
  
But no matter how much I wanted to a be mature and respectable young woman, I was still the same love-struck moron I always was, and in the days and weeks to come my interactions with Lauren soon became the most important thing in my life. It was only lucky that Lauren was a regular girl, not a vampire bent on corrupting my body and devouring my heart itself.  
  
So my budding fixation on Lauren and Lauren's feelings for me didn't affect my school or homelife very much. On the contrary, it actually helped. Lauren was a girl who took her school work strangely seriously, despite her deep distain for it, and she didn't let me slack off even in Biology. Personally, I felt that admiring her hair was far more important than a passing grade, but she obviously wasn't quite so pathetic. And since intelligence seemed to impress her, I soon found myself attacking my academic activities with a vigor and motivation heretofore unknown to me, ensuring at every opportunity that my vast cerebral faculty was exposed and on display for anyone who cared to look – hopefully Lauren. In math I'd pounce on answers like Hermione Grainger, smiling easily as if my head didn't just almost explode from working it out so fast. In history I actually raised my hand from time to time.  
  
I even made an extra effort in PE. I discovered that if I actually tried, I wasn't quite as uncoordinated as I had assumed, and without Lauren specifically snipping me out like a blonde assassin I was even able to survive a decent length of time in dodgeball. Amazingly, PE actually became fun. Lauren took to protecting me on the court and in one memorable moment, she actually shoved me aside from an incoming ball and took the hit herself. I'd stumbled and landed with my ass on the floor, and I looked up at my blonde hero as she yelled at the other team to go fuck themselves. The coach blew her whistle and threatened detention and finally Lauren turned to me and smiled as I stared up her and then she held out a hand to help me up. I took the hand, suppressing a smile at the tingles that rippled through me, and rose clumsily to my feet. Lauren asked if I was okay, and as I stuttered out that yeah I was fine, a ball hit me in the side of the head. A laugh rose from the other team and even Lauren couldn't help grinning just slightly. We trudged offcourt together and sat next to Angela on the bench, but we sat very close together, and it was mostly me that Lauren talked to.  
  
It was like a dream come true. Well, almost. Because, despite the glancing, the blushing, the smiling, we were still technically just friends, and while that was certainly a step up from our former paradigm of bully/victim, I couldn't help feeling it would be even better if Lauren would grow some balls and stick her tongue in my mouth already. It was pretty obvious she wanted to. Sometimes I'd have bouts of anxiety where I'd wonder if maybe I was delusional and she didn't really like me at all, but the circumstantial evidence was overwhelmingly in my favor. In addition to our previous history—which included sex and massive amounts of stress and jealousy and drunken propositioning—there was also the fact that I caught her looking at my body in the locker room. This in itself wasn't so strange. My breasts were large and they sometimes got a glance or two, of envy or scorn or even awe. Perfectly natural. But it didn't strike me as entirely natural the way Lauren blushed at being caught, quickly looked away, and fumbled with her pants so badly she almost fell over as she pretended she hadn't been looking at all.  
  
Obviously the repression was beginning to become a problem for her. Sometimes I thought maybe I should be the one to make a move, but the ramifications were just too complicated. Lauren was a temperamental chick—much like Alice—and kissing her could lead to any number of regrettable outcomes. I was certain that she liked me, but I had no way to know if she actually wanted to date me. There were rumors about us at this point, and even though Lauren didn't deny them too loudly, she did deny them, and she'd snap at Angela when she teased us playfully by offering two straws to share a carton of chocolate milk at lunch. To put it simply, Lauren just wasn't ready. She had her closet door open a crack and she was peeking out at the possibilities, but she wasn't quite ready to fling it open and dive between my legs. And rather than risk scaring her back inside, I decided to give her all the time she needed.  
  
And, if I'm being completely honest, I'd have to admit that I was still reluctant to get over Alice. I liked Lauren, I couldn't deny it, and I would've been happy to get her clothes off. But the memory of Alice niggled at my stomach and reminded me that there was only one Alice, only one perfect little Alice, and Lauren, as much as I liked her, was no Alice.  
  
It was also depressing how easily I was getting over my depression. A proper heroine would've jumped off a cliff by now, and yet here I was daydreaming about a date with Lauren. It made me regret that I didn't commit suicide back when I had the legitimate impulse, but an opportunity missed is an opportunity wasted, and now I had no other choice but to face the facts: I'm no heroine. I'd hoped I was, but I'm not. I failed her as her soulmate and now I was moving on to the first blonde with an interest. Sad, but hey; a girl can't help the way she feels.  
  
But even if the depression was fading, a new feeling was taking it's place. It felt like fondness. Every morning I'd place a kiss on the picture of Alice inside my locker and every night I'd cycle through my vampire gallery at home until I came to Alice's pantie-shot. There was always a feeling of wistfulness, but mostly it was all beginning to feel like a memory, a dream. There would always be a special corner of my heart reserved just for her. She was my first love, first date, first kiss. She was my soulmate, and I'd never forget her.  
  
But it was time to move on. As much as I'd love to demonstrate my eternal devotion with a lifetime of stalwart and forlorn celibacy, I really wanted a new girlfriend.  
  
It was over a month before anything happened with Lauren. We'd been spending a lot of time together at school and we even exchanged phone numbers. We moved slowly in deference to her reputation, but soon we were studying in the library after school, and eventually she made up some excuse to ask me if I wanted to study at her place. I suppressed as much eagerness as I could, but I made it quite clear that nothing would make me happier. It was one of the few times in my life that I was legitimately enthusiastic to do homework. Studying at her place had always been both a dream of mine and the opening scene of certain fantasies. I didn't think we'd end up in a tearful confession of mutual feelings before flinging away our notebooks and mauling each other, but it was still very exciting.  
  
So I followed her to her house where she lived in an upper-class area of our fair township of Forks. It was a nice house. Two stories, freshly painted, a low hedge in the front garden. It was a gloomy spring, but the sun seemed to shine specifically in the neighborhood, as if to demonstrate that it really was better to live around here. Lauren never talked about her family much, but from what I understood, she was the middle daughter in a semi-typical family unit. She had two sisters, both parents, and a pair of medium-sized dogs in the back yard that she introduced me to briefly before we settled in her room to study and glance at each other over our notebooks.  
  
Her room was overwhelmingly pink. It surprised me, but not as much as the Barbie Doll collection on the dresser. All in all, it was not what I expected from the Lair of Lauren.  
  
Lauren noticed me staring at the doll collection and waved it away with a mutter about how her mom used to buy them for her even though she never liked them, not even as a kid. I nodded, as if that piece of trivia was fascinating, and glanced the collection over. There was no Ken Doll on display, and I wondered if this was further evidence that Lauren didn't like guys, or if maybe she just didn't like Ken. She went on to explain with a snicker that the only time she used to play with them was to stick pins in Barbie's head and burn her hair with matches. This struck me as rather psychotic, but compared to Alice, perhaps mutilating blonde dolls wasn't so bad.  
  
Either way, I had more important things to focus on. Like studying, and trying not to remember that we were alone in the house which, theoretically, made it possible for us to have sex. Both her parents were working, her older sister had moved out last year, and her younger sister was at an after-school program. The privacy raised a suggestion or two in my head about a different kind of Biology we could study, but I knew she still wasn't ready.  
  
So we studied. Like good girls. We read our textbooks and jotted notes and chatted casually. Somehow or other we got onto the subject of relationships. Weirdly, Lauren had never mentioned Alice's name once all year, and she showed absolutely no indication that she cared at all how I felt about what had happened. Maybe it was just too awkward to talk about. Either way, it was her relationship or lack thereof she wanted to talk about.  
  
"It's un-fucking-believable," she was saying. "You know he's been emailing me from college? He actually wanted me to come visit him. He even suggested something long distance. Fucking pathetic, isn't it? It's been months and still he's all fucked up."  
  
I gave a little snort of laughter, but her words made me feel bad. I'd rationalized that it was perfectly natural to move on from Alice, but the news that Lauren's boyfriend was still longing for her from another city, made me feel just a little shallow. Still, it was an entirely different situation. I didn't even have Alice's number, but if I did I'd certainly be happy to blow her phone up and beg for her back. There's no way I would've gotten over her so quickly if we still had contact. Besides, I'm sure Lauren never asked if she could kill her boyfriend.  
  
But none of that was relevant to the conversation. Lauren didn't want to hear about Alice, and I didn't want to make her uncomfortable, so I just smiled and said: "I guess you're a tough girl to get over."  
  
It was a compliment, but she only grunted without looking up at me. We were sitting on her bed—her bed!—and Lauren was sitting against the headboard with her knees up and her notebook against her thighs. But she was wearing pants and there was little point trying to peek. Alice used to sit like that too, only Alice had often worn skirts. Quite a slutty creature, my Alice.  
  
But Alice was gone, so I pushed her out of my mind and focused on Lauren. "Are you gonna give him another chance?" I asked, mostly out of politeness. I knew she wouldn't.  
  
But she surprised me with a reluctant shrug. "I don't know," I said. "I miss him a little. I mean, he was one of my best friends, you know? I'm just not sure if I even like—him—anymore."  
  
She tripped over the word 'him,' as if maybe she wanted to say 'guys' instead but didn't have the guts. She was staring down at her notebook, blushing, ashamed of even saying that much. And since encouraging Lauren out of her closet was one of the first prerequisites of us dating, I decided to give it a shot. I'd been determined to wait as long as I had to, but a mild prod or two couldn't hurt.  
  
"Maybe he's not your type," I suggested.  
  
Lauren frowned. "He's every other girl's type."  
  
"Not mine."  
  
She snorted, and remained focused on her notebook, not looking at me. I waited for a reply, but she remained stubbornly silent. I was disappointed. I'd been hoping to bring the topic around to where she could admit that she wasn't into guys, but she'd shelled up.  
  
I lowered my eyes to my own notebook, frowning. I mean, what was the big deal? How long did she expect to ignore the tension between us? It was great to have her as a friend, but I couldn't help feeling we were missing out on something better, so I decided to take a chance. I didn't want to pressure her, but at this point it was becoming pretty clear that if I wanted to get laid within the current century, I was going to have to actually put myself out there.  
  
So I pushed my notebook off my lap with a huffy flourish and said: "Lauren—"  
  
And there I broke off, no clue what I was going to say. She looked up with a frown.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Um," I said. I was beginning to realize that this was a bad idea, but I pushed on. "It's just… I mean, this is stupid."  
  
"Math?"  
  
"No, this," I said with emphasis, gesturing with my hands at the space between us. "Us."  
  
Her eyes flickered away and she didn't reply. I didn't know if that was a good sign, but it wasn't outright anger and denial, so I went on.  
  
"Look," I said. "We both remember what happened at La Push. I know you liked it. I did, too. It was amazing. And at prom, you…"  
  
I trailed off, my face flaming. Neither of us had ever mentioned either of those nights, and I didn't know if I was crossing a line by reminding her. But it seemed okay. She still didn't reply, but her face had gone pensive and she seemed willing to let me continue. So I swallowed my anxiety and made one last attempt to get my feelings out there.  
  
"All I'm saying," I said, "is that I like you. I mean, you know I'm gay. So if you liked me back, I mean…Maybe we could… I don't know. You know?"  
  
It wasn't quite like how I used to fantasize, but a slow smile had bloomed on Lauren's face as I stuttered my confession. She looked away and tried to get rid of the smile, but it seemed to be stuck there. Finally she gave a snort and shrugged.  
  
"Yeah, well," she said. "I don't like girls."  
  
But rather than feel crushed, I was encouraged; the way she said it was slightly flirty, as if she wanted me to contradict her. The fact that she could even mention liking girls without flying into a rage of denial was big progress. So I blushed and let a slightly cocky smirk appear on my lips.  
  
"Are you sure?"  
  
"Pretty sure."  
  
"Not even me?"  
  
She gave me a skeptical look across the bed. "You?"  
  
I shrugged coyly, tingling under her eyes. "Yeah, me," I said modestly. "I mean, I'm kind of cute, right?"  
  
"I don't know," she blurted playfully. "How the fuck would I know?"  
  
"Well, we could find out," I suggested with a definite twinkle in my eyes.  
  
She immediately went suspicious, but she was still smiling. "How?"  
  
I shrugged a shoulder. My face hurt from smiling so much and the whole afternoon was beginning to feel more and more like one of my fantasies. "We could try an experiment," I offered.  
  
She smirked and snorted. "Forget it," she said. "You wanna fuck, go fuck someone else."  
  
"I didn't mean sex, you idiot," I said, then I put my books down on the bed and crawled over. "Look, just hold still, okay?"  
  
"Wait, what are you—"  
  
She had panicked and put her hands on the bed to push back with her palms. But before she did, I reached and placed one of my hands over hers.  
  
That's all I did, just touched her hand. She froze, every muscle in her body going ridged, and I watched the excitement sweep over her face. Her lips were parted slightly and her eyes flew to mine. I smiled and caressed her hand. Tingles were racing up my arm. Her hand was warm and fine-boned. For a few seconds we simply looked into each other's eyes as I held her hand, caressing it lightly with the ball of my thumb, and finally I said:  
  
"How does that feel?"  
  
My voice snapped her out of it. Rattled and taken off-guard, she looked away and jerked her hand back gently. "It feels fucking weird," she said. "Jeez."  
  
She had regressed a little into her old denial, but this was the closest I'd ever been to her, and I didn't want to stop. I wanted her to admit she liked me and admit she wanted to be with me. But not only because I liked her. It hurt to see her suppress herself like this, and really, I just wanted her to smile.  
  
I was sitting right beside her on the bed, and she had drawn her knees up and wrapped her arms around them. She looked almost timid, as if she was afraid of me and hoping I'd go away. But she hadn't moved and I could tell she was excited at how close I was. So I tilted my head and smirked playfully.  
  
"We could try something else," I suggested.  
  
She gave me a sideway glance and snorted. "Fuck that."  
  
This only made me smile wider. "Why not?" I said, trying not to be mocking. "I mean, it's not like you've never kissed a girl before."  
  
She gave me a feeble glare. "Fuck you," she said, but quietly and without any real force. Her icy blue eyes were big and vulnerable, and I knew she wanted me to keep going, so I did.  
  
"Why can't you just admit you liked it, Lauren?" I said, keeping my voice breezy. "I mean, what's the big deal?"  
  
"It's not a big deal," she said. "I just didn't like it."  
  
I would've been offended if I didn't know she was lying. So I smirked and said: "Yeah right. Face it, Lauren. You kissed a girl and you liked it more than Katy Perry."  
  
I giggled at my own joke, but she only looked at me dryly. Not a Katy Perry fan, then. Still, it had alleviated a lot of the tension, and I went on more excitedly.  
  
"Come on," I said. "Let's try it."  
  
She looked at me. I could see the slowly growing curiosity in her face. "Try what?" she asked.  
  
"A kiss," I said, and it was truly the only thing on my mind. Just a kiss, one little kiss. That's all I wanted, and if I could get that, I would be very happy.  
  
A reluctant smile moved her mouth, but she maintained her denial, however flimsy it was. "No way," she said. "Why would I wanna kiss you?"  
  
I flickered my eyes over her lips deliberately. They were pink and she wore gloss. I hoped mine were as pretty. "Because," I said, lifting my eyes to hers. "It'll be fun."  
  
She swallowed visibly. "I don't want to," she said, but even as she said it, she was leaning toward me.  
  
Very slowly, her eyes flickering from mine to my lips. I said nothing, my whole face burning as her lips approached. I could hear nothing but a humming in my ears and the wind gusting outside her bedroom window. It wouldn't be our first kiss, but it felt like it would be. I had an insane urge to close the distance and capture her lips myself, but I didn't. It seemed important that it was her who initiated, so I waited, breathless, waiting as her lips came closer and closer, and then—  
  
The front door open and closed.  
  
Someone was home.  
  
"Fuck," Lauren gasped, twisting away from me. "It's my mom."  
  
I felt a bitter flush of disappointment, but Lauren must've felt something even worse. Tears sprang to her eyes and suddenly she balled a fist and pounded her textbooks in almost hysterical frustration.  
  
"Fuck, fuck, fuck!"  
  
Each fuck was punctuated by a thump, and the vehemence of her reaction managed to startle away my own disappointment. It sucked that we were interrupted, sure, but Lauren was acting like it was the lesbian police at the door coming to arrest her. But maybe it made sense. Obviously big emotions had been building inside her leading up to the kiss, and having them interrupted like that would naturally tick her off.  
  
I was about to ask if she was alright, but she spoke first.  
  
"Quick, sit over there," she said, nodding frantically at the other side of the bed.  
  
"Why?" I asked, but I was already moving, and before Lauren could explain why, her bedroom door opened and a woman I assumed to be her mom popped in.  
  
I was surprised. Her mom was almost a total opposite of mine. Where my mom was a robust brunette with a broad and caring face, this mom was thin, blonde, well-dressed, and visibly wearing too much hairspray, all of which combined to give her an air of artificialness. She looked more like an aunt than a mother, although there was a pretty strong resemblance to Lauren. Lauren's hair was straighter and more lustrous, and her face was sharper with better defined features, but overall the woman looked like an older version of her daughter.  
  
"Oh," she said, smiling pleasantly when she saw me on the bed. "Hi, I didn't know Lauren had company." She looked at me puzzledly, as if trying to remember my name. Obviously this was impossible since I'd never met the woman before and after a second or two she seemed to come to the same conclusion. "Um, I don't think I've ever seen you before, have I?"  
  
"You haven't," I said, attempting to return the smile, although considering the woman had just cock-blocked what could've been one of the most important kisses of my life, she was lucky I didn't hop out the bed and slap her. "I'm Bella."  
  
I'd thought it was polite to introduce myself, but I guess I was wrong. The woman's face drained. A quick glance at Lauren revealed that Lauren's face had drained, too. This of course made my own face drain as well, and I wondered what the hell I'd done wrong.  
  
"O-oh," the woman said, struggling to regain her composure. "Yes, I've heard about you."  
  
I almost smirked; I had something of a red letter around town, but it was really difficult to be ashamed of it. After all, it's not like I was embraced and accepted before I'd started acting like a slut. The only real difference now was that I got to have sex a bunch of times. And if I could somehow snatch Lauren out of her closet I might have a bunch more.  
  
But obviously Lauren's mom had heard a few things about me and she was disposed to be mildly prejudiced. She gave me a brief look and turned to her daughter. "Well, I didn't mean to interrupt. Lauren, can I speak to you for a moment?"  
  
The woman spun and exited the room without waiting for a reply. Lauren set down her textbooks, slid off the bed, and trudged after her.  
  
I watched her go and sighed. It was hard to believe that only a couple minutes ago I'd almost kissed Lauren. A real kiss, with both of us sober and in control of ourselves. A kiss that could've led to my highschool dream. I sighed again, and started packing my books into my backpack. I had a feeling our study date was over.  
  
Lauren came back into the room as I rose from the bed and shrugged the backpack onto my shoulder. She seemed subdued.  
  
"Hey," she said. "You'd better go."  
  
I wondered what her mom had said to her, but I just asked: "Is everything okay?"  
  
Lauren snorted bitterly. "Yeah," she said. "Mom just doesn't want me hanging out with a dyke."  
  
Her tone took me as off-guard as the word. Lauren hadn't said that word in a long time, and suddenly I had a much clearer picture of where her homophobia came from. I'd always had the impression that her mom wasn't the most accepting woman around, but ejecting me from the house seemed remarkably theatric, especially by today's tolerant standards.  
  
Personally, I wasn't offended. There were very few things in the world I gave a fuck about less than some random woman's opinion of me and my orientation. But this was Lauren's orientation too, and the fact that her own mother was homophobic enough to insist that she doesn't associate with a known lesbian, pissed me off a great deal. So I gave a snort of disbelief and said:  
  
"That's bullshit."  
  
Lauren looked uneasy at this. I'd seen her swear at teachers before, but for some reason she seemed afraid to say anything bad about her mother, and rather than join me in trashing her, she just urged me toward the door. "I know," she said. "Look, just get out of here, alright? We'll talk at school."  
  
I was slightly hurt, but I didn't want to upset her, so I let her lead me to the front door. She held it open and watched me sadly as I stepped out into the wind.  
  
My car was sitting on the curb, but I couldn't leave like this. It wasn't fair. We'd been so close to something significant, something that would've made us both so happy. Lauren was still holding the door, watching me, and she tried to give me a smile. But it wasn't enough. I needed more reassurance than that. We had almost kissed today, and I couldn't let her sweep that under her rug of denial like she had done with our date at La Push, or the incident at prom, or all the other little hints and signals that she was so desperate to ignore. The wind was tossing my dark hair and I knew I had to say something, anything, so I pushed the whipping locks away from my face and said:  
  
"Lauren—"  
  
It was just one word, but it seemed to be the exact thing Lauren needed to hear; she closed the distance between us in one step and pressed her lips to mine.  
  
A sudden warmth engulfed my face, but the kiss only lasted a couple seconds. Her lips were soft and warm, and when she pulled away she smiled, a smile that turned into a smirk at my stunned expression. She tossed her chin and said:  
  
"See you tomorrow."  
  
I blinked and nodded dumbly. "Okay."  
  
She eyed me coyly as she closed the door. It shut with a soft click and then I was standing there on the porch with the wind blowing my hair. I licked my lips; they tasted like cherry gloss.  
  
Well. It had been a hectic afternoon, but the important thing was that Lauren liked me. I didn't moonwalk back to my car, but I wanted to, and a goofy giggle did escape me as I turned the key and drove away.  
  
—  
  
That day had been a major break through in our relationship, but for a while nothing changed. At least not physically. Cheap sex was one of the more important aspects of a relationship in my honest opinion, but in the days following our "first" kiss, my prospective girlfriend seemed more concerned with things like emotional intimacy and companionship. But those things were nice too, so I really couldn't complain.  
  
We hung out more and more at school, and if I'd thought Lauren was different before, she was positively transformed now. The kiss seemed to have triggered some kind of metamorphosis that mutated her overnight into a creature that smiled and giggled all the time and made flirty remarks and blushed and giggled some more. Despite the incident with her mother removing me from the premises, she seemed much looser about the possibility of falling for a girl, and I found that I really liked the new Lauren. She was cute.  
  
Lauren had been befriending me for over a month by now, so I was well-ensconced within her circle of friends. They tolerated me even if they didn't really like me, and I hung out with them a few times after school. But mostly I liked being alone with Lauren. And I think Lauren liked being alone with me.  
  
Thing were slow and secretive, but I was happy, and I didn't rush her. The next big jump in our relationship occurred the next weekend, when we went to the movies together. Just us. Lauren had asked me, but she wasn't specific if it was a date, and the question weighed on my mind all day. She wore tight designer jeans and a baby-pink top that might've been brand new and very light makeup, so it certainly seemed she considered it to be a date, even if only in her head. For my part, I'd agonized over my outfit for a over half an hour, but since Lauren didn't respond to the slutty stuff, I decided to go with baggy black jeans, black boots, and a black t-shirt with a barbed wire print. I completed the look with a little eyeliner and dash of dark lipstick, and I had to admit; I did look kind of sexy.  
  
The movie we saw was a horror movie that we talked the whole way through, pretending not to be scared of anything and hoping the other didn't notice when we jumped at the scary parts. We'd gone in the afternoon and it was still daylight when it was over so we decided to go for a walk. We browsed a couple shops, not buying anything, and by and by we ended up in the park.  
  
It was a cold and blustery day. The clouds were thick and gray. The park was empty and we strolled together down the lane, passing under a bridge between two hills that arched over the path, and then we settled on the swingset in the playground and swung idly as we talked about stuff. Thunder cracked in the distance and Lauren looked up at the sky. I looked at Lauren.  
  
"Hey, Lauren," I said. "Can I ask you something?"  
  
"If you have to."  
  
"I was just wondering. Is this a date?"  
  
She smirked at me. "I don't know," she said. "Is it?"  
  
I shrugged shyly. "It feels like it."  
  
"It does, doesn't it?" She laughed and shook her head. "God, this is so fucked up. I'm on a date with a girl."  
  
I felt my heart glow to hear her admit it, but I didn't want her to be so bothered about this same-sex stuff, so I said: "What's wrong with dating a girl?"  
  
"What do you think?" she said. "It's gross."  
  
I looked down at the bark chips at my feet. I didn't like the feeling that she was dating me in spite of my gender. Why couldn't she just like it and admit that she likes it?  
  
"Sorry," Lauren said. "I was just joking."  
  
I shook my head to let her know it's no big deal. "It's alright," I said. "Do you really think it's gross?"  
  
She shrugged, but at least she seemed to take the question seriously. "Kind of," she said. "I mean, it's not natural, you know?"  
  
"So you're not gay?"  
  
She hated that word and she shook her head as if to get it out her ears. "I don't know," she snapped. "Why should I label myself?"  
  
I watched her. She was holding both chains of the swing and pushing at the ground with her sneakers to rock gently. To be honest, I didn't understand the kind of person who hated labels. Insults suck, sure, but what's wrong with labels? It's a bit egotistical, really. Do these people think that they're so special they defy classification altogether? Or are their preferences so exquisitely intricate that there are no words in the whole of human language that could possibly communicate their subtle complexities? Personally, I like the neatness of labels. I like when everything has a correct word.  
  
I opened my mouth to try and frame some of this for Lauren, but before I could speak, thunder cracked again. We both looked up and then Lauren sighed and looked at me.  
  
"Listen," she said. "Do you wanna know the truth about me?"  
  
I felt a definite flicker of curiosity. "Of course," I said.  
  
She sighed again and toed the ground. "The truth is, I always liked you," she said. "You were the only person I ever really liked. Even back in middle school when you had braces and your hair was all ugly. But you were a girl, and my mom…"  
  
I didn't interrupt. She gave me a slightly pained look and went on.  
  
"I told my mom I liked you," she said. "At first she passed it off as nothing, but after a while I started to talk about how boys suck and when I grow up I'm gonna date girls. So mom took me aside and we had a talk. She told me that it was wrong to like other girls and that it's disgusting and that I should stay away from you and blah, blah, blah. I was only twelve, so I guess I believed her. I mean, she was my mom. How was I supposed to know she was just a bitch?"  
  
Lauren said the last part bitterly, looking at the ground. I felt a wave of pity for her, but I didn't know what to say. I didn't want to talk bad about her mom, but I wanted to make her feel better, so I smiled and said:  
  
"I always liked you, too."  
  
It did the trick. She turned to me with a smile.  
  
"Seriously?"  
  
I nodded, smiling brightly. She laughed.  
  
"But why?" she grinned. "I was always so mean to you."  
  
I gave a little shrug. "I don't know," I said. "I didn't mind when you teased me, because it kind of felt like we were friends, too. I just liked being near you."  
  
This made her blush and she toed the ground a little more. "Yeah, well," she said. "You're still a dyke."  
  
I smiled. "What about you?"  
  
"What about me?" she countered.  
  
"Are you a dyke?"  
  
"Fuck no."  
  
"What are you then?"  
  
"I don't know."  
  
She was claming up again, but I wasn't going to let her escape. I wanted her to be comfortable with who she is, and if we were going to be dating properly, I think I had a right to know what her exact preferences were. "Have you ever been attracted to other girls?" I asked. "Or just me?"  
  
The question grabbed her attention. She didn't look happy to answer, but she didn't refuse. "Not really," she said. "Just you."  
  
"What about Jane?"  
  
She gave me a sharp look. "What about her?"  
  
"Didn't you guys hook up at prom?"  
  
She frowned disgustedly. "No," she said. "Who said that?"  
  
"No one," I said. "I just thought…"  
  
But I let it trail off. I couldn't tell her that I thought I'd seen her flat on her back in the back of Jane's car. It was possible that I was wrong, but I was pretty sure they'd hooked up that night, and I was kind of surprised how quickly and effectively she lied about it. I used to lie a lot myself, and I'd always figures that made me a bad person, but maybe it was more natural than I thought.  
  
In any case, she was obviously still sensitive on the subject, and I didn't want to push her too far. But Lauren frowned and reinforced her point.  
  
"The only girl I liked is you," she said. "Alright?"  
  
I smiled. I would've preferred it if she would just admit she liked girls in general and me specifically, but I suppose it was flattering to be the one girl she liked. She smiled back and suddenly the thunder cracked one more time. We both looked up.  
  
"I think it's going to—"  
  
It started raining. It came down so heavy and so instantly that it chopped off the rest of the sentence. But neither of us moved, we just sat there, swinging idly, the rain slowly soaking our hair, our clothes. Watching each other, not willing for the date to end. Finally she stood up.  
  
"We should probably go," she said, loudly over the rain.  
  
I nodded glumly. The date felt incomplete and we had come in separate cars so now I wouldn't get a chance at a goodnight kiss. She looked down at me, but I still didn't move. Her blonde hair had gone dark and she was blinking water out of her eyes. I just sat there on the swing, clutching the chains, looking up at her. I was shivering from the cold in my shirt and wet jeans, but I didn't want to go home yet.  
  
She looked out across the empty park and them back at me. She looked at my hand where it was wrapped around the chain and after hesitating for a few seconds she reached and covered it with her own. She caressed it, making tingles run up my arm, and looked at me.  
  
"Is this okay?" she asked.  
  
I nodded at her, trying to communicate my desire for a kiss with my eyes. She smiled, blushing under the rain, and then she cupped my cheek with her other hand and leaned toward my face. Thunder rumbled in the distance but neither of us noticed. I tilted my face up to hers and finally her lips fell on mine.  
  
I made a moan that was lost in the sound of the rain. Water ran down our faces and dripped from our hair. Her hand tightened over mine and I opened my mouth so that she could deepen the kiss.  
  
—  
  
By the time I got home I was in the most cheerful mood I'd been in in a long time. Lauren and I had been on an official date, we'd confessed our feelings, and we'd expressed those feelings by making out in the rain as if we were in a movie. No sex, of course, but I suppose that was one of the drawbacks of dating a regular girl. They rarely put out on the first date, and never in public. That had been one of the great things about Alice. I'm sure Alice would've had no principles against going down on me in the middle of the park.  
  
Mom was a little critical of how long I'd been in the rain, but as I explained the scenario to her over dinner she was forced to concede that such a romantic moment may've been worth the risk of catching a cold. She listened to the recap of my date almost as eagerly as I told it, and she seemed happy I was happy. It was a great feeling to talk about a date with mom without omitting details that would've called into question my virtue or sanity, details like blood letting or group sex. Lauren and I weren't ready for those kinds of things, and the blood letting would be fairly redundant with a regular human.  
  
It was a wonderful date, and I couldn't wait to get to bed so I could compensate for the lack of sex. So I said goodnight to mom, brushed my teeth, and went into my room. But here I faced a conflict. Usually I took care of my sluttier tendencies with the aid of Alice's prom pictures, but that didn't seem right tonight. I sat at my computer, flipping through the gallery, and while it may have been perfectly okay to keep the pictures as mementoes—my prom, after all—it was really difficult to justify dating one girl and fantasizing about another. In fact, maybe even keeping the pictures was wrong. Maybe it was time to move on properly, time to accept the fact that my relationship with Alice was wrong, and stop idolizing it. I had a new girlfriend now, a real one, a girlfriend that didn't want to drink my blood and kill me. I owed it to Lauren to move on.  
  
So I moved the mouse pointer over to the delete button. I'd cycled through to the picture of Alice's underwear, and just looking at it was enough to make me horny. But I knew what I had to do. Alice was gone. Alice had left and was never coming back. So I clicked the delete button, let out the breath I was holding, and went to bed.  
  
Where I settled under the covers and snaked a hand into my shorts, breathing quietly in the dark. I was thinking about my date with Lauren, and in trying to arrive at an orgasm, I added a sex scene in the park. I kept it noble and romantic, but that didn't really do anything for me, so I added two girls who'd been walking by and wanted to join in. At first these girls were Angela and Jessica, but Angela wasn't so sexy, and I never really liked Jessica, and soon I'd swapped them out for Alice and Jane. Then I abandoned Jane altogether, and it was just Alice and Lauren. But then I abandoned Lauren too and focused solely on Alice, picturing her naked on the swingset, clutching the chains in the rain and reeling backward with her legs in the air as I knelt at her pussy and ate her out.  
  
It was an impressive climax for such a random poorly crafted fantasy, and for a while afterward I simply lay there in the dark, hating myself for being so weak. Finally I just threw off the covers and turned the computer back on. I tapped my foot impatiently and when it was booted up I restored all the pictures from the recycle bin, shut down, and went back to bed.  
  
I mean, fuck that. Alice was an important part of my life, and I'm not gonna forget all about her just because I met someone else. I rolled onto my side and blinked back tears. Alice was my soulmate, and soulmates don't change. There's only one. No matter how far she ran away and no matter who I dated while she was gone, there was only one person who had ever been and ever will be my soulmate.  
  
Alice.  
  
Alice, Alice, Alice.  
  
—  
  



	26. Chapter 26

—  
  
Chapter 26:  
  
—  
  
For a while after that day in the park I was still a little confused if Lauren and I were actual girlfriends, but she cleared it up by making out with me everyday after school at my place. We kept our relationship secret, even from my mom, so I still had a doubt or two, but short of having some kind of girlfriend agreement in writing, daily makeout sessions seemed certain enough.  
  
The only real complaint I had was that there were a lot of things that Lauren just wasn't ready for. Sex, for instance. We hadn't talked about it and I hadn't made any overt moves, but Lauren wasn't exactly Miss Subtlety, and I'm sure if she wanted to have sex she would've given me some kind of signal by now, like taking off her panties and handing them to me. But I'm an understanding girlfriend and I've always been ready to accept the eccentricities and limitations of my partner—as evidenced by my blind submission to my ex-girlfriend's need to drink my blood.  
  
So I didn't push her, or even mention it. I could understand how—without being stumbling drunk—it would be a big step for her. I could understand all of her other anxieties, too. I could understand why she wanted to keep our relationship secret, I could understand why she didn't want to talk about her orientation, I could even understand why she was completely determined to avoid the fact that I'm a girl. I was willing to move at her own pace, and despite the fact that I was borderline nympho, I was willing to wait for sex as well, since obviously I wanted it to be good for her too.  
  
But as the days began to pile up I found myself becoming a little frustrated. We'd been 'dating' for over a month now, and we were both seniors. Not quite eighteen years old, but certainly old enough to make our own decisions with our legs open. I began rationalize to myself maybe all my closeted girlfriend needed was a little encouragement, a subtle sign or signal that I'd really like to get into her pants.  
  
And so it was on a rainy Wednesday afternoon when I first copped a feel.  
  
It didn't turn out so well, but I'd been hopeful. Today seemed different, a perfect day to make a try. Usually we did our homework first, but today we were making out before anything. And unlike most days, we were laying down—with me on top, no less—and Lauren truly seemed to be enjoying herself. I'd had a ton of kiss-practice with Alice, and despite my natural modesty, I had to admit I had mad skillz. Lauren was rather passive in physical situations—as if it might make her less gay if she was only a taker not a giver—and this gave me great opportunity to flaunt my technique.  
  
I mimicked all the things Alice used to do to me to drive me crazy and it appeared to have a similar effect on Lauren. I cupped her face, stroked her hair, pulled at her head gently the way chicks dig. My tongue work was deliberate and precise and rewarded with some very gratifying moans of excitement. Lauren loved it, and all in all, I felt that conditions were in favor of making a grab.  
  
So I lowered my hand to her waist and caressed a little. Soon the material slipped up and it was her skin I was caressing. Then I let my hand snake higher up her top to stroke her side. She squirmed slightly, but I figured this to be encouragement, and finally I seized her left bracup and—  
  
She made a muffled protest and pushed me away. I blinked down at her and she looked a little upset, as if I'd let her down in some way.  
  
"What are you doing?" she asked, as if legitimately curious about what I'd been doing.  
  
I withdrew my hand from her top and swallowed to calm my breathing. "Um," I said. My mind felt like a thick sludge of hormones and my hand was tingling from what it had touched. Nothing better than the truth occurred to me so I just said it. "Making a move?"  
  
"Jeez," she said, and pushed me directly off her. I almost cried into the pillow from frustration. Lauren swung her legs over the side of the bed and straightened up her top. "We've only been dating for a month, you know," she said over her shoulder.  
  
"Yeah, but…"  
  
"But what?"  
  
I sat up and shrugged sheepishly. We were both flushed and breathing heavy. "Well, it's not like we haven't done it," I said. "I mean, don't you want to fool around a little?"  
  
Probably not what she wanted to hear. She frowned, not looking at me. "I'm not ready for that shit," she muttered.  
  
I sighed and realized that I'd been lying to myself about being understanding; I wasn't. But I could pretend to be, so I suppressed the frustration out of my voice, and said: "Sorry."  
  
She looked at me, and she must've felt sorry at how horny I looked, because she blew out a breath and tried to give me a smile. "Me too," she said. "Look, it's not your fault. Let's just go slow, alright? Maybe this is all natural to you, but to me it's still pretty fucking weird. You know?"  
  
Actually, I knew absolutely nothing about what she was going through, but I nodded. "Okay."  
  
She smiled, more genuinely. Her mouth was swollen and pink, and she was still flushed, and her shiny blonde hair was a little mussed. It would've been so great to fuck her.  
  
"Thanks," she said. Then she went a little coy and added: "And thanks for…"  
  
"For what?"  
  
She smirked, rolled her eyes, and shrugged. "For wanting to," she said.  
  
I felt a tiny glow of accomplishment. The move had failed, but the signal was loud and clear. It was progress, and maybe I should've left it at that, but I felt I should try and take advantage of her mood, so I smirked and said: "Can we make out a little more?"  
  
It seemed like an innocent request to me, but she was already fishing her textbooks out her backpack. "No," she said, but grinning. "We have to study."  
  
"Aww, come on," I whined playfully, wrapping my arms around her from behind. "Please, baby?"  
  
It came out completely natural, but I felt something flicker inside me as the word came out. Baby was Alice's word for me. Now I just used it for Lauren? I'm sure there were some strange psychological quirks at play in the impulse, but at the moment it only felt cute.  
  
Lauren didn't seem to agree. She narrowed her icy blue eyes and said: "Baby?"  
  
"Yeah, baby," I said. "Why?"  
  
"I'm nobody's baby."  
  
But she was being playful, so I only smirked and leaned to her lips, and said: "You're my baby…"  
  
I kissed her. She let me, and then she even responded. She laid back on the mattress, and soon my meticulous tongue work had her moaning again, and after a while I was carried away enough to make another grab.  
  
But it seemed she wasn't ready yet now, either, and she pushed me away. "Jeez!" she grinned, sitting up and straightening her top. "You're worse than a fucking guy!"  
  
I should've been offended, but I was kind of proud. "I have my needs, baby," I smirked, and went to kiss her again.  
  
But she pushed me back, trying not to grin. "Yeah, well, I have an English paper that's due tomorrow and I need your fucking help so keep it in your fucking pants and shut the fuck up with that baby shit before I punch you in the fucking mouth. Got it?"  
  
No girl likes to be threatened with violence, but I figured I could take her, so I smirked and said: "Okay, baby."  
  
At first she seem shocked at the sheer affrontry of this. Then she grabbed my face and kissed me.  
  
Well. I guess cocky insolence turned her on.  
  
I laid her back against the bed and showed her who's boss with my tongue. She giggled into my mouth, and since she seemed to like a dominant Bella, I took a risk and made one last grab for the coveted left tit. But once again I was thwarted. She pushed me away, giggling, and actually scrambled off the bed.  
  
"That's it," she said, grabbing up her backpack. "I'm leaving."  
  
She said it in a huffy tone, but she was grinning and she'd left her textbooks on the bed. Still, I obliged her attempt at indignation with a little pleading.  
  
"I was only playing!" I said, which was at least half true. "Come on, come back. I won't touch you ever again, I promise."  
  
She smirked and plonked down her backpack. "Well, not never again," she said, settling back on the bed. "I mean, one day…"  
  
"Soon?" I asked teasingly.  
  
"We'll see," she said, and then she noticed something on the bedside table next to my alarm clock. She picked it up and draped it across her hand; it was my collar. The black leather one Alice had bought me on our first real date.  
  
"Hey," she said, looking it over. "How come you don't wear this thing anymore?"  
  
I shrugged. It was laying on the nighttable because that's where I used to put it when I took it off at night for Alice to feed from me. But Lauren didn't know that. She probably didn't even know it was Alice who had bought it for me. Only Angela had ever shown any curiosity about it before, and thankfully it seemed she hadn't gossiped about everything I told her at prom.  
  
Lauren was waiting for an answer, but I couldn't tell her that there was no need to wear it anymore because I didn't have any bite marks to conceal, so I just shrugged. "I don't know," I said. "Got sick of it, I guess."  
  
That didn't explain why I kept it out and glanced at it almost longingly at least twenty times a day, but it was as good an explanation as any. At least it was to me – Lauren didn't seem to agree.  
  
"Why?" she questioned as if I was stupid. "It looked awesome on you."  
  
I felt a weird flicker in my heart. "You think?"  
  
"Totally," she said, nodding.  
  
It was nice that she was comfortable enough to admit something looked cute on me. Such a thing would've been unthinkable to non-girlfriend Lauren. I took the collar out of her hand and looked at it. I'd been reluctant to wear it again, because of what it represented. If I was going to get over Alice properly, it would probably be best not to be reminded of her symbolic ownership of me every time I looked in the mirror.  
  
But maybe Lauren was right. I mean, it always did look cute on me. And I did love black. Besides, it's not like I wanted to completely forget Alice. And if Lauren was cool with it and thought it was hot on me, then there was really no reason not to. So I looked up at Lauren and shrugged again.  
  
"Do you want me to wear it?" I asked.  
  
Somehow I felt like I needed her permission, even though she had no idea why I was hesitating. But she only snorted. "I'm not telling you what wear," she said. "I'm not that kind of girlfriend."  
  
Alice had always told me what to wear—and what to take off—and honestly I'd always found it quite helpful. But still, I couldn't wear the collar without Lauren's permission, and for some reason I really wanted to wear it.  
  
"But you think it's cute on me?" I insisted.  
  
She shrugged. She was already settling back against the headboard with her notebook on her lap. "Sure," she said. "Although it wouldn't kill you to wear a bit of color every now and then."  
  
I hesitated with the collar in my hand until Lauren noticed and rolled her eyes.  
  
"Here, give it here," she demanded, and snatched the collar out of my hand. I wasn't even sure what she was going to do with it until she leaned to my neck and started putting it on. Her face was right next to mine and I felt very embarrassed for some reason. "There," she said, sitting back. "Alright?"  
  
I touched the collar with my fingertips, my face heating at the familiar tightness around my throat. I smiled at Lauren, trying not to let on how affected I was.  
  
"Thanks," I said.  
  
—  
  
I wore the collar the next day at school. Angela gave me an odd glance, but I guess our last conversation on the subject had been too awkward for her to mention anything.  
  
I wore for it the rest of the week. I put it on in the morning and only took it off before bed. Pretty soon I was beginning to realize that wearing it was a bad idea. It bought back too many memories. I'd find myself sitting in class, touching the collar with my fingertips, adjusting it against my throat as if it didn't quite fit properly. Sometimes I'd walk past the bathroom mirror at home and stop to stare for a second, remembering the bite marks, the pain of her fangs, the sweet addiction of her venom. I still kept pictures of her in my locker and I browsed the prom gallery almost every night. I'd been telling myself that it was only because I wanted to remember her, but after I started wearing the collar again, I began to realize that I missed her, too. I missed her a lot.  
  
But I had Lauren, and Lauren was great. The secrecy sucked, but it was kind of cute, too, the way she'd get all flustered when Angela would tease us. I knew she didn't really care about what people in school would think. After all, we were seniors now, and most of us were mature enough to be accepting even of me. Lauren had nothing to fear from our peers – what she was afraid of was her mom.  
  
Or maybe fear was the wrong word. Lauren really wasn't the kind of girl who was afraid of anything, but she knew that if her mom found out she was gay, it was going to change and likely ruin her whole life. And, understandably, she didn't want to deal with that. So I played along, and pretended in front of other people that we were just friends, even though Angela knew and most of our other friends suspected. Lauren still wasn't comfortable talking about it, but I managed to wheedle her into a brief discussion on the subject one Saturday afternoon while we waited for the movie to start.  
  
"So when you gonna tell her?"  
  
"Tell her what?"  
  
"That you're gay."  
  
Poor choice of words. She snorted. "I'm not gay."  
  
I rolled my eyes. The theater was mostly empty and some old rock music was playing from the speakers. We had about ten minutes till the previews started, and I didn't want to waste the topic, so I didn't bother slapping her for being such a pedantic bitch about labels.  
  
"When are you going to tell her about me, then?" I rephrased.  
  
"I don't know," she said, sullenly munching popcorn. "I mean, why do I even have to? She's only going to be a bitch about it."  
  
"But if she knew, we wouldn't have to sneak around."  
  
"So? What's wrong with privacy? I wouldn't even kiss a guy in public, why would I kiss you?"  
  
I gave her a puppy-face. "Because I like you and it would mean a lot to me?"  
  
She rolled her eyes, trying not to smile. "Forget it," she said. "In fact, let's get that straight right now. I'm never kissing a girl in public. Ever. That includes you. You got that?"  
  
I sighed, but honestly, I guess I wasn't too disappointed. I wasn't huge on public affection, either. Mostly I just wanted to know if she was serious about me.  
  
Lauren noticed my wounded expression and rolled her eyes again. "Look, I'll tell her after graduation, when we're away at college," she said. "That way it doesn't matter what she says."  
  
"That's like a year away."  
  
"Well, yeah," she said. She looked vulnerable for a second and tried to cover it up with a smile. "But we'll still be together, right?"  
  
Somehow the insecurity had flipped, and now it was her seeking reassurance. A surreal sensation swept over me and for a second I couldn't actually believe the conversation I was having. Lauren actually wanted to be with me post-graduation? At college?  
  
It was funny. I'd had threesomes, I'd been raped, and I'd been bitten by vampires, and yet none of it seemed as odd as Lauren, my first and only real crush, actually wanting to be with me in a serious long-term relationship. Realistically, I knew that highschool relationships never last, but in that moment it felt like maybe we would.  
  
"Of course," I said, managing not to stutter. "I mean, do you think we'll even be at the same college?"  
  
I actually turned in the chair to ask the question, and I was eager to keep talking about our long-term possibilities, but before she could answer the lights in the theater dimmed and the preshow started. It would've been acceptable to keep whispering, but the topic seemed to be too serious for my timid girlfriend and she seemed ready for a topic change. She motioned with a piece of popcorn at the movie screen.  
  
"I seen that movie," she said. "It fucking sucks."  
  
I sighed and slumped back against my chair.  
  
I hate it when the movie's early.  
  
The movie sucked, as movies often do, and afterwards we went for a walk and somehow we ended up at Angela's store. Lauren wanted to say hi and bitch about the movie, which was fun, I guess, although I would've preferred to find some quiet place to make out. It had been two weeks since my last attempt at a grab, and I felt that Lauren and I were due to revisit the breast-policy of our relationship. It was getting a little frustrating by now, from both sides. My breasts were beginning to feel like a waste of space and sometimes I felt like screaming at her to just grab a handful already.  
  
So I trailed along behind her as she browsed the store, chatting to Angela. Every now and then she'd turn to me to get an opinion on a top or skirt that she didn't even plan on buying or for backup on whatever she was arguing about. Dimly, the whole thing reminded me of dates with Alice, the way I used to follow her around the mall, just grateful to be near her. Only Alice would've fucked me in the change room by now. In fact, she would've fucked me in the theater. And again when we got home. And again that night. And again in the morning. Maybe that's all our relationship had been; one long fuck.  
  
I was touching my collar absently mindedly when Lauren turned to me with a top against her torso. Blue, sparkly, spaghetti straps, a butterfly print on the tummy. "What do you think?" she asked.  
  
Angela was making a gagging gesture behind her back, but I smiled. In truth, it was a little juvenile, but telling her that wasn't likely to assist my endeavor of getting to second base.  
  
"It's cute," I said. "Suits you."  
  
Lauren wasn't convinced. "Yeah?"  
  
"Sure," I said. "I love you in blue."  
  
Maybe that was a little too relationship-y. Lauren got uncomfortable and Angela giggled.  
  
"Jeez," she said. "Why don't you two just get a room already?"  
  
"Fuck you," Lauren snarled.  
  
Angela wasn't intimidated. She cocked a thumb toward the change room. "You know, if it's an emergency, I could let you use the change rooms," she said. "Just don't make a habit of it."  
  
Lauren glared at her, but she was blushing a little brightly to look fierce. "Bella and I are just friends," she said. "When the fuck are you gonna that get through your head?"  
  
Angela rolled her eyes at me and I tried not to smirk. Lauren wasn't sure if her evasion was successful, but she seemed to figure a swift exit was in order, so she flapped the top and said: "I'm gonna go try this shit on."  
  
"Do you want Bella to come with you?" Angela called after her, but Lauren only glared over her shoulder and barged into the change room.  
  
Angela turned back to me, smiling, hands on her hips.  
  
"Boy," she said. "That chick's got issues. Why can't she just admit it? I mean, doesn't it bother you?"  
  
To be honest, it actually didn't really bother me that much, and technically I think I was supposed to be pretending too, so I just shrugged non-committally and developed an interest in a pair of jeans that were thirty-percent off. They were skinny jeans, dark blue, and it occurred to me that they'd look great on Alice and Alice's ass. But I quickly pushed that thought away.  
  
"You know, most of the girls at school wouldn't even care," Angela was saying. "We're not in middle school anymore, you know."  
  
I glanced toward the change room and lowered my voice just in case. There seemed to be no point pretending with Angela. She knew and she was cool about it. So I shrugged again. "It's not just that," I said. "It's her mom."  
  
It was the first time I'd acknowledged our relationship, and she sidled forward suddenly, eager for gossip. "What about her mom?" she asked.  
  
"She's a pretty bad homophobe," I mentioned tactfully.  
  
Angela seemed surprised. "Seriously? I met her a couple a times, she seemed awesome. When me and Lauren had that sleepover ages ago she let us have the music as loud as we wanted."  
  
I shrugged again, still pretending to examine the jeans. "She threw me out the house a couple months ago," I said. "Politely, but you know…"  
  
Angela chuckled once. Apparently gay persecution was amusing to her. "Wow," she said. "So Lauren's afraid of her mom finding out?"  
  
"Basically."  
  
Angela nodded thoughtfully and began browsing a nearby rack of tops. She seemed to have forgotten that it was her own stock.  
  
"But is she actually gay, though?" she asked suddenly. "Or just, you know, bi?"  
  
It was a good question. Personally, I had no idea, and honestly I didn't think Lauren had a clue either. So I just shrugged. "She doesn't like to talk about it," I said.  
  
"But what do you think?" she insisted.  
  
I sighed and abandoned my pretend examination of the jeans. I'd prefer talking about it with Lauren herself, but maybe Angela could help me figure something out. "I don't know," I said. "She doesn't like guys, but she doesn't really like girls either. Just me, she says."  
  
Angela snorted. "Yeah, right."  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
Angela smirked and glanced toward the change room, just to make sure Lauren wasn't on her way back. She turned back to me and leaned forward slightly. "You remember that sleepover I mentioned?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"Lauren kissed me while I was asleep. Or while she thought I was asleep. I never told her I was awake."  
  
A slow smile spread across my face. "Seriously?"  
  
"Yeah," she said, chuckling. "Freaked me the fuck out. I avoided her for like a week afterwards. But trust me; it's not just you. She likes chicks."  
  
I found this very encouraging. Not only would it be great if Lauren and I had this in common, but I'd done enough research on the internet to know that bi-chicks generally end up with guys and straight-chicks eventually remember they're straight. They say love is supposed to conquer all, but statistically speaking, it's usually the lesbian who gets defeated.  
  
I opened my mouth to find out if Angela knew any more examples of Lauren liking other girls—an orgy among the cheersquad would be good evidence—but before I could Lauren came back from the change room. She was wearing the sparkly blue top and she seemed to be happy with it.  
  
"What do you think?" she said. "Pretty fucking hot, right?"  
  
Angela looked at her without interest. "Meh," she said.  
  
Lauren scowled, but I intervened before she could pounce.  
  
"I think you look awesome," I said.  
  
Which she did, although she would benefit from losing the bra. The top was V-cut and it was supposed to show the area between her breasts. It would've shown nice cleavage too, but Lauren had no cleavage, not even with a push-up. Small tits. Alice had always had amazing tits; plump, but not absurd.  
  
Still, Lauren did look very cute, and she seemed flattered by the compliment. Angela just rolled her eyes.  
  
"Gee," she said. "What a surprise."  
  
Lauren turn another scowl on her, but again I cut in.  
  
"Are you gonna get it?" I asked.  
  
"I don't know, it's kind of expensive."  
  
She might've been fishing for a discount, but Angela only folded her arms and smirked, waiting for Lauren to start pleading. But I couldn't let my girlfriend do that, so I said:  
  
"I can give you money."  
  
Angela spun on me. "Oh, come on!" she blurted. "You're not even gonna make her work for it? Even her old boyfriend had more self-respect than that!"  
  
Lauren snorted awkwardly, pretending not to understand the correlation between me and a boyfriend. "What the fuck's wrong with two friends borrowing money?"  
  
I bit my lip to keep from grinning. Poor Lauren. The darling was so determined not to be gay. It was sad, really.  
  
Angela looked at her in disbelief. "Borrow?" she said. "Really?"  
  
"Yeah, what?"  
  
Angela seemed completely flummoxed at the baldness of this. She looked at me, but I only shrugged. If Lauren's denial was frustrating for her, imagine what it was like for me. Lauren simply stood there in her sparkly top, pretending to be straight.  
  
"Oookay," Angela said. "Well, I'm gonna leave you two friends alone for a second. If any one needs me I'll be over there LOL-ing."  
  
Angela gave Lauren one last look, shook her head, and wandered away to the cash register. Lauren glared at her back. I peeked at her ass. Lauren turned the glare on me.  
  
"She knows, doesn't she?"  
  
"I think so," I admitted.  
  
"Fuck," Lauren muttered. "Did you fucking say something?"  
  
"Of course not. She always knew."  
  
"Bullshit."  
  
"It's true. She even suspected last year that you liked me."  
  
"I don't fucking like you," she said automatically. Then she realized what she said and rolled her eyes at herself. I barely managed not to giggle.  
  
"There's no one around," I said. "You don't have to pretend."  
  
She sighed and waved a hand feebly. "I know," she said. "I just…"  
  
We were in an isolated corner of the shop, hidden from view by the discount rack, so I took the chance of giving her a hug. She stiffened, and I could feel her head swivel around in panic, but she didn't push me away.  
  
"Listen," I said. "I know it's hard for you, okay? And I'm not rushing you. But Angela's cool. She's not gonna say anything, so why can't we just be ourselves?"  
  
She shrugged out of the embrace. She wasn't angry, but she still didn't seem willing to deal with it, so I smirked.  
  
"Please, baby?" I wheedled. She gave me a sharp look, but trying not to smile. She claimed to hate the name, but I knew she liked it, and it gave me a thrill to use it. It reminded me of Alice. "Come on," I said, putting my hands at her waist. "Let me kiss you in public just once."  
  
She put her hands on mine, but didn't push them away. "Why?"  
  
"Because," I said. "I need to know if you really like me."  
  
It was a trick I'd learnt from Alice. The easiest way to make your girlfriend do something she doesn't want to do is to turn it into a demonstration of commitment.  
  
It worked. Lauren rolled her eyes and gave a little huff.  
  
"Fucking fine," she said. "Hurry up."  
  
I smiled. It would be our first kiss in public—albeit completely in private—and I thought it was big progress. But I didn't want to upset her, so I kept it mild. Just a soft press of my lips, just so she knew I liked her. She responded with a soft moan, pressing our lips a little firmer, and—  
  
Angela burst out from behind the discount rack where she'd been peeking. Lauren broke away from me wildly.  
  
"I knew it!" Angela announced. "You are so totally lezbo!"  
  
Lauren opened her mouth deny everything, but she seemed to wilt in the glow of Angela's triumph. Finally she just snorted and flapped a hand at Angela.  
  
"Aww, fuck you," she said. Then she grabbed my hand and started dragging me toward the change room. "Come on, let's get out of here. And you're buying me this fucking top. I'll pay you back later."  
  
—  
  
Lauren loosened up a lot after Angela found out, but she still wasn't ready to update her facebook status to include that she was a total dyke. She wasn't even ready to come out at school. Angela's teasing acceptance was very encouraging, but mostly Lauren was worried about her relationship status somehow circling back to mom. Small town and all.  
  
On the bright side, I now had full breast-privileges during make out sessions, and of course I was very quick to allow my girlfriend the same benefits. I'd been hoping that the extra stimulation might aid my efforts to remove her pants, but unfortunately, she wasn't particularly sensitive in the chest area, so mostly it was only me who got hot and bothered. But it wasn't all hopeless. Lauren quickly developed a special regard for my breasts, and on one memorable afternoon she actually abandoned my mouth and wrapped her lips around my nipple, squeezing my boob out of it's bracup and moaning as if it tasted good. I almost orgasmed from that alone, but it only lasted for a few seconds before she dribbled to a stop and started apologizing. She wasn't ready yet, she explained. I was frustrated enough to smack her over the head with a pillow, but I told her it was okay; I could wait as long as she needed.  
  
Lauren's reluctance to go all the way was a puzzle to me, but I thought I was beginning to figure it out. She had grown up with the understanding that a girl really oughtn't fuck other girls, and somehow this principle had stuck with her. She wanted to, she really did. But she couldn't. Not yet, at least. It would take a bit more time, but it was fairly unavoidable at this point. Slowly but surely she was losing faith in her mother's morals and soon they'd be gone completely. It was already happening. Her mom had forbidden her to associate with me and yet here she was associating with my tits. A more oral association was inevitable.  
  
So I could wait. It wasn't that hard. I'd bought another vibrator off the internet, and while I technically wasn't quite eighteen years old, I figured I was mature enough to make a personal purchase or two. I'd staked out the mailbox for three days waiting for it to arrive so mom wouldn't know, but it was really nothing to feel guilty about. Sex toys are perfectly natural. For lesbians they're almost mandatory. So I didn't tell her about it, and I hoped it wouldn't be on the credit card bill.  
  
By the end of the week Lauren was starting to get a little paranoid about Angela. Angela liked to joke, but she respected our need for secrecy, and she didn't joke in front of other people. Still, Lauren liked to bitch about things – and usually she preferred bitching to me.  
  
Lauren and I had a routine in the mornings. We'd need up in the parking lot, pretending we were just friends, and then I'd walk her to her locker before heading off to my own locker which was on the other side of the building. Then we'd meet up in homeroom. It was a good arrangement, because I still had pictures of Alice tacked to the inside of my locker door, and somehow I didn't think Lauren would be too happy about that.  
  
Still, if Lauren was allowed to keep our relationship secret, I figured I was allowed to keep a couple pictures of Alice secret. It was no big deal, really. I just liked to look at them in the morning. Stare at them. Wonder if she was okay. If she missed me. Then I'd sigh, kiss two fingertips, and touch them to the prettiest picture.  
  
But on Friday morning I must've been staring too long, because I was still staring when Lauren came storming up. I startled and tried to quickly grab the books I needed.  
  
"Fucking Angela's been making jokes all morning," Lauren was saying. "She better keep her mouth shut. And what's taking you so long anyway? You should move your locker closer to—"  
  
She broke off when she saw the pictures.  
  
"Wait," she said. "What the fuck is that shit?"  
  
I looked at the pictures as if I'd never seen them before. I looked at Lauren.  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
It wasn't one of my wittier moments. She gave me a scowl and gestured at the photos angrily. "You keep pictures of her?"  
  
I looked at the pictures again, as if the pictures themselves might supply an excuse for their existence. I turned back to Lauren. "They're just pictures," I said.  
  
Again, very stupid. Lauren's scowl darkened.  
  
"I thought you were over her?" she demanded.  
  
I don't know why she should have assumed that, since she had been deliberately avoiding the topic all year, but rather than point this out, I just nodded. "I am," I said.  
  
She narrowed her icy eyes. "Then what the fuck are you doing with pictures of her in your locker?"  
  
She spat the word locker as if it was the most vile place you could possibly pin up pictures, second only to the back of the toilet door. I looked at the pictures one more time and back at Lauren. I didn't know what to say, so I repeated myself.  
  
"They're just pictures."  
  
Lauren's eyes flared and I quickly went on before she could explode.  
  
"Look," I said, "I know we never talked about it, but…"  
  
"But what?" she snapped.  
  
I shrugged helplessly. I truly had no idea how to explain it. I didn't even understand it myself, so I just put it in the best words I could. "Alice was very important to me," I said. "I can't just forget about her. You know?"  
  
Apparently she didn't and apparently she wasn't interested in even trying to understand. "I don't keep pictures of my old boyfriend," she snapped, without giving it a second's thought.  
  
I felt a flicker of irritation. "That's different," I said.  
  
"How is it different?" she demanded.  
  
"You never loved him."  
  
"Oh, so you still fucking love her then?"  
  
I blew out a frustrated breath. "No," I insisted, unsure if I meant it. But that wasn't even the point. "Look, there's no need to be jealous, alright? Alice is gone. She's never coming back."  
  
But this was the wrong thing to say as well.  
  
"I don't care if she's dead," Lauren hissed. "You don't keep pictures of your ex in your locker!"  
  
"Lauren—"  
  
But she spun on her heel and stormed away. I reached out feebly, as if to grab her back, but then my hand just flopped, and I watched her stalk away. People in the corridor had glanced in curiosity. Lauren looked exactly like an angry girlfriend and after she turned the corner the spectators turned their glances on me. I ignored them and slammed shut the locker door.  
  
"Fuck," I muttered.  
  
The bell rang. I looked up and sighed frustratedly. Alice had been a drama queen, but she had never freaked out over something like this. I'd outright cheated on her and she'd forgiven me. The corridor cleared out behind me and I blew out one more frustrated breath. Then I kicked the locker. I was wearing boots, but it still hurt my toe.  
  
By the time I got to homeroom Lauren was already sitting with her friends. She gave me a look as I came in that suggested she was completely pissed at me and she pointedly ignored me for the rest of the class. I took my place meekly at her side, waiting for some opportunity to apologize.  
  
But what could I say? I used the silent treatment to try and figure out some way to explain why I needed the pictures, but how could I explain it to her when I didn't understand it myself? Really, they were just mementoes. Sure, part of me still misses her, but part of me always will. The collar wasn't just for show. I truly did belong to Alice, heart, body, and soul. And part of me will always belong to her. But I couldn't explain that to Lauren. Lauren thought Alice had been nothing more than a slutty bitch who ditched me after prom, but she wasn't. She was so much more.  
  
She was my soulmate.  
  
I was ashamed that part of me still believed that, but I couldn't help it. Alice had abandoned me, which a soulmate shouldn't do, but I kept reminding myself that I'd let her down first. Come to think of it, we'd failed each other quite often for two people who claimed to be soulmates.  
  
Lauren was right. It was okay to keep the pictures before I hooked up with Lauren, but not anymore. It was wrong to pine after my ex when I had a girlfriend right here, one who liked me and maybe even loved me. It was insensitive, thoughtless, ungrateful. Disrespectful, that's what it was. Lauren deserved better. Maybe our relationship was still in it's early stages, but we were serious about something long-term, and it was wrong to divide my focus. Lauren and I were going to face plenty of difficulties, and if we were going to make it, I needed to set my heart entirely on her. No more Alice.  
  
But that was easier said than done, wasn't it? Wanting to forget about Alice didn't magically eradicate her from my brain's memory cells. Maybe there was some cutting edge surgery I could look into, but until then I was simply going to have to try. And the first step would be to get rid of the pictures.  
  
Good, so I had that settled. I was going to get over Alice and devote myself entirely to Lauren. Now. How the hell do I tell her that?  
  
I kept waiting for an opportunity throughout the day, but there was none. Most of our friends had picked up on the tension. It would've been difficult to miss since Lauren and I had been almost inseparable lately. Now she was ignoring me and snorting scornfully whenever I opened my mouth. It seemed like a harsh punishment for a couple pictures. Lauren sat next to Angela at lunch and Angela kept giving me sympathetic looks. They whispered together for the rest of lunch period and whispered some more in History. I got the feeling Lauren was talking about me, and I kept and eye on Angela, trying to figure out who's side she was on. Her face was mostly inscrutable, but I figured that to be a good sign. It meant that she was calm and rational, which meant she was likely advising Lauren to…  
  
Dump me? I hoped not. Was a few pictures really something to break up over?  
  
I didn't know, but I was saved from working myself into a panic when Angela approached me after history as I was gathering up my books.  
  
"Listen, I talked to Lauren," she whispered. "She's going to apologize, don't worry about it."  
  
I felt a flush of gratitude, but from her confidential tone, I figured she wouldn't want me to give her a big hug. So I just smiled and nodded. She smiled back, winked, and quickly went back to Lauren before Lauren noticed who'd she been talking to. The next time Lauren glanced at me her expression was considerably softened.  
  
And after school, Angela's prediction came true. I was standing at my locker in the busy corridor, pulling down the pictures of Alice. One by one, plucking them down and looking at them in my hand. Lauren came up with her hands in the back pockets of her jeans and saw what I was doing. She gave me a look that was very almost apologetic.  
  
"Sorry," she said sullenly.  
  
Clearly, she wasn't sorry at all, but at least she was willing to try and pretend. Still, in any relationship there was one person more mature than the other, and despite my innate shallowness, that person was generally me. So I smiled demurely and shook my head.  
  
"No, you were right," I said. "I shouldn't have kept them. I just…"  
  
I trailed off. She made a visible effort to understand, failed, and decided to focus on simply saying the right thing. "Look, I get it," she said. "You loved her. But you need to get over that bitch. You got me now, you know?"  
  
I shouldn't have, but I felt a touch of bitterness.  
  
"Do I?" I countered. "You won't even go near me in public."  
  
She scowled and pointed at the pictures in my hand. "Is that what all this is about?"  
  
"Yeah, Lauren," I said with heavy sarcasm. "I kept the pictures all this time because I knew one day I'd have to use them as blackmail against my closeted girlfriend who's afraid of kissing me in public. That's exactly what this is about."  
  
She had the forbearance not to lose her temper. She glanced around to see if anyone had overheard the word girlfriend, and then she gave me another look that was almost apologetic, this one almost genuine.  
  
"So why did you keep them?" she asked.  
  
"I told you," I said. "She was important to me. But you know what?"  
  
There was a rubbish bin against the wall and without thinking I closed my locker and walked over.  
  
"Here," I said, and then I tore the pictures in half and tossed the pieces in the bin.  
  
And as I did I felt a moment of dizzying panic. It didn't show on my face, but I almost had to lean on the bin to keep from sinking bonelessly to the floor. What the fuck had I done? I knew they were just pictures, just glossy pieces of cardboard, but they were pictures of Alice. And now Alice's pretty face and pretty body was torn in half and left laying among garbage.  
  
It struck me as a terrible tragedy, the ultimate betrayal, and I almost reached into the bin to fish them out. But instead I turned to Lauren, blinking back tears. "There," I said, almost accusingly. "They're gone now, okay?"  
  
Lauren looked abashed. "You didn't have to throw them away," she murmured.  
  
I shook my head, trying to rein back my emotions. Why do chicks have to be so fucking difficult?  
  
Lauren could see how upset I was, so she went on quickly, trying to make me feel better. "Look, I'm sorry, alright? I was a bitch. She was important to you, I get it. But couldn't you put them in a photo album or something? I mean, why right there where you could see her every morning?"  
  
Because I still fucking loved her, that's why.  
  
"I don't know," I murmured.  
  
Lauren looked at me in silence. People were moving through the corridor, talking, laughing. Lauren glanced at a group who passed by and turned back to me.  
  
"So we cool?" she asked.  
  
It seemed she wanted to just forget about it and move on, and that was probably best. "Yeah," I said. "It's no big deal. You were right. They're gone now, so let's just forget it."  
  
She nodded and glanced around again. I didn't know what she was so worried about. We weren't even standing that close.  
  
"Alright," she said. "And listen. Do you really want me to kiss you in public?"  
  
The question took me off-guard. She shrugged up her backpack and her expression was anxious, as if she was thinking about actually doing it, right here in a crowded corridor.  
  
"Well, no," I said, hoping that was the correct answer. "I was just saying."  
  
"Yeah, but you want us to be public, right?"  
  
"I want you to be comfortable—"  
  
"Look, would you just answer the fucking question?" she demanded. "Would it make you feel better if we didn't have to pretend anymore?"  
  
Her expression was stern and somewhat resigned, as if she already new the answer and was simply waiting to hear it out loud. So I gave a little shrug and said:  
  
"Well…yeah."  
  
She released the breath she was holding, glanced around one more time, and then she just did it. She put both hands on my shoulders, leaned forward, and pressed her lips onto mine.  
  
My eyes fell closed and my head started tingling. Dimly I was aware that all sound in the corridor had slowly ceased and when she pulled back there were several people staring.  
  
"What the fuck are you staring at?" Lauren barked at the nearest one.  
  
The poor girl, a freshman, actually look frightened. "N-nothing," she said, but she wasn't very convincing.  
  
Lauren glared at her. "Yeah? Well why don't you go look at something else before I stick your head in a fucking locker and close it. Fucking idiot."  
  
The girl nudged her friend, who was equally flabbergasted, and they kept walking, worried perhaps that Lauren would pull a knife on them. Lauren turned back to me and grabbed my hand.  
  
"Come on," she said. "Let's get out of here."  
  
The warmth of her hand in mine felt nice, and she held it through the corridor and into the parking lot, and there she kissed me again where everyone could see before we parted into our respective cars and drove back to my place to make out. I still felt a little bad about tearing up the pictures the way I did, but I consoled myself by remembering I had a whole gallery at home that no one would ever know about but me.  
  
—  
  
Lauren was a little grouchy in the days to come, so still no sex. She came over on the weekend and we didn't even get to make out. She wanted to talk instead, but she had some genuine issues to work out, so it would've been petty to complain.  
  
Mostly she talked about her mom and how worried she was about what was going to happen when her mom found out. Fork's high was combined highschool and middleschool and pretty soon her little sister was going to hear that her big sister is a lesbian, and since her little sister was a 'stupid fucking bitch' there was really no way to predict how the 'little whore' would handle the information.  
  
Lauren wondered if she should just tell her mom and get it over with, but I didn't feel qualified to advise her. My own coming out with my mother had been something of a debacle that involved getting grounded and slipping slowly into a coma amid the ruins of my ruptured relationship. I told an abridged version of this to Lauren, but Lauren was still a very self-centered young woman, and she was convinced that her own situation was going to be a million times more tragic than mine, despite the fact that she didn't really love her mother and claimed not to care what she thought. Her fears even included being kicked out of the house, but I was pretty certain child services didn't allow that kind of thing nowadays. In any case, there seemed to be little I could do but offer sympathy, so I wrapped her into a hug, and decided it was best not to ask if we could have sex yet.  
  
Lauren was a nervous wreak Monday morning and she concealed this under a snappy façade that made even me wary of approaching her. But in the end, it didn't seem to be much of a big deal. Only a small portion of the school had seen last weeks kiss, and they must've had better things to gossip about, because even Angela hadn't heard until Jessica made some wisecrack which Lauren didn't deny. Instead she retaliated in a manner that made it clear she was indeed a dyke and would personally decapitate anyone who had a problem with that. No one did. There was a little more teasing about it over lunch, but Lauren was loosening up by then, and she was even able to chuckle at how obvious it had been the whole time. Most of her friends had already known, anyway.  
  
Her little sister never found out until Thursday. She was thirteen years old, a cute little blonde with curly hair, and at first she denied it even more vehemently than Lauren herself had done. The poor thing didn't want to believe there was an actual lesbian in her family. But some of the other girls in her grade teased her about it pretty badly, and eventually she was shaken enough to confront Lauren in the parking lot after school. The girl actually seemed quite scared, as if she thought lesbianism might be contagious and possibly fatal, and it didn't help the situation that she happened to find us in the middle of a goodbye kiss, right there by Lauren's car.  
  
The scene that followed made me grateful I didn't have any sisters. To be honest, I felt more sorry for Lauren's sister. She was just a kid, after all, very cute. Still, my impassioned girlfriend seemed to have little patience for her, and after a few pointed words the little blonde retreated with dire threats about telling mom as soon as they got home. Lauren responded with her usual bravado, but she'd gone pale, and I could tell she was very scared. I asked what she was going to do, and she said she didn't know. I told her to call me later and then I hugged her and kissed her again.  
  
That night I told mom the whole story. Mom had been interested in the relationship from the very beginning, and she listened with a slowly shaking head, eating her dinner as if it was a trouble to her.  
  
"Poor girl," she said, referring to Lauren. "It must be so hard on her."  
  
"Yeah," I agreed. "It must suck when your own mom can't accept you. I guess I was pretty lucky."  
  
Mom smiled at that, but tinged with regret, as if deep down she knew she could've done better. "Well," she said. "I'm just glad you've finally met someone nice. She seems like a very sweet girl."  
  
I didn't appreciate the subtle dig at Alice, but I agreed with her about Lauren. She wasn't nice, and if she was sweet it was sweet like citrus, but she was awesome – even without sex.  
  
My phone rang.  
  
I fished it out my pocket there at the dinner table and I had a feeling it was my 'someone nice.' Caller ID confirmed it and I looked at mom. She waved with her fork for me to answer it.  
  
"Hey, it's me," Lauren said. Her voice was very glum, and I didn't know if that was a good sign. "Look, can I come over?" she asked without preamble. "I just had a massive fight with mom."  
  
I fought with an urge to check with mom, but decided it was an emergency. "Oh, um, sure," I said. "Are you okay?"  
  
"Yeah, I'm cool," she said, and at least she didn't sound very upset. "Look, can we talk when I get there? I just…"  
  
I nodded into the phone. "Okay."  
  
"Thanks," she said. "See ya."  
  
She hung up. I slipped the phone back into my pocket sadly.  
  
"Everything okay, sweetie?" mom asked.  
  
I sighed and picked up my fork. We were having spaghetti, but I wasn't really hungry anymore. "Lauren's coming over," I said. "She had a fight with her mom."  
  
"Oh dear," mom said. "What about?"  
  
Kind of a dumb question considering what we'd been talking about all night, but adults rarely like to have their stupidity pointed out, so I just shrugged. "I don't know," I said. "Me, I guess."  
  
She shook her head, poking at her spaghetti. "It's so sad that girl's parents have trouble accepting her," she said. "She's going to need your support, Bella."  
  
I nodded, feeling a small glow of determination. Bella Swan, supportive girlfriend. It suited me.  
  
It was half an hour later when Lauren arrived. I was standing by the front door waiting, and I opened it on the second knock. It was raining pretty heavy and her blonde hair was slightly damp. Her eyes were red as if she'd been crying, but she seemed determined to be as disaffected as possible. She gave me a casual greeting and a quick hug. She said hi to mom and even smiled. Then we went into the living room and played video games.  
  
It seemed like an odd thing to do under the circumstances, but soon she was laughing and kicking my ass at Forza and pretending that nothing had happened at all. It felt like I was more upset about the situation than she was. I kept trying to think of some way to cheer her up and make her feel better, but there seemed to be little I could do besides let her win on the rare occasions where I actually had a lead. I knew Lauren wasn't the kind of girl who liked to be comforted, but if the fight with her mom was bad enough to drive her out of the house, wasn't it best if we talked about it?  
  
Teen drama wasn't my forte, sadly. I knew she was upset, and I knew she needed support, but I just couldn't figure out a way to mention that my shoulder was available to cry on. With Alice it had been easier. With Alice sex had solved everything. Cheated on each other? That's cool, let's fuck. Lying to me everyday about important aspects of our relationship? Okay, I'll go down on you. As twisted as it was, it had worked. We'd gone through a lot of stuff, me and Alice, and sex had solved pretty much everything until she decided she needed kill me – and if she hadn't skipped town, I'm sure sex would've solved that, too.  
  
But Lauren and I weren't even having sex yet, so that wasn't an option. Too bad, because comfort sex could be pretty wild. In any case, I also knew that Lauren wasn't the kind of girl who liked to be rushed, and I certainly wasn't the kind of girl who liked to take the initiative. So I waited, and soon it was getting late, and very casually she turned to me and asked if she could sleep over.  
  
Well. Shamefully, the first thing that occurred to me was the possibility of sex, but I suppressed all that and focused on the possibilities of being supportive. After all, even she didn't want to talk about it, a little cuddling was bound to make her feel better. So I checked with mom and then we went upstairs. Lauren was talking about how much I sucked at racing games, and she really did seem to be in a much better mood than when she first walked in. Her casualness wasn't as forced. So even if I'd failed at being supportive in the traditional manner, with hugs and tears and constant reassurances that everything was going to be alright, it seemed I did at least cheer her up with my humiliating losses on Xbox.  
  
I sorted out some pajamas for her to wear, guiltily selecting shorts for her instead of pants, but instead of getting changed, she sighed and sat down on the bed, clothes in her lap.  
  
"So you wanna know what happened?" she asked.  
  
Well. It seemed she was ready to talk about it. Maybe all she needed was privacy. Still, it seemed kind of random, even for a chick. In any case, I did want to know what happened, so I leaned back against the dresser and said: "Okay."  
  
It wasn't a long story, and at first Lauren told it very dispassionately, as if recapping a boring episode of a TV show she didn't really care about. Apparently her little sister kept her mouth shut until dinner time, possibly because of awkwardness, but sitting at the same table as a lesbian proved to be too much of a strain for the young blonde. Bickering ensued and eventually the girl just blurted out that she saw her sister kissing a girl at school. At first her mom didn't believe it and actually scolded the girl. But the girl was adamant and soon her mom began to notice that Lauren wasn't denying it. She demanded the truth from Lauren and under the circumstances Lauren was forced to admit that it was true.  
  
Dinner never really recovered after that. But it seemed the fight that ensued had removed some kind of psychological block from Lauren's head, because she actually used the word gay – to her mother. She hated using that word even to me, but she used it freely now, even going so far as to indulge her recent liberation from her closet with a five minute rant about how she was allowed to date whoever she wanted to date and just because she was a lesbian doesn't mean she's any different from before. I was so encouraged by this outburst of gay-pride that I didn't bother mentioning that only twenty-four hours ago the idea of being a lesbian was completely distasteful to her.  
  
Oddly, there wasn't much opportunity for comforting hugs and such. Lauren didn't cry once. She was even grinning as she recapped the fight with her mom, and it was hard to believe she'd ever been afraid of it. She went on to explain how she had defended me when her mom started talking shit, trying to blame me for her daughter's re-orientation, calling me all kinds of bad names. A verbal melee had ensued and culminated with my stalwart girlfriend slapping her own mother for being a bitch and stomping away into her room. That's when she called me and asked if she could come over.  
  
She fell silent after that and her grin slowly slipped away. I sat beside her on the bed and wrapped an arm around her shoulders. Like Alice, Lauren was a girl of many facades, and despite her bravado, I knew how much it must've hurt to go through something like that. So I hugged her. She didn't cry, but she did lay her head on my shoulder. I stroked her back and inhaled her scent. Her hair had dried but I could smell a hint of wet hair and a hint of wet clothes. It was still raining outside. I was about to ask her if she was okay when there was a soft knock on the door.  
  
Mom cleared her throat and came a couple steps into the room, cautious about interrupting. Lauren and I disengaged reluctantly.  
  
"It's getting late, sweetie," mom said to me. "You have school tomorrow."  
  
I looked at Lauren and back at mom. "We'll go to bed in a minute," I said.  
  
Mom nodded and smiled at Lauren. "Well, since you're a guest," she said, "you can use Bella's bed. I've set up the couch downstairs for Bella."  
  
Rats. Cock-blocked by my own mother. I wasn't expecting to actually have sex tonight, but even cuddling would be a score at this point in our relationship.  
  
Lauren might've been thinking the same thing, because she gave me a look and turned back to mom. "Actually," she said. "Would it be okay if I slept with Bella?"  
  
My heart flipped. She'd asked in a very innocent manner, as if she wanted to share a bed for comfort rather than sex, but a girl can hope.  
  
Mom shuffled her feet awkwardly. "Well, I'm not sure if that's appropriate," she said. "The bed's very small, and after all, you're both…you know."  
  
I cringed. "Mom," I said.  
  
"Well, you're basically a boy, sweetie, I can't just let you—"  
  
"Mom!"  
  
Lauren was trying not to grin and mom was flustered enough from the topic that she just waved a hand.  
  
"Well, fine," she said. "I guess it won't be a problem. As long as you promise to, you know. Behave yourselves."  
  
"We will, mom."  
  
"Well, goodnight, sweetie."  
  
"Night, mom."  
  
Lauren wasn't comfortable enough with my mom to say goodnight, but she smiled and lifted a hand. Mom smiled, nodded, and backed out of the room, half-closing the door behind her.  
  
Lauren and I were sitting side by side on the bed. We were silent for a few seconds, no sound but the rain rattling on the window. In a few minutes we were going to be in bed together. The possibility of sex seemed to be swirling all around us and finally she looked at me, a shy look, a coy smile.  
  
"Mind if I take a shower?" she asked.  
  
And no. I didn't mind.  
  
She went for her shower first and asked about a toothbrush. I let her borrow mine and used it directly after her. Then I went for a shower as well and when I returned to my room I found her sitting coyly on the edge of the bed, hair damp, her face smooth and clean.  
  
It wasn't going to be our first time, but it felt like it. She smiled at me and then blushed at the floor. I was wearing nothing but a towel and I was naked underneath. She stole a glance, and watched me as I closed the door and turned off the light. The bedside lamp was on and I laid my collar underneath it. I'd taken it off before my shower, and I looked at it for a second, remembering Alice. Then I went over and sat beside Lauren.  
  
We tried to be as quiet as possible. Our moans and whimpers were muffled in the sound of the rain and we didn't speak at all. I cupped her face and kissed her passionately, letting her know how much I wanted her and how long I've been waiting. She kissed me back, stroking my bare shoulders with her hands, making little whimpers into my mouth.  
  
She was ready, more ready than she'd ever been in her life, and after a while I let my lips descend on her neck and throat. She tilted her head back to allow me better access, her chest heaving. She pulled off her top and I lowered my mouth to her tiny breasts. She let me lick her nipples and kiss them and finally she lifted my face to her mouth and started tonguing me. I tongued her back, the kiss becoming more and more desperate, and eventually I laid her back and tugged down her shorts.  
  
Her legs fell open bonelessly and she shivered as I flicked a lick across her pussy. The taste of her was sharp and tangy and instantly I wanted more. I licked again, longer, harder, and again, and again. Her clit was hard and swollen and I kissed it and suckled on it, making her gasp and groan, and then I spread her pussy and licked inside her, moaning hungrily into her entrance, and when she came she came with her hands clenched in my hair.  
  
She rolled onto her side, her breath fast and ragged, and while she recovered I placed little kisses on her thighs and on her hip. Her body was cold and sweaty and slowly I trailed kisses up to her face. My head was dizzy from excitement and finally she turned her lips to mine and began kissing me.  
  
The towel was gone and soon I was squirming on my back with her tongue deep inside me. My breath began to heave as the orgasm built inside me and I came with a strangled cry, clenching handfuls of bedsheet. I heard her laugh and when I opened my eyes she was smiling at me in the dim lampglow. I returned the smile sleepily and then I pulled her naked body on top of mine, kissed her, stroked her, rolled her onto her back, and went down on her one more time.  
  
When it was all over we curled up together under the covers with her snuggled at my side with one leg thrown over me possessively. She hadn't spoken, she just lay there holding me, breathing quietly with the rain pattering outside the window. I was stroking her hair and after a while I whispered:  
  
"Are you okay?"  
  
Our faces were on the same pillow and hers seem vulnerable, almost scared. She nodded.  
  
"Are you sure?" I asked.  
  
"Yes," she said, forcing a shaky smile. "Thank you."  
  
I giggled once. "You don't have to thank me."  
  
But her face went serious and she nodded emotionally. "Yes I do," she said, her voice breaking slightly. "No one's ever… I mean… You're just…"  
  
A tear slid down her face. She sniffed, struggling for words. Finally she just wiped her eye and said:  
  
"I love you, Bella."  
  
A wave of warmth washed over me. I smiled and placed a kiss on her lips. I knew what I was about to say, and I knew I probably shouldn't say it, but I couldn't help myself.  
  
"I love you too, baby," I said.  
  
She giggled at the nickname she hated and kissed me, but I hadn't said it to make her giggle. I said it because even now I couldn't forget Alice and the way Alice used to make me feel.  
  
—  
  



	27. Chapter 27

—  
  
Chapter 27:  
  
—  
  
That year was my dream year as a senior. I was dating Lauren, I had a bunch of cool friends, and even my grades were perfect. Mom and I were closer than ever, Lauren and Angela were always hanging out, I went to football games, parties, movies, dates, shopping trips to Seattle. It was a perfect year, something I never thought I'd have. I'd been a loser for so long, an outcast characterized by crappy clothes and homosexual tendencies, and now, finally, I had made it. They say you don't have to be pretty and popular to be happy, but it sure fucking helps.  
  
Things were great with Lauren. Our night together had cemented our relationship, and the sex came quite frequently afterwards, much to my very great delight. Lauren's dam was broken and her love came pouring forth in a reckless torrent of unbridled debauchery that would've made even Alice jealous. Well, not quite. Lauren had her standards, but we did have sex at school a few times, which was pretty hardcore for regular teenagers. But mostly we kept it confined to my bedroom and the back seats of our cars. Lauren had turned out to be something of a domme, and she had a definite hankering for oral. Alice had been an eclectic girl, sensitive in all zones and open to any kind of pleasuring. Lauren was a little more limited. Her nipples and vagina were practically senseless and the only thing that really got her off was her clit. And, of course, I'm sure it gave her something of a thrill to look down between her legs and see my head there, licking at her obediently.  
  
She always reciprocated, and since my body was like Alice's—completely slutty—I generally gave her free reign to do whatever she felt like doing, and mostly she liked to penetrate me with her fingers. She liked to watch my face and talk dirty while she did it. She used the vibrator sometimes, but I think she preferred to use her own fingers. She liked to do the damage herself.  
  
In addition to all this, her policy about kissing girls in public had apparently been completely rescinded. She now made out with me quite often, in the corridors, in the cafeteria line, even in class, and after we got detention for making out in class, we made out in detention as well. I wish I could say her inability to refrain from sticking her tongue in my mouth was the result of overwhelming amounts of love and affection, but honestly, I think my charming girlfriend was simply an attention-seeker. In a way, she reminded me of Alice, but where Alice giggled at attention, Lauren raged at it. Two boys took a picture of us making out at my locker on their cellphone. Lauren threatened them with violence. Two days later the pictures were on Facebook with unflattering captions. The very next day Lauren ambushed one of the boys from behind and broke her hand over his head. She got suspended and since the school supposedly takes sexual harassment seriously, the boys got suspended too. There weren't any more incidents after that.  
  
Slowly but surely, Lauren was breaking out of her mold as a blonde cheerleader. She bought a pair of combat boots. She never wore a skirt again. She talked about getting a tattoo. In these latter days, our roles were almost entirely reversed. Lauren had become the school dyke and I had become 'that chick in black that everybody likes.' I was polite, soft-spoken, friendly to all. I fit in everywhere, above reproach, beneath contempt. People liked me. I didn't like many of them back, but I was always good at faking smiles, and it was nice to feel like I belonged.  
  
But unlike my tenure as the school dyke, Lauren bought a bad-ass flair to the role that most people admired, even envied. She was the target of a girlcrush or two and one drunk chick at a party actually made a move on her. Lauren happened to be drunk as well, and she made out with the other girl a for few seconds before realizing that she had a girlfriend. She then pushed the bitch away and told her to fuck off. She confessed to me the next morning, but I forgave her. She really was sorry, and I really had no right to judge, considering I still fantasized some nights about Alice.  
  
The weeks and months rolled on. Things never really recovered between Lauren and her mother, but Lauren had lost all respect for her family, and truly didn't give a fuck anymore. The only time she tried to repair things was when she invited me for Sunday dinner one night. Lauren's family were respectable church-going Christians, and in the spirit of Christian generosity they had decided to extend the gospel of love and acceptance to include their daughter's gay girlfriend. I arrived in black, black hair, black collar, the black sheep at a table of blondes. Lauren answered the door and kept hugging me until her mother walked in and saw. Then she kissed me and told me how hot I looked. I appreciated the compliment, but the way she said it loud enough for the whole house to hear didn't seem like the best way to endear me to her ultra-conservative family.  
  
Dinner didn't go so well. We'd no sooner sat down when a snide comment from her mother had Lauren bristling silently. Her little sister snickered and her father was a whipped little bald guy who had a permanent expression on his face that made it seem like he was wishing he was somewhere else. There would be no help from either of them. Lauren managed to refrain from stabbing her mother with a fork, but I think I knew right then that we wouldn't be staying for desert.  
  
The snubs continued over dinner. Lauren's mom said grace, including a prayer that the Lord forgive the sins of Lauren and Lauren's 'friend.' I honestly thought it was funny, and I had to bite back a grin as I said amen. Lauren wasn't quite so amused and the knuckles on her prayer clasped hands had gone white. But she growled amen and the meal commenced. We ate in silence for a while until her mom turned to me, all fake friendliness, and began to question me on my religious beliefs.  
  
To be honest, I didn't really have any, but I did my best at telling her what I thought she wanted to hear. Unfortunately, this wasn't enough to satisfy her, and soon she had launched into a laborious sermon about how homosexuality is a sin, an affront to the holy institutions of marriage and family, and how basically all gays are going to hell. Lauren held her tongue with visible effort, not even eating, and I admit I was rather bewildered. The woman struck me as a tad fanatical, so I nodded and pretended to be moved by her wisdom, lest she open a grimoire and attempt to exorcize my demons. Unfortunately, she took this for encouragement, and went on with a benevolent smile, assuring me that it wasn't too late; through the miracle of the Lord's love it was possible to beg forgiveness and change my wrong ways and thereby secure a room for myself in His glorious palace for after I die.  
  
Well. You see homophobic Christians in movies, but nothing quite prepares you for them in real-life. What exactly do you say to such a lunatic? I was torn between running for the door and calling the FBI to report a dangerous extremist. I didn't have any words for a reply, but Lauren did. Her face was bright red and when she spoke her voice came out a little shaky. It wasn't what her mom wanted to hear and soon they were both on their feet screaming at each other.  
  
It was a pretty good contest. They were both as stubborn as one another, both equally incapable of compromise. I would've been perfectly fine finishing my meal and leaving without bloodshed, but Lauren always had a bit of a temper, and I guess it was worse for her since it was her own mother. I glanced at her dad, but he looked like he'd rather swallow a steak knife than get involved. In any case, I felt like I should defend my girlfriend, so soon I was on my feet too, trying to calm Lauren down. Somehow her argument had degenerated into a poorly phrased thesis on her right to fuck whoever she wanted to fuck, and by now I felt that a swift exit was in order.  
  
Eventually she grabbed my hand and stomped us directly out the house. She stayed at my place that night, and in order to prove her independence she was eager to engage in some very hardcore sex, so in the end it wasn't a total waste of an evening.  
  
All in all, the whole scene reminded me a great deal of my first dinner party with Alice. Alice had invited me over, ostensibly to ingratiate me to her family, but in the end all she really wanted to do was flaunt me. Lauren was the same. Her mother had started the fight, but it was also true that Lauren had provoked her, by kissing me and flirting with me. But it wasn't the first time I'd been used as a tool to cause family drama, so I didn't let it bother me. Alice had been worse, in many ways. Of course, the dinner party with Alice had resulted in submissive sex with a sexy redhead. Still, Lauren's mom had her charms. I wouldn't fuck the bitch, but if she ever did a stand up comedy act, I'd be first in line. That god-stuff was gold.  
  
In any case, that was Lauren's first and last attempt at repairing the bridge between her family. By the end of the year things had settled between them to the point where they didn't want to kill each other anymore, but Mother's Day would probably always be an awkward holiday between them.  
  
So maybe my senior year wasn't perfect, but aside from the GF's homophobic family and the annoyance of homework, it was pretty damn great. The only cloud that rained on the parade of my perfect senior year was the memory of Alice. But it was a memory only, and as the months rolled by, the memory dimmed and dimmed until I hardly missed her at all. Alice was now officially in my Past, and even though I still wore the collar every day and even though I never lost my fascination with her prom pictures—especially the snapshot of her panties—I was fully determined to move on with Lauren.  
  
We were serious, more serious than any other couple in school. We made plans. Neither of us had money for a fancy college and we both applied to Seattle U and were both accepted. Sometimes at night we'd stay up talking about getting married. Neither of us knew if they had same-sex marriage in Washington, but Lauren had seen The L-Word, and she said they went to France to get married. The mention of France reminded me of Alice, but it was silly to think Alice would be there now, and even sillier to think Lauren and I would bump into her on our theoretical wedding ten years in the future.  
  
So I didn't think about that, and after Lauren was asleep in my bed, I lay there awake for a long time, imagining our life together. Living together, married, kids maybe. I hadn't settled on a career choice, but part of me felt that I'd be happiest in a housewife kind of role. After all, there was no way I was going to deal with a pregnant Lauren, so if we had kids it would probably be up to me to pop em out. I'd always preferred the idea of adoption, but maybe pregnancy could be fun. It would be a nice life, taking care of the kids, making lunches, kissing my semi-butch wife goodbye as she heads off to work, proudly providing for us all. Or maybe I could be a working mother. Some women can manage it, although it seemed like a lot of work to me. Besides, if I had to pick some kind of career at all, I'd want to do something with my writing, and that could be done at home. I still wrote poems occasionally and my short-stories in English were consistently marked well. Yeah, that would be cool. Devoted wife, loving mother, aspiring romance novelist. A naïve dream, maybe, but dreams always are.  
  
In the weeks to come it began to occur to me that I was in love with Lauren. In real love. She made me gooey inside and I knew she felt the same way. We belonged together.  
  
Those days were like dreams. Lauren called me on the phone all the time to talk, and she sent me texts and emails, all of them signed with love and love hearts. I giggled over them like a schoolgirl and showed them to Angela. Who tried to smile but was secretly jealous. Angela had broken up with her boyfriend ages ago and she hadn't gotten a new one. Sometimes I'd catch her staring at me and Lauren when we touched or kissed or looked into each other's eyes, and I'd wonder if she was thinking about switching teams. Last year she'd had a pretty obvious girlcrush on Leah, and she had always been kind of fascinated by my orientation, even if it began as disgust.  
  
Soon it was Lauren's birthday. She wasn't expecting her mom to throw her a party and surprise her with a pony as a present, but luckily she had a loving girlfriend who had her covered. We had the party at my place, a modest affair consisting of loud music, pizza, soda, and a bunch of wild-ass friends. We watched music videos and made bawdy comments about the popstars. Even the straight girls admitted they probably do Lady Gaga. I'm not sure if they were joking.  
  
Lauren was staying over that night, of course, and I had saved her present until just before bed. She pretended she wasn't even excited, but when I told her to close her eyes she was almost jiggling from impatience while I made my preparations. When I told her to open them, her mouth fell open too. I was standing there, smiling, completely naked but for black stockings, a black strap-on, and a black ribbon around my neck. Lauren was usually the dominant one of the relationship, but on her birthday I figured she deserved a night on her back, so I overcame her resistance with a sexy dance, settled between her open legs, and gave the birthday girl her present.  
  
It was the strap-on that was her real present, and she made good use of it in the nights to come. We were a little loud, but by now mom knew we were having sex, and she was even supportive, since we'd proven ourselves to be a loving and caring couple. She'd done some research on the internet, much to my embarrassment, and one morning after a particularly loud night she had sat us down and lectured us on the responsible way to have lesbian sex, including a brief warning concerning STDs, which can of course be prevented by proper use of dental dams and condoms on sex toys. It was one of the most excruciating conversations of my life, and most of it completely irrelevant; Lauren and I were clean and we certainly weren't fucking anyone else.  
  
The days and weeks rolled on. Senior prom was approaching and Lauren and I argued about whether of not she would wear a dress. She wanted to wear a tux—a girl's tux at least—but I had my heart set on getting her into a dress. Last year I had dreaded prom; this year I was more excited for it than my own wedding. I wanted it to be absolutely perfect, and frankly, I felt it would be more perfect if my girlfriend was wearing a sexy dress.  
  
But by now Lauren's transformation into lesbian bad-ass was almost complete. She'd gotten two tattoos, one on her shoulder, one on her neck, and she'd taken up smoking. She wore combat boots everywhere, boots and slacks, and she'd had her nose pierced and she wore a plain iron stud in it, along with two iron rings in her ears. All this combined with her cocky loudmouth attitude created within her a very strong aversion to traditional femininity, including prom dresses and pretty shoes. But she came along with me and Angela when we went dress shopping in Port Angeles, and after much pleading I finally managed to get her to try on a dress.  
  
It was blue, sapphire blue, diagonally cut across the legs and with only one shoulder strap. The shoulder that was bare was the shoulder with a tattoo, and with her facial piercings and her combat boots, no one could deny that she still looked incredibly bad-ass, dress or not. She smirked in the mirror with me hovering anxiously behind her, posing a little, checking herself out. Finally she turned to me, shrugged very casually, and said fine she'll wear it.  
  
I squealed like a girl and hugged her. I had never been a squealer, but I'd never been in a happy and healthy relationship either, and I'd never been to senior prom on the arm of the hottest girl in school. I hadn't forgotten how hot Alice had been, but junior prom wasn't the same.  
  
Lauren eventually peeled me off, but she couldn't stop me from grinning like a fool. My own dress was black and we were going to look so awesome together. Angela was in green, and she watched our romantic scene a little wistfully as she pretended to examine a pair of pumps, not interrupting us. Lauren looked at herself in the mirror once more, and finally she went off to change back into her real clothes. I turned to Angela, still grinning radiantly. Angela smiled.  
  
"You guys make a really cute couple," she said.  
  
I nodded happily. "Thanks."  
  
"Think you two are gonna make it?" she asked.  
  
My smile didn't even flicker. I nodded, looking off toward the change rooms and back at Angela. "I think so," I said, and I really did. "I think me and Lauren might be forever."  
  
—  
  
Before prom all this was over.  
  
It happened on a Wednesday, just a regular weekday. Prom was three days away. Lauren was practically living at my house by now, since she still couldn't stand her family, and last night she'd stayed over, so we'd left her car on the curb and taken mine in the morning. When we came home in the afternoon, I pulled up and looked out the windshield. There was a car I didn't recognize parked behind Lauren's, right in front of the house. It was red and it looked expensive. Lauren was already getting out of the car and bitching about homework. I followed her, grabbing my backpack and stepping out into the wind. My hair whipped around my face and I glanced back at the other car once, but I told myself it was nothing.  
  
We went inside and upstairs. My bedroom door was closed. I was pretty sure I'd left it open in the morning. Lauren asked me what was wrong and I realized I was staring at the door knob. My heart was thudding in my throat, but I told her it was nothing. I turned the door knob and pushed open the door.  
  
Victoria was standing at my bedroom window. Rosalie was sitting on my bed with Fang in her lap. Both the blonde and the cat looked up at the sound of the door. Victoria had been gazing out the window and now she turned.  
  
"Ah, Miss Swan," she said, her red lips curving into a smile. "How lovely it is to see you again."  
  
—  
  



	28. Chapter 28

—  
  
Chapter 28:  
  
—  
  
I couldn't even breathe. A cold wave of fear washed over me at the sight of her beautiful face, her beautiful red hair, and somehow I knew in that moment that she was here specifically to ruin my life and nothing else.  
  
Lauren pushed past me into the room, her face screwing up into a territorial snarl.  
  
"Who the fuck are you?" she demanded. "How the fuck did you get in here?"  
  
Victoria looked at Lauren in something like surprise, maybe not even recognizing her. To anyone else Lauren might've seemed intimidating. She was tall for a girl, and she was wearing baggy blue jeans, heavy black boots, a black tanktop that exposed her tattoos. Her blonde hair was streaked with dark and her eyes were slashed with dark makeup and she had them fixed on the other woman in a cold glare. But Victoria only smiled.  
  
"Oh," she said politely. "You have company."  
  
She was staring at Lauren, but speaking to me. Lauren was standing in front of me, almost protectively, and I shrugged up my backpack and stepped aside just slightly, so that I could glare at the redhead. The magnificence of her vampire beauty caused a heat in my face just to look at her but my voice came out firm.  
  
"What are you doing here?"  
  
Lauren spun at me. "You know these bitches?"  
  
"They're Alice's sisters."  
  
I hadn't said that name out loud in a long time and my stomach twisted in knots as I said it now. Was Alice here? Were they moving back to Forks?  
  
Lauren looked at Victoria and Rosalie, finally recognizing them but not letting her guard down. It wasn't surprising she hadn't remembered them at first. She'd only seen them at school, in teen clothes. They had always looked too old for highschool girls, but now they looked like grown women. Victoria was wearing a stylish charcoal-colored skirtsuit that showed a generous amount of cleavage and Rosalie was wearing a loose-fitting cream-colored sundress. On the bed beside her sat a black sunhat with a white ribbon around the crown. She was petting the cat curled in her lap and her eyes were not unlike a cat's themselves, the way she eyed Lauren with her silent distain.  
  
Lauren looked at her and then glared at Victoria.  
  
"I don't give a fuck who they are," she said. "How the fuck did you get in here?"  
  
"Through the door, dear," Victoria replied breezily, "I believe that's the traditional method."  
  
"What?"  
  
Victoria waved a hand. "Alice had a spare key that I took the liberty of borrowing," she said, and turned to me with a certain smile. "From you're relationship together, do you remember?"  
  
"Of course I remember," I said, glowering at her. "Where is she? Is she here?"  
  
"Not here. No."  
  
"Then where?"  
  
Victoria smiled. "Alice is in Paris," she said. "She's always been fond of Paris. The romance capital of the world. She's always been a terrible romantic, hasn't she Bella?"  
  
A very strange sensation passed over me as I learned that Alice wasn't here. It wasn't relief, it wasn't disappointment. It was something else, something cold that crept over me like a blanket of spiders.  
  
"I don't give a fuck where she is," Lauren said, glaring at Victoria. "Get out. You can't just walk into someone else's house. Who the fuck do you think you are?"  
  
But the redhead only smiled. "I'm an old friend of Bella's," she said. "I wouldn't presume to enter her house otherwise. Bella and I are practically sisters, aren't we Bella?"  
  
Lauren turn to me for my answer, seeking back up. I could tell that she was as rattled by the appearance of the blonde and the redhead as I was, and she wanted them out. She knew nothing about my true relationship with Alice and the rest of the Cullens, but she knew enough that she didn't want me to have anything to do with them, not now, especially not now. So I looked at Victoria and said:  
  
"No."  
  
Naturally, the redhead only smiled wider. Lauren was relieved that I was on her side and turned her glare back to Victoria.  
  
"You heard her," she said. "Get out."  
  
Rosalie sighed inaudibly and focused on petting the cat delicately behind the ears. She didn't move and she seemed almost uninterested in the conversation. Victoria smiled at Lauren.  
  
"Perhaps it was inappropriate of me to barge in like this," she allowed, "but presumably you wouldn't mind if I spoke to Bella briefly before I left? I'm here on a matter of some urgency, and I did fly five thousand miles specifically to see her."  
  
The redhead's sweet delivery and smooth reason actually made Lauren relent slightly, but only enough to reduce her hostility into suspicion. "Why?" she demanded. "What's so important?"  
  
"Well, that's hardly any of your business, is it?"  
  
"Bella's my girlfriend," Lauren growled, hostile again. "Everything about her is my business."  
  
I felt a thrill at Lauren's protectiveness. I knew she could never defend herself against vampires, but I also knew Victoria wasn't a violent woman, and had always hated confrontation.  
  
I just hoped she hadn't changed.  
  
For a long moment she simply looked at Lauren, as if wondering if it might be worth the effort to rip her to pieces, and then she looked at me. "Perhaps we could talk alone?" she inquired. "Your…girlfriend seems to be in an agitated mood."  
  
"Fuck you," Lauren spat.  
  
Victoria looked at her again and I didn't want the situation to escalate, so I touched Lauren's hand and said: "Lauren…"  
  
"What?" she snapped at me.  
  
I realized that she was partly upset at me too, as if she thought I might've secretly invited them over, but right now it was more important to find out what the redhead wanted. Throwing her out would solve nothing.  
  
"She just wants to talk," I said.  
  
"If she wants to talk, she can talk in front of me," Lauren said, turning her glare to Victoria. "Or she can just get the fuck out of here."  
  
Victoria had never been the kind of woman who got annoyed easily, but Lauren actually seemed to be getting under her skin. She gave my girlfriend a cold smile and said: "I'm not going anywhere."  
  
Lauren didn't back down an inch. "You'll be going out the fucking window because that's where the fuck I'm going to throw you," she said. "Now get the fuck out." She tossed her chin at the blonde on the bed. "And take that dumb slut with you."  
  
I felt a stab of panic; it probably wasn't the best idea to insult the redhead's cherished slave.  
  
Rosalie looked up coldly from where she sat on the bed. Victoria looked at her and looked at Lauren. She wasn't smiling any more and her voice when her voice came out was cold and quietly lethal.  
  
"What did you say?" she said.  
  
Lauren froze at the tone and she had the sense not to repeat it. I quickly intervened before she could say anything else.  
  
"She didn't mean it," I said.  
  
Unfortunately, this did nothing but snap Lauren out of her brief fear. She threw me a glance and scowled at Victoria. "The fuck I didn't," she said. "You think you scare me?"  
  
"Lauren," I whispered insistently.  
  
Lauren looked at me, and the anxiety in my face seemed to sober her. She looked back at the redhead, but said nothing. Victoria returned her look for a second and then she turned to me.  
  
"Our flight leaves tonight," she said, calm and business-like. "I was hoping you could join Rosalie and I for dinner before we leave. It'll give us a chance to catch up, and discuss something important. About Alice. Shall I pick you up at seven?"  
  
"Bella's not going anywhere with you," Lauren said.  
  
Victoria didn't even glance at her. "Seven it is," she said, sparing me a smile. Then she turned to Rosalie and extended her hand. "Come, Rosalie."  
  
Rosalie set the cat down on the bed, rose, and took her mistress's hand. She hadn't spoken a single word, but the look she gave Lauren as she passed didn't suggest that she was happy to meet her. Victoria's parting look was for me, a smile with her full red lips and a waft of scent as she passed that was so exquisitely familiar and sexy that it almost made me swoon.  
  
Victoria led Rosalie out and for a second Lauren looked at me. Then she hurried out the room and barked at our guests to hurry the fuck up and get out. I heard the front door open and slam shut. Lauren's boots stomping back up the staircase. When she came back into my room she found me standing exactly as she left me.  
  
I was staring down at the carpet, dazed, unable to think. It had been almost a year since I'd seen them. A whole year. And now…  
  
"Fucking psychos," Lauren was saying. "You should've called the cops. That was breaking and entering."  
  
I shook my head. "They had a key."  
  
"So?"  
  
"It's not breaking and entering," I said. "It's just trespassing."  
  
I said all this without looking at her, still partly in shock. My mind simply couldn't catch up with what had just happened. Already it felt like a dream or a nightmare, something weird and impossible, something that couldn't have really happened.  
  
But it had. Victoria was back. And she wanted to take me to dinner and talk.  
  
About Alice.  
  
Lauren was watching my blank expression with concern. "You okay?" she asked.  
  
I looked at her and nodded reflexively, even smiling. "Yeah, I'm fine."  
  
It seemed to satisfy her. After all, she didn't know what Victoria really was, what the Cullen's really were. She knew enough to want nothing to do with them, but not enough to be afraid like I was afraid.  
  
My expression had gone distant again and she frowned. "You're not actually gonna have dinner with them are you?" she demanded, her tone almost accusing.  
  
My stomach lurched. Did I have any choice? I wasn't sure, I couldn't think. So I just shook my head. "I don't know," I said.  
  
"Then don't," Lauren barked, maybe more harshly than she intended. But then she recovered and added more gently: "I mean, what's the point? They don't even live here anymore. Fuck em."  
  
I looked at her. She had put a hand on my shoulder and she was stroking it soothingly, waiting with a half-smile for me to agree with her. But I couldn't. The redhead had said it was something urgent about Alice, and the thought of that filled me with fear. So I shrugged the same shoulder she was stroking and said:  
  
"What if it's an emergency? What if something's happened to…"  
  
Lauren's hand stopped. "Alice?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
Her hand dropped away. "So?" she demanded. "It's not your problem."  
  
I started crying.  
  
I hadn't known I was going to, and I had no idea why. All I knew was that everything was so perfect and now it was all over. I just knew it was.  
  
Lauren quickly wrapped me into a hug. "Hey," she whispered. "What's wrong?"  
  
I sniffed and stopped crying. "Nothing," I said, pushing away from her.  
  
Lauren watched me wipe my eyes, and she lost a lot of her attitude. She put her hand back onto my shoulder and bent slightly to look into my face, speaking softly. "Look, they said they're leaving tonight, so why don't you stay at my place?" she suggested. "Tell your mom not to answer the door, and we'll just hole up in my room. They'll be gone tomorrow, and…"  
  
I swallowed a huge lump in my throat and shook my head. "I can't."  
  
"Why?" Lauren insisted. "I mean, the bitch is in Paris. Who gives a fuck if there's something wrong with her? There's nothing you can do."  
  
I didn't answer. One more tear dropped and I wiped it away. I was staring at the carpet again, thinking nothing, and after a few seconds she dropped her hand from my shoulder and her voice went harsher again.  
  
"Look, just stay away from those whores, alright? I know you made out with the blonde at junior prom and I know you fucked that redhead. That family was bad for you. They're fucking sluts. So just…"  
  
She trailed off and I tried to give her a reassuring smile.  
  
"I'll be alright," I said. "They just want to talk."  
  
This wasn't what she wanted to hear, but rather than snap again, her lip trembled and now it was her trying not to cry. "I don't want you going back to her," she said.  
  
That hadn't even occurred to me. I had no idea what I was afraid of, but I wasn't afraid of myself; I was happy the way I was, and I didn't want anything to disrupt that. So I smiled at her as if she was being silly and said:  
  
"You know I'd never do that. Besides, she's in Paris. I'm not even going to see her."  
  
Lauren frowned aside and blinked with her shiny eyes. "I don't even want you remembering her," she muttered.  
  
Something warm washed over my heart. I didn't get to see Lauren's vulnerable side very often, but it was cute. Standing there in her baggy jeans and combat boots, with her tattoos on her shoulder and around her neck, a metal stud in her nose, her eyes darkened with makeup. She shook her head and dabbed an eye with the back of her hand.  
  
"That bitch was bad news, Bella," she went on. "Maybe you don't remember what you were like with her, but I do. Angela told me shit about you two. I mean, what if…"  
  
But I only smiled and wrapped her into a hug. She hugged me back around the waist.  
  
"I love you, Lauren," I told her. "Okay? I'll always love you. Nothing they say will change that."  
  
She pushed me away. "Then why even talk to them?"  
  
"Because Alice—"  
  
"Was important to you, yeah whatever."  
  
My chest tightened, but I couldn't deny it. Alice and I had something special, and no one would convince me otherwise, not even Lauren. It didn't work out, and I would never try again, but it was special.  
  
"She was important," I said. "But doesn't mean I still have feelings for her."  
  
But as usual, she didn't even try to understand. "Yeah, well, I'm important to you too," she said, "and I don't want you to go with those whores. There's no point. She's not part of your life anymore. I am. I'm your girlfriend."  
  
I nodded patiently. "I know."  
  
"Then you'll stay at my place tonight?"  
  
I sighed. "I can't."  
  
Her lip trembled again, but her face hardened. This wasn't what she wanted to hear, and now she had added humiliation of letting herself be vulnerable for no reason. She sniffed, shook her head, and shrugged a shoulder in a savage attempt at indifference. "Fine," she muttered. "You know what? Fuck you, Bella. If you won't even listen to me—"  
  
She flapped a hand but I snatched it out the air and held it. I blinked into her eyes earnestly, needing her to understand.  
  
"Lauren," I said. "I am listening. You're the one that's not. Please."  
  
"Whatever," she said, and tugged her hand back. She seemed to be sick of the conversation. "Look, I'm gonna go home," she muttered. "Call me later."  
  
She stepped toward the door, but I said:  
  
"Lauren."  
  
She paused and turned back. "What?"  
  
When I didn't answer she looked at my face. My eyes were filled with tears and the sight of them softened her. I had a very bad feeling about tonight and I couldn't bare it if she left like this.  
  
"Please," I said. "Don't leave like this."  
  
Lauren shifted her weight onto one leg and looked away. I walked up to her, slipped my arms around her bare waist, and leaned my face against her shoulder. Her arms closed around my back.  
  
"Nothing is ever going to change how I feel about you," I said. "All I'm gonna do is talk to them. And I'll call you as soon as I get home, okay?"  
  
I felt her breath sigh against my cheek. I lifted my face and asked for a kiss with my eyes. Lauren wasn't happy, and she still didn't understand why I couldn't blow it off, but she kissed me. The softness of her lips caused my heart to clench and I let the kiss linger for as long as possible, because deep in my heart I knew that it might be our last kiss ever.  
  
Finally she broke the kiss and I smiled up at her with all my sadness hidden.  
  
"I love you, Lauren," I said.  
  
She smiled back reluctantly. "Love you, too."  
  
—  
  
It was only a few hours till seven. Lauren's sullenness hadn't lifted and she had left soon after the vampires, so we didn't get a chance to make out, or have sex. Which was a shame because the feeling of impending doom in the pit of my stomach seemed prophetic of death and ruin and all kinds of tragedy. It would've been nice to squeeze in one last fuck before the curtain dropped on this sad drama known as Bella's Life.  
  
But maybe I'm overreacting. Just because the redhead and the blonde had a habit of ruining my life and relationships didn't mean they were going to do it now. Maybe they only wanted to talk. Well, the blonde probably wouldn't talk much, if at all. She was more of a silent slave. And what could Victoria possibly want to talk about, anyway? She mentioned Alice, but Lauren was right; there was nothing I could do and it wasn't my problem. Could she truly have flown five thousand miles simply to chat and catch up?  
  
I didn't know, and I couldn't make my mind settle enough to think about it. Maybe Lauren was right, maybe I should've just blown it off. But even in my frazzled state, I knew that was impossible. When the redhead wanted something, she got it. If I wasn't here when she arrived to pick me up, there's no telling what she'd do, but I doubt she would've pouted, left me an angry message, and hopped back onto her plane.  
  
But even so, maybe I should've tried. And as the hour crept closer to seven, I actually had my cellphone in my hands, thumb poised over the button to call Lauren and take her up on her offer to stay at her place. The anxiety seemed to have settled into my bones, and whatever the redhead wanted to talk about, I was positive it was nothing I wanted to hear. But despite the fear, and despite the certainty that this was a bad idea, there was one word that kept flittering through my mind that made it impossible to make the call.  
  
Alice.  
  
What if something was wrong?  
  
What if she was hurt?  
  
What if she…wanted me back?  
  
I didn't even want to think about that. There was no point, anyway. I meant what I said to Lauren; I loved her. I wasn't going to leave her. The only reason I was going to meet Victoria tonight was so that she'd go away. Standing her up would only provoke her. The best thing to do was meet her, listen to whatever she had to say, and tell her goodbye. Victoria was never really interested in me, anyway. All she wanted was Alice. And now that she had Alice, she had no reason to bother me.  
  
So why was she here? Why had she broken into my house? Why had she anticipated to find me alone?  
  
But I didn't want to think about these things either. It didn't matter why she was here, all that mattered was getting rid of her. I wasn't the same girl she'd pushed around back when Alice and I first started dating. I'd proved that at prom, and I'd prove it again now.  
  
And so it was a scared but determined Bella who opened her closet at six thirty and pondered what to wear. The outfit should reflect the occasion, but I could think of no guidelines on what to wear to a dinner party forced on you by a pair of vampires you hadn't seen since junior prom when they raped your girlfriend. A chastity belt would've been a bit bulky and a bandolier of wooden stakes might've been be a little ostentatious. In the end I decided I might as well go as I am; black cargoes and a black sweater with long sleeves that fell past my hands. As far I knew there were no restaurants in Forks with fancy dress-codes, and I certainly didn't want them to think that I was dressing up for them.  
  
The only thing I was really unsure about was my collar. It was almost a year old now, and after so much wear it was actually a little frayed at the edges. But it was still really cool looking, and it had really become an important part of my identity. It reminded me of Alice, of the love I was capable of. Not many people could've loved a psychotic little pixie like Alice as much as I did – no matter how hot her ass was.  
  
So I left it on. The sweater was almost a turtle-neck anyway so they probably wouldn't even see it. And if they did, they'd have no idea what it really meant to me.  
  
I'd already told mom that I was seeing Lauren tonight, and I didn't want Victoria to knock on the door, so I said goodbye to mom a little early before going to wait outside. She was making dinner, standing at the stove in a pose I'd seen a dozen times as I'd left on dates. She was making pasta and for a moment I watched her burn her fingers as she tried to fish a strand of spaghetti from the boiling water with her bare hand. She hissed and stuck her fingers in her mouth, reaching for a fork with the other hand. A knot formed in my stomach, a feeling similar to what I felt when I said goodbye to Lauren this afternoon. It felt like I might never see her again, and worst of all? This time I couldn't really convince myself I was overreacting.  
  
"Mom?" I said, suppressing my anxiety. "I'm going now."  
  
Mom spun around, stirring the pot with a fork. The wooden spoon was resting on the rim. "Okay, sweetie, have fun," she said with a quick smile. "Will Lauren be staying over tonight?"  
  
This only made the knot in my stomach tighten even more. But I didn't let it show on my face, I just smiled and shook my head. "Probably not," I said. "Not tonight."  
  
But mom was mom, and she could see something was bothering me. She looked at me, still stirring the pot. "Everything okay, Bella?" she asked.  
  
I nodded, stepped up, and kissed her on the cheek. "Yeah," I said. "Love you."  
  
The boiling water bubbled and splashed her hand. She hissed and dropped the fork into the pot. "Oh shit," she said, then gave me another quick smile and kissed me on the cheek. "Love you too, sweetie. Have fun."  
  
I backed out of the kitchen, watching her trying to fish the fork out of the pot with the wooden spoon. I hoped I'd be back later tonight, but the feeling in my stomach was so bad. Finally I dropped my eyes, turned around, and went outside.  
  
Victoria was driving a red car, but I wasn't sure if it the same car she drove when she used to live here. Probably rented. It was a Mazda convertible with the top up, and when it pulled up, I opened the back door and got in.  
  
Victoria was happy to see me, but I returned her greeting coldly. Rosalie said nothing. She was sitting in the front with her long legs folded, sunhat in her lap. Both were dressed in the same clothes they wore earlier in the afternoon, but the knowledge that I wouldn't be underdressed at wherever we were going did nothing to dull the ache in the pit of my stomach. And the feeling only got worse when I looked out the window and saw nothing but dark trees slashing by.  
  
"Where are we going?" I asked, concealing my panic.  
  
"Seattle," Victoria replied casually. She smiled at me in the rearview. "Did you think I'd dine in that crummy little town?"  
  
Her smile made my face heat, but I kept my voice firm. "I can't be out late," I said. "I got school tomorrow."  
  
"I wouldn't worry about it."  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
No one answered. Rosalie turned in her chair and looked me over briefly. I had no idea what the look meant, but it was getting harder to control my raising panic.  
  
"Look, why can't we just talk in the car?" I said. "It's not like you gotta eat."  
  
"True," Victoria said, "but it's been so long since we've seen you, hasn't it? Why not make a night of it?" She smiled at me again in the rearview. "After all, aren't you happy to see me, my dear? Such special memories between us. I'm certainly happy to see you. You were always a lovely girl. The whole coven was enamored with you. I dare say even Rosalie is eager to renew your acquaintance, aren't you Rosalie dear?"  
  
It wasn't a question and the blonde didn't answer it. There was a silky menace in the redhead's whole speech, and I didn't want to encourage her with a reply, so I kept my mouth shut.  
  
They drove me to the exact same hotel that Alice had taken me to on our first real date. I didn't know if it was coincidence, but I didn't ask. They left the car with the valet and I followed them into the lobby with old memories washing over me as I took in the familiar marble floor, the oak desks, the crystal chandelier in the ceiling, remembering the awe and anticipation of my new love for Alice, that Alice who was pretty and perfect and promised to make my dreams come true. It had been the first time I'd worn a dress, the first time I'd worn heels. The first time Alice had fed from me with my consent. It had been one of the greatest nights of my life, that night. And now here I was a year later, hoping this night wouldn't be the worst.  
  
They took me up to their room where three evening dresses were laid out on the bed. They'd gotten my size from Alice, they told me. The whole thing struck me as needlessly elaborate, but in the interest of a painless evening I didn't put up a fuss. Victoria presented me with a dress that was black, and mentioned how she remembered I favored black and how beautiful black looked on me, acting like I should thank her for her consideration.  
  
In all fairness, I suppose the woman hadn't committed any injustice against me just yet. On the contrary, she'd been the very soul of warmth and civility – aside from breaking into my house and subtly forcing me into dinner. And aside from all that, she was still the woman responsible for most of the misery in my life, and I still didn't appreciate this unwelcome imposition—even if it did turn out to be perfectly harmless. So I took the dress wordlessly and started toward the bathroom to change. But she called me back and pressed a set of black lingerie in my hand with a wink.  
  
I didn't want to wear the stuff, but I couldn't wear my current bra with such a low-cut dress, and in the end I guess I'm a sucker for sexy things. So I put it all on, and when I was done they both disappeared into the bathroom together and left me waiting in the room. I was sitting on the edge of the bed, and as the minutes dragged on, I wondered if they were having sex in there, a quick appetizer before dinner. It was an arousing contemplation, and soon I was shaking my head to clear the mental picture and pretending to myself that the thought didn't make me horny.  
  
Besides, it was none of my business. Vampires had peculiar habits regarding sex. From what I remembered about the demonic sluts, they seemed to be eager to do it as often as humanly—or inhumanly—possible, with their partner or with a sister or with a random human or with a combination of partner, sister, human. They were whores.  
  
I was just glad they had kept their hands off me. It almost gave me hope. Victoria had been a little flirty, sure, but that woman was always flirty, and Rosalie was ignoring me as she always did. Maybe it was possible they really were here only to visit. Maybe they didn't even come to see me. Maybe they had some other reason to be in Seattle and they just thought they'd pop in and forcefully take me to dinner. It was possible.  
  
When they came out the bathroom, Victoria was in red and Rosalie in turquoise. Victoria was fastening a diamond earring and she made a generous offer of allowing me full access to her jewelry case. I refused politely, but she insisted, and soon I'd grudgingly selected a pair of earrings, a necklace, and a diamond bracelet that twinkled so prettily it actually distracted me for a few seconds from the dull horror still lodged in my stomach. Victoria seemed convinced that the two of us were suddenly best friends, even going so far as to offer doing my makeup. I tried to refuse this as well, but my cold politeness was no match for her smothering charm, and I was forced to stand still while she applied a thin layer over my face, gabbing happily about how nice it was to see me again, and how she'd missed me all these months. I stood as still as possible, trying not to glance at her cleavage. Her breasts were as huge and as succulent-looking as ever, and there was a moment or two when it was difficult to remember that this beautiful, friendly, charming woman was also my greatest enemy.  
  
Finally we descended into the dinning room, weaving among the tables and turning the heads of almost every guest in the hotel. The blonde and the redhead were as spectacular as they always were, and despite my natural modesty, I had to admit that I compared almost favorably as I trailed behind them, demure and slightly self-conscious. The dress was made from a luxurious fabric that felt heavy and tight against my body. It was the sexiest I'd looked since prom last year, and while I don't consider myself a superficial girl, I couldn't deny that the outfit had done something to my confidence. I still had a bad feeling, but it was difficult to believe anything bad could happen to me in such a beautiful dress. Surely the gods of fashion watch over such garments and the people wearing them.  
  
Still, I was on my guard, and after we sat down I actually refused to order anything. I wasn't hungry, and I wanted to get out of here as soon as possible. It had already been over three hours since I left the house, and I'd hoped to be back already.  
  
Of course my hostess had other ideas, and she took the liberty of ordering for me. She ordered nothing for herself or for the blonde. The only other thing she ordered was a bottle of wine, and when it arrived she poured all three glasses, mine last, and said:  
  
"Drink, my dear, drink. There's no need to be guarded."  
  
I didn't even reach for the glass. I still wasn't quite old enough to drink, but mostly I wanted to demonstrate that she didn't control me. It was a small victory, considering that she'd already managed to coerce into dinner and a dress, but it made me feel stronger, and that's what matters.  
  
"What's wrong with Alice?" I said, deciding it was time to get to the point of all this.  
  
But, as usual, the redhead didn't agree. "Oh, we'll talk about Alice soon enough," she said. She swirled the wine in her glass, smelled, sipped, and set it back down on the table. "To begin with, why don't you tell me about yourself?" she asked conversationally. "I must admit I'm curious. Would you believe I've missed you terribly? Our departure was so abrupt and we left not at all on good terms. I rarely leave a girl unconquered, but Alice…"  
  
I frowned, my stomach tightening. Rosalie was holding her glass to her mouth, watching me over the rim. Then she dropped her eyes to the red liquid, swirled it, and sipped. I waited for Victoria to go on about Alice, but she didn't. She just smiled and gestured with a hand.  
  
"Well, we'll talk about that later," she said. "How have you been?"  
  
I exhaled through my nose, sitting there with my arms folded in my expensive dress. I was already sick of the charade, and I just wanted to go home and start forgetting this visit ever happened. "Fine," I muttered.  
  
And the redhead, ever the charming hostess, took the liberty to amplify my answer. "I see you have a girlfriend now," she mentioned. "Quite a darling. What's her name? She seems familiar."  
  
My stomach turned at the mention of Lauren. I didn't want to talk about her with the redhead, but at the same time I wanted her to know that I did have someone, someone I was happy with. So I frowned and said: "Lauren."  
  
The named seemed to ring a bell. "Ah, yes, Jane's friend," she said. "Dating you now, is she? Well, well. I had a feeling about that girl."  
  
I didn't answer. The waiter arrived and placed a plate in front of me. I shifted in my chair uncomfortably until he was gone, and then I went back to glaring at Victoria. I didn't reach for a fork and hardly even glanced at the food. Victoria smiled at me and reached for her wine glass.  
  
"How long have you been dating?" she asked.  
  
I decided to keep my answers short so she'd know I wasn't interested in chatting. "Almost a year."  
  
"That's quite a long time," she remarked.  
  
I rolled my eyes. "I know."  
  
She smiled at the eye roll. She set down her wine glass. "And you're happy together?" she asked.  
  
"Yes," I said, and as I said it, a surge of that happiness burned in the pit of my stomach, reminding me that everything was perfect and I better not fuck it up by letting my guard down.  
  
"How wonderful," Victoria said, with a completely fake smile. "Alls well that ends well, hm?"  
  
I didn't answer, and I wasn't sure if I should feel encouraged that she was implying that everything had ended well. I still hadn't touched the food. It had stopped steaming. Rosalie was still holding her wine glass, gazing inside of it, no apparent interest at all in the conversation. Classical music was playing somewhere and the dinning room was filled with a din of conversation and clatter of cutlery. At our table we were silent.  
  
Victoria gave me time to form a reply, and when it became clear that none was forth coming, she sighed. "And your mother?" she went on. "Is she well?"  
  
I shrugged a shoulder. "She's okay."  
  
"I ask because I remember Alice caused some difficulties between the two of you," she said. "All patched up?"  
  
I didn't need to be reminded of that, the same way I didn't need this whole dinner, so I frowned and muttered: "Yes."  
  
My lack of conversation finally seemed to be causing a ruffle. She narrowed her emerald eyes at me playfully, swirled her wine glass, and drank what was left.  
  
"Well," she said, setting the empty glass down. "Prom's approaching, isn't it?"  
  
Another thing I didn't need to be reminded of right now. Prom was three days away and it was shaping up to be the greatest night of my life – my true highschool dream. I didn't want tonight to cast a shadow on it, so I looked away and muttered: "Yeah."  
  
"When exactly?" she persisted.  
  
I exhaled through my nose. "Saturday."  
  
Victoria seemed surprised in a delighted way. "So soon? Well. I suppose you'll be going with your charming girlfriend, won't you? The lovely Lauren."  
  
Her voice was perfectly sweet, but there was hint of sarcasm in her praise of Lauren. I bristled and decided not to reply. The blonde had finished her wine, and the redhead now poured her another, filling her own glass as well.  
  
"Have you selected a dress yet?" she inquired.  
  
I gritted my teeth. This was getting ridiculous, but I couldn't exactly get to the point, since I had no idea what the point of this little dinner party actually was. So far it really did seem like she only wanted to catch up, but I knew her better than that. The details of my life were an amusement to her and nothing else.  
  
"Yeah," I said.  
  
"What color is it?"  
  
"Black."  
  
"Mmm," she smiled, eyeing me where I sat in my black dress. "Yes, you always looked lovely in black. Do you remember last year's dance?"  
  
I looked away, clenching my fist under the table. Of course I remembered. It was the worst night of my life. I was strung out like an addict on my girlfriend's venom, my girlfriend wanted to kill me, my girlfriend's sisters were outright threatening us to give up our pussies, and not to mention I was reviled by Lauren, most of the school, and even my mom.  
  
So, no, not my fondest memories.  
  
And strangely, it seemed the redhead agreed with me. She gave a subtle shake of her head and went on with an air of melancholy. "I can't help but remember it bitterly," she said. "We had harsh words, you and I, and if you hadn't been so stubborn in your desire to please Alice—to please a girl who can never be truly pleased—well…everything could've been perfect."  
  
I couldn't believe she was actually blaming me for that night. All I wanted to do was the best thing for my girlfriend. The redhead was the one who'd ruined everything – and now she sat here saying it was my fault. It took all my focus not to bludgeon her with the wine bottle.  
  
"Well," Victoria went on, when I didn't answer. "I see your conversation skills haven't improved."  
  
That was the final straw, and in a flare of temper, I tossed my chin at the blonde. "If you like conversation so much, why do you date that thing?" I snapped.  
  
As soon as the words were out I felt a shiver of panic and mentally slapped myself for provoking them. The redhead was dangerous enough even when she was friendly.  
  
But Victoria only smiled at Rosalie fondly and said: "Rosalie's mouth excels at other tasks."  
  
The blonde actually blushed and reached for her wine glass to cover her awkwardness. "Fuck you," she said.  
  
It was the first hint of defiance I'd ever seen out of her, although it struck me more as lover's banter. The blonde seemed entirely comfortable in her role as slave, but I think she was miffed slightly at being demeaned in front of me. Victoria smiled at her, touched her hand that laid on the table fondly, and turned back to me.  
  
"Alice was the conversationalist of our little unit," she went on. "She could talk all night, that girl, and about the most nonsensical things. But she doesn't talk much lately. Her breakup with you seems to have extinguished most of the joy from her life."  
  
The mention of Alice made me cold. Alice had been the conversationalist of our relationship, too. She used to talk about anything and everything, sometimes not even requiring a response. I used to love to listen to her voice.  
  
And now she doesn't talk much anymore? She missed me? Even after all this time?  
  
I didn't know how I was supposed to feel about that. I hadn't expected her to move on instantly, but I thought she would've met someone else by now. I wasn't anything special. She had her sisters, and if she really wanted another human, I'm sure there were plenty of girls out there who would die to be with her. Literally, if she really wanted them to.  
  
Victoria's expression went pensive for a moment, and I thought she was finally going to get to the point. My stomach turned from anticipation, but then her smile flickered back on.  
  
"But let's not talk of that just yet," she said. "Tell me more of your prom. You must be excited."  
  
But I was done chit-chatting. It was getting late and I wanted to get home as quickly as possible, home to mom, home to a phone call to Lauren so that I could assure her that everything was fine and those stupid sluts were gone and never coming back, home to where none of this was a big deal and I didn't have to be afraid anymore. So I shook my head and said: "This is stupid."  
  
"Why, dear?" Victoria said, feigning innocence. "And why do you look at me as if I have some terrible news for you? Is it so difficult to believe that I merely want to visit and apprise you of family news?"  
  
I glared at her across the table. A white tulip in a vase stood between us.  
  
"What's wrong with Alice?" I demanded. "Why did you say it was urgent?"  
  
Rosalie looked at her mistress and back at me. Victoria smiled.  
  
"Still so fixated," she said. "In all this time you haven't managed to forget her either, have you?"  
  
I felt a burning anger at that, but I ignored it. My feelings for Alice were too complicated to explain, and even if I'll never forget her, it was Lauren I was in love with – Lauren I wanted to go home to.  
  
"You're the one who said you have to tell me something," I retorted. "I just want to get out of here."  
  
"Wouldn't you like to reminisce a little more?" she asked.  
  
"No."  
  
"I would," she said, completely ignoring me. "In fact, I'm curious about the particulars of your argument with Alice at the dance. Alice has been most annoyingly reticent on the subject. She simply came home in a tizzy and demanded we leave town immediately. I was loath to leave you behind, of course, but Alice was quite adamant never to have contact with you again."  
  
Alice never told them? Why?  
  
I glared at the redhead. "Did she go back to you?"  
  
"Oh yes," Victoria said. Then smiled and added: "But don't change the subject. What did you argue about?"  
  
I took a second to wonder if I should answer that. But did I really have a choice? If I ever wanted to get out of here and go home, I needed to keep her talking, so I sighed and said:  
  
"She wanted to kill me."  
  
"Ah," Victoria said, not surprised at all. "What, ritualistically with your consent?"  
  
It annoyed me how she said it so casually, but I nodded. She said it as if she assumed it was that the whole time, that it was typical Alice. The blonde was watching me and she seemed to be finally developing some interesting the conversation.  
  
Victoria smiled, a surprisingly bright smile, as if remembering something cute. "One of Alice's favorite fantasies," she said. "It was always her fondest dream to find a girl who would do that for her. I assumed she might've chosen you, but I found it difficult to believe you'd refuse. And refuse so harshly that it would destroy your relationship. You never struck me as a girl with much self-respect, frankly."  
  
"I'm not," I muttered, looking away.  
  
"Yet you denied Alice her wish. Why is that?"  
  
I looked at her, screwing up my face as if she was an idiot. "I don't want to die."  
  
"Ah yes," she said, as if she'd forgot most people are afraid of dying. "Of course."  
  
We fell silent, the violins continuing in the background. I still hadn't touched the plate in front of me and even though I hadn't eaten since lunch I wasn't the least bit hungry. A millions memories were washing over me, memories of shame, regret, disappointment, of joy, love, rapture. Alice and I had loved each other so much and yet our relationship was so destructive. Had it ever been possible for us to settled down? Or were we doomed from the beginning?  
  
"She didn't even give me a chance to apologize," I said, almost without realizing. "If she'd just stuck around, maybe we could've…"  
  
I trailed off and shook my head quickly.  
  
"But it doesn't matter," I said. "She's gone now and she's never coming back."  
  
Victoria looked at me, as if considering if this was true. She tapped twice on the tablecloth with a red fingernail and smiled. "Yes, I suppose she is," she said. "You and I have much in common, Miss Swan. Would it surprise you to learn that Alice once attempted to force the same dream on me?"  
  
Yes, it would. I frowned at her. "You?"  
  
"Oh yes," Victoria said, smiling. "I was human at the time, and I do confess I was tempted. I wanted so sorely to make her happy. But ultimately I refused."  
  
I snorted and shook my head. "Alice told me it was you who wanted to kill her."  
  
Back when I was addicted to her venom I'd been able to overlook her lies. But now, when I thought back, it amazed me how dishonest she'd been about everything. I could understand most of it, and I could even forgive it – but it still hurt how little she'd trusted me.  
  
"Alice reinvents her history according to the audience," Victoria said. "Like yourself, she has very little self-respect. She takes no pride in personal truth, and seeks only to make herself likable, however she can."  
  
"You didn't turn her, did you?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Who did?"  
  
I had been thinking that maybe it was the doctor guy, since he was the only one she seemed to treat with any authority, but the redhead only shrugged a shoulder.  
  
"I have no idea," she said. "It's one of Alice's closest secrets. The only person who knows is Jane, and only because Jane was witness to the events. Alice would never tell a soul. Not the truth, anyway."  
  
I was surprised at that. I remembered my very first date with Alice, when I'd taken her out for pizza and a movie. I'd asked her how she became a vampire, and suddenly I remembered her expression; sad, detached, vulnerable. She hadn't wanted to talk about it, and she hadn't known me well enough to lie. What could've been so awful that she couldn't tell her closest sisters?  
  
Rosalie was leaning back in her chair, wine glass in hand, watching me. I turned away from her cold eyes and looked at Victoria.  
  
"Who turned you?" I asked, already knowing the answer.  
  
"Alice, of course."  
  
"How?"  
  
Victoria smiled and gestured in the air with a hand, an elegant gesture that implied ease, indifference, a dull story to be told.  
  
"I was a duchess, some time ago," she said. "I lived in the country. It was a very boring life, needless to say, and in order to amuse myself I made a habit of…befriending young girls from the village."  
  
So far it matched Alice's story, aside from the fact that Victoria was human. She sipped her wine and went on.  
  
"One day I met Alice and Jane," she said. "Two pretty little orphan girls. They had already been traveling together for over a century and they were quite happy to settle down and accept a place in my household.  
  
I frowned. Jane as well? Alice had never mentioned that.  
  
"The three of us clicked quite instantly," Victoria said. "After all, encountering a fellow lesbian in those days was no common thing, and we all seemed willing to make the most of it."  
  
She paused thoughtfully, went to sip her wine, but set it on the table instead. A smile and a strange flush passed over her face, and when she went on she went on almost coyly.  
  
"I was always a dominant woman," she said, "but I admit I was rather bewitched by the two of them. I'd never seen such pretty girls, and despite their apparent youth, they were far older than I, and far more willful. To put it frankly, they overwhelmed me. I fed them and bathed them and they were very…forceful with their gratitude. My grand seduction was almost a game to them. They'd giggle and demure and tug at my clothes and tell me I'm beautiful, closing upon me like twin sirens.  
  
"They both bit me that first night together. Somehow they knew I was too helpless against them, too enamored, to be afraid. I didn't resist, and soon they'd become a permanent fixture in the household."  
  
Victoria smiled and made another small gesture with her hand. "Jane was a little insolent for my taste," she allowed, "but Alice was a perfect treasure. Despite being my superior in both beauty and bearing, she submitted to me very eagerly, and soon she became the perfect slave. I'd make her do things and if she was a good girl I'd reward her with blood. A complete charade, of course, but I was very…grateful to her for indulging me the way she did. I fell in love with her and I would've done anything to make her happy.  
  
"Until, of course, she asked me to die for her. It was a surprising request, and while I didn't understand it at the time, I did eventually. Even at that relatively young age she was crippled by routine heartbreak and her inability to create a substantial relationship, with Jane or anybody else. She was ready to die even then, but she was afraid of dying alone."  
  
I felt a wave of sadness wash over me. I'd almost forgotten how fucked up Alice was. And how badly I'd let her down.  
  
Victoria sighed, sipped her wine, and went on.  
  
"I was well enthralled in the grip of her venom by that point," she said, "but I had enough clarity of mind to realize that if I died I wouldn't get to fuck her anymore. So I begged." She snorted at the memory and shook her head, as if recalling some youthful folly. "I admit it shamefully, but it's true. I remember the moment exactly. I fell to my knees, naked and disheveled, and begged her with all my heart not to ask such a thing of me. I would've gladly done it to make her happy, but more than dying for her, I wanted to live for her. I believed I could make her happy and be her true love forever. I was still very young, after all.  
  
"In any case, the little rascal took advantage of my vulnerable state by making me do several things I wouldn't ordinarily do, but eventually she succumbed to my pleas and promises of love and she decided to turn me instead. Needless to say, I never begged again."  
  
By the time she finished her story I was feeling a variety of uncomfortable things. Sadness for Alice. Regret that I hadn't had the presence of mind to beg her to turn me as Victoria had done. Arousal at the thought of Victoria begging and being dominated by a sexy little pixie.  
  
All in all, I didn't have faculty for any kind of response. I sat there blushing, and Victoria swirled the wine in her glass, glanced at Rosalie, and then turned to me with a smile.  
  
"Well, that was rather embarrassing," she said, and I noticed she too was blushing slightly. "But you can see why I wanted you to know."  
  
Actually, I had no idea. I was far too flustered to make any logical link between Victoria's story and the topic at hand. In fact, I hardly had any clue about the topic at hand either. "Why?" I said defensively.  
  
"So you can understand," she explained pleasantly. "That you and I are not so different. Alice and I were quite happy for quite a while, but in the end Alice's faith in me was misguided and foolish. I promised to love Alice and only Alice forever, and while I have lived up to that promise to some extent, it's also true that I fell in love with Rosalie. Alice will always have a prominent place in my heart, but if there's one thing Alice and I learnt from each other it's that true love simply does not last forever – if it even exists at all."  
  
I frowned. I was angry at the redhead, but I was angry at myself too, because I truly had no idea what the fuck she was talking about and why the fuck it was relevant to the world as I knew it. So I shook my head frustratedly and said: "I still don't get it."  
  
Victoria sighed and glanced at Rosalie. Rosalie rolled her eyes, and the gesture was so large compared to her usual icy stillness that it gave me a strange flicker of delight, as if part of me was happy to have finally caused some kind of reaction in her.  
  
"You and I have a great deal in common, Miss Swan," Victoria went on, "but clearly Alice's dream for you was different than Alice's dream for me. Alice was disappointed at my refusal, but willing to accept a compromise. Willing to hope and continue to dream. But that was a very long time ago and she's become increasingly desperate in recent years. She was a fractured girl when she first entered my arms, but by the time she entered yours she was shattered beyond repair. She had pinned six centuries of hope on you and it seems your rejection was more than she could handle. She hasn't recovered and I realize now that she never will."  
  
A cold wave washed over me. It wasn't the first time she mentioned that Alice hadn't gotten over me, but it seemed more serious this time. "What do you mean?" I asked.  
  
Victoria sighed once more, and leaned forward on the table with her elbows. "When Alice left Forks," she said, "she was determined to forget you and pretend nothing had happened. It was the only way she could cope. She threw herself back into her old life. She began dating. She spent time with her family. She managed to pretend for quite a while, but slowly the pretense began to wane until she could pretend no longer. She began to lose interest in her dates. She fed less frequently. She claimed that blood had began to taste bitter to her. That there was no blood like yours.  
  
"At this point she had hardly mentioned your name at all, and we were all careful not to mention it either. But slowly she began talking about you more and more. Jane and Leah wanted to invite you to visit, but Alice wouldn't hear of it. She was determined to take the noble path, to leave you alone, let you move on. But you and I both know Alice is not a noble girl, and deep down, I think she was simply afraid of further rejection.  
  
"Either way, her fixation with you began to resurface. She resumed dating again, this time limiting herself to women who looked like you. She tried to replicate your relationship with them, but soon she was complaining that it was never the same, that you were the only person she had ever loved, the only person who had ever loved her. Rather unfair considering how every one of her sisters had loved her with all their hearts at some point or another.  
  
"Nevertheless, in final assessment it seems obsession is stronger than love, and after a few months of dating look-alikes she finally abandoned dating altogether. At this point her fixation took an even more troubling turn. She began writing you letters with no intention of sending them. Then she began writing your replies. And even this didn't satisfy her for long. Soon she started talking to you on the phone. A disturbing scene, I can assure you. She'd lay on her bed all day, giggling into her cellphone, making plans for dates, asking you what you were wearing. Outwardly she appeared to be becoming happier. But we could all see that we were finally losing her."  
  
I listened in shock. The image of Alice flirting with phantoms on the cellphone was so creepy and so heartbreaking that I could feel tears prickle my eyes. I had no idea she could've been that affected. But it was her who left me. Why did she go if our relationship meant so much to her? Why didn't she try just one more time?  
  
Rosalie was watching me intently, and although she kept her face stony, I could feel the cold resentment burning from her blue eyes. She had always hated me for taking Alice away from her and her mistress, and I realized that this must feel like a double insult to her. Alice had finally left me and gone back to them – only to slowly regress and abandon them again.  
  
Victoria, on the other hand, seemed largely untroubled. Her sighs and pensive glances into her wine glass seem calculated for dramatic effect, yet she didn't seem cavalier; more like self-assured. As if she was aware that it was a very difficult problem but confident at the same time she'd solve it. Finally she looked up, smiled, and gave a soft chuckle.  
  
"Obviously the poor girl was not in a healthy frame of mind," she said. "So it came as no surprise when the pretence became too much for her to bear and despondency began to set in. She was feeding very rarely at that point and she showed little enthusiasm for it. After a while she confined herself to her room entirely. We would visit her every day, but all she spoke of was destiny and soulmates. I won't bore you with her babble. I'm sure you've heard it all before.  
  
"In any case, as it became clear that she was never going to get over you, we began to encourage her to go see you. To apologize for whatever she did or said, to win you back. But she wouldn't hear of it. She was never angry at you, Miss Swan, you should understand that. She blamed the failure of your relationship entirely on herself. In her mind she had raised you up on a pedestal of perfection, and it was unthinkable to her that you could've done anything wrong.  
  
"So she was determined to let you go. She was convinced that you were better off without her. That you'd move on, be happy. Very noble of her, but as I said; in the end, I think she was mostly afraid of further rejection. She was dying at that point, and with her righteous end so clearly in sight, she didn't want anything to interfere with that."  
  
I blinked rapidly. I felt tears dash against my cheeks.  
  
A waiter passed by the table and the redhead flagged him down with a finger and ordered another bottle of wine. My own glass was still full and my dinner lay cold and untouched before me. I looked down at it, but it was blurry from my tears, and I looked away quickly. I was trying with all my might not to cry, but it was hard.  
  
Alice was dying.  
  
Alice.  
  
Dying.  
  
I wiped my eyes and looked at Victoria. The bottle of wine had arrived and she was pouring herself another glass. The blonde held out her glass to be filled and as the redhead filled it she nodded at mine.  
  
"Drink, my dear, drink," she said. "Don't let it go to waste."  
  
I glared at her with my welling eyes.  
  
"Dying?" I questioned in a small voice.  
  
Victoria nodded, setting down the bottle. "I'm afraid so," she said. "About two months ago she simply stopped feeding. Every member of the coven has offered her their neck, and yet she refuses. She craves your blood and your blood alone, and unless she has it…she will die."  
  
A wave of cold dizziness washed over me, so cold and powerful that I actually swayed on my chair, and suddenly I knew why the redhead was here.  
  
Victoria smiled. "So," she said. "Now you can understand the true reason for this little visit. Alice was my first love and she will always be special to me. Naturally, I find it difficult to simply stand by and watch her wither away. The rest of the coven respects her wishes and is prepared to let her die if death is what she wants. But I cannot. A world without Alice is not a world Rosalie and I have a strong desire to live in. She refuses to come see you herself, so we have come in her place. Alice cannot live without you and thus we have come to ask you to return to her."  
  
Noise continued in the hotel dinning room, but as she spoke the noise slowly seemed to drown out until all I could hear was a humming in my ears and dull a violin melody. They were looking at me, waiting, and I looked between them, one then the other, and before I realized it I was shaking my head.  
  
"I can't," I said.  
  
My own voice seemed to break the spell. Rosalie's perfect eyebrows gathered into a frown, but Victoria didn't seemed surprised at all. She continued to look at me until finally I spoke again.  
  
"Alice left me," I blurted, as if defending myself. "I'm sorry I hurt her feelings, but that's not my fault."  
  
Victoria cocked her head slightly. "Not your fault?"  
  
The was more of her silky menace in the question, and I swallowed reflexively, but I didn't back down. "Of course not," I said. "It was no one's fault. We tried our hardest, but it just didn't work out. We wanted different things. If I went back to her all she'd do is kill me and die anyway."  
  
"Perhaps," Victoria said, "but let me ask you this; how can you presume to know what Alice wants…when Alice herself has no idea?"  
  
I didn't answer. I felt ashamed of how cavalier I was being, but my panic overpowered any feelings I had left for Alice. Part of me would always love her, and I was sad to hear she was dying, but Lauren was right; Alice wasn't part of my life anymore. Lauren was, mom was, my friends at school were. I had an new life now, and I wasn't going to waste this one like I almost wasted my old one.  
  
Victoria smiled at my silence. "Do you want to know what Alice really wants, Miss Swan?"  
  
"What?" I frowned.  
  
"You," she said. "That's all. Perhaps at one time her demands of you were difficult to live up to, I understand. But all that's changed. Now, in her death, she has realized her folly and her demands of you have become so small that she doesn't even require your presence at her side, let alone your life. If you don't want to die for her, don't. She'll take whatever you have to offer. The relationship is yours to dictate."  
  
I was shaking my head again. "That's not the point," I said.  
  
"Then what?"  
  
I glared at her. "I have a girlfriend," I told her. "I don't love Alice anymore."  
  
Victoria looked at me for a long moment, as if wondering if this was true. Finally she said:  
  
"I don't believe you."  
  
"I don't care what you believe," I snapped back. "Maybe Alice loves still me, but Lauren loves me too. So does my mom. And I love them both. They're the ones that really care about me, not Alice. I love Lauren and I'm not going to leave her."  
  
"Alice will die."  
  
"That's not my fault," I insisted, raising my voice. "I didn't mean to hurt her feelings. I'm sorry it came to this, but there's nothing I can do. I can't take responsibility for all her fucked up-ness. If she wants to die, then that's her problem. It's got nothing to do with me."  
  
Victoria smiled. "Think carefully, Miss Swan," she said. "Are those truly the last words you want me to convey to her as she lays dying with your name on her lips?"  
  
Guilt and shame washed over me and I had to fight back tears – but I didn't relent. Maybe I was heartless for refusing to even visit my dying ex, but this wasn't any ordinary ex. This was a psychotic vampire who's obsession had almost killed me. I'd feel guilty for the rest of my life for letting her down, but Lauren was my girlfriend now, and now it was Lauren who couldn't let down. So I just shook my head, blinked back tears, and said:  
  
"I'm sorry."  
  
Victoria went absolutely still for a moment. Then she sighed and rolled her eyes elaborately. "Stubborn, stubborn, stubborn," she said. "Why is every woman in my life so hideously stubborn?" Then she turned a smile onto the blonde and touched her hand as if to reassure her. "Aside from my Rosalie, of course."  
  
Rosalie didn't smile or make any kind of fawning display, but you could see the loyalty in her eyes, the pride, the devotion. Victoria lifted the other woman's hand, kissed it, and set it back down on the table. Then she turned back to me.  
  
"Truth be told, Miss Swan," she said, "I had assumed to find you as miserable and alone as Alice. I'd hoped you would return to her willingly. Even eagerly. It seems I've miscalculated, but honestly, I'm happy that you've moved on. It shows a strength of character that I had never seen in you. I honestly thought you were completely pathetic."  
  
"Thanks," I muttered.  
  
Victoria nodded, as if to indicate I was welcome to the compliment, and with a dismissive gesture of her hand she went on.  
  
"Unfortunately, however," she said, "I only gave you the illusion of choice to try and avoid unpleasantness. But one way to another, I'm afraid I really must insist that you return to Alice. As I said, she'll die if you don't. And that's simply not acceptable to me."  
  
I suppressed my temper and I shrugged. "I'm sorry," I said.  
  
Victoria nodded, almost sadly. "As am I," she said. She glanced at the dainty diamond watch on her wrist and sighed. "Our flight leaves in an hour. Will you come willingly?"  
  
The way she asked the question my insides twist in fear. But I kept my face firm.  
  
"I'm not going anywhere with you."  
  
She tilted her beautiful head, emerald eyes twinkling. "No?"  
  
"No," I said.  
  
A dark smiled curved her red lips and she said softly: "The last time you told me no I raped you on the floor like a bitch."  
  
Tears sprang into my eyes, but I didn't let any fall. "I'm not that same girl anymore," I said, and then I pushed back from the table and stood. "From now on, you stay away from me. If you ever come near me again, I'll kill you. I'll get home by myself."  
  
My clothes and cellphone and my money were upstairs in the hotel room and I was miles away from home, but I couldn't sit at that table for one minute longer. I'd listened to what they had to say, told them no, and now it was time to go. Victoria could make all the threats she wanted, but this time she was facing a girl who was prepared to fight back – and fight hard.  
  
Victoria feigned surprise at my abrupt removal from the table. "So soon?" she asked. "I have a better idea. Why don't we go upstairs and put this new found bravery to the test? Hm? It'll be fun."  
  
She reached across the table for my hand but I snatched it away.  
  
"Touch me and I'll scream," I told her.  
  
"Miss Swan, please," she said, still smiling. "Before you leave, I have one last thing to say to you. Hear me out, and if you still wish to leave you may. Please?"  
  
The only reason I didn't keep walking was because I didn't want them to have any excuse to bother me again. So I turned back to her and said: "What?"  
  
"Will you sit down?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Miss Swan, I really think you've gotten the wrong impression. I truly mean you no harm. After all, what would I have to gain by harming you? I intend to present Alice with her soulmate, not a broken corpse." She shook her head, she smiled. "No, no," she said. "It would be far more economical to threaten those you care about. Your mother, for instance. Or maybe this girlfriend you love so much. Perhaps that would be more poetic."  
  
At first didn't I understand what she meant. Then my brows slowly drew together in a frown. Someone at a nearby table laughed at something and a waiter had to detour around me because I was blocking the aisle.  
  
"What?" I said.  
  
Victoria smiled, seeing that she'd captured my attention. "That little Lauren was so fiercesome this afternoon, wasn't she?" she said. "So protective. Imagine how surprised she'd be if Rosalie and I paid her a visit tonight and tore her head off."  
  
A wave of cold and absolute fear washed over me. She was threatening Lauren.  
  
"You wouldn't," I said in a small voice.  
  
But her smile only widened on her red lips. "Wouldn't I?"  
  
My legs felt weak suddenly and I gripped the backrest of my chair for support. Then I sat down. I was shaking my head and when I spoke I said: "You can't do this to me."  
  
Victoria leaned forward on her elbows, bunching her breasts between her arms and gazing at me very deliberately. "Miss Swan, you're an intelligent young woman," she said. "I won't patronize you, so let me put this as simply as possible. Return to Alice and I'll let your girlfriend live. Otherwise she's dead, and next it will be your mother."  
  
I sat there on the edge of the chair, lip parted in shock. The violins were still going and the dinning room still echoed with conversation. Victoria watched me, watching the fear and helplessness crawl over my skin. Finally she leaned back from the table and took up her wine glass. Rosalie's eyes were averted, her hand laying on the table with the stem of her glass between her fingers. She wouldn't look at me.  
  
"That's the best deal you're going to get," Victoria said. "I won't tell you you can save yourself…because you can't. One way or another, you and Alice will be together."  
  
Suddenly I felt sick and suddenly I realized how stupid I was for coming here. I had been prepared to fight her off with my bare hands if I had to, but what could I possibly do against a threat like this? Part of me clutched at disbelief, screaming into my inner ear that she was bluffing, that she'd never kill anyone…but the rest of me knew she was capable of anything.  
  
I blinked rapidly. Two tears fell into my lap and dissolved into the dark fabric of my dress. I looked up and gestured with a hand helplessly. "So this is it?" I said, my voice wavering. "You're going to just feed me to Alice and I don't even have a choice?"  
  
"I'm sorry."  
  
I sniffed and looked away. I put a knuckle between my teeth and tried not to cry. The violins continued their jaunty tune and my hostess for the evening smiled and stood from the table. Rosalie also rose and Victoria smoothed her crimson dress against her torso, looking down at me with her smile.  
  
"Take heart, Miss Swan," she said. "In Alice's blood starved state your survival in her arms is hardly guaranteed. Perhaps you'll die anyway and all your troubles will be over. We'll see what destiny has in store for us, hm?"  
  
—  
  
Within the hour we had pulled up at the airport. Victoria had driven her red convertible directly onto the runway where a private jet was already waiting. It had rained briefly and she left the car parked slanted on the wet black tarmac as she climbed out in her evening dress. Rosalie opened the back door for me and I stepped out. A cold wind passed through my hair and over my bare shoulders, but I was numb with other weathers. Rosalie took my arm, almost comfortingly, and together with our dresses flapping in the wind we walked toward the plane.  
  
Halfway across my cellphone chirped. It was in the blonde's handbag and I watched her fish it out and glance at the caller ID. Then she hit disconnect and tossed the phone over her shoulder where it clattered on the tarmac. Before we'd gone much further I heard it ring again.  
  
Victoria was already climbing the steps into the plane. A pilot stood at the open door and a blonde woman had come out to greet the redhead with a kiss on each cheek. She wore a fur coat, a satin halter, and tight designer jeans. She was beautiful, maybe as young as twenty years old, but she didn't appear to be a vampire. She and the redhead exchanged pleasantries in french and then the redhead turned to me where I stood partly up the stairs.  
  
"This is Tanya," she said. "We're staying at her Villa in France. It's her plane."  
  
The woman named Tanya looked me over, smiled, and gave me a nod. Then she greeted Rosalie in the same way as Victoria, in french with a kiss on each cheek, and then we all filed past the pilot and boarded the plane with the hatchway closing behind us. No one asked for my passport or even ID.  
  
I was led into a private cabin and directed to a seat at the window where I sat staring sullenly at the wet and black runway as it rolled beneath us with the engines rumbling quietly and gaining speed. Finally the wheels lifted and retracted and we were in the air. Beneath us was utter blackness and in the window all I could see was my glazed reflection. My eyes seemed sad and I blinked them. I was still wearing my collar and after a while I lifted my fingers and touched it. The girl in the glass touched her collar too and then I let my hand fall into my lap.  
  
"Would you like something to drink, Miss Swan?" asked Victoria.  
  
I shook my head without looking at her. But the redhead rarely took no for an answer, and she was already pouring me a glass of champagne. She sat beside me and handed me the glass. I took it numbly. The seat was like a small couch and we were squished very close together with the warmth of her hip against mine. She put an arm around my shoulders and leaned into me like lover as she set the champagne bottle on the coffee table before us.  
  
I was staring down at the drink. I'd refused wine at dinner, but was there any point refusing anymore? Did I honestly have any choice? All my life, did I ever have any choice?  
  
"Drink," Victoria urged gently.  
  
I looked at her. She was so close I could smell her, an intoxicating scent of musk and roses. I turned my eyes back to the glass and sipped. I hadn't eaten since lunch and even that one sip was enough to make head tingle slightly.  
  
Victoria smiled at my obedience. "It's laced with ecstasy," she said.  
  
I looked at her in alarm.  
  
But she only smiled wider and with the tip of her finger she urged the champagne flute closer to my mouth. "Go ahead, my dear," she said. "It'll help you relax. It's a ten hour flight and we'll have to amuse ourselves somehow."  
  
I hesitated. I had never done drugs, never wanted to, never intended to. But as I sat gazing into the bubbly yellow liquid I truly could not think of any reason why I should give a fuck.  
  
Victoria watched me for a moment and then she leaned to my ear. "Don't be afraid, my dear," she whispered. "You know what's going to happen now. Whether you want it or not."  
  
She placed a kiss on my earlobe. She placed a kiss on my shoulder. We were alone in the cabin aside from the two blondes who stood at the bar fixing themselves drinks, and I shrank away from her lips slightly. My skin burned where they had touched and her scent was so strong. Vampire pheromones had their own way of messing with your head but at this point my head was already messed up. I looked down at the champagne and finally I just lifted the flute and drank down a long gulp that splashed into my stomach and almost made me cough. Then I drank some more.  
  
"Good girl," Victoria purred, and then she took up the bottle from the coffee table and poured my glass full again. "Tell me, Miss Swan. Would it surprise you to learn that Alice isn't the only one who has missed you all this time? I believe I can speak for all my sisters when I say we were terribly disappointed not to welcome you into the coven. We all agreed you'd be a fine addition."  
  
The lights were low in the cabin and the two blondes had put music on. A sultry dance beat. When I looked over the woman named Tanya had removed her fur coat and she was dancing with Rosalie. She was shorter than Rosalie and she gazed up at her as they danced with a naked lust in her eyes.  
  
Victoria glanced at them, smiled, and turned back to me. Her arm was still wrapped around my shoulders and she leaned to me confidentially. "Don't tell Rosalie," she said, "but I think it was me who missed you most. Perhaps even as much as Alice, albeit without the accompanying theatrics. I had my heart set on making a slave of you, and it was a terrible disappointment to leave you behind. Such a lovely girl. How could I have never noticed before? Hm? Perhaps it wasn't until you denied me that I realized how much I wanted you. I remember you at the dance, so stubborn, so willful. So fucking beautiful…"  
  
Her lips were kissing my neck and while she was kissing me I was watching the two blondes. They were dancing very close and very slow and now the taller blonde had reached into the back pocket of the other woman's jeans and retrieved a small plastic bag filled with pills. She took one out and the smaller blonde opened her mouth obediently. Rosalie teased her with it until Tanya extended her tongue demandingly. The taller blonde touched the other woman's tongue with a fingertip and finally she smirked and placed the pill on the tip of her own tongue and leaned down and placed her tongue in the other woman's mouth, causing the other woman to suck the pill down and swallow it as she wrapped her arms around the taller woman's neck with her eyes falling closed.  
  
Victoria noticed me staring and she took my chin in her hand and turned my face back to hers with a playful smile. "And now it seems I have my second chance at you," she said. "Truth be told, I had intended to restore you to Alice unmolested, but now that I see you, now that I smell you…I'm afraid I can't resist. Can you resist me, Miss Swan? Hm? Can you?"  
  
I didn't answer. She had leaned to me as she spoke and her lips were less than an inch away from mine. I could feel the warmth of her breath and my head was hazy from her scent. Yet when she went to kiss me I turned my face away and her lips landed on my flushed cheek.  
  
Victoria gave a sultry giggle. "Good," she said. "That's good. After all, we wouldn't want to make it too easy, would we?"  
  
She reached for the champagne bottle on the coffee table. The two blondes had fed each other a few more pills and now they were taking off each other's clothes. The smaller blonde's halter lay strewn on the cabin floor and the taller blonde stroked her bare breasts for a moment before turning around and lifting her long hair for the other blonde to unzip her dress. Victoria was filling my glass. Already I felt drunk and a weird floaty feeling was building inside me  
  
"Drink, my dear, drink," the redhead urged with a smile. "The night is long and you will be broken many times over. We'll have to spare your blood for Alice, but Tanya is more than willing, and we'll have some fun together nonetheless."  
  
The blonde's turquoise dress fell at her feet. She stepped from the pooled satin in her tall heels and underneath she wore only a thong of matching turquoise lace. I turned to the redhead who's hand had snaked into the slit of my dress and was now caressing my naked thigh.  
  
"Alice is dying," I said. "And you want to fuck?"  
  
She smiled and licked her lips, fangs exposed. She didn't answer. She didn't have to. And even though my tone was judgmental, I had no right to judge, not as I sat there staring at her mouth with my whole body burning from the touch of her fingers inside my dress.  
  
"Don't be afraid, my dear," she whispered, leaning closer to my lips. "This was always inevitable, and this time you won't escape me. Nor Alice. I will have you both and both of you will belong to me forever. Hm? Wouldn't you like that, Miss Swan? Wouldn't you want to be mine?"  
  
My mouth was watering from desire for her kiss, but when I spoke I said: "No."  
  
"Whyever not?"  
  
I turned my face away, my head spinning with the movement. The dancetrack pulsed in my ears and when I lifted my eyes I saw the two blondes dancing rhythmically, each clad in heels and a thong and nothing else. Victoria followed my eyes and turned back to me.  
  
"Rosalie's so beautiful, isn't she?" she said. "You can have her, you know. Right now, if you want. Rosalie will do anything I command and there's all kinds of things I could command her to do to you. All you need to do is be a good girl and ask nicely. Or even beg. Whichever feels more natural to you."  
  
I turned my face back to the redhead, blinking slowly. She teased her lips close to mine and it took all my willpower not to simply whimper and collapse forward into her hot embrace.  
  
"Say yes, Miss Swan," she whispered. "It's an eccentricity of mine, but I do prefer my partners to be willing. Tell me yes. I hate to beg, but I want you so badly…"  
  
It was all too much and finally I gave up. This was the woman who ruined my relationship with Alice. Who had now ruined my relationship with Lauren. Who had taken me away from my mother. Who had threatened the people I loved. Who had raped me and seduced me and made me cheat on my soulmate. Who had destroyed my life in ways I never knew it could be destroyed. And now her lips were so close to mine I could feel the soft plume of her breath on my mouth.  
  
I'd fought against her for so long and so hard, but this was the end. I couldn't do it anymore. Maybe it was the alcohol, or the drugs, or the temptation of the redhead's pheromones, or maybe it was the complete and total hopelessness of my situation. Whatever it was, it didn't matter. It made me realize that the woman was irresistible. And that I didn't want to resist her anymore. Not now. Not tonight.  
  
So I leaned forward and let my lips touch hers. The release was blinding. They were so warm, so soft, so full. Her venom tingled behind my eyelids and I opened my mouth. Her tongue came in and I moaned as she deepened the kiss, her tongue swirling around my mouth. Finally she broke the kiss, smiled, and hopped off the seat. She took up the champagne bottle from the coffee table and turned to me with it.  
  
"A toast, then," she said, as she refilled my glass. She then hiked up her dress around her hips and straddled my lap, champagne bottle in hand. "To you, my dear," she said. "We've had our problems, you and I, but from now on, we'll be perfect sisters."  
  
She clinked the bottle against my glass and drank out of it. I sipped and sipped again. I wasn't sure if the drugs were working yet, but my whole body was hot and my head was reeling. Victoria smiled and took the glass out of my hand and placed both the glass and the bottle on the coffee table. She then leaned to my mouth, took my face in her hands, and began making out with me.  
  
I closed my eyes and moaned, wrapping my arms around her. After a while her lips descended on my neck and I tilted my head back. When I opened my eyes I saw the blonde watching me jealously across the cabin. She had hoisted herself up on the bar with her legs open and the other blonde was kneeling at her pussy and eating it out.  
  
Victoria had been fingering herself as she straddled my lap and with a smirk she leaned back so I could see better. Her red panties were peeled aside and she let me watch as she inserted two fingers deep inside herself, moaning attractively. Then she smiled and said:  
  
"Open your mouth, my dear."  
  
I opened my mouth. She withdrew her fingers from her pussy and eased them past my lips. They were slathered with her arousal and I licked it all off hungrily and started sucking them with my eyes closed.  
  
"Good girl," she whispered. "I'll make a slave of you yet."  
  
Then she pulled her fingers out of my mouth and kissed me.  
  
—  
  
I didn't sleep all night and in the morning I felt shattered but not unhappy. It was spring time in Paris and the sun was shining very brightly. I rode in the back seat with my forehead pressed to the window. Numb, resigned, indifferent. Tanya was driving and babbling in french. We'd been introduced last night. She spoke no english but she seemed pleased to meet me. At least that's how it felt when she mashed her bare tits against mine and stuck her tongue down my throat.  
  
Some of the streets of Paris were cobbled and bumpy and I was jostling gently in the back seat, staring out at this unfamiliar city, the brick buildings, the quaint cafes, the tip of the Eiffel tower protruding beyond a skyline of red rooftiles. The villa where the Cullen's were staying was located on the outskirts of town. The car halted for a large iron gate to grind open and then we drove in, crunching across the graveled courtyard and around an old stone fountain were a mermaid reclined upon a rock in the forenoon sun.  
  
The estate was huge and when the car parked before the front entrance we all got out except for Tanya. She bid adieu and drove on and Victoria and Rosalie led me up the front steps and into the foyer. The floor was marble and the walls were hung with art. A double marble staircase with a gold balustrade wound up into the upper levels and at the base of the staircase stood Leah.  
  
She appeared to be waiting for me, but she said nothing. She looked exactly the same as I remembered her, dressed all in black with her black hair wild about her shoulders, leaning back against the banister with her arms folded under her breasts. Jane was sitting on the banister beside her with her pale blonde hair that reminded me so much of Lauren's. Leah gave me a nod as Victoria and Rosalie led me up the stairs, but there seemed to be nothing to say, and no one said anything.  
  
They led me down a balcony toward a room at the end. The door was painted white with a gold doorknob. Victoria turned the doorknob, pushed open the door, and went in.  
  
The door opened upon a bedroom. The tall palladian windows faced to the east and the windows were open and the sun set the silk curtains aglow as they tousled gently in the morning breeze. The bed was large and there was a transparent white curtain drawn around the canopy. A figure sat in a chair on the far side of the bed with a book in her lap. It was Esme, and when she saw me she rose. She looked at the figure on the bed and looked at me again. Then she laid her book on the chair and left the room, pausing only to give me a sad glance as she went by.  
  
"Come," Victoria said, and she took my hand and led me to the bedside with Rosalie trailing behind us.  
  
Through the flimsy material of the silk curtain I could see a small figure laying on the pillow. Already tears had filled my eyes and my heart was throbbing in my chest. Victoria took the tasseled rope and pulled on it to retract the curtain. The figure behind it was Alice.  
  
My heart stopped.  
  
The world stopped.  
  
Her eyes were closed and for a second I thought that we were too late. Her face which had always been so vibrant and pretty was now pale and drawn. Her eyelids were paper-thin and webbed with veins and I could see the bulge of her eyeballs darting beneath them. Her black hair was dull and her lips white and cracked. A sheen of sweat covered her thin and candle-colored skin and in a quavery voice I said:  
  
"Alice."  
  
A delicate breath gasped in the silence. With visible effort her translucent eyelids fluttered open and slowly her glazed eyes settled on mine. She looked at me for a long moment and then, in a voice closer to death than life, she said:  
  
"Bella."  
  
—  
  



	29. Chapter 29

—  
  
Chapter 29:  
  
—  
  
"Baby?" gasped Alice. "Is that really you?"  
  
The raspy frailness of her voice pierced my heart like a knife. I sat on the edge of bed as if my legs had given way. I touched her face. Tears were already in my eyes.  
  
"Yes," I whispered. "It's me."  
  
A soft moan escaped her. Her honey-colored eyes were dull and glassy and they fell shut as she turned her face slightly to my hand. Her lips moved as if she meant to speak but nothing came out. Suddenly her face swam away as all my old love came swelling into my eyes. Tears began to drip blinkless onto my cheeks.  
  
"Oh god, Alice," I sobbed. "I'm so sorry."  
  
"No," she rasped. "It was me… It was me who…"  
  
"Alice, shh. Don't talk."  
  
"No, I have to… I have to…"  
  
"Alice, please."  
  
She shook her head, a subtle movement. Her black hair lay splayed on the pillow and her face was whiter than the pillowcase. She licked her dry lips and tried to talk.  
  
"Listen," she said, her voice coming out in a dry almost inaudible gasp. "I have to tell you. I, I love you. I…"  
  
"I know, Alice."  
  
"No, I…"  
  
"Shh," I whispered. "It's okay, Alice. It's okay. Vicky… Vicky came to visit me."  
  
She tilted her head slightly to look at Victoria. She was standing beside me with her arms folded and a impassive expression on her face. Rosalie stood behind her, watching over her mistress's shoulder. I blinked at them, tears falling freely, and then I turned back to Alice, fixing my mouth into a watery smile.  
  
"She said you haven't been feeding."  
  
"Vicky did…?"  
  
I nodded and ran out of words. How could I possibly explain the situation to her?  
  
A hand fell on my shoulder. Victoria's. She caressed me as if to set me at ease and smiled at Alice. Her voice came out soft and slightly chiding, like talking to a willful child. "Since you so stubbornly refused to visit her," she said, "we decided to go see her ourselves. You know we couldn't let you waste away like this, Alice."  
  
Rosalie stepped around the bed and climbed gracefully in. She lay beside Alice like a kitten and gazed at her face gently. "We bought her back for you, Alice," she whispered. "You have to feed."  
  
"I can't."  
  
"Please. Don't let us lose you."  
  
Alice's eyes closed as if she were troubled. Light from the tall windows cast a sickly sheen over her pallid face. She shook her head.  
  
The three of us were looking at her silently, three tips of a triangle with Alice in the center. Mistress, wife, soulmate. Alice's own romantic trinity. In our own ways we had all loved her as much as we were able and yet none of us had been able to sate the monstrous hunger in her heart. Now she was dying.  
  
Finally she opened her eyes. Her pale eyelids fluttered like butterfly wings and slowly her eyes focused on me, her lips struggling to form words. But when her eyes flickered over my neck she went absolutely still. Then she said:  
  
"You're wearing your collar."  
  
It was true, I was. I touched my neck reflexively and felt the black leather under my fingertips, still sitting beside her on the bed. Regardless of why, I was still wearing it, and seeing her like this, so hurt, so broken, made it seem as if I was wearing it specifically for this moment. So she could see, so she could know. So I smiled with tears in my eyes, cupped her cheek, and made my voice as gentle as possible.  
  
"Of course I am," I told her. "You know I could never forget you, Alice. I belong to you, remember?"  
  
A soft moan of joy escaped her. She tried to speak but the strain caused her eyes to roll up into her head for a moment. Victoria interjected, taking advantage of the moment.  
  
"We found Miss Swan in a tragic state," she claimed. "She missed you terribly. Whatever happened between you, Alice, she never hated you as you feared. She never moved on. She couldn't. She's your soulmate, remember? When we told her what was happening to you…she was so desperate to return to your side. She wants you to live as much as we do. Don't you, Miss Swan?"  
  
Victoria's voice was perfectly natural, and while the lies left me cold inside, I couldn't possibly contradict her. Alice was dying and I realized now that I couldn't handle that. So I turned to my shattered soulmate and smiled as if I had always loved her, never stopped, never will.  
  
"Of course," I said. My voice fumbled slightly, but as soon as the words were out I gained confidence, and went on more naturally. "Of course I do. I never wanted to lose you, Alice. I never meant all those things I said at prom. I don't hate you. I love you. I'll always love you. You know I will."  
  
Rosalie was still laying on the bed beside Alice. She was propped on an elbow and she'd been watching Alice's face anxiously, but as I spoke she turned her eyes to me with an expression I'd never seen on her face. Surprise, with a hint of shame; as if she'd underestimated me somehow.  
  
Victoria was leaning a hip against the bedside table, arms folded, cold, business-like. Eyes completely dry, face totally untroubled. She gave me a nod, as if to congratulate me on the performance.  
  
But it wasn't a performance. I meant every word, and there was more I had to say, much more, but I couldn't go on. My throat had closed over and I started sobbing quietly. I hadn't slept in over twenty four hours, I hadn't eaten in almost as long, my head was wracked from a long night of drugs, alcohol, hardcore group sex, and the emotional turmoil of being ripped from my loving mother and dream girlfriend. All this was Alice's fault and I still loved her.  
  
I loved her so much.  
  
Alice watched me cry for a second and tried to raise her voice. "Baby," she said. It was still a whisper, but stronger than it had been since I sat at her side. "Baby, it's okay. You were right."  
  
"No, Alice."  
  
"Yes. I was…stupid. I thought… I thought that was the only way. But I was wrong. This… This is the only way."  
  
I shook my head, my face wet with tears. I didn't want any more of her craziness; I just wanted to make her feel better. That's all I wanted. I opened my mouth to tell her, but she spoke first, her eyes squeezed closed from the effort.  
  
"Yes," she insisted in a death-like hiss. "This is how… How I can prove I love you. The only way…"  
  
My head was still shaking and my eyes were still streaming. Victoria bowed her head at Alice's words. Rosalie's eyes glistened, staring at Alice's face. She touched Alice's cheek to try and draw her attention and said:  
  
"Alice."  
  
Alice ignored her. She looked at me where I sat crying beside her on her deathbed and a fey smile curved her ashen lips. "Don't cry, baby," she whispered. "It's okay. I love you."  
  
"Alice, please," I blurted suddenly. "Love doesn't need proof, okay? Please, just… Just feed from me and we'll talk about this later. Okay?"  
  
I reached for the clasp of my collar but Alice's hand moved. It came no where close to stopping me, but the movement was enough to freeze me. Her hand was skeletal and her forearm looked like a petrified branch of birchwood. It lifted a few inches off the bed, trembled like a leaf, and fell again.  
  
"No," she whispered. "No, I have… I have to tell you…"  
  
Rosalie was still laying at her side, a rising desperation in her perfect face. "Don't strain yourself, Alice," she said. "Please, you have to feed."  
  
Alice went on as if she hadn't heard. Her face was so thin and gaunt that her eyes looked like alien eyes, so huge they seemed and so long lashed. She kept them focused on me and even in her wasted state the beauty of them was breathtaking. A small light had began to shine in them and her voice came out soft and determined.  
  
"Before I die," she whispered. "I have to tell you…"  
  
"Tell me what, Alice?"  
  
"I love you. You're the best. You always were. I love you, I…"  
  
My whole face trembled. I had to fight for the power of speech. "I love you, too," I said, then reached again for my collar. "Now, please. Just…"  
  
But again her hand lifted. She didn't have the strength to lift it far but it looked so frail and helpless in the air that I relinquished my collar instantly and took her hand in both of mine, as if afraid it might break off from her arm. Her skin was cold and clammy, but the tingles that rushed through me were no different from the tingles I'd felt in that very first biology class. She gave me a weak smile and shook her head gently.  
  
"I can't, baby," she said. "I can't feed from you. You'll die. I wouldn't be able to…control myself."  
  
That seemed like a silly concern at this point, so I just petted her hand and returned her smile feebly. "I don't care, Alice," I told her, completely earnest. "Just do it, okay?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Alice, please. It's okay. You were right, back at prom. This is the only way. Just do it. I don't care. I can't let you die alone, Alice. We'll die together, okay? Don't leave me here without you."  
  
Victoria watched me with sharp eyes. "Don't encourage her, Miss Swan," she said sternly. "It's her ridiculous notions of true love that have led you to this predicament. For once in your miserable life be strong and take control of your relationship."  
  
Alice didn't seem to hear. She had smiled at my words but she remained totally unswayed. "It's okay, baby," she said. "It's better like this. You'll be okay. You're stronger than me. You'll…"  
  
A wave of dizziness seemed to wash over her and her words were lost in a soft moan as her eyes rolled and closed. Rosalie and I watched with tears brimming from our eyes, but Victoria was unmoved. She unleaned from the bedside table and leaned to my ear. Even though Alice was fading away in a rising tide of weakness and exhaustion she kept her voice low so Alice wouldn't hear.  
  
"If Alice dies, you die too," she said. "Make her feed. Tell her you trust her not to harm you."  
  
I was still holding Alice's hand. I caressed it and whispered to her insistently.  
  
"Alice? Alice, it's okay. Listen. I love you. I trust you. If you still want to kill me, you can do it later. We'll talk about it, okay? We'll make it special. But I can't let you die like this. So please. Just feed from me, okay? Just a bit, just to make you stronger. I know you'll never hurt me. I trust you. I always trusted you, remember?"  
  
Alice had listened with her eyes closed and now she was shaking her head.  
  
"No," she whispered. "I can't risk…"  
  
"Please."  
  
"I can't. I can't, baby."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Because," she whispered. The question seemed to please her and she managed a frail smile as she opened her eyes. "This," she said. "This is what true love really is. It's not you. It's me. It doesn't matter how you feel. It's only how I feel. It's not you that has to die. It's me…"  
  
I bit my lip, clutching her hand. She was still crazy. Still completely crazy. I sniffed and let go with one of my hands and touched it to Alice's cheek, cupping it lovingly. Her skin was cold, so cold. Rosalie was still laying at her side and she watched my hand as it touched her wife's face, her eyes trembling and full of tears.  
  
"Alice, please," I said. "We'll talk about all this later. Please, just…"  
  
Alice wasn't listening. She lifted her other hand and pressed it against mine, holding it against her cheek. Her hand was thin, bony, cold as ice. She let her eyes fall shut and nuzzled my hand with her cheek.  
  
"It's okay," she whispered. "Don't you see, baby? I love you more than I love myself. Isn't it wonderful?"  
  
"No," I sobbed. "It's crazy. Stop it, Alice. Please."  
  
The strain was becoming too much for her and she swallowed with an audible click. Her voice came out in broken gasps. "I can't," she said. "I love you, baby. This was… This is… My destiny. I love… I love…"  
  
It was too much for even the icy heart of Rosalie. A sob broke from the frail mask of her face and she sprung off the bed. She tore open the door and slammed it behind her.  
  
Alice still had her eyes closed, pressing my hand to her face. She hadn't seemed to notice Rosalie's departure.  
  
Victoria had. Her head turned to watch her lover flee the room and for a second she looked at the closed door. She blinked once and I was astounded to see a single tear slide down her cheek. She bowed her head, shook it briefly, and when she turned back to the scene of me and Alice her expression was darker than I'd ever seen it.  
  
"Enough of this stupidness," she said, and then she seized a handful of my hair and violently wrenched me off the bed away from Alice.  
  
A moan of sheer despair came from somewhere deep inside my dying soulmate and she reached for me wildly with both hands. But she was weak, so weak, and her sudden burst of strength only caused her to topple out of the bed and collapse in a broken heap on the floor, twisted in the bedcovers. She wore a frilly cotton nightgown and the material stuck to her sweaty stick-thin body.  
  
"Bella," she rasped, struggling to sit up. "Bella."  
  
I whimpered in pain as Victoria yanked my head back by the hair to expose my neck. She tore the collar off, letting it fall to the floor before Alice, and then she clutched her hand around my throat as if to strangle me. I tried to say Alice's name but nothing came out. I couldn't even breathe.  
  
"Listen to me carefully, Alice," Victoria said. "You want destiny? I'll give you destiny. Feed from her now or I'll snap her neck before your very eyes and the last thing you'll see as you leave this world is your one true love broken into pieces like all your other silly dreams. Do you understand?"  
  
Alice lay crumpled in the floor like a broken bird, face in the rug and her wasted body lost in her nightgown. She lifted herself a little and collapsed again. "Don't," she gasped. "Don't hurt…"  
  
Victoria loosened her grip on my throat and dragged a red fingernail across my jugular. She looked down at the twisted girl at her feet and said:  
  
"When will you learn, Alice? There is no happily ever after. All things end badly – or else they'd never end at all."  
  
She then slashed my throat with her fingernail and threw me on the floor beside Alice.  
  
It didn't even hurt. I was beyond pain. The only pain I felt was Alice's pain, and without thinking or hesitating, I gathered up her broken form in my arms. Her head lolled on her shoulders and a desperate moan came from her chest at the scent of my blood. She was nothing but bones and cloth. She weight nothing. Hot blood pumped from my throat and before too much was wasted I steadied her head with my hands and pressed her face into the gushing wound, rocking her cold body gently like a child as she whimpered and began to feed, the two of us broken at Victoria's feet with Victoria looking on, silent and watchful like some kind of goddess.  
  
—  
  



	30. Chapter 30

—  
  
Chapter 30:  
  
—  
  
I was comatose for days and drifting in and out of consciousness for days more. I dreamt of Alice and nothing but Alice. Alice's smile, Alice's body, Alice's lilting giggle. Alice with blood on her mouth. Alice in pain. Alice screaming.  
  
One morning I woke with a gasp from a nightmare and saw a woman at my bedside, removing the IV tubes from my arm. I didn't know where I was. I blinked and tried to get my eyes to focus on the woman. The windows were open and her short blonde hair glowed radiantly in the morning sun like an angel. She wore gold hoops in her ears and she smiled at me with lips painted pastel pink.  
  
"Well," she said. "How are you feeling?"  
  
His voice seemed familiar.  
  
Wait.  
  
His?  
  
I squinted at the woman where she stood bathed in sunlight and oh shit. It was him. The doctor guy.  
  
Carlisle.  
  
Only he was wearing makeup and woman's clothes and he looked exactly like a woman. An awkward smile appeared on my lips and my voice came out dry and raspy. "You're a chick?" I asked doubtfully.  
  
She was coiling the IV tubes and she smiled at the word chick. "I was born Clarisse, but I often use the name Carlisle," she said. "I only pretend to be a man when we establish a residence."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"It was more important in the past, when it was…improper for women to travel without an escort. Even these days there are certain advantages to having a man around the house." She had hung the cords on the IV pole beside the bed and now she was helping me sit up against the headboard. "How are you feeling?" she asked again.  
  
I didn't answer. I was still tripping over the fact that he was a woman – and a pretty fucking hot one. She was adjusting the pillow behind my head and I blushed slightly at the proximity. He was always a prettyboy, but with a light dusting of makeup across her delicately handsome features and the earrings dangling from her ears she was outright gorgeous. I checked her body quickly, and yep; bumps in her blouse and no bulge at all in the tight crotch of her jeans.  
  
She noticed my glances, smirked, and straightened up. "You were out for nine days," she said. "You lost a great deal of blood. Ironically, it was Victoria who saved your life. Alice would've drained you completely if Victoria hadn't pulled her off."  
  
Suddenly I felt a stab in my heart. "Is Alice okay?" I asked quickly.  
  
The doctor nodded; I settled back against the pillow slowly.  
  
Alice was okay.  
  
Alice was…  
  
"You're going to be just fine as well," she said. "You had quite a nasty gash, so you'll have to be very careful for a while. Even a bad sneeze could reopen the wound. You're very lucky to be alive."  
  
It took me a moment to process that. Then I squinted an eye at her skeptically. "Lucky?"  
  
The doctor smiled at my wryness and shrugged slightly. "In a medical sense," she said. "Emotionally? I can't even imagine what you must be going through."  
  
Neither could I. My eyes drifted as I tried to isolate some feeling inside me. But there was nothing. Nothing at all. The doctor watched me for a second and then she handed me the glass of water that was sitting on the bedside table.  
  
"Sip slowly," she instructed. "You can have something to eat soon."  
  
Suddenly I realized how thirsty I was. I licked my dry lips and drank. The water sang in my head like alcohol and I drank again. My throat hurt as I swallowed and with my other hand I touched my neck and winced painfully. It was wrapped with gauze. The doctor was watching me with an expression that was almost fond and after a while she spoke.  
  
"All love requires sacrifice," she said. "You were willing to leave your home and your mother in a moment's notice as soon as you heard Alice was in danger. You were willing to risk your life itself." She smiled and said softly: "You're a very special girl, Miss Swan."  
  
I lowered my eyes without answering. She didn't know that I hadn't been willing. That I'd been threatened, intimidated, coerced. But I didn't correct her. Because the feeling that began to brood in the pit of stomach wasn't anger that I'd been ripped from my home. It was shame that I had to have been.  
  
Alice had been dying. But it wasn't until I'd seen her dying when I realized how unacceptable that was.  
  
The doctor laid a hand over mine to get my attention. I looked at her.  
  
"All I've ever wanted is for Alice to be happy," she said. "I know you'll make her so."  
  
The word Alice was beginning to affect me. The first few times she had said it had caused hot flashes over my face and now I began to feel a strange heat settle in my cheeks. A tightness formed in my chest and her name rang in my head, Alice, Alice, Alice. It began to seem that I needed her. To see her, to touch her. To kiss her. It was a familiar feeling.  
  
Addiction.  
  
The doctor's hand left mine and she took the water glass and set it back on the bedside table. I followed it with my eyes, my mouth still dry but not thirsty anymore. My lips wanted something else.  
  
"Did you ever love her?" I asked.  
  
"I did."  
  
"What happened?"  
  
She began unwrapping the gauze from my neck. "I'm not sure," she said. "Poor timing, perhaps. Alice wasn't ready for a serious relationship at the time. She never was, until she met you."  
  
It was that word again. Alice. I licked my lips. The doctor had finished unwrapping my neck and was peering to examine the wound. Where Victoria had cut me. Where Alice had fed. Memories of the other night were slowly coming back and I began to remember. How she dug her fingers into my back and moaned into the blood. As she thrust her tongue into the wound and split it open wider, making me quiver in pain as I clutched at her as hard as she clutched at me. The memory made me blush. The doctor-chick's gorgeous face was close to mine and I felt a strong impulse to kiss her. But instead I asked:  
  
"Where is Alice?"  
  
She stood up and smiled, wadding the gauze into a ball. "She was being such a pest that we had to lock her up in her room to keep her away from your bedside. Rosalie is with her now, keeping guard so she doesn't do anything rash. Your difficulties are far from over, Miss Swan, but with a love as strong as the love between you two, I'm sure you'll be fine."  
  
I didn't answer. Alice wasn't here and Alice wasn't coming. For some reason I had trouble understanding what this meant. It seemed like a problem. Alice wasn't here. I wasn't ready to see her, and I had no idea what I'd say if I did see her. But she wasn't here, and that didn't feel right.  
  
The doctor watched my distracted expression for a moment and patted my hand. "Rest for now," she said. "I'll send Esme with something to eat and to help you dress."  
  
The IV pole was mounted on little wheels and I watched her wheel it out, my eyes drifting over her jeans. She turned at the door and gave me a smile with her sexy face and backed out of the room. Then she closed the door. I lowered my eyes and allowed myself a small smirk. Chick, huh? Yeah, well. I'd call her daddy.  
  
I heaved a sigh and looked around the room. The curtains were rustling in the breeze and the sun was bright enough to make me squint. I hadn't seen sun that bright in a while, and it made me realize that I really didn't give a fuck if the sun was shining or not. The sight didn't cheer me or fill me with hope for a bright future; it was just annoying.  
  
So I sighed again and looked down into my lap while I tried to analyze the strange emptiness inside me. It was probably some kind of post-traumatic depression. After all, it's not everyday you get your throat torn open after being abducted from your home by a psychotic redhead. An event like that would take some of the giggle out of any girl. Apathy seemed like a reasonable reaction. If I felt anything it would have to be despair, and I wouldn't mind skipping that.  
  
How long had I been out, anyway? I tried to remember what he said, but I couldn't. Either way, I'd missed prom. Which sucked. So much for my dream senior year. It had been great for a while, but I guess it wasn't meant to be. I'd been so excited, too. It could've been the best prom ever, complete with girlfriend-whom-I'd-been-crushing-on-my-whole-life . Lauren had looked so amazing in her sapphire dress, and despite the semi-butch phase she was going through, I knew she'd been excited about it as well.  
  
And now it was all over. Prom was gone and Lauren probably hated me. Or was she worried instead? I suppose when your girlfriend goes missing in the middle of the night you wouldn't automatically be pissed, even if she had disappeared with two of her ex-girlfriend's sisters. I wondered if Lauren even went to prom, but I guess that might've been in poor taste. She probably spent the night at home, crying into her unworn dress, clutching it to her chest and mourning the loss of her girlfriend. She probably thought I was dead or something. She couldn't possibly think I went back to Alice. Not after how I promised her so faithfully that I wouldn't. That it was Lauren I loved. That I'd never leave her. That I didn't love Alice anymore.  
  
Alice.  
  
The name flittered through my head and caused my breath to shorten.  
  
Alice.  
  
How could I have ever believed I didn't love her anymore? When I saw her so pale and wasted it was like I'd never stopped. And maybe I hadn't. Even when I was with Lauren, I'd kept those prom pictures. I'd worn the collar. I'd remembered her, dreamed about her, fantasized about her. On my birthday I wished she'd come back. Every day I'd reserve some corner of my heart for her. Every day.  
  
But why hadn't I been more eager to return to her? Why did I have to be threatened? Was it because I loved Lauren more, so much that I couldn't leave her, even for Alice? Or was it that I simply loved what Lauren represented? Normalcy. Popularity. An easy relationship that didn't involve bloodletting. Things had been so much simpler with Lauren. And so much better for mom.  
  
Mom.  
  
Maybe it was mom I didn't want to leave. She must be so worried by now. Did she call the police? Probably. It would make more sense than posting flyers like when you lose a dog. Did the police look for me? Mom would have told them I was meeting Lauren, and Lauren would've told them I was meeting Victoria and Rosalie. But did Lauren even know their names? She remembered them as Alice's sisters, but I didn't know if she remembered what they were called. But I guess it didn't matter. Either way, the trail ended there in Forks. If I'd been more alert maybe I could've left a trail of breadcrumbs as the wicked witch marched me off to the oven of my destiny, but life isn't a fairytale, and this little Gretel always did long for the flames.  
  
I was deep in my musings when I heard the door open, and turned to see the momma-vamp, Esme, entering the room with breakfast on a silver tray. She smiled at me and nudged shut the door with her hip. I didn't smile back.  
  
"I'm not hungry," I said.  
  
She paused halfway across the room, her smile faltering. Then she placed the tray in my lap anyway. "I know," she said, "but you really ought to eat."  
  
I looked down at the tray. Strawberry toast and a cup of gently steaming milk. I shook my head and the momma-vamp gave me a worried look.  
  
"How are you feeling, honey?" she asked.  
  
I shrugged. "I'm alright."  
  
A slight exaggeration, perhaps. The woman didn't reply for a while, she just stood anxiously at my bedside while I sat there staring down at the tray. Then she gave a small sigh and looked away toward the brightness in the open windows.  
  
"Well," she said. "I suppose there's not much to say, is there?"  
  
Another shrug. "Guess not."  
  
She shifted a chair closer to the bed and sat down, reaching to hold my hand. The contact made me tingle. An awkward tingle, not at all like Alice. The woman patted my hand and gave me a smile.  
  
"I'm just glad you're here," she said. "I'm sorry you had to leave your mother, but Alice can't live without you. She tried, she really did, but she can't. She wanted you to move on and be happy. But she just couldn't forget you. And I know you feel the same way or you never would've returned." Her grip on my hand went tighter and her eyes went imploring. "Please," she said. "Promise me you'll take care of her. I can't bare to see her hurt anymore."  
  
I'd been looking at our clasped hands as she spoke and now I lifted my eyes to hers. Victoria had let them all believe that I'd came willingly, and since I found that I wanted to believe that too, I didn't correct her. I just nodded and said:  
  
"I promise."  
  
She'd been waiting for a reply—as if I'd say anything else—and now she smiled and let go of my hands. "Also, I need to apologize," she went on. "The last time we met…do you remember?"  
  
"Prom."  
  
She shook her head once and a coy blush came over her face. "I don't know what came over me," she said. Then she waved a hand. "Oh, that's a lie. I was jealous. Of both of you. You had taken Alice away from us, and Alice kept you all to herself. It was frustrating."  
  
She giggled once, as if recalling some girlish silliness. I wondered how old she was, appearance-wise. She seemed older than all the others, maybe as old as thirty, thirty-five. I'd always liked older women. Then again, I'd always liked any kind of attractive female.  
  
"To be honest, I'm still jealous," she went on, blushing softly. "I wish I had someone who loved me as much as you love Alice. Or as much as Alice loves you."  
  
She said it while looking into my eyes. I got the feeling she was trying to seduce me. It struck me as inappropriate given the circumstances, but vampires were never paragons of propriety. Besides, wasn't she married?  
  
"What about your husband?" I asked. Then I realized that husband wasn't really accurate, so I added: "Wife. Partner. Whatever."  
  
The woman gave a small shrug. "Well, we're very close," she said. "But the thing we have most in common is our love for Alice. Alice is everything to us. Far more than a daughter. It was nice to have her back for a while after we left Forks, but I'm glad you've returned. I just hope you won't be quite so rigid in your relationship this time. Monogamy is a fine concept, but vampires only survive on blood and lust, and sometimes we have to share. Besides…Alice is my soulmate, too, after all."  
  
She said the last part with a playful smile, so I didn't bother informing her that Alice didn't seem to agree. Instead, I asked: "Did Alice turn you?"  
  
"Yes," she said. "I met her at an underground gay bar, a long time ago. My marriage wasn't working out. Alice… Alice saved me."  
  
Obviously there was a sad story in there somewhere, but she didn't elaborate and I didn't ask. She simply smiled and gestured at the breakfast tray. The milk had stopped steaming.  
  
"Eat, honey," she said. "Before it gets cold."  
  
It was already cold, but I looked down at the tray and picked up a piece of toast. I only ate the one piece, and I wasn't really hungry for it. Alice's venom was in my system, and my appetite was for other things.  
  
When I was done eating the woman helped me out of bed and took me into the adjoining bathroom. While she drew me a bath I looked into the mirror over the sink. The wound in my neck was rough and red with black stitches poking out of it. I touched it gently and felt nothing at all beside a wincing pain. I craned my neck a little to see it better, but it hurt when I did, and it wasn't really that fascinating, so I dropped my hand and turned away.  
  
The woman was bent over the bath, swirling a hand in the water to gauge the temperature. She wore a white dress with colorful dots and her ass was very round beneath the fabric of her skirt. I wondered if she was going to try and fuck me and then I wondered if I wanted her to. After a few seconds of contemplation I discovered that I wasn't entirely adverse to the idea. Vampire venom worked like an aphrodisiac, and I couldn't think of any reason why I shouldn't. It wouldn't be the best way to demonstrate my renewed commitment to Alice, and technically it would be cheating on Lauren, but my mood was masochistic enough that I didn't seem to care. I even decided to provide the momma-vamp with a little encouragement.  
  
I was wearing a huge white t-shirt and nothing underneath. I took it off and let it fall on the bathroom tiles and when she turned around she found me completely naked. She straightened up in surprise and I just stood there, waiting to see what she'd do. My nipples went hard at contact with her eyes. She searched my eyes for a moment, and then she approached. She pretend to examine the wound in my neck, using it as an excuse to get her face closer to mine. She touched it gently with a finger.  
  
"Does it hurt, honey?" she asked.  
  
I watched her face. "Not really."  
  
She smiled at me and let her hand descend on my bare shoulder. She caressed it. "You're a very brave girl," she said, and then she kissed me on the cheek.  
  
Just that one little kiss was enough to convince me that this was a good idea. I had felt so empty inside since I woke up, so hurt, so hopeless. But the touch of her lips, any lips, made me feel something. I didn't know if it was a good thing, but it was better than nothing, so I turned my face to hers and caught her lips with mine as she went to kiss my cheek again.  
  
We deepened the kiss and I moaned softly with her venom swirling nicely in my mouth and after a while I pulled off her dress. She wore no bra and her breasts felt so soft and lovely against mine. Eventually both our hands were pushing her panties down and finally we stepped into the bath, first me, then her. She washed me and washed my hair and then we took turns sitting on the rim of the tub as we ate each other out. Then we cuddled in the cooling water and talked about Alice.  
  
She told me how Alice was the first woman she'd ever been with, the first woman she'd ever loved, the only woman she'd ever loved. Her voice took the tone of a confession and she told me that she was no better than Victoria, that the only reason she was so fascinated with me was because Alice was, and that being with me was the closest she could get to being with Alice, and that she missed Alice so badly. She explained that she was sorry, that she couldn't help herself, and she went on to assure me that I was a very beautiful girl and that she liked me very much and that she'd love to accept me into the coven. She was confident that I'd make Alice happy and that Alice's happiness was all that mattered to her. She only wished that Alice would let the rest of the coven make her happy, too.  
  
I listened in silence, and when she was done, I turned to her and kissed her slowly on the mouth. I felt sorry for her. I knew what it was like to love Alice, but I couldn't imagine what it would be like if Alice didn't love you back.  
  
Eventually she took me back into the room and sorted me some clothes and underwear, explaining that they belonged to Leah and me and Leah were a similar size. I was flattered at the comparison, but I knew for a fact Leah was taller. She helped me put the stuff on, a black leather skirt, a black tanktop, and then she sat me on the edge of the bed and crouched at my feet and zipped up my boots. She asked me if I was ready to see Alice, but I shook my head. She nodded, as if she understood, and rose. She told me that Leah and Jane were eager to see me as well, and I could find them out by the pool. She smirked and said I should go say hello.  
  
The pool was outdoors and soon I was wandering out into the sun with my hand shading my eyes. Jane and Leah were at poolside, looking up at the diving board where that woman, Tanya, was preparing to dive. She was wearing a white one-piece bathingsuit that looked beautiful against her tanned skin. Jane called out something to her and made a wolf whistle, but Leah had noticed me and gave Jane a nudge. Jane lost interest in the other woman instantly and grinned.  
  
"Bella!" she squealed, and quickly came running over. She wore a yellow bikini and her blonde hair was wet. She charged into me and wrapped me into a hug. "Boy, it's nice to see you again," she said. "Funny how you don't realize how much you like someone till they're gone, huh?"  
  
I chuckled in surprise at the unexpectedly affectionate greeting and hugged her back. Her body was wet, small, similar to Alice's. Over her shoulder I saw Leah approaching, clad in nothing but a black bikini and a smirk. My heart quickened at the sight of her. I'd always liked Leah.  
  
"Hey," she said. "How are you feeling?"  
  
I shrugged as Jane released me. "I'm alright," I said.  
  
Up on the diving board Tanya was waiting with a pretty frown for attention to refocus on her, her long blonde hair stuck wetly to her back, her body radiant with vampire venom. It was like being at a Sport Illustrated swimsuit shoot. Jane glanced up at her and turned back to me with a grin.  
  
"Tanya's jealous," she whispered. "She thinks you're going to steal her spotlight."  
  
I looked up at Tanya. She glared back briefly and then turned and dived, an elaborate double backflip that might've been intended to make me envious. It did, a little bit.  
  
Jane cheered and ran up to help the other blonde out of the pool. Leah motioned with her head to where a row of sunchairs were arranged at poolside and we went over and sat down as Jane climbed up to the diving board with Tanya shouting French encouragement from below.  
  
I watched the two blondes take turns on the diving board and after a while Leah asked:  
  
"So you couldn't stay away, huh?"  
  
I smiled to myself. "Guess not."  
  
"Think you can handle her this time?"  
  
"I don't know."  
  
Leah was reclining on the sunchair and I was perched on the edge of it. I turned to look at her. She had one arm beneath her head and her eyes were closed. I let my eyes roam across her body, admiring her coppercolored skin, her toned torso, her muscular legs. I looked at how the black material of her bikini hugged the contours of her crotch and it seemed weird that I'd been so desperate to cling to my old life. It was probably just the venom in my system, but it was really nice to see Leah again – especially dressed like this.  
  
When my eyes roamed back to her face her eyes were open and she was smiling at me.  
  
"Did you ever close the deal on Lauren?" she asked.  
  
I didn't answer for a second. Neither the doctor or the momma-vamp knew that I'd had a girlfriend after Alice, and Alice herself had no idea either. Victoria had told her that I was miserable without her, that I was desperate to go back to her. In the heat of the moment I had agreed.  
  
And now? I suppose I could've set the record straight, but it didn't seem important. I'd missed prom, and technically I was already back together with Alice. So I just shook my head and said: "Nah."  
  
Leah watched my face as if she knew I was lying. "How come?" she asked.  
  
I shrugged and turned back to the pool. "I guess I just couldn't forget Alice," I said.  
  
Sunlight was glistening off the water and Tanya and Jane were having sex in the corner, Tanya pressed up against the wall of the pool with Jane kissing at her neck. You could see in their faces that they were fingering each other in the water. Tanya saw me looking and smirked before whispering some French nothing to Jane. Jane bit her in response and Tanya closed her eyes and drew the vampire closer.  
  
"She's pretty," I said.  
  
"Tanya?" Leah inquired. "Yeah. She's hot."  
  
"I guess she's my replacement."  
  
Leah chuckled once and sat up beside me. "Well," she said. "Not all of us are as single-minded as Alice. Tanya's pretty great. Young, beautiful, rich. French. She even puts out as much as you did. And without all the Alice-related drama, too. We really lucked out with her. Jealous?"  
  
"Yes," I said. Jane had lowered one of the shoulder straps of Tanya's swimsuit and was groping the exposed breast. It wasn't as big as mine, but that didn't make me feel better.  
  
"Don't be," Leah said. "We're all thrilled to have you back. To keep this time, right?"  
  
Leah's hand appeared on my shoulder and I turned my face toward her slightly. I looked at her lap, feeling a familiar hunger swirl in my stomach, and then I lifted my eyes to her face. "Did you miss me?" I asked.  
  
She took the question seriously and nodded. "Of course I did," she said, caressing my shoulder. "We could've been good sisters, me and you. With you in the coven I'd finally have someone to go shopping with who shares my taste." Then she smiled and flickered her eyes over my body. "Speaking of taste," she said. "Are you as yummy as you always were?"  
  
I smirked as I realized she was seducing me. I batted my eyelashes and looked at her lips as if to invite her to find out for herself if I'm still yummy. She took the hint, leaned forward, and pressed her lips to mine. I opened my mouth and let her lay me back against the deckchair, relaxing under both the sun and her delicious tongue-work.  
  
Soon I had my hand inside her bikini briefs and she had her hand up my leather skirt and soon we were moaning and climaxing together. Jane and Tanya had wandered over, both of them naked, their swimsuits floating in the pool like strange fish. Tanya took Leah's face and pressed it to the fresh bite in her neck. Jane straddled the deckchair over my face and squatted her pussy over my mouth. I ate it out, craning my neck to get my tongue inside her, and after she came she giggled and pulled me onto my feet and stripped off all my clothes and threw me naked into the pool. She jumped in after me, giggling and splashing and groping me under the water like a tentacled seamonster. Finally she set me on the edge of the pool, opened my legs, and went down on me. The wound in my throat had began to reopen and a thin pink serum leaked down my neck as I lifted my wet face to the sun and panted away another climax.  
  
An hour later I was back in the house, getting resewn and bandaged by the doctor-chick. I was sitting on the edge of a bed, dressed in nothing but underwear and a towel wrapped around me, my hair damp and hanging. I watched her face as she worked, marveling at how sexy she was now that I knew she was a woman. I'd always thought he was hot in a detached kind of way, but now I actually felt how hot he was. She was. I remembered how mom used to swoon over him and I had to smirk. I wonder what she'd say if she knew?  
  
But thinking about mom made me sad, so instead I focused on eyeing the good doctor's lips lustfully. She noticed me watching her and I said:  
  
"You're hotter as a chick."  
  
She was wrapping the gauze around my neck and she smiled at me briefly. "That's very bold of you to say," she said.  
  
"Bet you'd like to fuck me."  
  
This time she paused in the wrapping. Then she resumed. "That's even bolder," she said.  
  
I waited for her to try something, but she didn't, she only finished the wrapping and put the roll of gauze back into the first aid kit. I frowned and said: "Well?"  
  
"Well what?"  
  
"Wanna fuck me? You might as well. You're the only one who hasn't."  
  
She closed the first aid kit and smiled. She turned to me and said: "Miss Swan, sometimes after a severe injury, a patient can develop symptoms of—"  
  
But I wasn't interested. I was well-aware that I wasn't myself, and even more aware that I didn't want to be myself. Because if I was myself I'd be losing my mind in a nest of psychotically slutty lesbian vampires while my mom and my girlfriend were likely losing their own minds with worry thousands of miles away. And that wouldn't make me a very good person.  
  
So I didn't bother even attempting to listen to any kind of medical explanation for my condition. I just opened the towel, leaned back, and spread my legs. She stopped speaking and looked me over as I gazed expectantly at her handsome face. Finally she gave a soft sigh and started unbuttoning her blouse.  
  
"Well, if you insist," she said.  
  
A weak seduction, perhaps, but it did the trick. She had a very mature style, very gentle, very assertive. She seemed to realize that what I needed was contact, comfort, and she gave it to me. The foreplay was long and thorough and soon she'd fetched a strap-on from the bedside drawer and fucked me with it slowly, making me moan and hiss with pain at certain thrusts as I wrapped my legs around her hips and stared up her face and began to move my body with hers as the orgasm built inside me.  
  
When she was done I was shivery and weak and she held me and stroked my naked back and talked to me in a low voice. She told me that I was relapsing from Alice's venom, and that I was suffering from post-traumatic depression, and that it was going to be a while before I felt okay again. She said my recovery would proceed quicker with Alice's love and then she asked when I planned to go see Alice.  
  
I didn't answer. I thought about Alice, trying to call back the love I'd felt the other night when I'd seen her dying, the love and the desperation to make her better. But I couldn't. All I felt was that same emptiness I'd woken up with.  
  
"I understand how difficult this must be for you, Miss Swan," she said, "but it's difficult for Alice as well. For both your sakes, I'm going to have to insist that you see her tonight. Is that acceptable?"  
  
"Okay," I mumbled.  
  
She stroked my back and placed a kiss on my hair. "Thank you," she said. Then I heard a soft chuckle in her chest. "I'll advise Rosalie to have Alice wear something nice."  
  
I smiled. Nice guy, Carlisle. Girl. Whatever. I fell asleep with my face against her shoulder and her arms around me.  
  
When I woke up it was dimmer in the room. An orange light suffusing the windows. The doctor was gone, but she had tucked me into the bed, which struck me as sweet.  
  
With a sigh I got out of the bed and put my underwear back on. The white beach towel was laying on the floor. There was a rusty discoloration in one corner from where I'd wiped blood off my neck before. Stained. Like me. But subtext seemed like a trivial thing to be bothered about at this point, so I just scooped up the towel, wrapped it around my shoulders, and went wandering out the room and down the corridor, barefoot and halfnaked under my shawl like some pariah sent away in disgrace.  
  
I went down stairs and found a kitchen. I drank from the tap. I wondered what I was supposed to do now, but I didn't even know where my room was, and didn't even know if there were clothes in it. I realized I should probably try and find a Cullen, so I went wandering again and soon I began to hear something. I followed the noise and came upon Jane in a living room playing a video game.  
  
She was sitting on the floor, directly in front of the large plasma TV. Her legs crossed, controller in her lap. Her straight blonde hair was in a ponytail and she wore a yellow top, a denim miniskirt, and no shoes. She must be going through a yellow phase. Back in Forks she'd favored pink. I smiled to see her and went over.  
  
She glanced when she noticed me, still tapping away on the controller. "Hey," she said. "Where you been?"  
  
"Asleep," I said, and sat down on the floor beside her, still dressed in nothing but my underwear and a towel. "Where's Leah?"  
  
Jane scoffed, eyes on the TV screen. "Tanya wanted to go shopping," she said, not masking the jealousy. She gave me a little eye roll. "Leah likes her."  
  
I smiled. Jane was cute when she was jealous, and with that thought I leaned and put my arms around her, kissing her ear. She giggled and kept playing.  
  
"Wow, I don't remember you this slutty," she said. "You used to at least make us ask."  
  
"I don't care anymore," I whispered into her ear.  
  
She smiled. "You're avoiding Alice, aren't you?"  
  
I had my tongue in her ear. Now I put it back in my mouth and sat back, my mood punctured. I didn't reply, but Jane didn't seemed to need me to.  
  
"Why you avoiding her?" she asked, eyes focused on the screen.  
  
She was playing some kind of beat-em-up that I didn't recognize. It was 3D and she was playing a female character with huge tits that bounced as she fought. I gave a little shrug.  
  
"I don't know," I said.  
  
Jane chuckled once. "Look," she said. "I know it's gonna be tough, but you got nothing to worry about. As long as you forgive her for leaving, everything's cool. Alice loves you. Just don't let her go crazy with that monogamy bullshit again. Seriously. It's not healthy for a vampire. Besides, you're not the only one that loves her. Remember that. Keep her heart, but share the pussy, you know what I'm saying?"  
  
I wrapped the towel tighter around myself. We were sitting beneath the light in the ceiling with our backs against a glass coffeetable. It was getting darker in the windows.  
  
"Alice turned you too, didn't she?" I asked.  
  
Jane remained focused on her game, but she nodded. "Yep," she said. "She turned us all. Carlisle's a cute figurehead, and Vicky's always been the mistress, but in the end, Alice is the real matriarch of the coven. We're addicted to her, just like you. Her venom lives in our hearts. Always."  
  
I lowered my head. There was a scream from the TV speakers and an announcer proclaimed Jane's victory. She grinned and started another match.  
  
"Then who turned Alice?" I asked.  
  
Jane glanced at me and back at the TV. "Hard to say."  
  
"Victoria says you're the only one who knows."  
  
"Yeah," Jane muttered, and said: "Listen, just forget about it, okay? It's not important, and besides, Alice wouldn't want you to know. It's kind of embarrassing."  
  
"I know," I said. "That's why she's been lying to me about it. And that's why I'm not asking her. Alice will tell me when she's ready. But I need to know now."  
  
She flickered an annoyed frown at me. "Why?"  
  
To be honest, I didn't know. But now that the subject was out there, I did need to know. The curiosity felt like a hole in the pit on my stomach and I needed something to fill this emptiness. I had the feeling that there would be some answer in Alice's turning. Something that would help me decide what to do. Something that would make me love her again and never stop. Something that would make all my sacrifices worth it.  
  
So I frowned and tried to put my feelings into words. "Because I know it's something terrible," I said. "And I need to know why she's so fucked up. I need to know why she needs to be loved so badly."  
  
"None of us needed to know," Jane countered. "We just loved her."  
  
"I'm different from any of you," I told her. "I'm her soulmate."  
  
Jane looked at me. But then her character took two hits in the head and she turned back to the screen. She shook her head, and then she sighed and evidently decided she might as well tell me.  
  
"Alice wasn't turned by another vampire," she said. "She's what we call an original. She died as a human…and rose as a vampire. Just like Dracula."  
  
"How?" I asked.  
  
Jane shrugged. "Who knows? Carlisle's done research on the chemical aspects of the change, but mostly it's just supernatural. There's no logical explanation. Especially in Alice's case. But I guess there's plenty of ghost clichés that could explain it. Unfinished business. Some sorrow that requires to be resolved. Some dark rage in the deepest corner of her heart that makes it impossible to move on. To accept her fate. You can judge for yourself after you hear the story."  
  
Already I had a very bad feeling. Jane smirked at me, as if she knew she was about to rattle my whole world, and then she turned back to her game.  
  
"Alice's tale is a sad one," she began. "Although not uncommon in those days. She was born a peasant, the only daughter of a blacksmith. Her mother died giving birth. Alice never knew her name. Her father never said it. He wasn't the most loving husband, and far from a doting father. I said he was a blacksmith, but mostly he was a drinker and a gambler. He used to beat Alice when she was younger and then rape her when she got a little older. There was no such thing as child services in those days—or even police—so this went on for a few years. Til she was sixteen or so. By then her father's gambling debts had piled up and he sold her to a whorehouse he used to frequent."  
  
"Oh my god," I said. My voice came out in shocked monotone and I'd gone cold all over.  
  
But Jane only chuckled, not even looking at me. "Well, jeez," she said. "Don't start crying now. It gets worse. Way worse."  
  
I blinked to clear my vision. Jane went on.  
  
"Anyway," she said. "She was just a thin and beaten up little girl. She didn't fetch much of a price, but the whoremaster saw her potential beneath the grime and made an investment out of her. Bought her costumes and jewelry. Of course, he also beat and raped her regularly, so it's not like she was in any enviable position. None of the other girls were jealous. I certainly wasn't."  
  
I looked at her. "You were there?"  
  
Jane nodded, still focused on her game. "Yeah," she said. "My parents died in the plague and somehow I ended up in a brothel. Maybe the orphanage was full, who knows? The world was a harsh place for girls back then. You modern chicks don't know how good you got it.  
  
"So there we were, Alice and I. Ill-fated waifs met by mischance in the halls of a whorehouse. Not our ideal lifestyle, obviously. Funnily enough, that was the place we both realized we were lesbians. Of course, a bit of girl-girl interaction wasn't so uncommon in places like that. Even the sluttiest girls were often unsatisfied at the end of the day and when you got two dozen working girls sharing beds and baths the idea of having sex with a chick is bound to occur to you. But it was different between me and Alice. It wasn't love maybe, but a special kind of connection. A secret affinity. We weren't like the others.  
  
"We were a similar shape and size, me and Alice, so soon we were sharing a room and wardrobe. After a while we were plotting to escape. Of course, we were just dumb sixteen year olds. We had no way to realize how hopeless our situation really was. Most of the other girls pinned their hopes on getting married. Sometimes a client would buy a girl and presumably marry her. I say presumably because none of those girls were ever heard of again. Who knows what really happened to them? Marriage was probably just what the whoremaster told us to keep us docile.  
  
"In any case, Alice and I weren't willing to wait around for Prince Charming—weren't even interested—so one night we split. Unfortunately, we weren't very prepared. We took our shoes and jewelry, no food. We snuck out at night and made it to the end of the road before we realized we had no idea where to go or what to do. It was a lively district and there were plenty of people in the streets. Two men exited a nearby tavern and asked if we were lost. We said we were, thinking they'd help us. But of course they didn't. They took us behind the tavern, raped us, robbed us, and left us lying in the mud. I had a broken leg and I couldn't even stand. Alice wouldn't leave me, and she had nowhere to go even if she did. After a while the whoremaster and several of his men found us and bought us back."  
  
"Oh god," I said. Tears were running down my face and I said it again. "Oh god."  
  
Jane grinned at me, amazingly, and went back to her game. Her story hadn't affected her concentration at all and she was still winning every match. "Yeah," she said, as if agreeing with me. "It's one of those things that's really bad when it happens, but you can't help laughing when you think back. That's one of the great things about being a vampire. It deadens your empathy, even for yourself. Or maybe I'm just a sociopath, who knows? Either way, I got over it much quicker than Alice.  
  
"Anyway. Our first escape attempt wasn't so successful, but we had slightly better luck on our next. It took a long time for us to recover, and with our new injuries the prices on us took a pretty big dip. It sucked to be me, I can tell you. Clumping up the stairs with my leg in a splint and getting fucked in a dark room by candlelight at a price as low as a couple pieces of tin. But maybe Alice had it worse. The whoremaster was upset at the loss of revenue, but for some reason he took out most of his displeasure on Alice. I think he had a thing for her. Alice used to tell me that he'd rape her, choke her almost to death, and then hold her and tell her he loves her. That he only wants what's best for her. It's a standard pimp's trick that's existed for centuries. A lot of girls can be broken like that, but not Alice. Not Alice."  
  
I sobbed and lowered my face into my hands. The towel slipped off and I sat there in the floor with my bare shoulders shuddering as I cried into my hands.  
  
Jane hadn't even stopped playing her game. "Listen, if you can't handle this, let me know," she said. "Because it gets worse."  
  
I sniffed and wiped my face with the towel. "How could it possibly get worse?"  
  
Jane shot me a smile, her eyes bright and perfectly empty, and then she went on.  
  
"It was about six months later when we ran away again," she said. "This time we'd packed a little better and culled some info off clients. We wore hoods so we wouldn't draw attention and we managed to make it to a nearby convent, thinking we'd be safe there. We had planned to become nuns, if you can believe that. The mother superior accepted us, of course, but sympathy was a rare commodity in those days, and she didn't seemed particularly thrilled to have a couple runaway whores in her church. Still, she said a prayer over us and gave us a cell with a bed and a basin to clean up. Special night, that night. It was the first time me and Alice made love. Real love. Ironic, considering that both unwed sex and homosexuality were pretty huge sins at the time. We didn't even know, really. It felt right to us. Natural. We felt safe for the first time in our lives. Hopeful. Happy, almost. So we made love, there in the church with a crucifix hanging over the bed, and god must've been pissed at the disrespect because he fucked us right back the next morning.  
  
"It was in the middle of mass the next day when the whoremaster appeared on the church steps. If it wasn't for Alice, he might've just let us go, but like I said, he was obsessed with her. He discussed the case with the mother superior and in the clear light of god's day he paid money into her hand and took me and Alice away again. And as you could imagine—ow, fuck."  
  
She struggled with the controller for a second, frowning.  
  
"Fucking noob," she muttered. "I'm gonna murder this motherfucker, watch this."  
  
I wasn't watching. I wasn't crying anymore, I was just stunned. I stared down at the carpet, lips parted in shock. It was dark outside by now and I was cold inside and out.  
  
"You okay over there?" Jane asked.  
  
"No," I said softly.  
  
"You wanna hear the rest or not?"  
  
I nodded absently. "Yes."  
  
Jane looked at me for a moment and turned back to the TV. "Well, needless to say," she went on, "the punishment for trying to escape was worse this time. More beating, more rape. Again, Alice got the worst of it. But eventually we were healed enough to make another attempt.  
  
"So we slipped out some night and went to a nearby guard tower. We thought the guards were supposed to be like knights in fairytales, so we told them the story of the evil whoremaster and the innocent maidens, and we begged them to help. They listened and then they took us into the dungeon, chained us up, and raped us. They kept us down there for days with hardly any food or water until they were bored. Then they sold us to the prisoners for whatever they could get. Knives. Bits of silver. Finally they sent for the whoremaster we'd begged them to dispatch and sold us back to him.  
  
"More punishment followed. It was getting pretty aggravating by then, as you could imagine. Luckily, I'd contracted syphilis at that point so I was able to avoid most of it. They still sold me to clients but they wouldn't touch me themselves. Alice got the worst of it, as always.  
  
"We'd soon made plans to escape again. But I wasn't so hopeful, honestly. Syphilis was incurable in those days and even if there was a clinic next door I doubt the gracious master would've made me an appointment. Escape didn't seem so important anymore. Alice and I couldn't be close without her getting sick and as my illness advanced it became obvious that I would've only slowed her down. So I told her to go without me. I was dead anyway.  
  
"She begged me to change my mind, but there was no point. She stayed with me all night the night before she left and when she left in the dawn I was asleep. By the time I woke up she was back.  
  
"The plan was for her to make her way south to the next village. Who knows what she would've done when she got there, with no family, no money, no education. But in the end it didn't matter. She knew she'd never get far by herself, so she convinced one of the other girls to go with her. Naturally, this other girl betrayed her and told the whoremaster of her plans. Alice didn't even get across the street.  
  
"By this time the whoremaster had had enough of her escape attempts, and he decided to make an example out of her. So he assembled all the girls on the balcony overlooking the muddy yard behind the brothel and made us watch as he stripped her, beat her, tied her up, raped her, kicked her, and finally cut her throat. Alice watched them dig her own grave in a pigsty as she bled out in the dirt. The whoremaster warned us that this would happen to any girl who even thinks of running away and then he booted Alice's still breathing body into the grave and walked away as they piled the dirt on top of her."  
  
I was so lightheaded I thought I was going to pass out. I'd never experienced such a feeling of horror. I sat there, swaying slightly, and Jane looked at me. Her lapse in concentration had cost her the match, but she didn't start a new one. She left it on the character select screen and smiled at me, lowering her voice into a storytelling tone.  
  
"That night," she said, "a low fog descended over town. I was quite upset at Alice's loss, as you could imagine, and since I was going to die anyway I figured I pay the whoremaster a visit with a kitchen knife. So I took out his doorman silently and found him in bed with the girl who'd ratted Alice out. The whoremaster reached for the flintlock pistol on the bedside table and he actually managed to pulled the trigger on me. But I was always lucky in a dark way, and the shot was a misfire. He tried to scramble out of the bed, but I jumped on him and stabbed him up before he could call for help.  
  
"Again I was lucky, because the girl didn't scream. She just watched like something dumb, and when I was done she asked me what I was doing. But I just stabbed her in the chest, left the knife inside her, and went back to my room.  
  
"But like I said, my luck is very dark, and the only apparent perk of my survival was a peaceful suicide. So I went out onto the balcony and decided to jump. It was a full moon and lots of stars. I remember thinking it was a nice night to die, and before I jumped I looked down at where they'd buried Alice. So I could murmur some romantic last words. And as I looked down, a cold wind blew and the fog lifted. That's when I noticed the dark earth had been disturbed. As if something had been dug up. Or as if something had crawled out."  
  
"Alice," I whispered.  
  
"Alice. And as I stared at the open grave I heard her say my name softly. I thought it was just the wind, but when I turned around, she was there in my room, naked, covered in dirt. I couldn't even speak. My dress was drenched in blood and slowly she advanced on me, aroused by the scent, and started kissing my neck. It had been a long time since I had felt her touch, and it felt so nice that I couldn't stop her, despite my sickness. Luckily, vampires are immune to disease. She bit me there on the balcony, under the moon, and I did nothing at all to stop her.  
  
"By then someone had found the dead whoremaster and his dead whore. A shrill scream rang through the house and two guards barged into my room where Alice was feeding from me. Alice released me instantly and hissed with her bloody mouth at the interruption. The guards panicked and discharged their pistols. Both shots hit Alice in the chest, but they barely slowed her down. She tore the guards apart with her bare hands and before more guards could arrive she gathered me up in her arms like a bride and jumped off the balcony into the fog."  
  
She had been looking into my eyes as she spoke and I'd been looking back, hypnotized. She held my gaze for a moment longer, and then she smiled and turned back to the TV, starting another match on her fighting game.  
  
"It was our final escape attempt," she said, "and our most successful. We set out on the long journey south and Alice fed from me many times and by the time we reached the village her venom had turned me into a vampire just like her. With our vampire strength and stamina we had nothing left to fear, but funnily enough, we crossed the entire countryside without incident. We even found charity. When we were just one day out from the next village we came upon a farmer in a field who offered us a place to stay with him and his wife. We were pleased to accept, of course. And even more pleased to meet his lovely daughter."  
  
She giggled and tapped the buttons on her controller. She glanced at me and back at the TV.  
  
"So, there it is," she said. "The truth about Alice. What do you think?"  
  
I stared at the TV vacantly. "I knew it was bad," I said. "But I had no idea…"  
  
Jane snorted, as if I'd said something funny. "Yeah," she said. "It's pretty tragic, even by historical standards. You can understand why she prefers to pretend it never happened. She made me promise never to tell anyone, but you wanted to know why she's so fucked up. Why she deserves to be loved. Well. Now you know."  
  
My eyes glazed over and the TV screen swam away. I bowed my head and sniffed, pulling the towel around my shoulders. Jane kept playing.  
  
"I think Alice's past is the reason she's always been so drawn to Vicky," she said. "Domination and abuse are the only things she's ever known. In a sick way, it's the only thing she's comfortable with. The only thing she thinks she deserves. But what she really needs is tenderness. Understanding. Acceptance. And who knows, maybe you're the one that can give her those things. You've got a big heart.  
  
"But me? I don't know. My own heart's kind of small. Alice and I should've been soulmates, but her wounds were so much deeper than mine. Too deep for me. Even though I'd been right there beside her, I had no idea what she was going through. Still don't. I never had much compassion, even as a human. Tragedy is supposed to make you more sympathetic to the misfortunes of others, but it doesn't always work like that. You'd be surprised. Most people aren't sensitive enough to let tragedy affect them for too long. They generally get over it sooner or later. They forget, move on. Alice couldn't, but I did. Not just me, either. We've all got tragic backstories.  
  
"Look at Leah. She was an apache indian and one morning a party of raiders rode up out of the dawn and trampled all through the camp. Killed her family, scalped them, raped her little sister. Raped her. She only survived because she got clubbed unconscious for resisting and they thought she was dead. The next morning she went staggering down a wagon trail through the desert and four days later as she was dying of thirst she came upon me and Alice and Victoria and Carlisle, just driving up in our carriage as if we'd been looking for her.  
  
"Rosalie was gang raped by her fiancé and a bunch of his friends. Met Alice in hospital. Esme grew up in the depression and got married to please her parents. Her husband was an abusive heroin addict who routinely raped her and beat her with furniture. She snuck out to a gay bar one night, found Alice, and never went back. Even Carlisle's had his share of tragedy. One time he got caught with some guy's wife, back when he was called Clarisse. They were in love, but the husband was one of those ultra-possessive temperamental types. Raped the wife. Choked her. Carlisle only survived because Alice and I happened to be working in the household as maids and we came running when we heard the screams."  
  
Jane sighed and went on playing.  
  
"Alice has always been attracted to victims," she said. "Her dreams were always the same. Someone was hurt and she'd come to make them feel better. Her love saved us all from the darkest moments in our lives. You and Vicky were the exceptions. You and Vicky were the ones who were suppose to save her. Vicky couldn't do it. Can you?"  
  
I didn't answer. My stomach was in a knot and it felt like I was going to throw up. My lip trembled and I started crying, lowering my face into my hands. "I can't believe everything she went through," I said in a broken voice.  
  
Jane chuckled. "Hey, I went through the same stuff, you know."  
  
"I know," I sobbed. "I'm sorry."  
  
"Ah, it's alright," she said. "Listen, do you need a hug? I'm playing online here, I can't pause."  
  
But I didn't need a hug. I needed to cry, and I didn't want to cry here, so I stumbled to my feet and wheeled away in my underwear, pulling the towel around me.  
  
—  
  
Somehow I ended up on the roof. There was a helipad up there and I stood with my barefeet on the tarmac, wrapped in the towel with the night breeze flowing coldly over my bare legs, through my hair. It was almost a full moon and I stared up at it where it squatted in the darkness among the stars, slung low in the sky and so pale and bloated it almost seemed to throb with paleness.  
  
Alice.  
  
It was all I could think about. There was nothing else in my whole head, just Alice, Alice, Alice. I tried to analyze what I was feeling, but what else could I possibly be feeling? Alice's history had affected me in exactly the way I'd predicted. The sheer horror of everything she'd been through had shifted something in my heart and now all that was left was to take this heart and dedicate it entirely to Alice. Anything else was unthinkable. Alice was convinced that I was the person who was going to make her happy, and I was going to do it. From now on I was going to devote my life to making hers as joyful as possible. It was all I'd ever wanted to do, ever since I first laid eyes on her. I don't know how I'd ever managed to forget that.  
  
A tear slid down my cheek and I looked away from the moon. Lauren had said that Alice wasn't part of my life anymore, but she was wrong. Alice was my life. She always had been. Before I'd met her I dreamt about her. It was destiny. No matter how far apart we drifted, no matter who we saw while we were apart, no matter what happened between us – we were soulmates.  
  
Suddenly I heard a heel-click behind me. I lifted my eyes to the moon as the clicks approached across the helipad. Then they stopped and a voice spoke.  
  
"How long do intend to keep Alice waiting?"  
  
It was Victoria. I pulled the towel around my shoulders and turned around. She was standing there with a hand on her hip, clad in a loose red dress that rippled softly in the wind.  
  
I didn't answer. Jane said that they all had tragic backstories, but she didn't mention Victoria, did she? A wealthy and beautiful duchess with a hundred girlslaves. It was typical, really. In a novel it would be the villain who had the tragic backstory in order to explain her wickedness and provoke sympathy. But in real-life its usually the villains who are the happy ones. After all – they're the ones who cause the tragedy.  
  
Victoria sighed at my silence and rolled her eyes. "Oh don't be sullen, Miss Swan," she said. "Do we really need to go through another pantomime of threats and intimidation and your pathetically feeble resistance? Isn't it time you simply accept your fate?"  
  
I turned back to the moon. That's exactly what I wanted to do, to accept my fate. But not because the redhead said so. I wanted Leah or Jane or Esme to take me by the hand and show me to Alice's room. Not Victoria.  
  
I heard some more heel-clicks and the redhead appeared beside me. She didn't even glance at the moon. She just looked at me, her arms folded, waiting for me to say something. I smiled and dropped my eyes.  
  
"Prom was last week," I said. "I was supposed to go with Lauren. She must hate me by now."  
  
"Girls," said Victoria. "Such fickle creatures."  
  
"She warned me not to go to dinner with you."  
  
"Why didn't you listen?"  
  
"I don't know. No point. Even if I did avoid you, would you have let me go? Or would you have found me and bought me back no matter what?"  
  
"I think you know the answer to that."  
  
I looked at her. Her red hair flickered in the wind like flames and her face was pale and supernaturally gorgeous in the moonlight. Victoria was the first woman Alice had chosen, but Victoria had fallen for Rosalie. And yet she still wants Alice, and me, as well. I didn't understand, and suddenly I wanted to.  
  
"Do you still love Alice?" I asked.  
  
"I don't believe in love."  
  
"What do you believe in?"  
  
She narrowed her eyes slightly, as if impatient with the questioning. "I believe in getting what I want," she said. "What else is worth believing in? Now. Are you ready to accept your true fate, Miss Swan? Or must I persuade you further?"  
  
I turned away and looked up at the moon. "Why couldn't you just let me and Alice be happy?" I asked. "Everything would've been perfect if you had just left us alone."  
  
"Because then I wouldn't be happy," she said. "Don't my feelings count at all?"  
  
To her that might have seemed like a rational argument, but I only shook my head. "No," I said. "Only Alice's count. If you truly loved her, you'd want her to be happy."  
  
She looked at me for a moment. Then she grabbed my hand roughly. "Enough," she snapped. "If you wish to babble about love, you may babble to Alice. Nobody else is interested. Come. She's been waiting almost a year to have you back and—"  
  
I jerked my hand back and stumbled slightly, losing my grip on the towel. It fell to the tarmac of the helipad leaving me exposed in the moonlight wearing nothing but underwear. I stepped backwards, away from Victoria.  
  
"Miss Swan," she seethed quietly. "Do not try my patience. Come with me now. You will shower and put on something nice and I will take you to Alice."  
  
She held out her hand, expecting me to take it. My head had gone dizzy and I grinned half hysterically. I felt like laughing. Alice was waiting, but I wouldn't take the hand. Not that hand. I wanted Alice, more than I ever had in my life, but I couldn't take the hand of the redhead.  
  
It was funny. Maybe this was the real reason I'd been so reluctant to come to Paris. Maybe it wasn't mom or Lauren at all. Maybe it wasn't even the principle that had me so desperate to cling to my former life.  
  
Maybe I just couldn't resist telling the redhead to go fuck herself.  
  
Victoria waited for a moment and then she stomped over in her heels and grabbed my hand. I jerked it back. She grabbed it again, tightening her grip like a vise, and I tugged and tugged and when my hand came loose I lost my balance and fell to my knees.  
  
At her feet.  
  
I looked up at her silently, a sudden spike of arousal stabbing through my pussy. She was so beautiful. Her dress was dark scarlet in the moonlight and she gazed down at me with no smile. My hair whipped in front of my face and I tucked a lock of it behind my ear. Our eyes met and I smiled.  
  
"You do love her, don't you?" I said. "You just never realized it until she stopped loving you."  
  
Victoria looked at me coldly and then she turned away. "Get up," she said. "Tonight you belong to Alice."  
  
—  
  
Within the hour I was showered and fitted out in black lingerie, black stockings, black heels, and a black chinchilla coat that I held closed with one hand as I knocked softly with my knuckles on Alice's bedroom door. It opened a crack and the blonde looked out. Rosalie. I couldn't see Alice, and when the blonde saw it was me, she glanced back into the room, and back at me. She didn't speak and there was something demure in her eyes, as if she'd known this moment was coming and she was ready for it. Then she opened the door a little wider and passed at my side, proceeding down the corridor so that I could be alone with Alice.  
  
Alice.  
  
I entered the room and closed the door softly behind me. The room was dark aside from the moonlight in the tall windows and a lamp that burned dimly at a desk. Hunched at the desk with her back toward me was a small and familiar figure.  
  
I took a shaky breath and approached. The desk was in the corner and in the dim lampfall I could see that the walls were covered with hand drawn pictures of me. Shaded in charcoal, some with slashes of red watercolor to simulate blood or lips. Pictures of me as a girl, as a woman, as the way I was. Pictures of how she pictured me. She was rebuilding her collection, it seemed, and it made me smile. Waves of loved washed over me so powerful my eyes began to tear.  
  
She was wearing a cream-colored satin nightie, and her shoulders were bare and slim and so achingly familiar. She was bent over a sheet of paper, hard at work at another image of me, and still holding closed my chinchilla coat, I reached out with my hand and placed it on one of those beautiful shoulders.  
  
Her pencil stopped scribbling and her body tensed. Almost as if she knew it was me. I let my hand caress her smooth skin and in a thick voice I said:  
  
"Hi."  
  
She rose to her feet and turned around. Her face was as I remembered it; pretty, perfect, pale like a pearl and as lustrous. She didn't seem to know how to react to me.  
  
"Bella," she breathed.  
  
I smiled at the sound of her voice. She smiled at my smile but then instantly she went anxious and began to babble.  
  
"Oh god Bella I'm so—"  
  
But I pressed a finger to her lips and shook my head. Because I understood now how trivial apologies and explanations had become between us. Alice and I belonged together, no matter what. So I smiled and caressed her lips with my fingertips, staring at her beautiful face like a woman in a trance. She went to speak again but I spoke first.  
  
"Shhh," I whispered. "Not now, okay? We both fucked up. But it doesn't matter. Nothing matters anymore. Let's just be together, okay?"  
  
She nodded quickly. "Okay."  
  
I smiled and then I opened my coat and let it fall behind me. I felt a flash of insecurity, as if my body might not please her anymore, but the lust that glazed over her eyes as they roamed my dark costume made me burn inside. I stepped forward and hugged her tightly, inhaling her scent. She sighed softly at the contact and wrapped her arms around me.  
  
"I love you, Alice," I whispered.  
  
"I love you too, baby," she sobbed. "I do. I'm sorry. I didn't… I never…"  
  
But I silenced her with a kiss, cupping the nape of her neck and parting her lips as I tasted her venom, as I let it in my head and into my heart, into my soul where I wanted it forever. She moaned softly and I deepened the kiss, putting all my love into it, wanting to show her how much I loved her, how much I would always love her. Finally I broke the kiss and touched my forehead to hers, gazing into her eyes. She was crying and she wouldn't look at me.  
  
"Don't cry, baby," I said, and lifted her chin so our eyes met. "Everything's going to be okay from now on, I promise."  
  
She blinked at me without speaking, tears dropping, and then I kissed her again, and again, and then I smiled at her and took her hand and led her to the bed.  
  
I laid her down and climbed on top of her. Her legs wrapped around me as if to keep me there and I was kissing her again, losing myself in her familiar taste, the familiar sound of her moans. I caressed her body and slowly pushed up her satin nightie, breaking the kiss for just a second as I pulled it over her head but not breaking eye contact. Then leaning to kiss her again.  
  
It had been so long since I'd felt her warmth and I let my body rub against hers. My skin was burning and her body felt cool under my hands as I stroked her sides up and down. She wore nothing underneath the nightie but panties and her nipples were like little tulip buds as I touched them and leaned to suckle on them. She arched and quivered under my lips, murmuring my name, and I kissed her breasts and stroked them, one then the other, and then I trailed kisses lower over her belly, lower to the waistband of her panties, and I kissed the silk and the lace, and I found the nub of her clit and I suckled it through the material with her hissing in pleasure.  
  
Finally I tugged her panties down her legs and tossed them aside. Her legs fell open and she begged me to hurry. She kept saying, please, please. But it had been so long since I'd had her and I wanted to savor her. I kissed at the insides of her thighs, slowly and slowly circling toward her glistening womanhood, and finally my lips landed on her entrance and she shivered. I licked at her and told her how beautiful she was and how much I loved her, licking and moaning into her core, and I told her how much I missed her and how I was never going to leave her, and I kept licking and licking, and soon I was licking and crying at the same time, crying as I remembered all the things that had happened to her in her life, all the cruelties and injustices, all the grief and despair, the helplessness, the brutality and the sheer unfairness. All of it in her past and yet fresh in her heart, brooding there and awaiting the remedy of my love, and I licked and licked and licked at her until she climaxed with a cry and then I kissed her, slowly, tasting her, and I licked up all her arousal and kissed her some more, and then I trailed kisses up over her body, placing a kiss each on both of her nipples, higher and higher until I was again kissing her lips.  
  
"Oh baby," she panted, wrapping her arms around me. "Oh. Oh baby, I missed you so much."  
  
I kissed the corner of her mouth. "I missed you too."  
  
"Did you? Did you really?"  
  
I cupped her face and looked into her eyes. Her cheek was hot under my hand and her pale face was flushed and her hair damp. I smiled at her. "Of course," I said. "You're my soulmate, Alice. I love—"  
  
But she didn't let me finish. She pulled me down violently and mashed our lips together, kissing me with a desperate passion I'd never felt from her. She rolled me onto my back and tore the underwear from my body with her bare hands, my breasts bouncing free as she ripped away my black lace bra and swooped with her lips to one of my swollen nipples, taking it into her mouth and sucking on it harshly.  
  
She squeezed them, groped them, moaned as she licked at them like icecreams. My legs were wide open and I was almost in pain from how badly I wanted her. My panties were broken on the floor and all I wore on my legs were black stockings. Finally she moved between them and thrust her tongue directly into my entrance. One of my shoes was gone and the other came loose as the heel dug and twisted into the bedsheet. I arched up and groaned, and I clenched my hands in her soft and downy hair, and she began to lick at me, and she kept licking until I came for her, groaning and panting her name.  
  
And as soon as it was over, I smiled. Because I knew what was coming next.  
  
Alice was kissing my face, little butterfly kisses, and I turned my lips to hers and caught them. But she whimpered and broke away and I felt two tears drip onto my face.  
  
"Is this really real?" she sobbed. "Is it really you? I've been pretending for so long. Is it you, Bella? Please, tell me it's you."  
  
"It's me, Alice," I whispered. "I'll never leave you again, I promise."  
  
She burst out crying and buried her face in my neck. "It was me that left," she wailed. "It wasn't you. It was me. It was my fault. You said you hated me. You said I was crazy. You said—"  
  
Now I was crying too. I held her tightly and said: "Alice, please. You know I could never hate you. I never meant any of that stuff. I love you. You're everything to me. You truly are. Here. Let me prove it."  
  
She tried to resist, but I whispered that it was going to be okay, and I managed to sit up with her still clinging to me. Her face was buried in my neck, but I pried her loose and watched as she wiped her eyes with her hands. Moonlight fell in shafts from the windows and bathed her naked body in a bluish glow. She was so beautiful. We were sitting between each other's legs with our legs wrapped around each other, our breasts pressed together. I wiped the tears from her cheek with my thumb and she sniffed. Then I took her face, kissed her lips, and guided her mouth to my neck, the opposite side of the stitched up gash.  
  
"Go ahead," I said. "I trust you."  
  
Her fangs were already grazing my throat. "Are you sure?"  
  
"Yes," I whispered. "But be careful, okay? I don't want to die just yet. I have to love you a lot more before I die. So much more. I love you, Alice. I love you so much."  
  
"Oh baby," she whimpered. "I love you too."  
  
Then she bit me.  
  
My head rolled back and I gasped at the exquisite pierce of her fangs. My eyes fell closed and I smiled in the dark as her venom entered my bloodstream, flowing through my body and carried into my heart where it would eventually reside for all eternity.  
  
—  
  



	31. Chapter 31

—  
  
Chapter 31:  
  
—  
  
Alice and I had a lot of catching up to do, needless to say, and for a long time that's all we did. For over two weeks we didn't even leave her bedroom, aside from the occasional voyage into the adjoining bathroom in order to shower or do my 'business.' Most of our time was spent having sex in some form or another and the only thing we talked about was what we were going to do to each other. Many issues lay unresolved between us, but for now we were happy to simply be reunited.  
  
And when I say happy, I mean utterly freaking ecstatic. Perhaps I should've spent a little more time mourning the loss of my mother and girlfriend, but it felt more natural to simply flip the fuck out over having Alice back. My Alice. My sexy, gorgeous, completely fucking perfect soulmate. Hard to believe I'd forgotten how outright exquisite she is. Despite all the dreams and the fantasies and all those combined hours staring at her prom pictures, despite the image of her I'd kept in my heart all this time, none of it even came close to the sheer yumminess of the real thing.  
  
I spent those first few days teetering on a knife edge of euphoria, high from the blood loss, horny from her body, and liquefied inside from her smile. It didn't take long for my entire being to resolve itself into a handful of urges related to her sexual pleasure, and for two whole weeks we indulged these urges while my charming soulmate worked through some urges of her own. It had been over a year since we'd been together, and the outpouring of lust and love we felt for each other was nothing short of maddening. Her venom coursed through my body and my blood coursed through hers, the two of us trapped within the same Need, the same Lust, and both of us delighted to be so. I succumbed to my old addiction with all willingness, completely and happily, and I waved off her concern for my safety as if I'd live forever, demanding that she bite me, take me, have me, whenever the impulse strikes her. Don't ask. Don't tell. Just do it.  
  
And she did. She bit me everywhere until my body was covered with little red marks and purple bruises, until the sheets were sweaty and bloodstained, until I passed out and woke up pale and near death. Our first visitor was the doctor who administered an emergency transfusion while I lay naked under the covers with Alice holding my hand and watching my face anxiously. And me smiling, with my pale lips, gazing at her lovingly as blood flowed through the tubes into my veins, fresh blood for my Alice. Before the transfusion was even complete she had leaned down and captured my ashen lips in a restrained but passionate kiss.  
  
Our next visitor was the momma-vamp with food and fresh bedsheets. Jane and Leah also dropped by, but we never saw Victoria or Rosalie. In any case, we had no interest in our guests, and none of them stayed very long, and as soon as Alice and I were alone we were back into each other's arms, connected in a kiss and reaching into each other's clothes.  
  
I'd fall asleep with her watching me and wake up with her right there as if she hadn't moved, smiling and petting my hair. With the amount of venom in my system my wounds healed quickly and were quickly replaced by other injuries. But after the initial explosion of our rekindled flame, we finally managed to slow down and control ourselves. Which turned out good for both of us, since the slower pace allowed us to experiment with kinky underwear and the array of sex toys in her bedside drawer. Often it had began to seem that I didn't have enough tongues to stick everywhere I wanted to stick them, and I found that vibrators were a wonderful equalizer. But as much as I enjoyed sticking things in Alice, I had to admit I liked it when Alice stuck things in me, too. In deference to my young age, she had always been a little reticent with toys, but we seemed to have reached a point in our relationship where there was little point holding anything back, and soon she had me moaning like a mental patient with studded and ribbed vibrators in each of my holes and my nipples in clamps with me gagged and my hands tied behind my back with a silk scarf as she stimulated my clit with a fingertip and watched my eyes roll into my head as the orgasm erupted across my wet and melting face.  
  
And as a bonus, many of Alice's toys were of an anal variety—plugs, beads—which enabled me to properly reacquaint myself with her glorious ass. Alice had taught me all about lubrication while she was doing it to me—before then I'd never had anything bigger in my ass than her finger—and I have to admit that I got a little carried away. Alice was quite a little butt-slut and it was difficult for me not to be enthusiastic about inserting things into such a luscious area of her anatomy. I stuck dildos in her, beads, my finger—very tight, very warm. Words can't describe the fascination I felt as I watched a little pink vibrator wriggling from her ass like a tiny tail, but best of all was the strap-on. Riding her from behind while groping her boobs was amazing enough to make me wish I was a guy so I could do it to her for real, but then she took the strap-on and did the same thing to me and I really had to rescind the wish; it was nice being a girl – and even better being a lesbian.  
  
By the second week we'd slowed down enough to sprinkle a little conversation between orgasms, although we didn't really discuss anything deeper than how much we loved each other and how happy we were to be back together. At times I felt that maybe it was time we started talking about how we plan to stay together, since obviously there were still quite a few complications between us awaiting examination. I was still human, for instance. At some point I was going to have to be turned, and if we didn't take it easy with the sex and biting it could happen any day. Even now I could feel the venom boiling in my blood.  
  
And what about Alice's dreams of death and suicide? Was all that over, or was it still in the back of her pretty little mind, the eventual end to our relationship?  
  
And what about her family? Carlisle—or Clarisse—had made it clear she's cool with Alice being with me, and Leah was probably cool with it too. But Esme and Rosalie both still loved Alice maybe as much as I do, and Jane…Jane was the closest thing Alice had to true family, a true sister. Jane was a stone cold demon; but she did love Alice.  
  
And beyond all this, what about Victoria? So far we hadn't heard a peep from her, but I knew for a fact that she didn't bring me to Paris so me and Alice could be happy. She bought me here to save Alice's life – so that she could have Alice for herself. And me, as well, but I guess I was more of a bonus.  
  
I didn't know, but at some point soon we were going to have to deal with all this stuff. I just had no idea how. Alice's radiant happiness was too bright, too beautiful, and every time I was tempted to even approach the subject of our future difficulties, I couldn't do it. It seemed more appropriate to simply kiss her gorgeous smile and go down on her. I knew that this happiness wasn't going to last, couldn't possibly last, but I wanted it to last as long as possible – even though I knew deep down that retreating into sex like this had never been the best solution to our problems in the past. Eventually we were going to have to talk, and as much as I hated to cast a shadow over Alice's happiness, we couldn't afford to be so weak and impractical about our relationship anymore – we had to deal with shit.  
  
But it couldn't hurt to squeeze in as many orgasms as possible in the mean time, so that's what we did. And as the days passed by and the anxiety for our future began to build inside me, I became more and more loving, more tender, more worshipful. As fun as it was to play with toys, oral was still my favorite thing to do to her, and one memorable morning I took her into the shower and washed her perfectly clean, and then I laid her on the bed and arranged pillows under her legs so that she could lay comfortably with them open, and then I made love to her like I'd never made love to her before. I placed kisses on every inch of her face and body, on every inch of her fresh sweet-smelling skin. I traced circles around her clit with my fingertip as I kissed her chest, her breasts, her nipples, making her whimper softly. Finally I settled on my stomach between her legs and applied my lips to her waiting womanhood, exploring her swollen folds with my tongue, spreading them with my fingers, licking inside slowly and absolutely devouring her as the breath shivered in and out of her chest until finally, at last, she was bought to a climax.  
  
And for a long time afterward I held her. She kept saying she wanted to do me back, but I liked holding her, and I told her to just rest for now. Vampires don't sleep, but she closed her eyes with her face laid against my chest where my heart throbbed out its love for her, and after a while her breathing became deep and regular, and it was a long time before she opened her eyes again.  
  
The next morning we actually got dressed after our shower, since we were expecting a visit from Esme. Alice and I had gone through quite a few sets of underwear and it was time to do another wash. What else are mothers for?  
  
So I put on a pair of panties and a large white t-shirt that reached almost to my knees. Alice wore a pink tanktop with teddy bears on it and a pair of gray sleepshorts. But these weren't any ordinary sleepshorts, these were Victoria's Secret sleepshorts, and even though they were marketed as sleeping apparel, they really weren't much less provocative than actual lingerie – especially on an ass like Alice's. Technically the shorts covered it up—much like boyleg briefs—but the soft gray material was very thin and fit her contours like a glove. I couldn't help wondering how such soft-looking fabric would feel against the even softer-looking surface of her ass, and luckily, she was happy to indulge my curiosity. She jumped on the bed and arranged herself on all fours, poking her butt at me cutely. With a giddy smile I touched it with my hands, tentative at first, and then she giggled and lay on her stomach and told me to do whatever I want.  
  
And with such an attractive invitation, what else could I do? I'd always been a freak for Alice's ass, so I crawled onto the bed beside her and began massaging it, squeezing and gripping it with my hands, feeling her firm cheeks squish under my fingers. This was fun for a while, but suddenly my hands didn't seem intimate enough, so I lowered my face to that smooth grey fabric and began to nuzzle my cheek against it, relishing with my eyes closed the sheer warmth and softness of Alice's prettiest part.  
  
Sometimes it really seemed like I'd missed her ass more than the girl herself, and it occurred to me that she might find that flattering in a playful way, so I decided to tell her.  
  
"Mmm," I murmured. "You know what I missed most about you Alice?"  
  
"My ass?" she giggled.  
  
I giggled too, still rubbing my face against it. I placed a kiss on the soft material, one, two. "Is it that obvious?" I whispered, planting another kiss.  
  
"Mmhm," she said. "I noticed by how excited you were to stick things in it."  
  
She giggled and with an impish grin I tugged down the shorts slightly. But I'd only just touched my lips to her actual skin when there was a quiet knock on the door.  
  
I hardly even noticed, so absorbed I was, but Alice groaned loudly and sat up. I was disoriented at the loss of her warmth and blinked at her.  
  
"That must be Esme with breakfast," she said. "Are you hungry?"  
  
I smirked and put my hand between her legs, gripping her crotch. "Starving," I said, obviously not referring to food.  
  
She grinned and wrapped her arms around my neck. "Wanna ignore her?"  
  
"Okay," I said, and instantly Alice's lips covered mine.  
  
But our guest didn't seem to require permission to enter, and the door opened anyway. It was Esme, as predicted, and she had a silver tray in her hands as she walked in.  
  
"Good lord," she said, as Alice and I reluctantly disengaged ourselves. "Don't you two ever take a break? How long do you girls plan to stay cooped up in here?"  
  
"Forever!" Alice announced, throwing her arms around me possessively. "Right, baby?"  
  
I wish.  
  
But I didn't let her see my anxiety about that. I smiled and placed a kiss on her lips.  
  
We started making out almost without realizing, and we probably never would've stopped if our guest didn't clear her throat loudly. She was standing by the bed with the tray in her hands, masking her jealousy with maternal disapproval.  
  
"Well, you should at least let the poor girl eat," she said.  
  
Alice didn't even look at her. She was gazing into my eyes saucily. "Baby eats plenty, don't you baby?"  
  
Esme's face clouded, and I looked at her quickly, almost apologetically. I knew the only reason she came by with her trays and her maternal posturing was because she wanted to see Alice, to remind Alice that she and the rest of the coven still existed. Maybe I should've been a little angry at that, but mostly I felt guilty. So I smiled and shook my head at the tray.  
  
"I'm not hungry," I said. "Thanks."  
  
She seemed disappointed, but she didn't insist. "Well," she said, standing there awkwardly with the tray. "Leah and Jane have been asking about you again. They're going horseback riding today and they wanted to know if you and Bella would like to join them." Then she faked an enthusiastic smile at me. "I bet Bella might like that, wouldn't you Bella?"  
  
Alice gave me an anxious look, and even though it would probably be smart to get out of bed for an hour or two, I could resist the impulse to make her happy.  
  
So I turned back to the Esme, shrugged awkwardly, and said: "Oh, I don't… I mean, horses…"  
  
Alice smiled and her arms tightened around me happily, so I guess it was the right thing to say. Esme sighed, glanced at the tray in her hands, and then went over and placed it down on the dresser before gathering up the hamper of dirty laundry.  
  
"Well, I'll leave you two alone," she said. "You girls have fun. Let me know if you need anything, okay?"  
  
Alice flashed her a smile that was so bright it was almost cruel. "We will," she chirped, her arms still around me.  
  
Esme frowned sadly and paused on her way out. "I just wish you'd spend more time with your family, that's all," she said. "We're all so worried about you, Alice. You gave us such a scare before Bella returned. You almost died. We hardly even see you anymore."  
  
Her voice was restrained, but imploring, and it made me feel bad. Alice was looking at my face, but her smile had slipped away. She didn't reply, and after hesitating a few seconds, the momma-vamp added:  
  
"We miss you, honey."  
  
Alice looked down. She was still holding me, and maybe she was examining the bumps in my t-shirt, or maybe she was feeling a little bad too. She still didn't reply, and I gave the momma-vamp an apologetic smile. She tried to return the smile, and then she turned with the laundry basket and left the room, closing the door behind her.  
  
Alice still seemed a little glum, and in trying to figure out what my obligation as perfect girlfriend was, I stroked her back and said:  
  
"You okay?"  
  
Alice looked up with a smile. She gave a small nod. "Yeah," she said. "I just feel a little guilty, that's all. They don't deserved to be completely ignored…"  
  
I smiled and kept stroking her back. We hadn't talked about her relationship with her family, and she had no idea how much I really knew, but I could see in her eyes that she did think about them.  
  
"They all really love you, don't they?"  
  
"I suppose," she said. Then she sighed and seemed to get over it. She grinned and pulled me closer so that her lips moved against mine as she spoke. "But that's not my problem," she said. "I've got my soulmate. They can go fuck themselves. Or each other, I don't care. All I need is you, baby."  
  
My heart warmed at that, even though I knew such a quick transition couldn't be entirely natural. But now wasn't the time to talk about her family, so I smirked into her lips and whispered: "What happened to the guilt?"  
  
"It comes and goes," she said, and pressed her lips on mine.  
  
I moaned and opened my mouth, letting in her tongue. Her hands toyed with the hem of my massive t-shirt, caressing my hips for a moment before lifting it up over my bare breasts and over my head. Smiling, she pulled off her own top, and then she wrapped her arms around my neck and mashed our naked chests together, tonguing me deliberately as I reached down and squeezed her ass with both hands.  
  
She laid me down and I went with it. Making love wouldn't solve our problems, but it was an effective distraction, and I did love her so much. She straddled my hips and tongued me deeply, rubbing her breasts against mine. I love it when she does that. But then again, I love every thing she does. Finally she broke the kiss and raised up on top of my hips, smiling down at me as she massaged my breasts idly.  
  
"Now," she said. "What does baby want?"  
  
I smiled and gazed up at her topless torso. "Everything," I whispered, staring at her perfect breasts. "I want everything."  
  
"Me too," she giggled. "But right now would you settle for a bit of pussy?"  
  
I grinned. That was so vintage Alice, so cute and coy and adorably slutty. There were so many things we needed to talk about, but after being without Alice's pussy for over a year, I'd learnt to appreciate it when it was offered, so I smiled and said: "Sure."  
  
We could always talk later.  
  
And so we made love, and after we made love she fed from me gently with me laying on my back and her flat on top of me the way we used to cuddle, her lips at my neck as she licked like a kitten at the small incision she'd made in my throat with one of her fangs, and after she fed she sighed and settled there on top of me with all her weight covering my body so that I felt smothered under her warmth, swathed in her softness as I held her loosely and moved my hands idly over the milky expanse of her back, wondering if it was okay to talk about our relationship yet, if she was as anxious about our future as I was, if maybe everything would be alright if we could decide on something. Finally I said:  
  
"Alice?"  
  
Alice shifted against me slightly and murmured softly. "Yeah, baby?"  
  
I didn't know how to approach the topic, or how she'd react, so I decided to just tip toe. The sheets were low enough to only cover her hips, and her naked back felt so smooth under my hands. Her face was buried in her the crook of my neck and I whispered softly into her ear.  
  
"What's going to happen now?"  
  
My tone made it clear that the question referred to something a little deeper than our next sexual activity, but she chose to misunderstand. She gave a breathy giggle, raised up slightly, and smiled at me. "Well, I thought we could rest a bit," she said, "and then…"  
  
She was trying to avoid the subject, but we were going to have to talk about our future at some point, and I felt that it would probably be better to talk about it before the redhead came pounding on the door with a whip in one hand and a pair of handcuffs in the other. So I smiled and shook my head softly.  
  
"I don't mean that," I said, keeping my tone gentle. "I mean…what's going to happen with us? With our relationship?"  
  
Her smile fell away and her eyes drifted aside; already she was withdrawing from reality, the same way she'd done with Esme. But I was determined to do our relationship properly this time, and part of that meant dealing with our looming issues, so I kept my eyes on her face and insisted gently:  
  
"Don't you think we should talk about it?"  
  
She turned her eyes back to mine and actually pouted. "Do we have to?"  
  
I almost giggled at her expression. Her eyes were so huge and round, so eager to be happy and nothing else, and as I looked into them I felt a strong desire to go along with anything she wanted. But I knew that we couldn't afford to stall this conversation much longer without interference from the other Cullens, so I just smiled and continued stroking her back, up and down.  
  
"We don't if you don't want to," I said, "but it's just…I don't want anything to happen to us again. You know? I mean, Esme was right. We can't stay locked up in here forever."  
  
She smiled impishly. "We could try."  
  
"And we could be disappointed, too," I said softly.  
  
She didn't like to hear that. Her lips pursed for a second and then she rolled off me and sat up in the bed. She even pulled the sheet up over her breasts. I sat up beside her, leaving my upper body exposed, and wrapped my arm around her shoulders.  
  
"We need to figure out how we're going to deal with Victoria," I said. "She made it very clear what she expects from both of us. And the others are no different. They all still want you."  
  
"I don't care what they want," she said with a sudden heat. "Because the only thing I want—"  
  
"Alice," I interrupted softly. "Please. I understand how you feel, but don't you think it might be time for us to be a little more…practical about our relationship?"  
  
She frowned; maybe she didn't understand the word practical.  
  
"What do you mean?" she asked, almost sullenly.  
  
I smiled, as if to set her at ease, and began stroking her back again. I had no speech prepared, but as I started speaking it seemed like I was saying the right things.  
  
"Listen," I said. "I'm not blaming you, but the fact is, you have a strange family. I know how special you are to them. And I know they're special to you, too. Or else you wouldn't have stayed with them this long. All your life you believed it was okay to have sex with whoever, but then you met me, and…"  
  
"And I realized that you're the only woman I'll ever want," she interrupted, turning to me with another pout, a pout so adorable that I had to fight off the urge to simply kiss her and deal with all this later.  
  
But it was time to stop hiding in sex, so I smiled understandingly, nodded, and said: "I know, but you can't expect them to be cool with that so easily. Jane told me you turned all of them—aside from Victoria," I added quickly. I smiled over my fumble, and continued caressing her shoulder. "I mean, that's gotta be a tight bond, right? They probably love you just the same as I do."  
  
Alice went sullen. "If they loved me they'd want me to be happy."  
  
"I'm sure they do," I said, "but maybe…maybe they believe they can make you happy as well."  
  
I had no idea what I was getting at, but Alice was having none of it.  
  
"No, they can't," she said, looking at me with her heartbreakingly huge eyes. "Only you can. I don't want anyone but you, baby. No one. Just you."  
  
I struggled wordlessly for a moment. I pulled up the sheet to cover myself, shrugged helplessly, and finally I said: "I do want to make you happy, Alice. I just…I'm not sure if I can."  
  
She smiled and wrapped her arms around me, hugging me tightly. "Of course you can, baby," she whispered in my ear. "You're doing it now. All you have to do is love me. That's all."  
  
But I shook my head and pushed her away gently.  
  
"It's not that," I said. "I'm not sure if they'll let me…make you happy."  
  
She seemed to understand what I meant, and when I put it like that, there was no light quip she could come back with. She let her hand drop from my shoulder and she looked down at the bed, holding the sheet against her chest.  
  
I watched her a moment, my brows crinkled in concern, and then I went on. "Alice, I love you," I said. "I really do. But I'm not the only one. They love you too. And there's really not much I can do about that, you know? Victoria and Rosalie will never give up on you, and I know Jane won't either. The others are probably the same. And I know part of you still loves them, too. I mean, you created them. They belong to you, same as me."  
  
"I don't want them," she whispered, still not looking at me.  
  
I could tell I was getting through to her, so I wrapped my arm around her shoulder and went on more warmly. I still had no idea what I was saying, but it felt better than saying nothing at all. It felt like a solution of some kind.  
  
"I know," I said, "but don't you think it's a little unfair to ignore them like this? You'll always have me, and I'll always love you, but…do you remember that night back in Forks, when we went dancing with Jane and Leah? And we went back to your house, all four of us? I mean, there was nothing wrong with that, right? You said it would be okay as long as we loved each other, and you were right. After all, they're still your sisters. And they're going to be my sisters too, right?"  
  
Alice still wouldn't look at me, but she didn't seem upset, she just sat there with her beautiful shoulders slumped, staring at the rumpled sheets. She looked like she wasn't even listening, but I knew she was. And I knew she knew I was right.  
  
So I shifted in front of her gaze, took both her hands, and smiled at her reassuringly. She looked at me. The sheet had fallen in our laps and the exposure of our breasts at least made her smirk grudgingly.  
  
"Alice, listen," I said. "We've come too far to fuck this up again. I mean, we only just got back together, and we can't afford any complications right now. Esme tries to be understanding, but what's going to happen when Victoria comes knocking on the door? You know she will eventually. So why don't we just…"  
  
"Just what?"  
  
I hesitated. I couldn't outright suggest we go sleeping around with her family, and that wasn't even what I wanted, anyway. All I wanted was for Alice to stop kidding herself that everything would be fine as long as we keep fucking.  
  
"Well," I said, and then something occurred to me. "Why don't we go horseback riding with Jane and Leah?" I suggested. "I mean, wouldn't it be nice to just hang out for a while? I'm sure they'd love it if we spent some time with them. What do you think?"  
  
I was trying to keep it simple, but of course she had to complicate it.  
  
"What about Vicky?" she asked.  
  
But that was too much for right now, so I just shook my head. "We'll deal with that later."  
  
Alice looked at the thin red scar in my neck where the redhead had slashed me with her fingernail. The stitches were gone and with so much venom in my system it had almost healed. She touched it with a fingertip.  
  
"I can't forgive her for what she did to your poor neck," she said softly.  
  
I smiled and swallowed the lump in my throat. The scar was just the physical injury. There were so many other things Victoria had done to me that Alice had no idea about. She had no idea that Victoria had abducted me. That she'd threatened me and made me lie to her on her deathbed. That she'd raped me. Alice knew none of that.  
  
And I wasn't going to tell her. Maybe one day, but not right now. Right now we needed to focus on ways of stabilizing our relationship any way we could, so I took her hand away from my neck and kissed it.  
  
"You would've died if she didn't," I said.  
  
She looked at me sadly. "I wanted to."  
  
"Well, I didn't," I said, and then wrapped her into a hug, pressing my chest into hers deliberately. "I love you, Alice. And I plan to love you for a very long time. Okay?"  
  
"Okay," she whispered.  
  
I released her and smiled. She still seemed a little glum, and after a couple seconds of silence, I decided to steer the topic back to safer waters.  
  
"Do you like horses?" I asked.  
  
She nodded tentatively. "Yeah."  
  
"Can you ride?"  
  
"Of course."  
  
"Well, I'd love to watch you," I said, and as I said it I realized that I really did. "I bet you'd look really cute on a horse, with those cute little helmets they wear. What do you think?"  
  
I made my tone playful and flirty, and she tried to smile, but it wasn't up to her usual efforts.  
  
"Is this what you want?" she asked.  
  
I cupped her cheek and placed a kiss on her lips. The tips of my breasts touched hers and then I pulled back. "All I want is for you to be happy, Alice," I said, caressing her face. "And I know you'll be happiest if you can get along with your family."  
  
She pouted at me cutely. "I don't care about them," she said. "All I care about is you."  
  
I smiled; so stubborn. I knew she really did love me that much, but I knew as well how carried away she got in her role as soulmate. I also knew that she'd been with her family for centuries, and even if she was willing to forsake them all for me, it wasn't necessarily the best thing for her – or them.  
  
"Why don't we just leave, baby?" she asked suddenly, with a sudden excitement. "Like how we planned in Forks? Remember? We can leave and never come back. And it'll be just us forever? Hm? What do you think?"  
  
I was already shaking my head. I didn't want to runaway like a fugitive, and I couldn't take Alice away from people who loved her so much. There had to be someway we could all be happy.  
  
"I can't ask you to leave your family, Alice."  
  
"You left your mother," she pointed out.  
  
I looked aside. "That's different."  
  
"How is it different?" she asked.  
  
Because I didn't leave her. I was torn away from her. But I couldn't explain that to Alice, so I didn't answer, I just smiled at her sadly. She looked at me for a long moment, but when I did nothing but gaze back, she looked down. My silence seemed to speak louder to her than anything else I'd said so far, and when she looked up she seemed subdued – but serious.  
  
"I'm sorry, baby," she said. "I know I'm being childish, but you have no idea how…grateful I am to have you back. I never thought I was going to see you again, and then you came back, just for me, and now…And now I'm just so scared to lose you again. I know we can't stay in bed forever, baby, but that's exactly what I want. That's exactly…"  
  
She trailed off and shook her head. She gave a little snort.  
  
"I suppose that's always been my problem," she said. "I want the impossible. You'd think I'd learn by now, but I can't." She sighed and looked at me with her huge eyes. "Do you remember all that stuff I said when I was dying?"  
  
I nodded. Tears prickled my eyes at the memory.  
  
Alice took my hands and looked into my eyes. "Well, I meant it all," she said. "And I still do. So from now on, it's not about me, okay? It's about you. Let's focus on making you happy. Because I trust you, baby. Every decision I've ever made for us has been wrong, so now it's your turn to try. I'll support you all the way, because I know you love me, and I know you'll take care of me. So we'll do anything you want, okay? I'll do anything you want me to do. Anything…"  
  
I gripped her hands and looked into her eyes insistently. "I just want you to be happy, Alice."  
  
"I will if you are," she said, and then she cupped my face with one of her hands and smiled. "Okay?"  
  
"No," I whispered. "You have to be happy first."  
  
I was staring at her lips longingly and her lips smiled.  
  
"Well," she said. "I suppose that might be okay sometimes." She placed a kiss on my lips and whispered: "Wanna make me happy right now?"  
  
"Yes," I whispered back breathlessly, letting my mind haze over as her scent and pheromones invaded my head. "I want to make you happy forever."  
  
The time for talking was over. I had no idea if we resolved anything or not, but it was enough for now. The kiss had deepened and soon I was moaning desperately into her mouth. Her tongue was docile and I realized she was in one of her passive moods, the moods where she liked me to take control. So I did. I flung away the bedsheet that lay tangled between us, leaving us both entirely naked, and then I laid her head on the pillow and kissed her, deeper, harder, licking the delicious venom directly from her mouth.  
  
My hands were roaming her silky body and I stroked her naked thigh up and down and then I bought the hand up and cupped her breast. I abandoned her mouth for a moment to suckle at her nipple, but she pulled me by the hair into another kiss, and we kept kissing, moaning together now as our bodies writhed as one.  
  
Finally I broke the kiss and looked into her flushed face silently, trying to anticipate what she wanted. But the doll-like devotion in her lidded eyes suggested that she wanted whatever I wanted to do to her, so I smiled and kissed her once more and then I dismounted from her hips and remounted over her mouth, straddling her face backwards so that I could lean down between her open legs. It was my favorite position, and I knew Alice loved it as well. We kissed at each other's netherlips and entered each other with our tongues, moaning and making little gasps as our love moved between us like electricity, hers into me and mine into her, a circle of lust and longing without beginning or end that nothing will ever break.  
  
—  
  
That afternoon we went horseback riding with Jane and Leah and Tanya. Alice was reluctant to leave bed, but her mood had softened into a pouty playfulness, and it wasn't so difficult to herd her into the shower with a couple well-placed spanks on her gorgeously bare ass. We had sex again in the shower, naturally, and then we got changed. We both wore jeans and sneakers, and Alice sorted out a pink top for herself and a baggy black one for me, and by the time we were dressed Alice was already grumbling about how she wanted to go back to bed. I placated her with a quick licking, and then I zipped up her jeans, kissed her crotch, and feigned excitement about going to see the horses.  
  
As soon as we got outside, she began grumbling about the sunlight—even though I knew for a fact that it didn't affect vampires—and I found it hilarious how much our roles had reversed. Back in Forks it was me grumbling everywhere we went, wanting nothing more that to simply be alone with Alice. And now here I was, leading her by the hand into an actual social situation while pretending to be enthusiastic.  
  
But, as I suspected, she cheered up as soon as she saw her sisters. They were waiting out the stable, and Jane lit up when she saw me and Alice strolling out toward them with out hands clasped.  
  
"Ally!" Jane squealed, and then she ran over and literally tackled Alice to the ground in a hug. Our hands ripped apart, which felt a little ominous, but I smiled to see them happy. Alice giggled and Jane rolled her over and pinned her to the grass. "Esme said you were gonna go riding with us, but I didn't believe her."  
  
Alice was smiling, but she pushed her sister off and squirmed away gently. "Bella wanted to see the horses," she said, subtly making it clear that she was only here for me. "I just wanted to stay in bed."  
  
Jane's grin slipped. Alice stood up and wrapped her arm around mine possessively. Jane glanced at me, and I felt sorry for her, so I quickly said: "Alice says she's pretty good on a horse, so… Besides it's been a while since we've seen you guys. I thought it would be fun."  
  
The word fun restored a bit of Jane's grin. "Yeah, well," she said. "We all like a bit of fun, huh?" Then she took my free hand and began tugging us toward the stable. "Come on, let's check out the horses. One of the mares foaled last month and the filly's the prettiest thing you ever saw, I swear. You're gonna love it."  
  
Leah and Tanya were still waiting by the stable. Tanya made some comment as we approached, looking at me as she said it, and Leah smirked, took her hand, and pulled her into a kiss as if to make her feel better. Tanya accepted the kiss very eagerly, and as we went passed into the barn, Leah opened one eye as she made out with the blonde and gave me a wink.  
  
An hour later Jane, Alice, and Tanya were mounted up and cantering about the meadow. There were several unsaddled horses within the enclosed pasture and the little filly that cavorted among the riders shyly and snorted and neighed and came trotted back to it's mother.  
  
Leah and I were watching with our elbows resting on the wooden fence, and Leah told me that the house belonged to Tanya's father who lived in New York, and how the estate occupied many hectares of land, including a vineyard and what used to be a ranch. Tanya herself was simply a blonde socialite with little education and no ambition, who wanted nothing more out of life than to have fun and go shopping. She spoke very fondly of the blonde human, watching her gallop across the plain perfectly poised in her saddle with her long hair blowing, and I remembered how Jane had said that Leah liked her. I kind of got that impression as well, but Jane and Leah were soulmates. If Leah liked Tanya at all, it was probably only the same kind of affection you'd feel for a good vibrator.  
  
But in the end, I wasn't really interested in Tanya. If she spoke english—she was learning, Leah said—it might've been nice to sit down and trade tales of vampiric seduction like the pair of fang-bangers we were, but I got the feeling she didn't like me so much, and honestly I didn't like her so much either. From everything I'd heard about her, she was basically exactly like me; an empty bimbo who happened to stumble into a coven of horny vampires. The only difference was that she was rich and she had a huge house and she was basically far more desirable than me in every respect. She was even blonde. The only advantage I had was that I was younger by a few years, and even that was a matter of preference. Technically speaking, Tanya was the superior slut.  
  
But the one thing I had that Tanya never would was Alice.  
  
So I focused on Alice, because after all, that was the only reason I was out here. I wanted to watch her ride and spend some time with her family, and as I predicted she did look awesome cute on a horse. She rode a pale gray mare that cantered through the pasture with a haughty air, trotting and tossing it's head smartly as Alice reined her about and rode back through the meadow, leaping a windfall log with perfect grace.  
  
In truth, I guess maybe we could've had more fun in bed, but it was nice to see Alice and Jane getting along. Although it rankled me every time Tanya called to her in those beautiful French syllables of hers. Jane was Alice's sister, and after everything the two of them had been through together, I wanted them to be as close as they wanted to be. Tanya, on the other hand, could go fuck herself.  
  
Leah and I had fallen silent for a while. Jane had scooped up a broken branch from the grass and she was chasing after Alice with it on horseback, shrieking with giggles and threatening to brain her. I glanced at Leah, and I was surprised to see her watching Tanya who was simply sitting her horse and watching Jane, calling out in French. Jealousy niggled at my stomach, and I had a sudden urge to distract her from my rival human, so I said:  
  
"How come you're not riding?"  
  
Leah looked at me and smirked. "In this skirt? I don't think so."  
  
It was a black denim miniskirt with gold stitching; very hot, but not really riding apparel. But god, her legs were sexy. Copper-colored in the sunlight, perfectly shaped. Leah was built better than any stallion I'd ever seen.  
  
"What about you?" she asked.  
  
"I don't know how."  
  
"Alice could ride you around."  
  
"It's alright," I said. "I like watching."  
  
There was a shriek from the horsewomen and I saw that Alice had taken Jane's branch and was now chasing her with it. I smiled as Alice rowled her horse forward, and then I called out a cheer as Alice took a swing at her sister. Leah smiled at me.  
  
"It's nice Alice finally let you off the leash," she said. "We were starting to think we'd never see you guys again. How's it going with you two?"  
  
I thought about the question, and I realized that I really had no way to answer it. Appearances were deceiving and even though everything was fine right now, there were still so many complications to deal with. But now, right now, I guess things were good, so I nodded pensively. "Great," I said. Then I smiled. "Better than ever."  
  
Leah chuckled as if she knew exactly what I was thinking. "Yeah, well, sex was never your problem, was it?"  
  
I smiled and look down at the grass. She was right; sex was the one thing we never got wrong.  
  
Leah watched me for a moment and then nudged me with her elbow. "Listen," she said. "You and I are gonna be sisters soon, if we aren't already. So if you ever need relationship advice, or vampire advice, or even if you just need someone to talk to, you can talk to me. I know how to keep a secret, and you know I care about you."  
  
I blushed, unexpectedly touched. "Thanks," I said. She gave me a nod, and we went back to watching the horse games for a minute. But I thought about what she said and I thought about my problems, and I glanced at her with butterflies in my stomach, at my new big sister, and said: "Um, can I talk now?"  
  
She smiled at me. "Sure."  
  
"It's about Victoria," I began hesitantly.  
  
Leah nodded. "What about her?"  
  
I struggled wordlessly for a second, and finally shrugged. "I don't know what to do," I said. "Alice is crazy about me all over again, and I want her to be happy the way she wants to be happy, but Victoria…"  
  
"Won't let you," Leah finished for me. "Yeah. I know. Ever since you disappeared into Alice's room two weeks ago she's been a real bitch. She hardly leaves her room, either. She's been trying to wait patiently, but she was never a real patient woman. She loves Alice more than she'll admit. It shook her up, when Alice was dying."  
  
My stomach tightened. I knew the redhead hadn't given up on Alice. She was probably giving us time to stabilize our relationship—since obviously our relationship was at a sensitive point—but eventually she was going to make her demands. She was a frustrated dominatrix – which sounded really hot, but kind of dangerous, too.  
  
I sighed, looking out across the field. "So what do you think I should do?" I asked.  
  
"Depends," she said. "How do you feel about BDSM?"  
  
Honestly, it really turned me on, but admitting that probably wouldn't help my argument, so I said: "Well, it's not really my thing."  
  
Leah chuckled as if she knew I was lying. "Yeah," she said. "But that's what domination's all about, isn't it? Taking away the choice. You know what I think you should do?"  
  
I turned to her, hoping for some magic answer. "What?"  
  
But she only shrugged and said: "Just go with it. You're gonna be a vampire soon, so you might as well come to terms with the lifestyle. Vampire's can't function as only a pair. You can feed from each other, sure, but without a fresh third you'll just get drained and die. You regenerate blood as a human, but you won't as a vampire. You're body won't accept transfusions, either. Feeding isn't even about the blood, anyway. It's not thirst, it's lust. You'll see when it happens to you. Besides, Vicky isn't so bad as long as you give her what she wants. She doesn't want to take Alice from you. She just wants to share. You and Alice can still be soulmates – and have a lot of fun while you're at it."  
  
What she said made perfect sense, but that only made it worse. I looked out across the paddock and watched Alice gallop over a grassy hill, riding erect in the saddle with one of those little bowl-helmets on her head, smiling up at the sunny sky as a passing bird caught her attention. There was a sudden ache in my heart and I was reminded of how happy I wanted to make her – and how clueless I was on how to achieve that.  
  
I lowered my eyes and shook my head. "I'm not sure if Alice wants that," I said.  
  
Leah snorted. "Why wouldn't she?"  
  
"She says she only wants me."  
  
"And you believe that?"  
  
I looked at her and nodded. "Yes," I said, perfectly sincere. "I really believe her."  
  
Leah didn't know what to say to that. Then she smirked and gave me a small chin toss. "And what about you?" she asked. "What do you want?"  
  
I looked across the meadow at Alice. She was riding her horse beside a patch of wildflowers and without stopping she slipped a foot out of the stirrup, leaned down from the saddle, and plucked one of the flowers.  
  
"I just want Alice to be happy," I said.  
  
Alice came riding over with her flower and a smile, and she reined up at the fence beside me and Leah. The flower was pale pink and leaning over the fence with a giggle she threaded the flower behind my ear.  
  
"For my beautiful princess," she announced gallantly. "It's not as pretty as you, but flowers don't have boobs so it's not really a fair comparison."  
  
I blushed like a bitch and touched the flower at my ear. "Thanks."  
  
"You're welcome," she said, and then took my hand. "Now come on, get up here. I'm taking you for a ride."  
  
"Oh, I don't…"  
  
But she was already pulling me onto the horse and I had to step up onto the fence boards to avoid stumbling. Leah's hands appeared on my jean-clad ass—giving me a weird thrill—and together they managed to shove me onto the saddle. I was sitting sideways in Alice's lap, my arms around her, and as Alice touched up the horse with her heels, Leah gave me a quick wink as if to say thanks for the feel. I blushed, but then I turned my attention to Alice's face, and slowly I forgot about everything else as the horse cantered off across the paddock with me jostling in Alice's lap and gazing at her lovingly.  
  
Jane and Tanya were riding their horses among the other unsaddled horses in the pasture, chasing them along the fence, and Jane called out as Alice and I went by. But with all the neighing and the noise of hoofs, it didn't seem that Alice heard her, or if she did she ignored her. Over Alice's shoulder I saw Jane's face darken, but Alice rode on and when she reached the fence she flicked the reins and the horse leapt the barrier and galloped on, Alice giggling with my arms around her as she beared me away in the bow of her saddle like a storybook princess. Another voice called out behind us, but this time neither of us heard.  
  
Alice rode me over a tall grassy rise to where a small still-water lake sat in the distance, and she rode me over to the lake and trotted the horse through the shallow tea-colored water at the shore, the water exploding under the horses hoofs and splashing our jeans as we giggled and laughed. She dismounted beside a tree and helped me down with her hands at my waist. I watched her looped the reins around a low branch, the anticipation of lovemaking already building in my stomach, and finally she turned into my arms and captured my waiting lips.  
  
Slowly we began to remove each other's clothes, disconnecting the kiss to pull our tops over our heads, fumbling with bra catches and the zippers on our jeans. I stuck my hand in her panties and groped her naked butt, making her squirm against me, and then she hooked her thumbs in the waistband and pushed them off, kicking them aside with a flick of her foot. Together we knelt down in the grass, still kissing, and she yanked my panties down to mid-thigh and put a hand between my legs, wriggling a finger up inside me. I shivered and hissed into her mouth:  
  
"Oh fuck I love you, Alice."  
  
"I love you too, baby," she panted, and then she withdrew the finger abruptly. "Come on, get your panties off."  
  
I did as she instructed, watching as she spread our discarded clothes in the grass, making a small bed for us. The horse was watching too, which was mildly disconcerting, but at least it was a girl-horse. I knew that male horses aren't actually interested in human females, but I don't think I would've been entirely comfortable making love to my girlfriend with a huge horse-cock swinging nearby.  
  
Finally my underwear was gone and the bed was made. We were both sweaty and smelly from the horse, which wasn't ideal conditions for oral, so we did trib instead with me spread naked on our clothes and her between my legs, riding my clit with more enthusiasm than she'd ever shown the horse. She had left her riding helmet on and I gazed up at her as she rubbed her clit against mine, watching her breasts sway with the movement as the orgasm built in her flushed face.  
  
"Oh god I love you, Bella," she said, between pants. "Maybe it was a good idea to get out of bed after all…"  
  
Our climaxes were approaching, and we were coordinating for them to happen together. We were breathing deeply and moaning, and we had our eyes closed, so we didn't see the interruption coming. But we heard it, and soon as the pounding hoofs came riding up, our eyes snapped open.  
  
"There they are!" Jane called out cheerfully. "Told you they'd be off fucking somewhere!"  
  
Alice was pissed. "Jane!"  
  
It was Jane, Tanya, and Leah, Leah riding up bareback on one of the unsaddled horse, a handful of mane twisted in her fist and her denim miniskirt hiked deliciously to her hips.  
  
Alice had scrabbled off me and was grabbing for a piece of clothing. I'd already draped a forearm across my large breasts, which concealed my nipples at least, and I'd managed to close my legs as well. Alice threw a top in my lap, and I arranged it to cover myself, thinking how cute it was that she was worried about my own nudity before hers. She then pulled off her helmet and covered her crotch with it, holding my t-shirt against her chest.  
  
The riders had arranged themselves before us and were grinning at our predicament. Jane and Leah's amusement was wholesome enough for vampires, and I didn't mind it, but Tanya's smirk was just a little more irritating. She looked at my hardly concealed boobs and said something in French that made Jane giggle. I had no idea what she said, but I had the feeling I'd just learnt the French word for cow.  
  
Alice glared at her and spat something back in French. The blonde's grin fell away and she began to stammer an apology, but then Jane, still grinning, said something else in French and both of them snickered. Leah just smiled, watching our mostly naked bodies, and Alice glared at Jane.  
  
"Do you think we could get a bit of privacy?" she asked coldly.  
  
Jane obviously wasn't expecting her to be so upset. Part of her smile slipped away, but she kept most of it in place, pretending to be casual. "Can't we join in?"  
  
It was probably a fair question. In such a liberal household you wouldn't think it was such a big deal, but Alice was different from all the other vampires, and Alice had her own set of rules. I glanced at her, and while her glare did falter a little, she didn't relent.  
  
"Jane…"  
  
"Well, why not?" Jane insisted, a hint of desperation showing through her brittle smile. "Come on, it'll be fun."  
  
Alice didn't answer. She turned away and looked sullenly into the grass, as if she'd lost something small in it and couldn't find it. Jane looked at her, waiting for a reply, and her smile just disappeared. Leah had stop smiling, too. Tanya just sat her horse quietly, realizing that something just got serious.  
  
I looked at Alice, wondering if I should say something, but what could I say? I didn't want Alice to do anything she didn't want to do, and I didn't really want to do it, either. I was happy with just Alice, I really was. But I felt bad for Jane. I had the impression that she was on the verge of being seriously hurt, but when she spoke next I knew that she wasn't on the verge at all.  
  
She was already hurt.  
  
Jane snorted and steadied her restless mount. "You know what, Ally?" she said coldly, glaring down at Alice. "Sometimes I wish you never met that bitch."  
  
Then she turned the horse and rode away. Tanya quickly followed, and Leah sighed.  
  
"Don't worry," she said to me, "I'll talk to her."  
  
I nodded, and then she touched her heels to the horse's ribs, and rode off to catch up with Jane.  
  
Alice's eyes were glistening and she looked like she didn't know if she wanted to be angry or sad. I wrapped an arm around her naked shoulders and pulled her into a hug. I felt so sorry for her. The worst thing was that I had no idea how she truly felt. How could I when she probably didn't even know herself? No matter how much she claimed that I was the only woman for her, it was difficult to overlook the fact that I was nothing special and before me she'd been happily polygamous for centuries. Well, almost happily.  
  
"You okay?" I asked after a moment.  
  
She was hugging me back and I heard her softly: "Why can't they just leave me alone?"  
  
I smiled at her incredible naiveté and kissed her cheek. "Because they love you, baby," I told her, and then took the helmet out of her lap and set it on the grass. "Now come here," I said, pulling her into a kiss. "It's my turn to do some riding."  
  
Alice was more than happy to retreat into sex, and I was more than happy to oblige her, at least for now. Emotional turmoil always caused her to regress into her passive state, so I used her passiveness to show her how much I loved her, laying her back against the clothes we'd spread in the grass as I began to kiss her and stroke my hands all over her body.  
  
"I love you, baby," she kept whispering. "I love you."  
  
"I know, Alice," I said, and then I aligned our clits and started rubbing them together, softly at first and then harder and harder, grinding them as she lay with her eyes closed under the sun, the breath hissing in and out of her pretty chest.  
  
When we were done, we put our clothes back on and walked the horse back to the stable, leading it by the headstall. It was late afternoon and the sun was beginning to set beyond the rise trees. We didn't pass through the pasture, but when we got back to the stable we found Jane and Leah.  
  
Jane was brushing down the horse in the stall at the end, and she gave us a sullen glance as we came in but said nothing. I almost smiled; it was obvious to me that she'd been waiting for Alice. Jane wasn't an animal-girl, and I was pretty sure that she'd have more fun torturing the horse with knives than brushing it. Leah was sitting on a haystack behind her, and as we came in she smiled and stood up, as if she could finally stop waiting. She swatted at the seat of her miniskirt to remove a few stray strands of straw, and Jane went on brushing the horse, bathed in the orange twilight that fell through the westward windows like a lonely cowgirl, her blonde hair shimmering and her ass particularly pert in her jeans.  
  
Alice and I had stopped. We were each holding either side of the horse's headstall, and the horse tossed it's head impatiently. Alice looked at Jane and then looked at me across the horse's nose. Her honey-colored eyes were large and unfathomable, but I knew my Alice, and I knew my Alice loved her sisters, even if she forgot sometimes. So I nodded at the unasked question, took the reins from her hands, and said softly:  
  
"Go talk to her."  
  
Alice's lips moved slightly, a sad flicker of a smile, and then she turned and walked across the stable toward Jane. She passed Leah as Leah was coming toward me, and they exchanged glances, but that's all.  
  
Leah took the headstall of the horse I was holding and wordlessly led it into one of the stalls and began unbuckling the girthstraps. I stood there watching Alice. She said something to Jane's back but Jane ignored her. She continued brushing stubbornly at the horse's mane, and Alice watched her for a moment. Then she touched Jane's shoulder just gently.  
  
Jane stopped brushing. Her hand lowered and she turned around slowly. Alice spoke to her quietly. Jane let her gaze drift over the straw-strew floor. They were roughly the same height, and when Jane looked up at Alice, they were totally eyelevel. Alice smiled and cocked her head cutely. Jane smiled back grudgingly. Alice giggled and placed a chaste kiss on Jane's lips. Jane smirked and said something flirty. Alice pretended to think about it, and then she placed a longer kiss on Jane's lips. Jane giggled and began to plead playfully. Alice pouted about it for a while and finally she gave Jane another lingering kiss, cupping her face this time, and then she kissed her again, and again, and finally Jane opened her mouth and Alice deepened the kiss, wrapping her arms around her neck as Jane spun her around and pressed her up against the flank of the horse, deepening the kiss even further.  
  
Leah was standing behind me and she placed a hand on my shoulder.  
  
"You okay with this?" she asked.  
  
I nodded, but I wasn't entirely sure. It didn't feel right to see Alice making out with another woman, but I reminded myself that this wasn't just any woman, this was Jane and Jane was Alice's sister. I remembered Jane's story of their life together, and I knew that Jane deserved this.  
  
And so did Alice. Alice deserved all the love in the world. Who has the right to judge, anyway? Alice and I were still soulmates. Nothing was ever going to change that. Alice had only clung to her dreams of monogamy because she knew the whole time that she wanted us to die together, that she'd never have to face her family again. But now that we had decided to live, we had to be more practical. Alice couldn't ignore her family forever and I couldn't let her leave them. This was the right thing to do.  
  
So why did it feel kind of wrong?  
  
Leah's hand slipped from my shoulder and trailed down to my waist. She turned me toward her and cupped my face with her other hand. "You sure?" she asked.  
  
I nodded again, more firmly. "Yeah," I said. "Alice really does love you guys. She just forgets sometimes."  
  
Leah smirked. "And you?"  
  
I chuckled once, mostly at myself. Because her smoky eyes and cocky smile were reminding me that I was still a complete and total slut, and even if it didn't feel right, it was still probably going to feel pretty good. So I looked at her lips and said: "I like you guys, too."  
  
She kissed me, and I let her tongue inside my mouth with no resistance. I heard a moan from the far side of the stable. It sounded like Alice, and this caused a strange pang in my heart. It occurred to me that maybe Alice was right, that maybe we should've just stayed in bed forever, just me and her. But then I reached down and grabbed at Leah's ass, and the delight I felt to find that she was wearing a thong under her skirt managed to drive away the bulk of my reservations.  
  
It would've been nice if we all could've had sex in the stable like in a raunchy regency romance, but eventually reality intervened, and the smell of manure and the atmosphere of flies and dirtiness soon drove us back into the house. We showered in pairs and then the four of us pounced on the bed and began giggling and swapping each other around and sticking tongues and sex toys into the various entrances in each other's bodies. Like the last time all four us had hooked up together, there was a very clear repression between Alice and Jane, and soon Leah and I had picked up on it and decided to help them work through it. So we fucked them from behind with strap-ons while they made out with each other on all fours. I was doing Alice and Leah was doing Jane, gripping onto their hips and thrusting into them with our boobs jiggling, smiling at each other and thrusting harder and harder in broken rhythm, as if to see who could fuck the hardest. Alice and Jane were soon moaning very loudly, and when they came they came gasping into each other's mouths. After that they cuddled and kissed while Leah and I made out with the strap-ons poking each other's tummy's, until Jane and Alice fluttered back to life, removed the strap-ons, and went down on our soaking pussies.  
  
It was a lot of fun, and the feeling of wrongness had soon faded to nothing. Jane was very conscientious of the fact that Alice and I were soulmates, and she did her best not to hog her. Leah seemed to favor me more than Alice, but like Jane she didn't hog. Alice and I never went without contact for very long, and by the time we kissed them goodnight, we were both very happy to promise to do this again sometime.  
  
Alice and I returned to our room, and we showered and went to bed, had sex, and showered again. We put on our sleep clothes and settled under the covers, but within the hour the clothes were on the floor and we were having sex one more time. I was very exhausted by now, but Alice's mood was giddy, and she made me hold her for a long time as she chattered away in the dark. She talked about how it was nice that we were able to share our love with Leah and Jane, and that she'd been so silly to ignore them all like this, and that I'd been right the whole time and she really did love her family. But she loved me most of all, and I was still her soulmate, and she'd never truly love anyone else, and she assured me of all this with a kiss, and she kept kissing me, and soon we were having sex again, writhing naked in the dark with our soft breaths whimpering between us.  
  
—  
  



	32. Chapter 32

Skip to next chapter.  
  



	33. Chapter 33

—  
  
Chapter 33:  
  
—  
  
Two more magical weeks flew by. Alice and I were inseparable. We rarely went an hour without at least holding hands, and we took every opportunity to express our love for each other in various affectionate and explicit ways, making love in bed, in shower, in the pool, on the staircase one time. Sometimes with company, but mostly just us.  
  
Eventually we got out of the house and it was just like a honeymoon. I'd never been in Paris, and Alice was excited to take me around to visit various historical landmarks, although I had to admit I'd never been much of a history buff. Still, it was a surprise to find out how educated Alice was, and everywhere we went she delivered detailed and educational orations that would've been painfully boring to listen to in anyone else's voice.  
  
She didn't even need a guidebook. We rode to the top of the Eiffel Tower and she informed me of it's exact height in inches and centimeters, talking about it as if she'd been here a million times, adding that it was the equivalent of an eighty-one story building. The magnificent city of Paris lay sprawled for miles below us in its pristine afternoon clarity, and I pretended to be impressed, but the view really wasn't as beautiful as Alice, smiling in the sun with a jaunty blue beret perched at an angle atop her pretty little head.  
  
We visited the Palace of Versailles and Chateau de Chambord, and we toured a circuit of Cathedrals that included Sacre-Coeur and St Sulpice, strolling these holy places on the arm of a vampire as she commented on the architecture and looked for a quiet place where we could sneak in a quickie. We visited the Arc de Triomphe, and I was surprised that the sculptured façade featured a troop of naked French boys locked in battle with a bunch of bearded Germans. Maybe I'm just an uncultured American, but it really did seem just a little silly. Men in history seem to take themselves very seriously.  
  
Leah and Jane would come along sometimes, and one day we all went to The Lourve, even Esme and Carlisle. Tanya came along as well, and it almost felt like a family outing, together with that French step-sister I didn't really like.  
  
The museum itself was okay. A cluster of tour groups surrounded a roped off area and as we got closer I realized it was the Mona Lisa hanging on the far wall. My companions all grinned at me and asked what I thought of it, leaving me to form an opinion of my own, which wasn't really something I excelled at. Honestly, it seemed a little ugly—and kind of tiny—but I didn't want to sound like an idiot so I pretended to be sufficiently impressed. Jane said it sucked, and Alice giggled and suggested that maybe it was a little overrated, and even Carlisle allowed that the Titians were much nicer.  
  
The Titians were actually pretty cool, and so were the Reubens, but the painting I liked best was Boucher's Diane Sortant du Bain, which showed a pair of naked blondes taking a bath together. One of the chicks was even staring at the other chick's legs. It wasn't as hot as some of the pictures I'd seen online, but it was the best history had to offer, it seemed. Some of the sculptures were pretty cool too, especially the Venus de Milo. She had no arms and her boobs were a little small, but I'd do her.  
  
All in all it was an educational and fun-filled day, but to be completely honest, I think I spend more time looking at Alice's ass than any of the exhibits. Still, it was nice to spend time together as a family. Carlisle wore a charcoal-colored suit and strolled with Esme on his arm like the dreamy gentleman he used to be in Forks, and secure in the knowledge that he was actually a woman, I allowed myself a few flickers of attraction whenever he spoke to me. Jane devoted most her energy to bickering with Alice, contradicting her every opinion on every piece of art, and Leah seemed to be as bored as I was. We whispered wise-cracks about the paintings, and the only time she left my side was when Tanya was demanding attention. Leah did seem to have a soft-spot for the French whore, and grudgingly I had to admit that they did make a cute couple.  
  
It was funny how much we all felt like a family, and as I watched Alice and Jane slap at each like unruly teenager with Esme scolding them and Carlisle watching with a smile, I was glad that Alice and I had decided to share our relationship. Nightly group-sex was a small price to pay for family unity, and most of all it was great to see Alice happy and living.  
  
But as much fun as family time was, the most interesting event of the day was when Alice and I broke away from the main group so she that she could show me her favorite painting. I would've preferred a quickie in the bathroom, but Alice was almost breathless with excitement to see what I thought, and I had to admit I was curious at what kind of outrageous artwork could make her so anxious.  
  
The brass nameplate said Les bergers d'Arcadie. The Shepherds of Arcadia. At first glance it looked kind of boring. It was a pastoral oil on canvas, and it featured three shepherds hovering around the entrance of a tomb in the countryside while a maiden in beautiful robes looked on.  
  
"It's called Et in Arcadia Ego," Alice said, holding onto my arm. "What do you think?"  
  
I nodded as if I was impressed. "Pretty cool," I said.  
  
Alice smiled at me and rolled her eyes. "Do you want to know what Et in Arcadia Ego means?" she hinted.  
  
I blushed; I should've thought of that first. If I was going to be a perfect girlfriend I was going to have to learn to feign curiosity in my partner's interests. So a arranged my face in an appropriate expression and asked: "What does it mean?"  
  
Alice smiled and turned to the painting. "Loosely translated it means 'Even in Arcadia, I am there.'"  
  
I raised my eyebrows, even though the translation meant nothing to me. Where's Arcadia? Who is 'I?' Why should I care? But luckily my art-loving girlfriend didn't keep me burning with curiosity. She had studied at Sorbonne many years ago, and her knowledge of art history could rival any professor.  
  
"It's a painting about mortality," she went on, still holding my arm. "Arcadia is a metaphor for paradise, and the shepherd's shadow on the tomb is a metaphor for the looming inevitability of death. So basically, it means that death exists even in paradise. That even in paradise…we all die."  
  
Her voice was soft and almost hesitant. I glanced at her and I was surprised to see her blushing discreetly, as if she'd just admitted some embarrassing sexual desire. Which, in a way, maybe she did. It was clear that the subject was dear to her heart, and I knew from experience that she had a bit of a death-fetish. This was the kind of girl who's idea of a perfect junior prom was getting naked and killing each other.  
  
But I'd gotten over that a long time ago, and I loved her too much to be uncomfortable at the reminder. Alice was a twisted girl with twisted dreams – but that's part of what I love about her.  
  
So I turned back to the painting, and looked closer, trying to share her interest. Unfortunately, I wasn't an artistic person, and my observations were mostly rudimentary. There were three shepherds. One of them was crouched at the tomb. His shadow was thrown across it and he seemed to be examining it. The woman just seemed to be standing there, and finally I asked:  
  
"What about the woman?"  
  
It seemed to be the most fascinating thing to me. She was dressed in beautiful robes, watching the shepherds. I knew enough about art that there had to be some kind of symbolic significance, but I'd never figure it out unless someone told me. Even then there's no guarantee I'd understand.  
  
Alice smiled at my enthusiasm and went on, quietly excited. "The woman is a symbol for art," she said. "It's a complicated painting, a very intricate composition. The shepherd tracing the silhouette of his shadow on the tomb with his finger is a reference to the ancient tradition that this was how the art of painting was first discovered. But the shadow itself is symbolic of death. Combined, the meaning of these two themes suggest that the discovery of art was humankind's response to the shocking discovery of mortality. Thus, death's claim to rule even in the paradise of Arcadia is challenged by the maiden—who symbolizes art—who must insist that she was discovered in Arcadia too, and that she is the legitimate ruler everywhere, whilst death only usurps it's power. In the face of death, the duty of art—indeed, her whole reason for being—is to recall lost loved ones, console anxieties, evoke and reconcile conflicting emotions, surmount isolation, and facilitate expression of the unutterable."  
  
I tried hard to understand, but I didn't really. I've always been dumb about certain things, and this seemed to be one of them.  
  
"Oh," I said. "That's pretty cool."  
  
Alice smiled and gave a small giggle. She knew I had no idea what she was talking about, and I immediately regretted pretending. I should've let her repeat it until she drilled it right into my head.  
  
"Yeah," she said softly. "I just wanted to show you."  
  
She went to leave, but I remained rooted at the exhibit. She was still holding my arm and she turned back to me. I nodded at the painting.  
  
"How come you like it so much?" I asked, hoping to encourage her.  
  
It worked. She smiled and gave a small shrug. "I don't know," she said. "Death is something I think about a lot. Especially lately. Well, that's not true. I've always thought about it. Ever since I was a girl. Death always seemed so much nicer than life. No pain, no unhappiness. No nothing."  
  
She trailed off. Her voice had gone soft and distant. I watched her, thinking about the kind of life she'd had, and then I squeezed her hand supportively.  
  
"You had a hard life as a human, didn't you?" I asked gently.  
  
I was intending to let her know that she could talk to me about the truth if she wanted, but she only giggled and brushed it off.  
  
"Well, it was rough times back then," she said. "If you had to grow up before they invented cellphones and sex toys you would've been suicidal too."  
  
I smiled, but in my stomach I felt a gaping pit. One day I wanted her to tell me the truth from her own mouth, but I wasn't going to push her.  
  
She sighed and turned her eyes back to the painting on the wall. A tour group was passing behind us in a strange din of five different languages, and after a moment Alice spoke.  
  
"But yeah," she said. "It was pretty rough. Vicky saved me in so many ways when she took me in. She was always possessive, but that's what I liked about her. She made me feel treasured. She made me feel safe."  
  
I didn't answer, but the mention of Victoria made me nervous. It had been almost a month since I'd come to Paris, and neither of us had even seen Victoria or Rosalie since we got back together. It was still a problem we had to deal with, but I had no idea how. I guess it was logical to extend the family intimacy to include the blonde and redhead as well, but would that be enough? Would Victoria be satisfied with having Alice and I as special friends? Or will she want more?  
  
"Do you miss her?" I asked.  
  
Alice smirked saucily. "Don't you?" she countered. "As I remember, you were the one who had the softest spot for her."  
  
She wasn't being mean, but I felt a wave of shame. Twice the redhead had successfully seduced me and once had she raped me and made me like it. Alice didn't even know about the third time.  
  
"Sorry," I said. But I also noticed how she didn't answer the question.  
  
Alice smiled and turned back to the painting. "But it's not just death," she went on. "Death is very fascinating, but what I like most is the use of the maiden as a symbol for art. The painting suggests that art is humankind's remedy against death, and at the same time it suggests that femininity—or even just beauty—is art's muse. I like that implication. The implication that beauty is what makes life bearable. That beauty is the thing that soothes the fear of death. It's a theme that resonates with me personally, because I've always felt that way. Well. Most of the time, at least."  
  
She lowered her eyes from the painting, but she didn't lift them to me. She was still holding my arm with one of her hands clasped with mine, and her smile seemed a little sad. A strange throbbing had started in my chest, and even though I still didn't exactly understand what she was talking about, I wanted to make her feel better somehow. Finally she turned her shy little smile to me, and said:  
  
"Before you came back to me, I really felt that I was ready to die. Because I finally felt that I had a real reason. I thought you hated me, and by dying I thought I was letting you go, letting you be happy without me. It felt noble." She looked away with a blush and glistening eyes. "I still can't believe that you still love me after everything I put you through."  
  
The word love was finally something I understood, so I quickly rushed to reassure her. "Of course I love you, Alice," I said. "I loved you from the second I saw you."  
  
"But you did hate me for a while," she said. "Didn't you?"  
  
"No," I said, with no hesitation. "I told you Alice, I never meant those things I said at prom. I mean, I was calling you the very next morning to apologize."  
  
A surprised giggle escaped her, as if this was an unexpected delight. "Really?"  
  
"Of course," I said, wrapping her into a hug. "I never wanted you to go."  
  
She hugged me back, and for a few moments I simply held her tightly. I wasn't used to being the strong one, and weak as I was, I guess that's what I had become. Alice's rock. She needed me in the most primal way a person could want another person, and I wanted so desperately not to disappoint her. I wanted to make her happy. More than anything, that's all I wanted.  
  
A year go, her talk about death would've disturbed me—and it had. But not anymore. Alice was a centuries old vampire, and if I was going to be with her—if I was going to make her happy—I was going to have to be open and understanding of all her dreams, even the dark ones. I wasn't convinced that death was the best thing for us, but at the same time I didn't want her to suppress her true desires. I wanted to love her—all of her.  
  
So I sighed and rubbed her back soothingly. "We never did get a chance to talk about what happened that night," I whispered. "Did we?"  
  
Alice didn't answer, but I felt her stiffen slightly. I released the embrace so that she could see in my face that I only wanted to talk.  
  
"Do you still feel that way?" I said. "Do you still want to…?"  
  
Alarm flittered across her face and she covered it up with a playful chuckle. "O-of course not," she said. "You were right, that was so stupid."  
  
I smiled. Usually she was a far better actress than that, but maybe I took her by surprise. Either way, it was obvious that she was only telling me what she thought I wanted to hear. She didn't know how committed to this relationship I was determined to be, and maybe now it was time to let her know.  
  
"It's okay, Alice," I said gently. "I'm not gonna freak out. I just want to know what you're feeling, that's all."  
  
She was shaking her head, actually struggling for words. "I don't…"  
  
Obviously she wasn't ready to talk about it, and I guess it wasn't really the kind of conversation you'd have in the middle of a museum. So I rubbed her shoulder and smiled to set her at ease.  
  
"It's okay," I said. "We don't have to talk now if you don't want. Just remember that I'm cool to talk about it if you want to. I respect your dreams, Alice. Whatever's going on inside you, I want you to talk to me about it. Okay?"  
  
She looked unsure, as if she suspected I might be trying to trap her in some way. But she nodded, eager to abandon the topic and get back to pretending that there were no issues at all between us. "Okay," she said.  
  
I smiled and took her hand. "Come on," I said. "Let's find the others."  
  
—  
  



	34. Chapter 34

—  
  
Chapter: 34  
  
—  
  
Monday morning found me fidgeting on a kitchen stool, waiting for Alice. She was determined to make me breakfast—I do have to eat something other than pussy sometimes—but there was no flour in the cupboard, so she had to run to the pantry.  
  
And so I was waiting, chewing the fingernails of one hand and tapping the fingernail's of the other on the countertop, glancing every two seconds at the microwave clock like an addict waiting for the methadone clinic to open. So much of her venom was in my system that it really didn't feel right to be without her for even a moment or two. Call me clingy, but I really did prefer her to be within touching distance, or at least within eyesight.  
  
I sighed, wondering what was taking her so long. How can a kitchen have no flour in it? Then again, I guess Tanya isn't the most domesticated young woman in Paris. She'd probably never cooked in her life. Leah had told me that the estate was supposed to have a full staff, complete with cooks, maids, a driver, even security guards. But it was supposed to be locked up this time of year and technically no one was supposed to be here. Tanya normally spent her springs in South America, but she met Leah and Jane at a nightclub here in Paris, got drunk, and went crazy on Leah. She'd never been with a woman and technically she wasn't even a lesbian. Just a general slut who'd learnt not to discriminate between genders. That was about six months ago. The coven moved in with her pretty soon, and they seem to like her even though it was also true that they were taking advantage of her. The Cullen's had plenty of money, of course—millions from various investments over the decades—but they liked the human company and the fresh blood. The only person who didn't like her so much was Alice. Alice was cool with her family because she had loved them way before she loved me, but there seemed to be no room left in her heart for Tanya. A girl only has one soulmate. Alice didn't need some French bimbo – she already has her whore.  
  
A very frustrated whore, at the moment. I huffed out a breath, and looked out the screendoor. Patio and the pool further back. Sunlight glistening off the water. Maybe Alice and I should go swimming today. Maybe we could get Carlisle to join us. For a pretend-dude, she's got a pretty hot body. Small tits, but nice abs.  
  
Or maybe Alice and I should just go back to bed. I'm not even hungry anymore. And when is she going to turn me, anyway? So many questions. And what about Victoria? When is she finally going to crack and come after us? We gotta do something about that. Maybe we should just walk into her room and take off our clothes. That would be simplest. Kind of hot too.  
  
I looked at the microwave clock again. Okay, four minutes and Alice still isn't back. Should I text her? Would that be too needy? What could possibly be taking so long. Maybe I should've just said yes to the croissants, like a true Parisian. It's not like I love pancakes so much that I absolutely have to have them. I only liked them because they were the only thing mom could make without totally fucking it up.  
  
Mom.  
  
My fingernails stopped tapping and a dark feeling settled over me. But it wasn't that I missed her – it was shame that I didn't.  
  
Mom.  
  
She was always my bestfriend. The person who was always there for me, who never let me down. Well, aside from that one time she demanded I break up with Alice. But that was in my best interests, so it would be unfair to hold a grudge. She deserved to be missed so much more. It was the vampire venom. It worked similar to the Thirst. It doesn't exactly kill your empathy, but it did make certain other things seem far more important, things like sex and feeding. But I did miss her. It wasn't a crippling agony of loneliness. But I really did miss her.  
  
I sighed and looked aside, trying not to think about it. But as I did, my eyes landed on the cordless phone that was just sitting there on the counter on top of a pile of fashion magazines. Suddenly it occurred to me that I'd never even called her. My cellphone was long gone, but Alice had bought me another one. And there was a phone right here – so why hadn't I called?  
  
Because what could I say? Chances are I was never going to see her again. It would be cruel to call her. Or maybe it's cruel not to. By now I guess I'd be legally dead. Should I let her believe that? Or should I let her know that I'm okay? That I'm with Alice again and that I'm going to be happy? And beyond all that, it was long distance. What about the phone bill?  
  
I picked up the phone, frowning at it anxiously. My thumb hovered over the numbers to my old house, my stomach churning, and finally I began inputting the number. Maybe she's not home. Maybe—  
  
"Hello?"  
  
Oh god.  
  
I almost dropped the phone. It was mom's voice. I hadn't expected it to affect me so much. Tears sprang to my eyes and all I could do was breathe.  
  
"Hello?" she repeated. "Is anyone there?"  
  
Her voice sent waves of coldness washing over and it became apparent for the first time what a truly terrible person I am and what a destructive force Alice has been on every aspect of my life other than my heart and pussy.  
  
I wanted to hang up, but I couldn't. I couldn't possibly speak to her, but I continued holding the phone at my ear, my hand shaking slightly. She was silent for a few moments, listening to me breathing softly. I'd been surprised at how casual her voice had been, as if she was simply answering the phone, but when she spoke next her voice came quiet and quavering.  
  
"Bella?" she whispered. "Sweetie is that you?"  
  
I held back a sob with all my might and hit disconnect just as it broke out. But I didn't cry. I put the phone back on top of the magazine—noting the covergirl's cleavage with a quiet sniff—and then I wiped my face with my fingers and took a deep shaky breath. I was completely shocked at how much I suddenly missed her.  
  
Mom.  
  
How could I ever leave her?  
  
I sniffed again and when I looked to my left Alice was standing in the archway that led into the kitchen.  
  
"I couldn't find any flour," she said quietly.  
  
I forced myself to smile, but Alice's presence really did make me feel better. Alice was all I needed. I'd always miss mom, but I'd always have Alice.  
  
"That's okay," I said. "I'm cool with cereal."  
  
She looked at me for a moment with concern in her pretty face and she seemed to know exactly who I'd been calling. Who else would I call?  
  
But she could see I was trying to be brave, so she gave me a smile, and then she tore off a square of papertowel and handed it to me. I blew my nose.  
  
"Do you miss your mom?" she asked hesitantly.  
  
I could see the guilt in her face, and all I could think about was making her feel better – nevermind that I was the one almost in tears.  
  
"A little," I admitted with a shrug. "But I guess I had to leave her some day."  
  
She wrapped her arms around me from behind as I sat on the stool. Her chin was resting on my shoulder and I smiled at her warmth and scent.  
  
"Did you get to say goodbye?" she asked.  
  
The truth of my return wasn't very flattering to the image I was trying to cultivate as Alice's one and only true love who's feelings never waned for a single second during her entire absence – so I was forced to lie.  
  
"Not really," I said. "I mean, what could I say? She wouldn't understand. She never did. And when Vicky told me what happened…all I could think about was getting back to you."  
  
I felt a little guilty for telling such a self-serving lie, but even if it wasn't true in fact, it was true in spirit. It was how I wish it had happened – and suddenly I understood the root of Alice's own lying. Because now I was the same. Neither of us were trying to lie – we just trying to make our dreams come true, that's all.  
  
Alice's arms tightened around my middle and nuzzled my neck. "I love you so much, baby," she whispered into my ear. "I don't deserve you."  
  
A year ago I might've argued with that, but this time I allowed myself to feel the justice of it. Alice was a completely fucked up young woman who had destroyed my life – but I still loved her.  
  
"I'm really sorry you had to leave your mom," she added. "I know how much you loved her. And I know she never liked me. I tried really hard to treat you properly. But I guess I just couldn't do it. I'm sorry. I fucked up so much, didn't I?"  
  
I patted Alice's arm, which were still wrapped around my middle. I shook my head, her chin rubbing on my shoulder. "You didn't fuck up anything, Alice," I said. "I mean, here we are, right?" I pried her arms loose and sat her on the stool beside me. I composed her hands on her lap and smiled at her. "A lot of bad shit has happened, sure. But we're still here. Still together. And nothing's ever going to change that, right?"  
  
Alice nodded, blinking back tears. I smiled and I was about to change the subject when she suddenly blurted:  
  
"Baby?"  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Can I ask you a question?"  
  
I chuckled; my, how our roles have reversed lately. I was never going to get used to Alice as the insecure one.  
  
"Sure," I said.  
  
She hesitated. Her brow was puckered cutely and she was biting her lip, and finally she asked:  
  
"Did you leave a girlfriend in Forks?"  
  
I'd been smiling, prepared for any kind of question – except that one.  
  
"I know it's none of my business," she added quickly, alarmed at the fade of my smile. "And it really doesn't matter, but…I just wanted to know. That's all."  
  
And I knew why she wanted to know, too. The truth would sadden her, no matter how much she claims she doesn't care, so again I was forced to lie. But it was a lie I wished was true, so I sounded sincere. I smiled and shook my head.  
  
"No," I said. "Of course not."  
  
She might've suspected I was lying; a glimmer of suspicion came into her eyes. "What about Lauren?" she asked. "You always liked Lauren."  
  
The name Lauren made my stomach tighten, and for a second I remembered her so clearly as I left her, her platinum hair with dark streaks, her nose ring, her combat boots, the tattoo on her neck. Her smile, which had been so rare before she hooked up with me. Her swearing. Her abrasive attitude. Everything, so different from Alice. I did love Lauren, but Lauren was a rebound, and in the end my heart always did belong to Alice.  
  
So I smiled and shook my head again. "You know I could never get over you, Alice," I said. "I was miserable after you left. All I did was pray you'd come back one day."  
  
It was an impressive ad lib, and it was effective; the suspense melted out of her face and her shoulders sagged in relief.  
  
"Really?"  
  
I smiled at her. "Of course."  
  
She bit her lip, struggling with herself. Obviously she was happy that I couldn't get over her, but aware that this was selfish and against her dying wishes. In the end, selfishness won out, but tempered with humility.  
  
"Thanks baby," she said softly. "While I was dying, I really wanted you to move on and be happy. But that was only because I thought you hated me. I'm such a hypocrite. Because now that you're here…I'm so glad you loved me that much."  
  
This time there was no shame or guilt at the lie. It didn't even feel like a lie, it felt perfectly true. And in a way it was. It wasn't what happened, but it was what should've happened.  
  
In any case, I felt it was time to change the topic to something more playful, so I smiled and placed my hands on my knees.  
  
"Now," I said. "What to eat? I still need breakfast, ya know."  
  
An impish smirk appeared on her lips, and she retreated instantly into the suggestion of sex. "Well," she said coyly. "What would baby like?"  
  
I mirrored her smirk. "You know what I'd like."  
  
She leaned forward on the kitchen stool, closer to my mouth. "Yeah?"  
  
I felt her breath wash warmly over my lips, my head hazing over from her pheromones. "Yeah," I whispered, and then I closed the distance and covered her lips with mine.  
  
But we were only really getting warmed up when we were interrupted.  
  
"Good lord," Esme said as she walked in. "Every time I see you girls you have your mouths fastened to each other in some way or another."  
  
Alice peeled her lips from mine and grinned. "Hey, give us a break," she said. "We're young and in love."  
  
She then hopped off the stool to kiss her mother good morning. Of course, Esme wasn't her real mother, and Alice's intimacy with her had taken a quantum leap lately. Esme had put the coffee machine on—as the youngest vampire in the coven she still enjoyed human things—and Alice spun her around, grabbed her face, and planted a huge tongue kiss on her mouth.  
  
It turned me on. I don't usually react with hornyness to warm displays of filial affection, but there aren't many daughters who's affection is as graphic as Alice's.  
  
The kiss frazzled the momma-vamp and when she had use of her mouth she said: "Oh my."  
  
Alice giggled and gave her a playful spank on her womanly behind.  
  
The doctor-chick had come in, too, only this morning he was doctor-dude. I'd only seen his feminine side a couple times. For the most part he—or she—seemed more comfortable in a male role. I didn't know if she was a dedicated butch, or kind of transsexual, but either way it was pretty hot when you got used to it. She shaved under her arms, and that was all I needed to know.  
  
This morning he was wearing a three piece suit, navy in color, and he came in adjusting one of the cuffs, smiling at his family, obviously bound for some appointment in the city. "Morning, Alice," he said, greeting his favorite first.  
  
Alice jumped at him.  
  
It seemed to take all of us by surprise.  
  
He stumbled as her body crashed into his, and she latched onto him with her legs around his waist and her arms around his neck, and she proceeded to stuff her tongue in his mouth. When she finally pulled it out again, she smiled at him point blank, and said:  
  
"Morning daddy."  
  
Esme and I shared a look which was almost an eyeroll. Truthfully, it made me just a little awkward to see Alice make out with something in guy's clothes—even if he was female underneath—but part of being a family was putting up with all the inner-relationship. Most families hate each other; this one's kind of different.  
  
In any case, I guess it was natural for the whole thing to swerve into some good old fashioned group sex. Alice was still fastened to Carlisle, and Carlisle's hands were supporting her weight by gripping under her ass. Honestly, this made me extremely jealous. I mean, is it too much to ask that some things—like Alice's ass—belong strictly to me? Alice gets to keep my blood all to herself. Why should I have to share her ass?  
  
But I didn't get a chance to complain. The doctor-dude was also a decent-dude, and he was even more supportive of Alice's relationship with me than Leah. So he didn't take advantage. He set Alice down on the kitchen counter in front of me, and Alice's legs immediately unlocked from around his waist as she spun around to face me with her legs open. She was horny from all her making out and as she lifted her pleated skirt I caught a waft of her delicious scent.  
  
"Breakfast is served, baby," she said.  
  
I grinned. It was a disturbingly slutty situation, but after living over a month with a coven of horny vampires I'd learnt to regard such circumstances as cute. I started tugging down her panties.  
  
Carlisle gave me a wink over Alice's shoulder, and he was going to leave us alone, but then Alice's hand snatched out and grabbed his tie.  
  
"Where do you think you're going?"  
  
"I have an appointment to see about—"  
  
Alice didn't care about his appointments, and with a little jerk of his tie she pulled his face onto hers. He took the hint and began tonguing her. He was standing behind her, her open mouth tilted back to his, and soon he'd lifted her top and started stroking her breasts.  
  
By now I had her panties off, and after reassuring myself it was me she loved more than anyone and maybe all this was only temporary anyway, I leaned down to her pussy and placed a long lick across it, eliciting a long moan that was lost in the doctor's mouth. I kept licking, and after a couple licks, I heard Alice bark at her mother:  
  
"Esme, forget your fucking coffee! Get over here!"  
  
"I'm sorry, dear, I just didn't want to interrupt—"  
  
"Esme!"  
  
"Coming, honey."  
  
I smiled into Alice's pussy and pushed my tongue inside it.  
  
Ah, Alice.  
  
She might call them mom and dad, but we all know who the real matriarch is.  
  
—  
  
That afternoon, Alice and I played tennis with Leah, Jane, and Tanya. The estate had it's own tennis courts, so it was just the five of us. Victoria and Rosalie were still holed up in their room, emerging only occasionally to prowl the Paris nightclubs, and by this point even Jane was getting worried. She had a mild hero-worship of Rosalie, and she missed her. Victoria had been keeping her pet blonde on a tight leash lately, and Victoria herself was in the weirdest mood anybody had seen from her in three centuries. Something was seriously bothering her – and I had a feeling I knew what it was.  
  
Honestly, I had no idea why she'd left us alone this long. Sometimes I tried to convince myself that she had given up and she was prepared to let us be happy together, but I knew that was bullshit. Victoria was a proud woman, and that pride sometimes made her passive. She preferred her prey to come to her, but Alice and I hadn't, and we still hadn't really talked about it. Alice was having a hard time forgiving her former mistress for her treatment of me in the past—and she didn't even know about the worst stuff—and she had been stubbornly determined to avoid both the blonde and the redhead.  
  
And me, with all the various physical and emotional injuries I'd suffered at their hands, was hardly more eager to knock on their door and offer myself and my girlfriend as sex slaves. I don't care how hot it would be; I have pride lately.  
  
And yet we couldn't avoid them forever. Soon, very soon, something was going to have to be done, and preferably before the redhead explodes into a dominant rage and decides to whip us into submission.  
  
Personally, I was at the point where I'd be willing to include them in our small circle of family intimacy, but it just seemed so awkward. I didn't want any BDSM bullshit. I only wanted Alice to be happy, and even though I knew she was happiest with only me, I also knew that her coven's happiness was part of that. She tried to be thick skinned about it, but I could tell how badly Jane's jealousy had hurt her when we went horseback riding, and I could see how wounded she was at every longing glance Esme would give her. And the only way to resolve all that, was sex. So even if neither me nor Alice were fully happy with the arrangement, it was a fair compromise. No relationship is perfect and if we have to give up a bit of pussy every now and then, well, it's not like we're both not total sluts anyway.  
  
But the redhead was a different matter. For one thing, I didn't really care if she was happy or not. With Jane and Esme, I cared. I felt sorry for them that they had to go without Alice. But for the redhead, I really felt nothing at all other than a niggling anxiety. Not even fear, really, because deep down I was confident that I could handle anything she threw at me. I had nothing left to lose anymore, and if it came down to a cat fight, I'm sure the other Cullen's would back me up.  
  
But I did care about the blonde. Rosalie. I had no idea how her head functioned, but she was obviously torn between a mistress and a wife, and even more obviously it was Alice that she loved the most. I still remember her jealousy back in Forks when she first met me. The sheer distain in her eyes that I taken Alice away. That Alice had chosen me over her. It was mind boggling to me too, at the time, but I think I understand now. Alice preferred me because I was a clean-slate. Someone she could mold into her perfect soulmate. She had turned out to be a pretty shitty sculptor, but I was trying my hardest to meet her expectations, and right now I had to figure out what a perfect soulmate would do in this situation.  
  
It wasn't easy. Sitting around doing nothing was almost certainly the wrong thing to do, but I could think of no other practical course of action, aside from tying the redhead down, driving a stake through her heart, and putting her out of Alice's misery. But Victoria was a favorite with the Cullens, and deep down I knew Alice wouldn't want that. Victoria was Alice's mistress, and they did have a bond, even if it wasn't love.  
  
And that was the key problem, really. I mean, this was a woman who fully believed that Alice belonged to her—like a literal possession—and I was suppose to do what? Share my soulmate like some kind of sex toy? At least the rest of the coven actually loved her, and even if it was wrong and depraved, there was at least a fundamental foundation of emotional intimacy.  
  
But the redhead?  
  
Does she love Alice?  
  
I remembered her jealousy, her bitterness, her smoldering rage that had grown and grown over the course of our relationship. Back when Alice and I first hooked up, she had seen me as such a minor threat that she would barely lift a finger to seduce me. Now she had abducted me, cut my neck open, and fed me to Alice because she couldn't bare to see Alice die.  
  
Yeah.  
  
She loved her.  
  
And what can I do about that? I had no idea, but I had to come up with something fast. Something that didn't involve slavery or staking. Something—  
  
But the thought was knocked out of my head by a high velocity tennis ball. It made a loud thud off my forehead and my head snapped back.  
  
"Jane!" Alice screeched.  
  
I rubbed my temple. "Ow."  
  
We'd been playing tennis for over an hour, and when I say 'we,' I meant everyone but me. Jane and Alice were playing doubles against Leah and Tanya, and I was sitting on the sidelines, watching. But then I'd become absorbed in my thoughts, and in my distraction I'd left myself open to a high-speed smash from Jane.  
  
Jane was shrieking with giggles and Alice had dropped her racket and come running over. Tanya was snickering behind her hand, and even Leah was smirking.  
  
"Oh my god, baby, are you okay?" Alice said, brushing away my hand so she could peer at the wound. But it was a tennis ball, not a bullet, so I was pretty sure I'd live.  
  
"Yeah, I'm alright," I said, and then I leaned aside so I could glare playfully at Jane. "Fuck you, Jane," I called out. "The fucking net's over there, you blind bitch."  
  
Jane smirked. "You honestly think I wasn't aiming for you?"  
  
Alice abandoned her duties as nurse and spun around to Jane, but she was grinning. "Oh, you fucking bitch," she said, advancing toward Jane. She picked up her fallen tennis racket and pointed it at her sister like a sword. "Apologize to Bella right now."  
  
"Fuck that," Jane said.  
  
Alice smacked her with the racket. It bounced off Jane's blonde head with a twanging sound and Jane staggered back.  
  
"Ow!"  
  
"Apologize!"  
  
Jane backed away cheekily. "Make me," she said, and with a yelp she started running – just as Alice bolted after her.  
  
Tanya burst out laughing and called out in French. I chuckled. Alice and Jane started chasing each other around the court with their rackets aloft like girl-berserkers, Alice screaming for Jane to apologize, Jane laughing and leaping the tennis net, Alice swiftly at her heels. Finally Alice tackled Jane to the ground right at my feet and pinned her down.  
  
"Apologize to Bella!"  
  
"No!"  
  
Leah shook her head and wandered over, Tanya in tow. "You two are worse than children."  
  
They both ignored her.  
  
"Apologize," Alice demanded.  
  
Jane had been trying to thrash her way out, but Alice had her wrists pinned and all her weight on Jane's body. Jane went still and pouted.  
  
"No," she said.  
  
Alice smiled dangerously. "Jane," she said. "Don't make me make you. I know your weak spots."  
  
"Leah!" Jane yelped. "Help!  
  
Leah chuckled and shook her head. "Oh god," she said. "Listen, I wouldn't be comfortable getting involved in such a serious fight, so me and Tanya are gonna hit the showers. We'll let you adults resolve your problems."  
  
Jane pouted on the ground under Alice and gave Tanya a jealous glance. "Fine," she said, "but take it easy with that slut. You're pussy belongs to me, ya know."  
  
Tanya frowned prettily and said in a thick accent: "I know slut."  
  
Jane grinned. "Aww, isn't that cute? She knows she's a slut. Someone give the girl a pat on the head, she's so smart!"  
  
"She mean's she understands slut in English," Leah told Jane with a smile, and then she turned to Tanya and took her hand. "Allons, laissez-nous vont."  
  
Leah began leading her away and Tanya snapped over her shoulder at Jane:  
  
"Vous etes le slut."  
  
Jane giggled. "Well, that's probably true," she said, then smiled at Alice on top of her. "Can I get up now?"  
  
"Can you apologize to Bella?"  
  
Jane rolled her eyes to me. "Sorry," she said with heavy sarcasm, and then turned back to Alice. "Happy now?"  
  
"Bella, do you forgive her?"  
  
Jane groaned.  
  
I was still holding my temple, but I smiled and nodded.  
  
Alice released her and hopped to her feet. Jane jumped up and dusted the back of her skirt. We were all in tennis clothes, white tanktops, white miniskirts, and all of us in white underwear, too. I'd been peeking.  
  
Alice grinned. "Good," she said. "Now…kiss and make up." She giggled coyly and laced her hands behind her back. "I wanna watch."  
  
Jane and I gave a collective eyeroll, but there was no real hate between us and we did like to please Alice. So we did it. Jane stepped up to me, snaking her hands around my waist. She tilted her face up to mine, and I cupped her cheek and pressed my lips against hers. There were still so many unresolved issues between me and Alice that required my attention, but it was really difficult to stay focused with distractions like this.  
  
And I did like Jane. She was mean and violent, and she'd just smacked a tennis ball into my head, but she was really cute and of all the Cullens I think maybe she loved Alice most. Sometimes that made me jealous, but other times—like now—it seemed really sweet.  
  
I let my tongue into her mouth, and because I knew Alice was watching, I reached down and groped her butt under her skirt, giving it a healthy squeeze.  
  
"Oooh," Alice said, with a little giggle. "That's hot."  
  
Jane and I kept kissing, and Alice came over and added her hand to mine, pressing it harder against Jane's behind until Jane smirked away from the kiss, turning to Alice for Alice to try her lips. I watched them kiss with the kiss only inches away from me, their tongues touching and mingling together, and then Alice turned to me and started kissing me, our hands still squeezing Jane's butt. Jane leaned her face into ours and we made it a triple kiss, our tongues tangling and our hot cheeks mashed together.  
  
We made love on the tennis court with much giggling and playing around. Jane kept looking for props to use, but Alice and I convinced her not to stick the tennis rackets anywhere they might not fit, and we even persuaded her not to take down the net so she could wrap it around my naked body in a form of light bondage.  
  
The sun was setting by the time we were done, and we walked back to the house together, the three of us with our hands clasped, strolling down the garden path toward the rear of the house. Jane's blonde hair shone in the last of the twilight and Alice's panties were broken and in my pocket.  
  
"So when are you guys finally gonna give it up to Big V?" Jane asked conversationally. "That chick needs to get laid so bad. Leah and I talked to her last night. We asked her if she and Rose wanted some company and she sneers at me and she's like: 'If I wanted your company, Jane dear, I wouldn't require the offer.'"  
  
Jane did a very good hoity-toity accent and Alice giggled.  
  
"Bitch needs to get with the times," Jane said. "Nobody talks that shit anymore. It's not like she can't speak American if she tries. I don't know how Rosalie puts up with her."  
  
Alice stopped giggling and her smile went a little sad. We paused there on the garden path, our sneaker crunching to a standstill in the gravel.  
  
"What do you think's wrong with her?" Alice asked.  
  
Jane shrugged. "She misses you," she said. "What else?"  
  
"Do you think she's pissed?"  
  
Jane opened her mouth for some wise-crack, but then she closed it again. She saw Alice's expression and decided to take the question seriously. "I don't know," she said. "To be honest, I think she's just confused. Back in Forks, she never believed Bella was anything special. None of us did. But now she knows how much you love her. She knows she'll never be number one in your heart again. And she doesn't know how to handle that, you know?"  
  
Alice nodded thoughtfully. Jane gave me a glance and then she sighed and started backing down the garden path toward the house.  
  
"Well, I'd better go find Leah," she said. "You guys going out tonight?"  
  
Alice didn't answer, still in thought, so I said:  
  
"Nah, probably not."  
  
Jane smirked. "Cool," she said. "Catch you later then."  
  
Then she turned and skipped back to the house. The sun had set a little more and when I turned to Alice she was examining hedge-row that lined the graveled path. She head her head down and with the dusk on her back she looked almost iridescent in her white clothes.  
  
"You okay?" I asked.  
  
She turned to me and heaved a sigh. "Yeah," she said. "I was just sad for a second. Vicky and I used to be so close. And Rosalie…" Another sigh. "I've had a lot of wedding ceremonies over the years, but with Rosalie I really thought I meant it."  
  
"Do you miss them?"  
  
She shook her head. "Not really," she said. "I'm just sad it has to be like this. But it's not our fault. I mean, me and you were only trying to be together. We never did anything wrong. Right?"  
  
I nodded. Although, technically, Alice did drop her wife and mistress overnight when she met me with practically no explanation and no reason beyond a skirtful of horniness for someone new. No divorce, no trial separation. Just flat abandonment with teasing friendship. Kind of cruel, really. She could've handled it a bit better, but then again, that was true of everything she'd done – and that's why it was my turn to guide the relationship now.  
  
And most of all, I just wanted everything to be okay.  
  
Alice was looking off into the sunset, and after a moment's hesitation, I hugged her from behind.  
  
"Did you wanna go see them tonight?" I asked softly.  
  
She shook her head. "No," she said. "I'm not sure if I'll ever forgive Victoria, but I do know that I can't go crawling back to her. And I don't want that for you, either."  
  
"So what do you want to do?"  
  
She heaved a sigh. "Nothing," she said. "She's the one that ruined everything, not me. Not you. If she wants to be friends again, it's up to her. She's not my mistress anymore, and I'm done bowing down to her. If she wants me in her life, she's going to have to treat me—and you—with respect. She's going to have to let us decide who we do and who we don't want in our relationship."  
  
I almost smiled. But only almost.  
  
"That'll never happen," I said.  
  
Alice turned around and smiled in the last of the twilight. "I know," she said. "But it doesn't matter. In the end, all I want is you."  
  
—  
  
That night turned out to be a movie night. We were all staying in, and as we began gathering around Jane and her video games with nothing to do, it was proposed that we should all watch a movie. I could think of less savory activities that we could do as a family—naked Twister springs to mind—but movie nights were fun too.  
  
So the whole family assembled before the humungous wall-screen plasma—Tanya included—and proceeded to bicker about what to watch. Seven women with completely different tastes – not a pretty scene.  
  
Esme suggested in her demure way that maybe it would be nice to watch a nice romantic comedy, something with Sandra Bullock perhaps. Alice debunked this idea instantly and demanded we watch the entire Dark Knight Trilogy. A loud groan when up at that from Jane, who said Batman sucked and The Avengers was way better, and besides at least Spiderman had romance in it. Alice slapped her and they started brawling. Tanya, hovering around the vast blu-ray case, suggested something in French. Carlisle's interest was piqued and he explained to me and Esme—who didn't speak French either—that it was a French historical epic about the love affairs of Marie Antoinette, which were with another woman. It sounded good to me, but Esme expressed anxiety over a sad ending—the French queen did end up guillotined, after all—and Alice said that it didn't matter if it had a sad ending because we were watching the Dark Knight Trilogy. Jane told her to go fuck herself and they started brawling again. Leah, who had been silent till now—and a little weary—said why don't we just pick something everybody will enjoy and shut the fuck up and watch it. Alice said good idea, and so we watched the entire Dark Knight Trilogy.  
  
Alice was the only one who truly enjoyed it, but Alice's excitement was infectious and soon she and Jane were babbling non-stop about how awesome every scene was, with Leah adding a sardonic comment every now and then. Esme had made popcorn, and although me and Tanya were the only humans in the room, neither of us had much. Alice and Jane munched a bowl each, Leah ate a handful for seemingly no other reason than for something to do, and Esme and Carlisle shared a bowl between them as they cuddled on the sofa like teenagers at the cinema. Alice and Jane were sitting on the carpet at their feet like actual children, and Leah and Tanya were sharing a couch, and I was sitting by myself on the couch opposite, facing the TV, but mostly glancing at Alice.  
  
She really did love these movies, and three different times she claimed that the trials of immortality were worth it simply to see these films and it was going to centuries before such an artistic triumph was ever surpassed. Every couple seconds she'd turn to me for my expression on a certain scene, and I was soon worn out from feigning excitement, but I guess I liked the movies too. I didn't seem to be orgasming in my pants like Alice, but they were pretty cool. Although I got a little jealous of how Alice would stare mooneyed at the Joker and repeat his lines word for word whenever he was on the screen. She let loose with a squeal when he blew up the hospital, and Jane took the opportunity to tease her about the obviously massive man-crush at work there. Alice denied it quite vehemently – besides, his teeth were yellow.  
  
All in all, it was great fun, but although we'd started early we didn't quite get to see them all. We were nearing the end of the second movie when Leah's face changed. She was the first one to notice. I was sitting with my back to the entrance of the living room and Leah seemed to be looking past me at someone who'd just walked in. She been smirking at the movie, and she was still smirking, but it wasn't the same.  
  
Alice and Jane were laughing at the awesomeness of something that had just happened, but when Alice glanced at me for my reaction, she saw what Leah saw behind me. Her smile completely fell away. The laughter in the room died away as everyone else noticed. With a cold feeling settling over me, I turned in my chair and looked over my shoulder.  
  
It was Victoria.  
  
I'd been half expecting something awful or gruesome, but there was nothing awful or gruesome about what she was wearing. It was a red dress, semi-formal, as if she was going somewhere nice to eat tonight. Just behind her stood Rosalie, likewise attired in a semi-formal dress, white in color. It had a racy split down the front that exposed a large swathe of her chest, almost to her belly, and she wore a diamond collar-band around her neck.  
  
It was silent in the room but for the audio track of the movie. No one seemed to know how to react to the emergence of the pair and we waited quietly, as if we ought not wake something better left sleeping.  
  
Victoria glanced at the TV with little interest, as if she'd come down from her room merely to see what we were watching. She wore a diamond bracelet around her perfect wrist and she took a moment to adjusted it as we all watched. Then she sighed and looked up at the room with a smile, neither at me nor Alice.  
  
"Well," she said. "Rosalie and I are going to dinner. Would anyone care to join us?"  
  
—  
  
AN:  
  
Consider this a chapter break. I'm trying to get some practice with more frequent and effective chapter breaks so I can get used to more measured chapters for when I write my next fic. I was going to upload the chapter just like this, but I promised Vicky and Rose would be in this chapter, and I didn't want to break that promise again, so I decided to include the next chapter with it. But at the same time I don't want to mess up the numbers, so technically this is still Chapter 34. Sorry for the confusion, lol. Amateur author. Still learning, folks ;)  
  
PS: I don't speak French – google translations.  
  
PS: Credit to bobbi123 for the nickname 'Big V.' I always thought that was kind of cute ;)  
  
—  
  
Chapter 34:  
  
—  
  
Frankly I would've been less shocked if she walked in with a chainsaw and started spilling body parts. I had no words for this bizarre turn of events, and no one else seemed to either. A round of glances was exchanged until I locked eyes with Alice. There was alarm in her eyes, and despite her words earlier that day in the garden, she really couldn't fight it. The urge to obey grew in her eyes, and finally she just blurted:  
  
"Bella and I will go."  
  
There was an explosion on the screen. Jane chuckled at the timing. Victoria glanced at the movie and the acceptance of her invitation by none other than Alice herself seemed to have no effect on her at all – but Rosalie smiled. Not a mean smile, not a superior smile – a grateful smile, small and full of hope.  
  
Alice jumped to her feet, suddenly unsure, and I rose too.  
  
"Just give us a minute to get dressed," she said, and then she took my hand and led me past the redhead, the redhead not glancing at either of us.  
  
Alice led me upstairs, practically jogging up the steps, and slammed shut the door behind us in our room.  
  
"Oh god, baby, I'm so sorry."  
  
She stood frozen, as if she couldn't believe what had just happened. I couldn't either, but I could see the bright side. There'd been no blood shed, for instance.  
  
"Are you okay?" I asked.  
  
She grabbed my hands anxiously. "You're not mad at me?"  
  
"Of course not, Alice."  
  
She dropped my hands and started pacing. "Oh god I'm an idiot," she said. "I just couldn't help it. I mean, you saw the way she was looking at us. She would've been so crushed if we said no. I mean, what was I—oh god we better get dressed!"  
  
She raced over to the closet and tore it open.  
  
"Um, Alice?"  
  
"Yeah, baby?"  
  
"Is this really such a good idea?"  
  
She spun around. She had a dress in her hands and she was holding it against herself absently as if modeling it, framed within the open doors of the closet.  
  
"Well, I just…"  
  
She trailed off and looked down. As if to examine the dress, but that wasn't what she was looking at. Finally she sighed and looked up.  
  
"I'm sorry, baby," she said, "but the truth is I just thought it was really sweet. I've never seen her act like that in my whole life. I mean, her last attempts to get my attention weren't so considerate, remember?"  
  
Victoria's way of getting Alice's attention usually involved seducing me, with my will or against it – of course I remember.  
  
Alice flapped the dress stressfully and went on. "I mean, what if she's changed?" she said. "What if she's realized that me and you belong together, and she doesn't want to interfere, she just wants to be friends. I mean, that could be possible. What do you think?"  
  
I didn't believe it, but Alice was very eager to be optimistic, and in any case; a quiet dinner at a fine restaurant was better than any other grisly scenario I'd imagined. So I tried to smile and share her optimism. "Maybe you're right," I said.  
  
We got changed very quickly with Alice literally tearing dresses out of the closet one by one, examining them, and flinging them aside as I quietly took off my clothes behind her. Finally she found two dresses which were at least passable—mine turquoise, her's lavender—and we wriggled into them and zipped each other up. She then dashed about as she coordinated shoes and jewelry, agonizing over wanting to be pretty but not wanting to send the wrong signals. I had no idea which signals would be wrong, since I also had no idea what outcome we were hoping for tonight, but I was prepared to follow Alice's lead, at least in fashion. Finally she whipped out the makeup and touched up our faces—nothing too lavish—and concluded our preparations by applying a thin layer of foundation over my neck to conceal the latest bite marks.  
  
I hadn't worn a collar since Victoria had torn it off my neck that day I first returned to Alice. Alice liked to cover them with makeup in public, but I think that was mostly habit. After all, it's not I had to avoid questions from mom or schoolmates anymore. Still, I liked the bite marks. I wore them around the house proudly, because they were proof that Alice owned most of me. Alice and I were happy to share our love—for now, at least—but there would always be one aspect of our relationship that belonged strictly to us.  
  
Alice was fretful by the time we were ready, but I told her not to worry and repeated back her own hopes that probably Victoria was one trying to be nice. I didn't believe it, but it was at least possible. Victoria had to realize by now that Alice was never going to stop loving me, that she'd rather die than be without me. Maybe it truly was possible Victoria was prepared to let us go.  
  
But then I remembered the last time Victoria had taken me to dinner, the way she'd smiled and acted all friendly and then threatened to kill my mother and girlfriend if I didn't do as she said, and I realized that Alice and I might very well be walking into a trap.  
  
Victoria and Rosalie were still waiting in the living room, and even though me and Alice had only been gone ten minutes, they'd already changed the movie. Alice had recovered enough from the shock of the dinner invitation to present a very convincing façade of carefree cheerfulness.  
  
"Okay, we're ready," she announced, and then waved at the room. "Catch you guys later."  
  
No one replied, they just kind of smirked. Victoria rose from where she'd been sitting on the armrest of the couch and smiled her velvety smile.  
  
"Come along then," she said. "We have reservations at the Le Pomme l'Amour, and they shant hold them forever. We're already late."  
  
And with that she sailed past with hardly a glance at either us.  
  
—  
  
Le Pomme l'Amour was sited on the banks of the Seine, and even though it was late, it was still crowded. A fancy place. We walked in arm in arm and received an arched eyebrow from the maitre'd who stood behind a marble counter in a tuxedo. Victoria spoke to him in French, and he led us to a table. The table was outside under the stars and the stars were reflected in the black water of the Seine.  
  
Dinner was a restrained affair, at least at first, which was probably natural when the party consists of people who regularly fuck, rape, and abuse each other. It took a little while for Alice to get into the swing of things, but once she built up momentum she was the life of the party as always. She chattered about anything that came into her head, and done a very good job pretending to be oblivious to the fact that no one was really replying.  
  
But so far so good. I'd never been a conversationalist, but I did my best to add some words to the discussion, and even more surprisingly, so did Rosalie. She smiled at Alice's jokes and even laughed a couple times as Alice recalled little memories and stories of their lives together. Back in Forks the blonde had almost been perpetually silent aside from the occasional scathing comment about me every so often, but she seemed to have changed. She was still basically ignoring me, but she seemed determined to simply make Alice as comfortable and happy as possible – which was a side of her I'd never seen. It was as if she had truly accepted Alice's right to be with me.  
  
The odd one out was Victoria. Despite her open invitation to dinner—which had undoubtedly been aimed at Alice—she seemed to take little pleasure in mine or Alice's company. She alone refused to eat and she spent the entire evening reclined in her chair with a glass of wine in her hand, watching as all silently.  
  
Alice at first was fine with ignoring her, but she kept glancing, and kept glancing, until finally she couldn't take the sullenness anymore.  
  
"What's the matter, Vicky?" she asked cheerfully, making only a subtle challenge. "You're so quiet."  
  
Victoria raised an eyebrow. "Am I?" she said languidly. "I hadn't noticed."  
  
Nearby there was a man in a beret playing a French accordion with a rose in his lapel. I always thought the accordion was the stupidest instrument of all time, but Alice smiled and turned back to Victoria.  
  
"I love Paris," she said. "I keep thinking about the last time we were here, do you remember?" But then suddenly she realized that the last time she was here was when she'd dumped me in Forks. Truthfully, I hadn't even noticed the oversight, but Alice paled and quickly backpedaled. "I mean, not the last time," she said. "The time before that. It was four years ago."  
  
I nodded conversationally. Alice and I had been through too much to stress out over a dialogue slip. Alice was relieved I was okay, and turned back to our dinner companions, her smile instantly replaced.  
  
"We saw that opera," she said, "which one was that again?"  
  
Rosalie glanced at Victoria, and Victoria, seeing that everybody was waiting for her to join the conversation, finally decided to deign us with a little civility.  
  
"Mephistopheles," she said. "By Boito."  
  
Alice snapped her fingers. "That's the one," she said. "That was so awesome. We gotta catch the opera while we're here, Bella. You'd love it. In fact, we should all go together."  
  
I thought she might've gone too far with the pretense on that one, but I wasn't the kind of person to correct her girlfriend in public. I was cool with accepting a dinner invitation, but suggesting we all go to the opera together? Um, no.  
  
Victoria saw my expression and smirked. "Don't you think opera might be too sophisticated for your little soulmate, Alice?" she suggested. "The poor thing would be bored senseless."  
  
It was a little patronizing, but Alice held her tongue – well kind of. Her smile went hard and she said:  
  
"Then Bella and I will get a private balcony of our own and have some fun during the boring bits."  
  
It was almost a direct challenge, but Victoria didn't rise to it. She sipped her wine with studied disinterestness, and Alice quickly forced her friendly façade back in place, turning excitedly to Rosalie.  
  
"Like last time, remember Rose? When we used those opera glasses to examine Vicky's cleavage? I mean, they're huge in real life, but through binoculars…"  
  
She trailed off with a giggle and Rosalie and I laughed too. Victoria didn't.  
  
I actually thought it was kind of funny—I'd love to look at her boobs through binoculars—but my chuckles evaporated easily enough. Alice and Rosalie stopped laughing as well.  
  
"What's wrong, Vicky?" Alice said. "Don't you remember?"  
  
Victoria swirled her wine glass, not looking at anyone. "I remember."  
  
No one knew what this attitude implied, and after a few moments Alice steered the conversation away by pretending something just occurred to her.  
  
"Oh!" she gasped. "I gotta tell you guys what happened with Leah and Jane the other day. It was so funny!"  
  
She laughed to set the tone, and I hated to interrupt what would no doubt be an amusing tale, but I really had to go to the bathroom. So I rose from my chair, a little awkwardly.  
  
"Um, I have to go to the bathroom," I said. "I'll be back in a sec."  
  
Alice had already half-risen from her chair. "Do you want me to come with you?"  
  
"Oh please," Victoria snapped suddenly. "I think that might be stretching the obligations of a soulmate a little far, don't you Alice? Let the stupid girl out of your sight for two seconds. She won't get lost, unless she really is as moronic as she looks."  
  
I think we were all too surprised at the outburst to be angry. The French accordion continued in the background and Alice sank back into her chair with a perplexed frown. I was pretty sure she hadn't been serious about following me to the bathroom—just another of her quirky displays of clinginess—but I laughed it off anyway.  
  
"That's okay, you tell your story," I said. "I'll be back in a minute."  
  
Victoria's lip curled in a smile of disgust and her voice was scathingly pleasant. "Oh, do hurry," she said. "I'm sure Alice will be inconsolable till your return. Perhaps she'll attempt to kill herself again, although for the sake of her family I hope she chooses a less lingering method than starvation. What a terribly boring ordeal that was. And do I receive a word of thanks for reuniting the happy lovers? No indeed. Instead I'm shunned like some kind of leper. Perhaps I should've let you both rot."  
  
If we'd been surprised before, we were stunned now. Victoria was almost emotional, almost…hurt. The tirade seemed to have been pent up inside her, a whole month of accumulated jealousy, and when she stopped herself it seemed to take visible effort. Alice looked at her for a long moment, all her facades slowly slipping away until her face was just blank. She was almost hurt as well. Finally she said:  
  
"Why are you being such a bitch, Vicky?"  
  
Victoria raised a red eyebrow. "Am I? Forgive me. It's been such a long time since you've deigned to grace us with your presence that I believe I've forgotten my manners."  
  
Rosalie was looking at her mistress anxiously and very quietly she said:  
  
"Vicky…"  
  
There was a touch of something admonishing in her voice, and it was the first time I'd ever seen the blonde stand up to the redhead. Victoria glanced at her and her face softened slightly. She exhaled through her nose and looked down into her wine glass. She didn't speak. Rosalie turned a pleading look onto Alice. Alice looked at me where I stood beside the table. I was moved by Victoria's outburst, and beyond all that I still really needed to go to the bathroom. So I nodded, giving Alice permission to do whatever she wanted to do, and what she did was reach across the table and lay her hand over Victoria's.  
  
"Vicky," she said. "Let's not fight, okay?"  
  
Victoria looked at Alice's hand clasped over her own on the table cloth. There were actually tears in her eyes although none of them fell. She lifted her eyes to Alice's face and Alice smiled.  
  
"We've both made mistakes," she said. "All of us. I'll always be grateful that you returned Bella to me, but you did a lot of other horrible stuff too, so… Why don't we just start over? I know you feel like I betrayed you, and maybe I did. But you betrayed me too. So now we're even, okay? Let's just be friends again."  
  
Rosalie and I were waiting silently for the outcome of the exchange. Alice kept her hand over Victoria's, looking imploringly into the other woman's eyes, and Victoria seemed to be considering. The accordion was still playing in the background and suddenly I shivered. It was a warm night, but oh god I had to pee.  
  
Finally the redhead sighed and withdrew her hand. "Oh, very well," she said. "The continued drama bores me and we've known each other too long to throw it all away now. But if you expect an apology, I will have to disappoint you. I refused to be blamed for simply fighting for what is rightfully mine."  
  
Alice smirked. "I don't belong to you anymore," she said, and hugged onto my arm. "I belong to Bella, right Bella?"  
  
I blushed at the two pairs of deathly gorgeous eyes that locked onto me, and then I gently tugged away my arm. "Um, sure," I said, "but I really gotta…"  
  
I cocked my thumb toward the bathroom and Alice giggled.  
  
"Yes, baby, you go do your business."  
  
I chuckled awkwardly and started backing away. Victoria was glaring at me and somehow I got the impression that she wasn't particularly happy at Alice's official declaration of having a new owner.  
  
—  
  
By the time I got back to the table we were all apparently ready to leave. They had paid the check and were arranging handbags and purses. I tried not to be disappointed that we were skipping dessert.  
  
But we didn't go home straight away. Alice proposed we all take a stroll along the banks of the Seine—since it was such a lovely night—and no one could think of any actual objections. I could, but I kept silent. I was only human and I'm sure my vampiric companions didn't share my ankles' reluctance to go aimlessly strolling in high heels.  
  
There was a footpath specifically designed for moonlit riverwalks and every now and then we'd pass other couples on their romantic patrols, sauntering arm in arm, or reposed on one of the iron benches, or making out under one of those old-fashioned iron street lamps. The path was laid in bricks and the bricks were yellow in the yellow lampfall. Stars winked in the wrinkled face of the river and the water was black as ink.  
  
We began our stroll as a group, but the ice was fast melting between Victoria and Alice and soon they'd sauntered on ahead a little bit to where they could talk in private. After Victoria's outburst and Alice's reconciliation, they both seemed eager to return to a pleasant place in their relationship, and even I had to admit that whatever was happening now was probably better than any other alternative.  
  
Rosalie and I were walking side by side, silently, watching our lovers who were some distance ahead on the cobbled path. We weren't actually holding hands, but it felt so odd that we might as well of. Of the four of us, only me and Rosalie were wearing coats. Alice and Victoria were carrying their own draped over their arms. I hated for Alice to be so far away—fifteen feet at least—but I took advantage of the distance by watching her ass. Her dress was lavender silk, short, and it fit very snuggly. Victoria's dress was flame red, loose fitting like something you'd wear dancing, and her ass was very nice as well. Rosalie's heels clicked along beside me and after a while I turned to her with a smirk.  
  
"Hey," I said. "Can I ask you something?"  
  
She wasn't particularly happy at being spoken to, but something had changed in her opinion of me lately, and she at least seemed willing to tolerate the idea of a dialogue.  
  
"What?" she asked.  
  
I tossed my chin at our lovers up ahead.  
  
"Who do you think's got the nicer ass?"  
  
It probably wasn't a topic she'd been expecting. She didn't answer, but from the sparkle in her eyes she seemed to be holding back a smile. It was too bad she thought I was joking, because I really would've liked to know. Personally, I preferred Alice's, but I was mature enough to admit that Victoria's would probably win in most technical categories.  
  
We continued walking in silence for a few seconds and finally I decided to try another attempt at conversation. So I glanced at my silent blonde companion and said:  
  
"Can I ask you something else?"  
  
"If you have to."  
  
"Do you love Alice?"  
  
My heart gave a strange jolt as I asked. This was another thing I was curious about. I had no idea how the blonde worked, but I wanted to understand her if I could.  
  
She glanced at me, as if to gauge the seriousness of the question, and then she nodded.  
  
"Yes," she said. "I do."  
  
I frowned puzzledly. "But how? I mean, I don't get it. You love Alice. But you're with Victoria. I mean, I could understand if Victoria was just like a fuck-buddy. But you love her too, right?"  
  
Rosalie looked a little uncomfortable, as if it was beneath her dignity to discuss such things with a girl like me who would probably never understand, but she at least tried.  
  
"Alice is my wife," she said. "Victoria is my mistress. Two completely different things."  
  
"You can just separate them like that?" I asked.  
  
"Of course," she said. "I don't love Victoria, I revere her."  
  
"Don't you revere Alice?"  
  
She shook her head as if annoyed at the questions. "It's not the same."  
  
"Why not?" I persisted. "And why don't you love Victoria?"  
  
"I do."  
  
"You just said you didn't."  
  
She shot me a look. "Don't be stupid," she said. "I love and revere them both. Is that really so difficult to understand?"  
  
Back in Forks I would've been terrified at her tone, but it didn't seem to bother me so much now. So I shrugged meekly and nodded. "Kind of," I said. "I mean, I love Alice, but I only like Jane and Leah. And I don't like you or Victoria at all. I only think you're hot. I don't get how you can, like, share your heart like that."  
  
Rosalie didn't answer. Up ahead the footpath went underneath a bridge that spanned the river. Victoria and Alice had paused there underneath one of the iron lamps. Victoria was smirking and Alice was flirting coyly. I guess we were all friends again. Rosalie and I had paused as well, not wanting to interrupt them. We stood there watching them for a second, and then I said:  
  
"Can I ask you one more thing?"  
  
"What?"  
  
I turned to her. I framed my question slowly, a little anxiously. "If you had to pick between Alice and Victoria…if you could only have one…which one would you pick?"  
  
She looked away. Her perfect blonde eyebrows drew together and I could already see the answer in her face. Who wouldn't pick Alice?  
  
But I wanted to know if she would actually admit it, so I waited. Finally she exhaled through her nose and shrugged a shoulder.  
  
"It's not a decision I'd be able to make," she said. "Someone else would have to make it for me."  
  
I nodded, and then I took the opportunity to gloat just a little. "I'd pick Alice," I said, subtly flaunting the absoluteness of my feelings. "I'd pick Alice over anyone."  
  
But it didn't impress Rosalie. "Funny," she said. "Because not so long ago you had that exact choice – and as I remember you picked your little blonde friend. That is, until Victoria and I dragged you back to Alice by the hair."  
  
She said it completely casual, not even looking at me. My smile dissolved and my glow went cold. Rosalie glanced at me once, to make sure the shot hit it's mark, and then she smirked and started walking toward Victoria and Alice.  
  
I watched her go with a dark frown. Maybe I did pick Lauren back then, but that was then. This was now. Everything was changed now, and as of now nothing would ever come between me and Alice again.  
  
Alice was smiling radiantly, delighted to be on good terms with her former mistress at long last, and as I came over she turned that same smile onto me and wrapped her arms around my middle. "Hey, baby," she said, giving me a quick kiss. "Ready to go home?"  
  
I looked at Victoria and Rosalie over Alice's shoulder. The wind rustled their hair and their pale faces watched me with their vampiric passiveness. I gave a slow nod to Alice's question, but now more than ever I was positive that this was only a transitional phase in our relationship. One day I was going to have to get her away from these people.  
  
All of them.  
  
—  
  
In any case, it looked like tonight was shaping up to be one hell of a night. Make up sex is always wild, but when the argument includes a huge-breasted redhead with dominating tendencies, you have to believe it's going to be just that little bit wilder.  
  
Alice wouldn't do it without my permission, of course, but we whispered about it in the backseat during the drive home, and she was too excited for me to come up with any logical objections. Maybe there weren't any. I mean, obviously both the blonde and redhead were making a mighty effort to be nice, and it's not like me and Alice aren't, ahem, 'close' to the rest of the family. Aside from past injuries—most which could be forgiven if I really tried—there really wasn't any objection at all to spending the night with them.  
  
The only real misgiving I had was Alice's excitement. Maybe it was my fault for encouraging this kind of thing with Leah and Jane, and then Esme and Carlisle, but all those times she had at least began reluctant. It felt that even though she did love her sisters, in the end she was only doing it to please me, because I said it would be best for our relationship. But that had been a month ago, and she had become far more easy with her family lately. She still loved me most, and assured me of that every chance she got – but she really did enjoy being with her family too.  
  
And now this. First she accepted the dinner invitation, and then she actually consoles Victoria's outburst of heartbreak, and now we were on our way home to be dominated by the very woman who'd caused most of our problems in the past. I realized that Alice had a short memory and a tendency toward delusion, but it really didn't seem like the kind of thing to get excited about. Speaking for myself, all I felt was a kind of grim horniness. I'd lost respect for the redhead, and my sympathy for the blonde had ran out ages ago; to me, all they were was hot.  
  
So maybe this time it was my turn to do it for Alice. Alice had done it for me with Leah and Jane, so now I had to do it for her with Victoria and Rosalie. Because I knew part of Alice still loved them. Not a huge part, and definitely not a part that was ever going to damage her feelings for me. But she did love them, and after hating them for so long, it was understandable how eager she'd be to let go of that hate and let them back into that old corner of her heart that she kept for them.  
  
It was well past midnight when we got back to the mansion. Victoria showered first and adjourned into the walk-in closet to get dressed, leaving me with Alice and Rosalie to prepare ourselves. The three of us went into the bathroom and took off our dresses and underwear. It was only the second time I'd seen the blonde naked and I found her as mesmerizing as ever. Alice was near euphoric at this point, and she teased me mercilessly about how she caught me looking at Rosalie's ass as she leaned to turn on the shower. We left the shower door open and we only turned off the water when we were all done. We dried ourselves and brushed and blowdried our hair.  
  
Looking at Alice and Rosalie naked I could see why Victoria prized them so much. They were pretty much the epitome of their respective body types. Rosalie, tall and statuesque, her limbs long and slender, her long blonde hair cascading radiantly over her slim back. And Alice, small and nymphish, her figure slim, ripe, brimming with sexual possibility, her eyes huge and full of false innocence. They were flirting as they brushed their hair, and when Rosalie said that none may touch her without her mistress's literal permission, Alice took the liberty to wrap her into a kiss, giggle, and mention that what Vicky doesn't know won't hurt her. I'd been watching the kiss silently, paused mid-brush, my mouth open. Alice smiled at me and gave me a wink.  
  
Well. Maybe tonight wouldn't be as bad as I thought.  
  
Scrubbed and scented, the three of us went back into the room where Alice and Rosalie began flittering about with lingerie and shoes, jewelry, makeup. It all seemed a little elaborate to me, but they explained that getting ready was half the fun and it built the anticipation too. Alice and Rosalie had been through preparations like this hundreds of times in the past, and they had a certain set of routines and protocols concerning what lingerie would please their mistress. But the inclusion of a third cast some doubt over their traditional wardrobes, and there was some anxiety over how to coordinate all our outfits into an agreeable ensemble.  
  
Finally it was decided not to be adventurous this first night together, so we played it safe and wore black, but in contrasting styles. Alice was simplest, and of course the sluttiest. She wore a black thong, black bra, black fingerless gloves, and tall black heels, and while she changed she explained how the outfit was arranged to draw attention to the amount of skin exposed. I agreed. Her legs looked vastly exposed in the distance between her shoes and thong, and somehow she looked even more naked than when she stepped out of the shower.  
  
Rosalie had opted for something a tad more refined, and soon she was clad in a black lace babydoll, long black gloves made of satin that reached past her elbows, black stockings and garter belt, and of course black spike heels that added even more height and sexiness to her already tall and sexy body. I didn't drool as I watched her put on her stockings, but by now I actually had a headache from how horny I was.  
  
And me, my outfit? Well. I had no idea where these chicks did their underwear shopping, but these seemed to be the kind of garments that were hot even without a body in them. Alice picked it out for me, and I do admit that I'd rarely felt sexier. I wore a lacy black torsolette that pushed up my breasts, a black thong, black garter, black stockings, and like my two companions, tall black heels. Adding a little makeup, jewelry, and red lipstick, I felt almost uncomfortably sexy, as if it was illegal to look like this. Technically I was still underage—six months before I turn eighteen—but it probably wouldn't start to be against the law until the redhead got involved.  
  
Lastly, Rosalie and Alice draped a black satin sheet over the coffeetable in front of the bed and began arranging an array of sex toys and bondage devices on the dark cloth. Strap-ons, vibrators, dildos, handcuffs, chains, collars, paddles, whips, gags, anything that might tickle their mistress's fancy. I looked at some of those things and imagined them being used on me. Then I imagined them being used on Alice. Then I blushed and focused on not prematurely climaxing in my thong.  
  
By now Alice was practically floating from excitement. The redhead was still holed up in the walk-in closet, and as Rosalie tapped on the door gently to signal we were ready, Alice came over to me and started adjusting my breasts in my torsolette, as if to make them just right. She was grinning and her face was alive with makeup and eagerness. She saw my face as I glanced at the table of sex toys and giggled.  
  
"Don't panic, okay baby?" she whispered. "I told Vicky you're not used to this kind of thing, so she promised to be gentle. Sometimes we used to get a little hardcore, but tonight it's just for fun. Okay?"  
  
I nodded. Alice's excitement was as infectious as always. Besides, I was tired and slightly drunk from wine at dinner. I couldn't even remember most of my earlier objections, and by now I was excited as she was.  
  
"All you have to do is obey," she said as she smoothed her hands against my lacy bodice, her touch making me tingle. "And remember to call her ma'am. She promised she wouldn't be strict, but submissiveness is the whole point. It'll be fun, don't you think?"  
  
Her huge eyes were seeking reassurance that this was okay, so I nodded and smiled. Even if I did have reservations, I don't think I would've been able to argue with her when she was standing right in front of me dressed in nothing but a bra, a thong, and high heels.  
  
"Sure," I said.  
  
She giggled, hugged me, and gave me a quick kiss. "Stick close to me, okay?" she said, taking my hand. "And afterwards, it'll be just us. This is just for fun."  
  
I noticed that she clarified three different times that tonight was just for fun, and I wondered if she was trying to convince me or herself. Either way, she had a point; it was going to be fun.  
  
Rosalie had joined us and now we arranged ourselves ceremoniously at the foot of the bed, Alice in the middle with me and Rosalie either side. "Stand like this," Alice whispered, and I quickly copied her submissive posture, hands clasped in front of me, feet together. Alice smiled and gave me a nod of approval.  
  
And finally, the redhead made her grand entrance. I'd been curious about what she'd be wearing, and when the door to the walk-in closet opened, I turned to look, and—  
  
My mouth dropped open.  
  
I'd fantasized about her in similar outfits, but none of them quite compared to the real thing. Her equipage was mostly comprised of red patent leather and she looked like some scarlet sex demon, smiling and strutting toward us. Her boots reached mid-thigh and they had a heel that looked long and sharp enough to be used as a weapon. Her long gloves zipped up the sides. Her heavy breasts spilled from the bodice of her corset and there was a zip in the leather that covered her crotch. Her flaming red hair tumbled about her bare shoulders and she moved in a light creak of leather as she hove up before her trio of slavegirls for the night and bestowed an approving smile upon our jewelry draped black-clad bodies.  
  
"Well," she said. "Are we all ready?"  
  
The three of us stood with our hands clasped demurely. I was staring awkwardly at the redhead—in disbelief at how maddeningly hot she was—but Alice and Rosalie had seen it all before, and they were well-trained.  
  
"Yes, ma'am," they said.  
  
I was so startled that I jumped slightly. I realized that I was supposed to say it too, so I tried.  
  
"Uhh," I said.  
  
I sounded so retarded that even Rosalie broke formation to glance at me. Victoria smirked at me and set my face on fire.  
  
"What was that, Miss Swan?"  
  
I swallowed a humungous lump in my throat and tried again.  
  
"Yes, ma'am," I said.  
  
Alice smiled at me discreetly. Victoria smiled too.  
  
"That's better," she said. "And you needn't worry about being disciplined, Alice has informed me of your inexperience. Tonight will be an informal affair. I'm sure that will be agreeable to you, will it not?"  
  
I looked at Alice and Alice nodded.  
  
"Yes, ma'am," I said.  
  
Victoria smirked, and then she lifted a hand and traced my jawline with a finger tip. "Good girl," she said. Then she dropped her hand and turned away. "Well, why don't we begin with a show to get us all in the mood?" she suggested. "Alice, Rosalie, if you'd care to oblige us? I'd like to have a chat with Miss Swan before we begin. There are some outstanding issues between us that ought to be resolved."  
  
Alice gave me a quick glance, but she and Rosalie both said:  
  
"Yes, ma'am."  
  
And then they clasped hands and climbed onto the bed.  
  
A chair had been set up for just this purpose, and Victoria sat on it, folding her long leather-clad legs one over the other. She beckoned me forward with a finger and I went over. She guided me on to her lap and I sat there nervously with my whole body throbbing from some strange kind of arousal, something I'd never felt before. I was wearing a thong, and I could feel the cool leather of her boots under by butt.  
  
Alice and Rosalie were kneeling on the bed and they had began kissing. They obviously had practice at letting their mistress watch, because their movements were calculated to be pleasing to an observer rather than each other. Their kiss was slow and deliberate and they made sure their tongue work was visible, and their hands were light and feathery across their bodies.  
  
Victoria's arms were around my waist, holding me in place on her lap, and for a few moments we watched our two lovers on the bed until finally Victoria spoke.  
  
"They make an exquisite couple," she said. "Don't they?"  
  
I nodded and said breathlessly: "Yes."  
  
"Rosalie has always longed for Alice," she said. "I'm happy for her."  
  
I glanced at her. She said it naturally, but I got the impression she was slightly jealous of this as well. Not only has it become clear that she's no longer number one in Alice's heart, it seems that she might not be number one in Rosalie's either.  
  
"So," she said, after another moment of silence. "I hear you and Alice have been very liberal in your relationship lately. Am I to assume that this was your idea? I find it hard to believe that Alice would be so quick to share herself after all the ordeals she's put us through this last year."  
  
I didn't like her sarcastic tone, but I took the opportunity to explain. "Alice and I haven't fully defined our relationship yet," I said. "This might only be temporary. Besides…I just want her to be happy."  
  
Victoria snorted, looking past me at the bed. "Is that so? As I remember it, you wanted to stay with your girlfriend in Forks. Marvelous how quickly girls change their minds, isn't it? Alice is the same way, obviously. Even Rosalie has her foibles. I've never known a woman's heart more constant than my own."  
  
There was more of that bitterness in her voice, and I didn't reply. She was still looking past me at the bed and I turned to look as well. Rosalie was laying on her back and she had her legs up and open in a large V. Alice was placing small kisses on one of her ankles while stroking Rosalie's stocking covered leg with her hand.  
  
"Alice has no idea I threatened you to return," Victoria said. "Does she?"  
  
"There's a lot Alice doesn't know about what you've done," I whispered.  
  
Victoria chuckled once. "That I raped you? That you liked it? You could poison her against me forever if you told her the truth. But perhaps you'd poison her against yourself as well. The deceit benefits us both, it seems."  
  
I turned to her. Despite the heat that was radiating out of my body, my face was cold. "Not exactly," I said. "Alice would forgive me. But she wouldn't forgive you."  
  
"Perhaps," she said, and then she smirked and caressed my waist. "And you, Miss Swan? Do you forgive me?"  
  
I swallowed at the sultry look in her eyes. Her hiked up breasts were just sitting there above her leather bodice and I noticed her nipples were swollen. "I don't know," I said. "Alice would be dead if it wasn't for you. And if it wasn't for you I never would've seen her again. So…"  
  
Victoria smiled and turned her eyes back to the bed. "Well, you needn't bother thanking me," she said. "I'll exact my gratitude from Alice."  
  
Neither Alice nor Rosalie had taken off any of their clothes, but they were getting increasingly aroused. Alice was on all fours and Rosalie was behind her, rubbing her pelvis into Alice's behind as she stroked her hands along Alice's sides, just teasing themselves.  
  
The sight made me so horny I had to shift on Victoria's lap. The leather of her boots under my ass was driving me crazy and I was getting very moist. Alice smiled at me as she pushed her butt back into Rosalie, and I felt an unexpectedly warm wave of love roll over me. I smiled back, and then I swallowed and turned my flushed face to Victoria's.  
  
"Listen," I said. "I'm cool with the group stuff, but you guys need to face the fact that Alice doesn't love you anymore. She belongs to me. I don't want her to outright abandon you guys, but if you ever interfere in our relationship again…if you hurt Alice or make her cry…I'll take her and leave. None of you will ever her see again. Do you understand?"  
  
I knew it was risky to lay down something like that with the redhead in such a strange mood, but her bitterness seemed to have passed. She raised an eyebrow at my attempt at assertiveness and smiled as if she thought it was cute.  
  
"Rest assured, Miss Swan," she said. "My interest in you and your soulmate had been waning rapidly after these last few episodes together, and I begin to believe she's hardly worth the effort."  
  
A strange feeling settled over me. "So if we didn't go out with you tonight, you would've just left us alone?"  
  
"Certainly," she said.  
  
I looked into her eyes as they stared at Alice on the bed, and I didn't believe her. She was never going to relinquish her claim on Alice, and she wasn't prepared to let her go at all. She was only beginning to realize that Alice belonged to me, that Alice will never again belong to her, that Alice will never be bent to her will. Victoria had been fighting a losing battle, and now she was pretending to lose interest; that way she wouldn't be the one rejected.  
  
But I knew, deep in her dark heart, that she would never, ever, get over a girl like Alice. No matter how much she pretended.  
  
Still, I felt just a little bit of pity, and I didn't want to upset the pretense. If she wanted to believe that she didn't care about Alice anymore, then fine; I'd like to believe that too. So I smiled and let my hand snake around her neck, leaning into her almost like a cuddle.  
  
"Thanks," I said. "I know a lot of bad stuff has happened between me and you, but we don't have to hate each other, do we? I mean, in the end we both just wanna make Alice happy. We can be friends, right?"  
  
My odd display of intimacy took her slightly off-guard, but only slightly. Her hand was caressing under my breast and then she popped it out of its bracup and looked at it idly.  
  
"Perhaps we can," she said, toying with my nipple gently. "Is that what you want?"  
  
I shivered. "Yes," I whispered. "I just want Alice to be happy."  
  
"And you're ready to submit?"  
  
"If that's what it takes."  
  
"And you're ready to obey?"  
  
"Yes," I whispered. I shivered again as her hand enveloped my breast. I stared down at her own tits, my lips dry with hunger, and I felt an unexpected surge of affection for the woman. "I don't want to hate you, Vicky. Can I call you Vicky?"  
  
"Ma'am," she said with a smirk. "You will call me ma'am."  
  
"Yes, ma'am."  
  
I was getting caught up in the moment, and I had cupped one of her heavy breasts in my hand, and now I leaned down and kissed it. Victoria stroked my hair.  
  
"Good girl," she said. "And you're ready to share Alice?"  
  
This was enough to pierce the fog slightly, but even as my eyes snapped open, I didn't halt my attentions to her breast. I took her nipple into my mouth and started sucking on it. I didn't answer the question, but the answer was no. I was not willing to share Alice.  
  
This was only temporary.  
  
—  
  
It was a long, long night.  
  
Soon I was instructed to join Alice and Rosalie on the bed while Victoria continued watching. Alice received me with a smile and together with Rosalie they guided me through an elaborate sex show that could've only been hotter if I was still watching. To begin with we worked mostly in silence aside from moans and breathing. Rosalie kissed me on the lips, making my face melt, and Alice brushed hair away from my neck and placed kisses on deliberate spots. Then she took me away from Rosalie and kissed my mouth passionately while Rosalie massaged her breasts from behind. I added my own hands to Rosalie's, and soon Alice was frustrated enough to request permission to remove her bra. Victoria nodded her assent, sitting there with her legs folded and breasts swelling from her red leather bodice. Alice unlatched it and pulled it off, and Rosalie and I leaned each to one of her swollen nipples and began to suckle at her.  
  
We became more adventurous. Rosalie laid me down and climbed on top, tonguing me while Alice kissed at my panties from between my legs. Judging from Rosalie's occasional moan into my mouth I assumed that Alice had a few kisses for her own pussy as well. Victoria admonished Alice against making us climax too early, and Alice got off the bed and approached her former mistress. Rosalie and I paused in each other's arms to watch her. Alice selected three vibrators from the coffeetable and then she took Victoria's hand. She led the redhead to the bed and the redhead actually stepped up onto the bed in her boots.  
  
Alice explained with a giggle what we were going to do, and then she handed Rosalie and I a vibrator each. Victoria stood over us in the bed and watched as we peeled aside our panties and inserted the vibrators inside ourselves, and then Rosalie stood and began kissing her mistress while Alice unzipped the leather that covered her crotch with her teeth and began licking her pussy. That left her ass for me, and I was always an ass-girl. Nothing covered it but a strap of leather between her full round cheeks, and I kissed and licked all around it, clenching down on the vibrator between my legs. I came well before anyone else, and I came with my hot face pressed against the redhead's ass, and even after I came I went back to kissing and licking it.  
  
After that things became less formal. Victoria was a gentle mistress, and in deference to my inexperience she suggested that perhaps they ought to train me up a little, and that's how I ended up getting spanked for the first time in my life. Alice offered to do it herself, and while I had absolutely no idea where the appeal was exactly, I did as I was instructed. I bent over and presented my ass to Alice who then proceeded to apply a succession of swift spanks at Victoria's command. Alice counted out loud to ten, and I had to admit it actually really hurt. But it was sweet how Alice patted and kissed it better, so I didn't complain.  
  
Sufficiently disciplined, I was then subjected to a highly coordinated triple-team which involved my hands tied to the headboard and my ankles tied to the bedposts with silk scarfs. Completely prone, completely helpless. I was gagged for a good portion of it, but Victoria was gracious enough to removed the gag and place her pussy over my mouth instead. So I ate her out while Alice and Rosalie grinded their vaginas against my legs.  
  
The festivities continued with more bondage. Me, Alice, and Rosalie soon found ourselves on our hands and knees, all three of us collared and chained to the headboard while Victoria fucked us methodically from behind with a strap-on, making our hips squirm as she instructed us to beg for more. Which we did, quite eagerly.  
  
After that we became more experimental. Victoria noticed that Rosalie and I made a cute couple, so she handcuffed Rosalie's hands behind her back and ordered me to abuse her however I wished while she watched with Alice going down on her. It was a very generous offer, but I wasn't that kind of girl and my idea of abuse was a series of very tender kisses all over the blonde's goddess-like body until my lips reached her pussy. In any case, it was enough to please Victoria who grabbed Rosalie by the hair as she approached orgasm and pulled her handcuffed body into her own as so that she could climax with her tongue in her favorite slave's mouth.  
  
All in all, it was a special night, full of unique and adventurous experiences. My ass would probably be sore for a couple days, but I suppose it was nice to finally experience a proper spanking. I felt slightly traumatized by how awesome whole thing was—as if the last few scraps of my innocence were finally and officially discarded—but it was nice we were all friends, and compared to my worst fears it really wasn't so bad.  
  
Toward dawn we were beginning to wind down and surprisingly it was the redhead who lost interest first. She had shed her boots and her corset and she was now completely naked. We all were, the discarded shoes and underwear laying on the floor. Victoria rose from the bed and sighed and stretched, displaying her marvelous body, and then she smirked at us where the three of us lay in a naked heap and instructed us to continue if we wish. Then she crossed the room to the vanity table at the far end and began to remove her makeup.  
  
Alice was unlocking Rosalie's handcuffs, and then she tossed them to the floor among the discarded underwear. She whispered something to Rosalie, Rosalie whispered something back, and then Alice crawled over to me, smiled, and placed a long kiss on my lips.  
  
"Hey, baby," she said.  
  
I smiled back. "Hey."  
  
I was sleepy and getting ready to cuddle, but Alice had other plans. "Listen," she said, "do you mind if I cuddle Rose for a bit? It's just, it's been so long since we've been close like this."  
  
I concealed my disappointment and smiled. "You don't need to ask, Alice."  
  
"Yes, I do," she said seriously. "You're the boss of this relationship now. You have to make sure I don't do anything stupid. I won't do anything you don't want me to, baby."  
  
The declaration made me feel better, although I really didn't like to think of myself as any kind of boss. Rosalie was watching us, rubbing her wrists, and I smiled at Alice. "Alice, all I want is for you to be happy," I said. "It's okay if you get a little happiness from others. I know you love her. It's a special kind of thing. I understand."  
  
Alice smiled and gave me another big kiss. "Thank you," she said.  
  
And then she crawled back to the woman who had been her wife in another life. She settled on top of Rosalie and pulled the covers over their naked bodies. They were both smiling and I watched them whispering together for a second. Then I turned and swung my legs over the side of the bed.  
  
Victoria was watching me in the mirror of the vanity table, but she looked away as our eyes met. She was brushing her hair, and I let my eyes roam her naked back. She had such perfect shape, the way her body narrowed into her waist. I stared at her for a second, feeling something in chest that might've been affection. I was exhausted, and Alice was cuddling another woman, and I didn't want to sit here by myself. So I got up, went over, and wrapped my arms around Victoria from behind.  
  
"Did I give you permission to touch me?" she said.  
  
I placed my chin on top of her head and smirked at her in the mirror. "No," I said. "But the slave stuff's over. I'm just Bella now. And you're just Vicky."  
  
She raised an eyebrow at my boldness and then she snorted. "Yes, well," she said. "Perhaps I've always been a little too lenient. Alice was unruly even before she ever met you."  
  
"I like unruly Alice."  
  
"Don't we all," she said. "Now, enough chatter. If you insist on disturbing me, you should at least make yourself useful. Take this hairbrush and brush my hair. Long strokes, and don't pull."  
  
I smiled. "Yes, ma'am," I said.  
  
She handed me the brush and started unscrewing a tub of skincream. Her hair was very thick and heavy, and it was actually kind of fun to brush it. It made me feel quaintly like a real slavegirl. She had laved a few slabs of the cream onto her breasts and I watched as she began to massage it into her perfect, soft, pearl-like skin. I was pretty sure that vampires didn't need that cosmetic stuff, but maybe the cream just felt nice. It looked like it felt nice.  
  
A moan came from behind us and in the corner of the mirror I saw what Alice and Rosalie were doing on the bed. Alice had Rosalie's wrists pinned and she was kissing her very passionately. Victoria followed my gaze to the same place in the mirror. I continued brushing her hair, and she continued massaging her breasts, and together we watched in the mirror as Alice and Rosalie began making love.  
  
—  
  
It was breaking dawn when Alice and I returned to our room. We'd crept through the quiet house naked with our dresses held to our chests, and we went out onto the balcony to watch the sunrise together. Alice asked me if I thought it was pretty, and I said it was, but I was looking at her. Finally she turned to me and smiled. Orange light bathed her face and body, and then I wrapped her into my arms and guided her mouth to my neck.  
  
—  
  



	35. Chapter 35

—  
  
Chapter 35:  
  
—  
  
It didn't take long for things to settle into a comfortable routine, and soon Alice and I found ourselves in the most stable period of our relationship since those first blissful weeks together. It wasn't perfect—and sometimes Victoria was a little stiff with the whip—but it was very close.  
  
Alice and I went out almost everyday, and I was really beginning to fall in love with the city. I'd learnt some rudimentary French, just enough to be able to embarrass myself to café waiters, and everywhere we went I'd gaze around with a smile at the stone buildings, the old architecture, the landmarks. None of it had made an impression on me before, but it was starting to grow on me.  
  
There was one café in particular that me and Alice liked, a place where we'd sit outdoors in the sun and sip coffee, watching the pigeons coast in over the Seine. We went almost everyday, sometimes with Victoria and Rosalie, but mostly just by ourselves. The tip of the Eiffel Tower could be seen just beyond the skyline and I smiled at it as I sipped my foamy latte. I'd never liked coffee, but that seemed to be growing on me too.  
  
"You really like Paris, don't you?" Alice asked.  
  
I nodded, smiling like an idiot.  
  
"Me too," Alice giggled. "Hey, you know what we should do? We should live here for a few years. Just us, just me and you. I'm a fully qualified designer, so I could get a job somewhere, and we could get an apartment together. You'd have to finish school, of course."  
  
The idea of living alone with Alice, just the two of us like an ordinary couple—in Paris—sparked a surprisingly warm glow in my chest. I'd never thought of it before, but now, hearing it from Alice, made it seem like the best idea in the world.  
  
"That would be awesome," I said, but then I sagged. "But I don't speak French."  
  
Alice was undaunted. "I'll teach you," she said enthusiastically. "It's really easy, you'll learn in no time. Besides, you'll be a vampire by then and you'll need to make a special friend or two. We'll find you a nice catholic school. Those uniforms are so cute, with those cute little berets. You'll look adorable."  
  
My smile wilted somewhat. "Special friend?"  
  
Alice gave a reluctant shrug. "Well, you'll have to feed," she said. "No one's saying you have to have sex with them, but nobody likes to put their lips on a complete stranger. At least, I never did. I always liked to be at least friends. I could never tell them I was a vampire, but I liked to believe they'd let me if they knew. So I only fed from nice people who liked me."  
  
"How do you feed from someone without them knowing?" I asked. "No one's ever told me."  
  
I thought she might try to dodge the question like she had in the past, but she gave a guilty shrug. "Rohypnol, mostly," she said. "It's not very ethical—or even legal—but we can't exactly go around telling people were vampires, you know?"  
  
I smiled awkwardly, and I thought that was a perfect example of Alice's logic. She only feeds from people who trust her, while the feeding itself betrays that trust. I didn't know much about Rohypnol, but I knew it had something to do with date-rape. I didn't know if I'd be comfortable drugging girls and molesting them when they were passed out, but I didn't really want to talk about feeding habits right now. We'd deal with that when the times came, and I could always feed from Alice, anyway. I wanted to talk more about the two of us living together, so I glossed over the first part.  
  
"What about the others?" I asked. "Would Jane and all them be cool with us living alone?"  
  
She nodded. "I think they will," she said. "Besides, it won't be forever, and they could stick around town if they want." Alice smiled and reached across the table to clasp my hand. "I just think it would be nice if we lived together, just me and you. At least for a little while. Don't you?"  
  
She asked the question with a cocked head, as if she thought she might have to convince me with cuteness. But I was thrilled at the idea, and I grinned widely.  
  
"Sure," I gushed. "I'd love that. That would be awesome."  
  
She giggled and gave a big nod. "Cool," she said. "We'll do it, then."  
  
"When?"  
  
I was already excited. It was cool living in a huge mansion with a bunch of vampiric fuck-buddies, but living in a cozy little apartment, alone with Alice, just us, seemed like a dream come true. Alice seemed to agree, and she went on with an excited smile.  
  
"We can move out whenever you want," she said. "In fact, we can go look at a few places tonight, or even just browse on the internet." A guilty smile crossed her face. "To be honest, I already looked around a little. There's some beautiful places in Marais, wonderful architecture in that district – and great gay community, too, all kinds of clubs and bars. What do you think?"  
  
I was nodding before she even finished. "Okay," I said, then a giggle slipped out. "Oh my god, this is going to be so awesome."  
  
Alice giggled as well and sipped her cappuccino. She set the cup down and smiled. "All we have to do is decide when to turn you," she said. "I think it would be better if you were a vampire. That way we can really settle down."  
  
Again I was nodding like a retard, almost amazed at what I was hearing. Alice had changed so much these last couple months. When I first came back to her, she was so clingy and desperate, wanting nothing but sex, sex, sex, and constant reassurances of how much I loved her. But now she was almost like that same girl I met back in biology two years ago, that girl who was pretty and perfect and not really insane at all. Reuniting her with her family had been a great short-term strategy – it had eliminated the jealousy and drama and stabilized our relationship.  
  
And now we were planning a real future together.  
  
It was so wonderful I almost felt like crying.  
  
But instead I grinned like an idiot and kept nodding. "I'm ready whenever you are, Alice," I said. "I've been ready a long time, trust me."  
  
I added a hint of flirtyness and she replied with a smirk.  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
She giggled, but we were in public, and she seemed to be in serious mode. "Well, I still think it should be up to you," she said. "I think you should at least name the day. After all, it's a pretty big commitment. When you turn, you won't be human any more. You won't feel things the way humans do. My venom will live inside you forever. You'll be addicted to me for all eternity and you'll never feel complete without me again. Even if you stop loving me."  
  
She said this all very seriously, even woefully, as if she was sorry she had to inflict such a terrible fate on me. It made me smile. It reminded me of back when we first met, how she had been so anxious about feeding, how she had been so hesitant to put me in any kind of danger. It had never stopped me back then, and it certainly wasn't going to stop me now.  
  
Because I loved Alice. I was looking at her now in the Paris sunlight, sitting at this latticed iron table in this quaint outdoor café, and I knew that I wanted my life to be comprised of nothing but scenes just like this. Me and Alice, together forever. I wasn't worried about falling out of love with her, because I knew that would never happen. So I smiled and with all sincerity I said:  
  
"Sound's cool to me."  
  
She giggled once, but her smile was slightly remonstrating. "Be serious, baby."  
  
"I am serious, Alice," I insisted. "I know it's a big commitment, but I am ready. I was always ready."  
  
She looked at me for a moment. Then she smiled. "Okay," she said. "Then all you have to do is decide when."  
  
"Um. Tonight?"  
  
She had lifted her cup, but now she put it down, playfully exasperated. "Baby," she said. "Come on, this is important. I mean, it's like a…" She struggled for a word. "…like a wedding." The word wedding made her self-conscious, and she went on quickly. "I mean, don't you think we should make it special?"  
  
I smiled; more typical Alice. Such a little hypocrite. First she's all worried about destroying my humanity and now she wants to make the destruction special. It must be really difficult living with a mind like hers.  
  
Fortunately I felt the same way. It was a little dark perhaps to equate demonic corruption with something like a wedding, but I could understand where she was coming from. But I'd never been the kind of girl who likes to make a big deal of her feelings, so I figured I'd leave the details to her. Specialness had always been Alice's territory.  
  
"Sure," I said. "We can do it however you want."  
  
I thought that would've made her happy, but she only nodded reluctantly. "That's sweet, baby," she said, "but it's not about me. It's about you."  
  
"Well, can't it be about both of us?" I suggested. "I just want it to be special for you, Alice. I know how important this stuff is to you. I'll be happy as long as you're happy."  
  
She looked at me and sighed. Then she smiled. "You don't understand what I'm trying to hint at, do you?"  
  
I chuckled once. "Um," I said. "You're hinting at something?"  
  
She sighed again. She seemed to think about something for a moment, and then leaned forward on the table and spoke softly. "You're right, baby," she said. "This is very important to me. But do you know what would make it most special?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"If you made it special for me."  
  
A little lightbulb went off in my head. "Oh," I said, as if all was finally revealed. Then I frowned. "Uh, how though?"  
  
She giggled, shrugged, and took up her cappuccino. "Well, that's up to you," she said. "It would be cheating if I told you exactly what I want, so you'll have to figure it out yourself. Besides, I wasn't kidding when I said it was mostly about you, baby. I'd love to do something special, but we don't have to make a big deal about it if you don't want. I just thought maybe you'd want to."  
  
"I do," I hurried to assure her, and realized I really did. In fact, my heart was leaping at the opportunity to show her how much I loved her. Letting her turn me was only part of it; I also had to show her how eager for it I was, how eager I was to let her venom into my heart and let it live there forever. So I smiled and said wholeheartedly: "I'd love to make it special for you, Alice."  
  
Alice's face lit up with a pretty blush. She smiled coyly and sipped her cappuccino to hide the smile. "Good," she said. "I know you'll make it perfect for me."  
  
—  
  
Two days passed and I was beginning to realize that I had absolutely no idea how to make it special for her. Special stuff had always been Alice's domain, and I didn't seem to have a flair for it. So far my only idea was to get a hotel room like we did on our first real date. But we'd done that twice already, and while it was special the first time, it seemed kind of pedestrian at this point in our relationship. Marathon sex and frenzy feeding were almost nightly these days.  
  
Thankfully, Alice didn't pressure me, at least not out loud. But sometimes I'd catch her looking at me a certain way. A longing look, with her large eyes filled with anticipation and hope, as if she was expecting me to propose any second. I wish it was that simple. Marriage would be easier than this turning stuff. At least a wedding came with it's own prepackaged specialness.  
  
I just wish I had some idea of what Alice expected. Back in Forks she'd suggested to turn me on prom night, but that wasn't an option now. Even if I enrolled in a French school tomorrow, there wouldn't be another prom for a whole year. That is, if they even had a prom over here. Maybe they just had a dance. Either way, it wasn't romantic enough anymore. It had been quaint when I was still a student, but I was basically graduated by now. I was still a teenager, technically, but I'd outgrown school and I'm sure Alice would want something a little more mature. But no matter how much I thought about it, I really couldn't come up with anything. Prom would've been a perfect occasion to tie up our relationship, a perfect highschool cliché. But then I remembered that Alice didn't actually want to turn me at prom.  
  
She wanted to kill me.  
  
Turning had been the plan, but death was the dream. And I still had no idea if she still felt that way. We hadn't talked about it since that day at the museum when she had denied it quite vehemently, but I suspected that part of her maybe did. The more our relationship stabilized, the more she regressed into her old patterns. Her love making had become a little more aggressive lately. Her grip seemed to be firmer and her tongue more rough, and I was beginning to feel the restraint in her bites. Whenever she fed I could feel the surge of excitement ripple through her body as my skin burst under her fangs and gushed blood into her mouth. I could hear it in her labored moans as she sucked at the wound, and as I held her and whispered encouragement I could tell that what she really longed to do was sink her fangs in just a little deeper, a little deeper, as deep as she possibly could until finally she consumed me completely.  
  
Funny thing is, I kind of liked the feeling. That feeling of desirability. I couldn't be sure if she still secretly lusted for my life, but even if she did, it didn't disturb me anymore. I meant all that stuff I'd told her at the museum that day. If she still felt that way, I was prepared to talk about it. At this point I was even prepared to consider it. I'd freaked out at prom because it was bad timing and she had taken me by surprise, but I'd been thinking about it at odd times lately, and I was starting to see the whole thing in a different light. Sometimes I'd lay awake at night, curled against Alice's body, my neck throbbing from where she'd bitten me, sleepy with blood loss, and I'd find myself thinking that it actually seemed like a pretty cool idea. In theory, at least. From a certain perspective it seemed romantic, even idealistic. A special moment between vampire and victim. What greater expression of love could there be than to surrender your life itself? To offer everything you are, everything you ever were, everything you ever will be, to give yourself completely to another person? It would suck to die, of course, but still; pretty cool.  
  
In any case, none of that helped me figure out how to create some special moment from my turning. I wished I could talk about it with Alice, but she was obviously expecting a surprise, and even worse, she seemed to have faith in me. She seemed to think I knew what I was doing. But relationship assertiveness had never been my strong suit, and now, two days after our conversation at the café, I was still totally clueless.  
  
Of course, I'm also a total idiot—in more ways than one—and on the morning of the third day, I found myself wishing I could talk to Leah about it, see what she thinks. Finally it dawned on me that there was actually no reason why I couldn't go see Leah. I mean, that's what sisters are for, right? Leah herself had said she cares about me and knows how to keep a secret. If anyone could pound a clue into my head, it was Leah.  
  
The only problem was unclinging myself from Alice for a few hours. Alice liked to spend as many seconds of each day as possible in my company, and I wasn't much better. To be honest, even bathroom breaks were a strain on my neediness. But I was determined to make the next step of our relationship as special as possible, and in order to do that, I needed advice. So I told Alice the truth, that I needed to speak to Leah alone about turning and stuff. Alice was understanding, even excited that I seemed to be making progress, and after kissing me a dozen times to satisfy herself a hour or two, she went off to find Victoria and Rosalie. Victoria was still a little crabby lately, and I suspected that Alice kind of liked this new sullen side in her former mistress. She was a bit of a tease, my Alice.  
  
I found Leah in the gym. She was wearing a black spandex leotard, and she was pumping iron on one of the weight benches, her biceps flexing attractively with sweat shining on her copper-colored skin. Vampires enjoyed a strange biology, and I'd learnt that while they didn't gain or lose body fat, it was possible for them to gain and lose muscle mass. Leah liked to keep toned, and it was a good look on her.  
  
She greeted me without stopping, and I sat on the bench beside her and proceeded to talk. I wasn't really the kind of girl who liked talking about her relationship woes, and I was jittery and nervous for being without Alice. But Leah listened, nodding, smiling, chuckling a couple times. Finally she finished with her weights and mounted a treadmill. She set the speed for a brisk jog and started running in place. I took a moment to check out her spandexed-ass—yum—and then I moved around to the front of the treadmill.  
  
"So what do you think?" I asked anxiously. "I mean, I want it to be perfect for her, but I just don't know what she expects from me. How did she turn you?"  
  
Leah shook her head, arms swinging as she jogged. "Wasn't just her," she said. "I was a little different from the others."  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"I got turned by everyone at once," Leah explained. "Jane told you how I met them, right? Well, I had nowhere else to go, so they basically just adopted me. Like a stray cat. Wasn't really romantic, but I never really cared about stuff like that. Believe it or not, I was even worse than you or Tanya. Total whore. I was grateful to them for taking me in, so I just let them do whatever. It was Jane who decided to turn me, but she didn't do it alone. Me and Jane were always casual with our relationship."  
  
I nodded thoughtfully. That actually sounded pretty good. No fuss, no drama, no messy romantic complications. Problem is, I loved Alice and wanted to make her happy. So getting turned by the whole family at once in a huge orgy of blood probably wasn't a viable option.  
  
Besides, deep down I guess I wanted it to be special too. I just wish I could leave it to Alice. Alice had always been far better at arranging special moments. I still remember when we first hooked up. My idea of a first date had been pizza and a movie. Her idea of a date involved designer dresses, a hotel room, and the most intense sex of my young-adult life. Obviously, my girlfriend was far better suited at being the assertive one.  
  
So I sighed and said: "Well, what do you think I should do? Prom was a good idea, but there's no prom anymore, and I don't think either of us want to wait till I enroll in school again. I thought maybe we could do it on her birthday or something, but…"  
  
"But she doesn't even know her birthday."  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"Be pretty lame, anyway."  
  
"Well, what else is there?"  
  
Leah smirked, still jogging. Fringes of her dark hair were clinging to her forehead and her breasts bounced with each stride. "Come on," she said. "Do I really have to spell it out?"  
  
I frowned. I'd been wracking my brain over this for two days and she was acting like the answer was completely obvious and I was an idiot for not figuring it out. Then again, I'd never claimed to be anything but an idiot, so I muttered: "It would save time."  
  
She chuckled and brushed hair away from her face. "Listen," she said. "How long have you known Alice?"  
  
"Almost two years."  
  
"And how many months of those two years have you been dating?"  
  
"I don't know." I paused to think about it. "Eight, I guess."  
  
"So you could say she's your long term girlfriend."  
  
I nodded, wondering where she was going with this. I thought she was going to spell it out?  
  
Leah kept jogging and spoke like a school teacher trying to help out a disadvantaged student. "And you really love each other," she prompted.  
  
I nodded slowly. "Yeah."  
  
"And now Alice is looking for commitment."  
  
"Yeah."  
  
Leah gave me a look, but nothing occurred to me. She rolled her eyes and added: "She wants to take your relationship to the next level. She wants to turn you, move in with you. She doesn't want to be girlfriend's anymore, she wants to be something more serious. A partner."  
  
I was still nodding. "Yeah."  
  
Leah waited, still jogging. Nothing occurred to me.  
  
"So what does that tell you?" she prompted.  
  
I frowned; was I supposed to have figured something out? She was just repeating back everything I'd been saying to her. Alice loves me, I love Alice, ready to move on. But it's not like she wants to get married, she wants to turn me. I need some kind of date scenario here. In any case, I had no idea what Leah was hinting at, so I just shrugged.  
  
"It tells me that she wants to turn me," I said. "That's what I'm trying to say, that I'm ready. But I can't figure out how to make it special for her."  
  
Leah sighed. "You really don't know much about women, do you?"  
  
"I guess not."  
  
Leah tapped a few buttons on the control panel. The treadmill slowed and slowly she stopped jogging. She leaned on the rail and looked at me. "Listen," she said. "Forget about turning for a second. Think about commitment, because that's what she really wants. And more than that, she wants to dress up the commitment into some kind of ceremony. So. What is the one way you can show her how much she means to you?"  
  
I thought about it for a second. Finally I said:  
  
"By letting her turn me?"  
  
Leah exhaled through her nose. I shared her exasperation.  
  
"Can't you just tell me?" I whined.  
  
Leah shook her head, determined not to tell me outright. "Listen," she said. "Alice is all about her dreams. And what is the one thing all girls dream of?"  
  
"Falling in love? We've done that."  
  
"You're hopeless, aren't you?"  
  
I sighed sullenly. "I must be."  
  
Leah chuckled and grabbed a towel. She wiped her face and sat down on the weight bench. I sat down beside her and she wrapped an arm around my shoulders like a big sister.  
  
"Look," she said. "Alice obviously wants you to figure it out yourself, so I'm not gonna spell it out for you. But remember, Alice has always had a bit of a human-complex. She likes being a vampire, but she likes to pretend to be human, too. So if she was a regular human—just an ordinary girl—and you really, really loved her, and you've been dating her for a long time, and she wants you to take the relationship to the next level – then she's probably expecting you to…?"  
  
Leah was waiting for me to fill the blank myself, but nothing was occurring to me. I tried to think of something, and then I just blurted:  
  
"Oh fuck, I'm useless."  
  
Leah chuckled. "You're not useless," she said, "you're just young and stuck in a relationship you don't understand. Look, do you want me to just tell you?"  
  
"Yes," I said. "Please."  
  
Leah sighed. She looked at me as if I had just asked her to help me cheat on a an exam, but then she smiled and said: "Alice wants to get married. She wants to turn you on your wedding night."  
  
I paused.  
  
Marriage?  
  
Seriously?  
  
It seemed odd somehow. Maybe it was because I was still a kid practically, but marriage was the last I would've thought of. Well, maybe that wasn't true. I remember thinking it would be easier to just get married, but I never thought that was what Alice wanted. But it made sense, really. Alice had even hinted at it once. Back when we first discussed it at the café, she told me to take it seriously because it was important – like a wedding. Then there was all her talk about moving in together, just us.  
  
But seriously?  
  
Marriage?  
  
Leah was waiting for a reaction so I blinked and stuttered.  
  
"O-oh," I said. "How the fuck was I supposed to figure that out?"  
  
Leah smirked. "You would've figured it out eventually," she said, "especially once she starts talking about wedding dresses and legalized commitment ceremonies. It's just a good thing you came to me first, because she would've been a little disappointed if she had to start hinting too strongly. She's old-fashioned in a lot of ways. She likes it to be a surprise."  
  
I nodded, the idea slowly making more and more sense. "I had no idea, but I guess it makes sense," I said. "I never thought I'd be the one to propose, though."  
  
"Haven't you ever dreamed of getting married?"  
  
"Well, yeah," I admitted. "But I never thought I'd actually do it. I thought weddings were a straight-people thing. Do you really think she wants to get married?"  
  
"Uh huh."  
  
"But what's the point? I mean, there's no friends we can invite, and we're already soulmates."  
  
"Doesn't matter. Alice just likes the ceremony. The dresses, the flowers, the music. Besides, you'll have us there."  
  
I was beginning to feel a little daunted. Married? Me? But I nodded absently. "Yeah, I guess," I said. "But are you sure? I mean, do you really think she wants to get married?"  
  
I said the word married as if it was something lame and stupid that only nerds do. Leah chuckled and smiled.  
  
"Trust me, it's what she wants," she said. "Alice loves weddings. She turned Rosalie on her wedding night, right here in Paris. She turned Carlisle and Esme on their wedding nights, too. Carlisle was convincing in a tux, so they actually had a real ceremony. Esme and Rosalie were unofficial, just mock weddings. Although, I think Carlisle and Esme were just for fun. I don't think she ever really loved Carlisle or Esme. Not the same way she loved Rose. Or you."  
  
I nodded, but I had a cold feeling at the mention of Rosalie. I was beginning to notice first hand how much Alice loved Rosalie, even now. It was understandable, really. Rosalie was quite possibly the most perfect woman ever created – especially if she liked you. Tall, blonde, submissive personality. Hell, even I was practically in love with the bitch and she totally hated me. I didn't think anyone would ever come between me and Alice, but Rosalie was definitely the closest thing I had to a rival.  
  
"How many times has she been married?" I asked.  
  
"Plenty," Leah said. "Victoria was her first. Of course, that was three hundred years ago. Alice actually dressed up as a boy. I never saw it, but Jane says they looked really cute together. She's married Jane a lot, too, although never seriously. Sometimes Alice would dress up as a guy, sometimes Jane. Just for fun, you know. They've been married in pretty much every country in the world."  
  
"What about you?"  
  
Leah shook her head and surprisingly blushed. "Nah," she said. "I married Jane once, though. Small church in Mexico. Kind of romantic."  
  
I smiled; I could picture it. A dusty church on a hilltop somewhere in the country, the sun setting in the distance, Jane in a lacy dress, Leah in a tuxedo, a horse drawn carriage, Alice cheering and throwing flowers.  
  
Leah chuckled and clapped me on the shoulder. "And now it's your turn to tie the knot," she said. "You were always facing long odds with a lunatic like Alice, but by now I think it's safe to say you're the One. She's never been this serious about a girl in her life."  
  
My face warmed. "Thanks."  
  
Leah nodded, and then wrapped her arm around me and pulled me a little closer. "Listen," she said confidentially. "You're too young and inexperienced to handle all this yourself, so if I was you, the first thing I'd do is pick a reliable best man. Someone who can help you out, give you advice, lend you money for an engagement ring, that kind of stuff."  
  
"What about you?"  
  
Leah patted my back. "Thought you'd never ask," she said, and then she rose to her feet and slung the towel around her neck. She looked down at me and smirked. "Alright, I'm gonna take a shower. Wanna come?"  
  
I'd been distracted with thoughts of marriage, but now I looked up. She was standing there in the spandex leotard, all fit and toned and sexy-looking. I did feel a flicker of attraction, but having sex with my newly appointed best man didn't seen like the best way to begin wedding preparations, so I blushed and shook my head.  
  
"Nah, that's okay."  
  
But the smirking vampire was a seductress of a different type, and she didn't even need to try. "Come on," she said, with a toss of her head. "You're not married yet."  
  
I wanted to resist a little more, but she was already walking off among the exercise machines. I looked at her ass grudgingly, and it occurred to me that maybe I could use a work out too, so I sighed and hurried to catch up.  
  
—  
  
I drifted through the next few days in a strange daze. Leah and I had made a date to go ring shopping next week—after she had a chance to discuss things with Carlisle—and until then there was really nothing I could do but try to wrap my head around it.  
  
Married.  
  
Me.  
  
Mother of god.  
  
I wish I could've been more excited, but for some reason it was difficult for me to see myself as a married woman. Probably because I'm not actually a woman yet. I've been trying to act mature and grown-up for Alice, but would I really make a convincing Missus Cullen? What exactly is a wife's responsibilities, anyway? I had no problem putting out, obviously, and I didn't think child bearing was going to be an issue. But what about when we move in together? Cooking won't be a problem, since we'll both be vampires, and I like doing it anyway. Alice will be the one working—at least while I finish school—so I wouldn't have to worry about rent or bills, either. So what was left? Housecleaning? I hated cleaning, but that seemed like a petty objection, really.  
  
I don't know. I had no problem with it, really, but it just seemed a little odd. I mean, once upon a time it was quite normal to be married at seventeen years old, but these days? Not so much.  
  
But I guess none of that mattered. I loved Alice, and I was planning to spend the rest of my life with her, anyway. I'd probably be more comfortable skipping the whole ceremony aspect of it, but I was certainly willing to go through with it to make Alice happy. It was difficult to come to terms with it, but in a strange way I guess it really was the next logical step. Alice wanted something special, and it didn't get more special than a wedding. It was the most important day in a young woman's life, according to cliché. Alice had never been much of a stereotype, but she did like to pretend – and she did love weddings.  
  
Hard to believe she had been married to every member of her family at some point in her life, aside from Leah. At first I thought the repetition might make it seem a little less romantic, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized how special it would be to Alice, to finally do it for real, to look across the altar into the eyes of Miss Right and say with complete certainty: 'I do.' Leah herself had said that Alice never loved them as much as she loved me, and that was true. I was her soulmate. She had dreamed of a girl like me for six hundred years and after six hundred years she had finally found her. When she married me, she was getting married forever.  
  
And after I realized that, I started to get a little excited about it. After all, it wasn't just forever for her, it was forever for me, too. It was actually pretty awesome when you think about it. Alice and I had already looked at a few apartments, and soon we were going to be living together. Just us. The others might pop in from time to time, but mostly it'll be just me and Alice. A married couple. Not roommates, not girlfriends, not lovers – partners.  
  
The thought actually made me giddy from time to time. Friday afternoon Alice and I were wandering through an apartment, arm in arm, and I looked into an empty bedroom and I could almost see exactly where we'd put the bed. Vampire's didn't sleep, but they did enjoy fucking and cuddling at night, and in a warm flash I could see our whole life together. The alarm going off in the morning, me pulling my tongue reluctantly out of Alice's pussy. Showering together, perhaps a little breakfast. Kissing her goodbye as I headed off for school or college, returning home and doing homework as I waited eagerly to greet her when she got home from work. A date that night, perhaps, or maybe we'd stay in and watch a movie, losing interest halfway through as we started making out.  
  
Alice saw the expression on my face and she smiled as if she felt exactly the same thing I was feeling. We talked about it briefly, but we both loved the place, and soon she was making arrangements with the realtor.  
  
That night Alice and I went out with Vicky and Rose. As strange as it seemed, I had actually began to think of them as 'Vicky' and 'Rose' in my head. Technically, the redhead was still my mortal nemesis, but it was difficult not to be on intimate terms with a woman who liked to tie you up and methodically insert different things into each of your orifices. Victoria still hadn't completely warmed to Alice, and sometimes I got the impression that Victoria actually preferred to focus her sexual attention on me. There had always been a weird chemistry between us—the kind of chemistry that had led me to cheat and enjoy being raped—and I think I was still something of a novelty to her. My innocence was long gone, but I was still very inexperienced at certain things, and she seemed to enjoy doing things to me that had never been done to me before.  
  
Tonight we were going to the opera. It was called La Boheme. It was set in France and sung in Italian, and I understood absolutely nothing. Alice had arranged a private balcony and she whispered me a commentary. Apparently there was some guy called Rodolfo who had a girlfriend named Mimi, but Rodolfo was poor and Mimi was sick, and eventually Mimi dies because Rodolfo can't buy her medicine but she stays with him anyway because they love each other so much. It was a tragedy, apparently, but much of the sting was taken out by the fact that I found the music annoyingly loud and I generally had no idea what was going on.  
  
Rosalie was as bored as I was, and soon we were on our knees in our designer dresses, eating out our lovely mistresses. The balcony was well concealed, and Alice and Victoria had shuffled their chairs closer and started making out, dresses hiked up, legs open. The music was very loud, but I could hear Alice's moans quite clearly.  
  
"Oh god, I'm coming," she said. I was sucking at her clit and she squirmed slightly on her chair, her legs wrapped around my head. "Bella. Bella. Oh god, that's so good. Vicky, are you coming?"  
  
Victoria gave a dignified snort. "Not quite," she said. "We're not all rabid little whores like yourself, Alice dear."  
  
Alice giggled, but I had the impression that Victoria's verbal abuse had a little more bitterness than Alice might've assumed. Still, my face was in Alice's pussy so I couldn't really see either of their expressions. But then Alice tapped my head and unlocked her legs from my neck.  
  
"Slow down, baby," she panted. "Slow down for a second. Let Vicky catch up."  
  
I licked my lips and surveyed the scene. Victoria was poised with her legs parted, Rosalie's blonde head bobbing between her thighs as she tongue-fucked her. Alice lowered the shoulder strap of Victoria's dress, moaning as she kissed her. There was no bra underneath and Alice took a large handful of Victoria's breast, squeezing it, and then lowering her mouth to the swollen nipple. Victoria saw me watching from where I knelt on the floor and smirked. On the stage I could hear a contralto belting out some dolorous dirge. Keeping my eyes locked on Victoria's, I kissed Alice's knee and moved kisses along Alice's thigh.  
  
"Come on, Vicky," Alice said, kissing and sucking at the other woman's nipple. "Come with me. Let's come together."  
  
Victoria's smirk widened as she held Alice's head at her breast.  
  
"Mmm," she moaned, looking down at me. "I do believe I'm getting closer."  
  
I tried to interpret the smirk. Was it triumph? Was she flaunting the fact that Alice was sucking her tit? I didn't know, but it gave me a flicker of something in my chest, and I turned my eyes away and turned my mouth back to Alice's pussy. Alice moaned immediately.  
  
"Mmm, yes," she said. "That's it. Oh god, keep going, baby. Vicky. Are you ready?"  
  
I glanced and saw Victoria pull Alice's mouth onto hers.  
  
"Ready enough," she whispered into Alice's mouth.  
  
Alice flicked out her tongue against Victoria, panting. I turned my own tongue back to Alice's pussy, licking across her clit repeatedly before taking it between my lips and suckling at it. Alice groaned, squirming on the chair.  
  
"Okay," she gasped. She was getting really close and I could hear it in her voice, raising in her breath as the opera music in the background rose in a crescendo of cellos and violins. "Okay, quick," she gasped. "Quick. Rosalie, keep going. Bella. Bella. Keep going. Oh god, baby, lick me out good. Oh. Oh. Yes. Oh, oh, ohhh—!"  
  
Her moan was chopped off with the groan of her climax. Her thighs were wrapped around my head so tight it actually drowned out the music. Finally her legs loosened, and I heard her giggle as the waves of orgasm rolled away. Victoria had obviously come too, but quietly. She had been kind of self-conscious around Alice lately, and she never really went wild. I pulled up Alice's panties and Alice straightened up her dress.  
  
"Wow," she said, giggling. "Now that's what I call a climax. Who needs opera when you got oral?"  
  
Victoria pulled up her shoulder strap and tucked her breast away, watching me rise to my feet. I met her eyes briefly, licking my lips to relish Alice's taste, and then I sat on Alice's lap.  
  
"So what'd we miss?" I asked.  
  
Alice was already reaching up my dress. "Oh, nothing much," she said. "Just a bit of singing. You saw the best part, trust me."  
  
I felt Alice's fingers wriggled into my panties and into my pussy. Rosalie had sat on Victoria's lap, and Victoria also had her hand up Rosalie's dress. I squirmed slightly as delicious excitement rippled through me at the entrance of Alice's fingers. Alice giggled.  
  
"Wow, look how wet you are," she said. "You got that wet just from eating me out?"  
  
I looked into her eyes, nodding. "Mmhm."  
  
Alice giggled again. "Yes you did, didn't you?" she cooed. "Poor baby, so horny. Baby's just a big fat slut, aren't you baby?"  
  
"I'm not fat," I objected playfully.  
  
Victoria gave us a look at was slightly dark, but kind of awkward too. "Alice, please," she said. "Must you demean her so gooeily? It's embarrassing."  
  
Alice giggled, still looking into my face, watching my reactions as she pushed her fingers in deeper under my dress. "Sorry," she said. "Hey, I got an idea. Baby, do you wanna give Rosalie a little kiss? I bet Rosalie would like that. Wouldn't you Rose?"  
  
I looked at Rosalie. Her face was flushed and her long legs were parted. She was facing me and I could see Victoria's hand working between her thighs. My own pussy was throbbing against Alice's fingers, and I looked into Rosalie's slanted blue eyes, communicating that I was cool to make out, especially if that's what Alice wanted. She smirked and turned to Victoria.  
  
"Only if my mistress wills it," she breathed.  
  
It was maybe the fourth time she'd spoken the whole night. She didn't speak often, but when she did it was always worth hearing. Victoria smiled at me, considered, and then smirked.  
  
"I think you'd better," she said to Rosalie. "It'll disrupt any further dialogue between the happy couple, and besides…I hate to see your beautiful mouth go to waste."  
  
Rosalie smiled and placed a kiss on her mistresses lips. Then she turned to me, quite obediently, and leaned forward. I leaned forward to meet her, and our tongues met just as Alice's finger curled up inside me. I moaned into the blonde's mouth and kissed her deeper, spurned onward by Alice's fingering. Alice giggled.  
  
"Aww, that's sweet," she said. "It's so nice to see you two getting along for a change."  
  
The opera was almost over by the time we were done. Rosalie and I climaxed during the climax, with cymbals clashing in the background and the beginnings of applause from he audience. All in all, it was a pretty good show. The opera, I mean, not us. Our show was private. Rosalie and I rose from our lover's laps and let our dresses fall down over our legs, smoothing the fabric over our hips, exchanging little smiles. Alice and Victoria rose beside us and the four of us began applauding politely while the cast assembled on the stage, held hands, and bowed.  
  
After the opera we all went strolling in a nearby park. We chatted for a bit, with Alice summarizing the show for me and explaining what I'd missed. She said we had to go see it again some time so I could see it properly. I agreed with her, because really, I do have respect for art and culture. It's just difficult to remain focused when you're sitting there in a private balcony with your girlfriend whispering in your ear how much she'd love it if you went down on her.  
  
Eventually we ended up taking refreshments at that same café on the banks of the Seine that Alice and I had began to frequent. They ordered in French and Alice ordered me a Fernet Branca, assuring me that I'd love it. It came in a tiny glass, and it was sweet and full of alcohol, so yes, I did enjoy it.  
  
Victoria had a plain espresso and she sipped it with perfunctory daintiness, her eyes swinging from time to time in Alice's direction as she gabbed on happily about all the operas they'd all seen together and all the operas she was going to see with me. The redhead wore a Versace fox-skin jacket, and more than once during the evening I caught myself wondering if she was legitimately the sexiest woman in the world. I had no idea if it was real fur, but even if it was, I'm sure the animal would be proud to be wrapped around such shapely shoulders.  
  
Alice soon became restless and after a while she expressed a desire to take a stroll along the river. But we'd already been strolling, and my feet were kind of sore. Vampire venom worked great on my libido, but not so much on my feet. Alice was disappointed and suggested that we might as well go home, but Rosalie piped up and said she'd love to take a stroll as well. It was two against one, and Alice and I turned to Victoria for the deciding vote. Victoria sipped her coffee and glanced at each of us languidly, taking her time to decide whether or not she'd like to go for a stroll. She looked at me, she looked at Alice. Finally she allowed that she was quite comfortable where she was, but perhaps Alice and Rosalie might like to go by themselves. Alice turned to me for permission—which I'm sure Rosalie didn't appreciate—and I nodded easily. Victoria was watching me with her fox-eyes and fox-skin coat, and I was strangely flattered that she would prefer to sit at a table with me rather than stroll the river with her beautiful slaves.  
  
Alice and Rosalie stood up and hooked arms. Victoria and I watched them sail away, Alice already babbling, Rosalie smiling, and then I turned back to Victoria. She sipped her espresso with little expression on her face. I smiled and made a small gesture with my head toward Alice and Rosalie.  
  
"They really do have a bond, don't they?" I asked.  
  
Victoria glanced at where they were making their way along the riverwalk, arm in arm among other couples, easily the most beautiful. Rosalie, tall and blonde, Alice, small and dark. She sighed and turned back to me. "I suppose," she said. "They make a pretty pair, at least. Perhaps now you can understand why Rosalie was so irate at your interference."  
  
Actually, I did understand. I'd always felt a little guilty for coming between them, especially back when we first started dating. Rosalie's jealousy had been so venomous that it was impossible not to feel how badly she missed Alice. That was part of the reason why I was cool with this sharing stuff. Alice had been polygamous for six hundred years; it wasn't right for her to just abandon all her old lovers. Eventually it would be ideal to be with Alice and only Alice, but that would have to wait until her family came to terms with it. So I nodded and turned back to Victoria as Rosalie and Alice disappeared into the crowd.  
  
"I guess so," I said. "But it still wasn't my fault. I never stole Alice from you guys. And you can't blame me for wanting to keep her."  
  
Victoria smirked at me. "Perhaps not," she said. "But there's also the question of ownership. My claim on Alice predates yours by almost four hundred years. So surely I cannot be blamed for any of my actions in the matter either. Especially considering the abusive and possessive precedent set by Alice herself in our relationship. There was a time when her favorite sex toy was a knife."  
  
I remembered Alice's stories about the things Victoria used to do to her, but I knew now that was all bullshit. Alice had said that it was Victoria who turned her and liked to hurt her; but in reality it was Alice who liked to do that stuff. Alice had a pronounced submissive streak, but only when it suited her. Deep down, she had no mistress but herself.  
  
"Alice said it was you who likes that shit," I said quietly.  
  
Victoria snorted, staring down at the black liquid in her cup on the table. "Alice is a liar," she said. "You should know that by now. Back when Alice and I met, I was merely a scared little human. She taught me everything I know."  
  
"Maybe," I said. "But she's changed now. She's not the same as she used to be. And you don't own her anymore, either. Alice belongs to no one but herself."  
  
Victoria gave a small shrug, as if she wasn't quite sure and didn't quite care. "Perhaps," she said, "but look at it my way. Alice gave herself to me, and me first. What's been given freely cannot be taken back. What right has she to rescind her gifts so heartlessly? And what right have you to take her from me?"  
  
"She's allowed to change her mind."  
  
Victoria was still staring down into her espresso. "Yes," she said. "But I do not."  
  
I looked at her. My throat was going tight and I didn't like where the conversation was going. It was too similar to back in Forks, when she used to say that Alice belonged to her and she was going to have Alice back. Only back then she had spoke in a tone of triumph, with complete self-assurance that her conquest of Alice was merely inevitable. But now she was sullen and cold, as if it had finally dawned on her that she was failing and perhaps different tactics were in order. Either way, I didn't like it, so I glared at her across the table, and said:  
  
"So what are you saying?"  
  
A smirk curved her lips at my tone, but then the smirked curved into a full smile as she chuckle jovially. "Oh, nothing," she said. "Sometimes I get carried away on the principle. Honestly, I truly don't care for her anymore. She has…" She paused, searching for a word. "…disappointed me," she said. "Far too often."  
  
I didn't reply for a second. I didn't think she had any right to blame her failed relationship on Alice—after all, it was a very twisted relationship—but I didn't want to fight. In many ways, I thought the redhead was more dangerous now than she ever was. She was nowhere close to getting over Alice, but that's not what scared me. What scared me was that her love seemed to be transcending into hate.  
  
I decided to pretend to be sympathetic, hoping that maybe I was wrong and she really was getting over it. And besides, maybe deep down I did feel just a little sorry for her. Our connection to Alice had created a strange camaraderie between us. Besides, I had never been a hateful personality. Lauren had teased and bullied me every day of my life, and I ended up dating her. Victoria was no different. She had done me many wrongs, but she was still absurdly sexy and even now it was hard for me to hate something so sexy.  
  
So I gave a little shrug and said: "I'm sorry."  
  
She smiled at the pity and shook her head. "Well," she said, blushing as if embarrassed to have let me seen her sullen side. "Perhaps it was inevitable. Nothing last forever." She sighed and looked up at the nightsky briefly. As if to check if the stars were still there. She sighed once more and looked at me. "I only wish I'd known that three centuries ago," she went on. "Before all this, before I had put a claim on her. Death in her arms at the peak of our love now seems more desirable than any other future I can contemplate. She has ruined me, I'm afraid. All I want is her and yet I can hardly stand to even look at her anymore. I even begin to weary of my precious Rosalie. A horrid fate, is it not Miss Swan?"  
  
Actually, it did sound pretty terrible. It reminded me of how I felt the first time Alice had left me. Needing her but hating her at the same time. But I didn't want to feed her depression. She was dangerous as she was, but if she realized that she had nothing to lose, what would stop her from doing something truly unforgivable?  
  
"Well, maybe you're just a little depressed," I said. "I mean, shit happens, but you know. You'll get over it."  
  
She seemed to know what I was thinking, and she smirked. "I dare say I will," she said, and then her smirk widened as she leaned forward on the table with her elbows, gazing at my face deliberately. "And until then, at least I have you to toy with, hm? Why moan over Alice when there's fresh meat right here before me. What do you think, Miss Swan?"  
  
I blushed and didn't answer. She raked her eyes over my cleavage in my black designer dress and up over my face. She smirked at my awkwardness.  
  
"I think we'd make a fine pair," she said. "We should get together some night, just the two of us. There are some things I can do to you. Things that may even sway you away from your precious Alice."  
  
I wasn't sure if I was allowed to be turned on. Flirting with Leah seemed harmless since I knew Leah was a casual kind of chick who didn't mean any harm, but Victoria wasn't like that. Victoria was a slutty mastermind with some unknown agenda. So I just shrugged as if I didn't care, and said: "I doubt it."  
  
She unleaned from the table and lifted her espresso. "We shall see," she said, and took a sip.  
  
We fell silent for a little bit. I thought about what she had said, and then I asked:  
  
"Do you really wish you had let Alice kill you?"  
  
The question seemed to take her by surprise, and she chuckled once. "No," she said. "I did in the past, but now I'm relieved. She's not worth it."  
  
I frowned. "I think she is."  
  
Victoria shrugged noncommittally, looking off toward the river where it ran blackly in the moonlight. "Then die yourself," she said. "I'm sure she'd love to oblige you."  
  
I shook my head, my stomach turning uneasily at the suggestion. "That's not what Alice wants anymore," I said. "She just wants to be together."  
  
"Or perhaps you're afraid."  
  
"I'm not afraid."  
  
"Then perhaps you don't love her as much as you claim."  
  
I didn't reply. My face felt strangely hot at all this talk of death and love, and I was upset for reasons I didn't really understand. As if the redhead had touched upon some secret fantasy of mine that I was ashamed of. Victoria turned her face to me and smirked.  
  
"Alice has had the same dream for centuries," she said. "She doesn't want a woman worth living for. She wants one worth dying for. If you truly loved her…you'd make her dream come true."  
  
She said this very deliberately, like a direct challenge. I swallowed a lump in my throat and glared at her. "You just want me to die," I said, almost hurt. "You're just jealous."  
  
But she only chuckled and gestured with a hand breezily. "Oh, nothing so sinister," she said. "I only think it would be amusing, that's all. But come, let us not fight. However you choose to pursue your relationship is none of my business. Alice loves you as well as she's able, and I'm sure you'll love her just the same."  
  
—  
  
That conversation with Victoria left a strange impression on me, and at first I tried not to think about it, but after a while I could think of nothing else.  
  
If you truly loved her, you'll make her dream come true.  
  
I had no problem with this, in principle. Making my Alice happy was my new purpose in life. I'd do anything for her, and let her do anything to me. Whatever she wanted, anything at all.  
  
But did she really want to kill me?  
  
If it had been just a freak idea that occurred to her at prom, I would've assumed she was over it. But it wasn't a freak idea. It was something she'd been dreaming about for a long time, and she had said herself that from the first second she saw me she knew it was what she wanted to do. She wanted to kill me and then kill herself. And more importantly, she wanted me to let her.  
  
Back at prom I had assumed that mostly it was just an escape. A way to get away from her family and Victoria and Rosalie, a way to keep me to herself permanently. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized it wasn't just an escape. Even if Alice and I had been perfectly happy together, she still would've wanted the same thing. And now me and Alice are perfectly happy. Does she still dream of death?  
  
I didn't know, but I found myself thinking about it more and more. I'd ready decided that it was romantic in theory, but in practice? The weird thing was that I actually thought I could do it. The thought creeped me out a little, but I didn't balk at it like I balked at it at prom. I mean, it didn't even seem like such a big deal anymore. If Alice came up to me tomorrow and said: 'Hey, baby, would it be cool if I kill you tonight?' I really think I'd reply with something like: 'Sure, let me shower first.'  
  
But that's not what Alice wanted anymore. At least, not what she claimed to want. I had told the redhead that Alice had changed, that she wasn't the same person anymore, but was that really true? Alice was a decent little actress, but all her facades fell apart eventually.  
  
And beyond all this, was creating a life together even practical? With all the complications of feeding and family, monogamy would never be a true possibility. And no matter how many times we tell each other that we're soulmates, that would probably never be completely true either. Alice liked to claim that I was different from the others, but the only thing that was truly different was her attitude. She was simply at the end of her road, that's all. She'd been looking for a soulmate for six hundred years and never found one. So instead she created one – out of me. I was simply her last chance. After me she had nothing left.  
  
But would it truly last forever? Alice had been ready to die rather than live without me, but would she still feel that way in ten, twenty, a hundred years? Already she was getting cozy with Rosalie when only a month ago she had been so adamant to never touch anyone but me. Part of that was my fault for encouraging her, but it did demonstrate that her feelings weren't quite as absolute as either of us would like to believe.  
  
And my feelings? I didn't know about my feelings. They hardly seemed worth thinking about. I loved Alice, but beyond that I seemed capable of doing anything – or anyone. It was true that other women didn't turn me on as much as they used to, but it would still be somewhat exaggerating to say that my body preferred Alice and Alice alone. I could be faithful if I wanted to be, sure. But that wasn't really practical at this point in our relationship.  
  
And death? Was that practical?  
  
Actually, yeah. It was. All things considered, death in each other's arms really did seem like the only way to ensure something like a happily ever after. Not only would it be an incredible expression of trust and commitment, but it would also be the only way to protect ourselves from the myriad complications we were facing. If we died together, we'd never get sick of each other. We'd never fall out of love. We'd never have to share our relationship. We'd never have to do anything but sleep together for the rest of eternity, in blissful blackness with no more pain, no more sadness. Nothing but peace.  
  
They were awkward thoughts, and I thought about it more and more, trying to come up with some flaw that made the whole thing seem stupid. But I came up with nothing. I wish I could talk about it with Alice, but it would be way too awkward, and she was still far to sensitive on the topic to be honest, especially if I was unsure myself. So all I did was think. But deep in my heart the idea was growing and I was beginning to see how it might be the only way.  
  
In any case, I still had to get married. Regardless of the ultimate conclusion of our relationship, Alice wanted a wedding and Alice was going to have a wedding. So I made my excuses to Alice one Sunday afternoon, and Leah and I went ring shopping on Avenue la Motte Piquet, an expensive row of jewelry shops within walking distance of the Eiffel Tower.  
  
We walked into one of the more promising stores, and I was immediately intimidated by the air-conditioned opulence I found myself in. Gold rings and diamond jewelry sparkled everywhere in the glass display cases and two well-dressed young women behind the glass counter looked up as we came in. Leah smiled at one of them—the blonde one—and when they asked if we needed any assistance she replied in French that we were just looking.  
  
We approached one of the display cases and I looked into it awkwardly. Rows of whitegold or platinum bands with tiny stones glittering behind the glass. Leah nodded at the case and walked around to the other side.  
  
"Carlisle gave me a blank check, so go crazy," she said. "Whatever you want, alright?"  
  
I nodded sullenly. "Do I have to get one for myself too?"  
  
Leah grinned. "Nah, it's just an engagement ring. You'll get a promise ring or a wedding band at the ceremony. Alice will want to pick those herself. With your input, of course."  
  
I sighed and looked into the case, my stomach dropping. Suddenly it occurred to me that this whole idea of getting married was stupid. It would be different if Alice was the one proposing and I was just some kind of trophy slut—that would be cool—but how could I possibly take the event seriously when I'm supposed to be the groom and I haven't even graduated from highschool yet and couldn't even afford a ring? I had about a thousand bucks in a bank in Forks from a parttime job I had, but that was nothing in this place. There were no price tags, but I knew enough about jewelry to know that big diamonds were expensive.  
  
Leah was watching me. She wasn't a patient shopper. "So, what do you think? Remember, size isn't everything. Alice is a petite kind of girl, so maybe she'll like something dainty."  
  
I sighed and nodded. "Yeah, I guess," I said. "God, this is so stupid. Alice is like six hundred years old – how come it's me who has to propose? I'm not even eighteen yet."  
  
Leah smiled. "It'll make her happy," she said. "That's what matters."  
  
I agreed with that, but I was still awkward as fuck.  
  
"Yeah," I said. "I just wish I was more confident."  
  
"You don't actually think she'll say no, do you?"  
  
"No, but…"  
  
I trailed off, shrugged. Leah was my big sis, but I still couldn't be completely honest with her. I couldn't mention that I was kind of cranky because I'd been thinking about death lately and it made me feel weird. I'd even dreamt about it a couple times. It really was starting to seem like a good idea.  
  
Besides, I was just in a bad mood. It just really sucked being away from Alice with so much venom in my system. It made my mouth feel dry and gave me a headache. Hopefully this addiction stuff would wear off a little after I became a vampire. Or when I was dead.  
  
So I sighed and decided to focus on my more human anxieties. "I don't know," I said. "I mean, what if I don't do it properly? What if I mess it up? How do I even say it? I mean, what do you think? Should I get down on one knee? Or is that just—"  
  
"Lame," Leah said. She chuckled and shook her head. "Forget the one knee shit. Listen, proposing is easy. Movies make it seem hard, but trust me; the last thing you wanna be is creative. You also don't want to leave anything to chance, and you want don't interruptions. It's a very personal moment, so the key things you need are privacy, a controlled environment, and a romantic atmosphere. And the easiest way to achieve those conditions is…?"  
  
I sagged my shoulders. Why did she have to quiz me every time I needed advice? Hasn't she learnt that I'm just too stupid to figure it out?  
  
"I don't know," I said. "A romantic restaurant?"  
  
She grinned and shook her head. "Oh boy," she said. "Look, you'll never figure it out, so I'll just tell you what to do. Alright?"  
  
I nodded eagerly. "Okay."  
  
Leah sighed, looking disappointed that again I was willing to cheat on an exam, and then she nudged my shoulder. "Propose in bed," she said. "After sex. Wait for the right moment, when you're all snuggly and stuff—not too tired or exhausted—and then just do it. It's the best way, trust me. You don't even need the ring right away, you can always give it to her later. It's the feeling that makes it special. It has to feel right."  
  
I was nodding. It all seemed to simple – and perfect! I could almost picture it. Me and Alice in bed, holding each other, telling each other how much we love each other. And when the moment's right…  
  
"That's brilliant," I breathed.  
  
Leah laughed at me. "It's common sense, dodo," she said. "Think you can handle it?"  
  
I nodded again. "I think so."  
  
"Cool," she said. She gestured at the case. "Pick a ring."  
  
I'd almost forgotten about a ring. I looked down at the case, slightly more enthusiastic now, and one of them caught my eye immediately. It was a platinum band with an arrangement of pink diamonds in the shape of a tiny butterfly. As soon as I laid eyes on it, I could see it on Alice's finger. I smiled at the strange feeling and pointed at it in the glass.  
  
"What about the butterfly one?" I suggested.  
  
Leah nodded, coolly impressed. "Sure," she said. "Alice likes butterflies."  
  
I bent to look at it closer and Leah motioned for one of the salesgirls. The blonde one, of course. She came over politely and spoke in French. Leah said something back and the salesgirl removed the ring I was looking at and placed it on the glass in front of Leah, but Leah smiled and said something. The salesgirl smiled back in surprise and offered the ring to me instead, offering a French apology.  
  
I smiled too, since everybody seemed to be smiling, and asked Leah:  
  
"What'd you say to her?"  
  
Leah smirked. "She thought your boyfriend was making you buy your own ring," she said. "I told her it's for your girlfriend."  
  
"O-oh."  
  
I was a little awkward that some stranger now knew I was gay, but the salesgirl didn't eject me from the store, and she only seemed to be interested in what I thought of the ring. So I looked at the ring and nodded. Leah came up beside me and spoke quieter.  
  
"She thinks you're too young to get married," she said. "And too hot to be gay. I love straight chicks like this. She'll be bi by tonight, watch me work."  
  
Leah spoke to the salesgirl. She was platinum blonde and her shiny hair was tied back in a professional-looking ponytail. The salesgirl raised her eyebrows as the customer spoke, like a polite sales assistant, but then Leah spoke some more and suddenly she blushed and looked taken aback before shaking her head and babbling quickly in French, as if a misunderstanding had occurred and she was denying something. Leah flirted a little more, her lips curved in a lady-killer smirk, her smoky eyes as bright and sexy as the diamonds in the case. The other woman shook her head a little more, but she allowed herself a kittenish giggle, and I couldn't help rolling my eyes. Leah was such a man-whore.  
  
In any case, we were here for a ring, so I cleared my throat politely. "Um, this one looks good," I said, pointing at the ring. "Can we get it?  
  
They both looked at me. The salesgirl spoke to me in French and looked at Leah for a translation. Leah smirked and turned to me.  
  
"You don't want to browse a little more?" she suggested pointedly.  
  
Obviously she wanted to keep flirting with the blonde snack in the tailored skirt-suit. Since she was my sister, I decided to be understanding, but honestly I would've prefer to go home as soon as possible and get a little of Alice's saliva in my system.  
  
"Alright," I said, "but I think I'll probably get this one."  
  
Leah nodded at me, then spoke to the salesgirl. The salesgirl offered to show Leah and I a few other things, and by the time we left she had also shown Leah her phone number, and would probably show Leah even more after the date they arranged for that same night.  
  
—  
  
The ring had cost more than a new car, and I went through the whole day and the day after with the jewelry box in my pocket and a strange excitement in my chest. I was nervous. Not about her answer, but about everything that came after the answer. I'd woken up that morning from a dream in which I died in Alice's arms, happily, eagerly. Our wedding night was going to be the most special night of our life – but did I really want to be turned anymore?  
  
To be honest, I wasn't even sure. It was disturbing how large the idea of death had grown in my mind. It wasn't even something I connected with Alice anymore. In a way, I wasn't even thinking about what Alice wanted, I was thinking about what I wanted. I was shocked to realized that part of me did actually want to die – in Alice's arms. It really seemed romantic. After all, she was a vampire. She craved my blood. What greater expression of love could there be than letting her have all of it? And I did love her. I loved her more than ever.  
  
But I tried not to think about it. It was something I was going to have to discuss with Alice, and if we did decide to do it, we'd have to do it on our wedding night. We'd have to talk about it and decide what was better for our relationship in the long term; to turn me and attempt to create a life together…or kill me and die together. But either way, we had to get married. So first – I had to propose.  
  
Leah's advice was good—to do it in bed—but I wanted to make the proposal itself as special as possible as well, so I decided to arrange a little something. I didn't often take initiative in our bedroom activities—part of me was still just silently grateful to even be near a naked body like Alice's—but I was in a giddy mood from the imminent proposal, and I was seized with a sudden urge to do something extreme, something that would show her exactly how much I love and trust her. I spent all day thinking about it, and finally I came up with an idea. It was a little radical, perhaps, but Alice herself had often claimed to be a radical girl, and I was beginning to realize that deep down I was kind of radical, too.  
  
First of all I made it clear to the family that tonight I wanted to be alone with Alice. Jane was a little put out, since Alice had been a little preoccupied with Rosalie and Victoria lately, but Leah took the hint and consoled Jane as best she could. Carlisle and Esme knew that I was planning to propose, but Alice was in the room so they couldn't say anything. But later on, Esme caught me alone in the kitchen, and rather than seduce me she opted to badger me until I showed her the ring. She cooed over it, exclaiming that it was the prettiest ring she'd ever seen, and then she gave me a big hug and wished me all the best.  
  
Alice and I went out with Victoria and Rosalie again, catching a show at the Theatre du Chatelet. We had floor seats this time so we had to keep our tongues to ourselves. It was a decent production, but I was too distracted about tonight to pay much attention. We adjourned to that same café on the banks of the Seine and sipped sherries as the subject of group sex was broached. But I mentioned that I wanted to be alone with Alice tonight because I had a surprise for her, and Alice lit up as perfectly as if she'd practiced. Forthwith all thought of a foursome was abandoned, and while Rosalie seemed disappointed, Victoria was far too engrossed in her disinterested pretence to do anything but make a snarky comment or two.  
  
Alice and I rushed home and jumped into the shower. We liked to shower together, and it was a nice way to build the excitement. Alice was glowing, pestering me constantly for hints about the surprise, but I was so nervous that I wasn't even able to talk about it. I knew she'd love it, but it was one of those things that you'd be ashamed to admit that you wanted it, too. She probably thought it was going to be some softcore bondage experiment, but it wasn't. It wasn't softcore, at all.  
  
I had borrowed some gear from Leah and Jane, and after we showered we got dressed. I rarely told Alice what to wear, and the fact that I'd actually picked her outfit for her without her even asking me seemed to throw her into even greater paroxysms of excitement.  
  
Although she was surprised that it was mostly leather.  
  
Shiny black patent leather. Domme-wear. Obviously it was a hint of what I was expecting from her, and the realization that tonight she was the mistress was enough to swat her into a more silent excitement. She had always claimed to be submissive, but sometimes I thought her entire submissive streak was simply a self-imposed defense mechanism against her more dominant tendencies. Which were, according to Victoria, kind of violent. But I liked dominant Alice, and I felt that it was finally time to let her love me the way she wanted to love me. She lifted her corset and smiled at it. I smiled too and told her to put it on.  
  
I waited naked while she donned the rest of the outfit, watching her pull on her thigh-high boots and zip them up, smiling as she adjusted her breasts in the bodice of her corset. I even did her make up. I had been picturing this night all day and I wanted every detail to be correct. So I worked on her pretty face with her pretty eyes fluttering at me, and finally I painted her lips a sultry blood red. It was important that her lips were red. I felt that very strongly, although I had no idea why. She was still badgering me for hints about tonight, but I told her nothing, and when she was ready, I told her to sit on the bed and close her eyes.  
  
This sent another wave of visible excitement over her, and despite being dressed up like little dominatrix she did enjoy being told what to do. So she did it obediently, perching daintily on the edge of the bed and covering her eyes with her gloved hands. I made sure she wasn't peeking, and then I got dressed quickly.  
  
It was mostly black lace, with an accessory or two. Stockings and gloves, bra, panties. The center piece was a collar, black leather with metal studs. It was attached to a chain lead, like a leash, and as I gathered the lead in my hand, Alice heard the chains rattle.  
  
"What was that?" she called out eagerly from behind her leather-clad hands. "Was that chains?"  
  
I grinned and started lighting candles. I'd already turned out the lights and slowly the room warmed in an orange glow as I moved from candle to candle in my lingerie, chains in one hand, a long match in the other. "Stop listening," I said. "And keep your eyes closed."  
  
"But baby, I'm so excited! Can't I just peek quickly, just once?"  
  
"No, keep them closed."  
  
"This is so unfair. Why make me wear leather if you're just gonna boss me around like a sub?"  
  
I smiled and ignored her. I'd blown out the match and now I was bobbed down at the dresser. There was a surprise in the bottom drawer, and slowly, noiselessly, I slid the drawer open. It was a out pajama drawer, but we didn't often wear clothes in bed, so it was a safe place to hide things. I peeled away the top layer of pajamas that were folded there and underneath were two things. The jewelry box that held Alice's engagement ring. And a knife.  
  
The knife was a thin stainless steel switchblade with embossed ebony handles and silver scrollwork. My throat tightened as I looked it over, my face heating self-consciously, and for a second I considered chickening out. But I remember how much Alice liked my blood, and I remembered how Victoria had said that at one time a knife was Alice's favorite bed toy. It was going to take a lot of willpower to let her do things to me with it, but I wanted to show her how much I trusted her and how far I was willing to go to make her happy.  
  
So I swallowed the lump in my throat and picked up the knife, bobbed down at the dresser in my black lace. I touched a finger to the tip of the blade and pressed down. It hurt, and I didn't even break the skin. Candlelight danced on the blade-edge and my breathing had gone deep and irregular.  
  
"Everything okay, baby?" Alice asked from the bed.  
  
I nodded to myself, a wave of giddiness washing over me. I licked my dry lips and grabbed up the jewelry box. "Yeah," I said. "Just a second."  
  
"Okay, but can you hurry up? I don't need anything fancy, baby, all I need is you."  
  
I opened the box and looked at the ring. The little pink butterfly sparkled in the candlelight and I smiled as I let out a shaky breath. A warm feeling spread through my body and I saw the rest of my entire life right there in the ring, Alice, Alice, Alice. "Just a second," I repeated softly, staring at the ring. "You're gonna love it, Alice, trust me."  
  
She sighed loudly, and I snapped closed the box and restored it among the pajamas. I felt one last moment of indecision with the knife in my hand, and then I closed the drawer and rose.  
  
I turned around. Alice was sitting on the edge of the bed, covering her eyes with her hands. Her gloves were black patent leather and flecks of candleflame were shimmering in the shiny surface. I took one last look around the room, wondering if I got everything right, then I turned back to Alice. Her shoulders heaved in another dramatic sigh, as if she knew I was watching her, and then I took a trembly breath. I was holding the knife nervously in both hands.  
  
"Okay," I said. "You can look."  
  
Alice lowered her hands. She was lit up with a grin and at first she gasped in delight at my costume. She had seen me wearing similar things a hundred times before, but she was always amazed each time. I smiled and shifted my feet nervously. She opened her mouth to exclaim how amazing I looked.  
  
But then she saw the knife in my hands.  
  
The grin froze on her face and she looked at it as if it confused her. Then she lifted her eyes to mine, still smiling but unsure if she should be.  
  
"Baby?" she said.  
  
Nervousness rolled over me, but I forced myself to be casual. "Well, I've been thinking," I said. "I know how much you like blood, and I know you dig vulnerability and stuff. So I thought…"  
  
I waved the knife loosely and gave a strange giggle. Alice's smile was gone and she looked small and unsure, sitting there in her corset and boots. Her dark eyes blinked in the candlelight and she didn't seem to know what to say.  
  
I felt a sudden crash of insecurity, and my own smile slipped away. I was going to be so embarrassed if she wasn't into this. How could she not be into it? I looked away and looked back again.  
  
"Well?" I said. "What do you think?"  
  
My voice snapped her out of it. She started shaking her head, but she was too flustered to really be succinct. "Baby, you don't have to…"  
  
She trailed off, but her response did away with a lot of my insecurity. It wasn't that she wasn't into it; it was that she was afraid to be into it. I had felt that way, too, but I felt differently now. A small smile flickered on my face and I stepped toward her. She looked up at my body as it was clad in lace and bathed in candlelight.  
  
"I know I don't," I said. "But I want to."  
  
She looked up at me. "Baby," she whispered.  
  
I smiled and climbed onto her lap. Her back straightened slightly, her eyes fluttering, and I leaned my smile to her mouth. I kissed her, letting it linger on her red lips, and then I pulled back. I was holding her face in my hands and the knife was near her ear. She blinked at me, lips parted. I smiled at her.  
  
"It's something I've been thinking about," I said. "I just thought it might be fun, you know?"  
  
Alice finally snapped out of it. She raised an eyebrow and smirked.  
  
"Fun?"  
  
I was happy to finally break through the ice, and I giggled.  
  
"Well, fun for you," I said. "For me it'll probably be a little painful."  
  
I felt a flash of excitement as I said it, and saw a similar flash in Alice's eyes. Her hands were resting at my hips and I was straddling her lap. I leaned to her lips, smiling, and whispered into them.  
  
"But that's okay," I said. "I want it to hurt. Because that will show you exactly how much I want you. How much I trust you. And this is just the beginning. I know you're dreams are a little dark, Alice, but I'm going to make them come true. I promise."  
  
I kissed her. Dimly, I was aware that I was talking about her dream of killing me, and I think I decided right then during that kiss that I wanted her to do it. Not now, not tonight. But eventually, maybe. If tonight was good. If she wanted to.  
  
I pulled back from the kiss and kissed her again, pressing my mouth against her warm lips, and then I kissed her again, and again, building confidence. Finally I smiled, kissed her one more time, and licked my lips. She looked up at me, dazed, licking her own lips.  
  
"Here," I whispered. "I'll start."  
  
I bought the tip of the knife to my face, just under my right eye. I felt the cool steel poke my cheek, and I felt cold excitement swirl in my stomach as I realized that I was actually about to cut myself. I gripped the handle with both hands. Alice watched me intently. I smiled at her to show her how excited I was, and then I began to apply pressure on the knife. It started to hurt, and bracing myself for more pain, I pushed the tip of the knife harder against my cheek bone.  
  
It hurt much more than I expected, but finally I broke the skin. I groaned, surprised at the pain, and I felt something warm run down my face like a tear. I lowered the knife. There was blood on the tip. I smiled, proud that I didn't chicken out, and the smile made my cheek hurt.  
  
Alice was staring at the blood. Her eyes had glazed over darkly and not even the candleflames were reflected in those inky black pools. Blood dripped from my face onto my chest and she lowered her eyes to look at the little red stains on my white skin. She lifted her eyes back to mine and I turned my cheek to her slightly.  
  
"Go ahead," I whispered. "Hurry."  
  
Alice wasted no more time. My eyes fell closed as I felt her tongue flatten itself against my face and lap up that line of blood. She gave a moan and watched more blood run. Then she licked up that blood as well. She kept licking the blood that fell until the blood slowed, and then she kissed the cut softly, making it sting painfully.  
  
Finally I turned my face to hers, capturing her lips. I could taste my own blood in her mouth, and there was so much venom in my system that it tasted sweet. I could only imagine what it tasted like to her. When I pulled back, I smiled, took her hand, and placed the knife in her palm. I grinned at her.  
  
"I want you to savor me," I said. "Anything you want, okay? Even if it hurts. Especially if it hurts."  
  
She smiled, licking her lips. She flickered her eyes over the blood drops on my chest and lifted them back to mine. "Are you sure about this, baby?" she asked. "You don't have to if you don't want to."  
  
"I want to."  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
Alice smirked and lifted the knife. She touched the tip to my other cheek and my heart immediately started racing. She applied a little pressure, making my skin dimple under the blade. I looked at her passively, refusing to flinch from the cold steel. She looked at me with her dark eyes.  
  
"Are you positive?" she whispered. "Because sometimes I can get a little carried away."  
  
I nodded against the knife blade. Her smile widened. She lifted her other hand, threaded it into my hair, and took a handful. She pushed my face forward into the knife, watching my eyes for any sign of hesitation. But I only smiled, nuzzled the knife-tip with my cheek, and said:  
  
"Go ahead."  
  
My willingness pleased her, but she didn't do it. She only giggled and lowered the knife, giving me an affectionate look as she petted my neck with her other hand.  
  
"Are you really sure about this, baby?" she asked. "I mean, isn't this just a little too hardcore for you? You've never been into this stuff before."  
  
"I'm sure, Alice," I said. "In fact, this is only part of the surprise. There's still more."  
  
"There is?"  
  
"Mmhm. Much more."  
  
"Like what?"  
  
I giggled and kissed the tip of her nose. The proposal was the big surprise, but it didn't feel right just then. There were other things we had to do first. "Well, to begin with," I said, "you get to tie me up. And not just handcuffs. You get to tie me up any way you want. You can uses chain, ropes, harness, anything. Until I can't even move anymore and I'm completely helpless to anything you want to do to me. How does that sound?"  
  
She actually gulped. "Seriously?"  
  
"Seriously," I said. I kissed her and whispered into her mouth. "Tonight, I'm yours to command. Anything you want. Anything at all. Okay?"  
  
"Okay," she whispered.  
  
—  
  
The first thing she did was set about tying me up. I sat in the center of the bed, leaning back on my palms with my stockinged legs composed in the candlelight, and I watched her bustle about the room with her bondage equipment. She was hyper-excited and she kept brandishing different ropes and chains, checking for my opinion on what I'd like, and I kept telling her that I was cool with anything, smiling at her in her sexy black leather.  
  
Such a cute domme.  
  
Eventually she decided that rope would be best, since the rope could be cut with the knife if she felt the need to rearrange my limbs in some way, like opening my legs. She explained all this as she tied me up, and all I did was nod, smiling at her as she knelt in the bed with my feet in her lap, looping the rope tightly around my ankles. I'd never been bound at the feet before, and it was exciting. Finally she tied a knot, making sure it wasn't too tight, and then she flipped me onto my stomach and began tying my wrists together. After this she looped the rope around my waist and chest, binding my arms to my torso. The excitement grew in my belly, and finally she flipped me onto my back, grinning at me excitedly.  
  
"There," she said. "How do you feel?"  
  
I was laying there, completely immobilized by rope. I smiled up at her passively said:  
  
"Vulnerable."  
  
She giggled. "I know, isn't it awesome? Try moving. We have to make sure it's tight enough."  
  
I tried to move and only managed a helpless wriggle. Basically, the only thing I could move was my waist, and I'd never been good at sit-ups. Alice giggled at my squirming.  
  
"Tight enough, baby?"  
  
"I think so."  
  
"Good. Oh, and just so you know, verbal abuse is a big part of being dominated, so don't get upset if I call you a slut or whore or something like that, okay?"  
  
"Okay."  
  
Alice giggled and patted my hip. "Good girl," she said. "Baby's such an obedient little whore, isn't she? Doesn't need any training at all, does she?"  
  
I blushed and I had to assume it was a pretty blush. I wasn't good at the roleplay stuff, but I didn't exactly have to pretend to be an obedient whore – I kind of was one. So I smiled through the blush and said: "I guess so. But can I ask a question?"  
  
"You may."  
  
"How you gonna fuck me with my legs tied together?"  
  
She looked at my legs as if she hadn't considered them yet. They lay there in the warm orange candlelight, stockinged and bound with rope at the ankles. She stroked her hand over my thigh idly, up, down, like petting a cat. "Not sure yet. But that's not important. As your mistress, I'm in charge of your orgasms tonight. You'll come when I say so and only when I say so. Is that understood?"  
  
"Okay."  
  
"Of course, you may feel free to beg, if you want. Sluts like to beg. It won't help you, but it can be fun to hear. In fact, I'll make you beg later. For now, you'll have to just stay wet like the horny little slut you are, okay?"  
  
As she spoke she had eased her hand between my thighs and began stroking the edges of my panties, so maddeningly close to my pussy. Excitement was slamming through my body like a sledgehammer, but I managed to nod. I'd never felt anything like this before. Already my pussy was moistening between my bound legs and I felt like begging right now, but I didn't. I was still a little self-conscious about these sex-games, and I had to loosen up before I became more vocal.  
  
"Good girl," she said. "Now…"  
  
She removed her hand from between my legs, crawled over to the nightstand, and came back with the knife. She straddled my body and touched the knife to my face, grazing the blade along the curve of my cheek. She smiled and suddenly the excitement in my belly became a lot colder.  
  
"So," she said. "This is what you wanted, isn't it? To be all tied up and helpless. With me, kneeling over you with a knife. Hm? Can you guess what I'd like to do to you with this, Bella?"  
  
"What?"  
  
A coy smile passed over her face and slowly drew the knife blade lower, along my throat and over my chest. "All kinds of things," she said. "But that's okay, you don't have to guess. You're going to find out. Very soon. But do you know what I'm going to do first? First, I'm going to cut away your bra. Because I really like your boobs, and I hate to see them covered up. It's a pretty bra, but I'd rather see your tits. Baby's tits are even prettier."  
  
My breath shivered. She had slipped the point of the knife between my breasts, under the front of my bra, and then she flicked the knife upwards, severing the catch.  
  
The bra was a pushup and as soon as the tension was relieve my breast sprang aside. Alice flicked away the bra cups with the knife blade and used her other hand to grope one of them, grinning. I watched her face breathlessly, laying there completely helpless as she groped up my boobs.  
  
"Mmm," she said. "Such slutty little tits. It's wrong to judge a woman by her body, of course, but with tits like these maybe you really are a born whore. Hm? What do you think?"  
  
"Um, yeah," I said. "I think so too."  
  
It was a weak rejoinder, but I wasn't exactly an expert at this BDSM stuff, and it was the best I had. It made Alice smile, and that was good enough.  
  
"Good girl," she said. "May I cut you now?"  
  
The blunt way she asked sent even more ripples of excitement through me. I swallowed a sudden lump in my throat and nodded. "Yes," I said. "Of course you can."  
  
Alice watched me for a second, and then she lowered her eyes to my exposed breasts. She grazed the knife against one of them, scraping the tip against the soft flesh under my nipple. She lifted her eyes to mine and smiled.  
  
"May I cut you here?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
She pushed the tip into my breast. The skin puckered, but it didn't break. I shivered at the pain, knowing that the cut was going to be worse, knowing that it was going to happen any second.  
  
"Are you sure?" Alice asked teasingly. "It's going to hurt."  
  
"I know."  
  
"And baby doesn't mind?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Baby's okay if I cut her boob?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Okay. I'll do it nice and gentle so it won't hurt so much. I'll be really careful."  
  
I nodded, and looked down to watch. Alice grabbed my breast with one hand and squeezed it to make it bulge. Then she poked the tip of the knife into the swelling flash and began to push. I groaned as the pain grew and then suddenly my tender skin popped like a fruit, gushing thick red blood onto the flat of the blade.  
  
Half an inch of the knife was buried in my breast, and the pain was bad enough to drive away most of my horniness. But in its place there was a different excitement, and I groaned again as I felt the knife withdraw. Sweat broke out over my face from the pain, and when I opened my eyes Alice was watching me anxiously.  
  
"You okay, baby?"  
  
I grinned suddenly. My breathing had gone ragged from the adrenaline, and I nodded quickly.  
  
"I'm fine."  
  
"Are you sure?"  
  
I nodded again, wincing once from the pain, and then I nodded down at my bleeding tit.  
  
"Quick," I said. "Don't waste it."  
  
Blood was dribbling between my breasts and welling there in a little pool. She smiled and stuck the tip of the knife in her mouth, licking off the blood, and then she lowered her face to my chest. I leaned my head back and closed my eyes. I felt her tongue lap up all the blood and then I felt her lips fasten around the wound as she started sucking at it hungrily.  
  
Soon the blood stopped running and she moved on to the other breast. The first one had been such a success that she decided to tease me even worse with the second one. She poked at it with the knife as if it was some piece of meat, watching it dimple and pucker against the tip, searching for a nice soft spot to stick it in. She kept asking what I thought and where I wanted her to do it, and I found myself loosening up and encouraging her. The way she toyed with me as I laid there so helpless made me horny all over again, but this time the hornyness didn't go away, even as I hissed in pain as the knife slipped into the soft underside of my breast. She then lowered her mouth and started sucking.  
  
She kept sucking and as the blood slowed she began to lick, letting the blood well and lapping it up with her tongue before letting it well again.  
  
"Mmm," she moaned, licking at the last of the welling blood. "Talk about blood bags. This is awesome. I could do this all day."  
  
"Me too."  
  
"Mmm. I love your titties, Bella. So yummy. But you know what?"  
  
Alice rose up and wiped her mouth with her wrist. She looked me over and put her hands on her hips.  
  
"I'm horny," she said. "I could use an orgasm before we go any further. What do you think?"  
  
"Okay."  
  
"Baby wanna go down on me?"  
  
"Mmhm."  
  
"Yeah? Good girl. Well, come on then. If you do me really good I'll let you have a vibrator in you for the next part."  
  
Alice flopped back against one of the pillows with her legs open. Her corset was crotchless and she held open the leather gap with her thumbs.  
  
But apparently she'd forgotten that I was completely tied up, so all I could do was lay there with my head tilted to the side, blinking at her wet and waiting pussy. I didn't have a problem going down on it—nothing would make me happier—but I couldn't really figure out how she expected me to actually get over there. So I smiled and said:  
  
"Um, I'm kind of tied up."  
  
"I know."  
  
"I can't really move."  
  
"You can wriggle. Now, hurry up and get your slutty little butt over here. You have no idea how horny I am. I'm about to pop, seriously. Hurry, baby, hurry."  
  
Her pussy wasn't really that far away, but even short distances were challenging when your arms were lashed to your own torso and your ankles were locked together with rope. I rolled over twice and tried to hump over like a caterpillar, but it was exhausting work, and eventually I collapsed just a couple feet from her pussy. I groaned frustratedly.  
  
"Can't you just sit on my face?"  
  
"Nope, I want to embarrass you. Come on, you're almost there. Look at baby crawl like a worm. She so cute, isn't she? Like a slutty little snake."  
  
"You're an asshole, Alice."  
  
"Oh, don't give up, baby. You're sooo close, and my pussy needs you sooo badly. Hurry, I need you."  
  
"My pussy's kind of horny too, you know."  
  
"I know, baby, and I'll take care of you eventually, but tonight I'm the mistress, remember? You said yourself that you're going to do anything I wanted and right now I want you to crawl to my pussy like a good little whore and eat it out nice and thoroughly, okay?"  
  
I groaned and wriggled closer. I'd been fantasizing about this all day but none of my daydreams had included dragging my halfnaked body across the bed like a seal while my so-called soulmate mocked and demeaned me. It was fun, sure, but my visions for tonight had been a little more romantic.  
  
"Okay, baby, I'm getting frustrated now. Do you need a hand? You're almost there, anyway."  
  
"Yes, thank you."  
  
"Oh, alright. Come here."  
  
I was almost between her legs by now, and she leaned forward and grabbed a handful of my hair. She yanked me up forcibly and deposited my face in her pussy.  
  
"Oww," I said into her vagina, my scalp burning from the hair pulling.  
  
Alice giggled. "Oh, don't be a baby, baby. You wanted pain, remember? That's what you said. You said you wanted it to hurt. Now suck it up and start licking."  
  
I already was, and while her scent was as intoxicating as ever, I still had the presence of mind to be amazed how much more romantic pain had seemed before it actually started. Alice moaned pleasurably as my tongue wriggled into her folds and she widened her legs a little more, holding my head by the hair.  
  
"Good girl," she said. "Yes. That's exactly what I want. Oh god. I love you, Bella. You're so fucking awesome. Keep going, baby, keep going. Ugh. That's so good. Do you like it, baby? Do I taste nice? Tell me I taste nice."  
  
I moaned into her pussy. It was so weird doing this with no use of any of my limbs, but that only made it hotter. "You taste amazing," I told her. "I love your taste. Mmmm. I could lick you forever, Alice. I love you."  
  
"Oh god," she groaned. "I love you too, baby. Keep going. Keep going. Stick your tongue in. Deeper. Deeper. Lick me as deep as you can, show me how much you love me. Yes. Ugh. Oh god, baby. I love it. Keep going."  
  
I kept licking, and I wasn't lying when I said she tasted amazing. Her essence contained her scent and her pheromones, all the things I was addicted to, and I truly could stay like this forever. Bound with ropes and face first in her lovely pussy, no use of my limbs at all. Who needs arms and legs? All I needed was a tongue, because it was my tongue that served Alice, my mistress, my queen. My gorgeous soulmate who tasted so sweet, my lovely girlfriend, my future fiancé. I truly could stay like this for—  
  
"Actually, I changed my mind," Alice said suddenly, flinging my face away from her pussy by the hair. "I don't wanna come just yet. I'll come later. Let's do some other stuff first."  
  
Well. And just when it was getting romantic, too.  
  
Alice had hopped off the bed and skipped over the dresser where she stood in the candlelight and sorted among the sex toys there. I rolled over in my ropes so I could watch her, licking my lips to relish her taste. She had her back to me and I smirked at her perky ass, framed between her black leather corset and black leather boots. But my smirk faded somewhat when I realized she was lubing up a string of anal beads.  
  
"Okay, baby, bend over. It's time to stick something inside that luscious ass of yours."  
  
On one hand, I was flattered at the complement. My ass wasn't a feature I had solid opinions about since I rarely saw it, but it was nice to know Alice liked it. But on the other hand, I wasn't really used to anal stuff, and I was naturally self-conscious.  
  
She turned around with the beads and saw me hesitating. The beads were pink plastic and quite large, really. She blinked at me innocently, and it was almost easy to forget that she was decked out in black leather, a deceptively dominant young demon.  
  
"What's wrong, baby?"  
  
My heart jumped. I didn't want Alice to think I was hesitant, because honestly I wasn't. Tonight was all about Alice, and Alice's whims were my command. If she wanted to stick something in my ass, then that was exactly what I was going to let her do – and like it, too. So I shook my head quickly.  
  
"Nothing," I said. "I just, um. I don't know if I can bend over."  
  
I was already wriggling. Alice giggled and came over.  
  
"Here, let me help you."  
  
She lifted me onto my knees and pushed me face first into the mattress so that my ass was in the air. It was a little ungraceful, perhaps, but as long as Alice was enjoying herself. She patted my butt a few times.  
  
"First all, I'll have to cut away these panties," she said. "After all, we can't pull them down over the ropes, can we? Will baby be happy to get her panties off?"  
  
My pussy throbbed at the suggestion. "Yes."  
  
"I thought so. Horny baby wants to get naked. Well, I'll let you be naked, but don't get too excited. You're not going to come for a while yet."  
  
I felt the cold blade of the knife slide under my panties and my ass shivered. Alice teased me with it there.  
  
"You like that, baby?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"You want me to make a cut here, too? I think that would be nice, what do you think? Baby has such a beautiful ass. I'd love to lick it."  
  
"Do I really?"  
  
"Mmhm. Not as nice as mine, but close."  
  
"No ass is as nice as yours."  
  
"Aww, that's so sweet. I love you, baby."  
  
"I love you, too."  
  
"Good. Now, let's get these beads into your ass, hm?"  
  
"Okay."  
  
Alice grabbed a handful of my panties and stretched them out, pulling them tight against my pussy. She sawed at the fabric, severing them at the crotch and then at the waistband. They came away wet and Alice giggled at my wet pussy. She teased it with a finger, almost tickling it, and my whole body quivered, kneeling there with my ass in the air and my face in the mattress.  
  
"Aww, look at how horny baby is. Too bad she isn't allowed to come yet. But don't worry, it'll happened eventually. How many beads would you like inside you, baby?"  
  
She spread my ass with her thumb. I breathed into the mattress.  
  
"As many as you want, Alice."  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"Okay. Well, let's start with one."  
  
She pushed the first one in and made my body squirm. The beads weren't even that large, but it felt huge inside my ass, and I frowned at the strange excitement coursing through me. I clenched down on it automatically and this made me even more excited.  
  
"There, that's one," Alice said. "How does that feel?"  
  
"It feels good."  
  
"You like that baby?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Do you want more?"  
  
"Yes," I said, wanting to be as submissive as possible. "I want as many as you want to put in me, Alice. Keep going until you think I've had enough. As many as you want."  
  
Alice giggled and pushed another one in.  
  
"There, that's two. But you know what? I'm just gonna keep going. I know baby's a terrible little whore and I know she wants as many as possible. So let's just cram you full, okay?"  
  
"Okay."  
  
My breath hitched as another one was pushed in. Then another one. Then another one. I groaned and squirmed in my ropes, my ass twitching uncontrollably with these things in it, so hard, so large. Alice chuckled in satisfaction and caressed my ass gently, and then she leaned and placed a couple kisses on it.  
  
"You're so cute, baby. Look how you're ass is twitching. You really like it, don't you? Such a slutty little butt. Do you want me to leave them there while we do other stuff?"  
  
"Okay."  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
Alice spanked me quickly, causing me to clench down almost painfully on the beads. She giggled at my groan.  
  
"Sorry, couldn't resist. I'm really mean, aren't I? But listen, since your being such a good girl, I'll put something in your pussy too, okay? Hold on a second."  
  
I felt the mattress tilt, and I knelt there waiting, ass in the air with a string of beads sticking out of it like a strange tail. My ass was still twitching and my face felt like it was on fire. Alice came back and knelt at my side so she could show me what she'd fetched. It was a small pink vibrator, oval shaped, with a remote control switch.  
  
"See this, baby? I'm gonna put this in your pussy, and every time you're a good girl, I'll do this:"  
  
She pressed the switch and the device vibrated in her hand. Just looking at it was enough to make me crave it. I was so horny and I'd do anything for a quick orgasm. I nodded in the mattress, my face flushed.  
  
"Okay," I whispered. "Okay."  
  
"Good girl. But remember, it's only for when you behave. So you have to keep being a good girl, okay?"  
  
"I will, Alice. Please. Put it in me."  
  
My legs were still tied together, so it was a tight fit, but she got it in there. She eased it between my wet folds and I groaned as I felt it slip into my vagina.  
  
"Feel good, baby?"  
  
I groaned again, clenching down on both objects, my mind clouding over with lust. "Yes," I said. "Thank you. Oh god, thank you Alice. That feels so good."  
  
"Aww, I love gratitude. What a good little girl. I wasn't going to reward you so soon, but I just love a grateful slut. What do you think, baby? Do you think you deserve a quick blast of the vibrator as a reward?"  
  
"Yes. Please."  
  
"Well, since you asked so nicely I guess I'll have to."  
  
Alice hit the switch and my whole body spasmed as the vibrator came alive inside me. A loud groan rumbled from my chest and just that one burst almost pushed me into orgasm.  
  
Then it stopped.  
  
"Oh god," I panted, "Oh god."  
  
My face was crumpled in despair in the mattress. I didn't think it would be that bad. I needed more. I needed so much more. Alice giggled and patted my naked butt affectionately.  
  
"Don't worry, baby, I won't leave you wet all night. All you need to do is be a brave girl and do as you're told, okay? Then I'll let you come. Are you going to be a brave girl?"  
  
"Yes. I'll do anything."  
  
"Yes. You will."  
  
I thought she was just being dominant, but she actually broke character for a second. She lifted me up by the hair and looked into my flush and panting face. I couldn't sit back on the anal beads and I had no use of my arms, so I only knelt there, awaiting some kind of command. She wiped some hair away from my sweaty forehead and smiled.  
  
"Thank you for this, Bella," she said. "I'm not really like this, I swear, but sometimes…"  
  
I didn't know what she was getting at, but I was way too horny to think about it properly. So I just kissed her. The touch of her lips gave me a surge of excitement, and I deepened the kiss suddenly, forcing my tongue into her mouth. She giggled around my tongue and then she threw me onto the bed, mounted my bound body, and started tonguing me wildly.  
  
For a while she just had some fun with me. She left the beads and the vibrator inside me, and I was completely naked now, aside from the rope and the stockings. She wrapped me into her arms like a giant teddy bear, and she rolled me on top, and grabbed my ass and tits, and kissed me some more. I was going crazy from hornyness, and my thighs were starting to cramp from how I kept trying to open them against the rope.  
  
At last she was ready to spend some quality time on my legs, and as soon as she cut away the rope, my thighs sprang open as if there had been a spring between them. If I had use of my arms I probably would've stuffed a whole hand inside my pussy, but I had no hands. All I had was my mouth, and I used it to beg for a little release—begging with my legs open and the vibrator so still and inert inside me—but my pleas fell on deaf ears.  
  
"Alice, please," I said. "Just kiss my pussy once. That'll be enough. Just one little kiss. You don't have to make me come if you don't want, but please—"  
  
"Bella, if you don't stop begging, I'm going to have to gag you. Is that what you want?"  
  
My legs were so open they felt like they were splitting, and all I could think about was getting a tongue in there, or at least turning the vibrator on. My pussy was clenching down on the plastic lump spastically, and I felt like I was going to come any minute, but I never did.  
  
"Please, Alice?" I went on. "I've been a good girl, you know I have. Just one little kiss? You said you loved me. Don't you want to? I know you do."  
  
Alice narrowed her eyes at me playfully and slapped at my tits. "Bad girl for trying to guilt me," she said. "Just be patient, okay? I know that's hard for you because you're such a whore, but you'll have to try. Okay?"  
  
"Alice, come on—"  
  
But she slapped my tits again and I fell silent, pouting at her. Alice smiled and ignored the pout, turning her attention to my legs. She lifted one of them and caressed the whole stockinged length of it, strumming it like a cello. My skin was sensitive, and her fingers left trails of fire.  
  
"Hmm," she said. "I have the perfect idea."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Hold your leg up straight, okay?"  
  
"Like this?"  
  
"Exactly like that. Good girl."  
  
She gave me a quick blast of the vibrator. I moaned and my leg trembled. It was straight up in the air like a mast, and as I recovered from the vibrator burst, I saw that Alice had retrieved the knife from wherever she'd left it. I pouted at her, wondering what she was going to do, and then she slipped the blade inside the stocking and slit it all the way to the foot, revealing my bare leg.  
  
I kept my leg straight. Alice looked at it fondly and trailed the cool knife blade up and down it.  
  
"You have such beautiful legs, baby. It'll be such a shame to damage them. But so fun, too. I don't know what to do. I'm conflicted. What do you think, baby?"  
  
My pussy was throbbing incredibly and I was still mad at her for making me so horny, but I had enough clarity to remember that I had arranged this night specifically for her, so she could do anything she wanted. So I put aside my own mind-numbing lust and focused on hers, nodding at the question.  
  
"It'll heal," I said. "Go ahead."  
  
She nuzzled my calf with her cheek and smiled. "Yeah?"  
  
"Yeah. Go ahead."  
  
"Well, if you insist. Is it okay if it hurts?"  
  
"Of course. Anything you want, Alice. Hurt me as much as you want. I like it."  
  
Alice smiled into my eyes and made a quick cut in my thigh. I winced at the pain, my body clenching down on the beads and the vibrator, setting off a chain reaction of spasms as I clenched and clenched again at the pain. Alice lips were lowered to the cut and she was sucking at it. It was so close to my pussy I felt like crying.  
  
After that she moved on to the other leg, slitting the stocking in the same way as the other one. She ordered me to keep my leg up straight and she teased me with the knife for a little bit. She made a small cut near the top of my leg and watched the blood run down in it in a thin streak. Then she leaned and licked up the whole line, from the base of my thigh right up to my foot, her tongue dragging a hot trail over my sensitive skin. Then she waited for another line to run down my leg before licking that one up too. She repeated this until the blood stopped running, and then she made more cuts in my thighs and calves, lapping at them one by one until they stopped bleeding, and then perusing the rest of my unmarked flesh for the ideal spots to make another.  
  
By the time she was finished my legs were covered in cuts and I was senseless with lust. I lay there limply, covered in sweat from the pain and exhilaration, and finally she gathered up my broken form in her arms and kiss me. I whimpered and kissed her back. I occurred to me that I really loved her, and that seemed to be the only thought my frazzled mind was capable of forming.  
  
Finally she broke the kiss and stroked back my damp black hair.  
  
"Well," she said, looking into my face. "I think it's time to let you come, don't you?"  
  
I smiled languidly. She buzzed the vibrator and my body spasmed lazily. "Yes," I said. "But what about you?"  
  
"You can do me after I do you, okay?"  
  
"Okay."  
  
"Do you want me to do you now?"  
  
"Yes. Please."  
  
"Okay. But there's just one more thing I want to do. I'll make you come straight after, or even during. Is that okay?"  
  
"Of course. Anything, Alice. Anything. I'll wait as long as you want me to. I love you."  
  
"I love you too, baby. Come here…"  
  
Our final position of the night involved me on my knees in the middle of the bed. Alice had rearranged my binds so that my wrists were lashed to my ankles, leaving my whole torso wrenched back and my breasts tilted upwards. I was immobilized even more securely than before, and the only thing I could move was my head.  
  
Alice smiled at me in the candlelight. She had the knife in one hand and she was looking over my naked and bound body as if wondering where to use it.  
  
"You look so beautiful like this, baby," she said. "Helplessness suits you."  
  
"I was always helpless to you, Alice."  
  
"Maybe. But now you truly are helpless. I could do anything I wanted to you…and there's nothing you could do to stop me."  
  
"I wouldn't stop you anyway."  
  
"No?"  
  
"No."  
  
"So, you're a girl without limits, are you?"  
  
"Basically."  
  
"There's nothing you wouldn't let me do?"  
  
"Nothing."  
  
Alice smiled at me for a moment. I smiled back, kneeling there with my hands tied back to my ankles. Totally helpless, yet totally confident. Alice cocked her head and giggled.  
  
"Okay," she said. "Let's put that to the test."  
  
She stabbed my stomach.  
  
It was a shallow stab, just the point of the knife, but it made me flinch and groan. The beads were still dangling out my ass and the vibrator was still in my pussy. My lower body clenched down on both objects, my whole face scrunching up from pain and lust.  
  
Alice put her hand against the wound, and when I opened my eyes and looked down, I saw the blood pooling into her cupped hand. Then she lifted her hand and drank it. I could feel blood running down my abdomen and over my crotch and leaking along my leg, and briefly I wondered how much I'd lost tonight. The cuts had all been shallow, but there were lots of them.  
  
Alice smiled and licked her bloody fingers. Blood was smeared on her pale face and the blood was dark in the candlelight and she looked almost monstrous, poised over me with a knife in one hand and blood all over the other, watching the pain pass over my face with little more than curiosity, like some hellish inquisitrix.  
  
I grinned at her languidly. "Can I come yet?"  
  
She paused in her licking. Then she lowered her bloody hand and smiled a child-like smile. "Soon," she said. "But let me play with you a little more first, okay?"  
  
The look in her black eyes made my pussy throb even harder, but at this point I didn't really care about a climax. I seemed to be having a transcending experience. I was slipping away into a realm where pain and pleasure didn't exist anymore, a place beyond ache and ecstasy where demons do live and where there was nothing of the known world save Alice, Alice, Alice.  
  
So I fixed a glazed smile on my pretty tormentor with eyes glistening slavishly in the candlelight and I said: "Anything you want, Alice. Anything…"  
  
"Good," she said. "That's good."  
  
Then she stabbed me again.  
  
—  
  
I passed out at some point, and when I woke up the lights were on and the candles were out. My head was resting on something soft and someone was stroking my hair idly. My eyes fluttered open, focused, and I saw Alice smiling down at me.  
  
"Hey," she said.  
  
I blinked. "Hey."  
  
My head was laying in her lap. I winced and sat up slowly. Alice helped me. I put a hand to my forehead—to try and ease the throb there—and I realized that I wasn't tied up anymore. I looked around in confusion. My whole body was stiff and my lower parts felt as if I'd had things stuffed in them all night. Oh wait, I did.  
  
"You okay, baby?"  
  
I looked at her. Gone was the demon with the knife, and here was only Alice. Her adorable brow was puckered in concern, but I set her at ease with a smile.  
  
"I'm great," I said. Then I frowned myself. "Did I come?"  
  
Alice tried not to grin too brightly. "Kind of," she said. "You screamed and passed out. It was a bit too intense for you, I think."  
  
I was wearing a similar grin, and for a few seconds neither of us could think of anything to say. It seemed corrected to be at least a little ashamed of some of the things we'd done, but neither of us were. I looked at her and she bit her lip, her face blushing brightly.  
  
"We're a couple of freaks, aren't we?"  
  
We looked at each other and tried not to giggle. Two snickers escaped us at the same time and this was so funny we couldn't hold it back anymore. We collapsed together, giggling, holding each other and cackling helplessly as we rolled in the bloodstained bedsheets.  
  
The first thing we did was tidy up the room. Most of it could wait till morning, but we kicked the underwear and toys into a pile, and put away some of the candles. We went for a shower together, and examined the damage to my body. It was pretty bad. Cuts everywhere, a few hefty bruises and rope marks in pale skin. But it would probably all heal within a couple weeks, so I didn't worry about it much. I should be fine by the wedding, that is, assuming there's going to be a wedding anytime. I had planned to propose tonight, but I was so physically and emotionally exhausted that I didn't know if I'd be able to anymore. It's not every night you get sexually mutilated by your girlfriend before passing out during orgasm.  
  
Once we were clean, we threw on some clothes—underwear and tanktops—and climbed into bed together. I knew we wouldn't be going to sleep right away, so I kept alert for the right moment. Tonight had been incredible, and I'm sure Alice would love it if I could somehow work in the proposal, too.  
  
The lights were off, but it was a full moon outside and the curtains were open. Bluish light spilled from the tall windows onto the bed. Alice had a leg thrown over me under the covers and she kept snuggling against me, as if she couldn't quite get close enough. She sighed dreamily and evidently decided to thank me one more time for tonight.  
  
"Thank you, baby," she said. "That was so special tonight. I can't believe you let me do all that stuff."  
  
Me either. But hey, that's the kind of girlfriend I am. Bella Swan: masochistic plaything. Besides, it was all for Alice. It wasn't a conventional method of lovemaking, but in the world of vampires, nothing says 'I Love You' like hardcore bondage and a little knifeplay.  
  
"Did you like it?" I asked.  
  
"Yes," she said, with a touch of shame in her voice now that it was all over. "I wish I didn't enjoy hurting you like that, but it's fascinating to me. To see how far you'll go. To see if you really do have limits."  
  
Her words reminded me of what I'd been thinking all week. Death. Dying in her arms. Did she know that I was willing to go that far? Did tonight show her? Or did she still think I was afraid?  
  
I held her, and I decided not to talk about it directly, but I couldn't help flaunting my new found darkside. "Well, this was just the beginning," I said. "We're gonna do stuff like this more often, I promise. Anything you want, Alice, whenever you want."  
  
But she only giggled and tried to snuggle closer. "Well, not too often," she said. "I don't need things like that to be happy, baby. All I need is you."  
  
I glowed at that, but I didn't want her to settle, I wanted her to have it all. "I know," I said. "But you can't stop me from trying to be perfect for you."  
  
"You already are perfect."  
  
"Not as perfect as you."  
  
She raised up on an elbow and I was surprised to see her frowning in the moonlight. "I'm not perfect," she said. "I'm horrible. Look at what I've done to you."  
  
I smiled at her insecurity, thinking it was the most silly thing in the world, and then I pulled her on top of me. She settled flat against my body, face to face, and I was speaking almost into her mouth.  
  
"I like what you've done to me," I whispered. "Because I like how you make me feel. Words can't describe how much I love you Alice. That's why we have to do stuff like this. So I can show you."  
  
"You don't need to show me, baby."  
  
But I could feel the love now, burning in my chest like a hot coal. "Yes," I said. "I do."  
  
We looked into each other's eyes for a moment, and then I smiled.  
  
"In fact, I have another surprise for you."  
  
"You do?"  
  
"Mmhm," I said, pushing her off me gently. "I was waiting for the perfect moment. I was hoping this would be it. That's why I wanted to do something special."  
  
"You mean all night wasn't the real surprise?"  
  
"Nope."  
  
"My god, what is it?"  
  
I had bent at the dresser and opened the bottom drawer. I took out the jewelry box and checked inside quickly, in case something had happened to it. But the ring was there as I left it. It looked pretty in the moonlight, but you couldn't tell the stones were pink. I considered turning the lights on, but darkness seemed more romantic.  
  
"Baby?"  
  
Excitement flared in my stomach and I turned back to the bed. Alice was trying to see what was in my hands. I climbed onto the bed and sat there beside her. I held the box in my lap, my bare legs startlingly white in the moonlight, and I could see Alice's heart skip a beat as she saw what kind of box it was.  
  
She lifted her eyes to mine breathlessly. I was encouraged by the reaction, and after swallowing my nervousness, I opened the box to show her. She looked down at it and her eyes began to fill with tears. She covered her mouth with her hand. I watched her anxiously.  
  
"I've been thinking about how we can make my turning special," I said, "and I thought maybe…"  
  
Alice blinked at me. Two tears fluttered and fell from her eyes. I gave a shy shrug.  
  
"…I thought we could do it on our wedding night," I finished.  
  
She looked at me with an expression I'd never seen on her before, her eyes wide and breathless, brimming with joy and fulfillment and dreams come true. I smiled.  
  
"Will you marry me, Alice?"  
  
Alice launched herself at me in a sudden hug. Her arms tightened around me hard enough to hurt and she whimpered into my ear.  
  
"Oh my god, baby, of course I will," she said. "You know I will, I love you. Oh god, thank you so much. This is so amazing. I was thinking the exact same thing, that we could do it on our wedding night. But I didn't want to tell you, because I didn't…"  
  
But she stopped babbling and pulled away from the hug suddenly so she could look at the ring. She clasped her hands, but she didn't dare touch it, as if it might evaporate on contact.  
  
"Oh god, I can't believe this," she said. "I always dreamed of you proposing, right from when I first saw you. But I didn't think you would, because you're so young. But I really wanted you too, and I could really picture it, just like this—well, not exactly like this, this is so much better, this is just—I mean… I can't…"  
  
Suddenly she couldn't contain her joy anymore and she grabbed my face and forced her tongue in my mouth. I'd seen a lot of romantic comedies, but I'd never seen a reaction to a proposal quite like this. Still, my girlfriend—pardon me, my fiancé—was a lusty girl, and that was one of the things I loved about her.  
  
"Oh fuck, I love you, baby," she said, as soon as her mouth was free. "I love you so much. Yes, I'll marry you. I'll marry you and I'll love you forever. I'll make you so happy baby, I swear."  
  
I smiled at the outpouring of devotion and gestured with the box.  
  
"Do you want me to put the ring on?" I asked.  
  
"Oh god, yes," she said. She wiped her face with her hands quickly and dangled her fingers at me. "Oh please baby, hurry. I want it so badly, you have no idea."  
  
There was a definite sexuality to her need for the ring, but she didn't seem to be aware of it, so I just took the ring out of the box and took her hand. She gazed at the proceedings with glistening eyes, and her hands were trembling so bad it felt like a little bird. I slipped the ring onto her slender finger—a perfect fit—and she gushed out a giggle.  
  
"Oh god," she said, holding her hand up to the moonlight and gazing dreamily at the ring. "A butterfly. That's so beautiful. It's perfect. You're amazing, baby. I love you so much."  
  
She hugged me. Tightly. I patted her back and took a moment to enjoy her scent. Soft lavender, so sweet and perfect. I smiled to myself, proud that I'd truly managed to make it special.  
  
"Leah took me ring shopping yesterday," I said. "I looked through the whole store, but I knew that one was perfect for you right when I first saw it."  
  
"It is," she said, tightening the hug even more. "Oh god, it's so perfect."  
  
Then she suddenly let go of the hug and kissed me, another savage tongue kiss. She moaned into my mouth with a hunger that was almost unattractive, and then she broke the kiss, gasping and clawing at my panties with her shaky hands.  
  
"Oh god, baby," she said in a trembly voice. "I'm gonna fuck you so good. I love you so much."  
  
But her passion reminded me of something else, and I caught her hands with my own before they could tug my underwear away. She looked at me questioningly. I smiled hesitantly, suddenly unsure.  
  
"Wait a second," I said. "There might be something else."  
  
Alice lowered her hands from the waistband of my panties and blinked at ne.  
  
"What is it, baby?"  
  
I licked my suddenly dry lips. The idea had entered my head, and now I couldn't get rid of it. It was there, so clear so simple. So perfect.  
  
Alice said that she had dreamed of me proposing ever since she first saw me, but that's not all she dreamed. I knew it wasn't. She had other dreams, too, darker ones. And after tonight I knew that those dreams were still there, rattling around in her pretty little head of hers, hiding for now, but not forever. Alice craved me in a way that love or sex was never going to satisfy. She wanted more than marriage.  
  
She wanted my life.  
  
I took a shaky breath. Maybe I didn't have to say anything right now, but I wanted this moment to be as perfect as possible. I wanted her to know that I was ready to be with her in anyway that she wanted. I was nodding to myself, agreeing with my reasoning, and then I lifted my eyes to Alice's face.  
  
"It's just," I said. "I was thinking. About our relationship. And about me turning. And I realized, that…"  
  
Alice cocked her head. "That what, baby?"  
  
I took another breath, more steady this time, and went on with more confidence, telling myself that this was what Alice wanted. What Alice needed from me. I took her hands and composed them in her lap, caressing her ring finger where the diamond butterfly perched above her slender knuckle. She seemed a touch confused by the gesture, but I smiled at her.  
  
"I was thinking that maybe there's something else we could do on our wedding night," I said. "Something even more special."  
  
Alice cocked her head the other way "What do you mean?"  
  
"Actually, it was your idea," I said, blushing now, my thick. "Do you remember that idea you had at prom?"  
  
Alice's smile froze, like a deer in the headlights. I couldn't tell if it was because she hated that idea or because she secretly cherished it, so I went on.  
  
"It was the wrong time then," I said, still holding her hands. "That's why I reacted so badly. But now…"  
  
Alice tugged her hands away gently, as if afraid to touch me. But she smiled, as if she might be misunderstanding something. "What are you saying, baby?" she asked.  
  
I could tell she was preparing to deny everything, so I made an effort to explain what I was feeling. "Back then you were using it as an escape," I said. "But now we're happy. We don't have to run away from Victoria anymore. We don't have to run away from your family. But at the same time we love each other too much to include them in our relationship. So if we did it now, maybe it really would be all the things you said it would be. The ultimate expression of love. The only way to preserve it forever. To protect it."  
  
A distant cast had come over her eyes and she was shaking her head. "Baby…"  
  
But I smiled and turned her face to mine. "And besides," I said. "Deep down, I know it's what you really want. I know how badly you want me, Alice. All of me. I saw it tonight. I know what you really want to do to me."  
  
Alice looked at me with a strange expression. It might've been disappointment. But I shook my head, as if I didn't want to believe that, and I took her hands again. I held them and looked into her face sincerely, thinking she only needed reassurance.  
  
"But it's okay now," I said. "Because now I know. I want it too."  
  
—  
  



	36. Chapter 36

—  
  
Chapter 36:  
  
—  
  
My heart seemed to stop beating as I waited for a reaction. I don't know what I had expected. It was natural for a girl to get all gushy over an engagement ring, but something like this? Not even Alice seem to know what was appropriate.  
  
For a long moment she didn't even look at me. She looked down at her lap where her hands were folded there, left on top of right, the ring like a dark mark on her finger in the darkness. You couldn't make out the butterfly or the diamonds. She wore a pink tanktop and her bare shoulders were slightly slumped. Finally she looked up, but not at me. She looked off at the windows where they stood open to admit the moonlight. As her face turned her face was bathed in a pale glow and as she turned her face away her face was endarkened once more. She was looking down at the bed, at the fresh sheets that we'd changed together, and she passed her hand over some wrinkles in the fabric as if to smooth them. Then she looked at me and smiled.  
  
My face felt hot from awkwardness and my throat tight. I couldn't interpret the smile. It was a delicate smile, calm and composed and yet slightly sad, as if something had disappointed her in a major way but she was determined not to show it. A bad feeling welled in the pit of my stomach, but when she saw it in my face she only brightened her smile and touched one of my hands.  
  
"Baby," she said. "Let's not talk about this now, okay?"  
  
Her touch made me tingle the same way it did back in that first biology class, only this time it was a cold tingle. I was filled with a feeling that I'd done something wrong, but wasn't this exactly what she wanted? Shouldn't she be happy?  
  
I looked at her timidly. "Why?"  
  
She rubbed my hand and brightened up her smile even more. "Because we just got engaged, baby," she said. "Let's not…spoil it."  
  
My throat seemed to close over. She had been reluctant to use the word spoil, but she had said it anyway. Embarrassment flushed through my body and I had to look away. My voice came out thick.  
  
"Spoil?" I said.  
  
Alice could see how upset I was, so she shuffled over on the bed quickly and put her arms around me. Her embrace was warm, but I shivered anyway. I felt cold inside from the blood loss and the disappointment of messing up the proposal, and I still couldn't look at her. I felt her lips kiss my cheek, once, twice, and then her voice whispered in my ear.  
  
"Let's talk about it later," she said. "For now…let's just celebrate, okay?"  
  
I turned to her. My eyes had filled slightly with tears, but I was grateful at her willingness to overlook my fuck up, so I nodded quickly. "Okay."  
  
She smiled, her face pale and ethereally beautiful in the moonlight. I felt a sudden craving for her, but it was a craving in my heart. I needed to be close to her, to be reassured that I hadn't messed up too badly. Alice seemed to see it in my eyes and she kissed my lips tenderly, wrapping her arms around me tighter.  
  
"Come here," she whispered, laying me down on the pillow. She stroked my hair and kept kissing me. "I'm so sorry, baby. I love you."  
  
I didn't know what she was apologizing for, but I was to exhausted to question it, so I just whispered back:  
  
"I love you too."  
  
A soft moan escaped her as she deepened the kiss.  
  
"I know, baby," she said. "I know. I know."  
  
My body had been through a lot that night, but she was very gentle, very tender. She stroked my sides and slipped her hand up my top. She kissed my neck. My hand had cupped her breast, and she took it with her own hand and pressed it firmer against her chest, and then she moved it and pressed it to other parts of her body, her ass, her pussy, smiling at me as she did so. She removed my clothes carefully, carefully placing kisses over my wracked body. Kisses everywhere, on each wound, each bruise. Softly, as if to apologize. I was still half-giddy from exhaustion and adrenaline, and her lips didn't hurt. They felt nice and they made me shiver and moan as I lay there in the moonlight with her between my legs, licking lovingly at my entrance.  
  
—  
  
When I woke up in the morning, I still had the vague feeling that something was wrong, and the feeling intensified when I realized I was alone in the bed.  
  
Alice wasn't there.  
  
I hadn't woken up alone even once since we had gotten back together, and with last night's half-botched proposal still fresh in my mind, I was quick to panic. I sat up quickly—  
  
And cringed.  
  
The pain was almost worse than last night. Wincing and squinting at the sun in the window, I pushed aside the covers and looked down at myself. I was wearing a white tanktop and a fresh bloodstain was blooming in the cotton. I'd sat up too quick and reopened one of the stab wounds in my midsection. I peeled up the hem of the top to examine it quickly, but I lost interest as soon as I remembered that Alice wasn't here.  
  
I looked around the room. The dirty sheets and underwear were gone, all the toys, the ropes.  
  
"Alice?" I called out.  
  
But she wasn't there. Fear swept over me like a cold wind and my suddenly frazzled mind couldn't piece together a single reason why she wouldn't be here. Alice never let me wake up alone. Even if she left my side in the night to clean up or visit her sisters, she was always here when I woke up, watching my face, smiling.  
  
It didn't make sense. She should be here. Today of all days, she should be here. After what happened last night, how could she not be here? I let her tie me up, cut me, torture me, tease me. I proposed to her. We were engaged. Last night was the greatest night of our lives – and she's not here?  
  
With so much venom in my system it was difficult to cope even when we agreed to part ways briefly, but this felt like outright abandonment. I swung my legs over the side of the bed, wincing, and I was about to get up, but then I saw them. Saw the cuts. My white skin was covered with thin red lines and I looked at them for a moment, a strange feeling passing over me, something between pride and anxiety. I remembered how much Alice had liked it, how she'd chosen her spots so carefully, watching my face as the blade bit into the skin. The pain had been exquisite and no matter how far she went I was always willing to go further. Because I trusted her. Because I loved her. Whatever she wanted, I wanted it too. Last night we had come together in a way that I never would've thought possible. Two people, one desire. As twisted as it was, last night might've been the first time we had truly made love.  
  
And now I was waking up alone.  
  
It didn't seem fair after everything I went through, but I pushed away the resentment and rose to my feet, wincing again, holding my stomach. I lifted my top again. The reopened wound wasn't bleeding much, but it would probably need stitches. They probably all would. Those last stab wounds were deeper than all the others, true testaments to my trust and her restraint. I didn't even know how many there were and I didn't count them. I smoothed my top back down, wincing as I pressed my hand to the bleeding wound, and then I staggered to the bedroom door.  
  
I had no idea where she would be, but I planned to ask the first person I bumped into, and if no one could direct me to her, I wasn't above calling the police and organizing a search party. I went down the stairs, half staggering, gripping the banister for balance. I was woozy from last night's bloodloss, my limbs were stiff and painful, my wrists and ankles were yellowed with bruises, and my shoulder muscles were burning from having my arms tied behind my back for so long – but none of that hurt as much as my ass. The beads had been particularly huge, but I was still somewhat virginal back there.  
  
The kitchen was generally the busiest room in the house—despite the fact that vampires don't have to eat—so I decided to check there first. I came shuffling over the floor in my bare feet, watching my step so I didn't stumble, and when I lifted my head I saw the exact person I was looking for.  
  
Alice.  
  
She was sitting at the counter on one of the stools, dressed adorably in a jean and a pink tee, and my waves of relief and love washed over me at the sight of her. I wasn't a fretful girl by nature, but I had to admit I was glad she hadn't met with some terrible accident in my absence.  
  
Standing on the other side of the counter was Esme. They were both drinking coffee out of mugs, and they appeared to have been a in serious conversation. But they were looking at me. Esme gave a soft gasp as she looked at my damaged legs, my arms, the bloodstain in my top. I realized I probably should've put some pants on, but I'd been too worried about Alice. Besides, it's not like the whole family hadn't seen me naked before.  
  
Alice fixed her face into a smile and hopped off the stool. "Hey, baby," she said, coming forward to hug me gently. "Sorry, I didn't think you'd be up so early. Are you okay?"  
  
I nodded, more relief flooding through me. It made me feel better that she'd planned on being there when I woke up. She must've gotten carried away with her conversation Esme. And what exactly were they talking about?  
  
I looked at the momma-vamp, but she had concealed her shock at my shattered body by now, and she smiled. A brittle smile, edged with jealousy and disapproval, but a smile nonetheless.  
  
"Well, I hear congratulations are in order," she said. "Was she surprised?"  
  
Alice had moved my hand to examine my stomach. I glanced at her and back at my future mother-in-law.  
  
"I think so," I said.  
  
Alice had been looking at the reopened wound in concern, but she noticed the need for reassurance in my voice, and suddenly she grinned excitedly, putting down my top. "Of course I was surprised, I was ecstatic," she said. "Wasn't I, baby?"  
  
I giggled, feeling a quick burst of happiness, even though I was sure she was hiding something. She responded to my delight with a quick kiss on my lips. I'd touched her arm as she kissed me and when she pulled back there was a red smudge on her skin from my bloody fingers. The sight of it deflated my happiness a little.  
  
Esme was frowning, but still trying to maintain a veneer of cheerfulness. "Alice, I think you should take Bella back to her room," she said. "I'll send Carlisle to take a look at her. She needs treatment, she can't just…"  
  
But she trailed off as she realized she was supposed to be happy for us. Alice glanced at her, her smile only slipping slightly, and turned back to me.  
  
"Yeah, I probably should," she said. Then she took my arm and quirked her smile, putting a bit of impish in it. "Come on, baby. We'll get you all stitched up and then we'll tear you up again, okay?"  
  
The switch from serious concern to cavalier flirtyness was a little abrupt—and not necessarily genuine—but it made me smile. My biggest anxiety was that she was having second thoughts about last night, and it made me feel better that she could flirt about it.  
  
I still had a niggling feeling in the pit of my stomach, but that could wait. I had no idea what she had been talking about with the woman who was almost a mother to her, but I knew they hadn't been celebrating our engagement. Something was bothering her, something serious to keep her away from my side as I slept. But no matter what it was, I was confident it would be okay in the end. Last night I had learnt exactly how much I liked making Alice happy. All she had to do was mention what she wanted and I'd do anything to give it to her.  
  
Her happiness is my happiness.  
  
—  
  
The bruises were gone by the end of the week, and some of the smaller cuts closed up. The doctor had given me a transfusion that morning, just to be safe, and for a few days I had to wear bandages around my torso and around my right thigh. The stitches came out over the weekend.  
  
Of course, none of this stopped Alice from fucking me every chance she got. We were newly engaged, after all, and even when we weren't it had been difficult for us to keep our hands off each other. Things were a little awkward to begin with, but we'd soon loosened up. That night had been awesome for both of us, but neither of us had been fully prepared for how damaged I'd be in the morning. I was completely cool, but Alice seemed to struggle with it. I didn't think it was even such a big deal. My girlfriend likes to cut me and drink my blood – so? The chick's a vampire, give her a break.  
  
But my adorably psychotic girlfriend didn't see it that way, and the more I thought about it, the more I began to see it from her point of view. In a weird way, the whole thing was probably easier for me to handle, despite the pain and the inconvenience of being unable to sit on a solid surface for a whole day because my ass hurt so much. Because even if Alice did enjoy it—which she certainly did—she was also aware that such things were wrong, and kind of, well, twisted. I wanted to assure her that it was a perfectly natural form love making between a demon and a willing victim, but somehow I didn't think that would help.  
  
It wasn't only that, anyway. Alice always had this conflict. Half of her warring to protect and treasure me, the other half desperate to break me in half and drink my blood. When we first met, she'd been gentle and respectful – until she crawled through my bedroom window and fucked me bad enough to send me to the emergency room the next morning. The rest of our relationship was the same way. Alice would try to be as caring and protective as possible only to fail over and over again. That's why it was time to stop pretending. Alice can't change who she is and I don't want her to change. I want her to love me exactly how she wants to.  
  
But at the same time, I could understand how she felt. If I was her, I'd probably be struggling with these urges too. It had been far easier than I expected to lay there while she cut her love into me with knife, but what if she had asked me to do it to her? Would I be able to do it? I'd like to think I could do anything for her, but I'm not sure if I could. In fact, I was pretty positive I couldn't. No way. Maybe I'd feel differently when I was a vampire, but for now there was no way I would ever touch her beautiful skin with a knife. I'd promised myself that I do anything to make her happy, but a girl's gotta draw a line somewhere. Alice can do whatever she wants to me, but there was no was I was going to do anything to her but love her.  
  
And love her I did. In the days following our engagement, we kept our bed to ourselves, and the other's seemed to understand. We hadn't made any announcement, but everyone knew besides Victoria and Rosalie. Those two were still a little detached from the rest of the coven. Alice and I talked about how we were going to break it to them, and eventually we decided to take them to a nice hotel, make the announcement over dinner, and then fuck them upstairs to kind of take the sting off.  
  
Alice was mostly worried about Rosalie. Rosalie had always identified as Alice's true wife, partner, mate. But now she was going to be officially relegated to the role of fuck-buddy. Neither of knew us how she was going to handle it, but it seemed a little unrealistic to expect her to be happy for us.  
  
Me, I was mostly worried about Victoria. Alice was still clueless about Victoria's darker attempts to win her back, and I'd been getting weird vibes from the woman for a while now. On the surface she was disinterested, even vaguely supportive of our relationship – but at the same time she was too bitter, too sullen, too sardonic to be completely okay with it. I got the impression that she was scheming behind her smiles, waiting for an opportunity to strike. I couldn't imagine her actually letting us live happily after, but—  
  
But that didn't matter anymore, did it? Because Alice and I didn't want to live happily ever after anymore. At least, I didn't. I was sure of that now. I'd been worried that maybe I was getting carried away in the moment, that maybe I'd feel differently in the morning. But I didn't. In the morning and in the days to come my resolve only became stronger. It was really the only thing to do. Alice was six hundred years old and at the end of her frayed rope of sanity – she needed me to do this, even if she didn't realize.  
  
So far we hadn't talked about it, but I could sense her reluctance to admit the truth. My reaction at prom must've been so bad that she had developed a slight phobia on the subject. She was very vocal about how excited she was to be married and move in together and how happy we were going to be – but she never mentioned the alternative. She was pretending I'd never said anything, probably because she figured I was regretting it. But I didn't regret it, and her regard for my life only made me want it more and more.  
  
In addition to all this, she also put a quick halt to any bedroom freakiness. Possibly she was reluctant to aggravate my injuries, but at times she did seem disappointingly gentle. After that night with the knife I was ready to explore all her deepest and darkest desires – and suddenly she was afraid to even use a strap-on. I wasn't confident enough to outright put the knife into her hand again, but I did make it a point to assure her that I'd do anything she wanted. But she'd only giggle and kiss me and make love to me with nothing more sinister than a finger in my butt.  
  
It was good, just not what I was expecting. I'd thought we broken down a wall, opened the flood gates, burst a dam and let it all come crashing out. But instead she was acting like it never happened. It was kind of disappointing, too. It hadn't been easy for me to let her do that all stuff – well, it wasn't easy to begin with. Once we'd gotten started it had been pretty easy. Craziest night of my life, and I'd had some crazy nights. But she was treating it as if it was just something special we did, just a one time thing. She didn't understand that I didn't only want to please her for one night, I wanted to please her all nights – forever. In life and death. She didn't understand, and I was too insecure to make her understand, because beyond all this was one silly fear:  
  
What if she's not into it?  
  
I mean, was it possible? Alice was a tricky girl to read, but I didn't think there was much room for error on this subject. Unless I was seriously misinterpreting her desire to stab my tits and make me scream, it seemed logical to assume that something along the lines of sexualized murder would tickle her fancy just nicely. I could be wrong, of course. Alice had often tried hard to make our relationship stable and normal – and she'd screwed it up every step of the way. And why? Because she was a vampire. She was evil, for lack of a better word. Cute, with an amazingly sexy ass – but evil. As much as she loved me, she wanted to kill me, slay me, ravish me to death – and no amount of pretending was going to change that.  
  
In any case, death in each other's arms would be a neat little end to our tumultuous courtship, and the neatness appealed to me. I wasn't scared to die, which was kind of ironic. Back in Forks, I had a loving mom, a passionate girlfriend, and even a ton of friends – yet I still would've said my life sucked. Now all those things were gone and my immediate future appeared to terminate darkly in the demonic throes of a pretty young vampiress who liked to call herself my soulmate – and frankly I felt my life was better than it had ever been.  
  
For the first time in my life I felt that I had purpose. I felt that I was here for a reason. I felt like I had been born exactly for these moments, to make Alice happy, to make Alice's dreams come true. Maybe I was simply a disturbed teenager who was even more fucked up then her lunatic girlfriend – but I truly felt like I existed for no other reason than to make Alice happy.  
  
The only problem was convincing her of that.  
  
It was a surprisingly difficult subject to talk about, at least at first. I was shy about coming off as crazy, so I couldn't just blurt out that I was so totally in love with her that I'd, like, die for her. It had been hard enough to tell her that night, when I was all trippy from blood loss and giddy from the proposal. But now it was impossible, not during the day and certainly not after a tender night of love making. I knew I had nothing to worry about, that she was definitely into it – but what if she wasn't? It was impossible, completely ridiculous – but what if?  
  
It was the insecurity that kept me silent. It was a difficult topic to segue into, and it would probably require the right mood before we could really discuss it. Some time before our wedding night would be ideal, but I was willing to wait and let the idea brood in Alice's mind. It had been brooding in mine for quite a while and proven itself strangely seductive – maybe it would be the same for Alice.  
  
It just seemed like a really perfect way to conclude our love, that's all. Surely she saw that. I mean, it had been her idea originally. She wouldn't have changed her mind. Why would she?  
  
I didn't know, but it niggled at me. At the very least she was enthusiastic about the engagement, although not quite as enthusiastic about making the announcement to Rosalie and Victoria. Neither was I, but that was another reason to consider death – we wouldn't have to deal with the blonde and the redhead anymore. The group-sex was fine—they were still incredibly hot—but I could do without whatever revenge the redhead in her scorn might be planning in that big beautiful head of hers.  
  
But hopefully the announcement itself would go smoothly. Alice had made reservations at a beautiful five-star hotel, La Maison Favart. We were meeting our companions downstairs but Alice and I got there early, so we could fix up the room with some candles and a selection of toys. We talked about it as she got dressed, and we were surprisingly casual about the whole affair. We approached it with the attitude of a chore or a good deed, something not completely unpleasant, but not really desirable either, like visiting family you don't really care about. Alice was in a pouty mood and she complained as she did my makeup that I was so beautiful and it was so unfair she had to share me. I mirrored the sentiment, staring into her pretty face with my slavish smile.  
  
But, basically, we were both more or less okay with the idea of throwing her former lovers a bone. Alice's feelings for them were getting very dim, but they were still there, and most of all we wanted the engagement and the wedding to go as smoothly as possible. The engagement had changed things and greatly deadened our desire for other women, but we still had obligations to the coven, or more specifically to the blonde and the redhead. The bond between the three of them wasn't going away overnight, or in a year, or even ten years. It was going to take a long time before they truly gave up on Alice – that is, assuming Alice and I were even alive long enough to see it happen.  
  
By the time we got downstairs Victoria and Rosalie were already seated at the table, resplendent in their evening gowns. Rosalie rose with a smile as we approached and greeted Alice with kisses on each cheek. Victoria didn't. She remained seated, somewhat slouched, legs crossed. She ran her eyes over me and smirked at my dress. My wounds were healed by now and I did look very nice. I gave her a quick nod as a greeting, trying not to blush, but her only response was to turn away thoughtfully, still smirking her darkred smirk.  
  
Soon we were seated and dinner was served. Victoria looked down at her steaming plate as if it was some daunting task and she heaved a sigh.  
  
"Oh, how I long for the day when you finally turn your precious soulmate, Alice," she said. "How many more dinner dates must we endure for the sake of her appetite? I haven't consumed so much human food in decades. Tell me honestly, Miss Swan; am I gaining weight?"  
  
Vampire's didn't gain weight, so obviously the remark was calculated to direct my gaze at her body. It worked. Her cleavage was bulging as it always was and I gave a little shrug.  
  
"Only in the chest," I said.  
  
The reply pleased her, and she played her part by smirking and waving the comment away. "Nonsense," she said. "Those are my best features."  
  
I knew she was only flirting with me to scorn the other two women at the table, but I felt a tiny flicker, nonetheless. I had an odd respect for the redhead, despite our conflicts in the past, and it was difficult not to admire the complete and total confidence with which she carried herself.  
  
Rosalie gave me a cold look and even Alice glanced at me. Funny how sex can sometimes be less awkward than dinner. Alice turned back to Victoria and fixed her face into a pleasant smile.  
  
"Actually," she said, "tonight's a special occasion."  
  
Victoria feigned surprise. "Is it? I hadn't noticed."  
  
Alice wasn't put off by the dry tone. She smiled at me, reached across the table, and clasped my hand. I resisted the urge to cringe; we both knew neither of them were going to be happy for us. Why pretend? But my fiancé liked playing her roles and with a smile she said:  
  
"Bella and I have an announcement to make."  
  
"Don't tell me," Victoria said dryly. "You're pregnant."  
  
Obviously, the redhead didn't care. Rosalie, on the other hand, had straightened in her chair. She was staring at our clasped hands and she must've known what the announcement would be. There was a diamond ring on Alice's finger that hadn't been there before, and Alice's tone was very telling. Yet even so, she said:  
  
"What announcement?"  
  
Alice caressed my hand. I made an effort to smile.  
  
"Actually," she said, turning to her former lovers. "Bella and I are engaged. We're getting married."  
  
Silence.  
  
Complete silence, aside from the din of conversation and the classical music in the background. Alice had said it as if she expected them to congratulate us, but that had never been their style. Victoria glanced at Rosalie, as if her first thought was the blonde's feelings. Rosalie was looking at Alice. Suddenly I realized that maybe we could've handled this better. An announcement over dinner had seemed logical enough a few hours ago, but right now it seemed kind of cruel. Maybe it would've been more merciful to take her aside and break it to her gently.  
  
In any case, it was out there, and there was nothing to do but wait for a reaction. The classical music continued and Victoria turned to me. She looked largely unimpressed and mildly put out at the same time, as if she didn't care about the announcement itself but thought our timing could've been better. Alice could see that we weren't about to be showered with congratulations and well-wishes, so she let go of my hand and let her own fall to her lap. She was disappointed—although this was exactly what we had expected—and she snorted, a touch bitterly.  
  
"So," she said. "I guess no one's gonna make a toast, then?"  
  
No one did. Rosalie turned her cold eyes on me for a second, and I almost flinched. She looked at me as if she hated me more than anything she'd ever hated in her life, and then she turned back to Alice with tears of betrayal speckling her eyes. She glared at the girl who used be her soulmate, and then she rose from the table, threw down her napkin, and stormed off. It was a little theatric, perhaps, but better than smashing the wine bottle and attacking me with the jagged end.  
  
"Rosalie, don't—"  
  
But the blonde was gone, weaving her way among the tables through the dinning room. I saw her lift a hand to her face and I suspected she was crying.  
  
Alice pushed back her chair hastily. "I'd better…"  
  
I nodded. We'd been through scenes like this before, plenty of them. The blonde would pitch a hissy that Alice didn't love her anymore and Alice would go convince her that she still did. But one of these days the blonde was going to realize the truth; that Alice truly didn't love her anymore.  
  
Alice loved me.  
  
So I watched her rise from the table and chase after her blonde ex with no jealousy or anything like that. Just a vague sadness that Alice had such a terrible habit of destroying relationships. In the end, I guess it didn't matter how much you loved Alice. It only mattered if she loved you. Victoria had watched them leave too and now I heard her sigh.  
  
"Silly girls," she said. "I'll never understand why they are so desperate to cling to the scraps of their ruined relationship. Rosalie in particular. I had thought her stronger than this."  
  
I thought she had a lot of balls for a woman who had resorted to tactics like rape and abduction in her attempts to win Alice back, and I couldn't help saying something.  
  
"Isn't that what you were doing?" I said. "Clinging?"  
  
She snorted, still looking off in the direction where Alice and Rosalie had disappeared. "Hardly," she said. "My issue with Alice was right of possession. I certainly never pined over her like some lovestruck twit."  
  
She was slouched in her chair with an arm draped carelessly on the table and she couldn't entirely conceal the sullenness in her voice. She looked almost as if she was pining now and I was surprised by how sexy it looked on her. I think I preferred a sullen and slouched redhead to the vibrant seductress who'd never experienced rejection.  
  
But then I reminded myself that a sullen redhead was a dangerous redhead, and the last thing I needed to do was let down my guard. She said herself that it was all about possession for her and I remembered back in Forks that she'd once said she'd rather see Alice dead than in the arms of another. Alice was the crazy one, but Victoria was still a sociopath, and it was still entirely possible that Alice and I might not even make it to our wedding night if we weren't careful.  
  
Finally the redhead sighed and turned back to me. She smiled, but she didn't put much of en effort into it. "In any case, I suppose you're to be congratulated," she said, then smirked. "Or perhaps I should offer my condolences. Alice's love can be rather curse-like, even despite her best intentions."  
  
I frowned, almost a pout. I was well-aware of the curse-like nature of Alice's love. It had scarred me, literally and figuratively. It had torn me away from my mother and girlfriend, it had been inscribed into my very flesh with a knife, it was likely to kill me on my wedding night. Alice was a soul-sucking demon – but you know what? I didn't care. Because her ass was still the cutest thing I'd ever seen in my life, and if that ass was cursed, then by god consider me dammed. I couldn't ever regret loving it and I was never letting go of it.  
  
Victoria smirked, sensing my stubbornness. She sipped her wine and sighed once more.  
  
"Well," she said. "May I see the ring?"  
  
I looked at my hand as if to check if it was there and then back at her. "Alice is wearing it."  
  
"You proposed?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"And I'm sure Alice was thoroughly delighted at your initiative, wasn't she?"  
  
"Of course," I said. "Why?"  
  
She chuckled softly to herself, shaking her head. "Oh, no reason," she said. "It just seems rather ridiculous, that's all. Further evidence of her warped expectations. She wants you to be something you're not. First a soulmate. Now a groom. What next?"  
  
I frowned, not seeing her point. Well, I did see her point—I'd often thought the exact same thing—but I wasn't going to admit it. "She wants me to make her happy," I said. "Isn't that true of every partner?"  
  
"Perhaps," she said, "but wouldn't you agree that the requirements of Alice's happiness are a tad more unreasonable than most lovers?"  
  
I softened a little. Since the redhead was being so rational, I thought I could too. "Maybe," I admitted. "But maybe that's why it's taken her so long to find someone. Alice isn't perfect, but she's perfect to me. Actually, I don't think she's unreasonable at all. I think she deserves everything she wants."  
  
Most of the speech had occurred to me as I was saying it and it felt impressive – but the redhead didn't seem to agree. She smirked brightly, as if she'd rather not hurt my feelings with a full-blown grin. "How lovely," she said. "You have a singular capacity for love, Miss Swan. Like a dim-witted puppy."  
  
Honestly, I was flattered at the comparison, but I wasn't going to say that. So I smirked back and gave a little shrug. "You're kind of a dog, too."  
  
She had been sipping her wine and she actually choked a little giggle. She dabbed at the corners of her mouth with a napkin and smiled. "Touché," she said.  
  
It hadn't been much of a come back, but I think she was amused at the attempt. I should've dropped it at that, but it made me feel cool to make her laugh, so I added: "Can you guess which kind of dog?"  
  
She looked at me for a moment, as if to evaluate if she should respond, and then she smiled. "A bitch, naturally."  
  
I grinned. It must've been difficult for her. She could've easily been a real bitch and put me in my place with something scathing, but instead she chose to allow me a small victory. The thought almost made me glow – maybe she really did like me.  
  
But of course, the small moment of friendliness segued into an awkward silence where neither of us knew what to say next. We were supposed to hate each other, but somehow neither of us did. And we couldn't exactly comment on dinner, since neither of us had even reached for a fork. We might've sat there in silence until Alice and Rosalie returned if my phone didn't buzz.  
  
It was laying on the table. I picked it up and checked the text:  
  
Rosalie wants to go upstairs with me…is that okay?  
  
My good mood faulted slightly and without really thinking about it I punched in a reply:  
  
ok  
  
After all, what else could I say? Vampires were strange creatures. Sex seemed to be one of their primary means of expression, and the blonde could be so temperamental sometimes. I didn't know how Alice felt about throwing Rosalie a quick fuck to make her feel better, but it didn't really sit right with me. I was cool with casual orgies, but I didn't like the idea of my fiancé making love to any woman other than me. The only thing that made me feel better was the confidence that Alice felt the same way I did.  
  
The phone buzzed again:  
  
Thanks, baby. You and Vicky come up after dinner, k?  
  
Luv U.  
  
I smiled and thumbed in the reply:  
  
love you too   
  
Across the table, Victoria was waiting for an explanation. But I think she already knew. It wasn't the first time that Alice and Rosalie had required time alone, and for a second I almost felt sorry for her. Her relationships were unraveling right before her eyes and she wouldn't allow herself to care. I sighed and put the phone down.  
  
"Alice and Rosalie are going up to the room," I said. "Alice said for us to come up after we eat."  
  
She didn't seem surprised. "How wonderful," she said, her voice dripping sarcasm. "Does it seem to you, Miss Swan, that our lovers are taking us just a little for granted with their constant need to be alone? Or am I being silly?"  
  
"I don't know," I said. "You're the one who's been sleeping with them for a hundred years. Is this normal?"  
  
"Not at all. I allowed them all the time together they needed, but they never seemed to require it as they require it now." But by now she became aware that she appeared to be pining, and she quickly rearranged her composure, heaving a nonchalant sigh and reaching for her wine glass. "I only feel sorry for Rosalie," she said. "She'll never be satisfied with the lesser portion of Alice's heart."  
  
And you, I wanted to ask. Would the redhead herself ever be satisfied without holding Alice's heart in her hand like a trophy?  
  
But I didn't ask. I was afraid of the answer, because I knew. The redhead would never be satisfied. She was going through a period of depression right now, but the depression wasn't going to last forever, and one day she was going to wake up and realize that she was never going to get over Alice. Alice would either have to be reclaimed or punished for her betrayal – but one way or another, Victoria would never simply let her go.  
  
The silence was broken by the redhead heaving another sigh. She didn't seemed to have much enthusiasm for my company anymore, but she made an effort to smile at me.  
  
"In any case," she said, "it seems we're stuck with each other for an hour or two. Why don't you tell me how you proposed. Was it romantic?"  
  
"I'm not sure."  
  
"Oh?"  
  
I shrugged. She obviously didn't care, and how was I supposed to know if it was romantic or not. I had planned it to be romantic, but to be honest, I hadn't intended to go that far with the knife. I thought maybe a couple knicks, a couple licks. Just for fun. Alice had warned me that she can get carried away, but I guess we both did. In hindsight, maybe it would've been better to defer the proposal to a less intense evening. Now every time I remember slipping the ring on her finger I was going to remember the pain, the torture, the darkness in her eyes as she bent over my body with a knife and a need. It had been hot, yeah, but romantic? Um, maybe not.  
  
I hadn't replied, but the redhead seemed determined to keep some kind of flow in the conversation. "Well, it couldn't have been that bad," she prompted. "She said yes, didn't she?"  
  
"Yeah," I said. "I just think I might've spoiled it a little."  
  
"How?"  
  
"I'm not sure."  
  
This time she outright rolled her eyes, making no attempt to conceal her growing boredom. "Yes, well, this is all very interesting, isn't it? Most women would be dying to elaborate on their engagement story. Was it really so awful that you must sit there boring me with your rhetorical insecurities?"  
  
"Sorry," I said with a reluctant shrug. "I just…"  
  
"Yes?"  
  
I looked at her. She still obviously didn't care, but I guess talking was better than silence, so I shrugged again and said: "I did it that night."  
  
"Which night?"  
  
"When I let Alice use a knife."  
  
A hot blush consumed my face as I said it. There was no reason to be coy since they all knew, but I'd never mentioned it out loud before, not even to Alice. I was still slightly embarrassed that I actually liked that kind of thing.  
  
Victoria seemed taken aback as well. She had seen the cuts and bruises on my body like everyone else had, but none of them had ever asked how I got them. Victoria would've known better than anyone, and yet she seemed surprised now to have it confirmed.  
  
"Is that so?" she said.  
  
I nodded. "Yeah," I said. "I don't know, I'm thinking maybe it was a mistake. I mean, I loved it, and Alice was incredible, but…"  
  
"But?"  
  
"I'm just not sure if it was right to propose right after. Alice was really happy and everything, but part of me thinks she might've preferred something a little more…normal."  
  
Victoria didn't reply. I looked away, still blushing, and smiled wistfully as I remembered all the things Alice had done to me. The helplessness, the vulnerability, the devotion that swelled in my chest as I let her do anything she wanted.  
  
"It was amazing," I whispered. "I've never seen her like that before."  
  
Victoria snorted. "Of course you haven't," she said. "She's been desperate to keep that side of herself as suppressed as possible, hasn't she?"  
  
I looked up. "I know," I said, "but she doesn't have to anymore. That's the point. I don't want her to hide who she is. I love her. I'm not gonna dump her because she's got a darkside. I mean, she's a vampire. I never expected her to be normal. And I definitely don't want her to fake what she wants from me."  
  
Victoria cocked her head and looked at me across the table. Her expression made me anxious. It was part curiosity, part pity. Part scorn. She smiled and chuckled once.  
  
"Alice is never fake," she said. "She's always perfectly sincere, even when she lies. Especially when she lies. Haven't you learnt that by now? Between the lie and the reality, she will always choose the lie. It's the reason she loves you. Do you think you're truly her soulmate? Think again. You yourself are little more than a lie in Alice's mind."  
  
I frowned. I'd heard all this before and rejected it, but this time she was echoing my own thoughts. I knew exactly what she was talking about, but I asked anyway.  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
Victoria set down her wine glass and leaned forward on the table. Her cleavage bulged in the neckline of her dress and it did distract me for a second before I lifted my eyes to hers. She smiled.  
  
"Everybody has a darkside," she said. "Some fight against it…others are consumed by it. I'll leave you to determine Alice's own feelings on the subject."  
  
But I knew Alice's feelings; they had been carved directly into my body. So I just tossed my chin and said: "What about your darkside?"  
  
She leaned back in her chair and smiled. "Me? I embrace it. And you, Miss Swan? How will you handle your own darkside?"  
  
I shrugged. "However Alice wants me to."  
  
She chuckled and took up her wine glass. "So, you're back to letting Alice make your decisions for you, are you? Pity. For a while there, I actually thought you were growing up."  
  
I frowned. I thought I had been doing great with Alice lately, giving her everything she wanted – yet here was my archenemy giving me relationship advice. Was she trying to sabotage me somehow? Or was she legitimately suggesting that I was doing the wrong thing?  
  
Victoria drained the last of her wine and set the glass down. Neither of us had touched our food and she suddenly seemed completely bored with the evening.  
  
"Well," she said. "Are you done eating?"  
  
"Yeah, I guess."  
  
She rose from the table and began to sort some money from her purse. "Then I suggest you follow your soulmate upstairs," she said. "I'm leaving. Tell Alice I have better things to do with my evening than wait upon the privilege of her company."  
  
I tried to ignore the bad feeling that swept over me. The redhead was drifting further and further away. That was supposed to be a good thing, but I really didn't want to think about what would happen if her love truly turned to resentment.  
  
"What about Rosalie?" I asked.  
  
"Tell her whatever you wish," she said. "She's obviously decided who she prefers being with."  
  
She snapped the purse closed and sighed. She looked out across the dinning room were every table was taken by couples or groups, all smiling and talking. The scene seem to sadden her.  
  
"I remember staying in this exact hotel over two hundred years ago," she said. "With Alice, and later with Alice and Rosalie. Now with you as well. Much has changed. I hardly remember how it used to be. I've watched the world go from the horse and buggy to airplanes and atomic bombs, yet none of it seems to have changed as much as our darling Alice."  
  
I didn't know what to say. Finally she sighed and smiled down at me.  
  
"To be dreadfully honest," she said, "I have to admit that I wish I'd never bought you back to her. I thought we could all coexist quite happily together, but I see now the true extent of Alice's selfishness. I thought I could break her, but how can you break a girl who's already broken? I suppose I never quite figured it out. No, it's too late for her. Things would've been better if you remained in Forks. Alice would be dead, Rosalie and I would move on, and you'd be well on your way to living happily ever after with that charming little girlfriend of yours. What was her name again?"  
  
My heart gave a strange flutter. "Lauren," I said.  
  
Victoria smiled. She could hear the thickness in my voice and she knew she'd touched on a nerve. "Lauren, yes," she said. "She was quite attractive, really. And bold. I still remember how she talked back to me when I came to abduct you. Not many leave that kind of impression on me. I was distracted with concern for Alice at the time, but under other circumstances, I would've been delighted to make an attempt at her. Do you miss her at all?"  
  
I looked away. I was pretty sure I didn't, but now, with the question directly put to me – I didn't know. At this point I was almost completely detached from my life in Forks. It didn't even seem like my life anymore. Mom seemed like someone else's mom and Lauren seemed like someone else's girlfriend. I'd broken away from them almost instantly the moment I was reunited with Alice. But now…  
  
I don't know. Sometimes I did think about her. I mean, she was the only real girlfriend I had. The true girl of my dreams. Rough, tough, blonde, so blonde. Such a beautiful shade of platinum. And then she tatted up and got her hair streaked. She looked so bad ass. I used to dream about touching her hair, feeling how soft and silky it was. I never dreamt about lies and bondage and dying in someone else's arms. I'd dreamt about hanging out. Sharing a milkshake. Going to the movies. Alice had given me those things in the beginning, but she couldn't repress her darkness forever. Lauren was the dream; Alice was the nightmare.  
  
Sometimes I wondered if Lauren and I really would've made it. Highschool relationship's never work out, but the fact that we were actually going to try was pretty impressive. Same college, plans to live together, get married one day, have a family. Would she have been happy with me? She seemed to love me, but I'd never been certain. We'd been secretly crushing on each other since middleschool, but she'd been so afraid of liking girls, so ashamed of admitting she's a lesbian. It was so awesome when we finally hooked up. That first kiss in the rain, our first time having sex after she had that fight with her mother. It was sad, really. It could've been really perfect.  
  
Victoria was looking down at me, waiting for an answer. I'd zoned out for a second, but now I shrugged and shook my head a little, not letting on that part of me did miss Lauren.  
  
"Not really," I said.  
  
Victoria smirked and arranged her handbag on her arm. "Sad," she said. "I'm sure she misses you. Observe Rosalie and I, Miss Swan. Observe the rest of the coven. Alice tricked us all with dreams of love and soulmates, and now it is two late for us. But you…you still have a chance to escape. And someone waiting for you at home. Think about that. You could leave Alice at any moment if you wish. You owe her nothing."  
  
An odd excitement thickened her voice toward the end of her speech, and it worried me. She knew that if I left Alice, Alice would die. Is that what she wanted?  
  
"I'm happy with Alice," I said quietly.  
  
She narrowed her eyes, as if displeased I didn't automatically agree. "Happy living a lie?" she questioned. "Happy with broken promises? Happy with an empty shell of a girl who knows only how to pretend to love and stops again at her convenience? Alice loves you now, but she won't forever. Hear me. I've told all this to you before and you turned a deaf ear to me. Yet surely by now you understand. Alice will destroy you. Is that what you want?"  
  
The understated fierceness in her voice actually scared me a little. I didn't want to provoke her, but I nodded timidly. "Yes," I said. "That's what I want."  
  
This bought her up short. She looked at me for a moment, and then straightened her back and relaxed her shoulders, regaining her composure. "Then there's no hope for you," she said. "A shame. I've developed a strange fondness for you, Miss Swan, and I would've liked to see you save yourself. Nevertheless, think about what I've said here tonight. Alice is a whore with a whore's heart. I returned you to her side and I can take you away again. You only need ask."  
  
I didn't answer. She spared me one last smile and then she turned and sailed away. Her words had left a very disturbing impression on me, but then I looked at how her hips rolled under the fabric of her dress, and deep thought seem to fail me.  
  
What did she know anyway? Most of the bad stuff with Alice had been Victoria's fault. If she'd simply just let Alice be Alice, then none of this would've happened. Our relationship would've progressed slowly and without cheating, dumping, getting back together again. It was the redhead who'd pushed us to the edge at prom and forced Alice to reveal her intentions before I was ready to accept them. If things had only gone slower we could've reached this point naturally, without all the drama. If only the redhead and the blonde never existed. And Jane and Leah and Esme and Carlisle. And Lauren and mom. If only none of them had ever existed everything would be perfect. All I needed was Alice.  
  
I sighed and decided to feed my sullenness by grabbing up Alice's wine glass and gulping it. Then I tipped the contents of Rosalie's into the empty glass and gulped that too. I probably looked dumped or stood up, sitting all alone at the empty table in my evening dress. And basically I was. My fiancé was upstairs having sex with her ex and in a minute I was going to join them – maybe my life still did kind of suck.  
  
Stupid Victoria. Why did she have to say all that stuff? I'd never leave Alice, of course—never even think about it—but the redhead's words did rattle me up a little. Because deep down I knew most of it was true. Alice's love was a lie and it wasn't going to last forever. One day I was going to be just like the redhead or the blonde, pining after Alice as Alice moved on to her next soulmate. It might take her a century or two to get sick of me, but she would eventually. Unless she died first. Unless we died together.  
  
There was no use denying it anymore. It wasn't about Alice, it was about me. It was the right thing to do, the only thing to do. It was what I wanted and I was going to have to make Alice see that. I had no idea why she was so shy to even talk about it, but that didn't change the fact that it was the only sensible thing to do. All this tension and uncertainty had gone on long enough. Alice wanted me, and this was what I had to offer. I didn't want to end up as another frustrated sister-wife in her little harem – I wanted to be the One.  
  
And why did Victoria have to mention Lauren, anyway? How random was that? It had been easy not to think about Lauren all this time because I had no reminders. I didn't see her at school everyday, I had no mementoes, no pictures, no old texts. But now I couldn't help thinking about her. Did she miss me? The thought made me uncomfortable. She probably did, but it had been almost three months since I disappeared from Forks. Would she be over me by now? Probably. She'd be at college in Seattle. She would've met another girl by now. Or maybe she had backed out of the whole lesbian thing and went back to being straight and miserable. Wouldn't surprise me. She'd only had the courage to come out because of me. Now I was gone.  
  
I sighed again and grabbed my phone off the table. All this thinking was useless so I decided that I might as well go upstairs. I opened the phone and went to punch in a text—to let them know I was on my way in case they'd rather not get caught in the middle of something—but then I stopped. An idea struck me, and I guess my mood was sullen enough to go through with it. All this talk about Lauren had made me nostalgic, and even though I'd never be cruel enough to call her, I thought I might as well check out her facebook page.  
  
I was surprised as soon as it loaded. It was the same as I remembered it. Exactly the same. Same posts, same photos. Two pictures of the two of us together, one picture of both of us with Angela, two pictures of me by myself with captions that claimed I was her girlfriend. She hadn't changed anything.  
  
I could feel my throat tighten as I stared at the pictures, but my face remained stony as I tried to repress the warm feeling of nostalgia that rolled over me. It really hadn't been that long ago, but it felt like years. Why hadn't she altered anything or at least taken my pictures down? Lauren had never been a huge fan of facebook, but she had at least kept it updated. Had she been so devastated by my removal from her life that she'd abandoned her entire facebook page?  
  
My brows slowly drew together and I sighed, staring at the picture of the two of us together. It was sad how happy we looked. It was even sadder that I remembered the picture. Angela had taken it for us when we went dress shopping for prom. Lauren had her arms around me from behind and she was kissing my cheek. I was simply blushing. The expression on my face made my eyes water. I could remember that exact sensation of Lauren's lips. It had always been different from Alice. Hard to believe only a few weeks after the picture was taken I was going to be abducted and literally fed to my ex-girlfriend. Did Lauren think I'd left her? Did she think—  
  
"Is zere something wrong, mademoiselle?"  
  
I jumped and almost dropped the phone. A waiter in a red jacket had materialized at my elbow and spoke in a thick French accent. For a second I actually thought he was asking if I was okay, but then I realized he was talking about the untouched plates of food that dotted the table. I wasn't used to dealing with waiters—especially at a place like this—so I just shook my head and put my phone away.  
  
"Um, no," I said, rising from the table awkwardly. "Everything's fine, I was just…"  
  
And then I walked away. I hated to be rude, but I was going through a lot lately, and I just really needed to be with Alice. Fuck Lauren, fuck Victoria, and fuck everybody else. All I needed was Alice.  
  
—  
  
I had a roomkey and I didn't bother knocking or texting ahead. I swiped the card, walked in, and found them on the bed, naked. Alice was on her back with her legs splayed and Rosalie was kneeling between her thighs. They were both flushed and breathless and for a second they only looked at me where I stood there fuming, as if I had actually caught them cheating. Rosalie only spared me a glance before turning back to Alice's pussy but Alice swung her legs aside and hopped off the bed. She didn't see the blonde's face darken.  
  
"Hey, baby," she said, smiling and placing a kiss on my cheek. "Finished eating already?"  
  
I suppressed my fury and nodded. All this had been my own idea and it would be stupid to freak out now. I had always told myself it was only temporary and at least now I knew for sure. After our wedding night no lips would ever touch Alice's body again.  
  
"Yeah," I said. "Victoria left, so…"  
  
Rosalie had sat up in the bed, making no move to cover herself. Her long and perfect torso looked like it was carved from marble and her blonde hair was tumbled about her shoulders. A faint flush of pink still clung to her cheeks and she frowned at this news of her mistress.  
  
"Left?" she said. "Where did she go?"  
  
I remembered the messages the redhead had told me to relay, and the memory made much of my anger dissipate. I could've been cruel and mentioned that her precious mistress was getting sick of her, but I didn't want to hurt anyone or make anyone angry. So I just shrugged and said:  
  
"She didn't really say."  
  
Rosalie looked down. Alice looked between us, unsure for a moment, and then she giggled.  
  
"Oh well," she said. "Her loss. C'mon, baby, hurry up and get your dress off." She jumped back onto the bed, breasts bouncing, and cupped Rosalie's face. "Rosalie and I can squeeze you in, can't we Rose?"  
  
She asked the question very sweetly, gazing directly into Rosalie's eyes. But the blonde didn't reply. Alice had a habit of fishing for consent during sex, but this time Rosalie wouldn't give it. Neither would I. I had made no move to take off my dress and everyone seemed to know there was something wrong other than Alice. Finally the blonde swatted Alice's hands away from her face and climbed off the bed.  
  
Alice actually looked surprised. She looked at me, but I stood there uncertainly. Rosalie had snatched up her dress from the floor and was putting it back on.  
  
"Rosalie—"  
  
Alice went to reach for Rosalie's hand but Rosalie snatched it back.  
  
"Don't touch me," she hissed.  
  
Alice looked shocked. As if the blonde had never spoken to her like that in her whole life. And maybe she hadn't.  
  
"Rose," she said.  
  
Rosalie wouldn't look at her. She had her dress on and she was struggling to tie it around her neck, her fingers fumbling from rage. Her voice came out trembly. "I was fine when you wanted to share me with Victoria," she said, "but you never treated me like this. You never treated me like I was some kind of… some kind of…"  
  
Alice reached for her again. "Rose."  
  
Rosalie jerked her hand away and pointed a finger at me. "And now you're marrying her?" she hissed. "This mindless child? You choose her over me? After all these years. After everything I've done for you, this is how you choose to hurt me? To insult me?"  
  
"I love her," Alice whispered.  
  
But the blonde shook her head, looking at her in disgust. "You're not capable of love," she said. "Victoria was right. You never were."  
  
"Rose, please," Alice said, panic in her voice. "You have to understand. I—"  
  
The rest of the phrase was chopped off in a vicious slap. Alice lifted a hand to her cheek, stunned. Rosalie glared at her in disgust, hand clenched into a fist at her side, and grated out:  
  
"If you say you love her one more time…"  
  
Alice blinked tearfully, her lip trembling like a struck child. "I was going to say I'm sorry."  
  
"Save it," the blonde spat. "You're not sorry. All you care about is yourself."  
  
She wheeled about and grabbed up her shoes from the floor. Alice stepped closer. She was naked but for a pair of sexy black stockings and even at a time like this I took the opportunity to admire her ass. Who could be angry at an ass like that?  
  
"That's not true, Rose," she pleaded. "Rose, please. Don't leave like this. Let's just…"  
  
Alice grabbed for her former lover's hand one more time and one more time Rosalie jerked it away.  
  
"Rosalie, please," she blurted. "I thought you'd be happy for me. I thought—"  
  
Rosalie had been headed for the door but now she spun around.  
  
"Happy for you?"  
  
Alice nodded timidly with a timid smile, trying to placate the blonde with cuteness. She was still topless and her breasts were as perky as ever, so it should work.  
  
"Yes," she said. "I was even going to ask you to be my maid of honor. Please, Rose? I know deep down you only want me to be happy. Can't you see how happy I am with Bella? I'm sorry I didn't love you forever like I promised, but I fell in love with someone else. I'm sorry. It's not my fault.  
  
But the blonde must've been made of sterner stuff than me, because the nudity and cocked head didn't make much of an impression on her. She looked at Alice with her icy blue eyes full of distain and said:  
  
"It's not your fault you're a whore?"  
  
Alice staggered backwards a step, as if the comment had hurt worse than the slap. And I could understand why. Alice had grown up as a whore and fought against it all her human life. She could use the word playfully at times, but here, now, from the mouth of the woman she had loved almost as much as me, it seemed to rock her to her core. Worst of all, she was standing there naked – she really did look kind of whorish.  
  
But protectiveness bloomed in my chest nonetheless and I took a gallant step forward. Rage flashed in my eyes and in a firm voice I said: "Alice is not a whore."  
  
The blonde's head whipped around as if being spoken to by me was the biggest affront of all. I'd been ready to defend Alice, but suddenly it seemed like I was the one in danger. Rosalie strode toward me in three steps, swung her hand, and slapped me across the face.  
  
It almost knocked me out. Getting slapped with vampire strength was like getting hit with a baseball bat shaped like a hand. Heat exploded in my cheek and I reeled backward, stumbling in my heels, and fell back on my butt.  
  
"Rosalie!"  
  
Alice bobbed down beside me and gathered me in her arms as if I'd been shot. Rosalie looked at us coldly. Alice gave me a quick examination and glared up at Rosalie.  
  
"Get out," she said. "Right now."  
  
Rosalie didn't hurry. She let her loathing stare linger on the two of us and then she grabbed her purse from the dresser, fluffed her hair in the mirror, and reapplied her earrings. Then she walked past us, opened the door, and exited into the hallway, slamming the door shut behind her.  
  
Alice was holding my head to her chest, and while I did enjoy being pressed to her naked bosom, it did feel just a little awkward to be nursed over so dramatically. So I sat up gently and rubbed my cheek with my own hand, smiling sheepishly, as if embarrassed I lost the fight. Alice looked at me with her eyes full of concern and god her boobs were cute.  
  
"Are you okay, baby?"  
  
I nodded, smiling it away. "Yeah, I'm fine."  
  
Alice took my hand away from my cheek and leaned and kissed it. It was already swelling, but her lips did make it feel better. Ah, Alice.  
  
"I'm so sorry, baby," she said. "I knew she was going to be upset, but…"  
  
She trailed off glumly. She sat back on the floor with her legs tucked underneath her. I didn't know what to say. I wanted to make her feel better, but at the same time I wanted to eat her pussy. Her nakedness was making me horny. Finally she sighed and looked up at me.  
  
"If she loved me, she'd want me to be happy," she said. "Wouldn't she?"  
  
Tricky question, really. People generally aren't that selfless, and the blonde and the redhead certainly weren't. Generally when people loved someone they wanted to be with that someone – even if that someone was with someone else. But I didn't know if this was what Alice wanted to hear, so I shrugged.  
  
"I don't know."  
  
Alice looked down at her lap. I did too. Such pretty legs – she really didn't deserve to be treated like this. She shook her head and frowned aside.  
  
"She's a bitch," she said. "They all are. Fucking whores."  
  
I tried not to smile. Personally I didn't think any of us had the right to go around name calling—we were all whores, really—but I was glad she didn't feel too much regret. But I still felt like I should apologize, even if just for form's sake.  
  
"Sorry," I said.  
  
Alice looked at me and immediately brightened. "Don't apologize, baby," she said. "None of this is your fault. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me."  
  
It was exactly what I wanted to hear, and I mirrored her smile. "You don't need them to make you happy, Alice," I said. "I'll do it all, I promise. Anything you want."  
  
Those three magic words made a ripple of excitement shiver through me. Because I meant it, I truly meant it. Ever since our night together I had tried to let her know as many times as possible that I was indeed willing to do absolutely anything, but so far she hadn't really taken advantage of that.  
  
But now was different. She had just had maybe her first fight ever with her former lover of a hundred years, and her mood was playfully dark enough to be intrigued by the offer. The corner of her mouth quirked up and she said:  
  
"Anything?"  
  
Excitement charged through me like a racehorse and I knew right then that tonight was going to be wild. I leaned to her mouth suddenly and ran my tongue along her bottom lip.  
  
"Anything," I whispered.  
  
I'd been expecting her to complete the kiss and promptly ravish me in some violent way, but she didn't. I pulled back slightly and her eyes were looking aside at the carpet. A wistful smile on her lips, as if she knew what she was about to do was wrong and wanted to do it anyway. She turned her eyes to my bare shoulder and caressed it with a hand.  
  
"You shouldn't say that, baby," she whispered.  
  
I touched her hand on my shoulder. "Why not?"  
  
"Because I might not be able to stop myself."  
  
I smiled and drew her hand down across my chest, pressing it to one of my breasts. "I don't want you to stop yourself, Alice," I told her. "When I'm with you, I want to be with all of you. I love you, Alice. Don't you understand?"  
  
She looked into my eyes. Her pretty face made my pussy throb with want and I lowered her hand even further, guiding it up my dress and pressing it flat against my panties, still staring into her eyes.  
  
"Come on," I whispered, "let's do something wild tonight. Anything you want, okay? You don't need any of those whores. You've got the only whore you'll ever need right here…"  
  
I started kissing her and rubbing her hand against myself. She opened her mouth and I forced my whole tongue inside, letting her feel my slavish desire to simply please her. I moaned and lapped up the venom that was pooling in her mouth, swallowing it eagerly and feeling it spread hotly through my body. I kissed her and kissed her and finally I pulled back, staring at her and awaiting directions.  
  
She licked her lips and looked at me for a moment. I could see the last flickers of reluctance fade away in her eyes as dark excitement overwhelmed her completely. She smiled and tongued her fangs, lowering her eyes to my body.  
  
"Well," she said. "There is one thing."  
  
"Yes?"  
  
I was kneeling in front of her, holding her hand up my dress, and before she replied she lifted the skirt with her other hand and tugged down my panties a little. She found my clit and toyed with it idly as she spoke.  
  
"Have you ever wanted to experiment with asphyxiation?" she asked.  
  
I wasn't even positive what it meant, and my mind wasn't working so good at the moment. It was either choking or that feeling you get when your foot goes to sleep. Choking seemed more like Alice's style, so I nodded. It didn't matter what it was. I said anything and I meant it.  
  
She smiled and pinched my clit, making me jump. "Well, maybe we could try a few things," she said. "It's a great way to dominate and it would be best to enjoy it while you're still human. As a vampire it's not so exciting. Strangulation loses much of its appeal when you don't require breath."  
  
I was almost out of breath right now, my chest rising and falling as her finger massaged the swollen nub of my clit. I nodded rapidly. "Anything you want, Alice," I said. "Anything."  
  
Her finger paused. A slow grin spread over her face and then she just giggled.  
  
"Okay, now I'm excited," she said. "Come on, get your dress off. I always wanted to do this."  
  
She had hopped to her feet and I rose unsteadily behind her.  
  
"Do what?" I asked, pulling my dress off.  
  
But she only flapped a hand at me impatiently. "Panties too, hurry up."  
  
I dropped my panties – they were already at my knees anyway.  
  
"Do you want me to keep my shoes on?"  
  
"I always want you to keep your shoes on, baby. And here, put these on."  
  
She tossed me a pair of handcuffs. I tried to catch them but my half-completed transformation into vampire hadn't seemed to improve my reflexes. They bounced off my boobs and fell to the floor. I bent and fetched them up.  
  
"Behind my back?"  
  
"Yep. Now, hurry up and come here. Oh god, I'm so horny. Quick!"  
  
I closed the cuffs around my wrists, feeling a delicious surge of helplessness crawl across my naked body. Alice was sitting on the edge of the bed with her legs wide open, watching me with a bright grin. I came over and knelt at her feet and looked up at her obediently. She giggled and petted my hair.  
  
"Good girl," she said. "Start licking, okay? I'll explain what I'm going to do in a minute."  
  
"Do you want me to call you mistress?"  
  
Alice paused to think about it. She bit her lip cutely and couldn't seem to decide. "Um, I don't know," she said. "I like it when you're submissive, but it seems a little impersonal. What do you think?"  
  
I was kneeling at her pussy with my hands cuffed behind my back – obviously I enjoyed being dominated. "I think it would be hot," I said. "Besides, it's true. You are my mistress."  
  
She giggled and patted my head. "Okay, call me mistress," she said. "Now quickly, start licking."  
  
"Yes, mistress," I said, and then I leaned forward and obeyed.  
  
She moaned loudly, letting me know she liked it. She wove her fingers in my hair and shifted on the bed, leaning back to allow me maximum access.  
  
"Good girl," she said. "Okay, this is what I'm going to do. Remember I was talking about asphyxiation? Well, this is what we'll try first. Just for fun. First, I'm going to wrap my legs around your head. Very tight, so that your mouth is completely covered. And then I'm going to pinch your nose closed. You won't be able to breathe at all. Does that sound like fun?"  
  
"Mmhm," I moaned into her pussy.  
  
"Good girl," she said. "I'll let go again before you pass out. You're going to have to trust me to let you breathe again. Do you trust me?"  
  
I pulled my tongue out of her vagina and smiled up at her with my mouth slathered in her juices. "Of course," I said. I was tempted to add that she didn't even have to let go if she wanted, that being smothered to death by her pussy actually seemed like a good way to go, but I didn't. I didn't want her to suddenly have second thoughts about what we were doing.  
  
Alice smiled down at me for a moment. She caressed my brow with the backs of her knuckles and I leaned into it like a cat. "Good girl," she said. "Are you ready?"  
  
"Ready," I said.  
  
Excitement was already swirling in my stomach. I knew it wasn't go be especially pleasurable for me—or even for her—but I liked the idea of putting my life in her hands. That's really all I wanted.  
  
Grinning, she wrenched back my head a little by the hair and wrapped her thighs around my neck, squirming on the bed to get nice and comfy. In the spirit of cooperation I did my part as well by nestling my face into her crotch and blinking up at her obediently, my hands still chained behind my back. My mouth was pressed flushed against her entrance but she hadn't began to tightened her legs. She smiled down at me and I could feel her pussy twitching against my lips with excitement.  
  
"Take a deep breath, baby," she said.  
  
I closed my eyes and breathed in through my nose, inhaling her luscious scent. Her vampire pheromones flooded my brain and convinced me instantly that this was the right thing to do, the only thing to do. Tonight was going to be a taste of what it would be like to die in her arms and I couldn't wait.  
  
My eyes opened and I held my breath. She smiled and pinched closed my nose, tightening her thighs around my head. Dark excitement swept through me like a cold wind as I realized that I really couldn't breathe. Her legs went tighter and tighter, wrapping around me like an anaconda until my mouth was crushed against her pussy.  
  
"Good girl," she whispered. "We'll see how long you can last. And feel free to struggle when you start running out of air. That's the fun part. So thrash really hard, okay?"  
  
I tried to nod, but her legs were locked too tight. Already I was running out of air and a sweet panic was stealing over me. I could get tiny slivers of air through my mouth, but mostly I was just trying to lick her. She giggled when she realized what I was doing.  
  
"I love it how you're still trying to lick me," she said. "You'd lick me with your dying breath, wouldn't you?"  
  
I tried to nod again, but I couldn't. A tiny tip of my tongue was protruding from my mouth and I just licked her as best I could.  
  
"Yes," she said. "I know you would. You're such a slut, aren't you? Are you running out of air yet? Remember to struggle, baby."  
  
I was. My throat had gone tight from lack of oxygen and I tried to suck in a breath, but it was impossible. My body jerked once, twice. Like bad hiccups. I had been determined not to struggle, just to show her how willing I was to die for her, but I couldn't help it. I tried to pull my head away, but her legs were so tight. I wrenched backward with my shoulders and started to thrash, in silence save for the rattle of handcuffs. My world was going dim and I could feel her hand stroking my hair gently as I writhed in rising panic.  
  
"Good girl," she whispered. "Fight as hard as you can, baby. It's no use, but it's fun to watch. I'll never let you escape me. I'm going to keep you forever. Just like this. On your knees, where you belong. My little whore. My beautiful little whore…"  
  
I couldn't hear her anymore. My knees were scrabbling in the carpet as I tried desperately to wrench away my head from between her thighs, but she was too strong. Hysteria moaned in the throttled pipes of my throat and my lungs were on fire. My eyeballs rolled up behind their lids and little pins of light were dancing behind them. I was getting weaker and weaker, and finally my whole body slumped bonelessly between her legs and my black world went blacker.  
  
—  
  
She actually let me pass out, the bitch. It wasn't the best way to establish trust, especially when she'd deliberately told me she would let me breathe again before that happened, but I was a good sport and I didn't get too upset after she revived me with few quick slaps.  
  
And, of course, that was only the beginning. Alice had a whole range of asphyxiation fantasies, it seemed, and she was delighted to find that I was equally committed to making them all come true. Happily, she didn't let me pass out again, she simply bought me to point where I would begin to struggle and then she'd let me breathe again. We experimented with a variety of techniques, but none were quite as awesome as that first one. Being trapped in Alice's pussy had been the most perfect piece of domination I'd experienced. My life had literally been completely in her hands – placed in her hands, willingly and deliberately. That first act had demonstrated the true extent of my love for her, and even though no immediate orgasms resulted from it, it was still pretty fucking awesome.  
  
From there we branched out into more casual forms of strangulation, such as, well, strangulation. It was really quite disturbing how fun it all was. Alice would pin me down and start choking me, and I'd do nothing but smile up at her as she taunted me and tightened her grip on my throat, watching my face darken until my breath ran so low that I had to struggle, twisting under her like a snake as both the darkness and the climax built behind my eyelids – she'd be fucking me with a strap-on while she did it and my writhing only got it in deeper.  
  
There were a couple other things that were really hot, too. She had taken off one of her stockings and tied it into a noose. She then slipped the loop around my neck and made me go down on her as she tightened it, holding it like a leash and slacking off the pressure only when I was in danger of passing out into her pussy. Another thing was with her thighs. She wrapped them around my waist like pythons and squeezed tight enough to squeeze all the air out of my lungs, tight enough to pop the vibrator out of my pussy, until I was sucking thinly for air and beating her weakly with balled fists to get out. Another fun one was her boobs. She simply plugged up my mouth with her nipple and held me there as she pinched closed my nose. Only this one backfired, because as soon as I started running out of air, I bit down on her tit unconsciously. She yelped and released me, pouting and rubbing her breast where it hurt. I kissed it better for her and soon she was suffocating me again.  
  
All in all, it was a fun and adventurous evening. My throat was sore and my neck was fairly bruised up, but overall I was relatively undamaged. Alice was happy, and that was the main thing. After we showered we curled up under the covers and she babbled for quite a while about how happy she was that we could do that stuff while I was human, because it really wasn't the same as a vampire. I mostly listened, my throat a little tender. Alice chuckled, her body vibrating against mine.  
  
"I remember when I was worried about corrupting you," she said. "Now it's almost like you're the one corrupting me. You know I'd never do that stuff if you didn't want to, right?"  
  
"I know," I said. "But if it's what we both want, where's the harm?"  
  
"Well, it's not really healthy."  
  
"You're a vampire, Alice. Is drinking blood healthy?"  
  
Her face was laid against my chest and I felt her sigh. "I guess not," she said. "In the end, I really am a monster, aren't I?"  
  
I opened my eyes. I couldn't see her face—just the top of her head—but the tone of her voice seemed sad. I didn't want her to think of herself as a monster. She was, of course—a total fucking fiend—but I didn't want her to think that was a bad thing. Because it wasn't. In it's own twisted way, it was beautiful. So I stroked my hand up and down her back and said:  
  
"You okay?"  
  
"Yeah," she said. "I just wish I could've given you a proper relationship. Like you deserve."  
  
"Alice, you're the best thing that ever happened to me."  
  
She lifted her face and smiled at me. But it wasn't really a happy smile.  
  
"I know," she said. "I think that's the saddest part."  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
She giggled and put a quick kiss on my lips.  
  
"Nothing," she said. "You know how I get weird after sex."  
  
I smirked. "And during."  
  
"Especially during," she said.  
  
We giggled and then I rolled her over and straddled her hips, laying flat on top of her the way she used to do to me. She settled with her arms around me and I smiled at her in the lamplight. The pain in my throat reminded me of all the things we'd done tonight and I decided that it was time to talk.  
  
"Have you given any more thought to our wedding night?" I asked.  
  
Her hands paused on my back. She knew exactly what I was talking about, but she pretended she didn't. "Well," she said. "I was thinking we'd have the ceremony at the mansion. White dress for me, pink for the bridesmaids. As for the honeymoon, I haven't really thought about it yet. But who needs a honeymoon when we're already right here in Paris? Besides, your thirst will be pretty powerful as a newborn, so it would be best to keep you close. I think we should just move in together as soon as possible, what do you think?"  
  
My smile had slipped away. Her little misdirections didn't work on me anymore. It was time that she realized that I had finally developed expectations of this relationship. I needed a certain commitment. If she didn't want to, fine, we'd talk about it. But I was done letting her dodge it.  
  
"That's not what I was talking about," I said.  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"I was talking about the wedding night."  
  
She cocked her head on the pillow and smiled cutely. "What about it?"  
  
But the cuteness didn't work on me either – not so soon after sex, at least. I stared at her for a second, feeling waves of plain unhappiness wash over me, and then I rolled off her and sat up in the bed with my back to her. I couldn't believe she was actually pretending she had no idea what I was talking about. Did she really think I was that stupid? I had pulled up the sheet to cover my naked body and now I felt her sit up beside me.  
  
"Baby," she said. "What's wrong?"  
  
I frowned at her, my throat now tight from both being choked and with tears. "What's wrong?" I echoed. "I offered to let you kill me, Alice, and you're acting like it never happened. How do you think that makes me feel? Do you have any idea how hard it was for me to come to terms with this?"  
  
She looked abashed. "I'm sorry."  
  
But I didn't accept the apology. Waves of insecurity and humiliation were washing over me and I suddenly blurted: "Look, if you don't want to do it, just say so. I only wanted to do it to make you happy because I thought you wanted it. But fuck it, if you wanna just turn me and get sick of me in a hundred years like every other girl you've ever dated, then why don't you just—"  
  
She hugged me. I closed my mouth and blinked back tears. She held me and stroked my back. It made me feel better, but that only made me feel weak. I sniffed and wiped one of my eyes with a thumb.  
  
"I'm sorry," I said. "God, I'm freaking out again, aren't I?"  
  
She released me and shook her head. "It's okay," she said. "It's my fault. I never should've told you this was what I wanted. I should've kept it secret forever."  
  
A couple more tears dropped and I wiped them away with the sheet. I looked at her and sniffed. "I don't want secrets, Alice," I said. "And I don't ever want you to stop loving me. I don't want to end up like Rosalie or Victoria, watching you fall in love with someone new because…"  
  
I trailed off. Alice's face went cold.  
  
"Because I'm a whore?" she asked.  
  
Now it was my turned to be abashed. That's not what I meant at all, but it hurt me she would assume that. She had no idea that I knew the truth of her origins, but I did know, and knowing the truth made me very sympathetic. "No," I whispered. "You're not a whore, Alice. I'd never think that. But you have these dreams. They're beautiful dreams, but in the end, you always wake up. I don't want to be another discarded soulmate, Alice. I want to be your One. Your only One."  
  
I looked in her face, begging her to understand. She looked down at the bed and back up at me again.  
  
"Do you truly want this?"  
  
"Yes," I said, with husky earnestness. "You have no idea how much I love you, Alice. I love you so much. Please tell me you want this too. Please tell me you want me enough to do this."  
  
She caressed my face with the backs of her knuckles and searched my eyes. She'd put her ring back on before we gotten back into bed and I could feel the diamond butterfly scrape gently against my cheek. Finally she dropped her hand and a weak smile curved her mouth.  
  
"I do want you, baby," she said. "More than you know."  
  
Relief washed over me so powerful it made me dizzy. I grabbed her hand and held it. "Thank you, Alice," I whispered. "I knew you did."  
  
"But I'll only do it one condition," she added.  
  
Waves of emotion were rolling over me, and I truly didn't care what the condition was. I told her I'd do anything for her, and I meant it. Anything she wanted. So I nodded, dabbing at more tears that had collected in my eyes, and said:  
  
"Yes?"  
  
Alice was looking down at our hands wistfully. She recentered the engagement ring on her finger with her free hand and looked up at me with a smile. "I won't die after you," she said. "It has to be at the same time."  
  
"Okay. Anything you want."  
  
"That means you'll have to kill me too."  
  
I froze.  
  
Fuck.  
  
I hadn't even thought of that. I'd been so focused on whether or not I was willing to die that I hadn't considered Alice at all. I knew she was ready and that she'd been ready for a long time, but I never thought how. I assumed it would be some kind of suicide, like how she had starved herself before I came to Paris. I never thought she'd actually expect me to—  
  
"Can you do that, baby?" she asked.  
  
I swallowed. I was dizzy all the sudden and cold all over. I swallowed again, as if I'd forgotten how to talk, and cleared my throat. "Is that what you want?"  
  
She nodded, patting my hand. She could see that she had rattled me and having the advantage made her smile brighter. "Do you want to know how I always dreamed it?"  
  
I didn't think I did, but I nodded.  
  
"The most basic way to kill a vampire is blood loss" she said. "So, first you'll cut my throat. Then I'll bite you. And together we'll bleed out, in each other's arms. What do you think?"  
  
I looked away, struggling for words. I hated it. How could I ever do something like that to Alice? I was happy to let her do it to me, eager even, but there was no way I could do it to her. I just couldn't.  
  
"I don't know," I said. "I thought…"  
  
Alice chuckled, bobbing slightly to smile at my face. "You thought I'd live without you? Even for a few seconds? No. I can't do that and you can't ask me to. This is the only way, baby. It has to be by your hand."  
  
She lifted my hand and kissed it gently. I swallowed. My throat was so sore – and now she wanted me to cut hers. That was how she had died as a human. Did she even remember? Did she truly want to relive that? How could she possibly—  
  
"I don't know if I can," I whispered.  
  
"Do you need sometime to think about it?"  
  
I nodded quickly. "I think so."  
  
She smiled and lowered my hand to her lap. "That's okay," she said. "Just remember, I love you as much as you love me. And I want to give myself to you in the same way. And if you need practice hurting me, we can do that too. I don't have to be mistress all the time."  
  
I nodded again. "Okay."  
  
She patted my hand and giggled. "Good," she said. "But let's not talk about it anymore tonight. All this talk about killing you has made me horny all over again. I'm kind of fucked up, aren't I?"  
  
"Just a little," I admitted.  
  
She looked at me for a second and then she smiled. "Come on," she said. "let's get some practice now. Do you wanna try choking me?"  
  
"Choking you?"  
  
She was already putting my hands at her neck. "Sure," she said. "It's not as dangerous because I don't have to breathe, but it'll be good practice. You'll have to learn to enjoy hurting me if we're going to do it properly. Go ahead."  
  
I was confused and bewildered and my hands were around my girlfriends throat and she was telling me to choke her. I didn't know what to do. I didn't want to hurt her, but I didn't want to disappoint her either. Her neck was so small and slender. So delicate. I'd never touched it like this before. I'd never wanted to. And yet a cold excitement was swirling in my stomach. My fingers closed around it completely and slowly I began to apply a little pressure against her windpipe.  
  
"Like this?" I asked.  
  
"Mmm," she moaned. "Harder, baby."  
  
I clutched harder.  
  
"Yes," she whispered. "Just like that."  
  
—  
  



	37. Chapter 37

—  
  
Chapter 37:  
  
—  
  
In the weeks before the wedding our relationship became a little, well, abusive. But in a good way. It was difficult to view it as a bad thing when your girlfriend lets you tie her up and bang her from behind with a double ended dildo while yanking on her hair. It was surprising how quickly I became comfortable with the rough stuff. I think it was mostly Alice's influence. I didn't have these desires naturally, but when your cute as hell girlfriend puts on a pouty face and asks you sweetly to paddle her sexy ass till she cries, well. Only an ogre would refuse.  
  
So I did as she asked whenever she asked. She was training me up and pretty soon I began to feel more confident about The Big Night. Le nuit grande. Alice wanted me to cut her throat, and as sick as it was, I thought I might be able to do it – but I wasn't positive. I was positive that I wanted to die for her, but sometimes I really didn't think I'd be able to reciprocate. Sometimes I even felt that I'd prefer her to live and get back together with Victoria and Rosalie, or even meet someone new. It might be nice to be simply a memory – untouchable, perfect.  
  
But that wasn't what Alice wanted. She simply refused to live without me, and there was nothing I could do but be flattered and slowly muster up the courage to hack open her pretty throat.  
  
The coven changed a lot in those weeks. Alice and I moved out of the mansion and into our new apartment so that we could experience living together before the wedding. Technically, this was called 'living in sin' by the more hardcore Christians among us, but Alice and I had been sinning for a long time, and society tends to be a little more lenient on live-in couples these days. We weren't the only one's to move out, either. Victoria and Rosalie hadn't come home since that night the blonde went spastic, and we learnt a couple days later that they were living at a hotel. They maintained contact with the rest of the coven, but neither had spoken to me or Alice.  
  
Carlisle and Esme also moved out. They had been looking for a house since before I'd even come to Paris, and they figured now was a good time. They had a strange relationship, those two. I wasn't sure if they truly loved each other, but it was clear they really liked being together. They had been married more times than any other couple in the coven. Maybe it was because they were the only two adults, or the only two that enjoyed acting like adults. Both of them were totally in love with Alice, and both of them had lovers on the side, but they did have a bond.  
  
Esme had gotten a job at a private highschool, and Carlisle had been working shifts at a local hospital for quite some time. Alice had done her post-graduate work in Paris less than ten years ago, and she was quick to snap up a position at an interior design firm that specialized in residential design. Of course, the job was mostly fluff. She wouldn't officially start work until after the wedding, and after the wedding she likely won't be in any condition to work. Still, she got to enjoy a couple projects. Her first assignment was Carlisle and Esme's new house. Her second was our new apartment.  
  
It was our first apartment, so she kept it modest. Warm pastel colors and well-crafted wooden furniture to create a cozy lived-in feel. It was neater than my bedroom back home, but honestly, I didn't see any particular design. Maybe I'm just dumb. Still, I made an effort to remark how perfect it was and how I'd always dreamed of living in an apartment exactly like it. But all I really needed was Alice. Alice's presence would make any home feel complete.  
  
We finally moved in about two weeks after announcing our engagement. The apartment was completely furnished, but there were a still a few things that had to be transferred from the mansion, namely Alice's vast collection of shoes. We filled four large cardboard boxes with them, and that was only the ones she wanted to keep; the rest were to be given to charity. I'm not sure what use the homeless would have with a pair of Jimmy Choos, but I suppose it was better than nothing.  
  
Jane and Leah gave us a hand, and we borrowed Esme's mommy-mobile, a sporty navy-colored SUV. We filled up the back with boxes of shoes and clothes, and then Alice and I gave Jane a quick tour of the apartment while Leah lugged up all the boxes. She was the closest thing we had to butch. Her boobs were bigger than her muscles, but she had always projected a manly kind of dependency, and she didn't complain at all.  
  
We ended up in our bedroom. A display of framed photographs was arranged on the dresser and Jane was looking them over. Most of them were pics of me or me and Alice, but there were some of Alice and the coven as well. Jane picked one up and smiled at it. It was a pic of her and Alice, cheek to cheek, grinning brightly.  
  
"I can't believe our little Ally's finally getting married," she said. "I'm so happy for you guys. I mean, it's for real this time, right?"  
  
Alice was sitting in the center of the bed, barefoot. She was surrounded by shoes and she was trying some of them on idly, just for fun. She smiled at what Jane said and then she turned her smile onto me.  
  
"Till death do us part," she said.  
  
I was standing by the window. The apartment was on the third floor and there was a view of the Eiffel Tower out there, and a beautiful blue sky. But none of that was as beautiful as Alice; sitting there in her denim skirt, mismatched stilettos on her pretty feet. Smiling at me. I smiled back and echoed in my head:  
  
Till death do us part.  
  
"Sad the coven's breaking up all over again," Jane said, placing the picture frame back down. "It was fun to live all together for a while."  
  
Alice giggled and sorted through her shoes. "Well, we can't lay around having sex for the rest of our lives. I haven't had a career in ages. Besides, my dating days are over. From now on, I'm all about my baby. Aren't I, baby?"  
  
Alice turned to me with a smile, but rather than answer with words, I quickly went over and kissed her. God, I love her so much. Her talk of having a career had caused a flicker of doubt, but she was probably only saying that for Jane's benefit. I was holding her face in my hands as she craned her neck upwards and I broke off the kiss by kissing her again and one more time as we gazed deeply into each other's eyes.  
  
Jane was watching and the loving display seemed to disgust her.  
  
"You guys are gross," she said. "No, seriously. That's just…"  
  
Alice giggled and began unbuckling the sandal on her left foot.  
  
"What about you and Leah?" she asked.  
  
Jane scoffed. "We aren't gross."  
  
"No, I mean what are you gonna do now? Vicky and Rose are doing their thing, Carlisle and Esme are getting a house. What about you and Leah?"  
  
Jane shrugged and leaned back on the dresser. "Not sure," she said. "I guess we'll stay at the mansion with Tanya for a couple more months. Leah wants to turn her."  
  
"You should."  
  
"You think?"  
  
Alice lifted her foot in the air and admired the shoe. Louboutins. Priced at over a thousand euros. I'd learnt a lot about shoes since meeting Alice, although not because I wanted to. Alice lowered the foot and looked at Jane.  
  
"Sure," she said. "She's cute and she obviously likes the lifestyle. Why not?"  
  
Jane shrugged again and looked greatly unimpressed at the idea of turning the French blonde. "I don't know," she said. "I guess I'm just jealous. Leah likes her too much, you know? It's like she's in love with the dumb slut or something."  
  
Alice and I glanced at each other. Sometimes it did seem that Leah favored the 'dumb slut,' but I was pretty sure it was just regular vampiric lust. Leah and Jane weren't the most lovey dovey couple around, but it was hard to believe a meal like Tanya could come between them.  
  
But before Alice or I could reply with any of this, Leah came into the room with a huge box of shoes. She was wearing a black tank top and black denim shorts. It was a warm day and we were all a little scantily clad. She put the box down and smiled at Alice.  
  
"Still one more in the car," she said. "You ever think about cutting back on the shoes, Alice?"  
  
Alice smiled and went to reply with something that would no doubt be witty and adorable—just like everything that came out of her mouth—but before she could Jane broke in.  
  
"Oh, quit bitching," she said. "Back to work, butch."  
  
Alice and I grinned. Leah raised an eyebrow at her.  
  
"Did I do something wrong?"  
  
"Other than look fat in those shorts? No."  
  
Alice giggled and I was just flabbergasted. Jane had always had a huge set of grapefruits, but sometimes even I was in awe of her supreme bitchiness. She'd said it with a cocky smirk, not truly angry, and her eyes seem to dare the other woman to retaliate. Leah smiled and approached her. Jane was still leaning against the dresser and Leah backed her into it even more, looking directly into the smaller girl's eyes.  
  
"You might wanna watch your mouth, honey," she said. "Or maybe I won't let you into these shorts."  
  
Jane was grinning, and she opened her mouth to strike back, but Leah kissed her. And I suppose Jane wasn't too upset about Leah's favoritism to Tanya, because she responded to the kiss instantly, even reaching down to grab the alleged fatness in the other woman's shorts.  
  
I thought it was hot, and I was okay with watching for a bit. Alice, however, didn't seem impressed. She cleared her throat loudly.  
  
"Um, do you guys mind?"  
  
Jane broke the kiss and frowned at her for interrupting. "What?"  
  
Alice gestured at the room with the shoe in her hand – a gold-colored Gucci with a spike heel.  
  
"This is our home," she said. "Our bedroom."  
  
"So?"  
  
"So is it to much to ask that amorous activity within these walls be restricted to me and Bella?"  
  
Jane groaned and Leah backed away respectfully, grinning at Alice's silliness. Jane straightened the hem of her top and pouted at Alice.  
  
"Jeez," she said. "You're no fun since you got engaged. Two years ago you would've had your tongue in Leah's butt by now."  
  
Alice glanced at me in alarm—as if maybe I wasn't aware of what a depraved little slut she was—and then glared at Jane. "Well, get used to it," she said. "You guys can come over for dinner some night next week, but until then, this bed is a Bella-only zone. No one get's naked in this house but me and Bella."  
  
Jane put her hands on her hips. "So we help you move in and you're not even gonna take off your top?"  
  
"Nope."  
  
"Wow, what a tease. Talk about a waste of an afternoon. You should've said you weren't putting out, we could've done something else."  
  
Leah smiled. She had always been a good sport about Alice's recent attempts at monogamy and she was already backing to the door.  
  
"I'll go get the last box," she said. "Then we'll leave you guys alone."  
  
Jane unleaned from the dresser and went to walk out with Leah. "Fuck the last box, let precious Bella get the last box."  
  
Alice opened her mouth to admonish her sister, but I jumped in before it could escalate to a catfight.  
  
"I'll go get it," I said. "It's just one box."  
  
Alice didn't like the idea of me leaving her side, and I didn't either, but she obviously wanted to stick it to Jane. "Well, be quick, baby," she said. "I'll miss you."  
  
I walked up to the bed and she craned her neck for a kiss. "I'll miss you too," I said, and kissed her.  
  
It was only supposed to be a quick kiss, but we got a little carried away. Jane and Leah were apparently watching from the door and Jane gave a little sound of disgust.  
  
"Ugh," she said. "You guys suck. Come on, Leah, let's get outta here. We'll leave the shoes on the sidewalk, you can pick em up when you want. Jeez."  
  
A few moments later I heard the front door slam but I was too preoccupied stuffing my tongue into my girlfriend's mouths to follow them. I'd become a lot bolder in recent weeks, and now that I knew how much my fiancé liked to be defiled, I often indulged myself in defiling her. She had her face lifted to mine passively, mouth open, and I was lapping up her sweet tasting venom with my tongue, almost drooling from the hunger I felt for her.  
  
I would've loved nothing more than to lower my lips to her lower lips, but the shoes were waiting downstairs, and I knew how much Alice loved her shoes. She'd never forgive me if they got stolen whilst waiting to be picked up on the sidewalk, so I broke the kiss reluctantly.  
  
"I better go get your shoes."  
  
But her eyes were dark and full of lust and her fangs poked her lip as she smiled and tugged me back by my shirt. "The shoes can wait," she murmured sultrily.  
  
I smirked. "Wow," I said. "You must really love me."  
  
She smirked back. "Not really," she said. "It's just my pussy's more urgent."  
  
And with that, she laid back on the bed, lifted her legs, and opened them. Her denim skirt was loose-fitting and she lifted it up so I could see the damp patch in her pink panties. Her right foot was wearing a black stiletto and her left foot was wearing a gold sandal, and both feet were high in the air.  
  
Smirking, I swept aside the pile of shoes that lay before her and crawled onto the bed.  
  
"I better take care of it then, huh?"  
  
She smiled and pulled back her legs even further by the ankles.  
  
"Yes," she said. "I think you'd better."  
  
I had already lowered my face between her thighs and she moaned encouragingly as I dragged my tongue across the wet patch in her underwear.  
  
—  
  
The shoes were still waiting on the sidewalk by the time we were done which was somewhat of a miracle considering the contents of the box were worth at least ten thousand euro. But I suppose the box was sealed up, and even if it wasn't, I doubt there was much street value in designer heels.  
  
Alice came down with me when I went to fetch it and followed me up the stairs again. We spent a couple hours unpacking the rest of her stuff—only one box was mine and few of it's contents were shoes—and we spent another hour arranging her shoe collection in a special closet designed specifically for shoes. Alice crouched among the shoeboxes on the floor and kept asking me for advice on which ones to prioritize, but mostly I just knelt behind her with my arms around her waist as she sorted them in any order she wished. When we were done, we made love on the bed with the sun setting in the window, and then we took a walk to the grocery store down the block so we could buy something for dinner.  
  
The fridge was well-stocked with essentials, but tonight was our first night as a live-in couple, and we wanted to do something mildly special. We roamed the aisles with our hands clasped, selecting things off the shelves and placing them in the basket at Alice's elbow. They had steak on special, and even though I didn't like meat, I thought it would be nice to make steak au poive. It was simple and easy, and I really doubted we'd be eating much of it anyway. So we bought a couple steaks and some baby carrots and a pound of fresh peas. Alice didn't need to eat and I didn't have much of an appetite these days, so dinner was more of a performance at this point. Still, it was fun. Alice seemed to have a zeal for the role of 'excited young woman who just moved in with her girlfriend and wants to make something special for dinner,' and I played my own role with equal gusto, suggesting some candles and a box of matches to make it really romantic.  
  
I started cooking as soon as we got home while Alice went for a shower. I made the chocolate marquise first, since it had to set in the fridge, and although chocolate wasn't our preferred dessert, it might be nice to have some for breakfast tomorrow. I didn't have to worry about pimples of gaining weight with so much venom in my system, and these might be the last couple months of my life – why not splurge with the chocolate?  
  
I'd always loved cooking and soon I found myself in a familiar rhythm, boiling water for the vegetables, greasing the pan for the steaks. I hadn't cooked since back in Forks, and I took a moment to fondly remember my mother, that dear woman who's skills in the kitchen were a disgrace to feminine stereotype. We used to spend a lot of time in the kitchen, me and mom. Me cooking and her hovering around to help, me doing the dishes and her drying, me doing homework and her drinking coffee and distracting me with tales from work. How come we never had a dishwashing machine? The steak was sizzling in the pan, but I'd zoned out a little. I really hoped she would be okay. So much of her life had been defined by taking care of me. I hoped she could find something else to live for.  
  
I was roused out of my reverie by Alice's entrance. She had put on a sexy red dress that was tight and short and she came in with a sexy red smile and struck a pose in the arch way, leveling her dark eyes across the kitchen at where I stood at the sizzling stove with a spatula.  
  
"Hey, baby," she said. "I bought dessert."  
  
I grinned hugely and looked at her body. "It looks delicious."  
  
She giggled and came over, wrapping her arms around me from behind as I turned back to the pan. The smell of steak and simmering red wine mingled with the smell of aggressive orchids, and my body went tingly from her touch.  
  
"Mmm, that's smells nice," she said. "Is it almost done?"  
  
"Almost."  
  
"I can't wait. I love steak. Nothing like sinking your teeth into a tasty piece of meat."  
  
She punctuated the statement by giving me a quick spank on the rump. I was tempted to feed her right then with something a little more palatable than beef, but I've been trying to develop a little control lately. It seemed to impress her when I denied her, and it was fun foreplay.  
  
"I've got a better idea," I said. "Why don't you set the table and light the candles?"  
  
She giggled and groped my jeans. "I love it when you tell me what to do."  
  
"Then set the table like I told you," I said, only barely managing not to squeal at her touch.  
  
"Are you sure, baby?" she whispered in my ear. "I'm not wearing any underwear."  
  
My stomach dropped. It took all the restraint I could muster not to spin around and drop to my knees, but the steaks were almost done, and I knew Alice didn't really want to spoil dinner so soon. She just got carried away sometimes with her sluttier urges.  
  
"The steak ," I said, with a dry throat. "It'll burn."  
  
She sighed and released me. I instantly regretted my self-control – maybe it would've been nice to have an appetizer.  
  
"Oh fine," she pouted, and started opening drawers to search for cutlery. "But you better make it up to me later. Tonight is our first night in our new apartment. We'll have to do something really crazy to make it memorable."  
  
The idea of doing something really crazy made me smile. I couldn't imagine how we could get any crazier than strangling each other, but I was eager to find out.  
  
"Anything you want, Alice."  
  
"Anything?"  
  
"Anything."  
  
She giggled, setting down knives and forks on the napkin while I tended the stove. "It's so sweet when you say that," she said. "But you know it's all bullshit, right? Everybody has limits."  
  
I smiled at her over my shoulder. "I'd die for you, Alice," I said. "If that's not limitless, I don't know what is."  
  
"So naïve. You're not as twisted as you think, baby."  
  
"I'm not?"  
  
"Of course not. Principles of pain and obedience involve an elegance of power and selflessness, but if I proposed something involving a gerbil, for instance, would you really be so eager?"  
  
I had no idea what possible applications there were for a gerbil in the bedroom, but the thought made me screw up my face regardless.  
  
"Fuck no."  
  
"Exactly. I'd say the same thing to you."  
  
"Thank god."  
  
She giggled and started lighting the candles. They were red wax, thick and scented, and there were two in two candleholders either side of a vase of red roses. I heard the match pop and turned to see her touching the flame to the wicks. When they were lit she blew out the match and smiled at me.  
  
"But now you see," she said. "We all have limits. You might think you're capable of anything, but you're not. And rightly so. I wouldn't respect you if you were."  
  
The talk had turned a little complicated for my meager mind, and I wasn't sure what she was saying at all, aside from the fact that there was probably some secret message I was supposed to gleam from all this.  
  
"So what are you saying?" I asked.  
  
She gave a coy little shrug and flipped off the kitchen light. Instantly she and her little red dress were cloaked in candlelight. She turned back to me and smiled. "Nothing," she said, in a way that made me positive it wasn't nothing at all. "I'm just saying all relationship's should have boundaries. Don't you think so?"  
  
I still didn't know what she was getting at, but if boundaries were going to protect me from gerbils and other assorted depravities, I thought it was wise to agree. "I guess."  
  
Alice leaned against the fridge and smiled. She was dim in the candlelight and there seemed to be something wistful in her eyes. She was looking at the vase on the table and it seemed to inspire her next words. She turned to me and smiled.  
  
"Love is like water," she said. "It takes the shape of the container that holds it. That's why it's important for the relationship to be as strong and well-defined as possible. Because a relationship is the vessel of love. It's what holds it. Contains it. And that's why steps like this are important. Moving in together. Getting married. We had a rocky start, baby, but this…it really does feel like a new beginning, doesn't it?"  
  
I looked at her, spatula in hand. Beginning? I thought this was the end? Or is that what she meant? Or was she saying something else entirely? Or—  
  
Sometimes I hated being so stupid. She was obviously trying to say something very specific, but all I really understood was how sexy she looked in her dress. Was she serious when she said she wasn't wearing panties?  
  
She was watching my befuddlement with an indulgent smile and she nodded at the stove. "Steak's burning, baby."  
  
A thin puff of smoke was rising and I spun back to the pan. "Shit," I said, and twisted the knob to turn off the burner. I inspected the steaks; they didn't seem too bad. I pulled off my apron and turned back to Alice, unsure but unable to think. "Um, could you wrap these in foil quickly? They have to sit for a couple minutes. I'll go get changed, okay?"  
  
She nodded and I made a quick retreat.  
  
I stripped off in our new bedroom and jumped into the shower quickly and thought about what she said as I scrubbed myself down. But I was unable to decipher the hidden meaning in her words and pretty soon I'd convinced myself there was none. It was easier to believe that I was being silly than that Alice was having second thoughts about the direction our relationship was taking. Alice had always liked pretending to be normal, but I knew it was just a game. Her true self was the one that craved my blood. She wasn't a loving girlfriend, a bubbly teenager, or a bickering sister. She was a vampire.  
  
I showered with my hair pinned up to keep it dry, but I brushed it and gave it a squirt or two of perfume. I touched up my face with a bit of makeup quickly and then I picked out a nice black dress. Unlike my darling Alice, I opted in favor of underwear—black lace briefs—and I also put on some black stockings. It was a semi-formal occasion, after all, and one really should wear underclothes.  
  
Although, it was kind of funny. Typical of her to forego underwear, really. She liked the human-seeming charade of a romantic candlelit dinner, but that didn't stop her from acting like a supernatural whore. Nor should it. It was her nature as an unholy slut, and more importantly, it was one of the things I loved about her. Call me a freak, but I do love Alice's pussy, and I enjoyed the knowledge that it was uncovered and waiting for me just underneath her dress.  
  
By the time I got back to the kitchen she had already served the plates and poured the wine. She took a few moments to exclaim how beautiful I looked, and then she kissed me and felt me up under my dress. I was greatly tempted to let her do me right there, but I swatted her away and told her not to waste my cooking. I even ordered her to wash her hands – she'd been grabbing my ass, after all.  
  
Dinner had turned out pretty good. We each had a small steak, well-done and covered over with a red wine sauce, and we both had a side of baby carrots and tarragon mash – peas and potatoes. We sat down and I watched Alice cut away a section of the steak and pop it into her mouth. I knew vampires never had an appetite for human food, but their sense of taste was the same, and I was excited to see what she thought. I wasn't disappointed.  
  
"Mmm," she moaned erotically as she started chewing. "This is delicious. Really, really good. Not as good as you – but close."  
  
I smiled. "Thanks."  
  
She giggled and cut away another piece. I watched her in the soft glow of the candles. Like always, her reaction had been exaggerated and largely fake, but I was beginning to realize that the pretense was also important – maybe most important. It made me feel good that she loved me enough to feign ecstasy over a meal I hadn't even really worked that hard on.  
  
But what did this mean about other aspects of our relationship, like sex? Was the gentle pretense at treating me properly more important than the raw honesty of making me bleed? What happens when the lie is right and the truth is wrong? Can delusion ever be more noble than reality?  
  
The thoughts floated over me like a strange dream and I didn't really want to think about them. I didn't want any doubts about my relationship. All I wanted to do was love Alice – the real Alice.  
  
"Mmm," she went on, swallowing and gesturing with her fork. "This is awesome. You know what I keep thinking about?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Burning you with those candles."  
  
I spat a giggle into my wine glass. She giggled too. My mood had gone a little abstract for a few moments, but the suggestion reminded me of the visceral truth – Alice was a monster. A pretty little monster with a talent for lies, but a monster nonetheless. And me? I'm her victim. Simple as that.  
  
So I set down my wine glass and smiled. "That was a bit random, wasn't it?"  
  
"Sorry," she grinned. "Can we do it after we eat?"  
  
I nodded, cutting away at my steak, strangely untroubled. Playing with fire wasn't something that struck me as terribly appealing, but if anyone could make it fun, it was Alice.  
  
"If that's what my baby wants," I said.  
  
She looked playfully outraged. "Hey, I'm not the baby, you're the baby," she said. "You don't call me baby, you call me mistress."  
  
I smiled and rephrased. "If that's what my mistress wants."  
  
She gave me a queenly nod and went back to her dinner. "That's better," she said. "Don't forget what the D in BDSM stands for."  
  
I actually had no idea what those letters meant, and I was too frightened to look it up on google. Ironic, considering the stuff I do in real-life was likely to be far worse than any images I might encounter online. But I was curious, so I quickly asked:  
  
"What does it stand for?"  
  
"You gotta be kidding."  
  
"Nope."  
  
She stared at me for a moment where I sat clueless in the candlelight. Then she giggled and shook her head in a gentle kind of pity. "Discipline, baby," she said. "The D is for Discipline."  
  
"Oh," I said, and although I was curious about the other letters, I didn't ask. I didn't want to seem stupider than I already seemed, and I was pretty sure the B was for bondage and the M was for masochism.  
  
"That's alright," she said. "Baby has a lot to learn. Speaking of which, after dinner I thought we could get started on your French lessons. Unless you wanted to watch a movie or something."  
  
I frowned slightly. First she wanted to burn me with candles, now she wants to teach me French – or watch a movie?  
  
"Don't you want to have sex all night?" I asked.  
  
"Well, yeah," she said, "but we could squeeze in a little French too."  
  
I nodded and tried not to seem too reluctant. I know I said I'd do anything for her, but did that have to include learning? I didn't see the point, anyway.  
  
"I guess," I said, and my insecurities forced me to add, "but what for? I mean, I'm not going to need it after the wedding. You know?"  
  
She scooped up a bit of tarragon on her fork and giggled. "Well, don't be too sure," she said. "What if you're too squeamish to do it properly? Then we'll be stuck with each other forever and you won't be able to speak French."  
  
There was a subtle challenge in her voice and I felt myself rising to it. "You don't think I can do it?"  
  
She gave a skeptical shrug. "You tell me," she said. "Actually, I think it's sweet how reluctant you are to hurt me. It makes me feel all delicate and treasured. Too bad I really like it rough."  
  
"I could hurt you if I wanted," I said.  
  
She sighed and carried on eating. "Promises, promises."  
  
Okay, now that was direct challenge. I stared at her across the table in the candlelight. She likes it rough? I can be rough. In fact, I could feel the desire to be rough right now, spreading darkly through my chest like squid ink. I could be very rough – if that's what she wanted.  
  
So I rose from the table and took a knife from the butcher block on the counter. It was an impulse, and the sight of the steel in the candlelight made me dizzy for a second. A hot blush covered my face and I turned to Alice.  
  
She had stopped eating and she smiled. She had eaten almost half of it and my plate was almost untouched. She looked at the knife in my hands and lifted her eyes to mine. There was an open challenge in her face for me to do something, prove something, and very slowly I walked over and put the blade to her throat.  
  
"I could do it if I wanted," I said.  
  
My voice came out soft and husky. Alice smiled and dabbed her mouth with her napkin, not minding the knife at all, and then she rose gracefully to her feet. I kept the blade at her throat and I could feel dark excitement coursing through me at the pressure of her neck against the edge. She looked into my eyes.  
  
"Can you?"  
  
I nodded, swallowing the lump in my throat. "Mmhm."  
  
She cocked her head – toward the knife. I almost dropped it in fright at the idea of actually cutting her, but the movement didn't break the skin. Her eyes were dark in the candlelight and she was smiling with her beautiful red lips.  
  
"Yeah right," she said. "You need to face facts, baby. You love me too much. You'll never be able to hurt me. Look at you. You're too weak. You'll never be able to do anything but love me and serve me respectfully for the rest of your slavish little life. I bet you couldn't even draw—"  
  
Blood.  
  
Her words evaporated in a tiny gasp as a trickle of it oozed onto the knife blade and dripped onto her shoulder. My breathing had almost stopped. Alice glanced at the blood and her smile went a shade darker.  
  
"Well," she said. "Maybe you might be able to do it, after all."  
  
I smiled and lowered the knife. A thin line of blood seeped from the cut in her neck. She wiped it with her finger and looked at me. I could see in her eyes that she wanted me to open my mouth, so I did. She eased her finger between my lips and my eyes fell closed as I sucked the sweet taste of her blood.  
  
"How does that taste?" she whispered softly.  
  
I smiled and licked my lips. "Delicious."  
  
She watched me for a moment. Then she giggled and popped her finger into her own mouth, simply as an erotic gesture. "You're getting very close," she said. "You might even turn before the wedding if we're not careful."  
  
"Would it matter?" I asked.  
  
She shook her head. "Not really," she said. "But if were going to do this, it would be best while you're human. If you became a vampire, you'd become a monster like me. The sacrifice wouldn't be as meaningful."  
  
I found that a little hard to believe. I understood that the lust for blood had a tendency to cloud a girl's judgment, but were vampire's really that evil? They weren't as pure and sparkly as the kind you find in modern romance novels, but they didn't exactly go around killing and raping people – well, not unless they wanted it. Consent was a big part of their MO. They preferred their victims to enjoy it.  
  
"Would I really be a monster?" I asked.  
  
"Not exactly," she said. "But the thirst would greatly deteriorate your reason and restraint. Even worse than you are now."  
  
I was still holding the knife and I looked down at it for a second. The blade glinted dully in the candlelight and I gave a small shrug. "Well, it doesn't matter," I said. I looked at Alice. "Just tell me this is what you want, Alice. I won't be able to do it if you don't want it as much as me."  
  
She smiled brightly, and yet darker than ever. "I do, baby," she said. "Because you're right. I've been ready to die for a long time. The only reason I never did was because I was waiting for you. And now I've found you. And now…I really am ready. Are you?"  
  
"Yes," I breathed. "The thought of giving myself to you like that makes me so excited. It's what I truly want, Alice. I just wish I didn't have to…"  
  
My insecurities fluttered up at the last moment and I dropped my eyes. She giggled and bent slightly to look into my face.  
  
"Aww, don't chicken out now, baby," she said. "You were being so brave."  
  
I smiled sheepishly. "Sorry."  
  
She watched me for a moment. Her pale face was orange in the candlelight and I could see the excitement building in it – we were about to do something wild. Finally she giggled and took the knife out of my hand.  
  
"C'mon, let's do something to build your confidence," she said. "Watch this."  
  
Excitement flickered in my chest and I had no idea what she was going to do. Smiling, she inserted the knife into the neckline of her dress, and then she cut the dress open down the front.  
  
My face flushed hotly as the red fabric split to her navel and a swathe of her perfect skin was revealed. I could see the area between her breasts, and with a giggle she set the knife on the tabletop and pulled open the flaps of the dress to expose her tits. My pussy gave one huge throb and I stared.  
  
"Look at my body, baby."  
  
"I'm looking."  
  
"Now don't you want to ruin me just a little?"  
  
I smiled and lifted my eyes to her face. She was watching me with an artificial coyness in her eyes, standing there in her ripped dress, smiling, her perfect little breasts waiting for me to do something to them. She was so beautiful, so perfect – and I realized that yes, I would like to ruin her a little. Mark her. Make her mine.  
  
So I lifted my hands, placed them on her breasts, and stroked them gently. The touch of them drove me wild. My pussy was throbbing and getting very moist, and I found myself wishing I'd skipped underwear too. My panties felt a tad uncomfortable, but I smiled and squeezed her breasts gently.  
  
"Kind of," I admitted.  
  
She watched me play with her breasts for a moment, as if assessing if I was ready to do whatever she might be planning in her dark little head. My eyes were lowered to her chest, watching in fascination at how her boobs moved under my hands, and whatever she saw in my face must've pleased her. She giggled and spun away from my hands.  
  
"What are you doing?" I asked.  
  
She didn't answer, she only hiked up her dress a little—good god that ass—and hopped up onto the table. She wriggled a bit to get comfy, sitting on the edge with her legs dangling, and then she reached behind her and took one of the candles. Her legs were open and it was a battle not to kneel between them. But she obviously had a plan, and I wanted to satisfy her.  
  
"Come here," she said. "Take this. Can you guess what I want you to do?"  
  
She handed me the candle. I held it and looked at her exposed breasts, so soft and tantalizing, and I remembered how she mentioned over dinner that she'd like to burn me. She appeared to have changed her mind subtly, but it seemed she still had her dark heart set on something…hot.  
  
I swallowed thickly. "I think so," I said.  
  
She smiled and opened the ripped flaps of her dress a little more. "Then go ahead."  
  
Even now, it was hard to believe she was serious. The appeal of being burnt with a candleflame was lost on me, and yet some part of me understood exactly. So I did it – but gently. I passed the candle under the globes of her breasts, one then the other, watching the flame flatten against her skin for just a second before I pulled it away.  
  
I looked at her face. She had no reaction at all beyond an excited smile. It couldn't have hurt from how quickly I did it, but I could see in her eyes that I wasn't done yet. I passed the flame under her breasts one more time and smiled at her.  
  
"Is it hot?" I asked.  
  
She nodded, her eyes alive with excitement but no pain. "Mmm, very hot."  
  
"It would be hotter if you were doing it to me."  
  
But she'd hear none of it. "Not something like this," she said. "Burns can be very ugly – and very painful. My skin will heal much quicker than yours."  
  
"I'm not going to burn you, Alice."  
  
"Yes, you are."  
  
"No, I'm not."  
  
"Yes, you are."  
  
"No, I'm—"  
  
She slapped me. Only lightly, but enough to silence me and make my heart flare darkly. She grinned in the flickering light of the candle, sitting there in her shredded dress with her legs open.  
  
"Baby?" she said. "Burn me."  
  
My blood was raging with sick excitement, but I demurred, glancing over her perfect body. "Will it hurt?" I asked.  
  
"Of course," she said brightly. "Even the wax will be excruciating. You're supposed to use special candles for this kind of stuff. Real wax is far more dangerous. In fact, you'd better tie me up first, in case I can't handle it. Take off your panties."  
  
"My panties?"  
  
"And you're stocking's, too. Quick, quick, quick!"  
  
I hastened to obey, propping my foot on one of the chairs and peeling off my stockings quickly.  
  
"Panties, too. Hurry up, baby."  
  
I wriggled out of my panties and she smiled.  
  
"Put them in my mouth."  
  
"Your mouth?"  
  
She opened her mouth and pointed. I looked at the panties, I looked at her mouth. Then I popped them past her lips and pushed all the fabric inside with my finger.  
  
She gave a muffled giggle and gestured with one of my stockings – she wanted to use it as a make-shift gag. I nodded, somewhat overwhelmed that my girlfriend's mouth was plugged up with my own panties, and then I wrapped the stocking around her mouth and tied it behind her head.  
  
Her gagged mouth was smiling and with a couple grunts and gestures she had me tie her hands behind her back as well, looping the other stocking around her wrists and knotting it tight.  
  
And there she was. My beautiful Alice – perched on the edge of the dinner table in her shredded dress with her legs open, gagged and bound and eager for flames. But how can you burnt something so hot already?  
  
I picked up the candle and looked at her. Her eyes were twinkling in the candlelight.  
  
"Are you sure, Alice?"  
  
She nodded eagerly and made a couple muffled grunts of encouragement. Yet still I hesitated.  
  
"But what do I do?"  
  
She rolled her eyes and grunted in a way that seemed to demand the removal of the gag. I pushed the stocking down and fished out the panties with my fingers, and when she could speak, she said:  
  
"Do what ever you want, okay? And talk to me as you do it. Tell me what you're doing and how you're doing it and stuff. Or just be abusive. Whatever you want, okay?"  
  
I nodded uncertainly. "Okay."  
  
She pointed with her nose at the candle in my hand. "Drip wax first," she said. "On my thighs or my tits. Then use the flame. And don't be afraid, okay? Whatever you do to me, it'll be healed in a couple hours."  
  
"Okay."  
  
"And before you start, use your mouth a little. Make my nipples really sensitive. That'll make it hurt more."  
  
I was still nodding. "Okay."  
  
It was all so overwhelming. If you had asked me two years ago if burning my girlfriend with hot wax sounded like a romantic way to spend an evening, I would've been forced to admit that Bella Swan is slightly less hardcore than that. But now, right now, I could feel genuine excitement flushing hotly through my body. I felt weak and the candle trembled in my hand, making Alice's shadow shake on the table behind her.  
  
And yet Alice only giggled and jiggled on the spot, as if the thought of searing pain was exciting to her. "Okay, put the gag back in," she said. "This is so awesome!"  
  
As always, her enthusiasm was infectious. I tucked the panties back into her mouth and readjusted the stocking. She muffled a couple sounds of excitement and I took a deep breath, regarding her naked breasts.  
  
"Okay," I said. "Well, first…"  
  
I leaned and licked her nipple. I heard a muffled giggle and I took the nipple into my mouth, sucking on it the way she liked and even giving it a quick nip with my teeth. I moved on to the other one, relishing the hard little nub between my lips, and soon she was making small muffled moans. I figured that would be sensitive enough. I raised up and smiled at her.  
  
"How's that?" I asked. "Are they nice and sensitive?"  
  
Her eyes had gone slightly lidded, and her nods were slow and sleepy with dark excitement. I took another deep breath and licked my lips.  
  
"Okay," I said. "First, I'll drip the wax. Ready?"  
  
More nodding. I raised the candle over her chest, her wet nipples shining in the glow. I could feel myself floating and I could hardly believe what I was about to do.  
  
"Okay," I repeated. "Here goes."  
  
I tilted the candle. Almost instantly the red wax dripped and spattered on her nipple. Her whole chest flinched and I almost dropped the candle from how startled I was. I looked at her face. She was grinning through the gag and wincing as the wax burned her nipple. On an impulse, I leaned and blew, cooling the wax. It turned a dull red and almost her whole nipple was covered. I smiled.  
  
"Is that okay?"  
  
She made a muffled sound of approval that sounded like the purr of a jungle cat, and I lifted the candle over her other breast, glancing at her for permission. She nodded; I tilted the candle.  
  
Wax dripped and a red medallion formed over her other nipple, her whole body scrunching up as the wax burned on her sensitive breast. This time I didn't blow. I caressed her naked thigh with my free had and watched her face. Her eyes were squeezed shut and when the wax had cooled enough not to hurt so much she opened them. I smiled, my veins alive with adrenaline.  
  
"Hot?" I asked.  
  
It was a cute double entendre. Hot wax – hot sex. She nodded, a touch frantically. It must've really hurt. But that's what she wanted and even though I knew she didn't want to stop, I asked her anyway. Maybe it was my vampiric traits beginning to flower, but I wasn't satisfied with her consent – I wanted her eagerness too.  
  
"Do you want me to keep going?"  
  
She kept nodding, her breath muffled in the gag.  
  
"Okay," I said, and then an idea hit me, and I quickly put down the candle beside her leg and patted her thigh. "I'll be back in a sec. Sit tight."  
  
A groan of protest followed me out, but I was back in under a minute with a vibrator in my hands. I brandished the pink plastic shaft and giggled.  
  
"We might as well do this properly, huh?"  
  
Her eyes lit up and she nodded eagerly, lifted her legs, and leaned back to expose her pussy. It was moist despite the pain of the wax, and I licked it a little bit first, and then I put the vibrator on the lowest setting and touched it to her clit. She moaned happily through the gag.  
  
"Good girl," I said. "You really are a slut, aren't you?"  
  
She nodded in complete agreement. After all, she was sitting there with her legs in the air, her dress cut open, tied up, gagged, and red wax caked on her tits. She really wasn't in any position to deny accusations of sluttyness.  
  
I giggled and lifted the vibrator to her breasts. She seemed put out that I didn't continue with her pussy, but I knew she'd prefer to have the experience drawn out. She let her legs dangle and leaned her naked chest to me. I traced circles around her perky breasts with the vibrator and smiled.  
  
"Yes," I said. "Slutty little Alice with her slutty little tits. Such a slutty little slut."  
  
I wasn't well-practiced at the verbal abuse side of things, but I thought I was doing a decent job. Alice, however, frowned and muffled some grumpy grunts. I thought it was odd that she didn't get giddy at the word slut, and I pulled away the gag.  
  
"They're not little," she pouted.  
  
She was referring to her tits. The enchanting creature.  
  
They were actually the perfect size, full without being heavy, and beautifully shaped. But the point of this particular exercise was to abuse the poor girl, and if she was sensitive about her chest-size, then perhaps she'd appreciated a jab there. So I gave them a skeptical look and smirked.  
  
"Compared to mine they are," I said.  
  
Her eyes flared. She was trying to look indignant, but she was mostly excited. "Oh, you bitch," she said. "You—"  
  
I stuffed the panties back into her mouth. "Shh," I said. "You're not the mistress tonight, I'm the mistress. Your tits belong to me now, and if I want to call them little, I'm going to call them little. Is that understood?"  
  
My sudden outburst of dominance took me by surprise even more than her, but it felt fucking awesome. I actually felt sweat break out over my body from how excited I was. Alice smiled through her gag and nodded passively. I giggled.  
  
"Good girl," I said. "I could get used to this domme stuff. It's pretty fun."  
  
The wax was still caked on her breasts and on a quick whim I started slapping at them playfully. The wax crumbled away and I dusted her nipples off with my hand  
  
"There," I said. I started groping them and I couldn't resist teasing her a little more. "But you know, they really are kind of tiny, aren't they? Look, I can almost cover the whole thing with my hand. No, these aren't tits, these are just mosquito bites. Do you want to see what real tits look like?"  
  
She narrowed her eyes at me. I smirked and took a step back.  
  
"Here, I'll show you," I said, reaching for the shoulder straps of my dress. I slipped off one, then the other. "Wanna see?"  
  
She sat there grudgingly, all gagged and tied up. My shoulder straps were dangling, but I wouldn't let the dress fall until she nodded, and finally she nodded. I let the dress fall.  
  
It only fell enough to uncover my breasts. It was tight around the waist, and I didn't bother taking it off. I only wanted to show her my boobs, and even though I'm not a mean girl by nature, I could help feeling a small thrill of triumph at how much bigger they were than Alice's.  
  
Alice played her part well. Her brow puckered and she looked at my tits as if they had betrayed her in some way. I smirked.  
  
"See?" I said. I hefted two handfuls of my own boobs and jiggled them a bit. "This is what real tits look like. Not those tiny little things you have there. This is what a real woman looks like. You're just a girl. A slutty little girl, aren't you?"  
  
She did a masterful job at looking wounded, and the expression was so adorable on her gagged face that I dropped character for a second and wrapped my arms around her neck. Sitting on the table made her taller than me, so I had to step onto my toes in order to press my chest against hers. I kissed her gag and whispered.  
  
"Don't pout, baby," I said. "You know I'm only kidding, right? I love your tits, and they're not little at all, are they? So nice and plump and juicy. I never seen such cute little tits…"  
  
I snuck one last jab in at the end, and she gave a muffled giggle. And now that we were all friends again, I placed one last kiss on her gagged mouth, stepped back, and took up the candle in one hand and the vibrator in the other.  
  
"So," I said. "Still want to burn?"  
  
She nodded. I smiled and flicked the vibrator on, her eyes filling with anticipation. I could see her wonder what I was going to do with it, but all I did was tuck it underneath her pussy, wedging it between the table and her crotch, so that she was sitting on the shaft. She shivered and squirmed slightly, letting herself enjoy it. I passed the candleflame under the globes of her breasts, quickly, teasingly, and she looked at me  
  
"Is this okay?" I asked.  
  
She nodded and suddenly I went dizzy.  
  
This was it.  
  
No more teasing, no more fucking around. I'd been rough with Alice before, but nothing like this. This wasn't hair pulling, or paddling, or even a knife. This was fire. It was going to be very painful for her. She was probably going to scream. The thought made my mouth dry even as my blood bubbled in excitement.  
  
This was going to be awesome.  
  
I could see the impatience in her eyes as I worked up the courage, and finally I licked my dry lips, and touched the tip of the flame to the underside of her breast.  
  
And held it there.  
  
The seconds seemed like hours. I could hear nothing but the drone of the vibrator and the pulse in my ears. I didn't know what to look at, her breast or her face. I tried to look at both. Three seconds, four. Her face began to change. Pain invaded her pretty features almost instantly, her eyes scrunching up as a squeak rose in her throat, and—  
  
I pulled back the candle.  
  
She was breathing raggedly through her nose and through the gag, but she was grinning, the sweat on her forehead glistening in the candlelight. I grinned back tentatively and touched her breast with my hand. It was hot. The skin was very red but it wasn't really damaged. Not yet. I leaned and licked across the mound quickly, feeling the heat on my tongue. The vibrator droned under her pussy and soon I heard muffled giggles.  
  
"Wow," I breathed, straightening up. "That was so hot. Are you sure that was fun for you?"  
  
She nodded quickly. I chuckled in amazement and looked her over. Gagged and helpless, her hands tied behind her back. Her red dress slit down the front, hiked up to her waist, the vibrator wedged under her naked pussy. The underside of her left breast all red and inflamed. I shook my head and smiled.  
  
"You're crazy, Alice," I said. "Totally fucking crazy."  
  
More giggles and nods. I grinned and gave a cavalier shrug.  
  
"Well, okay," I said. "Want more?"  
  
Nod.  
  
"I thought so. God, you're a crazy little bitch. This is your last chance to back out, Alice. Seriously. I'm feeling very fucked up right now, and I don't think I'll be able to hold back."  
  
I hadn't been expecting her to back out, and she didn't. She giggled and jiggled on the vibrator. I laughed, half-delirious with the black adrenaline that was pounding through my body, and I said:  
  
"Okay. Here goes."  
  
I put the candle under her other breast and moved it in tiny circles to cover a larger area, letting the flame lick over her nipple. The pain came slower this time, but it still came quick, and after a few seconds a dull whine began in her throat and after a few more seconds she tossed back her head and writhed away from the flame.  
  
But her pain was more intoxicating than I could've imagined, and I didn't want to let her get away. I wanted to hurt her so badly it made me dizzy. All my prearranged sentiments of love and selflessness were gone and all that was left over was a dumb lust for her suffering. I wanted her to feel the fire, to feel the helplessness, to know that now, in this moment, she would feel whatever I wanted her to feel and nothing else.  
  
And right now I wanted her to hurt.  
  
So I shot out a hand and seized a handful of her hair, dragging her back toward me. She gave a muffled meep of surprise at the rough yanking, but she came willingly. I was holding the candle out, away from her body for the moment, and I pulled her face right into mine, mashing our foreheads together so that I could stare into her eyes. She was panting into the gag and I was panting as well, giddy and trembly and half-crazed with the dark lust.  
  
"Don't fucking move," I said. "This is what you wanted. Now shut up and take it like a slut."  
  
She nodded quickly into my face and I held her with her head pressed against mine as I moved the candle under her chest. She kept her eyes locked onto mine obediently, so obediently, and I could see the pain and the tears building in them as the flame burned into her breast. I could feel the breath blasting from her nostrils and she began whining in pain.  
  
How many seconds? It felt like forever. She tried to be as still and quiet as she could, but it was impossible. She choked out a scream into the gag and instantly she began to writhe. But her hands were still tied behind her back and I still had a handful of her hair. She tried to thrash her head away, but all the adrenaline seemed to have caused a fit of vampiric strength in me, and my grip didn't even loosen. I kept her forehead crushed to mine and my tongue licked out unconsciously, as if to taste her tears.  
  
Muffled screams filled the room and the plates on the table rattled as she writhed on the vibrator, kicking out with her legs and trying to twist away. But I held her firm and I kept the candle where it was. The scream became a howl of agony and the howl was chopped off in a broken sob as her breath whooped in her charred chest and tears streamed down her face. She was choking on the gag and crying and twisting weakly and the smell of burnt flesh rose up between us.  
  
A sense of dark wonder had stolen over me and I enjoyed her pain far longer than I should have. Finally I let her go for no real reason that I could name. It wasn't guilt, or panic, or anything like that. I simply felt that she had suffered enough.  
  
She wrenched away instantly and collapsed across the table, knocking over a wine glass. Red liquid spread over the tabletop and the glass rolled and fell over the edge and shattered on the linoleum floor. Alice lay there on her side, tied and gagged, her half-naked body shaking and sweating. She'd rolled off the vibrator and it was humming against the wooden tabletop. I picked it up and switched it off.  
  
Well.  
  
That was fun.  
  
I giggled. I felt like a fucking psychopath, but I couldn't help it. Alice was laying there with her naked butt pointed at me, her hands tied behind her back, and she looked like suck a pathetic little slut that I really had to laugh. It was cute, really, but fuck. What kind of crazy-ass bitch could possibly enjoy having her tits scorched with a candle?  
  
I was still holding the candle, and idly I touched the flame to my own breast. I couldn't hold it there two seconds before jerking it away. I couldn't imagine what it must've felt like for her. I mean, really; what a dumb little whore.  
  
Grinning, I patted her naked butt affectionately and helped her up. She was exhausted and soaked with sweat, her hair wet as if she'd just stepped out of the shower. Her mascara stained her cheeks in the paths of her tears and her eyes were lidded and weeping. I untied the gag from around her head and plucked out the panties from her mouth. She collapsed against me, panting. I patted her back.  
  
"Are you okay?" I asked.  
  
Her panting turned into a giggle and she swallowed a few times to get her breath. "Oh my god," she gasped. "That was amazing. I can't believe you did that, baby. Did you like it?"  
  
She pulled back a little to look at my face. The delirium had worn off a little by now, but I smiled.  
  
"I loved it," I said.  
  
She smiled. I looked at her chest and I felt a resurgence of dark wonder. Her upper chest was black and sootstained and the underside of her right breast was covered in an ugly red burn, the flesh peeling and weeping. It must've been agony. She followed my gaze and giggled. She didn't mention it and instead asked:  
  
"Wanna finish me off, baby?"  
  
Her words could've been taken in two ways, but I nodded. She smirked, turned around, and lay facedown in the table with her ass in the air. I smiled, candle in one hand, vibrator in the other. Her pussy was wet and gaping. I set the vibrator onto it's highest setting and inserted it inside her.  
  
"Yes," she moaned. "Oh, god. Keep going, baby. Keep—oww!"  
  
I had dripped wax onto her ass. Her whole body quivered and her squeal of pain morphed into a giggle. I smiled and angled the vibrator up and down inside her, poking it into every corner of her vagina.  
  
"Oh god," she moaned. "That's so good. More wax, baby. Come on, do it again. Just a bit more, just—"  
  
I tilted the candle and watched the little red drips spatter onto the perfectly smooth skin of her ass. She shrieked playfully and clenched down on the vibrator, laughing as I pushed it in deeper and took it out and pushed it back in again. I blew gently on the wax, watching it cool, dark red marks like stains in her white skin.  
  
"Can you reach my clit, baby?" she panted. "Please? I'm gonna come. Quick, baby, make me come. Oh please, I love you so much, just make me—just make me—just make me—!"  
  
I had leaned and started suckling at her clit and she trailed off as the orgasm exploded inside her. It was so powerful it made her scream, a helpless highnote that rose higher and higher like the wail of a banshee as her ass shook in ecstasy and bucked back into my face hard enough to almost break my nose.  
  
Then she collapsed among the dinner plates and wine glasses. She had knocked over the other candle and it hissed out as wax spilled onto the white tablecloth. She was covered with sweat all over again and the vibrator was still droning away in her numb little pussy. Smiling, I took it out, turned it off, and licked a little of her juices from it. Then I put the toy down and caressed her thigh as she recovered herself from the massive orgasm.  
  
To be honest, I was quite proud of myself. Not only had I unleashed a truly dark side, but I don't remember ever making Alice come that hard in my life. Sometimes she liked to fake-scream—it made it more fun, she said—but this time it was real. All in one evening I had made my girlfriend scream in both pain and ecstasy. Quite an accomplishment, really.  
  
The only light in the room came from the candle in my hand and she was very dim in it's glow. I was insanely horny, so horny I had pussy juice dripping down my thighs. I was tempted to slap her ass and order an orgasm out of her, but I didn't do that dominant stuff for my benefit. I only did it for her, and she was done, and I didn't want to abuse her anymore. So I dusted the dry wax from her gorgeous ass and said:  
  
"You okay?"  
  
"Yes," she gasped. "Oh god, yes."  
  
With a moan, she lurched up into sitting position. She blinked at me languidly in the soft uplight of the candle and smiled. "Baby," she said. "I want you to know…that was the best I've ever been fucked in my whole life. Kiss me."  
  
I kissed her, and as I kissed her I reached behind her back and untied the stocking from around her wrists. As soon as her arms were free, she wrapped them around me. Then she wrapped her legs around me. I raised up on my toes, pressing my chest against hers, and I felt the heat of her burns against my breasts.  
  
I was afraid I was hurting her and I pulled back suddenly. I was still incredibly horny, but my dominant desires had dissipated along with Alice's orgasm, and I felt bad. The candlelight was very dim, but I could still see the angry red wounds, the blistered skin, the smoke stains. It felt so wrong to see something so hideous on Alice's body, and I was filled with remorse. But she only giggled and covered them with her forearm.  
  
"Don't look, baby," she said. "I told you it would be ugly."  
  
"It's not ugly," I assured her. "It's just… Does it hurt?"  
  
"It'll be fine in an hour or so. Don't worry about it."  
  
"I'm sorry."  
  
"Don't be sorry. It was awesome."  
  
Still covering her breasts, she picked up the candle from the table and looked at it. It was half burnt down and tendrils of wax clung to the side. She stared at the flame and her pretty eyes seemed subdued in the dimness.  
  
"Do you want to burn me?" I asked.  
  
The idea of getting burnt the same way as I burnt her was scary, but I was prepared for anything. Her eyes moved to mine and she smiled. Then she blew out the candle and bathed us both in darkness.  
  
"No," she whispered from somewhere in the blackness. "I just wanna stick my tongue in you."  
  
Excitement skittered through me, and I grinned as she slid down from the table and knelt on the floor at my feet. I couldn't see her, but I could feel her. I felt her hands push up my dress, and for a second I felt her breath on my entrance, and finally I felt the tip of her tongue poke between my folds and wriggle into my core.  
  
—  
  
We didn't bother cleaning up afterwards, or even go to bed. We just cuddled in the corner on the kitchen floor, passing a bottle of wine back and forth. Alice was reclining between my legs and I kept kissing her hair. The overhead light was on and the room was nice and bright. There was a broken glass on the floor, a small puddle of wine, and a dinner roll. I regarded the debris, smiled into her hair, and said:  
  
"I guess we're skipping dessert."  
  
Alice giggled. "I guess so."  
  
She was still wearing her shredded red dress, and on a whim, I pulled aside one of the flaps to check her breasts. They were all better. Smooth and white and perfectly unblemished. I felt a surge of relief, even though I'd known the damage wouldn't be permanent, and I replaced the flap to cover her.  
  
"They're already healed," I said.  
  
"Mmhm. Told you Vampire's regenerate very quickly."  
  
I kissed her hair. It smelled so sweet; like soap and orchids.  
  
"Cool," I said.  
  
"Mmhm," she giggled. She turned to me with a foxy smirk. "So if you ever want to do anything like thatagain…"  
  
She let it trail off and kissed me.  
  
My eyes didn't close for the kiss and a cold feeling passed over me as her words replayed in my head:  
  
If you want to do something like that again.  
  
I honestly didn't know if I ever would. It was weird, but now that it was all over, I was having strange regrets. It was fun—in a dark and twisted way—and Alice had really loved it and come really hard, but wasn't stuff like that wrong? It felt wrong. The wrongness had been exhilarating while it was happening, but now it just felt…kind of wrong.  
  
Alice pulled back from the kiss and smiled. "So, what did you think?" she said. "It was really your first time with something that hardcore. Did you like it?"  
  
"I think so," I said. "But…"  
  
"But what?"  
  
I had a moment's indecision, but Alice and I had loved each other for a long time, and we were getting married soon – it was probably okay to talk about our anxieties. So I gave a little shrug, to soften it, and said:  
  
"Well, isn't it wrong to enjoy that stuff? I mean, it's okay for you because you're a vampire, but I'm just a regular human. Doesn't all this make me kind of fucked up?"  
  
"You're not completely human," she said. "You're almost turned, remember? The venom makes you lusty. Very lusty."  
  
I sighed; that made sense. But…  
  
"I guess so," I said. "I suppose I'm just a little shocked that I'm capable of all that. I mean, it doesn't make sense. I love you…but it's fun to watch you in pain? It's crazy."  
  
"It's not crazy. It's hot."  
  
"So you're cool with all this?"  
  
Alice took a swig from the wine bottle and nodded. She lowered the bottle to her lap and shrugged a shoulder. The flap of her dress fell away, exposing her breast, but she didn't notice.  
  
"I think so," she said. "I mean, it would've been nice if we could've been perfectly normal, but you're right. I'm a monster. I was prepared to keep all that as hidden as possible, but why deny it when we can enjoy it? Especially since you're cool with it. You like dating a demon, don't you baby?"  
  
"I don't want to date her," I said. "I want to marry her."  
  
She smiled. There was a certain brightness in it, as if I had triggered some idea she'd been thinking about. She glanced aside coyly and back at me.  
  
"Actually, I've been thinking about that."  
  
"Thinking about what?"  
  
"The wedding," she said. "The engagement. Thing is, I feel really stupid for waiting for you to propose the way you did. I should've proposed myself, but…"  
  
She sighed and gestured with her hand. It was the hand with the ring, and the ring distracted her for a second. She smiled and lowered the hand to her lap.  
  
"I guess I was guilty," she said. "I had been truly prepared to let you go, baby. To let you live and be happy with someone else. Not even knowing that I'd died for you on a different continent. I didn't care. I just wanted you to be happy."  
  
I raised up slightly, unleaning from the kitchen cupboard. The talk seemed serious all the sudden. Alice was looking at the ring in her lap and then she looked at me.  
  
"But then you came back to me," she said. "And I was conflicted. As much as I wanted you, I knew deep in my heart that I was bad for you. That I'd always been bad for you."  
  
She paused. I wanted to assure her that wasn't true, that she was the best thing that ever happened to me – but I didn't want to interrupt her. She sighed and went on.  
  
"So I tried to rationalize it in my head," I said. "I gave you control of the relationship, and I was determined to only do what you wanted. Because then it wouldn't be my fault. It wouldn't be my fault if you were the one who decided everything. But you were still very passive, so I had to hint a little. I suggested getting an apartment and turning you. I even asked you to make it special for me. I really suck at trying to be selfless, don't I?"  
  
I couldn't let that one slide, and I quickly grabbed her hand, and said: "You don't suck, Alice."  
  
It wasn't the best consolation—and technically vampires do suck—but it made her smile. She looked down at my hand and patted it. "The point is," she said, "I was trying to treat you properly. But I know now how silly that is. Not only is it impossible for me, but it isn't even what you want. I understand that now. You love me. You really do. You love me so much that you're prepared to give yourself to me utterly and completely. Heart. Body. Soul."  
  
I nodded, my heart soaring. "I do, Alice," I said. "I'm so glad you understand."  
  
"Me too," she said. "Because now I know what have to do. I have to be worthy of you. I can't keep pretending to be normal if that's not what you want. I need to be stronger. Waiting for you to propose was the cowardly way out, so let's pretend it never happened. Let's start all over again."  
  
That seemed a little odd, but an even odder excitement had come over her, so I nodded anyway. "Okay," I said. Alice was a kooky girl, and sometimes it was best to simply agree.  
  
She grinned and put the wine bottle up on the kitchen counter above us. Then she looked at me and took a deep breath, as if preparing to say something really important.  
  
"Baby," she said. "I love you."  
  
Usually I'd repeat the same thing back, but I was so off-guard I said: "I know."  
  
It pleased her. Her smile went wider and she looked down for a second at the engagement ring. Then she pulled the ring off her finger and smiled at it. I gave it a puzzled look and turned my puzzled eyes to Alice. She took another deep breath and smiled at me.  
  
"Okay," she said. "This is it. From now on I'm going to be the demon you want me to be. No more pretending. I want you, baby. I want everything. Your heart, your body, your soul. Most of all, I want your life. It's the most precious thing you have, and I want you to give it to me. So. This is me formally asking."  
  
Suddenly I realized what she was doing. Smiling, she lifted the engagement ring and offered it to me. My mouth fell open and I had forgotten how to breathe.  
  
"Isabella Marie Swan," she said. "Will you marry me?"  
  
I couldn't believe it.  
  
The wave of joy that washed over me took me more by surprise than the proposal itself. What was happening? Alice was proposing? How? Weren't we already engaged? What—?  
  
My answer must've been pretty clear in my face, because she smiled at my silence.  
  
"Baby?"  
  
I gasped as I remembered how to breathe. I couldn't believe what was happening. Never in my life had I ever thought I'd be answering this question. And now I was saying: "Yes."  
  
That's it. The one word came out and nothing else, no outpouring of emotion, no gushing joy. I just sat there on the kitchen floor, frozen as if afraid of ruining a special moment, unaware that the special moment was mine. Alice giggled.  
  
"So, that's a yes, then?"  
  
It snapped me out of it and I started nodding without realizing. 'Yes," I repeated. "Yes, yes, oh fuck yes. Of course I will, Alice, you fucking know I will."  
  
I threw myself at her in a hug, and she giggled and wrapped her arms around me. "It's no big deal, baby," she said. "We were already engaged, remember?"  
  
"I know, but oh my god." I pulled away from the hug, still pleasantly stunned. I knew we were already engaged, but it was such a sweet gesture, and, and— "I mean, this is… this is…"  
  
She was threading the ring onto my finger. I cried. Seriously. I cried tears of joy. I couldn't help it. I'd picked out the ring especially for Alice, but it looked really cute on me too. I looked at it, my heart full to bursting, and then I launched myself again at my fiancé who had already been my fiancé.  
  
"Oh god, I love you, Alice," I gushed. "This is so awesome. "Thank you so much. You have no idea how much this means to me. Not just the ring, but the wedding night. Thank you for wanting me that much. It would be so meaningless if you didn't want it."  
  
She stroked my back and whispered in my ear. "I want it, baby," she said. "More than you know."  
  
I blubbered in joy on her shoulder, gripping her like a momma-bear. "Oh god," I said. "I love you, Alice. I love you so much. I—"  
  
But suddenly words were not enough and I kissed her. I grabbed her face and I kissed her with as much passion as I had inside me, moaning into her mouth. But then that wasn't enough, either. I needed to kiss her where she truly felt it, felt it most, and after feeling up her skirt a little bit—to make sure she had gotten wet—I dropped my mouth from hers abruptly, pushed her dress around her hips, and attacked her pussy with my tongue.  
  
Alice giggled, stroking my hair as if I was a pet, and oh indeed I was a pet, I was a very grateful pet, affectionate and totally devoted to my beautiful mistress. Alice usually liked it slow and steady, but my tongue appeared to be a little frantic, and I just could not stop licking her as fast as possible.  
  
"Thanks, baby," she said, still petting my hair. "Just don't forget that you can change your mind if you want to, okay? I'll never make you do anything you don't want. Your consent is everything. If it doesn't feel right to you…just let me know."  
  
I felt a small flicker of doubt, but it was quickly consumed in the waves of joy that were still washing over me. Alice wanted me, she really did. She was only giving me a chance to back out because it was the right thing to do. She didn't expect me to back out, and she certainly didn't want me to. She—  
  
Her hand clenched in my hair and she pulled my head up suddenly. She smiled and I blinked at her, licking my pussy-juice covered lips, awaiting some command.  
  
"C'mon," she said. "Let's celebrate properly."  
  
And suddenly she jumped to her feet, dragging me with her. I giggle, stumbling drunkenly in my heels, and she scooped me up in her arms, bridal style. I wrapped my arms around her neck and let her wisk me away toward the bedroom. Yet as she turned at the archway, I saw the plates on the table and the glasses, and amazingly I said:  
  
"What about the dishes?"  
  
But she didn't seem to care about the dishes. She took me into our new bedroom in our new apartment and promptly tossed me onto the bed where I bounced and giggled and let my legs fall open. Alice pulled off her dress, revealing her naked form, exquisite, perfect, unblemished. There was no trace of the burns or wax, there was only Alice, beautiful Alice.  
  
Smiling, she climbed onto the bed and between my legs. She took two handfuls of my dress and ripped it open, tearing it away from my body and discarding it over the side of the bed. My heart fluttered with joy as she lowered her warm and naked body across mine, and I wrapped my legs around her and held her tight and accepted her tongue into my mouth. My pussy was throbbing with renewed lust and soon her lips had fallen on my neck. I laughed at the pleasant pain of her fangs, and opened my eyes. I could see the light in the ceiling and I kept my naked legs wrapped tightly around her as she fed, holding her as close to me as possible. I never wanted to let her go, and yet for a moment I did. I let go with one arm and stuck my hand out into the air to admire the engagement ring. I smiled at it breathlessly with Alice's fangs in my neck and Alice's venom spreading through my body. Her hips were rubbing against mine and I gasped whenever our clits bumped. I loved her so much, more than anything in the world, and I had to tell her.  
  
"I love you, Alice," I panted. "I love you so much."  
  
—  
  



	38. Chapter 38

—  
  
Chapter 38:  
  
—  
  
The wedding preparations were soon in full swing. Alice forthwith assumed command of the operation and set her various family members at various tasks. Everybody had an assigned duty aside from me, Rosalie, and Victoria. Neither the blonde nor the redhead had made contact with Alice since the announcement of our engagement, and I was generally too useless to actually handle preparations. Alice preferred to simply keep me at her side so that she could make out with me whenever the urge struck her. It suited me just fine.  
  
I followed her everywhere, to interviews with planners and caterers, a quiet girl at her fiancé's elbow, nodding demurring and with quiet excitement. Alice valued my input, but I had little input that wasn't complete and total agreement to everything she suggested. Alice handled most of the planning. Since neither of us are religious, and one of us is literally a satanic slut, we opted to forego a church ceremony. Alice would've enjoyed the traditionalism, but it didn't seem worth the risk of having the church roof collapse on us in divine fury at the blasphemy of our unholy union.  
  
So we arranged to have the wedding at Tanya's mansion, and soon the gardens were adorned with a whitewood altar and canopy. It would've been difficult to keep it secret, so the french girl had gotten permission from her father and even invited him and several other members of her family and friends. Alice wanted a large wedding and she wasn't particularly fussed where the guests came from. The only person she really required to be there was me.  
  
Over the next couple months the event slowly took shape and soon I found myself at a popular Parisian dressmaker, side by side with my lovely fiancé, surrounded by mirrors as stood on a tiny round platform. It was our third fitting and we'd gone alone, just us. Alice had almost made a career out of dress-hunting, and we had selected two each, one for the ceremony, one for the reception.  
  
The ones we were wearing now were the reception dresses, so they were simpler and more comfortable. Briefly, we had discussed the possibility of one of us in a tux or even a skirt-suit, but she was adamant on making a bride of me and she simply couldn't abide anything for herself that didn't have ruffles.  
  
Still, she kept her own dress very simple, in order to highlight my own. It was off-white, almost cream, a tiny gown of chiffon with a satin belt bow around her middle. My own was pure white and far more elaborate. A halter gown with a mermaid bodice that clung tightly to the curves of my waist and hips before flaring out into a tiered train of white lace ruffles.  
  
We were standing side by side on the little platform, and even though the dresses looked a little odd with our sneakers and boots, I had to admit that our reflections in the mirrors did fill me with a very warm glow of fulfillment. This was the dress I was going to wear on my last day alive. The dress that my infernal lover was going to remove from my body before claiming it forever.  
  
Fucking. Awesome.  
  
Alice smiled and held my arm, tilting her head to touch my shoulder. "Wow," she said, gazing happily at the mirrors. "We really make a beautiful couple, don't we?"  
  
I threaded my fingers with hers. "You'd look cute with anyone."  
  
"But best with you."  
  
"Best with me," I agreed. "But isn't it bad luck to see the bride in her wedding dress before the wedding?"  
  
Alice giggled and turned to me with a smile, holding my hands. "Baby, look at everything that's already happened to us," she said. "How much worse could our luck possibly get?"  
  
I suppose she had a point. When the complications of your relationship lead you to happily embrace double suicide, you really have to admit that perhaps fate doesn't favor you. And yet if we've learnt anything together, it's that things can always get worse. Victoria was still out there, for instance, a distant threat with red hair and big boobs. Although I had to admit that even I had stopped worrying about her. The wedding would provide a grand stage for her to exact some kind of revenge, but a theatric objection during the ceremony really wasn't her style, and after the wedding we'd have nothing to fear from her at all. We'd have nothing to fear from anything – least of all bad luck.  
  
Still, bad luck could come in all shapes and sizes. It wasn't limited strictly to relationship ending disasters, and in the spirit of cheerful optimism, I suggested: "It could rain during the wedding."  
  
But she suddenly lit up with a smile, as if this was the missing piece to the whole affair. "Hey, that might be pretty cool," she said, beginning to nod. "Actually, yeah, that would be awesome. What do you think, baby? Wouldn't it be amazing to get married in the rain, with our dresses all soaked, water dripping from our veils? Can you picture it?"  
  
I actually could. It would be romantic in a sad kind of way, the perfect setting for our relationship. On a gothic cliffside somewhere, just the two of us, our gowns billowing in the cold gusts of wind. And then maybe we could even jump off the cliff together – after Alice had fed from me, of course. But really, I could picture it.  
  
"I think so," I said. "It could be pretty cool."  
  
She smiled, as if she was picturing the same thing. Then she dropped my hands and sighed. "Shame we can't actually do it," she said. "It's difficult to make it rain when you want it to and it would be pretty silly if everyone was sitting under a canopy with me and you in the rain."  
  
That could be solved if we didn't invite anyone. Honestly, I wasn't sold on the idea of a big wedding. Alice wanted plenty humans around in order to force her sisters to behave, but I didn't see the point. It was all fake, anyway. Carlisle had arranged a fake birth certificate and marriage license, and neither of us really knew any of the guests. What would be the difference between an actual wedding or just sneaking off somewhere and reciting the vows to each other in private?  
  
"How many people are actually going to be there?" I asked.  
  
Alice was admiring her dress in the mirror, smoothing the fabric against her body. "Not sure," she said. "Carlisle and Esme are working on the guest list now. We can pop over and check in with them after we've been to the florist if you want. I think two hundred guests is enough for a goodish sized wedding."  
  
Maybe it was just me, but two hundred seemed like a lot of people. "Do you really know that many people?"  
  
"Oh, we'll find them," she said. "Tanya's got a huge list all of her own, and Carlisle and Esme have heaps of friends, and there's plenty of people from work I can invite, even though I've barely said hello. It'll be a good way to pretend to get to know them. And, of course, Leah and Jane know tons of chicks."  
  
She was still admiring her dress, this time from behind. She had her back to the mirrors and she was poking her ass out slightly, as if to gauge it's cuteness. It looked extremely tempting, wrapped in such soft-looking chiffon, but I only glanced and kept the conversation on topic.  
  
"Are you sure it's okay having total strangers at our wedding, though?"  
  
"Sure, why not? They're only ornaments, really."  
  
I guess that made sense. Given the choice, I would've preferred a solo impromptu ceremony with just me and Alice, but we couldn't exclude the coven, and I suppose two hundred strangers was better than just a handful of vampires who may or may not have sex on the dancefloor. Which reminded me:  
  
"Will there be other vampires there?"  
  
I'd been curious about this for a while, but never asked. None of the Cullens ever talked about other vampires and sometimes I wondered if they were the only ones. It would be pretty cool if they were, considering it was Alice who turned them all.  
  
Alice turned her side to the mirror, preening her bosom. "Nope," she said. "We've never met any other vampires. For all I know, we might be the only vampires in the world."  
  
"Wow," I said. "So that would, like, make you the original vampire."  
  
I noticed my slip up as soon as the words were out. I'd been distracted by her tits. For a second I prayed that she wouldn't notice what I said, but her body straightened instantly and a look of child-like terror swept over her face.  
  
"What?" she whispered.  
  
I couldn't believe how badly I'd fucked up. Alice had no idea that I knew the truth of how she had became a vampire. It was a secret so hard for her to live with that in six hundred years she had never told a soul. She had lied to everybody who had ever asked and even lied to herself.  
  
And now she knew that I knew.  
  
I stood there in my wedding dress, fidgeting with one of the ruffles. I was so afraid I'd disappointed her that I couldn't even speak. But she didn't look angry. Only sad.  
  
"You know," she said. "Don't you?"  
  
"I'm sorry," I whispered. "Jane told me."  
  
"How long have you known?"  
  
I bit my lip, blinking back tears. "Since I first came to Paris," I said. "Don't blame Jane, okay? It was my fault. I was looking for a reason to fall in love with you again, and I thought maybe there was something in your past, something that would…"  
  
I trailed off, realizing that I'd fucked up again. A pained look flittered across her face and she blinked with her huge eyes.  
  
"I thought you always loved me," she whispered. "I thought you never stopped."  
  
Maybe this would've been a good time to come clean, to explain to her that I'd actually had a girlfriend after she left. But I couldn't. I couldn't disappoint her like that. None of that mattered, anyway, all that mattered was that I had to make her feel better. "I did always love you, Alice," I said, which wasn't really a lie. "But I needed something extra, something real. I was tired of loving a dream. I wanted to love you. The real you."  
  
Some of the tension went out of her shoulders. "It doesn't repulse you?" she said. "Knowing that I was…"  
  
I had no idea if she was actually going to say the word, but I wouldn't even risk it. I stepped forward and put a finger to her lips. The softness of them sent tingles through my finger and up my arm and all through my body. "Don't," I said, letting the finger drop. "Nothing about you will ever repulse me, Alice. You're the prettiest, sweetest, most amazing woman I could ever imagine. I love you. I'm honored to marry you."  
  
She released a shuddery breath and blinked. A couple tears fell, but she didn't notice them. "I was going to tell you," she said. "The night before the wedding. I wanted you to be the only person I ever told."  
  
"You still can," I said. "Whenever you're ready, Alice. I'll listen to anything you have to say. And I'll be there for you however you need me."  
  
A watery smile lit up her face. "Baby," she said, her voice breaking, and before she could say any more, I leaned and kissed her, softly on the corner of her lips, then again and again, pressing my lips firmer each time. She sniffed and wrapped her arms around me, leaning into the kiss.  
  
I could never hate her for her past, and I used the kiss to show her exactly how much I loved her, how much I admired her and worshiped her. I cupped the nape of her neck and caressed her soft skin, requesting entry by licking her bottom lip. She opened her mouth and I brushed my tongue against hers as I let my other hand roam the fabric of her dress. The material was so soft and flimsy it was almost like touching her body itself.  
  
I moaned into her mouth with growing desire, and slowly I lowered my hand to the seat of her dress. Her ass. So soft. The dress was cocktail-style and it only fell to her knees. I took a fistful of the material and hiked it up, slipping my hand into her panties and gripping her bare butt, a dull roaring in my chest. She was moaning softly and after a moment I broke the kiss, smiling over her shoulder at the reflection in the mirror which showed her pretty white dress hiked up around her hips and my hand stuffed into her pretty white panties.  
  
"Your ass is so hot," I hissed in her ear.  
  
It wasn't the most romantic or tender proclamation, but it made her giggle. I kissed her again, deeper this time, moving my hand to the front of her panties, slipping my fingers inside her silky folds. She was almost moist and soon I had her wet and moaning, and finally I dropped to my knees in my wedding gown and ate her out, my fingers gripping into her ass as I hugged her pussy to my mouth.  
  
"Oh baby," she moaned, standing on tiptoes, hands scrunched in my hair. "I love you, baby. I love you."  
  
Alice felt much better afterwards, she always did after a fresh fuck. I was lucky to have a girlfriend who's moods were so easily soothed. It was almost a shame we weren't getting married for real. Between her susceptibility to sex, and my eagerness to provide it, we would've been a very happy couple.  
  
I was just glad she wasn't mad at me, but after a while I realized that I'd really done nothing wrong. Alice was the one who had lied, I was the one who'd done some minor snooping with her sister. Then again, I suppose me and Alice were beyond blame and forgiveness at this point in our relationship. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that there was nothing in the world I wouldn't forgive her for. She could literally stab me in the back and laugh about it, and I'd not only forgive her, I'd offer my front too. But then I remembered what Alice had said about limits and gerbils, and I realized that maybe my forgiveness has limits as well. Stabbing me in the back would be okay, but if she cheated on me with a guy, for instance, I think I can safely admit that I would kick her skanky ass to the curb. She wouldn't even be my Alice anymore.  
  
But Alice would never do anything like that. She didn't even want her sisters anymore, women who were both dear to her heart and really fucking sexy. As far I knew she hadn't even touched Tanya. Humans in general were of little interest to her. After all, mine was the only blood she could tolerate. She had almost starved to death before I came to Paris.  
  
Of course, that didn't stop her from flirting with humans, and right in front of me, too. Like the florist, a cute little brunette name Kate. She was an American living in Paris, and she spoke perfect English, which allowed me perfectly understand all the little hints and signals that Alice would casually toss at her. Alice was a vain girl in many ways, and she enjoyed making girls blush. It was harmless enough. It even made me smile. Alice could be the most charming girl in the world when she wanted to be, and I couldn't blame the little florist for soaking up the glow a little.  
  
So I let them rattle on about different kinds of flowers and arrangements, standing at my fiancé's side, quietly amused at how the other woman would blush as Alice profusely flattered her immense talent at all things floral. The woman was about thirty-five years old and attractive in a simple way. She obviously had no experience dealing with the vaguely flirty adulation of another woman—and an obvious lesbian, too—and a couple times she even glanced at me, to see if I might be getting pissed. I acted as if it was all normal, which seemed to set her at ease and convince her she was maybe misinterpreting things.  
  
But she was eager to please Alice, and when Alice suggested a certain a idea for the bridal bouquet, the small woman quickly hustled into the back room to see if she could arrange a sample. Alice watched her go, flickering her eyes over the woman's jeans, and then turned to me. She saw my dry expression and smiled innocently.  
  
"What?"  
  
I grinned and shook my head. She giggled and turned to the rows of flowers at her side, letting her eyes drift over them. A vase of tulips caught her eyes and she reached for one. It was dark red, the color of blood. She held it by the stem and smiled at it.  
  
"Do you know why I love tulips, baby?"  
  
I had no idea, but I was eager to learn. Alice's preferences were always fascinating to me, especially the sexual ones. Still, flowers were cool too.  
  
"Why?" I asked.  
  
"They symbolize perfect love."  
  
I frowned at the flower, somewhat skeptical. I liked tulips, but perfect love seemed a little epic to be embodied by such a simple flower. "They do?"  
  
She nodded, turning the flower by it's stem. "The red ones do," she said. "Tulips originated in Persia and Turkey, and there was an old Turkish legend. Apparently there was this prince named Farhad who was struck with love by a beautiful maiden named Shirin. But when he found out that Shirin had been killed, he was so overcome with grief that he killed himself by riding his horse off a cliff. It was said that a crimson tulip sprang up in each drop of his blood, thus giving the red tulip the meaning of perfect love – love where you'd rather die than be without your lover."  
  
I nodded, my slow mind wondering if she was trying to suggest that the legend related to us. We had the whole death-suicide thing planed out, but neither of us were Turkish, and I didn't even know how to ride a horse. Still, I understood the basic theme; love so strong you can't live without it. That part of it described Alice and I perfectly.  
  
"That's beautiful," I said.  
  
"Yes," she said, half-mesmerized by the flower. She snapped out of it and giggled. "Aside from the animal cruelty, at least. I can understand killing oneself, but it's simply barbaric to take a horse with you."  
  
I smiled at how she softened the topic and I took the flower out of her hands. I looked at it closely, but it didn't really move me, symbolism or not. I looked at Alice, and Alice did move me. One glance at her perfect face and my perfect love was washing over me in a warm wave.  
  
"Do you think that's what we have?" I asked. "Perfect love?"  
  
I was expecting her to agree and create a tender moment out of it where we renewed our death-pact perhaps, but she only giggled and took the flower back. "There's no such thing as perfect," she said. "After all, even the legend that inspired the symbolism was a tragedy. All flowers wilt. It's sad, but it's inevitable. In the end, the only way to truly achieve perfect love is to die in the pursuit of it – at the peak of it's passion."  
  
"Like us."  
  
"Like us."  
  
I nodded and watched her replace the flower back into the vase in the exact spot from where she'd gotten it. There something subdued in the movement, something reluctant. As if she was afraid of hurting the flower. But I ignored the flicker of anxiety in my stomach. Alice had just admitted the only way to achieve perfect love was to die for it; who cares if she put the flower back a little slowly.  
  
"Are you going to tell anyone what we're going to do?" I asked.  
  
"Just Jane," she said. "She's the closest thing I have to true sister and I feel she should know. Plus, there's some preparations, and someone will have to take care of us afterwards. What about you?"  
  
"What about me?"  
  
"Are you going to tell anyone?"  
  
I chuckled. "Who would I tell?" I legitimately had no clue, that's how far detached I was from my life in Forks.  
  
Alice shrugged a shoulder gently. "Well, what about your mom?" she suggested. "Shouldn't you at least say goodbye?"  
  
A bad feeling welled in my stomach at the mention of mom, but I ignored it. "No," I said. "It would just be cruel." I didn't think I could bare to say goodbye, anyway. What would I tell her? Sorry, mom, I'm committing suicide with Alice. But thanks for raising me and loving me all these years.  
  
Even over the phone I could never do it. Mom had never understood my feelings for Alice, and I doubted a death-pact would help her see the beauty of them. It would be too embarrassing to even admit.  
  
"Are you sure?" Alice went on, prodding gently. "Don't you owe it to her to let her know what you're doing with your life?"  
  
I felt a flicker of suspicion. Alice knew my mom would only try to talk me out of it and beg me to come home. I never would, but why would she want to give her that chance? Did she need proof of my commitment? Or did she want me to have doubts? Or was she just—  
  
"I can't, Alice," I said, deciding not to think about it. Besides, what would it matter? There was nothing anybody could say that would change my mind. On my wedding night I'm giving myself to Alice. All of myself.  
  
She nodded, evidently deciding not to press me. She sighed sadly and put her hands at my waist, staring down at my chest, as if she couldn't bring herself to look into my eyes. "I'm so sorry, baby," she said. "I never meant to bring you to all this. All I wanted—"  
  
But I smiled and lifted her chin with a finger. "Hey, I thought you were going to stop pretending, remember? What happened to my crazy little demon?"  
  
She narrowed her eyes playfully. "Not all of my good side is faked, ya know," she said.  
  
I giggled and pulled her into a hug, wrapping her tightly. "I know," I said, "don't worry. I love all of you, Alice, even your good side. In fact, it was your good side I first fell in love with."  
  
"That's true," she said. "I just wish it was my only side."  
  
Again, I felt a flicker of suspicion. Why is she saying this stuff, even after promising she wouldn't? Why can't she understand that she doesn't have to pretend with me? But rather than explain this to her I decided to show her; I turned my head and bit her ear. She giggled and I whispered:  
  
"I think you're dark side is sexy."  
  
She pulled back slightly and smiled up at me. "Yeah?"  
  
"Mmhm," I said, and then I leaned and kissed her.  
  
The kiss deepened very quickly, but this wasn't a private fitting room, this was a flower shop, so I'd only really gotten my hand into her pants when we were interrupted by the sound of someone clearing their throat from right beside us.  
  
Alice and I sprung apart. The small florist had returned from the back room. We hadn't even noticed her. She had an amused expression on her face and part of a blush. Alice and I had been making out with the gusto of pornstars and sometimes even straight chicks found that hot.  
  
Alice gave a guilty giggle. "Sorry," she said. "Newly engaged. We can't keep out hands off each other!"  
  
The brunette nodded, obviously a romantic. No one else could've been so tolerant of such a display. "I understand," she said, and then showed us the bouquet she'd bought from the back room. "This is the sample I wanted to show you, from a wedding I did a few months ago."  
  
It was a dense cluster of dark red roses and my first thought was that it was amazing. Just roses, nothing else. Simple, beautiful, powerful. I could totally see myself walking down the aisle with it. Alice grinned and took the bouquet to look at it closer.  
  
"Wow," she said. "It's beautiful. What do you think, baby?"  
  
I was cautious about influencing her with my own preferences—because deep down I didn't really care—so I just glanced around the shop in well-feigned amazement. "I think they're all beautiful."  
  
"Yes, but what do you think of these?"  
  
"Um, I don't know. What do you think?"  
  
I sounded stupidly indecisive even to my own ears. Alice gave me a wife-ly head shake and smiled at the florist. "She's so silly, isn't she? She can never make up her mind. The only time I ever got a straight answer out of her was when I asked her to marry me."  
  
The florist chuckled good-naturedly and took the bouquet back. "Well, they say it's supposed to be the easiest question of a woman's life," she said.  
  
"That's true. Are you married?"  
  
The florist was making little adjustments to the bouquet and the question seemed to surprise her. "Me? No, no, no. I was engaged once, but it didn't work out."  
  
"Aww, that's such a shame. You're so pretty!"  
  
It was natural enough to compliment another woman's beauty, but Alice's tone and expression had a way of making it even more suspicious than if she asked to see her tits. She might've been a little horny from our brief makeout session; it wasn't like her to be so obvious.  
  
The florist blushed and glanced at me discreetly. I tried not to roll my eyes. I didn't feel threatened or upset in the least. I knew how much I meant to Alice. Besides, the brunette really wasn't even that pretty. Not as pretty as me.  
  
Alice ignored the other woman's awkwardness, since that was exactly what she was aiming for, and went on. "And you make such beautiful flowers!" she exclaimed. "I really love these, but do you think we could see something with tulips? Baby and I have a thing for tulips, don't we baby?"  
  
Actually, I liked the roses. But if Alice wanted tulips, I guess we were having tulips. The florist nodded and was already backing away toward the supply room. "I think I have exactly the thing," she said. "I'll be right back."  
  
Alice looked at her ass as she turned around and I did too. It was small and round and perfectly nice, but it didn't really drive me crazy. Alice giggled and turned to me.  
  
"She's cute," she said. "Wanna seduce her?"  
  
I raised an eyebrow. The suggestion took me by surprise, but at the same time it really didn't. The woman was obviously getting a few sparks of attraction and it would be a shame to let them go to waste. It almost seemed logical. Still, for the sake of propriety, I felt I should be the frigid one.  
  
"Seduce her?"  
  
"Sure, why not?"  
  
Well, we were getting married for one thing. But considering just the other night we'd had Leah and Jane over for dinner and ate them, this wasn't the most logical objection. So I just shrugged and groped for something more practical. It's not that I was anxious to get out of it, but there was a big difference between group-sex with sister-vamps and group-sex with some woman you don't even know.  
  
"Is she gay?"  
  
Alice giggled. She was very casual about the whole thing, as if she'd only suggested a game of cards with the woman. "Of course not," she said. "But her pheromones and elevated heartrate would suggest a bit of girl-girl action isn't something she's never thought about before. I think we could do it. Wanna try?"  
  
I narrowed my eyes at her playfully. "Whatever happened to the only woman you want is me?"  
  
Alice pouted and put her hands at my waist. "You are, baby, you really are," she said. "I just thought this might be fun, that's all. It's the kind of thing I used to do before I met you. Meet a nice girl, take her home, drug her. It's the kind of thing you'd be doing too, if you became a vampire. It might be good for you to experience it just once, what do you think? It might help you make up your mind about what you really want on our wedding night. Maybe you'll discover you'd rather be a vampire."  
  
Again, it felt like she was offering me a substitute, and it gave me a bad feeling. I had no second thoughts at all, and I doubted a one-night stand with some random brunette was going to change my mind. What really worried me was Alice. What if she was the one with second thoughts? What if it was her who wanted out, but was afraid of mentioning it?  
  
But even at this point in our relationship, I had no idea how Alice's mind worked, so instead I assumed she was anxious about me and I focused on assuring her. "I'm never going to change my mind about this, Alice," I said. "I don't want to be a vampire, all I want to do is show you much I truly love you."  
  
"Then there's no harm having a bit of fun, hm?"  
  
I was disappointed that she blew off my little outpouring of devotion, but I nodded. "Okay," I said. "If that's what you want."  
  
Alice glanced toward the back room and back at me, smiling. "Just follow my lead," she said. "And remember, the only woman I truly want is you. This is just for fun, okay?"  
  
That did make me feel better, since it was obviously true. "Okay."  
  
"Good girl," she said, and then she kissed me.  
  
I got the feeling she wanted the florist to walk in on us making out again, so I put a bit of extra gross in it. Hard to believe once upon a time I was frightened of even holding hands in public. By the time the florist came back, I even had my hand up Alice's top, and when the woman cleared her throat it sounded more like a squeak.  
  
"Oh," Alice said, springing away and laughing. "Sorry, again. We're not really like this, I swear, it's just…"  
  
She trailed off artfully, leaving the florist herself to come to her defense.  
  
"It's fine," she said, with a visible blush. "Trust me, I've seen worse."  
  
Alice giggled and I just tried not to shake my head. After all; we weren't really like this? That might've been the baldest lie I'd ever heard out of Alice's gorgeous little mouth. The florist even believed her, so I guess she was going to be fairly surprised when Alice suggested a hot threesome.  
  
"This is a personal arrangement of mine," the florist said, offering the bouquet. It had tulips in it, but beyond that it didn't appear to create any kind of sensory impact on me. "It's one of my personal favorites," she said proudly.  
  
"Wow," Alice breathed, simply oozing phony enthusiasm. "They're perfect. Don't you think, baby?"  
  
They looked at me for my opinion. I must've been the world's most pathetic bride, because I honestly did not give a shit about the flowers. Still, I wanted to make Alice happy, and she had a thing for the tulips, so I nodded with almost authentic-looking eagerness. "Sure."  
  
The florist was pleased, so I guess my acting was passable. Alice giggled and fondled the flowers, and then she suddenly looked up at all the other wares, as if only now noticing them for the first time.  
  
"Everything here is so perfect," she said, "it's really amazing. Are you available to do the whole wedding?"  
  
The florist was already nodding, but she said, "I'll have to check my schedule, but I'm sure I can make room."  
  
She had half turned to go check at the counter, but Alice halted her.  
  
"That's great," she said, "but listen. Bella and I have to get going—we have an appointment for a dress fitting—but I'm just so excited about these flowers. Do you think we could arrange a more in-depth consultation some time?"  
  
The woman seemed delighted. "Of course, I was about to suggest the same. I make it a practice to get to know my clients as well as I can, so I can get a feeling for their tastes and style. When would be convenient for you?"  
  
"Well, how about tonight?"  
  
The suggestion took her mildly by surprise, as if nighttime consultations weren't precisely normal. She was looking down at her schedule book and now she closed it. "Tonight?"  
  
Alice went on cheerfully. "Sure, are you free? We'd love to have you over for dinner. It's a new apartment, we just moved in. We love showing it off, don't we baby?"  
  
Alice grabbed my arm and hugged it, gazing up at me with a perfectly lovey dovey expression. Me, I just blushed. I'm sure we must've looked like just another harmless couple—albeit it a lesbian couple—but I think the florist knew even then that there was something a little strange about my pretty fiancé, something a little predatory. But if she did, it didn't seem to caution her. She reopened her schedule book and gave it a quick glance.  
  
"Um, sure," she said. "Dinner will be fine."  
  
Alice grinned and gave her our address and phone number. She gushed a little more about how amazing all the flowers were and even hugged the florist goodbye before we left, calling her Kate as if the woman was her new BFF. When I glanced back at the door, I caught the woman checking out Alice's ass. I didn't feel any surge of protectiveness, just pride. Because I owned that ass, and I was going to own it forever.  
  
Or until the wedding night, at least. It was a little sad, really, but death always did have it's drawbacks. On one hand it would allow me to show her how much I love her and ensure that her feelings for me never wane. On the other, it meant I'd never be able to grope her ass again. It was almost enough to give me second thoughts, but only almost. Deep in my heart I knew this was the only way. I just wish Alice would stop making me feel guilty about it. She did want this…didn't she?  
  
Our next stop was Esme and Carlisle's house out in Quartier Montergueil, a small triplex with three bedrooms and a fireplace. Not your typical vampire dwelling, but a nice house. Perfect place to live in, raise a family in. Or to lure young women unwittingly before drugging and feeding upon them. Did Carlisle and Esme hunt as a couple, or did they fly solo? Not sure, but I knew Carlisle had a taste for straight chicks. That was probably why he had never shown much interest in me. Which was fine with me, since he obviously wasn't my type. Vagina or not, men's clothes were still kind of off-putting to my overwhelmingly lesbian nature. If he put on pumps and a red dress I'd probably spread em quite eagerly, but as long as he stuck with the suit, I think I could contain my urges.  
  
He was wearing a suit today, too. Esme was in a modest and nice-looking dress – now that's what I call a woman. She answered the door and led us into the sitting room, launching immediately into a very human-sounding babble fest about the wedding, the guests, the invitations, her tone and excitement matched and even exceeded by Alice. Carlisle was sitting on the sofa with a seating chart spread over the coffeetable. I nodded him a quiet hello and he nodded back. Together we ignored the clucking as Alice and Esme went through the pantomime of offering and refusing coffee, food, a quick orgy perhaps, until Esme finally sat down beside her husband and clung to his arm. I wondered if she was wearing any underwear. It was really a very nice dress. Alice sighed, out of breath possibly, and wandered over to the coffeetable.  
  
"So, how's the guest list coming?" she inquired.  
  
"Up to one hundred and fifty," Carlisle reported. "Mostly colleagues and family."  
  
Alice nodded, kneeling down on the carpet at the coffeetable. I was still standing there awkwardly.  
  
"Have you decided on a maid of honor, Alice?" Esme asked.  
  
It sounded like maybe she was fishing for the honor herself, but Alice just shrugged. "Well, Jane, I guess," she said. Then added with a touch of sullenness, "Since Rose still isn't talking to me."  
  
Esme nodded, containing her disappointment. Poor woman; not even second choice. "I spoke to Victoria yesterday," she said. "She said Rosalie doesn't want to go to the wedding and Victoria won't go without her."  
  
Alice gave another shrug, pretending this news didn't hurt her. "Scratch them off the list then."  
  
"I thought you might want to go talk to them?" Esme prodded gently. Jealous or not, she still took her role as momma-vamp very seriously.  
  
Alice snorted. "Why? They're big girls, they can make their own decisions."  
  
I grinned at the expression 'big girls.' Because Rosalie was very tall and Victoria had very big boobs.  
  
"Now's not the time to be childish, Alice," Esme chided.  
  
"Me, childish?" Alice said, as if such a thing was impossible. "They're the one's who won't even speak to me."  
  
"Well, after how you treated them, can you really blame them?"  
  
"I'm not going to explain myself all over again, Esme. I fell in love with someone else. I can't change how I feel. They can either accept that or not. There's nothing else I can do."  
  
"You could go talk to them."  
  
Alice took a deep breath and ignored her, focusing on the seating chart. Carlisle looked at me. So did Esme. I got the feeling they expected me to do something, and suddenly I blurted:  
  
"I could go talk to them."  
  
Actually, I'd been thinking about this for a while. Alice had really had her heart set on having Rosalie for a maid of honor. It was a bit cruel perhaps, but she really did love Rosalie, and of all her sisters, Rosalie was really the only one who had the power to emotionally hurt her. That was why she needed the blonde's approval. Without the blonde's approval the whole ceremony would be tainted. I had no idea how I could convince the proud slave to actually attend, but oddly, it seemed like I was the only person who could.  
  
Alice looked up at me from where she sat on the carpet. "You would?"  
  
Esme cleared her throat. Obviously, I'd said the wrong thing. "That might do more harm than good, honey," she said. "You're a very sweet girl, but your presence seems to only infuriate her."  
  
I agreed with her, but I couldn't just do nothing. More than anyone, I knew how important this was to Alice. "Well, I could at least try."  
  
Alice smiled and shook her head. "It's really not important, baby."  
  
I knelt down beside her and put my arm around her shoulders. "Yes it is," I said, quite proud of the maturity I was exhibiting. Why, I almost felt like an adult. "I want this day to be perfect for you, Alice. They're important parts of your life. They should be there. More importantly, they should be happy for you."  
  
Alice seemed convinced. She placed a quick kiss on my lips. "Thanks, baby," she said. "Just be careful, okay? Vicky can be a little dangerous. I don't think she'll try anything, but…"  
  
I remembered the time she raped me in the locker room – I wouldn't call her dangerous, just kind of forceful. But I nodded and gave her a quick kiss back. "Don't worry," I said. "They probably just need someone to remind them how important they are to you. I'm sure they don't mean to be bitches."  
  
Alice giggled. Esme sighed and rose to her feet. The sun was setting in the window and she glanced at it. "Well," she said. "Will you girls be staying for dinner?"  
  
"Actually, we'd better get home," Alice said, still glancing over the seating chart. "The florist is coming over for a consultation."  
  
Esme nodded, disappointed but unsurprised, and I felt sorry for her. Carlisle glanced at me with a slightly chiding look, as if it was my fault his wife was upset, and I figured we could spare a few minutes.  
  
The impending doom of our wedding night had almost had a liberating effect on both me and Alice, as evidenced by the sudden urge to seduce a florist. Before the second proposal we'd been too overly concerned with our own relationship to have much desire to mess around, but now, with the relationship clearly defined and awaiting it's conclusion, we were cool enough to throw around as many fucks as were required.  
  
So I turned to Alice and shrugged, hinting strongly but coyly. "Well, that's not for a couple hours," I said. "I mean, there's no rush, right?"  
  
Alice picked up on the hint, and quickly changed her tune. No woman likes to be pity-fucked, so she laughed and turned to Esme. "You're a vixen, Esme! All you gotta do is look at her and she's practically begging for it."  
  
I giggled. "It's her dress, I can't help it."  
  
Esme blushed and smoothed down her dress self-consciously. She must've been really shy with her body when she was human. Add a little vampire-lust on top of her natural coyness, and she was one seriously adorable woman. Alice looked her over and smirked.  
  
"Actually, now that you mention it, that is a really sexy dress." She hopped to her feet and snaked her arms around the other woman's waist. "Sorry we can't stay for dinner, but maybe a little snack? Hm? Please, mommy?"  
  
"You know I can't say no to you, Alice," Esme said, delighted.  
  
It was kind of sad, really. She was still young by vampire standards, yet even so she was desperate for Alice. Alice's venom had created in her an addiction that was never going to go away, not ever for the rest of her life. I still remembered how the woman described it back in Forks. A curse, yes; but such a lovely curse.  
  
Alice had pulled Esme into a kiss and was groping the older woman's ass under the skirt of her dress. She was wearing white lace panties and the sight really turned me on. I looked at the doctor and he gave me a little smirk. Maybe it's because I was already a little horny, but suddenly he seemed much more attractive. His blonde hair was charmingly swept back from his angelic face, and even though he wasn't wearing his earrings today, he did look kind of womanly. So I went over and sat on his lap and let him finger me while I watched Alice lift Esme's dress over the other woman's head and lean to suck her nipples. Most fiancés dread their prospective in-laws, but I had a feeling I was going to get along with mine just fine.  
  
Well, I would've – if I was actually intending to survive my wedding night.  
  
By the time we were all satisfied, Alice and I had to rush home. We jumped into the shower and got started on dinner. I'd been experimenting with French recipes lately, and one of my favorites was ratatouille, a vegetable casserole which was simple and easy to make. While I was cooking, Alice opened up two bottles of wine, one red, one white. She poured me a glass of the white to sip on while I cooked, and into the bottle of red she crushed a couple tablets. She didn't tell me what the pills were, she just smirked. I smiled back, but I felt a strange fluttering in my stomach. As much as I loved Alice's psycho-side, I think I preferred it localized on me. It was a tad disquieting to watch her drug a guest's wine with clearly no conscience at all.  
  
The food was still simmering by the time the florist arrived. Alice had gone to answer the door and she was babbling excitedly about the apartment and how she had decorated it herself. The florist, who insisted we call her Kate, had bought with her a binder full of photographs that she opened up over dinner. Alice cooed over each arrangement, each bouquet, and I kept nodding and agreeing with her. All the flowers were really nice, but I honestly had no idea which ones embodied the spirit of our relationship. Blood orchids? Poisonous belladonnas? Something sinister seem more our speed, but I was willing to defer to Alice's judgment when it came to wedding stuff.  
  
The ratatouille had turned out really well, but our guest seemed to enjoy the wine the most. Alice kept refilling her glass, and soon the bottle was empty, even though Alice had only had one glass and me none. By the time we'd finished eating the florist's pupils were so dilated her eyes looked completely black. I knew enough about drugs to know she was mildly stoned. Alice was laughing with her and flirting. She didn't even resist that much, just a few giggly protests that she wasn't a lesbian and anyway weren't we supposed to be getting married? But my seductive fiancé giggled back that you don't need to be a lesbian to have a little fun and besides, Alice and I have a special relationship and sometimes we liked to spend the night with a special friend. The florist had another glass of wine and soon we had her in bed.  
  
I thought I would feel more guilty about it—since it was essentially date-rape—but I really didn't. Maybe it was the beginnings of my vampire instincts, the lust overpowering my reason and morality. But it also helped that Kate was so into it. She might've been under a bit of chemical influence, but she had a good-natured enthusiasm that made me feel less like a predator and more like a casual swinger.  
  
Alice and I were very gentle, very considerate, which also made me feel better. We didn't force her into anything, and we only did what she wanted. We took off her clothes and took turns kissing her, pausing only for her to giggle and exclaim how she couldn't believe she was actually going to do this. Alice inquired if she ever had any fantasies relating to lesbianism, and with a fiery blush Kate mentioned that maybe the idea of a sixty-niner with another woman had always turned her on. Alice giggled at her wisdom, toying playfully with her breasts, and in a seductive whisper she asked Kate who would she prefer, me or herself. Kate looked at me, but my visible youth seemed to frighten her just a little. My new birth certificate said twenty-one, but I was still a teenager, not even eighteen. Alice was young too, but she was much better at acting and dressing like an adult. Kate obviously didn't want to offend either of us, so she laughed it off and said anything was fine, but Alice kept giggling and flirting and forced her to decide, and eventually Kate decided that she wanted Alice.  
  
I couldn't argue, really. In some respects I was hotter than Alice—bigger boobs, slightly taller, long hair—but Alice's charm transcended anything physical. There weren't any headlights in the world brighter than Alice's smile.  
  
So I watched as my fiancé and my wedding florist arranged themselves into a sixty-nine position, Kate on top, just like she used to fantasize. Her body was regular human, and I was strangely fascinated by how plain it seemed compared to a vampire's. No pale luster, no marble smoothness. She had a similar body type to Alice, small and short, but that was where the similarities ended. She didn't have the acutely pinched waist of Alice, the long legs of Alice, the full rounded hips of Alice. Yet she was still sexy. Her skin was healthy and vibrant, and she felt very warm under my hands as she moaned into Alice's pussy. I watched them eat each other out for a while, and then Alice summoned me around to Kate's rear so that I could give her a hand. I inserted my fingers into her vagina and stroked her ass, feeling it quiver as her orgasm approached. Alice suckled at her clit, harder and harder, and soon the woman called Kate was climaxing with a long and loud moan.  
  
I smirked. I wonder if any man had made her come like that before?  
  
The evening continued with the three of us exploring a few more of our guest's fantasies, including one that involved me, a strap-on, and a very horny florist, and soon she was exhausted. She had had four different orgasms, which she informed us was the most she'd ever had since she did it three times with her boyfriend on Valentine's Day but faked the last one. The drugs had mostly worn off by now and she seemed genuinely happy to have had the experience, albeit a little shocked. Alice had gone to fetch her a bottle of water from the fridge and Kate only had her bra and panties on when she started drinking. Alice had opened the bottle in the kitchen, and I had a feeling it was drugged as well, since the florist got really sleepy and passed out after only a few mouthfuls.  
  
Alice laid her on the bed, face down, and I stood by watching. Her brown hair was spread across the pillow and I could see the shapes of her shoulderblades in her naked back. Alice brushed the woman's hair with her hand, looked at her body, and turned to me with a smile.  
  
"She has a nice body, doesn't she?"  
  
I didn't think there was any point being quiet, but I only nodded. She did have a nice body; not as nice as Alice's, but still very nice. Alice took my arm and looked at the woman in our bed.  
  
"This is what our life would've been like as vampires," she whispered. "We'd be doing this kind of thing all the time. Either together or by ourselves. I had always longed for my one true mate, but I guess I'd be lying if I said it wasn't kind of fun to sleep around all the time."  
  
That familiar anxiety fluttered back into my stomach. What was with her today? Was she saying she was going to regret dying? That she'd rather do things like this for the rest of her life?  
  
"Are you going to feed from her?" I asked. After all, it was the only practical reason I could see for drugging her.  
  
Alice was hesitant. "I don't know," she said. "The only blood that tastes good to me is yours, but…I'd like you to watch."  
  
"Why?"  
  
Alice didn't reply. It was one of the few times I could remember seeing her honestly speechless. "I'm not sure," she said finally. "I just feel you should see. So you can see what I really am. What I've always been. What you could've been, too. Wouldn't you like to see, baby?"  
  
I was too busy trying to decipher the hidden meaning in her words to really have an opinion on the subject, but I nodded. Maybe I was kind of curious, but more than that, I just didn't like refusing any whim of Alice's.  
  
Alice smiled. "Just don't be jealous," she said. "Seriously, all blood is disgusting to me but yours."  
  
I smiled back, a giggle escaping me. I'd never been possessive about my blood, but I knew better than to doubt Alice's taste for it. "I know," I said.  
  
Alice nodded at me, searching my face for something. I have no idea what she was looking for or if she found it, but she wrapped her arms around my neck and gave me a long kiss on the mouth. Then she climbed onto the bed, dressed only in black underwear, and gathered the drugged florist into her arms. Kate's head lolled lifelessly against Alice's chest, and Alice straightened it and tilted it back, brushing the brown hair away from her neck. She lowered her mouth to the woman's throat and slowly sank in her fangs.  
  
She kept her eyes on me the whole time as she sucked at the wound. I stood there watching. I was certain that she was trying to tell me something with all this, but I couldn't fathom what it was. I tried to think, but then she slipped her hand into the unconscious woman's panties, groping her ass, and this was hot enough to drive away all rational thought. I climbed into the bed and joined in, tasting the other woman's blood and feeling it tingle in my mouth.  
  
—  
  
A few days later I called Victoria and had a chat about Rosalie. Apparently the blonde was still miffed at Alice's rejection and absolutely refused to attend a wedding which she considered a sham and an insult. Victoria related all this with a dry long-suffering, as if she didn't really care, and I asked her if there was anything I could do to change Rosalie's mind. Victoria was doubtful. She speculated that offering my body as a bribe wouldn't help, since Rosalie now loathes me. But she added that I was welcome to try. I asked her if I could come over, and she said she'll come pick me up. Rosalie had obtained work as a fashion model and she had a photo shoot this afternoon. Ambushing her in public would be my best bet to avoid a reaction like murder.  
  
So deep in my addiction I was truly reluctant to leave Alice, but we decided it was best for me to talk to her alone, slave to slave. Alice had some errands to run with Jane, and after kissing me goodbye and kissing Vicky hello, she jumped into Jane's car and drove off to the obscure mysteries of wedding preparations.  
  
Victoria was pleased to see me, judging by the sexy leer she leveled at my body. Strangely, I was happy to see her as well, her and her tits. If things went well with the blonde, maybe we'd be home early enough to have sex. My affection for the redhead had gone up ever since she abandoned her quest to annihilate my relationship, and of the sisters she had become my favorite, only just ahead of Leah.  
  
The photo shoot took place on a stone bridge that spanned the Seine. It was a cold and misty day, and the shoot had been arranged to take advantage of the cloudy sky. Rosalie was part of a troupe of models who were advertising a collection of evening gowns by Modeca, and she was easily the most stunning. Her tall form and sullen face were perfect to the theme of the shoot. The wet street was lined with passersby who had paused to gawk, and Victoria and I were watching for a long time as part of the crowd before the photography crew called for a break.  
  
"She's really beautiful," I said. "How come you don't model, too?"  
  
Victoria smirked. "I prefer to dedicate myself to other pursuits," she said.  
  
I glanced at her, wondering what she meant, but she pointed across the street. Rosalie had moved aside from the crew and was removing her jewelry and putting another set on.  
  
"Now's your chance," Victoria said.  
  
Rosalie had noticed me and leveled a disdainful look across the street. My courage flagged, but I remembered I was doing this for Alice. It was going to be the biggest day of her six hundred year life and the last. It needed to be as perfect as possible, and it would never be perfect unless Rosalie could be happy for her.  
  
"Thanks," I said, flashing Victoria a quick smile, and then I made my way across the street.  
  
Rosalie was wearing a white gown and she was draped with jewelry and eye makeup like an Egyptian queen. She saw me coming and moved off down the sidewalk. Behind her I could see the peak of the Eiffel tower poking through the haze. When I approached, she glared at me.  
  
"What do you want?" she demanded.  
  
Tough question. I wanted her to put aside her feelings of anger and jealousy—most of which were somewhat justified—and stand by her former mate's side as that mate married another woman. It was a difficult subject to approach, but luckily I'd thought ahead. Alice and I had handwritten the invitations and rather than mailing one, I decided to deliver it personally. I had it in my hands and I offered it tentatively.  
  
"Here," I said. "I wanted to give you this."  
  
She only glanced at it once. "Would you like my answer now?" she asked, and then she tore the invitation in half and let it fall to the damp cement.  
  
I blinked down at the ripped halves. They were written in gold ink, inscribed on silk watermark. I lifted my eyes to the blonde. She was glaring at me across her nose and she had her arms crossed. Silhouetted against the dank sky in her slim white evening gown, her blonde hair billowing, she looked like some grumpy wind goddess.  
  
"Rosalie," I said, straining for words. "I know you hate me. But you need to understand that Alice loves me. She'll always love you and the rest the coven, but I'm her true mate. Nothing's going to change that. Ever. So you can stand there pouting and acting like a bitch as much as you want, but Alice is never going to love you the way she loves me."  
  
It just came out, but it probably wasn't the smartest thing I could've said. Her eyes narrowed, and if looks could kill, they'd be chucking my body into the river by now.  
  
"How dare you," she said.  
  
"I dare because aside from me you're the person she loves most in the world. And it hurts her that you're not happy for her. It really does."  
  
"Why should I care for her feelings when she obviously doesn't care for mine?"  
  
I sighed and looked down. Truthfully, I wasn't angry. I believed the woman had every right to her rage. Alice had treated her horribly, but Alice hadn't meant to. She had just gotten carried away with her feelings for me. Why couldn't Rosalie understand that?  
  
"She does care," I said. "She just…"  
  
I fell silent for a second. Then I looked up.  
  
"Well, you know what's she's like," I said. "Sometimes she forgets things or lies about things. It doesn't mean she doesn't care. It just means she's kind of messed up."  
  
But the blonde didn't seem to have much sympathy for Alice's mental issues. "Alice betrayed me," she hissed. "She gave me everything I ever wanted; and then she snatched it all way again. And why? Because of you? You're nothing."  
  
It was hard to argue with that, but I felt I should try. "Not according to Alice," I said quietly.  
  
She snorted and shook her head, a small hint of pity mingling with her basic hatred. "You stupid girl," she said. "You wait, you'll see. Alice will tire of you the same way she tired of me. You'll give her your heart and when she's done toying with it she'll throw it away and select another. You're nothing."  
  
There were basic flaws to this reasoning, such as the fact that Alice was willing to die for me when she'd never been willing to die for anyone else. Even now she was willing to die for me and our relationship. It was going to happen on our wedding night. Alice loved me more than anyone she had ever loved and—  
  
And she was never going to stop.   
  
The sudden thought made my eyes prickle. Rosalie's argument was having the opposite effect on me. Two hours ago I would've agreed with her completely. Alice would eventually get sick of me and discard me like all the others. But now, hearing it said out loud, I was suddenly unsure.  
  
Would Alice really get sick of me?  
  
Would Alice really stop loving me?  
  
Suddenly it seemed absurd that I'd ever thought that. Alice would never leave me. But if she was never going to leave me, then why did we have to die? It would prove how much we loved each other, but did we really need proof? Wouldn't it be better to simply be together? To hold each other, and love each other, and—  
  
I didn't need those doubts right now, so I shook them away. But they did trigger a tactic that I could use on the blonde. "Well, maybe you're right," I said. "But isn't that a good thing for you?"  
  
Her perfect blonde brow flickered into a frown. I shrugged and went on.  
  
"I mean, she went back to you and Victoria once," I said. "Maybe she really will get sick of me one day and go back to you. Deep down you know she still loves you. There's always hope—as long as you don't ruin the relationship now."  
  
She was looking at me in undisguised wonder, and why not? Here I was convincing my fiancé's ex that she should stay friends because one day she might win her back. From the look on her face, I could tell this had occurred to her before, but she was shocked hearing it from me.  
  
"Why would you say that?" she said in a low whisper.  
  
Cars were passing in the street and there was a loud clamor from the continuing photo shoot. I almost didn't hear her, but I did. On the surface it might've seemed like I was taking my relationship with Alice for granted, but in actuality I was simply confident. Alice was never going to leave me, not ever. But there was no harm letting the blonde believe she would if it would help the blonde forgive her.  
  
But if Alice was never going to stop loving me, then why did our relationship have to end?  
  
But again I shook the doubt away and focused on the conversation at hand. "Because unlike you," I said, "I only want Alice to be happy. If she decides one day she'll be happier with you, I'll be cool with that. And I certainly wouldn't tear up the wedding invitation."  
  
I bent and picked up the two halves of the invitation. What I said was at least partly true. If Alice wanted to go back to Rosalie, I'd let her. I'd only insist she kill me first.  
  
I handed the invitation to Rosalie. Rosalie was stunned enough to take it.  
  
"Listen," I said. "Alice loves you and it would mean a lot if you were there for her at her wedding. If you truly loved her, you'd want her to be happy."  
  
She looked at me. I had no idea if she would accept or not, but there was no more I could say. I turned away and crossed the street.  
  
Victoria was waiting by her car, leaning on the hood with her arms folded under her huge breasts. She smirked at my approach. "I'll make sure she considers the invitation," she said.  
  
I nodded, feeling a very strong and unexpected flush of affection for the redhaired woman. "Thanks," I said. "You'll be there too?"  
  
She chuckled and opened the car door for me. "Oh, I wouldn't miss the blessed event," she said. "I'm positively aflutter with excitement."  
  
"You don't have to be sarcastic," I said, climbing into the car.  
  
She smiled and closed the door without replying. I watched her through the rain-speckled windshield as she moved around the hood of the car and got in behind the wheel. Our eyes kept catching in the rearview mirror, and when we pulled up outside my apartment, I was pretty fucking horny.  
  
"Wanna fuck me quickly before Alice gets home?" I asked bluntly.  
  
She smirked and turned off the engine. "That's an odd offer."  
  
It was, and it felt odd. The encounter with Rosalie had rattled me, and maybe I just missed Alice, or maybe I was trying to escape my doubts with sex. Whatever it was, I just really didn't want to be alone right now. And somehow the redhead felt like the perfect person to keep me company.  
  
"For old time's sake," I said. Then I gave her a small smirk. "You always did have a thing for me."  
  
She looked at me for a long moment, long enough to make my skin crawl with excitement. Finally she smiled and gave a small sigh. "Oh, very well," she said. "But let us hurry, Miss Swan, for I'd much rather be gone before Alice returns."  
  
Her aversion to Alice gave me a bad feeling. Alice had sired her, infected her with her venom, and there was no possible way the redhead could truly reject Alice. Which meant her brooding dislike was mostly in her head, a deliberate thought, unnatural, unpredictable. But I didn't want to think about that right now, so I just took her up stairs.  
  
It started raining while we were taking off our clothes. Victoria's dominant tendencies had been greatly subdued in these latter days, and she was almost passive. Passive like a queen, but passive nonetheless. She spread herself on the bed, legs wide open. The sight of so much naked lusciousness made my mouth water, and I did her very slowly, very tenderly, as if she was a dear lover of mine. I kissed her lips and her face. I kissed the tips of her massive breasts, her swollen nipples. I licked them, suckled at them. I kissed her arms and the inside of her elbows. I kissed her fingers. I lowered my lips to her belly and I kissed the area around her navel.  
  
Neither of us had spoke since climbing into the bed. There seemed to be some strange tension between us, not enemies, not friends, not really anything else. The wedding was a over a month away, but it felt like I was saying goodbye. Somehow I felt that she deserved this. Aside from Alice, no one had ever driven me crazy like Victoria, and part of me couldn't help loving that.  
  
Her pussy had gotten moist and I placed delicate kisses on it, just to tease her, before moving on to her legs. Her long, pale, shapely legs. I kissed the insides of her thighs. I kissed her kneecaps. I stroked them up and down. Soon she was shivering with each touch of my lips and finally I lowered them to her entrance, kissing all around her silky petals before licking and lapping up her essence.  
  
I could hear the rain pattering behind the closed curtains and the gentle sound of her shivering breath. I wanted nothing more than to give into my urges, but even here I went slowly. I probed the inside of her folds with my tongue, spread them with my fingers, pushed my tongue inside her. Finally she moaned. There was a strangled sound to it, as if she had tried to hold it back and couldn't.  
  
I kept going, ready now to bring her to a climax. I inserted two fingers into her warm vagina and started suckling at the hard nub of her clit. Her breath became longer, faster. It groaned in and out of her. I got the impression that she didn't want to come, that she had changed her mind and didn't want to let me do this to her. But there was nothing she could do, and soon I felt her vagina clenching on my fingers as her back arched up off the mattress with a strangled gasp.  
  
Then she sank back onto the sheets. I kissed at the area between her legs a little more and then I raised up and started grinding against her pubic bone, already moaning, staring down at her flushed face and beautiful breasts, looking into her eyes as I climaxed.  
  
—  
  
The weeks rolled by and the wedding drew closer. Rosalie and Victoria attended Sunday dinner at Esme's house, the first time they ever had since we all moved out of the mansion. Things were tense at first, but it was clear that the blonde had decided to forgive Alice, for whatever reason. Maybe she really expected Alice to dump me and go back to her. I almost felt bad for deceiving her, because I knew that would never happen. The wedding was going to be our last night on earth. And even if it wasn't, Alice would never leave me. I was starting to be very sure of that.  
  
These Sunday dinners always ended with an orgy of some kind, usually with Alice and Jane as the ring leaders, but this time was different. Alice needed to talk to Rosalie privately, so they went out into the garden, presumably so that Alice could ask Rosalie to be her maid of honor. Jane then revealed that she had a hankering to be double-fucked with strap-ons. Carlisle and Leah were pleased to oblige her, and the three of them adjourned to a bedroom. Esme and I cleared the table while Victoria sat alone sipping wine, and after we stacked the dishes in the dishwasher, we had sex on the kitchen counter. When we went back into the dinning room, Victoria was gone. Half an hour later Rosalie came back inside and reported that Victoria had send her a text saying she had gone out to hunt. Rosalie also announced that she had agreed to be Alice's maid of honor.  
  
Overall, the event was shaping up to be as perfect as it could be. Alice was happy, the coven was happy for her, the redhead had seemingly abandoned any intention of revenge, and the weather was clearing.  
  
So why was I having doubts?  
  
I couldn't explain it, but as the date drew closer I began to wonder if this was the right thing to do in a way that I had never wondered before since deciding. It had seemed so simple, a perfect end to our tragic relationship, to end it all in each other's arms, to prove once and forever that our love was true. Only it didn't seem so perfect any more. It felt kind of…wrong.  
  
But these doubts never lasted long and I always quickly convinced myself that we had no other choice. Alice was the best girl I ever met, but something inside her was broken, and she'll never be able to live happily ever after. She'll either get sick of me or some other tragedy will happen. A romantic death was really the best thing I could offer her, the best thing for both of us. I just wish I could shake the feeling of faithlessness that had began to settle over me as the wedding approached. Because no matter how much I tried to ignore it, the facts were plain; if I trusted Alice, I wouldn't worry about her leaving me.  
  
Was that the real problem? That I didn't trust Alice? That I had no faith in her ability to love me and keep me forever? Was I so skeptical of her love that I wouldn't even let her try? But isn't death and sacrifice the greatest expression of love? Doesn't dying for me demonstrate that her love is no weak thing and that she would be perfectly able to love me for the rest of her existence if only she had the opportunity? And if that was true, what then was the point of dying? What did it prove?  
  
I didn't want to think about it. The bottom line was that I still longed for Alice's fangs. Whether this was right or wrong wasn't the issue anymore. I just really wanted to give myself to her. I needed to. I dreamt about it almost every night, me in Alice's arms, fading, her face buried in my neck. But none of the dreams included me cutting Alice's throat and deep down I think I knew already I wouldn't be able to do it. None of my other dreams ever came true. Why should this one?  
  
The day of the wedding approached and Alice and I became slightly withdrawn from the coven, as if we wanted to spend as much time together as possible before the end. We made love often, and only love. No knives, no candles, no handcuffs. Even the toys remained in their box. In that final week we didn't even touch a vibrator.  
  
Esme had been given command of the preparations and Alice only supervised. The florist, Kate, had been embarrassed in the morning—and quite pale—but Alice had smoothed over any awkwardness, and the woman had done an amazing job with the flowers. She was very opened minded about our relationship, and she seemed to even admire the fact that we were able to put aside possessiveness and have fun some nights. I wonder what she'd think if she knew she'd been drugged and bitten by a vampire? In any case, the flowers really were lovely. Mostly red tulips and white lily orchids, bouquets of them that hung in rich array from the altar and from the white wooden folding chairs arranged on the lawn under the canopy. Just under two hundred guests had been rustled up, which seemed like an impressive turnout for a same-sex wedding. The french must be very open-minded. Either that or they just wanted to see two chicks kiss.  
  
The day before the wedding, Carlisle took Alice and I to the courthouse where we signed a marriage agreement, just for fun. It contained a lot of legal jargon about the managing and division of assets and so forth, in the case of separation or divorce. Alice seemed to get a kick out of it, and once again I had to wonder why we were making plans for the future. Was she trying to tell me something? As I signed my name to the contract, I remembered what Victoria had once told me:  
  
Between the lie and the reality, Alice will always choose the lie. It's why she loves you so much.   
  
But lies don't last, and Alice won't love me forever. That's why we had to do this.  
  
That night we hung our wedding gowns in the closet and made love on the bed. Afterwards we cuddled together in the dark and Alice told me the story of how she became a vampire. Her narrative was more somber than Jane's, less wry. She told me how her father was a drunk who used to beat her and how she never got to know her mother. She told me how she had been sold to a whorehouse and how she had tried to escape so many times, but each time they'd bring her back and beat her and rape her. She told me how she had met Jane there and how they had become friends. She didn't talk much about the transformation. She described it as cold and painful, as if her soul were crying.  
  
"When I woke as a vampire," she whispered, "all I could think about was finding someone. Someone to hold and squeeze and drain the blood from. It was lust, but it was loneliness as well. It was never the blood or the sex that I really craved. It was acceptance. In six hundred years all I truly wanted was a willing victim. A girl who could smile and look me in the eye and say: 'Okay. I'll do it.'"  
  
I was sobbing at this point, and I wiped my eyes with the sheet and blew my nose with it. Hearing the story again, in Alice's small and quiet voice, had wracked my heart into a hundred pieces, and even though I wasn't capable of smiling at the moment, I was determined anew to make her dream come true.  
  
"I'll be your victim, Alice," I sobbed into the darkness. "I'll do it, I promise."  
  
She chuckled and wrapped her arms around me. "I know, baby, I know," she whispered. "But don't cry, okay? Go to sleep. We have a big day tomorrow. You don't want to look puffy, do you?"  
  
"No. I'm sorry."  
  
"Don't apologize, baby. Just sleep. Do you still love me?"  
  
"Of course I do. I love you more than anything."  
  
"I know," she whispered, kissing my hair. "I just wanted you to say it."  
  
But saying it wasn't enough and already I was pushing out of her arms so that I could lower my tear-stained face between her legs. "I love you, Alice," I said. "I love you so much."  
  
—  
  
The next day was our wedding. The hours leading up to the ceremony were the last time Alice and I would ever be separated. It was excruciating, but I made it through, and when it was finally time, I found myself standing at the altar, fidgeting impatiently with the lace of my gown as I waited to be united with my Alice, once and for all time.  
  
Technically, I suppose I was the groom. Alice and I had talked about it, and it just seemed easier to arrange it this way, so that she could make her sister's happy by making them all bride's maids. I only had one person I wanted by my side, Leah, my best man. For once she wasn't dressed in black, but in a magenta gown, slinky and made of satin. She stood beside me while we waited for the ceremony to start, smiling whenever I glanced over. Her presence was reassuring. Leah had always been the most supportive of our relationship. I wonder if she'll be sad when she finds out I'm gone? But that was another thing I didn't need to think about. I didn't need distractions. Last night had reaffirmed my commitment and reminded me of what was really important; making Alice happy. Alice was a demon, and in a few minutes I was going to be her wife. And unlike any of her other wives, I was going to give her what she truly wanted.  
  
Finally the processional music started, and I straightened up, inhaling a deep breath. This was it. My rest of my life. All of it was about to happen right now. I glanced at Leah and she gave me an encouraging nod. I nodded back, and turned to face front. Two hundred guests were arranged under the canopy and at the sound of the music they all swiveled their heads toward the mansion. The only member of the coven in the audience was Carlisle, who sat in the front row with his legs crossed, quite handsome in his tuxedo.  
  
It was a simple bridal party. Jane and Esme were the only bridesmaids and there were no groomsmen to accompany them. They came slowly down the aisle in their pale violet gowns, smiling, each with a bouquet of violets in their hands and their hair styled up with matching flowers of a soft purple hue. They took their place at the altar opposite me and Leah, and faced the guests. They were arranged in ascending height, so Jane was in front. Our eyes caught for a moment, and I remembered that Alice had told her about our plans. Jane's painted lips quirked in a pale pink smirk, and I didn't know what it meant.  
  
Next was Rosalie. The guests had been impressed at Jane and Esme, but at Rosalie's descent down the aisle a hushed murmur swept over the gardens, even audible over the music. As maid of honor, her dress was darkish red, the color of the tulips Alice liked so much. She didn't smile as she took her place at the altar, but she gave me a cool look that suggest she was at least willing to endure the farce.  
  
Suddenly the organs launched into the bridal march. My heart jack-rabbited in my chest. Finally. Alice.  
  
Traditionally, the bride is escorted by her father, but on this occasion Alice had decided to abandon tradition and be given away by her former mistress, the lovely Victoria. The subtext would've been lost on the guests, but it was obvious to the coven. Alice had asked Victoria for the honor only two days before the wedding, and even though Victoria took none of the affair seriously, she was at least willing to humor Alice.  
  
They came down the aisle together, Alice on Victoria's arm. Another hushed murmur swept over the guests, and I felt just a little spark of anger at how most of them were staring at Victoria. It was Alice's day, you morons. Maybe this was the real reason Victoria had agreed, so she could steal some of Alice's spotlight. She was wearing a lilac gown which hiked up her breasts, but the only thing I had eyes for was Alice.  
  
Alice was smiling and carrying her tulip bouquet in both hands. She looked so beautiful, with her pale face paled behind the veil, her hair woven with tiny white flowers. The gown was white satin with a ruffled train, sleeveless, the bodice like a white loveheart that curved over her breast and dipped into her waist. She kept her eyes on mine and I kept my eyes on hers. My lips were actually parted in amazement as I watched her approach, my heart fluttering in my chest as waves of hot unreality washed over me. It felt like the first time I had ever saw her, back in the cafeteria at Forks High. I felt that same stunned disbelief that she was actually real, that she wasn't just a dream. And now I was marrying her. It was all finally happening.  
  
Together Alice and Victoria paused at the base of the altar and Victoria lifted Alice's veil before kissing her on the cheek. Victoria whispered something that I didn't hear, and Alice whispered back. From the movement of her lips I thought it was, 'thank you.' Victoria then turned and took her place among the guests beside Carlisle.  
  
Alice ascended the altar and faced me. Her face was so pretty and serene that I almost burst into tears right then. Through the entire service she kept her eyes firmly fixed on mine, a gentle smile on her lips, and I had no idea how she could be so calm. I was verging on hysteria. I could hardly stand still. I could hear nothing but the blood beat of my heart pulsing in my ears. I kept thinking about everything we'd been through to get here, all the lies, all the heartbreak, all the passion, all the pain, all the joy, all the orgasms and all the times we said I love you – and finally we were getting married. I never thought I was the kind of girl who would be moved very much by a wedding, even her own, but I couldn't help it. Tears were sliding down my cheek and pooling on my chin. I used my fingers to wipe them discreetly. Alice smiled at the display and then she took my hand, threaded the ring onto my finger, and recited her vows.  
  
"Isabella Marie Swan," she said. "I take you to be my partner, to have and to hold, from this day forward. I give you my unending love and devotion. I promise to be true to you, to cherish, and to share my thoughts, hopes, and dreams with you. I look forward to spending the rest of my life with you, my best friend. I will love you forever."  
  
It was too much for me. I was trying to hold it back, but a sob broke out and I started crying. The guests assumed they were tears of joy as a gentle chuckle swept over them. But I wasn't sure if they were tears of joy. I wasn't sure why I was crying at all. Was it because Alice's vows were a lie? Or was it because the lie was so beautiful?  
  
"Sorry," I blubbered, trying to regain control. I sniffed loudly—and rather in elegantly—and another chuckle went among the guests. Carlisle rose and came forward and handed me a handkerchief. I blew my nose and handed it back. At least the guests were entertained. I turned back to Alice and took a breath. "Okay, I'm ready."  
  
Alice smiled. Her face was completely peaceful and again I was astounded that she was so calm. Was the approaching end really such a comfort to her? I thought she had been having second thoughts, but I guess last night had finally made up her mind.  
  
I swallowed the lump in my throat and took her hand. My whole body tingled at her touch and I forced myself not to cry again. I threaded the ring onto her finger and looked into her eyes.  
  
"Mary Alice Cullen," I said. "I love you. I…"  
  
And that was it. I had written my vows over two weeks ago and spent almost every night reading and memorizing them and gloating over how good they were. Now I couldn't remember. I honestly could not recall a single word. Panic flooded me and I glanced wildly at the guests.  
  
"I can't remember," I whispered.  
  
This time they actually laughed. It was a good-natured laugh, but it did nothing to convince me that I was a mature young woman who was ready to get married. I felt like a little girl, lost, confused, no clue what was happening. But then I looked at Alice. She giggled as well, as if my hopelessness were cute, and then she just smiled at me.  
  
"It's okay, baby," she said. "I get the idea."  
  
Then she stepped forward and kissed me. It wasn't time yet, but it felt perfect. The touch of her lips sent waves of euphoria crashing over me, and dimly I could hear the guests beginning to applaud.  
  
—  
  
I had wanted the day to be as perfect as possible for her, so I guess it was lucky she found my ineptitude charming. After the ceremony came the photographs with the bridal party and then the reception. Halfway through dinner I remembered my vows and I whispered them to Alice while we ate. Alice told me they were perfect and kissed me again.  
  
A lot of the guests had introduced themselves or paid respects. I only knew a few of them, like the florist. She took a moment to tell us how flattered she was that we'd invited her. We didn't mention that we'd practically pulled people off the streets at random. She seemed to focus most of her gratitude on Alice, and I wondered if that was the influence of Alice's venom. It had been over a month since that night, but maybe the feeling of attraction lingered. She seemed to be almost crushing on my Alice. My wife. My partner.  
  
A strange melancholy settled over me as I smiled and nodded and accepted the well-wishing of strangers. Alice and I were finally married. I never thought it would mean anything since she had already been married so many times, and yet it seemed to mean everything. We had been married for less than a day and somehow the relationship seemed entirely changed. Different. Better. Perfect. It felt like the first day of the rest of our lives. But in reality it was the last. Was this what I really wanted? It had seemed so romantic, to die at the peak of our passion, to freeze this feeling forever. But what if it got even better? What if Alice and I only love each other more and more for the rest of our lives?  
  
My mind moved in circles for the rest of the day and into the night, part of me mired in doubt, the rest of me firmly convinced that this was what Alice wanted and what I had to give to her. The sun had gone down and the stars had come out. I was loathe to be apart from Alice, especially now, with such precious few minutes left between us, but she had her sisters and she was obligated to dance with them, at least once each. It was a slow song and I watched her from across the dancefloor as she danced with Rosalie. They were talking together quietly and I wondered if Alice was somehow saying goodbye.  
  
"Don't worry, you'll have her back soon enough," Leah said from behind me. She'd seen me staring at Alice and I gave a guilty chuckle. She took my hand. "Come on, let's dance."  
  
I didn't really want to, but I let her lead me onto the floor. I put my hand at her shoulder and kept glancing at Alice. The entire reception took place outdoors and a cool night breeze was moving over my shoulders.  
  
"You look beautiful today," Leah said.  
  
I turned to her, my heart fluttering. I'd already known I looked beautiful, and I had never been the kind of girl to care too much about her appearance, but I was in an emotional mood, and the compliment felt so nice I wanted her to repeat it. "Really?"  
  
She nodded with a smile. "More beautiful than Alice."  
  
I snorted, but I was blushing. "Yeah right," I said.  
  
"It's true," she said. "You're practically a vampire by now." She looked at me for a moment, her smile turning slightly sad, and she added: "But I guess this is as close as you're gonna get, huh?"  
  
My own smile fell away. I stopped dancing, a cold feeling passing over me. "Jane told you?"  
  
Leah nodded letting her hands fall from my waist. "Yeah," she said. "Any chance I can talk you out of it?"  
  
"No," I said, shaking my head. I thought she might try anyway, but she didn't. The other couples on the floor continued to dance. I looked up at Leah. "Why, though?" I asked. "Why would you want to talk me out of it?"  
  
Leah chuckled once. "Because it's wrong."  
  
I frowned. I didn't need anyone to feed my doubts, but I couldn't walk away. "It's not wrong to us," I said. "It's the only way we can be together. Just us. Forever. That's what we really want."  
  
Leah shook her head, letting some of her impatience show through. "Come on, don't be stupid," she said. "Dying in each other's arms doesn't mean you'll be together forever, it means you'll be apart forever. You'll be dead. Rotting in the ground. Is that what your love means to you?"  
  
Tears prickled my eyes. "That's not how we feel."  
  
Leah chuckled and bent to smile at my face. "No offence, honey," she said, "but I'm not sure your feelings are the best guide here. Alice is a fucking nutcase and you're still just a kid. Be smart. You know what's right in your heart. This death shit? It's crazy. Do you really think that's what Alice wants? You really think she wants to kill you?"  
  
"Yes," I whispered.  
  
Leah snorted. "Think again."  
  
I blinked back the tears, my lip trembling. "Stop it, Leah," I said. "Don't ruin this for me."  
  
Leah sighed. She looked up at the nightsky for a second then down at me. She put a hand on my shoulder. "I'm just trying to talk some sense into you, Bella," she said. "You and Alice have something special, anybody can see that. But think about it. Is this really what you want your relationship to culminate as? A couple of naked corpses in a bed somewhere? Is that love? Is that romantic? Use your head. Alice doesn't want that. If she agreed to this, she's only doing it to please you. She doesn't want this. You heard her vows. She wants forever. To have and to hold and all that shit. You know that's what she wants."  
  
My head was suddenly pounding and I staggered a step backwards, away from her hand. I bumped a couple, but they saw I was one of the brides and decided not to tell me to fuck off. I sniffed and looked at Leah.  
  
"Why are you doing this?" I asked. "Why can't you just…"  
  
Leah took both of my hands. "I'm not gonna stop you, Bella," she said. "You and Alice have the right to love each other however you want. The dead don't have regrets, but I don't want you to die in ignorance. If you still wanna do it, go ahead. But I'm telling you now; Alice doesn't want it."  
  
"She does," I blurted. "She—"  
  
"No, Bella," Leah said softly. "She doesn't want a victim, she wants a partner. And she wants that partner to be you. She wants someone to take care of her. To protect her. Even from herself. Why do you think she's been lying to you from the second she met you? Hm? Why do you think she's been pretending to be something she's not? To lull you into a false sense of security? Bullshit. She doesn't want to be a monster. She wants to be a regular girl. Even if it's pretend, that's what she really wants."  
  
"You don't understand," I said, my voice almost a moan. "She'll get sick of me. She'll leave me. She'll—"  
  
Leah dropped my hands. "If you believe that you never should've married her," she said.  
  
I started crying. In the middle of the dancefloor I started crying. People were looking, but I put my face in my hands and blocked them out. Leah reached for my wrist.  
  
"Hey," she whispered. "Don't cry, I was just—"  
  
But I couldn't listen anymore. I tore my arm back and ran away.  
  
I didn't even know where I was going. My vision was blurry and I tripped on the stone staircase that led into the manor. My feet had gotten tangled in the train of my wedding gown and I heard something tear. When I staggered to my feet and stumbled away, a piece of white lace lifted in the wind and subsided again.  
  
I made it into the kitchen and wept on the kitchen counter. I hadn't turned the light on, and the interior was only palely visible in the moonlight from the screendoor. Leah had echoed all of my inner fears and doubts, and the blunt way she did it only made it hurt more. My sadness soon resolved into anger. How could she do this? Leah had no idea how I really felt, or how Alice felt. She had no right to say those things. To question my commitment. Today of all days. My love for Alice was absolute. Tonight I was going to prove it.  
  
When I looked up and wiped my eyes, I saw the phone on the wall. The sight of a phone always reminded me of mom, and without really thinking I went over and picked it up. Alice was right, mom deserved to know. She deserved to know I was about to die. She would never understand and never congratulate me, but this wasn't only about her, it was about me. I needed to be brave enough to tell her. Proud enough. So I dialed the number with a shaky thumb and put the phone to my ear.  
  
It rang. My tears were all gone by now and a numb coldness had settled into my bones as I waited for her to pick up. Maybe she would understand. Now, at the end. It was possible. Maybe she would—  
  
"Hello?"  
  
I froze.  
  
It wasn't mom.  
  
It was Lauren.  
  
"Lauren?" I said. My voice came out strangely casual. As if it was just a coincidence.  
  
There was silence on the other end and then a small voice said: "Bella?"  
  
I blinked. It really was Lauren. I was taken off guard, because I expected mom. It was the first time I'd spoken to Lauren since leaving Forks, but somehow it didn't even feel that odd. "Hey," I said. "What are you doing at my house?"  
  
"Bella?" she repeated, her voice becoming firmer. "Is that you?"  
  
I nodded in the dark kitchen. "Yeah."  
  
"Oh my god," she said. "Where the fuck are you?"  
  
I chuckled and shook my head. "It doesn't matter."  
  
"Yes it fucking matters," she said. "Where the fuck are you? I thought you were fucking dead."  
  
I smiled and closed my eyes, pressing the phone to my ear. "I'm not dead," I whispered. "Not yet."  
  
I heard her take a shuddery breath. My ex-girlfriend, back in Forks. What would she say if she knew I was married? I knew I should be feeling terrible right now, but I felt nothing.  
  
"Where are you?" she asked again.  
  
I just shook my head. "It doesn't matter."  
  
"Bella, for fuck's sake," she said, hysteria creeping into her voice. "What the fuck happened? Where are you?"  
  
I sighed and looked out through the glass screendoor. Beyond the pool the dancefloor was lit in the soft glow of floodlights and there were couples dancing out there. I turned back to the darkness of the kitchen. "I'm sorry," I said. "I just called to say goodbye to mom. Is she there?"  
  
"She's at work."  
  
"Oh, yeah," I said. "I forgot about the time difference."  
  
"Time difference where?" she demanded. "Where the fuck are you?"  
  
I almost laughed. Why was she so worried about where I was? How could she possibly still care about me after all this time? What would she say if she actually knew?  
  
"It doesn't matter," I said. "Can you tell her goodbye for me?"  
  
"What the fuck goodbye?" she said, suddenly panicked. "Aren't you coming back?"  
  
I chuckled once. "No."  
  
"Why the fuck not? Where are you?"  
  
"I'm with Alice."  
  
She fell silent. I waited for a second, but she didn't speak. I sighed. I had originally called to say goodbye to mom, but since Lauren picked up, I might as well say goodbye to her instead.  
  
"I'm sorry, Lauren," I said. "I know I said I'd never stop loving you. But I was already taken. I just didn't realize it."  
  
Lauren sobbed. I finally felt a flicker of guilt, but only a flicker.  
  
"I'm sorry," I said. "I didn't—"  
  
"Fuck you, Bella," she sobbed. "Just fuck you."  
  
I listened to her sobbing quietly in Forks for a few seconds—in my old house—and then I sighed again.  
  
"Why are you at my house?" I asked. It was really only curiosity. I didn't seem to care about the answer.  
  
She sniffed. "I live here now," she said. "Your mom was out of her mind with worry when you disappeared. We both were. I moved in to help her through it. My fucking mom hates me, anyway. We were waiting for you to come back. I didn't even go to college. I'm working at Angela's store. Angela's in Seattle."  
  
She was almost babbling. Not much of it made an impact on me and I didn't know what to say.  
  
"I'm sorry," I said finally.  
  
"Are you coming back?" she asked.  
  
"No."  
  
"Why?"  
  
I sighed again. I leaned back against the kitchen counter, lowering my head as to look at my wedding gown. "It's too late," I said. "I've changed, Lauren. You wouldn't even know me anymore."  
  
She didn't answer. I toyed with the lace of my dress and sighed one last time.  
  
"Anyway, I just wanted to say good bye," I said. "I did love you Lauren. Senior year was my favorite year. It was perfect. I'm sorry I fucked everything up. I really did love you. I loved you since middle school. You were always mean to me, but…"  
  
"Just tell me where you are," she interrupted. "Me and your mom will come get you."  
  
"I can't," I said. "Alice—"  
  
"Forget that fucking Alice!" she screamed. "She never did anything but hurt you!"  
  
Tears finally filled my eyes. She didn't understand. No one did. Lauren, mom, Leah. Victoria, Rosalie. None of them understood.  
  
"Just come home, Bella," Lauren pleaded. "Please. Just come home and we'll forget that bitch ever happened."  
  
I shook my head at the offer. Two tears fell onto my white dress. "I can't, Lauren," I said. "Tell mom I'm sorry, alright? Tell her I love her."  
  
"Bella," she said. "Bella, just—"  
  
I hung up. I looked down at the phone in my hand for a while and then I turned around. Alice was standing there in the darkness, watching me. She must've heard everything, but I wasn't worried. She came over, her beautiful white gown rustling and swaying with the movement. She took the phone out of my hands and placed it on the counter. She looked at me.  
  
"You dated her in senior year?" she asked.  
  
I nodded.  
  
She cupped my face with her hand. "How come you never told me?"  
  
"I didn't want to disappoint you," I whispered.  
  
She smiled, a soft smile that made her pale face so pretty. "Silly," she said. "I wanted you to move on. I wanted you to be happy. Don't you remember?"  
  
I wrapped my arms around her and hugged her, the lace of our gowns whispering in the darkness. "No one makes me happy like you, Alice," I whispered into her ear, wrapping my arms tighter. "No one."  
  
—  
  
Alice and I left the reception early without saying goodbye to anyone. We lit candles in our bedroom and peeled each other out of our gowns. Mine laced up the back like a corset and Alice took her time undoing it, whispering about how beautiful I was. Underneath I wore nothing but white panties and white stockings. My body came alive under her eyes and my nipples went hard the instant I turned around to face her. I stepped from the mound of lace at my feet and into her arms. She kissed me. I stroked my hands over her milky back.  
  
But we didn't rush things. We had each purchased a set of bridal lingerie and I went for my shower first. I emerged back into the bedroom naked and found that Alice had laid out my underwear on the bed. She giggled and took her own into the bathroom, winking once before closing the door.  
  
I looked down at the lingerie where it lay in the warm glow of the candles. I took a shuddery breath and I put it on, one article after another. It was relatively slutty, considering. A white lace thong, white fishnet thigh-high stockings, white lace corset. White patent leather pumps with little buckles. Alice had composed the outfit herself, and when I had it on, I looked at myself in the mirror. I cocked one leg and turned to regard my ass. This was what I was going to be wearing when I died. I could feel myself getting excited, as images played in my mind. White lace with blood stains, blood stains on the sheets. And me, pale and dead in Alice's arms as she continued to feed from my scanty corpse. But then I saw the dagger on the dresser and I went cold all over.  
  
Could I really do this?  
  
Is this what I really wanted?  
  
I picked up the dagger and turned it over. It was antique, bought especially for the occasion. The blade was curved and the hilt was encrusted with jewels. I set it back down again and my eyes flickered to the row of photographs arranged there.  
  
Several of them were wedding pictures of her and her other sisters, and I felt bad that there would never be pictures of Alice's wedding with me. The pictures had been taken, but we'd be dead before they were ever developed. Dead before any other pictures could be taken at all. I picked up one of the pictures of Alice and Jane. It was taken at the top of a ferris wheel somewhere, the teenage vampires cheek to cheek with Alice holding out the camera. Alice and I had never been on a ferris wheel together. We'd never been to an amusement park either. We'd hardly even been to the mall. It was a small thing, but it made my lip tremble and my eyes fill with tears.  
  
Why was I doing this? For a second I couldn't even remember. It was what we both wanted and it would make sure that Alice would never leave me, never get sick of me. But what if Leah was right? What if Alice didn't really want a victim? What if what she really needed was someone to live for? Someone to protect her and keep her darkness at bay? Someone who—  
  
The bathroom door opened and I turned to look. Alice emerged into the soft light of the candles with a soft smile. Her lingerie was far simpler than mine. She wore nothing but panties and pumps. White lace boyshorts and white leather shoes. No bra, her breasts warm and soft-looking in the candlelight. She sauntered over to me with a deliberate roll of her hips and put her hands at my waist.  
  
"Hey, baby," she whispered. "Are you ready?"  
  
I blinked back tears, and I really didn't know. But I nodded, not wanting to disappoint her. It was too late now. This is what we had decided to do and now we were going to do it. Alice was watching my expression. I tried to keep it determined and eager, but it was impossible. My mask was cracking, but this only made her smile.  
  
"We don't have to do this if you don't want to, baby," she said. "It's okay if you've changed your mind."  
  
"No," I insisted, my voice breaking. "I want to, Alice. I want…"  
  
But I couldn't go on, and suddenly I burst into tears. Alice pulled me toward her and held me. I sobbed into her shoulder, humiliated and ashamed of myself.  
  
"Shh," she whispered. "It's okay."  
  
"I'm sorry, Alice," I sobbed. "I'm so sorry."  
  
"It's okay, baby," she said. "Come here."  
  
She led me to the bed an we climbed onto the mattress. Alice sat against the headboard and arranged me on her lap where she could hold me like child. I hadn't stopped crying. She kept patting my back and rocking me. Soon my sobs tapered off and I loved her so much that I would've let her do it right then if she wanted. I hiccupped. She stroked my hair. We were silent for a very long time, with her just holding me and me just enjoying being held, and finally I said:  
  
"Are you mad at me?"  
  
She chuckled softly. "No, baby," she said. "Of course I'm not mad at you."  
  
"I'm sorry. I really thought…"  
  
I trailed off and sniffed. She continued to rock me and pat my back.  
  
"It's okay," she said. "Do you want to know the truth?"  
  
I pulled back slightly and looked at her. Her naked chest was wet with my tears but her face was perfectly dry. She had that same serene smile she had during the ceremony, as if everything was perfect and nothing could go wrong. I looked into her eyes and I think I already knew.  
  
"What truth?" I asked.  
  
Her smile went a little coy. She looked down at my lap, as if to check out my g-string, and then she looked at my face again. "The truth is," she said shyly. "I wasn't going to do it anyway."  
  
My mouth dropped open. She giggled.  
  
"Sorry," she said. "There were a couple times I thought I could do it to make you happy, but I knew in my heart I never could. Not anymore. I was always planning to back out at the last second."  
  
My breath rushed out of me. The relief I felt was indescribable. "Really?"  
  
"Yes," she said. "I'm sorry, baby, but I love you. And I want to love you forever. Please. You have to believe that. I'm never going to stop loving you, okay? You'll always be my One."  
  
I threw my arms around her and hugged her tight. "I believe you, Alice," I said. "I really do. I love you. I'm so sorry. This was so stupid. I'm an idiot. I should've—"  
  
"Shh," she whispered, pushing me back gently. "Come here. Lay down."  
  
I quickened to obey. My heart felt like it was bursting from love, and I wanted to do anything to make her happy. I settled onto the pillow and she straddled my hips. She gave me a nice long kiss and then looked into my eyes.  
  
"I promise with all my heart, Bella," she said. "You're the only woman for me. Okay?"  
  
I nodded, finally crying real tears of joy. She smiled and admired my face for a moment in the candlelight, stroking my cheek. I sniffed once.  
  
"Are you going to turn me?" I asked.  
  
She shook her head slowly, smiling that same serene smile. "No," she said. "I'm not even going to bite you. Tonight I'm only going to love you. This is the first night of the rest of our lives, baby. Let's do it properly, okay?"  
  
I nodded as she lowered her lips to my face. I closed my eyes and felt her placing kisses on my cheeks, my nose, the corner of my mouth. I wrapped my arms around her naked back and gripped her feverishly.  
  
"Okay," I whispered. "Anything you want, Alice. Anything…"  
  
—  
  



	39. Chapter 39

—  
  
Chapter 39:  
  
—  
  
The first thing I saw when I woke up was Alice.  
  
My eyes fluttered open and there she was, on the pillow opposite, gazing at my face adoringly, covers pulled up to her chin. Just watching. I had woken up to a hundred mornings just like this, but not quite. Never quite like this.  
  
It only took me a moment to realize that I was alive, alive and married and in bed with Alice, and the realization swept over me with almost dizzying joy.  
  
Alive.  
  
With Alice.  
  
A soft sigh escaped me as my lips curved up into a bright smile. "Hey," I whispered, blinking at her languidly, still half asleep. She had obviously been anxious about what the morning might bring, but the visible joy in my sleepy face seemed to relax her. Her own mouth melted into a similar smile and she whispered back: "Hey."  
  
And for a minute we did nothing but gaze at each other, just smiling and basking in the simple pleasure of the other's company. Alice was the first to move. She shuffled toward me under the covers and moved to straddle my hips. I rolled onto my back to accommodate her, feeling my heart soar as her leg brushed warmly over my body. It occurred to me that I never would've felt this again if we had gone through with it last night, and I was so glad we hadn't. Feeling her warm weight covering me once more made me grateful in a way that I'd never felt before. In that moment I couldn't even remember why I had even wanted to do something so wrong. How could I have ever wanted an ending to this?  
  
Alice was naked and so was I, and after she settled on top of my body she laid flat against me, like how she had always liked to do. My arms instantly wrapped around her silky back and I shifted slightly underneath her, just to get comfy, making sure her breasts were pressed against mine. She brushed my hair back with her hand and gazed into my face silently, just inches away. I smiled at her, blinking sleepily. She smiled back.  
  
"Are you happy?" she asked.  
  
The simple question made my heart flare. "Yes," I said, and I could honestly say I'd never been happier in my life. Last night my own stupidness and insecurity had almost caused me to lose Alice forever. But here she was, where she belongs. In my arms and I'm never letting go.  
  
My answer made her smile even brighter. "Me too," she said, audible relief in her voice. She looked into my face a little more, brushing at my hair with her hand, and then she leaned and kissed me. The soft press of her lips on mine made my heart race frantically. It felt like our first kiss all over again, and in some ways it was. Our relationship could've ended last night, and all this, from here till forever, was to be grateful for.  
  
Finally she pulled back so that she could gaze at me some more, and after gazing back for a while, I asked:  
  
"What happens now?"  
  
She gave a little shrug, still gazing at my face as if grateful to see it again. I knew how she felt. "I'm not sure," she said softly. Then she smiled. "I guess we're stuck with each other, huh?"  
  
"Suits me," I said, and lifted my lips to kiss her. She kissed me back for a minute and then I pulled back. "I'm so sorry, Alice," I said. "I was stupid. I should've trusted you. I know you love me, I just…"  
  
I trailed off as she put a finger on my lips. Her finger felt so nice and maybe my lips felt nice too, because she cupped my face and stroked them softly with her thumb. I lay there underneath her, just enjoying the closeness, and then she leaned and kissed them gently. "Shh," she whispered, although I'd been quiet for a while. "We were both silly. Me, most of all. But I'm going to do better now, I promise. In fact, I was thinking. How about a honeymoon?"  
  
I smiled. We'd never bothered planning a honeymoon since we never thought we'd be going, but now, now that we were going to be together forever, it seemed like a very good idea. "Okay."  
  
"Where would you like to go?" she asked.  
  
I chuckled sleepily. I didn't care where; I was happy right were I was, underneath Alice. "I don't know," I said. "Where could be more romantic than Paris?"  
  
It seemed to please her that I had no solid suggestion. She'd had more time to think about it, and I could see an idea in her eyes. "Well," she said, almost hesitantly. "What about Forks?"  
  
I refrained from rolling my eyes, but I did smile. It was so typical Alice. I'm sure it seemed like the perfect idea in her crazy little head, but returning to the place with my abandoned mother and disgruntled ex-girlfriend were waiting, didn't seem particularly romantic.  
  
"Forks?" I queried.  
  
She nodded, and I could tell from her smile that she had already decided this was the perfect thing to do. I just hoped she could explain it a little. "Sure," she said. "I was thinking about it while you were asleep. I thought maybe it would be great to start all over again, right from the beginning. I feel it's the right thing to do. After all…if everything we did bought us to this, then it's pretty clear we did it all wrong. Right?"  
  
I grinned at her silliness and tightened my arms around her. "Maybe," I said. "But is it really that bad? I mean, we're still here, right? A lot of bad stuff happened, but here we are. Together." And saying it out loud made me so happy, I had to add: "I love you, Alice. I really do."  
  
She smiled brightly, but it didn't distract her. "I love you too, baby," she said. "But seriously, what do you think? I couldn't think of anything else the whole time you were asleep. I tried so hard to be a perfect girlfriend, and I know I fucked it all up, but…it's not too late. It can still be perfect."  
  
I chuckled. Alice had never been an easy girl to understand, and what did it matter? I was going to do anything she wanted to make her happy, anyway. "Okay," I said.  
  
She grinned excitedly. "Really?"  
  
"Of course, Alice," I said. "You know I'd do anything for you."  
  
She went a bit anxious. "I know," she said, "but I want you to want to do it, too. Don't you think it would be the best thing? To start all over again?"  
  
I nodded to reassure her. I hadn't had much time to think about it, but I guess it did make sense. Before the engagement we had made plans here in Paris, but there was no reason we couldn't do those plans in Seattle.  
  
"Besides, wouldn't you like to see your mother again?" she asked.  
  
I wasn't sure. I was a little older now, and if we did go back, I was pretty sure that she would forgive me, if not support me. I just wasn't sure if I missed her. Ever since I'd come to Paris I'd been unconsciously blocking her out. Even now, it seemed like I could hardly remember her face. But she was still my mother, and maybe it really would be good to let her know I was alive and happy, to let her see me alive and happy.  
  
So I smiled and nodded. "Sure," I said. "But most of all, I just want to be with you, Alice. I mean, what if she tries to separate us?"  
  
Alice gave a little shrug. "I don't think she will if come up with a good enough story, and if she does, we can just leave again. But I'd really like you to have a relationship with her. She was always a good influence on you. If it wasn't for her, our relationship might've decayed even faster."  
  
She was brushing back my hair again, and we fell silent. I wondered if what she said was true. Was mom really a good influence on me? I suppose she was. Even when I first met Alice, it was anxiety about mom that caused me to keep secrets and go slow as I tried to wheedle permission to see her. Despite all the times I'd snuck Alice into my room, or made out after school, and shacked up in hotel rooms – mom had really been the only barrier between us. And as soon as that barrier was gone, I had let Alice cut me with knives, choke me, and almost kill me. I didn't like to think of our relationship as decayed, but maybe there was some truth to that. And maybe being close to mom would be a good start at getting it back on track.  
  
I was broken out of my reverie by a sudden whim of Alice's to kiss me. She simply touched her lips to mine, once, twice, three times. Then she giggled.  
  
"So what do you think?" she asked. "Honeymoon in Forks? Think how romantic it'll be. Damp, drizzle, fog. You'll also get to finish out your senior year. Then college in Seattle. Then we could get jobs and get a real place of our own. And we could get married again, officially, and you're mom will be there and she'll be happy for you. It'll be almost a regular life. Wouldn't that be great?"  
  
As always her excitement was infectious; it was just weird to see her excited about something that didn't involve orgasms or bloodshed.  
  
"What about turning me?" I asked. After all, I had no intention of getting old and dying. Statistics suggested that one day Alice will discard me like all her other soulmates, but after last night I couldn't possibly believe that anymore, and even if she did, I intended to cling to her as long as she would have me – preferably for all eternity.  
  
The mention of me turning dimmed her smile somewhat, as if it was something she'd been trying to ignore. "Well, as always it's up to you," she said, "but if you don't care, we might as well just do it here in Paris. Get it over with. After all, we can't be together forever while you're still human. So we'll wait a couple days to distance it from the wedding, and then we'll just do it." She brightened her smile and caressed my face, as if to admire the budding vampire-glow that made it so beautiful. "You're almost there already."  
  
I blinked, surprised. "Don't you want to make it special?"  
  
She shook her head softly. "No," she said. "I don't want to glorify that dark stuff anymore. I just want a regular relationship." But then she realized she was contradicting herself and giggled quickly. "Or as close to regular as possible," she amended. "Normal relationships don't last forever, but ours has to. I don't want you to be my victim, baby. I just want you to be my girl."  
  
A warm feeling spread through me. Ever since we first met, my blood had always been the thing she loved most about me, the thing that drove her crazy. She had only ever had two dreams; to consume my blood completely or infect it with her venom and make me hers. And yet within the last twenty-four hours she had not only refused to feed from me—on our wedding night—but she was also showing reluctance to the idea of turning me.  
  
It seemed impossible, but at the same time it was perfectly logical. Leah had told me that all Alice wanted was a normal relationship. I'd always thought that Alice's attempts at normalcy were ploys to keep from scaring me away, but it was pretty clear by now that I was wrong about that. Now more than ever. Looking into her eyes, I could see that our brush with death had finally turned the lie into reality. She wasn't faking anymore; she truly did just want a regular relationship.  
  
And I realized that I did too. Maybe it was just my basic nature to accept and assimilate whatever Alice wanted, but at the same time, I felt that I was done being scared and insecure. I knew now that Alice was never going to stop loving me, and I was never going to stop loving her. From this moment, all we had to do was stay together. And after last night it was fairly safe to assume that darkness only leads to more darkness. It was time to let a little light into our relationship.  
  
And beyond any of this, I just wanted to make her happy. So I smiled and nodded. "Okay," I said. "We can do that."  
  
She smiled suddenly, as if she was actually relieved. It made me smile too; how could she possibly be surprised at this point that there isn't anything in the world I wouldn't do for her?  
  
"So we can go back to Forks?"  
  
"Sure."  
  
She put a big kiss on my mouth and then kissed me a couple more times. "Thanks, baby," she whispered, slightly out of breath. "This time everything will be perfect. I promise."  
  
"Are the others coming with us?" I asked, although I already knew the answer.  
  
"No," she said, shaking her head without even thinking about it. "Just us."  
  
I smiled and pulled her down for another kiss. We were still naked and the body contact was making me horny. "I love you, Alice," I said into her mouth. "I love you so much."  
  
"I love you too, baby," she said, kissing me a couple more times. I was self-conscious of morning breath, but that seemed to be another flaw that was somewhat corrected by the venom in my system. She deepened the kiss and I let my jaw go slack, allowing her to dominate me with her tongue, and then she pulled back with a grin. "And since it's perfectly normal for newlyweds to have as much sex as possible, I figure we better do it right now, don't you?"  
  
I chuckled sleepily and gave her an impish yet submissive smirk. "As you wish, mistress," I said, and although the endearment of mistress wasn't quite normal, she didn't object to it. She just giggled and thrust her tongue back into my mouth. I grabbed her ass and moaned and rolled her onto her back. We were going to be together forever and starting right now I was going to enjoy the hell out of it.  
  
—  
  
Two nights later we arranged for the whole family to come over for dinner so that we could announce our plans of leaving the coven. It seemed like a good idea at the time, but after I started cooking I realized that no one was likely to be happy to us and some might even be violently displeased. Victoria had given Alice away at the wedding, but now that we weren't actually dead, I couldn't help recalling my earlier anxieties. The redhead had once promised that she'd rather see Alice dead than in the arms of another. And her brooding demeanor these last couple months did nothing to convince me she hadn't been thinking about it.  
  
Maybe it was time I mentioned some of this to Alice. My wife—I loved to think of her like that—still had no idea that Victoria had quasi-raped me once. I'd kept it secret because I didn't want Alice to know that I kind of liked it, but Alice and I were beyond all that by now. At this point in our relationship there was no way she would leave me for allowing myself to be nipple-pinched into submission. It was one of the few secrets left between us, but for some reason I still thought it was best not to tell her. Not only was it an awkward subject to approach, but it seemed pointless. Alice wouldn't get angry at me, but she probably wouldn't get angry at Victoria either. It was too long ago, and Alice had changed lately. She wasn't as prone to wild overreactions anymore as she was in Forks. She would forgive Victoria and she wouldn't even need to forgive me. There was really no point telling her. Especially now that we were leaving the coven. It was possible that Victoria might try something, but I preferred to believe that she'd given up. And once we were gone, we might never see her again. So really there was no point even thinking about it.  
  
So I tried not to, but I admit I was pretty nervous by the time I got started on dinner. I didn't like deluding myself, but it happened very easily. Even after everything that had happened to us, I still found it difficult to believe that anything bad could happen to me and Alice. I felt that our happily ever after was inevitable. It probably was, considering how unbreakable the bond between me and Alice had become, but there was always potential for people like Victoria and Rosalie to fuck things up in their own little ways. I'd feel a lot better when we finally escaped to Forks. Then I could start worrying about how my mom might fuck things up instead.  
  
Jane and Leah were the first to arrive for dinner. I hadn't spoken to them since the wedding, but Alice had called them and explained things. Neither of them were surprised to find we had redefined our relationship at the last second, although they were quite shocked to learn that Alice hadn't turned me. I had been listening to Alice on the phone when she told them, and I had been quietly astounded at how she casually explained that turning me wasn't a big deal and she didn't want to spoil our wedding night with something like that. She must've forgotten that she had turned Rosalie, Esme, and Carlisle all on their wedding nights, and it had always been one of her most prominent romantic dreams. It was amazing how her whole attitude could change overnight practically, and so sincerely. She spoke like she had truly decided that turning me was really nothing important at all.  
  
Alice was in the shower when they arrived, so I answered the door myself and led them back to the kitchen where I proceeded to stir the pot vigorously so they could see how domesticated I was. Jane plucked something out of the pot and grinned.  
  
"So," she said, popping it into her mouth and chewing obnoxiously. "Chickened out, huh?"  
  
I knew what she was referring to, and while I didn't like to think of it as 'chickening out,' I was more miffed at her picking at the food. "Jane," I admonished.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Vampires don't get hungry, so I know you only did that to piss me off."  
  
She giggled. "If I wanted to piss you off, I'd do this," she said, and spanked my ass. Quite hard, too. "Where's Ally, anyway?" she asked, plucking another bit of food from the pot.  
  
"In the shower," I said, grumbling at the repeat offence.  
  
"Ooh, I'm gonna go do her back," she said excitedly, already scampering away. "Be back in a minute!" she called over her shoulder.  
  
And then she ran off, presumably to fuck my wife quickly before dinner. I watched her go and shook my head. Vampires are such casual creatures. Did the sanctity of marriage mean nothing to these people? Ah well. Alice and I were at a point in our relationship were we could afford to be a little carefree. She might as well enjoy her sisters while she still has them.  
  
Leah had turned to watch Jane go and now she turned back to me with a smirk. "Hey," she said, wrapping an arm around my shoulders as I stood at the stove. "How're you doing?"  
  
She asked with a certain softness, and I knew she meant the question in broader sense than my general mood for the evening. She wanted to know if I had any regrets about what didn't happen on the wedding night, but I didn't. So I smiled and nodded. "I'm great," I said, and then gestured at the pot. "Wanna try some?"  
  
I had gotten mad at Jane for trying some, but I liked Leah more than Jane, and it was different when I offered. But Leah wasn't interested in food. She wrapped her arms around me from behind and snaked a hand up my top to grip one of my breasts. "I'd love to try some," she whispered into my ear, giving my boob a little squeeze.  
  
I smiled. Leah was so awesome.  
  
Abandoning the pot, I turned around and wrapped my arms around the taller woman's neck, looking up into her dark eyes. I owed Leah so much. It had taken a while before we'd really become friends, but now she was almost like a real sister to me, aside from the fact that I liked getting naked with her. If it wasn't for Leah I might've permanently ruined my relationship with Alice. That conversation on the dancefloor on the night of my wedding had been exactly what I needed to show me the truth. I was going to miss her, but if anyone would understand why we had to go, it would be her.  
  
I wanted to tell her all this, but instead I just lifted my mouth and kissed her. She was a vampire and vampires tend to speak with their bodies. So I guided her hand against my chest and let my body show her how much I valued her friendship.  
  
I ended up burning dinner a little bit, but it's like not vampires particularly enjoy food, so I didn't fret over it. By the time Alice had finished in the shower—and finished Jane—Carlisle and Esme had arrived, Carlisle with a bottle of champagne he'd picked up and Esme with many congratulations about the wedding, as if she hadn't actually been there herself. Victoria and Rosalie were the last to arrive, and neither with much enthusiasm. Victoria swaggered in with her usual scornful aplomb and Rosalie trailed behind her, with a cold glance for me and a smile for Alice. None of them had any clear idea why Alice hadn't turned me yet, but no one mentioned it. They seemed to assume it was a sensitive topic.  
  
Soon dinner was served and we were all seated at the dinner table. The champagne was poured and Alice rose with her glass to make the announcement. I suppose there was no harm doing it before we ate; vampires had no appetite anyway.  
  
"Okay, guys, listen up," Alice said brightly. "Bella and I have an announcement."  
  
Victoria had gone to sip her champagne, but now she lowered it with a loud sigh. "I can only imagine," she remarked dryly. "Whatever it is, I do hope it will cause none of us to run from the room the way your announcements usually do. Dinner smells so wonderful, after all, and it would be an insult to the hostess to waste it."  
  
She said this with a smirk in my direction, half compliment, half sarcasm. Her words gave me a bad feeling. Not only were they probably pretty true, but it made me nervous how openly scornful she had become of Alice. She had always been an abusive kind of woman, but she had always done it with charm and a general intention to titillate. Lately it was like she really did mean to mock.  
  
Alice didn't let the interruption deter her. "Actually," she said, keeping her smile in place. "Bella and I have decided to spend our honeymoon in Forks."  
  
This wasn't even the full announcement, and it didn't make much of an impact. A round of glances were exchanged, as if nobody was quite sure what the correct expression was. It was Jane who spoke first.  
  
"Gee," she said. "How romantic."  
  
She had a point; a drizzly climate where one's estranged mother was waiting with certain disapproval wasn't usually a couple's first choice for a romantic getaway. Maybe I should've explained to Alice that the term honeymoon wasn't really appropriate, since we wouldn't actually be coming back. But Alice seemed as determined as possible to paint our departure in the brightest possible light.  
  
Victoria spoke next, with another dry sigh. "I'm sure we're all very happy for you, Alice," she said, "but was an announcement really necessary? Speaking for myself, I could care less for your honeymoon plans."  
  
Alice's smile flickered but she pushed on. "Actually, it's not just a honeymoon," she said. She glanced at me, perhaps for encouragement, and she then smiled at her family. "We're going to stay in Forks for a while. We…might not even come back."  
  
There had been a few smiles around the table, but now the smiles slowly faded. No one sipped their champagne, they just put their glasses back on the table. Even Leah looked down at her plate with something like disappointment. Rosalie went stiff and tried to keep her face cold, but she couldn't keep the hate out of her eyes as she glared at me.  
  
Alice filled the awkward silence with an awkward explanation. "Bella and I talked about it and we feel it's best," she said. "I don't want Bella to be apart from her mother anymore, and she needs to finish school, and… well, we just want to start over. Alone. Just us."  
  
Jane blinked sadly. I could imagine how disappointed she was. She had been Alice's fuck-buddy for six hundred years; and now Alice wanted to move on. "You're leaving the coven," she said quietly. It wasn't a question.  
  
Alice was still standing with a glass of champagne in her hand. "Well, for now, at least," she said, nodding. Part of me hoped this was even true. Alice and I did need time to ourselves, but I didn't want her to abandon her family forever. "I mean, you guys know how much I love Bella," Alice went on, trying to make then understand. "None of you ever believed me when I said she was my true mate, but she is. And I'm never going to be happy until I can find a way to love her properly. And…I just don't think I'm gonna find that here. We need to start over."  
  
Another round of glances. I think most of them understood, even Jane. Carlisle gave Alice a small smile, as if to reassure her, and Esme, although fretful, managed a smile as well. Leah wasn't happy, but she gave me a little smirk, as if to sympathize at having such a difficult wife, since she had one, too.  
  
The only two who did not seem capable of being happy for us were Victoria and Rosalie.  
  
Rosalie was visibly struggling to keep herself under control. Her icy eyes had filled with tears and her chest rose and fell with each breath as she held back the anger and betrayal that was undoubtedly coursing through her.  
  
But even scarier was Victoria.  
  
The redhead was the only person at the table other than Alice who was still holding a champagne glass. All through Alice's speech she had been staring impassively at a spot on the table, unblinking, unmoving, no expression at all on her gorgeous face. I was watching her anxiously, anticipating some kind of explosion.  
  
But it didn't come, and as the silence dragged on, she finally stirred. She heaved another sigh, lifted her champagne flute, and downed the whole glass. Outwardly she appeared completely calm and composed, but when she put down the glass, she slammed it on the table hard enough to snap the stem. My heart flinched in fright at the soft sound of cracking crystal, and even Jane went tense. Rosalie glanced at her mistress, but Victoria's expression hadn't changed. The broken glass rolled off the table and shattered on the floor, and the redhead rose casually from her chair, as if nothing was odd about her behavior at all.  
  
"Well, I for one wish you the best of luck," she said pleasantly, all contrary to the restrained violence in her body. "Life with you as been exceedingly annoying since you met that girl, but if you ever do manage to sort yourselves out, then please, by all means – return and we can all be friends. Until then, I suppose this is farewell."  
  
Alice should've just let her go, but she couldn't help feeling wounded at how obviously her former mistress now hated her, no matter how irrational that was. "Just like that, Vicky?" she asked quietly.  
  
It was the wrong thing to say. Victoria had turned to leave, but now she spun back again, so fast her red hair flared. "What else would you have of me, Alice?" she hissed. "Would you like me to tear my heart out of my chest and slap it on the table? Would that satisfy you?"  
  
Alice didn't answer. I felt a surge of protectiveness at the hurt that swept over my mate's face, but I didn't want to provoke the redhead. She looked as ready to snap as the champagne flute.  
  
And maybe I did feel just a little sorry for her. All her life she had treated Alice as nothing more than a slave, but it was obvious that Alice's devotion had been more dear to her than she'd ever realized. And now Alice was going. She would truly never have Alice again.  
  
Victoria had regained her composure, and after taking a breath, she turned to Rosalie. "Are you coming Rosalie?" she asked. Usually the redhead ordered, not asked. She was obviously requiring Rosalie to choose.  
  
Rosalie hesitated just a second. Her mistress's outburst had sobered her slightly, and her expression was almost a mirror of Alice's. Hurt. Regret. She rose from the table, without speaking, and turned to Victoria. She took Victoria's arm and Victoria led her away. Then they were gone.  
  
Alice was still standing with her champagne flute, as if she didn't know what to do with it. Obviously, the toast was ruined. Finally she put the glass down and simply stood there waiting for someone to speak. I was still just sitting beside her, not knowing what to do. I should've known an announcement was a dumb idea, but what else could we do? Leave without telling anyone? Call them up one by one to say farewell over the phone?  
  
Esme cleared her throat and rose from the table. "Well, I suppose we'd better be going as well," she said. "Thank you very much for dinner, Bella, it…smelt wonderful."  
  
I smiled. Good thing I simply enjoyed cooking, or I might've been pissed that it was being wasted. "Thanks," I said, appreciating the attempt at smoothing over the awkwardness.  
  
Esme nodded and turned to Alice with a brittle smile. "We'll see you again before you leave, won't we Alice?" she asked. "You're not going to just disappear, are you?"  
  
Alice took both her hands, happy for the supportiveness. "Of course we'll see you again," she said. "We won't be leaving for a few weeks, anyway."  
  
"Oh good," Esme said. She didn't let go of Alice's hands and I could see in her face that she was struggling for positivity. "Well, I think this is a very good decision you've made," she said finally. "I've always encouraged you to do the right thing for Bella. I just wish…"  
  
She trailed off, unable to pretend convincingly. She didn't want Alice to go; it was that simple. Carlisle had risen from the table as well, and now he cleared his throat to get his wife's attention. He didn't say anything, goodbye or otherwise, and he seemed to understand that there were really no words for the situation. Esme glanced at him, realizing it was time to go, and then she turned back to Alice, still holding her hands.  
  
"Well, I suppose we'd better go," she said. "Thank you again for dinner, Bella."  
  
I nodded. Alice smiled at her. Esme hesitated a moment longer, and then she lifted Alice's hands and kissed them, and then she placed a long kiss on Alice's mouth. Then she turned and hurried from the room. Carlisle gave me a nod to say goodbye, a smile for Alice, and then he turned and followed his wife out.  
  
Only Jane and Leah were left, our two best friends. They had rose from the table too, and Jane heaved a forlorn sigh. She had recovered her edge and she didn't seem sad anymore. "Well, I guess we better get outta here too," she said. She gave Alice a hug. "This isn't goodbye forever, right Ally?"  
  
"Of course not," Alice said, hugging her back. "I'll always love you, Jane."  
  
Jane chuckled and pushed her back. "Alright, let's not get mushy," she said. "Just promise you'll stay in touch."  
  
Alice smiled, and then she took Jane's face in her hands and placed a lavish tongue kiss on her mouth. Leah glanced at me and rolled her eyes. I smirked. We stood around waiting for a moment, and finally Alice released Jane. "I promise," she whispered, and even though Alice had a habit of breaking promises, Jane seemed to believe her. The small blonde smiled, a rare genuine smile, and then she stepped back.  
  
Leah gestured at me with her chin. "When are you turning her?" she asked Alice.  
  
Alice smiled at me and back at Leah. "Tonight, I suppose," she said. "We don't want to make a big deal about it, we just want to get it over with so that we can be together properly."  
  
Leah smirked at me, flickering her eyes over my body. "She's gonna be hungry when she wakes up," she said.  
  
Alice wrapped her arm around my shoulders and pulled me close. "She'll have me," she said. "Won't you, baby? I can't wait to let you feed from me. You're gonna love it."  
  
I blushed; even now when I was still half-human, the thought of biting Alice filled me with anticipation. I just hoped she'd let me bite her ass. I'd been fantasizing about that for ages.  
  
"And then?" Leah prodded. "You can't satisfy a newborn thirst all on your own."  
  
"Well, can I count on you guys?"  
  
Jane giggled. "Sure," she said, and wrapped her arms around my neck and kissed me graphically. "How 'bout it, Bella?" she asked with an impish coyness after she pulled back. "Wanna bite me?"  
  
Leah smirked and pulled Jane away. "Come on, let's leave them alone," she said. Alice giggled and I was blushing from the kiss. Leah nodded at me. "Good luck, Bella," she said on her way out. "I'm happy for you."  
  
I smiled brightly; I really loved Leah. "Thanks," I said.  
  
Jane giggled at my blush and Leah tugged her out into the corridor. I looked at Alice. We heard them bickering playfully in the hall and a couple seconds later we heard the door open and close. And finally we were alone.  
  
Alice sighed and put her hands on her hips, sweeping her gaze over the table. Her eyes settled on the broken champagne flute and I looked at it too. The announcement hadn't been perfect, but under the circumstances I suppose we were lucky to avoid violent tragedy.  
  
"Well, I guess we better clean up," she said. "Were you hungry?"  
  
I shook my head. Alice stepped up to me and put her arms around me. Smiling, I returned the embrace, and for a moment we just looked at each other. Closeness like this had always had a way of disabling my brain functions. All I could do was stare at her and smile and love everything about her.  
  
She enjoyed my mute devotion for a moment, and then she smiled. "Sorry dinner got ruined, baby," I said. "I know you worked really hard."  
  
"It's okay," I said, honestly not caring. Her body pressed up against mine had created a need between my legs, and still smiling, I asked: "Can we have sex before we clean up?"  
  
She pretended to think about it with a cute little pout, but I knew she wouldn't say no. "I'm not sure," she said. "Is that normal couple behavior, do you think?"  
  
I nodded, playing along. "I think so," I said. "We're still newlyweds, aren't we?"  
  
"Well," she said with a giggle. "Okay."  
  
My hands were already cupping her butt, and using all of my strength as a human, I lifted her up and set her back down again on the kitchen counter. She giggled at how I grunted with the effort and closed her legs around my body. I smiled and kissed her, pulling her face down to mine and parting her lips with my tongue. After tonight I was going to be as strong as a vampire, and I was already looking forward to manhandling her a little.  
  
After we cleaned up the kitchen we went for a shower together, and despite Alice's desire to keep the event as meaningless as possible, she couldn't help ritualizing it just a little. She washed me with her own hands, slowly and leaving no area uncovered, making sure I was as pure and pristine as possible for my last moments as a human. I indulged her, simply standing there and enjoying the sensation of her soapy hands gliding across my skin.  
  
When we were done in the shower we put our clothes in the hamper. We didn't bother putting on any fancy underwear or setting out a selection of toys. We simply slipped under the covers, naked, and made love one last time before I died and came back as Alice's one true mate. We had been girlfriends, lovers, and wives, but tonight…tonight was when we were truly going to be joined forever.  
  
Alice was kissing my mouth and rubbing her body against mine. I moaned and stroked my hands up and down her back, the covers sliding down below our hips. She moved her lips to my breasts, cupping them with her hands and taking the nipples into her mouth, making me with shiver with anticipation. Finally she lowered her lips further between my thighs and began licking at my entrance, nice long licks that made me spread my legs even wider as I moved my hips against her mouth. I began moaning and groaning as the orgasm built inside me and finally I came. She completed the tryst by rubbing herself against me until her own release came, and then she laid flat on top of me and kissed me, her little breaths panting against my lips.  
  
"Are you ready, baby?" she asked, gazing into my eyes.  
  
"Yes," I whispered. "Is it going to hurt?"  
  
"I'm afraid so. The bite will have to pierce your breastbone, but the transition should be painless." She lowered her hand across my chest, caressing my breast for a moment before covering my heart with her palm. "I'm going to bite you in the chest," she explained in a soft whisper. "And inject my venom directly into your heart. Okay?"  
  
I covered her hand with my own, holding it there. "Okay."  
  
She smiled at me. Her fangs had elongated more than normal and she ran the tip of her tongue across them as she gazed at me with dark and lusty eyes. "Are you positive this what you want, Bella?" she asked. She knew the answer, but she wanted to hear it out loud. "After this, you'll be mine forever," she said. "Heart, body, and soul. Is that what you want?"  
  
"Yes," I said, gripping her hand. Underneath it my heart had began beating very hard. "It's what I want more than anything. All I ever wanted to be was yours, Alice. Just promise me you'll never leave me."  
  
Her smile widened and she placed a kiss on my lips. "I promise," she whispered into my mouth. "You're never going to get rid of me, baby. Never."  
  
"Thank you," I said. "I love you, Alice."  
  
"I love you too, baby," she said. "Are you ready?"  
  
I nodded and as I nodded a feeling of dreamy happiness settled over me. This was it; it was finally happening. Alice and I were going to be together forever. And this was the beginning.  
  
Alice placed one last kiss on my lips, and then she shifted lower on my body. She placed kisses over the area where my heart throbbed away in loving devotion, and I heard a low growl build in her chest. She hadn't fed from me in days and her bloodlust was strong. My eyes were closed and my hands were threaded in her soft and silky hair. I felt her fangs poke my chest. They were so sharp it felt like two little needles. She applied more pressure and I winced as the skin was punctured. The taste of my blood broke the last of her restraint and suddenly her inch long fangs impaled into my heart.  
  
—  
  



	40. Chapter 40

—  
  
Chapter 40:  
  
—  
  
I gasped.  
  
My whole body arched off the mattress and almost bucked Alice away. But the pain only lasted an instant. Because after the sickening crunch of her teeth through my breastbone came the venom, injected directly into my heart from the tips of her slender fangs. In those first moments I cried out and tried to thrash from underneath her, but she held me down with her mouth clamped to my chest and her fangs buried deep inside, like some atavistic adder slithered into the bed beside me, warm and scaleless and yet no less poisonous or serpentine. Under the sweet sting of her fangs I slowly went still and gasped and gasped again, holding her head to my breast as all of Alice's love and lust, all of her hopes and dreams and all her desires, as all of it was poured directly into my heart and pumped out through my whole body.  
  
My hands were slowly going slack as massive amounts of bright heart blood gushed from the wound, covering her lower face and running warmly over my breasts and soaking the sheet beneath me. She moaned and bit harder, pushing her fangs in deeper, but I was beyond the pain by now. I only gave another soft gasp and the corners of my mouth turned up in a glazed smile. I was so happy. Alice's venom was the nicest thing I'd ever felt and it was flowing all through me. Through my arms and my legs and all through my torso. Tingling in my veins like a drug.  
  
My hands came loose and flopped to the mattress where my wrists bounced once. My legs had gone slack as well and now my thighs lay splayed with Alice between them, grinding her fangs even deeper into my heart. I gasped again, but it sounded more like a sigh. She continued to feed from my helpless form and finally she raised her face. The withdraw of her fangs made me whimper and I managed to turn my lidded eyes onto her.  
  
She was kneeling between my legs and smiling at me softly. A pretty smile, so warm and beautiful – even despite the fangs that poked her lip and the gore caked all over her face.  
  
For a moment we just looked at each other. I returned the smile, so happy and glazed over from her venom. Between my eyes and hers, my naked chest was going dark and red. My breasts were drenched. Blood was squirting from the two holes in my chest in two little fountains. As if the sheer amount of love it held had somehow ruptured my heart itself. I was too weak to move, overcome by the blood loss and the bliss of her poisonous kiss. I could hardly managed to smile and move my eyes to watch her. Watch as she stirred to life and moved from between my thighs. As she closed my legs for me and straightened them on the bed. She took my hands and composed them on my chest. I could feel the blood pumping under my palms and slowly I let my eyes fall closed. Laying there naked and blood soaked, like a dead virgin on an altar.  
  
Finally I felt Alice climb on top of me and her lips lower to my ear. "Don't fight it, baby," she whispered. "Just let yourself go. It won't hurt, I promise. Just a quick sleep and then we can be together forever. I'll be right here when you wake up. I love you, baby. I love you so much…"  
  
I loved her, too.  
  
I truly, truly did.  
  
—  
  
I don't know what I had expected. Dreams, delirium, hysteria in the heart as I lay in the throes of some dark metamorphosis. But it was nothing like that. It was every bit as painless as Alice had promised. It felt like falling asleep while already asleep. Like slipping from one dream into another. It didn't even feel like a change; it felt like a completion.  
  
I was strangely aware through the whole process, not quite conscious, but not quite unconscious, either. My eyes remained closed, and as Alice advised, I didn't fight it. I had no desire to. It had been a little scary in the beginning, but only for a second or two. I was used to the sight of blood and the feel of her venom could never make me panic. Her venom was all I lived for. I had learnt to crave it even more than she craved my blood. So I didn't fight it, I just let myself go. Laying there with my eyes closed and my pale lips slightly parted as I drifted away in warm waves of euphoria, the venom burning in my body, but burning nicely, pleasantly. I was aware of Alice the whole time. She didn't leave me for a single second. I could feel her weight on top of me, her body spread across mine, and at first this felt nice. But after a while I became aware that I wanted to touch her. To put my arms around her. To see her. The longing began to grow and it was this longing that finally woke me up.  
  
My eyes fluttered, once, twice. The first thing I saw was her smile. She had cleaned herself up with a sheet and her smile was soft and radiant in the morning sunlight that spilled from the window over the bed. Her fangs were gone and the smile was as pretty and pure as the sunrise itself – aside from the pinkish tinge around her mouth and the residue of blood I could see in the grooves of her lips.  
  
It occurred to me how perfectly that moment symbolized Alice's entire persona. So pretty and cute and adorably harmless – until you look a little closer.  
  
The thought made me smile and my own smile widened hers. For a moment we just looked at each other, our eyes moving slightly as we soaked each other in. I realized she was admiring my newly vampiric beauty, and I was doing the same thing. Her face was only inches away from mine, and with my vampire eyes it seemed like the first time I had ever really seen her. She was so clear and beautiful. Her skin so perfectly smooth, so pale and lustrous like marble. Her nose, small and upturned just slightly. And her eyes. They were so huge and sparkly. I could see each eyelash and I could see how the honey-colored pigment of her iris darkened toward the pupil. Our eyes met as they fluttered over each other's faces and for a moment we held each other's gaze. I waited for her to speak first, and when she spoke her voice came out in whisper, soft and full of happiness.  
  
"Hey," she said.  
  
The sound of her voice caused a wave of happiness to roll over me. "Hey," I replied, and as I did I felt my tongue brush against my fangs.  
  
Fangs.  
  
Suddenly my stomach gave a gigantic lurch.  
  
I had fangs – I was a vampire.  
  
The thought washed over me and made me dizzy. It was like I had only just realized, despite the fact that I'd been perfectly aware as I had examined Alice's face. It was the fangs in my mouth that suddenly made it seem real. My smile evaporated into an expression of shock that made her giggle. I was using my tongue to feel out the fangs, my heart flickering in excitement at how sharp they were. I had never given much thought to the idea of having fangs—I'd been more concerned with the immortality part—but feeling them now in my own mouth filled me with a sense of dark exhilaration. Venom began pooling under my tongue and I had a sudden urge to use my new fangs.  
  
On Alice.  
  
Lips parted, I lowered my eyes to her neck, mesmerized by the soft flesh there. So pale. So inviting. I could see the beat of her pulse just gently under the skin and my mind slowly began to cloud over. The sense of lust was indescribable. Overwhelming, overpowering. Intoxicating. My breath was going in and out and I wanted so badly to grab her and bite her, to sink my teeth into that beautiful skin and make it bleed and drink all the blood, and—  
  
"I know," she said gently, as if all this was plain in my eyes to see. "Come here."  
  
She lifted me in her arms and rose up, straddling my lap. Despite the lust that had invaded my mind, I was very weak, almost too weak to move. My head lolled backwards, but Alice threaded her hands in my hair and steadied me, guiding my mouth to her neck. A soft whimper escaped me and my eyes filled with tears. In that moment I understood Alice's craving for consent, for a willing victim. To have a lust like this, something so powerful and overwhelming, and to have the release willingly and even eagerly offered – it filled me with such wonderful sensations of affection and thankfulness, such an elated sense of joy and happiness, that it felt like falling in love with her all over again.  
  
And it made me wonder – was this how she fell in love with me? Did my simple consent to the strongest desire in her being create this same feeling of fondness and gratitude?  
  
But my mind was too hazed to wonder for more than a second. What did it matter? Alice loved me and I loved Alice, and now Alice was going to let me bite her. I was so excited. A hot blush had smothered my face and I whimpered again as she nursed my head into the crook of her neck.  
  
"Go ahead, baby," she whispered, her voice soft and breathless with her own excitement. "It'll be your first bite, so enjoy it. Okay?"  
  
I had opened my mouth and my teeth were poking her skin. Her scent was swirling in my head, whispering sweet urgencies directly into my mind, telling me to hurry, to oh please hurry. I could feel her warm skin yielding beneath my fangs, but I hesitated, savoring the moment. Tears of restraint were streaming from my closed eyes and my whole body was trembling. The anticipation was driving me crazy. It seemed so unfathomable; in a second I was going to pierce Alice's skin with my teeth and taste her blood. Every fiber of my being cried out for me to do it, do it now. But the anticipation was so incredible, so maddening, that I almost didn't want it to stop. I had never lusted for Alice like this in all my life, and it felt so right, so appropriate, that I never wanted it to go away. Venom was dripping from my mouth and soaking her neck and my restraint was getting weaker and weaker, and—  
  
"Please, baby," she whispered in my ear, her voice trembly with urgency. "I've been waiting for this for so long. Don't make me wait any longer. Please, just—"  
  
Her gentle pleas broke the last of my restraint. With a low moan I sunk my fangs into her neck.  
  
She gasped, so softly, so beautifully. The first splash of hot blood entered my mouth and I almost screamed into the wound from how delicious it was. My arms came up and one of my hands wrenched back her head by the hair, exposing more of her neck, groaning and driving my fangs in deeper. Blood flowed past my lips and every tastebud on my tongue exploded in an exquisite orgasm of the mouth. It was unlike anything I ever could've expected. I moaned and moaned and kept moaning, sucking at her neck and wrenching her head back so savagely I almost tore it off. She cried out and gripped her fingers into my back, her legs tightening around my waist.  
  
"Yes," she gasped, rubbing herself against me, as if she wanted to melt into me. "Oh baby. Yes. Yes. Oh god, I can't believe how wonderful it is. This is what I always wanted. I got confused sometimes, but I know now. This is what I always wanted. I always wanted this."  
  
Even in my lusted-haze her words made me smile inside. How many times was Alice going to redefine what she wanted out of this relationship? Will she ever truly decide?  
  
But I could understand how she felt. It was the same way I had felt only days ago, when it was Alice doing the biting and me so proud and happy to be her victim. I hadn't always enjoyed being bitten, but I had learnt to love it, to define myself by it. It was an intoxicating feeling to have the power of satisfying such a hunger. When Alice fed on me, it made me feel needed and desired in the most basic and visceral way. That was what she was feeling now. It was a wonderful feeling, and in typical Alice fashion, she had promptly assumed that it was what she was looking for her whole life. And who knows? Maybe it was.  
  
"Oh baby," she said, and now a giggle was in her voice, as if her happiness was simply bubbling out of her. "Oh baby, stop for a second. Stop, stop, stop. Let me look at you."  
  
The initial rush of uncontrollable hunger was over, and I managed to tear myself away from the wound as she requested. My breath was shuddering in and out of me and I licked my lips, wondering what she wanted. Her own breath was trembly and she took my face in her hands, still sitting on my lap with her legs around my waist. She blinked at me; her eyes were bright and sparkly with some brand new happiness. Blood was leaking from her neck and flowing down her naked front. My eyes flickered as I fought the urge to lick it all up, and then I lifted my eyes to hers. She smiled.  
  
"You're so beautiful, baby," she said. "You have no idea."  
  
I swallowed, somehow not really capable of speech. I could feel my mouth and the lower half of my face all covered with blood – her blood. Was that what she meant by beautiful. She blinked at me, smiling as if she was proud in some way, and then her smile went a touch impish.  
  
"Open your mouth, baby," she said. "Let me see your fangs."  
  
I opened my mouth obediently, even eagerly. As she had mentioned it, I felt an urge to show them off. So I gulped down my excitement once more and opened wide, like a child revealing her first adult teeth. Alice smiled and bent slightly, as if to get a better look. She lifted a hand and touched a finger into my mouth, tracing the pattern of my blood stained teeth.  
  
"So pretty," she whispered, pushing the pad of her finger against the tip of one of my fangs. My stomach lurched with the desire to bite the finger and suck on it, but I didn't want to ruin the moment. Alice took the finger out of my mouth and put it into her own, her eyes closing dreamily as she sampled the mingled taste of my venom and her blood. Then she opened her eyes and smiled a little darkly. "So fucking sexy," she whispered, and then leaned her face toward my mouth.  
  
I kept my mouth open and fought with every ounce of my strength to remain in control as she began to slowly lick the blood from my lips. Then her tongue entered my mouth and began to slither around my teeth and fangs, licking up the blood and the pooling venom. My chest was trembling with excitement, my restraint at the absolute edge. I gave a soft whimper, silently begging her for more blood. But she just continued to lick, slowly exploring the inside of my mouth, teasing me, tormenting me. Until finally I couldn't take it anymore; I bit down on her tongue, making her squeal happily in pain, and then I threw her down onto the bed and attacked her with a vicious kiss.  
  
Her pain must've been only momentary because she returned the kiss very eagerly, her arms around my neck and her naked legs immediately wrapping around me. Her injured tongue was utterly delicious and after lapping up the pooling blood I took her tongue into my mouth and sucked on it. She realized what I was doing and accommodated me, opening her mouth and elongating her tongue as far as it would go. I moaned and slurped on it like a lollipop, the blood driving me crazy.  
  
She let me do this for a while, but then she had a better idea. She flipped me onto my back and began to tongue me with more of her usual dominance, scraping her tongue against my fangs to refresh the wound and make it bleed again. She swirled it around mine and moaned, blood and venom and saliva all pooling and drooling from our mouths.  
  
Soon her tongue began to stop bleeding and she slowed the kiss down. By now my pussy was in a rage of horniness and the sensation distracted me from the blood lust and reminded me that this was Alice; my lover, my mate, my wife. My feelings for her were far deeper than simple lust, and even though I was still half-crazed, I responded to the slowness of the kiss, stroking my hands up and down her back as I moaned softly into her mouth.  
  
Finally she broke the kiss and smiled. Her teeth were pink with blood and the wound in her neck had already closed due to her vampire regeneration. She had always been pale, but I could notice an extra paleness in her eyelids. My thirst had already consumed a portion of her, and even in these opening moments in my life as a vampire, I began to understand Alice's former death-fetish; it would've been so nice to rip apart her neck and destroy her completely.  
  
"So," she said, smiling at the dark glint in my eyes. "How do you like being a vampire so far?"  
  
I licked my lips languidly. The gesture came to me perfectly natural, but I realized how sexy it would've looked and the realization made me bold and gave me a jolt of horniness. "It's fucking awesome," I replied. It was a somewhat shallow response to such a life altering change, but I'd never been a particularly deep young woman.  
  
She giggled, so apparently she agreed. "It is, isn't it?" she said. "I've always loved it too." Then she pouted cutely. "It only starts to suck when it takes six hundred years to find your soulmate."  
  
I smiled and arched up against her, rubbing my body against hers slightly. Again, it was an unconscious gesture, but it struck me as sultry and gave me a little flicker of pride. I wasn't sure if I would've done it as a human or if my recent change had made me a little bolder, but either way it was pretty cool. "I guess I'm lucky," I said. "I found mine without even looking."  
  
"You certainly are," she said with a charming giggle. But then she looked into my eyes for a moment, as if wondering how lucky I really was, and her smile dimmed a little. "I know we had a rocky start, baby," she said, "but it's all gonna be different from now on. I'm going to make you so happy. You really are going to be the luckiest girl in the world, I promise."  
  
"I already am, Alice," I replied honestly. "I was lucky when I first saw you."  
  
She smiled coyly, showcasing her girlish insecurity. "Do you really mean that, baby?"  
  
"Of course I do," I said, pulling her down into a kiss. "I love you, Alice," I said, whispering into her mouth, still kissing her. "No matter what happens between us, I'll always love you. No one makes me feel the way you make me feel."  
  
There was a tang of blood in her mouth, but it was faint. I deepened the kiss, trying to taste more, and she tried to talk through it, her voice muffled and slurred.  
  
"Thank you," she gasped. "I love you too, baby. Mmm! I love you so much. I love—"  
  
But I flipped her onto her back and pushed my hips against her, letting her know that as much as I loved her I was still extremely horny. She giggled.  
  
"Oh baby," she smiled. "Is baby still hungry?"  
  
"Mmhm," I said, eyeing her naked form hungrily. I was kneeling between her legs and she was laying there with her legs open, smiling up at me with a naughty sparkle in her eyes.  
  
"Well, I'll tell you what," she said. "I know I said I didn't want to do anything special, but…"  
  
She trailed off and I grinned. A guilty flush appeared over her face, but she didn't need to explain. I knew she was committed to making our relationship healthy and strong, but a girl can't change overnight. Alice would always have a strong inclination toward extravagance. Besides, I could also understand how laying naked under the lusty gaze of your vampiric lover could trigger a few darker urges – I had experienced those same urges myself.  
  
"Yes?" I said, smirking down at her, feeling more of that vampire-boldness. I'd always thought that becoming a vampire might make me intelligent and refined, but I still felt as immature as ever – my girlfriend was naked and she wanted me to do things to her. Heehee.  
  
She smiled and explained with a blush. "Well, you only get your first time once," she said, "so we should at least make it memorable. Not for me, but for you. I don't want you to feel like a monster, but I don't want you to suppress any of these new things your feeling either."  
  
That sounded familiar. I wondered if she realized she was echoing my exact anxieties leading up to the wedding. Either way, it was a little too deep for me, personally. I didn't feel like a monster at all and I hadn't planned to suppress anything. Maybe that would come later, but right now as I looked down at her bloody neck, all I felt was hunger.  
  
"What do you want me to do?" I asked, trying to keep the eagerness out of my voice so that she wouldn't feel pressured.  
  
But she only smiled, as if this was the perfect question. "Anything," she said. "I want you to do anything you want."  
  
The offer washed over me with dizzying excitement.  
  
Anything.  
  
I gulped down the venom that had suddenly pooled in my mouth.  
  
"Anything?" I asked.  
  
"Anything," she confirmed, laying there passively with her legs open, her body so soft and exposed, so warm, so beautiful. "Bite me anywhere you want, okay? And don't stop until you've had enough."  
  
I had began trembling slightly, so eager to begin, but—  
  
"But what if…" I said.  
  
She smiled and shook her head. "I'll let you know if it gets dangerous," she said. "Don't worry, baby, I won't let you kill me. I just want you to ravish me a little, kay?"  
  
"O-okay," I stuttered, blinking down at her, unsure how to begin. It just seemed so overwhelming. Alice's whole body – where to bite first? How could I possibly decide? It was all so sexy. I wanted it all, but I had to pick one part first, and—  
  
"May I make a suggestion, baby?" she asked, and without waiting for a reply, she rolled over onto her stomach and displayed her gorgeous little ass. "For your first non-neck bite, I think you should do it right here," she said, touching a fingertip to one of her soft round buttocks. "You've always loved my ass, and it would be like marking your territory, or asserting ownership. This ass is going to belong to you forever, baby. So come on. Mark it. Make it yours."  
  
The offer was so intoxicating that I couldn't even speak. Instead I just placed a hand on her ass and caressed it gently. So warm. So soft. She moaned encouragingly, squirming gently under the hand, and a wave of sheer lust rolled over my whole body. She wanted it. She wanted me to bite her ass.  
  
"Mmm," she moaned. "Hurry, baby."  
  
A spasm of lust rippled through my core. I didn't know if I should growl or squeal, but instead I took a shaky breath and began to lower my face to the warm flesh under my hand, to the taut and shapely softness that was – Alice's ass.  
  
I touched my cheek to it and rubbed, savoring the anticipation, knowing that release was on it's way and the torment was only temporary. My fangs had retracted slightly while we were talking, but I could feel them growing again, lengthening in my mouth. I felt that oh so familiar lurching in my stomach and for a second I had to marvel at how none of this was really new. I had felt it all before, ages ago. Ever since I had first laid eyes on her I had been stricken with this same hunger, this same longing. Only now it was more intense, more literal. I didn't just hunger for her; I hungered for her.  
  
So I slowly turned my face and pressed my lips to her buttock. It was her left one. My hand was on the right, each of them as soft and warm as the other. I kissed it once, just softly. Again, firmer. I let my eyes fall closed and let my tongue out of my mouth, dragging it along the hill of her buttock before popping it back into my mouth and kissing again with my lips, and again, and again, my breath shivering in and out of my nostrils.  
  
"Oh god," Alice said in a groaning giggle. "You're such a freak, baby."  
  
I blushed at that, still struggling to contain myself. My stomach was hollow with hunger, desperate for her blood. Feeling my control beginning to slip, I opened my mouth and let my fangs graze along her skin, letting her feel how hungry I was, how close I was to sinking my teeth into her luscious ass.  
  
"Go ahead, baby," she whispered, her voice turning urgent. "You know I want you to."  
  
I let my fangs dimple her skin, not breaking it but slowly applying more pressure. The anticipation was indescribable, knowing that any second my teeth were going pierce her skin like the skin of a fruit and hot blood was going to come pouring out. Finally her skin broke. One of my fangs punctured into her buttock, but before any blood could well, Alice gave a little gasp. Her ass twitched in excitement, and that's all it took to break my restraint; with a low moan that was almost a growl, I forced my teeth into her soft flesh.  
  
The blood gushed instantly, slower than the wound in her neck, but still filling my mouth. She giggled and jiggled on the mattress playfully, but I gripped her hips and gulped down the blood, keeping my lips fastened to the wound and half orgasming from how delicious it was.  
  
"Mmm," Alice moaned. "That feels so nice. Keep going, baby."  
  
I wanted to, but there was no vein or artery there, and soon the blood began to slow. I opened my eyes and looked at the wound liddedly. A pink stain on her white buttock. It made me smile, looking at what I'd done to her beautiful ass, and I licked my lips as I watched the blood well from the two holes in her pretty skin, my tongue toying with my fangs. Then I leaned the licked the blood as it ran down the curve of her hip.  
  
I kept doing this until the blood stopped and then I bit into her other buttock. It didn't take her by surprise, it only made her giggle. I sucked on the wound, relishing the taste of the blood and the feel of her skin under my lips, and when the blood slowed I stopped sucking and began to lick. Then I selected another spot and bit again, and then another spot, until I had made a total of five bite marks in her lovely ass, each more yummy than the last.  
  
When I was done, I raised my face and smiled at my work, tonguing my fangs absently. Her whole ass was stained pink and dotted with little puncture marks, and I do say it looked very pretty. It made me horny to look at it like that, as if I really did own, and I thought I might as well trib on it. The thirst was satisfied for a moment, but my pussy had been aching for attention since I first sank my teeth into her. So I mounted up onto her ass, very casually—quite proud of the bold way I did it—and began to rub myself against it, moaning already at the friction against my soaked and throbbing pussy.  
  
Alice felt the slather of my juices on her skin and giggled. "Aww, I was hoping to use my mouth," she said. "You must be so wet and yummy by now."  
  
"Sorry," I said, grinding down on her faster, feeling my own breasts sway. They were larger, I was pleased to note. Vampirism has all kinds of perks, it seems. I smiled at my chest and ground down even harder on Alice. "But I just really love your ass."  
  
She giggled again and pretended to be glum. "Okay, it's your orgasm," she said. "Just remember my mouth is ready to serve, okay? When I said anything you want, that includes telling me what to do. Okay?"  
  
"Okay," I panted. I was so horny my climax was already approaching, and I went even faster on her ass, scraping my clit up and back on her soft skin.  
  
Alice could hear it in my voice and she giggled again. "Is baby almost there? Go ahead, baby, don't hold back. It'll be your first orgasm as a vampire, but it won't be your last. There going to be many more. Thousands and thousands. A whole eternity worth. I'm going to love you forever, baby."  
  
"Oh god," I moaned. I love you too, Alice. I love you. I love you. I—"  
  
My words trailed off in a gasp as I arched my back and lifted a breathless smile to the ceiling, mounted on her ass and clenching down with my thighs. It wasn't the most intense orgasm of my life, but it was very lovely, and a nice start to my life as a vampire. I knew Alice would've appreciated something more extravagant for my first orgasm as an immortal whore of darkness, but I was happy we had partly stuck to the original plan of not making a big deal about it. There was nothing wrong with making things special, of course, but me and Alice had always had problems with boundaries. Our fixation with specialness was what had led to a wedding night in which we had almost killed each other.  
  
And besides, deep in my heart I knew that a great bulk of my love for Alice was rooted in the worship of her ass. It had always been her most glorious feature, and hundreds of years from now I was sure I'd be able to look at her ever-perky behind and remember fondly how I had ground out my first orgasm as a vampire upon it.  
  
Alice giggled and I was still mounted there on her ass, breathing heavily, eyes closed. The giggle recalled me to the moment, and when I opened my eyes I saw her naked back, so slim and bare and perfectly white. The sheets beneath were spattered with blood, some of it still fresh, but her back was pure and unblemished. A dark excitement began to well in the pit of my stomach and I began to stroke my hands up and down that creamy expanse, massaging her soft buttery muscles and feeling out the shapes of her shoulder bones, the knobs of her spine.  
  
"Mmm," she moaned happily. "That feels nice."  
  
I didn't reply. The hunger was once again overpowering my ability to speak, and now the back of her head caught my eye, her pretty black hair. I let one of my hands travel up until it was in her hair, and then I slowly clenched it into a fist. She tensed up slightly, but I'm sure it was just excitement. I began to pull back her hair, lifting her whole front half off the blood-stained sheets, and my hips pushed against her ass unconsciously; I was getting horny again.  
  
She might've heard the low growl in my chest, but even if she didn't she knew what I wanted. Her whole head was wrenched back and the uninjured side of her throat exposed. She tilted her head back even more and I could hear a smile in her voice. "Go ahead, baby," she said. "You don't have to resist it anymore. Just go crazy, okay? It'll be the only way to really satisfy you. Ravish me, baby. Quickly. Quickly, baby, just—"  
  
I did. Her words caused the darkness to flare up inside me, but not just the darkness. In the midst of the black fog of lust that rolled over my mind there were rays of love and joy and affection for the girl who was letting me do this to her, my mate, my wife, my Alice. I didn't want to hurt her, but I was thrilled that she would let me, and I didn't even stop to savor the anticipation this time. I simply swooped down and sank my fangs into the side of her neck.  
  
Without even attempting to restrain myself, I swiftly fell into a frenzy, like an animal or a demon. Her body had humped up under my hips in a little spasm as my teeth tore into her skin, but this only caused me to begin grinding my pussy against her ass again as I sucked at the wound in her neck, moaning and growling as the hot blood flowed into my mouth and dripped from my lips.  
  
"Yes," she said, tilting her head back for me even more. "Keep going, baby. Don't—"  
  
But suddenly the position didn't seem dominating enough. I didn't know why that was important, but I felt very strongly that her helplessness was almost as delicious as her blood. So I abandoned my grip in her hair and grabbed her around the neck so that I could wrench her whole torso back. She cried out as her spine bent dangerously the wrong way, but I didn't stop or let go, I only hauled back harder. I had sat back on her ass, and I was hugging her back to my chest, growling into the wound on her neck as I humped at the softness beneath my pussy.  
  
"Yes," she hissed, her voice struggling through her contorted body. "Break me, baby. Keep going. Keep—"  
  
My hand had slipped lower to her chest and my fingers closed like claws around one of her breasts. The softness of it drove me wild and suddenly I was consumed with an urge to bite it.  
  
So I forgot about the wound on her neck—the blood was already beginning to slow anyway—and threw her body down onto the mattress where she bounced and began giggling. I dismounted from her ass, my pussy throbbing and unfulfilled, and flipped her over roughly. Her breasts came up and jiggled once, all cute and perky on her chest. Funnels of blood had dripped from her neck and left a long red streak between them, and I didn't pause or hesitate or wait for permission; I grabbed one of her tits in my hand and bit into it like a fruit.  
  
She squealed at the pain, but it was a happy squeal, a squeal of excitement. Blood was gushing into my mouth and I moaned, biting harder, making the blood squirt. She bucked from the pain, laughing, and as she laughed she began beating my head with a balled fist, as if to drive me off. But I knew she didn't want me to go anywhere. She was just enjoying her helplessness, and so was I. So was I.  
  
I was practically gnawing at her tit, and soon her laughs tapered off into chuckling sobs, her whole body squirming under my teeth. My whole face was slathered in blood and as the blood began to slow I began licking instead, vicious licks across her red and ruined breast, half-licking the nipple off her chest in my insane hunger.  
  
"Do the other one, baby," she suggested breathlessly. "Quick. Tits don't bleed much, so just have fun."  
  
It was a fine suggestion, and if it wasn't for the dark red mist in my mind I'm sure I would've thought of it myself. I was almost reluctant to abandon the current breast while it was still trickling blood, but then I realized that the other one would bleed even more, so I quickly discarded it and sank my teeth into the other one.  
  
I moaned as more of her beautiful blood began flowing into my mouth, and rather than satisfy my thirst, it only made me more crazy. The more blood that pumped into my mouth, the more I seemed to need, and with a desperate whimper I bit harder, making her flinch and cry out. One of my fangs had punctured her areola and I took the whole nipple into my mouth, violently sucking the blood out of her breast like an evil infant.  
  
She giggled and clenched her hands into my hair. "That's it, baby," she whispered, wincing from pain. "Keep going till you've had enough."  
  
I kept going, mindlessly sucking and licking at her chest, until finally the lust was so thick in my head that I seemed to forget what I was doing. Finally I raised my face and sat back on the bed, kneeling beside her. I closed my eyes as a wave of dizziness washed over me, and touched a palm to my temple. My hand was wet. I looked at it; it was covered in blood. I licked my lips. There was blood all over them too. I turned my glazed eyes to Alice, and she smiled at me, laying there in the bloody sheets with blood all over her body and blood smeared on her face.  
  
I swayed slightly as I looked at her, dizzy with a lust that just wouldn't go away. Her smile was happy and loving, and yet slightly sad at the edges, as if her very happiness was a trouble to her. In a moment of clarity I realized that I had become a monster just like her, and the sadness in her smile was regret that she had did this to me, that she had implanted these urges directly into my heart. But the regret was only dim, because beyond all that was the knowledge that we were going to be together forever, and even despite the blood and the darkness, we going to love each other however we could.  
  
If she had wanted me to stop, I think I might've been able to. It probably would've been best. Alice had said she didn't want to glorify the dark stuff anymore, and yet now I was kneeling over her where she lay there in this bed that was soaked with her own blood. Perhaps we had already gone too far. But she didn't suggest stopping. She simply drew her legs together and rolled onto a hip sexily.  
  
"Well?" she asked. "What would you like next?"  
  
I smirked, already beginning to lower my mouth toward her in a predatory fashion. Maybe tomorrow we could begin pretending to be normal, but today…I just wanted to bite her.  
  
So I sunk my teeth into the curve of her hip, once again feeling the rush of joy as her blood entered my mouth. But I didn't spend much time on that one bite. I withdrew my fangs and licked at the twin holes for a moment and then I bit again nearby, and again, and again, hearing her gasp and groan with each incision of my fangs.  
  
The frenzy was beginning to build inside me all over again, and finally I pushed her onto her back and sank my fangs into her midsection, just above her womb. I made a collection of bites all over her tummy and I spent a few moments licking at them hungrily. Her hands were threaded in my hair, and she kept moaning encouragingly, but she didn't speak. She might've been getting weak from the blood loss, but I didn't stop. I only raised my smeared face from the carnage in her abdomen for just a moment and looked at her. She smiled at me with her sparkly eyes, all happy and willing, and I felt an urge to sit on her face and make her lick my pussy. I felt a wave of love as well, but the love of a vampire seems to manifest in strange ways.  
  
Blood had pooled in her navel, and I gave it a quick lick before moving away. Alice watched me with nothing in her pale face but curiosity and eagerness and bloodstains. I swung one of my legs over her face and mounted her backwards. Instantly I felt her lips lift to my horny pussy, and with a growl I pushed down on her mouth. Her tongue came out and slid inside me, and ripples of lust began riffling through my body like electricity.  
  
I was tonguing my fangs without realizing and as soon as I opened my eyes I realized that I had to bite something. I was mounted over her face backwards, and her whole body lay before me. The only part of her that wasn't stained with blood was her legs. The were lightly smeared from rolling in the sheet, but mostly they were still pure and white. Her thighs were open and between them her pussy was wet and very attractive. But I wanted to save that.  
  
So I reached and seized one of her ankles. I lifted her whole leg, squirming my hips against her face as she continued to lick my pussy. I placed a kiss or two on the soft meat of her calf and then I bit into it. I sucked on the wound, moaning, and then I lowered my mouth to a fresh spot and bit again. I bit it a few more times and let the blood run down her leg. I mopped it up with a finger and popped the finger into my mouth, and then I let the leg fall to the mattress.  
  
I grabbed up the other one by the ankle and again began gnawing at her calf. The other leg lay as it had fallen, bloody and bent, like something broken. I let one of my hands slide to her thigh and I began stroking the soft flesh there as I licked the blood off her calf. But then it occurred to me that her thighs were even softer, even warmer, even tastier, so I dropped her other leg as well and lowered my mouth to the insides of her thighs.  
  
Alice was still eating my pussy, her hands gripping my hips, and every now and then she'd groan in pain or excitement. I was getting very close to climaxing, and I decided to time it with my first bite into her thigh. I was still hungry, but the famished frenzy had tapered off to gluttonous indulgence, and I was able to control myself well for the moment. I kissed the inside of her thigh, teasingly close to her soaked pussy, and this made her whimper. She rededicated her efforts to my vagina, and finally I could feel it. I panted into her thigh, mouth open, fangs poised, and—  
  
I bit into her just as the climax burst between my legs, moaning into the hot gush of blood that exploded in my mouth. I didn't even pause to suck on the wound, I immediately bit again, and again, and then I moved to her other thigh and bit there. The act of biting her was almost as enjoyable as the blood itself. I had never felt anything as wonderful as the sensation of her soft flesh puncturing under my fangs and that first gout of blood as it flowed into my mouth.  
  
She didn't stop eating me out and soon I came again and then for a third time. The orgasms came so swift and powerful that I actually had to stop feeding, gasping in excitement as I pressed my face to her bloody thighs, my hips squirming on her head as her tongue wriggled inside me.  
  
Finally the orgasms throbbed away into small waves of lust and when I opened my eyes I realized that I was satisfied. I dismounted from her face and flopped down onto the bed with my eyes closed and a dreamy smile on my blood-coated face. I felt the mattress tilt as Alice stirred and then I felt her hand on my hip, petting me.  
  
"Oh baby," she whispered. "I'm so happy for you. You have no idea how lucky you are. I wanted to do all this stuff to you when I first saw you, but I couldn't or else I'd scare you away. I had to control myself. Can you imagine how hard it was for me?"  
  
I chuckled and sat up, the fog rapidly clearing. "You shouldn't have let me," I said, but smiling. "You should've made me control myself, too."  
  
She gave me a guilty smile. A lot of the blood on her face had rubbed off on my pussy and thighs, but there were still smears on her forehead and on her neck. "I know," she said. "But I think it's okay for your first time. We'll start over properly in Forks. As a newborn you're going to be very hungry. It would be cruel to force you to control yourself, don't you think?"  
  
I smiled and answered with a kiss, pressing my lips to hers for just a moment. "Thank you, Alice," I said. "It was wonderful."  
  
She giggled, pleased with herself, and then smirked. "I know, and guess what? It's not over yet," she said. "You still have your dessert to finish up."  
  
I think I knew what she meant, but I smiled and asked anyway. "Dessert?"  
  
"My pussy, silly," she giggled, swatting at my shoulder playfully. "Come on, I have a treat for you. You're gonna love it."  
  
She arranged a blood-stained pillow against the headboard and sat back against it with her legs open. There were slashes of blood all across the sheets and her whole torso was covered with blood and most of her legs. She was very pale, almost ghostly, and aside from the sparkle in her eyes and the smile on her lips she looked almost like a murder victim arranged there by a sadistic killer. The only place on her body that had no blood on it was her pussy, but then she slit her wrist with one of her fangs and let the blood drip onto her entrance.  
  
"Go on, baby," she said. "And please hurry. You have no idea how horny I am."  
  
The erotic display caused the lust to come rolling again through my mind, and I crawled over to her on all fours like a feline. Her pussy was soaked with blood and arousal, and she hissed in her breath as I dragged my tongue across it, moaning and salivating with venom.  
  
—  
  
It was a somewhat disturbing beginning to our lives together as vampires, but under the circumstances, it seemed excusable that we had gotten a little carried away. The thirst had been far too powerful for me to resist on my own, and in the heat of the moment, Alice had forgotten her resolution not to glorify the dark stuff. Easy to do when the dark stuff is so fucking hot. Still, she had at least partly stuck to her principle. The turning itself had been very simple – and on a Wednesday night, too. Nothing special about Wednesdays.  
  
In any case, it was progress, and afterwards she did seem genuinely remorseful. She was happy that I'd had a memorable first time, but disappointed with herself that she'd let it get out of control. She went a little glum as we changed all the bedding and flipped the mattress over to hide the blood-stains that had seeped through. She even spoke about getting a new mattress. It had clearly rattled her that she had broken yet another resolution, and only a day after making it. But when she caught me looking at her pensively, she brightened up and hustled me into the bathroom.  
  
We had a bath together, washing each other with loofas as the water turned pink. By the time we got out all of her wounds were healed and we went for a shower to get even cleaner. Her skin was back to it's usual smooth perfect pearl-like white, and that was enough to make me feel better. I had been a little disappointed too, since it was me who did the actual biting, but as I watched her put some clothes on, I remembered that we had a whole eternity to get it right and one way or another we will find a way to love each other properly.  
  
Alice put on a pair of pink boyleg briefs—my favorite kind of panties on her—and a white tanktop. It was enough to be considered decent within the privacy of our own home, but revealing enough to still be very sexy. It was almost lunch time, but obviously neither of us were hungry, so we spent the early afternoon marveling at the changes in my body. She was sitting on the edge of the bed, watching me, and I was posing naked in front of our bedroom mirror.  
  
It wasn't really a huge change, but it seemed huge to me. I'd never been prone to examining my naked body—preferring to remain wishfully optimistic—but I noticed a remarkable improvement. It was only little things, but it all added up. My legs had never been particularly long—even with so much venom in my system—but they seemed almost freakish now, visibly longer than my torso and perfectly shaped. Dual pillars of pale sexiness. They were mesmerizing, and quite frankly, I felt like going down on myself.  
  
My ass was another huge improvement, or maybe I'd just never really seen it properly. When I was fully human it had been mostly flat and plain, and then I got a little venom in my blood stream and it had gained a little shape. Now, it was simply amazing. I turned it to the mirror slightly and smiled over my bare shoulder. My hips appeared to have widened just a little, adding to the general curve of my figure, and my buttocks had gained a luscious fullness that reminded me of Victoria.  
  
And then there was my tits. I'd always been proud of them, but today I was simply ecstatic. I was going to have to go bra shopping soon, because they were at least a size larger. I looked at them in the mirror and then look down at the actual things. Then I grabbed them and hefted them a bit, simply amazed. They felt so huge and heavy – Alice was one lucky bitch.  
  
Alice giggled, evidently sharing my opinion. "It's amazing, isn't it? Carlisle's done research on the transformation, but there's no biological rationale to it. He theorizes the infection somehow rearranges a person's molecules into the best possible pattern, thus allowing their full beauty to emerge. Me? I just think demons are supposed to be sexy."  
  
The word demon made me light up. "I'm a demon," I said to my sexy reflection, unexpectedly cool with that. I had known that I probably wouldn't struggle with it, but it was still somewhat of a relief to realize that I really did think it was awesome.  
  
"It's nothing to joke about, Bella," Alice said, her voice slightly chiding. It struck me as slightly hypocritical, since she'd been joking about her demonic nature ever since I first met her, but I turned around and gave her my attention. She was smiling, but she was serious as she went on. "Vampires are evil by nature," she said, "so from now on, you're really going to have to be careful. Especially as a newborn. The thirst is going to mess with your head and make you want to do things. Bad things."  
  
I understood all that because I'd experienced it this morning. Feasting on my girlfriend's flesh wasn't behavior I had been prone to as a human. And even before last night, my budding vampire instincts had caused me to do things I wouldn't normally do, like burn Alice with candles and make her scream. But even so, I felt evil was a strong word.  
  
"Are vampire's really evil, Alice?" I asked. "Can't we just be a little naughty?"  
  
She giggled, but she was still serious. "Baby, in six hundred years I've never met a pretty girl I didn't want to kill," she said. "I never did it, of course, but I think even the desire rules out any association with goodness, don't you?"  
  
I wasn't so sure. Even back in school I was no stranger to the impulse of murdering pretty girls – especially the ones that teased me. Isn't that just natural? Who knows. Maybe these thoughts themselves were simply a product of my vampire immorality. In any case, Alice wanted me to be serious, so I nodded.  
  
She nodded back, smiling brightly. "Good," she said. "That's the basic rule if you want to function in society; don't kill people. The police don't like it and it's a terrible mess to clean up. Other than that, I think you'll find it's quite fun to be a vampire."  
  
"I like it already," I said, turning back to the mirror. It was possibly a little shallow to be distracted from such a subject by my own boobs, but I couldn't help it. They were just so cute!  
  
Alice sighed, leaning back with her palms on the bed. I could see her in the mirror. She was weak from the blood loss and her eyes were lidded as she took a moment to admire my ass. But when she spoke she was still talking about vampire-ethics.  
  
"Like Esme, you'll still be relatively human for a while," she said. "You'll have human habits and principles. But even those will be mostly intellectual. From now on, you're guiding impulse will be lust."  
  
She said this with a touch of regret, as if once more lamenting the damage done to my soul. But I only smiled. Post-puberty, lust had always been the emotion I was most comfortable with, vampire or not. Sometimes I think she forgot that she didn't exactly turn me nympho – I was nympho all on my own.  
  
And besides, look how hot I was. If such a body came with the price tag of an insatiable lust for blood and pussy, I was pretty sure I could handle it. I grinned in the mirror, tilting my hip and cocking one leg. "I just can't get over how hot I am," I said, practically ignoring her. "Even my skin, it's so beautiful. I almost wish I could fuck myself."  
  
Alice giggled, deciding to let go of the morality lesson for now. "You were always sexy to me, baby," she said. "Even when you wore that ratty ponytail."  
  
I turned to her with a smile as an unexpected wave of love washed over me. It was true; she did always love me. Much of that was my scent and the lust for my blood, but hey; attraction is attraction. It has to start somewhere.  
  
And this is what it had led to. We'd had out ups and downs, and things were far from perfect, but with Alice I'd experienced a height of passion that I never knew existed. No matter what happened after this or where we went from here, I'd never regret it. For better or worse, she was my soulmate.  
  
So I smiled and approached her with the intent to show her how I felt. The distance between the mirror and bed was only three steps, but I rolled my hips sultrily with each one, flaunting my vampire-boldness. Her smile widened and I stood looking down at her, naked and sexier than I'd ever been in my life.  
  
"Thank you, Alice," I said. "For doing this to me."  
  
I meant it very sincerely, since it really was the greatest gift anyone had given me. Not just the boob-job, but her love itself. Her venom was now permanently infused into the fibers of my being, and it made me glow when I thought about how from now on I was literally going to be addicted to her for all time. But my gratitude only seem to worry her. She was still smiling, but with that edge of sadness, as if some part of her truly believed it was wrong to corrupt a young girl to the point where she happily embraces an eternity of blood-addled sluttery.  
  
Well, when you put it that way, maybe it was a little wrong, but really – I was looking forward to it.  
  
But I hated to see that sadness, even if it was just a little bit. And deep down, I suppose I did understand how she felt. I'd never be as deep and complicated and pathologically hypocritical as Alice, but I could understand her desire to downplay the darkness. Now more than ever – before another night like our wedding night began to seem like a good idea.  
  
I could tell she was still a little rattled from our slip up this morning, so soon after the close call of our wedding night, and I wanted to make her feel better. I had no idea how to manage this, but my vampire-confidence made it seem like the easiest thing in the world. She had lowered her smile to my breasts, and while my tits did enjoy the attention, I thought I would set a better tone if I was looking into her eyes while I spoke. So I lifted her chin and smiled.  
  
"I'm serious, Alice," I told her. "I love you. It means everything to me that you want to be with me forever. I know there's downfalls to being a vampire, but I don't care. I'd do anything if it means being with you. Anything."  
  
Tears filled her eyes and her lower lip trembled; obviously my words had hit her right in the heart.  
  
"But—"  
  
I cut her off, placing my finger against her lips. "No buts, okay?" I said with a smile. "The only butt I want is the one you're sitting on, got that?"  
  
She gave a watery giggle. I bent and kissed her once, and then used my hand to brush at her silky black hair, almost petting her. It was a gesture she'd used on me a thousand times, and I was surprised at how natural it came to me. Comforting evil and insecure girlfriends had never been my forte, but I seemed to be doing good, so I went on.  
  
"Listen. I've been thinking about our relationship," I said, which was, of course, a total lie. All morning I hadn't had many thoughts more complicated than: yum. But I pushed on, making it up as I went. "And I think you might be right. About going back to Forks. About starting over. We can't stay there forever, but being near mom might be a good way of keeping our relationship in check. If we can settle at a point where she can be supportive of us, then I think we'll have a good starting point. Because you're right. That dark stuff is bad. It's fun while we're doing it, but we always regret it later. And we don't need that stuff. We don't need to prove how much we love each other, because we already know how much we love each other. Right?"  
  
She nodded, two tears falling and sliding down her cheeks. "I just want to love you properly, baby," she said. "That's all I want. I'm so tired of ruining everything I touch. I just want to be happy."  
  
Her voice broke on the last word. I wiped the tears with my thumb and kissed the top of her head. She sniffled and tried to blink back the tears, but they kept running, and I smiled. "I know," I whispered. "And I'm going to make you happy, I promise. Whatever it takes, Alice. I'll be your One."  
  
"Thank you, baby," she said, sniffing. "I love you."  
  
I kissed her lips. "I love you too," I said. I held her face and looked at her for a moment, my heart still aching to make her feel better. It was a strangely erotic moment; she was wearing nothing but underwear and she was crying. She looked up at me, waiting for me to begin making her happy, and finally I smiled and sank slowly to my knees at her feet. She continued to watched me, her breath beginning to hitch from excitement. I had my hands on her knees and slowly I leaned and placed a kiss on each of them. "Now," I said. "No more tears, okay? From now on you're only allow to be happy."  
  
"Okay," she said, and gave another little sniff, this last one mostly for effect. But it was cute, so I didn't call her out.  
  
Instead, I opened her knees and placed a kiss on the front of her panties. She giggled and wiped her face with her hands. "Do you want to feed from me again?" she asked. "Are you hungry?"  
  
The offer caused a dark surge in the pit of my stomach and I felt my fangs lengthen slightly in my mouth. I had a sudden temptation to simply sink my teeth into her, but I didn't. It was less than three hours since I had first fed, and it was easier to resist the hunger than last time. I placed a kiss on the soft flesh of her thigh and then I looked up with a smile. I let her see my fangs, so she could also see my restraint. Her pale face was watching mine, and even though she was dangerously weak from blood loss, I knew she'd let me do it if I wanted. But I shook my head softly, my love and protectiveness overpowering any hunger I felt.  
  
"No," I whispered. "It's too dangerous. You're so pale."  
  
"I'll be okay, baby," she said, and although my heart flared at the permission, I clamped it down again.  
  
"No," I repeated. "Just let me love you, okay?" I kissed her thigh and kissed again near her panties and then kissed the soft cotton that covered her entrance. "I just want to love you."  
  
She was silent for a second until I looked up at her. She looked into my eyes for a moment, perhaps to gauge how sincere I was in my desire to just love her, and what she saw must've pleased her; she giggled and quickly shuffled backwards on the bed.  
  
"Okay," she said, "but let's do it properly. Let's start over again right now. This will be our first official time as a vampire couple, okay? No blood, just making love."  
  
I had already climbed onto the bed and I was crawling between her legs, smiling. I cupped her face and placed a kiss on her lips. "Anything you want, Alice," I told her, and I meant it the same way I always did. Whether she wanted to kill me or love me gently, it didn't matter. Her whims were my desire. I kissed her again and whispered: "Anything…"  
  
—  
  
For two weeks I did nothing but lay in bed, have sex, and feed; it was possibly the most amazing two weeks of my life.  
  
Alice was very sensitive to my newborn phase, and although I felt my restraint was much stronger than she gave me credit for, it was difficult to be displeased with her desire to keep me constantly satisfied. Unfortunately, this was impossible for her to achieve by herself, and soon she placed a call to Leah and Jane, who were also quite eager to take care of me. I was waiting naked in the bed when they arrived, sitting in the middle of the mattress like a cat, and their jaws dropped when they saw me. Jane insisted on doing me first, and it was only Leah's pride that kept it from degenerating into a catfight.  
  
The three of them took it in shifts, pleasing me around the clock, day and night. No bathroom breaks or breaks for meals. No breaks at all. I was beginning to get a feel for my vampire stamina. I recovered from orgasms almost instantly, ready to beg for more. My jaw muscles also seemed to be much stronger. I was eating pussy all day and my jaw didn't cramp at all.  
  
And the blood. I learnt quickly how much I liked blood. Alice's most of all, but my newborn taste wasn't as picky as my heart. There was no difference in the actual taste, really, but only in the feeling. Strangely, it was Leah's that I desired the least. It was still delicious, but somehow it felt odd or vaguely wrong to bite her, to bite this big strong woman that I really liked and respected. I felt slightly unworthy, I suppose. But that didn't stop me from sinking my teeth into her firm womanly ass. Another thing I was learning about being a vampire – wrongness felt good.  
  
I noticed it again with Tanya. She was still human, although possibly not for much longer, and she positively seethed with envy when she saw me. Yet she pleased her mistresses by consenting to let me feed from her. Usually I'd feel uncomfortable at the idea of sleeping with someone who clearly disliked me, but my vampire instincts only made this dislike seem attractive. I took the blonde in my arms and kissed her very slowly and deliberately, forcing her to like it, and then I stuck two fingers in her and fucked her like a slut as I bit into her skanky neck. She had a transfusion that same night and she was back in my arms the very next day, much more cheerful.  
  
But most of all, it was Alice I craved. We refused to let our feeding sessions degenerate into the massacre that had occurred when I first woke up, but nothing drove me crazy the way she drove me crazy. I had to feed quite often in those first couple weeks, but we always made sure to have at least one private feeding per day, usually at night, and we were careful to keep it calm and dignified. I sampled various the veins and arteries in her body, but mostly I loved her neck. It was really the most intimate way to feed, and I liked the sensation of her legs wrapped around me; it made me feel like she wanted it, which was very important.  
  
It was just a shame that Alice and I wouldn't be able to subsist solely only on each other. Vampires had fast powers of regeneration, but they didn't regenerate blood. Broken bones and torn skin would magically knit back together, but blood loss was something that could only be remedied by devouring more blood.  
  
Almost every night Alice had to go out and hunt. Sometimes she'd bring a date back to the apartment and introduce me as her sister. They were all very nice girls, albeit french and kind of slutty, considering they were willing to put out on the first date. It was easier than I thought controlling my thirst around humans, but maybe that was only because Alice was in the same room and Alice would always command the bulk of my lusts. Alice didn't like sleeping with strangers, but that had been her rule for almost six hundred years, and she wasn't quite ready to abandon it. So she seduced them in the spare room and afterwards offered them a glass of spiked water. Consent was important to her, and she figured consent to eat someone's pussy was close enough to bite them as well. The only real flaw in this reasoning was the fact that she let me bite them too. But considering how hot I had become, I was sure none of them would complain to harshly. In the morning they'd wake up with a headache and bite marks in their neck, but Alice would send them off with breakfast and a peck on the cheek, and every single one of them was more than happy to accept a fake phone number.  
  
I didn't mind that she had to seduce other people, but I hated when she left the house. The addiction wasn't as strong as when I was on the cusp of changing, when her venom was alive in my system, but it was still very lonely to be without her, even for only a few hours. I realized that this was how the rest of the coven craved Alice, and I almost felt guilty that we were going to leave. But I also remembered that Alice had feelings, too, and she couldn't change the way she felt. She loved me, and she needed to find a way to properly express that love. Returning to Forks may not be the miracle cure we needed, but it was a step in the right direction.  
  
And so, two weeks after finally becoming a vampire, Alice and I were ready to leave the coven. My thirst had long abated and Alice felt that it was time. Tanya had arranged a private jet for us and even offered to tag along. Either my sexual prowess had softened her attitude toward me, or she had realized that I was no longer a human rival and just another sexy vampire. It might've been nice to bring a snack along, but the flight was less than twenty hours, and I always had Alice if I was feeling peckish.  
  
The whole coven came out to the airport to say goodbye, everyone but Victoria and Rosalie. Nobody had seen them since the announcement of our departure, and neither had answered any calls. Jane had always had a special place in her heart for Rosalie, her blonde idol. So she had staked out their hotel a couple days ago and ambushed the blonde and her mistress in the lobby. She asked them if they would at least say goodbye to me and Alice. Victoria had snorted and said she thought we had already gone. Rosalie had been reluctant, but she wouldn't leave her mistress's side. They hadn't even invited Jane upstairs.  
  
I had been disturbed to hear this, mostly concerned about whether or not the redhead might be brooding on some revenge, but Alice was mostly concerned with Rosalie. She wrote a letter for the blonde and asked Jane to give it to her when we were gone.  
  
And finally it was time to go. Carlisle drove us to the airport, directly out onto the runway where the plane was waiting. Leah and Jane were already standing by with Tanya waiting in the background. Leah nodded at me and I nodded back. Jane came forward to hug Alice. Tanya was looking at me, but she looked away with a blush when I noticed. She seemed to be developing a crush on me, the poor thing. Thin line between love and hate, it seemed.  
  
I turned and looked up at the sky. It was a sunny day, a touch too bright for tearful farewells, but the Cullen ladies always did have a taste for the theatrics. Only me, Carlisle, and Leah, seemed to be able to contain our sorrow. I guess I was officially part of the butch contingent of the coven. Esme wrapped her arms tightly around Alice and shook her gently like a momma bear.  
  
"Oooh, I'm gonna miss you, honey," she said. "Call as often as you can, okay?"  
  
Alice chuckled. "I will," she said. "I love you, Esme."  
  
Esme released her from the embrace and began crying. Her husband handed her a handkerchief and she dabbed her eyes. "I know, honey," she said. "I love you, too."  
  
She smiled at Alice but the very sight of Alice seemed to be too much for her. She turned away, and noticed me in the process, reviving her smile as she came forward and wrapped me into a hug. "I'm going to miss you too, Bella," she said. "You'll take care of her for me, won't you?"  
  
I hugged her back. "Of course," I said. "I'll make her happy, Esme, I promise."  
  
"Thank you," Esme said, stepping back and dabbing at her eyes with the handkerchief.  
  
Jane was hugging Alice again, and Alice smiled at me apologetically over Jane's shoulder, as if promising we can go soon. I nodded for her to take her time.  
  
"See ya, Ally," Jane said. "Let us know when we can come visit, okay?"  
  
"We will," Alice said. "We just need some time to ourselves."  
  
Now it was Carlisle's turn. He came forward and kissed her twice on each cheek, slightly formal yet clearly demonstrating that he was going to miss her. "We'll be thinking of you, Alice," he said. "Take care of Bella, okay?"  
  
"I will," Alice said, smiling at me. Then she heaved a sigh, stepped back, and smiled at her family. For hundreds of years she had shared her life, her love, and her body with these people. And now she was leaving, perhaps never to return. She blinked back tears and sniffed once. "Well, I guess this is goodbye," she said. Then she lifted a hand and waved once. "So…see ya."  
  
"Bye, Alice," Jane said, her voice thick and full of tears. Esme was still dabbing at her eyes with the handkerchief. Carlisle had his hands in his pockets, eyes downcast, and Leah only smiled. She gave me a nod and finally my own eyes filled with tears. Becoming a vampire had deadened most of my emotions, but I was really going to miss them. Leah most of all. I returned her nod and then I turned and followed Alice onto the plane.  
  
Alice climbed the steps and paused in the hatchway to wave once more. They all waved back. I wiped my eyes and looked off toward the terminal. I don't know why I looked there, I just did. The sun was glaring off the glasswork, but behind one of the windows I thought I saw a woman with red hair. She was standing at the window, watching Alice and I board the plane.  
  
I turned back to the Cullens and looked at them arranged there in the sunlight, Esme and Jane in tears, Carlisle and Leah composed but mournful, Tanya quietly in the background. I gave them one last wave, mentally apologizing for destroying their family, and then I turned and followed Alice through the hatchway.  
  
—  
  



	41. Chapter 41

—  
  
Chapter 41:  
  
—  
  
It was a pleasant flight. The view got a little cloudy as the plane approached the gloomy climate of Forks, but Alice and I kept ourselves occupied in other ways. We had sex for a good portion of the first half of the flight in our private cabin, and afterwards we managed to pass a few fun-filled hours by drugging and molesting one of the stewardesses—pardon me, 'flight attendants.' Becoming a vampire had made me slightly less reserved about fetishizing my fellow females. It was difficult to respect a woman when you couldn't see past her tits, I was learning. Unholy lust and all. Alice was reluctant to break her rule about feeding from a girl before seducing her, but it was somewhat of an emergency; she was very pale and I was still very thirsty.  
  
Still, we were very gentle, and when the lady in question woke up just as we touched down in Seattle—fully clothed and relatively intact apart from a pair of bite marks—she seemed willing to accept the explanation that she'd simply fallen asleep while sharing a drink with some friendly passengers. The poor woman had been on her feet all day, after all. If she noticed any odd sensations between her legs, she kept it to herself.  
  
Alice had arranged short-term finances with Carlisle before we left Paris, so we splurged a little on a rental car, opting for a lovely forest-green Mercedes. It was Saturday afternoon when we drove into town, and a weird feeling of nostalgia rolled over me as I took in the familiar buildings, the cheap stores, the wet sidewalks, trash in the gutters. Alice and I had gone quiet, since there didn't seem to be very much to talk about. For my part I felt strangely disaffected by the whole experience. I wasn't thrilled to be here, but I wasn't dreading it either. I didn't care where I was, as long as I was with Alice. Alice seemed to be more affected than I was. She kept glancing at me anxiously as she drove, as if wondering if I was finally beginning to resent her for everything she'd done to me, as if being back in my hometown might somehow recall me of everything I had sacrificed in order to be her girlfriend. But what really had I given up? Nothing important, according to my vampire-brain. A loving mother and a healthy girlfriend seemed like a small price to pay for the privilege of squeezing Alice's ass every night.  
  
I would've loved to set her at ease by telling her all this, but I didn't think she'd appreciate the flippancy. She seemed to be taking her role of reformed girlfriend very seriously. Honestly, I was more curious about how genuine any of her anxiety really was. Alice had told me I'd still feel like a human for a while, but I really didn't. I felt how she'd always described herself, a creature of lust. There was really nothing I felt like doing that didn't involve blood or sex, but that wasn't necessarily a huge change from my regular behavior. Meanwhile, Alice appeared to be becoming even more human, as if to compensate. Was the pretense really that fun for her? Or was there a point were the pretence becomes real? Either way, she was serious about improving our relationship, which was a smart idea. After all, we couldn't live happily ever after if we killed each other some night. We had a long way to go, of course, but I knew we'd make it. We'd come too far to fail now.  
  
The motel we came to was the same motel we stayed at after that first time I'd cheated with Victoria, and while Alice paid for the room, I gazed around the dusty lobby, indulging the memory with a certain melancholy. It was the first problem we'd ever had, partly caused by weakness, possession, and Alice's love of drama. Why did she feel compelled to rub me in her family's faces like that? In many ways, Alice had been quite cruel to her family. Abandoning them overnight, jumping at the first girl who was yummy and slutty enough to meet her expectations as a soulmate. I remembered how Alice had explained Rosalie's jealousy. She had said that the blonde was simply a spiteful and unreasonable person; when the reality was that it was Alice who was spiteful and unreasonable. How many lies and false promises and petty theatrics had our relationship survived already? And how many more will we have to overcome?  
  
But I couldn't be mad at Alice. It was a shame the whole coven-life hadn't worked out, but after six hundred years, relationships were bound to get complicated. Alice had a mistress, a wife, a mother, a sister, a father, a million different girlfriends in between. All of them with their own demands of each other. Alice's heart had been full when she met the girl she deemed her soulmate, and so she did the only think she could do; she emptied it out, and filled it back to the brim with nothing but me. Ever since that night she climbed through my window, she'd been doing her best to drive away the coven while some part of her remained clinging. Now she had finally broken free and returned with me to Forks.  
  
But did she really want me to patch things up with my mother?  
  
Or did she simply want me to ruin things properly the way she did with her own family?  
  
I didn't know. Alice was a mystery even to herself, but one thing was for sure; her ass looked mighty hot in her jeans as she stood at the front desk, and beyond all these gloomy reflections, I was just really eager to get her alone in the room.  
  
The room wasn't romantic; dusty carpet, a closet, plain double bed. But it didn't take much to get me in the mood these days, and I was all over her as soon as the door was closed. Alice fumbled for the light switch, her giggles muffled by my tongue in her mouth. Vampires could see in the dark, and there was still a bit of dull grey light behind the blinds, but I liked the brightness as well. We were supposed to be creatures of the night, but when your girlfriend has a body like Alice's, it's really just common sense to get it in as good light as possible.  
  
So I used my new vampire strength to rip open her jeans, the button popping off like a bullet and the zip tearing like paper. My metamorphosis had triggered a latent dominant streak, much to Alice's delight. It wasn't quite normal behavior to rip apart perfectly good clothes, but speaking for myself, I didn't want to get too carried away with the normalcy. I'd be happy if we could simply reach a point that didn't involve death and mutilation.  
  
I ripped off her top as well, and then her bra. The sweet snap of lycra made a thrill pass through me and the way her breasts bounced free made my dark heart flicker with dark ideas. Her nipples were already hard, of course. Such a slut, my Alice. I had wrapped her into another kiss, and she was trying push down her jeans, but the poor thing didn't seem to realize that her sneakers were in the way. I threw her onto the bed, where she bounced with her legs open, and pulled off her shoes and her jeans, leaving her socks on. Then I started taking off my own clothes, letting her watch.  
  
"Mmm," she moaned, letting her hand travel into her panties to tease her clit, her eyes roaming my body. "You're so sexy, baby."  
  
I felt a flush of pride and pulled off my top, revealing my breasts. The novelty of my vampire-body probably wasn't going to wear off soon, and I was looking forward to being the sexier one for a while. So I gave her a little show, kicking off my shoes in a sultry manner as I unbuttoned my jeans. I turned slightly and bent at the hip to lower them, sliding them all the way down my legs. Alice grinned and now she was pinching one of her nipples.  
  
"Get the strapon, baby."  
  
My heart leapt. When my darling wanted the strap-on, that usually meant my darling wanted it rough. We rarely used the strap-on for more tender activities, and the request was music to my ears. My ravenous newborn phase was behind me but I still had a lot of pent up sexual aggression, and when I saw Alice laying in the middle of the bed like that with a hand in her pink panties and her white socks rumpled cutely at her ankles, well. The bitch just needed to be fucked.  
  
So I fetched out the strapon from our bags and put it on, my fingers fumbling slightly with the lust that was pulsing through my body. I didn't speak, because I really couldn't think of anything to say. My mind was a tad frantic.  
  
I climbed onto the bed with the black shaft pointing at her rigidly from my pale pelvis, and she took her hand from her panties and lifted it to my mouth. I licked the arousal from her fingers, feeling a spike of lust of my own. I was pulling away her panties and she lifted her hips off the bed so that I could get them off. I tossed them over the side of the bed and she let her legs fall open, smiling with her naked chest rising and falling in excitement.  
  
"Go ahead, baby," she said. "Be rough." She winked and squirmed her hips suggestively. "You know how I love it rough."  
  
Oh yes, I knew. I knew how my baby liked it rough – almost as much as I did. And so, without further ado, I angled the strapon into her pussy and shoved it right in.  
  
She groaned and tossed her head, a breathless smile sweeping over her face. She was moist, but not quite ready. But for a girl like Alice the pain itself was a turn on, so I shoved it in deeper, swooping down to her mouth roughly. She moaned and wrapped both her arms and legs around me, taking it like a good little Alice. I kissed inside her mouth with my tongue, moving my hips only slightly in order to poke the strapon into each corner of her horny vagina, and when her pussy was nice and wet, I pinned down her wrists either side of her head and began thrusting – hard.  
  
As a human, my strapon work had been more on the soft side, but as a vampire I found that I had the hip-power to really fuck her properly. So I did, making her groan with each thrust, making her boobs jump on her chest. A fierce blush was in her cheeks, and she was getting close – impressive since I hadn't even touched her clit. But then again, Alice had a very sensitive body, and the poor girl could possibly come from riding a bicycle down a bumpy road.  
  
She had her heels planted in the mattress and she was bucking her hips in rhythm, her eyes closed and her head tilted back. "Ugh," she groaned, the orgasm building in her face. "Oh god. Oh god, keep going! Keep going, baby. Oh god, oh, oh, oh, ohhhHHH—!"  
  
She came with a cute little squeal, and I watched the orgasm pass over her pretty face, mesmerized by how beautiful it was. Her eyelids shut, her lips open, her face flushed and averted. Her chest was heaving and a smile formed on her face as the climax washed away. When she opened her eyes, I still had the strapon inside her.  
  
"Mmm," she moaned, wrapping her arms around me. "That was amazing. Thank you, baby."  
  
She was gently trying to pulling me down into a kiss, but I didn't move. I was staring at her neck, at the soft skin, at the rapid pulse of her blood. My own chest was heaving as well, but I couldn't hear my own breathing. All I could hear was the bloodbeat of the artery in Alice's neck.  
  
"Go ahead, baby," Alice whispered, smiling at the lust in my eyes. "It's okay."  
  
I could feel my fangs poking my tongue and I had to gulp down the venom that pooled in my mouth. But I shook my head softly, and a sudden pain crushed my skull like a migraine as I realized I was going to resist. I didn't want to resist, I really didn't, but—  
  
"No," I said.  
  
She seemed surprised. The horny half of her was disappointed, but the other half…was happy? "No?"  
  
I shook my head again and climbed off her, sitting up on the bed, trembling slightly from how hard it was to restrain myself from grabbing her and biting her and lapping the blood as it leaked across the pale surface of her—  
  
"It's too soon," I said. "I only just bit you on the plane, remember?"  
  
Alice sat up beside me. She put her arms around me, and until she did I hadn't realized I'd gone cold. "Are you sure, baby?" she asked, her own struggle for restraint in her voice. "I'll be okay. And you're still a newborn."  
  
I shook my head and gulped down more venom. "No," I said, and pressed my hand to my forehead. It almost felt like that the withdrawal I used to have when I went without Alice's venom.  
  
Alice could see me fighting it and wrapped her arms around me tighter. "I'm sorry, baby," she said, laying her head on my shoulder. "I know how you feel. I know how badly you want to. I know I shouldn't offer, but I just want to make you happy. It means everything to me to make you happy."  
  
I gave her a shaky chuckle to set her at ease. "I know, but this'll be good practice," I said. "I'll never learnt to control myself if you let me do it whenever I want. So…"  
  
"You're right," she said, and looked into my face. She smiled and brushed at my hair with her hand. "I'm so sorry, baby. It must be even harder to resist when I offer."  
  
It really was kind of cruel of her to force me to be the noble one, but I guess it was inevitable. Alice had always had a habit of doing the wrong things, she couldn't help it. It was one of the things I loved about her, that romantic recklessness that made her such a loveable little slut. But it was time for me to start using my head and making my own decisions – to be Alice's partner.  
  
So I nodded and smiled, already feeling part of the lust wash away in the tide of my good intentions. "I just want to be a good girlfriend for you, Alice."  
  
Alice's smile brightened, still stroking my hair. "That's exactly how I felt when I first met you," she said. "Not as easy as it seems, is it?"  
  
"No," I chuckled.  
  
She looked into my eyes and then she kissed my lips, pressing her naked chest into mine for a moment. "Thank you, baby," she said. "Relationships take work, and it means a lot that you're willing to work for it. I love you."  
  
I cupped her smooth cheek and placed a kiss of my own on her lips. "I love you too."  
  
"Good," she giggled, and then she lowered her hands to my lap and began to take off the strapon. "Come on, let's get rid of this silly thing and use our mouths. Pussy is the next best thing to blood, trust me."  
  
She tossed the strapon to the carpet where it landed with a dull thump. She leaned into my arms, kissing me, and I laid her down on the pillow, straddling her hips and caressing her soft neck.  
  
—  
  
We made love all through the night and into the morning, taking breaks only to shower or cuddle. While we cuddled we whispered together about my reunion with mom, but I didn't have much to say. Alice said it would be best for me to go alone, at least at first, and while I really didn't want to go anywhere without Alice, I knew she was right. Showing up on the front doorstep with my emotionally destructive girlfriend—err, wife—was probably not the best way to begin rebuilding a healthy mother-daughter relationship. Actually, it was optimistic that Alice didn't want to go. I'd been half-worried that maybe Alice only wanted to return to Forks for the drama, but if she was willing to let me go alone, maybe she really did want me to patch things up.  
  
So after the sun finally came up behind the motel blinds, I went for one last shower—with Alice, of course—and sorted out an outfit from our bags. We hadn't brought many clothes with us, so in hindsight maybe I shouldn't have been so reckless with Alice's jeans last night. They were the only pair of jeans she had, and skirts would look odd in the coldness of Forks, no matter how cute. I wasn't crying about the broken bra, though. She had a spare, but even if she didn't, going braless would only make her more touchable.  
  
As for my own outfit on this important day, I had no idea. Mom was going to be shocked to see me without a pimple on my face—not to mention my vampiric breast enlargement—so something modest was probably in order. On the other hand, I'd be seeing Lauren as well if she was still living at my place, so perhaps something a little revealing? It was probably my evilness acting up, but I felt a faint urge to flaunt myself a little, to show my heartbroken ex that I was hot and happy and with someone else. It was very unjust, but I couldn't help it. It was strange to feel this way, even to me. Impulses like these were usually reserved for ex-girlfriends who dump you and make you feel bad, but Lauren had been almost perfect. She didn't put out as much as I would've liked, but I had no real injuries to resent. Then again, she was also the same girl who teased and taunted me like a homophobic whore for the majority of my life, so perhaps a little latent-resentment was perfectly natural.  
  
And beyond all this, I'd always be a vain and inappropriate young girl, so in the end, I gave in to the evilness and wore a black skirt with a black thong underneath, coupled with a black top that had skulls on it and a black leather jacket. For footwear, I chose knee-high black boots that had a modest heel and studs up the side, and I completed the outfit with black leather bangles, iron hoops in my ears, and too much eye makeup. My top bared my midriff and quite a bit of cleavage, and the skirt was a tight mini that showed off the shape of my ass very well. Alice was too sweet to hint I looked a little ostentatious and I was bold enough not to care. What's the point of being a vampire if you don't dress like a gothic slut?  
  
Before I left, Alice suggested that maybe I should feed from her, just to make sure I wouldn't be tempted to slip with mom or Lauren. But I was pretty sure I could control myself. Even with Leah and Jane, I'd never felt anything so overwhelming as what I felt for Alice, and I certainly didn't plan to go lusting for my mom. As for Lauren, she was always a volatile girl; I doubted she'd even let me get close enough to slip.  
  
So I gave Alice and extra long hug and kissed her neck longingly. The long night of sex had reduced the hunger to more of a dull ache than a sharp stabbing thirst, and it was easier to resist her. For now. But tonight…  
  
"Are you sure you want me to go alone?" I asked, just to delay.  
  
Alice nodded and released the embrace. She was kneeling on the bed where she had been watching me get dressed, and she was wearing nothing but a towel. "I think it's best for now," she said. "Your mom will be happy to see you, and I don't want to ruin that. We have to do this properly, right baby?"  
  
I nodded grumpily, wishing I could tear the towel off her and eat the girl alive. "I suppose," I said. "What are you going to do all day?"  
  
She smiled. I was standing right in front of her and she arranged my jacket a little better, admiring my cleavage as she did. "Oh, I don't know," she said. "Gaze longingly at the phone and wait for you to call. Or maybe I'll just snuggle up with a vibrator and think about you. Hm? What do you think I should do?"  
  
She held the lapels of my jacket and smiled up at me. I smiled back and cupped her cheek.  
  
"I could stay if you want me to," I said.  
  
She raised up and kissed my lips. But then she subsided again and giggled. "Stop being such a vampire, baby," she said. "Remember when we first met? I went a whole week without touching you after the first time. A whole week! I think you can manage a few hours, don't you?"  
  
I pouted. "I guess."  
  
"Besides, aren't you excited to see your mom?"  
  
"Not really," I said, and sighed. I caressed her face and gazed into her pretty eyes. "All I want is…"  
  
I saw the desire swirling in her honey-colored orbs, but there was something else too, and it took me a moment to realize what it was; sadness.  
  
"I know," she said, trying to hide it. She gave a guilty smirk. "I told you the thirst would mess with your mind, didn't I?"  
  
My heart gave a strange pang and I shook my head. "It doesn't feel messed with," I said, caressing her cheek with the backs of my knuckles. "It feels clearer than ever."  
  
She leaned slightly to the touch, happy but not without an air of melancholy. "Mmm," she murmured. "Maybe that's the worst thing. It's a very seductive curse."  
  
She lifted her eyes to mine as she said it, and as much as she wanted to indulge of her feelings of guilt and repentant sorrow, she simply couldn't hide the fact that deep down she was a slut who really just wanted to get fucked. I could see it in the submissive flick of her eyes as she lifted them to mine, and it was too much to resist; I needed her one most time before I left.  
  
So I pushed her back onto the bed and forced open her knees. She giggled in surprise and her legs opened easily enough, the towel instantly riding up over her hips. Her pussy was just slightly moist, and I thought my girlfriend might have an issue or two if fake-guilt turned her on. We would have to try some role-play in our relationship at some point. We didn't have time now, however, so I simply lowered my face and began licking her silky lips.  
  
"But that's okay," she said, moaning and stretching out on the bed. "You'll be okay as soon as you get home. You're just confused because I'm right in front of you. You'll be okay when you see your mom again. You'll remember how much you love her."  
  
I probably would, but in all honesty, I think I'd prefer to never leave the motel room.  
  
Alas, the reunion was inevitable, and after bringing Alice to a swift climax, I kissed her goodbye, hugged her, inhaled her scent, kissed her again, and finally left. I paused at the door to blow her a kiss, missing her already. She gave me a smirk as she blew the kiss back, but the last thing I saw in her eyes as I closed the door was a return of the guilt, a subtle sadness that seem to confuse even the heart that spawned it.  
  
I left the car at the motel and walked, since it was still a little early and I didn't have a license anymore. It was also a beautiful day by Forks standards, but this didn't do much to buoy my spirits. The streets were wet from the rain last night, but there were bright sunrays poking through the clouds and no wind. The sun made me squint slightly, and I actually got a little nervous. I wondered if I might burn up and combust like a vampire in a movie, but I'd been assured many times by Alice and the rest of the Cullen's that sunlight doesn't affect vampires. I suppose I was only squinting because I'd had my face buried between Alice's thighs for the last three months and the brightness was a tad startling.  
  
Halfway there, I was beginning to regret my outfit, and it amazed me for a moment that I had chosen to wear such a thing to greet my mother after six months of traumatic absence. It was an outfit calculated for attention and reaction, and those were two things I generally hated. I wish I could've remembered that when I was getting dressed. Unfortunately I had slipped on my thong and heeled boots with no more than a giddy urge to be 'pretty.' Now cars were actually slowing in the street to check me out. Male drivers, of course. Perverts. One of them had the audacity to honk a horn at me, and for a moment I seriously considered running the car down, ripping him out the window, and tearing his head off. It was an impulse I'm sure most attractive women were familiar with, but I actually had the strength and lack of conscience to do it. Unfortunately, however, there were witnesses, and on second thought I really didn't want to lay hands on someone like that, so I simply ignored it and went on.  
  
Finally I came to my old neighborhood. Old houses lining each side of the street, dead lawns, paint peeling from the clapboards. Gutters festooned with wet junkmail and the sidewalks littered with cigarette butts. The clouds had closed over the sun and I had to smile. Home sweet home. A child on a tricycle pedaled in circles within one of the yards, a young girl with pigtails and a flowered dress. I smiled and nodded her a friendly good morning. She waved back with a dolly in her hand, and the little thing was so cute I almost jumped the fence and ripped into her fragile neck with my teeth. It was only blood lust, though; I'm not a pedophile.  
  
At last I came to my old house. The flower bushes hadn't improved, almost as if mom had stopped caring for them altogether. That would be sad. I'd hate it if my abandonment had caused her to circumvent her attempts at botany. Then again, perhaps the flowers were better off out of their misery. They could never thrive in a climate like this, and mom always did suck as a gardener.  
  
I began to feel awkward as I clicked along the brick path toward the front door, the first time I'd felt real anxiety as a vampire. After all, what am I supposed to say? I had no idea. I couldn't even predict how she'd react. I had my money on tearful joy, but it was possible that my treatment of her had finally crossed a line and she was ready to disown me. It would save a lot of time if she did, but the thought made me uncomfortable. Alice was right; I was already beginning to remember that I loved mom. I loved her and I wanted her to be happy, so all I had to do was pretend everything was good and let her know I was okay.  
  
I knocked on the door. I wonder what Alice was doing now? Had she been serious about snuggling down with a vibrator? Can't wait till I get back, I'm gonna—  
  
The door opened.  
  
It was mom.  
  
I had obviously interrupted her house cleaning; her bushy brown hair was pinned up with a claw-clip on top of her head and she was wearing socks, sweats, and a plain white tee. I felt a surge of affection at the sight of her and I smiled.  
  
My mom.  
  
When she had first opened the door, she seemed slightly annoyed at having her chores interrupted. But then she saw who it was. Her whole face went pale and her mouth fell open. Her eyes filled with instant tears and her voice came out in a squeak.  
  
"Bella?"  
  
"Hey, mom."  
  
The sound of my voice caused her to tremble. She blinked to clear her vision, her whole face wavering as if it all might collapse any moment, and then she lurched forward and wrapped me into a fierce hug.  
  
"Bella," she cried, breaking down into sobs. "Oh, sweetie! Oh my god! I thought I lost you. I thought, I thought…"  
  
She trailed off into sobs, but mom's thoughts had never been very articulate, so I just patted her on the back and laid my head on her shoulder. She smelt like furniture polish and shampoo, and suddenly I had a very strong craving. Her neck was right there, less than two inches from my mouth, with all the hot lovely blood flowing just underneath her skin. It would've been so easy to lean a little closer and just—  
  
But I didn't. I swallowed the pooled venom in my mouth and pushed away the red fog in my mind. Luckily, mom was too preoccupied with sobbing to notice my silence. I should've been overflowing with joy at this point, reunited with my mother at last, but all I could think about was blood. She said that she thought she had lost me, but in many ways, she did lose me. Bella Swan died in her lover's arms in Paris. This creature she was embracing was only a sexy mockup of her daughter.  
  
Still, I could pretend. I would never have Alice's flair for it, but it shouldn't be too difficult to act like I was hugging her so tight for sentimental reasons and not because I was fighting the urge to sink my teeth into her neck. So I swallowed again and patted her back, listening to her sobs.  
  
"Hi, mom," I said, just to keep the script moving.  
  
"Oh god, sweetie," she said, finally releasing me. Her face was wet with tears and she started wiping her eyes with her fingers. "Is it you? Is it really you?"  
  
I smiled and nodded. "It's me."  
  
She looked at me for a moment with her wet eyes, finally registering how different I looked. But the shock only lasted a second before the joy came back. Her lip trembled and suddenly she lurched forward once more, sobbing into my shoulder.  
  
"Oh Bella," she whimpered, hugging me even tighter. "Oh Bella."  
  
I patted her back. She was going to ruin my suede jacket if she kept crying like that, but I didn't mention it.  
  
Eventually we went inside, and none too soon; wouldn't want the neighbors to talk. The inside of the house was much the same as I remembered it. A vacuum cleaner stood beside the sofa and my L Word boxset was still on the DVD shelf. Mom had never liked me watching that show because it might 'put ideas in my head.' Ah, mom. She had really tried hard to raise me right. Not the wisest woman in the world, but so sweet. I wonder what went wrong? Oh yeah, I remember; I met a vampire and became a slut. A mother's love can't compete with an ass like Alice's, sadly.  
  
Mom led me into the kitchen where the sight of the stove and the fridge did manage to pluck at my heartstrings. So many fond memories and meals cooked right here in my old home.  
  
Still sniffling and wiping at her eyes, mom got two cups out the cupboard and put the coffee maker on, as if I was some kind of guest. I didn't know what to do, so I sat at the kitchen table. I let my eyes drift over the fridge magnets and one of them made me smile. I bought it for two dollars and gave it to her on Mother's Day. It said: "World's Greatest Mom." Feeling a glow in my heart, I turned my eyes to mom as she fiddled with the coffee maker. But the glow turned slightly darker as my eyes flickered over her back and over her ass. She had a nice body for her age, but still, I was somewhat alarmed to realize I was checking her out. Checking out…  
  
…my mom.  
  
Even as a vampire, it struck me as highly improper. I suppose my inner demon wasn't aware that those round child-bearing hips had once beared me. Mom had always exercised frequently and she looked very good for her age, but really. Incest isn't my thing, and thankfully, I managed not to pounce on her.  
  
"Lauren's upstairs," mom said, turning to me with a sniff, dabbing at her eye with a knuckle. "In your old room. She had a huge fight with her mother and she's been staying here." She sniffed again and tried to smile. "Ever since you called her last month I've been hoping and praying… You told her to say goodbye, and I thought… I thought…"  
  
But she couldn't continue. She started crying into her hands, and I wondered what I should do. Should I get up and hug her, maybe guide her to a chair? That felt like the right thing to do, but I couldn't do it. I was finally feeling a little guilty, as if I didn't deserve to touch her, so I just sat there in shame at the kitchen table.  
  
"I'm sorry, mom," I said.  
  
Mom blew her nose with paper towel and tossed it out. "What happened to you, sweetie?" she said, approaching the table, but cautiously, as if afraid of scaring me away. "Where have you been? Where did those girls take you?"  
  
Alice and I had prepared a mild lie in advance, but looking at mom's tear stained face, I found myself being honest. "I was in Paris," I said.  
  
This seemed to surprise her. "Paris?"  
  
"Yeah," I said reluctantly, as if admitting I'd been skipping school. "In France."  
  
She sniffed. She probably knew which country Paris was in, but my conversation skills had always been crap under pressure. In fact, they were crap all the time. She stood in silence for a moment, her expression finally clearing into disapproval, but then the coffee machine was done. Mom poured the mugs and bought them back to the table. She placed one in front of me and stood there holding the other. Then she placed that one down on the table as well and folded her arms under her breasts. She didn't sit down.  
  
"Lauren said you were with that girl," she said.  
  
I felt a flicker of anger at the way she referred to Alice. Alice was the queen of my universe and I didn't want her referred to as 'that girl.'  
  
"Alice, mom," I said, gently but firmly. "Her name's Alice."  
  
Mom started crying again. She tried to hold it back, but the mention of Alice's name seemed to be a particular distress to her. I guess I should've known better. Alice had completed my own life but she had kind of ruined mom's.  
  
"She was threatening to kill herself," I tried to explain. "She would've died if I didn't go."  
  
"Oh god," mom said, as if such drama was too terrible for comment.  
  
"I'm sorry," I said. "I wanted to say goodbye, but…"  
  
Mom sniffed and regained her composure. "Where is she now?"  
  
I looked at the mug on the table. It was steaming gently. I hadn't touched it. As a newborn my desire for human things was nil. I tried to think back on the lies Alice and I had worked out, but in the end, the truth seemed simpler.  
  
"She's at a motel," I said. "She knew you wouldn't want to see her."  
  
Mom tried not to cry again. Again it didn't work. She put a hand to her eyes and turned away with a sob. I allowed her a moment to grieve over the news that Alice was in town and still my girlfriend, and while I was waiting I accidentally checked out her boobs. Mine were bigger, but now wasn't the time to gloat.  
  
"She's changed mom," I said, and even though it was flimsy, it was true. "We both have." This was true too, but my own changes weren't exactly for the better – unless you counted the extra pertness in my figure, which I certainly did.  
  
Mom looked at me. She had forced herself to stop crying, but I had no idea what she was thinking. She was obviously happy that I was alive and unharmed, but it couldn't be easy, not after everything I'd done to her. So I made my face as artless as possible and went on as remorsefully.  
  
"I know I've been a terrible daughter," I said. "But you have to understand what it was like. We couldn't control ourselves. The way we felt about each other, it was…it was crazy."  
  
Mom didn't answer. She wiped her eyes, but she hadn't started crying again. I got up from the table, going on with more confidence.  
  
"But it's different now," I said. "We grew up. We know what we did was wrong, and we're going to do it better. That's why we came back. To start over again. Alice has some money from her family, so we'll be okay for a while. We were gonna finish school, or at least get our GEDs. Then we'll get jobs and save up for college. Everything's gonna be okay from now on, mom. Me and Alice…"  
  
But she cut me off with a silent shake of her head. I could tell she didn't believe any of it and was too tired to even try. I'd disappointed her too many times for her to have faith in me now. But she was still happy to have me back, and she seemed determined to focus on that and ignore everything else. She came forward and wrapped me into a hug, bad daughter or not.  
  
"That's not important now, sweetie," she said. "I'm just glad you're home. I missed you so much."  
  
Her voice broke on the last word and she started crying, her whole body quivering against me, her front all nice and warm. I hugged her tightly and tried not to get turned on– or bite her in the throat. I was happy to see her as well, of course, but it might've been an excessive display of affection to rape and murder one's own mother on the kitchen floor.  
  
"Me too," I said in a thick voice.  
  
She released me abruptly and grabbed my shoulders, looking into my face fiercely. "Promise you'll never leave me again, okay?" she demanded. "You promise me, right now. No matter what happens, you stay here and I'll help you through it. Promise me."  
  
She was being very silly—after all, even if I hadn't gone to Paris I would've left her for college anyway—but she was very serious as well, so I nodded. "I promise," I said, even though it was already broken. As a vampire it would be was impossible to maintain any relationship beyond five or ten years. Eventually she'd wonder why I wasn't aging.  
  
But the promise satisfied her, and with a smile, she pulled me back into another tight hug. "I love you, sweetie."  
  
I closed my eyes and inhaled her scent. I wasn't in danger of hurting her, but even the temptation itself felt good. "I love you too, mom," I said.  
  
She squeezed me for a few seconds and let go. She wiped her face one last time and suddenly smiled, as if only now committing herself to a happy reaction. "Well, you better go see Lauren," she said. "She's been so broken up since you left."  
  
"Okay," I said, backing toward the living room. "And thanks, mom."  
  
"For what, sweetie?"  
  
I shrugged and smiled. "For being mom."  
  
She paused at this and her smile became more genuine. The sun had come out again and there was a glow in the kitchen window behind her. I smiled back for a moment, and I began to understand Alice's occasional sorrows a little better. It wasn't real sorrow or real guilt. It was simply an awareness of guilt, an echo. It hovered about your heart like a ghost, but it never quite touched you. But it felt nice, so like Alice, I indulged it for a second—for my sake as well as mom's—and then I turned and went up the stairs.  
  
Now came the tricky part.  
  
Lauren was something I hadn't been prepared for, beyond the petty desire to show off my ass to a girl who used to be attracted to me. With mom the scene had been simple. I'd known she would be happy to see me, and all I had to do was let her be happy while appearing to be suitable abashed. But Lauren?  
  
I had no idea how Lauren was going to react when she saw me. I doubt she had remained in love with me these last six months, and even if she did she wasn't likely to run weeping into my arms and thank me for coming back. She was more likely to pretend she hated me. For that matter, maybe she did hate me. I'd promised her I'd never leave her, and what did I do? I left her. To be fair to myself, I was actually abducted, but I also couldn't deny that I'd gotten married and had mad amounts of sex since parting ways. I couldn't really claim to be a victim, but I wasn't an evil bitch either – well, I hadn't been when I left Forks.  
  
In any case, my anxiety was at an all-time low as a vampire, so I didn't hesitate or dawdle in the corridor. My bedroom door was closed, and I had to smile; Lauren had gone emo. I reached for the doorknob, but then I paused. Lacking anxiety, what I felt most was curiosity about Lauren's reaction, and I had to wonder – is how Alice always felt? It was a strange thought. Technically, we didn't even have to be here, Alice and I could've gone anywhere. And yet we had come here, to the one place in the world where there were two people who would likely have extreme reactions to our presence. Alice claimed that it was a first step toward repairing our relationship—and it was—but it was going to be dramatic as well. There was going to be a lot of forgiveness and joy and hurt feelings flying around. Was that what really led Alice here? To see how they'd react? Lacking any kind of fear or conscience, Alice had always been a curious girl – like how she had tied me up and stabbed my stomach, watching my face simply to see how I'd take it. Was this detour to Forks really just another way of entertaining her immortal little self?  
  
Maybe it was, in part. But then I remembered how made she me come here alone, determined to make my reunion with mom as pleasant and pain-free as possible. The fact that she let me go alone was proof that repairing our relationship was part of her motive as well. But it didn't matter, anyway. Because I was a vampire too, and I was curious as well, very curious. Will Lauren hate me? Will Lauren forgive me? I was about to find out.  
  
I opened the door and went in.  
  
My room had been redecorated somewhat. Lauren had mentioned when I called her the last time that she'd been working, and obviously she'd used some of that money to buy a nice-looking flatscreen that she'd arranged on my dresser. She had also purchased a variety of posters that now covered the walls, most of various rockbands. She was lounging on the bed, leaning back against the wall, and she had an xbox controller in her hands. There was a hint of cigarette smoke in the air and an ashtray on my bedside table. Apparently she was still under the assumption that stereotypes are real and all lesbians must smoke, drink, and feature multiple piercings. She had her legs crossed underneath her and her boots were sprawled haphazardly on the floor.  
  
She glanced up as the door opened and her mouth fell open, outright stunned at my sudden reappearance in her life and my sexy black clothes. She wasn't so bad herself. There were violet streaks in her blonde hair and even without makeup she was cute, especially with her blue eyes all wide in amazement. She was wearing baggy tan cargoes and a pink top. She had been weaning off pink when I left her in the middle of her budding bull-dyke phase, but she appeared unwilling to let it go.  
  
I always liked her in pink.  
  
There were gunshots on the TV and the screen went red as her character got killed. I hoped it wasn't foreshadowing; just looking at her had given me an urge to rip her open and feed on her blood. But I controlled myself. I had glanced at the TV at the sound of the gunshots and when I turned back to Lauren she was still looking at me. Her character's death hadn't distracted her at all. I had no idea how I was supposed to greet her, but I let instinct guide me into a smile.  
  
"Hey," I said.  
  
She blinked and closed her mouth. I saw her neck move as she swallowed a lump in her throat and I felt a wave of dizzy desire wash over me. I could only imagine how sweet her blood would be, but in my imagination it would have to stay, because I had to be strong. This was Lauren, my ex, the only girl I'd ever loved with my heart more than my vagina. This was my house, my bedroom. Mom was downstairs. I couldn't allow myself to lose control—  
  
But I closed the door just in case.  
  
I pushed it closed with a soft click, my heart beginning to gallop, and then I turned back to Lauren. I smiled and sauntered forward slowly with a studied coyness, like a bad girl who's secretly confident of being forgiven. Her brows had gathered into a dark frown but I think what troubled her most was how beautiful my smile was.  
  
"Surprised to see me?" I asked.  
  
Her glare darkened. "The fuck do you think?"  
  
Well. It seemed her conversation skills were as elegant as ever. A year ago, such an encounter would have flustered me, but now, as a vampire, I simply chuckled and gestured at the space on the bed beside her.  
  
"Can I sit down?"  
  
The question seemed to annoy her. She turned off the game with the controller and shrugged once as if she didn't care. "It's your fucking bedroom."  
  
How gracious of her. I accepted the invitation and settled down beside her, still smiling and trying not to stare at her neck. My eyes swept across the posters on the wall, which happily provided a topic of conversation. "I like how you've decorated it," I said. "It's much better than how I had it."  
  
But she didn't seem interested in small talk. She glared at me and said: "Why did you come back?"  
  
I hesitated to answer. Unlike mom, she obviously wasn't happy to see me, and that was probably a good thing. Lauren was hotter than mom, and even mom had made me thirsty; a bunch of weepy eyed hugs with Lauren might be too large a strain on my control. But I could feel the hunger swirling in my stomach and…  
  
What was the question again?  
  
Why did I come back?  
  
I didn't know. Right now it felt like I'd come back for this exact moment, to sit beside her on a bed and stare at her throat and quiver with hunger just before I—  
  
"I don't know," I said. I flickered my eyes up to her face and the grudging vulnerability in her eyes made my hunger roar. I could tell that she wanted to forgive me and somehow I found this notion impossible not to encourage. "After I talked to you last month," I said, swallowing more venom. "I just…I just really missed you."  
  
Her face softened against her will, her eyes shining as she struggled to maintain her glare. It was a slight lie, of course, but it had the desired effect; I could smell it in her pheromones, the sweet scent of confusion, attraction, and just a little exhilaration. She had been dreaming about this moment for six months and that had been was exactly what she wanted to hear.  
  
She still loved me.  
  
"I'm so sorry, Lauren," I said, wrapping my arms around her in a hug, letting her scent invade my head. "I never meant to leave you like that."  
  
I held her, and gently, tentatively, I felt her hug me back.  
  
"I missed you too," she said in a small voice.  
  
I smiled and it was a good thing she couldn't see. My fangs had elongated and my mouth was turned dangerously to her neck.  
  
"Can you forgive me?" I asked, somehow needing her forgiveness, needing her…consent.  
  
She didn't answer, but I could hear her heartrate and feel her breathing. Containing my thirst, I turned my lips and kissed her cheek. Then I kissed again, closer to her mouth, and closer, and closer, and finally I pressed my lips to hers. A soft sound escaped her, something like a whimper. Six months of wistful daydreams were coming true for her. Her long lost girlfriend was back in her arms and we were finally going to be together forever, just like we promised.  
  
But it was just a dream. The reality was somewhat more sinister. Because this girl in her arms was not her long lost girlfriend and no amount of promises would ever keep me from Alice. Lauren and I were never supposed to be together – in fact, even this charming reunion may not last much longer, especially if I couldn't control myself. I didn't think I was in danger of killing her, I was pretty sure I could stop myself before that happened. But even just a bite would be more than enough to shatter all her hopes and dreams.  
  
"I'm so sorry, baby," I said between kisses, my voice eerily similar to Alice's. "I never should've left you. No one ever loved me the way you did. I always loved you, baby. You were always the one I loved."  
  
It was disturbing how natural the lies felt, each punctuated by a kiss and a tiny sound of happiness from my former girlfriend. If I had any kind of heart at all I would have felt terrible for what I was doing. But my heart had been blackened recently, and all I felt was lust. It was the strongest I had ever felt it for anyone other than Alice.  
  
Lauren's lips were so warm, so soft. So human. I opened my mouth and requested entry with my tongue. She parted her lips invitingly and I deepened the kiss, my heart jumping at the moan she made as I rubbed my tongue against hers. She returned the kiss, wrapping her arms around me tighter, and—  
  
She pulled back sharply. She looked at my mouth, almost in fright, and said:  
  
"What happened to your teeth?"  
  
Oops.  
  
She had felt my fangs with her tongue.  
  
Didn't think of that.  
  
"Oh, it's caps," I said, recovering relatively gracefully. It was one of the lies Alice and I had come up with in case I got excited and someone noticed my fangs. I even smiled to give her a better look. "It's a goth thing," I said. "Cosmetic dentistry. I thought it was kind of cool. Don't you think?"  
  
She screwed up her face slightly, but obviously she wasn't about to believe I was a vampire. The signs were there—pale, sexy, pointy teeth—but vampires don't exist and my new look was nothing that couldn't be explained away as a fashion statement.  
  
"Goth?" she said. "Where the fuck have you been?"  
  
Her dream moment had been ruined slightly, and I was anxious to get it back on track. Call me heartless, but I wanted to at least seduce the girl. Technically, it would be cheating, and there were likely to be a variety of consequences to such an action, but I didn't care. The red fog in my head had thickened to the point where rational thought wasn't possible. Pussy was second best to blood, and I didn't want to spoil her mood by answering questions about where I had been, what I'd been doing, and who I was doing it with.  
  
So I just shook my head and put my hand at her waist. The boldness of the touch made her heart skip a beat – I heard it. "Let's not talk about that now," I whispered, caressing her waist and letting the hem of her top ride up over my hand. Her skin underneath was warm and smooth. "I'm just so happy to see you…"  
  
It didn't repair the moment completely, but it disarmed her enough for me to move in with another kiss. I continued caressing the skin of her waist, teasingly gentle, and very soon she allowed my tongue back into her mouth. I let my hand drift up over her back, feeling out her brastrap under her top, and then I bought my hand around to her front, just under her breast.  
  
"May I?" I asked, breaking the kiss for a second and leveling a lidded look into her eyes. Again, I wanted her permission, her consent. I wanted her to want it.  
  
She was slightly breathless, but she nodded. "Yes," she said, and with a smile I connected my lips to hers once more, letting my hand glide up over the cup of her bra.  
  
I passed the pad of my thumb over the rough lace and then squeezed gently. Her breasts were as small as I remembered them, and her bra was just a plain bra. No fancy pushup or anything like that. But it didn't matter. Bella Swan was not a superficial girl; I wasn't interested in appearances, I was interested in the person underneath – in particular I enjoyed the parts of people underneath underwear.  
  
So I deepened the kiss and gently pushed up the cup of her bra, finally getting her soft little breast in my hand. It had been a long time since I'd felt it, but I remembered it like yesterday. A tiny little mound with a pebble-hard nipple in the center. She moaned and shivered as I squeezed a little harder, and then she took off her top.  
  
We had to break the kiss to pull her shirt over her head, and I took that moment to smile, happy she was into it. When the top was gone, I immediately replaced my lips on hers, and continued fondling her exposed nipple as she reached behind her back to take off her bra. When she had it off, I broke the kiss and leaned to her other nipple, sucking it for a few moments as she moaned and threaded her hands in my hair.  
  
"Oh god," she said. The poor girl obviously hadn't been touched in a while.  
  
I sucked at her other nipple for a bit and then I raised up and looked at her. Her face was flushed red and her breathing was fast and shaky. I smiled and tongued my fangs, suppressing some less gentle urges. Her entire upper torso was exposed, and it would've been so easy to just grab her and wrench back her head and—  
  
"I forgot how much I loved your breasts," I said, caressing them with my hands. It was a slight lie, but not the worst one I'd ever told. Then I smirked and grabbed the hem of my top. "Want to see mine?" I asked impishly.  
  
A breathless chuckle escaped her and she nodded. "Fuck yeah," she said.  
  
I smiled and obliged her, pulling my skimpy top over my head with my long hair gathered up and then falling again in a dark brown cascade. I wore no bra, of course. My shape was perfect already and the top had been tight enough to bundle them together quite nicely. Now they bounced free, with my nipples all hard and swollen, and her mouth actually dropped open as they were revealed.  
  
"Fucking hell," she said, staring at my very lovely tits. "Did you get surgery or something?"  
  
"No," I said, smiling and taking one of her hands. "I just grew up a little."  
  
I pressed her hand against one of my breasts, feeling my skin tingle hotly under her touch, and soon she had recovered enough from her awe to grope me on her own accord. I resumed the kiss, letting my tongue become more aggressive, and after a while the softness under her fingers was too much for just her hand, so she lowered her mouth and began sucking at one of my nipples. I preened my chest to accommodate, stroking her silky blonde hair and smirking, tonguing my fangs as the lust rolled over me in waves. This was the girl who used to call me a disgusting dyke everyday at school; now she was sucking my tits. Ah, the irony.  
  
Finally she bought her mouth back up to mine and began kissing me again, wrapping her arms around my neck and pressing her chest into my boobs. My pussy was getting wet by now and hers was, too. I could smell it, a musky scent. We were still kneeling in the bed, me in my miniskirt, her in her cargoes, rubbing our chests into each other as the kiss heated up. I stuck one of my hands in her pants and groped her ass a little bit. Her ass was nothing compared to Alice's, but it was still one of Lauren's best features. She never did have a fantastic body, but she was slim and she had nice skin, so even though I didn't exactly have feelings for her anymore—healthy feelings, at least—she was still quite fuckable.  
  
And that's exactly what I was going to do. So I broke the kiss and immediately felt her hot breath blasting my lips. She was breathing so fast she was almost hyperventilating. My own breathing was much calmer, a dangerous misrepresentation of how close I was to losing control. I smiled and placed another kiss on her lips.  
  
"Lay down," I said. "Let me show you how much I missed you."  
  
It was a bit cruel to further feed her fantasies of happy reconciliation, but I couldn't help it. I wanted her to like it as much as possible – to want it as much as possible.  
  
She looked into my eyes and swallowed, blinking uncertainly a few times, as if trying to decide if it was okay to go all the way so soon. I didn't know why she had to think about it. She was sitting there topless, with her naked chest heaving and the scent of her pussy strong in the air; did propriety really matter at this point?  
  
Finally she nodded, not speaking, and then she laid down with her head on the pillow. My old girlfriend, on my old pillow, on my old bed. I smiled and lowered my mouth to hers, resuming the kiss, kissing her slowly as I stroked her breasts, kissing her as she had probably fantasized about all this time I was away. I lowered my hand in her pants and into her underwear, probing her wet folds with my fingers as she shivered and opened her legs.  
  
"Is this okay?" I asked, seeking just a little more consent.  
  
"Yes," she said, squirming her hips. "Fuck yes."  
  
"Good," I said, and kissed her again.  
  
I played with her pussy for a little bit, making sure she was nice and horny. I found her clit with my fingertip and bought her to the edge as I teased it, but then I stopped. I lifted my hand to my mouth and licked her arousal from my lips, letting her watch as her shuddery breath began to calm. The erotic display seemed to startle her and she was transfixed by the sight of my tongue snaking around my fingers and fangs. Her neck was right there, all soft and vulnerable—but no. Pussy first. Then blood. Maybe. No, no, I can't. But pussy, yes.  
  
I swallowed the venom and the taste of pussy in my mouth, and smiled. "Are you ready?" I asked sweetly, inwardly surprised at how easy it was to pretend to be a warm and gentle lover.  
  
Lauren nodded, but deep in her eyes there did seem to be something cautious. The Bella she remembered was weak and submissive. This Bella was bold and aggressively coy. But even if I did seem slightly different, she still loved it, and she still nodded. "Yes," she said. I smiled and went to lower my head, but suddenly she grabbed my face and looked into my eyes. "I love you, Bella," she said, almost fiercely. "I always fucking loved you."  
  
And I'll admit, my heart did break slightly at the passion in her voice. She was going to be so crushed in a few minutes or so, or even dead. It was sad, but there was nothing that could've stopped me now. So I smiled and placed a kiss on her lips.  
  
"I love you, too," I said. "And I'm gonna make it up to you, okay? Starting right now."  
  
She smiled and I kissed her one more time, and then trailed kisses down her neck—only narrowly avoiding ripping into her throat—and more kisses onto her chest. My hands were on her breasts, and I spent a bit of time sucking at her tits, mostly for the sake of form. Lauren didn't have very sensitive nipples and her boobs weren't sexy enough to inspire much enthusiasm. Laying on her back, she was almost flat. There wasn't much of a payoff for either of us, but it was routine, and I always did enjoy the taste of swollen nipples.  
  
Eventually I moved my mouth lower on her stomach until I came to the waistband of her pants. Here, I sat up between her legs and smiled. She watched me, breathless, waiting. She wasn't wearing shoes, so I simply tugged down her pants, waiting for her to lift her hips of the mattress. I pulled them all the way down and tossed them over the side, pulling away her panties at the same time. They came away sticky with her wetness and when they were gone she let her legs fall open. The scent of her arousal wafted up to meet me and I swayed slightly, almost drooling venom.  
  
Her pussy wasn't waxed or shaved, and her hair down there was much darker than the hair on her head. All of the Cullen ladies were perfectly bald, but Lauren had always been more of a stereotype since her coming out – combat boots, piercings, pubic hair. I preferred shaved, honestly, but in the end, pussy was pussy. When you were laying into it face first, did it really matter?  
  
Lauren was watching me with a little self-consciousness, as if worried what I'll think since there was more hair there than the last time I saw her. So I smiled and passed the pad of my thumb over it, letting her know I liked it.  
  
"Still don't shave, huh?" I asked.  
  
"Fuck that," she said. "I'm not gonna conform my body to what guys like."  
  
"Doesn't matter, it's still cute."  
  
"Then hurry the fuck up and go down on it."  
  
I giggled. It was nice to see Lauren back to her bossy ways, and without further ado, I lowered my mouth and began licking her wet mound.  
  
"Oh god, Bella," she said, instantly at the edge. "I love you. I missed you so much. I can't believe you came back."  
  
"Mmm," I moaned, barely hearing her. "I love you too, baby."  
  
My lips closed around her clit and I suckled at it gently. She gasped and squirmed on the sheet, desperate for more. The poor chick probably hadn't been laid in six months, so I obliged her. I inserted two fingers into her vagina and continued sucking at her hard and swollen nub, pausing only to lick at it firmly a few times before wrapping my lips around it once more, sucking harder and harder. Her breath began to moan in and out of her chest. I nipped at her clit with my teeth, resisting the urge to simply turn and bite her thigh, and suddenly she arched up off the mattress and came with a loud whimper.  
  
Remaining arched up, she clenched her hands in my hair and panted away the orgasm. Finally she sank back down onto the sweaty sheets and for a while I continued to lick up her arousal, the red fog rolling through my mind and an evil voice whispering in my ear to do it now, bite her, drain her, break her—  
  
But no, not yet. My pussy was mad with horniness, and I needed to take care of that first. And even then, no. I can't.  
  
"Oh god," she said. "That was fucking amazing."  
  
Of course it was. I'd had more practice than most people get in a lifetime. But it might've seemed cocky if I mentioned that, so I simply smiled at her with my glossy lips, and continued with the coy routine.  
  
"Will you do me as well?" I asked, my pussy uncomfortably wet under my skirt. "You have no idea much I missed your touch. I've been dreaming about this for so long."  
  
A happy smile lit up her face. "Me too," she said.  
  
To be honest, I'd adlibbed that line, but I was pleased at it's effectiveness. I needed her to want me as much as possible, and it was working. She sat up and began to kiss my mouth lovingly, tasting herself on my tongue and preparing to complete our happy reconciliation with a nice tonguing. I only wished she'd hurry. I've got a wife to get back to.  
  
"Lay down," she said, still smiling happily, appearing to have forgiven me completely. She stroked my huge breasts and her smile went crooked. "I'm gonna fuck you so good."  
  
It was a generous offer and I wasted no time accepting it. I flopped down onto the pillow, letting my boobs bounce fetchingly. Lauren noticed, of course, so the effect wasn't wasted. She grabbed them with her hands and smiled, and I just watched passively, the venom pooling in my mouth as my eyes flickered over her throat.  
  
She lowered her face and began to suck, lick, and grope my tits, and quite hungrily, too. In the past, she had never been overly enthusiastic about returning the favor after she had her own carpet cleaned. I guess she really did miss me. Sad.  
  
"Oh fuck you're hot," she said, licking across my nipple. "Your tits are amazing."  
  
I giggled, and while I appreciated the compliment, I had other areas that needed attending to. So I put my hands on her head and push her down gently.  
  
"Keep going," I whispered. "Please. I need you."  
  
My miniskirt had a zip on the side, and after unzipping it, she pulled the skirt down my thighs and past my boots before tossing it over her shoulder. I opened my long white legs with a certain arrogance, using my vampire-flexibility to show her how to make a really sexy shape.  
  
But it kind of backfired. The sight of my black lace thong seemed to dampen her spirits slightly, as if such sexy underwear wasn't really appropriate to the situation. But she didn't mention it. She pulled the thong away and tossed it aside, exposing my pussy. I watched her. She smiled and lifted her eyes to mine, stroking the insides of my thighs with her hands as she knelt at my entrance.  
  
"You're even more beautiful than you used to be," she said. There was a vague hint of disappointment in her voice, as if my beauty somehow indicated that maybe I didn't miss her as much as I claimed. She had a point; depressed lovers don't thrive and grow two bra-sizes. Lauren had visibly lost weight since I last saw her, and her face was paler, as if she hadn't been getting out much. Meanwhile, I was radiant as a swimsuit model – and in a thong, too.  
  
But my head was too hazy to come up with something clever to set her at ease, so I counted on my beauty itself to save me. "Thank you," I said, and smiled. But it wasn't just a smile; I was laying there naked and horny and obviously wanting it. A smile under those conditions was a potent weapon, and it seemed to hit Lauren's bulls-eye. She smiled back, her anxieties melting away, and then she lowered her mouth to my pussy.  
  
About time.  
  
I moaned loudly and moved my hips into her face gently. She licked me the way I had always liked, a nice long lick across my whole pussy, again and again, flicking my clit at the end of each lick. "Mmm," I groaned, squirming pleasurably on the bed. "Keep going, baby. Lick me deep and show me how much you missed me."  
  
I felt her tongue wriggle into my vagina, in and out, as if she was fucking it. The orgasm was beginning to build, and she must've heard it, because she moved to my clit and stuck two fingers inside me. I would've preferred three—or her whole fist—but I didn't want to interrupt. I clenched on her fingers, moaning, and I closed my eyes, focusing on the feel of her lips fastened to my clit.  
  
"Oh god," I said breathlessly, feeling it build. "Oh fuck, I'm coming. Ugh. Keep going. Keep going, keep going, keep—!"  
  
I came. My words trailed off in a breathless gasp as I tossed my head on the pillow, grinning aside as the orgasm exploded between my spread legs. Waves of ecstasy rolled over my naked body, wave on wave, and I chuckled throatily at how hard I'd come. I didn't expect to come that hard. Lauren was pretty good.  
  
She licked up my arousal, the same way I licked up hers, and after a while I closed my legs and sat up. She was sitting there on her knees, watching me with a strangely shy expression on her face, as if it had been our first time and she wasn't sure if she was any good. I smiled, cupped her face, and kissed her, tasting myself on her lips. She smiled back and then, without speaking, she wrapped her arms around my naked body and hugged me.  
  
"I can't believe you're actually back."  
  
I could feel her warm front pressed against mine and my next breath trembled slightly. My mouth was so close to her neck, and even though my pussy was taken care of, there was another lust inside me, a lust that raged stronger than ever. And now was the time, now with her so naked and vulnerable, now with my arousal on her lips, now—  
  
But I didn't. I gulped the venom and answered her question in a thick voice. "Me either," I said.  
  
She released me and smiled, so sadly unaware of how close she was to something horrible, something that wanted to kill her right now and feed from her and—  
  
"Where the fuck have you been, anyway?" she asked with a mellow chuckle, as if it was all good and she was only curious.  
  
The question made my heart pulse darkly. I had lied to get into her pants, but I had already told the truth to mom, so there was no point concealing it anymore.  
  
"Paris," I said.  
  
Her smile slipped slightly. Of all the places on earth, she had probably not expected the romance capital of the world. "Paris?" she repeated.  
  
"Yeah," I said, watching her reaction, noting every flicker of her features as it slowly dawned on her that something was wrong.  
  
She looked down at the bed, away from me. "With her?"  
  
Her voice was flat and dead. I nodded. She wasn't looking at me but she seemed to see it. She was silent for a few moments and then she looked at me, trying hard to keep her lip from trembling. I saw her throat move as she swallowed, and I felt another wave of lust, longing with all my being to just—  
  
"Where is she now?" she asked, one final feeble note of hope in her voice, as if maybe she had understood and the answer to this question would fix everything.  
  
But I was going to have to disappoint her. I could've pretended if I wanted, but I didn't want to. Lies were fun, but the truth could be exhilarating, too. It made me feel evil to take pleasure in the tearful confusion in her shiny eyes, but I couldn't help it.  
  
I was a vampire.  
  
"She's staying at a motel," I said. "She knew you'd be here."  
  
Lauren looked at me for a second, astonished at the coldness I was displaying so soon after making love to her for the time in six months. She turned away and got off the bed, needing to get away from me. It would've aided her dignity to put some clothes on, but she was too upset. She whirled around to face me naked.  
  
"She came home with you?" she demanded.  
  
"Mmhm."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"She's my wife," I said, lifting my left hand and wriggling the fingers. "We got married in Paris."  
  
The breath rushed out of her as if I'd punched her in the stomach. Tears of fury instantly filled her eyes. "You fucking bitch," she said, her voice stunned and rage-trembled. "How the fuck could you?"  
  
I smiled and gave a shrug of my bare shoulder, coldly amused at how she was standing there all angry and naked. It was making me horny again.  
  
Lauren looked away, her face going green. Her neck gave a little jerk and for a second it looked like she was going to throw up. But it was only a sob. It came out choked and wretched, and then she lifted both hands to her face and started crying.  
  
I watched her for a moment, feeling a tiny tug in my heart. Her tears had penetrated the fog slightly, but only slightly. I felt the urge to make her feel better, even if it was a somewhat sadistic urge, a curiosity to simply see if I could. Alice had taught me that there was no injury that couldn't be forgiven if you were naked and asked nice enough.  
  
So I got out the bed and approached her, clad in nothing but black leather boots. I reached for her quivering shoulder, ready with a coo on my lips, but as soon as I touched her skin, she swatted my hand away. She glared at me with her crumpled tear-stained face and hiccupped a sob.  
  
"You had sex with me," she said in a strained voice. "And you're married?"  
  
I wasn't sure if the ceremony was valid in America, since we had used fake papers, but I guess the principle was the same. Alice was my wife, my lover, my soulmate. My everything. So I gave my ex a small smile, standing there naked and freshly fucked by her tongue, and said: "Sorry."  
  
It took her so much by surprised that she stopped crying. Then a sudden rage overwhelmed her and she slapped me.  
  
It was a brutal slap, very hard and very stinging. It felt wonderful. I smiled, feeling a quick flash of horniness, and my smile only seemed to enrage her further. With a strangled moan of fury, she flew at me like a banshee. She was so livid she couldn't speak or even scream. She only made little gurgling sounds of rage as she tried to beat me with her fists.  
  
I tried not to laugh, but honestly, I loved it. Becoming a vampire had improved my reflexes, so after letting her work out a little of her anger, I grabbed her wrists and tried to calm her down. She writhed in my grip with surprising strength, all blonde and naked, like an shortchanged whore.  
  
"Lauren, calm down," I said. "Look, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to—"  
  
She spat in my face. It came out in a hiss, almost like a cat, and caught me off guard enough to make me loosen my grip. She took advantage and wrenched away quickly. But my grip was weaker than she assumed, and she twisted away so fast that she tripped over her own feet and fell. There was a sickening thump as her head slammed into the edge of the dresser. The blow was so hard it knocked her out, silencing her enraged panting, and her body spilled onto the carpet and sprawled at my feet—  
  
Naked.  
  
Helpless.  
  
With a gash in her forehead.  
  
For a long moment I did nothing but stare. It was beyond me right then to feel bad about hurting her, emotionally or physically, because something dark was stirring in my stomach, something darker than anything I had ever felt before. Lauren's naked body was twisted on the floor, one leg bent underneath her, and I was staring, letting my dark eyes roam all over her soft warm-looking peach-colored skin, letting the hunger grow within my stomach like some dark incubation, letting the venom pool in my mouth and drool from my lips. It had begun to rain outside and the rain was pattering on the window. I couldn't hear it. My gaze was locked onto her forehead where a bright redness was oozing across her unconscious face and slowly, quietly, an evil little voice rose up inside me and whispered:  
  
Blood.  
  
I quivered, my whole naked body trembling with the temptation. The time for control was over. I'd have to try not to kill her—I'd have to try really hard—but I had to do it. She was unconscious, she wouldn't even know. And the reunion was already ruined. Lauren would never forgive me for what I had done to her this afternoon and I didn't care. I didn't care about anything but that blood. That hot wet sticky oh so lovely looking blood.  
  
So I got down on my knees and crawled on top of her naked body, my chest humming like the purr of a large and dangerous feline. I let my tongue unfurl from my mouth and lowered it to her head, licking across the wound and feeling my heart almost explode from the joy of blood. I licked again and again. The wound kept gushing and I kept licking, licking the blood as it leaked from her head, holding her face steady in my hands. Some of the blood had stained her blonde hair and some of it had stained the carpet. But most of it stained my mouth as I lapped it up like a famished succubus, licking and licking until the wound bled no more.  
  
And I knew I should've stopped, but I couldn't. I wanted more, so much more. So I gathered her loose and floppy body in my arms, brushing her hair back with my hand, and I took advantage of her helplessness by placing a lewd tongue kiss on her unconscious mouth, tainting her lips red with her own blood. Then I moved my fangs to her neck, savored the anticipation for just a moment, and sank my teeth into her flesh.  
  
—  
  
It took all my willpower, but I managed not to kill her. Much of my newborn rapacity had been satisfied in Paris, and when I finished with her neck, my hunger was satisfied enough that I managed to suppress the urge to rip apart her naked body with my teeth like an animal. It even made me a little sad that I wanted to. So instead I simply placed one last kiss on her ashen lips and then wiped the blood off with my thumb.  
  
It was still raining when I went downstairs. Mom was in the livingroom and it was dim aside for the grey light in the rain spattered window. She was standing at the sidetable and looking at the framed photographs there. Most of them were my school photos, from elementary through highschool. She was holding one of them in her hand and as I approached silently from behind I saw that it was the photo she'd taken on prom night, of me and Alice in our dresses.  
  
"Mom?" I said.  
  
She jumped, and covered her fright with a chuckle as she put the picture down and wiped her eyes. She'd been crying again, but she didn't want me to know.  
  
"Yes, sweetie?" she asked.  
  
I half turned back to the stairs. "Lauren hit her head," I said in a strange tone. I wasn't aware of what tone I should use, that's why it was strange. "We have to get her to the hospital."  
  
The fake smile slipped off her face. "What?"  
  
But she didn't wait for further explanation. She pushed past me and raced up the stairs, as if the wounded blonde was her actual daughter, and maybe by now she was. Certainly more a daughter than me at this point. I followed her up to my room and watched her crouch at Lauren's unconscious body. I'd cleaned up her neck and put her clothes back on, dressing her up like a doll. I just hoped the blood loss wouldn't be too serious.  
  
"Oh my god," mom said, gazing worriedly into Lauren's face. "What happened?"  
  
"She got angry and tried to hit me," I said. "Then she fell over and hit her head on the edge of the dresser. Is she okay?"  
  
Mom ignored the question, and started hefting up Lauren's limp body.  
  
"Quick," she said, "help me get her into the car."  
  
Mom and I eventually got her up, mom's hands hooked under her arms, me holding her legs. We carried her through the rain and loaded her into the car. I sat in the back, holding her steady, and halfway to the hospital I copped a feel of one of her boobs. They were still nothing fantastic, but I had to amuse myself somehow. Mom was busy being worried and it was a long drive.  
  
The medical center was just outside town. It was the same place I had gone to after my first night with Alice, so many months ago. It was almost ironic. Lauren's first time with a vampire sent her straight to the emergency room, same as me. Lauren had a cover injury, though, so I hoped the blood loss might go unnoticed. Concussions are generally more serious.  
  
Two nurses helped us get Lauren into a wheelchair and then they wheeled her away for treatment. Mom was a nervous wreck, and she wouldn't talk to me. She didn't blame me for what happened, but it was too much for her to handle right now. First my return, now Lauren seriously hurt. So much for Alice's grand plan of repairing our relationship. Poor mom. Not only did I destroy her real daughter, but now I almost killed her substitute-daughter, too.  
  
I didn't feel guilty exactly, but I did feel a odd melancholy. Part of me was still pouting over the fact that I had been forced to stop feeding, and part of me was wondering why I did stop. Murder was against the law, obviously, but was that the only reason? I supposed I'd been thinking of mom, too. It was bad enough to see her run upstairs to find an unconscious body; I would've hated for her to find a dead one and realize I was the murderer. But were those the only reasons? How much of a monster had I become?  
  
I had always thought Alice was exaggerating when she said that vampires were evil, but now I understood. Just like she said I would. The lust had fucked with my mind and caused me to seduce my ex, knock her out, and feast on her blood. Yeah, I guess that was pretty evil. And worse, I didn't even feel that guilty about it. I was mostly worried about how Lauren was going to react when she woke up and what she was going to say to mom – and even this worry was laced with curiosity and a strange eagerness. I really was a monster.  
  
The doctors eventually revived the victim and stapled her head. Mom had called Lauren's family while we waited and hung up in disgust after only a few minutes. I assumed this meant Lauren's mother wasn't coming to visit anytime soon. A doctor had come out to tell us the situation, and mom asked if she could see her. The doctor nodded, but told her to be quiet and not cause the patient any excitement. Mom glanced at me and I said I'd wait in the corridor. It was my presence that had excited her into a concussion in the first place.  
  
Mom went into the room and I lingered in the hall for a few minutes before I decided to call Alice. I missed her, and I figured I better let her know we might be moving on quicker than we thought. You weren't supposed to use cellphones in a hospital, but frankly, I didn't care. I had just sexually molested my ex-girlfriend while she lay bleeding on the floor; why would I care about hospital rules? So I punched in Alice's number and put the phone to my ear. She answered on the first ring, and my heart glowed to know that she had kept the phone close.  
  
"Hey, baby," she said. "I'm so lonely without you. How did it go?"  
  
I figured I better just blurt it out. "We're at the hospital."  
  
"Oh my god, what happened?"  
  
I winced and decided to continue with the bluntness. "I think I fucked up, Alice," I said. "I…"  
  
"How, baby?" she prodded gently.  
  
I took a deep breath. "I controlled myself with mom," I said. "But then Lauren…"  
  
I trailed off. She was silent for a while, and I couldn't tell if she was disappointed I had cheated on her, or disappointed my control slipped. Or both. For the first time through the whole ordeal I felt like shit. Alice and I were supposed to be improving our relationship, and now this happens. I suck.  
  
"I'm sorry, Alice," I said, not knowing what else to say.  
  
"It's okay, baby," she said. "Did you kill her?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Did you seduce her?"  
  
I didn't reply. Her voice wasn't sharp, it was very soft and understanding. But I still felt terrible. It made me feel a little better that she used the word 'seduce' instead of 'fuck,' but I still felt like a very low class of whore.  
  
"It's okay, baby," she said to my silence, a slight giggle in her voice. "I'm not angry. I told you how hard it would be to control yourself, remember? That's why I offered to let you feed from me before you left. I knew it would be hard for you."  
  
"But it was like I couldn't even try," I said, grasping at her understanding. "It was like…"  
  
"Like being possessed?" she said softly. "Like being controlled by something stronger than you? Something evil?"  
  
I was nodding into the phone. "Yeah," I said, and paused to glare at an orderly who passed me in the corridor. I didn't know if he was looking at me because I was using a cellphone or because my ass was hot, but either way, I didn't like it.  
  
"That's how the thirst works," Alice went on. "It doesn't force you to do bad things, it just makes bad things seem like a good idea. It's okay, baby. I understand. We've got hundreds of years to develop your control and get our relationship right. How is she?"  
  
I was so overwhelmed by her understanding that at first I didn't know who she was talking about. "Lauren?" I asked.  
  
"Yes," she giggled. "Lauren."  
  
"I don't know," I said. "The doctor said she has a concussion and they're going to keep her overnight. Mom's with her."  
  
I heard Alice sigh. Sighs sounded so nice over the phone, and there was no sigh nicer than Alice's.  
  
"We might have to leave Forks earlier than we thought," she said. "I knew I should've made you feed from me before you left."  
  
I had thought the same thing—that we would have to leave—but now that I heard it out loud, I had to wonder. "I don't know," I said. "Mom was pretty happy to have me back and Lauren might be to embarrassed to tell her what happened. And even if she does, I don't think mom will kick me out. Maybe there's still a chance."  
  
Maybe it was vampire-vanity, but I really did want to stick around a little bit. I had slipped up today, but I could control myself from now, and I didn't want to leave mom like this. Not again.  
  
Alice sighed again. "Then I guess we'll stick to the plan," she said. "Make things good with your mom, okay? But I don't think I can go much longer without getting my tongue inside you. Can I see you tonight?"  
  
I smiled. "If mom kicks me out, I'll meet you at the motel," I said. "If she lets me stay…"  
  
"You'll leave the window open?" she asked excitedly.  
  
I didn't answer, I just giggled and hung up. Somehow I had the feeling that right now she was running out to buy a long black trench coat, eager to reenact our first time with all her usual lust for symbolic theatrics. Ah, Alice.  
  
We had come back to Forks to try and get our relationship back on track, and the first thing she wanted to do was climb through my bedroom window naked. Although, in a way, I guess you could classify it as normal, albeit slightly skanky, behavior. Nothing wrong with sneaking a girlfriend into your room at night, especially at the ripe old age of seventeen and a half.  
  
I was actually excited, and I quickly glanced at the door to Lauren's hospital room. Mom had been in there a long time, and I was hoping Lauren wasn't telling her how I had adulterously seduced her and coldly mocked her anguish. Just in case, I figured I better try and patch things up, instead of just dawdling out here in the corridor. So I pushed open the door and went in.  
  
Mom was holding Lauren's hand, but Lauren wasn't talking, and she didn't look like she had been. So far so good. They looked at me, and Lauren looked away again, her face crumpling somewhat. Mom looked at her silently and back at me. I didn't know how much she knew, but she didn't disown me or call the police. She rose from her chair, looked at Lauren one more time, and then she left the room, evidently deciding to give me a moment alone with Lauren.  
  
Lauren wouldn't look at me. I approached her bedside and smiled, as if I wasn't really a horny demon who had decimated six months of her fondest hopes and dreams.  
  
"Hey," I said softly.  
  
Her face hardened into a glare and she turned it to me slowly. She looked at me in disgust for a moment and then she shook her head slowly. "How could you do that?" she said. "I keep trying to think of some reason…but there's nothing. I mean, why?" she demanded, building up heat. "Why would you do that to me? Are you psycho? Are you fucked in the head?"  
  
They were very accurate observations, and I didn't feel like lying, so I just nodded. "I think so," I said quietly, perfectly truthful.  
  
She looked at me, stunned and sad. For a long time she had been hoping against hope for me to come back, but this Bella wasn't the Bella she wanted. She only knew a fraction of the truth, and even that fraction was repulsive. I'd left her for an other girl, married that girl, and then come back and fucked her just for fun. It was a horrible thing to do, it really was, and the least I could do was apologize.  
  
"I'm sorry, Lauren," I said. "I told you I've changed. This is me now. Alice…made me crazy."  
  
The mention of Alice caused her eyes to fill with tears. She tried to hold them back, but some of them fell anyway, dripping with each blink. "I told you to stay away from that freak," she said, her voice breaking.  
  
"But that's just it," I said helplessly. "I like being this way."  
  
Lauren sniffed and looked away. Then she started crying, sobbing quietly into the quiet of the hospital room. I watched her for a moment and felt a dim sadness brood in my chest where my heart used to be. Not sadness, but a lack of sadness; a void all the same.  
  
"I'm sorry," I repeated, for what it was worth. "Alice and I are trying to be better, but it's hard for us. We're not…we're not normal like you."  
  
"Goddamn you, Bella," she said, her voice shaking. "I've been waiting for you to come back for six months, and this… this…"  
  
"I never meant to hurt you, Lauren," I said, trying to sound sincere. "I really didn't."  
  
Lauren turned her face into the pillow and cried into it, muffling her sobs. I glanced back at the door, wondering if anyone could hear, and then I turned back to Lauren. I put a hand on her shoulder to get her to look at me, but she ignored it. I could see the twin bite marks in the side of her neck, and even though they were less than an hour fresh, I felt like biting her again.  
  
"Lauren?" I asked, caressing her shoulder. "Are you okay?"  
  
She didn't reply, she just sobbed into the pillow. I watched her for another moment, but I had upset her enough for one day. So I leaned down and gave her a quick hug, foolishly hoping it would make her feel better, and then I kissed her hair softly, inhaling her scent one last time.  
  
"I'm really sorry," I said huskily. "Please don't hate me."  
  
Then I stood up and backed away to the door. She had stopped sobbing, but she still had her face buried into the pillow. I glanced at the bump of her hip under the peagreen hospital sheet and then I turned and went out the door.  
  
Mom knew nothing of what happened with Lauren and she seemed willing to accept my explanation that she'd simply fallen over and hit her head. It was partly true, at least. More importantly she was willing to accept me back home.  
  
We drove home in silence and we made dinner together in silence and in silence we sat down and ate. It was almost like old times, aside from the fact that all subjects led to Alice and Alice led to bad feelings. It was going to be difficult assimilating Alice into mom's life, but if I could control myself—especially around Alice—then I think we might manage. After dinner we did the dishes together, me washing, her drying with a dishtowel. She still had no dishwashing machine. When was she going to get a dishwashing machine? By now the awkwardness was beginning to fade, and she took a few minutes to tell me about something trivial that happened at work. We even smiled a few times.  
  
When the kitchen was all cleaned up, we went into the livingroom and mom watched TV while I grabbed a book off the shelf; Wuthering Heights. I hadn't read it in ages, but it didn't engage me as it once had. Why live vicariously though the obsessive and destructive passions of literature when I had obsessive and destructive passion waiting to climb through my bedroom window?  
  
It was thoughts of Alice that prompted me to go to bed early. I wanted to stay up with mom as long as possible, simply to be with her, but the lure of Alice's pussy was tugging at my brain and making me hungry. Plus, I was getting weird around mom again. My eyes kept flickering off the page and onto her chest where she sat on the sofa. She wore a nightrobe, but the nightrobe was open, and her breasts looked very full and womanly in her white sleeptank. I'd always liked large breasts, although I typically preferred them when they didn't belong to my own mom.  
  
So I figured it was best to hurry upstairs and focus my lust on Alice, who was, ironically, the healthier choice in this case. Of course, I didn't want to be presumptuous by assuming my old room would be freely offered to me, so after kissing mom on the cheek, I said:  
  
"Do you think I should sleep on the couch?"  
  
Mom put her hands on my shoulders and looked into my face. "It's still your room, sweetie," she said. "This is your house, your home. It will always be your home, okay?"  
  
It was her subtle way of begging me not to leave again. I didn't know what was going to happen when Lauren was released from the hospital—since we certainly couldn't share a room—but for tonight I was willing to take it.  
  
"Thanks, mom."  
  
Mom smiled and pulled me into a hug. There was a sitcom on TV and a laughtrack played in the background. I nuzzled mom's neck, letting my mind haze just a little, and then she pulled back. She cupped my face and looked at me as if she hadn't seen me in six months.  
  
"I love you, sweetie," she said.  
  
I leaned and kissed her cheek. "I love you too, mom."  
  
By the time I got upstairs I was giddy with anticipation, almost like that night so many months ago, when I had first met that girl of dreams in the school cafeteria and knew that she was going to come to me, to claim me and make me hers. I had showered before dinner and mom had given me some of her own sleepclothes to wear, and before I got into bed I took it all off.  
  
One by one I pulled off each article and dropped it to the floor, kicking it all into a pile with my bare foot. I opened the window a crack, refusing to give into the temptation of looking outside for Alice, and I shivered as a cool night breeze passed over my naked body. My pussy was already tingling, and with an impish smile, I turned and climbed into the bed, my heart beginning to throb the same way it had done that first time, and every time after that.  
  
Alice must've been waiting in the darkness below, because she appeared almost instantly, just her eyes in the corner of the window, smiling as they met mine where I lay waiting in the bed. For a second we looked at each other, an unexplainable feeling washing over me. It was a moment unlike any other. After all we'd been through, against all the odds. Here we were. Where we began. It really was destiny. No matter what happened, nothing was ever going to stop her from climbing though my window and into my heart. Again. And again. And again.  
  
And nothing stopped her this time, either. She lifted the windowframe and climbed in, and my heart soared to see what she was wearing.  
  
A long black trench coat.  
  
It was exactly like my dreams, the dreams I'd had almost every night since I could remember having dreams. The girl of my dreams, here in reality. She smiled at me silently, thinking the exact same thing, and then she slowly undid the belt of the coat, slipped it off, and let it fall behind her.  
  
Underneath she was naked.  
  
Totally naked.  
  
The sight of her exquisite little body mesmerized me as it always did, only this time there was another hunger, another lust. My fangs had grown in my mouth and my mouth was open, staring at her lustfully. She smiled with her own fangs, passing her tongue along them erotically as she sauntered forward in the dim lamplight.  
  
"Alice," I said softly, my heart glowing from the name.  
  
Her red smile widened, but she didn't reply, not yet. She was reenacting the dream, just as I knew she would, and she wasn't supposed to say my name yet. Her hand touched my shoulder and trailed along my body, into the dip of my waist and over the hill of my hip, pausing at my ankle to caress it softly before closing her fist in a handful of bedsheet and pulling it away, slowly revealing my naked body, my breasts, my arms, my long white legs that were rubbing together for friction at the sight of this dark little nymph climbed in from the night.  
  
I played my own part just as eagerly. I rolled onto my back and smiled as she climbed into the bed, straddling my hips and grinding down in a quick little thrust. I wanted to giggle at her attention to detail, but I hadn't giggled in the dream, so I didn't giggle now. She closed her eyes and tilted her head back, inhaling deeply, and then lowered herself across my body and whispered softly into my lips:  
  
"Bella."  
  
That was where the dream ended and now where our restraint ended as well. Our mouths clashed together and we made love with all of our old passion, forcing our dreams to come true the only way we knew how; by pretending.  
  
And when it was over, I gathered her body up in my arms, the same way she gathered mine that first time, and I sank my fangs into her neck. Neither of us spoke. Neither of us needed to. She gave a girlish gasp at the entry of my fangs into her skin and I moaned as the warm blood began to fill my mouth, holding her tight and mashing her naked body against mine, her legs wrapped securely around my waist. We had been through a lot, Alice and I, and yet here we were. Our first time all over again, exactly the same and yet so much changed. We had come full circle and from now on there was nothing that was going to stand in our way. A fresh start, and this time no coven and no psychotic redhead to tear us apart. And as her perfect blood gushed into my mouth, I had to wonder:  
  
Was this the end?  
  
Or was destiny not done with us yet?  
  
—  
  



	42. Chapter 42

—  
  
Chapter 42:  
  
—  
  
Alice and I cuddled all night, and in the morning, when it was only gray light in the window, we heard mom's soft footsteps in the corridor. She paused at my door, as if she wanted to check if I was still here. Alice grinned guiltily and ducked under the covers, but then mom's footsteps continued down the corridor.  
  
Alice popped out again and planted a kiss on my lips. "I guess it's time for you to get up," she said, although of course I hadn't slept. I'd always thought lack of sleep would be one of the worst aspects of vampirism, but coupled with the sexual stamina of a demon and a girlfriend like Alice, it was one of the best parts. I'd lost count of how many orgasms we'd quietly shared in the dark.  
  
But yes, it was time to 'get up.' So I sighed, knowing that I might be without Alice for a few hours, and kissed her back. "Yeah," I said glumly. "I guess."  
  
She smiled at my sullen tone. We were laying on our sides, heads on the same pillow. It was a single bed, the bed I'd slept in since child hood, so we were very close, and she had one leg thrown over my body possessively.  
  
"Did you tell her we're married?" she asked.  
  
I shook my head. "Not yet."  
  
"Try to tell her like it's a good thing," she suggested. "As if it's proof of how serious we are. She's not going to be happy about it. To her, you're way too young to get married. Maybe it'll be simplest if you pretend it was just a play-ceremony. It basically was, anyway. After all, you didn't even have a visa to leave the country. How would you obtain a marriage license? Besides, it won't be our last wedding. We'll have an official ceremony here in Washington, when you're older. Maybe twenty, twenty-one."  
  
I was listening, but I was stroking her thigh, too. I was never going to get sick of how wonderful her soft skin felt under my hand or pressed against my body. She smiled and snuggled closer, rubbing herself against me.  
  
"I love how you touch me," she whispered into my mouth.  
  
My lips tingled at the touch of her breath. "I love touching you."  
  
Moaning softly, very softly, she let her lips brush mine for a moment before pressing them together. I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her on top of me, hooking a leg around her. I let her tongue into my mouth, moaning, and began kissing back. Heat was building between our legs and soon we were touching each other, foreheads pressed together and panting quietly into each other's mouths as we gasped away another orgasm into the dim gray morning.  
  
Then it was time for Alice to go. I watched her wrap the long black coat around herself and open the window, before turning to me for a goodbye kiss. I was still naked and I cupped her face tenderly, making a romantic moment out of it.  
  
"When you turned me into a vampire, you never warned me how awful it was going to be not to constantly fuck you all day," I told her poutily.  
  
She smirked and kissed my lips. "It's only because you're a newborn," she said. "It'll get easier."  
  
"I hope it doesn't," I told her. "I love feeling like this. Like I'm gonna die if I don't do you. It hurts, but it feels so good, being so addicted to you. Do you feel the same way for me?"  
  
"You know I do, baby," she said, and pulled me into a deep kiss. "But you're mom's waiting. Be a good daughter, okay?"  
  
I pouted. My stomach was swirling with hunger, and I had to wonder if I was slutty even by vampire standards. I had fed from her last night and groaned out an untold number of orgasms, and yet I wanted her now more than ever. Surely even demons would raise an eyebrow at such whorishness.  
  
"But because baby's such a hopeless little whore," Alice added impishly, "why don't I give her an extra-special goodbye kiss?"  
  
And with that she slowly sank to her knees at my feet. I smiled and opened my legs a little, watching her lean to my pussy and—  
  
Oh god that's so good.  
  
I love being a vampire.  
  
It didn't take long before my vagina was spasmming on her tongue, and when she was done, she opened her coat, sat on the windowsill, and spread her own lovely legs.  
  
"My turn," she chimed.  
  
I hooked my arms around her thighs and dived in tongue first. She came with her legs closed around my head and then slowly loosened them.  
  
"Whew," she said, standing on wobbly legs and tying the belt around her coat. "Will that be enough to hold you for a while, baby?"  
  
I licked my lips, tasting her arousal and the venom in my mouth. To be honest, I was horny again already, but I guess it'll have to do. I had promised Alice that I was going to help her repair our relationship, and the first step toward that was restraint. I couldn't expect Alice to do all the work, so I nodded and smiled.  
  
"I think so," I said. "But I'm going to need you again very soon."  
  
Alice smiled, wrapped her arms around my neck, and kissed me. I grabbed her ass, but the coat was very thick and it wasn't such a great feel. God, I was going to miss her.  
  
"I'll be waiting at the motel," she said, when she pulled back. "Make sure everything's good with your mom and then I'll fuck you as much as you want, kay?"  
  
I nodded glumly, but she probably had the right idea. Using sex as a bride to force me to behave was probably the best way. I never thought we'd reach a point in our relationship where I'd be more of a slut than Alice, but here we were. I was going to have to try harder. After all, we had an eternity to fuck, but my time with mom was already ticking. So I sighed and kept nodding.  
  
"Okay," I said, trying not to pout.  
  
She smiled at what a big girl I was being and kissed my lips. Then she gave me a quick spank and hopped out the window.  
  
Instantly I missed her, so I heaved a huge sigh as I shut the window. Oh Alice. How could you do this to me? I trudged over the pile of clothes I'd left on the floor and picked up the panties. But I was really really upset about how unfair it was, so I stomped my foot angrily, causing my boobs to jiggle. Sometimes it sucked being a vampire.  
  
But by the time I was halfway down stairs, I had forced myself into a better mood. After all, mom was waiting, and she deserved better than a daughter who was too preoccupied with sex to even say good morning after being welcomed back into a loving home after six months of abandonment. Besides, there were important things to discuss, such as mom's approval. So far Alice and I hadn't had a chance to make any mistakes in front of mom, and Lauren hadn't mentioned anything about yesterday. So if I could start things on a good note with mom, then maybe it would be possible to get her approval. I'm not sure why that mattered, but I could feel my vampire-vanity stirring. Longing for mom's approval wouldn't be keeping me up at night—Alice's pussy did that—but like any chick, I would prefer my relationship to be admired and envied rather than loathed and despised.  
  
And I could always fuck Alice later.  
  
I found mom in the kitchen and my infected little heart went pitter patter when I saw she was mixing pancake batter. Aw. Nothing like the promise of fried pastry to keep a daughter from running away from home again.  
  
"Hi, mom," I said.  
  
"Oh, sweetie," she said, almost brightly. She put the bowl down and gave me a big hug. She had showered and changed already and her hair had a nice sweet smell. I hadn't showered personally, but vampires enjoyed perpetual cleanliness. Somewhat ironic considering the dirty stuff we did on a nightly basis. In any case, I hugged her back, letting myself smile. Mom was no Alice, but she was okay, for now.  
  
"I was afraid it was just a dream," she said, holding me tightly. "I almost checked to see if you were in your room." She chuckled and released me. "I was going to make pancakes for breakfast as a surprise. Are you hungry?"  
  
"I can make them," I offered, gesturing at the bowl. After all, the woman had taken me back into her home despite the fact that I was the worst daughter in history; whipping up breakfast was the least I could do.  
  
But mom smiled and guided me to a chair. "You just sit," she said. "I'm still your mother, you know."  
  
Mom's words made me feel a pleasant mixture of shame and affection. It's nice to be loved even when you're an awful person. So I sat down, wrapped in a warm bubble of happy disgrace, and watched my mom go over to the stove and melt some margarine in a frying pan.  
  
Good old, mom. No matter what I did she would always forgive me. Much like Alice. Unconditional love. Mom's love wasn't quite as graphic, of course, but the principle was the same. Maybe that's why I loved Alice so much. She was a lot like mom in many ways. They had that same warmth, that same capacity for love. Mom wasn't as hot as Alice, but that was probably a good thing. I was tempted enough as it was. I suppose it was all very Freudian; Alice was a mom I could have sex with. She was old enough to be my mother, certainly. She even 'created' me. And now she was feeding me with blood and teaching me life all over again. It was a little disturbing, really, but I suppose it was only subtext.  
  
Mom poured the batter in the pan and glanced over her shoulder. "What are your plans for today, sweetie?" she asked, her voice taking a more serious note.  
  
"Um," I said, trying to delay. Honestly, I had no plans for the immediate future at all other than to do what Alice says and fuck her as often as she lets me. "I'm not sure."  
  
"I have to pick up Lauren from the hospital in an hour," mom said, deciding to share her own plans instead. She turned to me, her face going sad. "Does she know…"  
  
"Know what?"  
  
A frown of disapproval furrowed her brow. "That Alice is in town?" she said, the name Alice deepening her frown even more.  
  
"Oh," I said, feeling a flash of shame. Stupid Bella, I admonished myself. I needed to focus on the conversation and stop trying to picture Alice naked. "Yeah," I said. "She knows."  
  
Mom gave me a look and then turned back to the frying pan. "Is that what caused her to get angry and hurt herself?"  
  
There was a certain coldness to the question, as if she was trying to blame me without blaming me. I supposed I deserved it. To be honest, I was happy mom was on Lauren's side. It showed wisdom and common sense, two things I don't remember seeing much of out of my dear old mother.  
  
"I don't understand it," mom said, shaking her head. "After everything that girl did to you…"  
  
Just a hunch, but I didn't think she was referring to Lauren. Likely she was referring to Alice and the intense amounts of drama and anguish my loving girlfriend had inflicted upon me over the course of our relationship. I could've explained that Alice had a way of balancing out the bad with massive amounts of hardcore sex, but I figured now would be a good time to get some practice at lying for the greater good.  
  
"Alice has changed mom," I said, which was at least half true. She was trying to change, at least. "She's different now. She knows she was a little…reckless when we first started dating. But we're grown up now. You'll see. You'll love her when you get to know her."  
  
Mom turned with the spatula in her hand, almost as if to threaten me with it. "Bella," she said. "I'm happy you came home, but that girl will never be welcome in this house. Never."  
  
There was a great deal of emotion in her voice, and I made the tentative assumption that mom hadn't forgiven Alice. Hadn't even considered it. In fact, the very mention of the girl seemed to infuriate her. She'd obviously been reigning it all back until now because she didn't want to push me back into her arms, but a good night's sleep seemed to have dampened her gratitude of simply having me back. Now she wanted me back without Alice.  
  
"If you insist on seeing her, fine," mom went on sternly. "I can't do anything about that, all I can do is hope you'll realize the truth someday. But you can't expect me to be supportive. Not after…"  
  
She gestured with the spatula, unable to put it in words, and then she turned and flipped the pancake in the pan. I sighed and wished I was in bed with Alice. But I wasn't, I was here with mom, and somehow I had to make this all better. I had to make her see how committed we were to pretending we were in a healthy relationship. It was important to Alice, and important to me, too.  
  
"Can she at least come over for dinner tonight?" I asked.  
  
Mom didn't even answer, she just stood at the stove with her back to me. And rightly so, it was a very feeble question, and pathetically timed. She had finished telling me that Alice was never going to be welcome into this house and my bright idea was to invite Alice for dinner? Obviously, this lying stuff wasn't an automatic talent of vampires. It was going to take some practice.  
  
"Listen," I said, groping my brain before the silence stretched too long. "There's something I have to tell you, mom."  
  
The seriousness in my voice made her glance. "What is it?"  
  
"Alice and I got married."  
  
Mom's face drained. I made an effort to smile, remembering Alice's advice about presenting it as good news, and then I rose from the chair and came forward to show her the ring.  
  
"Not officially," I said, "but look. She bought me a ring."  
  
That wasn't exactly true, but close enough. Technically, I had bought the ring with her family's money and then she'd regifted it to me after we decided to kill each other on our wedding night. Like all aspects of our relationship, it was kind of complicated and not really something I could explain to mom. So I just lifted my hand and let her see, there on my ring finger, a platinum band with a pink diamond butterfly perched on top. Mom looked at it with something like dismay, but she didn't say anything. Before the silence became awkward, I smiled and went on.  
  
"See?" I said, with a tactful touch of enthusiasm. "That's what I'm trying to say. We're not kids anymore. We're serious. This is forever with me and her." Mom lifted her eyes to mine, and the lost sadness in them gave me a brilliant flash of inspiration. I took both her hands, looked into her eyes like an adult, and said very earnestly: "And it would mean everything to me to have your support."  
  
It didn't knock her off her feet, but it did make her blink woundedly. I felt terrible for preying on her maternal side, but it was definitely her weak spot. So I made my eyes even more pleading, and considering my eyes were big and brown and beautiful, I had to assume it was a powerful effect.  
  
"Please, mom?" I said, careful not to go overboard. "I know I have no right to ask after the way I treated you. But I love you. You mean more to me than anyone. I'm so sorry I hurt you, but…"  
  
I lowered my eyes in shame, as if I couldn't bare to look at her. I glanced at her tits accidentally, but really, I did feel awful. I shook my head, letting the moment hang for dramatic effect, and then lifted my eyes back to hers, looking like a lost little girl who needs her mommy.  
  
"I don't think I can do this without you, mom," I said, even summoning up a gloss of tears in my eyes. "Everything is all so overwhelming to me right now. Alice left her family and now where married. She can't stay at the motel forever, and…" I sniffed; it was a little over the top, perhaps, but it seemed to work. "I need you, mom," I said to her. "I need you to help me through this."  
  
Mom's eyes had filled with tears, and instantly she pulled me into a hug. It was a terrific performance, and it was a good thing I was immortal, because if I ever died I'd be going straight to hell.  
  
"Oh, sweetie," she said, with a little sniff of her own. "I'm sorry."  
  
"I'm sorry, too," I said, caressing her back.  
  
And for a moment we simply stood there in the quiet kitchen, hugging and enjoying the reconciliation. I had closed my eyes, letting myself absorb her warmth. I loved mom, I really did. She was so warm and she smelt so nice. The scent of her hair filled my mind with sensations of love and acceptance, and for a moment I was tempted to cup her butt erotically. But that might've spoiled the moment, so I didn't.  
  
There was actually a lot of truth to what I said. I dramatized a bit for the sake of impact, but Alice and I really did need mom. We didn't have unlimited cash, and we no longer had an androgynous blonde millionaire to supply us with bottomless creditcards, either. We needed a place to stay, but we also needed an adult, someone to pass as a parent figure, at least for a year or two. It was possible for me and Alice to exist independently, but it would be much easier if we had a loving guardian, a mother-figure who would care for us, guide us, and do laundry.  
  
And mom was perfect for the job. She had always loved her mother work, and she had always loved me, too. She loved me so much. I was so lucky, to have such a loving mom, so full of warmth and forgiveness. Would she forgive me if I copped a feel? Better not risk it. Mom was straight and not fucked in the head at all, so even though she probably hadn't been laid in a decade, I doubt she'd be into doing it with her daughter, no matter how sexy her daughter was. I wasn't into it either, of course. Just wondering.  
  
So I opened my eyes and prepared to let go. Over her shoulder I saw the pancakes smoking which struck me as perfect timing. "Pancakes are burning," I said, reluctantly letting go.  
  
Mom quickly turned around and turned the stove off, wiping at a couple errant tears with her other hand. She took the pan off the heat and flipped the slightly burnt pancake onto the pile. She put the pan back down on the stove, quietly, and then turned back to me.  
  
"I'm sorry, sweetie," she said. "I know you're girlfriend has had some issues in the past. I'll try to remember that. It's just so hard not to be angry with her for everything she's done to you."  
  
"A lot of it was my fault," I said modestly.  
  
But mom took my face in her hands and looked into my eyes. "No," she said. "I know you, Bella. You were the best daughter I could ever ask for. And then…" She turned away, holding back tears. She sniffed once, dabbed an eye, and turned to me, trying to smile. "But in a way, I'm proud of you," she said. "As wrong as it was, you stood up for what you believed in. You followed your heart, even when it was hard. I always thought you'd get hurt, but now… Maybe now…"  
  
I felt guilty. She was trying to be optimistic, but the situation was so bleak she could hardly manage. Her information was a little inaccurate, too. I'd followed my heart, sure, but my pussy was leading the way. Still, I appreciated the noble light in which she chose to view it.  
  
Mom took a breath, very noble herself, and went on. "I don't know if I'll be able to accept her," she said, "but I'll try. If you really love her as much as you say you do, then I'll…I'll try to love her too."  
  
It had been a strain for her to say, but she said it, and I loved her for it. She really was the best mom in the world. Although it was kind of ironic that in order to reach a happy reconciliation we both had to suppress our real feelings and tell each other what we wanted to hear. But it didn't matter. If mom could make an effort to be an amazing mother, I could try harder to be an amazing daughter.  
  
"Thank you, mom," I said, smiling and leaning in for another hug. "This means everything to me."  
  
Mom hugged me back and I could feel much of her tension draining away. It seemed to have set her at ease that I was sincere in needing and wanting her help.  
  
"I love you, sweetie," she whispered, and kissed my hair.  
  
I felt a dark flicker in my heart at the kiss, aware of how perfect it would be if she let me bite her, but I knew she never would, so I only squeezed her once. "I love you too."  
  
We hugged for a bit more, and when she pulled back, she had brightened quite a bit. Possibly it was vampire pheromones. I wasn't precisely sure how they worked, but from what I understood they simply made you attractive, which was great for getting people to like you.  
  
"Well," mom said, breaking up the moment. "I better go pick Lauren up from the hospital. If you're going to be living here, we'll have to move her things into the spare room. I'm not letting her go back to that awful mother of hers."  
  
I was glad mom was protective over Lauren. One less thing to be guilty about. But honestly, Lauren could keep my old room. It had been nice to reenact the dream last night, but this was supposed to be a fresh start. Besides, it would make me sound noble to willingly give up my room.  
  
"She can keep my room," I said. "I'll take the spare."  
  
Mom nodded, as if she agreed. She was gathering up her purse and car keys, stowing them in her handbag. She was wearing jeans and while she didn't wear them as well as Alice she certainly wore them better than most women her age. I felt a dark stirring in my stomach, and I really hoped that would go away eventually. It was going to be hard maintaining a healthy mother/daughter relationship if she caught me ogling her body one day.  
  
"I think that might be easiest," she said, referring to my room. "Lauren's really become part of the household, and I don't want her to think I'm trying to shove her out. Well, enjoy the pancakes, sweetie. There's butter in the fridge, okay?"  
  
She said this with a smile, and she so was beautiful for a moment, that I just had to kiss her. So I placed a platonic peck on her lips, ignoring the way my heart surged, and smiled back. "Thanks, mom," I said. "You're the best."  
  
She gave an awkward nod, obviously disarmed by the kiss and unsure if it was creepy. Mom and I had always been affectionate, but not that really like that. Still, no straight middle-aged woman wants to wonder if their sexy lesbian daughter is putting the moves on them, so she just attempted a casual smile, turned, and left.  
  
I watched her go, and for a second I wondered if it was possible. I'd never do it, of course, but her reaction to the kiss—innocent as it was—filled me with a dark confidence, even making me a little horny. I was curious if I was capable. Most girls don't seek to validate their sexual prowess by seducing their own mothers, but not all girls were sick and twisted vampires. Maybe I was flattering myself, but under the correct conditions, I thought maybe it was possible. Maybe. Probably not, but maybe.  
  
In any case, there was no point thinking about it. Alice was the only woman I needed, and now that the encounter with mom was over, I was free to fly back into her arms and between her legs once again. So I waited until I heard the car leave and then I turned to the plate of pancakes mom had prepared for me. So sweet of her. But it wasn't really what I was hungry for at the moment, so I tipped them into the garbage and covered them up with papertowel so she wouldn't see. I tried to feel guilty about throwing out a breakfast prepared with so much love, but it was beyond me at the moment. Still, I took a moment to wash the plates, which made me a little feel better about being such an ungrateful brat.  
  
And finally it was time to return to my darling love, so I scribbled a note for mom on a pad and stuck it to the fridge, saying that I was going to see Alice. Be back for dinner.  
  
—  
  
Alice was happy to see me, of course, even though it was only an hour or so since we'd had our tongues in each other. We were both in agreement that it was an hour too long and we proceeded to perform a sixty-niner on the bed, always my favorite position. Two handfuls of Alice's ass and a mouthful of Alice's pussy; sheer bliss. When we were done we did it again, switching up positions and tribbing until we came, and then she put a strapon on me and bounced on it till she came before taking it off again and licking me to a slow and lovely climax.  
  
But, of course, it's not really practical to have sex all day, and eventually we were forced to use our mouths for less erotic things, like conversation. So we showered and cuddled in the bed, talking quietly as we fondled each other idly under the covers. We talked about tonight. I gave Alice a recap of mom's mood and intentions, and Alice nodded thoughtfully, processing it all in her pretty little head. She was optimistic and soon she was even excited about dinner. I'm not sure if she was happy that my mom was willing to give her a chance, or simply thrilled at the opportunity to display her acting skills, but as always her excitement was contagious. When she suggested we should go out and buy new outfits for the occasion I didn't even groan that we'd have to get out of bed. I liked shopping with Alice and I was sure she'd fuck me in the change room.  
  
Forks wasn't a great town for shopping, and Angela's fashion boutique was still the best place in town. We walked there from the motel, hand in hand through the rain with a big black umbrella. Our clasped hands drew stares, the kind of ignorant stares you'd expect in a small town, and I found that it bothered me even more than when I was human. It was frustrating to have supernatural strength, sharp teeth, and a near total lack of conscience. It made you want to murder anyone who pissed you off, but the police were terribly stern about such activities, and I didn't think the righteous massacre of a small town was the best way to set out on the road to a happy and healthy lifestyle.  
  
Angela's mom was at the counter when me and Alice went in and there were a couple girls browsing that I remembered from school. They were juniors last year, so they'd be seniors now. They were surprised to see me and even though I hardly knew them they were very hearty in welcoming me back. My relationship with Lauren had done a lot to boost my popularity at school last year. Neither of them recognized Alice, despite Alice's notoriety, but they were happy to meet her. Why wouldn't they be? Alice was the most charming girl you'd ever meet, until she ties you up and stabs you a few times. And even then you gotta love her. I know I did.  
  
It was odd not seeing Angela at the store, but her mom gave me a quick update on her location and status. She was at Seattle U, and she had broken up with her old boyfriend—the one she said she be with forever—and met another one. She was studying law and she was going to be a lawyer. All very fascinating, but unless the woman had some naked pictures of her daughter she'd like to share, I think I'd heard enough.  
  
Alice was busy charming the two girls from school, entertaining them with tales from California, which was where I had runaway to, apparently. They listened, transfixed, as Alice painted a portrait of a lonely teenage girl in a strange city, scraping by as a waitress until destiny intervened in the form a pretty young heiress named Alice. It was love at first sight, very romantic, and now she had returned with me to the home of my birth with the mission to reenmesh me with my mother. The only thing she didn't explain was why I left town in the first place, but her audience didn't appear to be particularly bright, and the minor plot-hole didn't seem to bother them.  
  
The four of us continued to browse the store and soon Alice and I had picked out some outfits and adjourned to the change room for a quick fuck and an even quicker conference on whether or not we should take the two girls back to the motel room. It was a risk, Alice told me, but she was still pale from last night, and she did need to feed.  
  
Of the two, one of them was blonde and the other brunette, and only the brunette was smart enough to be hesitant of Alice's offer to hang out at the motel. That seemed a little stereotypical, but there it was. The brunette mention some homework that she had to do, but the blonde had developed quite a fast admiration for Alice and managed to goad her friend into it. Alice padded the scenario by speaking of a high priced shoe collection she could show them, and while the promise seemed a lot like offering a child candy to hop into a van with blacked out windows and a mattress in the back, I had to admire her innocent charm and ease of delivery.  
  
It took about an hour to get their clothes off, but it was far easier than I would've assumed. Vampire pheromones were part of it, but Alice was a master seductress and she hit just the right note of playfulness and daring. I had let her do most of the work, and after answering a couple well-natured inquiries from the blonde about what it was like to be a lesbian, we indulged her curiosity with a demonstration that involved a graphic tongue kiss. Her interest was piqued. I could smell her arousal from across the room. Her brunette friend took a little more work, standing a little apart with her arms crossed in consternation, but eventually she too was weakened to the point where she consented to try it.  
  
Alice kissed them both, one first then the other. The blonde found it quite exciting, and after watching Alice kiss her friend a little, she threw a glance at me, as if she wanted to try kissing me, too. So I did, slipping my hand around her waist and my tongue into her mouth. She was surprisingly into it, and even the more reserved brunette was giggling as Alice pulled off her top. The blonde was wearing a red bra and soon I had it off and her tits in my hands, kissing her and feeling her up, making her moan. The spectacle caught the attention of the brunette who looked at my boobs in shock as her friend hiked up my top and enjoyed her first feel of a girl. Alice noticed and giggled and offer to swap, pulling the blonde into her arms and leaving the brunette to watch me breathlessly as I removed my shirt and my bra and came toward her topless and silent, smiling as I kissed her softly and pressed my naked chest into hers.  
  
We all got horny very quickly and soon Alice and I had them squirming on the bed as we pulled off their pants and panties and began licking at their entrances. The brunette was reluctant because she was a virgin, but Alice promised she would be gentle and leave her intact down there. The blonde, on the other hand, enjoyed two fingers deep inside her as I sucked on her clit, and after she came she wasn't shy about admitting it was way better than anything her boyfriend had ever done to her. Then she went down on me, quite eagerly. The brunette watched with a flushed and breathless face, and I smiled at her, lacing my fingers in her friend's blonde hair, careful to conceal my fangs. Alice was between her legs, keeping her promise of gentleness, and soon the girl came with a moan, staring at my boobs with another girl's lips fasted to her clit.  
  
They both had a pretty good time, although the brunette was looking like she regretted it already. She was the first to put her clothes back on and she seemed anxious to get home, probably so she could get started on convincing herself that today was just a fluke and it didn't mean anything. It didn't, of course, but some girls who had a lesbian experience could struggle with it, no matter how straight they were. The blonde, on the other hand, seemed to have incurred no damage on her heterosexuality at all. She was already talking about how she was going to get her boyfriend to do the exact same thing the next time she saw him.  
  
But before they left, Alice of course offered them a refreshing—and drugged—beverage. I didn't see what Alice put in the water, but it knocked them out in a matter of minutes, so I assumed it was probably some kind of tranquillizer. They should've known better, really. They even taught us at school not to drink anything we hadn't seen prepared ourselves. Alice didn't look like you're typical date-rapist, but it never hurt to take precautions. Ah well. Maybe they'd learn from this experience.  
  
The blonde was easily the sexier of the pair, and Alice very graciously offered to let me have her. So we arranged our new friends on the bed and gathered them up in our arms, all loose and floppy with their heads lolling and long hair dangling. I set the blonde on my lap, and groped her butt as I nuzzled her neck and licked a patch of skin there, wetting it with my venom and letting the dark hunger swirl inside. Alice did the same, stroking back the brunette's hair. We smiled at each other over the shoulders of our victims, our fangs long and sharp, and then we turned and sank our teeth into their pretty necks.  
  
When we were done we woke them up with smelling-salts and sent them on their way with a somewhat dubious explanation that they had somehow fallen asleep at the same time in the middle of the day in a strange motel room with two strangers who had a sexual interest in them. They couldn't recall how they fell asleep, but they hadn't been robbed and Alice and I were far too attractive to be suspicious, so they didn't call the police or start screaming. The blonde even gave her us number.  
  
Well fed and pleased with the enjoyable interlude, Alice and I spent the rest of the afternoon having sex and talking. I called mom to confirm our plans for dinner, just in case my disappearing act had soured her slightly on welcoming back her wayward daughter, and soon it was time to get changed.  
  
We showered and fucked, emerged into the room naked and fucked again, giggling and trying to be as quick as possible so we wouldn't be late. Alice had selected our outfits, so naturally they were somewhat more reserved than what I would've chosen for myself. She had opted for a style that was casual yet formal, a sundress for herself and a preppy skirt-turtleneck combo for me. I didn't think concealing the majority of our skin was likely to dispose mom any more favorably against us, but it was better than showing up like a pair of tramps. Alice's outfit was prettier than mine, of course, and she hammed it up by adding a touch of makeup to her face. Only a little, just enough to make it obvious that she was trying to make a good impression. Her dress was pale yellow and she wore sneakers on her feet with pink shoelaces. Overall she looked as pure and innocent as the sunrise, and if she could resist fucking me on a lit stove between the maincourse and dessert, she might actually succeed in fooling mom that she the wasn't same ravenous slut she used to be.  
  
For my part, I was just happy she picked skirts. Easy access could come in handy at some points in the evening. It might look suspicious if we went to the bathroom at the same time, but there was always before and after in the car.  
  
Alice had been slightly pouty at having to wear sneakers, but the affront to her precious feet was overwhelmed by her growing excitement. It built as we got changed, as if she was psyching herself up, and she was almost radiant by the time she put on her makeup.  
  
"This is so exciting, isn't it?" she said, applying the last touch of lipstick in the bathroom mirror, a modest shade of pink. "I always wanted your mother to accept me."  
  
I was standing behind her, arms around her waist loosely. I didn't know if she was acting already or if my mom's approval really did matter, but the line was often blurred with Alice. She had always preferred method acting.  
  
"She said she'll try, Alice," I said, not wanting her to get her hopes too high in case I tongue-raped her on the kitchentable accidentally. "She didn't say she would."  
  
Alice giggled, capping the lipstick and tucking it away in her makeup case that was perched on the rim of the sink. "That's okay," she said. "All I need is the opportunity. You should know by now, baby. No one can withstand my charm when I focus. I was distracted by how much I wanted to fuck you when I first met her, but now…"  
  
I yanked down her panties.  
  
My hands had slipped under her dress just a little and I couldn't help it. Her freshly showered scent was swirling in my head, a smell of lavender and soap, and I needed her one more time before we left.  
  
She giggled and turned to me, panties at her knees. "But now I guess it's you that might get distracted, hm?" she asked, snaking her arms around my neck.  
  
"Sorry," I said, kissing her lips a couple times. "I'll try not to get distracted during dinner."  
  
But right now I needed an appetizer, so I dropped to my knees, stuck my head under the skirt of her dress, and connected my lips to her pussy, listening to her moan sweetly at the touch of my tongue as I wriggled it inside her.  
  
It was about half an hour later when we left the motel. We didn't know what time would be best to show up, so we played it safe and arrived early. I didn't have a key so mom answered the door, dishtowel in one hand and a deep frown forming on her face as soon as she saw Alice.  
  
Alice greeted her with the correct amount of shame and coyness, not quite looking her in the eye but still managing a small smile. Mom invited us in and told us that Lauren wouldn't be joining us for dinner. She was still a little woozy from the concussion she suffered and she was asleep. She was also probably so consumed with hatred that she would be unable to eat in the presence of Alice without throwing up, but mom was too tactful to mention that.  
  
Mom had only just started cooking and soon I was helping her while Alice sat quietly at the kitchentable. Dinner was a tense affair, obviously, and quite tasteless as well. No disrespect to mom's culinary skills, but there was no dish in the world that could compare to blood and pussy. But that's just me. My palate was a tad exotic these days.  
  
Alice was in perfect form in her role of reformed psycho-girlfriend and soon mom had even loosened up enough to listen to some tales from Paris. Alice told a wonderful story that presented me in the best possible light while Alice herself came off as a victim of a fragile emotional state rather than a perpetrator. She told mom about how depressed she was after I dumped her at prom, and how she'd begged her family to take her away. So they took her away to Paris, where she tried to get over it but couldn't, and she had become more and more depressed until she just couldn't bare to live anymore. She couldn't eat, she couldn't sleep. The loss of her love was too much to handle. Mom's face softened quite a bit at that, and I tried not to smile. Mom was always a sucker for romance.  
  
But despite being so close to death, Alice was determined to let me go, to let me live and be happy without such a troublesome girlfriend hanging around her neck—or fastened to it was her teeth. Her family, of course, were very distraught, and two of her sisters had come back to Forks in order to beg me to return to Alice. Alice played up my reluctance perfectly, making it very clear that my number one priorities had been mom and Lauren, but in the end I simply couldn't let Alice wither and die in Paris. At this point I was quite taken away by the drama, and I jumped in to add that I wanted to say goodbye so much, but there was no time and I knew I'd be breaking their hearts. I told her that there were so many times in Paris that I'd pick up the phone and long to call, but I was just so ashamed that I couldn't do it, and the longer I hesitated, the harder it became. I finished up by claiming that eventually it was Alice who convinced me to come back, and without Alice I might've been lost in shame forever.  
  
Mom was very moved by all this, and she even had to dab at her eyes a couple times. She said she had no idea how difficult it must've been for us, and even though she didn't embrace Alice on the spot as her new daughter-in-law, I was pretty sure it was only a matter of time. Assuming, of course, that Alice and I didn't fuck it up. But with no redhead intent on reclaiming her slave and no more jealousy and possessiveness, I was pretty sure that we'd be able to present a reasonable façade of a healthy relationship. We'd done a good job tonight. I was dangerously tempted to drop my fork and go down on Alice under the table, but I didn't, and I was pretty sure the urge didn't show on my face.  
  
Dinner was soon over, and we had made such significant progress on mom that she actually smiled a few times when Alice described the wedding. Alice omitted certain details, of course—such as our plans to consummate our love by fucking each other to death—but she described the dresses and flowers, the food, the dancing. Mom was so moved she even said she wished she could've been there. Alice agreed and demurely added that she only hoped she would be a good daughter-in-law. It was a little over-the-top perhaps, but her delivery was perfect, and mom seemed to feel the sincerity.  
  
And eventually it was time for Alice to get going. It was getting late, and we'd been almost three hours without screwing each other. My pussy was beginning to get very frustrated, but I contained myself enough to help mom gather up the dishes and stack them in the sink.  
  
"Well, Alice," mom said. "Will you be staying over tonight?"  
  
There was a touch of disapproval in her voice, as if she was only asking because she didn't want me to run out of the house again, and Alice picked up on it.  
  
"Actually, no," she said. "It's probably best not. I don't want to take advantage of your hospitality, and…"  
  
…she'll be climbing through my window anyway. I smirked, but I admired her acting. She truly was a perfect angel when she wanted to be.  
  
Mom was satisfied with this and nodded, wiping her hands with a dishtowel.  
  
"Well, drive safely," she said. "Thank you for coming."  
  
"I will," Alice said, and gave me an expectant look. "Walk me out, Bella?"  
  
Need she ask?  
  
I walked her out, but to my disappointment we didn't automatically tumble into the backseat. She paused at the car, looked up at the dark sky, and turned to me with a smile.  
  
"I think that went well," she said. "What do you think?"  
  
"You were perfect," I told her with a kiss.  
  
I kissed her a couple times, so she'd get the hint I wanted to fuck her quickly, but she started giggling into my lips and I had to stop.  
  
"What so funny?" I asked, smiling as well.  
  
"I'm not laughing," she said, gazing up at me brightly. "I'm just happy. Everything is going to be so perfect from now on. I can feel it. In a week or so I'll move in with you and your mom, and then we'll get jobs and save up for college. Then we'll move to Seattle and get a place of our own. We'll never be able to have a family, of course, but that's okay. Kids are overrated. And you'll have your mom, only three hours away. We'll visit her all the time. She'll love me like a daughter, you'll see."  
  
It was nice to see Alice so happy, and even nicer that she actually had a reason to be. Our relationship was in the best place it had ever been. We were both vampires, we had a plan for the future, we were free to love each other without interference from the coven. There were bound to be an occasional slip-up or two, but the worst was definitely behind us.  
  
"How long will we stay in Washington?" I asked.  
  
"I don't know," she said. "For the rest of your mom's life, maybe."  
  
I chuckled. "Won't she notice if we don't age?"  
  
Alice was toying with the hem of my turtleneck, as if to straighten it, and she smiled at my chest. "Well, we'll see," she said, almost coyly. "We won't be seeing her all the time, and we could always make ourselves look older when we do, with makeup and stuff. That's a long time away. For now…" She lifted her smile to mine. "For now, I think we're gonna be okay, don't you?"  
  
I nodded, gazing into her beautiful eyes. "I think so."  
  
Another giggle of happiness escaped her. Then she pulled my face down slightly and kissed me, parting my lips romantically and letting her tongue into my mouth. I accepted it and kissed back, my hands lightly at her waist. I could feel heat building under my skirt and when she pulled back I smiled at her.  
  
"Leave my window open?" I asked.  
  
I had only asked to be cute, but amazingly an expression of reluctant reluctance appeared on her pretty face.  
  
"Actually…"  
  
I was already pouting. "What?"  
  
"This is really hard," she said with a deep breath, "but maybe…maybe I should keep my word, and not take advantage of your mom's hospitality. I'm not worried about getting caught, but it's only right. It must've been hard for her to even let me back into the house after everything that happened. I just…"  
  
My fingers were toying with the material at her waist unconsciously, almost clawing at her, and she trailed off, smirking at the touch. I understood what she was saying and I knew she was right. We didn't come back to Forks to pretend to be a decent couple, we came back to actually be a decent couple. At some point we were going to have to try, but did that have to be tonight?  
  
"But I need your pussy," I told her poutily.  
  
She giggled and pushed my hands away, her restraint so much more powerful than mine. It always had been, really. Ever since we first met. It was me who let her do whatever she wanted, who let her dark side flourish. Sometimes it was almost like I was the one who had corrupted her.  
  
"That's sweet, baby," she said. "But…"  
  
My stomach lurched with disappointment, but I nodded. It was time to grow up and be a good girlfriend, no matter how many times I had to remind myself.  
  
"I know," I said. "You're right."  
  
Alice smiled and gave me a kiss. "Good girl," she said. Then she smirked. "Besides, you'll have Lauren to keep you company, won't you?"  
  
The was no hint of passive-aggressiveness in her voice, but I felt bad, anyway. It was silly to feel bad about cheating in a moment of weakness when murder had been quite possible too, but I did. "That was a mistake, Alice," I told her. "I'm not gonna do that again."  
  
Alice smiled and cupped my cheek. "Listen to me, baby," she said. "I'm over all that jealousy stuff and I know what it's like to be a young vampire. I'll always be your mate, but you're going to need a special friend or two. If not Lauren, then someone else. But I know you like Lauren. And in a town like Forks you don't have a whole heap of choices. Okay?"  
  
It should've thrilled me to have her permission, but I actually felt a little glum. Because I didn't want Lauren, I wanted Alice. I only wanted Alice. "Will we ever be able to be monogamous?" I asked.  
  
"Sure," she said, and I could tell she believed it. "One day. We just have to go slow and avoid unrealistic expectations of each other. But one day, we'll figure out a way. It's always been my rule to seduce a girl before biting her, but we can always make new rules. For now, you'll just have to find a way to balance your newborn urges. Repression is bad, but over-indulgence is worse. So treat Lauren properly, okay? As properly as you can. Be nice to her. And above all, don't forget that your sexy ass belongs to me. Is that clear?"  
  
I felt a jolt at her mistress-voice, and it was a struggle not to simply drop to my knees on the sidewalk. "Yes," I said.  
  
"Good," she said, then opened the back door of the car. "Now get in the car so I can fuck you one more time. We can't risk you slipping up again, and I saw the way you were looking at your mom. Creepy, baby."  
  
I giggled as I climbed into the back. "You used to fuck your mom all the time."  
  
"I was adopted," Alice said, climbing in after me and closing the door. "Completely different."  
  
"Whatever," I said, taking her into my arms. "It's not like I'd ever do it."  
  
Alice giggled, as if she didn't quite believe me, and then she pulled me into a kiss. We'd already been saying goodbye for a long time, and we wasted no time getting our hands up our skirts. Her warm thighs pressed against my hand and I caressed the soft skin there and moaned into her mouth, deepening the kiss. But then she broke the kiss suddenly, our lips disconnecting with a loud smacking sound.  
  
"But I really do think we're going to be okay," she said. "Don't you?"  
  
It took me a second to realize what she was saying. The red fog was rolling through my head, but I managed to nod a couple times, before smiling and leaning again to her lips.  
  
"Of course we will, Alice," I said. "Everything's going to be perfect."  
  
But before I could kiss her, she placed her hands gently on my chest, holding me back. She looked into my eyes for a long moment, as if trying to see the future there, and what she saw must've satisfied her. She smiled and lessened the pressure against my chest, allowing me to capture her lips once more.  
  
We made love in the backseat, quickly but tenderly, and after we came we spent another five minutes saying goodbye. It was a real struggle for me to leave her, since I knew I wouldn't be seeing her later, but eventually I managed. Alice sat behind the wheel and started the car, and I leaned in through the window for one last goodbye kiss, and finally I had to watch her go. I watched the car accelerate down the dark street and turn the corner and then I just stood there for a moment, already missing her. Now that she was gone, my mind was clear enough to wonder why she had been so suddenly anxious about our relationship when we were making out. We had only been back in town two days and mom had already began to forgive Alice. It seemed like good progress to me. Was there something else she was worried about?  
  
To be honest, I had no anxiety at all. I had learnt by now that my love for Alice was absolute and at this point in our relationship I knew in my heart that nothing would ever come between us. Not mom, not Lauren, not the coven. Nothing. Alice and I were going to be together forever.  
  
By the time I went back inside, mom had already done the dishes. She didn't ask me why it had taken so long to say goodbye, but she wouldn't look me in the eye, and I had a feeling we might've damaged her good opinion a little. But only a little. Lauren hadn't been downstairs in hours, and I told mom I'd go upstairs and ask her if she wants anything to eat. Truthfully, I just wanted to see her. I hadn't seen her since yesterday in the hospital, and I wanted to apologize again and try and fix things. And, lacking Alice, I guess I'll probably try and fuck her again.  
  
So I went upstairs and knocked on the door to my old room gently. There was no reply, so I pushed it open and popped my head in. Lauren was laying on the bed, on top of the covers, listening to her ipod with her eyes closed. It was very loud and she obviously hadn't heard me. I stood there watching her for a little bit, taking in her outfit of jeans and a t-shirt, and then I sat on the edge of the bed. The tilt of the mattress startled her, and she sat up, yanking the earplugs out of her ear.  
  
"Hey," I said, smiling at her prettily.  
  
She returned it with a dark glare. "What do you want?"  
  
"Just wondering if you were hungry," I said. "Alice is gone."  
  
She didn't answer, she just sat back against the headboard, drawing her knees up as if she didn't want her feet to be close to me. As if there was something about me that was repellent. I let my smile fade away, letting her see that I really was ashamed—or that I was at least capable of pretending.  
  
"Listen," I said. "Thanks for not telling mom. About…"  
  
"Look, I love you're mom, okay?" she cut in with surprising heat. "She's more of a mother to me than mine ever was. So if you hurt her…"  
  
She let the threat trail off, and I had to admit I was curious. If it was anything physical I might have been interested in experimenting, but then I remembered I was a good girl now and I wasn't into violent sex anymore.  
  
"I won't," I said. "Can we be friends?"  
  
I asked this with a winsome smile, but that might've been a mistake. Her eyes flickered over my teeth, and her glare melted into something closer to fear.  
  
"What happened to your fangs?" she said, keeping her voice steady. "Your caps?"  
  
"Oh," I said with a chuckle. "They're removable. I don't wear them all the time"  
  
She looked at me for a long moment. I had the feeling that she didn't believe me, and when she spoke I knew that she didn't believe me.  
  
"The doctor's said I lost a lot of blood," she said. "Yesterday in the hospital."  
  
Fuck.  
  
The doctor's hadn't mentioned it to me. Did mom know?  
  
"You hit your head pretty bad," I said, flickering a sympathetic glance at the wound in her head. "There was blood everywhere."  
  
She shook her head, looking at me half in disgust, half in fear, as if she actually knew what I was. She hesitated, as if there was something on her mind she'd been thinking about for a while, and then she said:  
  
"There's marks on my neck."  
  
I froze. There really wasn't much I could say to that. The marks were right there on her neck, two little puncture marks, so I couldn't very well tell her she was seeing things. They looked exactly like what they were; a vampire bite. I knew from experience that the bite stung for a while, and in hindsight it was pretty stupid to have bitten her in the neck. I should've bitten her ass instead, where she'd never see it. But necks were just so yummy.  
  
"Did you bite me?" she said, her voice surprisingly steady. It must've been a difficult question. No one believes in vampires, but when the doctor's tell you that you've lost a lot of blood after an erotic altercation with a girl who has pointy teeth, I suppose you have to wonder.  
  
But I just chuckled as if she was being silly. "Why would I bite you?"  
  
My coyness made her frown darkly. "Because you're a fucked up bitch who thinks she's a vampire?"  
  
Ah. She wasn't considering the possibility that I was a vampire, she was considering the possibility that I was insane. Both were quite true, but she had picked the logical one.  
  
"You think I drank your blood?" I asked, making the question sound as ridiculous as possible.  
  
But she just continued to frown at me intensely. "Did you?"  
  
The blunt way she asked it actually tempted me to tell her. It gave the impression that maybe she'd be able to handle it. Alice said I would need a special friend, and if Lauren was willing, if she actually let me…it could be amazing. Venom pooled in my mouth at the thought.  
  
The silence dragged on and Lauren's glare finally cracked. It must've been hard for her. No matter how bad ass she was, it couldn't be easy sitting on a bed with someone you thought was either a vampire or a slutty blood-sucking lunatic.  
  
"Just tell me," she said, still trying not to show fear. "I mean, what the fuck?"  
  
Again, I was tempted, very tempted, but…  
  
I couldn't. Lauren wasn't like me. I had enjoyed being corrupted, but Lauren wouldn't. She hated Alice, she hated freaks, and even if I did managed to seduce her into darkness, she would never embrace it like I had. Lauren was better than that and she deserved better. She was a good person.  
  
Not like me.  
  
Not like Alice.  
  
So I shook my head, chuckling as if this was all a silly misunderstanding. "Of course not, Lauren," I said. "I'm fucked up, but not that fucked up. Your head bled a lot and the marks are just a couple bug bites or something. I mean, come on, don't be ridiculous."  
  
She looked at me for a moment more and there was a sheen of tears in her eyes. She looked like she knew I was lying, and didn't know whether to be disappointed or angry. But she wanted to believe it, so she did.  
  
"Whatever," she said. "Just don't hurt your mom with your bullshit."  
  
I nodded and glanced at the door. This was where I was supposed to get up and go, but I didn't want to go. There was going to be no Alice tonight, and I was already lonely. I didn't want to be alone, so I turned back to Lauren.  
  
"Do you want me to go?" I asked, hoping she'd let me stay.  
  
She glared at me as if I had outright asked for sex. "Why the fuck would you stay?"  
  
I shrugged a shoulder and let myself smile. "I don't know," I said, and then I leaned forward a little. "You know, Alice and I have a very unique relationship. She wouldn't mind if me and you were friends. Even very close friends."  
  
She looked at me in disgust. "Fuck you."  
  
My smile widened wolfishly and I leaned even closer, causing her to draw back against the headboard. "That reminds me of school, when you used to tease me," I said softly. "Every time I'd say fuck you, you'd say something like 'In your dreams,' or 'You wish.' Do you remember?"  
  
She frowned. Her heartrate had picked up and I could smell her pheromones. Despite hating what I did, she still loved me. Despite wondering if I had bit her and drank her blood, she still had feelings for me.  
  
"Yeah," she said quietly. "I remember."  
  
I smiled and leaned even closer to her mouth, my dark heart flickering at how she didn't draw away any more. "But that's not what I'm going to say to you," I said teasingly. "Do you know what I'm going to say to you?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Do it," I whispered. "Fuck me."  
  
I looked directly into her eyes, watching the emotions in them. I could hear the jack-rabbit pace of her heart and I heard her swallow, swallow deep in her throat where her blood flowed so tantalizingly under the skin. She wanted me, but when her voice came out, it came out cold and full of loathing.  
  
"Get the fuck away from me," she said.  
  
But she didn't move, didn't push me away. I could've kissed her right then. Kissed her and broken down her resistance and seduced her and fucked her. But I didn't. The hunger was swirling in my stomach and I wanted so bad to just do it, but something wouldn't let me. Maybe it was an echo of my humanity or my feelings for her. The echo of a crush that had lasted through all of middleschool and highschool. Whatever it was, it made me not want to hurt her.  
  
So I did as she asked. I pulled away, smiling at the brief flicker of disappointment in her eyes, and climbed off the bed. I opened the bedroom door, but before I left I turned back.  
  
"Lauren?" I said. "I really am sorry I hurt you."  
  
She didn't reply. She just glared down at her lap and waited for me to go. I looked at her for a moment, wishing that it all could've been different somehow, and then I turned and left, closing the door behind me.  
  
—  
  
A month passed in Forks, and for a while it actually looked like everything was going to be okay. It really did.  
  
Alice and I were closer than ever. We saw each other every day, for as many hours as possible. She was still staying at the motel, but she came to dinner often, and it was only two weeks before mom suggested she move in. But Alice was determined to do this properly, and she said that maybe it was still too soon. She still had plenty of money from her family and she wanted mom to be as comfortable as possible with her before they take that step. Mom was impressed, and countered that it made no sense to waste money on a motel room when she could stay here perfectly free. In the end, they compromised. Alice was paid up at the motel till the end of the month, and since there were no refunds, she said she would stay there until then and in the meantime she would get to know mom a little better. Two days later they went to get their hair done together and Alice was well on her way to becoming mom's new BFF.  
  
Lauren had become a little depressed, but that was to be expected. She had spent six months hoping and dreaming of the day when her girlfriend would return, and now she was here – with someone else. Her cold hatred began to melt after a week or so, and sometimes I'd catch her looking at me. She never told mom about how I had seduced her or about my suspected feeding habits. Sometimes I wondered why, but I think I knew. She still had feelings for me and didn't want to believe how terrible I was.  
  
I had refrained from seducing her again, but there were a couple times when I had to drug her and feed from her. It was despicable behavior, but necessary. Something had changed since the first time, and I was able to do it very gently, even respectfully. I'd sneak into her room and whisper her name in the dark to make sure the drugs were working, and then I'd climb into the bed and cuddle up with her warm form. I'd place a kiss on her sleeping lips, softly as if to apologize, and then I'd crawl under the covers and bite the back of her thigh, where she'd never see it.  
  
But mostly I fed out of town. Alice would drive me to Seattle every few days where we'd pick up a girl in a bar, put the moves on her, and take her back to a hotel. Most girls couldn't resist, even straight ones. Alcohol was a wonderful uninhibitor and vampire-pheromones were even more intoxicating. We would drug them, feed from them, and leave them tucked into bed with a note scrawled in red lipstick on the mirror thanking them for a lovely night.  
  
We got jobs, Alice and I, at a local diner. The owner was a friend of mom's, and she was happy to set me up as a short-order cook and Alice as a waitress. It had never been a hugely popular place, but business picked up after we started working there. I'd like to think it was because of my cooking, but I think it was Alice's smile and cute uniform. It was difficult making it through each day without destroying every patron who glance at Alice's ass but I managed. Alice amassed a trove of tips and she offered to pay mom rent, but mom wouldn't hear of it. She told us to focus on saving for college, and combined with the college fund mom had been saving for me over the years, it looked like we'd be able to afford tuition before the beginning of the next school year.  
  
And so, everything was great. Alice and I were behaving ourselves as well as two vampires can possibly be expected and we were creating a real life with each other. Everything was going to be perfect, and the only thing that damaged this feeling was an incident that happened toward the end of the month after work.  
  
I saw a woman with red hair.  
  
I couldn't be sure if it was Victoria, but she was young and beautiful and there weren't that many redheads in Forks. She disappeared so quick I couldn't even be sure if it was just in my head. But something about it gave me a bad feeling. It wasn't implausible that Alice's sisters would want to visit, but why stalk? I considered calling Leah and asking if Victoria had left Paris, but I was too eager to convince myself that I had simply been seeing things. Besides, Alice still talked to Jane on the phone sometimes, and Jane had never mentioned anything. They hadn't talked in a while, though, and the last couple times Alice hadn't answered. The calls had come when we were in the middle of sex, and Alice didn't like anything to distract her from my pussy.  
  
So I put it out of my mind, deciding it was silly to think Victoria had flown all the way to Forks with some grand scheme of revenge in her red head. Victoria would never be happy that Alice left her, but deep down I was pretty sure she only wanted Alice to be happy. I considered mentioning it to Alice, but I didn't want to worry her unnecessarily. Alice was the happiest and most mentally-stable she had been in a long time, and I wanted nothing to interfere with that.  
  
Her time at the motel was almost over and I was looking forward to the day when she'd finally move in. Mom already let her spend the night whenever she wanted, and while Alice didn't want to take advantage, she also didn't want to waste the hospitality. We'd already moved most of her things into my new room. She stayed over those last couple nights, and was even making a slow friend of Lauren. Lauren could hardly stand to be in the same room as her when she first started coming around, but now she was cool enough to even nod hello at times.  
  
That weekend, a carnival came to Forks. Alice and I made plans to go together, and it was always something I had dreamed about. On our wedding night, I had seen that picture of Alice and Jane at a carnival together and it had been one of the things that showed me how wrong it would've been to die that night. I remembered the picture very vividly because it was such a cute picture. They were straddling the same horse on a merry-go-round together, and Jane had a ball of pink cottoncandy aloft in one hand and her other arm snaked around Alice's waist, a bright grin on her face. Sometimes I got sad when I thought about Jane. She had been with Alice longer than anyone else, and I couldn't imagine how much she must be missing her by now. Six hundred years of friendship, sisterhood, and casual fucking. I wished we all could've been happy together, but the separation was for the best. Alice needed a fresh start; she needed a soulmate.  
  
I was excited about going to the fair with Alice, but the next morning Lauren asked if I wanted to go with her. She had asked very sullenly over breakfast, almost grudgingly, as if she didn't want to admit she wanted to spend time with me. I had fed from her quite a few times by this point, and my venom was beginning to work on her. She had become preoccupied with me lately, constantly glancing, making excuses to be in the same room as me. And now she wanted to go to the fair with me. Honestly, I was tempted. True, I had been excited to go with Alice, but the fair would be in town for a week, and Lauren wouldn't ask again if I said no. So I said yes. She pretended not to be excited, but after breakfast she practically dashed upstairs to get change. She was a sweet thing, really.  
  
I called Alice to let her know what happened, and I wasn't worried that she'd be angry about being stood up. We were deep in our façade of a healthy relationship, and as a healthy girlfriend she was perfectly supportive of me wanting to spend time with a friend and perfectly happy to reschedule for tomorrow or the next day or both days. I asked her what she'd be doing instead, and she said she was going to pack the rest of her things at the motel so that she'd be ready to move in with me and mom. I told her I couldn't wait for us to finally live together properly, as humans, and she said she couldn't either. She had waited a long time for everything to be perfect and now it finally was. We then blew each other kisses into the phone and said goodbye.  
  
It was a cloudy day, but not cold. Lauren and I strolled the fairgrounds together, neither of us smiling and not much conversation between us. Everywhere there were people laughing on rides and children running around. The fair wasn't usually a place you'd go to with someone you weren't comfortable having fun with, but here we were. Lauren stared at the ground sullenly as we walked and there were times when I glanced at her that she looked like she'd never be happy again.  
  
We passed a cottoncandy stall, and I asked Lauren if she wanted some, but Lauren didn't want 'none of that sugary shit.' So I bought one for myself and told her we could share. She was reluctant, but I smiled and gestured with the candy, and she rolled her eyes and took a pinch.  
  
"So how come you didn't come here with the freak?" she asked.  
  
"I wanted to spend time with you," I said honestly. "We're still friends, aren't we?"  
  
She snorted, plucking another pinch of cottoncandy. "Friends?"  
  
"Well, aren't we?"  
  
She looked at me, her expression softening sadly. "I guess," she said.  
  
I watched her and popped a bit of candy in my mouth. It was funny, really. Ever since elementary school I had wanted to be Lauren's friend, and it was only now, after years of being hated and months of being loved, that I finally achieved it. "Come on," I said, gesturing with my head to where the ferriswheel loomed against the darkening clouds. "Let's go on the ferriswheel."  
  
It was the first ride we went on, and it was almost romantic, side by side with the metal bar over our laps as the wheel rose over the fairgrounds, the apex of the turn revealing a view that dissolved in a morning mist. Lauren was looking out over the gray horizon and when she spoke she didn't look at me.  
  
"Can I ask you something?" she asked.  
  
"Sure," I said.  
  
She turned to me. There were tears in her eyes, but I had no idea why. "Is there any chance you'll ever leave Alice?" she asked. "Or is this just…"  
  
I didn't answer. I didn't have to and she knew it. She sniffed and turned away, trying not to cry.  
  
"I don't know why I ever loved you," she said in a broken voice. "You're the worst person I ever met."  
  
My first thought was that it was because of the venom, but I wasn't sure if that was true. Lauren loved me way before I ever became a vampire, and she loved me after I left her, and she continued to love me even now, despite how mercilessly I had crushed her dream. It almost made me smile.  
  
"Maybe now you can understand how I felt about Alice," I said.  
  
She shook her head, still looking away, still trying not to cry. "I never thought it could happen to me," she said. "To fall in love with someone who was bad for me. I thought I was stronger than that."  
  
"I love girls who are bad for me," I said. "Even you. It wasn't exactly healthy to crush on the girl who liked to butcher your self-esteem every day at school."  
  
She gave a watery chuckle. "Yeah," she said. Then she sniffed and two tears fell. "Yeah…"  
  
I watched her wipe her face. I felt sorry for her, but I knew she'd be okay. Lauren was stronger than me, she always had been. That was one of the things I loved about her. I sighed and looked out over the clouds as the wheel rose on it's second rotation.  
  
"I was always weak," I said, "but I was lucky, too. But you…" I looked at her. She looked at me, and I gave her a smile. "You're strong, Lauren, you really are. But you're unlucky."  
  
She snorted bitterly. "Tell me about it."  
  
"In the end, it's destiny," I said, feeling myself on the verge of a destiny-soliloquy the way Alice used to do. "None of us have any real choices. Take you, for instance. Your family despises you, your girlfriend dumped you. The same girl you still love despite the fact you know she'll only hurt you. None of that was your choice. You didn't ask for any of it, did you?"  
  
"No," she said.  
  
"No," I echoed. "I wish I could've made you happy, Lauren, I really do. But Alice is my one and only. Nothing will ever take me away from her."  
  
She looked at me. A gust of wind blew her hair and blew against her tearstained cheeks and suddenly her face hardened. "Whatever," she said. "We'll see what happens in a month from now when she dumps your ass like she always does. Then tell me she's your one and only. There's only one person that really loved you, Bella, and it wasn't that freak. It was me."  
  
I smiled at her. I was so tempted to take advantage of her, to kiss her and tell her I loved her and maybe finger her discreetly at the top of the ferriswheel. But I didn't. She'd get over me one day, and she was going to find someone else and be happy. Lauren was a great girl. She deserved to be happy. She didn't deserve something like me.  
  
Lauren was waiting for some kind of reaction, hoping maybe that her outburst would get us back together, but before I could say anything, my phone rang. Assuming it was Alice, I fished it out my pocket and answered it right away. Lauren turned her glare to the desolate skyline and sat silently.  
  
"Hey," I said into the phone. "What's up?"  
  
"It's me," said a voice.  
  
I recognized it right away, and even though I liked the person it belonged to, I got a bad feeling. The voice was flat, dead, almost expressionless. The voice of someone with very bad news.  
  
"Leah?" I asked.  
  
"Yeah," she said, in that same dull voice. "I tried calling Alice, but she didn't answer."  
  
"Is something wrong?"  
  
"Yeah," she said, her voice as bleak as the clouds. "Something's wrong."  
  
I didn't ask what. I knew she'd tell me, and I think I knew what it was already. I remembered the flicker of red hair I had seen a couple days ago and I knew.  
  
"It's Victoria," Leah said.  
  
My stomach clenched. "What about her?"  
  
"She killed Jane."  
  
I froze. It was like I didn't even understand. Killed Jane. Jane dead. Lauren was looking at me, worried at my expression, but I didn't notice. I didn't notice anything. All I could feel was a cold wind that felt like it was passing though my body itself.  
  
"What?" I said softly.  
  
"It's…fucked up," Leah said. "After you and Alice left, Jane kept trying to get Victoria to come back to the coven. She went to the hotel everyday. Kept begging her and begging her. So finally Victoria makes her an offer. She wanted Jane to be her sub. Same deal as Alice. Total obedience. I didn't want her to do it, but she was mad at me. I had just turned Tanya, and…"  
  
She trailed off. I didn't hear her sigh, but it was a moment before she went on.  
  
"So every night she's with Victoria and Rosalie," she said. "At first it was okay. But then Jane started to change. She spent less and less time with me. With the coven. She became very devoted to Victoria, same as Alice used to be. She did anything they said. They told her to cut her hair and dye it black. Pixie chop, just like Alice."  
  
My stomach lurched. "Oh god," I said.  
  
"She missed Alice as much as they did," Leah went on. "Maybe more. I think she knew from the beginning what they were going to do to her. She probably even let them. She didn't want to live without Alice. She used to call Alice everyday when she left, but Alice hardly ever picked up. She just missed her too much."  
  
Tears filled my eyes. I couldn't believe it. Jane was dead. Victoria had dressed her up like Alice, like some fucked up voodoo doll…and killed her.  
  
"What happened?" I asked.  
  
"They tortured and mutilated her," Leah said, her voice still flat and dead. "Drained her. Just like Victoria always wanted to do to Alice. They're gone now. No one knows where. I'm in the lobby of the hotel right now. I just found out. The staff aren't allowed to talk about it, but it happened three days ago. It wasn't in the news. Hotel's don't like to publicize murders."  
  
Three days. So that red haired woman I saw was probably Victoria. Watching. Waiting to strike. I shook my head, wiping my tears with my free hand.  
  
"I'm so sorry, Leah."  
  
"Yeah," she said. "Anyway, I wanted to give you a heads up. And say goodbye. I'm not living without Jane, you know?"  
  
"Leah," I whispered.  
  
"It's alright, you don't have to say anything," she said, and her voice became stronger, more determined. "Focus on Victoria. She's probably on her way there right now if she's not there already. Is Alice with you?"  
  
"No," I said, feeling a flash of panic.  
  
"Then get her and get the fuck outta Forks," Leah said. "You hear?"  
  
I nodded into the phone. "Yes."  
  
"Alright, you better go," she said. "See you, babe. Catch you in the next life."  
  
And then she hung up. I didn't lower the phone, I just held it at my ear and stared down at my lap. Jane was dead and soon Leah was going to be dead too. Jane had been the closest thing Alice had had to a real sister and Leah was the closest thing I had had to a real sister. And now they were gone. Two tears slid down my cheeks and I whispered into the silent phone:  
  
"Goodbye."  
  
The ferriswheel had reached the top of the turn and there it froze while people below were let off the ride. Lauren glared at me as I quickly punched in Alice's number.  
  
"What the fuck was that about?" she demanded.  
  
I had to tell Alice to get out of the motel. I had no idea what Victoria was planning, but if she had been stalking us for two days, she would know which room Alice was in and she'd know Alice was alone. Alice had to get out of there, before it was too—  
  
Someone answered the phone. I waited to hear Alice's cheerful greeting, but it didn't come. I couldn't even hear breathing on the other end, and for a moment I felt human again, weak, vulnerable, anxious, my stomach twisted in knots. I swallowed a lump in my throat and whispered quietly:  
  
"Alice?"  
  
The voice that answered wasn't Alice's. It was quiet, cold, deadly calm.  
  
It was Rosalie's voice.  
  
"You're too late," she said. "Alice is ours."  
  
She hung up.  
  
Dizziness washed over me like a black wind and the world seemed to spin as the horrible truth circled my soul like an omen and came crashing into me.  
  
They had Alice.  
  
"Who the fuck was it?" Lauren demanded, starting to panic at my expression. "Is something wrong with your mom? What happened?"  
  
I put the phone in my pocket and blinked away tears. "I gotta go," I said, wriggling out from underneath the bar over our laps. The wheel was still frozen at the top, and before I climbed down, I crouched on the edge, leaned, and placed a kiss on Lauren's lips to say goodbye. I was never going to see her again. "I'm sorry," I said, and then I turned and began to climb down, scaling the steel pylons upside down like a lizard or a spider.  
  
A scream went up from the crowd below and people began to point and call out. When I was halfway down, I dropped the rest of the way, landing with a thud in a crouching position beside a little girl who stared at me with wide eyes. I glanced at her, rose with everybody staring, and began to walk away through the fairgrounds. When I looked back over my shoulder, Lauren was leaning from the ferriswheel cart, screaming something at me. I couldn't hear any of it and it didn't matter. I turned and kept walking and soon I was running.  
  
I ran all the way back to the motel, my sneakers slamming on the damp sidewalks. I didn't know if anyone would be there, but it was the only place I could think to go. Alice said she was going to pack the rest of her things. So that she could move in. Tears stung my eyes at the thought. Alice and I were supposed to move in together. With mom. Everything was going to be perfect. We were happy, mom was happy. Lauren was going to be happy. Everything had been almost perfect. And now…  
  
It had began to rain. Thunder cracked somewhere overhead and I was soaked in seconds. I ran on, splashing through puddles in the sidewalk, and finally I turned into the motel parking lot.  
  
I stepped under the awning that ran over the room doors and paused with my hand on the doorknob. What if Alice wasn't here? What if I really was too late? What if Alice was…  
  
…dead?  
  
If Alice was dead, I'd have to die, too. I knew that without thinking, and somehow I had already braced myself for it. It came almost as a relief for me, as if part of me was already resigned. I just hoped she was okay. I couldn't live without her. I needed her. Alice was everything to me, my heart, my soul, my—  
  
I turned the doorknob and pushed open the door.  
  
It was dim in the room, no lights on. I stepped inside, the door swinging closed behind me, and nothing could've prepared me for what I found. Rain was pattering on the window and on the roof, but I couldn't hear it. There was only one thing I could hear, and that was the muffled sounds that were being made by the thing on the bed.  
  
It was Alice.  
  
She was naked and handcuffed to the headboard with her ankles handcuffed to her wrists, her legs raised and spread lewdly. She was gagged and her face was streaked with tears. Her eyes rolled wildly to mine in a glassy panic with her eyelashes all wet, and she began to scream into the gag, a loud keening that I heard right in my heart. I couldn't tell if she was begging for help or begging me to run away. I couldn't do either. Victoria was standing by the bed and Rosalie was kneeling in it, and all I could do was stare at what they had done to Alice.  
  
Her body was covered in blood and cuts and there was a knife sticking out of her thigh like a carving instrument. There were two vibrators shoved inside her gaping pussy and another vibrator sticking out of her ass. She was struggling ineffectually against the handcuffs, and the only movement she seemed to be able to manage was a squirming of her hips, as if she enjoyed the vibrators and wanted more. The room was filled with the sound of her muffled shrieking and her wriggling body was naked and weeping blood and her holes were clenching on the toys stuffed inside them and suddenly my fangs were very long in my mouth, very long and very sharp. The venom was pooling under my tongue and a dark hunger grew in my stomach as I stared and stared and stared and—  
  
Victoria smiled. She took the knife out of Alice's leg and put the tip in her mouth. Rosalie leaned to the wound and began licking at the gushing blood. My dark eyes flickered at the bloody blade between the redhead's lips and the redhead's smile widened.  
  
"Ah, Miss Swan," she said. "Do join us, we were just getting started."  
  
—  
  



	43. Chapter 43

—  
  
Chapter 43:  
  
—  
  
Join us.  
  
That was what she said.  
  
I wasn't sure if she was being sarcastic or making a legitimate offer for me to join in on the sexual torture they were inflicting on my wife and soulmate, but it didn't matter. I couldn't speak, couldn't think. My mind had been enveloped in a red fog of bloodlust and all I could do was stare at what I had walked into.  
  
Both the blonde and the redhead were naked, and both of them were as glorious as ever. Victoria's long red hair fell in a crimson cascade about her pale shoulders and there were smears of blood on her heavy breasts and another smear on one of her long ivory legs. Rosalie was on the bed, kneeling at the wound in Alice's thigh. Licking at it daintily like a cat, eyes closed. Fronds of her blonde hair were stained red with Alice's blood and the mattress underneath them was red and wet. Alice was moaning into the gag, a sound both erotic and horrible. The only other sounds were the rain and the low drone of the three vibrators jammed into Alice's holes.  
  
I didn't know what to do. I truly didn't. Before I had entered the motel room I had been consumed with dread over Alice's safety, but nothing could've prepared me for this. I stood there in my dripping clothes with my wet hair hanging, mouth open, fangs protruding. I had been so worried, so anxious, so desperate to find her alive and unharmed, and now…  
  
Now here she was. Alive, but hurt, very hurt. Handcuffed to the headboard with her whole body folded back on her and her ankles handcuffed to her wrists. Her perfect skin covered with small cuts and bruises. So vulnerable and helpless, unable to do anything but squirm against the drone of the vibrators inside her and the woman licking at her pain. This was how I had found her and…what? What was I supposed to do? Save her?  
  
Needless to say, I was rather shocked at my own lack of protectiveness for my perfect little soulmate. This was the woman I loved, the woman I cherished and adored, the woman I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. And now here I was, witness to the most painful and humiliating moment in perhaps her whole existence, and all I could do was stare as one single thought flew like a blood-red comet through the molten ether of my mind:  
  
Fuck that's hot.  
  
It was very ungracious of me, very un-soulmatey, but I couldn't help it. It was really so hot, and it was nothing I hadn't done to her myself in the past, with knives, candles, sharp words. Alice had always liked this kind of thing, pain, orgasms, humiliation. Dominance. She liked to be dominated. She loved this kind of thing, so why is she screaming? Why is her face wet with tears and her eyes begging for everything to stop? Why—  
  
I swallowed the venom in my mouth and turned to Victoria. She was watching me thoughtfully, arms folded, tapping the flat of the knife blade against her shoulder idly. Waiting. For me to do what?  
  
Stop her? Yes, I had to stop her. Alice liked this stuff, she really did, but only when I did it. She didn't want it from Rosalie and Victoria. They weren't her soulmates. I was her soulmate. So yes, I needed to stop them. Drive them away, get rid of them. Then I could be alone with Alice. With Alice all tied up and helpless and moaning with muffled panic into her gag. She'll like it then, when it's just me. We were supposed to be a normal couple, but it was okay to do something special every now and then. Just once. She'll love it.  
  
But first…  
  
I stepped forward, toward Victoria, almost floating. I didn't know what I was going to do to get rid of her, but it didn't matter. She must've seen my intentions in my eyes. With a quick movement of her hand she placed the knife blade between Alice's legs, pressing the sharp edge against the inside of her thigh. I froze.  
  
"Not so fast, my dear," Victoria said, smiling. "This is her femoral artery and she's already lost a great deal of blood. If I open this up, the poor girl will bleed out like a pig in a matter of seconds. And we don't want that, do we? No, no, no." She smirked, showing pink and blood-stained teeth. "Not so soon, at any rate."  
  
My chest was heaving in something like panic or exhilaration. I licked my fangs, staring at where the redhead's hand was poised so near Alice's entrance. Her entrance that was clogged up with two thick vibrators, both of them purple. Hips in the air like a little slut, ready for anything to be inserted. Her legs folded back on top of her and cuffed to her wrists. I couldn't see her face anymore, but I could hear her moans. I stared at the knife, wishing it was me holding it there, holding Alice's life in my hands, showing her how completely she belong to me.  
  
"Please," I said, my voice coming out in a breathless whisper. Please give me the knife, please let me do it, please— "Please don't hurt her."  
  
I hoped the words weren't as hollow as they felt. Victoria smiled and gave a chuckle.  
  
"Oh yes, beg," she said. "You always did like to beg, didn't you Miss Swan?"  
  
Alice screamed. It was her loudest scream yet, even muffled under the gag and the sound of the rain. Loud enough to cause annoyance to flicker over Victoria's face as she turned to Alice and spanked her ass – hard.  
  
A loud smacking sound rang through the motel room. A vicious slap with the flat of her palm that visibly caused Alice to quiver and clench her gaping pussy on the toys stuffed inside her. Alice whimpered and fell silent immediately and a jolt of something hit me in the chest. Excitement? Panic? Rosalie had raised her head, like a feeding animal disturbed, and now she lowered it again to Alice's pussy. Her vagina was torn from the tight fit of the toys and Rosalie was licking at the blood that welled about the plastic shafts.  
  
"Quiet," Victoria said coldly. Then she turned to me with a smile, all bright and friendly. "It seems you've arrived none too soon, Miss Swan. Your presence has livened her up considerably. Before your arrival she was really quite passive. Why, we could hardly make her squeal could we, Rosalie dear? She almost seemed to enjoy it. I think she was waiting for the correct audience before putting her heart into it. She thinks her insistent braying might move you to a dashing rescue, I think."  
  
I was rooted to the spot, unable to do anything but stare. Victoria was still holding the knife between Alice's thighs and all it would take is a second. One quick cut and Alice would be dead within a minute. And I didn't want that, pretty sure I didn't want that. Alice wouldn't be as fun dead. Not so soon. Later maybe, when it was just us two. But not—  
  
"Don't," I said, my stomach swirling and my eyes filled with strange tears. "Please don't hurt her."  
  
Victoria chuckled. "Hurt her? Dear child, look at her. Does she look like she's in pain to you? No indeed. On the contrary, I'm quite confident she enjoys it. Don't you, Alice dear?"  
  
Victoria patted her naked bottom affectionately. Alice whimpered, but I could smell her arousal in the room. Her arousal and her blood. Such a tantalizing combination. Alice's pussy and ass were clenching on the toys as if they couldn't help themselves and Victoria smiled.  
  
"Yes, you love it," Victoria told her happily. "You always did, didn't you? Such a horrid little slut."  
  
Alice's groans were getting louder. She was trying to fight it, but it was no use. An orgasm was building inside her. Rosalie sensed it and began to stimulate her clit with her lips and tongue as she pushed the vibrators in deeper with her hand.  
  
Victoria watched for a moment, smiled, and then she leaned down to Alice's face, keeping the knife between her legs. "Jane told me before she died of your human origins," she whispered into her ear. "I confess I wasn't surprised. Once a whore, always a whore. Isn't that so, Alice?"  
  
Alice was coming. She came with a sob and whimper, as if she was ashamed, her little hips wriggling helplessly. But there was really nothing to be ashamed about. She really looked so beautiful like that. I had always loved to watch Alice's orgasms. It was sad that Victoria had to gloat about Jane and about Alice being a whore, but Alice liked to be demeaned. It was better if I did it, though, so…  
  
Victoria rose up to her full height and smiled at me. She looked at me for a moment and then she sat down on the edge of the bed, leaving the knife where it was between Alice's thighs. She touched her index finger to a puddle of dark red blood on the mattress and put the finger in her mouth. She popped it out and saw me staring at her. She smiled at me, a quick quirk of her lips, and then she crossed her naked legs as if to get comfy.  
  
"Well," she said. "This is it, I suppose. After all the lies and tantrums and small dramas, here we are. A conclusion, at last. What do you say, Miss Swan? Did you ever think it would turn out like this?"  
  
I shook my head slowly. "No."  
  
"Then you are a fool," she said, pleasantly enough. "Almost as big a fool as our little Alice. I told you before that Alice belongs to me. That I would rather see her dead then in the arms of another. Did you think I was joking? Did you think I am as big a fool as either of you?"  
  
Rosalie had abandoned Alice for a moment and snaked her arms around Victoria's waist from behind, leaving red smears where her hands touched. She kissed Victoria's shoulder, once, twice, and then she crawled off the bed on her hands and knees, arranging herself obediently at her mistress's feet. She looked up for permission and Victoria gave a nod. Rosalie lowered her eyes, unfolded her mistress's legs, and began to eat her pussy.  
  
Victoria smiled, leaning back to allow her pet better access. Alice was still in the background, moaning and wriggling helplessly against the vibrators, and Victoria still held the knife at her thigh.  
  
"No," she said, continuing from where she left off. "I'm no fool, and no soulmate, either. I'm a simple woman, Miss Swan. I ask only for obedience. Complete and utter passive devotion. Is that really so much to ask? I think not. Rosalie manages it quite well, don't you Rosalie?"  
  
Rosalie didn't reply with words, she simply moaned into Victoria's pussy. Victoria was petting her blonde hair with her free hand and from the movement of Rosalie's head I could tell that she had her tongue very deep inside her mistress. My own pussy twitched in response, and a very dark hunger began stirring in my stomach. Rosalie's naked back was slim and smooth and her ass was achingly gorgeous. Victoria was watching silently and when I lifted my eyes I could see that she approved of my lusting for her pet.  
  
"Well," she said with a smile. "What am I to do with you, Miss Swan? Hm? Would you like to be tied up, right beside your precious soulmate? Such a sacred bond as the one between you ought to be observed in life and death, ought it not? Will you let her suffer alone? Will you let her die all by herself, like a common whore? Hm?"  
  
I shivered and tried not to let on how tempted I was. Becoming a vampire had awakened a latent dominant streak in me, but that was only with Alice. Here, now, face to face with the sublime seductiveness of Victoria, I felt small and weak. Helpless. Watching the beauty of Rosalie's obedience as she knelt and licked at her mistress's pussy made me want to be obedient, too. To just give up and let Victoria do whatever she wanted to me, to tie me up beside Alice, gag me and hurt me and make me scream and come, over and over and over. Until I died.  
  
"Tempted at all, my dear?" Victoria questioned. "You're arousal is plain in your face, but I can't tell where it focused. Would you like to share your lover's fate? You're certainly welcome to, I assure you. I always had a special place for you in my heart, my dear, and I would take great pleasure urging you on to your final release. What do you think, Miss Swan? Can I persuade you? It would be a glorious death, I promise."  
  
I didn't answer. I could feel my face blushing and I could feel how hard my nipples were. They were poking into the wet cloth of my top, desperate to be touched. It would've been so easy to give up, to just lift my shirt and drop my pants and totter forward to take my place at Alice's side, bound and gagged in black and blissful ecstasy.  
  
Why did I even resist? Victoria was going to do what she wanted, anyway. I couldn't do anything while she held the knife at Alice's thigh and even if I did have a chance to act, what could I do? I couldn't beat both of them. I loved Alice and I didn't want her to die, but maybe it would be best. Maybe it would be best if we both just died, side by side. It would be best and it would be so fun, too. So fun to just—  
  
But I didn't answer. Because no matter how clouded my mind became with the red lust rolling through it, I knew this wasn't real. This wasn't how I really felt. No matter how insistently the voices whispered in my ear to give in to the dark desire in Victoria's eyes, I knew that's not what I wanted.  
  
Victoria smirked at my expression, color rising in her cheeks from Rosalie's tongue work. She moaned and tightened her grip in the blonde's hair. "No?" she said. "How sad. I suppose you don't love her as much as you claim. If you did, you'd want to share her passions, all of them, in agony and ecstasy."  
  
"I do love her," I whispered.  
  
Victoria smiled, her climax approaching. She let it come, an exulted look passing over her face, staring wantonly into my eyes with her mouth open and fangs gleaming, panting, moaning, and finally sighing. Her eyes closed for a moment and for a second I had the impulse to run over and rescue Alice somehow, now while the redhead was distracted and the blonde was on her knees with her tongue inside her. It might be the best opportunity I was going to have. If I was quick enough I could disarm her, and then…  
  
And then what? Try to fight the two of them? Even with a knife it would be senseless, and Alice wouldn't be able to help. Alice could do nothing but lay there with her legs in the air and whimper into her gag as the vibrators droned inside her. God, she was hot. I loved how the vibrators poked out of her and how her little hips squirmed as she was brought closer to another climax. She really was a little slut.  
  
Victoria opened her eyes and suddenly my chance was gone. The knife was still between Alice's legs and if I moved it was over. It was over anyway. We were trapped and there was nothing I could do except wait for whatever Victoria wanted to do to me.  
  
"You love her," Victoria said, repeating my last words. "Ah, I see. Then perhaps you'd prefer to attempt some kind of rescue? You may certainly try, although I don't like your chances," she said, mirroring my own thoughts, letting me know how helpless it all was. "Alice will be dead moments after you bare your teeth, and you won't be able to overcome both of us. Rosalie has quite a bit of pent up aggression, as you could imagine. In fact, why don't we let her release a little of that tension right now?"  
  
Rosalie looked up at the mention of her name. She had been licking fondly at her mistress's pussy, but now she awaited orders. Victoria stroked her hair, in a way that was disturbing similar to how Alice used to do with me, and smiled.  
  
"Good girl, Rosalie," Victoria told her. "Now, why don't you help Miss Swan out of her wet clothes before the poor dear catches her death of cold?"  
  
I felt an enormous thrill at knowing my clothes would soon be off, but I managed to refrain from stripping automatically. These could very well be my final hours, and I might as well go out with dignity – even if I had to fake it. Alice had always said becoming a vampire would make me evil, but she never said it would make me horny to be murdered by the first big-boobed psycho to break into the motel room.  
  
Rosalie rose gracefully to her feet and turned to me. Her gorgeous face was set in a mask of cold hatred, and she almost looked reluctant to approach me. But she did, sauntering forward in a slow roll of hips like hungry lioness, tall and blonde and proud. Her body was as sexy as I remembered it and even though Alice and I were going to be dead soon, I looked at it in frank lust. Her tits were the perfect size and perfectly shaped, topped with swollen pink nipples, and her stomach was flat, and her legs were outrageously long and lovely.  
  
My blatant admiration didn't go unnoticed, but it only seemed to annoy her. Her icy eyes narrowed slightly, and I thought it was very ungracious of her. After all, I was about to be dead soon. Surely the woman could find it in her heart to let me look at her tits?  
  
But apparently my eyes were too offensive to bare, so she circled around behind me like a predator. Victoria had recrossed her legs, still sitting on the bed beside Alice, still holding the knife at her thigh. I became nervous with Rosalie behind me, but I didn't dare turn around. I didn't want to provoke Victoria, and I didn't want to let Alice out of my vision.  
  
Rosalie's hand appeared on my shoulder and a ripple of excitement shivered through me at her touch. "Please," I whispered. "Please, just—"  
  
Her other hand clenched in my hair and pulled my head back, cutting off my words with a grunt. The rough movement made my scalp burn and it made my pussy burn hotter. For a woman who was little more than a slave, she was actually quite dominant when the situation called for it.  
  
Rosalie leaned to my ear as if to whisper in it, but all I herd was a faint hiss. Then she turned to her mistress.  
  
"May I hurt her?" she asked, and I was quite disturbed to find that I hoped the redhead would say yes.  
  
Victoria smiled at me, as if she could see it in my face, and turned the smile to Rosalie. "Of course, my love," she said, sending a happy jolt through me. "Of course you may."  
  
A breath of excitement breathed against my ear. I knew how she felt. My pussy was in knots of anticipation of what she was going to do to me, but I didn't have to wait long to find out. She lifted a hand and pressed her fingernail into my cheek. She didn't have long nails, but long enough to hurt as she began to apply more pressure. My face winced but I didn't let them see me like it. Alice was on the bed, hips in the air, and I watched her helplessly as the fingernail dug into my cheekbone. She then dragged the nail down and opened a gash in my face, making me moan, but only quietly.  
  
"I'm going to kill you," Rosalie breathed into my ear from behind me, her voice soft and filled with an unfathomable hatred. "Finally…"  
  
The next thing I felt was her tongue licking the wound on my face.  
  
Well. It was probably wrong to get excited from being clawed by a woman who really wants to kill you, but I never claimed not to be a freak. But I didn't give up. Because I was still aware that none of this was what I really wanted. What I really wanted was a nice life with Alice. To make Alice happy.  
  
It was just difficult to remember that when your mind was reeling under the exquisite pain of being tongue-kissed in a gash on your cheek.  
  
"Now, now, my love," Victoria chided gently, "don't get carried away. Do you as your told first, then you may have fun."  
  
Rosalie retracted her tongue. I could almost hear it slither back into her mouth. She was still standing behind me and slowly she let her hands snake under my top, lifting it over my bare breasts. Victoria smiled and a bolt of pure lust hit me in my core as my tits were revealed to her. This was it. They were going to strip me and fuck me and kill me and there was nothing I could do but take it and like it.  
  
So, um…why did that excite me so much?  
  
I didn't know, but the way Victoria was looking at my boobs as she licked her fangs made me quite eager to offer them. Rosalie gripped them firmly, squeezing them to assert her dominance, and I quivered with want. Alice was still there on the bed, and even though it was wrong, I couldn't help envying her. She was still sobbing occasionally, but mostly she had gone passive, waiting for me to rescue her. It was probably a good thing my restraint was so much weaker than hers. It would've been so terrible to be scared and horrified right now. It was better to be horny.  
  
Rosalie lifted the top over my head and let it fall, leaving my upper torso bare. Victoria watched me, one hand in her lap, the other holding the knife between Alice's legs.  
  
"Now, Miss Swan," she said, "where were we? Ah, yes, we were deciding your fate, weren't we? Truthfully, I have no wish to kill you as I wish to kill Alice. I admit there have been times where I became frustrated at your stubborn determination to make Alice's hollow dreams come true, but you were just a girl, you knew no better. I never held a grudge against you. It was Alice who lied to you. Who tricked you into believing you were something you weren't."  
  
"She didn't."  
  
"She did."  
  
"I love her," I whimpered. "I—"  
  
My breath hitched. Rosalie was kissing the back of my neck, grazing me with her fangs as she massaged my naked breasts with her hands, and it was very hard to focus on Victoria's words. I wanted to focus on the blonde behind me and how wonderful she felt as she touched me like that. But rather than write the woman a loveletter, I forced my eyes to remain focused on Victoria. Victoria smiled.  
  
"You love her," she repeated. "You'll have to forgive me, Miss Swan, but I'm not sure if I believe you. You don't sound too positive, honestly. In fact, you sound absolutely uncertain. What's wrong, my dear? Does the sight of your soulmate being tortured and raped by her former mistress excite you? My, my, how indecent. What a terrible soulmate you are."  
  
I couldn't deny it, even if I had the power of speech. Rosalie had just lowered her hands to the zip in my jeans and unzipped them. I looked at Alice, my knees weak with excitement, and my pussy soaked in my panties. Yes, it did turn me on. Nothing had ever turned me on like this in my life.  
  
I stared at Alice as Rosalie lowered my pants and panties. I felt her touch my ass gently, and my skin was so sensitive I almost came at the touch. Why was I resisting? I was obviously a hopeless slut. Even if I did resist, what did it prove? It wouldn't change what I'm feeling. It wouldn't change what I am.  
  
So, why? Alice gave a muffled whimper, as if she could hear what I was thinking. As if she was thinking it to. Did she want to give in as badly as I did? Poor Alice. She looked so pathetic, with her hips in the air like that, her holes all spread wide and clenching on the toys wedged inside her. With her body folded up like that, I couldn't even see her face. Couldn't even recognize her. She could've been any slut laying there with her legs in the air.  
  
Victoria followed my gaze to Alice's squirming hips and smiled at her fondly. "Yes," Victoria said, as if agreeing with some unspoken question. "She looks quite pretty in this position, doesn't she?" With her free hand she patted Alice's bottom. "It's seems oddly natural for her, doesn't it? As if she were born for nothing else. I knew she was a whore the moment I met her. I knew all she'd ever amount to is a pretty little fuck-thing."  
  
I heard Alice sob out a long moan into her gag. Victoria's words or touch had pushed her over the edge into another orgasm, and the sob sounded almost like a laugh, hopeless, hysteric, horny. It tore at my heart, but there was nothing I could do. Rosalie had come around to my front and bobbed down at my feet. She was unlacing my boots. Victoria smirked as Alice's sobbing rose louder into a scream, her pussy and ass spasmming on the vibrators, a trickle of blood welling from her torn vagina.  
  
"Oh look, she's coming again," Victoria said, mopping up the blood with a fingertip and licking it. "What a vile slut you are, Alice. You simply can't control yourself, can you?"  
  
The sight of my wife and soulmate being treated like that should've filled me with rage or despair or even just a little distress. But truthfully I was having a little trouble with control myself, and the sight was practically making me come, too.  
  
It didn't help that I was now totally naked and a gorgeous blonde was kneeling at my feet, her face only a small distance away from my swollen pussy. I'd lifted my feet obediently, one then the other, as she pulled off my boots and socks and removed my pants and underwear. When it was all gone I even torn my eyes away from Alice to look down at the blonde head which was level with my pelvis. My chest was heaving, unevenly as I tried and failed to keep my breathing under control, and part of me was praying that Victoria would order Rosalie to eat me out. I wanted it so badly, needed it. I was going to rescue Alice, of course—somehow, someway—but would it be okay to come first? Just once?  
  
Rosalie went to rise after only glancing at my pussy, and my heart began to sink. But then Victoria noticed and intervened.  
  
"Oh, don't rise, my love," she said, gently as if Rosalie was making a harmless mistake. "Miss Swan believes she's here to rescue her soulmate, that she's some kind of knight in shining armor. She needs to be taught she's nothing but a whore. Just like our Alice."  
  
Oh god.  
  
"Don't," I said, not meaning it, totally not meaning it.  
  
Victoria smiled. "Show Miss Swan how much of a whore she is, my love," she said. "Your tongue will hurt as much as anything else you could inflict on her."  
  
The worst thing was that she was right. But that was okay. I could still rescue Alice. In fact, maybe if I pretend to be cooperative, maybe that would make them lower their guard. Yes. All I'd have to do is pretend. Then I could rescue Alice.  
  
Rosalie sank back down to her knees without looking back at her mistress. Her eyes lifted to mine for just a moment and I was stunned at what I saw in them. Anger, and perhaps a flicker of disobedience. She hated me so much she didn't want to go down on me. It had never stopped before, and it probably wouldn't stop her now, but it made a dark thrill pass through me. I smiled down at her and her pretty face darkened even further. Then she lowered her eyes to my pussy, like an obedient little slave, and pressed her mouth to my lower lips in a lavish tongue kiss.  
  
The breath rushed out of me silently and I fought to keep from falling over. Her tongue wriggled up inside me and a jolt of sheer electricity struck my stomach and traveled up my spine, as if I had swallowed a lightning bolt. My head rolled. A strangled moan escaped me and somehow I managed to pull my eyes back down to the woman at my feet. Her face and mouth were angled up the fork of my legs and her eyes were staring at mine with dead blue resentment.  
  
"Please," I whimpered, loving it and hating it at the same time. "You don't have to do this. You don't have to listen to her. You love Alice, I know you do, you don't—"  
  
Victoria stabbed Alice's ass. It was just a quick movement of the knife, an inch deep poke in the rump, before putting the knife back to her thigh. Alice screamed. Or at least she tried to scream. It was muffled in the gag and it sounded more like a squeal, a high pitched note of pain and terror that began in her throat. The kind of sound you'd get from kicking a piglet. It was louder than the rain and it trailed off in a string of broken sobs and whoops, her body quivering and blood running from the wound in her ass.  
  
The scream silenced me, ending my attempt to turn Rosalie. Victoria's expression had morphed into a glare, the first signs of anger I had seen from her. But why did she react so harshly? Why didn't she simply laugh off my attempt for being as feeble as it really was? Was she worried about Rosalie's loyalty? Was it possible that deep down Rosalie loved Alice more than her mistress?  
  
"Quiet," Victoria said. "Alice has betrayed us too many times, so don't think you can play on our hearts. Not now. Now it is too late. Now it is time to fulfill Alice's true destiny. And yours too, perhaps."  
  
Now she regained her smile and her composure. She settled back slightly, legs crossed, and watched her slave go down on me. Rosalie's tongue was still inside me and my whole body was shaking from how good it felt and how hard I was trying to hold it all back. I stared across the room at the redhead, a touch of willful defiance coming into my eyes, and the redhead smirked.  
  
"Yes," she said, as if to agree with me. "It's a shame it had to come to this, isn't it? Everything could've been so simple, so perfect. But then Alice had to get it into her little head that you are her soulmate. Such an odd notion. What is it about you that fascinates her so? Hm? It can't be beauty and obedience alone. She had those in abundance with Rosalie. Do you know what I think?"  
  
I groaned. Rosalie had retracted her tongue and now she was licking at the nub of my clit, causing dark waves of lust to wash over me with each lick. Victoria smiled brightly.  
  
"Hm?" she said. "Do you know what I think, Miss Swan? I'll tell you what I think." She leaned forward slightly to imply an air of confidentiality. "Why, I think it's love after all," she said. Then she giggled gaily, as if this was some revelation that she'd been scared to say out loud. "I do," she said. "I honestly do. I think she loves you. For centuries I've watched Alice flounder through all kinds of relationships, but you, Miss Swan…" She nodded and narrowed her eyes at me, not in anger but in something like approval or admiration. "She's never felt for anyone the way she feels for you. She loves you. Simple and true."  
  
I whimpered. It was great to finally hear Victoria admit that Alice truly did love me, that her feelings for me weren't some fucked up delusion she'd crafted for herself. But somehow I didn't think that meant she was ready to let us live and be happy together. Victoria smiled, watching me, watching me shake and struggle against the inevitable orgasm, and then she sighed.  
  
"Alas," she said, turning her eyes thoughtfully to Alice's wriggling form. "It ends here. There was a time when I entertained the notion of letting her go. Letting her be happy. But frankly I don't believe she deserves to be happy. I think she deserves everything I'm going to do to her. Not just for her treatment of me, but of you, as well. And Rosalie. And all her family. Think of Jane, the poor girl. How distraught she was when Alice left her. She tried to be brave, she really did. But in the end she realized the truth. Alice never loved her. Never had done, never will do. That was the truth that was revealed to her at last and so she chose to die. At my hand."  
  
Tears were streaming down my cheeks and I was getting close, so close. "You sick bitch," I groaned, so close to the edge.  
  
The insult didn't ruffle the redhead. She only smiled thoughtfully. "Yes," she said. "But what then would you call your darling Alice? If she had returned her calls more often, Jane might still be alive. But no, no, no. Alice was determined to abandon us all as decisively as she could. How many hearts has she broken throughout the ages? Hm? Hundreds? Thousands? Oh, I'm sure in her mind it was her own heart that was broken, but we know that's not the truth, don't we? Alice has no heart. You can see it in her treatment of Jane, of Rosalie. Of women who have loved her so selflessly for so long. Companions that she herself created with promises of love and everlasting happiness. That was what she promised us and those were the promises she broke."  
  
I gasped. Rosalie's fingers were digging into my hips and she was sucking on my clit. Victoria smiled.  
  
"But I, Miss Swan…I do not break promises. I promised Alice that I would never let her go, and so here I am. To reclaim what is mine and to end the infection of her love once and for all."  
  
"Please," I whimpered. "You don't have to hurt her. She's just… She's just Alice. She didn't…She didn't mean to…"  
  
Victoria laughed at my pleas. Not meanly, but only as if they amused her. "Miss Swan, please," she said. "There's no need for you to be so upset. Come, I will offer one last chance for you to join me. You cannot argue that this is what Alice deserves. She is a whore that deserves a whore's death. That much is undisputable. But you, Miss Swan…you're still but a girl. You're not beyond saving. It is still possible for you to break free from this, this…curse."  
  
"Please," I gasped. It was all I could say. My breath was panting and the orgasm was building deep in the pit of my stomach, swirling there and gathering like a black and evil storm.  
  
"Think carefully, Miss Swan," Victoria said, and nodded at Alice. "Look," she urged. "Look at her. Look at how pathetic she is, coming like a slut every two minutes. Is this your soulmate? Is this the woman to which you have pledged your heart? Your soul?" Victoria slapped her ass a few times, making her jiggle. "Look at her. Look at how disgusting she is."  
  
I squeezed shut my eyes, trying with all my might to hold it back.  
  
I failed.  
  
The orgasm exploded in my hips and I broke down into sobs, sobbing and gasping and panting as the climax mercilessly tore through my resistance. It was probably the hardest I'd ever come.  
  
When I opened my eyes, Victoria was tweaking Alice's clit with her fingers, pinching with one hand while holding the knife at her thigh with the other. Alice's moans were mingling with my gasps and after a few seconds she came, too. Victoria leaned and placed an affectionate kiss beside the twin shafts protruding from her bleeding vagina.  
  
"A whore," she said. "That's all she is."  
  
"Stop it," I said, groaning against the soft kisses that the blonde was placing onto my pussy, her cold eyes staring up at me. "Please."  
  
Victoria smiled and ignored me. "Rosalie, dear, I think you've serviced Miss Swan enough," she said. "Rise now and restrain her while I reposition our little Alice."  
  
Rosalie rose and moved behind me, hooking her arms around mine and holding me tight against her. Ebbing waves of orgasm were washing over me and her front felt nice against my back.  
  
Once I was restrained, Victoria finally removed the knife from between Alice's legs. I made a weak movement to come to her aid, to break free of the blondes clutches and somehow save my soulmate. But the blonde held me tight and I knew it was pointless.  
  
"It's time to bring this affair to a proper climax," Victoria said, plucking the vibrators out of Alice's holes, one by one, and tossing them on the carpet. They were smeared with blood and they looked like primitive stabbing instruments. Victoria took a key from the nightstand and unlocked the handcuffs around Alice's ankles. Alice's legs flopped down, one then the other, limp and pale like broken lilystems. "I hate to rush things," Victoria went on, "but the anticipation is killing me. Figuratively, of course. With Alice, the killing part will be a tad more literal. Mighten it, Alice?"  
  
Victoria removed Alice's gag. Alice sucked in a large gulp of air and said:  
  
"Baby… Baby…"  
  
The sound of her ragged voice caused me to struggle even harder against my blonde captor, wanting to rush over to Alice, to hold her and kiss and protect her. But I couldn't move and Alice didn't get a chance to say anything else. Victoria slapped her, a quick smack on the cheek. Alice was already breathless and she silenced instantly.  
  
"Shut up," Victoria said. "You will not speak unless I tell you to do so, do you understand? Or I will cut your throat."  
  
She pressed the knife to Alice's neck in order to prove her point and Alice whimpered trying to strain away. I watched, a cold rage beginning to well in the pit of my stomach.  
  
"Don't touch her," I said.  
  
Victoria looked up in surprise—and delight. Smiling, she rose from the bed and approached me, rolling her hips with her back perfectly erect and her breasts large and full on her chest.  
  
Behind her Alice squirmed on the bed, tugging weakly at the handcuffs that bound her wrists to the headboard. She was laying flat on her back now, and I could see the damage done to her torso, the cuts and lacerations, stab wounds in her perfect little breasts. So much blood. Alice stopped tugging on the handcuffs and looked at me. Her eyes were wet and red and lost. So pretty. The dark hunger began to swirl in my stomach, but the glare I turned onto Victoria was cold and full of hate.  
  
"Leave her alone," I said, even though it seemed the redhead had turned her focus onto me. "Don't hurt her anymore."  
  
Victoria smiled and lifted the knife, placing the sharp tip just under my chin. She then scraped it down over my throat and chest, trailing it around the curve of one of my breasts. "Miss Swan," she said softly. "I don't like it when people tell me what to do."  
  
The tip of the knife paused at my stomach and suddenly she stabbed it in. Not deep, but enough to make me scream. Then she twisted the knife inside the wound, making me scream harder. Warm blood began to run down my groin and down my leg. I thrashed against the blonde, but she held me tight, and all I did was wriggle the knife in deeper and howl louder.  
  
Alice panicked on the bed. "Vicky don't!" she screamed, yanking on the handcuffs. "Please!"  
  
Victoria spun around, instantly infuriated. She had said she didn't like being told what to do, and even though Alice said please, it still seemed to upset her. She stalked over to the bed and clubbed Alice with her first. A vicious hammer-blow that hit her right in the stomach, and then another, and another, a blunt clubbing all over her naked body.  
  
Alice grunted and curled up, but that didn't stop Victoria. She mounted into the bed and straddled her former slave's waist, forcing her onto her back. Alice didn't protest, knowing it was hopeless. Victoria punched her in the face. Alice took it silently, with only maybe a small groan. Victoria punched her again. And again.  
  
I stood there frozen. Aside from the rain, the only sound in the motel room was the sickening thud of Victoria's fist into Alice's face, and each hard smacking sound made my heart jump in excitement. I couldn't help it. It was so hot. I would've loved to do that to Alice. Victoria was right, in some ways. She did deserve it. Not death, of course, but a bit of punishment. She would even like it. But it should be me doing it. Alice would be more comfortable. But it was hot like this, too, and for a second all I could do was stare as the redhead dominated my soulmate in the rawest way imaginable. Perched on her naked body, naked herself, and simply punching her face over and over. And over.  
  
It was beautiful—but wrong, very wrong. I had to stop it. None of this was right, Alice didn't want it like this. Even Rosalie seemed to feel it. I couldn't see her face with her standing behind me, but her grip on my arms slackened, as if she might be slightly shocked or appalled. I tried to break free quickly, but her grip tightened as soon as I moved. So I swallowed the venom in my mouth, my heart racing in exhilaration, and dared to tell Victoria what to do. At the very least it might draw her rage onto me. Which would be kind of hot, too.  
  
"Stop it," I said. "Please."  
  
Surprisingly, Victoria stopped. She straightened up on top of her small victim and flung back her hair, gazing down at her in triumph with her naked chest heaving.  
  
Alice rolled her bloody face away from that gaze and turned her lost eyes to mine. Her button nose was broken and flowing blood. Her lip was split, her mouth all bloody. A laceration against her cheek, leaking blood. Both eyes already black, the sclera bloodshot and opaque red. Her whole face shiny with blood and tears. Whimpering softly into the sound of the rain. My stomach lurched with the longing to run over and lick her pretty face clean. Why did Victoria have to be such a bitch? Why couldn't we just do this for fun?  
  
Victoria sighed and dismounted, licking her bloody fingers and knuckles. "Well," she said, turning to me and sauntering forward once more. "I appear to have lost my temper. As I said, I dislike it when people tell me what to do."  
  
I glared at her, but she could probably tell I was getting horny again. I squirmed against the blonde, but mostly for the sake of principle. Even if I did managed to get free, I'm not sure if I would've grabbed the redhead's throat or her tits.  
  
Victoria had the knife in her hand and she lifted it to one of my breasts, grazing the tip across the underside of the globe, smiling, watching. She touched the cold steel to my erect nipple and poked at the stiff nub gently, not hard enough to break the skin, but hard enough to make me gasp with anticipation.  
  
"Now," she said softly. "Where were we? So many interruptions. Ah, yes. I believe I was making you an offer, wasn't I Miss Swan? An offer of friendship. To put aside our past animosities and jealousies and join together to give Alice what she deserves. To pay her back for all her lies and her broken promises. Time for you to grow up, Miss Swan. To become your own woman. No longer will you be forced into the vessel of Alice's dreams. From now you will be allowed to have your own dreams. What do you say?"  
  
I didn't answer. Her voice was low and seductive, and I was trying to figure out why what she was saying was wrong, but I couldn't. The fog in my head was so thick and so red, and the knife was so sharp and so cold. It was poking into my tummy and—  
  
I groaned as the tip pierced my skin, my pussy tightened as cold waves of lust rolled over me. I looked down. Thick red blood welled onto the flat of the blade and dripped to the floor as she pushed it in deeper and deeper. She had thrust it all the way into my stomach, and why not? As a vampire I wouldn't die from the ruptured organ, and the blood loss, while dangerous, wouldn't kill me, either. Not for a few hours at least. So why not?  
  
A smile trembled on my lips as blood dripped from my pussy and dripped down my leg. It was so awesome. She was stabbing me and I loved it. My chest shook with an uneven breath. I lifted my eyes back to hers. Her red lips curved into a smile and she twisted the knife gently, making me moan. But I didn't break eye contact. Her fangs were poking her full bottom lip and I had the aching urge to lean into the blade even further and kiss her, to let the blade inside me the whole way, to just give up and give her what she wanted.  
  
But that wasn't what she wanted, was it? She didn't want to kill me. She wanted to be my friend. To put aside our hatred. But did I ever really hate her? I didn't think I did. And now? My eyes flickered over her blood-smeared breasts and up over her face again. God, she was so beautiful. So dominant and irresistible. Like a cruel and gorgeous goddess. A fiery haired demon of desire. Maybe I was wrong to pick Alice. Maybe it was Victoria who…  
  
"Well, Miss Swan?" she asked gently, twisting the knife a little more. "I'm sure you can forgive me for stabbing you just now. I wouldn't do it at all if I wasn't positive you liked it. Hm? Speak up, Miss Swan. I can't hear you."  
  
"Please," I whispered, and I honestly had no idea what I was begging for. "Please, just…"  
  
"Hm? Please, what? What is it you'd like, Miss Swan? Ah, I know. You'd like a kiss, wouldn't you?"  
  
My chest flared and I moaned at how bad I would love a kiss and how wrong that was. So wrong, so wrong, but oh god—  
  
Victoria giggled, a girlish sound that set my heart on fire, and she left the knife inside me as she smiled. "Very well, Miss Swan," she said. "Open your mouth. And don't pout, Rosalie dear, you know I'm only toying with the girl."  
  
I couldn't see the blonde pouting, but I had noticed her stiffen behind me. Her breasts were pressing into my back, and they were so warm and soft. And in front of me was Victoria with a knife jabbed into my tummy. I was trapped. I had no choice.  
  
Over the redhead's shoulder I could see Alice laying in the bed, handcuffed to the headboard, all bloody and battered. She gave me a sad look, but I really had no choice. I didn't want to do it, I really didn't. But my heart was racing so hard and my pussy was so horny, and I really had no choice. So I turned my glazed and smoky eyes to the redhead and opened my mouth obediently.  
  
Smiling, she leaned forward, leaving the knife inside me, and let her long fat tongue slither into my mouth. I moaned and tongued her back, not because I wanted to, but because I had no choice. I had to please her or else she'd kill me. Or kill Alice. And that was bad, so I had to please her. My stomach was lurching with pain and hunger and the dark red fog was rolling through my mind, smothering me, oppressing me, overwhelming me. I moaned again, softly, helplessly, and lifted a hand to one of her breasts. I didn't even realize that the blonde must've let me go, perhaps in disbelief that her mistress was allowing this right in front of her.  
  
I was lost in the kiss and the touch of her breast. It was so soft and large, and I stroked it tenderly as my tongue moved against hers, caressing it, letting it know that I wasn't resisting. That it was over for me. That she me had beaten. Her breast felt so amazing in my hand and I could feel the shape of her fangs under my tongue. I wanted those fangs to bite me. To rip me up and destroy me. I didn't care any more. I was done. I had tried to resist, I really did, but—  
  
"Baby…"  
  
A soft voice. Just loud enough to be heard over the rain, to pierce the fog. I broke away from the kiss for some reason. I didn't even know why. Rosalie snatched back my arm before I could try anything, but that hadn't even occurred to me. Tears were streaming from my eyes, but I had no idea why I was crying, either.  
  
Victoria smiled at the submission in my face and turned to Alice patiently. "I told you not to speak, Alice," she chided. "Why do you insist on being such a bad girl? Do want me to punish you? Hm? Is that what you want?"  
  
Alice didn't answer. She just looked at her former mistress petulantly. It was sad, really. She was laying there, handcuffed, her pretty body all mutilated. And now she was going to die soon. What must such helplessness feel like? Did it turn her on?  
  
Victoria turned back to me and withdrew the knife from my midsection. She licked the blood from it, one side then the other, and smiled.  
  
"The time has come, Miss Swan. Let us find out how deep her lies have permeated into your heart. Come, take this knife," she said, offering it to me handle first. "You are Alice's one true love, therefore it is only fitting for her destiny to be fulfilled at your hand. Your hand and mine. And Rosalie's. Together, the three of us."  
  
I stared down at the knife, my heart thumping in my chest, my head swaying with temptation. Dear god don't let this be happening. She was offering me a knife and she wanted me to kill Alice. She wanted me to…  
  
I went to take the knife, but Rosalie wouldn't let me go. I turned my face slightly and I noticed she was staring at her mistress in disbelief. "You can't," she whispered, her voice right beside my ear. "You can't let her…"  
  
Victoria looked at her, still offering me the knife. "I can't?" she echoed in a politely cold voice. "Are you telling me what to do, Rosalie?"  
  
Rosalie didn't reply. I could almost feel her heart thumping against my back and I almost felt sorry for her. She didn't want me to kill Alice. She wanted to kill Alice herself. And kill me. She really wanted to kill me. I couldn't even blame her. Alice and I had really hurt her. She hesitated for quite a few seconds, but finally her grip on me began to loosen. Then she let go.  
  
I was looking down at the knife. There was blood in the black grooves of the handle and blood on the blade. Venom was welling in my mouth and I didn't know what to do. I was actually swaying on the spot, consumed with conflicting lusts. I didn't want to kill Alice. That's not what we wanted anymore. We wanted to be together forever, just us, just me and her. Happily ever after. But if it was me that did it, then maybe it would be okay. And we would probably only fuck up our life together, anyway. Maybe this was for the best. Maybe…  
  
"Go ahead, Miss Swan," Victoria said, gesturing with the knife gently, like trying to feed a small animal. "No need to be shy. You and I are sisters now. Now more than ever."  
  
I swallowed the venom in my mouth, and I thought it would be okay if I took the knife. It didn't mean I was going to use it on Alice. But it would be good to have it in my hand. It would help me rescue her. Yes. That's it.  
  
I reached out slowly with a trembling hand and closed my fingers around the sticky handle. I lifted my eyes. Rosalie was watching me with dark disapproval, as if the affair was being spoilt by my involvement. I could see in her eyes that she'd had her heart set on tying me up beside Alice and torturing me so Alice could see. And that would've been nice, but this was better. I had the knife now and I could—  
  
—rescue Alice. I just needed to wait till the right moment, that's all. To catch them off-guard.  
  
Victoria smiled and gestured toward the bed where Alice lay, broken, bloody, awaiting the end. Her death. Here, in this place. At my hand. Such hopeless black sadness in her wet red eyes. Didn't she know I was going to save her? Victoria touched my shoulder and urged me forward gently.  
  
"Come, my dear," she said. "This is her destiny."  
  
Destiny.  
  
Yes.  
  
Mine, too.  
  
The three of us approached the bed, me tottering forward like a child with the knife in both hands. I climbed into the bed without being told, my head and heart rolling with lust, and I lowered my face and licked at a smear of blood on her leg. I licked very gently, to show her that I wasn't going to harm her, that I was here to save her. It wasn't because her blood made me crazy. It really wasn't. I licked again, near her kneecap, and she gave a little whimper. I kissed her skin, tasting the blood on my lips, and finally she just opened her legs.  
  
She had been trying to keep them closed, but she couldn't do it. That was okay. Alice was a slut, but that's what I liked about her, what I loved about her, what I utterly freaking adored about her. And she wanted it so much, yes she did. So I gave it to her. I kissed the insides of her soft thighs, soft kisses, longing kisses, listening to her whimper. I licked at the shallow slice over her femoral artery that the redhead had made while holding the knife there. But I had the knife now, and I wasn't going to cut Alice. No, no, no. Not yet. Not unless she wanted it.  
  
So I licked at her instead, dragging my tongue across the swollen and bloody cleft of her pussy, lapping up her moistening arousal. I knew the redhead and blonde were watching, but I didn't care. Alice was my soulmate, and I loved her, and oh fuck her blood was yummy. I had reopened the tear in her vagina with my tongue and I moaned as her hot wet blood seeped into my mouth. I licked at her some more and she was getting very wet, the slutty little thing, very wet. I licked her deeper, lapping up her blood and arousal, my head reeling at the sinfully delicious taste. Her hips were squirming against my mouth, and I kept licking and licking, until she came.  
  
The climax was accompanied by a little cry and I had to smile. Alice made such pretty sounds when she orgasmed. I continued licking at her bloody mound, lapping up the last of her blood and arousal. I really loved her so much. Alice was the most perfect girl ever.  
  
"Baby," I heard her whisper. "Baby…"  
  
I lifted my face, my eyes lidded and my mouth open to accommodate the length of my fangs. Alice looked at me silently, still handcuffed so helplessly to the headboard, and slowly I smiled and crawled up between her legs, placing little kisses on the wounds in her stomach and on her chest, sucking briefly at one of her nipples.  
  
Somehow, without realizing, I had positioned my pussy over her pubic bone and I was rubbing against it. It felt very nice, so I kept going, grinding my clit and lower lips against her groin, rougher and rougher until her pussy started bleeding again. The stab wound in my stomach was still bleeding as well, and our blood was pooling and flowing all over our pussies, our blood and our arousal all mingled and providing wonderful lubrication for me to rub faster and faster.  
  
Victoria was watching with a smile and I let her watch. It didn't matter. She thought this meant that I had given up, that I was joining them in their torture of Alice. But it was different with me, because Alice loved me. She wanted me to do it. She loved it.  
  
Rosalie was watching darkly as I humped on the woman she loved and I gave her just a small smirk. It was mean to gloat, but I was very horny and I couldn't help it.  
  
Finally I turned my eyes down to Alice, shoving my hips against her so hard that her perky little breasts were jiggling. She really looked so helpless, all tied up and taking it like a good little whore. Because she loved me. It was okay if it was me. But why wasn't she smiling? I could see a second orgasm building in her face, but she wouldn't smile. She only lay there, panting, staring up at my eyes with her pale and beaten face. I started grinding even harder, trying to make her smile, but all I did was bump her head into the headboard with each thrust. So I went harder and faster, wanting her to smile, and finally I felt myself climaxing. It came very quickly, sneaking up inside my pussy and exploding like a firecracker.  
  
My eyes had closed as the orgasm shivered through me deliciously and when I opened my eyes I saw that Alice hadn't come yet. I should've waited so that we could come together, but that was okay. I kept grinding on her, mashing my pussy against her clit, and finally she let herself come. She closed her eyes, both of them black and swollen, and gasped at the ceiling as her battered little body shivered and climaxed.  
  
There. Good girl.  
  
I smiled down at her, licking my fangs as my breath huffed in and out. Alice's breath was huffing in and out, too, and when she opened her eyes I leaned down and kissed her split lip, to show her I loved her. The taste of her blood tingled in my head and I tried to deepen the kiss, but she wouldn't open her mouth. The knife was still in my hand and I decided to put it at her throat. Her mouth opened at the touch of cold steel on her skin, but that was probably just coincidence. It wasn't like I was threatening her. Alice loved it when I kissed her, so that's what I did, kissing her deeply as each of us ebbed away in fading orgasm, showing her how much I loved her with my tongue.  
  
Finally I broke the kiss and raised up, my breath shuddering from excitement. I was kneeling between her open legs, and just for fun, I lowered the knife from her throat and poked the tip into her chest, dimpling the skin just over her heart. I would never kill her, of course, but if I did, I'd like to do it like this. Stab her in her heart. Right in her whorish little heart.  
  
"I'm sorry," I whispered, as if I was actually going to kill her, my voice barely audible over the rain. "I'm so sorry, Alice."  
  
And I was, I really was – but I was only acting, I swear I was only acting. Victoria and Rosalie were standing either side of the bed, watching, and I had to pretend I was going to do it or else they'd take the knife away from me. And then I'd never be able to save her. And I was going to save her in a minute, I really was. But my hand was shaking and there was something so fascinating about how the knife was poking her skin, knowing that I was so close to piercing her heart, that all it would take is one quick thrust and—  
  
Alice shook her head slowly. She had been watching my blood-dazed expression, and now she blinked up at me as a smile finally graced her bloody face. A small smile, beaten, tired, hopeless.  
  
"It's okay, baby," she whispered. "Go ahead. I don't mind if it's you."  
  
My heart flared darkly and the breath whined in my throat. I knew it would be okay. I knew she'd want it if it was me, because I was special. I was her soulmate. It was different if it was me, because—  
  
But no, no, that's not right. I'm only pretending, aren't I? I'm not really going to do it. I'm going to save her in a minute, I really am. I just have to get my hand steady first. For some reason it wouldn't stop trembling. Maybe if I insert the knife a little bit it'll be easier to calm down. Maybe after I see the blood…  
  
"Alice," I said, tears dripping from my chin and spattering on her chest. "I… I…"  
  
But she only shook her head once more, still smiling that same beaten smile. "It's okay, baby," she repeated. "Vicky's right. I deserve it. I treated you all so horribly. I tried so hard, but…"  
  
It was true, she did have a habit of hurting people. She hurt her family, she hurt mom and Lauren, she hurt me. She had broken my heart so badly, so many times. But I forgave her. I loved her.  
  
Victoria must've seen the indecision in my face, because she finally broke her watchful silence. "Do you see, Miss Swan?" she urged. "The girl is broken. She knows it. Isn't that so, Alice? Tell your soulmate how broken you are."  
  
Alice closed her eyes, perfectly passive.  
  
"I'm broken, baby," she said. "I'm sorry."  
  
"No," I whimpered, blinking as more tears blurred my vision.  
  
"I wanted to be perfect for you," Alice whispered, opening her eyes and smiling up at me, the knife poking into her chest. "I really did. I fucked it up. I'm so sorry. And you Rosalie," she said, turning the smile to Rosalie. I hadn't noticed, but the blonde was crying too, silent tears that rolled down her smooth cheeks and dripped from her chin. "I'm sorry," Alice told her. "I really loved you. I did. I thought you were my One. But I was wrong. I didn't mean to lie to you. And Vicky," she said, turning to her former mistress. The redhead watched her dispassionately, arms folded under her breasts. "I loved you, too. You don't believe me, but I did." A small smile quirked her split lip. "No one ever fucked me the way you did."  
  
Victoria snorted, unmoved. "There you have it, Miss Swan," she said. "She is broken beyond repair and all that remains is to put the little bitch out of her misery."  
  
I was holding the knife with both hands, my naked breasts bunched between my arms as I leaned over my lover's heart. The knife quivered and punctured her skin, just a little. A thick line of blood ran between her breasts. The sight of it froze me and made me crave more, made me want to thrust the knife in and pull it out and bask in the spray of blood that would spurt from her chest like a fountain.  
  
But I couldn't. Because this wasn't right, and…it wasn't right.  
  
"I can't," I whispered.  
  
"You must," Victoria hissed.  
  
I whimpered. The knife trembled and I whimpered again, straining with all my might to simply be still. My whole body was quivering, as if there were some demon inside me eager to burst free from my flesh itself, and I could hardly see from the tears that were filling and dripping from my eyes.  
  
"I can't," I gasped. "I love her."  
  
Alice's eyes were closed and she shook her head gently. "It's okay, baby," she said softly, laying there like a sacrifice. "You'll be okay without me. You'll meet someone and you'll fall in love and she'll treat you better than I ever could. Just promise me you'll be happy, okay? That's all I want."  
  
Victoria snorted harshly, staring down at Alice's passive form in disgust. "Really, Alice?" she said sarcastically. "Could you be any more trite? She's lying to you, Miss Swan. Do you truly believe she wants you to live without her? To be happy? Nonsense. She's only trying to persuade you that her love is more pure than what it is in the hope that you'll be more reluctant to end it. Will you let her deceive you like this? Are you really so weak?"  
  
Alice ignored her and opened her eyes to look at me. One last time.  
  
"I love you, baby," she told me with a smile. "Never forget, okay?"  
  
And that hurt, it did, but—  
  
"Enough of this charade," Victoria spat. "End her, Miss Swan. Free yourself. She is nothing but a—"  
  
I stabbed her in the throat. Victoria, not Alice. My arm simply flicked out like a striking snake and suddenly her words were chopped off as the blade slid silently into the soft flesh of her neck, leaving no sound in the motel room but the sound of the steadily falling rain. I didn't know what had triggered it, but I think I just didn't want to hear her call Alice a whore anymore.  
  
Victoria stumbled backwards, clutching at the knife handle protruding from her neck. Rosalie stared in silent shock. Alice was breathless and the sight seemed to excite her. Victoria pulled the knife out of her neck and blood squirted out of the wound. But the knife appeared to have missed her carotid artery, and the red jet died out after the initial burst. The blood ran and dribbled down her front, soaking half her chest and one of her breasts, and the sight was so exhilarating that I had to smile. Victoria had glanced down at herself and then she snarled at me in a vicious display of fangs and anger that only made me horny.  
  
The red fog was rolling in once more, but this time it was focused where it should be, so I didn't resist it. I let it envelop me completely, allowing my mind to roll away in a dark red tide of blood lust, and suddenly I leapt from the bed and launched myself at Victoria.  
  
My body crashed into hers and together we tumbled to the ground, hissing and clawing at each other like cats. At first I had the advantage of being on top, but I got distracted by the blood gushing from her neck, and as soon as I saw an opening I attacked it with my fangs, trying to rip open the wound with my teeth. The taste of her blood hit me in my core, but it was only a taste. The redhead gouged my back with her fingernails, leaving three long gashes in my skin, while her other hand clenched in my hair. The pain sent me into a rage, but before I could tear open her throat she wrenched my head away and flipped me over. I hissed at her, baring my fangs. She was between my legs and I wrapped them around her tightly as I grabbed her hair and tried to bite her face. She flipped me again, trying to thrash me off, but my newborn rage was too strong for her. Triumph throbbed in my chest as I wrenched back her head, exposing her throat once more, and—  
  
Rosalie grabbed my hair from behind and ripped me off her mistress. I struggled and thrashed mindlessly, focused solely on getting my teeth into the redhead's throat, but Rosalie hissed in my ear and sank her fangs into my neck. I made a strange moan of despair and continued to struggle, but the blonde brought me down to the ground and wrapped her long legs around my waist to keep me still as she sucked at my neck fiercely, draining my blood.  
  
Victoria rose from the floor, so flustered and unbalanced that she almost tripped again, and cast about wildly for the knife. She saw it on the carpet and grabbed it up, tossing her hair back like a wild horse. Then she squatted at where I was securely wrapped in the arms and legs of her slave and began stabbing my stomach repeatedly.  
  
"No!" Alice screamed. "Vicky, stop! Leave her alone!"  
  
Victoria ignored her. I had already lost a lot of blood from the first stab wound in my stomach and I had already began to fade from the blonde's bite. The vicious stabbing the redhead was inflicting on my midsection only made me groan weakly.  
  
"You stupid bitch," Victoria hissed, grabbing my hair and wrenching me away from her slave. Rosalie let me loose and I came away limply. "Very well," Victoria said, dragging me across the floor by the hair toward the bed. "Very well. I thought you could be saved, but you can't. You're as hopeless as she is. Both of you, nothing but mindless whores. Come here. I'm going to kill you first so she can watch. Not quite as poetic, but it'll have to do."  
  
"Vicky, please," Alice moaned. "It's not her you want. Please, just…"  
  
Victoria threw me onto the bed and Alice opened her legs automatically, as if she thought I might go down on her quickly. She was so cute, my Alice. Victoria mounted up behind me and wrenched back my head, putting the knife to my throat.  
  
"I'm going to kill you right before your soulmate's eyes," she hissed in my ear. "In her final moments she will see what her love has done to you. She will realize how pathetic her dreams really are. Rosalie," she barked suddenly. The blonde was standing beside the bed, uncertain, almost demure. Victoria offered her knife, and her voice went suddenly sweet. "Would you like the pleasure, my dear? I know how you loathe Miss Swan."  
  
Rosalie climbed into the bed and took the knife, but she still gave the impression of hesitating. Dimly, I wondered why Victoria was so eager to make other people do her dirty work. Given how completely psycho she was, she couldn't possibly be afraid of murder. Yet she had tried to make me kill Alice, and now she was making Rosalie kill me. I guess it made sense. Victoria was all about corruption. It wasn't enough for her to do evil. She had to make others do it, too.  
  
But would Rosalie do it?  
  
The blonde had seemed eager before, when she was gouging my face with her fingernail. It was only her mistress's command that had stopped her. And now here I was, helpless, drained, head wrenched back with my throat taut and exposed. She even had her mistress's permission.  
  
So why was she hesitating?  
  
Rosalie looked at me coldly and then turned slowly to look at Alice. Alice met her gaze with eyes that were wide and pleading and flowing with tears, her wrists still handcuffed to the headboard.  
  
"Rosalie, don't," she said, her voice trembling. "Please. Do whatever you want to me. I deserve it. But please. Don't hurt Bella. Hurt me instead."  
  
"She's about to, Alice," Victoria told her. "Come, my love," she said to Rosalie, wrenching my head back even more. "Destroy this impudent bitch."  
  
I whimpered, my scalp burning from Victoria's grip in my hair. Rosalie put the knife to my throat, just under my carotid. My face was so stretched back that I couldn't even blink away my tears, but I managed to focus my vision on Alice. I needed to see her, just one last time. My Alice. Her own tears were streaming, and her face was all wet and bloody. Naked, tied up, helpless, soon to be tortured and bled like a pig because I couldn't save her. I had tried so hard to be the woman she needed, but I failed. I wanted to love her, keep her, and make all her dreams come true. But I failed.  
  
"I love you, Alice," I whimpered. "I love you so much."  
  
"I love you too, baby," she blubbered. "I love you. I love you."  
  
We were crying uncontrollably and our whispers were soon overlapping, a wet yammering of how much we loved each other and how sorry we were, not daring to pause, wanting to spend our last moments together ensuring that we each knew we loved each other.  
  
Rosalie knelt there watching us. The blade was still at my throat.  
  
"Do it, Rosalie," Victoria commanded.  
  
Rosalie hesitated. Tears were welling from her own eyes and her face was set in a mask of tragedy. "They love each other," she whispered in a broken voice. "They really do."  
  
"Rosalie," Victoria barked.  
  
Rosalie looked at her, her face crumpling. Victoria stared at her.  
  
"You disobey me?" she asked in disbelief.  
  
The knife fell away from my throat. Alice and I stopped whispering and followed the blade with our wet eyes. Rosalie held it in both hands and looked at it. Then she tossed it aside.  
  
"I'm sorry, Vicky," she said, almost whimpering. "I can't fight the way I feel. I love her. I can't… I can't do this…"  
  
Victoria's grip in my hair loosened. I scrabbled out from under her and crawled to Alice's side, wrapping her arms around her chained form. Victoria was staring at Rosalie. Tears had welled in her eyes but none of them fell.  
  
"You said," she whispered. "You said you…"  
  
Rosalie had obviously claimed at some point that she loved Victoria more than Alice. And now Victoria was seeing the truth. Rosalie's spite and jealousy had led her to believe that she hated Alice, but now, when it mattered, she had remembered her true feelings.  
  
She loved Alice.  
  
And she wanted her to be happy.  
  
Victoria's face crumpled at this unexpected betrayal. But only for a second. Victoria wasn't the kind of woman who willingly showed weakness and she was too proud to accept this latest rejection. When she looked up at her blonde slave it was clear that there would be no forgiveness. Her face had darkened into an expression of supreme hate, and suddenly, without warning, she shrieked and flew at Rosalie like a banshee.  
  
"You whore!" she screamed as they tumbled and twisted on the ground. "You filthy fucking whore!"  
  
Rosalie wasn't even trying to fight back, she only appeared to be feebly defending herself, in the hope perhaps that her mistress would calm down. Victoria slashed across her face with her fingernails, opening two gashes across the blonde's eye. Rosalie spun away wildly, grasping at her face in silence. Victoria screamed and grabbed two handfuls of her blonde hair and began bashing her face into the floor, screaming with each thud.  
  
I didn't know what I should do. I didn't want to leave Alice's side, but it was clear that Rosalie had given up and Victoria was going to kill her if I didn't intervene. In addition to all this, it was very arousing to watch the naked redhead repeatedly slam the blonde's pretty head in the floor. But since I probably wouldn't be able to protect Alice by myself it was probably best to help Rosalie and take out Victoria. I was still weak from the blood loss, but I had to do something.  
  
So I leapt off the bed and tackled Victoria to the ground. The redhead roared with rage, clawing and kicking at me like some crazed she-demon, and I tried not to get too horny at how her naked body squirmed and thrashed underneath me. Lives were at stake in this altercation and I didn't want to mess things up by trying to makeout with her in the middle of it.  
  
Rosalie raised up and collapsed again before finally recovering. Victoria hissed at me, snapping at my face like a wolf, and finally Rosalie came to my aid, seizing one of Victoria's wrists and pinning it down while I pinned the other. Victoria roared in rage and tried to buck us off, but we each had a knee buried in her midsection, so all she really did was cause her boobs to jiggle like jello.  
  
"Kill her!" Alice screamed from the bed. "Kill that fucking bitch! Kill her!"  
  
I was so shocked I almost abandoned my grip.  
  
Kill her?  
  
Well, yes, that would be the logical thing to do when attacked by a naked and psychotic redhead. But what happened to the battered and broken Alice who was ready to die? The passive and remorseful little Alice who 'deserved' it?  
  
Maybe she hadn't been so broken, after all. The rage and hysteria in her voice was very real, and I think I realized then that it had all been an act. Victoria had been right. Alice's sobs and cries and whimpers. All her talk about deserving this and how she had loved Rosalie and how no one had fucked her better than Victoria. Her passive acceptance to the blade so long as it was my hand that held it. Her wish that I should continue to live without her and be happy. All of it carefully recited in order to soften us up and incite this very moment.  
  
What a minx.  
  
Ah well. I could never be mad at Alice, and you couldn't blame her for acting when her life was on the line. I'm sure she hadn't been lying to me, anyway. All the stuff she said to me was probably true.  
  
"Whores!" Victoria howled. "All of you!"  
  
The rest of her words were lost in a strangled gurgle of rage and she thrashed even harder. She got a hand free and went for my throat, but I managed to pin it down again. Now I was getting pissed. I had always liked Victoria, and under other circumstances, I would've been quite proud to do anything she wanted. But that was not what Alice wanted, and what Alice wanted was what mattered. It was time to end this, like the redhead had said. Only it wasn't Alice's death that would end it.  
  
It was hers.  
  
I glanced once at Rosalie to check if she was with me. Her head was split just over the hairline and blood had ran all down into her face. But her face was grim and her icy blue eyes were resigned. As if she had known all along that with would come to this. Victoria thrashed again, howling, and together Rosalie and I swooped down and bit into her neck.  
  
A loud screech filled the motel room and outside thunder rumbled. It was raining even harder and I could hear Alice shouting from the bed.  
  
"Kill that fucking slut!" she screamed. "Kill her!"  
  
I sucked hard at the wound in the redhead's neck, but Alice's words only caused her to writhe more furiously. Even with the two of us biting her, she didn't seem to be getting weaker. In fact, she seemed to be getting stronger. The taste of her blood had revitalized me a little, but I was still weaker than Rosalie, and it was my grip that the redhead broke first. As soon as her hand was free she grabbed my hair and wrenched me away from her neck, twisting away from Rosalie at the same time. I tried to grab her again, but she lashed out with her claws and swiped my face, opening a gash across my cheek.  
  
Victoria staggered to her feet and both Rosalie and I lurched after her, but it was too late. The redhead charged at the window and smashed through it, shattering the glass and pulling down the thick dusty drapes.  
  
The sound of the rain was suddenly much louder and outside there was a storm gathering. Victoria landed sprawled on the sidewalk and scrabbled on her hands and knees in the broken glass before lurching upright. I had run to the window and leaned out. A gust of wind spattered my face and chest with rain, and Victoria had took off down the street. Stormclouds brooded overhead and a car was coming from the other direction. When the driver saw the redhead staggering barefoot across the tarmac, naked and covered from cuts with the broken glass, the horn shrieked and the car swerved off the road and crashed into a shopfront. Victoria stumbled into an alley and disappeared, but I knew we hadn't seen the last of her.  
  
I turned back to the room. The bed was covered with blood and with the window broken anybody could look in and see the three chicks who had been casually mutilating each other all afternoon. We had to get out of here. Rosalie was unlocking Alice's handcuffs, silently and with a certain sadness, as if she already regretted abandoning her mistress. Alice wasn't even looking at her. She was looking at me, her eyes filled with tears, and as soon as she was free she crawled to the edge of the bed and threw her arms around me.  
  
"I'm sorry, baby," she sobbed, holding me tight. "I'm so sorry. I knew you'd come for me. I knew you'd save me. I love you, baby. I love you so much."  
  
I hugged her back and smiled. I had a feeling she was getting a little carried away in her role of damsel in distress, but that was okay. It felt nice. I was a pretty pathetic knight in shining armor, but at least the dragon was driven away, if not quite slain.  
  
Rosalie was looking at the back of Alice's head, her eyes hurt and wounded and filled with the truth she'd tried to deny for so long. Alice was never going to love her the way she wanted and yet she herself would never stop loving Alice. She lowered her eyes for a moment and when she lifted them to mine they went colder.  
  
"Victoria knows where you live," she said. "She'll try to hurt you any way she can."  
  
—  
  



	44. Chapter 44

—  
  
Chapter 44:  
  
—  
  
Within minutes we had thrown on some clothes and wiped down our faces with a wet towel. The gash in my face was throbbing painfully, but I knew it would heal in an hour or so. Alice's face had already began to heal, and I smiled at her as I dabbed at her wounds with the towel. Her lip and her eyebrow was split and there was a laceration on her forehead, but the swelling had gone down. I knew I should've been afraid for mom, scared terrified of what Victoria would do if she found her first, but instead I was just happy Alice was okay. All I had to do was keep her close. As long as I kept her close, everything would be okay.  
  
When we emerged in to the rain outside there were a couple people standing under the awning, looking down the street at the wrecked car. An ambulance was coming from the other direction. Rosalie stalked ahead of us in the parking lot and got into a red car. She had started the engine before Alice and I even climbed in. She backed out of the lot, circled around the motel, and accelerated down the street, fast but not fast enough to be pulled over.  
  
"Victoria's on foot," she said, without much expression. "So we'll probably beat her there."  
  
Alice and I were in the back, Alice cuddled up under my arm. She hadn't spoken much since being untied. She was quiet and uncertain, almost catatonic. I'm not sure if she was capable of being traumatized, but I knew how difficult it must be for her to face this latest failure. Every time we tried to create a perfect relationship, it backfired.  
  
I hated the redhead for what she did. But at least her naked exile from the motel room and the hearts of Alice and Rosalie were something of a consolation. She was now officially alone, and even if we fled town and never saw her again, it was nice to know that the last image I saw of her was her naked ass running down the street in the rain. I hoped it was humiliating for her. A fitting fate, for a whore like her. Too bad we didn't shave her head, too, like they would've done in the dark ages.  
  
"What then?" I asked Rosalie, since I had no idea. I was still a kid, basically, so I felt I should leave the plan to the adults.  
  
Rosalie gestured with her chin in the rearview mirror. "Ask her," she said, referring to Alice. I didn't want to bother Alice while she was so down, but Alice sat up and gave a little shrug.  
  
"I don't know," she said. "The motel was paid in cash and I signed the register with a scrawl, so that should give us a head start. You're mom's at work, but what about Lauren?"  
  
"I left her at the fair," I said. "I don't know if she went home."  
  
I also wondered if she had called mom after I disappeared, but maybe not. After all, what would she say? Oh, Missus Swan, I just thought you should know that your daughter had a distressing phone call and jumped off a ferris wheel. But she was okay enough to walk away so I think she might be a vampire, you know because of the fangs and how sexy she is these days.  
  
"What are we going to do?" I asked, a niggling anxiety finally beginning to form in the pit of my stomach. Shamefully, my concern wasn't really for mom and Lauren. I was more worried about putting Alice in danger again. As much as I'd prefer to be a bad-ass, my immediate impulse was to flee as fast as we could, like right now. Just spin the car around and leave it all behind us. I could always call mom and Lauren, give them a heads up. Something like; hey, there's a psycho with huge boobs out to get you because I didn't help her torture and mutilate my wife. You might wanna move to china.  
  
"Should I call mom?" I said. "And tell her get home as quick as she can? I mean, we have to get out of here, right? We can't leave them behind. Maybe we should call and tell them to meet us somewhere, so we don't have to go home at all. We wouldn't get to pack, but do we really need to? I mean, we have money, right? Alice?"  
  
Alice had an abstract look on her face, as if she wasn't really listening. Then she shook her head slowly and a fey smile formed on her face.  
  
"I'm not leaving without Vicky, baby," she said. "I need to kill her. I need to know she'll never touch us again."  
  
I shot a glance at Rosalie's face in the rearview. Her eyes fell for a moment, but she didn't otherwise react. I felt bad for her. She had truly given up. On everything.  
  
I turned to Alice. "What do we do, then?" I asked.  
  
Alice sighed and cuddled up under my arm once more. "Well, to start with we'll go home and start packing your things. You and I can't stay in Forks, that's for sure. But don't call your mom yet. It's better if she's not home. Let's wait for Vicky to show up, and when she does…"  
  
Alice trailed off and I felt the beginnings of hunger swirl in my stomach. I still would've preferred to take mom and Lauren and just split. It was the safer thing to do. But I could understand the impulse to kill the redhead, as well. I never thought the day would come when I would actually be excited about the idea of murdering someone, but this wouldn't be murder. It would be revenge. Sweet revenge. Revenge for hurting Alice. For making her cry. Making her scream. Revenge to make sure she would never hurt Alice again.  
  
But was it worth the risk? The redhead would be weak from being bitten by Rosalie and I, but she could've fed from any stranger in the meantime. It didn't seem like the redhead's style, to feed from someone she hadn't carefully selected from a nightclub, but it was possible. Plus, she was a cunning little slut. What if she somehow outmaneuvered us and ended up hurting Alice even more? Neither me or Alice had a very good record against Victoria, and I'm not sure how much help we could count on from Rosalie.  
  
I looked at Rosalie. She was staring out the rain spattered windshield and the only sound in the car was the rattle on the roof and the swish of the windshield wipers. I felt really bad for her, knowing that her happiness was permanently and forever ruined. Alice would never love her and Victoria would never forgive her. Despite the times she had assisted her mistress in my rape and humiliation, I wasn't able to take pleasure in her pain.  
  
"What about you, Rosalie?" I asked.  
  
"What about me," she said, and kept driving.  
  
—  
  
It wasn't a long drive, but quiet and tense. Finally we pulled up on the sidewalk outside the house. There were no bodies impaled on spikes in the front yard, so I assumed we were in time to protect my loved ones and possibly lay trap for the redhead.  
  
The wind had picked up and sometimes I could see frayed strands of lightning followed by a distant thunder rolling through the dark afternoon. It was going to be a pretty bad storm. We were soaked by the time we got inside, and I found Lauren in the living room. She had been pacing back and forth, biting a nail. She hadn't heard the front door and she jumped when she saw me come in.  
  
"Jesus," she said, "where the fuck were you? How the fuck did you—?"  
  
Her words were cut off as Alice and Rosalie trailed in behind me. Her face went pale and then she noticed the gouges on Rosalie's face and Alice's split lip and forehead.  
  
"What the fuck are they doing here?" she said, almost breathlessly. She turned back to me and she seemed to notice the claw mark in my face for the first time. "What the fuck happened to you?"  
  
"I'll check the house," Rosalie said, and disappeared up the stairs.  
  
"Hey, what the fuck—"  
  
"Lauren, Lauren," I said, catching her hands and forcing her to look at me. "Lauren, are you okay?"  
  
She snatched her hands away. "Of course I'm not fucking okay!" she yelled at me. "I just watched you jump off a ferris wheel, and…" She trailed off, helplessly, and said: "What the fuck is going on, Bella?"  
  
I glanced back at Alice. She was standing by the door with an abashed expression, slightly apart from the group like a girl on timeout. Rosalie came back down the stairs, sauntering in her sultry way, and gave Alice a nod to say all was clear. I turned back to Lauren.  
  
"I can't explain," I said. "Alice and I have to leave town."  
  
Lauren shook her head, tears filling her eyes. She drew in a breath that was almost a gasp. "I knew it," she said, trying not to sob. "I knew she was going to do this to you."  
  
It was overwhelming her. The confusion, the crushed dreams, the complete unfairness of everything I'd done to her. She tore her tear-filled eyes away from me and they landed on Alice. The sight of Alice's pretty and damaged face seem to push her over the edge. A strangled growl escaped her and suddenly she attacked her.  
  
"You bitch!" she screamed. "You fucking bitch! You ruined her! You fucking ruined her!"  
  
Alice didn't fight back, she simply turned aside and cowered a little, letting Lauren's fist pummel her clumsily. I grabbed Lauren around the waist and pulled her away. Lauren thrashed and kicked, sobbing with rage.  
  
"It was supposed to be me!" she wailed. "She was supposed to love me!"  
  
Finally she broke down. I turned her away from Alice and held her, letting her sob into my shoulder, rocking her gently. Rosalie rolled her eyes and looked at the staircase. Alice watched me sadly. Lauren's accusation had cut her almost as deeply as anything Victoria had done to her. It had cut me, as well, because I didn't know if it was true.  
  
Am I ruined?  
  
Am I even capable of making Alice happy?  
  
I didn't know. Less then an hour ago I had held a knife to her heart with the desperate desire to force it in. I had come around in the end and saved her with the blonde's help, but was that enough? Will I ever be the woman Alice needs me to be? I hoped so. Alice's happiness was the most important thing in the world to me. More than mom, more than Lauren. More than me. Alice had suffered so much as a human and even as a vampire she had found no peace, only heartbreak and twisted sisters. So now it was up to me.  
  
It was up to me to make her happy.  
  
Alice took a timid step forward. Lauren's sobbing had tapered off, but she seemed too ashamed of her crying to lift her face from my shoulder. Alice had always liked Lauren despite Lauren meanness—much like how I had always liked Rosalie—and in a gentle voice, she said:  
  
"You can come with us, if you want."  
  
Lauren pushed me away suddenly, as if I disgusted her, and wiped her eyes with her hands. "I don't want to go anywhere with you," she said.  
  
Alice looked at me. I looked at Lauren.  
  
"You might not have a choice," I said.  
  
She sniffed and glared at me. "What?"  
  
I didn't know if now was the best time to explain, but Victoria could show up any second, and we had to be prepared. Even if we did take Victoria out, that would still leave us with the problem of a dead body and a murder investigation. Either way, Alice and I could never stay in Forks. And if we couldn't track down Victoria, then neither could mom or Lauren.  
  
"One of Alice's sisters," I said. "She's psycho. She's trying to kill Alice."  
  
Lauren looked down, a visible wave of dizziness washing over her. "Oh god."  
  
"She's trying to kill me too," I added. "And she may hurt you and mom."  
  
"Shouldn't we call the police?" Lauren demanded.  
  
"We did, we did," I lied, trying to soothe her. "They're on their way."  
  
"Oh god," she repeated, her face crumpling all over again.  
  
Rosalie was leaning against the doorjamb, staring down at the carpet without much interest. Alice watched Lauren anxiously. I would've loved some help, from either of them, but I guess there was nothing they could do. Rosalie just flat didn't care, and anything Alice could say would only upset Lauren further.  
  
So I stepped forward, hesitating to touch her. She had lowered her face into her hands and she was crying quietly. "It's okay, Lauren," I said. "Everything's going to be alright, I promise."  
  
"No, it's not," she sobbed. "It's never going to be okay. Not as long as you're with her."  
  
The words made a hollow pit open in the pit of my stomach. Rosalie looked over, as if maybe she agreed, and Alice looked down at the floor. But I wouldn't let myself believe it. One day, Alice and I were going to be perfectly happy. It might not be tomorrow or the day after, but one day – when it was just me and her. Nobody else.  
  
"Lauren?" I said, reaching for her shoulder. "Lauren, please. Just—"  
  
She slapped my hand away as soon as it touched her. "Don't touch me," she hissed. "Don't even touch me."  
  
"Lauren—"  
  
But she didn't want to hear it. I didn't even know what I would've said. She spun away from me and dashed past Alice, averting her face as if to avoid some horrible sight, and then she stormed up the stairs. I heard the bedroom door slam shut and two seconds later there was a crack of thunder.  
  
I looked at Alice. Rosalie was still leaning against the doorframe. The rain continued to hammer on the roof and for a while none of us spoke. I turned to look at the sidetable to my left. It was where mom kept her collection of framed photographs. Most of them were of me, from all stages of my life. School photos from elementary and highschool. A picture of me as a toddler, taking my first steps. A picture of me and mom blowing out the candles together on a birthday cake.  
  
The latest picture was the prom photo of me and Alice. Me in white, her in black. Smiling. Almost like two regular girls. After that, there were no more pictures. And there never would be. Glassed away in each frame, every stage of my life had been chronicled for my mother's loving memory, but from now on, there would be no more memories. It would be as if the girl with dark hair had simply died.  
  
Alice came over beside me and looked down at the pictures for a moment. I turned to her and smiled, to show her I didn't care about any of that, that I only cared about her. She smiled back, but sadly, and wrapped an arm around my waist.  
  
"We'd better pack your stuff," she said softly. "So we'll be ready when we have to go."  
  
I thought about that for a second and then I shook my head. "There's nothing to pack," I said, and there wasn't. Clothes could be replaced and I didn't want to bring any memories with me. All I wanted was Alice.  
  
"Then we wait," she said with a sigh. "Come on, let's clean up a little."  
  
She took my hand and tugged me toward the bathroom. Rosalie followed.  
  
We used the bathroom downstairs, taking turns in the shower to wash away the caked blood under our clothes. Crowding at mirror as we dabbed at the wounds in faces and dried our hair with towels, passing around the same hairbrush. Like three roommates getting ready for dates. We even touched up our faces with a bit of makeup, perhaps because there was really nothing better to do. Our time might've been better spent posting guards at the front and back door, but it was important too look pretty, too. Alice and Rosalie's eyes kept catching in the mirror, and finally Alice capped the lipstick and turned to me.  
  
"Baby?" she said. "Do you think Rosalie and I could have a moment alone?"  
  
I felt a flicker of jealousy—and I hated to let Alice out of my sight—but I nodded. Rosalie deserved some final moments with Alice before Alice left her forever, and even if Alice didn't love her, Rosalie was still her sister, and still an important part of her life. Rosalie gave me a look, almost as if to apologize, and I smiled to let her know it was okay.  
  
"I'll go check on Lauren," I said, and turned to leave. At the door I turned back. They were already wrapped in a kiss, no words required, and I closed the door very softly.  
  
Before I went upstairs, I did a quick sweep of the ground floor. I checked the front door and back door, both locked. I peeked into the kitchen, but no naked redhead jumped out of the fridge with a machete in her mouth, so I figured it was all clear.  
  
I went upstairs, the steps creaking under my boots. I checked the rooms as I went down the corridor, bathroom, spare room, mom's room. All the windows closed, rain rattling against the panes. I stood in mom's room for a moment, hand on the light switch. I was staring at the window, and it occurred to me that if someone was going to gain access to the house through an upstairs window, it would have to be the window beside the drainpipe. The window Alice used to climb through. The window in my bedroom.  
  
The bedroom that was now Lauren's bedroom.  
  
I hesitated with my hand on the lightswitch, a cold wave passing over me. I flipped off the light and went back into the corridor. Lauren's room was next. I paused with my hand on the doorknob. I had a bad feeling, but that was probably just paranoia. Lauren would've screamed if something had happened, and Victoria had no interest in Lauren. Victoria wanted Alice. But the bad feeling didn't go away, and as I pushed open the door, I think I knew what I'd find.  
  
The first thing I noticed was that the window was open. Rain had gusted in and wet the carpet. The next thing I saw was Victoria. She was on the bed with Lauren, both of them naked. Lauren was laying back between Victoria's legs and Victoria was caressing Lauren's lower lips gently with her hand, whispering in her ear. Victoria smiled when she saw me and wrapped her legs around Lauren's waist securely, as if to keep her there.  
  
"Ah Miss Swan," Victoria said. "I was just getting acquainted with your little friend here. What was you're name again, dear? Speak up."  
  
Lauren was shaking from fear and disgust and her icy blue eyes were wide in panic. Her hands were tied behind her back. She was gagged with a torn piece of shirt and something stuffed in her mouth, and it was impossible for her to answer Victoria's question. With all the rain outside it would've been impossible to hear her scream, either.  
  
"Dear me, I've forgotten," Victoria said. "No matter. I'm sure it was a very pretty name. A pretty name for a pretty girl."  
  
Victoria had whispered all this into Lauren's ear and now she kissed her, softly, tenderly, making Lauren shiver even more violently. I took a step forward, but Victoria suddenly took a grip on Lauren's chin and bent her neck dangerously, making her moan in terror.  
  
"Don't move, Miss Swan," Victoria whispered. "Or I will snap the little girl's neck."  
  
Lauren screamed into the gag, her eyes pouring tears and crying at me to help. I looked into them for a moment, feeling a very deep sadness, and a gust of wind blew a sheet of rain into the room. I went over to the window and closed it. Then I turned back to the bed. Victoria smiled and began petting Lauren's hair. Lauren kept screaming and Victoria leaned to her ear.  
  
"Shh, shh, shh, my dear," she whispered, stroking her silky hair gently. "It'll all be over soon. Don't be afraid." Victoria smirked and lifted her eyes to mine. "I want you to look at this girl, Miss Swan," she said. "I've been toying with her pussy for quite a while and the dear thing isn't even moist. Such a pristine creature. It certainly makes for a refreshing change from whores like you and Alice. Or perhaps I'm rusty, what do you think?"  
  
"Let her go, Vicky," I said. "It's me you want."  
  
Victoria smiled. "No," she said. "It was never you I wanted."  
  
Lauren started sobbing. She sobbed and thrashed, writhing against Victoria's naked body. She kicked out her naked legs, screaming into the gag. I had to admit, I found it very hot, but I didn't feel in any danger of joining in. I had never felt any overwhelming lust for Lauren like I felt for Alice. Besides, her tits weren't even big enough to jiggle. Finally she just went limp, crying. Victoria whispered to her and kissed her hair, stroking one of her cheeks.  
  
"Please," I said. "You have no reason to hurt her."  
  
Victoria smiled at me. "No, I don't," she said. "I have no grudge against her, nor even a grudge against you. I still find you relatively blameless in the matter, even if I did somewhat lose my temper back at the motel. So you're right. I have no reason to hurt the girl at all. And yet—"  
  
She snapped Lauren's neck. Her cries were silenced instantly and her body went slumped.  
  
"—why not?" concluded Victoria. "Her death is regrettable, but I'm sure we'll all get over it in a day or two. In any case, I have no use for girls who take too long to climax. "  
  
Victoria pushed aside the dead girl and shoved her off the bed with her foot. Lauren landed face down in the carpet with her neck askew. Naked, gagged, her hands tied behind her back. Her eyes were still open and the visible one was already going glassy. I looked at her ass—she always did have beautiful skin—and lifted my eyes to Victoria.  
  
Victoria smiled, posed there on an elbow with her legs open and her other elbow resting on her knee cap. Her pussy was completely exposed and she appeared to be moist. She didn't appear ready to fight, and I couldn't help feeling disappointed with myself. Because I didn't want to fight, either. Even after everything she did to Alice and what she had just done to Lauren. A reddish haze was invading my brain and what I really wanted to do was crawl between her legs and begin licking her obediently like a cat.  
  
"So," she said. "What now, Miss Swan? Hm? Will you attack me single handedly? Will you call for your whorish cohorts? Either way, my fate is sealed. In my weakened state, I wouldn't be able to overcome even you. You have a very fierce bite, my dear," she said, smirking and rubbing her neck where I had bitten her.  
  
I nodded at Lauren's body. "You could've fed from her."  
  
Victoria looked at the corpse, as if surprised to see it there. "True," she said, "but I haven't any appetite when I'm depressed. I'm quite undone, I confess. All I seem to be able to do is mourn my own passing. It really is quite tragic. The villain always dies in the end, but we both know I'm not the real villain here. Am I?"  
  
I didn't reply. Victoria narrowed her eyes at me playfully and smirked.  
  
"No," she said. "Alice is the true villain. Alice is the one who brought us all together and together destroyed us. You'll see. Alice's love is no gift. It's a curse."  
  
My eyes were roaming her body. Her crimson hair was tangled and rain-washed, and her skin was perfectly white, like ivory. I let my eyes drift over her luscious breasts, so round and full, and I lowered them over her mid-section toward her pelvis, where her legs were open and her pussy exposed. She was really quite gorgeous. Heavenly, almost. I lifted my eyes back to hers and she smiled.  
  
"And on that note," she said, "perhaps I might propose a different ending to the tale. The truth is, Miss Swan, I've come to develop a great respect for your ability to love. You lack Rosalie's grace and Alice's charm, but your heart is oddly innocent. In you I see the girl I always wanted for myself."  
  
She said this very softly, and I admit my heart flared. It was a strange thrill to have the approval of a woman like Victoria. I had always suspected she liked me more than she wanted me to know. And now I knew. Victoria watched my expression for a moment and smiled.  
  
"So," she said, "this is my proposition. I'll offer one last time, and then you'll never have to hear me again. Join me, Miss Swan. Be mine. With me, your devotion will be rewarded far beyond anything Alice can offer, and together…together we both might possibly be happy."  
  
I let the temptation wash over me. I could never accept her offer, but the temptation felt nice. I lowered my eyes and looked at Lauren's body for a moment. Her dead eye stared into the carpet and her naked ass was still cute. I stepped over the corpse, toward the bed, and excitement came into Victoria's eyes. I looked into them and realized that this wasn't some kind of ploy. She really like me. She really did want me.  
  
I smiled and lowered my eyes over her body until they came to rest at the cleft between her legs. I reached with my hand and began to caress her right there, stroking and probing her soft and silky lips with my fingers. I looked at her face and she looked back, letting me, not resisting. I inserted two fingers inside her and she smiled, squirming her hips and beginning to heave her chest. I leaned toward her face, feeling a genuine wave of affection for this despicable woman, and smiled back.  
  
"I won't lie," I whispered. "You're an amazing woman and you always did have a power over me. But I love Alice. And she really wants to kill you."  
  
Her smile faded. I kissed her full lips, not minding that she didn't kiss back, and then I stood up, withdrawing my fingers and smiling as I licked them clean. They tasted very sweet.  
  
Victoria looked wounded for a moment, but only a moment. Her face quickly regained it's haughty expression and she huffed out a sigh. "Very well," she said, flicking her naked legs over the side of the bed with a flourish. She stood up and I regarded her wearily, ready to spring. But she didn't attack. She only smiled and crossed her wrists before her. "Come along then, tie me up. No need to be coy. I know when I'm beaten and frankly I'm sick of the drama. Let us end it once and for all. What do you say, Miss Swan?"  
  
I said nothing. I untied the torn strip of cloth from around Lauren's wrists and used it to tie up Victoria, glancing at her tits. She looked into my eyes the whole time, smirking, and I tugged the knot tight.  
  
"Good girl," she said, and I had to smile. Even in the act of submitting to a violent execution at the hands of her former slave, she still managed to be a cocky, arrogant, demeaning bitch. "Now," she said, almost brightly. "Shall we? We mustn't keep Alice waiting, must we? I only hope she has something elaborate in store. After all, a girl only gets to die once. She might as well enjoy it, hm?"  
  
And with that, she turned and walked out, leading the way to her own death. I looked at her ass—actually regretting that something so sexy was going to be dead soon—and then I glanced at Lauren. I didn't want to leave her like that, so I quickly picked her up and put her in the bed, pulling the covers up over her nakedness. I removed the gag and closed her eyes, pausing for a moment to stroke down her hair. She looked prettier in death, pale like a vampire and her face perfectly peaceful. I leaned and placed a kiss on her dead lips.  
  
"I'm sorry," I whispered.  
  
Then I hurried to catch up with Victoria.  
  
Alice and Rosalie were still in the bathroom. I left Victoria in the livingroom, pretty positive that she wouldn't jump out the window naked again, and opened the bathroom door.  
  
They were naked, of course, with Rosalie sitting on the rim of the bathtub and Alice kneeling at her pussy. Quite an erotic picture, and I felt a little guilty at interrupting. It was probably the last time Rosalie was going to get Alice's tongue inside her, and now the moment was ruined. She shot me a glare, and Alice turned to look at me with her lips all glossy. My heart flickered at how cute she was and I was grateful I hadn't given in to Victoria.  
  
"Victoria's here," I said, as if simply announcing a guest. "In the livingroom."  
  
They looked at each other. Then they both rose to their feet.  
  
Victoria was sitting on the couch with her legs crossed, and she rose when we entered.  
  
"Well," she said, looking at Alice and Rosalie's naked bodies, the color in Rosalie's cheeks, the sheen on Alice's lips. "I do hope I didn't interrupt."  
  
Alice looked at her silently. The storm ought to have been theatric enough, but she seemed almost disappointed that there would be no dramatic showdown, no fight scene. Lightning flickered in the window curtains and thunder cracked nearby. It was beginning to get dark outside.  
  
"She gave up," I said, wanting Alice to know that. It was a hot fact to me, and I thought Alice might get a thrill out of it, too. "She didn't even fight."  
  
Alice had no outward reaction, but I noticed her chest rise and fall with an excited breath. But she didn't immediately begin ripping Victoria limb from limb. She turned to me and asked:  
  
"Where's Lauren?"  
  
I didn't answer, but she saw it in my eyes. Alice glared at Victoria.  
  
"You sick bitch," she said. "Lauren did nothing to you!"  
  
The heat in Alice's voice made me feel bad about my own lack of reaction to my ex-girlfriend's death. I knew Alice was probably just faking in her ongoing quest to cultivate a conscience, but it was more than I had done.  
  
"Oh, let us dispense with the name calling," Victoria said, striding forward with her hands tied. "We all know what's going to happen now. The charade grows tiresome, and—"  
  
Alice slapped her.  
  
Victoria's words were chopped off and her face snapped aside. I felt a jolt in my heart and Rosalie look down. For a second it looked like Victoria might get angry, but she didn't. A smile fluttered onto her lips and she turned back to Alice.  
  
"Well," she said. "I take it you'd like to be rough."  
  
"Oh, you have no idea," Alice growled. She was much shorter than the redhead, and she looked extremely sexy the way she glared up at the taller woman.  
  
Victoria chuckled flirtily. "Well, well," she said. "Perhaps this will be enjoyable, after all. Come then, what would you have of me? I'm determined to be as obedient as possible. It will be my final gift to you, my darling. Something to remember me by."  
  
Victoria's words made a thrill of excitement pass through, and I could only imagine what they did to Alice. Alice had always claimed to be a submissive kind of girl, but that was only her defense mechanism. Deep down, she was dangerously dominant. She digged vulnerability and helplessness more than anything, and now she had Victoria, tied up, naked, completely beaten and passive. Her mistress, the woman who dominated her for centuries and treated her like a worthless slave. Alice could do absolutely anything she wanted to her.  
  
Even kill her.  
  
A smirk appeared on Alice's face as her glare melted into a gaze, knowing that this was the end, that soon Victoria would be nothing but a bittersweet memory. The first she did to her was kiss her. She took the taller woman's face in her hands, stood on her toes, and placed a deep kiss on her mouth, asserting her dominance with her tongue. The redhead accept the kiss in much the same spirit that I had back at the motel room, giving up, letting the helplessness wash over her.  
  
The sight made my pussy throb. Rosalie seemed mesmerized, too. What must it be like for her? To see her mistress, the woman she had devoted herself to for almost a hundred years, give up under the tongue of her former slave? To me it was hot, but to her it must've been something more. Because even if her heart did irrevocably belong to Alice, it was also true that Victoria would always own the rest of her, body and mind. Victoria had been more than her mistress, she had been a best friend, a big sister, a protector. The threesome arrangement between them would've been Rosalie's happily ever after, but that was over now. In a few minutes her ending was going to a tragedy.  
  
Alice broke the kiss, smirked, and then giggled and gripped Victoria's breasts, just to the show the woman how helpless she was. "I remember when you made me ask permission before touching these things," she said. "Do you remember?"  
  
"Of course I remember," Victoria said, staring at Alice steadily as Alice groped her tits. "Alas, all good things come to an end. I spoilt you, I think. I should've been more severe with you. Perhaps with Rosalie as well."  
  
She looked at Rosalie and Rosalie looked down. Victoria smiled at her, a smile that suggested she would expect no better, and then turned back to Alice.  
  
"Come then, are you going to play with my breasts all day? I'm waiting, my dear. Do not disappoint me now. Have you learnt nothing from me, all these years?"  
  
Alice smirked and unhanded her breasts. "Okay," she said, and then swept an arm over the coffeetable to clear the surface, sweeping aside a couple magazines, the remote. "This will be your altar," she said. "Lay down."  
  
"As you wish," Victoria said, and did as she was told, sitting daintily on the edge before laying back. It was a smallish table, just long enough for her torso, and she opened her legs wide with her toes in the carpet either side of the table. "I assume you'd like my legs open as well?" she asked obligingly. "No fun with them closed, after all."  
  
"That's good," Alice said, stepping up onto the table. She stood on the edge between Victoria's thighs and with a smile she lifted and toe and toyed with the other woman's pussy. "I'm glad you've decided to be such a good girl, Vicky. Because there's something I've been dying to do to you for a very long time."  
  
"And what's that, pray tell?"  
  
"This," she said, and punted Victoria in the vagina.  
  
The soft thud of Alice's foot into Victoria's crotch made me jump as a hot bolt of lust hit me in the chest. It wasn't the most erotic display I'd ever seen, but it was nice to see Alice so dominant.  
  
Even Rosalie seemed turned on. She was standing on the other side of the table, opposite me, and we seemed to be arranged like witnesses to some sacrifice.  
  
Victoria grunted at the pain, her breasts jumping from the impact. Alice giggled and kicked her again. Victoria frowned, as if slightly embarrassed, and Alice kicked her again and again. She kicked her one final time, really hard, and then she stood there giggling, like a child who'd found something really fun to do.  
  
"Well," Victoria said. "It's a tad vulgar, but a decent start, I suppose."  
  
Alice's giggles tapered off into excited breathing and she grinned down at her former mistress. She held her gaze for a moment, and then grinned wider. "You think you're going to enjoy this," she said. "But you're not."  
  
Victoria raised an eyebrow. "No?"  
  
"No," Alice said, shaking her head. "You think you won't scream…but you will."  
  
Victoria didn't seem scared. "Well, I hope you have something more creative in mind than kicking me like a silly child," she said. "Wherever that impulse came from, you didn't learn it from me."  
  
"Oh, don't worry, Vicky, I have something very special planned," Alice said and hopped off the table. "Bella, hand me that vase."  
  
I almost startled at being spoken to. Alice and Victoria had been so absorbed in each other, it was almost as if me and Rosalie had ceased to exist. But now she gestured with her chin at a vase that stood on the sideboard, and I quickly went over and got it. It was clear crystal and it contained a bouquet of fake magnolias. I had no idea what Alice wanted with it, but I handed it to her.  
  
"That's sweet, Alice," Victoria said, "but you don't have to give me flowers. I'm already putting out, can't you tell?"  
  
Smiling, Alice tipped the vase and let the flowers fall out onto the ground. Victoria watched them fall.  
  
"Do you want to know what I'm going to do with this, Vicky?" Alice asked cutely.  
  
"I could imagine," Victoria remarked dryly.  
  
"Then open them wider," Alice said, lowering her free hand to Victoria's pussy. "They'll need to be as wide as they can, won't they?"  
  
Victoria spread her legs even further, squirming her hips as Alice's fingers massaged her clit and lower lips, slipping inside her folds. Alice giggled.  
  
"Good girl, Vicky," she said, pumping her fingers in and out gently. "Nice and horny. How does it feel to be a submissive little bitch? Hm? Do you like it, Vicky?"  
  
Victoria squirmed her hips. "I could get used to it," she said.  
  
"You could, but you won't," Alice said. "You'll be dead soon. Now, spread your pussy for me like a good little bitch."  
  
Victoria's wrists were still tied, but she was able to reach down and use her fingers to spread her pussy open. I watched breathless, mesmerized at how Alice's fingers went in and out. She was using three by now, and Victoria's vagina was getting larger. But even so, the vase would never fit.  
  
Would it?  
  
Grinning, Alice made a teardrop shape with her fist and inserted into Victoria, pushing it in deep. Victoria groaned and a high blush had come into her cheeks. Alice pumped her fist, in and out, making the hole bigger. She had set the vase on the table and she was stimulating Victoria's clit with her other hand, making the woman moan and squirm.  
  
Finally she withdrew her fist and licked her fingers, taking up the vase in her other hand. Victoria continued to hold her pussy open, perfectly passive. Her vagina was a gaping red hole. Alice smiled and lowered the vase between her thighs. The base of the vase was almost as wide as a champagne bottle and I still didn't think it would fit.  
  
But it did.  
  
Alice angled the base of the vase into the hole and began to push. I could imagine what that cold touch of glass would've felt like, knowing that the whole thing was about to be crammed inside you. Finally the base of the vase slipped inside her, and Victoria gave a grunt. It probably wasn't too pleasurable. Alice grinned and kept pushing, forcing it in slowly, an inch, two inches. It was such a tight fit that Alice her herself had to heave a cute grunt as she pushed.  
  
"You two suck on her tits," Alice said suddenly to Rosalie and I, as if only just noticing us. "Keep her nice and horny."  
  
I exchanged a look with Rosalie. I recognized her expression as the one I had worn back at the motel. She didn't want to do it, but she really, really did. The red fog was rolling through her head the same as it was mine, and after hesitating only a second, we both dropped to our knees either side of the coffeetable and leaned our mouths to Victoria's nipples.  
  
Victoria groaned. Her nipples were rock hard and very sensitive. I sucked on it slowly, almost lovingly, as if it was something particularly succulent and I was getting carried away with the taste. Victoria's breath was heaving and she even gave a little whimper, the sounds almost lost in the roar of the rain outside and the roll of thunder.  
  
"Like that, Vicky?" Alice asked, breathless herself. "Don't get too carried away, you're not allowed to come yet. I'll let you know when you can come."  
  
Alice gave the vase a big shove. Victoria shuddered and groaned.  
  
"Ugh," she grunted. "Rather a tight fit, isn't it?"  
  
"Oh, don't sell yourself short, Vicky," Alice said fondly. "There's plenty of room. You're a bigger whore than any of us. Aren't you, Vicky? You're just a little whore, aren't you?"  
  
Victoria didn't answer. Her eyes were closed and her face strained, sweat drops rolling off her forehead. Rosalie and I had stopped sucking at her nipples. Rosalie was gazing at her mistress's face sadly, caressing her hair, and I was looking at her crotch. The whole vase was buried inside her and I could see the shape of it under her skin, bulging from her womb like a strange pregnancy.  
  
Alice giggled and hopped up onto the table again. The expression on her face was radiant, as if she'd never had more fun in her life. No anger, no regret, no sadness. Just excitement. She placed her bare foot on the bulge of the vase, almost in triumph, and smiled down at her former mistress.  
  
"Now," she said. "I'm going to give you a chance to beg. Beg and I'll give you a quick death. Don't beg and it's going to get very, very, painful."  
  
Alice pushed down on the vase with her foot, smiling, her eyes dancing. Victoria's own eyes were beaten and vapid, but she smiled.  
  
"What if I don't want a quick death?" she said. "What if I'm perfectly sincere in submitting to anything you want?"  
  
"Then indulge me by saying please."  
  
"Please," Victoria said simply.  
  
Alice licked her fangs, her grin widening. "Good," she said. "That's good."  
  
Then she lifted her foot and stomped down on the vase with her heel.  
  
The sickening crunch of glass was punctuated by a crack of thunder. Victoria's whole body arched up off the table and she howled in pain as the glass broke up inside her and shredded her vaginal walls. Alice laughed, like a little maniac, and started stomping on her womb, grinding the glass in deeper. Victoria's howl broke off into hysterical sobs, an anguished bray of unimaginable pain. Rosalie knelt at Victoria's tossing head and caught it at her bosom and held her and stroked her and gibbered about how sorry she was as her own tears began to pour.  
  
"How does that feel, Vicky!?" Alice screamed at her over the rain, the thunder, the wailing. "Huh!? Huh!? Who's the whore now!? Who's the whore now, huh Vicky!?"  
  
Blood was welling from the ruin of Victoria's vagina and suddenly Alice dropped down between Victoria's legs and began to lick, lapping and the slurping at the blood like a crazed demoness.  
  
Victoria's howls began to taper off and slowly a hysterical smile began to form over her pale face, a smile that was bleak and beaten and utterly fatigued. She turned her head away from Rosalie's loving touch and focused on Alice.  
  
"Yes," she said in a strangled and brittle voice. "Keep going, Alice. Keep going…"  
  
I was holding down her thrashing body and watching her face. Her whole body was shaking in agony and sweat was rolling off her. She grunted and groaned as Alice licked at her bloody pussy and flicked her swollen clit at the end of each lick, forcing her vagina to clench down on the dozen shards of glass buried in her core. I smiled and tongued my fangs. It was amazing. Despite the pain and despite the helpless terror she must be experiencing, she was still determined to come – to show Alice that nothing was being forced on her. That she wanted it all.  
  
But why?  
  
Did it make it less humiliating for her if she actually wanted it? Did she prefer to submit on her own free will than be beaten into submission like a rape victim? Or was she sincere about giving this one last gift to Alice, a totally willing victim, something that Alice had always craved but never had? One last act of her twisted love before she died? I didn't know, but possibly the truth was much simpler.  
  
Maybe she was just a slut.  
  
Victoria was coming by now. She grunted and strained against the pain, forcing herself into orgasm, and finally it happened. The climax sobbed out of her crumpled tear soaked face as her vagina spasmed on the broken glass, her body taut and arched, and finally she subsided back upon the coffeetable where she lay wet and exhausted. Alice continued licking at her pussy, lapping up the still seeping blood, and Victoria groaned and laughed weakly as her vagina twitched on the glass.  
  
"Oh, Alice," she panted. "I rather like this dominant streak of yours."  
  
Alice raised up from between her legs. Her lower face was smeared red and she was smiling. She came around the coffeetable with a cocky swing of her hips, unbelievably sexy. "Then you're gonna love this," she said, and stepped astraddle of the redhead's face and squatted her pussy into her mouth.  
  
"Eat it, bitch," she said. "Now."  
  
Victoria was already doing it. Her neck was craned upward into Alice's crotch and I could hear her moan between Alice's legs and I could see the smile change on Alice's bloody face. Rosalie and I were still kneeling either side of the coffeetable and we were both gazing up at Alice, almost in awe. Neither of us had ever seen her like this, so dominant, so sadistic. So fucking sexy.  
  
Alice saw us watching and smirked. "You two go down on her," she ordered. "Make this whore come one last time."  
  
Rosalie and I glanced at each other, but there was no hesitation this time. We shuffled over on our knees, between Victoria's legs. Blood was still seeping from the destruction in her vagina and a pool had formed on the table between her thighs and dripped down onto the carpet. Rosalie and I glanced at each other one more time, our faces breathless and dazed, helpless with lust, our fangs protruding from our mouths. Then we leaned and began licking.  
  
Together we moaned as the blood touched our tongues and together we kept licking, huddled there between Victoria's legs like slave girls. We were pressed together, hip to hip, cheek to cheek, and we took it in turns licking across her pussy in perfect rhythm, two women with one need. Rosalie was naked but I still had all my clothes on. Rosalie was soon fingering herself as she licked and soon I was too, jeans unzipped and hand in my panties.  
  
"Keep going, Vicky," we heard Alice command. "Eat it like the whore you are."  
  
Victoria moaned in response and we all kept licking, all of us but Alice. Alice was our queen, now more than ever.  
  
Finally we all began coming. It happened almost at once, a rising chorus of moaning and panting and sobbing mingling with the rattle of rain and the roll of thunder. Rosalie and I came together, panting into Victoria's pussy, and when we opened our eyes our eyes met. Our lips and teeth were stained with blood and slowly, with our minds clouded over in lust, we leaned forward and began making out, licking the blood and venom from inside each other's mouths.  
  
Alice remained straddled over Victoria's face for a moment, enjoying the ebb of orgasm and feeling of dominance as Victoria continued to kiss her pussy, and finally she dismounted. Victoria let her head flop back. It thudded on the table and Rosalie and I looked up.  
  
"Don't worry, Vicky, it's almost over," Alice said, lifting her limp body by the hair and crawling onto the table behind her. "Come here, come here," she whispered, wrapping her legs around Victoria's waist and stroking the hair away from her neck. Victoria was almost dead already. Her skin was ashen pale, almost gray, and her body was completely limp. She had lost a lot of blood at the motel earlier and her vagina was still pumping gouts of blood out onto the coffeetable. "It's okay," Alice whispered in her ear soothingly. "It's okay. Are you ready, Vicky? Hm? It's time to die. Would you like to die now?"  
  
Rosalie and I were watching from where we knelt between Victoria's thighs. Victoria rolled her exhausted and lidded eyes toward Alice and smiled at her a glazed smile.  
  
"Just do it, Alice," she said. A cocky tilt lifted a corner of the smile. "You know you want to."  
  
Alice smirked and kissed her one last time. "You're right," she whispered, lowering her mouth to Victoria's neck. "I do, Vicky. I really, really do."  
  
Alice bit her. Victoria gave a small grunt as Alice's fangs pierced her neck. She looked down at us, where we knelt there at her pussy, and smirked. She was naked, with Alice's arms and legs wrapped around her, and blood was dribbling from her neck onto her pale and bare breasts. Rosalie and I looked at each other, and then we turned and sank our fangs into Victoria's thighs.  
  
Lightning cracked outside, but the storm was beginning to dissipate. The rain was abating and the thunder sounded far away. Victoria moaned and didn't resist, didn't thrash or writhe. She was laying there in Alice's arms, letting all her blood drain away into the mouths of her slave, her former slave, and the girl who took her slave away.  
  
Her blood was hot and delicious, and I sucked harder on the wound, pressing my lips into the warm flesh of her thigh, wanting as much as I could. But soon the blood began to slow. I sucked even harder, wanting more, but there was none, and when I looked up she was dead.  
  
Victoria was dead.  
  
Alice licked at the wound in her neck a couple times, licking up the last smears of blood, and then she placed a kiss on it. Smiling, she looked down at me and Rosalie, and finally she disengaged her legs from around Victoria's waist and stood up, letting Victoria flop back onto the coffeetable.  
  
Rosalie and I didn't move. Alice sighed and wiped her mouth with a wrist, smiling down at Victoria. The redhead's eyes were closed, her face gray, and her head was tilted aside. Limp and utterly lifeless. Laying there with her legs open and a pool of blood under her crotch, like the victim of a fatal breechbirth.  
  
Alice was the first to speak. "Oh well," she said. "Sad, isn't it? What a waste of boobs."  
  
Then, with a giggle, she leaned and slapped at Victoria's dead white tits. One last insult. One final humiliation.  
  
"I always did like them," she said, and then she turned and looked at me and Rosalie.  
  
Neither of us seemed to know what to do, but finally we rose to our feet, unsure, almost frightened – yet excited, too. We looked at Alice, but it seemed to be a different Alice, an Alice who was even darker than the dark Alice we loved and cherished, an Alice who was even more sadistic, more sinister.  
  
The real Alice.  
  
Alice smiled at us, her mouth stained pink, and we waited to see what she'd do. My heart was quivering in my chest, and I wasn't even sure if she wouldn't kill me, too, just for fun. But she only looked at me for a moment. Her dark honey-colored eyes drifted over to Rosalie and looked her up and down before settling on Rosalie's face.  
  
"Bella," she said, still looking at Rosalie. "Run and get me a knife."  
  
I hesitated, glancing at Rosalie. Rosalie kept her eyes on Alice and there was nothing in them at all. No hurt, no heartsink, no courage. Just acceptance.  
  
"It's okay, baby," Alice said, smiling a reassuring smile. "Just get me a knife, okay?"  
  
I gave a jerky nod and hurried into the kitchen. The kitchen knives were on top of the fridge and as I reached for one of the handles my eyes caught one of the fridge magnets, the one that said world's greatest mom. It made me pause. What was mom going to say when she got home? Lauren was dead upstairs and Victoria was dead and raped in the livingroom. Would we even have time to clean up? But there was no point thinking about any of that now, so I pulled the knife out of the block and returned to the living room.  
  
Alice and Rosalie were still standing beside the body of their dead mistress. They didn't look like they had spoken, and when I came in, they both looked at me. Alice held out her hand for the knife. I looked at Rosalie and found myself hesitating. She was so blonde and beautiful, so sad and tragic. She deserved better than this.  
  
"Can't she come with us?" I asked timidly.  
  
Alice lowered her hand and her eyes. Rosalie looked at her and then she turned to me. She approached me slowly, her expression softening into something beyond resignation and acceptance. It was relief. She took the knife out of my hands and smiled at me. It was the first time she ever did.  
  
And the last.  
  
"I want to apologize," she said. "I never understood your love and I did some terrible things to you. I don't care if you never forgive me, but…"  
  
She leaned and placed a kiss on my lips and then she hugged me tightly. I could feel her naked breasts pressing into my t-shirt, and the bulk of my emotional reaction seemed to be regret that I wasn't naked. It would've been better.  
  
"Take care of Alice," Rosalie whispered into my ear.  
  
I nodded. She gave me one last smile, nodded back, and then turned and handed the knife to Alice. Alice took it and gazed up at her silently. Rosalie cupped her face, kissed her lips once, and whispered:  
  
"I love you."  
  
Rosalie caressed her cheek for a moment, relishing this last touch, and then she let her hand fall. She turned away from the woman she loved more than anything and looked at Victoria's corpse. She smiled at it, a tear dropping onto her cheek, and then she climbed on top. She straddled the body of her dead mistress, leaned, and kissed her pallid lips. She whispered something too softly to be heard over the rain and Alice came up behind her and took a handful of her hair, holding the knife in a fist like an instrument of ritual.  
  
I had assumed that Alice would cut her throat, but she didn't. She wrenched the blonde back by the hair, tearing her mouth from the other woman's lips, and began to violently hack off her head.  
  
Rosalie made no sound. The first blow severed her spine and made her limp. She made some gurgling sounds but after a few more blows her vocal cords were severed, too. Alice continued to hack at her slender neck, lifting the bloody knife and stabbing it down again, blood spraying the walls, blood spattering the picture frames on the sideboard. Grinning, grunting with glee with each hack, her upper body covered in blood. Soon the blonde's neck was hanging by a thread of flesh and Alice slowed down to saw at it with the knife. Finally the head came away and the body of the blonde collapsed lifelessly onto her mistress, naked and spent, as if some massive orgasm had popped off her head.  
  
I looked at them laying there on the coffeetable. Blood was spurting from the hacked lump of Rosalie's neck and pouring all over Victoria's face, covering it in a red mask. I looked at the blonde's ass and I thought that her current state was a pretty clever metaphor for her whole existence. Headless. No personality, no will of her own. Nothing but a sexy body.  
  
Alice's chest was heaving. In one hand she held the bloody knife and in the other she held the dripping head of a woman who had sacrificed everything for her happiness. The head had it's mouth open and it was staring at me with dead blue eyes. Alice dropped the knife first and then she lifted the head in both hands so she could look at it. She cradled it in her arms, like a baby, and smiled at it. Blood was leaking down her naked front. She stroked the blonde hair back, staining it with blood, and then she lifted the head and kissed it's lips. She held the kiss, lightning cracking in the background, and then she lowered it and let it drop to the floor. It landed with a thud, wobbled, and rolled aside - as if it couldn't bare to look at Alice.  
  
And finally it was over. The blonde and the redhead were dead, Alice and I were safe, and nothing was ever going to come between us again. So, you see; sometimes there really are happy endings. Well, for some of us. Lauren had been brutally murdered, quite tragically, and mom wasn't going to be happy with the mess in the livingroom. She would also be a little upset to learn that her baby girl was dating a psychotic murderer and had participated in a double homicide. But Alice and I were going to be okay, and that was the main thing.  
  
Alice sighed and licked the blood off her fingers. It was very dim in the room and lightning flashed in the window. Alice glanced at it, a soft rumble of thunder tolling in the distance, and then she looked down at her body. It was covered in blood, and with another sigh, she lifted her eyes to mine.  
  
"Come on," she said. "We'd better get cleaned up."  
  
I nodded. There didn't seem to be much else left to do, and besides; I was kind of horny.  
  
So we went upstairs and turned the shower on. Alice took off my clothes for me, peeling them away and kissing the things that were exposed, my nipples, my clit, my kneecaps. She had gone quiet and she didn't speak in the shower. Together we stood under the warm water, letting the blood drain away and swirl away into the drain. I washed her down with a sponge and showergel, every inch of her. My heart felt fluttery in my chest and I was smiling as wiped down her beautiful skin, strangely happy.  
  
Because from now on, there was really nothing left to worry about. Alice could never return to the coven and I could never return home. From now on, we had nothing but each other. From now on, we were going to be together forever. I should've felt bad about everything that had happened, all the sorrow and death we caused. But I didn't. I was happy. Really happy. Alice and I had destroyed absolutely everything in each other's lives, but there was one thing that survived. One thing that would never fade.  
  
Our love.  
  
The love between us was never going to die, and together, from now on, we were finally going to be happy.  
  
So we made love in the shower, silently but for little moans. I pressed her against the plexiglass, rubbing my clean and soapy body against hers, threading my hands in her wet and silky hair. She wrapped a leg around me and I grabbed her ass, moaning into her mouth, squeezing it. She kissed me back, desperately, and finally I fell to my knees and angled my lips up between her thighs. She gasped, a girlish sound, and I took her clit between my lips and began to suckle on it.  
  
We shared five orgasms together, the extra one for Alice, just to let her know she's special. When I turned off the shower, I noticed that the rain had stopped. It was dark outside. We dried off, and I couldn't help smiling as I watched her. She still hadn't spoken yet, and I knew she was feeling regret, or at least the absence of regret. Two people that she had loved for many decades were dead downstairs and her soulmate's life had been completely shattered beyond repair. She always got this way after the blood lust was gone, after the fog had dissipated and she became aware of what an evil little monster she was. I wanted to make her feel better, to let her know that everything was going to be perfect, so I put a hand on her shoulder gently.  
  
She turned to me, naked, her hair damp and ruffled, and blinked up at me with her huge honey-colored eyes. She looked younger than what she was, far younger. And beautiful. So beautiful. I cupped her face, smiling at her, and I went to kiss her. But then the headlights of a car swept across the bathroom window and we heard a car crunch into the driveway.  
  
"That must be your mom," Alice said.  
  
I nodded, wondering briefly what we were suppose to do, but I guess I already knew. I turned back to Alice, giving her another smile to let her know it's okay, and kissed her once on the lips. Then I grabbed up a towel, wrapped it around my torso, and went to leave. Alice watched me sadly and I paused at the door.  
  
"I'll be back in a minute," I said, and then I went downstairs to face mom.  
  
I found her in the kitchen. She hadn't began screaming hysterically, so I assumed she hadn't seen the livingroom. She was standing at the kitchen counter, unpacking groceries. I stood for a second, letting my eyes drift over her body, and then I stepped in.  
  
"Oh hi, sweetie," she said, when she noticed me. "Sorry I'm late, I had to pick some things up at the grocery store. Did you have fun at the fair?"  
  
"It was okay," I said, and just to be safe, I asked: "Did Lauren call you?"  
  
"Call me about what?"  
  
"Nothing," I said, shaking my head. "I was just wondering."  
  
Mom lifted a bottle of milk out of the bag and put it in the fridge. On top of the fridge there was a knife missing from the knife-block. It was laying on the livingroom floor, covered in blood beside two bodies. Mom glanced at me as she shut the fridge, her maternal instincts telling her there was something wrong from how I was standing there with such a cool, calm, detached expression on my face.  
  
"Everything okay, sweetie?" she asked.  
  
"Yeah," I said, smiling to set her at ease. I cocked a thumb over my shoulder. "I just got out the shower and I heard you."  
  
Mom nodded, looking at me with her hands on her hips. She still had groceries to unpack, but she was waiting to see if I was really okay. I smiled down at the linoleum for a second and then I lifted the smile to mom.  
  
"Mom," I said. "You know how much I love you, right? Even though I'm not so good at showing it sometimes…"  
  
"Of course, sweetie," she assured me. "Why, what's wrong?"  
  
I sighed, giving the impression that I was simply in a strange mood. "Nothing," I said, which was somewhat of a lie, I suppose. "It's just…"  
  
I trailed off. There was really no possible way I could explain it. Mom's brow furrowed, watching me in concern. I stepped toward her slowly, aware that I was naked under my towel.  
  
"I just feel like I've never showed you how much I appreciate you," I said. "I've taken you so much for granted. I was never the daughter you deserved."  
  
Mom smiled and touched my shoulder. My bare shoulder. "Sweetie, don't say that," she said. "You're my daughter. You were perfect."  
  
"I was?" I asked, smiling at her prettily.  
  
The smile seem to charm her and make her own smile wider. "Of course," she insisted. "When I think back on all the sweet things you've done for me. Like when I had the flu really bad that time, and you took care of me. You were only twelve. So mature for your age. I still remember that."  
  
I chuckled once. It was true. When I was younger I had been really mature for my age. Then I grew up.  
  
"Yeah," I said. "I guess I was okay."  
  
"You were perfect," mom told me, caressing my shoulder. Then she let the hand fall and she cocked her head. "But why are you saying this? Where's all this coming from?"  
  
It was coming from a very dark place. A place where nothing existed but a manic desire to love Alice and Alice alone. A place that knew these were our final goodbyes. My very last chance to tell mom I loved her, even if that wasn't quite true anymore. My last chance to show her.  
  
So I sighed and gave a coy little shrug of my bare shoulder. "I don't know," I said. "I just wanted to let you know. I love you, mom. I never told you enough, but I do."  
  
"I love you too, sweetie," she said, and then she hugged me.  
  
I hugged her back, smiling, and inhaled her scent. A lingering hint of lavender perfume. It was nothing like Alice, but it reminded me of Alice, and I inhaled again, feeling my fangs grow in my mouth. Mom went to release me, but I held her tight.  
  
"Sweetie?"  
  
"Sorry," I whispered, tightening my grip. "Just a little longer."  
  
Mom chuckled and caressed my back, all oblivious to the dark desires of the twisted creature in her arms. "You always liked long hugs," she said. "Ever since you were a girl."  
  
"Yeah," I whispered, and began to kiss her neck.  
  
Mom stiffened. They were just gentle kisses, but enough to be awkward. Her heart rate picked up and I pressed my lips to her neck, feeling her muscles go taut under my mouth. I could detect a hint of excitement in her pheromones, and I had a terrific urge to seduce her. Right there in the kitchen. To let my towel drop and show her my naked body. To kiss her lips and lift her top over her breasts, to caress her mounds in my hands and show her how much I had always loved her.  
  
It could've been so easy. Mom hadn't been touched in decades and I was sure she wouldn't fight too hard against mine. She loved me. Not quite in the same way, but it wasn't difficult to warp a person's sense of love. Alice had did it to me and I had embraced it, quite eagerly. I'm sure mom would've done the same, if I could be seductive enough.  
  
But I didn't. Because perhaps deep down in my dark heart there were still traces of that girl who had been her daughter, and I didn't want to corrupt mom. Mom had been the moral center of my life, and I didn't want to destroy that. I wanted to preserve her just as she was. I had disappointed her so many times, but this would be the last time.  
  
"I love you, mom," I whispered, wishing I meant it. "I truly do."  
  
Before she could reply I bit into her neck. A strangled sound of shock came out of her and I moaned darkly as her blood burst into my mouth. She said nothing. She tried to squirm away in confusion, perhaps not even realizing what I had done. I sucked on the wound, drawing her blood into my mouth. She gave a helpless groan and pushed at me, but all she did was pull down my towel accidentally, leaving me naked. I held her tight, feeling her nails claw into my back, and slowly she began to fade.  
  
This was the closest thing to love I could give her. For as long as I had known her, mom had defined her entire life by her daughter. Loving her, taking care of her. In return her daughter had lied to her, hurt her, abandoned her. But in the last month she had seen glimpses of the girl I was trying to be. She had seen me get a job and save for college. She had seen me come back from an abusive relationship and repair it under her support.  
  
But it was too late for all that now. Lauren was dead upstairs and the livingroom walls were spattered with blood. I couldn't let mom live knowing what I really was. Perhaps that was egocentric of me, but I truly believe she would prefer to die as well. Mom had devoted a whole life to rising a happy and healthy daughter. She had given me everything. So maybe it was only fitting that I took her life as well.  
  
Mom's arms began to get weak until it felt like she was simply holding me. Soon her hands flopped to her sides. Her head began to loll. I kept sucking at her neck until she was utterly drained and then I let go. Her body dropped and slumped over into the kitchen cabinets. Her eyes were closed, her face pale. Her bushy brown hair tied with a pink scrunchie in a high ponytail. Pinpricks of blood on her neck. I smiled at her, licking my lips, and then I turned around.  
  
Alice was standing in the archway. She was wearing jeans and a black top with chains and a bleeding rose on it. She was watching me, sadly, and she had a bundle of clothes in her hands.  
  
"Ready to go, baby?" she asked.  
  
—  
  
Before we left we decided to torch the house. It served a practical purpose. It would destroy evidence and delay the investigation long enough for us to get out of town. But more than that, it was symbolic. The remains of our lives lay in that house and burning it down would be our final act of breaking free.  
  
So Alice and I fetched a can of gasoline each from garage and went through the house. We doused mom's body in the kitchen and doused Victoria and Rosalie where they lay naked and mutilated on the coffeetable. We doused the stairs and the upstairs corridor. We doused my old room and doused my old bed, splashing gasoline over Lauren's dead face. Lauren's lighter was sitting beside a pack of cigarettes on the bedside table and I picked it up.  
  
We moved back downstairs, leaving a trail of gasoline, and at the front door we tossed the empty cans. Alice climbed up on the sidetable and took the battery out of the fire alarm in ceiling. It was the only one in the house. She jumped down and stood beside me. She hadn't spoke the whole time and her eyes were filled with tears. I smiled to let her know it was okay and then I flipped the lighter open. I rolled the flint with my thumb, sparking a flame, and then I bobbed down and touched the flame to the puddle of gasoline. The fire was pale blue and ran away from me with a low whooshing sound. As if it was hungry for the rest of the house. I flipped the lighter closed, rose to my feet, and set it on the sidetable.  
  
We closed the front door and for a while we stood on the sidewalk, holding hands and watching the house. Within a minute there was a dull orange glow in the lower windows and smoke was rising into the night. The fire grew and soon the windows burst outwards from the heat. Flames licked out and climbed the clapboards. The upperstory was alight by now and soon the whole house was in flames. I could feel the heat on my face. Smoke billowed and rolled darkly against the darkness overhead. The night was filled with a great crackling sound of feeding flames and somewhere across the street a porch light came on.  
  
I turned to Alice, knowing we had to go now, and I noticed she was crying. Tears were leaking from her eyes and the tears twinkled in the orange glow of the fire.  
  
"Hey," I whispered. "What's wrong?"  
  
Her lip trembled as she struggled to hold it all back, six centuries of wrecked hopes and shattered dreams welling in the dark pools of her eyes where the burning house trembled in reflection. "I-I ruined your life," she stammered in a watery voice. "I did. I ruined everything. Everything I touch… Everything…"  
  
I moved in front of her. "Alice."  
  
"It's true," she quavered, beginning to lose it. She looked down at her hands, as if shocked to see them there. "I… I—I'm broken," she gasped. "I—"  
  
"No," I said. "Alice. Alice, look at me."  
  
I lifted her chin and forced her eyes on mine. Her whole face trembled and she was swaying in the cold night breeze like a lily stem. Tears were falling from my own eyes, but they weren't the same as hers. They were tears of happiness, because now, finally, we were going to be together forever.  
  
"You didn't ruin my life," I told her sincerely. "You completed it."  
  
Alice looked at me, her eyes widening in sheer love. Then she threw herself at me in a brutal hug.  
  
"I love you, baby," she sobbed. "I love you so much."  
  
"I love you, Alice," I whispered, holding her tight. "I'm always going to love you."  
  
I held her a while, but more porch lights had come on and some woman was crossing the street, presumably to check if we were okay. We were standing outside a burning house, crying into each other's arms, so it probably looked like we had only barely escaped and maybe left family inside. The wail of a firetruck was approaching from down the street, the flashing red light winking in the darkness like a demon eye. Alice was still sobbing into my shoulder. I quickly pried her loose and took her hand in mine.  
  
"Come on, let's go," I said, and began leading her down the sidewalk, tugging her gently. "From now on, it's just me and you. I'm gonna make you happy, Alice, I promise. Okay?"  
  
She sniffed and fell into step beside me. "Okay."  
  
The woman paused across the street and watched us, using her hand as a visor against the flames. Alice and I kept walking. We left the car and we had packed nothing. All we took was the set of clothes we were wearing and we were going to replace them as soon as possible. We had left behind absolutely everything of value. Our family. Our friends. Our loved ones. The remnants of our old lives lay burning in the house behind us, and the only thing we took with us was the love we shared and the dreams that were finally going to come true.  
  
Neither of us looked back.  
  
—  
  
And so we began our new lives together. Just us. Just me and Alice.  
  
In the days and weeks to come we made our way south across the country, walking the highways at night and still walking when the sun rose. We passed through small towns and cities, seducing young women and stealing their clothes and money to support our adventures. Despicable behavior, no doubt, but hey; a girl's gotta eat. We never checked the news to see what the police and media made of the massacre at Forks, but it didn't matter. We were soon out of state and soon we were having too much fun to dwell on the past.  
  
We passed through Tacoma and Portland, capital of Oregon. We stayed there a while, but California was only a few weeks further south, and the promise of Alice in a bikini soon had us moving on. We could've rented a car or taken a bus, but we went on foot to enjoy the scenery, hand in hand through the sunlight as we strolled along the highway, chatting about our life together, our plans, our hopes, our dreams. Alice had her heart set on some modeling work, preferably foot modeling, and I had my heart set simply on Alice. We hit Redding in the morning and continued on to Sacramento where we spent a few days enjoying the sun and riding the cable cars while we discussed where to settle. Alice talked about the places she had lived in before, and sometimes she slipped up and mentioned her sisters. It didn't bother me, but she was trying to forget them as if they had never existed. The coven had lived in LA before and San Diego, and there were still memories that lingered there. So I suggested San Francisco and Alice lit up; she had always wanted to live there.  
  
It was almost a month since leaving Forks when we arrived in Seattle. With our modest funds we rented a flat together, fully furnished, and within another month we were both modeling for the same agency and making decent money. Modeling was perhaps a somewhat silly profession for murder fugitives, but even if the police were looking for us, they would probably be looking for our faces. Alice and I modeled shoes only, so there was little chance of a diligent investigator driving past a billboard and recognizing Alice's shapely foot. Our flat was soon littered with shoe samples that designers gave us, Jimmy Choos, Manolo Blahniks, Lauren Jones, and soon we had moved into a bigger apartment and filled that one with shoes as well. It was nice work, and Alice enjoyed it immensely. Every morning and night we spent hours moisturizing our legs, despite having the flawless skin of vampires, and every day we would perch on the couch with our feet propped up on the coffeetable and the tabletop clustered with nailpolish bottles and little chrome pedicure tools.  
  
And by night we took advantage of San Francisco's thriving gay community, prowling the clubs and bars in slinky black dresses and designer shoes, dropping jaws wherever we went. Even gay guys would glance twice when we swaggered past with our arms linked. Mostly we went out simply for the pleasure, to see the town and hang out with friends we'd made. But sometimes we did need a special friend, a certain someone we could bring back to the apartment and offer a special drink before applying a special kiss to their neck while they slept.  
  
To begin with Alice and I were very liberal in our feeding habits, not wanting to force rules on each other. But after a while we fell into routine. Alice had often fantasized about feeding from me exclusively while I fed from others, but in the end we adopted a more balanced diet. We hunted together and fed together without exception, and soon we even abandoned hunting. It was almost half a year since we had arrived in San Francisco, and our days of sleeping around were drawing to a close. I was no longer a newborn and Alice never did have much desire for any woman other than me. We still had to feed, of course, but we fed from friend's only. We had company almost every night, mostly girls who worked with us—one of them a photographer, very cute with a blonde bob—and sometimes we'd slip a little something into one of their drinks, feeding from them gently on the couch with no touch more sinister than stroking their hair.  
  
The weeks stretched into months and the months into years. We moved into a house and bought two dogs and two kittens. We got married. Our life was just as perfect as we always dreamed, but after a while our colleagues began to notice our ageless appearances, and soon we began to discuss moving on. We approached the prospect with excitement, an opportunity to recreate our happiness somewhere else, a whole knew wedding, a whole new home, a whole new career. A whole new set of friends. We'd had a wonderful time in San Francisco, but we wanted to try something completely new, and by winter we had decided to move to New York, just in time for the snow.  
  
We resigned from the model agency and found new homes for our pets. It was sad to say goodbye to them, but we were confident that their new owners would love them just as much as we had. We spent our last days in San Francisco strolling the town and shopping for winter clothes, and before we left we had a special date night. Alice and I hadn't kept track of anniversaries, since so many of our memories were tainted, but sometimes we got into a romantic mood and simply had to do something special.  
  
So we made reservations for a suite at a nice hotel and spend the day dress and shoe shopping. We had a private dinner together in the room, but we only made it halfway through before a different hunger began to stir in our stomachs. Smiling, we rose from the table and helped each other out of black satin dresses and black lace underwear. The only things we left on were our shoes. Black six inch stilettos. Alice absolutely adored stilettos, and I absolutely adored Alice.  
  
We made love all night, spreading each other on the bed and devouring each other with our mouths. It had been a while since Alice and I had indulged our darker desires, but we did get a little carried away that night. We were happy and in love, now more than ever before, and soon we would be moving to New York City and leaving behind our life in San Francisco. Alice was in a whimsical mood and, knowing my overwhelming affection for her perky round ass, she submitted to a playful spanking. And, of course, one thing led to another—as it often does—and soon I was fucking her in her tight little asshole with the neck of the champagne bottle. She had always been a bit of a butt-slut, and she came hard enough to almost crush the bottleneck inside her – which triggered the memory of a certain redhead. But it was a memory only, and the reality was that nothing and nobody was ever going to come between us again.  
  
It was well past midnight when we began with a little bloodplay, slitting our wrists with our fangs and dripping blood on our bodies to lick up. Nothing too dark. The bed got a little messy, but that's what the maid get's paid for. Alice lifted her face and held her wrist over it, dripping blood onto her smile. Then she lowered the smile to mine, licking her lips as the blood ran into them, and for a moment I just knelt there in the bed. Gazing at her, loving her. Finally I took her face into my hands and began to lick off the blood, listening to her giggle happily and make little sounds of pleasure. Eventually she caught my lips with hers and kissed me, rolling me onto my back and straddling my hips. I reached down and cupped her butt, squeezing it, letting my mouth fall open for the entry of her tongue as she rubbed her naked little body into mine. Love was pounding in my chest so hard it felt like it would burst and I could feel her own love in her kiss. Love that was absolute and irrevocable. Love that was never going to fade, never diminish. Love against which not even time will prevail. Love for this girl of my dreams who had crawled through my bedroom window one night like a dark little pixie and giggled her way into my heart and soul. My girlfriend, my lover, my wife. My Alice.  
  
Alice, Alice, Alice.  
  
—  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And alas, here we are at journeys end. Hope you enjoyed this classic. I wish xDreamlessx the best, and without further adieu, goodnight & goodbye.
> 
> -Alice-


End file.
